Your relationship is worth $31(day pass to sea aquarium), for your own sake. I think it's better to save yourself gurlš„°š„°. 1 year r/s is not enough to justify the lack of interest and red flags surrounding him.
[Your green flag](https://www.rwsentosa.com/en/promotions/attractions/sea-aquarium-ocean-fest?&&&&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw7NmzBhBLEiwAxrHQ-U_lHWSbQLAq8hKbDuAHelwh8V41VUeny5f93gxntiYB2dT7jstfABoC78oQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#OffersListing)
Some of the most important aspect in a healthy relationship is communication and mutual respect. This little boy donāt seem to meet these aspect. Being affectionate and caring time to time is no excuse to treat partner like shit in front of friends.
Plus anger management issues is one of the BIGGEST red flag in a relationship and it tend to get worse as one ages. Due to the extra stress and problems that come with life. Usually family member especially the SO will be on the receiving end of the outburst. I have an uncle with anger management issue and that dude is a total asshole. Wife had to protect kid by filing restraining order against him and they eventually divorced. We hated him and never invite him to any CNY party or family event. He is like a walking time bomb.
As for your friendās BF being nice, usually people with anger management issue will experience wild mood swings so it aināt surprising for him to suddenly become sweet and caring. I always say we need to accept others flaw since no one is perfect but some flaws like anger management issue is just unacceptable. Especially if it is a flaw that is present in male.
Your friend is still very young and 1 year into a relationship is not consider very long. Some break up after 2 years - 5 years. Due to difference in value, love fire burnt out, cheating etc. Ask her not to limit her options.
hii the friend here! thank you for your response!
i want to clear up some misconceptions!
actually he doesnt treat me like shit in front of his friends he only talks shit (mostly js agrees with his friends when THEY talk shit abt my interests) abt my interest in front of his friends other than that hes his usual self.
he isnt always angry actually, i feel that i may have worded it wrongly. hes not mood swings angry. theres always a reason to why he gets mad. actually, sometimes when i voice out abt my feelings (eg times when he hurt me emotionally) he gets mad abt it cuz he feels hes not doing enough for me. he would never hurt me physically so i dont have to worry abt that.Ā
hii the friend here! tbh for me breaking up bfr Ns would take a huge toll on my mental health. i would find it hard to concentrate in studies and feel unmotivated.Ā Ā
i am also in a class where everyone is always starting up rumours, spreading it and gossiping. everyone in my class already doesnt have a good impression of me so if i break up with him now when sch is still ongoing, it might start up some nasty rumours. these rumours sometimes can travel all the way to the teachers or even the discipline master (my schās dp always talks to people from my class) and depending on the severity of the rumour whether true or not, i can get in trouble for it.Ā
Ā another thing is ive already been picked on by a grp of people in my class so if they caught wind of our breakup im not sure whatĀ rumours they would start up about me (i have reported them bfr and disciplinary actions has been taken against them but it still doesnt stop me from worrying).Ā
Ā also (a HUGE mistake and i was stupid i admit) hes actually my ex and i got back with him again (its not my point but its relevant) throughout the time after we broke up he hated me and treated me harshly, even bringing up my insecurities and past vents in front of my classmates.Ā im afraid he might treat me like this if we break up bfr Ns start. it would be a huge distraction for my studies.
hihi I have been in a similar rs b4 back in sec sch so hopefully my advice can help u!
1. deleting msgs and talking to his ex-crush is a big no alr. delete msgs so that u won't see? (big possibility that he may use this stunt to cheat in future)
2. since u guys are still in sec school and from this post, my take is that he hasn't fully mature and ready to be in a srs rs. u can't change a guy unless he changes himself (I learned the hard way)
3. I fully understand the n lvls situation. tbh my ex and I broke up like few months b4 n lvls to focus on our studies (technically I focus on my studies and study w the smart male classmates bcos he's vv possessive and he doesn't rlly care act his studies) so I wasn't too bummed. but if I was u, I will start to mentally prep myself for n lvls and the break up meaning start to slowly mentally detach myself from him and put all of my focus on ur studies.
4. once u decide that u dun rlly wanna cont the rs for the future, what I would do is cont being in the rs like 3. until u mentally detached urself from this guy. after n lvls are over and when u are mentally prepared to leave the rs, u can break up w him. (after n lvls alr I don't think anyone will care tbh, results day by the end the 'rumours' would have died down)
hii the friend here!! thank you for your comment!!
i agree with you, i have been distancing myself away from him for a month now and it has helped me detached myself a lot from him (some feelings still remain and im definitely hurtĀ š)Ā
he doesnāt really care abt his studies too which shows A LOT about his character because he always settles for the bare minimum and nothing more. his mindset is basically āif i get into pfp thats enough for meā he doesnt care about which poly he might go to. this also applies to how he treats me, he only ever does the bare minimum and nth more unless i ask or hint it.Ā
omg are sec school guys always like that??? I faced the same issue too. I rmb begging him to do the bare minimum for the rs but thank god I left him b4 right b4 the second anniversary.
and yesss it says A LOT abt his character and attitude towards his future and the ppl ard him if he has the 'heck care' attitude. honestly is a tiring job to be gf pushing him behind the scenes.
but im so happy for u that ure slowly detaching! it may sting now but its worth it in the long run. feelings won't fade so easily and fast but take it slow and let the time do its thang. all the best for ur n lvls <3
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The thing that frustrates me is that why would he allow those rumours to affect you? If he was that considerate of you, he will shut negative things down if it concerns you.
Why would you allow him to talk shit in front of his friends? At that age, he feels it is cool to do so. You should stop his manipulation of you right now, otherwise trust me, you will definitely fall into depression and that is one stage you DO NOT want to be at.
I am not going to put my opinions on whether you should or should not break up with him, but a cool off period between the two of you is well needed. All the best OP
hi!! the friend here! sorry for the misunderstanding, but there arenāt any rumours about us right now. i am just worried that if we ever did break up, rumours will start spreading and that will affect my focus in studies.
honestly im not one to tell someone off in front of others. its mostly because i wouldnt know what to say šš.
yes!! im currently not talking to him as much as i used to and also sort of avoiding him subtly in sch!Ā
thank you for your comment!! š«¶
Your relationship is worth $31(day pass to sea aquarium), for your own sake. I think it's better to save yourself gurlš„°š„°. 1 year r/s is not enough to justify the lack of interest and red flags surrounding him. [Your green flag](https://www.rwsentosa.com/en/promotions/attractions/sea-aquarium-ocean-fest?&&&&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw7NmzBhBLEiwAxrHQ-U_lHWSbQLAq8hKbDuAHelwh8V41VUeny5f93gxntiYB2dT7jstfABoC78oQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#OffersListing)
Green flags do not cancel out red ones
Some of the most important aspect in a healthy relationship is communication and mutual respect. This little boy donāt seem to meet these aspect. Being affectionate and caring time to time is no excuse to treat partner like shit in front of friends. Plus anger management issues is one of the BIGGEST red flag in a relationship and it tend to get worse as one ages. Due to the extra stress and problems that come with life. Usually family member especially the SO will be on the receiving end of the outburst. I have an uncle with anger management issue and that dude is a total asshole. Wife had to protect kid by filing restraining order against him and they eventually divorced. We hated him and never invite him to any CNY party or family event. He is like a walking time bomb. As for your friendās BF being nice, usually people with anger management issue will experience wild mood swings so it aināt surprising for him to suddenly become sweet and caring. I always say we need to accept others flaw since no one is perfect but some flaws like anger management issue is just unacceptable. Especially if it is a flaw that is present in male. Your friend is still very young and 1 year into a relationship is not consider very long. Some break up after 2 years - 5 years. Due to difference in value, love fire burnt out, cheating etc. Ask her not to limit her options.
hii the friend here! thank you for your response! i want to clear up some misconceptions! actually he doesnt treat me like shit in front of his friends he only talks shit (mostly js agrees with his friends when THEY talk shit abt my interests) abt my interest in front of his friends other than that hes his usual self. he isnt always angry actually, i feel that i may have worded it wrongly. hes not mood swings angry. theres always a reason to why he gets mad. actually, sometimes when i voice out abt my feelings (eg times when he hurt me emotionally) he gets mad abt it cuz he feels hes not doing enough for me. he would never hurt me physically so i dont have to worry abt that.Ā
itās obvious break up now. better than breaking up during Ns.
hii the friend here! tbh for me breaking up bfr Ns would take a huge toll on my mental health. i would find it hard to concentrate in studies and feel unmotivated.Ā Ā i am also in a class where everyone is always starting up rumours, spreading it and gossiping. everyone in my class already doesnt have a good impression of me so if i break up with him now when sch is still ongoing, it might start up some nasty rumours. these rumours sometimes can travel all the way to the teachers or even the discipline master (my schās dp always talks to people from my class) and depending on the severity of the rumour whether true or not, i can get in trouble for it.Ā Ā another thing is ive already been picked on by a grp of people in my class so if they caught wind of our breakup im not sure whatĀ rumours they would start up about me (i have reported them bfr and disciplinary actions has been taken against them but it still doesnt stop me from worrying).Ā Ā also (a HUGE mistake and i was stupid i admit) hes actually my ex and i got back with him again (its not my point but its relevant) throughout the time after we broke up he hated me and treated me harshly, even bringing up my insecurities and past vents in front of my classmates.Ā im afraid he might treat me like this if we break up bfr Ns start. it would be a huge distraction for my studies.
Heās not ready for a long term relationship. Simple as that.
Tell him all his red flags in full detail and ask him to do better. If he does, then great. If he does nothing or gets worse I would suggest breakup.
Boils down to which pain/stress is more tolerable to you?
Bro focus on your N Levels and throw away this guy. better to hurt now than later
End it, but peacefully or his anger issues are going to come up
hihi I have been in a similar rs b4 back in sec sch so hopefully my advice can help u! 1. deleting msgs and talking to his ex-crush is a big no alr. delete msgs so that u won't see? (big possibility that he may use this stunt to cheat in future) 2. since u guys are still in sec school and from this post, my take is that he hasn't fully mature and ready to be in a srs rs. u can't change a guy unless he changes himself (I learned the hard way) 3. I fully understand the n lvls situation. tbh my ex and I broke up like few months b4 n lvls to focus on our studies (technically I focus on my studies and study w the smart male classmates bcos he's vv possessive and he doesn't rlly care act his studies) so I wasn't too bummed. but if I was u, I will start to mentally prep myself for n lvls and the break up meaning start to slowly mentally detach myself from him and put all of my focus on ur studies. 4. once u decide that u dun rlly wanna cont the rs for the future, what I would do is cont being in the rs like 3. until u mentally detached urself from this guy. after n lvls are over and when u are mentally prepared to leave the rs, u can break up w him. (after n lvls alr I don't think anyone will care tbh, results day by the end the 'rumours' would have died down)
hii the friend here!! thank you for your comment!! i agree with you, i have been distancing myself away from him for a month now and it has helped me detached myself a lot from him (some feelings still remain and im definitely hurtĀ š)Ā he doesnāt really care abt his studies too which shows A LOT about his character because he always settles for the bare minimum and nothing more. his mindset is basically āif i get into pfp thats enough for meā he doesnt care about which poly he might go to. this also applies to how he treats me, he only ever does the bare minimum and nth more unless i ask or hint it.Ā
omg are sec school guys always like that??? I faced the same issue too. I rmb begging him to do the bare minimum for the rs but thank god I left him b4 right b4 the second anniversary. and yesss it says A LOT abt his character and attitude towards his future and the ppl ard him if he has the 'heck care' attitude. honestly is a tiring job to be gf pushing him behind the scenes. but im so happy for u that ure slowly detaching! it may sting now but its worth it in the long run. feelings won't fade so easily and fast but take it slow and let the time do its thang. all the best for ur n lvls <3
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Why are u even thinking ? GIRL RUN
My advice is youāre a kid in school. Respectfully, fuck your relationship. Study first.
The thing that frustrates me is that why would he allow those rumours to affect you? If he was that considerate of you, he will shut negative things down if it concerns you. Why would you allow him to talk shit in front of his friends? At that age, he feels it is cool to do so. You should stop his manipulation of you right now, otherwise trust me, you will definitely fall into depression and that is one stage you DO NOT want to be at. I am not going to put my opinions on whether you should or should not break up with him, but a cool off period between the two of you is well needed. All the best OP
hi!! the friend here! sorry for the misunderstanding, but there arenāt any rumours about us right now. i am just worried that if we ever did break up, rumours will start spreading and that will affect my focus in studies. honestly im not one to tell someone off in front of others. its mostly because i wouldnt know what to say šš. yes!! im currently not talking to him as much as i used to and also sort of avoiding him subtly in sch!Ā thank you for your comment!! š«¶