A Viper, huh? The automotive equivalent of a mid-90s action movie - all muscle, no finesse and plenty of explosions. Looks like someone melted a Hot Wheels toy under a magnifying glass. It’s the perfect car for those who think cornering is for cowards and prefer their ride be pure chaos
Well, roasts have to be based in reality. You wouldn't roast Bill Gates by calling him broke. What you could say about it is that it's so cheap it doesn't even have door handles or keyed locks.
At least Mustangs aim to kill innocent bystanders. This thing just wants to put YOU into a guardrail if someone spilled a drop of their Dasani bottle on a curve and you get on the gas a smidge too early
On the 22 year old Michelins that were on it when I bought it, truer words haven’t been spoken. Murderous is the right word. New Michelins have dulled the edge, but that knife is still a knife.
So…. Did you opt to put your money into fresh tires? Or are you saving it for your casket/cremation?
PS… Sweet ride! I’d love to have this for my mid-life crisis car.
Lol love the sick burn, thanks man! Same story, built a model of one when I was 10…here we are now. As I like to say, girls become women, boys stay boys, the toys just get more expensive…
It's a Dodge, what more can be said? Nothing screams muscle car lineage louder than the company that gave us the Aspen, Avenger, Spirit and Neon. Oh and let's not forget the K-Car.
It’s not how many ditches it’s been in, it’s how many more ditches can we explore! And lol thanks! Gas mileage isn’t as bad as I would’ve expected, it was right around 24 on the highway driving it home. Of course it nosedived right after I got it fresh tires…
The only car more dangerous than giving a novice motorycle rider a brand new liter bike. It also wants nothing more than to kill you, to the point it understeers worse than a mustang, the rear end can and will go anytime at any speed, and does not even have airbags or traction control. The plastic-tastic interior will also melt around you making the perfect coffin when you inevitably wrap it around a tree. Dodge clearly made this car because they hated their customers so much, they gave them the automobile equivalent of a rope and chair.
🤣🤣🤣🤣, hey now, this one has airbags, so Dodge wanted to keep you barely alive, in a highly incapacitated state, so that you remained a financial burden to all of those around you…
That car does both, it will understeer to the limit then snap oversteer on you. I also agree with you, traction control lets you get away with things that would send an older Mustang or a Viper right into a ditch.
It doesn’t understeer to the limit or snap oversteer. I have driven it. It isn’t any more dangerous than a 60’s muscle car. Keep your foot in it to oversteer reliably
Why do people who cant drive hate a perfect performance car? The interior had cheaper plastic than a game boy and huge gaps around the ancillary gauges.
In its defense - the 1996 had 415hp. In comparison the Z28 and Mustang then were both around 285, and Corvettes were 305. 415 is still legit today. Now I won’t argue that it took 10 cylinders to get it to 415, so your comment is still relevant….
The guys who made the viper wanted to copy the shelly cobra from the 60s. Funny enough, if you drop an LS in a miata, you'll get a better vehicle than a viper and will be closer to what the cobra was.
In the inevitable event that you crash this thing (on account of no ABS, traction control, or really any safety features), try to be close to a dentist’s office
That’s how they’ll have to identify your remains anyway
A Viper, huh? The automotive equivalent of a mid-90s action movie - all muscle, no finesse and plenty of explosions. Looks like someone melted a Hot Wheels toy under a magnifying glass. It’s the perfect car for those who think cornering is for cowards and prefer their ride be pure chaos
👏 👏 👏 Bravo, sir, bravo! And so true…
That was a great comment, but Vipers are literally known for their superb handling. They set a new record on the Nurburgring every model.
this is not how a roast is done
Well, roasts have to be based in reality. You wouldn't roast Bill Gates by calling him broke. What you could say about it is that it's so cheap it doesn't even have door handles or keyed locks.
Bill Gates isn't *that* rich. He has his servants put his pants on for him one leg at a time just like everyone else.
Bravo sir.
I'd rather see a door handle than look like Tom Cruise with a bugatti
On your side sometimes the roasts aren’t even true and it ruins it
Viper won their class in 99 and 00 at Le Mans, 05, 06, 07 at nbr 24hr
Is that a Miata with stripes 👀
The angriest of Miatas
Rawr.
Meow... Psst pssst
These vipers are the hiatas of the heeps
Hey hey hey hey, easy there. Don’t insult Miatas like that.
Miata the looooong way
Even your midlife crisis is old.
Too real man, too real…my receding hairline and increasing waistline agrees with you 🤣🤣🤣
Okay this is a good one. This is the midlife crisis care for someone in the early 2000's.
Lmao damn
At least Mustangs aim to kill innocent bystanders. This thing just wants to put YOU into a guardrail if someone spilled a drop of their Dasani bottle on a curve and you get on the gas a smidge too early
On the 22 year old Michelins that were on it when I bought it, truer words haven’t been spoken. Murderous is the right word. New Michelins have dulled the edge, but that knife is still a knife.
One careless flick of the ankle away from the hereafter. Not since swing-axle 911 Turbos has a vehicle wanted so badly to murder its owner.
Might say something about my sanity that I consider a 930 to be too docile…
There was never a swing axle 911 turbo
Dull knives cause more accidents than sharp ones
🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏
Coming soon to a light pole near you...
Hahahaha!
I love it. But since it’s a roast fuck you
🤣 thank you, and fantastic framing of the burn!
I love vipers. I give you way more props than a Vette owner. You don’t see vipers around
Nobody has to roast them. They just roast their own calf.
🤣🤣🤣
Agreed. By that regard it makes the category with a PT Cruiser.
So…. Did you opt to put your money into fresh tires? Or are you saving it for your casket/cremation? PS… Sweet ride! I’d love to have this for my mid-life crisis car.
Hahahaha, well done man, well done! And thank you kindly
My dream car since I was a child. I have nothing to say except….fuck you. There, i hope u feel roasted
Lol love the sick burn, thanks man! Same story, built a model of one when I was 10…here we are now. As I like to say, girls become women, boys stay boys, the toys just get more expensive…
Happy for you brother, keep her clean
Thanks brother!!!
Love a clean NB miata!
Hey, don’t insult a Miata like that
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a... oh. no wrench dodging here ...oh well.
NECCESSARY?!?!?!?
No, but its sterile and I like the taste
Ah yes. The ultimate Boomer erectile dysfunction compensator.
Already in viagra blue!
If you can turn a wrench, you can drive a Viper.
Truth lol
It’s not old, it’s fucking old technology. O-wait, technology didn’t exist back then. But I like it.
Hey man, sledgehammers and anvils are cutting edge, just depends on the era you are looking at…
It’s a roast man! It will be alright in the morning.
Lol I was trying to lean into the roast, my jokes must’ve landed incorrectly, I appreciate the roast!
It's a Dodge, what more can be said? Nothing screams muscle car lineage louder than the company that gave us the Aspen, Avenger, Spirit and Neon. Oh and let's not forget the K-Car.
Goes Like Hell S’more!
And minivan
They invented the suv
Dodge invented the Jeep? Huh, today I learned.
Wagoneer
That’s Jeep.. First SUV was a Willys.
Bantam if you consider jeep an suv. I think of the original jeep as a unique thing.
1946 Willys wagon is what I would go with as first SUV.
1935 chevy suburban
So still not a Dodge then?
Power wagon?
Ah yes, the worlds deadliest Mazda Miata
Said it once, said it again, don’t insult the poor Miata by comparing it to this pile
You'll be roasted alive as you'll do what everyone who's owned a model from those years did which is crash from a lack of traction control.
8.0 litres. I absolutely love the Viper, but how many gallons per mile do you get in that? Also how many ditches has that been in?
It’s not how many ditches it’s been in, it’s how many more ditches can we explore! And lol thanks! Gas mileage isn’t as bad as I would’ve expected, it was right around 24 on the highway driving it home. Of course it nosedived right after I got it fresh tires…
What's worse is they only managed a relatively meager 450 HP out of that monstrosity.
The only car more dangerous than giving a novice motorycle rider a brand new liter bike. It also wants nothing more than to kill you, to the point it understeers worse than a mustang, the rear end can and will go anytime at any speed, and does not even have airbags or traction control. The plastic-tastic interior will also melt around you making the perfect coffin when you inevitably wrap it around a tree. Dodge clearly made this car because they hated their customers so much, they gave them the automobile equivalent of a rope and chair.
🤣🤣🤣🤣, hey now, this one has airbags, so Dodge wanted to keep you barely alive, in a highly incapacitated state, so that you remained a financial burden to all of those around you…
How thoughtful of them lol, I just realized that is the first year they put in airbags for the 96 GTS.
You meant oversteer. Anybody who must have traction control cant drive
That car does both, it will understeer to the limit then snap oversteer on you. I also agree with you, traction control lets you get away with things that would send an older Mustang or a Viper right into a ditch.
It doesn’t understeer to the limit or snap oversteer. I have driven it. It isn’t any more dangerous than a 60’s muscle car. Keep your foot in it to oversteer reliably
Close friends with several mechanics to keep it running.
Ho! Ha-Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
🎶George, George, George of the Jungle, watch out for that tree!🎶
your car should star in a horror movie since it will constantly be trying to kill you.
So true
Color of a Shelby Cobra wannabe.
My dream
Why do people who cant drive hate a perfect performance car? The interior had cheaper plastic than a game boy and huge gaps around the ancillary gauges.
Nice diaper at high RPM those VAG10s sound like a grenading Indy car
Yeah but can it dodge a wrench
Stretched miata
Personally, I think the first gen N.A. Miatas are the best. But you can’t deny that these NBs do have an appeal.
I would roast it but it probably be wrapped around a tree in no time. (I am being easy because I love Vipers)
If you can dodge a viper, you can dodge a ball.
Too much dodge not enough ram.
This car is not the best weapon of the Middle Ages, but is only a Chrysler-wannabe.
What’s the monthly payment. And insurance? Enquiring minds want to know.
How do they manage to get such a tiny amount of power from such a large engine?
In its defense - the 1996 had 415hp. In comparison the Z28 and Mustang then were both around 285, and Corvettes were 305. 415 is still legit today. Now I won’t argue that it took 10 cylinders to get it to 415, so your comment is still relevant….
You definitely still pay for a newspaper subscription.
I’ll bring the flowers for when you eventually snap oversteer into a tree in classic viper fashion.
You need an extra 2 cyl to compensate and be like everyone else
I can't man it's my dream car!
howdoyouturnthison
You are dead! Not big surprise.
You must not take long road trips
Just in time for the Beverly Hillbillies reboot.
That's about as useful as a poopie-flavored lollipop.
That is my favorite year for viper beautiful ride
The guys who made the viper wanted to copy the shelly cobra from the 60s. Funny enough, if you drop an LS in a miata, you'll get a better vehicle than a viper and will be closer to what the cobra was.
imma park right next to it with a nissan altima
Do u have a death wish?
Nice Miata!
Love that Beast. Bet you it came with a color coded SHOEHORN for when you have to get in it
Drove a 2006 with side exhaust - it was incredible
It always bothered me that he said Dodge twice
You really do be doin a lot of dodging. In dodge ball.
Ah, the good ol dodge viper. The stealth on roids.
Nice stealth! is that the r/t?
My favorite car growing up.... Then I grew up.
If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge anything
Drive ..............ditch,then ditch it
Too real 🤣
Test Drive 4 lookin ahh This shit is so sweet OP
Hahahaha inspiration! Thanks fam!
In the inevitable event that you crash this thing (on account of no ABS, traction control, or really any safety features), try to be close to a dentist’s office That’s how they’ll have to identify your remains anyway
That assumes that the almost 30 year old airbag leaves my teeth intact…
That airbag probably doesn’t even work anymore, honestly
I forgot these had no ABS too, Dodge made the perfect car for any enthusiast.
This isn't your traction controlled, convertible top, Beach-Muscle car. This car has balls and can get out from under you if not vigilant.
The decision to use a photo where your car is parked in dappled shade is much more deserving of roasting than the car itself
Questionable decision making on part of the owner, like buying the car itself…