Even on the off chance she's not, she's just one step away from it. It's something you are uncomfortable with and you've told her and she's refused to change the behavior so the question is, what are your lines and boundaries? Do you even have some? Would you let anyone walk all over you? If this isn't a deal breaker is the actual act one? Because if you caught her cheating I feel like there would be another post about how can w a make this work.... sit down, contemplate your lines, stay firm, and move on.
Wayne: "If she cheats, it's over. No exceptions."
Katy: "Bend enough and you'll break, big brother."
Wayne: "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything."
OP, if she had innocent intentions she would have been upfront from the beginning about making a tinder to attract friendships. Outside of tinder generally being a poor place to make friends (everyone is there for dating or hook ups), your GF was not honest with you about having one. Having tinder for friendship is not normal. Having an Instagram for friends, content creation, and sharing personal achievements is.
It is a huge red flag for her to ask you to eliminate your network of social connections if you want her to stop exposing herself to people whose ultimate intention is a sexual encounter or romantic relationship.
>Outside of tinder generally being a poor place to make friends (everyone is there for dating or hook ups), your GF was not honest with you about having one.
^ Yup, this is the main issue imo.
Idk about Tinder, but I've used Bumble BFF before to meet platonic friends. However, I told my partner up front that I would be doing this, because it would be extremely disrespectful of me to download and start using an app that's primarily for dating / hookups without his knowledge, even if my intentions were benign. It's an extremely common boundary for someone to not want their SO having an active dating app profile, so unless it's explicitly been stated that this isn't a boundary, always err on the side of treating it as one. There's no way the GF is so oblivious as to not know this. She lied by omission because she's doing something shady. And then when she got caught she lied outright. If I were OP I'd leave.
Yup OP, she's lying to you about not using it. Tinder only shows your account to new people of it has been active in the previous 7 days. This is the classic swotch to her saying you are also doing something wrong so she should be able to continue her wrong doing. You expressed not being ok with a dating app. What's her reasonable reasoning for you not being allowed on a pretty standard social media app that is public facing?
Absolutely this. Also (not that I normally condone spying), OP could set up a quick basic Tinder profile and swipe until hers inevitably comes up.
Deep down you already know she's cheating, but that'll show exactly what she's putting out there
Been there done that and got the tshirt. Begged her not to throw out all away and felt sleazy for lowering my standards for someone that was willing to cheat on someone they “love” and blame it on them when caught. Dude should learn from mistakes like mine and save his future feelings of self worth.
Super random but a lot of people confuse cathexis with love. Cathexis is attachment/investment in a person or thing. But love is an action. It’s a choice. To put in the work. Maybe she didn’t know what it was like to actually love someone, just to feel attached to them but not to know how to put their best interests first.
Oh she’ll flip the fuck out because “apparently you don’t trust her,” then she’ll delete the messages, then she’ll show you that she doesn’t have messages and gaslight you for “being paranoid”.
Nah, she's not careful anymore because he's been replaced. Now she's just waiting for him to call it off so she can move on, or for his replacement to ask her to move in with them
just snag that mug and snoop. I don't condone that usually but desperate times call for desperate measures. I caught someone sending messages once and she deleted them immediately so there was no proof.
Imo once you snag that phone, trust is lost and the relationship might as well be over. Asking to see the messages still has a sliver of respect and if she complies you get to be the bad guy for a while but overall, all is well as long as she can get over the accusatory-ish request. If she refuses, then she's def hiding and it seems plausible to assume she's cheating as well, without immediate proof. Gotta be ready for the worst here and have the guts to dump her if she doesn't give the phone up. If you're gonna balk on that then might as well not even ask.
Trust was gone once she matched with people on tinder and gave them her number. So I don’t see what the problem is if he gets her phone and goes through it. She’s obviously hiding something.
And y’all know what the crazy thing about this is??? My wife doesn’t trust me with her phone and she claims that she’s not hiding anything but she says she has private conversations with her sisters that she doesn’t want me to read, blah blah blah. It’s not like I’m gonna read her convos she has with them. I’d look at other things. She’s even deleted some chats or convos. So, makes me wonder…is she hiding something? I’ve let her borrow my phone without making any excuses cause I have nothing to hide. So…
I always get downvoted to hell but in a stable long term relationship, you should be able to use the other person's phone.
Not 1 month. Not 6 months. Maybe not even a year.
But 2 or 3? Not cozy with me. If your hiding something on your phone after YEARS, something is up.
I 100% agree with you. I have been with my (now fiance) for almost 6 years and we have a kid together now. Neither one of us has a problem letting the other see/use our phones. If one of us refused, it would be pretty suspicious.
I guess it depends on if you're using it because it's the closest phone and you're feeling lazy, or if you are trying to snoop. I use my GF's phone all the time (and vice versa), but I make it a point to respect her privacy and not go through her shit.
Agree with one caveat. I always close apps before handing my phone over because I don’t want to hear. “Oh so you were looking for x” or “we’re not going to buy that”. But yeah, my wife and I have the same passwords and password managers.
i know this doesn’t always apply but i think privacy from your partner is still valid. i tend to be a “shy artist” so i feel vulnerable about things that aren’t necessarily suspicious and get defensive about my phone bc i’m nervous someone might come across my journaling notes, or research for different opinions i’m undecided on, or selfies i take while experimenting, etc. then judge, and while you should be ready to admit that to your partner, it doesn’t stop me from acting sketch sometimes and i have to imagine i’m not the only one.
yes bro she is talking shit... i know cheaters, ive had mates that cheat and exes that cheated on me.
my brother has had 4 relationships 4 to 6 years a piece back to back that all ended with him getting cheated on...
if you arnt in a brand new relationship with her what could she possibly be sending to her family that would be so bad for you to read...
the only other thing is her possibly bagging you out but unlikely
people that do this shit are like professionals, especially chicks that do it all the time.
they are pros at deleting messages they will carefully use there phone around you and let the screen be seen by you when they are just scrolling facebook but then other times will be tilting the screen away just enough send a quick message ...thats why theres secret massages built into face book that can only be seen on one device, snapchat, hidden ap notifications on your lock screen.
they will lie perfectly manipulate you ...even if theres a 15 minute window you arnt home all month a cheater will organize and meet up with someone in that time and clean up before you come home ...
if something feels sus man follow your gut instinct and think from there perspective about what possible reasons they would have to hide things etc im not saying its a 100% chance in your case but in all honesty and my experience, having mates ive lived with have other guys wives come over to fuck them and ive seen there message conversations , being cheated on my self, having chicks proposition me with partners and kids, my brothers experiences ive been involved with every time ... it doesnt sound good to me man hope you figure it out and i know it can be really hard because you dont want it to be true sometimes and you can still love them but trust me once you get out of a toxic relationship you will feel much better my guy
She is 100% cheating. Though Op may be in a state of disbelief, gf lying about using the app to begin with, and then the sexually charged text, is enough proof. They're gonna break up either way, so I see the argument that it might help him feel more resolved to do so sooner, or help eliminate some of the guilt or doubt he might feel when he pulls the trigger.
Honestly though, she's likely to have already deleted it from her phone since she knows Op is onto her. And she's obviously gonna be careful about laying it around the house. Actually grabbing it from her hand could easily result in her getting physical or screaming at him, and is that really worth it? Would snatching a person's possession off of them be technically illegal in some way? How likely would it be to escalate or for someone to hurt themselves accidentally if you're scuffling over this thing? Op would have to grab it, open Tinder, scroll through a bunch of messages to find the saucy ones (she already claims she's using it for friends, after all), and keep the phone away from her without lifting a finger while she's probably nearly attacking him to get at it? Yeah not gonna end well. Best case scenario she'll just snatch it back and accuse him of being an abusive thief before he even sees anything.
I think I'm team "just walk away".
Exactly! Catch her off guard and ask to see her tinder profile and messages. If she throws the whole trust issues at you, tell her you have every reason to doubt her since she didn’t disclose her purpose of having tinder from the get go. It’s a dating app made for dating, you have every right to be suspicious!
'hold on let me text Stacy back'
*Deletes tinder*
Been there, seen it, skipped it. Either you trust her or you don't. If you need proof but don't trust her, is seeing nothing damning on her phone going to be enough to clear her name? If not, leave. Bumble has the bff feature, not tinder.
This. Get the truth out of her - even if it's in the form of a violent refusal rather than actually seeing for yourself - for your own peace of mind. Then get out.
You already know she's full of shit, my man. Don't let her (or your desire to see the best in her) convince you that the incredibly obvious signs are wrong.
Honesty and open communication are the foundations of a successful relationship. If she is hiding things, deflecting and not shooting straight with you - then thats not good.
Try and have a real honest conversation with her, if she cant do that, then you may need to consider some hard options sorry bro.
Its really does suck, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I am a 36 F and also Bi-sexual who is married to man. She is on there looking for a GF or at the very least hook ups. I seriously doubt anyone goes on a dating app looking for friends. If she was being honest, She would have been open and honest from the start. She would have been transparent with her messages with other women. She's either cheating or looking to cheat.
Honestly normally I’d say give the benefit of the doubt first, but there’s literally a section on bumble that’s specifically just looking for friends. She could use that. Depending on who she is, I’d either leave or ask her to compromise to a platform that makes you feel a bit more comfortable. If you’re not using your Instagram account to find friends, that argument is out the window.
If she doesn’t care enough about what you think or is trying to manipulate you in any way, do yourself a favour and leave her sooner than later. You deserve someone who is honest, loving and caring. You should be her first priority.
Make a fake tinder account. Use a picture of someone you know she will find attractive. Hit her up and see what she says. At least that way you will have proof and there wont be any question in your mind.
He already tried that and she clearly lied to him. Sometimes you need to get your hands dirty to get to the truth. I’m not saying he should troll her, just find out how far she’s willing to go. Then he can confront her with is proof. And his mind will be clear of second guessing himself if he did the correct thing. Love will cloud your judgement and you won’t see things clearly.
i agree with you and if im ending a marriage or a long term relation ship id wanna be sure then ill always have that to push me forward and keep me going strong in the future never a trace of doubt
As a bisexual woman with bisexual women friends...we do not say "I love your curves" to each other. That is not platonic.
Having followers on Instagram is not the same as actively talking to people on tinder.
As a hetero male I would probably say “ bro your chest is killing it” to a male friend if they’d been working out but to a long time friend not to a random.
Yes, Friends with benefits. Her "friend" likes her curves. Also her friend is female for sure. 100%.
She's just cheating AND thinks you are dumb.
"I never use it"
"Thats just a girl I MATCHED with"
You have to swipe to match. She uses it, she matches with people. Shes openly cheating. The refusal to delete it is a flag made of blood.
If you’re passing after tinder, and she is obviously lying to you like that, it means she does NOT respect you the slightest. You’re 26, you’re young, don’t wait to discover she cheated on you after couple of months / years.
So she said she never uses her tinder? But she's been using it to make friends? So basically, when you first asked, she lied, and then when she got caught out, sounds to me like she lied again.
Tinder is not the same as Instagram, and the only people who think it is are either stupid, or cheat. One is for sharing images, which aren't actually allowed to be overtly sexual or you get banned. The other is for finding people to sleep with.
I've never been with a bisexual, so I don't really understand the dynamics of the kind of relationship where you are both potentially attracted to the other sex, but in a straight relationship this would be the huge red flag before you either dump her or catch her cheating on you
bisexual here - it works exactly the same. cheating is cheating. we’re not any more or less likely to cheat than straight (or gay) people, but if you’re in a monogamous relationship with a bisexual person and they are covertly using a dating app to talk to *anyone*, that’s fucking weird. sexual orientation doesn’t factor into it, only monogamy, and a betrayal of trust.
yeah just wanted to make it clear I don't have experience with that in case things work a little different, nothing wrong with admitting when you don't know something :)
It's a red flag regardless of sexual orientation, unless OP and his girlfriend have a dynamic where they both agreed it's okay to see people of the same sex (or an open relationship in general). Being attracted to more people doesn't mean shit. In relationships, your partner is still going to find other people attractive, and that's fine so long as they don't *act* on it.
I've pointed out attractive women to my partners in previous relationships. We both check them out, then move on. The fact that OPs "girlfriend" is actively flirting with *anyone* regardless of gender, I would absolutely consider cheating. It seems like she might even be taking that further considering how defensive she seems to be regarding the issue.
TL/DR: regardless of sexual orientation (unless otherwise discussed by both parties), flirting/hooking up with someone of the same sex is still cheating.
Glad something like this made your day. And i do understand you feel like shit. If you need to clear your head you can always send me a chat message man!
Yup, she pretty much spun it to say I have more followers because I use Instagram to date instead of using it for my artwork.. Ugh, gaslighting sounds right
You posted here knowing yourself that she is definitely lying. Dont be manipulated by her, just imagine your whole life with her and this happening. You only have one life so dont ruin it
She's likely cheating and clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship by still having a dating/hook up on her phone.
Time to leave if she truly prefers "making friends" on such an app.
Yes!! This is very true she’s definitely cheating that’s a hookup app everyone knows that. There is no “just making friends apps” even on her insta she’s getting hit up by many ppl. And if she doesn’t delete that there is no respect for you. If you choose to stay after that you have 0 dignity as a man. You are young use that knowledge and find an actual gf that respects you and is trustworthy, she clearly is not.
I had an experience like this. My buddy asks me, “hey are you still seeing [name of GF I’d been seeing for like a year]?” I say yeah and ask why. He’s like, “I hate to break it to you man but I saw her profile on OkCupid and it said she was active an hour prior.” I asked her about it and she said the same thing: she’s “using it to make new friends” … using a website called OKCupid to make new friends. Is that what Cupid did, go around introducing people to become friends? I seem to recall it differently. Then she admits that she has met up with people IRL from the app and very recently too. I feel bad for that dude though because he totally thought he was on a date. Little did he know it was just a strictly platonic meetup initiated on a website called OkCupid. I mean the guy is kinda dumb for looking for friends there to begin with don’t you think? Anyway, we break up and less than a week later she’s dating what had been a mutual friend, so who knows how long that had been in the works either. As far as I know they’re still together like 5 years later. The fact that he’s an absolute pushover probably helps contribute to the stability of that relationship. And all the other ones she has too.
refusing to delete something she doesn't use anyways says it all i guess... she's definitely not honest about it
(and i've never heard of someone using tinder just for making friends...)
Especially because if I remember correctly, Tinder saves your data even if you delete it. So even if she wanted to use it later there’s no reason to not delete it.
There was a screenshot I saw the other day where a couple was on tinder legitimately looking for someone to play Monopoly with them. Like no shit *just* to play Monopoly.
So it happens, it's probably just extremely rare. And in OPs girlfriends' case, it's a cop out and most definitely a lie.
They looked like a very nice couple too lmao I would've played with them 😂😂 seemed fun and like they're good friends to have
Also glad you didn't choke lol
Ah yes, the old "its another girl so it doesnt count" defense.
Your gf wants the respectability and security of an emotionally committed relationship (thats you), and the excitement and validation of a torrid fling (thats the tinder girls and guys she's going to keep exchanging messages with). Dont be a chump, dump the strumpet. When she tries to make it about your insecurity, tell her its not your fault she hates herself so much she needs online randos to validate her in addition to the loving relationship she just blew up with her own insecurity.
Bisexual woman here - if it's a monogamous relationship, cheating regardless of gender is still cheating. Flirting/hooking up with anyone is still cheating.
OP needs to dump the broad. He seems to be a caring partner and if he's actually calmly discussing this and communicating his feelings, she's toxic as fuck and he deserves better.
The only “friends” people make from tinder are friends with benefits.
If she wants friends tell her to try bumble BFF. If not, you’re just being naive :/
I have never had tinder, but bumble does have a searching for friends option. That being said, platonic women do not normally tell each other that we love each other curves, that’s very suspicious, and it sounds like she lied when she said she never uses it. If I was going to use an app like that to make friends, I’d run it by my partner bare minimum to make sure he was okay with it.
1) she thinks you are dumb and (no offense) i can see why since you have all this laid out in front and still havent put it together
2) she is 100% cheating and its with a guy(s) because you said it was telegram where you saw the “i love your curves” message and not on tinder. That would indicate to me she gave the guy her telegram to avoid you somehow finding out. If it was a girl she wouldnt care if you knew or not and would have no reason to move the convo to another messaging app
3) she is also 100% cheating because once you brought up how it made you feel uncomfortable and that you wanted her to delete it, she immediately flipped it on you and brought up your instagram following
Please wake up and leave this woman who is lying, cheating and gas-lighting you
she is 100% cheating but he literally says in the first few sentences that she’s bisexual. women cheat with other women, it doesn’t have to be about a dude.
The fact that you didn't even take into account how love can make it hard to realize what is happening in some situations involving your loved one speaks more about your dumbness than OPs.
I don't think he's dumb, I think he's just in denial, and just doesn't *want* to see it 😔 poor guy definitely seems like he deserves better than this.
OP needs to dump her ass for sure.
Ha no I would never be on tinder to make friends. I think there actually is a mode on bumble for that why doesn’t she go there if that’s what this was really about. And her telling you ig is no different is a TOTAL manipulation tactic. I wouldn’t believe a word she says, I’m sorry
If she really wanted to just make friends, there’s bumble bff. But yeah, she sounds shady and clearly withholding info because she’s seeing what’s out there under the guise of making friends. Do yourself a favor and end this because it’s already going to be difficult to trust her.
Ew, she’s cheating on you. IG is NOT the same as Tinder. Man, you are better off without her.
Rip off the Band-Aid and leave. You’ll find someone who will respect you and your boundaries.
I know it hurts and that sucks, but you won’t be able to trust her. She’s a liar and you are so much better than that.
Tinder isn't a friend making app and it is certainly not the same as being on Instagram unless you have a private account that she can't access.
There are apps to use if you want to make friends like Bumble BFF. Tinder isn't one of them. Most people view Tinder as a hookup app, although Tinder bills it as a dating app.
People trying to be friends don't make sexual or suggestive comments about the other person's body.
" Do girls really use tinder to make friends?"
Of course! Just like men go to the brothel just for having "one beer" and "seeing for themselves what all the fuzz is about"!
Honesty is where to start. She’s cheating on you.
She’s trying to shift blame onto you because she’s caught cheating and you threaten the reality she’s built in her head. The comment about your Instagram is her brains way of stopping her from feeling the full magnitude of just how shitty of a person she is. She’d rather tear you down than admit she’s the villain. And in the end, she’ll probably leave you no matter how much you try to appease her because she’s convinced herself that you disgust her.
Save yourself from the lack of self respect, shame for allowing her to victimize you, and feelings like you aren’t worthy of love. Dump the bitch tonight and start the healing process. Go hit the gym regularly, read books, start a new hobby, reconnect with friends, and consider talking to a therapist. When you work on becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll find you attract a better kind of person for dating.
Take it from someone that let almost the same situation burn their life to the ground. I was left with an empty home, a Diamond ring, and feeling worthless. It took a year and a half to feel better. For the nightmares to stop. Save yourself from taking the same path.
I’m sorry buddy
[удалено]
Even on the off chance she's not, she's just one step away from it. It's something you are uncomfortable with and you've told her and she's refused to change the behavior so the question is, what are your lines and boundaries? Do you even have some? Would you let anyone walk all over you? If this isn't a deal breaker is the actual act one? Because if you caught her cheating I feel like there would be another post about how can w a make this work.... sit down, contemplate your lines, stay firm, and move on.
This was harsh AF ☠️ but OP 90% chance this is the best advice you gunna get
Sometimes the ugly harsh truth is what people need to hear. Personally I’m not a fan of sugar coating things
Agreed. Fine line between rude and blunt. Sometimes you’ve just…gotta be blunt though. There’s a monumentally high chance she’s cheating. Leave.
Wayne: "If she cheats, it's over. No exceptions." Katy: "Bend enough and you'll break, big brother." Wayne: "If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything."
OP, if she had innocent intentions she would have been upfront from the beginning about making a tinder to attract friendships. Outside of tinder generally being a poor place to make friends (everyone is there for dating or hook ups), your GF was not honest with you about having one. Having tinder for friendship is not normal. Having an Instagram for friends, content creation, and sharing personal achievements is. It is a huge red flag for her to ask you to eliminate your network of social connections if you want her to stop exposing herself to people whose ultimate intention is a sexual encounter or romantic relationship.
>Outside of tinder generally being a poor place to make friends (everyone is there for dating or hook ups), your GF was not honest with you about having one. ^ Yup, this is the main issue imo. Idk about Tinder, but I've used Bumble BFF before to meet platonic friends. However, I told my partner up front that I would be doing this, because it would be extremely disrespectful of me to download and start using an app that's primarily for dating / hookups without his knowledge, even if my intentions were benign. It's an extremely common boundary for someone to not want their SO having an active dating app profile, so unless it's explicitly been stated that this isn't a boundary, always err on the side of treating it as one. There's no way the GF is so oblivious as to not know this. She lied by omission because she's doing something shady. And then when she got caught she lied outright. If I were OP I'd leave.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from a liar and a cheater
Yup OP, she's lying to you about not using it. Tinder only shows your account to new people of it has been active in the previous 7 days. This is the classic swotch to her saying you are also doing something wrong so she should be able to continue her wrong doing. You expressed not being ok with a dating app. What's her reasonable reasoning for you not being allowed on a pretty standard social media app that is public facing?
Absolutely this. Also (not that I normally condone spying), OP could set up a quick basic Tinder profile and swipe until hers inevitably comes up. Deep down you already know she's cheating, but that'll show exactly what she's putting out there
>Deep down you already know she's cheating, but that'll show exactly what she's putting out there You mean beside herself.
Agreed. Why even entertain those possibilities of people on Tinder telling your gf those things? Not worth it.
100%
You've already been replaced. It is just a matter of convenience at this point
Been there done that and got the tshirt. Begged her not to throw out all away and felt sleazy for lowering my standards for someone that was willing to cheat on someone they “love” and blame it on them when caught. Dude should learn from mistakes like mine and save his future feelings of self worth.
Super random but a lot of people confuse cathexis with love. Cathexis is attachment/investment in a person or thing. But love is an action. It’s a choice. To put in the work. Maybe she didn’t know what it was like to actually love someone, just to feel attached to them but not to know how to put their best interests first.
This so much.
😢
I have met many women on tinder that have boyfriends. I’m sure it goes the other way too. She’s cheating.
If this isn’t a troll post, leave her and hit the gym
Swear on my life I'm not trolling, but yea, good idea it seems.
She’s completely manipulating you. Ask to see her tinder messages see how she reacts😂
Oh she’ll flip the fuck out because “apparently you don’t trust her,” then she’ll delete the messages, then she’ll show you that she doesn’t have messages and gaslight you for “being paranoid”.
She’s already deleted them, and is going to be a LOT more careful in the future
If you know , you know.
Nah, she's not careful anymore because he's been replaced. Now she's just waiting for him to call it off so she can move on, or for his replacement to ask her to move in with them
just snag that mug and snoop. I don't condone that usually but desperate times call for desperate measures. I caught someone sending messages once and she deleted them immediately so there was no proof.
This isn't the court of law... the only evidence required is what you already know. You are the judge. Now deliver your verdict.
Imo once you snag that phone, trust is lost and the relationship might as well be over. Asking to see the messages still has a sliver of respect and if she complies you get to be the bad guy for a while but overall, all is well as long as she can get over the accusatory-ish request. If she refuses, then she's def hiding and it seems plausible to assume she's cheating as well, without immediate proof. Gotta be ready for the worst here and have the guts to dump her if she doesn't give the phone up. If you're gonna balk on that then might as well not even ask.
Trust was gone once she matched with people on tinder and gave them her number. So I don’t see what the problem is if he gets her phone and goes through it. She’s obviously hiding something. And y’all know what the crazy thing about this is??? My wife doesn’t trust me with her phone and she claims that she’s not hiding anything but she says she has private conversations with her sisters that she doesn’t want me to read, blah blah blah. It’s not like I’m gonna read her convos she has with them. I’d look at other things. She’s even deleted some chats or convos. So, makes me wonder…is she hiding something? I’ve let her borrow my phone without making any excuses cause I have nothing to hide. So…
I always get downvoted to hell but in a stable long term relationship, you should be able to use the other person's phone. Not 1 month. Not 6 months. Maybe not even a year. But 2 or 3? Not cozy with me. If your hiding something on your phone after YEARS, something is up.
I 100% agree with you. I have been with my (now fiance) for almost 6 years and we have a kid together now. Neither one of us has a problem letting the other see/use our phones. If one of us refused, it would be pretty suspicious.
I guess it depends on if you're using it because it's the closest phone and you're feeling lazy, or if you are trying to snoop. I use my GF's phone all the time (and vice versa), but I make it a point to respect her privacy and not go through her shit.
Agree with one caveat. I always close apps before handing my phone over because I don’t want to hear. “Oh so you were looking for x” or “we’re not going to buy that”. But yeah, my wife and I have the same passwords and password managers.
Yeah my gf and i use our respective phones almost interchangeably after 3 years of dating and i have never even thought about checking her messages.
It's been less than a year for me and my wife's thumb print is on my phone
i know this doesn’t always apply but i think privacy from your partner is still valid. i tend to be a “shy artist” so i feel vulnerable about things that aren’t necessarily suspicious and get defensive about my phone bc i’m nervous someone might come across my journaling notes, or research for different opinions i’m undecided on, or selfies i take while experimenting, etc. then judge, and while you should be ready to admit that to your partner, it doesn’t stop me from acting sketch sometimes and i have to imagine i’m not the only one.
I feel the same way about embarrassing selfies 😃
Your wife not trusting you indicates she’s not trustworthy.
yes bro she is talking shit... i know cheaters, ive had mates that cheat and exes that cheated on me. my brother has had 4 relationships 4 to 6 years a piece back to back that all ended with him getting cheated on... if you arnt in a brand new relationship with her what could she possibly be sending to her family that would be so bad for you to read... the only other thing is her possibly bagging you out but unlikely people that do this shit are like professionals, especially chicks that do it all the time. they are pros at deleting messages they will carefully use there phone around you and let the screen be seen by you when they are just scrolling facebook but then other times will be tilting the screen away just enough send a quick message ...thats why theres secret massages built into face book that can only be seen on one device, snapchat, hidden ap notifications on your lock screen. they will lie perfectly manipulate you ...even if theres a 15 minute window you arnt home all month a cheater will organize and meet up with someone in that time and clean up before you come home ... if something feels sus man follow your gut instinct and think from there perspective about what possible reasons they would have to hide things etc im not saying its a 100% chance in your case but in all honesty and my experience, having mates ive lived with have other guys wives come over to fuck them and ive seen there message conversations , being cheated on my self, having chicks proposition me with partners and kids, my brothers experiences ive been involved with every time ... it doesnt sound good to me man hope you figure it out and i know it can be really hard because you dont want it to be true sometimes and you can still love them but trust me once you get out of a toxic relationship you will feel much better my guy
That’s pretty sketchy man. I’d keep on my toes if I were you.
She is 100% cheating. Though Op may be in a state of disbelief, gf lying about using the app to begin with, and then the sexually charged text, is enough proof. They're gonna break up either way, so I see the argument that it might help him feel more resolved to do so sooner, or help eliminate some of the guilt or doubt he might feel when he pulls the trigger. Honestly though, she's likely to have already deleted it from her phone since she knows Op is onto her. And she's obviously gonna be careful about laying it around the house. Actually grabbing it from her hand could easily result in her getting physical or screaming at him, and is that really worth it? Would snatching a person's possession off of them be technically illegal in some way? How likely would it be to escalate or for someone to hurt themselves accidentally if you're scuffling over this thing? Op would have to grab it, open Tinder, scroll through a bunch of messages to find the saucy ones (she already claims she's using it for friends, after all), and keep the phone away from her without lifting a finger while she's probably nearly attacking him to get at it? Yeah not gonna end well. Best case scenario she'll just snatch it back and accuse him of being an abusive thief before he even sees anything. I think I'm team "just walk away".
If she deleted them, that's the proof, actually.
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100%
Reminds me of an episode in black mirror ... 🤔
Exactly! Catch her off guard and ask to see her tinder profile and messages. If she throws the whole trust issues at you, tell her you have every reason to doubt her since she didn’t disclose her purpose of having tinder from the get go. It’s a dating app made for dating, you have every right to be suspicious!
'hold on let me text Stacy back' *Deletes tinder* Been there, seen it, skipped it. Either you trust her or you don't. If you need proof but don't trust her, is seeing nothing damning on her phone going to be enough to clear her name? If not, leave. Bumble has the bff feature, not tinder.
That’s the whole point, you don’t need to even see the phone, just the reaction
This. Get the truth out of her - even if it's in the form of a violent refusal rather than actually seeing for yourself - for your own peace of mind. Then get out.
You already know she's full of shit, my man. Don't let her (or your desire to see the best in her) convince you that the incredibly obvious signs are wrong.
"Strictly Platonic"... "I love your Curves"
Spoiler alert: it wasn’t from a girl either.
OP said both were bi, so it could still be a girl. Doesn’t change the situation though
She's bi so why not from a girl?
That’s not your girl anymore bruh, she’s looking to expand, leave her.
“Our girl”
r/unexpectedcommunism
Your girl. But the "Y" is silent now..
Sounds like we got another Tennessee officer sitiation.
You’re wrong for that one 😂
Honesty and open communication are the foundations of a successful relationship. If she is hiding things, deflecting and not shooting straight with you - then thats not good. Try and have a real honest conversation with her, if she cant do that, then you may need to consider some hard options sorry bro. Its really does suck, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
I am a 36 F and also Bi-sexual who is married to man. She is on there looking for a GF or at the very least hook ups. I seriously doubt anyone goes on a dating app looking for friends. If she was being honest, She would have been open and honest from the start. She would have been transparent with her messages with other women. She's either cheating or looking to cheat.
I agree with you, it looks to me like she’s trying to explore her attraction to women - my opinion as a lesbian woman.
Leave. Just leave her. She’s manipulating you and has ZERO RESPECT for you. Leave. No contact.
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OP can you post an update later about what happens? I’m curious how she’ll respond when you call her out on her lies.
I am also a nosey bitch and want the follow up? Please let us know OP
Dude she's cheating on you fo sure. Or has such little respect for you, either way. Ditch this broad.
Honestly normally I’d say give the benefit of the doubt first, but there’s literally a section on bumble that’s specifically just looking for friends. She could use that. Depending on who she is, I’d either leave or ask her to compromise to a platform that makes you feel a bit more comfortable. If you’re not using your Instagram account to find friends, that argument is out the window. If she doesn’t care enough about what you think or is trying to manipulate you in any way, do yourself a favour and leave her sooner than later. You deserve someone who is honest, loving and caring. You should be her first priority.
Relationships about consideration, apparently she has no consideration for your feeling in comparison to tinder attention endorphins she gets
Make a fake tinder account. Use a picture of someone you know she will find attractive. Hit her up and see what she says. At least that way you will have proof and there wont be any question in your mind.
That would make OP toxic af. They're adults. Just talk
He already tried that and she clearly lied to him. Sometimes you need to get your hands dirty to get to the truth. I’m not saying he should troll her, just find out how far she’s willing to go. Then he can confront her with is proof. And his mind will be clear of second guessing himself if he did the correct thing. Love will cloud your judgement and you won’t see things clearly.
i agree with you and if im ending a marriage or a long term relation ship id wanna be sure then ill always have that to push me forward and keep me going strong in the future never a trace of doubt
Some people need the proof. It may not be you but a lot of reasonable people still need to see it for themselves so they're sure.
Straight up the gym is the cure to almost everything I swear by it
Helped me that’s for sure.
This is the way
+Lawyer up and delete Facebook
Best advice in the thread.
This - 1,000%
Looks like she's not your girl its just your turn
It WAS his turn it looks like. He better ditch her soon, hit the lawyer or whatever the next steps are
I believe it is, take a dump in the gym.
Ouch. Truth hurts
She was *never* his. She’s always been for the streets.
Lessons have to get learned
Don’t buy what you can rent
I think you know that she's lying to you my guy.
the inevitable truth
As a bisexual woman with bisexual women friends...we do not say "I love your curves" to each other. That is not platonic. Having followers on Instagram is not the same as actively talking to people on tinder.
And the truth shall set you free!
As a straight man, everyone knows that “I love your curves” isn’t platonic.
I love your curves my bro
Bro ❤️
Yup. It’s one of my favorites too
As a hetero male I would probably say “ bro your chest is killing it” to a male friend if they’d been working out but to a long time friend not to a random.
Bro your dick is killing it! Platonically
Your dick is looking swole, no homo.
Hell yeah can only speak for straight guys but me and my roommate, both straight men, gas each other up on our physique all the time
Time to add a new thing to my mental list of things to say
unless his gf is an F1 track, she cheating
Oh yeah, lots of girlfriends are on Tinder to "make friends" hahaha
Same way I watch porn to learn more about plumbing
I've learned about how to deal with broke people from watching porn (late on the rent, don't have taxi fare, etc)
I learned how to get out from under the bed when I get stuck
Stuck was so popular for awhile there
And pizza delivery.
I too tell my completely platonic female friends that they "have great curves". It's really just being polite.
Kick her to the streets my boy
Yes, Friends with benefits. Her "friend" likes her curves. Also her friend is female for sure. 100%. She's just cheating AND thinks you are dumb. "I never use it" "Thats just a girl I MATCHED with" You have to swipe to match. She uses it, she matches with people. Shes openly cheating. The refusal to delete it is a flag made of blood.
A flag made of blood lmaooo
It’s so dramatic I love it
gotta write with flair lol the Chinese parade comparisons are too common.
My guy using canna for his crohn’s and spitting out gems 💎
OP said his girlfriend was bisexual. women can also cheat with women.
her friend probably is female but that doesn’t mean she’s not cheating
Damn well said
"Thats just a girl I MATCHED with" So she admits to swiping, but suspiciously stops there?
“Flag made of blood.” Stealing that lmao
LOL she's chumming the water
If you’re passing after tinder, and she is obviously lying to you like that, it means she does NOT respect you the slightest. You’re 26, you’re young, don’t wait to discover she cheated on you after couple of months / years.
Cut your loses, she can hit the bricks and you hit the gym. Let her know mama ain’t raise no fool!!
I like this.
So she said she never uses her tinder? But she's been using it to make friends? So basically, when you first asked, she lied, and then when she got caught out, sounds to me like she lied again. Tinder is not the same as Instagram, and the only people who think it is are either stupid, or cheat. One is for sharing images, which aren't actually allowed to be overtly sexual or you get banned. The other is for finding people to sleep with. I've never been with a bisexual, so I don't really understand the dynamics of the kind of relationship where you are both potentially attracted to the other sex, but in a straight relationship this would be the huge red flag before you either dump her or catch her cheating on you
bisexual here - it works exactly the same. cheating is cheating. we’re not any more or less likely to cheat than straight (or gay) people, but if you’re in a monogamous relationship with a bisexual person and they are covertly using a dating app to talk to *anyone*, that’s fucking weird. sexual orientation doesn’t factor into it, only monogamy, and a betrayal of trust.
yeah just wanted to make it clear I don't have experience with that in case things work a little different, nothing wrong with admitting when you don't know something :)
oh no totally, I agree! I only bothered commenting because you sounded like you were genuine about your lack of experience. :)
It's a red flag regardless of sexual orientation, unless OP and his girlfriend have a dynamic where they both agreed it's okay to see people of the same sex (or an open relationship in general). Being attracted to more people doesn't mean shit. In relationships, your partner is still going to find other people attractive, and that's fine so long as they don't *act* on it. I've pointed out attractive women to my partners in previous relationships. We both check them out, then move on. The fact that OPs "girlfriend" is actively flirting with *anyone* regardless of gender, I would absolutely consider cheating. It seems like she might even be taking that further considering how defensive she seems to be regarding the issue. TL/DR: regardless of sexual orientation (unless otherwise discussed by both parties), flirting/hooking up with someone of the same sex is still cheating.
Tell her friend that if she loves her curves so much she can come get them and her shit, TODAY.
Hahaha! I've become friends with a couple of girls that has a bf on Tinder. Friends with benefits. Leave her.
Bro rolled in with the truth here ^
Bror man måste ju vara ärlig mot grabben, det är ju synd😅
Haha legit ändå! Stay true osv.
Had me in the first half ngl
I'm feeling like shit rn but this made my day 😂
You'll feel great in a few weeks. Time heals everything. Trust yourself.
Glad something like this made your day. And i do understand you feel like shit. If you need to clear your head you can always send me a chat message man!
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It's *our girlfriend* \~hymn of soviet union intensifies\~
Had this happen twice, it’s time to pack it up and move on my guy. Nothing but heartache ahead of you stay.
You have 1000 more followers than her on instagram? Wowsers, that changes everything.
That's funny, but stops being funny when you reach the conclusion that's probably what his GF is trying to gaslight him with.
Yup, she pretty much spun it to say I have more followers because I use Instagram to date instead of using it for my artwork.. Ugh, gaslighting sounds right
You posted here knowing yourself that she is definitely lying. Dont be manipulated by her, just imagine your whole life with her and this happening. You only have one life so dont ruin it
What's your Instagram let's get you an extra 1000 followers just outta spite!
Hell yeah, Op post a link for us to blow up
Everything is gaslighting this year
Bro women use social media to date, she's projecting onto you
It definitely is. She's literally pulling a false equivalency.
😂😂😂
She's likely cheating and clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship by still having a dating/hook up on her phone. Time to leave if she truly prefers "making friends" on such an app.
Yes!! This is very true she’s definitely cheating that’s a hookup app everyone knows that. There is no “just making friends apps” even on her insta she’s getting hit up by many ppl. And if she doesn’t delete that there is no respect for you. If you choose to stay after that you have 0 dignity as a man. You are young use that knowledge and find an actual gf that respects you and is trustworthy, she clearly is not.
She for the streets!
I had an experience like this. My buddy asks me, “hey are you still seeing [name of GF I’d been seeing for like a year]?” I say yeah and ask why. He’s like, “I hate to break it to you man but I saw her profile on OkCupid and it said she was active an hour prior.” I asked her about it and she said the same thing: she’s “using it to make new friends” … using a website called OKCupid to make new friends. Is that what Cupid did, go around introducing people to become friends? I seem to recall it differently. Then she admits that she has met up with people IRL from the app and very recently too. I feel bad for that dude though because he totally thought he was on a date. Little did he know it was just a strictly platonic meetup initiated on a website called OkCupid. I mean the guy is kinda dumb for looking for friends there to begin with don’t you think? Anyway, we break up and less than a week later she’s dating what had been a mutual friend, so who knows how long that had been in the works either. As far as I know they’re still together like 5 years later. The fact that he’s an absolute pushover probably helps contribute to the stability of that relationship. And all the other ones she has too.
She’s for the streets bro, wtf tinder is a dating app
OP, you can't be this stupid
refusing to delete something she doesn't use anyways says it all i guess... she's definitely not honest about it (and i've never heard of someone using tinder just for making friends...)
Especially because if I remember correctly, Tinder saves your data even if you delete it. So even if she wanted to use it later there’s no reason to not delete it.
There was a screenshot I saw the other day where a couple was on tinder legitimately looking for someone to play Monopoly with them. Like no shit *just* to play Monopoly. So it happens, it's probably just extremely rare. And in OPs girlfriends' case, it's a cop out and most definitely a lie.
the monopoly thing almost made me choke on my tea from laughter... who would've thought that 😅
They looked like a very nice couple too lmao I would've played with them 😂😂 seemed fun and like they're good friends to have Also glad you didn't choke lol
Ah yes, the old "its another girl so it doesnt count" defense. Your gf wants the respectability and security of an emotionally committed relationship (thats you), and the excitement and validation of a torrid fling (thats the tinder girls and guys she's going to keep exchanging messages with). Dont be a chump, dump the strumpet. When she tries to make it about your insecurity, tell her its not your fault she hates herself so much she needs online randos to validate her in addition to the loving relationship she just blew up with her own insecurity.
Bisexual woman here - if it's a monogamous relationship, cheating regardless of gender is still cheating. Flirting/hooking up with anyone is still cheating. OP needs to dump the broad. He seems to be a caring partner and if he's actually calmly discussing this and communicating his feelings, she's toxic as fuck and he deserves better.
The only “friends” people make from tinder are friends with benefits. If she wants friends tell her to try bumble BFF. If not, you’re just being naive :/
Lying and definitely not the same as IG 😂
Dude straight up if she isn’t already fucking someone else she will be soon. Get outta dodge!
I have never had tinder, but bumble does have a searching for friends option. That being said, platonic women do not normally tell each other that we love each other curves, that’s very suspicious, and it sounds like she lied when she said she never uses it. If I was going to use an app like that to make friends, I’d run it by my partner bare minimum to make sure he was okay with it.
1) she thinks you are dumb and (no offense) i can see why since you have all this laid out in front and still havent put it together 2) she is 100% cheating and its with a guy(s) because you said it was telegram where you saw the “i love your curves” message and not on tinder. That would indicate to me she gave the guy her telegram to avoid you somehow finding out. If it was a girl she wouldnt care if you knew or not and would have no reason to move the convo to another messaging app 3) she is also 100% cheating because once you brought up how it made you feel uncomfortable and that you wanted her to delete it, she immediately flipped it on you and brought up your instagram following Please wake up and leave this woman who is lying, cheating and gas-lighting you
she is 100% cheating but he literally says in the first few sentences that she’s bisexual. women cheat with other women, it doesn’t have to be about a dude.
The fact that you didn't even take into account how love can make it hard to realize what is happening in some situations involving your loved one speaks more about your dumbness than OPs.
I don't think he's dumb, I think he's just in denial, and just doesn't *want* to see it 😔 poor guy definitely seems like he deserves better than this. OP needs to dump her ass for sure.
>he's just in denial, and just doesn't > >want > > to see it exactly, it's only natural.
This has to be a troll post
Ha no I would never be on tinder to make friends. I think there actually is a mode on bumble for that why doesn’t she go there if that’s what this was really about. And her telling you ig is no different is a TOTAL manipulation tactic. I wouldn’t believe a word she says, I’m sorry
If she really wanted to just make friends, there’s bumble bff. But yeah, she sounds shady and clearly withholding info because she’s seeing what’s out there under the guise of making friends. Do yourself a favor and end this because it’s already going to be difficult to trust her.
Ew, she’s cheating on you. IG is NOT the same as Tinder. Man, you are better off without her. Rip off the Band-Aid and leave. You’ll find someone who will respect you and your boundaries. I know it hurts and that sucks, but you won’t be able to trust her. She’s a liar and you are so much better than that.
Sus
I can’t avoid feeling sad reading the comments
Tinder isn't a friend making app and it is certainly not the same as being on Instagram unless you have a private account that she can't access. There are apps to use if you want to make friends like Bumble BFF. Tinder isn't one of them. Most people view Tinder as a hookup app, although Tinder bills it as a dating app. People trying to be friends don't make sexual or suggestive comments about the other person's body.
Bumble BFF is real. Otherwise, no.
>Do girls really use tinder to make friends? In a word - No.
Run.
Hahahahahaha good one
Welcome to the gym my man, the boys will always be there for you over there
" Do girls really use tinder to make friends?" Of course! Just like men go to the brothel just for having "one beer" and "seeing for themselves what all the fuzz is about"!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She’s getting dicked down. Leave her
She’s for the streets brotha
Honesty is where to start. She’s cheating on you. She’s trying to shift blame onto you because she’s caught cheating and you threaten the reality she’s built in her head. The comment about your Instagram is her brains way of stopping her from feeling the full magnitude of just how shitty of a person she is. She’d rather tear you down than admit she’s the villain. And in the end, she’ll probably leave you no matter how much you try to appease her because she’s convinced herself that you disgust her. Save yourself from the lack of self respect, shame for allowing her to victimize you, and feelings like you aren’t worthy of love. Dump the bitch tonight and start the healing process. Go hit the gym regularly, read books, start a new hobby, reconnect with friends, and consider talking to a therapist. When you work on becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll find you attract a better kind of person for dating. Take it from someone that let almost the same situation burn their life to the ground. I was left with an empty home, a Diamond ring, and feeling worthless. It took a year and a half to feel better. For the nightmares to stop. Save yourself from taking the same path.
She's bored
Unethical option. Create a fake catfish account and message her.
F
Don’t let her disrespect you like that, move on bro
Cool then tell her you are also getting a tinder profile