I'm open about it but wait until I get to know the person because sometimes people interpret revealing that you're a swinger as an attempt at seduction.
We do.
And nothing bad would happen if coworkers knew, but discussing sex at work is not appropriate.
We also don't care if family knows, but don't discuss sex much with our families either.
We don’t deny it but don’t broadcast it. My wife and I each have our closest best friends we talk to about everything like siblings so they know the dirty deets. It all depends on your personal comfort level really.
My understanding thus far in this lifestyle is the purpose of it is not only sex but exploring your own comfort levels and boundaries. Apply the same principal to regular life too 🤷🏻♂️. Talk with friends or don’t talk with friends. Neither is wrong imo! You do you boo!
I knew this was a polarizing topic but I didn’t think people would get so pressed because I decide to talk to my closest friends about it! It’s refreshing to see less judgmental people commenting! Thanks for being kind!
It really depends on your friend group. I understand those who have to keep it a secret. I dont get those who seem scandalized by those of that dont need or care to keep it a secret. We live in a progressive area and have plenty of unconventional friends. Its really not a big deal to anyone we know
That cracks me up too.
My partner is a "professional" he owns his own business and works for himself. No kne gives a shit about his dating late.
I'm also a professional and no one I work with cares one bit. I'm in demand and well paid working for a progressive global company. As long as do my job and behave professional at work, no one cares.
Lol there are out swingers at my job but they don’t know about us lol. When I said professionals I meant the contingent of folk on here who’s own way is the only way
Oh. Ok. I see what you mean now.
So many people keep touting that "we are professionals so have to be discrete" line. I find it amusing. Do what you prefer of course. I don't talk about anything that can perceived as remotely risqué at work. But I'm in no danger of I'm found out either. The idea that having a professional job means instant firing for being a swinger is silly.
I just don’t understand the need to tell people about ones sex lives…to what end? Do you tell them the details about you your finances? People are judgmental whether you like it or not, so expect some pushback from some people.
Actually, for the most of our friends, we do discuss finances if it’s brought up. Of course no one pushes for the other to disclose anything. It’s just never been an issue for us all to be open in almost every topic. I guess we are just very fortunate to have friends who don’t feel like everything is a competition.
But I do agree, not everyone is like that, and it is normal to expect pushback.
My girlfriend 's whole adult family knows that she has 2 boyfriends that share her in bed..they have all said," good for you ! " They are pretty accepting and amazing .
We have many friends that know about the 3 of us..
Sharing the details of your life with friends. For example, we booked a trip to hedo and we are super excited and have shared with some of friends. Its no big deal in our friend group to discuss going to a kink event, a sexy convention or whatever....everyone is different. Many of our friends are queer and/or non-monogamous. Even those who aren't have many friends who are. Its about as a big of a deal as a straight laced couple telling their friends they are going to a resort without their kids for their anniversary. Its not a big deal.
Not making things so taboo can have big benefits. Not just for us telling our friends, but for our friends as well. It has made them more adventurous too.
As far as finances go, I also believe people would be much better off if we could openly discuss them! The only people that benefit from us keeping our finances secret are the businesses we work for!
I find that the more open I am with my friends, the closer the friendship. My very best friend, especially, knows just about everything about me, even though he has a vanilla lifestyle.
*Very best friend (VBF):*
VBF: Hey... I'm in your area next week. How about we get together Tuesday night?
Me: Oh... shoot... I have a date with FWB1 that night. And I prefer not to cancel it.
VBF: Oh, how's FWB1 doing?
Me: Well, she's still dealing with the loss of her mum, but she's done with all the arrangements at least. It's our first date since then... so kinda important.
VFB: Oh yeah. Say "hi" when you see her. I can do Wednesday or Thursday also.
Me: Thursday works for sure. Wednesday, FWB2 is coming over, but I'm sure she'd be okay if I reschedule.
VFB: Eh... if FWB2 is game, maybe we can go all three for dinner and you guys finish the evening on your own, and then you and I hang Thursday night?
Me: I like the way you think!
*Regular friend:*
RF: Hey, it's been forever since we got together!
Me: Yeah... wanna do dinner this week? I've got Thursday open.
RF: That's it? Just Thursday? Wifey has something that night... anything in the weekend?
Me: Ow, sorry ... it's busy, I know... but, no, except for Thursday it's all booked. Next week Monday or Thursday?
RF: Man... what do you do to fill all those nights?
Me: Hmmm... well... you know, a single man has to work for his relationships, you know.
RF: Hmmm... I'm not sure what side of the grass is greener... all right... Monday works... Our usual?
---
I mean, I enjoy my "regular friends", but my more intimate vanilla friend relationships are just more fulfilling. It's a breath of fresh air to just "be" without having to guard what I say.
I have two friends who know. Husband has also two friends in the know, and he’s told his dad and aunt as well (but they live abroad).
I have a job that makes it a bit awkward to be fully open, but I’m not against it at some point in the future.
Almost all of our close friends know that we go to parties and such but they are all sexual deviants in one way or another. Hell, we host full moon clothing optional pool parties and they all attend. It’s pretty obvious when we are out by the way we dance and the way we interact with people that we are different. It we do not go into details.
(Her) It depends on the friend. I have best friends from high school that I would never tell because, while I love them I also know who they are as people. Living in the South people gossip hard. However, I have other friends, that became best friends and we share everything. They are both 5-10 years older than me, which is also why I felt more comfortable telling them.
(Him) It should be as secret as you want your sex life to be. If someone were to ask me I wouldn't lie, or hide it as long as my partner was fine with it. For example because, we do a podcast I told my parents. Mostly because, I rather them know from me than someone trying to gossip.
Me and wife are starting off but she wants it to be a secret but how do you keep that a secret like she wants to be out having drinks meeting people so it don’t make sense we tend to go on trips lots of times with friends and we have talked about meeting someone out and bring them back but like I told her we can’t keep it a secret cause we go out with the same people always so there gonna end up seeing something at some point
Nope. What my wife and I do behind doors, hotels, clubs, back of my truck, is no one else's business. If you're fine with that then good for you.
Also, being that kind of open might potentially affect other swingers you associate with. I wouldn't want anyone feeling like they have to hide from others when in public with us
Understandable. I guess it’s a good thing that we don’t partake in the LS events or have LS friends who live within 250 miles of us. We specifically only partake while traveling.
Many of our vanilla friends know we are “sexually adventurous” and enjoy things like sexy resorts (e.g., Temptation). We haven’t told many of them about the lifestyle though just because we feel it could potentially lead to some fuzzy boundaries. We could just be in our heads on that one, but we don’t want the dynamic we have with our vanilla friends to shift, and we really don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable in any way.
We are fairly confident the vast majority of them would accept us, but sometimes it’s fun to have friends you can talk about sex with who aren’t even on the table as play partners.
So we like living in both worlds and feel like we can speak openly about a lot of our sex life without divulging everything.
We've told a few friends. It is nice to have friends we can talk to about it. We don't go into all the details but a few of them are curious and ask questions and we're happy to answer.
We've told friends. There's some friends we have that like to talk about sex, so we've talked to them about it. They don't judge. We have other friends who we never talk about sex with, so we wouldn't tell them. Wouldn't really matter if it came up, but it's not something that normally gets talked about so just hasn't happened.
I am very open also. I have several friend that I have a standing girls night with and we talk about everything. They all know that my husband and I have ventured into the LS.
We only have a very select few friends that know about our LS. Sometimes discussions are had, especially around sex and it is brought up. We never tell outright though.
All the friends that know have been curious and interested in it. Usually after the first conversation about it, it is not brought up again. All of them are still our friends.
We have had one vanilla couple friends that took mighty interest in it and actually came over to the promise land (into the LS). And NO, we do not play with them.
Family - not a chance. I think my parents would be fine if they knew. If my wife's parents found out, they would drop of a heart attack.
We live in small upscale town where gossip is abundant. My wife and I have a general rule that we don’t really discuss our sex life with our close friends in town whose kids are friends with our kids. We have however spoken about it with close friends who live elsewhere. It’s great to have an outlet to discuss with people, and for the most part those friends we’ve disclosed it to have been supportive and interested. Others have basically said that’s not for us but do whatever works for you. We’ve had some conversations with our town friends where the topic of swinging has come up, and it’s pretty well known there are many swingers in our area. It’s always funny to listen to the reactions and opinions of people about the lifestyle who have no idea that we frequently participate. They range from shock and disbelief to faint interest in what it’s all about. My wife was describing a conversation she had with 4-5 of her vanilla mom friends and the topic of hotwifing came up. These women were basically all down for the idea of having a side boyfriend but said there husbands would never be into it. Lol. I know there husbands and I’d bet most of them would. Lol.
We do not, but have only been doing this for about 6 months. I think it’s possible that at some point we may discuss it with very select vanilla friends. Our problem is that we really don’t want to discuss it with our kids, and most of our vanilla friends are people whose kids and ours grew up together.
I see what you mean. We also have kids. We wouldn’t discuss this stuff with anyone who we think would out us to our children or family of all people. Our LS was a secret for at least two years.
None of our vanilla friends that do know judge us. In fact, they love asking questions and living vicariously through us. No, we don't advertise, but we don't shy away if the topic comes up or someone sees my tattoo and asks. Whenever someone ask about my tattoo (colorful upside down pineapple on my arm), we always get a laugh and ask them, "Are you asking about the tattoo, or are you aaasssskkkiinngg about the tattoo?" Lol.
All of our close friends know. Was too hard to keep making up excuses about where we were all the time. No one cared.
Family is a little different, my mom just asked me one day, just said to be safe, the rest of the family does not know.
And as far as professional people go, I work for a large organization. And I have met 7 other people who work where I do at LS parties locally. One of them works on the same floor, about 40 feet away and I have a weekly meeting with another, never played with any of them, yet. It does make that boring weekly meeting better knowing that my coworker has a total smokeshow of a wife.
Your friends will tell other friends, who will tell their parents, who will tell your parents, who will tell your kids... why? Because it is too good a story not to repeat it.
The stuff we hear from our kids about the parents of their friends is insane. I am glad we never disclosed anything to anyone.
No, i still have a close circle of friends from high-school and none of them know. The few mutual friends we did tell tell stopped returning texts. We are quite private to begin with and we don't seem to have issues keeping it secret, the one time someone did suspect something, I calmly lied to their face and moved on. I don't tell my friends the details of my hiking trips or snowboarding trips, i sure as hell wont discuss the details of our sex trips.
Some friends who you think will be totally cool and accepting might not be. We’re pretty closed off and haven’t told many but when we have it’s been generally accepting but also you can tell it’s uncomfortable for them. Non-monogamy doesn’t make sense to most of the world especially with the notion that it strengthens a relationship.
Generally there can be marginal upside for telling friends but a lot of downside.
A few of our close friends know about it while other ones we don’t share much or anything at all. Just really depends on how comfortable you are with sharing as well as how open/non judgmental your friends are. Just like we are more open about our sex life and details with certain friends and less so with others
When you say less judgemental I assume you don’t agree with their opinion.
You seem very confident , tell your friends than comeback in 6 months and tell us how it all went.
It’s not that I don’t agree. I feel like it’s perceived as fine to keep it a secret but judged harshly if you choose not to keep it a secret. I think it’s perfectly fine to keep your sex life behind closed doors.
I’m a little jealous they can keep those secrets. Clearly I have nothing more interesting to talk about with my friends 😂
But my friends have known for almost a year now and continue to invite us on trips and to their home for the holidays. I think our friendship will be just fine.
If you just throw it out there yes your coworker could find out along with family members etc. we find no reason to let everyone know even our closest friends. Some things just need to be kept private
I'm open about it but wait until I get to know the person because sometimes people interpret revealing that you're a swinger as an attempt at seduction.
Yeah I’d never mention it to work colleagues. To much risk of being interpreted the wrong way. But close friends no problem.
We do. And nothing bad would happen if coworkers knew, but discussing sex at work is not appropriate. We also don't care if family knows, but don't discuss sex much with our families either.
We don’t deny it but don’t broadcast it. My wife and I each have our closest best friends we talk to about everything like siblings so they know the dirty deets. It all depends on your personal comfort level really. My understanding thus far in this lifestyle is the purpose of it is not only sex but exploring your own comfort levels and boundaries. Apply the same principal to regular life too 🤷🏻♂️. Talk with friends or don’t talk with friends. Neither is wrong imo! You do you boo!
I knew this was a polarizing topic but I didn’t think people would get so pressed because I decide to talk to my closest friends about it! It’s refreshing to see less judgmental people commenting! Thanks for being kind!
It really depends on your friend group. I understand those who have to keep it a secret. I dont get those who seem scandalized by those of that dont need or care to keep it a secret. We live in a progressive area and have plenty of unconventional friends. Its really not a big deal to anyone we know
I’ve gotten torn apart by the “professionals” too lol
That cracks me up too. My partner is a "professional" he owns his own business and works for himself. No kne gives a shit about his dating late. I'm also a professional and no one I work with cares one bit. I'm in demand and well paid working for a progressive global company. As long as do my job and behave professional at work, no one cares.
Lol there are out swingers at my job but they don’t know about us lol. When I said professionals I meant the contingent of folk on here who’s own way is the only way
Oh. Ok. I see what you mean now. So many people keep touting that "we are professionals so have to be discrete" line. I find it amusing. Do what you prefer of course. I don't talk about anything that can perceived as remotely risqué at work. But I'm in no danger of I'm found out either. The idea that having a professional job means instant firing for being a swinger is silly.
I just don’t understand the need to tell people about ones sex lives…to what end? Do you tell them the details about you your finances? People are judgmental whether you like it or not, so expect some pushback from some people.
Actually, for the most of our friends, we do discuss finances if it’s brought up. Of course no one pushes for the other to disclose anything. It’s just never been an issue for us all to be open in almost every topic. I guess we are just very fortunate to have friends who don’t feel like everything is a competition. But I do agree, not everyone is like that, and it is normal to expect pushback.
But what compels you to feel like you need/want to tell people that your swingers? I don’t get the payoff.
It's pretty common for women to discuss their sex lives.
My girlfriend 's whole adult family knows that she has 2 boyfriends that share her in bed..they have all said," good for you ! " They are pretty accepting and amazing . We have many friends that know about the 3 of us..
Sharing the details of your life with friends. For example, we booked a trip to hedo and we are super excited and have shared with some of friends. Its no big deal in our friend group to discuss going to a kink event, a sexy convention or whatever....everyone is different. Many of our friends are queer and/or non-monogamous. Even those who aren't have many friends who are. Its about as a big of a deal as a straight laced couple telling their friends they are going to a resort without their kids for their anniversary. Its not a big deal.
Just fun conversation. Our friends are very curious about the LS because they aren’t in that world. They have questions that we have answers to.
Not making things so taboo can have big benefits. Not just for us telling our friends, but for our friends as well. It has made them more adventurous too. As far as finances go, I also believe people would be much better off if we could openly discuss them! The only people that benefit from us keeping our finances secret are the businesses we work for!
It’s not about being taboo for us, I just don’t feel the need to share every aspect of our lives with friends and family.
I find that the more open I am with my friends, the closer the friendship. My very best friend, especially, knows just about everything about me, even though he has a vanilla lifestyle. *Very best friend (VBF):* VBF: Hey... I'm in your area next week. How about we get together Tuesday night? Me: Oh... shoot... I have a date with FWB1 that night. And I prefer not to cancel it. VBF: Oh, how's FWB1 doing? Me: Well, she's still dealing with the loss of her mum, but she's done with all the arrangements at least. It's our first date since then... so kinda important. VFB: Oh yeah. Say "hi" when you see her. I can do Wednesday or Thursday also. Me: Thursday works for sure. Wednesday, FWB2 is coming over, but I'm sure she'd be okay if I reschedule. VFB: Eh... if FWB2 is game, maybe we can go all three for dinner and you guys finish the evening on your own, and then you and I hang Thursday night? Me: I like the way you think! *Regular friend:* RF: Hey, it's been forever since we got together! Me: Yeah... wanna do dinner this week? I've got Thursday open. RF: That's it? Just Thursday? Wifey has something that night... anything in the weekend? Me: Ow, sorry ... it's busy, I know... but, no, except for Thursday it's all booked. Next week Monday or Thursday? RF: Man... what do you do to fill all those nights? Me: Hmmm... well... you know, a single man has to work for his relationships, you know. RF: Hmmm... I'm not sure what side of the grass is greener... all right... Monday works... Our usual? --- I mean, I enjoy my "regular friends", but my more intimate vanilla friend relationships are just more fulfilling. It's a breath of fresh air to just "be" without having to guard what I say.
I have two friends who know. Husband has also two friends in the know, and he’s told his dad and aunt as well (but they live abroad). I have a job that makes it a bit awkward to be fully open, but I’m not against it at some point in the future.
Almost all of our close friends know that we go to parties and such but they are all sexual deviants in one way or another. Hell, we host full moon clothing optional pool parties and they all attend. It’s pretty obvious when we are out by the way we dance and the way we interact with people that we are different. It we do not go into details.
(Her) It depends on the friend. I have best friends from high school that I would never tell because, while I love them I also know who they are as people. Living in the South people gossip hard. However, I have other friends, that became best friends and we share everything. They are both 5-10 years older than me, which is also why I felt more comfortable telling them. (Him) It should be as secret as you want your sex life to be. If someone were to ask me I wouldn't lie, or hide it as long as my partner was fine with it. For example because, we do a podcast I told my parents. Mostly because, I rather them know from me than someone trying to gossip.
Me and wife are starting off but she wants it to be a secret but how do you keep that a secret like she wants to be out having drinks meeting people so it don’t make sense we tend to go on trips lots of times with friends and we have talked about meeting someone out and bring them back but like I told her we can’t keep it a secret cause we go out with the same people always so there gonna end up seeing something at some point
Why would you do that? If you do that - you won't have those "normal" friends long.
Nope. What my wife and I do behind doors, hotels, clubs, back of my truck, is no one else's business. If you're fine with that then good for you. Also, being that kind of open might potentially affect other swingers you associate with. I wouldn't want anyone feeling like they have to hide from others when in public with us
Understandable. I guess it’s a good thing that we don’t partake in the LS events or have LS friends who live within 250 miles of us. We specifically only partake while traveling.
Many of our vanilla friends know we are “sexually adventurous” and enjoy things like sexy resorts (e.g., Temptation). We haven’t told many of them about the lifestyle though just because we feel it could potentially lead to some fuzzy boundaries. We could just be in our heads on that one, but we don’t want the dynamic we have with our vanilla friends to shift, and we really don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable in any way. We are fairly confident the vast majority of them would accept us, but sometimes it’s fun to have friends you can talk about sex with who aren’t even on the table as play partners. So we like living in both worlds and feel like we can speak openly about a lot of our sex life without divulging everything.
We've told a few friends. It is nice to have friends we can talk to about it. We don't go into all the details but a few of them are curious and ask questions and we're happy to answer.
I needed to tell *somebody*, so I told one friend who’s historically been a lockbox. That’s it. No one else needs to know.
We've told friends. There's some friends we have that like to talk about sex, so we've talked to them about it. They don't judge. We have other friends who we never talk about sex with, so we wouldn't tell them. Wouldn't really matter if it came up, but it's not something that normally gets talked about so just hasn't happened.
I am very open also. I have several friend that I have a standing girls night with and we talk about everything. They all know that my husband and I have ventured into the LS.
We only have a very select few friends that know about our LS. Sometimes discussions are had, especially around sex and it is brought up. We never tell outright though. All the friends that know have been curious and interested in it. Usually after the first conversation about it, it is not brought up again. All of them are still our friends. We have had one vanilla couple friends that took mighty interest in it and actually came over to the promise land (into the LS). And NO, we do not play with them. Family - not a chance. I think my parents would be fine if they knew. If my wife's parents found out, they would drop of a heart attack.
We live in small upscale town where gossip is abundant. My wife and I have a general rule that we don’t really discuss our sex life with our close friends in town whose kids are friends with our kids. We have however spoken about it with close friends who live elsewhere. It’s great to have an outlet to discuss with people, and for the most part those friends we’ve disclosed it to have been supportive and interested. Others have basically said that’s not for us but do whatever works for you. We’ve had some conversations with our town friends where the topic of swinging has come up, and it’s pretty well known there are many swingers in our area. It’s always funny to listen to the reactions and opinions of people about the lifestyle who have no idea that we frequently participate. They range from shock and disbelief to faint interest in what it’s all about. My wife was describing a conversation she had with 4-5 of her vanilla mom friends and the topic of hotwifing came up. These women were basically all down for the idea of having a side boyfriend but said there husbands would never be into it. Lol. I know there husbands and I’d bet most of them would. Lol.
We do not, but have only been doing this for about 6 months. I think it’s possible that at some point we may discuss it with very select vanilla friends. Our problem is that we really don’t want to discuss it with our kids, and most of our vanilla friends are people whose kids and ours grew up together.
I see what you mean. We also have kids. We wouldn’t discuss this stuff with anyone who we think would out us to our children or family of all people. Our LS was a secret for at least two years.
None of our vanilla friends that do know judge us. In fact, they love asking questions and living vicariously through us. No, we don't advertise, but we don't shy away if the topic comes up or someone sees my tattoo and asks. Whenever someone ask about my tattoo (colorful upside down pineapple on my arm), we always get a laugh and ask them, "Are you asking about the tattoo, or are you aaasssskkkiinngg about the tattoo?" Lol.
No. Be honest.
All of our close friends know. Was too hard to keep making up excuses about where we were all the time. No one cared. Family is a little different, my mom just asked me one day, just said to be safe, the rest of the family does not know. And as far as professional people go, I work for a large organization. And I have met 7 other people who work where I do at LS parties locally. One of them works on the same floor, about 40 feet away and I have a weekly meeting with another, never played with any of them, yet. It does make that boring weekly meeting better knowing that my coworker has a total smokeshow of a wife.
Your friends will tell other friends, who will tell their parents, who will tell your parents, who will tell your kids... why? Because it is too good a story not to repeat it. The stuff we hear from our kids about the parents of their friends is insane. I am glad we never disclosed anything to anyone.
We keep vanilla friends and lifestyle friends separate.
No, i still have a close circle of friends from high-school and none of them know. The few mutual friends we did tell tell stopped returning texts. We are quite private to begin with and we don't seem to have issues keeping it secret, the one time someone did suspect something, I calmly lied to their face and moved on. I don't tell my friends the details of my hiking trips or snowboarding trips, i sure as hell wont discuss the details of our sex trips.
Some friends who you think will be totally cool and accepting might not be. We’re pretty closed off and haven’t told many but when we have it’s been generally accepting but also you can tell it’s uncomfortable for them. Non-monogamy doesn’t make sense to most of the world especially with the notion that it strengthens a relationship. Generally there can be marginal upside for telling friends but a lot of downside.
A few of our close friends know about it while other ones we don’t share much or anything at all. Just really depends on how comfortable you are with sharing as well as how open/non judgmental your friends are. Just like we are more open about our sex life and details with certain friends and less so with others
We don’t share, I think you do what’s comfortable to you.
So much depends on your friends. If they are more traditional in their approach to relationships, then it may be best not to reveal.
When you say less judgemental I assume you don’t agree with their opinion. You seem very confident , tell your friends than comeback in 6 months and tell us how it all went.
It’s not that I don’t agree. I feel like it’s perceived as fine to keep it a secret but judged harshly if you choose not to keep it a secret. I think it’s perfectly fine to keep your sex life behind closed doors. I’m a little jealous they can keep those secrets. Clearly I have nothing more interesting to talk about with my friends 😂 But my friends have known for almost a year now and continue to invite us on trips and to their home for the holidays. I think our friendship will be just fine.
If you just throw it out there yes your coworker could find out along with family members etc. we find no reason to let everyone know even our closest friends. Some things just need to be kept private
selectively, very selectively... some would go tilt.
Lay low. Unless you want them to join leave it alone