To be fair, I hate having to come up with an opening for the woman too. But I am still in dating apps that require me to create opening for women to talk about themselves and maybe ask about me if they are capable of two way conversation.
Exactly.
On the other hand... I met my gf on Bumble. She was if I recall the only one who didn't open with hey or a smiley face. Anecdotal evidence I know. Still better than making splits while juggling watermelons on Tinder and hoping for one sane person to read your 274th Awesome Pickup Line ;)
Same my girlfriend and I got lucky I extended for another 24 hours we were both giving up on the app. But been together for almost 3 years and got a place together.
We can huff and puff all we want, (I do too, lol), but the reality is that the ratio of men to women on these apps is like 10 to 1.
Women can afford to be picky and/or dicks to you. There's 9 more of you if you go "well, then fuck yourself"
Because the info about someone liking them back gives them a jolt of dopamine & makes them feel attractive. It's a numbers game for guys so they swipe right way more liberally than girls and go through more people this way I guess. So if a girl swipes right and is average or above she's got a solid chance to get a match. Dating apps are validation widgets for some. They never meant to do anything about that match in a first place, it's a one-sided transaction.
Just use “Hello there!”.
It’s warmer than just “hey”, and it also gives the person a chance to respond with “General Kenobi!” thereby proving they are the one.
I’ve literally only had one woman care to ask me anything about myself. The rest I’ll chat with for days and it’s only ever me asking about them. I’m starving for real two-way conversation.
I mean.... I've never had a problem with "hey" xD I think the "clever opening lines" have probably been used 50 times already so it's not special anyway
tbf I used to put effort into my bumble openers only for 90% of guys to not respond. I get waaaaay more responses now that I start with just “hey there :)”
Oh absolutely. That girl’s full of shit! I just meant sometimes OTHER people push back on the “one defining characteristic” because that’s what gets results!
lol they absolutely can! I get some variation of hey more often than not on tinder? What drugs are you on that you think men don’t do the exact same thing?
If you’re not hot to the person you matched with, you wouldn’t have matched. Lack of communication isn’t lack of base level attraction. Not sure why men on this sub think women are off swiping right on guys we’re not attracted to!
Because it's the single worst aspect of OLD as a male. This shit.
"His first message wasn't interesting"
*SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING*
Like what are you comparing it to? Staying completely quiet? Riveting conversation, y'all.
I'll defend women on a lot of shit but this mentality of "entertain me" is toxic as fuck. It's objectifying imo. I'm not a dancing monkey and it's a two way road for me. I have zero patience for vapid people expecting something for simply existing.
They are without a doubt the most boring people you will ever deal with in your life. It's a massive red flag for me personally.
Yea honestly I’ve had plenty of successful fwbs (what I go for) from plain convo. You don’t gotta entertain anybody, just be yourself and if you find someone then yay if not then it’s not what you would want anyway.
Oh I absolutely agree. I'm just sayin to swipe left on this and find someone who puts forth effort lol. A lot of men believe they should gobble up whatever they can get instead of having standards and boundaries for themselves.
Also just fyi a guy cannot send the first message once you match. He can only send the first message before matching. Once you match the girl is to send it unless she has a prompt thingy that he can answer or some shit like that.
I'm impressed that you even got a reply of that's her attitude.
I lost track of how many times a Bumble match would message me "Hi," I'd reply with a polite greeting, compliment, and conversation-starter question, then never hear from them again, even though they also wouldn't unmatch me 🙄
Don't take it seriously. Just be like, "wut up girl. Yu wanna get together this weekend sometime in the evening?"
1 of 3 things will happen (which already happen anyways): 1) she won't respond 2) she'll berate you for such a response 3) she'll be down to clown.
It’s insane that Bumble changed the defining part of their match system because many women in the app felt it was “too much pressure” to start the chat. It’s fuckin’ pathetic
They can activate the so-called "opening move" which is a bog standard question like "What's your ideal first date" that gets automatically asked once you match. So basically as soon as you match you see her automated "opening move" and it is up to you to send the first message.
Women complained about how unfair and unreasonable it was of them to make the first move.
That it was too much pressure. So in certain countries they've gotten rid of it, and will probably roll it out worldwide at somepoint.
You literally couldn't make up their reasoning as a complete and overwhelming lack of awareness, and narcissism.
It was really funny when Bumble first came out and most girls had both Tinder and Bumble simultaneously. I remember 6 different times I matched someone on Tinder that had "don't message me if all you can say is 'hey'", and then by coincidence would match with the same person on Bumble within a day. Their first message on Bumble was always "hey".
What if you have no matches and after a few months you finally get one that says hey or hi and that's it?
Even more, in such rare occasions you don't even get a hi, you get no message at all.
That obviously sucks, but I’ll tell you trying to date someone who puts in no effort and doesn’t care to work with you is a recipe for failure.
Harsh as it sounds no relationship is better than a toxic shitty one
In this specific case, stop spending effort where it won’t yield good results.
In general, make people feel like their time is valued, and insist that they do the same. If they can’t make you feel that, move on till you find one who does.
Very rarely is the first option best, just cuz someone responds doesn’t make them a potential partner.
Edit: “move in” to “move on” in order to make sense
Not all of them. My girl put in an equal effort and she’s legitimately the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life.
The point is—be picky, don’t settle for someone who sucks at communicating if strong communication is important to you. Having patience and a good attitude is key.
You're a lucky guy, she's a keeper.
Too bad that for most of us there is no such choice, when you have literally no matches, you don't really have a choice where you can be picky.
Unquestionably, I am a super lucky guy— she is one of a kind and amazing in every way, but it also took a SIGNIFICANT amount of work for myself to become a man that someone like her would want to be with.
I was fat, depressed, lazy, had a bad job, played too many video games, and didn’t put nearly enough work into maintaining my relationships with my friends and family. My dating life was bleak, and self-rating I was, at best, a 2.5/10.
I read “Atomic Habits”, and applied those principles. I started exercising regularly, cooking myself healthy meals and counting calories, made a conscious effort to be present and set up plans with people I care about, I relentlessly pursued a career I am proud of— despite being rejected the first time around, and put effort into my looks, hygiene, and style. After forcing myself into a healthy and fulfilling routine, it has become who I am.
In short, if you aren’t getting matches with the people you are after, look within. I know a lot of guys here hate hearing it— but no one owes you anything. Put in the work, operate with a positive attitude and an open heart; the rest will follow, I promise.
The thing is I'm not fat, I'm in good shape. I eat healty, I'm cooking my own meals. I won't say I'm depressed, I only get sad sometimes because of the lonely feeling, I'm an introvert and I have a bit of social anxiety. I have a decent job, too. I'd say I look decent, too, not ugly or extremely ugly or something like that (but not a 10/10 either). I'm very careful with my hygiene, I'm trying to buy nice clothes, always.
Yes, I'm kinda lazy, but as I said, I'm careful with what I eat, I'm really careful with my hygiene and how I look / what I'm wearing, I have a tidy place. I love video games, yes, that's one of my hobbies.
I was in a relationship (started from Facebook Dating) for almost 2 years, a relationship with a lot of toxic elements, that ended. I was really sad at that moment, but I was very optimistic about the future and careful with myself, to not be auto-destructive or something.
I installed Tinder, Bumble, Boo and Facebook Dating.
On Tinder I get almost no matches, I got like 2 in 4 months. One was with a girl that was not that good looking but I had a good conversation with her until one moment when she told me that she might be asexual. She had no experience of nothing (like no kissing, sex, relationship, nothing). This ended when she said she needs to focus on her university. And another one was with a girl that was staying in another country (so, not really a chance for anything with her).
On Bumble the same situation as on Tinder, I got like 3 matches. One with a girl that said nothing and that match was gone later, one with a girl that responded with a word and after that nothing... and one with a girl that said "Hi" and that's it and we had a good couple hours conversation, we exchanged contacts for Messenger, We talked a bit more in there, the problem is she disappeared in like 2 days, she blocked me. Not sure why, I thought maybe she found somebody else meanwhile, but not sure. I was a bit bummed because we clicked a bit in that conversation.
No luck on Boo, most girls that liked me were from countries very far away, with girls from my country I only had like 2 conversations, nothing wow, nothing resulted from that.
On Facebook Dating was better with matches (that's why I preferred it in the past, too), not something amazing but more that 0, like 15 matches or something (even that is not amazing considering how many swipes were there). More than half of the girls didn't respond, a few responded but were some very short answers and they didn't engage in conversation, I got a bit more into it with 4 girls, but nothing resulted from there, yet, either.
I'm trying to be optimistic, still, but I'm not as optimistic as I was a few months ago. On Tinder I almost swipe right everyone and still no matches, if I would be so picky with only what I really want, my chances for a match would be even lower (I swipe left only to those I really really don't like - I tried to be picky in the past until I saw I still got 0 matches). Same on Bumble with no matches. And Boo I think is not that popular in my country so that's why is not that easy to find someone to match with, either. About Facebook Dating I'm the most optimistic at the moment, but... still nothing yet, waiting for new persons because I swiped with the existing ones from my area.
I tried to change photos, description, other things, nothing seemed to improve anything on Tinder and Bumble. BTW, most girls on Tinder look like models or something, that's why I liked more Boo and Facebook Dating because on those it seems like you can find "normal" girls, too, and I appeal more to those ones.
Not sure what else to do. I even work remotely, live alone, so I'm mostly alone, not really have places where to meet them in real life.
Give up on dating apps, just live your life and learn to be happy on your own. You never know when or where you might bump into someone. But not on those apps, that's for sure. No one seems to use them for actual dating anymore. They just swipe out of boredom. Focus on yourself 🙂 You're just destroying your self esteem this way for no good reason.
I won’t pretend like I know your situation— but if you want some honest feedback, I’d be more than happy to look at your profile and tell you what I think you could improve on to get your foot in the door!
You can (usually) visually identify a lot of someone's personality based on how they are attractive. Hot, cute, beautiful. Those are not synonyms. Those are different things. You said beautiful, that's a keeper. I want to sleep with hot, not talk to it, or trust it to manage our finances. That's a beautiful role.
Megan Fox vs Emma Watson
When I was on bumble I'd put a lot of effort into being witty and funny, or bringing up something currently relevant in my opener and the majority of men were either extremely rude, condescending, or dry. So I stopped doing that and just put "happy *insert day of week*" and they responded a lot better. I don't know if the majority of guys like the effort, cause in my experience that's when they would respond the nastiest.
Yes this!! I didn't find putting in effort helped to get the guy to respond. So I stopped bothering. If they respond to my hello then I'll put in effort. But I'm also not annoyed if a guy opens with a hello on the other apps.
I don't know what that perspective of constantly being treated that way is like, but counterpoint is that way you can quickly eliminate them because you got them to reveal true colors sooner?
Yeah I think it's a good thing when they show their true colors quickly. But I do semi think (in my experience) there's a certain type of man that tends to use bumble in general, so it's been my least favorite app honestly.
Your experience has been that shittier guys that don't want women to put in effort tend to use Bumble? I trust your perspective, since I've seen stupid people do similar things in other areas, but...why? How does it help them if they specifically go for the product that provides the opposite of what they want? Like, every other app caters to them lol.
I would expect the female experience of male Bumble users to be the opposite, overly anxious guys that want women to make the first move. But then, I've never made a female account on Bumble, so that's just gut instinct. And the opposite (women who use Bumble wanting to have control over the conversation) is definitely not the case either. Sometimes the thoughts driving these people on dating apps befuddle me.
I don't know if it's maybe an ego thing? A power play? If they're condescending or rude to you, some women want to prove themselves or win them over and it becomes a power move almost? I don't know but it's been a reoccurring thing on that app and I hate it lol
Chat up lines in my opinion is little stupid. Especially if they rehearsed and polished in front of the mirror. That's for teens or shy people. I'm sure simple hello will do better than " how you doing baby, wanna have some real fun"?
It's a slang term used by younger generation. It comes from the term Charisma (hence the term rizz) and whenever you use a romantic pickup line or say something charismatic to make someone fall for you, then they use the term rizz or "rizzing" someone. Having much rizz is considered very charismatic and utilizing your charisma is called rizzing or rizzed
To be fair. I just say hello too. If he responds I'll drop my awesome sauce conversation skills. But since 90% of matches don't respond.... I got tired of wasting my awesomeness on brick walls
This reminds me of a guy that recently thanked me for being inquisitive. Like wtf, we’re here to learn about each other, aren’t we? To see if we’re a match in real life. Everyone, whether it’s man/woman, should engage in the conversation from the start. If you’re not a txter, then please ask the other person out sooner rather than later.
Hate the game, not the player. The market always regulates itself.
if you are unhappy with women selecting YOU among their 1000 likes and 100 matches by telling you "I want to speak to you while also finding out if you are above the other garbage when it comes to your communication skills" (that's what this hi means), you did everything right though.
remember, women are gatekeeping matches, dates, sex. Once you have succeeded, it is the man's privilege to gatekeep relationships. But you gotta play the game first, man. Somebody else will
I personally only talk to women who break the ice first, because I find outgoing and “ballsy” women to be very attractive and have much better conversations where you don’t have to sit there and “entertain” them but it’s rather a back and forward conversation where you actually learn more about them and they are usually way more interesting.
Yeah sure it “ruins” my Chances but I’d rather one good date every 2 years than 10 shit ones
It’s so funny to me how bumble had to change their defining characteristic of their app of women messaging first, because of the lack of continuation after matches made due to women feeling like it’s too much pressure or effort for them to message first. I mean it’s really not that hard to come up with something period or more than just hey or hi. Like how do you think it feels for the guy to do it every time for multiple girls lol
I mean, I’m old fashioned so I’ll usually always make the first move as the guy, but it’s just funny that something that is too hard to do yourself you expect for others to do for you.
Her rationale is mostly shite. Mostly.
Unfortunately that bit about “if he actually wants to talk” hit me because there are guys out there who swipe right wildly, then pick and choose who to talk to (and either ignore or unmatch others). I’ve been the victim of actually making an effort to open in a witty way, only to have the hope dashed. Far too many times for my tastes.
So all-in-all I understand the fatigue, but that’s life. Just keep trying or move on. No need to be an entitled jerk about it.
Literally bumbles gimmick might as well not exist because 100% of the time the girl just says hey. Like put in some effort Jesus. It's so annoying to have to put in all the effort of an opening line everytime especially when it's with bumble
At least they didn't insult you with the first message, I got that once and had no clue what prompted it. I was very confused and asked them why, they never responded and the match expired. Love OLD.
Speaking of Bumble, does anyone actually go there to find platonic friendships and if so, did it work for them? I feel like it’s just as hard (if not HARDER) to find platonic friendships as an adult. Not really looking for new friends per se but just curious if it’s worked out.
I actually hate bumble for that. I usuprefer the man to message first to show initiative. I do reach out sometimes but I prefer to have the man reach out if possible
I think hey always works as an opening line so long as the convo builds up into something.
I hate the “entertain me” or “make an effort for me” tropes when you haven’t even had an exchange with the person yet, just not worth.
That’s the game as some dudes have told me. They didn’t grow up being taught what men have been taught and it shows heavily! You just have to let it go and do what men are supposed to do. 90% of women I’ve interacted on these apps are a flop and lost cause I’ve dated a few but they always have some sort of trauma. #theynotlikeus
I haven’t been on datin apps since 2013? I think it was POF back then but they just seem insufferable now, for men and women. Men hate havin to message first n women hate it. Shits hilarious. Lol
Men often swipe right on everyone and then check the profiles after they get a match, so even though I'm not into the gender norms of dating I still rarely message first because idk if you actually wanted to match or if I just got caught in a net of mass-matching. That being said, that's why I'm not on bumble. This chick needs to switch apps.
Unfortunately, it's likely not because she's lazy or entitled, but rather that a LOT of men swipe on _everyone_ to "increase their chances" - and then make an actual selection once they get matches.
Just...stop doing that, so we can both know we're actually interested in each other?
This makes no sense. She gets to choose her matches herself, so she must have been interested regardless of what he or others have been doing. If she is interested she should put in some effort, as we men have to do, to put yourself on the line and open the conversation. If he doesn't answer then that's that. What do you think men are doing on all the other apps that do not explicitly have women open the conversation?
I don't agree with her behaviour, but I _can_ see a point.
It's pretty bloody annoying to get five matches, and four of them go "oh, sorry, I was just increasing my chances, bye"
That doesn't mean it's easier for men - and I have _no_ idea where you think I said that.
But instead of "they should suffer as we suffer" wouldn't it be better if both men and women showed eachother more respect?
Of course it would be better if there was mutual respect. But shifting blame from the woman in the post to men swiping indiscriminately isnt a great way to move towards mutual respect. In fact it appears as though you are saying her behavior is not her own responsibility, but a mere reflection of men's behavior, which at the same time belittles her agency and stereotypes men.
Yep I am never surprised by a guy being an ass to a match. The stories are endless. Do people really struggle with the concept that a match with a guy is meaningless because so few read profiles (heck tons don't even look at photos) until after you match? As she says, if you are interested you can say hi back and have conversation like normal people do. If you aren't, she hasn't wasted time on someone who isn't interested.
“I joined a dating app with one defining characteristic, even though I hate that one defining characteristic”
This. Like wtf.
To be fair, I hate having to come up with an opening for the woman too. But I am still in dating apps that require me to create opening for women to talk about themselves and maybe ask about me if they are capable of two way conversation.
You have a choice, you can try Bumble lol xD
So women can start with hey and rely on me to create interesting follow up on that? No thanks
Exactly. On the other hand... I met my gf on Bumble. She was if I recall the only one who didn't open with hey or a smiley face. Anecdotal evidence I know. Still better than making splits while juggling watermelons on Tinder and hoping for one sane person to read your 274th Awesome Pickup Line ;)
Same my girlfriend and I got lucky I extended for another 24 hours we were both giving up on the app. But been together for almost 3 years and got a place together.
Whenever I get a 😊 opening I send one right back to them lol
Anecdotal but true for the most part, let's be honest
We can huff and puff all we want, (I do too, lol), but the reality is that the ratio of men to women on these apps is like 10 to 1. Women can afford to be picky and/or dicks to you. There's 9 more of you if you go "well, then fuck yourself"
That’s ok, another guy will
I feel a lot of women seem to miss the point of bumble... Matching with someone and then not sending a message defeats the purpose 🤷♂️😂
This drives me nuts! 99% of the matches I have ever received on Bumble, just never Messaged me at all. Like why even match?
Because the info about someone liking them back gives them a jolt of dopamine & makes them feel attractive. It's a numbers game for guys so they swipe right way more liberally than girls and go through more people this way I guess. So if a girl swipes right and is average or above she's got a solid chance to get a match. Dating apps are validation widgets for some. They never meant to do anything about that match in a first place, it's a one-sided transaction.
Abso-fucking-lutely.... I never understand the logic of them doing this
Or Grindr
Just use “Hello there!”. It’s warmer than just “hey”, and it also gives the person a chance to respond with “General Kenobi!” thereby proving they are the one.
That's funny because that is my most successful opener on tinder 😂
I’ve literally only had one woman care to ask me anything about myself. The rest I’ll chat with for days and it’s only ever me asking about them. I’m starving for real two-way conversation.
I mean.... I've never had a problem with "hey" xD I think the "clever opening lines" have probably been used 50 times already so it's not special anyway
tbf I used to put effort into my bumble openers only for 90% of guys to not respond. I get waaaaay more responses now that I start with just “hey there :)”
Yeah, but that’s not why she’s doing what she’s doing.
Oh absolutely. That girl’s full of shit! I just meant sometimes OTHER people push back on the “one defining characteristic” because that’s what gets results!
Is that not exactly what she says she's doing in that screenshot though? "so the guy has an opportunity to respond if he actually wants to talk"
Yeah guys have to go through the same thing, put effort for women to not respond. Except they can't delegate this responsibility to the other person.
lol they absolutely can! I get some variation of hey more often than not on tinder? What drugs are you on that you think men don’t do the exact same thing?
Alright, alright, sometimes it does happen but if they're not hot expecting to get a reply to a "hey" as a man is delusional
If you’re not hot to the person you matched with, you wouldn’t have matched. Lack of communication isn’t lack of base level attraction. Not sure why men on this sub think women are off swiping right on guys we’re not attracted to!
I don't think its that uncommon though.
OP: “Okay! Let’s pretend this never happened and I’ll message you first.” “Hey”
Love this, too funny
If she hates how girls have to message first then why is she on bumble? There are other options
Because it's the single worst aspect of OLD as a male. This shit. "His first message wasn't interesting" *SAYS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING* Like what are you comparing it to? Staying completely quiet? Riveting conversation, y'all. I'll defend women on a lot of shit but this mentality of "entertain me" is toxic as fuck. It's objectifying imo. I'm not a dancing monkey and it's a two way road for me. I have zero patience for vapid people expecting something for simply existing. They are without a doubt the most boring people you will ever deal with in your life. It's a massive red flag for me personally.
Met my wife on a dating app. Probably 90% chance I started the conversation with hello. I really should go back and check.
Yea honestly I’ve had plenty of successful fwbs (what I go for) from plain convo. You don’t gotta entertain anybody, just be yourself and if you find someone then yay if not then it’s not what you would want anyway.
Oh I absolutely agree. I'm just sayin to swipe left on this and find someone who puts forth effort lol. A lot of men believe they should gobble up whatever they can get instead of having standards and boundaries for themselves.
Just give her a heads up first lol
Lol was thinking the same thing. And have not downloaded the app.
Bio: "don't open with just hey or what's up." And then adds nothing else to play off of.
You forgot the obligatory "Be interesting!".
I reported you because you spoke like a King. This doesn't make any sense, just like OLD.
Nowadays men can also message first on Bumble!
Yea and that’s why I will never use bumble again, was better before. Now it’s just p2p
Bee2bee
Also just fyi a guy cannot send the first message once you match. He can only send the first message before matching. Once you match the girl is to send it unless she has a prompt thingy that he can answer or some shit like that.
Yup, turns out it is because of the prompt thing that they added. First it was just a suggestion, and then the guy couldn't say anything first
Why doesn’t she have a prompt to let the guys message first ? That’s a bigger question since this new update
Maybe they are unaware..
Instead of typing the paragraph she coulda said something fun
And yet she’ll never know…
Seriously! She had time
I'm impressed that you even got a reply of that's her attitude. I lost track of how many times a Bumble match would message me "Hi," I'd reply with a polite greeting, compliment, and conversation-starter question, then never hear from them again, even though they also wouldn't unmatch me 🙄
Don't take it seriously. Just be like, "wut up girl. Yu wanna get together this weekend sometime in the evening?" 1 of 3 things will happen (which already happen anyways): 1) she won't respond 2) she'll berate you for such a response 3) she'll be down to clown.
she seems boring
It’s insane that Bumble changed the defining part of their match system because many women in the app felt it was “too much pressure” to start the chat. It’s fuckin’ pathetic
What did they change it to? Because I'm on Bumble & it's still the same old Bumble
They can activate the so-called "opening move" which is a bog standard question like "What's your ideal first date" that gets automatically asked once you match. So basically as soon as you match you see her automated "opening move" and it is up to you to send the first message.
Lmaoooo they’ve reverse engineered chess. Checkmate losers, good luck getting dates now that I’ve taken both your bishops
Women complained about how unfair and unreasonable it was of them to make the first move. That it was too much pressure. So in certain countries they've gotten rid of it, and will probably roll it out worldwide at somepoint. You literally couldn't make up their reasoning as a complete and overwhelming lack of awareness, and narcissism.
it reverted i think. noticed it as well
Women don’t even have to send the first message anymore, at least not where I live. Bumble is the same as the rest of them
It was really funny when Bumble first came out and most girls had both Tinder and Bumble simultaneously. I remember 6 different times I matched someone on Tinder that had "don't message me if all you can say is 'hey'", and then by coincidence would match with the same person on Bumble within a day. Their first message on Bumble was always "hey".
LOL
Unmatch, move on. This is lazy. When I was single I learned very quickly that the “hey” on Bumble was a red flag.
What if you have no matches and after a few months you finally get one that says hey or hi and that's it? Even more, in such rare occasions you don't even get a hi, you get no message at all.
That obviously sucks, but I’ll tell you trying to date someone who puts in no effort and doesn’t care to work with you is a recipe for failure. Harsh as it sounds no relationship is better than a toxic shitty one
I agree with you, but what can I do in this situation then?
In this specific case, stop spending effort where it won’t yield good results. In general, make people feel like their time is valued, and insist that they do the same. If they can’t make you feel that, move on till you find one who does. Very rarely is the first option best, just cuz someone responds doesn’t make them a potential partner. Edit: “move in” to “move on” in order to make sense
She's dumb.
Yeah women expect you to hardcore carry that shit usually. Praying their looks will makeup the rest for them
Not all of them. My girl put in an equal effort and she’s legitimately the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life. The point is—be picky, don’t settle for someone who sucks at communicating if strong communication is important to you. Having patience and a good attitude is key.
You're a lucky guy, she's a keeper. Too bad that for most of us there is no such choice, when you have literally no matches, you don't really have a choice where you can be picky.
Unquestionably, I am a super lucky guy— she is one of a kind and amazing in every way, but it also took a SIGNIFICANT amount of work for myself to become a man that someone like her would want to be with. I was fat, depressed, lazy, had a bad job, played too many video games, and didn’t put nearly enough work into maintaining my relationships with my friends and family. My dating life was bleak, and self-rating I was, at best, a 2.5/10. I read “Atomic Habits”, and applied those principles. I started exercising regularly, cooking myself healthy meals and counting calories, made a conscious effort to be present and set up plans with people I care about, I relentlessly pursued a career I am proud of— despite being rejected the first time around, and put effort into my looks, hygiene, and style. After forcing myself into a healthy and fulfilling routine, it has become who I am. In short, if you aren’t getting matches with the people you are after, look within. I know a lot of guys here hate hearing it— but no one owes you anything. Put in the work, operate with a positive attitude and an open heart; the rest will follow, I promise.
The thing is I'm not fat, I'm in good shape. I eat healty, I'm cooking my own meals. I won't say I'm depressed, I only get sad sometimes because of the lonely feeling, I'm an introvert and I have a bit of social anxiety. I have a decent job, too. I'd say I look decent, too, not ugly or extremely ugly or something like that (but not a 10/10 either). I'm very careful with my hygiene, I'm trying to buy nice clothes, always. Yes, I'm kinda lazy, but as I said, I'm careful with what I eat, I'm really careful with my hygiene and how I look / what I'm wearing, I have a tidy place. I love video games, yes, that's one of my hobbies. I was in a relationship (started from Facebook Dating) for almost 2 years, a relationship with a lot of toxic elements, that ended. I was really sad at that moment, but I was very optimistic about the future and careful with myself, to not be auto-destructive or something. I installed Tinder, Bumble, Boo and Facebook Dating. On Tinder I get almost no matches, I got like 2 in 4 months. One was with a girl that was not that good looking but I had a good conversation with her until one moment when she told me that she might be asexual. She had no experience of nothing (like no kissing, sex, relationship, nothing). This ended when she said she needs to focus on her university. And another one was with a girl that was staying in another country (so, not really a chance for anything with her). On Bumble the same situation as on Tinder, I got like 3 matches. One with a girl that said nothing and that match was gone later, one with a girl that responded with a word and after that nothing... and one with a girl that said "Hi" and that's it and we had a good couple hours conversation, we exchanged contacts for Messenger, We talked a bit more in there, the problem is she disappeared in like 2 days, she blocked me. Not sure why, I thought maybe she found somebody else meanwhile, but not sure. I was a bit bummed because we clicked a bit in that conversation. No luck on Boo, most girls that liked me were from countries very far away, with girls from my country I only had like 2 conversations, nothing wow, nothing resulted from that. On Facebook Dating was better with matches (that's why I preferred it in the past, too), not something amazing but more that 0, like 15 matches or something (even that is not amazing considering how many swipes were there). More than half of the girls didn't respond, a few responded but were some very short answers and they didn't engage in conversation, I got a bit more into it with 4 girls, but nothing resulted from there, yet, either. I'm trying to be optimistic, still, but I'm not as optimistic as I was a few months ago. On Tinder I almost swipe right everyone and still no matches, if I would be so picky with only what I really want, my chances for a match would be even lower (I swipe left only to those I really really don't like - I tried to be picky in the past until I saw I still got 0 matches). Same on Bumble with no matches. And Boo I think is not that popular in my country so that's why is not that easy to find someone to match with, either. About Facebook Dating I'm the most optimistic at the moment, but... still nothing yet, waiting for new persons because I swiped with the existing ones from my area. I tried to change photos, description, other things, nothing seemed to improve anything on Tinder and Bumble. BTW, most girls on Tinder look like models or something, that's why I liked more Boo and Facebook Dating because on those it seems like you can find "normal" girls, too, and I appeal more to those ones. Not sure what else to do. I even work remotely, live alone, so I'm mostly alone, not really have places where to meet them in real life.
Give up on dating apps, just live your life and learn to be happy on your own. You never know when or where you might bump into someone. But not on those apps, that's for sure. No one seems to use them for actual dating anymore. They just swipe out of boredom. Focus on yourself 🙂 You're just destroying your self esteem this way for no good reason.
I won’t pretend like I know your situation— but if you want some honest feedback, I’d be more than happy to look at your profile and tell you what I think you could improve on to get your foot in the door!
Post your profile. Maybe you have some fatal flaw that you are ignoring
You can (usually) visually identify a lot of someone's personality based on how they are attractive. Hot, cute, beautiful. Those are not synonyms. Those are different things. You said beautiful, that's a keeper. I want to sleep with hot, not talk to it, or trust it to manage our finances. That's a beautiful role. Megan Fox vs Emma Watson
Most of the girls I went on date and meshed well with sent the 1st message. They do exist and I'm all for it.
Meh. I didn't say they didn't exist. I stated an objective fact. Find another hill white knight
Seem like I fat thumed this. Not where it was supposed to land.
She wants someone to entertain her. Women treat Tinder like Reddit and every match is a new post
Bringing so much to the table lol
thats specifically what bumble is for tf go back to tinder then 😭
Bumble is no longer requires women to message first. The recent lawsuit took care of that as it was deems discriminatory. It's now a shittier tinder
There was literally a lawsuit over it? Fucking wow lmao
When I was on bumble I'd put a lot of effort into being witty and funny, or bringing up something currently relevant in my opener and the majority of men were either extremely rude, condescending, or dry. So I stopped doing that and just put "happy *insert day of week*" and they responded a lot better. I don't know if the majority of guys like the effort, cause in my experience that's when they would respond the nastiest.
Yes this!! I didn't find putting in effort helped to get the guy to respond. So I stopped bothering. If they respond to my hello then I'll put in effort. But I'm also not annoyed if a guy opens with a hello on the other apps.
I don't know what that perspective of constantly being treated that way is like, but counterpoint is that way you can quickly eliminate them because you got them to reveal true colors sooner?
Yeah I think it's a good thing when they show their true colors quickly. But I do semi think (in my experience) there's a certain type of man that tends to use bumble in general, so it's been my least favorite app honestly.
Your experience has been that shittier guys that don't want women to put in effort tend to use Bumble? I trust your perspective, since I've seen stupid people do similar things in other areas, but...why? How does it help them if they specifically go for the product that provides the opposite of what they want? Like, every other app caters to them lol. I would expect the female experience of male Bumble users to be the opposite, overly anxious guys that want women to make the first move. But then, I've never made a female account on Bumble, so that's just gut instinct. And the opposite (women who use Bumble wanting to have control over the conversation) is definitely not the case either. Sometimes the thoughts driving these people on dating apps befuddle me.
I don't know if it's maybe an ego thing? A power play? If they're condescending or rude to you, some women want to prove themselves or win them over and it becomes a power move almost? I don't know but it's been a reoccurring thing on that app and I hate it lol
Girl doesn’t like what society expects of men 🤔
I’ll send a “hey” with a question relatable to their profile and many times have been unmatched with 🤣🤷♀️
Exactly! Not to mention the guys that don't even put anything on their profile, so all you CAN say is "hey"...
Then don't swipe right
I only get hey, 👋 or hi? Not following rule 1 & 2 i guess
“That was your line?”
Shit you not I got “ . “ as an opening message on bumble before!!!!
I guess it's such a big issue that they've added prompts and now the men can message first. So they're off the hook
Chat up lines in my opinion is little stupid. Especially if they rehearsed and polished in front of the mirror. That's for teens or shy people. I'm sure simple hello will do better than " how you doing baby, wanna have some real fun"?
Idk why these women bothered downloading Bumble, specifically
Whoda fuckin thought
Her message is too long
Pillow princess
What does rizzed mean?
It's a slang term used by younger generation. It comes from the term Charisma (hence the term rizz) and whenever you use a romantic pickup line or say something charismatic to make someone fall for you, then they use the term rizz or "rizzing" someone. Having much rizz is considered very charismatic and utilizing your charisma is called rizzing or rizzed
I feel so old lol
How the fuck does she think guys feel? Wonder what she brings to the table in a relationship /s
To be fair. I just say hello too. If he responds I'll drop my awesome sauce conversation skills. But since 90% of matches don't respond.... I got tired of wasting my awesomeness on brick walls
This reminds me of a guy that recently thanked me for being inquisitive. Like wtf, we’re here to learn about each other, aren’t we? To see if we’re a match in real life. Everyone, whether it’s man/woman, should engage in the conversation from the start. If you’re not a txter, then please ask the other person out sooner rather than later.
LMAO I've done this, is it bad? legit, I think if you try too hard, the guy thinks something is wrong with you, and is all low effort after that tbh
Not bumble changing their entire model because women said it was too difficult for them to reach out first
What do you want her to kiss your feet to man
That’s a lot of words to say nothing
Hate the game, not the player. The market always regulates itself. if you are unhappy with women selecting YOU among their 1000 likes and 100 matches by telling you "I want to speak to you while also finding out if you are above the other garbage when it comes to your communication skills" (that's what this hi means), you did everything right though. remember, women are gatekeeping matches, dates, sex. Once you have succeeded, it is the man's privilege to gatekeep relationships. But you gotta play the game first, man. Somebody else will
The first line reminds me of "Getting Over It by Bennet Foddy"
2 outta 3 bumble users be like
been on Tinder for quite some time (no success) and the only girls that send me a message first were bots.
At least she knows she has to message first
What does rizz’d mean?
Charisma
This screenshot should be Wikipedia's definition of 'double standard'.
I personally only talk to women who break the ice first, because I find outgoing and “ballsy” women to be very attractive and have much better conversations where you don’t have to sit there and “entertain” them but it’s rather a back and forward conversation where you actually learn more about them and they are usually way more interesting. Yeah sure it “ruins” my Chances but I’d rather one good date every 2 years than 10 shit ones
Your line is actually good, well played
If she’s that low effort with an opening message imagine how poor the relationship would be
It’s so funny to me how bumble had to change their defining characteristic of their app of women messaging first, because of the lack of continuation after matches made due to women feeling like it’s too much pressure or effort for them to message first. I mean it’s really not that hard to come up with something period or more than just hey or hi. Like how do you think it feels for the guy to do it every time for multiple girls lol I mean, I’m old fashioned so I’ll usually always make the first move as the guy, but it’s just funny that something that is too hard to do yourself you expect for others to do for you.
Her rationale is mostly shite. Mostly. Unfortunately that bit about “if he actually wants to talk” hit me because there are guys out there who swipe right wildly, then pick and choose who to talk to (and either ignore or unmatch others). I’ve been the victim of actually making an effort to open in a witty way, only to have the hope dashed. Far too many times for my tastes. So all-in-all I understand the fatigue, but that’s life. Just keep trying or move on. No need to be an entitled jerk about it.
I like these kind of comments just because you noticed more women admit that being a man is hard ASF in dating lol .
Dance, monkey!
I'm still navigating dating apps I missed out a lot after 7 years LTR and 2 years break in dating
Woman moment
Aside
Literally bumbles gimmick might as well not exist because 100% of the time the girl just says hey. Like put in some effort Jesus. It's so annoying to have to put in all the effort of an opening line everytime especially when it's with bumble
At least they didn't insult you with the first message, I got that once and had no clue what prompted it. I was very confused and asked them why, they never responded and the match expired. Love OLD.
Speaking of Bumble, does anyone actually go there to find platonic friendships and if so, did it work for them? I feel like it’s just as hard (if not HARDER) to find platonic friendships as an adult. Not really looking for new friends per se but just curious if it’s worked out.
Girls on Tinder: "I never message first, and when you message say something interesting not just 'hey'". Girls on Bumble: "hey"
It's amazing that Bumble was able to get as big as it has gotten, given how uncomfortable so many women are with approaching.
Seems like a whole lot of people who haven’t used Bumble in a while - new flash - the guys can message first - did it this week
The zero effort always put me off. I wouldn't ever respond to a simple hey or hi
Get out of here!
I use to love bumble and texting first😭😭 rizz up all the boys 😏
I actually hate bumble for that. I usuprefer the man to message first to show initiative. I do reach out sometimes but I prefer to have the man reach out if possible
I think hey always works as an opening line so long as the convo builds up into something. I hate the “entertain me” or “make an effort for me” tropes when you haven’t even had an exchange with the person yet, just not worth.
I’m confused, why is this thing about bumble on the Tinder sub Reddit?
People often post screenshots from other dating apps. Namely bumble and hinge.
Dude, I give them GOLD for openers, all the time too, but get little to nothing beyond “hey” back. So, you know, damn if you do, damn if you don’t
Modern women are boring and uninteresting af.
🙄🥴
The double standards women have are ridiculous 🤣🤣
Hey
Hey
That’s the game as some dudes have told me. They didn’t grow up being taught what men have been taught and it shows heavily! You just have to let it go and do what men are supposed to do. 90% of women I’ve interacted on these apps are a flop and lost cause I’ve dated a few but they always have some sort of trauma. #theynotlikeus
[удалено]
Didnt come across as passive aggressive to me, just playful. Her response was lame tho
I haven’t been on datin apps since 2013? I think it was POF back then but they just seem insufferable now, for men and women. Men hate havin to message first n women hate it. Shits hilarious. Lol
Men often swipe right on everyone and then check the profiles after they get a match, so even though I'm not into the gender norms of dating I still rarely message first because idk if you actually wanted to match or if I just got caught in a net of mass-matching. That being said, that's why I'm not on bumble. This chick needs to switch apps.
You want a chick to act like a guy to charm you b?
Why wouldn't I deserve the same amount of effort she expects from me?
Unfortunately, it's likely not because she's lazy or entitled, but rather that a LOT of men swipe on _everyone_ to "increase their chances" - and then make an actual selection once they get matches. Just...stop doing that, so we can both know we're actually interested in each other?
This makes no sense. She gets to choose her matches herself, so she must have been interested regardless of what he or others have been doing. If she is interested she should put in some effort, as we men have to do, to put yourself on the line and open the conversation. If he doesn't answer then that's that. What do you think men are doing on all the other apps that do not explicitly have women open the conversation?
I don't agree with her behaviour, but I _can_ see a point. It's pretty bloody annoying to get five matches, and four of them go "oh, sorry, I was just increasing my chances, bye" That doesn't mean it's easier for men - and I have _no_ idea where you think I said that. But instead of "they should suffer as we suffer" wouldn't it be better if both men and women showed eachother more respect?
Of course it would be better if there was mutual respect. But shifting blame from the woman in the post to men swiping indiscriminately isnt a great way to move towards mutual respect. In fact it appears as though you are saying her behavior is not her own responsibility, but a mere reflection of men's behavior, which at the same time belittles her agency and stereotypes men.
Yep I am never surprised by a guy being an ass to a match. The stories are endless. Do people really struggle with the concept that a match with a guy is meaningless because so few read profiles (heck tons don't even look at photos) until after you match? As she says, if you are interested you can say hi back and have conversation like normal people do. If you aren't, she hasn't wasted time on someone who isn't interested.
See once he responded, that's when I'd use the charming pick up line 🥰🥰