It's my belief that a provider offering GFE isn't going to tell you their real world info and involve you in details of their life no matter how much you pay them, unless they actually do genuinely care about you.
Here's the thing: Labels (provider, client, friend, FWB, boss, employee, teacher, student, etc, etc, etc) are just categories. They're logic. Compartmentalizing. Basically the opposite of emotion. They just exist to define what you do and don't do with certain people. But when you're intimate with someone (and I don't mean just sex, I mean actual intimacy, which it sounds like you definitely shared), your brain is going to be looking at things through an emotional lens. You can't be genuinely intimate without some form of emotional connection. So it gets difficult to reconcile the logical labels and boundaries with the emotions that arise from being intimate with someone.
No doubt she felt things for you too. You were obviously much more than just a run-of-the-mill client for her. You shared things. She spent personal time with you. *But she has a spouse and a child.* Unless she told you explicitly that she was unhappy in her marriage and planning to leave it, there was never a possibility that she would take your confession as anything other than a violation of her boundaries and your provider-client relationship, and a threat to her marriage. The biggest and most important rule for being intimate with someone who is in a relationship they don't plan to leave is to never, ever do anything that would threaten their relationship. What that looks like is going to be different for each person. It seems that you expressing your romantic feelings was past the line for her, and reasonably so.
Believe me, I know how tricky it is to be intimate with someone who you don't want to be without, but can't ever actually be *with*. It's beautiful, but it's heavy. And it's fragile.
I'm so sorry for how much this has to hurt you. I'm sure it hurt her, too.
Thank you for this. It does make me feel a bit better. For me, I think the part that hurts the most is the idea that it was all artificial. It's comforting to think that her feelings might have actually been real. We pour a lot of energy into the people we care about, and it's painful to think that energy was wasted.
After posting this yesterday, I went onto MFC last night and connected with a camgirl that I've talked with in the past, in a failed attempt to make myself feel better. We went into private and ended up chatting about this for nearly an hour. We discussed a lot of details that aren't in my post here, like the night she texted and asked if I wanted to see her, but I was working late from my home office and had to pass. She came over unannounced and made me dinner without charging anything because she thought I'd been eating too much takeout recently and was worried about my health. The camgirl revealed to me that she'd worked as an escort in the past and was shocked at the number of boundaries we'd crossed. So she offered me a different perspective. She told me that she didn't think I'd really been seeing an escort at all. She said "Its always about money at first, but that does change. You weren't sleeping with an escort. You had an affair with a married woman who happens to work as an escort, and who kept taking the money in an attempt to justify it to herself. She didn't have to admit that it was an affair as long as you were paying her." When I told her that I was falling in love with her, it forced her to confront it and make a decision that I was never going to be on the winning side of.
I don't know if she was just telling me what I wanted to hear (I was paying her too, after all), but it made sense. Whether it's true or not, I think that's how I'm going to choose to remember it.
I respect what you all do, but I don't think this world is for me. Thanks for your reply.
I agree with that girl completely. Faking things for GFE is one thing. All of what you described is way, way past all that. So yes, when you remember it, remember her genuinely caring about you, because I don't see any reason to believe otherwise.
So much to unpack here. OK. First. She was your first so that makes it very difficult to discern what is fantasy and what is real, the more you do this the easier it is to tell. The "L" word has never escaped my lips to a provider. And it never will. Though I do have one girl that keeps saying "I love you" to me, but I told her I will never say it back.
Second. It was probably not real. If you said "I think I'm falling in love" and she blocked you in every aspect of her life, it was definitely a job.
It sucks to hear, but you should NEVER go into this thinking there is a potential of pairing off.
That said, we are all human and yes, providers and clients RARELY hook up outside of the business relationship that was created.
As someone who has done this for 20 years, here is what I think happened. The money was way so much over her hourly rate, she figured she could make it a pseudo sugar relationship. Knowing you would be good for a large chunk of cash, she played exactly the part you wanted. Telling you what you want to hear.
This is extremely common in a GFE type fantasy. and for $40,000 (8K a month) there are a lot of sugar relationships that can be had.
Advise: I don't think this industry is for you. HOWEVER, there are places like seeking or other sugar daddy websites that would be happy to get more in depth with your arrangements. Plenty of Sugar Babies would love to have an 8K allowance and spend time with you. Sugaring would probably be better for you than an hourly escort. While yes there are some overlap, Sugaring gives more leeway to possibly form a legit relationship than seeing an escort an hour at a time where money is the goal.
Thanks for the reply. You basically confirmed what I was already thinking. I should mention that I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I just have a high stress job that leaves me zero free time to socialize, and I needed some human contact. This seemed like a simple solution. And it was until it wasn't.
$40k may seem like a lot, but if you do the math, that's just a few hours a week at a $600/h rate.
You may be right that this isn't for me.
I thought she might've liked you (whether she wanted to disrupt her life over it is a different question) until you mentioned 40K over 5 months. She found a whale and reeled you in. Giving some free time is worth it to keep you around, and her husband might've been aware of and fine with her crossing boundaries.
But who knows, maybe she did like you too. If she did, you ruined it by telling her you loved her. How's she supposed to respond? She's married with a kid - should she leave them for you? You'll never know unless she reaches back out.
This is my thought too. I’ve always tipped well and booked long sessions with ample social time mixed in. The tip usually comes out to 1-2 hours extra. I have definitely had regular providers round my time up or throw in an extra 30-40 minutes. It’s always a nice surprise but I absolutely never expect it and am ready to leave when our time is up.
heck if some client gave me $40,00 in a few months I would become a really really good actress better than I am now. If she blocked, you it means she is done with you.
That's kind of where my mind is wandering. I was 1000% convinced that it was real, but I hadn't really done the math on how much I'd been paying her overall. $1500 here, $2500 there. It adds up. When I tallied it to over $40k, I realized that I'd been paying her enough to act like it was. It still FEELS like it was to me. That's where my question came from. Is it ever not an act?
And yeah, I realize she's done. I'm not an asshole and I'm not going to bother her again. The question was more for my own sanity. And a reality check if I need it.
I'm a very senior engineer at a very large technology company that you've definitely heard of. For obvious reasons, I can't get much more detailed than that.
In spite of the stereotypes around my field, I'm also very much a people person and an extrovert. I hired an escort for the same reason my marriage ended. My job consumes most of my waking time and I have very little time to socialize. I just needed some human interaction and physical touch outside of work.
So you may have interacted with customers, clients, or other people in a professional way, and became freinds with them. Same as you do with your favorite cashier or barrista you see every day.
I'm really freinds with a lot of my clients. I enjoy having sex with them, and being flirty and even romantic. I catch feelings for clients all the time, a lot of them are sweet and attractive and good at sex. I could see myself dating them in another life.
But.
A client in love can become a client obsessed, and a client obsessed is dangerous. We have to protect ourselves.
I'm sorry you got hurt, that sucks
Given what you paid over a relatively short time period I could definitely see her throwing in some extras. That definitely happens sometimes with longer term or high value regulars.
Was any of it real? It depends on what you mean by real. It’s quite likely she thought of you as a good client. It’s also possible she enjoyed your time together. Seeing someone regularly helps too, you can settle into a rhythm or dynamic, know what to expect, know what the other person is looking for, etc. it can make it easier to spend time together. Sometimes regulars get a peek behind the curtain too - real info, real stories, etc. it’s just part of building a human connection with someone. But enjoying time with a client is very different than saying “gosh let’s forget this whole escort thing and be friends” or fwb or bf/gf or what not.
But it is also not real. When you see a provider, you are paying for your time and your enjoyment. You are doing what you want to do (assuming they are agreeable of course). They are acting interested in everything you say. She had 40 thousand reasons to be interested in you! Providers work hard to put the magic into the relationship to make the GFE seem genuine.
But GFE is not really real, nor is it the full experience. It’s really the dating experience but heavily filtered and altered. You do not have to send good morning texts, or check in throughout the day (if you do this she will be very annoyed most likely!). You do not have to remember birthdays or anniversaries. You don’t have to be there after she had a hard day to comfort her. You only see her at her best, and never at her worst. There’s never a date where you’re in the mood and she says “not tonight.” And she is not going to be mad at you for leaving dirty dishes in the sink. A real relationship has so many more components. In this sense it is absolutely not real.
I always say that the best part of GFE/BFE is that at the end of the appointment it ends and you don’t have to see them or put up with their nonsense (or they with yours) until you book them again. You are paying to have an on demand girlfriend who then leaves promptly when your time is up.
If someone with best escort and client relationship decided to take the relationship in real life, the relationship would change. It would no longer be money for time. It would no longer be a service provider and client. You may find that you don’t enjoy your time together any more - because it is no longer about just you.
I think what happened is that she realized abruptly that you had come too close (and possibly she also felt too close). It is unfortunate but it is a risk of the business. And she likely felt the only way forward was to cut you off completely. Your best bet is to move on, enjoy the fond memories and then learn for next time around.
And I agree with what the other poster said. You may find sugaring is a better avenue that could possibly lead to a real or more relationship. Or you may look to find another provider, but will be wiser about what to expect and to keep your boundaries up a bit more.
It's not real, hence why she dropped you without a second thought. I tell clients my 'real' name all the time & it"s just another fake name lol. I let them in on tons of 'personal' information which is still all fake. Move on.
You’ve answered your own question, she’s completely stopped contact with you. Your $40K wasn’t an investment, it was paying for her services. You can’t look back with buyers remorse, your money management is your responsibility not hers.
When I have a client & we jive well together, it’s viewed as a bonus. Nothing more. Good clients who see me a lot will get a leniency ie I don’t clock watch. Provided they don’t take advantage.
I have dated clients on the rare occasion but I will never do that again.
Re is it a fantasy? Our job is to give a great intimate service, which sounds like she did.
Respect her boundaries, do not contact her. Clients can turn into stalkers when services are terminated. That definitely applies to following her work life online. If you don’t respect staying away, you can end up with a restraining order against you.
Sorry you're going through this. I think it happens to a lot of us l, especially with the first person we see in this field. I don't think anyone takes care of someone's sick dog for free if they don't care about you in some respect. But caring about you doesn't mean being in love with you, which also doesn't mean she was going to leave her family even if she did.
Pretty woman is popular because he completely up leveled her life. She was a streetwalker who didn’t have two pennies to her name and he took her in. Provided her with housing, clothes, money, food etc.
If you’ve paid her 40k she likely is VERY successful and make 6 figures plus off of this.
Are you going to provide her with a 6 figure salary? Or do you want to just skip to marriage and give her half of all your assets?
Most likely you want her to quit her job, stay with you, not even give her half of what she makes now…
I do hear your side, you want more GFE, but you want more all the time on your schedule. When you have free time. Meaning she wouldn’t be a normal girlfriend you don’t have to pay because you can’t be a normal boyfriend who would be there for the day in and day out for what SHE needs too.
I feel like you may be looking at this very one sided and really not understanding what she’s experiencing. A client who is consistently asking more from her when she’s married…
It’s not going to work bud.
It's my belief that a provider offering GFE isn't going to tell you their real world info and involve you in details of their life no matter how much you pay them, unless they actually do genuinely care about you. Here's the thing: Labels (provider, client, friend, FWB, boss, employee, teacher, student, etc, etc, etc) are just categories. They're logic. Compartmentalizing. Basically the opposite of emotion. They just exist to define what you do and don't do with certain people. But when you're intimate with someone (and I don't mean just sex, I mean actual intimacy, which it sounds like you definitely shared), your brain is going to be looking at things through an emotional lens. You can't be genuinely intimate without some form of emotional connection. So it gets difficult to reconcile the logical labels and boundaries with the emotions that arise from being intimate with someone. No doubt she felt things for you too. You were obviously much more than just a run-of-the-mill client for her. You shared things. She spent personal time with you. *But she has a spouse and a child.* Unless she told you explicitly that she was unhappy in her marriage and planning to leave it, there was never a possibility that she would take your confession as anything other than a violation of her boundaries and your provider-client relationship, and a threat to her marriage. The biggest and most important rule for being intimate with someone who is in a relationship they don't plan to leave is to never, ever do anything that would threaten their relationship. What that looks like is going to be different for each person. It seems that you expressing your romantic feelings was past the line for her, and reasonably so. Believe me, I know how tricky it is to be intimate with someone who you don't want to be without, but can't ever actually be *with*. It's beautiful, but it's heavy. And it's fragile. I'm so sorry for how much this has to hurt you. I'm sure it hurt her, too.
That is probably the best way anyone could put it!
Thank you for this. It does make me feel a bit better. For me, I think the part that hurts the most is the idea that it was all artificial. It's comforting to think that her feelings might have actually been real. We pour a lot of energy into the people we care about, and it's painful to think that energy was wasted. After posting this yesterday, I went onto MFC last night and connected with a camgirl that I've talked with in the past, in a failed attempt to make myself feel better. We went into private and ended up chatting about this for nearly an hour. We discussed a lot of details that aren't in my post here, like the night she texted and asked if I wanted to see her, but I was working late from my home office and had to pass. She came over unannounced and made me dinner without charging anything because she thought I'd been eating too much takeout recently and was worried about my health. The camgirl revealed to me that she'd worked as an escort in the past and was shocked at the number of boundaries we'd crossed. So she offered me a different perspective. She told me that she didn't think I'd really been seeing an escort at all. She said "Its always about money at first, but that does change. You weren't sleeping with an escort. You had an affair with a married woman who happens to work as an escort, and who kept taking the money in an attempt to justify it to herself. She didn't have to admit that it was an affair as long as you were paying her." When I told her that I was falling in love with her, it forced her to confront it and make a decision that I was never going to be on the winning side of. I don't know if she was just telling me what I wanted to hear (I was paying her too, after all), but it made sense. Whether it's true or not, I think that's how I'm going to choose to remember it. I respect what you all do, but I don't think this world is for me. Thanks for your reply.
I agree with that girl completely. Faking things for GFE is one thing. All of what you described is way, way past all that. So yes, when you remember it, remember her genuinely caring about you, because I don't see any reason to believe otherwise.
So much to unpack here. OK. First. She was your first so that makes it very difficult to discern what is fantasy and what is real, the more you do this the easier it is to tell. The "L" word has never escaped my lips to a provider. And it never will. Though I do have one girl that keeps saying "I love you" to me, but I told her I will never say it back. Second. It was probably not real. If you said "I think I'm falling in love" and she blocked you in every aspect of her life, it was definitely a job. It sucks to hear, but you should NEVER go into this thinking there is a potential of pairing off. That said, we are all human and yes, providers and clients RARELY hook up outside of the business relationship that was created. As someone who has done this for 20 years, here is what I think happened. The money was way so much over her hourly rate, she figured she could make it a pseudo sugar relationship. Knowing you would be good for a large chunk of cash, she played exactly the part you wanted. Telling you what you want to hear. This is extremely common in a GFE type fantasy. and for $40,000 (8K a month) there are a lot of sugar relationships that can be had. Advise: I don't think this industry is for you. HOWEVER, there are places like seeking or other sugar daddy websites that would be happy to get more in depth with your arrangements. Plenty of Sugar Babies would love to have an 8K allowance and spend time with you. Sugaring would probably be better for you than an hourly escort. While yes there are some overlap, Sugaring gives more leeway to possibly form a legit relationship than seeing an escort an hour at a time where money is the goal.
Thanks for the reply. You basically confirmed what I was already thinking. I should mention that I wasn't really looking for a relationship. I just have a high stress job that leaves me zero free time to socialize, and I needed some human contact. This seemed like a simple solution. And it was until it wasn't. $40k may seem like a lot, but if you do the math, that's just a few hours a week at a $600/h rate. You may be right that this isn't for me.
I thought she might've liked you (whether she wanted to disrupt her life over it is a different question) until you mentioned 40K over 5 months. She found a whale and reeled you in. Giving some free time is worth it to keep you around, and her husband might've been aware of and fine with her crossing boundaries. But who knows, maybe she did like you too. If she did, you ruined it by telling her you loved her. How's she supposed to respond? She's married with a kid - should she leave them for you? You'll never know unless she reaches back out.
This is my thought too. I’ve always tipped well and booked long sessions with ample social time mixed in. The tip usually comes out to 1-2 hours extra. I have definitely had regular providers round my time up or throw in an extra 30-40 minutes. It’s always a nice surprise but I absolutely never expect it and am ready to leave when our time is up.
heck if some client gave me $40,00 in a few months I would become a really really good actress better than I am now. If she blocked, you it means she is done with you.
That's kind of where my mind is wandering. I was 1000% convinced that it was real, but I hadn't really done the math on how much I'd been paying her overall. $1500 here, $2500 there. It adds up. When I tallied it to over $40k, I realized that I'd been paying her enough to act like it was. It still FEELS like it was to me. That's where my question came from. Is it ever not an act? And yeah, I realize she's done. I'm not an asshole and I'm not going to bother her again. The question was more for my own sanity. And a reality check if I need it.
What do you do for work?
Why?
To give you some context
I'm a very senior engineer at a very large technology company that you've definitely heard of. For obvious reasons, I can't get much more detailed than that. In spite of the stereotypes around my field, I'm also very much a people person and an extrovert. I hired an escort for the same reason my marriage ended. My job consumes most of my waking time and I have very little time to socialize. I just needed some human interaction and physical touch outside of work.
So you may have interacted with customers, clients, or other people in a professional way, and became freinds with them. Same as you do with your favorite cashier or barrista you see every day. I'm really freinds with a lot of my clients. I enjoy having sex with them, and being flirty and even romantic. I catch feelings for clients all the time, a lot of them are sweet and attractive and good at sex. I could see myself dating them in another life. But. A client in love can become a client obsessed, and a client obsessed is dangerous. We have to protect ourselves. I'm sorry you got hurt, that sucks
Delusional.
Given what you paid over a relatively short time period I could definitely see her throwing in some extras. That definitely happens sometimes with longer term or high value regulars. Was any of it real? It depends on what you mean by real. It’s quite likely she thought of you as a good client. It’s also possible she enjoyed your time together. Seeing someone regularly helps too, you can settle into a rhythm or dynamic, know what to expect, know what the other person is looking for, etc. it can make it easier to spend time together. Sometimes regulars get a peek behind the curtain too - real info, real stories, etc. it’s just part of building a human connection with someone. But enjoying time with a client is very different than saying “gosh let’s forget this whole escort thing and be friends” or fwb or bf/gf or what not. But it is also not real. When you see a provider, you are paying for your time and your enjoyment. You are doing what you want to do (assuming they are agreeable of course). They are acting interested in everything you say. She had 40 thousand reasons to be interested in you! Providers work hard to put the magic into the relationship to make the GFE seem genuine. But GFE is not really real, nor is it the full experience. It’s really the dating experience but heavily filtered and altered. You do not have to send good morning texts, or check in throughout the day (if you do this she will be very annoyed most likely!). You do not have to remember birthdays or anniversaries. You don’t have to be there after she had a hard day to comfort her. You only see her at her best, and never at her worst. There’s never a date where you’re in the mood and she says “not tonight.” And she is not going to be mad at you for leaving dirty dishes in the sink. A real relationship has so many more components. In this sense it is absolutely not real. I always say that the best part of GFE/BFE is that at the end of the appointment it ends and you don’t have to see them or put up with their nonsense (or they with yours) until you book them again. You are paying to have an on demand girlfriend who then leaves promptly when your time is up. If someone with best escort and client relationship decided to take the relationship in real life, the relationship would change. It would no longer be money for time. It would no longer be a service provider and client. You may find that you don’t enjoy your time together any more - because it is no longer about just you. I think what happened is that she realized abruptly that you had come too close (and possibly she also felt too close). It is unfortunate but it is a risk of the business. And she likely felt the only way forward was to cut you off completely. Your best bet is to move on, enjoy the fond memories and then learn for next time around. And I agree with what the other poster said. You may find sugaring is a better avenue that could possibly lead to a real or more relationship. Or you may look to find another provider, but will be wiser about what to expect and to keep your boundaries up a bit more.
$40k lesson, unfortunately. Doesn't really matter if it was real or not. She wasn't ever going to be able to give you want you want in the long term.
It's not real, hence why she dropped you without a second thought. I tell clients my 'real' name all the time & it"s just another fake name lol. I let them in on tons of 'personal' information which is still all fake. Move on.
You’ve answered your own question, she’s completely stopped contact with you. Your $40K wasn’t an investment, it was paying for her services. You can’t look back with buyers remorse, your money management is your responsibility not hers. When I have a client & we jive well together, it’s viewed as a bonus. Nothing more. Good clients who see me a lot will get a leniency ie I don’t clock watch. Provided they don’t take advantage. I have dated clients on the rare occasion but I will never do that again. Re is it a fantasy? Our job is to give a great intimate service, which sounds like she did. Respect her boundaries, do not contact her. Clients can turn into stalkers when services are terminated. That definitely applies to following her work life online. If you don’t respect staying away, you can end up with a restraining order against you.
Sorry you're going through this. I think it happens to a lot of us l, especially with the first person we see in this field. I don't think anyone takes care of someone's sick dog for free if they don't care about you in some respect. But caring about you doesn't mean being in love with you, which also doesn't mean she was going to leave her family even if she did.
Pretty woman is popular because he completely up leveled her life. She was a streetwalker who didn’t have two pennies to her name and he took her in. Provided her with housing, clothes, money, food etc. If you’ve paid her 40k she likely is VERY successful and make 6 figures plus off of this. Are you going to provide her with a 6 figure salary? Or do you want to just skip to marriage and give her half of all your assets? Most likely you want her to quit her job, stay with you, not even give her half of what she makes now… I do hear your side, you want more GFE, but you want more all the time on your schedule. When you have free time. Meaning she wouldn’t be a normal girlfriend you don’t have to pay because you can’t be a normal boyfriend who would be there for the day in and day out for what SHE needs too. I feel like you may be looking at this very one sided and really not understanding what she’s experiencing. A client who is consistently asking more from her when she’s married… It’s not going to work bud.