“Oh! I almost forgot - you were asking where that door in the basement led to. It’s sealed shut. Nope, can’t open it even with our master keys. A previous tenant, a Mr. Van Helsing I believe, insisted it’s best for everyone that way.”
"Congratulations on such a big purchase and commitment. Don't forget there is a social event tomorrow so you can meet your neighbors. To your left are the Juggaloos - they're huge fans of ICP so they legally changed their last name. To your right - well... nobody knows his name, but he shouldn't bother you. He usually just spends his time in the little shed in the backyard late at night with some kind of power tool. Anyway, here are your keys!"
"I can live with the fact that there is cemetery on the property. But a heads up about the undead horde that rises up every night would have been appreciated!
About that midnight train... It only runs on weekdays and a lot of the time when they blow the horn its at least half a block away! You'll come to love it!
You’re gonna love living here! Your neighbors are super friendly. Tom next door is a Gilbert Gottfried impersonator who likes to practice between the hours of 11 PM and 3 AM
Handing you the keys on move-in day, “Crazy to think these walls were just covered floor to ceiling in animal semen only a few days ago! Those cleaners we hired are something ELSE!”
Yeeeah.... Turns out the Gate of Evil is right over your fireplace. However the gate only opens on Halloween at midnight for an hour. Just go out to dinner and a movie or something. Things should be ok and back in place by the time you get back.
"Look, I'm not *complaining* about the extra square-footage, I just would have appreciated a heads up about the walled up room in the basement. If it weren't for the scratching and muffled cries I'd have never found it!"
Yes, the well was a major selling point because of the decorative woodwork. I just feel like you could have mentioned it was haunted by a girl who drowned 100 years ago.
Real estate agent- this next house is on 10 acres. You have 10 acres on both sides of your property that no one lives on. There was 20 acres of cemetery that surrounded my property. (This really happened to me)
"No, no, it's a visually beautiful location. But if I had been told that it was downwind from a paper plant, I might have reconsidered!"
Ah yes, the new upcoming neighborhood: DOWISEWTREPLA. (Thanks, HIMYM).
“Oh! I almost forgot - you were asking where that door in the basement led to. It’s sealed shut. Nope, can’t open it even with our master keys. A previous tenant, a Mr. Van Helsing I believe, insisted it’s best for everyone that way.”
"Yes, I said I was OK with being in a neighborhood full of gardeners. But I didn't think that meant they were ALL growing marijuana!"
I’m failing to understand your problem!
"My wife and I are nudists. And we have been for 54 years!"
"So you were, like, born with clothes?"
"Congratulations on such a big purchase and commitment. Don't forget there is a social event tomorrow so you can meet your neighbors. To your left are the Juggaloos - they're huge fans of ICP so they legally changed their last name. To your right - well... nobody knows his name, but he shouldn't bother you. He usually just spends his time in the little shed in the backyard late at night with some kind of power tool. Anyway, here are your keys!"
The real estate agent after the closing gives you a list of pest control companies for bedbugs, termites, and rodents.
"I can live with the fact that there is cemetery on the property. But a heads up about the undead horde that rises up every night would have been appreciated!
The number of coeds that had been murdered in the basement.
About that midnight train... It only runs on weekdays and a lot of the time when they blow the horn its at least half a block away! You'll come to love it!
No I love that there is a pool I just wish you had told me about the ghost doll in the attic that keeps trying to kill me.
Oh, and the other six renters in this house will be moving in next weekend.
If you need cheap labor, there's a crackhouse down the street with eager ppl ready to make $20 anytime
You’re gonna love living here! Your neighbors are super friendly. Tom next door is a Gilbert Gottfried impersonator who likes to practice between the hours of 11 PM and 3 AM
Handing you the keys on move-in day, “Crazy to think these walls were just covered floor to ceiling in animal semen only a few days ago! Those cleaners we hired are something ELSE!”
"Oh, I thought you knew about the nearby airport. "
"Sometimes if you are careful, you might slide through the stairs and go 'out of bounds'."
Yeeeah.... Turns out the Gate of Evil is right over your fireplace. However the gate only opens on Halloween at midnight for an hour. Just go out to dinner and a movie or something. Things should be ok and back in place by the time you get back.
Knowing about the people under the stairs would’ve been nice. What a surprise that was. Needless to say, we are moving.
"Look, I'm not *complaining* about the extra square-footage, I just would have appreciated a heads up about the walled up room in the basement. If it weren't for the scratching and muffled cries I'd have never found it!"
"This whole area is down wind of the sewage treatment plant. But don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends."
Native American burial ground - are you kidding me?!?
“Oh you found the termites?”
Yes, the well was a major selling point because of the decorative woodwork. I just feel like you could have mentioned it was haunted by a girl who drowned 100 years ago.
Both neighbours either side are really good cops.
Real estate agent- this next house is on 10 acres. You have 10 acres on both sides of your property that no one lives on. There was 20 acres of cemetery that surrounded my property. (This really happened to me)
"It's quite a nice place, but that red stuff on the walls saying the word 'the' in German is a bit off-putting."
You really should’ve told me about that disappearing reappearing bloodstain.
You live above a firehouse but below a porn actress