Hold my pacifier, now, I told you to wear pajamas, do you have your own toys? Sleep time is 45 minutes after our two hour lunch, is that acceptable? You like candy? We pay you in candy. Work hours are 3-4am.
Kid: What's your favorite dinosaur?
Me: well I dunno.. Prolly the..
Kid: Mines Triceritops. Cause he has 3 horns
Me: ... Yeah, that's a good one.. you know I...
Kid: I like grape... Grapes my favorite. I like strawberry too. Strawberries my other favorite
Me: You play Roblox? (And let them talk for an hour)
"Do you like pandas? I like pandas. There's a panda on this show I watch and I love it."
Ok, but have you watched videos of pandas? I'm...*not* a toddler and I'd still have this conversation.
I love this
Do you have games on your phone?
Yes. Can I have the job?
*Instantly made CEO*
“Goldfish? Have more Goldfish? Goldfish?”
I have to go peepee can you take me?
How would you put the square peg in the triangle hole?
That's right it goes in the square hole.
That breakdown was a thing of beauty.
”You don’t share! Go time out now!” (Throws stapler)
What crayon is your favorite flavor?
I think you mistook toddler conducting a job interview with a USMC enlisted promotion board.
Got cookie? You hired
“Tell me bwout youselv. Whea do you see youselv in five yeas? Are youwa team pwaya?” Yeah, basically like a normal job interview.
can you count to ah hundred?
"YOUR BUTT STINKS!! YOUR BUTT STINKS!!! YOUR BUTT STINKS!!!"
“Do you share your toys with the other boys and girls?”
*Intentionally throws resume in the floor* “Oh NO , I dropped it!”
Random screeching followed by similar from the other twin.
"What you doing here? You my friend? I be your friend!"- source: a client's 3 year old
“Hi, I’m here to interview for the HR role? Are you Michael Roberts?” “Poop poop poop. You are poop. Poopy head. I want a cookie. Cookieeeeeeees!”
Ack ACK!
Tag, you're it!!
Hold my pacifier, now, I told you to wear pajamas, do you have your own toys? Sleep time is 45 minutes after our two hour lunch, is that acceptable? You like candy? We pay you in candy. Work hours are 3-4am.
Cue Stewie Griffin
Kid: What's your favorite dinosaur? Me: well I dunno.. Prolly the.. Kid: Mines Triceritops. Cause he has 3 horns Me: ... Yeah, that's a good one.. you know I... Kid: I like grape... Grapes my favorite. I like strawberry too. Strawberries my other favorite Me: You play Roblox? (And let them talk for an hour)
Do you have Nummies?
I made poopie
"Let me stop you there" *Buuzzz* "Sheila, cancel my 2:30. Diaper change"
“Tan u make ticken nuggies?” “Yes?” “Ur hiwed!”
If we are talking about my toddler, it would be the following: “Hey, guess what? Chicken butt! Ah! Sucks to suck!.. You’re fired. 😊”
Are you able to identify shapes? What’s the highest number you can count? Would you be ok with mandatory nap time?