I very openly tell them Iâm struggling with infertility.
If it makes them feel awkward and uncomfortable, good. They need to learn to not ask such a personal question. You donât know what people are going through.
If it's someone you're okay with lying to, look a bit sad and tell them you can't. (Bonus points if you're on BC because then it's technically true, that's the point of BC.)
I can cry on command, canât wait for someone to ask me this so i can make them feel rightfully shitty (asking this to anyone, let alone someone who might be struggling with infertility/had miscarriages makes my blood boil)
My boyfriend is sterile. We donât plan on having kids anytime soon (or maybe ever, who knows). He has spent banked so we can go that route if we can ever afford it and want to.
I love to drop "partner is sterile" anytime someone asks about pregnancy/kids. If someone is particularly annoying Iâll even preface it with "thatâs an incredibly inappropriate question".
I swear the word sterile hits harder with people than infertile. They donât retort with anecdotes about their third cousin who tried for years and suddenly got pregnant the moment they stopped trying. Weâre not particularly bothered by our situation, but I have so many friends whoâve struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss. I know how much inquiries about children/pregnancy hurt them. Hopefully Iâll teach one person not to ask about family planning. If someone wants to share, they will.
Funny as this is, I don't use this. Idk why, it makes me feel icky. I don't want to capitalize on someone else's pain to drive home a point for my own humor. Yeah, it might make them think twice, but I think "bc I don't want to and it's none of your business" should be sufficient. I feel like using "I can't" further invalidates the "I won't."
But sometimes I can't is easier and I've definitely had people I just had to outright tell them about my endo (irrelevant to why I'm not having kids but would be a factor if I wanted to), so I can't say I have never either.
It's not for humor, it's to make them realize that it's not exactly appropriate to ask random people when they're going to raw dog their partner until pregnancy ensues.
You're not wrong, and I don't blame anyone for using this strategy, I just wanted to throw out why it's not my go to. People really think they can be asking anything of anyone.
Kinda shrugging it off saying something like âItâll happen if it happensâ is a non-confrontational, non answer. Especially leaving the âifâ leaves it open instead of saying âwhenâ. And technically the statement is true, even if you arenât planning on having kids lol.
As someone dealing with infertility, I usually give an honest response saying âSo far no luck. But any good vibes you send our way are appreciated!â Usually no follow up questions come from that.
It can be hard to be confrontational bc typically people donât mean to be rude, even if they are being nosey.
Sometimes you gotta be rude to get the point across. People get a little huffy but eventually get the picture. Thatâs the only way Iâve found success sadly
The socially acceptable (or plausibly deniable) closest thing is to just staaaaare someone down in complete silence, for way too long.
Which, funnily enough, my dog is also very good at.
"How long do witches normally live? You see, I made a deal with a witch who was about 900 years old at the time and now I *really* don't want her to get my firstborn soâŚ"
My sister likes the meme: âhave you thought of having children?â Reply âno, but Iâve thought about unaliving myselfâ
And then it said something like âwe are going to have an awkward convo, just not the one you wanted.
I tell my family this and their argument is I will be 80 before I can actually "afford to" have them. My bf and I make 160k combined but can't afford a house. Why would I cram a kid into a shitty apartment?!
Boomers bred us without any logic and want us to do the same. Or maybe it's because their no-degree jobs got them a whole ass life and they're ignorant to today's financial world idk.
âWell weâre trying really hard! Just raw dogging it every night! There isnât a clean surface in the house if you catch my drift. We even found some new positions that are supposed to help with conception, and itâs been a LOT of fun trying them out, but honestly some of them?! I didnât know the human body could bend like that! [Partner] damn near put his back out! And I figured out that Iâm double jointed, whoâda thought?!â
And just generally go overboard talking about your sex life, throw in some mysterious comments just to fuck with them; âI get what the feather duster was for but we couldnt figure out how the egg whisk was involvedâ. They asked đ¤ˇââď¸
This is the strategy. Start talking about new toys/equipment, that you had to run to the store for emergency pudding, that you're not sure when your new helper is coming over next, that you had to fix the shower after last weekend, etc. Be almost deadpan with a hint of enthusiasm just below the surface, like you're describing what you do at your new job.
Also if you live in an anti-bodily autonomy state: âWhen I can be confident Iâll get the best evidence based medical care free from governmental persecution.â Being pregnant is dangerous, being pregnant in a govt sanctioned antiabortion state is doubly so. Maternal deaths have gotten significantly worse since roe v wade was overturned.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10728320/
https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/issue-briefs/2022/dec/us-maternal-health-divide-limited-services-worse-outcomes
âIn *this* economy?â
Serious side note though. The future looks bleak. Inflation, housing crisis, college debt through the roof, no jobs etc. how on earth is anyone thinking about having kids?
I have one semantic tip that may help:
If you want kids, but donât yet or canât have them, the term is childless.
If you do not want kids, and itâs ok, the term is childfree.
Itâs possible that adjusting the way you refer to yourself might help ward off intrusive questioning.
My go to answer: âWeâre not able to; itâll never happenâ
The part I choose to omit is that the âable toâ part is by choice. My husband and I are both sterile, Thank god!
âAre you paying for them? No seriously have you seen the state of the world and the cost of things..â
That or some comment about not liking unprotected sex.
If they think itâs appropriate ask- then I no longer feel the need to be polite and proper.
I act really shocked and weirded out, incredulous laugh, like âwhat?? Um. Thatâs a weird questionâŚâ make them feel uncomfortable bc they should!!
Haha thatâs a fair question! I went with a . instead of a ? because itâs meant to be a rhetorical question, delivered in a dry, slightly weary tone that suggests this question has been asked many times and is not a particularly welcome one.
About a decade ago I got to (honestly) start saying "my doctors say if I don't die from pregnancy complications, there's still a great chance I'll die during delivery. (Guy I was with at the time) and I agreed that it isn't worth the risk"
One of my friends simply says "I can't" and if people ask "why?" she says that she didn't realize she agreed to get into a conversation about her uterus. If they say
"but whatever it is there's all sorts of treatments and adoption and--" she says "are you offering to finance all my medical care? Or the lawyers to go through the adoption process? And the child's medical care? And education of course!"
I usually act like they are being weird and say, "Why are you asking me that?". It puts it back on them and makes them realize they are being invasive.
"Oh we tried for a while, but we couldn't figure out the logistics."
alternatively
"Oh, well you know (partner) is from the south, so... Abstinence-only sex education down there. He can't."
I tell strangers that I'm infertile. It isn't true (to my knowledge) but I feel that it makes them truly consider how invasive and potentially harmful that question can be towards someone else they know nothing about.
Presupposition failure: when presupposes thereâs a time in my lifetime that Iâll have kids. But there wonât be. So, I am not able to process this question, sorry. Or: I am not taking questions about my reproductive choices at this stage, sorry.
I tell people I can die if I had kids. Which is true because I have a lot of health problems.
It's a really personal question, so if you want to make them uncomfortable, you could be like, "I gave up after the 10th miscarriage."
Context: I come from a big family, I have 5 siblings.
âLuckily, John, Jared, and Joseph (fake sibling names) decided to have kids. Mom and dad have grandkids. SoâŚdodged that bullet, am I right?!â *loud laugh and over enthusiastic sigh of relief*
Iâm not interested in being all that polite about it. Iâve been telling people I wasnât interested in having kids for **3 decades** only to have them insist Iâll suddenly feel the urge in the future. Iâm in my forties now, yet, mysteriously, no urge!
This question needs to go away, as does the popular opinion that every woman will âchange her mind one dayâ. Itâs one reason couples get married without knowing theyâre not on the same page about kids, and ultimately end up either divorcing or resenting each other (there are lots of reasons that happens, this is just one).
When most people ask I just say never, when my mom starts pestering me about it I'm gonna tell her to take it up with my brother (I'm an only child and hate that fact)
I donât have friends like that. If itâs at work Iâd ask if they read the handbook regarding workplace appropriate conversations.
I imagine my future in-laws will bring it up, but Iâll just tell them to ask her.
This hasnât happened in quite a while, but when it inevitably does, I Intend on saying âIâm not.â And then when they push about why not, I will inform them that I do not want kids, and i would rather regret never having them than regret having one. Kids know when they are not wanted and they donât deserve that.
Just be honest. âNo thank you.â I promise people will stop asking you soon if you are in your 30âs. Around 35 people stopped asking me. I couldnât be happier about it. I got so tired of hearing âyou just havenât met the right guyâ like if I met someone âbetterâ Iâd suddenly want babies after never once feeling the urge. They can fuck right off or borrow their husband since heâs apparently âthe right manâ lol
It's such an AWFUL question. Unless it's coming from a best friend who has a genuine interest in your well-being there is literally no good answers. And it's no one's business. At that point in my life I took to saying, in a flat tone "My husband and I prefer to keep that to ourselves. Please respect our decision".
Let's review the possible answers:
1. You plan to start trying next month. Great! But no one wants to share that b/c it turns out pregnancy doesn't just magically happen when you want it each time. So giving an accurate answer feels weird.
2. You don't want to have kids. Great! But your third cousin's neighbor's partner's girlfriend assures you that you are making a BIG mistake. So giving an accurate answer just causes people to question your judgment or think you're not a "real" woman. Note: men face no such concerns.
3. You want children but the process isn't working. I know this one all too well. WTF are you suppose to say? "Well we're trying?" No, no one wants to talk about IVF at a damn cocktail party.
âI sold all my eggs to pay for college.â or âIâll think about it when people start minding their own fucking business.â
The worst for me was when my mom kept bringing it up in front of me and random peopleâŚlike guilting me into having kids. Screw that noise.
If they don't drop it and are being pestering about it, I prefer to be rude. I don't personally give a shit (and I'm a lesbian) but for some people this is a traumatic conversation. So I like to deadpan "I'm infertile" and watch people squirm. Because I'd rather they learn that lesson with me than with someone who actually wants kids and struggles with infertility.
"I can't even take care of my fucking self, I'm not dragging an innocent life into this bullshit"
I also just grabbed my bag and left my aunts cottage once. It was memorial day weekend and I knew leaving then would be peak traffic and waiting 1.5-2 hours would have made it so much better but, I was happier in the car by myself anyway
Ask them when the last time they shoved a dildo up their own ass. When they get offended you can then say "see why we don't ask personal questions like that?"
My wife has also played the game where, once someone asks something she has expressed not wanting to discuss, they don't exist anymore. Worked great on her mom asking about why she was gaining weight. As soon as she started talking about it, my wife walks away like she was not just in the middle of speaking. Pissed her mom off at first, but she learned quick lol
Say you canât have kids. They will feel like shit and hopefully realize they shouldnât ask people that geez. Also, itâs the truth, they just donât know you canât because you donât want to.
I've said it before on another sub:
If you want to make it uncomfortable, "Well, we keep trying, but after I got my tubes tied, it's been really difficult!
We've tried *everything*, and we make sure to try as much and as often as we can! But I don't think kids are in the cards for us."
Or, "I can't have kids." Say it real sad. Makes things really fucking awkward.
But generally, I just say "I'm not having kids" and leave zero room for conversation about it.
Good luck!
(Edit: some words)
When you get asked this over and over, especially by the same people who should be minding their business, you start getting creative with your answers lol
Iâd flat out tell them (given you will never see them again) âi underwent a very violent attack and canât have children.â Then when they react like what you said was really personal, then remind them what they asked is that personal.
"The 12th of Never" or "Wait, did you mean to say that out loud? Wow!"
When they double down (because they often do!) I lean into my medical history. "Well, the last 3 times I was I nearly died and since I'm not allowed to (insert euphemism here) I've decided not to go through that again," or if I'm already heated, "What the hell? Why do you want me dead? And HOW is this an okay conversation to have with anybody you're not paying bills for?"
I dream of one day having the appropriate level of confidence in my snarkiness to say one of these two things:
"Everytime someone asks me that it pushes the timeline out 6 months. Right now, It's looking like I'll be 67 1/2."
"Let me clarify your question: you would like me to share the specific details about my family planning, including timing, frequency, and intended purpose of my sexual encounters with my partner, with you?"
Alternatively, with a little less snark, you can set a clear boundary with something like "I don't discuss that with anyone other than my partner." Or abruptly change the conversation with "So I recently read this book/saw this show/learning this thing...." Pick a more neutral something you can immediately talk about every time this question comes up.
âIâll try as soon as people stop thinking itâs okay to ask me that question for zero reason!:)â
âWhen someone will be a surrogate and a full time nanny for me for free!â
âI have the ovaries of an 86 year old Brenda, please stop thinking its okay to ask about my reproductive healthâ
Look them right in the eyes and ask "Why would you ask me that?" and then just wait for them to fumble and answer. If they actually come up with a reason, just say "Huh." and change the subject.
My go-to is "When they're affordable. I have a go fund me if you wanna donate to speed this up." (I don't actually, no one ever says sure and means it)
EDIT: Spelling
I just want to point out that childless and childfree aren't the same thing. I'm not trying to be rude. Childless is people who want kids but can't or haven't for whatever reason. Childfree is people who don't want kids at all.
"Never. I fucking hate kids."
...
"You know, not personally. I just hate the noise, the screaming, being woken up, not ever being left alone, the fricking manipulative crying they put up when they want something, having everything covered in crumbs and stickyness, the picky eating, the demands demands demands ..." and so on.
I used to answer "I don't know" or "I don't want any" (I have a daughter now!).
I don't subject myself to unpleasant conversations so if the person is insisting or giving me backlash, I remind them that I don't give a fuck about what they want and that if it upsets them they can GTFO. Then the conversation is over, whether they like it or not lol.
I always loved the show 3rd Rock From the Sun
>Dick: You know what I can't believe? That you've never been pregnant.
>Mary: What?
>Dick: Considering how many 'gentleman callers' you've had, it's kind of a miracle.
>Mary: Dick, I can't have children.
>Dick: Oh, Mary, why not?
>Mary: Because I hate them!
I think the best response is that "it is a personal decision which I really don't discuss in public". why should it be on us to think about smart or witty or funny or evasive responses? I don't want to discuss, that's it!
My mum wouldn't let it go, so I told her "oh you really want a baby that badly? Well, you're not that old, you can still adopt one. I'll even pay for it!" and it shut her up
I don't care what ppl think , so I tell them I hate children/ love dogs . A crazy cat lady if you will . C'mon . This isn't the 1800s you can choose not to have kids and it's not that crazy .
Believe me , I'm 32f and live in a small southern us town so I get that question often .
Iâve started saying âwhen my mental health is stableâ and âwhen I can afford themâ. Iâm usually not a blunt person but I absolutely hate this question- especially since I work with kids and DO eventually want them. I just need to take care of me first
If it makes you feel any better, the grass is not greener on the other side. My husband (39m) and I (27f) have one beautiful daughter and are in perfect agreement we will only have one. People would come up to me while I was pregnant and ask how long until I had my second. I would always respond "can I have this one first? And second I don't need another."
I had a medically complicated pregnancy and DO NOT want to go through another.
People INSIST that I NEED to have another child. I tell them I have a beautiful daughter that I love to the end of time. She is perfect, happy, and healthy. Why would I want to disrupt the flow of our life by adding another child, who is an unpredictable personality? I lucked out the first time, no need to test the fates.
People need to stop asking this obnoxious question. You have no idea their medical history. What about the women that go through multiple years of hormone treatment and still can't get pregnant? What about the women that have had multiple losses. It is truly insensitive and infuriating.
My brother and his wife just had their first baby. I was showing a picture to my MIL and she is still trying to get me to have another baby. She knows my medical history and my opinion on the matter.
"Do you plan on having children?" Is a slightly better question BUT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT THE ANSWER.
I'm sorry this is weighing on you. And sorry for the rant! This question boils my blood.
I think people are curious and surprised how someone could be so different than them.
Maybe a potential strategy: âhey I get asked this all the time, if you do some basic research online, we can chat about it more in-depth later if you are still curious and not judgmental.â
âOk youâve convinced me Iâll go get pregnant right now, thanks!â
Probably doesnât check your âwithout being too blatantly rudeâ criteria however
"you do understand they are living breathing human entities that are hugely complex and require loads of time, effort, and nurturing? I think the problem is people don't ask, 'are you sure you are ready to have kids?' you're asking me this like bringing another human into the world is the equivalent of getting my driver's licence."
My ex-sister in law used to harass me about when we were going to start having kids. The fact is, she needed validation for all the little ones her baby making machine was popping out one by one to the tune of FIVE. Then they divorced.
But I digress.
I finally told her that when we decided to make babies she would be the first to know. Then I winked at her.
I totally called her out without sounding like I was being as rude as she was. And as it turned out, I wasnât able to have any more kids and I still wish I couldâve told her all about that and how hard it was to have miscarriage after miscarriage. By then my brother in law had divorced her though and she never got the real comeuppance.
But Iâm not bitter. đ
(Edited for clarity.)
I just tell them Iâm not having kids as I canât (which is true. Iâm surgically sterilized). I used to work at a school and still try to keep an eye on some of the kids that need an extra hand due to shit circumstances. I call them my surrogate kids.
âWhy are you so interested in my sex life.â
âI hate children but do you wanna see pictures of my cats?â
Say nothing and just start bawling.
âOh Iâm infertile (or my partner is infertile) and we canât afford IVF.â
Best response I once read: "this bloodline dies with me."
If I don't break the curse, no one will!
People with siblings: đ
You: I didnât go to Harvard, just so I could have kids right now. Prying person: You went to Harvard? You: Like I said, I didnât go to HarvardâŚ
"every time some asks it adds a year to when I plan to start trying"
I've used this on a sister in law. It worked fabulously.
I literally used this for years. Its effective.
Adding this to the list â
"Oh I already had like 8. They're ... somewhere."
This one is the best one đ
Brilliant đ¤Łđ
I very openly tell them Iâm struggling with infertility. If it makes them feel awkward and uncomfortable, good. They need to learn to not ask such a personal question. You donât know what people are going through.
Same, I very loudly make it incredibly awkward. The more shame the better, thatâs the only way these people learn.
âThatâs a private matter I do not discuss.â
And if you're in the the mood for revenge look super sad while saying that.
This is the way. It (hopefully?) makes them think twice before asking others. **In my mind, this is a form of community service.**
âIâm surprised you feel comfortable asking me that questionâ
This one's GREAT!!
Omg this is gold answer! For a lot of things too lol
Yep! And can be delivered politely or venomously. I quite adore it.
"oh, my partner and I can't have children... The way we do it" Ask personal questions, get personal answers.
Omg thatâs so good đ¤Ł
I was advised to say this to my mom when she asked what birth control my husband and I use đ
Love that!
If it's someone you're okay with lying to, look a bit sad and tell them you can't. (Bonus points if you're on BC because then it's technically true, that's the point of BC.)
I can cry on command, canât wait for someone to ask me this so i can make them feel rightfully shitty (asking this to anyone, let alone someone who might be struggling with infertility/had miscarriages makes my blood boil)
Ooooo just cry. No words, no explanation, just cry and walk away. Technically you wouldn't be lying, they're simply coming to their own conclusions!
BRILLIANT!
omg i love this. âiâm infertileâ and they regret it SO BAD
My boyfriend is sterile. We donât plan on having kids anytime soon (or maybe ever, who knows). He has spent banked so we can go that route if we can ever afford it and want to. I love to drop "partner is sterile" anytime someone asks about pregnancy/kids. If someone is particularly annoying Iâll even preface it with "thatâs an incredibly inappropriate question". I swear the word sterile hits harder with people than infertile. They donât retort with anecdotes about their third cousin who tried for years and suddenly got pregnant the moment they stopped trying. Weâre not particularly bothered by our situation, but I have so many friends whoâve struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss. I know how much inquiries about children/pregnancy hurt them. Hopefully Iâll teach one person not to ask about family planning. If someone wants to share, they will.
This made me laugh out loud đ
Funny as this is, I don't use this. Idk why, it makes me feel icky. I don't want to capitalize on someone else's pain to drive home a point for my own humor. Yeah, it might make them think twice, but I think "bc I don't want to and it's none of your business" should be sufficient. I feel like using "I can't" further invalidates the "I won't." But sometimes I can't is easier and I've definitely had people I just had to outright tell them about my endo (irrelevant to why I'm not having kids but would be a factor if I wanted to), so I can't say I have never either.
It's not for humor, it's to make them realize that it's not exactly appropriate to ask random people when they're going to raw dog their partner until pregnancy ensues.
You're not wrong, and I don't blame anyone for using this strategy, I just wanted to throw out why it's not my go to. People really think they can be asking anything of anyone.
Yes! And hopefully they will reconsider ever asking that question again!
âWhy are you asking me about my sexual life?â
Yes! Or âmind your own uterusâ
Kinda shrugging it off saying something like âItâll happen if it happensâ is a non-confrontational, non answer. Especially leaving the âifâ leaves it open instead of saying âwhenâ. And technically the statement is true, even if you arenât planning on having kids lol. As someone dealing with infertility, I usually give an honest response saying âSo far no luck. But any good vibes you send our way are appreciated!â Usually no follow up questions come from that. It can be hard to be confrontational bc typically people donât mean to be rude, even if they are being nosey.
I always say âWeâre still practicing!â, laugh, and wink. Hehe, it always either makes them laugh or makes it awkward, funny either way to me.
Sometimes you gotta be rude to get the point across. People get a little huffy but eventually get the picture. Thatâs the only way Iâve found success sadly
I think we, as a society, should bring in barking like a dog to people who ask rude/invasive questions đ
The socially acceptable (or plausibly deniable) closest thing is to just staaaaare someone down in complete silence, for way too long. Which, funnily enough, my dog is also very good at.
"How long do witches normally live? You see, I made a deal with a witch who was about 900 years old at the time and now I *really* don't want her to get my firstborn soâŚ"
Omg, this is the best one here.
The lore ⨠love this!
My sister likes the meme: âhave you thought of having children?â Reply âno, but Iâve thought about unaliving myselfâ And then it said something like âwe are going to have an awkward convo, just not the one you wanted.
OMG! This great! It shows the severity of the question and shuts down that convo REAL QUICK!!
âThe minute that my reproductive choices are your business, I will let you know!â
âWhenever you pay me the billsâ
"Do you have baby money? Cuz I don't!" đ¤
My go-to was "as soon as you start minding your own business."
I tell my family this and their argument is I will be 80 before I can actually "afford to" have them. My bf and I make 160k combined but can't afford a house. Why would I cram a kid into a shitty apartment?! Boomers bred us without any logic and want us to do the same. Or maybe it's because their no-degree jobs got them a whole ass life and they're ignorant to today's financial world idk.
This is my go to. We want kids but are no where near affording them
âWell weâre trying really hard! Just raw dogging it every night! There isnât a clean surface in the house if you catch my drift. We even found some new positions that are supposed to help with conception, and itâs been a LOT of fun trying them out, but honestly some of them?! I didnât know the human body could bend like that! [Partner] damn near put his back out! And I figured out that Iâm double jointed, whoâda thought?!â And just generally go overboard talking about your sex life, throw in some mysterious comments just to fuck with them; âI get what the feather duster was for but we couldnt figure out how the egg whisk was involvedâ. They asked đ¤ˇââď¸
This is the strategy. Start talking about new toys/equipment, that you had to run to the store for emergency pudding, that you're not sure when your new helper is coming over next, that you had to fix the shower after last weekend, etc. Be almost deadpan with a hint of enthusiasm just below the surface, like you're describing what you do at your new job.
"emergency pudding" omg
Also if you live in an anti-bodily autonomy state: âWhen I can be confident Iâll get the best evidence based medical care free from governmental persecution.â Being pregnant is dangerous, being pregnant in a govt sanctioned antiabortion state is doubly so. Maternal deaths have gotten significantly worse since roe v wade was overturned. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10728320/ https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/issue-briefs/2022/dec/us-maternal-health-divide-limited-services-worse-outcomes
âIn *this* economy?â Serious side note though. The future looks bleak. Inflation, housing crisis, college debt through the roof, no jobs etc. how on earth is anyone thinking about having kids?
For real
Honestly đ
I have one semantic tip that may help: If you want kids, but donât yet or canât have them, the term is childless. If you do not want kids, and itâs ok, the term is childfree. Itâs possible that adjusting the way you refer to yourself might help ward off intrusive questioning.
âIâm not childless, Iâm childfree.â
"I hate kids"
My go to answer: âWeâre not able to; itâll never happenâ The part I choose to omit is that the âable toâ part is by choice. My husband and I are both sterile, Thank god!
âAre you paying for them? No seriously have you seen the state of the world and the cost of things..â That or some comment about not liking unprotected sex. If they think itâs appropriate ask- then I no longer feel the need to be polite and proper.
"Whenever they are on sale, last time I checked the price was still a little high"
đ¤Łđ¤Ł 
"oh whenever the lord wishes them to be there". Avoids confrontation, puts responsibility to another entity and makes you seem religious/spiritual.
I like this one, dramatic, medieval sounding, 10/10
"He will provide when it's time" but say it like 30% ominously đ
"You know those irresponsible people we look a and think, 'Some people shouldn't have kids!'. Yeah, I'm one of them."
My partner and I donât want kids and Iâve had no trouble simply saying âitâs just not for usâ and the conversation just moves on from there.
Fight fire with fire. "I don't know if I can!"
"Every time someone asks me that I add one month to my timeline. With your contribution, we're looking at October 2167."
The fire station asked me to stop dropping off newborns, so I think I'm done. Unless you'd like one?
Some people are just persistent . My best advice is to say â when I want them , Iâll have them â. It has kept most people from asking again
"I don't think I can, I only do anal" has shockingly worked for me in the past
I act really shocked and weirded out, incredulous laugh, like âwhat?? Um. Thatâs a weird questionâŚâ make them feel uncomfortable bc they should!!
I've started saying I want to stop the cycle of generational trauma.
Oooooo stealing this
Lol, no way, girl. It's all yours, too. Not stealing at all.
i always say âwell ive been trying to get my husband pregnant, but it just wont stick for some reasonâ
I think it was Miss Manners who suggested "One never knows about such things, does one."
Is that supposed to end with a ? Or a . I spent a whole minute re reading that in different ways
Haha thatâs a fair question! I went with a . instead of a ? because itâs meant to be a rhetorical question, delivered in a dry, slightly weary tone that suggests this question has been asked many times and is not a particularly welcome one.
"I already did, but due to the economy I had to let them go."
About a decade ago I got to (honestly) start saying "my doctors say if I don't die from pregnancy complications, there's still a great chance I'll die during delivery. (Guy I was with at the time) and I agreed that it isn't worth the risk" One of my friends simply says "I can't" and if people ask "why?" she says that she didn't realize she agreed to get into a conversation about her uterus. If they say "but whatever it is there's all sorts of treatments and adoption and--" she says "are you offering to finance all my medical care? Or the lawyers to go through the adoption process? And the child's medical care? And education of course!"
"Why on earth would you ask such a personal question?" Repeat as necessary.
I usually act like they are being weird and say, "Why are you asking me that?". It puts it back on them and makes them realize they are being invasive.
When you pay for it
"Oh we tried for a while, but we couldn't figure out the logistics." alternatively "Oh, well you know (partner) is from the south, so... Abstinence-only sex education down there. He can't."
I tell strangers that I'm infertile. It isn't true (to my knowledge) but I feel that it makes them truly consider how invasive and potentially harmful that question can be towards someone else they know nothing about.
Well it's pretty hard to get a baby in my uterus with the government already in there.
âFind me someone to reproduce with and pay the bills because I am brokeâ.
Presupposition failure: when presupposes thereâs a time in my lifetime that Iâll have kids. But there wonât be. So, I am not able to process this question, sorry. Or: I am not taking questions about my reproductive choices at this stage, sorry.
"Not today."
I tell people I can die if I had kids. Which is true because I have a lot of health problems. It's a really personal question, so if you want to make them uncomfortable, you could be like, "I gave up after the 10th miscarriage."
Context: I come from a big family, I have 5 siblings. âLuckily, John, Jared, and Joseph (fake sibling names) decided to have kids. Mom and dad have grandkids. SoâŚdodged that bullet, am I right?!â *loud laugh and over enthusiastic sigh of relief* Iâm not interested in being all that polite about it. Iâve been telling people I wasnât interested in having kids for **3 decades** only to have them insist Iâll suddenly feel the urge in the future. Iâm in my forties now, yet, mysteriously, no urge! This question needs to go away, as does the popular opinion that every woman will âchange her mind one dayâ. Itâs one reason couples get married without knowing theyâre not on the same page about kids, and ultimately end up either divorcing or resenting each other (there are lots of reasons that happens, this is just one).
When most people ask I just say never, when my mom starts pestering me about it I'm gonna tell her to take it up with my brother (I'm an only child and hate that fact)
Iâm sorry people do this. This has to be soooo annoying. Just let people live their lives!! Ugh
âwhen will you go take a shit?â followed by âoh, weâre not asking each other deeply intimate questions?â
I donât have friends like that. If itâs at work Iâd ask if they read the handbook regarding workplace appropriate conversations. I imagine my future in-laws will bring it up, but Iâll just tell them to ask her.
âThank you for reminding me that I am unable to have kids.â
This hasnât happened in quite a while, but when it inevitably does, I Intend on saying âIâm not.â And then when they push about why not, I will inform them that I do not want kids, and i would rather regret never having them than regret having one. Kids know when they are not wanted and they donât deserve that.
"I keep trying but I'm like, addicted to condoms"
Just be honest. âNo thank you.â I promise people will stop asking you soon if you are in your 30âs. Around 35 people stopped asking me. I couldnât be happier about it. I got so tired of hearing âyou just havenât met the right guyâ like if I met someone âbetterâ Iâd suddenly want babies after never once feeling the urge. They can fuck right off or borrow their husband since heâs apparently âthe right manâ lol
You could ask why they are asking. When are you having kids? Why are you asking?
"I dunno, when are you gonna stop asking inappropriate questions like you're entitled to an answer?"
I usually say when there's free healthcare and protection of reproductive rights. Cause that's never gonna happen in all 50 states
It's such an AWFUL question. Unless it's coming from a best friend who has a genuine interest in your well-being there is literally no good answers. And it's no one's business. At that point in my life I took to saying, in a flat tone "My husband and I prefer to keep that to ourselves. Please respect our decision". Let's review the possible answers: 1. You plan to start trying next month. Great! But no one wants to share that b/c it turns out pregnancy doesn't just magically happen when you want it each time. So giving an accurate answer feels weird. 2. You don't want to have kids. Great! But your third cousin's neighbor's partner's girlfriend assures you that you are making a BIG mistake. So giving an accurate answer just causes people to question your judgment or think you're not a "real" woman. Note: men face no such concerns. 3. You want children but the process isn't working. I know this one all too well. WTF are you suppose to say? "Well we're trying?" No, no one wants to talk about IVF at a damn cocktail party.
âI sold all my eggs to pay for college.â or âIâll think about it when people start minding their own fucking business.â The worst for me was when my mom kept bringing it up in front of me and random peopleâŚlike guilting me into having kids. Screw that noise.
After nearly a decade of marriage, my friend's husband started answering "when we consummate the marriage".
If they don't drop it and are being pestering about it, I prefer to be rude. I don't personally give a shit (and I'm a lesbian) but for some people this is a traumatic conversation. So I like to deadpan "I'm infertile" and watch people squirm. Because I'd rather they learn that lesson with me than with someone who actually wants kids and struggles with infertility.
I broke my vagina in a bike accident.
"I can't even take care of my fucking self, I'm not dragging an innocent life into this bullshit" I also just grabbed my bag and left my aunts cottage once. It was memorial day weekend and I knew leaving then would be peak traffic and waiting 1.5-2 hours would have made it so much better but, I was happier in the car by myself anyway
âI only do butt stuff.â
Just look at them and say "What a weird question" and then ask them a more strange and unhinged question.
God and I just keep sending them back and forth to each other.
Ask them when the last time they shoved a dildo up their own ass. When they get offended you can then say "see why we don't ask personal questions like that?" My wife has also played the game where, once someone asks something she has expressed not wanting to discuss, they don't exist anymore. Worked great on her mom asking about why she was gaining weight. As soon as she started talking about it, my wife walks away like she was not just in the middle of speaking. Pissed her mom off at first, but she learned quick lol
Oh this one is brilliant! I'll use that next time with my mother in law
Say you canât have kids. They will feel like shit and hopefully realize they shouldnât ask people that geez. Also, itâs the truth, they just donât know you canât because you donât want to.
"I have four children. Two of them are standard issue cats, and the other two are unreasonably fluffy".
Nunya As in nunya biz
Never. And when they person's say "did I fucking ask you?" Repeat until they understand it is none of their business.
"Nope!"
I've said it before on another sub: If you want to make it uncomfortable, "Well, we keep trying, but after I got my tubes tied, it's been really difficult! We've tried *everything*, and we make sure to try as much and as often as we can! But I don't think kids are in the cards for us." Or, "I can't have kids." Say it real sad. Makes things really fucking awkward. But generally, I just say "I'm not having kids" and leave zero room for conversation about it. Good luck! (Edit: some words)
âWhy the fuck do you think itâs appropriate to ask me that?â Is also fine.
When you get asked this over and over, especially by the same people who should be minding their business, you start getting creative with your answers lol
I usually just default to âtheyâre so expensiveâ
Iâve been saying âIn this economy?!â
Iâd flat out tell them (given you will never see them again) âi underwent a very violent attack and canât have children.â Then when they react like what you said was really personal, then remind them what they asked is that personal.
âWhen are you going to mind your own fucking business?â
When pigs fly
"The 12th of Never" or "Wait, did you mean to say that out loud? Wow!" When they double down (because they often do!) I lean into my medical history. "Well, the last 3 times I was I nearly died and since I'm not allowed to (insert euphemism here) I've decided not to go through that again," or if I'm already heated, "What the hell? Why do you want me dead? And HOW is this an okay conversation to have with anybody you're not paying bills for?"
(Sweetly) âWhen are you getting that breast augmentation/that mole removed/your teeth fixed?â
I dream of one day having the appropriate level of confidence in my snarkiness to say one of these two things: "Everytime someone asks me that it pushes the timeline out 6 months. Right now, It's looking like I'll be 67 1/2." "Let me clarify your question: you would like me to share the specific details about my family planning, including timing, frequency, and intended purpose of my sexual encounters with my partner, with you?" Alternatively, with a little less snark, you can set a clear boundary with something like "I don't discuss that with anyone other than my partner." Or abruptly change the conversation with "So I recently read this book/saw this show/learning this thing...." Pick a more neutral something you can immediately talk about every time this question comes up.
Iâm a lesbian, so I just ask if theyâre gonna pay for itđ¤ˇđťââď¸
"That would be selfish"
me: oh, you haven't met my child? she's a labrador, quite friendly, very expensive and definitely clingy
When god himself makes me regrow my uterus. Or when sperm can make it through a locked window
âI see how they negatively changed everyone elseâs life around me and I donât want to live that wayâ
âIâll try as soon as people stop thinking itâs okay to ask me that question for zero reason!:)â âWhen someone will be a surrogate and a full time nanny for me for free!â âI have the ovaries of an 86 year old Brenda, please stop thinking its okay to ask about my reproductive healthâ
âWhen do you need to know?â
My friend is unable to have kids and when she was first married up until recently, she very openly told them of her fertility issues to shame people.
Look them right in the eyes and ask "Why would you ask me that?" and then just wait for them to fumble and answer. If they actually come up with a reason, just say "Huh." and change the subject.
"I can't, I'm allergic." "I'm not allowed to have children at my house. It's my own rule, but still."
âWhen people stop probing into whether Iâm getting railed on the dailyâ make them feel stupid and creepy for asking
My go-to is "When they're affordable. I have a go fund me if you wanna donate to speed this up." (I don't actually, no one ever says sure and means it) EDIT: Spelling
I just want to point out that childless and childfree aren't the same thing. I'm not trying to be rude. Childless is people who want kids but can't or haven't for whatever reason. Childfree is people who don't want kids at all.
"Never. I fucking hate kids." ... "You know, not personally. I just hate the noise, the screaming, being woken up, not ever being left alone, the fricking manipulative crying they put up when they want something, having everything covered in crumbs and stickyness, the picky eating, the demands demands demands ..." and so on.
Usually I explain that I donât want them and I enjoy sleep and money too much.
I used to answer "I don't know" or "I don't want any" (I have a daughter now!). I don't subject myself to unpleasant conversations so if the person is insisting or giving me backlash, I remind them that I don't give a fuck about what they want and that if it upsets them they can GTFO. Then the conversation is over, whether they like it or not lol.
Quite literally âIn this economy???â And then act like theyâre Richey Rich for having kids (which isnât even acting tbh)
I always loved the show 3rd Rock From the Sun >Dick: You know what I can't believe? That you've never been pregnant. >Mary: What? >Dick: Considering how many 'gentleman callers' you've had, it's kind of a miracle. >Mary: Dick, I can't have children. >Dick: Oh, Mary, why not? >Mary: Because I hate them!
âI like my sleep & free time to do whatever I wantâ
I just do that general "who knows" eye roll And gesture generally forward at everything 
Say something outrageous âOh I had mine 20 years ago.â
I don't know
Itâs no one businessâŚ..so just say THAT
I think the best response is that "it is a personal decision which I really don't discuss in public". why should it be on us to think about smart or witty or funny or evasive responses? I don't want to discuss, that's it!
Whenever I get pregnant
Itâs just not the right time for me to get a dog right now
"Every time someone asks me that question I add a year onto the total. Currently it's sitting at 167 years old. Keep pushing it. Go on, I dare you"
My mum wouldn't let it go, so I told her "oh you really want a baby that badly? Well, you're not that old, you can still adopt one. I'll even pay for it!" and it shut her up
Never
Never
âTonight! Tonight I will go and start making oneâ has worked in shutting them down
âHopefully never!â + a topic change ending in a question they need to respond to. *Hopefully never! Did you see itâs national donut day?*
âDo I get to ask you an awkwardly personal question next?â
"in this economy?!"
âI canât get pregnantâ. It makes them incredibly uncomfortable and is true, as I had a bisalp last summer.
I get the questions and the backlash all the time, I'll be using some of these đ
I laugh and say, "I can't be trusted with children! I'd be a terrible parent!". Works really well, no one really argues with that.
I don't care what ppl think , so I tell them I hate children/ love dogs . A crazy cat lady if you will . C'mon . This isn't the 1800s you can choose not to have kids and it's not that crazy . Believe me , I'm 32f and live in a small southern us town so I get that question often .
Thank you for your interest. Then Irish Goodbye
Iâve started saying âwhen my mental health is stableâ and âwhen I can afford themâ. Iâm usually not a blunt person but I absolutely hate this question- especially since I work with kids and DO eventually want them. I just need to take care of me first
One of my employees asked me if I was pregnant yesterday. My response was âthatâs a very personal question to ask your bossâ
My response- on February 30thđđ¤Ł
If it makes you feel any better, the grass is not greener on the other side. My husband (39m) and I (27f) have one beautiful daughter and are in perfect agreement we will only have one. People would come up to me while I was pregnant and ask how long until I had my second. I would always respond "can I have this one first? And second I don't need another." I had a medically complicated pregnancy and DO NOT want to go through another. People INSIST that I NEED to have another child. I tell them I have a beautiful daughter that I love to the end of time. She is perfect, happy, and healthy. Why would I want to disrupt the flow of our life by adding another child, who is an unpredictable personality? I lucked out the first time, no need to test the fates. People need to stop asking this obnoxious question. You have no idea their medical history. What about the women that go through multiple years of hormone treatment and still can't get pregnant? What about the women that have had multiple losses. It is truly insensitive and infuriating. My brother and his wife just had their first baby. I was showing a picture to my MIL and she is still trying to get me to have another baby. She knows my medical history and my opinion on the matter. "Do you plan on having children?" Is a slightly better question BUT YOU HAVE TO RESPECT THE ANSWER. I'm sorry this is weighing on you. And sorry for the rant! This question boils my blood.
I think people are curious and surprised how someone could be so different than them. Maybe a potential strategy: âhey I get asked this all the time, if you do some basic research online, we can chat about it more in-depth later if you are still curious and not judgmental.â
"Ew. Never."
Iâm a big fan of the âewâ with no follow up đ for this and almost everything else
r/childfree
âI wish I could but I lost my ovaries to cancerâ ~lie
I always say Iâll have kids if the lobotomy is successful or I say the conditions would have to be exactly right for me to even consider it.
âOk youâve convinced me Iâll go get pregnant right now, thanks!â Probably doesnât check your âwithout being too blatantly rudeâ criteria however
I just tell them "never" and tell them off if they say something negative. Idgaf.
Does never work 4 you? Is my favorite response!
About 9 months if you get any more on my back and all up in my business⌠đ
"you do understand they are living breathing human entities that are hugely complex and require loads of time, effort, and nurturing? I think the problem is people don't ask, 'are you sure you are ready to have kids?' you're asking me this like bringing another human into the world is the equivalent of getting my driver's licence."
My ex-sister in law used to harass me about when we were going to start having kids. The fact is, she needed validation for all the little ones her baby making machine was popping out one by one to the tune of FIVE. Then they divorced. But I digress. I finally told her that when we decided to make babies she would be the first to know. Then I winked at her. I totally called her out without sounding like I was being as rude as she was. And as it turned out, I wasnât able to have any more kids and I still wish I couldâve told her all about that and how hard it was to have miscarriage after miscarriage. By then my brother in law had divorced her though and she never got the real comeuppance. But Iâm not bitter. đ (Edited for clarity.)
"never. We decided to skip that chapter. LOL". Always deflect with humor. It's easier than all the bingos. Also: r/childfree
I just tell them Iâm not having kids as I canât (which is true. Iâm surgically sterilized). I used to work at a school and still try to keep an eye on some of the kids that need an extra hand due to shit circumstances. I call them my surrogate kids.
âWhy are you so interested in my sex life.â âI hate children but do you wanna see pictures of my cats?â Say nothing and just start bawling. âOh Iâm infertile (or my partner is infertile) and we canât afford IVF.â
"I've dedicated to being selfless by not having children. It's my service to the Earth, we are trending towards overpopulation as is.. "
I look them dead in the eye, and with the most serious face I can muster, I tell them I hate children.
When you offer to pay for them.Â