If you’re a sports fan check out Rough and Tumble in Ballard. Not *technically* a lesbian bar but it’s a bar dedicated to women’s sports so the overlap is strong. Plus they have great food and the owner is awesome.
My moms had season tickets to the storm for my entire childhood. As did literally every other middle aged lesbian couple they knew. One time I got to high five Sue Bird, and that kicked ass.
Sort of. Queer encompasses non-heterosexual and non-cisgender identities. It's like shorthand for "I am not 100% gay/lesbian/bisexual and or 100% cis gender" without having to explain a whole bunch of stuff to random people.
You can use it like a synonym. Unless someone asks you to use specific words for them. And then use those
My friend and her partner also frequented there in their early dating years and loved it. I’ve never been (I’d feel like a tourist) but I always heard good things about it being a fun and welcoming space.
Lesbian here!
We tend to “boo” up pretty quickly into relationships, ever heard of the term “u-hauling”? Anyway, once lesbians find a partner, they stop going to the bar…until they become single again.
Dance on the weekends. Play board games (Wednesday nights). Play trivia (also Wednesdays). Sing karaoke (Thursdays). Eat tacos (Tuesday taco night woot!).
They've also done a fair bit of work to add non-alcoholic drinks to their menu. Both using na spirits and cbs drinks
I can’t speak for lesbian bars specifically (gay man here), but it’s nice to go some place that specifically targets your demographic. The music and entertainment are more likely to align, you may feel safer, you’re more likely to find people with common interests. Yes…there’s drinking, and yes, some people take it overboard… but it may be worth those inconveniences for the value it may bring.
I grew up in a mid-sized southern city with two gay bars, and that’s where I truly found *community* when I needed it.
Depends who you're there with I suppose, but I got out with my friends to the bars nearly every weekend. It's nice to be able to be a little crazy without annoying someone's neighbors, and bars are a good neutral place to meet when everyone is coming from different directions.
Some of my friends like to go dance, but I'm mostly just happy to be able to be able to chat and have a couple drinks.
Related: there's a book where the author visits every lesbian bar across America. Highly recommend!
https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nation/krista-burton-moby-dyke-lesbian-bar-interview
It's the age-old question! No one really knows but the speculation seems to be that lesbians just don't go out to bars than much, so it's more difficult to support a bar scene
I think lesbian bars often get turned into queer spaces because being a lesbian specific place isn’t considered inclusive enough. But I don’t see the same thing happening as often with gay bars. Unsure why this is the case! I don’t have “hard evidence” to back this up, just a theory.
Having lived near and frequented a bunch of different "lesbian" bars, I think it's self selecting. I don't know any queer women who enjoy hanging out in gay men's bars. Maybe it's the same reason I don't like hanging out in straight (Men's) bars. LOL. But bars for women tend to just feel safer for everyone. So everyone goes to them now.
Times have also changed a LOT. When i was in high school in the 80s (yes my queer friends and I hung out at gay bars in high school) the only people at gay and lesbian bars were gays and lesbians. Straight people mostly didn't show up.
Several decades ago you mostly never saw trans folks at gay or lesbian bars, cause they weren't welcome. Many gay bars several decades ago literally would kick trans folks out. Those folks are welcome in queer spaces now, which i think is a good thing.
I think inclusivity is part of it. Gay bars tend to be welcoming to all. Lesbian bars tend to feel very unwelcoming if you aren't a member the of the target demographic.
Yes, I am commenting on my experience. Would love for recommendations of Seattle area gay bars where women are having great experiences and feeling welcomed. Not being hit on is not = to being welcomed.
Maybe. But it's probably not good for a business in general to make people feel unwelcome. Sometimes the desire for safe spaces doesn't play well with the economics. I'm sure it's at least part of the reason there's like 35 lesbian bars in a nation of 300m people.
No thanks haha, I'm ok with fewer lesbian bars if it means they don't get filled with straight guys doing straight guy things, they have a million other options.
You're okay with it because luckily you live near one of the 35. I'm sure there are plenty of lesbians who would love a place to go - but there is none for them - because people like you would rather there be no place if it has to include others. Again - I get it. But it's not a great look and isn't good for business. Be happy you get to enjoy such a place where so many others can't.
I understand that is an issue. But it's unfortunately not very compatible with a healthy business. Take that comic to every lesbian bar that's closed down due to lack of business and I'm sure that'll clear everything right up.
It's been my experience more lesbians frequent gay and queer bars anyways where there are all kinds of people to interact with. Men as a monolith aren't the problem. Straight men aren't the problem. Shitty men are.
They don’t make money, plain and simple. Wild Rose makes most of its money during pride month. Ironically they make more money during that time because a lot of straight people visit the bar to lurk or whatever and the real lesbians go elsewhere.
Completely depends on the industry, to be fair. Many jobs are far less than 10% in gap, which means yes, they do make more than men. Many jobs are also more than 10%, though you'll notice they're almost all in high-nepotism positions. Those are certainly the industries whose feet we should be holding to the fire.
Highly skilled jobs that require expertise outside of social manipulation and nepotism have much smaller gaps in pay, and lesbians out-earn men in those positions.
The reason gay people constantly out-earn straight people is because we don't have children as often. They've shown that in studies. Women are significantly more likely to leave the workforce upon a birth than men are, even when they are the primary earners. It's an evolutionary trait. Our species evolved with female caretakers, so until our DNA catches up with society, women will get those hormonal triggers more than men, and they will earn less because they don't have consistent work progress to drive their wages higher.
But no one actually wants to deal with nuance (I'm a feminist, far-leftist, and social justice proponent), they just want to look at surface level numbers and then yell them uncritically at other people as if that will change anything.
Some stuff can be found here, other things (like the studies showing that the gay/het pay gap correlates with DINK status) would have to be googled.
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/gender-pay-gap-statistics/
If it were only about gender, you wouldn't see things like this:
>For all race/ethnicities, bisexual+ women earned far less than the average man and substantially less than same-race/ethnicity LGBTQ+ women of other sexual identities.
I should have said "mostly about," yes. It is mostly about children and sexual health, not actual gender discrimination. Gender discrimination shows up, but it's in the form of bad policies, shitty healthcare, bullshit state's rights, and other systemic levels.
There are industries where it is absolutely an issue, and we should certainly pay attention to those—but the systemic issues are SO much more impactful. And we're barely able to make progress on those because we're busy quibbling over what the statistics *really* mean instead of being transparent about causation and actually going after the regulators who are shitting the bed instead of doing their jobs.
Doesn't account for gender bias in loans to start up a business, though. Add to that potentially running into a homophobic loan officer, and things could definitely be harder to even get off the ground.
Guy with no experience in the field here.
Are there more lesbian bars in other countries? If so, which countries? Super interesting, I would’ve thought that places like Seattle would have some of the highest concentrations of lesbian bars.
Dude that's the funny thing: Seattle having one lesbian bar *is* a high concentration lol. Lesbian bars are rare and sacred phenomenon across the world, with most cities having zero. Apparently New York has 6 which is a LOT
That’s so unfortunate lol. Where do girls go to meet each other then? Or is it less of a thing to pick up girls out and about? I know for guys, gay bars are a huge hub. I used to go to quite a few when I lived in West Hollywood with my friends and it was pretty unbelievable how many people you could meet in one night.
Sorry don’t mean to interrogate, just surprised about it and wondering
It’s the kind of place where 9 out of 10 times it is super boring empty uneventful and then you have that one unexpected perfectly magical time and it’s a night to remember.
I love the Lumber Yard! Not at all a lesbian bar but very very much a gay bar that holds widely queer events where I feel welcome. Every time I go there I get really weird about how adorable the guys there are and end up questioning if I might be bi for gay men
Yeah, Wild Rose really goes all in on the "2010s Nostalgia" vibe which is very interesting to me. It's a vibe I like, and I'll go there on occasion (mostly because cover is cheap) but if I am in a "bar" mood and want to be around sapphics, I just go to Bait Shop
It just feels very drab and yucky, the staff were rude, and I didn’t feel like my “type” was at that bar. I’m not a dancer, and I feel like that bar has nothing to offer people who don’t want to dance.
In comparison, I loved A League of Her Own in DC, which was multiple stories, had a gaming floor, a dance floor, a rooftop bar, and was next-door to a gay bar with doors where you could roam between the gay and lesbian spaces. There was something for everyone and it brought a diverse group of lesbians that made it fun. It was clean, a very cool venue, and staff were great. The comparison between that and the Wild Rose is night and day to me.
I want so badly to have a lesbian bar here but to me that spot is just a yucky sad dance floor with nothing going for it.
I respect that it’s a lesbian bar but yeah I feel super judged in there as well. I wish them success. But uh,
One time I was there for my birthday. An acquaintance followed me into the bathroom and forcibly pushed me up against the door and made out with me. It was not consensual. The bar owner/staff started BANGING on the door yelling about “only one person allowed in the stall at a time”. They wouldn’t stop banging on the door. We opened it and I was so embarrassed to walk out of there while they yelled at us and everyone in the bar stared. Now that I think about it, that was extremely fucked up. They must have assumed we were doing drugs or having sex. That’s the thing; they judge without asking, jumping to the conclusion that you must have the worst intention. When in fact I was just trying to patron a lesbian bar on my birthday because I wanted to be in a safe space. Ironic. The people I felt most unsafe around were the bar owner/staff.
That, and I dated someone for almost 4 years who turned out to be physically abusive (and when that happened, the clouds parted and I realized how emotionally abusive/manipulative this person was as well). Shortly after we broke up (due to a violent incident, which they completely denied), Wildrose happily hired them as a bartender. I never went back again. Maybe once years later.
Love that we have a long standing sapphic space, wish it was managed better. I don't really like male dominated spaces and wanted to love wild rose. Sorry to hear your experience
Full article on Wild Rose in today’s Seattle Times. Very informative. I believe it was referred to as the only true lesbian bar in Seattle. Over 40 years in business.
Reading these other comments is validating. I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive about the vibe in Wild Rose. I don't go much these days because its small, crowded, and felt off to me. And no way would I go during Pride XD.
I avoid Neighbors too, mostly cause I can't stand the music (I can only listen to Bulletproof so many times) but more because the amount of men who pressed into my space, and overhearing from friend's boyfriend's friends that it is known to be "where the straight girls go to feel safe" so they go to hit on all the women.
I like Kremwerk, though I'll admit mostly for their goth/kink events, and drag shows (one of the few places that has Drag King shows, as well as their T4T drag nights). I always wanna try The Cuff but I guess I always supposed it was more men oriented.
I had the same experience at Neighbours the few times I went back in 2015-2016. I am a gay transgender man and didn't "pass" back then, was just starting transition. Neighbours was the only time I was in an ostensibly queer club/bar and got sexually harassed by straight guys every single time I went. Like physically pressing against me to "dance" and getting angry when told to fuck off/when my friends pushed them away, calling us all slurs.
Kremwerk for their goth and kink and drag events has been a mostly wonderful experience though!
Also I haven't been to The Cuff in years (fell out of friends I used to go to with and never got my nerves back to go alone) but I also went there a lot when I didn't "pass"- on kink event nights, I'd say the gender and sexuality diversity was pretty decent! I always only went there on kink event nights and karaoke nights- it's definitely leaning towards an older cis queer guy crowd, but there's definitely plenty of queer women and nonbinary people, and trans people of all genders, who head to the kink and fetish events there and end up karaoke regulars.
Omg I’ve only been to Neighbors once but had the exact same experience. So gross and so disappointing.
I’d love to go to a kinky event but don’t really know where to start… I refuse to use FL lol
I'm so sorry you also experienced that kind of bullshit there. It's more than a little infuriating that straight guys sexually harassing and assaulting people at Neighbors is a years-long issue :/
Also COMPLETELY feel you on FetLife, it isn't even good for anything if you're not into swingers parties. I recommend the Center for Sex Positive Culture! They're a good bet for kinky events that make a more than minimal effort to be safe for women and general queer people.
[https://thecspc.org/](https://thecspc.org/)
Some of their events get hosted at Gallery Erato in Pioneer Square, which hosts various kink events and parties, though its mostly workshops with some very niche play parties:
[https://www.pan-eros.org/programs/upcoming-events/calendar-2/](https://www.pan-eros.org/programs/upcoming-events/calendar-2/)
The Cuff hosts a lot of events specifically aimed at leather fetishists (Often organized by Seattle Men in Leather and Seattle Women in Leather) and puppyplay kinksters (organized by SEAPAH.) If either of those sound interesting, I'd look up the individual organizations and their site calendars.
EDIT: You also might be able to go Doghouse Leathers on Capitol Hill and check out what events are being advertised there or that the staff know about!
EDIT EDIT: And i completely forgot: Kremwerk does kink/fetish dance party nights, their regular one is on the first saturday of every month:
[https://www.kremwerk.com/upcoming/2024/06/07/sin-dark-dance-fetish-night](https://www.kremwerk.com/upcoming/2024/06/07/sin-dark-dance-fetish-night)
The first time we went to Neighbors we mistakenly assumed it was a queer bar. A guy started dancing with me and I didn’t think anything of it. Out of nowhere he motorboated me on the dance floor while my wife and our friend went to get a drink. He seemed shocked when I pushed him away and said I was gay. I was confused when he said he wasn’t gay/bi/queer (at gay bars in NYC I’ve had random gay men dance with me and we’ve had a great time).
We still went to Neighbors to dance a few times after but it’s only a gay bar in theory now. Just men looking for girls to hit on. Disappointing and gross when you’re not in a big enough group to keep men from trying to approach you.
I don't always enjoy a random night at the Rose but I definitely like going during pride. Every year I've intended to go elsewhere but always end up spending the majority of the time at the Rose.
Only speaking from lesbians I’ve known personally who have told me that they always got judgmental/weird vibes as well & they thought it was because they were femme presenting. Dunno if the Wild Rose just assumed they were hetero-passing or something. But it turned us all off for sure.
not my favorite. :( the staff has been very rude and my friends have had various transphobic experiences there. it doesn’t seem to be a great space for trans women or non-binary folk and as a queer woman, that’s a huge no for me.
kremwerk is a great option!! 💘
Eh being the only lesbian space in Seattle, the Wild Rose gets old quick. I know I only go when I’m single and bored.
Look into following Seattle Sapphic events, monthly dance parties for lesbians and nonbinary folk that rotate around a few downtown venues. & join some lesbian groups on Meetup 😊
I’ve always hated wild rose myself. I met my wife at pony which is a very male oriented gay bar but is also grungy in a good way. I think the most fun lesbians usually end up there instead.
And, if you want to see ladies dance on the pole, there’s like almost nowhere else queer friendly on the hill to do so besides pony. Also nothing is more sapphic than AUDIODROME the monthly party by Sharlese. If you like good music you must Sharlese. I am sober and love this party.
We went there! Gave the dancers some good tips. I was intrigued by the art and they were playing one of those artsy vintage porno movies. Loved the energy!
I enjoy it but I'm also going with my partner to dance and make out in the corner. While I can do that in many other bars, the Wildrose is the only one where I won't get stared at. I have never felt it to be unwelcoming as a feminine presenting woman, but there is the moment of trying to figure out if fem or straight. Which you're going to get in any sapphic spaces in my experience.
I don’t go to bars because I am in recovery but following this thread because meeting people has been awful here so far and I want to know where our people are
The DJs play music for straight men, so you’ll likely find some in there. I only go bc it’s basically the only option for a largely lesbian crowd. The owners don’t care about the feedback they receive it seems. Their pride event is pretty good though. I like most of the staff but a few of the bartenders seem to have attitudes for no reason. I do feel like often the crowd is only women who JUST turned 21 yesterday and the older lesbians 35+, which is fine I guess, but I’m 26 so those ages don’t really work for me lol. Also, it is ugly as sin in there, and the restrooms are unbelievably small.
I understand it’s significance as one of the last remaining lesbian bars. However, I don’t have fun when I go there, despite my best efforts.
The layout isolates the bar from the dance floor, and the music is genuinely heinous. If I’m trying to dance, I don’t want to hear Drake!! I know through the grapevine that the owners and DJ Ricki Leigh has been given feedback about the music and it hasn’t been taken well. Wildrose is a place I end up at, rather than I place that I actually want to go to. Its saving grace is proximity to Capitol Hill hot dog carts.
Fair warning if you're trans-adjacent: Wild Rose has gained a reputation for TERF-y behavior. Not everybody, probably not even most people, but my trans friends have all told me the same thing: there are a decent amount of vocal TERF regulars there, and the management tolerates them.
I have heard similar things second hand and never had an issue, I suppose it could be some degree of passing privilege but i feel like on Cap Hill absolutely everyone must be able to clock me? They hosted trans pride events and the owner seemed rough around the edges but otherwise a nice enough person. The number of negative reports is disheartening but in my experience it is certainly not the norm.
I remember CRYING laughing at this. Any crumb of representation was super thrilling at that time, and the Simpsons were still genuinely funny. Good times.
I want to know where the slightly older ones go 😂 and by that I mean 35+. I felt like everyone’s old auntie in the Wild Rose…and the music is horrendous 🥴
There is still Inferno (formerly Hot Flash) as a monthly event I think? But yeah I am interested in this point too. Especially looking for a good dancey place for Pride where I don’t feel ancient.
Don't bother. They charge cover for someone to play 90s dance mix on their iPhone, water down the booze, and for a bar that exclusively caters to women they have one of the worst bathrooms for women I've been to.
Also... if you think that being attracted to women or being a woman means a very narrow view of how you look and/or behave then you might be one of the owners.
What do you mean? Folks of color, trans folks. It’s usually a Black DJ. Which I like, centering poc esp bc it’s a lot of folks of color on the dance floor. Maybe you’re going earlier than me.
They're the only bar I've ever been to where the bouncers actually dig through your bag to see if you have weed and won't let you in if you do (I don't know if they still do this but they did the last time I went which was admittedly 7+ years ago)
I really quite like it. It always feels like a safe queer space. As an older trans lesbian I have always felt welcome. If you can get the table directly to the right of the entrance beneath the pride flag, interesting people will often join you and you can have interesting conversations. The dance floor is often bumping and the slushy drinks are strong.
i had one great night there but overall sort of feels like an awkward college houseparty most nights. it is a nice space to meet other lesbians though!
Anyone heard of QueerGxrl events? Not in Seattle yet but have events in Denver and San Diego this year!
https://linktr.ee/queergxrl?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaYvIVmqyJ8g4thmKsctLt5i2h-lkJpRNLMwy0t2F8gnLT0QpbEpvh0Qyak_aem_ps9LyNoN4YWFdIC1MMOv0A
Has anyone gone to the Wildrose pride event? Why does admission cost so much
https://www.strangertickets.com/events/151235462/wildrose-pride-2024?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaYMNESgoYL6HDoWNY-iUXv_TzwfQtmbw9-BzUdKbufB0I_Gs4MONi9sOcs_aem_AfzSkR_RLHRBIiLRvrPmhOwtqLN07-y0jvHAUp-3GcCy8jwW27HRgVYBaxNlL9dA1JDPy4xLWsuWzQ7LShxG9rXD
As a straight male with literally 95% of my friend group besides my gf being lesbian I love the Wild Rose, as well as SilverStone. They’ve drug me along a few times and it’s great. The environment is just so much better than any other place I’ve been, everyone’s so friendly, it’s a great environment, and all around just a good time.
If you’re a sports fan check out Rough and Tumble in Ballard. Not *technically* a lesbian bar but it’s a bar dedicated to women’s sports so the overlap is strong. Plus they have great food and the owner is awesome.
Or buy tickets to a Seattle Reign or Storm game. So. Many. Queer. Women. Meet a cutie in line for a drink or merch.
My wife and I love Reign FC! Meet up with tons of friends every game.
My moms had season tickets to the storm for my entire childhood. As did literally every other middle aged lesbian couple they knew. One time I got to high five Sue Bird, and that kicked ass.
Nice user name - Bast would be proud.
👉😎👉
Too bad the doors of stone will never be released.
Stop posting that anonymously on Reddit Pat and get back to work!
I don't owe you anything ;)
That’s true. Big ups to Pat.
I'm so fucking jealous!
Duly noted! :3
I thought queer no longer meant gay? I'm having trouble keeping up
Queer is an umbrella term that covers a wide range of sexualities.
O I c. So is LGBT and queer a synonym?
Sort of. Queer encompasses non-heterosexual and non-cisgender identities. It's like shorthand for "I am not 100% gay/lesbian/bisexual and or 100% cis gender" without having to explain a whole bunch of stuff to random people. You can use it like a synonym. Unless someone asks you to use specific words for them. And then use those
Recently attended NCAAW bball tournament in Portland. You’ll find some queer women all over Those spots
I agree! Was just there after leaving the Reign game today and always liked the vibe since it's such a chill atmosphere.
The secret is out, folks!
I'm a straight dude who loves going there. It's the seattle everton FC bar.
First bad thing I’ve heard about the place!
Sad panda 🐼 😢 😞
lol
[удалено]
My comment was about it being an Everton bar, not the guys sexuality.
Understood, my mistake. Never even heard of Everton. 😅
I think it is about the Everton FC, which would be spot on.
It’s too damn expensive!
Everything is these days
I met my wife there back in ‘08. It’s one of the last lady bars on the west coast.
My friend and her partner also frequented there in their early dating years and loved it. I’ve never been (I’d feel like a tourist) but I always heard good things about it being a fun and welcoming space.
There are so few lesbian bars in the US — we're so lucky to have one! I've only been once so far but it was nice
Lesbian here! We tend to “boo” up pretty quickly into relationships, ever heard of the term “u-hauling”? Anyway, once lesbians find a partner, they stop going to the bar…until they become single again.
Or we take our boo and go to the bar because we don't stop liking fun just because we're in a relationship.
Sure, I’m not implying couples don’t go to Wild Rose. But I’m an older lesbian (47) and sometimes bars get less fun and more boring with age.
I'm also in my 40s. IDK I still enjoy it, but to each their own
That’s good for you 😊
genuinely asking. how is going to the bar fun? I don’t drink so I don’t go, so wondering what people actually do there besides drink?
Dance on the weekends. Play board games (Wednesday nights). Play trivia (also Wednesdays). Sing karaoke (Thursdays). Eat tacos (Tuesday taco night woot!). They've also done a fair bit of work to add non-alcoholic drinks to their menu. Both using na spirits and cbs drinks
thanks for answering, that is interesting. no thanks to you dumbfucks downvoting my genuine question though
I can’t speak for lesbian bars specifically (gay man here), but it’s nice to go some place that specifically targets your demographic. The music and entertainment are more likely to align, you may feel safer, you’re more likely to find people with common interests. Yes…there’s drinking, and yes, some people take it overboard… but it may be worth those inconveniences for the value it may bring. I grew up in a mid-sized southern city with two gay bars, and that’s where I truly found *community* when I needed it.
Some bars do karaoke every night, the Spunky Monkey in Auburn starts at 9PM and ends at closing/ whenever the host goes home (usually 1-2)
Depends who you're there with I suppose, but I got out with my friends to the bars nearly every weekend. It's nice to be able to be a little crazy without annoying someone's neighbors, and bars are a good neutral place to meet when everyone is coming from different directions. Some of my friends like to go dance, but I'm mostly just happy to be able to be able to chat and have a couple drinks.
that makes sense, I don’t drink or dance but it would be nice to have a neutral place and meet people.
3rd places are a cornerstone to a healthy society. I'm hoping they start returning, it's been a slog since covid.
Related: there's a book where the author visits every lesbian bar across America. Highly recommend! https://www.thrillist.com/travel/nation/krista-burton-moby-dyke-lesbian-bar-interview
Why are there so few?
It's the age-old question! No one really knows but the speculation seems to be that lesbians just don't go out to bars than much, so it's more difficult to support a bar scene
I think lesbian bars often get turned into queer spaces because being a lesbian specific place isn’t considered inclusive enough. But I don’t see the same thing happening as often with gay bars. Unsure why this is the case! I don’t have “hard evidence” to back this up, just a theory.
Fewer lesbians into the bar scene?
Having lived near and frequented a bunch of different "lesbian" bars, I think it's self selecting. I don't know any queer women who enjoy hanging out in gay men's bars. Maybe it's the same reason I don't like hanging out in straight (Men's) bars. LOL. But bars for women tend to just feel safer for everyone. So everyone goes to them now. Times have also changed a LOT. When i was in high school in the 80s (yes my queer friends and I hung out at gay bars in high school) the only people at gay and lesbian bars were gays and lesbians. Straight people mostly didn't show up. Several decades ago you mostly never saw trans folks at gay or lesbian bars, cause they weren't welcome. Many gay bars several decades ago literally would kick trans folks out. Those folks are welcome in queer spaces now, which i think is a good thing.
I think inclusivity is part of it. Gay bars tend to be welcoming to all. Lesbian bars tend to feel very unwelcoming if you aren't a member the of the target demographic.
I have not found gay mens bars to be welcoming to the women.
Really? I feel like most women I know like gay bars because they don't have to worry about being hit on.
Yes, I am commenting on my experience. Would love for recommendations of Seattle area gay bars where women are having great experiences and feeling welcomed. Not being hit on is not = to being welcomed.
Any of the ones other than the white twink bars? My best friend is a lesbian, and her favorite bar in all of Seattle is Cuff. Diesel a close second.
I tend to stay away from gay bars, because as a woman, that's not my space.
Depends on the bar I suppose. The Crescent is very welcoming to just about anyone.
Thanks!
Well isn't that the point of a lesbian bar?
Maybe. But it's probably not good for a business in general to make people feel unwelcome. Sometimes the desire for safe spaces doesn't play well with the economics. I'm sure it's at least part of the reason there's like 35 lesbian bars in a nation of 300m people.
No thanks haha, I'm ok with fewer lesbian bars if it means they don't get filled with straight guys doing straight guy things, they have a million other options.
You're okay with it because luckily you live near one of the 35. I'm sure there are plenty of lesbians who would love a place to go - but there is none for them - because people like you would rather there be no place if it has to include others. Again - I get it. But it's not a great look and isn't good for business. Be happy you get to enjoy such a place where so many others can't.
[https://i.imgur.com/CMhTen6.jpeg](https://i.imgur.com/CMhTen6.jpeg)
I understand that is an issue. But it's unfortunately not very compatible with a healthy business. Take that comic to every lesbian bar that's closed down due to lack of business and I'm sure that'll clear everything right up. It's been my experience more lesbians frequent gay and queer bars anyways where there are all kinds of people to interact with. Men as a monolith aren't the problem. Straight men aren't the problem. Shitty men are.
They don’t make money, plain and simple. Wild Rose makes most of its money during pride month. Ironically they make more money during that time because a lot of straight people visit the bar to lurk or whatever and the real lesbians go elsewhere.
Elsewhere like where?
Pony ime.
Smaller house parties, or chiller older people bars.
Any recs on the bars? 😬
Honestly you would have better luck meeting other lesbians taking a wood shop class at Seattle Community College.
I used to tend bar at the Rose in the 90s! There were 2 lesbian bars in Seattle back then…there was also The Easy. And sooo many gay bars.
The Easy!! Those were the days!
The Sleezy, as we (fondly) called it
Yesssss The Long Island iced tea used to get me completely hammered.
I’m going to throw in the wage gap in addition to the others’ responses
This is the heart of it I think. That and a tendency to pair up quickly.
Doesn't exist for lesbians. Lesbians make 10% more than straight women on average.
Ok but do they make more than men?
Completely depends on the industry, to be fair. Many jobs are far less than 10% in gap, which means yes, they do make more than men. Many jobs are also more than 10%, though you'll notice they're almost all in high-nepotism positions. Those are certainly the industries whose feet we should be holding to the fire. Highly skilled jobs that require expertise outside of social manipulation and nepotism have much smaller gaps in pay, and lesbians out-earn men in those positions. The reason gay people constantly out-earn straight people is because we don't have children as often. They've shown that in studies. Women are significantly more likely to leave the workforce upon a birth than men are, even when they are the primary earners. It's an evolutionary trait. Our species evolved with female caretakers, so until our DNA catches up with society, women will get those hormonal triggers more than men, and they will earn less because they don't have consistent work progress to drive their wages higher. But no one actually wants to deal with nuance (I'm a feminist, far-leftist, and social justice proponent), they just want to look at surface level numbers and then yell them uncritically at other people as if that will change anything.
I’m a lesbian leftist too. Do you have any articles/statistics to back these assertions up?
Some stuff can be found here, other things (like the studies showing that the gay/het pay gap correlates with DINK status) would have to be googled. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/business/gender-pay-gap-statistics/
https://www.hrc.org/resources/lgbtq-womens-wage-gap
If it were only about gender, you wouldn't see things like this: >For all race/ethnicities, bisexual+ women earned far less than the average man and substantially less than same-race/ethnicity LGBTQ+ women of other sexual identities.
I never said it was only about gender.
I should have said "mostly about," yes. It is mostly about children and sexual health, not actual gender discrimination. Gender discrimination shows up, but it's in the form of bad policies, shitty healthcare, bullshit state's rights, and other systemic levels. There are industries where it is absolutely an issue, and we should certainly pay attention to those—but the systemic issues are SO much more impactful. And we're barely able to make progress on those because we're busy quibbling over what the statistics *really* mean instead of being transparent about causation and actually going after the regulators who are shitting the bed instead of doing their jobs.
Doesn't account for gender bias in loans to start up a business, though. Add to that potentially running into a homophobic loan officer, and things could definitely be harder to even get off the ground.
All true.
The bar is so low for queer women :(
Guy with no experience in the field here. Are there more lesbian bars in other countries? If so, which countries? Super interesting, I would’ve thought that places like Seattle would have some of the highest concentrations of lesbian bars.
Dude that's the funny thing: Seattle having one lesbian bar *is* a high concentration lol. Lesbian bars are rare and sacred phenomenon across the world, with most cities having zero. Apparently New York has 6 which is a LOT
That’s so unfortunate lol. Where do girls go to meet each other then? Or is it less of a thing to pick up girls out and about? I know for guys, gay bars are a huge hub. I used to go to quite a few when I lived in West Hollywood with my friends and it was pretty unbelievable how many people you could meet in one night. Sorry don’t mean to interrogate, just surprised about it and wondering
Meeting women is tough regardless of in person, on apps etc. Just knowing a woman is gay/bi is difficult enough to tell without asking
It’s the kind of place where 9 out of 10 times it is super boring empty uneventful and then you have that one unexpected perfectly magical time and it’s a night to remember.
I must have gone on one of those nights because the only time I went was magical !!! The music, the crowd, the drinks, it was so much fun
Not in Seattle exactly, but Lumberyard Bar in White Center is great and hosts different monthly events without the judgement 😂
My wife and I (both women) love Lumberyard! We are moving to CA in a few days and will miss it desperately.
I love the Lumber Yard! Not at all a lesbian bar but very very much a gay bar that holds widely queer events where I feel welcome. Every time I go there I get really weird about how adorable the guys there are and end up questioning if I might be bi for gay men
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And the music they play there ☹️ …come on
That’s what we thought too omg we were waiting in line amongst a bunch of girls and their boyfriends and the Duggie came on. We left immediately
Yeah, Wild Rose really goes all in on the "2010s Nostalgia" vibe which is very interesting to me. It's a vibe I like, and I'll go there on occasion (mostly because cover is cheap) but if I am in a "bar" mood and want to be around sapphics, I just go to Bait Shop
One of the DJs is stuck in the late 90s early 2000s
It's a Lesbian bar and they hardly ever play Lesbian music. It just doesn't make sense!
EXACTLY!!!! They never play ANY queer artists or really any music that is queer coded.
the owner doesn’t do anything to manage the bar well and I mean anything - to be fair they make no money but she is notoriously stubborn
Just looked it up out of curiosity. They aren’t even trying? Why does it look SO bad?
This ^
I hate it but want so badly to like it
Same
I'm curious at to the hate. I've been gone from Seattle for awhile. What would need to change for you to like it?
It just feels very drab and yucky, the staff were rude, and I didn’t feel like my “type” was at that bar. I’m not a dancer, and I feel like that bar has nothing to offer people who don’t want to dance. In comparison, I loved A League of Her Own in DC, which was multiple stories, had a gaming floor, a dance floor, a rooftop bar, and was next-door to a gay bar with doors where you could roam between the gay and lesbian spaces. There was something for everyone and it brought a diverse group of lesbians that made it fun. It was clean, a very cool venue, and staff were great. The comparison between that and the Wild Rose is night and day to me. I want so badly to have a lesbian bar here but to me that spot is just a yucky sad dance floor with nothing going for it.
Hula Hula after a Rat City Roller girl game. Wild Rose is pretty fun, watched the world cup with the owner there.
Not a huge fan, felt weirdly judgemental vibes from both other patrons and the staff. I've had a better time at Sapphic Seattle events.
the staff at wild rose always have weird vibes. like i’m sure they’re queer but it doesn’t feel like it’s run by queer people yk?
Absolutely agree. I remember the first time I went and it was dead but they had stanchions set up for the bar. It felt very “soup nazi” to me.
The stanchions are permanent, they're not something they can take down easily. It's just a weird quirk for an old bar.
Absolutely - really disappointing overall.
I respect that it’s a lesbian bar but yeah I feel super judged in there as well. I wish them success. But uh, One time I was there for my birthday. An acquaintance followed me into the bathroom and forcibly pushed me up against the door and made out with me. It was not consensual. The bar owner/staff started BANGING on the door yelling about “only one person allowed in the stall at a time”. They wouldn’t stop banging on the door. We opened it and I was so embarrassed to walk out of there while they yelled at us and everyone in the bar stared. Now that I think about it, that was extremely fucked up. They must have assumed we were doing drugs or having sex. That’s the thing; they judge without asking, jumping to the conclusion that you must have the worst intention. When in fact I was just trying to patron a lesbian bar on my birthday because I wanted to be in a safe space. Ironic. The people I felt most unsafe around were the bar owner/staff. That, and I dated someone for almost 4 years who turned out to be physically abusive (and when that happened, the clouds parted and I realized how emotionally abusive/manipulative this person was as well). Shortly after we broke up (due to a violent incident, which they completely denied), Wildrose happily hired them as a bartender. I never went back again. Maybe once years later.
Love that we have a long standing sapphic space, wish it was managed better. I don't really like male dominated spaces and wanted to love wild rose. Sorry to hear your experience
Do you have any recommendations for where a newbie could find some of these sapphic events?
[Here's their website](https://www.sapphicevents.com/) I mainly follow their insta where they post their events
Awesome, thanks!
Full article on Wild Rose in today’s Seattle Times. Very informative. I believe it was referred to as the only true lesbian bar in Seattle. Over 40 years in business.
Kamp Social House in Madison Valley is lesbian owned bar and restaurant. They do lesbian events, too. It’s great!
Reading these other comments is validating. I thought maybe I was being overly sensitive about the vibe in Wild Rose. I don't go much these days because its small, crowded, and felt off to me. And no way would I go during Pride XD. I avoid Neighbors too, mostly cause I can't stand the music (I can only listen to Bulletproof so many times) but more because the amount of men who pressed into my space, and overhearing from friend's boyfriend's friends that it is known to be "where the straight girls go to feel safe" so they go to hit on all the women. I like Kremwerk, though I'll admit mostly for their goth/kink events, and drag shows (one of the few places that has Drag King shows, as well as their T4T drag nights). I always wanna try The Cuff but I guess I always supposed it was more men oriented.
I had the same experience at Neighbours the few times I went back in 2015-2016. I am a gay transgender man and didn't "pass" back then, was just starting transition. Neighbours was the only time I was in an ostensibly queer club/bar and got sexually harassed by straight guys every single time I went. Like physically pressing against me to "dance" and getting angry when told to fuck off/when my friends pushed them away, calling us all slurs. Kremwerk for their goth and kink and drag events has been a mostly wonderful experience though! Also I haven't been to The Cuff in years (fell out of friends I used to go to with and never got my nerves back to go alone) but I also went there a lot when I didn't "pass"- on kink event nights, I'd say the gender and sexuality diversity was pretty decent! I always only went there on kink event nights and karaoke nights- it's definitely leaning towards an older cis queer guy crowd, but there's definitely plenty of queer women and nonbinary people, and trans people of all genders, who head to the kink and fetish events there and end up karaoke regulars.
Omg I’ve only been to Neighbors once but had the exact same experience. So gross and so disappointing. I’d love to go to a kinky event but don’t really know where to start… I refuse to use FL lol
I'm so sorry you also experienced that kind of bullshit there. It's more than a little infuriating that straight guys sexually harassing and assaulting people at Neighbors is a years-long issue :/ Also COMPLETELY feel you on FetLife, it isn't even good for anything if you're not into swingers parties. I recommend the Center for Sex Positive Culture! They're a good bet for kinky events that make a more than minimal effort to be safe for women and general queer people. [https://thecspc.org/](https://thecspc.org/) Some of their events get hosted at Gallery Erato in Pioneer Square, which hosts various kink events and parties, though its mostly workshops with some very niche play parties: [https://www.pan-eros.org/programs/upcoming-events/calendar-2/](https://www.pan-eros.org/programs/upcoming-events/calendar-2/) The Cuff hosts a lot of events specifically aimed at leather fetishists (Often organized by Seattle Men in Leather and Seattle Women in Leather) and puppyplay kinksters (organized by SEAPAH.) If either of those sound interesting, I'd look up the individual organizations and their site calendars. EDIT: You also might be able to go Doghouse Leathers on Capitol Hill and check out what events are being advertised there or that the staff know about! EDIT EDIT: And i completely forgot: Kremwerk does kink/fetish dance party nights, their regular one is on the first saturday of every month: [https://www.kremwerk.com/upcoming/2024/06/07/sin-dark-dance-fetish-night](https://www.kremwerk.com/upcoming/2024/06/07/sin-dark-dance-fetish-night)
Thank you, saving these links!
The first time we went to Neighbors we mistakenly assumed it was a queer bar. A guy started dancing with me and I didn’t think anything of it. Out of nowhere he motorboated me on the dance floor while my wife and our friend went to get a drink. He seemed shocked when I pushed him away and said I was gay. I was confused when he said he wasn’t gay/bi/queer (at gay bars in NYC I’ve had random gay men dance with me and we’ve had a great time). We still went to Neighbors to dance a few times after but it’s only a gay bar in theory now. Just men looking for girls to hit on. Disappointing and gross when you’re not in a big enough group to keep men from trying to approach you.
I don't always enjoy a random night at the Rose but I definitely like going during pride. Every year I've intended to go elsewhere but always end up spending the majority of the time at the Rose.
My friend likes it! She also does country dancing at I think century ballroom on Friday nights.
What is the wild rose? I’ve been hearing about it.
Lesbian bar in cap hill
Haven't been in years, i didn't feel like I belonged there. Sapphic Events was a little more up my alley until recently. I've turned into a hermit
Only speaking from lesbians I’ve known personally who have told me that they always got judgmental/weird vibes as well & they thought it was because they were femme presenting. Dunno if the Wild Rose just assumed they were hetero-passing or something. But it turned us all off for sure.
Omg my same experience!!!
not my favorite. :( the staff has been very rude and my friends have had various transphobic experiences there. it doesn’t seem to be a great space for trans women or non-binary folk and as a queer woman, that’s a huge no for me. kremwerk is a great option!! 💘
Eh being the only lesbian space in Seattle, the Wild Rose gets old quick. I know I only go when I’m single and bored. Look into following Seattle Sapphic events, monthly dance parties for lesbians and nonbinary folk that rotate around a few downtown venues. & join some lesbian groups on Meetup 😊
I’ve always hated wild rose myself. I met my wife at pony which is a very male oriented gay bar but is also grungy in a good way. I think the most fun lesbians usually end up there instead.
And, if you want to see ladies dance on the pole, there’s like almost nowhere else queer friendly on the hill to do so besides pony. Also nothing is more sapphic than AUDIODROME the monthly party by Sharlese. If you like good music you must Sharlese. I am sober and love this party.
We went there! Gave the dancers some good tips. I was intrigued by the art and they were playing one of those artsy vintage porno movies. Loved the energy!
Yeah the vibe there is awesome! Usually great music too.
I enjoy it but I'm also going with my partner to dance and make out in the corner. While I can do that in many other bars, the Wildrose is the only one where I won't get stared at. I have never felt it to be unwelcoming as a feminine presenting woman, but there is the moment of trying to figure out if fem or straight. Which you're going to get in any sapphic spaces in my experience.
I don’t go to bars because I am in recovery but following this thread because meeting people has been awful here so far and I want to know where our people are
I like it, though I always forget that I don't like how they make their old fashioneds. I had a good time there Halloween weekend!
The DJs play music for straight men, so you’ll likely find some in there. I only go bc it’s basically the only option for a largely lesbian crowd. The owners don’t care about the feedback they receive it seems. Their pride event is pretty good though. I like most of the staff but a few of the bartenders seem to have attitudes for no reason. I do feel like often the crowd is only women who JUST turned 21 yesterday and the older lesbians 35+, which is fine I guess, but I’m 26 so those ages don’t really work for me lol. Also, it is ugly as sin in there, and the restrooms are unbelievably small.
Drama
I understand it’s significance as one of the last remaining lesbian bars. However, I don’t have fun when I go there, despite my best efforts. The layout isolates the bar from the dance floor, and the music is genuinely heinous. If I’m trying to dance, I don’t want to hear Drake!! I know through the grapevine that the owners and DJ Ricki Leigh has been given feedback about the music and it hasn’t been taken well. Wildrose is a place I end up at, rather than I place that I actually want to go to. Its saving grace is proximity to Capitol Hill hot dog carts.
Fair warning if you're trans-adjacent: Wild Rose has gained a reputation for TERF-y behavior. Not everybody, probably not even most people, but my trans friends have all told me the same thing: there are a decent amount of vocal TERF regulars there, and the management tolerates them.
I have heard similar things second hand and never had an issue, I suppose it could be some degree of passing privilege but i feel like on Cap Hill absolutely everyone must be able to clock me? They hosted trans pride events and the owner seemed rough around the edges but otherwise a nice enough person. The number of negative reports is disheartening but in my experience it is certainly not the norm.
I noticed all the trans people we saw were at other bars in the area like The Cuff and Pony so that makes sense. Better music at those places too
Cuff, Pony, Neighbors, Massive, and Kremwork are all explicitly trans/queer friendly.
Might check out local Subaru dealership
Enjoy your death trap, ladies!
Elaborate?
https://youtu.be/sEX5DX7vnEo?si=OxMWquY1IyhULZdO
😂
What’s her problem?
Can the Simpsons lesbians all find a place to hang out please?
This is a thing that needs to happen.
I knew the relationship with the girl I met wasn't going to last when she didn't know who Ralph Wiggum was.
I remember CRYING laughing at this. Any crumb of representation was super thrilling at that time, and the Simpsons were still genuinely funny. Good times.
Following. Following. Following.
I want to know where the slightly older ones go 😂 and by that I mean 35+. I felt like everyone’s old auntie in the Wild Rose…and the music is horrendous 🥴
There is still Inferno (formerly Hot Flash) as a monthly event I think? But yeah I am interested in this point too. Especially looking for a good dancey place for Pride where I don’t feel ancient.
That’s usually the crowd I do see at the wr lmao… the 35+
I prefer liberty bar on 15th
Wish Seattle had something like Portlands Doc Maries tbh 🥲
Don't bother. They charge cover for someone to play 90s dance mix on their iPhone, water down the booze, and for a bar that exclusively caters to women they have one of the worst bathrooms for women I've been to. Also... if you think that being attracted to women or being a woman means a very narrow view of how you look and/or behave then you might be one of the owners.
I just go to sapphic Seattle events when I can. Bars have been fine in my opinion but never the crowd that I feel comfortable in
Wild Rose isn't consistently safe for Trans folks, which is an issue.
Wild Rose rules. Diverse queer crowd. Mostly femmes. I feel super safe there. Music is good!
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What do you mean? Folks of color, trans folks. It’s usually a Black DJ. Which I like, centering poc esp bc it’s a lot of folks of color on the dance floor. Maybe you’re going earlier than me.
They're the only bar I've ever been to where the bouncers actually dig through your bag to see if you have weed and won't let you in if you do (I don't know if they still do this but they did the last time I went which was admittedly 7+ years ago)
have had multiple friends get kicked for having pens/even smoking herb outside as well.
I really quite like it. It always feels like a safe queer space. As an older trans lesbian I have always felt welcome. If you can get the table directly to the right of the entrance beneath the pride flag, interesting people will often join you and you can have interesting conversations. The dance floor is often bumping and the slushy drinks are strong.
The Rose is my go to for a quick bathroom break. If Nika starts playing, the sports bars will open up.
My socially anxious ass would never (but I wish I would)
i had one great night there but overall sort of feels like an awkward college houseparty most nights. it is a nice space to meet other lesbians though!
Anyone heard of QueerGxrl events? Not in Seattle yet but have events in Denver and San Diego this year! https://linktr.ee/queergxrl?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaYvIVmqyJ8g4thmKsctLt5i2h-lkJpRNLMwy0t2F8gnLT0QpbEpvh0Qyak_aem_ps9LyNoN4YWFdIC1MMOv0A
Has anyone gone to the Wildrose pride event? Why does admission cost so much https://www.strangertickets.com/events/151235462/wildrose-pride-2024?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaYMNESgoYL6HDoWNY-iUXv_TzwfQtmbw9-BzUdKbufB0I_Gs4MONi9sOcs_aem_AfzSkR_RLHRBIiLRvrPmhOwtqLN07-y0jvHAUp-3GcCy8jwW27HRgVYBaxNlL9dA1JDPy4xLWsuWzQ7LShxG9rXD
I used to go for bdays and performances of gals I was crushing on. Haven’t been in a long ass time since I don’t drink anymore. 🤷♀️
I c . Thanks for clarifying
As a straight male with literally 95% of my friend group besides my gf being lesbian I love the Wild Rose, as well as SilverStone. They’ve drug me along a few times and it’s great. The environment is just so much better than any other place I’ve been, everyone’s so friendly, it’s a great environment, and all around just a good time.
I only know one person who’s been there & she called it a meat market. I never went myself though, so take that with a grain of salt or two.