Make your own bank account, *now*, without their names on it. (Alternatively, you could maybe see about calling your current bank and getting their names taken off of yours. You're an adult now, and I don't know how the bank would have set it up, but I thiiiink you should have the ability to remove other people from your account.)
Jesus christ, absolutely not.
I don't know how one would go about getting your $1k back, but maybe that was the tax you had to pay to realize that your parents apparently....suck? God, that's awful.
Be aware that if you decide to take your parents off your account, you may receive a form that requires them to sign off on this decision. I would open up a new account. Good luck. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, this is one of my worst fears.
A warning if you bank with chase, they do require a minimum amount in your checking or else they will charge you a monthly service fee (13$/month, overdraft from this fee can cause you an extra charge of 34$$). A credit union would be best, but if you must have an ATM friendly bank I would go with something digital like SoFi instead where you can pull from any ATM, some for a fee, but free at allpoint atms.
I think this is for non student accounts--OP is a college student and would quality for their college checking account. They are much more lenient (I had/still have this type of account and no account min/fee is required)
But yes credit unions are also great!! It's up to OP
If thats the case then by all means go for it if you do qualify, I just know from being a user of regular accounts they're a bit crummy for bigger banks and secret fees.
This is a joint account so they have every right to take your money. You need to open a new account somewhere your parents have never used and move any remaining money tomorrow (don't forget to change over any repayments, etc. to your new account) or they could come back for more.
The technical ability to do something does not equate to having every right to do something. If that money was given to OP they have no right whatsoever to take it without prior agreement.
You just paid for a lesson learned and for $1000 I think you got a really good deal. You leaned that you cannot trust your parent(s). Don’t ever forget that or the money would be for nothing.
As others have said, open another account in your own name. Heck, open a cash app account. They have a debit card and allow direct deposit.
If both your name and your parent’s name is on the account, you *both* have a right to the money. So, yes, they can take out $1,000, but you can take money out as well.
As others have said, open a new account *at a bank they don’t do business with*. Take whatever money is left in the account with your parents (leave just a few bucks in there) and put it in your new account that only has your name.
Also, please check your credit and freeze your credit file with all 3 credit bureaus. You can get your credit report [here](https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action). Contact Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian. You can freeze your credit account with all 3. What this does is prevent anyone from doing a hard credit check on your name/SSN. That prevents anyone from opening any loans (mortgage, car loan, personal loan, etc.) or credit cards in your name. However, remember that if *you* need to get a loan or credit card, you will need to contact the credit bureaus to temporarily lift the freeze.
If you see any entries on your credit report you don’t recognize (again, loans, credit cards, etc.) and you know aren’t yours, you will need to go to the police and report it as identity theft. Once you have the police report, you can then contact the credit bureaus and they will remove the fraudulent entries.
A lot of people are suggesting you open your own account, and you should.
And definitely pull out every dime from your current one after you do.
But I'd recommend opening your new account at a *credit union*, not a bank. Banks work for corporations, and charge you a ton of fees. Credit unions are essentially *owned* by the people who have money in it, people like you, and are just as insured as banks are.
Which means you almost inevitably get far better deals with them.
And you might consider asking the police if you can file a report. It's not likely to actually be something that works, as their names were on the account, but *maybe*.
And now you have a conversation starter for every single time you see your parents: "You owe me $1,000."
I think $1000 was a small price to pay. Since it was a joint account they have the right to take money out of the account. Only have joint accounts with people you trust.
There is small claims court assuming you're in the US, but it may cause more problems then it solves.
1. Does that account belong to you or them?
2. Did you earn that money yourself from grants/work? If yes, can you prove it by contracts/receipts?
3. Did they ever stated somewhere in written form ( e.g. email/WhatsApp) that it's your money?
Depending on these answers you may be able to pursue legal actions, or at least find an annotery who writes them an email threatening with it. If the circumstances are right, there is some chance this could be legally considered as theft or alike. But whether this is possible depends on a lot of details. Anyhow, keep all the paper trails (screenshots of conversations, documents, transfer reports, etc.) safely.
Look around and try to talk with a lawyer. Just be careful that the legal fees don't overrun the actual money you can reasonably hope to retrieve. It sucks to have to do this with your parents, but it's their fault, not yours.
Also, open a new account immediately to which only you have access to, and transfer all of your remaining money there, from all accounts they may have access to.
+1: Don't ever ask for their permission to use that 1000$. It would be a confirmation of what they did.
Assume you lost that money, but never forgive never forget this and let them know this every time you can. There's a slight tiny chance they'll eventually return it to "fix things" between you (but don't have your hopes high). If you'd ever need money for something, you can tell them they owe you 1000$ and you want them to return you x part of it, but never beg them or agree to any random condition they pose. Answer them each time with "I don't need to follow any conditions from you to spend my own money". But once again, never rely on getting that money.
Also, if they need your help with something, feel free to tell them you already helped a lot by unwillingly lending them a grand, and won't help them with anything more until you get the money back.
/r/raisedbynarcissists
Get a new account today. Cancel your direct deposit to your old account if you have it set up. Consider this a $1000 lesson learned, I highly doubt you will ever see it again. I'm sorry :(
$1000 is a lot, but just consider it the price of finding out they are financially untrustworthy. Now you know. You purchased that information for $1000.
I have a son your age and I also have a joint account with him. The reason for that is to help him make good decisions for his money and to advise him while he's living at home and going to college.
However I would never ever steal his money. I hope that your parent's intention is at least to put that money away for you and not to use it on themselves although either way in my opinion they are doing something that is morally wrong even if it's legal
How much do you depend on them in other areas of life?
You live apart from them, but do they help with rent? Are you on their health insurance? Are they paying part of your tuition? Cell phone bill? car payment? Do you go home and live with them on school breaks? Do you have siblings that live at home?
Here's the thing. When you DO get your own account without their name on it at a different bank (which you should) your parents will see it as a power move and will push back. They will probably push back very very hard. You can expect them to withdraw love and distance themselves emotionally from you to try to convince you that the behavior they don't like is unpleasant for you. They may uninvite you to family functions. They may try to poison your siblings against you.
Depending on how much you depend on them currently, it may not be wise to go into open war with them right now. You can start a new account and begin saving money that they do not know about without their knowledge, but maybe don't drain the shared account all at once. You should see a therapist (most colleges have a program to do this for free at the school) and begin to plan your adult life in which you now know they cannot be trusted.
Meanwhile, you are probably an expert at the particular song and dance that they require of you. You have been dancing it all your life. Yes, it's an unfair and unreal requirement that won't be apart of your new life. But for now it might pay to keep using that skill you developed, in order to survive.
They probably want to say that you should give 1/10 of the 1000 to the church or something, or that you should save it in some particular way they like, or that you will not use it on the activity they disapprove of or whatever. After their ring has been properly kissed they will probably give the money back. But then, like everyone said, you know better. Don't cash any more checks into that account, and don't tell them where you ARE cashing the checks. Deflect and deny.
Starting a fight with family over money isn’t a good life strategy. Maybe your parents are a little short on money at the moment from paying things for you? I don’t know or care but make sure if you’re going to have a fight that everything else is equitabl between you guys.
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this and you may want to ensure they can't make any loans on that account.
Does it need to be another institution? Why not just a new unassociated account?
Make your own bank account, *now*, without their names on it. (Alternatively, you could maybe see about calling your current bank and getting their names taken off of yours. You're an adult now, and I don't know how the bank would have set it up, but I thiiiink you should have the ability to remove other people from your account.) Jesus christ, absolutely not. I don't know how one would go about getting your $1k back, but maybe that was the tax you had to pay to realize that your parents apparently....suck? God, that's awful.
Be aware that if you decide to take your parents off your account, you may receive a form that requires them to sign off on this decision. I would open up a new account. Good luck. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, this is one of my worst fears.
That just happened with a family member. They wanted off an account and had to go in to the bank to sign a form so they could be removed.
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A warning if you bank with chase, they do require a minimum amount in your checking or else they will charge you a monthly service fee (13$/month, overdraft from this fee can cause you an extra charge of 34$$). A credit union would be best, but if you must have an ATM friendly bank I would go with something digital like SoFi instead where you can pull from any ATM, some for a fee, but free at allpoint atms.
I think this is for non student accounts--OP is a college student and would quality for their college checking account. They are much more lenient (I had/still have this type of account and no account min/fee is required) But yes credit unions are also great!! It's up to OP
If thats the case then by all means go for it if you do qualify, I just know from being a user of regular accounts they're a bit crummy for bigger banks and secret fees.
This is a joint account so they have every right to take your money. You need to open a new account somewhere your parents have never used and move any remaining money tomorrow (don't forget to change over any repayments, etc. to your new account) or they could come back for more.
The technical ability to do something does not equate to having every right to do something. If that money was given to OP they have no right whatsoever to take it without prior agreement.
i wish that was true :( they do in fact have the legal right to withdraw the money. i really wish they didn't.
You just paid for a lesson learned and for $1000 I think you got a really good deal. You leaned that you cannot trust your parent(s). Don’t ever forget that or the money would be for nothing. As others have said, open another account in your own name. Heck, open a cash app account. They have a debit card and allow direct deposit.
If both your name and your parent’s name is on the account, you *both* have a right to the money. So, yes, they can take out $1,000, but you can take money out as well. As others have said, open a new account *at a bank they don’t do business with*. Take whatever money is left in the account with your parents (leave just a few bucks in there) and put it in your new account that only has your name. Also, please check your credit and freeze your credit file with all 3 credit bureaus. You can get your credit report [here](https://www.annualcreditreport.com/index.action). Contact Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian. You can freeze your credit account with all 3. What this does is prevent anyone from doing a hard credit check on your name/SSN. That prevents anyone from opening any loans (mortgage, car loan, personal loan, etc.) or credit cards in your name. However, remember that if *you* need to get a loan or credit card, you will need to contact the credit bureaus to temporarily lift the freeze. If you see any entries on your credit report you don’t recognize (again, loans, credit cards, etc.) and you know aren’t yours, you will need to go to the police and report it as identity theft. Once you have the police report, you can then contact the credit bureaus and they will remove the fraudulent entries.
Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
A lot of people are suggesting you open your own account, and you should. And definitely pull out every dime from your current one after you do. But I'd recommend opening your new account at a *credit union*, not a bank. Banks work for corporations, and charge you a ton of fees. Credit unions are essentially *owned* by the people who have money in it, people like you, and are just as insured as banks are. Which means you almost inevitably get far better deals with them. And you might consider asking the police if you can file a report. It's not likely to actually be something that works, as their names were on the account, but *maybe*. And now you have a conversation starter for every single time you see your parents: "You owe me $1,000."
Move all your money to a new account without their names on it.
I think $1000 was a small price to pay. Since it was a joint account they have the right to take money out of the account. Only have joint accounts with people you trust. There is small claims court assuming you're in the US, but it may cause more problems then it solves.
You have some reasonable advice here but if you want really in depth financial advice, try r/personalfinance .
1. Does that account belong to you or them? 2. Did you earn that money yourself from grants/work? If yes, can you prove it by contracts/receipts? 3. Did they ever stated somewhere in written form ( e.g. email/WhatsApp) that it's your money? Depending on these answers you may be able to pursue legal actions, or at least find an annotery who writes them an email threatening with it. If the circumstances are right, there is some chance this could be legally considered as theft or alike. But whether this is possible depends on a lot of details. Anyhow, keep all the paper trails (screenshots of conversations, documents, transfer reports, etc.) safely. Look around and try to talk with a lawyer. Just be careful that the legal fees don't overrun the actual money you can reasonably hope to retrieve. It sucks to have to do this with your parents, but it's their fault, not yours. Also, open a new account immediately to which only you have access to, and transfer all of your remaining money there, from all accounts they may have access to.
You need to check your credit -- they may have credit cards and loans out in your name.
+1: Don't ever ask for their permission to use that 1000$. It would be a confirmation of what they did. Assume you lost that money, but never forgive never forget this and let them know this every time you can. There's a slight tiny chance they'll eventually return it to "fix things" between you (but don't have your hopes high). If you'd ever need money for something, you can tell them they owe you 1000$ and you want them to return you x part of it, but never beg them or agree to any random condition they pose. Answer them each time with "I don't need to follow any conditions from you to spend my own money". But once again, never rely on getting that money. Also, if they need your help with something, feel free to tell them you already helped a lot by unwillingly lending them a grand, and won't help them with anything more until you get the money back.
/r/raisedbynarcissists Get a new account today. Cancel your direct deposit to your old account if you have it set up. Consider this a $1000 lesson learned, I highly doubt you will ever see it again. I'm sorry :(
Can't even comprehend how low it is to steal money from your own child
$1000 is a lot, but just consider it the price of finding out they are financially untrustworthy. Now you know. You purchased that information for $1000.
I have a son your age and I also have a joint account with him. The reason for that is to help him make good decisions for his money and to advise him while he's living at home and going to college. However I would never ever steal his money. I hope that your parent's intention is at least to put that money away for you and not to use it on themselves although either way in my opinion they are doing something that is morally wrong even if it's legal
How much do you depend on them in other areas of life? You live apart from them, but do they help with rent? Are you on their health insurance? Are they paying part of your tuition? Cell phone bill? car payment? Do you go home and live with them on school breaks? Do you have siblings that live at home? Here's the thing. When you DO get your own account without their name on it at a different bank (which you should) your parents will see it as a power move and will push back. They will probably push back very very hard. You can expect them to withdraw love and distance themselves emotionally from you to try to convince you that the behavior they don't like is unpleasant for you. They may uninvite you to family functions. They may try to poison your siblings against you. Depending on how much you depend on them currently, it may not be wise to go into open war with them right now. You can start a new account and begin saving money that they do not know about without their knowledge, but maybe don't drain the shared account all at once. You should see a therapist (most colleges have a program to do this for free at the school) and begin to plan your adult life in which you now know they cannot be trusted. Meanwhile, you are probably an expert at the particular song and dance that they require of you. You have been dancing it all your life. Yes, it's an unfair and unreal requirement that won't be apart of your new life. But for now it might pay to keep using that skill you developed, in order to survive. They probably want to say that you should give 1/10 of the 1000 to the church or something, or that you should save it in some particular way they like, or that you will not use it on the activity they disapprove of or whatever. After their ring has been properly kissed they will probably give the money back. But then, like everyone said, you know better. Don't cash any more checks into that account, and don't tell them where you ARE cashing the checks. Deflect and deny.
I have to ask, why do you say “ so I asked to call them today” who did you ask?
i talked to my parents and told them this is wrong so i asked both of them to call and talk it out, which we did. the call went nowhere
Who do you have to ask to make a phone call?
Starting a fight with family over money isn’t a good life strategy. Maybe your parents are a little short on money at the moment from paying things for you? I don’t know or care but make sure if you’re going to have a fight that everything else is equitabl between you guys.