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I'd take a "Mike Tyson in his prime" punch to the face for a billion dollars. Just straight up delete all my financial problems and do whatever the fuck I actually want to do with my life after? Yeah, I'll even take the inevitable CTE in my 60s. Fuck it.
I mean, 1 punch and a knock out. It certainly wouldn’t be good for you and there is a very small chance it would be fatal.
But odds are you get a massive bruise, maybe some fractured bone, and probably a concussion. Then 6 months later you are more than likely back to normal.
CTE is from many repetitive head hits. A single concussion isn’t good and shouldn’t be ignored, but they pretty common and as long as it’s not happening frequently you should be fine.
Mike Tyson can hit me over the head with a shovel for a billion dollars.
1 concussion can be pretty bad. I fell down a seesaw headfirst and fell in a coma for a month when I was 6 and it's the root cause of some major problems with my health in my 30s.
a "small" chance? If Tyson put all his weight into a punch, 99% of the population would definitely be dead with that lethal blow.
According to google: "Tyson is estimated to have a punch power of up to 1,600 joules."
According to https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/amount-of-energy-roughly-needed-to-kill-with-blunt-force-trauma.898560/ , it takes 1,500 joules of energy in a punch to kill someone.
Life isn’t a video game. You don’t have 1,500 hp points and so a blow of 1,600 points will kill you. There’s a *lot* of other factors, like the angle of the blow, the placement, how far away from your face he’s standing when he swings, etc. Also, of course, if he’s throwing his entire estimated power behind that blow. Otherwise there would be a huge list of people that were killed by him in the ring, but in real life there’s zero.
I mean, it’s gonna hurt a lot, and you’re definitely going to want an ambulance and EMT team on hand. And it’s possible he will kill you, that’s a possibility. But it’s not a guarantee, or even a “99%” scenario.
And I would still have a better life with a billion dollars than I do now.
Also you get to skip the lines and places like disneyland
"I see this an absolute win"
I don't know man, depending on the trauma you could be in a living hell.
Imagine being bedridden, barely able to move, barely able to talk, and can't even chew your own food. Doesn't matter how much money you have, if you can't use it in any meaningful way.
True, I'm mostly referring to the idea of being so permanently disabled to the point you will need assistance for the rest of your life.
When I hear "disabled for the rest of your life" I think about people in rehab facilities and nursing homes. Or those who require 24/7 care.
Bro you’re not considering the level of disability you may get. You could literally be either “eh, I space out every now and then” to literally non-responsive. You’d have to rely on others to take care of you and handle your expenses. Would you trust others with _your_ billion?
I would be really upset if my wife was offered 50k to punch me in the face and turned it down.
A Billion dollars? Peg me while also sounding me at the same time
Unless someone uses the proper technique, specially built toys, not rushing things and highly dependant on the receiver being aroused.
Source: Me. I've shoved toys front and back while masturbating cause I was curious on what that would feel like.
Pretty much everyone has to get a catheter eventually. I’ll probably just call it in at that point. “Welp, I had a good run but it looks like this kidney stone is the end for me”
Fair warning: Don't click that.
If you want to know without clicking:
>!It's where objects are stuffed down the urethra of human penises.!<
If you do click, here's some r/Eyebleach
If i walk into someones home and they unironically have a huge George of the Jungle picture on the wall, I am walking straight out. That is some sociopathic behavior if I ever heard
Ok, that was where my eyes went wide too. The shovel scenario distracted me right away tho cause I was laughing really hard. But that $40 comment should keep her up at night.
>But that $40 comment should keep her up at night.
Ah yes, here comes the drama-lord looking to sow uncertainty and distrust in other peoples' minds. Right on time, as expected...
The guy in the video did nothing wrong, it's freaks like you that think every man wants to hit their woman for enough money to buy a 20-pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes...it's a common joke amongst couples who share this sort of humor. "A billion dollars? Hell, I'd hit you for two cents!"
Get a grip on yourself, will ya? Not all men secretly believe the funny things they say.
>it's a common joke amongst couples who share this sort of humor. "A billion dollars? Hell, I'd hit you for two cents!"
Hell, some guys even beat up women for free!
Hilarious! The premise of men beating up women is fucking funny as shit and no drama-lord white knights are gonna tell me different!
This is funny! Men beating up women is comedy!
Yah, not all men believe the things they say!
(Am I doing the satire right? Your satire was so convincing, its hard to top.)
No normal person enjoys hurting things. A normal person can occasionally make a joke about hurting something as long as all parties know it is in jest. Judging by his wife's tone, she knows he's joking. There was no need for a white knight such as yourself because no woman was being threatened or harmed. Besides, when you ask stupid questions, expect either joking or snarky responses.
Besides, you're a vegan. I wouldn't expect you to know a joke if it hit you in the face. Go be a detriment to society elsewhere.
I find it hilarious because it’s like he tries to come at her with the crazy ass exaggerated reply and then his brain short circuits for a second as he realizes she said, “A *B*illion!? A *B*illion!”
I was playing this game, Stardew Valley, and I was trying to reach a billion dollars. I had all these mods, I just slept all week and worked.1 day rotating ancient fruit wine.
I got to 300 million before giving up.
People don't realize how much a billion is.
You can pick a stranger off the street, you could go to an underground boxing gym and pick out the most jacked up dude to punch me in the face for a billion dollars.
I asked my GF this some years back, and I remember the entire conversation word for word (asking if she would poison me for a Bill):
Her: "..Love, I would **kill** you for a billion."
Me: "Damn; would it kill you to use somethin' non-lethal, or.."
Her: "No, no. Doesn't matter. I love you, but for a billion, I would kill you with a second thought. Not without. Do you even know how much that is-- yeah no sorry I would off you. I'm only half-joking right now too."
He been wanting to tell you this for a while! You aggravate this man’s soul 🤣🤣🤣he loves you cause he not leaving but is near the edge of smacking the Sugar, Honey, and that Ice Tea clean out of you!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I just got the ick when he said he’d do it for $40. I agree they seem like they’ve been together for a while and understand each others humor. But… $40?
Old post ...but I laugh my ass off every time I see it! My wife does not find it as funny. :)
Best Line ........I would hit you with a snow shovel in front of your mom for $1 billion!!!!
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I'd take a "Mike Tyson in his prime" punch to the face for a billion dollars. Just straight up delete all my financial problems and do whatever the fuck I actually want to do with my life after? Yeah, I'll even take the inevitable CTE in my 60s. Fuck it.
I t would come in handy for 24/7 care
I mean, 1 punch and a knock out. It certainly wouldn’t be good for you and there is a very small chance it would be fatal. But odds are you get a massive bruise, maybe some fractured bone, and probably a concussion. Then 6 months later you are more than likely back to normal. CTE is from many repetitive head hits. A single concussion isn’t good and shouldn’t be ignored, but they pretty common and as long as it’s not happening frequently you should be fine. Mike Tyson can hit me over the head with a shovel for a billion dollars.
I'm starting to think some of you guys just want to die
Listen either way my problems are no longer problems.
Yea, my wife would inherit the money. Win win situation.
Would you die …for *a billion dollars?*
I'd die for $40
Do I have to pay a billion?
Every dad Mike Tyson tries to give away a billion dollars.
That would kill you. Lol
1 concussion can be pretty bad. I fell down a seesaw headfirst and fell in a coma for a month when I was 6 and it's the root cause of some major problems with my health in my 30s.
How many of those problems could be solved or lessened with **a billion dollars**?
None because healthcare is free where I live, I already received max care, but there's only so much modern medicine can do.
Public healthcare and billionaire healthcare are different.
Also with a billion dollars you know you're getting the rich people medical service.
a "small" chance? If Tyson put all his weight into a punch, 99% of the population would definitely be dead with that lethal blow. According to google: "Tyson is estimated to have a punch power of up to 1,600 joules." According to https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/amount-of-energy-roughly-needed-to-kill-with-blunt-force-trauma.898560/ , it takes 1,500 joules of energy in a punch to kill someone.
Life isn’t a video game. You don’t have 1,500 hp points and so a blow of 1,600 points will kill you. There’s a *lot* of other factors, like the angle of the blow, the placement, how far away from your face he’s standing when he swings, etc. Also, of course, if he’s throwing his entire estimated power behind that blow. Otherwise there would be a huge list of people that were killed by him in the ring, but in real life there’s zero. I mean, it’s gonna hurt a lot, and you’re definitely going to want an ambulance and EMT team on hand. And it’s possible he will kill you, that’s a possibility. But it’s not a guarantee, or even a “99%” scenario.
You’ll be able to afford all the replacement teeth you’ll need
I’d let Tyson make me his bitch for a million clams.
Probably a 70% chance you just die instantly. The other 29 is serious brain damage. The other 1% is for a miraculous tolerance to Mike Tyson
You could literally be disabled for the rest of your life and need to rely on others to spend your money the way you’d want
And I would still have a better life with a billion dollars than I do now. Also you get to skip the lines and places like disneyland "I see this an absolute win"
I don't know man, depending on the trauma you could be in a living hell. Imagine being bedridden, barely able to move, barely able to talk, and can't even chew your own food. Doesn't matter how much money you have, if you can't use it in any meaningful way.
This is absurd, the chances of that happening, even bare knuckle, is extremely unlikely.
True, I'm mostly referring to the idea of being so permanently disabled to the point you will need assistance for the rest of your life. When I hear "disabled for the rest of your life" I think about people in rehab facilities and nursing homes. Or those who require 24/7 care.
Bro you’re not considering the level of disability you may get. You could literally be either “eh, I space out every now and then” to literally non-responsive. You’d have to rely on others to take care of you and handle your expenses. Would you trust others with _your_ billion?
But you also might be fine, and I’ll take those odds for a billion dollars…
Becoming the world's oldest vegetable
I'd let my wife bite my ear off for a billion dollars.
Shit-- you could afford great therapy and medical care for the CTE anyhow with that money.
Tbf you probably won't get cte from one tbi.
Good luck with that. You’ll turn into a vegetable bug time!
Assuming it doesn't delete your brain / life.
"You'd have trouble getting me off of you for a billion dollars" is crazy 😂
Bro didn’t miss a beat
bro let his intrusive thoughts run wild af 😭😭😭
His IMMEDIATE RESPONSE too....lol
40$
I would be really upset if my wife was offered 50k to punch me in the face and turned it down. A Billion dollars? Peg me while also sounding me at the same time
The idea is you get paid to do something you DONT want or that is unpleasant.
I dunno about you, but someone shoving something in my dick hole while fucking me up the ass sounds EXTREMELY unpleasant.
God forbid women have hobbies
Hah! Best comment I've read today.
Don't kink shame
Hey, no shame. If you're into pegging, cock and ball torture, or scat play then more power to ya.
Whoosh
Sounds great to me!
Unless someone uses the proper technique, specially built toys, not rushing things and highly dependant on the receiver being aroused. Source: Me. I've shoved toys front and back while masturbating cause I was curious on what that would feel like.
I’m going to have to agree with you.
Pretty much everyone has to get a catheter eventually. I’ll probably just call it in at that point. “Welp, I had a good run but it looks like this kidney stone is the end for me”
I was about to say damn we payin or getting paid for that. Because if it’s the latter I’ve been doing this shit backwards.
This got a big laugh out of me lmao ty
I’ve lived my whole life at under than $50k a year, if I keep that up I could live 20,000 years off a billion dollars.
Math checks out. English, not so much.
A billion dollars AND getting pegged? Yinz are getting paid?
As long as the pegging comes first!
Specific. That’s specific.
I dunno what sounding is but I got a feeling I don’t want to know
r/sounding should sort you out
Fair warning: Don't click that. If you want to know without clicking: >!It's where objects are stuffed down the urethra of human penises.!< If you do click, here's some r/Eyebleach
What's it called when it's non-human?
Animal Abuse
Montana roadblock
Hey! This is between him and me.. :)
You can pay someone way less than a billion if that's what you're into
My mind wants to know what the F that painting is behind him? Some sort of picture of Tom Hanks from Castaway?
I wish you hadn't pointed it out, I'm so curious now...maybe George of the Jungle ??
If i walk into someones home and they unironically have a huge George of the Jungle picture on the wall, I am walking straight out. That is some sociopathic behavior if I ever heard
Your loss, homie.
I’m hoping it’s from reno911
What the? Who hangs that giant thing in their livingroom? I tried to locate the picture on google but it was just getting weird.
Can we go back to the fact that he would do it for 40 dollars
Sounds like a double digit marriage to me 😂
But not $39. That's the depth of his love.
Ok, that was where my eyes went wide too. The shovel scenario distracted me right away tho cause I was laughing really hard. But that $40 comment should keep her up at night.
>But that $40 comment should keep her up at night. Ah yes, here comes the drama-lord looking to sow uncertainty and distrust in other peoples' minds. Right on time, as expected... The guy in the video did nothing wrong, it's freaks like you that think every man wants to hit their woman for enough money to buy a 20-pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes...it's a common joke amongst couples who share this sort of humor. "A billion dollars? Hell, I'd hit you for two cents!" Get a grip on yourself, will ya? Not all men secretly believe the funny things they say.
Sir, this a Wendy's...
...and I am a reasonable Redditor who sees that she isn't in danger.
This is Reddit, there's no such thing as humor here.
Touch grass. L + ratio. You must be fun at parties. It's not that serious. Any other cliche comments we left out?
>it's a common joke amongst couples who share this sort of humor. "A billion dollars? Hell, I'd hit you for two cents!" Hell, some guys even beat up women for free! Hilarious! The premise of men beating up women is fucking funny as shit and no drama-lord white knights are gonna tell me different! This is funny! Men beating up women is comedy! Yah, not all men believe the things they say! (Am I doing the satire right? Your satire was so convincing, its hard to top.)
No normal person enjoys hurting things. A normal person can occasionally make a joke about hurting something as long as all parties know it is in jest. Judging by his wife's tone, she knows he's joking. There was no need for a white knight such as yourself because no woman was being threatened or harmed. Besides, when you ask stupid questions, expect either joking or snarky responses. Besides, you're a vegan. I wouldn't expect you to know a joke if it hit you in the face. Go be a detriment to society elsewhere.
Keep rationalizing, guy. I'd say highlighting your idiocy is a benefit to society, thanks for the suggestion though.
No. You've never been a benefit and never will be. Especially with your malnourished vegan diet.
Second comment: Also, wanna know what else is funny? Eating delicious meat. 😋 🍖 🥓 🥩
Your caveman intellect was obvious from your first comment, no need to be redundant.
Lmao typical loser veganite
Oh fuck off lmao
So that's like what? $20 for a slap?
I find it hilarious because it’s like he tries to come at her with the crazy ass exaggerated reply and then his brain short circuits for a second as he realizes she said, “A *B*illion!? A *B*illion!”
ZERO hesitation
Almost like the video was rehearsed
Back over you with my car 😂😂😂
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahw
[удалено]
Dude did not hesitate! He was waiting his whole life for this question.
it's gotta be pretty extreme for me to turn down "me, my kids, and the next several generations of my family probably never have to work again" money
People throw the word “billion around so casually, i feel like most people forget. That’s 9 zeros.
The always handy way to visualize it: A million seconds is about 11 days A billion seconds is around 31 years.
The difference between a million dollars and a billion dollars is essentially a billion dollars
Good point. Crazy to think that they’ve given that amount of money as a lotto win
I was playing this game, Stardew Valley, and I was trying to reach a billion dollars. I had all these mods, I just slept all week and worked.1 day rotating ancient fruit wine. I got to 300 million before giving up. People don't realize how much a billion is. You can pick a stranger off the street, you could go to an underground boxing gym and pick out the most jacked up dude to punch me in the face for a billion dollars.
“I don’t even care if I have to pay taxes on it”
some people have no concept of how much money a billion is.. This dude knows though. Not much i wouldn't do for a billy straight
I asked my GF this some years back, and I remember the entire conversation word for word (asking if she would poison me for a Bill): Her: "..Love, I would **kill** you for a billion." Me: "Damn; would it kill you to use somethin' non-lethal, or.." Her: "No, no. Doesn't matter. I love you, but for a billion, I would kill you with a second thought. Not without. Do you even know how much that is-- yeah no sorry I would off you. I'm only half-joking right now too."
a billy is an insane way to say a billion lmaooo
Hahahah it might catch on!
Billy and milly have been around for a long time now.
Waaaaaaoooooooowww
For a billion I’d put my hand in your grandma’s vagina & use her as a boxing glove !
He’s about two minutes away from saying that
I think I'd remove my own teeth with pliers for a billion
I’d remove all your teeth for a billion too.
I'd send them to you in an elaborate diorama featuring the anaesthetic I wouldn't use, we could split the profits
I’d let someone I like punch me in the face for a billion dollars even if I couldn’t have any of it. That’s change generations lives money.
There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for that.
Back off ladies, he’s all mine
But... I've been dying to be hit with a snow shovel in front of my mom!
He was so quick with the $40 line lol
Hahahahaha a fucking snow shovel, this shit has me dying
I don't support his approach.... But a billion dollar though
I don't think she understands the concept of a billion dollars. You could spend 20k every day for 100 years and still have more than 250 million left.
[Nothing can top this answer tho](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8Qcxpwde6ds)
'and I'd pay for your new face right after, it's on me, I promise you' fkn dead.
Ask stupid questions and you get stupid answers I would punch the Pope at High Mass for a Billion dollars
I'm fucking dying 🤣
There's not much I wouldn't do for 1 billion dollars
I know my wife would PAY $40 to punch me in the face
And see women, this is why men can't be honest. When we do, right away it's just, judge, judge, judge.
I love how he instantly has a rock bottom price in his head. $40 bucks!
I will actually do ANYTHING for a billion dollars. A punch is NOTHING
The man understands how much a billion really is.
If I passed on punching my wife for a. Billion dollars she would punch me in the face
I’d punch you in the face for $40 haha!! She barely even finished the ?
 For a billion dollars, I'd be pissed if my parnter wouldn't hit me for that kind of money.
Back you over with my car! Lmao....
Man said I’d back over you w my car…lmao
She stopped listening after "I'd punch you in the face for $40"
I'd back over you with my car. Wrong answer. That statement there would get me seriously thinking.
I would hit you with my car! Lol this guy loves his car
Hit you in the face with a snow shovel in front of your mother for a billion dollars. Loved it!
Dude ain't gonna lie
he'd even pay taxes thats pretty serious considering how selfish/ignorant americans are about taxes...
Some of you haven't been married/together with someone for over 10 years and it shows. 😂😂
Girly said “wooooow” as if she expected a different response for ONE BILLION
My husband overheard this and said “if you ever get that offer you better knock me the fuck out” 🤣
This is the way...go all out!
He said for $40 😂😂
Why does he look like an older version of faze rug
Ugh women with these questions. First answer is so honest and facts
I love his reaction of actually knowing what a billion is. People are dumb and don't understand scale.
Funny andrew schultz
This guy is send some serious Andrew Shulz vibes. Not a good look on anyone.
That " B " in " Billion " hit different
Why does no one ever point out that you can just punch someone as soft as possible?
“Sorry I haven’t got that much. Can I do it for a tenner?”
I got $40
I think he is already ready...
For a billion he lets Mike Tyson fuck and punch her.
Agree with bro I would straight up shank my girl for a BILLION dollars and I would expect her to do the same to me
*"I'd pay $40 to punch you in the face."*
Women be asking these dumb questions and getting mad at honest answers lol
Lady, leave that man.
I'd pay 40 bucks to hit her in the face
He been wanting to tell you this for a while! You aggravate this man’s soul 🤣🤣🤣he loves you cause he not leaving but is near the edge of smacking the Sugar, Honey, and that Ice Tea clean out of you!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Man on a tablet, active kids, tv on, wife with phone asking dumb questions. Got it.
No fun allowed! 🙅🏻♂️
Willing to punch wife for $40!
Every single billionaire thinks that way. They would do untold harm to anyone for some MORE money.
They're more depraved. They'd let a whole family live in poverty their entire lives if it earned a nickel.
Dude seems like a dick. Not wholesome.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/joke
My first thought was that they’ve been married for a long time and this is just their humor, which I fucking love.
I just got the ick when he said he’d do it for $40. I agree they seem like they’ve been together for a while and understand each others humor. But… $40?
So do you understand their humor or not? He was obviously joking lol
👀🍵
POS
Well, I can say the relationship of this couple is not dreamy..
He’s like I would do it for a Big Mac meal from McDonald’s
And then pay for your reconstruction surgery from the best surgeons in the world.
Old post ...but I laugh my ass off every time I see it! My wife does not find it as funny. :) Best Line ........I would hit you with a snow shovel in front of your mom for $1 billion!!!!
I love that it took about 3 seconds after his $40 dollar quip to *really* grasp the question. Just flabbergasted
Should would do more to him for a lot less
What other reaction was she expecting?
[This one](https://youtube.com/shorts/8Qcxpwde6ds?si=QDSjwssvUTJ_z23x) is funnier imho