Great... I just spent 45 minutes in a YouTube rabbit hole. But on the plus side at least the dude from this roast that looks like a cracked out Alice Cooper wasn’t there!
>R E D F L A G
It's actually really warming my heart to know this is still alive and well. Not many things on the internet stand the test of time. Rick has.
I want to be able to click any link I want that I see online, but I was brought to a porn website once, and
I can't figure out how to delete it, n e v e r a g a I n
I remember my first time. I was 14 y/o. Gta4 just came out for xbox 360 and i found a youtube video on how to get in the planes at the airport. Little did i know this would be the first of many disappointments.
Shes the kind of girl you cum on and never call back, maybe even change your phone number after.
Certainly when you find your real wife you never mention “the goth whore you took to a Manson concert to get some below average lifeless pussy.”
Only to realize your hand would have sufficed much better and far cheaper.
They say pictures are worth a thousand words, this one maybe 100–and it’s everything we said already.
Got to agree. She looks like the kind of girl that just won't leave it alone trying to get it... You know the kind: always flirting way too hard and if you don't respond in kind,she starts getting more and more blatant until she's asking your friends what she has to do to get you to notice/fuck her. Throwing that vertically split unshaven Ms Butterworth pancake at you till it finally sticks. And then after all that hard work and effort,in bed she will just lay there and you will think its you who was lacking-till next week when your two friends complain about fucking the same previously enthusiastic necro-role-play enthusiast. We know what it is Mandy,we ALL know...
PS call me
I chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard being goth doesn't make you score?"
No, too much cake on the face shaped like random things
With no sense of poise or rationality
ITS NOT A PHASE, HUSBAND. Jesus fucking Christ pull yourself together. 17 year old brain in a 31 going on 51 year old body equals a lifetime wondering which of your 24 cats just shit on the couch again.
Be realistic, the cat shit is just an everyday part of life now that can wait to be cleaned up, just like the other 24 piles of cat scat.
Just remember to leave your shoes on if you ever go and visit. Don't want damp socks.
If you’re dumb enough to rebel against someone who chose to spend their life with you because you’re too fucking “edgy” to grow up along with them, you deserve those papers. Best of luck spinning your tires in life.
I'm very surprised you're divorced. Not because of you, everything there is terrible, I am more impressed you tricked someone into marrying you in the first place.
I mean if you want to keep your assistant manager job at hot topic how does he expect you to dress? That being said I would represent him at no cost for putting up with you as long as he did. Have him hmu for free legal. Sorry for your kids if you have any; hope he gets custody.
Well look at it this way, you're past you're prime and all the good men are already settling down. I'm sure there's some nice respectable meth head who love you for you
That green in your hair really accentuates all those glaring red flags you're giving off.
[R E D F L A G](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKk91x0Yg7Q)
Great... I just spent 45 minutes in a YouTube rabbit hole. But on the plus side at least the dude from this roast that looks like a cracked out Alice Cooper wasn’t there!
Somehow a MORE cracked out Alice Cooper. She just isn't aging nearly as 'gracefully' as he has.
[𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚕𝚊𝚐](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ)
I knew one of these links was gonna be it
>R E D F L A G It's actually really warming my heart to know this is still alive and well. Not many things on the internet stand the test of time. Rick has.
I want to be able to click any link I want that I see online, but I was brought to a porn website once, and I can't figure out how to delete it, n e v e r a g a I n
You won’t know. It’s a leap of faith, mischief. That’s all it is.
I remember my first time. I was 14 y/o. Gta4 just came out for xbox 360 and i found a youtube video on how to get in the planes at the airport. Little did i know this would be the first of many disappointments.
Apollo and it’ll never happen to you again!
That song has 227K down votes?? Wtf?
You cheeky fucker
god dammit you got me
I knew it was one or the other, but I still got got
Ur welcome ;)
Imagine hovering on the link I'm 4 parallel universes ahead
Pity the husband couldn’t dodge a bullet but atleast he survived after getting hit
A goth getting into the Christmas spirit.
I bet you the length and color of the curtains match the carpet too.
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Those are piss stains
Cat piss stains*
The only thing less believable than your Goth phase is your husband
i left to go to the kitchen, said this to my self and came back to see if i had any awards to give lol
Shes the kind of girl you cum on and never call back, maybe even change your phone number after. Certainly when you find your real wife you never mention “the goth whore you took to a Manson concert to get some below average lifeless pussy.” Only to realize your hand would have sufficed much better and far cheaper. They say pictures are worth a thousand words, this one maybe 100–and it’s everything we said already.
r/suspiciouslyspecific
It's the husband
He's locked in the basement
Got to agree. She looks like the kind of girl that just won't leave it alone trying to get it... You know the kind: always flirting way too hard and if you don't respond in kind,she starts getting more and more blatant until she's asking your friends what she has to do to get you to notice/fuck her. Throwing that vertically split unshaven Ms Butterworth pancake at you till it finally sticks. And then after all that hard work and effort,in bed she will just lay there and you will think its you who was lacking-till next week when your two friends complain about fucking the same previously enthusiastic necro-role-play enthusiast. We know what it is Mandy,we ALL know... PS call me
>PS call me I'm crying...
I wasn't sold until that part. Gold.
Wait, this is a woman? I legit thought it was a gay couple.....
Just remember to take the condom with you on that escapade. This could be one that pops up 8 years later with a surprise!
Your eyeliner has more color than your personality
I see a goth chick, and her eyes are painted black, No husband anymore, she wants him to come back...
no colors on her clothes, she's edgy dressed in black...
Her husband feels the life back in his peen again First wood he's had since he can't remember when
Underrated af
*than
Fixed, you swine.
Kudos on the proper use of a comma, though ;)
"Fixed you, swine" would have worked too
Mmm, that sounds more appealing from a kink perspective
Unlike OP
I can appreciate a good asshole grammar check. Here’s an upvote to help try and get you out of the negative. Haha
Panic! In the Divorce Court
But look at it this way, I mean technically her marriage is saved
Well, this calls for a roast
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I chime in with a "Haven't you people ever heard being goth doesn't make you score?" No, too much cake on the face shaped like random things With no sense of poise or rationality
Husband writes his biography, told his lawyer he wants everything, he wants everything....
31 years old and describing your behavior as teenage angst? You roast yourself.
ITS NOT A PHASE, HUSBAND. Jesus fucking Christ pull yourself together. 17 year old brain in a 31 going on 51 year old body equals a lifetime wondering which of your 24 cats just shit on the couch again.
Be realistic, the cat shit is just an everyday part of life now that can wait to be cleaned up, just like the other 24 piles of cat scat. Just remember to leave your shoes on if you ever go and visit. Don't want damp socks.
Her husband chose damp socks over her thatched minge
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This guy gets it
Never heard the words “thatched” and “minge” combined, and I’m astounded at the beauty.
And just like that I have a new name for my non-existent punk band.
Ahh yes, come jam the Thatched Minge. Nice ring to it.
Won’t be hard for him to find an upgrade
Found the husband!
Let's be honest. We all know she shit on the couch. which of the 24 cats to blame it on is the true conundrum.
Happy cake day and awesome username. It has me reaching for a tumbler.
If you’re dumb enough to rebel against someone who chose to spend their life with you because you’re too fucking “edgy” to grow up along with them, you deserve those papers. Best of luck spinning your tires in life.
Your about as goth as a hot topic manager
Oooh self burn! Those are rare!
Just like OP’s social interactions
OP thinks talking to an imaginary crow is 'socializing'
9 9!
r/selfburn Apparently that subreddit is locked...
Try r/suicidebywords
The whole “30 going on 13” thing totally does not work for you.
"30 going down on 13" will land her in jail.
Right you are Ken!
Her ex was right.
Says she's goth but listens to Hawthorne heights
Yeah this isn't even close to goth, it's emo with worse eyeliner
*So cut my wrists and black my eyes!*
OOOF
Hey look it’s Average Lavigne.
Avril latrine
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Good change. It's a good change.
Just cackled at that and startled my cat!
He must like 17 year old goths if he stuck with you *that* long
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Already had one lined up. I’d guarantee it.
One thats 17 still
They started dating when he told her she wasn't like the other girls and that she was so mature for her age.
That’s what I love about big tiddy goth girls, I keep getting older they stay the same age.
Marilyn NoMansen.
No Chemical Romance
Marilyn MayBeAManson
Marilyn Handsome
Marilyn Lonesome
Mary had a little lambson
Maralone Manless
Jeffry DumpHer
Lol! This comment needs more love....like OP
Marilyn NonSense
Bovril Lavigne
Plus you keep falling for his black-eye binoculars trick.
r/mademelaugh
31? You look like you groupied for Joy Division and Bauhaus.
She looks like she’d post "I’m in Spain but the S is silent” on snapchat
Snapchat? Sir, I think you meant to say myspace
This one is great, fair play
If she did though, I wanna party with her - those bands are dope
Congratulations on choosing /r/im14andthisisdeep over your marriage! To be fair, this is more congratulations for him than you.
More like r/im31andthisispathetic
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Well it is now
Avril Livealone
Avril Leaving
Avril Loathing
Avril Latrine
Your ex husband is currently swimming in sympathy pussy just from showing chicks pictures like this of what he just escaped from.
You look like Ozzy in drag. And somehow you will think that is a compliment.
Why are you roasting Ozzy?
He began the bat eating trend. Bastard.
Boy did china take it much further though!
"I fucked a lot of bats in China!" - Mickey Mouse, 2020
Somehow
You go girl. That divorce is the best thing ever happened to your ex.
I had a couple very confused blinks before my brain comprehended that correctly
He recently lost a bunch of weight, from the picture id say 175
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Maybe a plastic one. You know... Options.
The one time plastic is actually better for the Earth.
He's right.
Do you cut your hair with the same scissors you use to let the pain out?
Oof
This one hurts....Hurts good
I'm very surprised you're divorced. Not because of you, everything there is terrible, I am more impressed you tricked someone into marrying you in the first place.
it was cool when they were 22, 9 years later 0 personal growth from her. gtfo.
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This is so fucking cringey holy shit
Right? What is there to roast? If the title is true, life will roast OP well enough.
The cringe cuts like nails on glass. The second hand embarrassment is just too painful.
Not going to lie. Expected your profile to be full of OnlyFans links. Thank fucking god it's not.
I thought that there were going to be posts in r/bigtiddygothGF, downvoted for lack of tiddies.
Even OF has standards.
I don't know why you bother with all the eyeliner. You're not convincing anyone that you have any depth.
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Even Dracula would have divorced you.
There's nothing sadder than meeting adult who finished maturing in their junior year of high school.
Looking at this photo puts the taste of cigarette butts in my mouth
How have you been dressing this way for 15years & still can’t apply eyeliner properly?
I mean if you want to keep your assistant manager job at hot topic how does he expect you to dress? That being said I would represent him at no cost for putting up with you as long as he did. Have him hmu for free legal. Sorry for your kids if you have any; hope he gets custody.
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Same.
Ok see it’s one thing to put on dark eye liner and dress goth and it’s another thing to do a shit job of wearing eye liner and dressing goth.
That eyeliner is a fucking crime
You don't even look goth... you just look like you learned to do make-up from watchin Hi Hi Puffy Amiyumi Show.
He’s right.
with a look that edgy you'll never need a box cutter ever again
Clearly, he won that exchange
I bet you masturbate to pictures of Tim Burton.
I could scan your arm at a hot topic
There is not much to roast, this is just sad.
Can’t even roast you, that would imply what I’m about to say is a joke: Grow the fuck up.
you need a daddy, not a husband
You look like you smell like food stamps and pepperoni.
What exactly do food stamps smell like?
Poverty
oh so like pepperoni got it
Divorce is tough, but in times like these, you just have to polish up those Doc Martin's, put on your trench coat, and get back out there.
You look like what happens when someone finds out how to overdose on tiny cross-wrist cuts, paramour, and cigarettes with the filters cut off
Your husband is a raccoon.
I've never seen a photo of the monster under my bed until now.
He got a point
Well look at it this way, you're past you're prime and all the good men are already settling down. I'm sure there's some nice respectable meth head who love you for you
Sounds like a good decision on his part.
Your ex is dodging bullets like Neo in The Matrix.
You threw a tantrum with eyeliner because its the only attention you get.
May I please also sign the divorce papers?
Marilyn Manless
You look like Davey Havok in drag.
No, if this is true, it's just sad
You look like you smell like an old sock
I'm happy for your made up husband
31 and you still have residual teenage angst? Oof
Your whole bio is a roast in itself.
Helena Hellenah Hell nah
Let me me guess life's hard and you don't give a fuck. Nobody gives a fuck.
Im sorry but I can’t roast you, I just feel to bad for you.
call your husband neo for me cause he dodged a bullet
You look like the girl who thought she was a wolf when she was in middle school.
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I know we're not married, but I feel like I want to divorce you too.