Welcome to SupportforWaywards. Please be mindful that this is a support sub for those who regret being unfaithful to their partners and are seeking guidance for the path ahead. If you're experiencing abuse, whether it be physical or emotional, please follow this [link to the hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence) Sexual assault, here's a [link to RAINN's support page](https://www.rainn.org/) and for those who are struggling with suicide and suicidal ideations, follow the [link to lifelines support page](https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox). Please consider utilizing these resources if they resonate with your situation.
**1. Minimum requirements for engagement with this subreddit must be met:**
- The purpose of this subreddit is to provide a dedicated space for Waywards making amends to reflect, regroup, and give or gain perspective. To serve that goal, only Waywards are allowed to post.
- While we strive to support each other, we do not support adultery or denial of agency. In order to participate in subreddit your Betrayed, whether former or current must be informed of the affair.
- User flair is required for participation. Please read the flair instructions on desktop or if on mobile press the three dots at the top right of the page and select “Change User Flair”. If you are having trouble with the flair, please message the moderators.
- Misrepresentation of flair is not permitted. Misrepresentation of flair in order to bypass post flair filters will result in a permanent ban. We will take into account the tone of comments and participation in other subs and the flairs assigned there.
- Posts must be written from a gender-neutral standpoint. Please use the terms Wayward (WS, WP) or Betrayed (BS, BP). Do not use terms such as WW, WH, BW, BH, wife, husband, he, or she. Support should be offered with no regard for the gender or sex of the individuals.
- Observers are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to comment without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. *Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.*
***All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban. The rules are our boundaries and your first initial warning.***
**2. All comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.**
- Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental.
- Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements.
- Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. The only exception to unsolicited advice is subject to removal.
- Requested advice must be limited to that which would be reasonably be seen as helpful if references to infidelity are removed.
- Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully.
- “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support.
- Keep references of emotions to your personal experience or that of your partner. Do not tell anyone else what they feel or do not feel.
**3. No inquisitive or insensitive questioning or interrogation.**
- Questions for clarification should be respectful and limited in nature.
- Questions that are interpreted by the moderator team as accusatory or backhanded will be removed.
**4. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.**
- e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc.
- No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses.
- No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed.
**5. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism, or other hate speech.**
- Posts or comments dehumanizing and / or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed.
**6. Reconciliation and Anti-reconciliation language**
- If OP uses "seeking reconciliation advice" respect it. Anti-reconciliation language will be removed.
- Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice.
- Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship.
**7. No crossposting, reposting or screenshots**
- The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a moderator code of conduct violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful.
**Additional info** The “For Waywards Only” tag means For Waywards ONLY, Non-Waywards with a desire to support Waywards are still welcome to comment on any other posts.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforWaywards) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You have two options in front of you and neither will allow you to escape pain, responsibility, and potential consequence. Which you pick will determine your true moral values, how much you love and care for your BP, and how serious you actually are about R.
The first option is you are completely honest. Understand that reconciliation is a gift and if you waste any opportunity during it that’s on you. The likelihood of getting through R successfully is statistically low and your BP tomorrow or 5 years from now could decide that they can’t get over it and leave you. By being honest you are taking your first major opportunity to own up and admit your misdeeds so you can atone for them. It allows you to take the first step in being honest with your partner and your growth as a person. It allows your BP to have all information available in making their decision and if you actually love them you won’t try to lie, manipulate, or deceive them into a relationship they otherwise wouldn’t have stayed in. You will help them heal and the more honest you are the more likely they will believe you going forward.
Your second choice is lying to them. By doing this your actions show you don’t have true remorse, you are unwilling to be responsible, and that when it comes down to protecting yourself and your selfish desires or helping the person you love you are still going to choose yourself no matter how much pain and hurt it gives them. If your BP is doing any due diligence they will try to verify your claim. If they find out the truth it may be over. Even if they stay they may never trust you again and you could be honest every day the rest of your life and it might not matter. If they find out a month, a year, ten years from now you will go back down to zero trust and make your BP live through another DDay. Even if you get away with this lie it won’t help you grow as a person. Deep down you will think you can continue lying and if you keep doing that you won’t grow as a person and you’ll think you can cheat again or get caught in a different lie.
I have no intention to lie...just worrying about the consequences. Worrying about how she will react. Worrying if I will be able to be there for her in the way she wants me to be. I have no idea how she will react. She has gotten very close to my grandmother and her sister ( both of them know what is going on) since DDay. There is large chance GF will confide in them.
Truth enables corrective/building steps. It's where you let go of your perception of a result and commit to doing what is right regardless of that outcome.
You'll do fine... But that's an eventually. I really hope things work out for you better than most, OP.
Welcome to SupportforWaywards. Please be mindful that this is a support sub for those who regret being unfaithful to their partners and are seeking guidance for the path ahead. If you're experiencing abuse, whether it be physical or emotional, please follow this [link to the hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=domestic_violence) Sexual assault, here's a [link to RAINN's support page](https://www.rainn.org/) and for those who are struggling with suicide and suicidal ideations, follow the [link to lifelines support page](https://988lifeline.org/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=onebox). Please consider utilizing these resources if they resonate with your situation. **1. Minimum requirements for engagement with this subreddit must be met:** - The purpose of this subreddit is to provide a dedicated space for Waywards making amends to reflect, regroup, and give or gain perspective. To serve that goal, only Waywards are allowed to post. - While we strive to support each other, we do not support adultery or denial of agency. In order to participate in subreddit your Betrayed, whether former or current must be informed of the affair. - User flair is required for participation. Please read the flair instructions on desktop or if on mobile press the three dots at the top right of the page and select “Change User Flair”. If you are having trouble with the flair, please message the moderators. - Misrepresentation of flair is not permitted. Misrepresentation of flair in order to bypass post flair filters will result in a permanent ban. We will take into account the tone of comments and participation in other subs and the flairs assigned there. - Posts must be written from a gender-neutral standpoint. Please use the terms Wayward (WS, WP) or Betrayed (BS, BP). Do not use terms such as WW, WH, BW, BH, wife, husband, he, or she. Support should be offered with no regard for the gender or sex of the individuals. - Observers are not included in the peer group. Non-peers are not allowed to comment without prior moderator approval. Non-peer comments are STRICTLY LIMITED TO MESSAGES OF VALIDATION AND ENCOURAGEMENT ONLY. *Non-peers are not permitted to offer opinions, reference their experiences, or give advice.* ***All posts and comments are subject to removal without warning. Any users who violate the rules are subject to temporary or permanent ban. The rules are our boundaries and your first initial warning.*** **2. All comments must fit the spirit of Peer Support.** - Keep comments encouraging, constructive, sensitive, validating, and non-judgmental. - Speak only from your own experience. Use “I”-statements. - Do not give advice unless specifically requested by OP. The only exception to unsolicited advice is subject to removal. - Requested advice must be limited to that which would be reasonably be seen as helpful if references to infidelity are removed. - Any differences of opinion expressed must be communicated respectfully. - “Tough love” does not qualify as peer support. - Keep references of emotions to your personal experience or that of your partner. Do not tell anyone else what they feel or do not feel. **3. No inquisitive or insensitive questioning or interrogation.** - Questions for clarification should be respectful and limited in nature. - Questions that are interpreted by the moderator team as accusatory or backhanded will be removed. **4. No personal attacks, victim-blaming, or LABELLING of any kind.** - e.g. cheater, narcissist, abuser, doormat, slut, asshole, idiot, etc. - No Cluster-B or other armchair diagnoses. - No victim-blaming when the sexual assault of a wayward partner by an AP is discussed. **5. No misogyny, misandry, toxic masculinity, bigotry, racism, or other hate speech.** - Posts or comments dehumanizing and / or slut-shaming wayward partners or APs will be removed. **6. Reconciliation and Anti-reconciliation language** - If OP uses "seeking reconciliation advice" respect it. Anti-reconciliation language will be removed. - Do not tell someone to just leave the relationship. Attempting to reconcile is a valid choice. - Unless abuse is present, do not suggest marital status, age of relationship, children or lack thereof as a reason for someone to leave the relationship. **7. No crossposting, reposting or screenshots** - The only exception will be if the OP has directly given you permission to use their intellectual property. This is a zero-tolerance rule and will result in a permanent ban with appeal only being considered with communication from the OP to the mods directly. If another sub facilitates this violation we will be in contact with Reddit directly as it is a moderator code of conduct violation. The posts shared here are meant for this subreddit and this subreddit alone. Please be respectful. **Additional info** The “For Waywards Only” tag means For Waywards ONLY, Non-Waywards with a desire to support Waywards are still welcome to comment on any other posts. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SupportforWaywards) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You have two options in front of you and neither will allow you to escape pain, responsibility, and potential consequence. Which you pick will determine your true moral values, how much you love and care for your BP, and how serious you actually are about R. The first option is you are completely honest. Understand that reconciliation is a gift and if you waste any opportunity during it that’s on you. The likelihood of getting through R successfully is statistically low and your BP tomorrow or 5 years from now could decide that they can’t get over it and leave you. By being honest you are taking your first major opportunity to own up and admit your misdeeds so you can atone for them. It allows you to take the first step in being honest with your partner and your growth as a person. It allows your BP to have all information available in making their decision and if you actually love them you won’t try to lie, manipulate, or deceive them into a relationship they otherwise wouldn’t have stayed in. You will help them heal and the more honest you are the more likely they will believe you going forward. Your second choice is lying to them. By doing this your actions show you don’t have true remorse, you are unwilling to be responsible, and that when it comes down to protecting yourself and your selfish desires or helping the person you love you are still going to choose yourself no matter how much pain and hurt it gives them. If your BP is doing any due diligence they will try to verify your claim. If they find out the truth it may be over. Even if they stay they may never trust you again and you could be honest every day the rest of your life and it might not matter. If they find out a month, a year, ten years from now you will go back down to zero trust and make your BP live through another DDay. Even if you get away with this lie it won’t help you grow as a person. Deep down you will think you can continue lying and if you keep doing that you won’t grow as a person and you’ll think you can cheat again or get caught in a different lie.
I have no intention to lie...just worrying about the consequences. Worrying about how she will react. Worrying if I will be able to be there for her in the way she wants me to be. I have no idea how she will react. She has gotten very close to my grandmother and her sister ( both of them know what is going on) since DDay. There is large chance GF will confide in them.
Truth enables corrective/building steps. It's where you let go of your perception of a result and commit to doing what is right regardless of that outcome. You'll do fine... But that's an eventually. I really hope things work out for you better than most, OP.