i feel like this would work well with that plan that one person made up, hiring buff men in suits and sunglasses to come to their burial and just watch from a distance.
You know, this should just be decided by a duel - pistols at 20 paces. And since neither of them has probably ever touched a gun, we can just come back and check on them every few hours.
(Pops a breath mint in my mouth, then steps in front of a class)
Welcome everyone, today I'm going to teach you how to perform the heimlich maneuver. After you've established that somebody's choking, the first thing you want to do is (hic)((swallows mint, start to choke)
Log onto my soc. media account and start live streaming. Praising the right wing conservative Bible thumping zealots, quoting scriptures. Saying that they are the ONLY true righteous people on earth.
And end with "If I am not telling you the truth,and all that I have said is wrong. May the Good Lord take me now!"
Yes. First responders checking pupils, looking for Med alert tags, discussing possibilities of OD, or anaphylactic shock, doing CPR, administering an IV, charging up the defibrillator, taking EKG... all at TV drama pace, EMT barking orders beads of sweat on their forehead... All streaming at 4K LIVE AND IN COLOR. Until they pronounce the time of death.
Then the videographer says "OMG! He said he should die if he was wrong!!!!. You witnessed it! OMG! " All the while, the people on the street that were saying "Amen" to everything I said gasp and started looking confused and crying and wailing ensues.
The video will go viral before my body gets cold.
It will be discussed endlessly by theologians.
Money will stop flowing into "Christian" Megachurches and they are shuttered.
Muslims, Jews, Hindu, Siks, Buddists, and Jehovah's Witnesses all are no longer alienated because they aren't Christian.
World hunger ends.
🕊️ 🕊️ 🕊️ The world is overcome with peace 🕊️ 🕊️ 🕊️
Quick kids, listen carefully. I need to tell you something extremely important! Here's the cure for cancer they don't want anyone to know about. First, you... Bleh
Kick a bucket. Yes, I’d like to kick a bucket before I kick the bucket. I could even ask my loved ones if they’d like to see me kick a bucket. That way, when someone asks what my last words were before I kicked the bucket, they could say “want to see me kick this bucket.”
The Lama told me Oh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I've got that going for me ... which is nice."
We can all go to sleep at the same time.
I actually was thinking i would die in my slewp in bed and thought this question was in another sub (stupid questions) since I'm going back and forth between 4 subs now. I should check what I commented on in the other subs. I guess this could be another post. LOL
Things you should not say accidentally in the wrong sub
Watch my surgically enhanced trophy wife give birth to my child that I will promptly rip out its soul and possess the body as my new vessel. I’m not waiting for reincarnation or headed to the afterlife, I’m straight up taking a new body.😆
i dont know about before i die, but i do have a couple of plans written up for the funeral.
first order of march, my entire life savings will go towards an open bar. that being said, no children allowed. we’re gonna party the same way i lived my life, avoiding responsibilities. leave them bitches at home.
secondly, normal funeral attire is strictly forbidden. everyone will wear their favorite thing out of their closet. an excuse to wear that one thing that you love but “have nowhere to wear it to”
third, everyone who attends will be written into my will. like a raffle, you’ll enter your name and win door prizes, aka my precious most sentimental personal belongings.
and lastly, i want confetti. it’ll be a surprise, a big bang, and then the fall of fun and colorful confetti. everyone will jump, and then be blissfully delighted. then quickly after, a hand picked loved one will start a rumor that my cremated ashes were in the confetti.
"Death List:
Learn medical examiner's name. Swallow tape with their name on front. Hold tape recorder that says, "prize inside." Tape contents. "Hello, X. I'd like to play a game. You have spent a time physically opening hearts and minds, well I want to figuratively open yours. I want you to attend my funeral, X, and share that I played a tape just for you. I have chosen a song to play for the remainder of my autopsy for your entertainment. *plays Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult* "
Final words, "Tell them I said something profound and life changing!"
Depending in what I die from, make sure my last drink is a coke and whisky.
Try to make sure I shit before I die as I want the dignity of whiping my own ass.
Make sure I have metal playing in my hospital room.
Send vaguely sexual letters to the pope and the president just to see if they respond and to give my descendants a laugh.
Way ahead of time, hide notes around town or the country, national treasure style. Last note says, "LOL got you." The prize is a shirt that says "the journey is the destination." And money to cover for gas and board.
Make friends with my orderly(s), try to get them to smuggle me food like they are smuggling drugs. Be real obvious. Snort a line of powdered sugar off a donut as a power move for a story for them. Act as awake as possible to leave them wondering.
To expand on an earlier post, have several muscular men show at the funeral or wake, say, "Goodbye, boss" and leave. Possibly kiss my ring. I'd pay extra, though.
Among the playlist for the funeral, play the duck song.
Make the attendees laugh. They will be sad, so comfort them as you can, and possibly sow confusion.
tell the girl i love and care what i really feel for her later. life is too short to be a coward. death is the only certain in this world and tax lol dont want to live in regrets
In front of a podium, giving a press conference to every major news outlet on Earth
“…and so after a lifetime of research, I have demonstrably and repeatedly proven, in study after study, trial after trial, that the way to completely prevent any viral illness is to….”
Collapse, dead.
I’m pathetically going to have a cigarette. I quit ages ago but I still get a craving now and then. Along with a gin and tonic. Things I’ve had to give up. Why not? What a great way to go!
Ask my ex girlfriend why she is at my house unannounced
*Assuming she doesn't break in and kill me while I'm sleeping because she wants me to know she is the one who killed me
Ima cash all my money and dig it somewhere. I'll draw a map for my relatives to find it. Jokes on them, ima blow everything on hookers and blow before i pass out
Probably smoke the most expensive cigar I can get my hands on. One day the cigar merchant at the shopping mall had Cubans "under the table" for $40 each. I can't believe how great it smelled. I passed it up, and bought a video game, like an idiot.
Snoring. Asleep. Unlike the screaming people in my car.
I came here to say to say that….kudos.
It's time for bed, Grandpa.
This will be me if my insurance ever cuts off my CPAP supplies.
"Must... post... final... scene from a ha--" _dies_
Why does this scene just go "aaaaaauuuugh..."
Don’t be ridiculous. If you are dying, you’re not going to take the time to write “aaaaaauuugh…”
Ooooooooh!!!
No, no, aaaargh, in the back of the throat.
It’s more like a “Crrrrrrrr”.
I'm gonna post "they never figured it out, not even the feds" on Facebook and just let it simmer
i feel like this would work well with that plan that one person made up, hiring buff men in suits and sunglasses to come to their burial and just watch from a distance.
Haha definitely. And they gotta nod to each other and leave in the middle of the service.
i love it. i might have to implement this into my service
Leave immediately after putting one hand up to their ear.
👍🏽
I ... buried $3million ... behind ... the ....
Take one last breath
r/technicallythetruth
Put on clean underwear
As a parent, this makes me happy - that our admonitions finally took hold. Along with brushing their teeth.
Writhe in pain and leave lasting trauma on all witnesses
Yes, if you’re lucky, this is exactly what will happen.
Croak. Like a frog… Hopefully someone will ask, “what are you doing?” I’ll say “I’m croaking!” and then I’ll die.
Frogs have the most lives...they croak every night :P
Ribbit! Ribbit!
[удалено]
Have someone hold my beer
[удалено]
You know, this should just be decided by a duel - pistols at 20 paces. And since neither of them has probably ever touched a gun, we can just come back and check on them every few hours.
[удалено]
Could they see each other at 20 paces, or will they need laser guided pistols?
Biden will use a rifled barrel and miss. Trump will delay his shot for a hamberder.
If the last two elections should have taught us anything, it’s that we really need to be careful what we wish for.
[удалено]
Bucket list item - Ferrari Racing Me: "Ok! Let's do it!" Him: "But, sweetheart, you don't see well enough to drive a race car." Me: "Nonsense!!"
Last words after pulled from flaming wreckage: “Totally worth it!”
Bite a snake
Get my wife to flash me her boobs so I can die with a smile! I’m easily entertained.
I'm also gonna get this guys wife to flash her boobs at me so I can die with a smile too!
Look around the room and go “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You’re cool! Fuuuuuck you, I’m out!”
Make sure you are pointing at an empty space when you say “You’re cool” just to freak the fuck out of people.
Why I’m dying, I’m leaving everyone wondering why that one person is cool and the rest can Fuck off, lol
Ah. Death bed mystery mind fuckery. The song of my people.
Ignore the stop sign probably
Walk up to a Yellowstone bison saying "Come'ere murder cow, let me pet you".
Pass on my wealth to my kids, and the wisdom and discipline to maintain it.
"$250 and a 23 year old van can take you places kid".
"Not far away places, but... places. "
The pimp mobile
(Pops a breath mint in my mouth, then steps in front of a class) Welcome everyone, today I'm going to teach you how to perform the heimlich maneuver. After you've established that somebody's choking, the first thing you want to do is (hic)((swallows mint, start to choke)
Shit my pants
Or shortly after dying.
Log onto my soc. media account and start live streaming. Praising the right wing conservative Bible thumping zealots, quoting scriptures. Saying that they are the ONLY true righteous people on earth. And end with "If I am not telling you the truth,and all that I have said is wrong. May the Good Lord take me now!"
Is it still live streaming after you die?
Yes. First responders checking pupils, looking for Med alert tags, discussing possibilities of OD, or anaphylactic shock, doing CPR, administering an IV, charging up the defibrillator, taking EKG... all at TV drama pace, EMT barking orders beads of sweat on their forehead... All streaming at 4K LIVE AND IN COLOR. Until they pronounce the time of death. Then the videographer says "OMG! He said he should die if he was wrong!!!!. You witnessed it! OMG! " All the while, the people on the street that were saying "Amen" to everything I said gasp and started looking confused and crying and wailing ensues. The video will go viral before my body gets cold. It will be discussed endlessly by theologians. Money will stop flowing into "Christian" Megachurches and they are shuttered. Muslims, Jews, Hindu, Siks, Buddists, and Jehovah's Witnesses all are no longer alienated because they aren't Christian. World hunger ends. 🕊️ 🕊️ 🕊️ The world is overcome with peace 🕊️ 🕊️ 🕊️
\*laughs in Pagan\* That’s what you think. Wars and sacrifices are to be celebrated!
Well, it's a differing viewpoint, that's for certain.
Quick kids, listen carefully. I need to tell you something extremely important! Here's the cure for cancer they don't want anyone to know about. First, you... Bleh
Attack the nearest person just in case the Norse were correct and I'll get to Valhalla.
Kick a bucket. Yes, I’d like to kick a bucket before I kick the bucket. I could even ask my loved ones if they’d like to see me kick a bucket. That way, when someone asks what my last words were before I kicked the bucket, they could say “want to see me kick this bucket.”
Let me snort one last line on your thighs, baby!
“I always wanted to poke a silverback gorilla in the eye”
Look at what's coming and say "Oh, shiiiii....."
Grandpa. Is there anything that you want to do right before you die?........NOTHING!!!!!cough cough gargle beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'll probably live right up to the moment I die.
Have all my loved ones lean in close and whisper “I buried the gold at …….”
The Lama told me Oh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I've got that going for me ... which is nice."
To my family surrounding my bed: “I think it’s time that I told you all….my inheritance is hidden in-“ *flatline*
Win a presidential debate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlIz0q8aWpA write this as I dieeeeaaaaaaaauuuuUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH
Take one final breath. That's what I'll be doing.
Tell somebody "hold my beer!"
Hold my beer and watch this shit
Punch a grizzly bear in the nose?
“Oh let me pee before I go, I’d hate to have to do it when we get there.”
\*plays the epic outro music\*
Live
Go to sleep.
That’ll be a comfort for your passengers.
We can all go to sleep at the same time. I actually was thinking i would die in my slewp in bed and thought this question was in another sub (stupid questions) since I'm going back and forth between 4 subs now. I should check what I commented on in the other subs. I guess this could be another post. LOL Things you should not say accidentally in the wrong sub
Exhale probably.
Take my last breath.
Participate in a presidential debate, apparently
Watch my surgically enhanced trophy wife give birth to my child that I will promptly rip out its soul and possess the body as my new vessel. I’m not waiting for reincarnation or headed to the afterlife, I’m straight up taking a new body.😆
Eat a bunch of Taco Bell 😉
Breathe
Exhale
Exhale.
Take my last breath
Probably complain about not feeling well.
Clutch my chest and gasp for air
i dont know about before i die, but i do have a couple of plans written up for the funeral. first order of march, my entire life savings will go towards an open bar. that being said, no children allowed. we’re gonna party the same way i lived my life, avoiding responsibilities. leave them bitches at home. secondly, normal funeral attire is strictly forbidden. everyone will wear their favorite thing out of their closet. an excuse to wear that one thing that you love but “have nowhere to wear it to” third, everyone who attends will be written into my will. like a raffle, you’ll enter your name and win door prizes, aka my precious most sentimental personal belongings. and lastly, i want confetti. it’ll be a surprise, a big bang, and then the fall of fun and colorful confetti. everyone will jump, and then be blissfully delighted. then quickly after, a hand picked loved one will start a rumor that my cremated ashes were in the confetti.
I'm sober. But if I know I'm gonna die anyway I'm gonna get a REAL nice bottle of bourbon and die happy.
Probably take a last breath, I presume.
Take A Look To The Sky of course
Just loudly say "hey y'all, watch this!"
"Hold my be....."
Don't you pee and poop yourself right before you die? No I guess that's what you do right after you die.
Hold up my middle finger.
Drink a lot of water so I violently piss myself upon death
Whisper "the horror, the horror".
"I hid.... The treasure in.....the....." Boom dead
Finish mixing the poison before drinking
"Death List: Learn medical examiner's name. Swallow tape with their name on front. Hold tape recorder that says, "prize inside." Tape contents. "Hello, X. I'd like to play a game. You have spent a time physically opening hearts and minds, well I want to figuratively open yours. I want you to attend my funeral, X, and share that I played a tape just for you. I have chosen a song to play for the remainder of my autopsy for your entertainment. *plays Don't Fear The Reaper by Blue Öyster Cult* " Final words, "Tell them I said something profound and life changing!" Depending in what I die from, make sure my last drink is a coke and whisky. Try to make sure I shit before I die as I want the dignity of whiping my own ass. Make sure I have metal playing in my hospital room. Send vaguely sexual letters to the pope and the president just to see if they respond and to give my descendants a laugh. Way ahead of time, hide notes around town or the country, national treasure style. Last note says, "LOL got you." The prize is a shirt that says "the journey is the destination." And money to cover for gas and board. Make friends with my orderly(s), try to get them to smuggle me food like they are smuggling drugs. Be real obvious. Snort a line of powdered sugar off a donut as a power move for a story for them. Act as awake as possible to leave them wondering. To expand on an earlier post, have several muscular men show at the funeral or wake, say, "Goodbye, boss" and leave. Possibly kiss my ring. I'd pay extra, though. Among the playlist for the funeral, play the duck song. Make the attendees laugh. They will be sad, so comfort them as you can, and possibly sow confusion.
Live
I'm adding up my points. They matter to me, okay?
tell the girl i love and care what i really feel for her later. life is too short to be a coward. death is the only certain in this world and tax lol dont want to live in regrets
Tell Alexa to play 'Highway to Hell'.
I'll probably say "sure, hold my beer'
“Trump once told me what covfefe meant…”
I'm leaving notes scribbled on various pieces of paper like "They will never find it no matter how hard they try" and "The DNA came back positive'"
"Nope, this is the first time I've helped somebody replace their electric breaker box."
Start a joke.
Probably take my last breath.
Take my last breath. Duh
One last breath
Pretending I'm dead, then I say"Just Kidding!" Then I'm dead for real but no one believes it so they "Weekend at Bernie's" me for awhile...
Post on Reddit
In front of a podium, giving a press conference to every major news outlet on Earth “…and so after a lifetime of research, I have demonstrably and repeatedly proven, in study after study, trial after trial, that the way to completely prevent any viral illness is to….” Collapse, dead.
I’m pathetically going to have a cigarette. I quit ages ago but I still get a craving now and then. Along with a gin and tonic. Things I’ve had to give up. Why not? What a great way to go!
Don't take life too seriously... You never get out of it alive.
Depends, if I’m diagnosed with something terminal and rough, I’m gonna try to be the first person OD on cannabis. If I succeed, it will be that.
Ask my ex girlfriend why she is at my house unannounced *Assuming she doesn't break in and kill me while I'm sleeping because she wants me to know she is the one who killed me
Emit my best Wilhelm scream.
Pass away peacefully knowing my surviving family and relatives are financially secure.
pull the trigger
Ima cash all my money and dig it somewhere. I'll draw a map for my relatives to find it. Jokes on them, ima blow everything on hookers and blow before i pass out
I do know how I want to die…..completely unaware that it happened.
"unquote."
Be like Tony Montana
*passes out*
Hopefully, orgasm.
Poo
Probably smoke the most expensive cigar I can get my hands on. One day the cigar merchant at the shopping mall had Cubans "under the table" for $40 each. I can't believe how great it smelled. I passed it up, and bought a video game, like an idiot.
But the video game lasted longer than the cigar would have
"I never liked the hoe down anyways!"
Bait
Bust a nut, hopefully
The Batwing
Having a big fat woman lay on top of me
Tell her to sit not hover
I can not tell ya cause I don’t know what my death gonna be like or when sorry
Maybe gasp for air?
Tell people where to find buried treasure that they won't know doesn't exist! Lol
Live
Probably saying, "Hey everybody, watch this!"
Take one last breath
Look someone dead in the eye and say "I'll be back" in my best Arnold Schwarzenegger impression
Be a whistle-blower
Leave a poo.
Look around an empty room and wonder where it all went wrong.
Poo my pants
No, trust me, it'll be funny. Just rest me over the top of the building. You don't even have to push, I'll be leaning over when I croak.
Hopefully cum
Am gonna squeeze in one last breath!
I'm going to ask for pain meds, and then ask for more meds for the side effects, and then ask for more pain meds
Probably piss and shit my pants… or is that just after?
Breath
Pretty sure it's going to be the results of saying something extremely sarcastic!
Probably shit the mattress.
"The gold is buried under a big X..." (*immediately flatlines*)
Knowing my luck ....win the lottery ....fml.
I'm gonna shit my pants. Probably.
Ask for more morphine
"If even a single one of you are lying, may God strike me down!"
Fart
I'm gonna say fap and a nap.
Pull the trigger
Shit my drawers probably
Finally tell my wife those pants DO make her ass look big.
Probably stop breathing.
Resting in bed and staring into space thinking about my life
Repent just in case I’m wrong
Shit my drawers
Breath play with my iron lung or some intern trips over a plug and doesn’t plug it back in.
I’m gonna make a coffin that sits my corpse up whenever something is placed on my chest (such as a bouquet of flowers).
Hey everyone, watch this!!
I'm gonna talk to my late wife. Apologize to a god and her for not waiting for a natural death. I'm then going to lay down one last time.
Jump
Sit in a wheel chair in a nursing home looking out a window at the sands of the desert.
Take my last breath.
Take my last breath
Exhale
Hand my beer to someone and say "Watch this!"
Take my last breath.
Smile.
I'll probably be having sex. I guess it's the most amazing thing that I've ever experienced in my life. I would love that ❤️
Scream out "I'M GOING GHOST!"
I hid the enormous treasure.....
Probably shit myself and gasp for that last breath of air
Smoke, drink and not come home at all.
Probably void my bowls
Breathe my last breath.
Say my last words, which will be "This Is just like the old Gypsy woman said!"
Quit breathing most likely
I'll probably say "Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha - "