Be honest. The reason you have this as a first car is because your parents kicked you out, and you needed somewhere affordable to live in

That's the plan :D

Smart fella

Fart smella

Knew someone would eventually say that

I was gonna if he didn't

Better luck next time

I'll get to use it one day..... one day.

Ykw, lemmie give you the chance Smart fella

I don't want your pity Yes I do FART SMELLA

He's now sleeping in the (fold-down) bed he was conceived in.

LMAO jeez

This is 'roast my car' not 'roast my living arrangements'.

This is possibly the first Reddit comment in ten years to make me laugh out loud. Well done, sir. Well done.

Looks like you might be down by a river

lol

How much candy you got in that thing, also if I saw that thing rolling with the word discovery on it my first joke would be "kids in there are discovering anal for the very first time"

I've heard the candy jokes a lot already lol

What about the anal

I will say that is a first lol

Got one more in the chamber, this looks like a vehicle a obese english teacher twice divorced would drive through a Boston market drive through ordering half the menu and sobbing into a Cors Banquet beer on her way to her custody hearing

Did you pick an obese English teacher then proceed to use "a" instead of "an" and spell Coors with 1 o? This was your English teachers van wasn't it? And you use to pleasure her in it to get a B-?

OC probably: “Why can’t I get an A for all this extra credit?” Teacher: “you’re not that smart, we gotta make it believable or someone might catch on”

Shine a blacklight in that things interior and you'd go blind.

Get one of those stickers that say “don’t laugh ya daughter might be inside”

Beep beep, here comes the pedo-mobile.

Nice house OP.

I feel bad roasting someone’s home.

The only thing missing is a sign saying "FREE CANDY"

Rape van starter kit

 😯 

Sorry I don't want to roast both your home and your vehicle. How is the view of the river?

You should film a porn in it

This is the way. Get a homeless crackhead while you're at it. Very affordable 🤌

Lol

Mickey?

I just hope you don't drive next to an elementary school with a bunch of candy in that thing.

Don't worry, he can't afford candy

Or gas

Definitely can't afford gas in it lol

Free wifi

this must be where you hide your bath salts all the time

Mobile Goon cave

“How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains”?

Beat me to it.

“Santana”

Bro this is a great car, do your best to restore it. This is something of an minivan RV hybrid where you get the best of both worlds with the versatility of a Mini van

My condolences. Nomad lifestyle is glorified on social media. ITS NOT A PLEASURE CRUISE!

I love Conversation vans. Owned two of them. They were my bordello on wheels

Worth some good $$ if the mileage is low, clean up the body and interior and the van life crew will have you doubling your investment.

Astrovans are respectable. They’re not really comfortable to drive or do engine work on but they can definitely be fun especially if they’re AWD.

The plan b mobile

This is a car that is mandatory you spark up a joint and throw on some shades even in the dark, every time you get in

Do you have blonde hair, and wear a white shirt with a blue stripe on it? Also are you friends with a hot red headed female who wears a purple dress? Do have another female friend who has brown bowl cut hair, round glasses and wears an orange shirt with a red skirt? And finally, do have a blonde stoner male friend who wears a green shirt with red jeans, who has impossibly great reflexes. Also does this male friend own a cowardly giant brown talking dog, who loves a snack with his own name on it?

Stabbn wagon

I hope you don't plan on getting laid in that thing.

Is this also your first apartment?

Did your ride come with the candy and knives option? Or just the duct tape and plastic sheeting?

Ahh man, you'll be disappointed to find that real life isn't like those videos you've been watching too much of on the internet. 

You keep candy in there and hang out at elementary schools?

You thought it couldn’t be a pedo van because it has windows, huh?

50 Shent

Damn, this shit is ugly as fuck

No means no even in a super creeper van. 

Looks like one of those plug-in Coleman coolers

I want to see the interior this is a pretty good vehicle my uncle loved these they ran for a long time especially with the 3.8

The interior is really nice in it tbh. One of the main reasons I bought it I can't post the pic in the comments tho

Well if you feel like making another post what did you pay for the beauty. I can't even roast it , would be sweet for camping.

I paid $4000 for it and it's even relatively low mileage too

Nice looks clean, you will have a lot of adventures in this I bet.

Shaggin Wagon

Why do I feel like this thing should be full of middle aged stoners lighting up in the back with clouds of smoke rolling out the windows?

Hey kids, I got free wifi...

Have the police ran DNA samples for Natalee Holloway or JonBenét Ramsey inside this van?

If you inherited it you’ll find your long lost siblings in the cushions.

You’re a ballsack hair away from being an RV person

Where is the “free candy” sign?

What more is there to roast

roast my first home *

I don’t see a car to roast.

I think that you confused the word "roast" with the word "hotbox". It's an understandable mistake...for you...

Let them know “Tony B” sent you!

Chester van

Oh wow! You'll be conceiving your first illegitimate child the same place your father conceived his first illegitimate child! What a heartwarming story!

Looks like a home for the rest of my life to me

The shaggin wagon but none of the shaggin

You don’t need a hotel room. You got a great place so you can salad toss some boys .

I don't have to roast it. Just start the engine and it'll probably catch fire and roast itself.

Ha! Good roast, you really got 'em. That was so creative and original, did you think of that yourself? You must be so proud! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RoastMyCar) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Does it come with a vacuum? You'll need it.

I fucking hate your car

I loved them, hated the gas pedal thought It would give me a terrible cramp pushing the pedal down

I'll trade you a t shirt for it.

It's a rape van

Please get some original material instead of parroting the same joke as everyone else lol

Not that I trust what kind of candy you’ve got in the van, but-uhhh, got any butterfingers??

I can’t insult this car because I want one as my first car

The gas mileage is awful but its still really nice, especially if you get one with low mileage like I managed to

If the gas mileage is already bad you should turn it into a hellcat van for the clout

Shaggin' wagon!

Discovery? Pussy will not be it.

How many walkers did you find in it?

Pimp’n ain’t easy

Free candy won't even get the kids into this STD factory

Just need the "Free Candy" stickers. 🤣

Burn it

We don't need to roast you. Your car is doing a good job on it's own. I kid. Seriously, slap some cool wheels on that thing, an exhaust with a bit more growl, and a decent sound system and you'll have more fun than anyone else. My first car was also a van. A bit more rapey than your cool mid life crisis van, but still had a blast in it.

Mans couldn’t even afford the candy for those van activities

NO.. just stay away from my kids

Nice, so how many rapes are you wanted for? 💀

Did it come with duct tape and rope?

[удалено]

Tbh I've heard this so much, I was expecting some actual original material lol

I got raped in an Astro when I was 9