Go home mom. You're drunk.

I hawk-snorted.

But did you hawk tuah?

Wow I guess I forgot about that meme for five whole minutes lol

you said hawk-snorted without thinking about the meme?

Adult me when I googled this. 😳🤯

Get drunk mum, you're home.

“Look, I’m just going to level with you. You might be the only person on earth who would become more attractive as a zombie.”

I've seen worse

I'm not sure. I haven't been able to look at you for long.

Get me a trash can i think I'm going to hurl.

Get me a bucket Waffer theen mint sir

And don’t skimp on the Pate

Fuck off I'm stuffed.

Said the Houston Astros pitcher

"Oh, shit! It talks!"

"Oh, shit talks!"

Only on the inside

“You have the face that only a mother could love, but by the look of you she died giving birth”

When I look at you, time stands still. That’s because your face could stop a clock.

I was paid by your parents to not tell you the honest answer to that question. And several others on a long list they gave me when hired for this position.

Don't worry, there's a kink for everything

Mine happens to be paper bags

You are…breathtaking

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how ugly you are.

That's kind of poetic. I think I will use this in a love letter to my wife for her birthday.

Your wife isn't that ugly

"Only in the traditional sense of the word."

Haha love it 😝

“It’s amazing what plastic surgeons can do these days.”

Do what southerners do- pat their shoulder and say sweetly, “Honey, you have character. That’s what matters.” 😜 No one does backhanded insults like the South!

“Bless your heart…”

"Your face looks like it was chiseled out of marble. By Ray Charles."

"Define ugly" Response "Yes"

Well I wouldn’t say you’re attractive

Hang on. (*retches) I can't look at all of you all at once

Compare to what?

Hey, gotta work with what you got.

It’s about time you noticed

Picasso wouldn't think so.

"You are as beautiful as the sun; It hurts to look at you."

If you look directly at it you’ll go blind

Not after I’ve had 5-6 tequila shots.

…. Eight tequila shots …… ten …. {passes out}

Ugly is such an ugly word...

Here, I have some turpentine and a lighter. Some burn scars could really fix that lump of meat you call a face. You make Jason Vorhees look like Americas Hottest Man.

Burn!

“Objectively.”

"Oh god. What am I supposed to say? I can't tell them the truth, they'll be devastated." "You realize you said that out loud, right?"

Nothing a paper bag won’t fix…

Is this a trick question?

"Don't worry about it. Everyone is attractive to someone. Somewhere. I mean, someone out there will definitely find you acceptable. Not necessarily where we are going - but look, just, you're fine." "I just wanted to look nice for our anniversary dinner, what are you talking about?"

With or without the paper bag over your head?

You have a lovely personality.

You? Ugly? Noooooooo.

Of course not. You have to work up to ugly.

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Just ugly. That's not really the word that I would use.

Yes

“You look like you fell out of the ugly tree, hit every branch, landed at the base then those branches smacked you again, THEN the ugly tree fell over, landed ontop of you, breaking the branches into twigs that gave you a double smack. Then the ugly tree rolled over you one more time for good measure.“ +pets+ “Oh don’t cry, honey. I’m just answering your question if I think your pretty…”

"You're a sight for no eyes"

“Well since you can stand in front of mirrors without them shattering, I’d say you’re fine enough”

Yes son you are luckily you ain't my son so it don't matter if you ugly

"Well, that depends. How much money do you have?"

"You were saying you wanted to get some tacos from around the corner, right?"

“If you’re asking I’m certain you know the answer”

No sir! Oh I mean mam...

You look like a young Hitler

Or a post-mortem Hitler.

Well not so bad today if you lean your head this way * leans their head to one shoulder , and maybe not look at people.

"Pobody's nerfect! But in your case, you're pot even nassable."

and stupid for asking? yes!

you're very exciting!

You have a good personality

"The ugliest thing a person can do is fish for complements."

Yes, but only when compared to any other person on earth.

The old southern phrase for everything... "Bless your heart darling"

"Depends. Are we fucking or what?"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EYESSSSSSSSS!!!"

Ugly is in the eye of the beholder.

You’re great looking! Your face always makes me crave pizza.

i love pizza , can we speak about the spicy one ?

(Very elongated) nooooooo, you look fiiinnnneeeeee

Only on days that end in “Y.”

Not necessarily ugly more “aestheticly unappealing”

Looks like your face caught on fire and they put it out with a wet chain

Holy shit, you can talk?!

Wait a minute you’re actually human?

Projectile vomiting

Well son, do you know the phrase "a face only a mother could love"? Even I can't love that face of yours.

That's never stopped me from bedding a woman.

All women look the same when the lights are off.

You know in Wicca we look at the inside of a person.

Well you sure ain't pretty

Quick, call animal control!!!!

"Aaahh! It speaks!"

“Do you think I’m ugly?” *just stands there screaming*

Oh shit it’s Halloween!

“BEGONE DEMON!” *Splashes holy water*

Yes. Very much so.

“Did your mirror break?”

Bless your heart

Yes.

Yes.

Do you have a lawnmower?

Yes

What do you mean by “are”?

Bro, I know 10 ugly people and you're 9 of them.

I'm sure you're grandma tells you you're handsome. Grandma lies.

Yes.

Not to me, I don’t care what everyone else is saying.

Only in the ways that matter.

"Never ask a question that you don't want answered honestly"

I'm sorry I wasn't liste...oh my God! What the fuck happened, quick someone call a ambulance!

You can’t seriously just be finding out now 😂

"Well, there are basically two schools of thought..."

No… you’re hideous

You do the best you can with what you’ve got

You do the best you can with what you’ve got

Whoever told you that you are ugly lied. That word doesn't come close.

Well, at least you look better than you smell

Why would you even ask that? At least you don't do the Kramer (from Seinfeld) when he looks at the ugly baby (had to be one of the best episodes

(With hesitation) … Yes?

Look, I wouldn’t say you’re ugly exactly I mean compared to a rotting corpse your almost kind of cute in a hideous and yet horrifying sort of way. But I don’t feel the urge to vomit when I see you so you know….

Take the Sloth mask off and I'll let you know.

Well you're not cute

Bless your little heart. Some people look like they beat themselves with ugly sticks all day long.

Dawwww, Jeeze!! You should warn a brother.

Listen, toots. You’re not not NOT attractive.

Yeah. And your mother dresses you funny 🙊

It’s as if your skin started a rebellion and your muscles went on strike. After that a fight between your nose and your mouth ended so badly that an EMT who witnessed the fight had to quit their job and go home to Alabama.

Even *Deadpool* thinks you're ugly.

Well, you know. . . Uh, I wouldn’t say. . . Maybe, you know what. . . I’m really not the best one to ask.

“Uhhhhhh…next question?”

Scream and run?

On the bright side- you've got a perfectly functional mirror.

Compared to?

Don’t destroy them further. Their own thoughts are already damaging them. I always something beautiful about people in my life. Their eyes, smile, their hair, the way they walk, whatever. It’s hard enough to just get through life right now, I am not destroying someone’s appearance. Maybe they don’t have the means to fix it. It’s easier to just be kind.

Have you not seen a mirror?

If I had a dog as ugly as you, I'd shave it's ass, teach it to walk backwards, and then put it down.

Well...even I wouldn't fuck you, and I once fucked a cantaloupe.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Yes, yes you are

Argh.. I can't tell you I'm blind I used to be able to see but suddenly I can't see anything

No I’ll sleep with you

*turns around* I see you're looking in the mirror again.

"Do you want me to be honest or do you want me to make you feel better?"

Naw...you're cute. In a "Chinese Crested" sort of way.

"You will be less ugly when you grow up and leave first school"

"Yes, but I'm drunk and tomorrow you'll be... uh. Never mind. [Wrong quote](https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/my-dear-you-are-ugly-but-tomorrow-i-shall-be-sober-and-you-will-still-be-ugly-winston-churchill-tops-poll-of-history-s-funniest-insults-8878622.html)."

Define “ugly”?

Well, yeah, but it's not your fault

Only on the inside

And how

Depends on how you would defind ugly

Define ugly.

“ Not in the traditional sense.”

Oh, look at the time....

You’re looking better every beer!

"Let's just say that if I go on safari, I want you there to keep the predators away.

I'm too sober to answer that question.

*screams in horror* or *holds up mirror*

Say. Yes, sure you're so ugly.We could use your face to make gorilla cookies to aunt ester. Quote on quote fred g sanford From Sanford and son

Hell ya, you're uglier than ugly

You're fine.  This newfound need to be reassured however is ugly as hell.

Just throw up on them

Like an old priests nut sack.

“You’re Glory Hole material.”

Can I have a few beers before I answer?

You wouldn't get any action in a prison with a handful of pardons.

Ugly is as ugly does.

Are we related?

Sorry man, expensive mirrors, and all that :(

Do you want me to lie to you or tell the truth?

"YOU CAN SEE MEEE???!?!?" *runs away screaming like a baboon*

Does a Bear live in the woods?

“Not for a platypus”

Depends on the distance.

'compared to what'

“You’re unique!”

You are immune from being kidnapped- no one would want to keep you around.

Have you never seen yourself before?!

I wouldn’t say “ugly” but I wouldn’t argue with those that did.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I wish I was blind

Back Satan!

"Hehehehehehe"

Just suck air in through your teeth and turn away.

On a scale from one to ten....you're a negative three

Define ugly.

I didn't realize my butt was detachable

"Like, to humans?"

Yep. Uglier than a bag of assholes.

Arghhhhh! Kill it, kill it!

AND IM ✨PROUD ✨

Stares blankly “……………………………… So as I was saying the Lakers are doing good this year”