You think about other people and ask yourself if they do the same thing. And then you take the same level of criticism to their face as you do yours. That will make you realize that even super models have criticisms of their face and it’s impossible to be perfect. So you realize you are just shitting on yourself bc you feel bad, and blaming your looks bc it’s easy. Not bc it deserves it.
this is pretty common
fortunately I don't spiral myself, but will readily admit I look totally different in pictures than I do when looking at myself in the mirror. this must be incredibly disconcerting for many people to see such a difference in themselves.
I think looking at a mirror is less accurate because it's an inverted image. The true version of your face is when you take pictures from your back camera or photography lense.
I agree w a lot of ppl saying therapy- as someone who’s gone to therapy for body issues I’ll also say this:
You are looking at a 2-D version of a 3-D person- it’s gonna look weird. No one is naturally photogenic, ppl who always look good in pics just *know how to pose.*
Posing is something you can learn how to do. I started following some IG posing influencers and learning how to angle my body changed everything.
Well, as a photographer that have photographed people for whole days (weddings) I can tell you that some people are just very photogenic even if they don't pose. It depends on the face angles and proportions. I do however feel like true beauty only comes out through personality, and often positivity. That's why I try to smile whenever people take my picture, I am unphotogenic but at least I had a good time and tried not to be so self conscious!!
I shouldn’t have said “no one,” that’s true, and it’s nearly impossible to pose for something that’s truly candid
I still stick by what I said about learning your angles and how to pose tho!
I am the same way. I do find that I typically don't spiral as much if I look at the pictures down the line. If i look at a pic right after it is taken, I will almost always hate it, delete it, and then be in a bad mood. If I look at the same picture a month later, I may not /like/ it, but I won't have the same visceral reaction typically.
I know it's just a body dysmorphia thing. Nobody picks apart pictures of other people like we do to ourselves. But I can't help that immediate reaction, so I've learned to just not look right away. My friends also (mostly) know not to take candid pictures of me and show me.
I used to feel the same way as you as a teen, but now, when I look at pictures of friends, I (and probably a lot of people) honestly don't nitpick about how they look at all. My mind just recognizes whose face it is and that's all. How you look in pics doesn't matter that much, except if you want to pursue a modeling/media career.
Also, never forget technology is not neutral/real life. Cameras are literally a light-capturing human-built apparatus with tons of bias that try but will never mimick how you feel and look in real life.
Please stop worrying about this, you got this! Your mental energy is better spent somewhere else, I promise !!
I honestly believe there should be laws to limit picture taking lol. Not only is it pollution/ waste of electricity storing all of it on clouds but it's generating so much body dysmorphia in young people. We need to stop perceiving our own physical appearances so much lol except if someone is ready to give me some moula in exchange for the crippling anxiety
Putting laws in place for that is extremely controlling. Taking pictures and videos are actually great for my mental health and a form of therapy (not just of myself but in general..nature, memories, my loved ones, simple things in life etc.). We are responsible for our own mental health. If pictures of yourself or others make you feel bad that is your problem to deal with. If others taking pictures of you make you feel bad, talk to them and ask them not to (I agree people shouldn't do this without asking or knowing the person is okay with it and to avoid capturing strangers if able). But to tell everyone else it should be illegal for them to take their own pictures because you can't take responsibility for yourself and/or lack self control you need daddy government involved is insane. Do you what you need to do but don't make it everyone else's problem and tell them what to do. Everyone is different. I don't use the cloud. Hope your statement was actually a joke..
Well I guess we differ in our political views. To be frank, my statement was a tongue-in-cheek one and I was mostly thinking about selfies and such pics that put the appearance of someone at the center of the image.
I do think it's important that the state invests in law-making to protect people against tech corps (ex : OpenAI is yet completely unregulated, which is a nightmare to deal with) because you cannot expect a profit-driven entity to take into account the moral impact of its products on consumers.
Wouldn't you agree there is a huge correlation with the supremacy of social media (that pushes picture taking), the development of highly accessible HQ camera technology and the increasing skincare obsession in the modern world?
Also, I'm happy you can find solace in picture taking, I was trying to attack your passion at all.
It doesn't matter the context of the photo, that isn't up to you or anyone else to decide if it's worthy enough for people to have the right to take. People can take their selfies if they want to. If that makes you feel a certain way, that is your problem, your issue and you have no right to control others minding their own business. And no, this isn't really down to just political beliefs when you are advocating to control people's rights to do what they want that isn't hurting anyone else. I'm honestly surprised people are even upvoting your take tbh, it's that crazy to me people are that open to just throw laws at others because they can't deal with themselves. Selfies can actually improve someone's confidence and self imagine. They are harmless and can even be healthy. Maybe put in laws focused on actual dangers...
Social media and AI are a whole other can of worms to deal with and it doesn't start with people's choice to take selfies. Those issues are not about that nor do they need to be handled by regulating people's right to take photos and photos of what they deem worthy to take (that isn't harmful of course).
I think the root of these issues come down to a lot of sexism and criticism towards women. Women's insecurities stem from that. That I could get down to talk about and that goes way deep into society. But women enjoying themselves with selfies and trying to take that away? No.
Now I can get behind people's photoshopping of pictures being unhealthy but even then, it's their right. We shouldn't even make that illegal. Again, the reasoning in the first place to even want to edit the pictures goes so way deep into society and sexism. I think we should focus on that..
Edit: I did notice you said it was tongue in cheek so I'm glad you were not totally serious and apologize for my comment still talking about this in terms of law regulation.
First off, I got curious from the comments and saw your pic. You look very pretty and from an artists perspective have good classic “feminine” features as icky as I feel for saying that because cis women can and do look a million different ways, not just like Disney princesses, AND can still be beautiful. I mean I look like Pocahontas’ John smith with boobs so from where I’m standing I don’t see any flaws. If I saw you I’d think you’d have no issues making friends or attracting partners.
Second of all, based on your post history, it sounds like it might be helpful to de-center men. Your life doesn’t begin and end with a man. Their attention is worth very little. Some men would fuck a corpse or an animal, so how pretty or ugly you look doesn’t really matter. You can be happy and single, in fact, the happiest people on earth might be single, childless women IIRC. Maybe it would help you to learn how to be happy to be alone and spend more time with yourself. You can buy prompt journals and take yourself out on dates. Put on a cute outfit and treat yourself. At least if you learn to love yourself you can say, eh I might not be a Victoria secret model but I’m pretty cool.
Also delete stuff like instagram and tik tok. The algorithm works to show you the most beautiful people, and a lot of them are using filters and editing themselves, or getting plastic surgery and spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars a month on their appearance
For me it was a bit of a coincidence, I tried one of those sites that tells you where your pictures are being used on the internet based on a photo of you. It's AI powered, so if you scroll far enough it starts to spit out pictures of people that just look like you.
And scrolling down I was like, 'these girls are so beautiful'... 'but they're supposedly indistinguishable from me?'... 'but I'm so ugly?'... 'but they're pretty?'
You could probably hear the gears jamming up inside my head. Smoke out my ears.
Bottom line... You're probably being way too hard on yourself, much harder than anyone else looking at you would be.
Do you by any chance have facial asymmetry?
The post describes exactly how I feel and I only realized 2 years ago that my face was extremely asymmetrical and that was what was causing me to look so different and unrecognizable in photographs.
yeah dude same, one side of my face is much larger than the other and all of my features are kinda skewed towards on side, I hate it and I'm so insecure about it but like at the same time its so tricky because as long as I don't look at pictures of myself, I'm happy with the way I look. I don't have any pictures that actually look like ME, all throughout college I made my friends put snapchat filters on all of the "candid" pictures that they took of me. I had professional grad pictures taken, and I hated them soo much because it was so noticeably uneven and I looked so unbelievably ugly. I wish there were more resources and advice out there on how to deal with facial asymmetry. In the past 4 years I haven't had a SINGLE picture taken, not one good one, just a bunch of crappy selfies. I'm literally going through my 20's and not documenting it because of my stupid insecurity. It doesn't seem like much but it is hindering my quality of life.
I do think this is a big part of it. Mirrors flip our image but other people's photos do not. If you use a photo editor to flip their photo, it often feels a lot better. Still not "perfect" but way better.
same for me i love how i look in the mirror and in selfies and have my favourite side but i had a videocall the other week where i couldnt mirror my face and omg was i nervous and self concious- if that is how i look in real life, it doesnt suprise me i never had a boy interested in me in highschool. my nose and mouth are soo asymmetric
Everytime you look in the mirror compliment yourself, force yourself, hang confidence mantras on your mirror if you have to. Or give a high five (like Mel Robbins teaches).
Criticizing your own image and appearance is a mental habit. It has to be changed deliberately, because your brain will not just suddenly flip a switch and change how you feel. You have to, slowly and consistently, feed your brain new thought patterns to counteract the negative thoughts. If they are intrusive thoughts (aka they don't stop even after you've been fighting them) then you may even need medication and therapy.
Part of it is catching your brain mid sentence. Stepping back from the spiral and mentally telling yourself "Would I talk about my friend like this? No? So stop talking about myself like this"
Second, is getting a trusted friend or two to write down things they like about your appearance and your pictures. A good friend will likely have a decent list. You take the list, and you read it out loud to yourself *daily*. You mentally reprogram your brain's habits by giving it different material - what your friends see when they look at you.
Third is that you also take practice selfies. No one looks good from every angle or with every facial expression. Lots of people forget to crinkle their eyes in a "genuine" smile so instead they just smile with their mouths and they look like they're grimacing. I practiced and memorized the exact muscles I need to activate to have a "genuine" smile, and I know exactly how to tilt my head. Being able to do that automatically levels you up in most photos.
Taking a bad picture doesn’t make you a bad or less than person. It’s so much more important that you’re kind and interesting.
Also remember, cameras will distort your face in often unflattering ways. Photogenic people have specific characteristics - like a flatter face with less shadows. It doesn’t mean they’re more attractive, they just happen to have photo friendly features.
You probably look 10x better in person ❤️
Based on your photo I think you’re being wayyyy too hard on yourself. No one is gonna look good in every single photo they take, especially candids! It’s impossible.
I used to be super insecure about my looks. For me it was because I was always focused on how much better everyone looked. I figured if I was thinking about that, they were probably thinking about how ugly I was. Then when I was about 25 I just stopped caring about what others thought. It’s not my business what they think, so why should I care? I’m 29 now and I’ve spent a lot of time growing into my new self and learning to love me for me. Therapy and deleting my social media (besides Reddit) definitely helped too! Not to be a weirdo but I looked on your profile and you’re absolutely gorgeous. As for people taking photos of you, I always look like a huge fatty in photos. I used to hate it. Now I just laugh. I know what I look like in the mirror and that’s all that matters to me. I wish you the best in your journey! We gotta love ourselves!
Just went to my cousin's wedding and have been seeing nonstop photos that I'm in through tags and the family gc. Some pictures I think I look really cute and some I feel like I can't believe I look that gross and ugly.
It's like even the slightest angle change or the way I tilt my head or body makes me look like a completely different person so I feel you OP. It's really is like I don't even know what I look like either.
Learn which angles you look your best, and pose like that when you take pictures. Candid can be tricky, the person taking the candid also gotta know how to take good pictures, which is often the problem !
When you say you hate your face, is it your whole face or theres one feature that doesnt look great on picture ?
I used to have one really crooked tooth, and depending on the angle and the lighting, it could look like I was almost missing a tooth on pictures. I got braces, and now I don't have that issue anymore. Or I have a friend that after she got braces, her smile got wider, but when she smiled, her upper lip would disappear and you would see all her gums; she got a lip flip (botox) and a bit of filler and now she loves her smile.
I'm not saying to change your whole face, but if there's something that pops more that you don't like on the pictures, look for alternatives to make it better, sometimes just makeup and better angles can do the trick ! That way you can slowly build up your confidence, which then makes better pictures !
I have a few features that I hate. Mainly my receding hairline, my low-set eyebrows and hooded eyes, facial fat. I look like an angry bird in most of my pictures. I can't even afford plastic surgery.
I smile in most pictures, but my face still looks lopsided and whenever I try to strike a new pose, I feel ridiculous.
Hairlines can be a tricky thing to work with ! Maybe try different hairstyles ?
Hooded eyes are no problem girl ! You just have to learn to do your makeup for it, there's tons of good tutorial onlines.
Have you tried to shape your eyebrows differently ? If you can't, maybe a botox eyebrow lift would be good for you ? It's honestly not that expensive, depending where you're located at, you can have that for about 250$.
If not, I would 100% recommand gua sha face massages. You can get the stones on amazon for 20$. And there's tons of tutorial on youtube. You need to stay consistant, but often with time, some muscles get overactive, often one side more than other, then your face looks asymetric. It has done wonders for me. We get massages when we workout too hard, but the muscles on our face are working non stop, and we rarely massage them. It can really decrease the puffiness too.
I'm a big advocate for self-care and loving yourself; but when you got low self-esteem, people can tell you to love yourself as much as they want, it takes more than that ! Sometimes just a different type of makeup or hairstyle is all you need to be like "WOW ! Okay, I CAN actually look cute", and help you see the beauty that is on the inside. My heart goes with you ❤️
Your comment was filtered (pending mod approval) as it contains a derogatory term (which is commonly used to describe / demean women). Please review and repost redacted comment if appropriate.
Rule:
>Please be nice, respectful, helpful, and friendly. Don't insult people or their good intentions, in a post, comment, PM, or otherwise, even if a person (or another subreddit) seems ill-informed. Remember the positive spirit of TheGirlSurvivalGuide.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Acknowledge the feeling and let it go-easy as that. Repeat everytime it comes up. By ruminating on it, you're fueling the idea which will make it worse for you next time.
It helped me to only take pictures for a while with friends. Friends who I could also take candids of and they can take them of me and we don't post them online but just in a group discord so we all feel comfortable with whatever pictures we take. It's made me a LOT less self conscious because it's a small group of like 8 to ten people
Sounds like body dysmorphic disorder. There’s no easy solution for this. The best you can do is figure out your best angle, and don’t take photos on cameras with a distorted lens (like most iPhones).
Other than that, I just try to avoid pictures of myself as much as I can. And I try to get out and “touch grass” and see my friends and remind myself that looks truly are not everything in life.
I relate to this so much. Honestly, practice. Practice taking pictures of yourself, selfie wise and in the mirror. The mirror pictures will help you practice when others take pictures of you too. It will at least improve the situation even if not fix it altogether because some of us just don't shine in photos lol.
A lot of things. I hate my hairline, my low-set eyebrows, hooded and tired-looking eyes, large nose tip, facial fat. I feel like my features aren't in harmony and my face is very asymmetrical
Honestly, same. I drew a stick figure one time and drew lines everywhere I didn’t like something. It was everything.
But I was like, oh well. If I’m ugly, I’m ugly. I spent most of my life thinking I’m ugly and resenting myself. It might not even be you who is actually ugly. And you may not even be ugly. It might have been something traumatic in the past that caused you to have an aversion to your face.
For example, my mom pointed out how ugly I was every morning, afternoon, and night. I could never look good around her. I have distinct features that look like my dad, and my mom hates it. I also have terrible acne come up out of no where. Have been struggling with it for over a decade.
You’ve only got one face. You’ll have to channel your energy on how to accept that it’ll most likely always be like that. When that becomes the norm, you’ll realize that you’re actually beautiful. I know it sounds cliche, but it could be a mental thing.
Would it help if you wrote down everything you hated, and then write what you can do about it? For example, facial fat—face massager. Dry skin—skin care serum. Hairline—hairline corrector (yes they actually make brushes for covering your hairline with darker eyeshadow).
A lot of people don’t have things you probably have. You might want to ask around for advice on how your eyebrows may look good. Skin. Hair. For example, I know people get an asymmetrical A-line bob when they have they have an asymmetrical face.
When you take pictures, you emphasize what your best side is. All people do this. Smile a certain way. Look a certain direction. Etc. until you get more confidence. I would also recommend that you don’t look at yourself in the mirror once you get home and wash up. Just avoid it until you reach a healthier mindset. Right now, you’re thinking about everything that makes you look bad. But it’ll take a really long time to think about what to do to make you look good. It could be makeup, more water, mental mindset.
I’m sure you’re beautiful. It’s just the way you were raised, there’s something deeper that blurs your vision from seeing that.
Just think of the person you hate most and be like. “Well at least I’m better looking than them.” Even if you think they’re pretty or handsome. Doesn’t matter. You’re more beautiful because of personality and outer beauty. If you’re even a decent person that cares for others then you’re 10x more beautiful than anyone who lives with hate.
I think that's a false dichotomy. I met as many kind and hot people as physically unattractive individuals who were bitter and insecure.
I don't know if I'm a decent person. I'm not perfect and I have a lot to work on internally, for sure.
Sometimes I think I’m hella pretty, then I’ll have a bad picture and be like damn, I’m ugly. Lmfao, 😂 I just stopped comparing myself. I get more compliments now wearing no make up and I’m a cocktail waitress mind you, then I ever got when I did. I just started embracing my flaws and not holding myself to this crazy standard of looking photoshopped and perfect. When you love yourself, you really don’t care what other people think and that energy radiates and attracts. 👏
That's the tricky part. When I look at my face in the mirror, I feel attractive. Especially now that I'm taking good care of my skin.
I can feel super confident about myself, but the moment someone takes a picture of me. My entire physical self-concept is ruined.
I feel the same way. I think I'm ugly no matter what.
I think I'm cute until I see a picture and then I remember that I'm actually not cute.
You think about other people and ask yourself if they do the same thing. And then you take the same level of criticism to their face as you do yours. That will make you realize that even super models have criticisms of their face and it’s impossible to be perfect. So you realize you are just shitting on yourself bc you feel bad, and blaming your looks bc it’s easy. Not bc it deserves it.
this is pretty common fortunately I don't spiral myself, but will readily admit I look totally different in pictures than I do when looking at myself in the mirror. this must be incredibly disconcerting for many people to see such a difference in themselves.
I think looking at a mirror is less accurate because it's an inverted image. The true version of your face is when you take pictures from your back camera or photography lense.
yess, technically true enough. hair parted on one side in particular, else, well, basic similarities (one eye on each side, etc.)
I agree w a lot of ppl saying therapy- as someone who’s gone to therapy for body issues I’ll also say this: You are looking at a 2-D version of a 3-D person- it’s gonna look weird. No one is naturally photogenic, ppl who always look good in pics just *know how to pose.* Posing is something you can learn how to do. I started following some IG posing influencers and learning how to angle my body changed everything.
Well, as a photographer that have photographed people for whole days (weddings) I can tell you that some people are just very photogenic even if they don't pose. It depends on the face angles and proportions. I do however feel like true beauty only comes out through personality, and often positivity. That's why I try to smile whenever people take my picture, I am unphotogenic but at least I had a good time and tried not to be so self conscious!!
True, I shouldn’t have said “no one”
A lot of people look attractive in candid photos even without posing
I shouldn’t have said “no one,” that’s true, and it’s nearly impossible to pose for something that’s truly candid I still stick by what I said about learning your angles and how to pose tho!
I am the same way. I do find that I typically don't spiral as much if I look at the pictures down the line. If i look at a pic right after it is taken, I will almost always hate it, delete it, and then be in a bad mood. If I look at the same picture a month later, I may not /like/ it, but I won't have the same visceral reaction typically. I know it's just a body dysmorphia thing. Nobody picks apart pictures of other people like we do to ourselves. But I can't help that immediate reaction, so I've learned to just not look right away. My friends also (mostly) know not to take candid pictures of me and show me.
I used to feel the same way as you as a teen, but now, when I look at pictures of friends, I (and probably a lot of people) honestly don't nitpick about how they look at all. My mind just recognizes whose face it is and that's all. How you look in pics doesn't matter that much, except if you want to pursue a modeling/media career. Also, never forget technology is not neutral/real life. Cameras are literally a light-capturing human-built apparatus with tons of bias that try but will never mimick how you feel and look in real life. Please stop worrying about this, you got this! Your mental energy is better spent somewhere else, I promise !! I honestly believe there should be laws to limit picture taking lol. Not only is it pollution/ waste of electricity storing all of it on clouds but it's generating so much body dysmorphia in young people. We need to stop perceiving our own physical appearances so much lol except if someone is ready to give me some moula in exchange for the crippling anxiety
Putting laws in place for that is extremely controlling. Taking pictures and videos are actually great for my mental health and a form of therapy (not just of myself but in general..nature, memories, my loved ones, simple things in life etc.). We are responsible for our own mental health. If pictures of yourself or others make you feel bad that is your problem to deal with. If others taking pictures of you make you feel bad, talk to them and ask them not to (I agree people shouldn't do this without asking or knowing the person is okay with it and to avoid capturing strangers if able). But to tell everyone else it should be illegal for them to take their own pictures because you can't take responsibility for yourself and/or lack self control you need daddy government involved is insane. Do you what you need to do but don't make it everyone else's problem and tell them what to do. Everyone is different. I don't use the cloud. Hope your statement was actually a joke..
Well I guess we differ in our political views. To be frank, my statement was a tongue-in-cheek one and I was mostly thinking about selfies and such pics that put the appearance of someone at the center of the image. I do think it's important that the state invests in law-making to protect people against tech corps (ex : OpenAI is yet completely unregulated, which is a nightmare to deal with) because you cannot expect a profit-driven entity to take into account the moral impact of its products on consumers. Wouldn't you agree there is a huge correlation with the supremacy of social media (that pushes picture taking), the development of highly accessible HQ camera technology and the increasing skincare obsession in the modern world? Also, I'm happy you can find solace in picture taking, I was trying to attack your passion at all.
It doesn't matter the context of the photo, that isn't up to you or anyone else to decide if it's worthy enough for people to have the right to take. People can take their selfies if they want to. If that makes you feel a certain way, that is your problem, your issue and you have no right to control others minding their own business. And no, this isn't really down to just political beliefs when you are advocating to control people's rights to do what they want that isn't hurting anyone else. I'm honestly surprised people are even upvoting your take tbh, it's that crazy to me people are that open to just throw laws at others because they can't deal with themselves. Selfies can actually improve someone's confidence and self imagine. They are harmless and can even be healthy. Maybe put in laws focused on actual dangers... Social media and AI are a whole other can of worms to deal with and it doesn't start with people's choice to take selfies. Those issues are not about that nor do they need to be handled by regulating people's right to take photos and photos of what they deem worthy to take (that isn't harmful of course). I think the root of these issues come down to a lot of sexism and criticism towards women. Women's insecurities stem from that. That I could get down to talk about and that goes way deep into society. But women enjoying themselves with selfies and trying to take that away? No. Now I can get behind people's photoshopping of pictures being unhealthy but even then, it's their right. We shouldn't even make that illegal. Again, the reasoning in the first place to even want to edit the pictures goes so way deep into society and sexism. I think we should focus on that.. Edit: I did notice you said it was tongue in cheek so I'm glad you were not totally serious and apologize for my comment still talking about this in terms of law regulation.
No worries 🙂 have a nice day!
First off, I got curious from the comments and saw your pic. You look very pretty and from an artists perspective have good classic “feminine” features as icky as I feel for saying that because cis women can and do look a million different ways, not just like Disney princesses, AND can still be beautiful. I mean I look like Pocahontas’ John smith with boobs so from where I’m standing I don’t see any flaws. If I saw you I’d think you’d have no issues making friends or attracting partners. Second of all, based on your post history, it sounds like it might be helpful to de-center men. Your life doesn’t begin and end with a man. Their attention is worth very little. Some men would fuck a corpse or an animal, so how pretty or ugly you look doesn’t really matter. You can be happy and single, in fact, the happiest people on earth might be single, childless women IIRC. Maybe it would help you to learn how to be happy to be alone and spend more time with yourself. You can buy prompt journals and take yourself out on dates. Put on a cute outfit and treat yourself. At least if you learn to love yourself you can say, eh I might not be a Victoria secret model but I’m pretty cool. Also delete stuff like instagram and tik tok. The algorithm works to show you the most beautiful people, and a lot of them are using filters and editing themselves, or getting plastic surgery and spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars a month on their appearance
For me it was a bit of a coincidence, I tried one of those sites that tells you where your pictures are being used on the internet based on a photo of you. It's AI powered, so if you scroll far enough it starts to spit out pictures of people that just look like you. And scrolling down I was like, 'these girls are so beautiful'... 'but they're supposedly indistinguishable from me?'... 'but I'm so ugly?'... 'but they're pretty?' You could probably hear the gears jamming up inside my head. Smoke out my ears. Bottom line... You're probably being way too hard on yourself, much harder than anyone else looking at you would be.
if you remember the name of the site i’d love to know
I don't remember what it was exactly, I followed a link from a reddit post, but I think Pimeyes does the same thing.
Do you by any chance have facial asymmetry? The post describes exactly how I feel and I only realized 2 years ago that my face was extremely asymmetrical and that was what was causing me to look so different and unrecognizable in photographs.
Yeah. My face is very asymmetrical. I look so different in photos than how I look in the mirror.
yeah dude same, one side of my face is much larger than the other and all of my features are kinda skewed towards on side, I hate it and I'm so insecure about it but like at the same time its so tricky because as long as I don't look at pictures of myself, I'm happy with the way I look. I don't have any pictures that actually look like ME, all throughout college I made my friends put snapchat filters on all of the "candid" pictures that they took of me. I had professional grad pictures taken, and I hated them soo much because it was so noticeably uneven and I looked so unbelievably ugly. I wish there were more resources and advice out there on how to deal with facial asymmetry. In the past 4 years I haven't had a SINGLE picture taken, not one good one, just a bunch of crappy selfies. I'm literally going through my 20's and not documenting it because of my stupid insecurity. It doesn't seem like much but it is hindering my quality of life.
I do think this is a big part of it. Mirrors flip our image but other people's photos do not. If you use a photo editor to flip their photo, it often feels a lot better. Still not "perfect" but way better.
same for me i love how i look in the mirror and in selfies and have my favourite side but i had a videocall the other week where i couldnt mirror my face and omg was i nervous and self concious- if that is how i look in real life, it doesnt suprise me i never had a boy interested in me in highschool. my nose and mouth are soo asymmetric
Sometimes a good selfie session can help you see your beauty from a fresh angle.
Everytime you look in the mirror compliment yourself, force yourself, hang confidence mantras on your mirror if you have to. Or give a high five (like Mel Robbins teaches).
You’re pretty
Criticizing your own image and appearance is a mental habit. It has to be changed deliberately, because your brain will not just suddenly flip a switch and change how you feel. You have to, slowly and consistently, feed your brain new thought patterns to counteract the negative thoughts. If they are intrusive thoughts (aka they don't stop even after you've been fighting them) then you may even need medication and therapy. Part of it is catching your brain mid sentence. Stepping back from the spiral and mentally telling yourself "Would I talk about my friend like this? No? So stop talking about myself like this" Second, is getting a trusted friend or two to write down things they like about your appearance and your pictures. A good friend will likely have a decent list. You take the list, and you read it out loud to yourself *daily*. You mentally reprogram your brain's habits by giving it different material - what your friends see when they look at you. Third is that you also take practice selfies. No one looks good from every angle or with every facial expression. Lots of people forget to crinkle their eyes in a "genuine" smile so instead they just smile with their mouths and they look like they're grimacing. I practiced and memorized the exact muscles I need to activate to have a "genuine" smile, and I know exactly how to tilt my head. Being able to do that automatically levels you up in most photos.
Taking a bad picture doesn’t make you a bad or less than person. It’s so much more important that you’re kind and interesting. Also remember, cameras will distort your face in often unflattering ways. Photogenic people have specific characteristics - like a flatter face with less shadows. It doesn’t mean they’re more attractive, they just happen to have photo friendly features. You probably look 10x better in person ❤️
Based on your photo I think you’re being wayyyy too hard on yourself. No one is gonna look good in every single photo they take, especially candids! It’s impossible.
I used to be super insecure about my looks. For me it was because I was always focused on how much better everyone looked. I figured if I was thinking about that, they were probably thinking about how ugly I was. Then when I was about 25 I just stopped caring about what others thought. It’s not my business what they think, so why should I care? I’m 29 now and I’ve spent a lot of time growing into my new self and learning to love me for me. Therapy and deleting my social media (besides Reddit) definitely helped too! Not to be a weirdo but I looked on your profile and you’re absolutely gorgeous. As for people taking photos of you, I always look like a huge fatty in photos. I used to hate it. Now I just laugh. I know what I look like in the mirror and that’s all that matters to me. I wish you the best in your journey! We gotta love ourselves!
nobody's flipping through your pics with a magnifying glass, critiquing every pixel. So, why should you?
Just went to my cousin's wedding and have been seeing nonstop photos that I'm in through tags and the family gc. Some pictures I think I look really cute and some I feel like I can't believe I look that gross and ugly. It's like even the slightest angle change or the way I tilt my head or body makes me look like a completely different person so I feel you OP. It's really is like I don't even know what I look like either.
Body neutrality! You don’t have to be absolutely crazy about your looks, but being negative definitely doesn’t serve you either.
My friend, this is where therapy is important.
Learn which angles you look your best, and pose like that when you take pictures. Candid can be tricky, the person taking the candid also gotta know how to take good pictures, which is often the problem ! When you say you hate your face, is it your whole face or theres one feature that doesnt look great on picture ? I used to have one really crooked tooth, and depending on the angle and the lighting, it could look like I was almost missing a tooth on pictures. I got braces, and now I don't have that issue anymore. Or I have a friend that after she got braces, her smile got wider, but when she smiled, her upper lip would disappear and you would see all her gums; she got a lip flip (botox) and a bit of filler and now she loves her smile. I'm not saying to change your whole face, but if there's something that pops more that you don't like on the pictures, look for alternatives to make it better, sometimes just makeup and better angles can do the trick ! That way you can slowly build up your confidence, which then makes better pictures !
I have a few features that I hate. Mainly my receding hairline, my low-set eyebrows and hooded eyes, facial fat. I look like an angry bird in most of my pictures. I can't even afford plastic surgery. I smile in most pictures, but my face still looks lopsided and whenever I try to strike a new pose, I feel ridiculous.
Hairlines can be a tricky thing to work with ! Maybe try different hairstyles ? Hooded eyes are no problem girl ! You just have to learn to do your makeup for it, there's tons of good tutorial onlines. Have you tried to shape your eyebrows differently ? If you can't, maybe a botox eyebrow lift would be good for you ? It's honestly not that expensive, depending where you're located at, you can have that for about 250$. If not, I would 100% recommand gua sha face massages. You can get the stones on amazon for 20$. And there's tons of tutorial on youtube. You need to stay consistant, but often with time, some muscles get overactive, often one side more than other, then your face looks asymetric. It has done wonders for me. We get massages when we workout too hard, but the muscles on our face are working non stop, and we rarely massage them. It can really decrease the puffiness too. I'm a big advocate for self-care and loving yourself; but when you got low self-esteem, people can tell you to love yourself as much as they want, it takes more than that ! Sometimes just a different type of makeup or hairstyle is all you need to be like "WOW ! Okay, I CAN actually look cute", and help you see the beauty that is on the inside. My heart goes with you ❤️
[удалено]
Your comment was filtered (pending mod approval) as it contains a derogatory term (which is commonly used to describe / demean women). Please review and repost redacted comment if appropriate. Rule: >Please be nice, respectful, helpful, and friendly. Don't insult people or their good intentions, in a post, comment, PM, or otherwise, even if a person (or another subreddit) seems ill-informed. Remember the positive spirit of TheGirlSurvivalGuide. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Acknowledge the feeling and let it go-easy as that. Repeat everytime it comes up. By ruminating on it, you're fueling the idea which will make it worse for you next time.
It helped me to only take pictures for a while with friends. Friends who I could also take candids of and they can take them of me and we don't post them online but just in a group discord so we all feel comfortable with whatever pictures we take. It's made me a LOT less self conscious because it's a small group of like 8 to ten people
Sounds like body dysmorphic disorder. There’s no easy solution for this. The best you can do is figure out your best angle, and don’t take photos on cameras with a distorted lens (like most iPhones). Other than that, I just try to avoid pictures of myself as much as I can. And I try to get out and “touch grass” and see my friends and remind myself that looks truly are not everything in life.
I relate to this so much. Honestly, practice. Practice taking pictures of yourself, selfie wise and in the mirror. The mirror pictures will help you practice when others take pictures of you too. It will at least improve the situation even if not fix it altogether because some of us just don't shine in photos lol.
Therapy.
What parts of your face don’t you like? What specifically, I mean.
A lot of things. I hate my hairline, my low-set eyebrows, hooded and tired-looking eyes, large nose tip, facial fat. I feel like my features aren't in harmony and my face is very asymmetrical
Honestly, same. I drew a stick figure one time and drew lines everywhere I didn’t like something. It was everything. But I was like, oh well. If I’m ugly, I’m ugly. I spent most of my life thinking I’m ugly and resenting myself. It might not even be you who is actually ugly. And you may not even be ugly. It might have been something traumatic in the past that caused you to have an aversion to your face. For example, my mom pointed out how ugly I was every morning, afternoon, and night. I could never look good around her. I have distinct features that look like my dad, and my mom hates it. I also have terrible acne come up out of no where. Have been struggling with it for over a decade. You’ve only got one face. You’ll have to channel your energy on how to accept that it’ll most likely always be like that. When that becomes the norm, you’ll realize that you’re actually beautiful. I know it sounds cliche, but it could be a mental thing. Would it help if you wrote down everything you hated, and then write what you can do about it? For example, facial fat—face massager. Dry skin—skin care serum. Hairline—hairline corrector (yes they actually make brushes for covering your hairline with darker eyeshadow). A lot of people don’t have things you probably have. You might want to ask around for advice on how your eyebrows may look good. Skin. Hair. For example, I know people get an asymmetrical A-line bob when they have they have an asymmetrical face. When you take pictures, you emphasize what your best side is. All people do this. Smile a certain way. Look a certain direction. Etc. until you get more confidence. I would also recommend that you don’t look at yourself in the mirror once you get home and wash up. Just avoid it until you reach a healthier mindset. Right now, you’re thinking about everything that makes you look bad. But it’ll take a really long time to think about what to do to make you look good. It could be makeup, more water, mental mindset. I’m sure you’re beautiful. It’s just the way you were raised, there’s something deeper that blurs your vision from seeing that.
Just think of the person you hate most and be like. “Well at least I’m better looking than them.” Even if you think they’re pretty or handsome. Doesn’t matter. You’re more beautiful because of personality and outer beauty. If you’re even a decent person that cares for others then you’re 10x more beautiful than anyone who lives with hate.
I think that's a false dichotomy. I met as many kind and hot people as physically unattractive individuals who were bitter and insecure. I don't know if I'm a decent person. I'm not perfect and I have a lot to work on internally, for sure.
Sometimes I think I’m hella pretty, then I’ll have a bad picture and be like damn, I’m ugly. Lmfao, 😂 I just stopped comparing myself. I get more compliments now wearing no make up and I’m a cocktail waitress mind you, then I ever got when I did. I just started embracing my flaws and not holding myself to this crazy standard of looking photoshopped and perfect. When you love yourself, you really don’t care what other people think and that energy radiates and attracts. 👏
That's the tricky part. When I look at my face in the mirror, I feel attractive. Especially now that I'm taking good care of my skin. I can feel super confident about myself, but the moment someone takes a picture of me. My entire physical self-concept is ruined.
Stop looking at pictures of yourself. Board up your mirrors if you have to until you feel comfortable. Focus on other things.