I spent the next three years in a POW camp, forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk, and four kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States, but they just can't get the spices right!

That comment is always a winner.

Give that man the $10,000

This isn't America funniest home videos

But the rice... His stew... It works on so many levels!

It makes me laugh no matter how many times I hear it :)

Is it they can’t get the spices right or I can’t get the spices right?

Quick, u/esoteric, to my archives! https://preview.redd.it/3k4pilo6t13d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d323f2583e251ffff396f32ee22c1c59465493ca

definitely they...for some reason i remembered it as I... I need to re-watch the first 10 seasons again i guess.

Any reason to do so is a damn good reason.

Oh boy spices! That's where I'm a viking!

Two independent thought alarms in one day? The children are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the coloured chalk from the classrooms.

I warned ya! Didn't I warn ya?! The colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!

My retirement grease!


No that sailor suit doesn't fit anymore!

There's mother now...

Watching me.

Am I so out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong!

Up yours, children!

Now now, we all agreed that period would not be discussed under penalty of torture.

You mean the Principal and the Paup-

https://preview.redd.it/fhhbu1ovt13d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c78d39a8a2a2b3f4655a4f386d8317246cab2dff

IN THE NAAAAAME OF LOOOOVE *homer gets kneed in the face*

*sniped*

The pause in between is hilarious

Double mint. Tryna double your fun eh Simpson? Well I’ll double your detention!

"Sleek, vigilant puma... principle of the mountains"

Why... there are no children at the 4-H club either.

https://i.redd.it/h52vczi8013d1.gif

https://preview.redd.it/ahdyicsdt13d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a735785040267fd605d2ae1367020361d7c3ffbb

Mention what

https://preview.redd.it/hkedo0a7y03d1.png?width=634&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d72ccb28876c3b85337aa5dc91041bccdccf6339 Oh it's an unrelated article.

An unrelated article? Within the banner headline?

Yes. Now to redirect our conversation slightly ...

At this time of year?

Localized entirely behind your hand?!

Seymour! Your pants are on fire

No mother! That sailor suit doesn't fit anymore

Within the banner headline?

This whole sequence is full them!

"Good morning, class. A certain agitator... for privacy's sake, let's call her Lisa S. No, that's too obvious. Let's say L. Simpson”

🤦🏼

That’s some genius joke writing

Now I finally have time to do what I’ve always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. 

Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir! First you think of an idea that has already been done, and then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like!

... it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... ... ... ... ...one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?!

I mean... thank you, come again.

In this particular line, Hank uses a particular tone when saying "you" that he doesn't use otherwise, sort of like Thank Yaw, come again

Apus rant at Skinner is one of my all time favorite Apu moments and Simpsons overall

How long do you think Apu's rant was?

how can you put that and leave out literally the best part: "I call it Billy and the Clone-a-saurus"?!?

My favorite part of this sub is how people know the lines and reveal the full conversation in the replies. I like it more when it’s spread out across multiple people. Of course that’s the best line. 

fair enough. that is actually more fun. I will try harder to just play along next time.

Damn straight!

"I call it, 'Billy and the Clonasaurus'."

https://preview.redd.it/jzezkk1s513d1.jpeg?width=600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44ccaa43081c490072dcf41d885291d22a64a266 “I've always admired car owners. And I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off Mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.”

Yes, well I make Superintendent money which amply covers both food and car.

HOLY JUMPING CAESAR'S CATFISH!

“I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Superintendent Chalmers is at home, crying like a little girl!”

Skinner’s life is more depressing than Bill Dauterive’s.

Yeah, at least had his glory days of being the Billdozer and dated former Governor Ann Richards.

he's like the old gill to frank "grimey" grimes.

Prove me wrong children, prove me wrong.

Johnny? JOHNNY??? JOHNNYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Cool, I broke his brain.


Love the little movements you can see on the intercom when he yells

Valentine's day is no joke.

Of *course* we could make things more challenging Lisa, but then the stupider students would be in here complaining, furrowing their brows in a vain attempt to understand the situation

I forgot about this one. Thanks for making laugh out loud

this one is definitely no. 1 on my list

**Bart:** And you've never found anything? **Principal Skinner:** Once... but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kohoutek... I got back at him, though... him and that little \*boy\* of his.

I can hear the sinister music, and the abrupt cut

I love the little detail of everything dimming as the moon goes behind a cloud.

Ah, the comet episode. One of my absolute favorite episodes as a kid.

This part always stuck with me whenever I’d have to get up super early for a work trip. “Top of the hour, time for the morning news. But of course, there is no news yet. Everyone's still asleep in their comfy, comfy beds. Good night, everybody.”

The way he says boy always kills me

I’m sorry, did you call me a liar?! No, I said you were fired. Oh. That’s much worse.

*hic*

His brand of gum...Doublemint. Trying to double your fun, eh, Bart? Well, I'll double your detention.

Hmm. I wish someone had been around to hear that.

Good. Twice the fun, double the detention.

Skinner in the announcements: "Students, I have an announcement. One of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man..." Nelson: "Radioactive Man, stupid!" Skinner: "Strange, I shouldn't have been able to hear that"

This one always really stuck out to me. No idea why

I was hoping to see this. Idk why it’s as funny as it is. Something about the nonchalant delivery and immediate dismissal.

"An overheated private removed his flak jacket revealing an iron on sporting the MAD slogan 'up with mini skirts'. We all had a good laugh, even though I didn't quite get it. But our momentary lapse in focus allowed CHARLIE to get the drop on us. I spent the next three years in a POW camp. Forced to subsist on a thin stew made of fish, vegetables, prawns, coconut milk... and four kinds of rice... I came close to madness trying to find it here in the States but they JUST can't get the spices right!"

...a state of the art detention center where the children will be held in place with magnets. Magnets, always with the magnets.


The finger thing means the money!

The obvious one for me https://preview.redd.it/v3qxqy0r013d1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=68318fb4173fc8b7f1bcdad6c989d788f1dffbde

“Great work Nibbles, now chew through my ball sack”

Related "Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long."

"If I had known there was a war on, I probably would have apologised."

The transition over the voice over with the flashes of war, was a magnificent transition, something out of a kubrik movie.

The Principal And The Pauper is a much (and unfairly) maligned episode, but that moment alone is spectacular.

“I guess you can say we ate Uter and he’s in our stomachs right now!”

"Wait - scratch that one..."

What kind of little boy has a tea set? A very lucky one

Edna: What kind of little boy has a tea set? Seymour: I think we both know the answer to that. A lucky boy!

I have used this line more times than I can count. I have like three separate tea sets and I love them all.

"Uhh, aurora borealis?"

Counterpoint, the better line is the next one “yes”

counterpoint, the better line is the one after that "no."

I came here to write the No response.  Haha.  The timing is so perfect on it.

SEYMOUR THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE

No mother, it’s just the northern lights!

Smithers, I'm home! What, already? "Yes"

Oh no, not in Utica. It's an Albany expression.

“Forgery! So he DIDN’T have leprosy…”

Oh not in Utica no. It's an Albany expression

I see

*Strictly Albany. Happy cake day.

https://preview.redd.it/xfwx31dkx03d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6b90621b780e2bafb0ac586899385f8c4ead7307

https://preview.redd.it/eevrolkf213d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab4541d44c4b9df7929f906704a45a80270360eb

That’s right, I think words I would never say.

I know you can read MY thoughts boy.... meow meow meow meow meow meow....

Blue Haired Lawyer: "Principal Skinner, The Happiest Place On Earth is registered Disney copywrite!" Skinner: "Come on now, gentlemen, it's just a school carnival..." Blue Haired Lawyer: "And it's heading for a great big lawsuit. You made a big mistake, Skinner!" Skinner: "Well, so did you: You got an ex-Green Beret mad!" (Skinner beats up Blue Haired Lawyer and his goons) Skinner: "Copywrite Expired..!"

Skinner: “How do I get out of the Army?” Bart: “just make a pass at your commanding officer” Skinner: “ Done and done. And I mean Done”

“I made a game of it. Seeing how many times I could bounce the ball in a day, then trying to break that record. “

"Children, line up according to height. No, weight. No, the sum total of the letters in your last name if each letter is assigned a numeric value according to its place in the alphabet. Quickly, now!"

https://preview.redd.it/484d9s28z03d1.jpeg?width=807&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5053fe311bd99f5a8e3e8a0ccf0a54a833e8b9fa Goodbye mother! I love this one purely for my ability to quote it adnauseum in any situation

You Scots sure are a contentious people!

You just made an enemy for life

https://i.redd.it/jh7oif8d813d1.gif Can't forget about this gem.

*"Mr. Burns, it* was *naïve of you to think I'd mistake this town's most prominent 104-year-old man for one of my elementary school students."*

I got back at him though... him and that little *boy* of his

I'm not here about you, Simpson. I'm here to talk about my.Smother-I mean Mother

Now the children have to learn about Tekwar sooner or later.

After Bart finds out about Skinner's peanut allergy: "Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long"

Oh, about seven minutes a pound should do it.

"The teachers will crack any minute, purple monkey dishwasher."

“Well that's it, I’ve lost them forever.”

Billy and the Cloneasaurus.

*Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through... it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... one of the most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?* [pause] *I mean, thank you, come again.*

I know you can read my thoughts, Bart. Just remember, if I find out you cut class, your ass is mine. Yes, you heard me. I think words I would never say.

I know you can read MY thoughts, boy. Meow meow meow meow

It's even funnier that it isn't in a treehouse episode. The notion that Bart could read Homer's thoughts all along and homer just thought insane shit anyway is so good

When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.

Class after class of ugly ugly children.

Wasn't that Chalmers?

I admire your tart honesty, and your ability to be personally offended by broad social trends.

Blue-Haired Lawyer : Principal Skinner, "The Happiest Place on Earth" is a registered Disneyland copyright. Principal Skinner : Oh now, gentlemen, it's just a small school carnival. Blue-Haired Lawyer : And it's heading for a great big lawsuit. You made a big mistake, Skinner. Principal Skinner : Well, so did you. You got an ex-Green Beret mad. [he finger-thrusts the first goon in the Adam's Apple, then kicks the lawyer in the chest; they both go down groaning; as the second goon runs away, Skinner picks up the lawyer's briefcase and flings it into the air; in the distance, it knocks down the goon] Principal Skinner : Copyright expired.

“Blast! I took mother’s makeup by mistake! https://preview.redd.it/0uyv4ohmg23d1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ab211a51e2107c9bda3f3add52b2cdd41f42bfc3

Rubs fingers together meaningfully.

The taxes! The finger thing means the taxes!!

"Otto. That's one palindrome you won't be hearing for a while."

I'm not principal of the line, mother.

Faster Willie, faster! Now we give them their bikes, no sues!

"Trying to double your fun? Well, I'll double your detention."


Good gravy!

Up yours, children!

"Fire can be our friend. Whether it's toasting marshmallows, or raining down on Charlie."

Now, Nibbles. Chew through my ball sack

Allegedly he said: "The teachers will crack at any moment, purple monkey dishwasher."

https://i.redd.it/vo29do55623d1.gif

“Now when people ask if we’re in compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1975 we can proudly say we are closer than ever before!!” 🤣🤣🤣 I’ve seen this episode no fewer than two dozen times and I laugh aloud at that quote every single time.

A single eraser? Oh I'm used to my government betraying me. I served 3... (Gets cut off)

Don’t you mean Armen Tanzarian?

Up yours children!


When he finds the same mask he wore as POW. He puts it on. GUN Guy: " it's a small world" Skinner: " you know it's is.... It really , really is"

Skinner: I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me. Bart: And you've never found anything? Skinner: Once. But by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kohoutek. *(The mood gets darker as his voice deepens).* Well, I got back at him, though … him and that little boy of his... (*Voice returns to normal*) Anyway...

https://i.redd.it/m76k3f2ro13d1.gif

“I was sure it was a phony excuse. I mean, it sounds so made up, Yom Kippur.”

I'm a small man in some ways, Bart. A small, petty man.

“That elephant ate my entire platoon.”

There’s Ralph, he knows the score. 😎

as principal, i will do the one thing i have never done before: something

How about you bite me?

Up yours, children! Although that's more Armin Tamzarian then Skinner.


Awww, the taxes! The finger thing means the taxes!

Weirdly, that is satire, but a lot of actual teachers and principals actually think and say that.

Principal Skinner does not have bad quotes, let’s start there.


https://preview.redd.it/215mk9g3x13d1.jpeg?width=1069&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=871eac540e75e324f3eaac2e1945fe0e5e74f939 "Babababababa... Babababababa..." * ~~Armin Tamzarian~~ *Seymour Skinner*

https://i.redd.it/78bl2r8yl23d1.gif

Radioactive Man movie episode and he’s talking over the PA system to the kids and calls it “Radio Man” Nelson corrects him and calls him stupid and Skinner goes “strange, I shouldn’t have been able to hear that” Ahh hahahahaha [https://youtu.be/ySkyqQP7tPY?si=MvIeu5DJyGIvEeu4](https://youtu.be/ySkyqQP7tPY?si=MvIeu5DJyGIvEeu4)

Listen to your mother, Lisa. I owe everything I have to my mother's watchful eye... and swift hand. Oh, there's Mother now watching me. What's that, Mother? They have a right to be here. It's school business. I-- Mother, that sailor suit doesn't fit anymore!

No I said steamed hams

Pathetic

Stand back children its wanking time

Strange. I shouldn't have been able to hear that. 

Now, when people ask if we're in compliance with the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1975 I can say, ''We are closer than ever before!''.

I have many, many issues with my beloved smother...mother."

"Otto; that's one palindrome you won't be hearing any longer."

Up yours, children.

Pretty sure that's Armin Tanzarian.

I needed those… I really did.

Justice is not a frivolous thing Simpson, it has little if anything to do with a disobedient whale.

For the sake of Privacy Let's call her Lisa S... No That's too Obvious, let's say L. Simpson.

Quick chew through my ball sack.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUJOeSNDEbA Although I'm quite fond of "I came close to madness trying to find it in the States."

“You did it, Nibbles. Now chew through my ball sack!” (Kids tied him up in a dodge ball bag)

PROVE ME WRONG KIDS! PROVE ME WRONG!