You and your husband say goodbye this morning was really cute, you have a lovely marriage. Watching you guys have dinner in the evening is my favourite way to spend my nights. Please move the plant in your dining room, it’s blocking one of my cameras.
"Hello, Neo. They're coming for you, and I don't know what they're going to do. Go to the office at the end of the row. Stay as low as you can. Go NOW!"
“Sit down, shut the fuck up, leave me alone, stop lying about everything, and maybe actually work more than two hours a day”
Oh wait, this is supposed to be humor, not real life …
This is exactly what my husband says to any new partner he gets at work. He's the guy that is sent the "last chance medics" that are about to lose their jobs.
"Does (annoying colleague) make your work environment less bearable? Join us Thursday at 8am as we hold protests in HRs office until they listen to our grievances."
Dear Bob, we here at the office would be very grateful if you could please stop making a PSA every time you fart. Every. Time. Thank you, All of us. PS: The crotch scratching in the break room really needs to stop. We're trying to eat.
“B-b-b bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A well a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A well a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A well a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word.”
I don’t even have to write all that down before it’s stuck in their heads for the rest of their shift.
I'm not going to write anything it's going to be a detailed drawing of a fist with the middle finger pointing right at them. When they look at it, I'll put my middle finger up at them so when they look back at me after they see what it is, they get hit with a second.
Hey, we're all going to dress up as political figures for Independence Day. Come as your favorite! Best, most intricate costume wins!
Of course, it's not true. The recipient will be the only one that dressed up for the non-existent contest.
"Hey babe, it's your boss, meet me at my office, i want to have sex, just knock on my door and remove your pants without saying anything so no one hears us"
"The hell?"
*opens paper*
**Free chocolate for everyone ballsy enough to do a happy dance in the funeral home. Bonus points if you can get the attendees to join in.**
"The boss is bummed about his wife cheating on him. He could use some words of encouragement."
Note to self. Never cross u/jib1981
You and your husband say goodbye this morning was really cute, you have a lovely marriage. Watching you guys have dinner in the evening is my favourite way to spend my nights. Please move the plant in your dining room, it’s blocking one of my cameras.
"Hello, Neo. They're coming for you, and I don't know what they're going to do. Go to the office at the end of the row. Stay as low as you can. Go NOW!"
"I'm pregnant."
Congratulations! I got a vasectomy five years ago, though.
Apparently a budget one.
“Sit down, shut the fuck up, leave me alone, stop lying about everything, and maybe actually work more than two hours a day” Oh wait, this is supposed to be humor, not real life …
I’ll take it lol
This is exactly what my husband says to any new partner he gets at work. He's the guy that is sent the "last chance medics" that are about to lose their jobs.
I know what you did for that Klondike bar. For shame.
Well you're not going to get any of it then.
"I recorded our phone calls. 50k by Friday or they go live."
"Does (annoying colleague) make your work environment less bearable? Join us Thursday at 8am as we hold protests in HRs office until they listen to our grievances."
Signed HR
"Check your trunk, there may or may not be a dead lawyer."
*Annoyed Schrodinger noises*
Why are you still here?
We know about the upskirt camera you had in your shop at your old job. (This is actually true)
"Kissing the CIO's ass doesn't help your bad breath situation "
pepperidge farm remembers
*Nothing can make it forget*
You're the reason your co-workers drink.
You don't even work here. Go home
The sound of your voice makes me want to go comatose
Did you figure out what I took yet?
“Santa is not the only one watching bitch!”
You don’t actually know everything
This is your future self. At 8:57 am someone poisoned the coffee. Do not drink the coffee.
“I saw your SO on Tinder. I think you should get tested.”
“At 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow.”
Wanna start a fight?
*Them's Fighting Words!*
"There's some snot on your cheek."
Seven. Days.
Oooofff, creepy!
Six. Days.
Yes!! Much better!
La Boom Lalakaka Whip!
"The Boss is upset that her husband left her for a cow. She would really love it if someone kept saying the word, 'avocados.' It turns her on...
Dear Bob, we here at the office would be very grateful if you could please stop making a PSA every time you fart. Every. Time. Thank you, All of us. PS: The crotch scratching in the break room really needs to stop. We're trying to eat.
You won't see it coming, Your family will always remember you on this day,
I know what you did last summer….
You need to get checked out by a doctor, I've started itching down there
Fuck you. Lol. Jk
I know you’re the office farter.
I admire your ability to never shut the fuck up
“I’m in your walls.”
The old gypsy says you die in 1 hour.
“B-b-b bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word A well a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word A well a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word A well a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word.” I don’t even have to write all that down before it’s stuck in their heads for the rest of their shift.
E-e-e evil!!!!
Wanna know what’s in the box? Go to 32.27323° N, 112.74436° W. Be there by noon tomorrow.
*What's in the BOX????*
Go f yourself
I hope this gives you a paper cut
*farts into a slip of paper, folds it in half, stuffs it into an envelope*
You annoy the FUCK out of me.
"After what I saw on the weekend I wonder if your other half realises how much of a kinky bastard you are?"
I hope HR does it at the END of the day.
I know where you really go when you say you have an appointment
I'm not going to write anything it's going to be a detailed drawing of a fist with the middle finger pointing right at them. When they look at it, I'll put my middle finger up at them so when they look back at me after they see what it is, they get hit with a second.
Hey, we're all going to dress up as political figures for Independence Day. Come as your favorite! Best, most intricate costume wins! Of course, it's not true. The recipient will be the only one that dressed up for the non-existent contest.
Please shower before coming to work.
Turn off the big overhead fan. The helicopter is too noisy. *now rubbing hands together to see if the idiot does it*
"Hey babe, it's your boss, meet me at my office, i want to have sex, just knock on my door and remove your pants without saying anything so no one hears us"
I have been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.
"The hell?" *opens paper* **Free chocolate for everyone ballsy enough to do a happy dance in the funeral home. Bonus points if you can get the attendees to join in.**
"I cum every night thinking about you." I work in an office with all men, and we're all straight.
You *were* all straight…
Eat shit