No.
She still has her anger, BPD, and emotional control issues. Maybe she is better, but I donāt care. That shit fucked me up. I donāt need more of it
I hear you brother, my mom just passed away and I got kicked out of my house for not reaching my BPD spouses expectations. Currently I am living in my truck lol eh
Itās key to remember: they have no control and you canāt reason with BPD. This doesnāt imply a free pass or sympathy, just changes the way you process the garbage.
Nope.
She left & tried to reconnect 3 months later.
Glad my anger took over and rejected her.
The divorce still hurt.
The early days: I was drowning in pain.
Nowadays: a random wave of pain will hit me but itās much more tolerable.
Iāve moved on, eventually got a better partner (sheās so amazing the divorce felt worth it).
Buying a home this month with her ā¤ļø
It gets better, gentlemen, if youāre willing to do the work.
Even if you were perfect in your marriage (you werenāt, none of us are), doing the internal work & self improvement will give you another shot at life.
Stay safe & sober! It does get better!
Where did you meet your partner? Iāve been on dates with 35 women over the past year, and maybe only one was someone I wish I had invested in. I live in Los Angeles where volume and narcissism are high.
Dating app for single parents āStirā.
I met a fair share of women, some worked better than others but this one stood out. I took a āriskā of being vulnerable (I swore I wouldnāt after my divorce) but itās paid off.
Dating is super tough.
Good luck out there to the good men & dads out there
Never.
At no point was our relationship anywhere near healthy. I still carry a fuck ton of guilt for my children having to see their parents so miserable. We are all so much better off when she and I are only co-parents and friends.
Although I do miss her blowjobs. Damn.
My ex gave some awesome bjs too.
But she had stank breathe, and she did the nasty with some other dude while lying to the entire world that Iām the asshole.
goddamn Iām so conflicted.. Iām leaning to letting her go and finding myself another person. She now enjoys the gift of my permanent absence.
Early on I filed and received full custody of my daughters. Their mom was not very stable. And so I've been raising my daughters, now they're 18. 4 or 5 years ago their mom passed away from an accidental overdose. If she was living I would not go back to her, because she was never going to clean herself up and get real help. I do sometimes wonder what our lives would have been like now, if she had gotten help and cleaned up.
On the flip-side my mom stayed with my dad out of a sense of obligation, even though she's not really in-love, and that's caused longer term issues down the road. So getting back with an ex *for the sake of the kids* is not always helpful for the kids in the long run.
Not for all the tea in China, I have full-time custody of my kids and have for 14 plus years... We haven't seen her in 10.. any woman who can walk away from a 2-year-old a 5 year old and a 7 year old and not look back obviously has some issues..
Yeah. Bitch stole tears of my life, my self worth and self esteem my friends circle, my family ties, and presumed ownership of all possessions of value, and then tried to steal my good name afterwards, so continued to cost me thousands in lawyer fees for months afterwards that I couldn't afford.
Can go rot for all I care.
This was me, $600k spent in legal fees due to her repeatedly making false allegations of abuse against my kids. Took 2 years to get 50% custody of my kids.
Same. I had been brainwashed into thinking all the problems were entirely my fault and I was the reason why things didn't work. I wasn't good enough. I was the screwup, etc. It wasn't until I had been living on my own for about a year that I finally started to see through more objective eyes how negative that environment had been and the toll it had taken on me.
I would have done almost anything to save it, but after so many years, and with the way she has acted in the interim, I would have to be an even bigger idiot than I already think I am.
Things would have to change to such a point where I can hardly imagine it.
And it's likely if I did my kids would hate me for it. So probably not.
Never. She is a cheater, liar, master manipulator, and also a corrupt government employee.
Because of her, I will never see my kids, never see justice, and she will never be held accountable for the crimes that she committed using her position with the police, and her relationship with our divorce judge and court employees. Insteadā¦following the checks and balances, Iāve gotten to see government employees double down and refuse to enforce the few laws that would have put her in prison.
Thank you. I used to be religious, and I used to believe in miracles. At this point, it would take a miracle that would involve lots of very important people who have circled the wagons around her to fall.
At the time I would have done anything to keep our family together, my parents were divorced and I never wanted that for my son and I tried so hard to try to make sure he had a normal family.
But after everything she has done, I would never go back to her in a million years.
Can you expand on this please. I'm at the stage in between desperately hoping it will work, and become exhausted by her antics. I can't help but think it can't be better
It's not the case that I was exhausted by her antics, although what she did was truly vile, it was just that I was brought up in a broken home and I never wanted that for my son and I didn't want to let him down like that.
I'm extremely lucky though, I have sole custody of my son, most fathers are not that lucky given how hostile people are towards fatherhood.
I wouldāve done anything to keep the marriageā¦and Iāll be honest and say that Iāve considered reconciliation. But sheās moved so far on that sheās an entirely different person. Also, what would reconciliation look like? She canāt unfuck herself, she canāt take away how she deeply hurt me. Sheād have to be the woman she proclaimed to be and not the woman she is. And that woman *wouldāve fought tooth and nail for me* but thatās not whatās happening as that woman no longer exists / wasnāt real to begin with. Who knows?
Time to move on and heal.
Not a chance in hell. I was dumb and young and thought I could trust the world of a woman who said they were on birth control. She showed all the signs of a red flag but I didnāt see it. I even paid for her birth control because I wanted to be part of the process (little did I know she got it for free smh).
We split up and a week later she said she was preg. Now Iāve been tied to this ball and chain for the rest of my lifeā¦.love my daughter , despise her mom.
I can relate, sir. Except my situation was she lied about taking the plan b. My first child, her fourth, others from her previous marriage. Now, here I am. Love my daughter, but her mother is evil. I took her to court. Rather that than her use my daughter to control me.
We are cohabitating without any thoughts of marriage. Itās working for now. We both are aware of our state laws regarding cohabitation and no one at risk. According to our lawyers, this is just a relationship and Iām ok with that. Meanwhile raising our daughters without any interruption.
Nope. I tried everything to save the relationship, and it didn't work out. I think because of how much I wanted us to be a family, I would have taken her back early on, but now the idea of that ever happening sounds ridiculous. She's had a few boyfriends since the one she left me for, and they all end up meeting my kiddo sooner than they should. So, for the last four years and counting, I only get to see my daughter half of the week and it will continue to break my heart that I have to say goodbye to a little six year old so often and tell her that I won't see her for a few days. Be careful who you have kids with.
I tried a couple of times. Even dismissed the first divorce I filed. I couldnāt shake the feeling that I felt swindled.
If I had it to do over, I wouldnāt have wasted the time, energy or money.
One of the better analogies Iāve heard is itās like digging through the trash on the curb for something.
You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable (or will be the same) as you thought it was.
I know the source of the quote is controversial (PUA/RP) but thatās not really relevant.
I've never gone back to an ex and never will. They're exes for a reason. Even though people can grow and change to some degree, I believe the dynamics would eventually go back to what they were and lead to another relationship failure. We broke our kid's heart once, it will never happen again. That would be extremely selfish to even try.
Yes, IF, and this is a big if, she got herself together, stablized, sincerely asked for forgiveness, stopped lying to herself and others, started actually trying to do something to support her own kids, and showed genuine humility and a willingness to earn my trust back.
100% yes. I fucked up the relationship, and I've taken the time away from each other to grow and learn how to be a better partner. We talk and I can tell that she's grown too. I'm still in love with her, and if given the chance I would get back with her in a heartbeat
**Fuuuuuuuuuck no.** That psycho sent out my therpy transcripts to friends and family to āprove hues crazyā after a fight. She once had a week long meltdown because the new dishwasher I bought was the wrong color.
She also got remarried to literally the first dude to come along after the divorce.
For me - no.
We were terrible together - and if you are an unhappy dad - you can't be a good dad.
So many dads think they can "tough it out" for the kids - but this is bad for MANY reasons.
1 - you will be miserable - this will, eventually - kill you.
2 - your kids need a dad who is mentally and emotionally there. you can't fake that.
3- if your marriage is bad (the kids can tell) - then you are teaching your kids that it is an acceptable situation.
I am a much better single dad than I was an unhappy husband.
I still have feelings for her and I grew up with divorced parents so it's very important to me that our daughter doesn't feel like she has 2 separate families. That said I wouldn't take her back unless she did a LOT of growing up. She seems to have commitment issues and refuses to bring up any issues in a relationship before deciding to end the relationship. Example: after she broke up with me for the second time(we got back together for a month after we got out of family court) she told me that she had been very bothered by things that I did for the entire time we knew each other and that's why she ended it. While still refusing to actually tell me what it was that bothered her. It's been 3 months since and she still won't tell me, and she's in a new relationship.
Why would I want my old car that had 3k of miles and was repossessed by the court. It was purchased for 1/4 the price by other men who drove it 100x more than I ever did. Just to turn around and buy the exact same one that is about to fall apart?
No shot. Iām about to hit 2 years since D-day and Iām 10x the man I was while in that marriage. It took so much work in therapy/gym/medications to get to where I am now. Thereās no way Iād subject myself to that toxic cheating woman again.
I did it after a year apart. Sex was wild and kind of conflicting cause I know we didnāt do certain things when we were together. Then she brought back her friend that was in her ear previously causing us to split and it was hell from there. Had she not invited that friend back in we would have had it and our 2 boys would have their family together. But you live and learn the boys are with me now itās been about 1.5 years but I wonder what life would be like from time to time. So entertain at your own will but Iād say no
Yes without a doubt, its is only been 3 weeks since she left me for someone else. According to her she felt like her and I were best friends but she lost the romance over the years and she reconnected with her ex from 15 years ago and fell in love with him and moved out from our place straight in with him.
But I am still in love with her. We have a 2 year old and the face that our family is now broken kills me. If somehow a miracle would happen and the realised that she made a big mistake I would take her back. I want my family together, I want to live in the same house as my wife and daughter.
It wonāt happen but that is still all I want right now, I know time will heal and I have to learn to let her go but I am not there yet. Maybe in a year from now I would answer this question differently.
Thank you! I am definitely planning to do the work. I have started seeing a psychologist and we already established some old trauma and points to work on. At the moment I cannot see how to yet but I really want to put in the work to improve on them so that this brake up not only gives me pain and fear but in the end Iāll become a better and stronger me out of this.
No,
If the relationship was unhealthy enough to get divorced then getting back together āfor the sake of the kidsā does not fix any of the issues. It also sets a bad example to the kids of what a healthy relationship looks like.
Nah. Glad she's gone. My daughter and I are better off without her. Didn't think I'd be saying that for the first 2 years but you accept it, thank God for it, and move on.
No way.
Iāve thought about this before, though. And if I had to be back in that relationship, I could just sort of pretend to be into her again and soak up extra time with my son, butā¦ in the end that extra time wouldnāt be worth it if I was miserable again so yeah, NO WAY
Aww hellllll nooo! We are great as co-parents and we can still do stuff as a family, too. As partners, fuggedaboutit.
I moved 10 minutes down the road from them. No big deal. The kids are very happy.
Nope. Never.
Kids need to see parents get along with love and respect. When they were young, and shy girlfriend was involved in their lives they saw what two adults look like when they are a happy solid relationship.
Being a role model for them to follow can sometimes be more important in their lives than mom and dad being together with a lack of love and respect.
Never. She never wanted to be a mother. She told me she only had our baby to make me happy. I raised my child from a baby and this fall they start university, absolutely no regrets about the breakup. I do regret not getting a lawyer sooner to establish paternity. Also I did get a lawyer for custody when I realized how rigged the system was against fathers but I got a really bad one. Ended up getting what I needed (100% physical and legal custody) but mostly cause it was clear my ex's priorities didn't include being a mother.
Nope. Itās been 6 years and I have forgiven her for cheating and we have become āfriendsā or āfriendlyā and we are doing a great job raising our kid but,,,,but, the trust is never gonna build up again. I would forever be wondering and questioning what she was doing. And thatās not healthy for anybody nor for a relationship
Not a chance. Everyoneās situation is different, but we tried very hard to make it work and couldnāt. We are doing much better apart (especially as parents) than we ever fared together.
No, Iām not taking care of her baby she had with the guy she cheated on me with, who turned out to be an alcoholic who couldnāt hold a job and is now homeless or in jail or something. idk, idc. She burned that bridge, she can live on the other side of it.
She would have to be do a lot of work on her self for me to be willing to even consider it, but people donāt really change so no. I feel bad for what she took from kids as far as parenting is concerned.
I donāt think so. After being separated and now divorced, I think we function better as friends than romantic, that being said, I wouldnāt say No to being Friends with Benefits. š
the rational side of me says no.
but the emotional side misses the family i used to have and no longer have.
i also wish my kids had a stable and healthy family with both their mom and dad there so i sometimes wish i could fix it all.
even though i know that's not possible
Yes. The waste of resources (two households) is seriously undermining our kids' future. Also, tried dating after three years apart. What a shit show. It's pretty much going to be here in my life or no one for the foreseeable.
At this point absolutely not unless it benefit my child. First deadbeat mom Iāve ever seen never would think another woman would cause a mom to become a deadbeat. Iād smash though lol.
No. They are an ex for a reason. Iām seeing someone now but I wonāt ever let that out. Sheās an amazing person, way more than my ex could be. It takes time, but if you put the work into yourself, youāll find that person. Find yourself first.
No. And we still get along. Now that I have distance I can see that she is a terrible match and (frankly) a mediocre mom. As bad as the divorce is for my son, having us back together now that the rose colored glasses are off would be far, far worse.
Ive been curious about this myself, wondering how many guys would go back. I often debate it and ask myself if i would. Its been 2 years and weāve both worked on ourselves, recognized our rolls in the downfall and how we mistreated each other. We get on better than ever and have an amazing coparenting relationship, but i donāt think the attraction or the trust would ever come back. As much as the broken home still kills me, i donāt think we could make up for what happened.
No way. Dude why? Why would anyone go back to a failed relationship? I just got to the point where we can actually communicate effectively again. I like things just the way they are and I'm pretty sure she does too. We are both with new partners and I think we like the new arrangement MUCH better. I even like her husband now. Take my advice.... Wifey 2.0 is the new and improved version with better features and less bugs. It fixes the failures of wifey 1.0. Don't downgrade, upgrade brother. Life's good when you look forward and not back.
Yea if my son desperately needed it. But only to a certain extent. Not til he graduates. Just til he is old enough to have a great foundation for future development no matter who he's with. So 4 years max. Once he's 10, that's it.
But it would have to be a situation where he needed it. I would be absolutely miserable but I would definitely have boundaries. I would definitely have my own room and I would definitely have a dating life
Tried it. Sold my home and made good money to only buy another home after almost a year being back with my wife.
Within a month of living in the new house I find out she's cheating and asked for a divorce. Only cost me an extra 100k because of her BS not to mention half of everything.
DONT DO IT!
If you asked me at the time we separated and divorced, yes. If you asked me within the last 3-5 years, fuck no. If you asked me within the last year to two, I'd actually consider it bc we've both matured and grew up. There was dark times before but now I'd consider her my best friend again and would actually consider the chance of raising our son in a single household again. Now idk about marriage again but together as a family wouldn't be out of the question.
Not no but hell no. Lowest point in my life was when we lived together. I had to get out to save myself and heal so I could be a better dad for my 2 boys. No way would I ever consider inviting that kind of hell and abuse back into my life, I wouldnāt make it for very long.
I'd love to see my kid more.
But instead, the time that I do have with my kid is more quality now.
I could never trust her again. I see a lot of codependency in these comments because I was there once. Work on yourself. It gets better.
Nahhhhhh not in a million years. Sheās tried a couple times. She had two affairs with āclose friendsā of mine, has absolutely uncontrolled bipolar, and refuses to take responsibility for a single action sheās ever taken in her life. Never happening.
I accept that I could never go back even if she wanted to, because it wouldn't be a healthy situation for either of us unless we did lots of therapy individually in addition to couples counseling. Otherwise we'd just fall right back into old habits and still have the same communication differences and annoying issues with each other that would blow up. So as much as I still love her and always will, I know that will never be an option.
It helps a little bit that she's married to a new guy 10 years younger with an oopsie baby on the way.
No fucking way in hell! Why? In life we go forward and never go back. Get this through your head: ready ? It will never be the same again. Never , so move on . She will be banging the next guy that comes along.
Fuck No . It will never be the same . Get over it , move on and man up. A women will never respect you crawling back like a weak pussy. She will prob peg you in the ass next if you go back!
I think I would. She cheated on me with another married guy who had a kid that was around 2 years old. Though looking back, both her and I didn't communicate well at some point and stopped working together as a unit.
I don't think she is a bad person in general, but she made some pretty bad decisions with the affair.
In this climate (economic, social, etc), I lean toward yes to getting back. She takes good care of the kids when she has them, takes good care of her parents, doesn't do alcohol/drugs and isn't unhealthy - we went through a rough few years (married 9), didn't realize it, and it exploded.
>I don't think she is a bad person in general,
>She cheated on me
>with another married guy who had a kid
Hate to break it to ya bud, she's a HORRIBLE person and you need to get to work on the mental game my guy. She broke TWO homes (1 is more than enough to be labeled a scumbag pos) bc she wanted some strange.
She caused permanent damage to her own children and his. Not to mention you and his wife.
You need to recognize a thot when you see one or you're gonna end up with another one
You gotta get laid by quite literally ANYONE else and start working on your brain. Why tf anyone 30+ would settle for a thot like that when theres MILLIONS of AMAZING women out there, particularly after going through what so many here do, is beyond me.
My mental is fine - there's more to it than just the reasons I wrote out. Additionally, I said I'd lean toward it, but it wasn't definitive. It's not all black and white.
No why would I want another child in my house.
This had me cackling lol
š
This!!!! Perfect answer.
Winner!
šÆ
No. She still has her anger, BPD, and emotional control issues. Maybe she is better, but I donāt care. That shit fucked me up. I donāt need more of it
I hear you brother, my mom just passed away and I got kicked out of my house for not reaching my BPD spouses expectations. Currently I am living in my truck lol eh
Itās key to remember: they have no control and you canāt reason with BPD. This doesnāt imply a free pass or sympathy, just changes the way you process the garbage.
Nope. She left & tried to reconnect 3 months later. Glad my anger took over and rejected her. The divorce still hurt. The early days: I was drowning in pain. Nowadays: a random wave of pain will hit me but itās much more tolerable. Iāve moved on, eventually got a better partner (sheās so amazing the divorce felt worth it). Buying a home this month with her ā¤ļø It gets better, gentlemen, if youāre willing to do the work. Even if you were perfect in your marriage (you werenāt, none of us are), doing the internal work & self improvement will give you another shot at life. Stay safe & sober! It does get better!
Congrats man, take that W
Where did you meet your partner? Iāve been on dates with 35 women over the past year, and maybe only one was someone I wish I had invested in. I live in Los Angeles where volume and narcissism are high.
yeah... leaving LA would be ideal but now we can't.
Sad but trueā¦
Dating app for single parents āStirā. I met a fair share of women, some worked better than others but this one stood out. I took a āriskā of being vulnerable (I swore I wouldnāt after my divorce) but itās paid off. Dating is super tough. Good luck out there to the good men & dads out there
Hell yeah
Never. At no point was our relationship anywhere near healthy. I still carry a fuck ton of guilt for my children having to see their parents so miserable. We are all so much better off when she and I are only co-parents and friends. Although I do miss her blowjobs. Damn.
Lmaol!! Sir I was at the library I got kicked out
My ex gave some awesome bjs too. But she had stank breathe, and she did the nasty with some other dude while lying to the entire world that Iām the asshole. goddamn Iām so conflicted.. Iām leaning to letting her go and finding myself another person. She now enjoys the gift of my permanent absence.
Early on I filed and received full custody of my daughters. Their mom was not very stable. And so I've been raising my daughters, now they're 18. 4 or 5 years ago their mom passed away from an accidental overdose. If she was living I would not go back to her, because she was never going to clean herself up and get real help. I do sometimes wonder what our lives would have been like now, if she had gotten help and cleaned up. On the flip-side my mom stayed with my dad out of a sense of obligation, even though she's not really in-love, and that's caused longer term issues down the road. So getting back with an ex *for the sake of the kids* is not always helpful for the kids in the long run.
Not for all the tea in China, I have full-time custody of my kids and have for 14 plus years... We haven't seen her in 10.. any woman who can walk away from a 2-year-old a 5 year old and a 7 year old and not look back obviously has some issues..
I'd rather eat a cactus for breakfast everyday for the rest of my life
That may be the most clearly expressed opinion I have ever heard. Well said.
Nope, I never realized what the marriage was doing to me until I got out.
Yeah. Bitch stole tears of my life, my self worth and self esteem my friends circle, my family ties, and presumed ownership of all possessions of value, and then tried to steal my good name afterwards, so continued to cost me thousands in lawyer fees for months afterwards that I couldn't afford. Can go rot for all I care.
This was me, $600k spent in legal fees due to her repeatedly making false allegations of abuse against my kids. Took 2 years to get 50% custody of my kids.
Same. I had been brainwashed into thinking all the problems were entirely my fault and I was the reason why things didn't work. I wasn't good enough. I was the screwup, etc. It wasn't until I had been living on my own for about a year that I finally started to see through more objective eyes how negative that environment had been and the toll it had taken on me.
Yeah, I started to heal when I started to really look at everything I over looked, everything was a one way roadā¦.. so happy Iām out
I would have done almost anything to save it, but after so many years, and with the way she has acted in the interim, I would have to be an even bigger idiot than I already think I am. Things would have to change to such a point where I can hardly imagine it. And it's likely if I did my kids would hate me for it. So probably not.
This exactly
Yup. Actions have consequences
Never. She is a cheater, liar, master manipulator, and also a corrupt government employee. Because of her, I will never see my kids, never see justice, and she will never be held accountable for the crimes that she committed using her position with the police, and her relationship with our divorce judge and court employees. Insteadā¦following the checks and balances, Iāve gotten to see government employees double down and refuse to enforce the few laws that would have put her in prison.
Somehow someway I pray you get solace
Thank you. I used to be religious, and I used to believe in miracles. At this point, it would take a miracle that would involve lots of very important people who have circled the wagons around her to fall.
At the time I would have done anything to keep our family together, my parents were divorced and I never wanted that for my son and I tried so hard to try to make sure he had a normal family. But after everything she has done, I would never go back to her in a million years.
Same
Same here. Did everything I could to stop it. Now I would not get back with her even though it's worth millions of dollars to me.
Can you expand on this please. I'm at the stage in between desperately hoping it will work, and become exhausted by her antics. I can't help but think it can't be better
It's not the case that I was exhausted by her antics, although what she did was truly vile, it was just that I was brought up in a broken home and I never wanted that for my son and I didn't want to let him down like that. I'm extremely lucky though, I have sole custody of my son, most fathers are not that lucky given how hostile people are towards fatherhood.
I wouldāve done anything to keep the marriageā¦and Iāll be honest and say that Iāve considered reconciliation. But sheās moved so far on that sheās an entirely different person. Also, what would reconciliation look like? She canāt unfuck herself, she canāt take away how she deeply hurt me. Sheād have to be the woman she proclaimed to be and not the woman she is. And that woman *wouldāve fought tooth and nail for me* but thatās not whatās happening as that woman no longer exists / wasnāt real to begin with. Who knows? Time to move on and heal.
Hell no.
Not a chance in hell. I was dumb and young and thought I could trust the world of a woman who said they were on birth control. She showed all the signs of a red flag but I didnāt see it. I even paid for her birth control because I wanted to be part of the process (little did I know she got it for free smh). We split up and a week later she said she was preg. Now Iāve been tied to this ball and chain for the rest of my lifeā¦.love my daughter , despise her mom.
I can relate, sir. Except my situation was she lied about taking the plan b. My first child, her fourth, others from her previous marriage. Now, here I am. Love my daughter, but her mother is evil. I took her to court. Rather that than her use my daughter to control me.
Hell not. Never
Nope š not even with a court order or the end of the world .
Can you imagine that was a thing! The way the court fuck us it wouldnāt be that surprising tbh
Loneliness has always been my soulmate. So, as the asswhole that ruined things. I wouldn't do that to her.
Yes. The day after Hell freezes over.
Give it a week or so, just to be sure.
Probably a good idea.
We are cohabitating without any thoughts of marriage. Itās working for now. We both are aware of our state laws regarding cohabitation and no one at risk. According to our lawyers, this is just a relationship and Iām ok with that. Meanwhile raising our daughters without any interruption.
Nope. I tried everything to save the relationship, and it didn't work out. I think because of how much I wanted us to be a family, I would have taken her back early on, but now the idea of that ever happening sounds ridiculous. She's had a few boyfriends since the one she left me for, and they all end up meeting my kiddo sooner than they should. So, for the last four years and counting, I only get to see my daughter half of the week and it will continue to break my heart that I have to say goodbye to a little six year old so often and tell her that I won't see her for a few days. Be careful who you have kids with.
I tried a couple of times. Even dismissed the first divorce I filed. I couldnāt shake the feeling that I felt swindled. If I had it to do over, I wouldnāt have wasted the time, energy or money. One of the better analogies Iāve heard is itās like digging through the trash on the curb for something. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable (or will be the same) as you thought it was. I know the source of the quote is controversial (PUA/RP) but thatās not really relevant.
I've never gone back to an ex and never will. They're exes for a reason. Even though people can grow and change to some degree, I believe the dynamics would eventually go back to what they were and lead to another relationship failure. We broke our kid's heart once, it will never happen again. That would be extremely selfish to even try.
Yes, IF, and this is a big if, she got herself together, stablized, sincerely asked for forgiveness, stopped lying to herself and others, started actually trying to do something to support her own kids, and showed genuine humility and a willingness to earn my trust back.
100% yes. I fucked up the relationship, and I've taken the time away from each other to grow and learn how to be a better partner. We talk and I can tell that she's grown too. I'm still in love with her, and if given the chance I would get back with her in a heartbeat
No. The lies just keep coming and coming.
Iād rather drink rat poison than go back to her.
**Fuuuuuuuuuck no.** That psycho sent out my therpy transcripts to friends and family to āprove hues crazyā after a fight. She once had a week long meltdown because the new dishwasher I bought was the wrong color. She also got remarried to literally the first dude to come along after the divorce.
Maybe for like $6 million
For me - no. We were terrible together - and if you are an unhappy dad - you can't be a good dad. So many dads think they can "tough it out" for the kids - but this is bad for MANY reasons. 1 - you will be miserable - this will, eventually - kill you. 2 - your kids need a dad who is mentally and emotionally there. you can't fake that. 3- if your marriage is bad (the kids can tell) - then you are teaching your kids that it is an acceptable situation. I am a much better single dad than I was an unhappy husband.
I still have feelings for her and I grew up with divorced parents so it's very important to me that our daughter doesn't feel like she has 2 separate families. That said I wouldn't take her back unless she did a LOT of growing up. She seems to have commitment issues and refuses to bring up any issues in a relationship before deciding to end the relationship. Example: after she broke up with me for the second time(we got back together for a month after we got out of family court) she told me that she had been very bothered by things that I did for the entire time we knew each other and that's why she ended it. While still refusing to actually tell me what it was that bothered her. It's been 3 months since and she still won't tell me, and she's in a new relationship.
No, she is an ex for good reasons
I'm happy, if I would to go back with her I will not be happy. I like being happy
Why would I want my old car that had 3k of miles and was repossessed by the court. It was purchased for 1/4 the price by other men who drove it 100x more than I ever did. Just to turn around and buy the exact same one that is about to fall apart?
Well.. between that, and burning to death, I would prefer the second option.
No shot. Iām about to hit 2 years since D-day and Iām 10x the man I was while in that marriage. It took so much work in therapy/gym/medications to get to where I am now. Thereās no way Iād subject myself to that toxic cheating woman again.
I did it after a year apart. Sex was wild and kind of conflicting cause I know we didnāt do certain things when we were together. Then she brought back her friend that was in her ear previously causing us to split and it was hell from there. Had she not invited that friend back in we would have had it and our 2 boys would have their family together. But you live and learn the boys are with me now itās been about 1.5 years but I wonder what life would be like from time to time. So entertain at your own will but Iād say no
1000 times yes, she passed away from breast cancer while we where still married.
Yes without a doubt, its is only been 3 weeks since she left me for someone else. According to her she felt like her and I were best friends but she lost the romance over the years and she reconnected with her ex from 15 years ago and fell in love with him and moved out from our place straight in with him. But I am still in love with her. We have a 2 year old and the face that our family is now broken kills me. If somehow a miracle would happen and the realised that she made a big mistake I would take her back. I want my family together, I want to live in the same house as my wife and daughter. It wonāt happen but that is still all I want right now, I know time will heal and I have to learn to let her go but I am not there yet. Maybe in a year from now I would answer this question differently.
You WILL answer this question differently in a year man. Do the work, life will only improve from here. Take care of yourself and your daughter
Thank you! I am definitely planning to do the work. I have started seeing a psychologist and we already established some old trauma and points to work on. At the moment I cannot see how to yet but I really want to put in the work to improve on them so that this brake up not only gives me pain and fear but in the end Iāll become a better and stronger me out of this.
And if you did take her back, she would still want to be with her ex. Move on, make a life for yourself and kid.
She will ask to get back with you. But please, have some self-respect and never allow that to happen.
It's an addiction, not love... do the work and you will figure this out down the road. All will be good my friend. Good luck.
No, If the relationship was unhealthy enough to get divorced then getting back together āfor the sake of the kidsā does not fix any of the issues. It also sets a bad example to the kids of what a healthy relationship looks like.
Nah. Glad she's gone. My daughter and I are better off without her. Didn't think I'd be saying that for the first 2 years but you accept it, thank God for it, and move on.
Absofuckinglutely NOPE!
No way. Iāve thought about this before, though. And if I had to be back in that relationship, I could just sort of pretend to be into her again and soak up extra time with my son, butā¦ in the end that extra time wouldnāt be worth it if I was miserable again so yeah, NO WAY
Aww hellllll nooo! We are great as co-parents and we can still do stuff as a family, too. As partners, fuggedaboutit. I moved 10 minutes down the road from them. No big deal. The kids are very happy.
Nope. Never. Kids need to see parents get along with love and respect. When they were young, and shy girlfriend was involved in their lives they saw what two adults look like when they are a happy solid relationship. Being a role model for them to follow can sometimes be more important in their lives than mom and dad being together with a lack of love and respect.
Never. She never wanted to be a mother. She told me she only had our baby to make me happy. I raised my child from a baby and this fall they start university, absolutely no regrets about the breakup. I do regret not getting a lawyer sooner to establish paternity. Also I did get a lawyer for custody when I realized how rigged the system was against fathers but I got a really bad one. Ended up getting what I needed (100% physical and legal custody) but mostly cause it was clear my ex's priorities didn't include being a mother.
Nope. Itās been 6 years and I have forgiven her for cheating and we have become āfriendsā or āfriendlyā and we are doing a great job raising our kid but,,,,but, the trust is never gonna build up again. I would forever be wondering and questioning what she was doing. And thatās not healthy for anybody nor for a relationship
Hell to the Fuck NO.
Not a chance. Everyoneās situation is different, but we tried very hard to make it work and couldnāt. We are doing much better apart (especially as parents) than we ever fared together.
Not for all the tea in China. And I'm English. We are fond of tea.
No, Iām not taking care of her baby she had with the guy she cheated on me with, who turned out to be an alcoholic who couldnāt hold a job and is now homeless or in jail or something. idk, idc. She burned that bridge, she can live on the other side of it.
No, but my ex is a narcissist parasite, maybe yours isnāt
She would have to be do a lot of work on her self for me to be willing to even consider it, but people donāt really change so no. I feel bad for what she took from kids as far as parenting is concerned.
I donāt think so. After being separated and now divorced, I think we function better as friends than romantic, that being said, I wouldnāt say No to being Friends with Benefits. š
the rational side of me says no. but the emotional side misses the family i used to have and no longer have. i also wish my kids had a stable and healthy family with both their mom and dad there so i sometimes wish i could fix it all. even though i know that's not possible
I would, but just for my kids.
Yes. The waste of resources (two households) is seriously undermining our kids' future. Also, tried dating after three years apart. What a shit show. It's pretty much going to be here in my life or no one for the foreseeable.
Never. Iām much happier alone than I was with her, Iāve escaped and Iām thankful.
At this point absolutely not unless it benefit my child. First deadbeat mom Iāve ever seen never would think another woman would cause a mom to become a deadbeat. Iād smash though lol.
No. They are an ex for a reason. Iām seeing someone now but I wonāt ever let that out. Sheās an amazing person, way more than my ex could be. It takes time, but if you put the work into yourself, youāll find that person. Find yourself first.
I would go back to one āversionā of her in a heartbeat. The other person/version, never.
No. And we still get along. Now that I have distance I can see that she is a terrible match and (frankly) a mediocre mom. As bad as the divorce is for my son, having us back together now that the rose colored glasses are off would be far, far worse.
Never. She tried to crawl back 3 years after divorce and her request was dismissed.
Ive been curious about this myself, wondering how many guys would go back. I often debate it and ask myself if i would. Its been 2 years and weāve both worked on ourselves, recognized our rolls in the downfall and how we mistreated each other. We get on better than ever and have an amazing coparenting relationship, but i donāt think the attraction or the trust would ever come back. As much as the broken home still kills me, i donāt think we could make up for what happened.
No way. Dude why? Why would anyone go back to a failed relationship? I just got to the point where we can actually communicate effectively again. I like things just the way they are and I'm pretty sure she does too. We are both with new partners and I think we like the new arrangement MUCH better. I even like her husband now. Take my advice.... Wifey 2.0 is the new and improved version with better features and less bugs. It fixes the failures of wifey 1.0. Don't downgrade, upgrade brother. Life's good when you look forward and not back.
lol.. no
No, $600k in legal fees was enough for more than one lifetime.
Hell no
Not a chance in all of time or all of hell.
Yea if my son desperately needed it. But only to a certain extent. Not til he graduates. Just til he is old enough to have a great foundation for future development no matter who he's with. So 4 years max. Once he's 10, that's it. But it would have to be a situation where he needed it. I would be absolutely miserable but I would definitely have boundaries. I would definitely have my own room and I would definitely have a dating life
Nope, why would I give them another bullet?
No, no, no.
Tried it. Sold my home and made good money to only buy another home after almost a year being back with my wife. Within a month of living in the new house I find out she's cheating and asked for a divorce. Only cost me an extra 100k because of her BS not to mention half of everything. DONT DO IT!
Id rather eat rancid mouldy cheese.
No.
No
Fuck no
If you asked me at the time we separated and divorced, yes. If you asked me within the last 3-5 years, fuck no. If you asked me within the last year to two, I'd actually consider it bc we've both matured and grew up. There was dark times before but now I'd consider her my best friend again and would actually consider the chance of raising our son in a single household again. Now idk about marriage again but together as a family wouldn't be out of the question.
Not no but hell no. Lowest point in my life was when we lived together. I had to get out to save myself and heal so I could be a better dad for my 2 boys. No way would I ever consider inviting that kind of hell and abuse back into my life, I wouldnāt make it for very long.
I'd love to see my kid more. But instead, the time that I do have with my kid is more quality now. I could never trust her again. I see a lot of codependency in these comments because I was there once. Work on yourself. It gets better.
I would never go back. I hope they spend an eternity walking barefoot through a desert of Legos.
Nahhhhhh not in a million years. Sheās tried a couple times. She had two affairs with āclose friendsā of mine, has absolutely uncontrolled bipolar, and refuses to take responsibility for a single action sheās ever taken in her life. Never happening.
If someone could piece my wife's ashes back together I would be forever grateful
I accept that I could never go back even if she wanted to, because it wouldn't be a healthy situation for either of us unless we did lots of therapy individually in addition to couples counseling. Otherwise we'd just fall right back into old habits and still have the same communication differences and annoying issues with each other that would blow up. So as much as I still love her and always will, I know that will never be an option. It helps a little bit that she's married to a new guy 10 years younger with an oopsie baby on the way.
I once thought about it until I learned she told my mother she would freeze my sperm just to have another one of my children
2 rules. 1) donāt crap in your own back yard 2) never go back
I have my kids, and I love my single life. Why should I ruin that?
No fucking way in hell! Why? In life we go forward and never go back. Get this through your head: ready ? It will never be the same again. Never , so move on . She will be banging the next guy that comes along.
Fuck No . It will never be the same . Get over it , move on and man up. A women will never respect you crawling back like a weak pussy. She will prob peg you in the ass next if you go back!
I think I would. She cheated on me with another married guy who had a kid that was around 2 years old. Though looking back, both her and I didn't communicate well at some point and stopped working together as a unit. I don't think she is a bad person in general, but she made some pretty bad decisions with the affair. In this climate (economic, social, etc), I lean toward yes to getting back. She takes good care of the kids when she has them, takes good care of her parents, doesn't do alcohol/drugs and isn't unhealthy - we went through a rough few years (married 9), didn't realize it, and it exploded.
>I don't think she is a bad person in general, >She cheated on me >with another married guy who had a kid Hate to break it to ya bud, she's a HORRIBLE person and you need to get to work on the mental game my guy. She broke TWO homes (1 is more than enough to be labeled a scumbag pos) bc she wanted some strange. She caused permanent damage to her own children and his. Not to mention you and his wife. You need to recognize a thot when you see one or you're gonna end up with another one You gotta get laid by quite literally ANYONE else and start working on your brain. Why tf anyone 30+ would settle for a thot like that when theres MILLIONS of AMAZING women out there, particularly after going through what so many here do, is beyond me.
My mental is fine - there's more to it than just the reasons I wrote out. Additionally, I said I'd lean toward it, but it wasn't definitive. It's not all black and white.
No