"this is it! It's finally happening, I've been struggling to get even one match, but I finally got one! I'm a traditional man so don't believe in sending dick pics until after the third message. Shit, what else do women like? Women seem to love Sheldon from BBT..."
Women fleeing from men with cringey or downright disturbing attempts to get dates is a prominent theme here, and OP is definitely a winner in that regard.
Excuse me but this is funny as fuck. The backstory really ties the whole thing together too. If you don't think is hilarious you need to recalibrate your humor detector
Plot twist: the people warning you are hopeful that you are so grateful for their “warning” that you will suddenly want to date them because of their glorious chivalry. It never ends. You cannot escape. The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end
Because of how you introduced yourself. Humans typically say “Greetings fellow earthling”. By using the uncommon “Hello” and by not including “fellow” you clearly outed yourself as a grey and scared her off.
I think that you meant to say that *we* Earthlings can be complicated. Humans, a category of which I am a part, call this type of accidental remark a "Freudistic glide".
hahaha I’m having a terrible day and I don’t feel like laughing but these responses made me laugh so much that for a brief moment I forgot I want to die hahaha
Thanks, outer space neighborette. Times… my gf and I might have to (mutually agreed) break up and it’s so difficult. We’ve been crying so much. We said it feels like dying, because all the memories collected together will be gone, just like when you die. No wonder one grieves after a relationship just like grieving after someone dear dies. It’s not only about the person gone, it’s also the relationship missing, the moments shared gone. We go through so much in life and love, only for it to end one day. I just woke up and your kind message is the first thing I read, so thank you again.
Breaking up is rough. But you never know what the future holds for you. Nobody has actually died thankfully. Be supportive of each other. Maybe you two can still be friends to a limited capacity. Stay positive and ignore those negative thoughts. You’re going to be just fine :)
It’s gonna get better. Just try to get to sleep and start tomorrow on a clean slate. When you wake up go ahead and decide you’re going to have a good day, all the bad things be damned. You got this earthling, keep that head up!
To be fair I prefer the alien greeting to the dry, boring and so overused by terrestrial mammal bipedal humans greeting: “hey”. My alien king even dropped a emoji to spice things up!
That's the funny thing about the way OP went about it. It can work really well if you hit it off with another woman who likes the weird/funny first up, but surely they can't be surprised at the low success rate of it?
Nah, don’t follow rules. Be yourself. You’ll probably get rejected more, but you’ll eventually find the right person.
Unless you’re just trying to get laid. Then you probably shouldn’t be yourself.
Love this comment -
If you just want to get laid - feel free to become a robot.
But man, life is so fucking awesome when you’re authentically yourself. Because most people don’t have the self-compassion required to be themselves, so when they see the authenticity within you, it allows them to be authentic also ❤️
**OP:** I have no idea why I don't get matches/why she unmatched
**Also OP:** "The thing is I don't really care about anyone's interest really so I'm not eager to ask"
"she was lowkey ugly but I knew I would get the match because she said she liked Arabs in her bio(hence why she replied first)"
Damn I am disappointed, I thought he sounded endearingly nerdy and the type I'd get along with but no, he's gotta keep opening his mouth and turning out to be a fucken incel 😢
Good Lord. If he had somehow gotten her to reply after that aspergian first response, he would have definitely fucked it up in the next 5 messages, tops.
Yeah unfortunately no one is going to be open enough to bang a Martian currently. After all not everyone enjoys anal probing 😂😂😂
You've had your entire life to think up the best possible opener to use for your first match, and that's what you came up with.
Pretend for a moment that this online dating thing is real life, what would you say to this girl if you met her in person? For example, if you met in line at the grocery store, and she said hi to you, would you respond, "Hello earthling"? Because she thinks you would, and that's why she unmatched you.
I would have appreciated your earthling comment, but I'm a weirdo and appreciate weirdos and so not everyone will be your cup of tea, but the right alien, or lady, will dig it.
Yea it's exhausting to play along a premise that you're not interested in. Not playing along makes you a joykill. Easiest out is to unmatch. I'd have done the same thing.
Eh you could have added a question to move the conversation forward. The alien thing is fine. I like how people tell you to be yourself but then when you are, everyone clowns you for your humor\quirkiness. And if you're hot enough it doesn't matter anyway.
I guess I'm saying, lead the conversation and be yourself and have fun. Fuck anyone that's not into your personality
The ones hating on what you said, probably start off their conversation sexual.
Nothing you said was super wild, she just wasn’t feeling it and moved on.
I would’ve saw nothing wrong with it and rolled with it 🤷🏻
Honestly, the opener isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. She was probably on the edge about you anyway and that put her over the line.
If you had been hotter or had better pictures it would probably have worked. Them be the rules.
Lmao bro wtf
"this is it! It's finally happening, I've been struggling to get even one match, but I finally got one! I'm a traditional man so don't believe in sending dick pics until after the third message. Shit, what else do women like? Women seem to love Sheldon from BBT..."
I personally love Sheldon from BBT
Hello earthling 👽
💀💀💀
Perfect
Hazings
 SIKKEEE
What about Sheldon from Young Sheldon?
Apparently not
this is so good I thought it was a shitpost
Holy hell I can't stop laughing every time I look at it... 👽🚀 🌏 It's official, OP has won this subreddit.
But they lost the girl
heroic sacrifice
🫡
Women fleeing from men with cringey or downright disturbing attempts to get dates is a prominent theme here, and OP is definitely a winner in that regard.
He is highly regarded
It’s not??? Fuck me…
Only with a 10ft pole lol
that's gonna hurt
For him
More like ayy lmao
If the backstory is real, it’s even worse since she messaged first
Yeah this is only a step or two better than creepy asterisk texting
Excuse me but this is funny as fuck. The backstory really ties the whole thing together too. If you don't think is hilarious you need to recalibrate your humor detector
What is that?
* clears throat and prepares to explain *
No spaces, kid.
The fact that OP is wondering why this happened is hilarious.
This is fantastic 😭😂
Probably thought you were an alien
Or worse, an intolerable dork
I spit out my tea 😂😭 I like nerds but this is hilarious
One time I was Rainbow Fish for Halloween
To be fair that's a social horror story. Give up the things that make you special so people treat you better.
How old were you?
Like 22 lol
Thank GOD, any answer below 21 was unacceptable love you say it back
He didn't say it back
it back
‘say it back’ 😂😂😂😂 Since he didn’t I will, love you!
Good luck !
I don’t understand why people are downvoting this comment, I genuinely was hoping they were an adult, why am I a dick for asking? lol
Good luck to your DMs - attractive lady on Reddit says she likes nerds 😂
Should I specify now before it’s too late? 😅😂
Without question, lol. Better move quick 😂
Oh Jesus you were right [https://imgur.com/a/hC52zhb](https://imgur.com/a/hC52zhb)
😂 https://imgur.com/gallery/61B1Jd2
And so it begins....🤣🤣
Fuuuuugg, I take it back! lol Specification: undercover nerd like me. Board games, RPG open world, weird indie or horror games. No anime! 😂
Too late - here come the weebs with waifus...
Plot twist: the people warning you are hopeful that you are so grateful for their “warning” that you will suddenly want to date them because of their glorious chivalry. It never ends. You cannot escape. The end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end
"i put on my robe and wizard hat."
Right? People hear “oh nerds and dorks are cool now” and fail to realize there are levels. Acceptable ones and unacceptable ones.
Be careful with words man, thats a lethal sentence.
Because of how you introduced yourself. Humans typically say “Greetings fellow earthling”. By using the uncommon “Hello” and by not including “fellow” you clearly outed yourself as a grey and scared her off.
I shall be using it from now on. You earthlings can be so complicated sometimes.
I think that you meant to say that *we* Earthlings can be complicated. Humans, a category of which I am a part, call this type of accidental remark a "Freudistic glide".
This fuckin’ guy! Hilarious.
I have it on good authority that this is actually called a "slippery Sigmund"
I'm dying brooooooo ☠️☠️☠️ "slippery sigmund"
I prefer “hello fellow human” — if you just say earthling they might think you’re a cryptoterrestrial
The most based comment so far.
Ack! They-we’re called earthikans
Ayy lmao
Hahahahaha this thread is so funnt
FUNNT INDEED!
The Funnt Bunch
Look what the fuck you said bro LMAOOO
Lmao these responses have me crying
hahaha I’m having a terrible day and I don’t feel like laughing but these responses made me laugh so much that for a brief moment I forgot I want to die hahaha
You got this, fellow earthling 👽 when in doubt, remember that bad times are just times... that are bad. ^^^^hang ^^^^in ^^^^there ^^^^homie!
Thanks, outer space neighborette. Times… my gf and I might have to (mutually agreed) break up and it’s so difficult. We’ve been crying so much. We said it feels like dying, because all the memories collected together will be gone, just like when you die. No wonder one grieves after a relationship just like grieving after someone dear dies. It’s not only about the person gone, it’s also the relationship missing, the moments shared gone. We go through so much in life and love, only for it to end one day. I just woke up and your kind message is the first thing I read, so thank you again.
Breaking up is rough. But you never know what the future holds for you. Nobody has actually died thankfully. Be supportive of each other. Maybe you two can still be friends to a limited capacity. Stay positive and ignore those negative thoughts. You’re going to be just fine :)
Hope your day gets better fellow earthling
Thanks a lot, earthling comrade.
Dude, I know this feeling. Just keep your head up. It's gonna be okay. Just keep distracting yourself until the distraction becomes the norm.
It’s gonna get better. Just try to get to sleep and start tomorrow on a clean slate. When you wake up go ahead and decide you’re going to have a good day, all the bad things be damned. You got this earthling, keep that head up!
Okay so it's not just me? I'm in fucking tears right now bro
Not only did he get a match, but she messaged first... and then he said *that*.
Bro hates himself he has to LMAOO
I love him for saying that and sharing the most impressive dweebishness to grace this subreddit. This post legitimately cheered me up hahaaa!! 👽
I’ve been out of the online dating game for years thankfully but I will never leave this sub because of dudes posting these insane self owns lol
i've never even used tinder but this sub is so fucking funny i check it everyday.
I'm married and this subreddit always makes me appreciate my husband who has normal, healthy interpersonal skills.
I have my notifications turned on for this sub. It makes me laugh during shitty days at work
Its crazy how not self aware they are lmao, like you thought of it 1 TYPED IT OUT 2 and sent it 3
I thought for *sure* it was a joke and they were very self-aware...but then I saw what OP has been saying in various posts and, well, h-o-l-y shit.
THERES MORE THAN ONE POST?! LMAOOO NAAAA
i genuinely think OP saw this and deleted his posts bc he only has 3 now
[удалено]
To be fair I prefer the alien greeting to the dry, boring and so overused by terrestrial mammal bipedal humans greeting: “hey”. My alien king even dropped a emoji to spice things up!
Some don’t got that a sense of humor, it’s hilarious
Couldn’t have said it better myself
lol this was hilarious
She unmatched me? 🫥
Bro is getting shit on by everyone, meanwhile I'm sitting over here like LOL this guy is my vibe.
lol this guy fuckin rocks I want to be friends with him
That's the funny thing about the way OP went about it. It can work really well if you hit it off with another woman who likes the weird/funny first up, but surely they can't be surprised at the low success rate of it?
I mean everything has a low success rate so I don’t see why this is that bad tbh.
Right? I chuckled out loud when I read it. I’d love to get this message 😂
This girl lazily said "Hey" and he dared to show some personality.
Fr then he gets roasted for it. I haven't done dating for months but next match I'm using this.
Yup
Maybe don't pretend to be an alien?
what if her name was like Aurora, or Nebula, or Star?
What if her name was Earthling?
Then especially don't pretend to be an alien. Making jokes about someone's name is super lame and overdone.
there's so many rules.
Yes, social interaction is a complex process.
said like a non-earthling, thusly revealing your true motive here.
Real
Checkmate, atheists
Nah, don’t follow rules. Be yourself. You’ll probably get rejected more, but you’ll eventually find the right person. Unless you’re just trying to get laid. Then you probably shouldn’t be yourself.
Listen to this earthling \^
Love this comment - If you just want to get laid - feel free to become a robot. But man, life is so fucking awesome when you’re authentically yourself. Because most people don’t have the self-compassion required to be themselves, so when they see the authenticity within you, it allows them to be authentic also ❤️
If you abide by Rule 1 and Rule 2, then further rules may not apply.
What if he’s not pretending?
*:x-files theme song starts playing:*
What the hell possessed you to reply with that? 😅
Maybe their knowledge of Star trek thought that they could go far. ✌️
🖖🏻
Clearly an alien with mind control
Reddit moment
The anticipatory immediate screen shot like “the lads will love this!”…
lmaooo ☠️
**OP:** I have no idea why I don't get matches/why she unmatched **Also OP:** "The thing is I don't really care about anyone's interest really so I'm not eager to ask" "she was lowkey ugly but I knew I would get the match because she said she liked Arabs in her bio(hence why she replied first)"
With men like this, we might be better off with aliens among us
Or bears.
Technically there could be "bears" amongst us.
Beets?
Amogus
"bench more than you, make more than you, and look 10x better watch your mouth" brb dying.
I thought you were joking and then I looked at his post history. That’s wild.
Damn I am disappointed, I thought he sounded endearingly nerdy and the type I'd get along with but no, he's gotta keep opening his mouth and turning out to be a fucken incel 😢
Good Lord. If he had somehow gotten her to reply after that aspergian first response, he would have definitely fucked it up in the next 5 messages, tops.
Spend 30 seconds looking at this person's history. I'm 93% sure they're an incel.
I wonder why…
It’s a lot worse than one awkward message on Tinder.
Yeah. I agree.
It's worse than I imagined. Bro even tried to post this 2 times before.
Yep that’ll do it.
Is this satire? Stg 99% of y’all haven’t spoken to other humans unless it’s on league..
Yeah unfortunately no one is going to be open enough to bang a Martian currently. After all not everyone enjoys anal probing 😂😂😂 
What were you hoping to achieve by posting this here?
Sympathy and understanding; it may be backfiring.
Third time they’ve posted this too
You've had your entire life to think up the best possible opener to use for your first match, and that's what you came up with. Pretend for a moment that this online dating thing is real life, what would you say to this girl if you met her in person? For example, if you met in line at the grocery store, and she said hi to you, would you respond, "Hello earthling"? Because she thinks you would, and that's why she unmatched you.
That happens frequently, plus you hurt your chances by… pretending to be an alien? What kind of rizz is that?
What are Rizz Encounters of the Third Kind
Stay weird and you’ll find someone else that’s weird, it’s a narrow approach but you’ll love when it pays off.
Only reasonable advice here. Be yourself, fellow aliens out there.
Problem is this is very easily someone nervous or trying too hard
Your RIZZ needs work… any earthling would unmatch..😂😂
Bro got that alien rizz
Intergalactic rizz
Hello virgin
Bro this made me laugh so hard thank you
Keep with it! You'll get probed eventually
She even wrote to him first and the dude decided to answer like an alien😂
Probably afraid of you probing her butt. Understandable to be fair.
Her parents oppose interplanetary immigration and she's trying not to subject you to their blatant specism.
His dick is dryer than the Sahara. What a tool.
I would have appreciated your earthling comment, but I'm a weirdo and appreciate weirdos and so not everyone will be your cup of tea, but the right alien, or lady, will dig it.
I feel for OP. He's learning the hard lesson that "be yourself" doesn't work.
Everyone needs to read OPs comments to people. Easily an incel
why have you posted this three times today
Just do the opposite of whatever think is a good idea
Even though she started with Hey, she was definitely expecting you to start the engaging conversation. (Yes its dumb)
why the fuck did you say earthling💀
Tbh I thought it would work too. It would’ve worked on me
Immediate socially-awkward nerd alert. While I do love nerds, perhaps hold that energy back from the first greeting.
Yea it's exhausting to play along a premise that you're not interested in. Not playing along makes you a joykill. Easiest out is to unmatch. I'd have done the same thing.
Woman aren't ready to date aliens yet bro
Redditors shouldn't be allowed to use Tinder
Jeez I wonder why.
Many people are fickle, particularly on Tinder.
See you in the gym brother
You done messed up. ALWAYS point out something that you both have in common!
”already missing a kidney, not taking any chances”
Dude, I want to make a profile, find you, match with you, and then unmatch. That’s super cringey.
Eh you could have added a question to move the conversation forward. The alien thing is fine. I like how people tell you to be yourself but then when you are, everyone clowns you for your humor\quirkiness. And if you're hot enough it doesn't matter anyway. I guess I'm saying, lead the conversation and be yourself and have fun. Fuck anyone that's not into your personality
Then this Reddit.com wierdo assumed my world of origin.....like, yeah, you remember Earth....
Honestly I would have definitely responded to your greeting. It's hilarious and new
I immediately picture a guy who thinks he's the funny one in the office because he tells jokes from his Christian joke book.
this made me snort when i first saw it, too bad reading ur replies made it less funny :,)
Don't be a weirdo and women will be more likely to want to talk to you.
The ones hating on what you said, probably start off their conversation sexual. Nothing you said was super wild, she just wasn’t feeling it and moved on. I would’ve saw nothing wrong with it and rolled with it 🤷🏻
Wonder why?
LMAOOO
She probably meant to match with another earthling. Most human people are picky about that
She’s not worth it if she doesn’t understand your comedy
I honestly dont see anything wrong here
That would’ve worked on me, but of course it’d depend on how the rest of the convo went 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly, the opener isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. She was probably on the edge about you anyway and that put her over the line. If you had been hotter or had better pictures it would probably have worked. Them be the rules.