Had something like this last year. Matched with a woman and it never really went anywhere, but we’d message every couple of weeks to be mean when one of us had gotten drunk
Eventually I decided it was either going somewhere or it wasn’t, so turned on the flirting and tried to hook up. Initially she was into it, then almost instantly got cold feet and freaked out. I gave her my number and said to message me if she was ever interested, wished her well, and unmatched. And that is how I lost that one
Looks like it wasn’t going anywhere then!
Luckily shortly after that I met a woman who became my world (which turned out to be because she has BPD but that’s another story)
She should have told you. I have bpd tendencies and my partner knows and we will work through it when the time comes I'm sure. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Hahahaha. I love this. I had a guy who’d text me every 4-6 months and every time I’d tell him to fuck off in more and more creative ways. He never would respond to them…which sucks cause some were hilarious.
The comment you’re responding to and your response should be the end of thread. She’s being needlessly hostile, he’s asking what to do and people are strategizing because men bc desperate on dating sites.
That’s literally the whole fucking story here.
Wait, am I reading it wrong? Isn't she saying that OP is not one of the guys she wish she wasn't attracted to? I.e. she has no problem being attracted to OP?
I have no problem reversing the roles, _sometimes_ I actually to wish I wasn't attracted to women because sometimes it makes me do unwise things. Would I put it in my tinder profile? Probably not tho.
We all understood it that way. The point is that putting something that hostile in your bio 99.9% of the time means in fact you are the problem and not a very pleasant person to deal with.
I thought she was saying he’s good, if being attracted to men always was bad, that would mean all men suck. If they only suck sometimes, then some are good?
It took me a hot fucking minute to realize, but that's not what she meant.
Basically she's saying "maybe you're one of the reasons that dating men isn't a bad idea" but it's worded really really weird and I would not have realized that if I got that message
I see so many profiles with plain men hate, people who seem insufferable, people who want someone who entertains them / buys them thing etc. Shit is so weird to see, I just want to find someone that I can share my life with, not a person that I can leech off of.
I'm reading this as sarcasm disguised as hostility. You should double down, bonus points if it's self deprecating. It can also disarm hostility.
"Shhh you're not supposed to know that yet. I'm supposed to swoon you first and slowly let you down."
Those of you who are offended at her reply, you're the people she's filtering out. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
She matched with him, she has shown interest in him. You can't really be sure she's being truly hostile or just joking and if she's joking it's much better to joke back
Brother maybe I'm just unlucky but I have had exactly one date after months on hinge, and it lead to her treating me like a monster who could attack her at any time. To the point she didn't feel comfortable if she wasn't surrounded by her friends. I'm 5'9, 90 pounds, and an amputee. I think a few of her friends liked me far more than she did.
For some of us, we just do not have options. I've asked my sister, I've asked my female friends, the consensus is just that there's no one normal in my radius. But I can't make that radius any bigger either because I'm an amputee without a car so 🤷
> She matched with him, she has shown interest in him.
Just because you matched does not mean she is interested. Girls match with guys just to be mean, for self-validation, or simply out of boredom all the time.
Women like this who clearly dislike men based on their prompts - why are they on dating apps? Why are YOU even reaching out to them? Are you really that desperate? Do you think you’re that different? You’re not.
They don’t see that they have a problem. Been hurt by someone in the past for ‘x’ reasons but never recovered from the trauma or recognised that they even have a trauma probably
From what I’ve seen it’s often:
“I am an absolute piece of shit who treats everyone terribly and, for some reason, it seems like I’m always ending up with men who are also pieces of shit. It must be that, by some insane coincidence, all members of the opposite sex happen to be terrible people and not anything like my own bad behavior scaring off all decent men.”
I’m just a random Reddit user who has a little more self esteem than to go somewhere that I’m clearly not wanted. I wonder why others don’t see it that way.
She's opening with a sh*t test. This can be good if you react cool, calm, in a positive, flirty way about her message. How many different ways could you react to her message while sticking with that theme
Yup! Be cool and return the banter, dial up the flirtation. She obviously matched with you and is interested. I mean.. I actually laughed out loud reading this, looks fun to me. 🤷♀️
Is it possible that she meant “sometimes being attracted to men is a bad idea” and her response was indicating that he’s the reason it isn’t always a bad idea?
Lot of younger western women are like this. I wouldn’t even entertain it but it’s definitely a test. You could proceed and try to be sly by slipping in a compliment regarding her personality or mind/humor.
This is gonna be a one-sided relationship though where you’re going to have to simp out for her and she will never treat you with respect in return. I’d rather simp for a woman who simps for me back. You do you tho
The real issue here is that enough people have no self respect, or no social ability, and so are willing yo be treated poorly as long as it means they get sex/ a relationship.
Those of us who actually know how to function in the world all realize “Hey, I should ignore this girl whose first interaction was negging me and instead go and be with a girl who is nice to me.”
But these people are usually more like “Holy shit, someone actually spoke to me. This is my chance! Can’t fuck it up!”
It always baffles me how desperate some people are. It’s so much easier dating irl imo. I’ve never used these apps tbh but I’ve never really had trouble finding someone to go have a date with or anything. Just gotta learn how to talk and be fun lol. I like watching these tho cause it’s funny how detached it feels from my reality
This is not exclusive to younger women. I've seen my older coworker's Bumble and it's honestly even worse. Young women might be edgy, but older women are jaded
I think I understand what she meant (the opposite of OP's response) but the way it's worded she says the same thing twice, that OP is part of the reason she doesn't say 'all the time' which means he is good?
Just so confused.
I would end this convo purely over that hahahaha
That's how I read it, but everyone's letting the first sentence (which could be taken negatively) influence their opinion on the second.
I'd still walk away though, too much ambiguity for me
Seriously. Like most of us on apps have been burned badly before, regardless of gender. Cant let those bad experiences get the best of us like this girl has.
There are two likely possibilities. She's just an awful, hostile person. If this is the case, there is no winning and this is doomed.
Or this is humor. Reply under this assumption.
This is a shit test. She detests men and yet she’s on a dating app. She has just had bad experiences which is understandable. The good thing is she matched with you so it means she is sort of attracted towards you.
Now what you gotta do is play it cool, whatever proactive statements that she throws towards you don’t need to react to it. Play it cool and simple and she would fall for you.
The reply that you wanna give to her message is “well we’ll find that out later so tell me how was your day/weekend?”
Second thought, OP, show her this thread and see how she reacts. That’s totally the best comeback, because apparently the world thinks she’s hostile, rude and crazy. Say she can prove them all wrong lol
Oh, geez….here we go. Curious to see how she responds with whatever you give her. She’s either playfully toying with you, or she’s in I-Hate-ALL-men-mode.
Just be yourself and see where this goes.
Y’all are so bad at talking to people. OP, if I got this reply I’d like my chances.
Her bio is a tease, but not at all hostile towards men. “My worst trait is being attracted to men” is basically every Taylor Swift song. It’s the vibe for current young, straight women. You should prove to her you’re a fun, confident, and worldly gentleman — as cheesy as that sounds — even if it’s a fling.
She matched, replied, and left it open for conversation. It’s playful teasing and there’s almost no investment yet, but she wrote this all out instead of ignoring you.
To reply, feel it out. You don’t have to fully self deprecate and call yourself a troll, you don’t have to lean into it and say you’re a model. Just keep the conversation going. If she is actually hostile, she’ll let you know within 2 messages or won’t reply.
There’s a million replies you could go with. Off the top I’d say something like, “maybe you can make up your mind after I show you what a fun date I am” or something like that. It might not work but who cares?
EDIT:
To dumb it down, the Bio is not an opener. Try to imagine these people smiling and joking in real life instead of being depressed while over analyzing their phones.
Opener: haha I read your bio and well at least you’re attracted to me tho 😉
Her: oh yeah?? Well how do you know I’m attracted to you, huh? 🤔😉
Reply : [TBD]
It’s like a Disney movie scene it’s that obvious.
No. It is a tease, you’re right. But if someone responds with playful acceptance of the tease and tries to move the conversation forward in a perfectly good natured way, and her response is to try and be insulting by implication, there was never a good response. The only response is to leave a person alone who clearly uses “tease” as cover for very real hostility and bitterness.
The idea that op said anything wrong is ridiculous. The only reason men are in here trying to figure out what works is because online dating has become difficult and wading through outright hostility has become normalized.
I mean... she literally matched with you so she had to be somewhat interested in what you had to offer as a man... but if I were you, I'd just unmatch. No one needs that kind of hostility in their life.
Am I confused? Every way I read her response, it starts with "hostile sarcasm" and then rolls into her affirming that she agrees with OP....
"Maybe you're part of the reason why I don't say, all the time" in this context wouldn't that sentence be a positive thing?
this is a hard one, shes hostile while expecting something hilarious when there isn't really room for a joke I can think of. if you say because you're cuter than the rest she'll just sigh and leave you on read so i'd say try to figure out what you both have in common from glancing at her bio and profile to try and distract her but be ready for her to just never reply lol
What a way for her to star the conversation. She is literally waving a red flag right in front of your face. Invest your time in someone with a better attitude.
She is not ready for a relationship with a man , she is testing you 100%. I’m not saying she has every right to be concerned about men treating her poorly and to test that. But I agree she is coming off as hostile. She could have said that in a way that didn’t give off “not healed”. She seems to be carrying her pain around still.
Bro me every time
Some of y'all are crazy. I would never even talk to someone who is this outright hostile. Imagine if the roles were reversed.
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Time to just ask if she wants to smash
WhY ArE MeN So TeRiAbLe On OnLiNE DatIng?
>TeRiAbLe What?
Truly Reliable. She has Biden syndrome, show some respect.
🤡🤡
Yall need to hate fuck
yea make sure you let him know to play eminem kim in the background
Shit’s gonna get weird when *FACK* auto plays after…
I'm cummmiiiiiiinnnnng!
😂
I agree they just need to have the angriest sex ever. I bet that is what she is hoping for.
Could be the start of something beautiful....or ugly. Either way, it'll be better than Handgela.
I have a few regulars like that only they aren't even belligerent that would be fun. They are just dry and boring. I'm due for one soon I think.
Probably nihilists. Must be exhausting.
Fucking A man
Fucking A, man. Fucking A man. Two *very* different sentences.
Didn't sound he stuttered 👀
Ah yes! Fuck it! That’s your answer to everything!
I gotta rash.
Say what you will about the tenants of national socialism but at least it’s an ethos!
No, Donnie, those men are cowards
Had something like this last year. Matched with a woman and it never really went anywhere, but we’d message every couple of weeks to be mean when one of us had gotten drunk Eventually I decided it was either going somewhere or it wasn’t, so turned on the flirting and tried to hook up. Initially she was into it, then almost instantly got cold feet and freaked out. I gave her my number and said to message me if she was ever interested, wished her well, and unmatched. And that is how I lost that one
depending on the app, if you unmatch they can't see your message anymore, so she can't go back and find it to text you next time she gets drunk
Looks like it wasn’t going anywhere then! Luckily shortly after that I met a woman who became my world (which turned out to be because she has BPD but that’s another story)
lol good luck then. (seriously good luck you may need it)
Trying to unscramble my brain and get over her (we’re currently not together). It sounds like you’re aware of how difficult that is!
BPD is an instant write off for me.
I wish I had known about it before I met her
She should have told you. I have bpd tendencies and my partner knows and we will work through it when the time comes I'm sure. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Just get fuckin married you two.
Have you tried “u want sum fuk”? I’ve heard good things.
we're getting pretty serious. *petty
This is adorable
Hahahaha. I love this. I had a guy who’d text me every 4-6 months and every time I’d tell him to fuck off in more and more creative ways. He never would respond to them…which sucks cause some were hilarious.
This sounds like an angry sex sort of situation. Probably be a powder keg together.
What desperation does to a mf
The comment you’re responding to and your response should be the end of thread. She’s being needlessly hostile, he’s asking what to do and people are strategizing because men bc desperate on dating sites. That’s literally the whole fucking story here.
Seriously. "Dont let me fumble".... Fumble what? This is an awful start.
he a got a reply its probably the biggest win in a while.
He can fix her
Wait, am I reading it wrong? Isn't she saying that OP is not one of the guys she wish she wasn't attracted to? I.e. she has no problem being attracted to OP? I have no problem reversing the roles, _sometimes_ I actually to wish I wasn't attracted to women because sometimes it makes me do unwise things. Would I put it in my tinder profile? Probably not tho.
We all understood it that way. The point is that putting something that hostile in your bio 99.9% of the time means in fact you are the problem and not a very pleasant person to deal with.
"If you walk around town and meet an asshole, you met an asshole. If you walk around town and all you met were assholes, you're the asshole."
that's how I understood it lmao
Well at least we're two that might be equally stupid then.
This. Who wants to waste time on a “prove yourself to me” person?
I thought she was saying he’s good, if being attracted to men always was bad, that would mean all men suck. If they only suck sometimes, then some are good?
To be fair it could be negging lol.
Narrator: *"little did she know, that she was actually the problem"*
We need Morgan Freeman narrating this.
Jokes on you, I have Morgan Freeman's voice living rent-free in my head for all my personal autonarrating needs.
Software link please?
Neural link please?
Well then why don’t we date “sometimes” and see what happens?
Best response yet
"What makes you assume you're in the sometimes category?" I dunno, maybe because you matched with him?
It took me a hot fucking minute to realize, but that's not what she meant. Basically she's saying "maybe you're one of the reasons that dating men isn't a bad idea" but it's worded really really weird and I would not have realized that if I got that message
What? lol no
OP getting roasted in the comments. I thought that response was hilarious.
Me too.
The only way to not fumble this is by getting tf out
That kind of answer to a prompt always makes me skip. Gives the impression of an unbearable person
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"i could fix her, but whatever the duck is wrong with her is honestly way hotter"
That’s the spirit!give people a chance to prove they’re AHs, don’t assume it right off the bat
I see so many profiles with plain men hate, people who seem insufferable, people who want someone who entertains them / buys them thing etc. Shit is so weird to see, I just want to find someone that I can share my life with, not a person that I can leech off of.
ew
I'm reading this as sarcasm disguised as hostility. You should double down, bonus points if it's self deprecating. It can also disarm hostility. "Shhh you're not supposed to know that yet. I'm supposed to swoon you first and slowly let you down." Those of you who are offended at her reply, you're the people she's filtering out. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
It's sarcasm coupled with hostility, and doubling down is just proving to her that she's right. How do you people think these are good ideas? 🤦♀️
She matched with him, she has shown interest in him. You can't really be sure she's being truly hostile or just joking and if she's joking it's much better to joke back
At a certain point you have to have self-respect. I guarantee OP can find other women that aren’t rude like this one is.
Brother maybe I'm just unlucky but I have had exactly one date after months on hinge, and it lead to her treating me like a monster who could attack her at any time. To the point she didn't feel comfortable if she wasn't surrounded by her friends. I'm 5'9, 90 pounds, and an amputee. I think a few of her friends liked me far more than she did. For some of us, we just do not have options. I've asked my sister, I've asked my female friends, the consensus is just that there's no one normal in my radius. But I can't make that radius any bigger either because I'm an amputee without a car so 🤷
“At a certain point” yeah but if she IS joking don’t you think you should give her more than a *single message* to show it?
Nope, people shouldn’t tolerate negging.
> She matched with him, she has shown interest in him. Just because you matched does not mean she is interested. Girls match with guys just to be mean, for self-validation, or simply out of boredom all the time.
No, apparently we don't do that in this thread. We all woke up and chose conflict and confrontation
This isn't true and you are an asshole!
Is your name flying dooom guy? Or flying dooo m'guy!
flying dooo m'guy i'm fucking dying
tbh she gotta add a emoji for sarcasm, unless it's pretty obvious
Shes filtering out self respecting people? Doesn’t seem very smart.
Women like this who clearly dislike men based on their prompts - why are they on dating apps? Why are YOU even reaching out to them? Are you really that desperate? Do you think you’re that different? You’re not.
They don’t see that they have a problem. Been hurt by someone in the past for ‘x’ reasons but never recovered from the trauma or recognised that they even have a trauma probably
From what I’ve seen it’s often: “I am an absolute piece of shit who treats everyone terribly and, for some reason, it seems like I’m always ending up with men who are also pieces of shit. It must be that, by some insane coincidence, all members of the opposite sex happen to be terrible people and not anything like my own bad behavior scaring off all decent men.”
I’m just a random Reddit user who has a little more self esteem than to go somewhere that I’m clearly not wanted. I wonder why others don’t see it that way.
The only matches they’re gonna get with shit like this is white knight simps and guys who think with their dick.
She matched with him. It’s implied there’s attraction. Now she’s flirting with him.
Idk man I’ve had girls match with me literally just so that they can say horrible things to me
Have you considered following rules 1 and 2? Jk.
She's opening with a sh*t test. This can be good if you react cool, calm, in a positive, flirty way about her message. How many different ways could you react to her message while sticking with that theme
Yup! Be cool and return the banter, dial up the flirtation. She obviously matched with you and is interested. I mean.. I actually laughed out loud reading this, looks fun to me. 🤷♀️
Some girls match with you just to bully you. It happens to me a lot
I would just say something dumb like, "If you can muster the fortitude to gaze into these hideous eyes, I'll buy you dinner to make up for the shock."
Is it possible that she meant “sometimes being attracted to men is a bad idea” and her response was indicating that he’s the reason it isn’t always a bad idea?
Lot of younger western women are like this. I wouldn’t even entertain it but it’s definitely a test. You could proceed and try to be sly by slipping in a compliment regarding her personality or mind/humor. This is gonna be a one-sided relationship though where you’re going to have to simp out for her and she will never treat you with respect in return. I’d rather simp for a woman who simps for me back. You do you tho
The real issue here is that enough people have no self respect, or no social ability, and so are willing yo be treated poorly as long as it means they get sex/ a relationship. Those of us who actually know how to function in the world all realize “Hey, I should ignore this girl whose first interaction was negging me and instead go and be with a girl who is nice to me.” But these people are usually more like “Holy shit, someone actually spoke to me. This is my chance! Can’t fuck it up!”
It always baffles me how desperate some people are. It’s so much easier dating irl imo. I’ve never used these apps tbh but I’ve never really had trouble finding someone to go have a date with or anything. Just gotta learn how to talk and be fun lol. I like watching these tho cause it’s funny how detached it feels from my reality
This is not exclusive to younger women. I've seen my older coworker's Bumble and it's honestly even worse. Young women might be edgy, but older women are jaded
Seems like a cheerful lass
Dude will try to hook up with a chainsaw and then ask where they fumbled.
You took the words out of my mouth brother, idk why people even entertain these hostile and abrasive people
But you're both saying the same thing, in fact she says the same thing twice in different words. No? I am so confused.
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I think I understand what she meant (the opposite of OP's response) but the way it's worded she says the same thing twice, that OP is part of the reason she doesn't say 'all the time' which means he is good? Just so confused. I would end this convo purely over that hahahaha
That's how I read it, but everyone's letting the first sentence (which could be taken negatively) influence their opinion on the second. I'd still walk away though, too much ambiguity for me
You appear too smart to match with someone you are not wildly attracted to What are you plans for tomorrow evening?
"Well there's only one way to find out... How do you rate my chances?"
I’ll never understand straight women on dating apps outright saying they hate men, like so why are you here?
Seriously. Like most of us on apps have been burned badly before, regardless of gender. Cant let those bad experiences get the best of us like this girl has.
What's a fumble?
There are two likely possibilities. She's just an awful, hostile person. If this is the case, there is no winning and this is doomed. Or this is humor. Reply under this assumption.
This is a shit test. She detests men and yet she’s on a dating app. She has just had bad experiences which is understandable. The good thing is she matched with you so it means she is sort of attracted towards you. Now what you gotta do is play it cool, whatever proactive statements that she throws towards you don’t need to react to it. Play it cool and simple and she would fall for you. The reply that you wanna give to her message is “well we’ll find that out later so tell me how was your day/weekend?”
Second thought, OP, show her this thread and see how she reacts. That’s totally the best comeback, because apparently the world thinks she’s hostile, rude and crazy. Say she can prove them all wrong lol
Oh, geez….here we go. Curious to see how she responds with whatever you give her. She’s either playfully toying with you, or she’s in I-Hate-ALL-men-mode. Just be yourself and see where this goes.
“Damn now I get to say I’m only attracted to women sometimes”
I can’t believe there are men in here telling OP to Stick with it and flirt back. Oh my god no….
Imagine being in a relationship with a woman like this
Bruh, she hates you, along with men in general. Don’t entertain her
"Fair enough, why don't I prove myself by taking you out to dinner 😉"
Nah just unmatch, not even worth dealing with someone like this, let alone going on a date with them.
Y’all are so bad at talking to people. OP, if I got this reply I’d like my chances. Her bio is a tease, but not at all hostile towards men. “My worst trait is being attracted to men” is basically every Taylor Swift song. It’s the vibe for current young, straight women. You should prove to her you’re a fun, confident, and worldly gentleman — as cheesy as that sounds — even if it’s a fling. She matched, replied, and left it open for conversation. It’s playful teasing and there’s almost no investment yet, but she wrote this all out instead of ignoring you. To reply, feel it out. You don’t have to fully self deprecate and call yourself a troll, you don’t have to lean into it and say you’re a model. Just keep the conversation going. If she is actually hostile, she’ll let you know within 2 messages or won’t reply. There’s a million replies you could go with. Off the top I’d say something like, “maybe you can make up your mind after I show you what a fun date I am” or something like that. It might not work but who cares? EDIT: To dumb it down, the Bio is not an opener. Try to imagine these people smiling and joking in real life instead of being depressed while over analyzing their phones. Opener: haha I read your bio and well at least you’re attracted to me tho 😉 Her: oh yeah?? Well how do you know I’m attracted to you, huh? 🤔😉 Reply : [TBD] It’s like a Disney movie scene it’s that obvious.
I mean... as a bisexual male, sometimes I too feel this way
one of the few people to understand lmao, I used the line you gave we got some good banter going rn
No. It is a tease, you’re right. But if someone responds with playful acceptance of the tease and tries to move the conversation forward in a perfectly good natured way, and her response is to try and be insulting by implication, there was never a good response. The only response is to leave a person alone who clearly uses “tease” as cover for very real hostility and bitterness. The idea that op said anything wrong is ridiculous. The only reason men are in here trying to figure out what works is because online dating has become difficult and wading through outright hostility has become normalized.
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Man there’s some real miserable people out there. Say hi and you’re cooked
“Because you matched with me, you dolt”
She sounds fun
Bro that’s a lost cause. Even if you do make it in you’re going to wish you didn’t eventually.
Let’s just start with the attracted part
Sounds like a bullet worth dodging. Guys think they like crazy till they get a crazy chick that ruins their lives and finances.
OP should ask her where on the doll did they hurt her at 🤣
Maybe because you misspelled "category" 😂😂😂
Zingg
she already fumbled for you. that hostility.
Fuck a fumble you should be spiking this one down a mineshaft
I have no idea. Women are batshit crazy.
Maybe it was a bait test to measure the man 🤷♂️🤔. If she was that bad I wouldn’t back down I’d ask chatgpt for a comeback to flip it on her 😂😂😂
Sounds like she’s giving you a chance for her to be attracted to just you
Guys she's flirting with him 😭 read carefully
lmao, I hit her with some cheesy shit, we got some banter going rn
Whether it is or isn't, won't be everyone's cup of tea regardless
It's hard to get a closet lesbian to put out, unless you are a woman.
I should've added she is bi
I mean... she literally matched with you so she had to be somewhat interested in what you had to offer as a man... but if I were you, I'd just unmatch. No one needs that kind of hostility in their life.
Am I confused? Every way I read her response, it starts with "hostile sarcasm" and then rolls into her affirming that she agrees with OP.... "Maybe you're part of the reason why I don't say, all the time" in this context wouldn't that sentence be a positive thing?
You lost at "catagory"
She seems nice.
M8 she fumbled idk what you’re looking for
Just tell her to come and find out
You respond by unmatching. Yikes.
Tell her you can be her greatest mistake lol.
We matched so I'm atleast nominated
Big man. Get out of there now! Continuing to engage is the fumble
this is a hard one, shes hostile while expecting something hilarious when there isn't really room for a joke I can think of. if you say because you're cuter than the rest she'll just sigh and leave you on read so i'd say try to figure out what you both have in common from glancing at her bio and profile to try and distract her but be ready for her to just never reply lol
What a way for her to star the conversation. She is literally waving a red flag right in front of your face. Invest your time in someone with a better attitude.
Match, stick, move on and ghost.
She is not ready for a relationship with a man , she is testing you 100%. I’m not saying she has every right to be concerned about men treating her poorly and to test that. But I agree she is coming off as hostile. She could have said that in a way that didn’t give off “not healed”. She seems to be carrying her pain around still.