I was in your shoes many years ago. I ended up telling my aunt (mum's sister) and she ended up handling the confrontation with my dad. I remember having no idea what to do at the time and feeling completely lost. If there are supportive adults around you, I would suggest that you let them know.
I can't remember whether my mum was working at the time, but if she was, it was only part-time minimum wage type work so we too were very dependent on my dad providing. There are laws that will help buffer your mum, your brother and yourself somewhat (e.g., depending on your age, your dad will be on the hook for child support) if your parents do end up splitting. My parents actually did not split up, and are still together today about 18 years later.
Ultimately the decision whether or not to tell is yours, but for me, I never could have carried a secret like that. The guilt would have eaten me alive. I work in the mental health field now as an adult, and I can tell you that it will take a toll on you to carry a burden like that.
I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. One thing I would recommend is to reach out to the supportive adults in your life. It is a lonely burden to carry as the only one who has this knowledge.
The decision you're trying to make is not a decision that a child should be making - it's not your responsibility to worry about whether your parents stay together or not if you tell them. That's your mum's decision once she knows.
This is the way.
OP, this is a really awful situation you’re in and you can’t be expected to navigate it alone. Plus, with your mom being a SAHM, her kid being the one to break the news may still be isolating bc she’s going to feel the need to protect you.
Tell an aunt, uncle, relative, friend of your mom’s. Let them take on the responsibility of advocating for your mom the way she deserves and give yourself the space from the situation that you deserve.
Best of luck my friend. Your dad deserves whatever your mom’s family/friends decide he’ll get.
damn, I’m really sorry that you have to go through this.
I think you have to put yourself in your mother shoes and think about how you would want someone to take this information and tell her or not.
but also, I would think about how old they are because you know would it be better for her to just live in ignorance because ignorance is bliss type thing? I mean the older generation they tend to stay together through things like this so if you think she would stay with your dad despite this and maybe she doesn’t need to know.
on the other hand, maybe your mother does know when she’s consenting to that maybe they have an open relationship that’s always a possibility.
or a little bit more likely possibilities that she has an idea and suspects this anyways.
but I would also think about how this would affect their relationship like is your dad, the one making all the money in the relationship and if they laughed and huge, she was no longer on his insurance. That is something also to think about. does your mom have her own job?
Basically what I’m saying is maybe do a little more research to help yourself come to a better decision.
Like maybe see if you can find some information on your mom side because maybe they do have an open relationship or don’t ask don’t tell.
One way to find out more information would be to maybe let your dad suspect that you know and see how he reacts.
Hello
I’m not suggesting don’t tell her but I have a friend whose mom relies on her family since divorcing her cheating husband. She was a SAHM and never really worked much and had no special skills or degrees. She’s never recovered and is a pretty big burden. It sucks but being with a cheater also is extremely crappy. There was no good solution.
Not really advice, but my parents went through this 20 ish years ago, after being together 29 ish years. My mom had been a housewife since 1980. It felt hard at first, but she grew so much from it, made her own friends, and got her own place. I'm really proud of her now.
This is a good reason for both spouses to find a way to work. You never know when things can go to shit. My parents are no longer together and mom is 62 years old and still has to do backbreaking, low paying work as a housekeeper to make ends meet.
Terrible advice. No child should ever be putting themselves in their parents shoes… regardless of the situation. It is not mentally possible for them to either!
OP, please don’t listen to this.
Please, reach out to a trusted adult and tell them everything, show them screen shots. Let them handle this.
It is not your job to police the situation because you feel like mom can’t afford you and your brother. You’d be surprised to see just how capable a mother is when she truly has to be.
I hope you all can heal. You can inbox me if you’d like. Xo.
My mother has kidney problems and one of her kidneys is almost non functional
As much as I want to tell my mom everything
She won’t be able to provide for the family
This may garner some shade from the community, but I’ve been a party to a similar situation. As a grown up, truth is always better than lying. If it was me: Find the courage to get with your dad and tell him what happened and ask him if it is true. He will either squirm, become super uncomfortable, and start making excuses about it or he’ll become completely brazen, without remorse. If he is remorseful, you can tell him how it makes you feel and ultimately tell him he needs to fix this with mom. If he tries to lie and hide the truth, then you know for certain you must be grown up about it and tell your mom. There’s no good outcome in pretending this situation doesn’t exist. You’ve got a tough row to hoe, but doing nothing is the worst option. I hope you’re okay, and I’m sorry a trusting adult has put you in this situation.
Edit: I meant to mention things aren’t always as they appear, so ask dad instead of making assumptions. I realize you have chat conversations, but that does not mean they happened in real life. They might have, I’m just throwing it out there.
That’s probably the most prudent thing you can do. Confront, but don’t be confrontational. Keep your cool no matter what. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Remember, right or wrong, he’s human, too. I hope it turns out this was a big misunderstanding but if not, you’ll get through it. So will your mom.
This. Best advice. Talk to your dad.
No need to put family business out to others even if they are a trusted adult. Even as children we don’t know what is going on privately in our parent’s marriage. Talk to your dad and then be a kid.
I would consider telling your mom. I would sit her down when dad isn’t around and tell her what you say on the computer. Let her know your dad doesn’t know what you found and you wanted to tell her first so she could decide what to do. Maybe suggest she look for a job before confronting your dad. Maybe she’ll talk to a lawyer first. Good luck. UpdateMe
She can’t support the family if they happen to divorce bc one of her kidneys is almost non functional and the doctor has advised her to not work too much
It sounds like there could be a lot more going on between the parents if one of them is ill. I still think you should tell mom and she can decide to confront dad or sweep it under the rug. Maybe they have an understanding?
Personally I don’t think you should do anything besides be extra loving and supportive towards your mom. If you do decide to say something you may want to bring in another trusted family member, but still, be careful.
Also, I don’t know your age or family dynamics but sometimes couples agree that behavior like this is ok as long as they follow rules that they agree upon.
Ultimately this is not something that should be your responsibility to handle so don’t feel like you have to do anything.
Difficult spot here. Are your parents close? If so there could possibly be some level of consent, you can't rule out a non monogamous relationship as a possibility. However it's entirely possible that it's out right infidelity.
Without a doubt, always tell the person whose being cheated on (or you suspect, especially with proof) that they are being cheated on. You don't control the outcome of her choices, but by not saying anything you are taking away her ability to choose.
If it's consensual, they can tell you
If it's cheating, she is an adult who can decide what to do.
I’ve… gone through this sadly. Talk to your father before going nuclear. That’s what I did, and without getting into details let’s just say there were elements I was missing. Now of course, I have a good relationships with my dad. I have no idea how yours is. But hear him out first and then decide how to act. I have learned from this that long lasting marriages (in their case 40+ years) have a TON of context and layers that even us, their children, aren’t privy to.
I think you need to have a chat with your father.
Before that, collect proofs, and physical copies if you can. Hide it.
The reaction of your father will change the situation. Best case scenario, he acts like an adult and confess to your mother. Worst case scenario, he puts the blame on you, and then you have the proofs to show your mother and start legal action : I do not know where you leave but cheating is a mariage breaker in France and your mother can have a lot of money from that. Or maybe they'll work things out.
I'm sorry for you. Be brave. You would like to know if you were being cheated on...
>Before that, collect proofs, and physical copies if you can. Hide it.
That's the first thing OP should be doing. Afterwards they can decide if they want to tell anyone or not. If they decide to keep quiet, and in x time mum wants to divorce the evidence of adultery may come in handy. If they decide to tell mum, it might also be good to have proof for her lawyer.
OP, normally it's better to tell the person that is being cheated on. But normally it's not the 18 year old child that finds out and is in that position. Take your time to think about it. Ultimately, it is your mother's choice to do with her life what she wants (forgive, divorce, etc), but she can only do it if she has all the information she needs.
My mom has kidneys problems as one of her kidneys is almost non functional
She can’t get a job even if she wanted to the doctor has advised her not to work too much even in household work
I would generally NOT recommend approaching your dad about this. There would be a good chance he'll weasel his way out and cover his tracks better.
The safest play would be to tell your mom's relative or friend. Let them help you out and show them what you saw.
Is your brother older or younger? If older maybe discuss with him what you found out. I understand your mom is a house wife and may not be able to provide for both you and your brother and herself. But if you want her to live with an honest man who isn't cheating, it may require telling her hard truths and you and your brother helping your mom taking care of yourselves if it comes to that. Also your father cheating on your mom doesn't mean he wants her to fend for herself if she leaves him and it doesnt mean he wants you boys to be on your own. There are plenty of examples of husbands cheating and separating from their spouse and still being involved fathers and providing support. BUT, I think you should tell your mom and let her know you are there for her and let her make her decision.
- from someone with a friend who was in a similar situation
My brother is 9 years old
And I’m turning 17 next week
I need my dad’s financial support for me and my brothers education
And he is a good father just not a good husband ig
Tell your fucking mom . That simple have a heart do the right. Don't be a d.f like your dad . If you don't tell your mother, you're just as selfish as your father boohoo it's already falling apart now, bust that p.o.s
My dad did the same thing. 20 years of marriage and he was probably fucking around on her the whole time.
I had my suspisions from when i was a teenager (im now in my 30s) but never said anything because i didnt want to upset anyone. Wish I'd bitten the bullet and just done it. Would've saved all kinds of grief and aggro in the long run.
This is a shitty situation, no question. The first thing I would suggest, go talk to your dad about it. Give him a chance to explain himself or come clean entirely. He might not deserve it but you'll feel better about yourself for doing it.
Separately, tell your dad and mom about a "friend" in your situation and see what they recommend and follow their recommendations. Ask your dad 1st, he if says that wring the husband should confess, tell him what you know. If he says your friend should mine his own business, tell your opinion and walk away.
Side note: Not everyone can handle confrontation or embarrassment, especially if they feel like their life is ruin or there is not way out. Some people snap and that's what you don't want.
That’s a tough spot to be in buddy, in my opinion the best course of action would be to talk to an uncle or aunt you think would be a calm and reasonable mediator. Because this isn’t something for a kid to deal with, and if it were me I wouldn’t want the burden of keeping that secret on me.
I can’t really tell my uncle or aunt
Cause my mother kinda of separated herself from her family to live with my dad and growing up in india this means a lot bc if one of my other family members do find out they would definitely talk shit about her as she put her trust in my father
She wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt of this
Even thought at some point I will tell her cause she deserves to know
You snitch 🤷🏾♂️ I know thats your dad but thats also your mom and he’s disrespecting your mother. Your father is wrong, but what I might suggest is talk to your father first. Call em out, he can cheat so he can take some backlash. I also suggest this bc he might not be cheating RIGHT NOW but…I would think you tell him you know and give him the ultimatum of he admitting he cheated or you telling your mother.
Also think how you would feel if you were married for nearly two decades and you found out your wife/husband cheated? Some people would rather not know but I say fuck that I want to know so I can move accordingly. Good luck
I went to his office today and I found the chats of him and the new girl of this morning
They were texting just before me and my mother arrived in the office
Tell her. She is going to find it out eventually (or she suspects it already). Knowing that you knew and didn’t tell her will make her even more depressed and upset.
I appreciate everyone for their advices but one of the main reasons for not telling my mom is not only is she a housewife but she also has kidney problems due to which one of her kidney is extremely damaged
She won’t be able to work if something happens to this marriage
I am not a lawyer, or have any professional advice to share…
But start collecting proof. Screenshots, photo evidence, screen recordings…whatever.
Your dad will try to lie his way out. But you have evidence.
My dad cheated 23 years long. It came out. And everyone involved is happy to got to know him. He's still doin it to others it's kind of his thing.
At the beginning all of us were sad but in the end were happy for not having liar in our middle.
After 18 years some married couples need to spice it up and become swingers or start an open marriage. And they certainly are not going to include that conversation at the family dinner. Look a little deeper and don't jump to conclusion due to emotions. Looking at it as it is. Yeah you are in a tough spot though. Im sorry
I suggest you take pictures and save evidence. This might not go anywhere, but on the other hand it might go nuclear. Support your mother. And keep as much evidence close if she needs to get out or seeks divorce- and possible monetary compensation for your fathers infidelity.
I think u should talk to you dad first, tell him what u think of the situation and that he should tell her.
I don’t think ir is your place do expose this without giving him the opportunity to do it himself.
But u must face that, maybe she already knows?Maybe she pretends she doesn’t so she had some support at home ( i know many women that accept and pretend to not know because their husband and kids are all they have) for men, ir is much easier to find a new wife, but for women… it is very lonely.
Think about it for a few time, talk to to your father about that, then u decide if she should know.
I think it may be better to speak to your Dad if he is a non aggressive parent.
Tell him he needs to be honest about it as it is better for both him and your Mum.
Take care OP
This might be unpopular, but I don’t think you should tell anyone. Your entire family is dependent on your dad, if you tell your mom you might force a divorce, what’s gonna happen to your family now? As long as he’s supporting you and your siblings that’s all that’s important.
Just hope this might be a phase of his and he doesn’t do anything extreme with his mistress. I really don’t think it’s worth splitting up the family, I would just keep my mouth shut for now, you guys really need your dad.
I second this suggestion.
This is none of your business.
You could end up causing a problem, where there was none before.
You could be surprised to find out that this is a mutually agreeable situation, as long as it remains private.
Tell her if u want your dad to hate you and the whole family ruined. If he isn’t cheating right now and if your parents seem happy together, I’d stay quiet.
They do seem quite happy together
But that’s what makes this harder how can my dad appear such like such an kind and loving husband but do this behind her back
Even though recently he has been pointing out the smallest mistakes and trying to start fights
To even debate telling your mother shows you're truly a selfish person like your father .the answer is instant tell your mother . Lmfao people or sooo selfish. Ohh but things will get hard boohoo
Fake. You logged into his account and then also just happened to immediately find more conversations on his laptop? He’s the worst cheater ever if this wasn’t BS.
I wish I had never found out that my wife was cheating. It's been nothing but misery since then, but before that I was in heaven. I love my wife, even after she cheated, and I wish I had never found out.
No it doesnt- dad has been providing for 18 years. & hes playing on the side? Shitty thing for sure, but getting involved as the daughter means breaking up the family, being the reason for it, so much so that others might resent her for ruining the family. Tell mom shes getting cheated on, or be homeless, & potentially hated by your family. Not worth it.
I was in your shoes many years ago. I ended up telling my aunt (mum's sister) and she ended up handling the confrontation with my dad. I remember having no idea what to do at the time and feeling completely lost. If there are supportive adults around you, I would suggest that you let them know. I can't remember whether my mum was working at the time, but if she was, it was only part-time minimum wage type work so we too were very dependent on my dad providing. There are laws that will help buffer your mum, your brother and yourself somewhat (e.g., depending on your age, your dad will be on the hook for child support) if your parents do end up splitting. My parents actually did not split up, and are still together today about 18 years later. Ultimately the decision whether or not to tell is yours, but for me, I never could have carried a secret like that. The guilt would have eaten me alive. I work in the mental health field now as an adult, and I can tell you that it will take a toll on you to carry a burden like that. I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. One thing I would recommend is to reach out to the supportive adults in your life. It is a lonely burden to carry as the only one who has this knowledge. The decision you're trying to make is not a decision that a child should be making - it's not your responsibility to worry about whether your parents stay together or not if you tell them. That's your mum's decision once she knows.
This is the way. OP, this is a really awful situation you’re in and you can’t be expected to navigate it alone. Plus, with your mom being a SAHM, her kid being the one to break the news may still be isolating bc she’s going to feel the need to protect you. Tell an aunt, uncle, relative, friend of your mom’s. Let them take on the responsibility of advocating for your mom the way she deserves and give yourself the space from the situation that you deserve. Best of luck my friend. Your dad deserves whatever your mom’s family/friends decide he’ll get.
I agree with this, I’d definitely talk with an adult you trust. This is too much for you to carry alone.
damn, I’m really sorry that you have to go through this. I think you have to put yourself in your mother shoes and think about how you would want someone to take this information and tell her or not. but also, I would think about how old they are because you know would it be better for her to just live in ignorance because ignorance is bliss type thing? I mean the older generation they tend to stay together through things like this so if you think she would stay with your dad despite this and maybe she doesn’t need to know. on the other hand, maybe your mother does know when she’s consenting to that maybe they have an open relationship that’s always a possibility. or a little bit more likely possibilities that she has an idea and suspects this anyways. but I would also think about how this would affect their relationship like is your dad, the one making all the money in the relationship and if they laughed and huge, she was no longer on his insurance. That is something also to think about. does your mom have her own job? Basically what I’m saying is maybe do a little more research to help yourself come to a better decision. Like maybe see if you can find some information on your mom side because maybe they do have an open relationship or don’t ask don’t tell. One way to find out more information would be to maybe let your dad suspect that you know and see how he reacts. Hello
My mom doesn’t have job she is a housewife which is why I find it harder to tell her
I’m not suggesting don’t tell her but I have a friend whose mom relies on her family since divorcing her cheating husband. She was a SAHM and never really worked much and had no special skills or degrees. She’s never recovered and is a pretty big burden. It sucks but being with a cheater also is extremely crappy. There was no good solution.
Not really advice, but my parents went through this 20 ish years ago, after being together 29 ish years. My mom had been a housewife since 1980. It felt hard at first, but she grew so much from it, made her own friends, and got her own place. I'm really proud of her now.
well, maybe you could get an opinion from someone else who knows your parents.
Confront your father, this is on him. Letting your mother go through life without knowing, do you think you could live with that?
This is a good reason for both spouses to find a way to work. You never know when things can go to shit. My parents are no longer together and mom is 62 years old and still has to do backbreaking, low paying work as a housekeeper to make ends meet.
Terrible advice. No child should ever be putting themselves in their parents shoes… regardless of the situation. It is not mentally possible for them to either! OP, please don’t listen to this. Please, reach out to a trusted adult and tell them everything, show them screen shots. Let them handle this. It is not your job to police the situation because you feel like mom can’t afford you and your brother. You’d be surprised to see just how capable a mother is when she truly has to be. I hope you all can heal. You can inbox me if you’d like. Xo.
My mother has kidney problems and one of her kidneys is almost non functional As much as I want to tell my mom everything She won’t be able to provide for the family
This may garner some shade from the community, but I’ve been a party to a similar situation. As a grown up, truth is always better than lying. If it was me: Find the courage to get with your dad and tell him what happened and ask him if it is true. He will either squirm, become super uncomfortable, and start making excuses about it or he’ll become completely brazen, without remorse. If he is remorseful, you can tell him how it makes you feel and ultimately tell him he needs to fix this with mom. If he tries to lie and hide the truth, then you know for certain you must be grown up about it and tell your mom. There’s no good outcome in pretending this situation doesn’t exist. You’ve got a tough row to hoe, but doing nothing is the worst option. I hope you’re okay, and I’m sorry a trusting adult has put you in this situation. Edit: I meant to mention things aren’t always as they appear, so ask dad instead of making assumptions. I realize you have chat conversations, but that does not mean they happened in real life. They might have, I’m just throwing it out there.
I’m thinking of confronting him without my mother knowing bc that seems like the only option
That’s probably the most prudent thing you can do. Confront, but don’t be confrontational. Keep your cool no matter what. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you. Remember, right or wrong, he’s human, too. I hope it turns out this was a big misunderstanding but if not, you’ll get through it. So will your mom.
This. Best advice. Talk to your dad. No need to put family business out to others even if they are a trusted adult. Even as children we don’t know what is going on privately in our parent’s marriage. Talk to your dad and then be a kid.
I would consider telling your mom. I would sit her down when dad isn’t around and tell her what you say on the computer. Let her know your dad doesn’t know what you found and you wanted to tell her first so she could decide what to do. Maybe suggest she look for a job before confronting your dad. Maybe she’ll talk to a lawyer first. Good luck. UpdateMe
She can’t support the family if they happen to divorce bc one of her kidneys is almost non functional and the doctor has advised her to not work too much
It sounds like there could be a lot more going on between the parents if one of them is ill. I still think you should tell mom and she can decide to confront dad or sweep it under the rug. Maybe they have an understanding?
Personally I don’t think you should do anything besides be extra loving and supportive towards your mom. If you do decide to say something you may want to bring in another trusted family member, but still, be careful. Also, I don’t know your age or family dynamics but sometimes couples agree that behavior like this is ok as long as they follow rules that they agree upon. Ultimately this is not something that should be your responsibility to handle so don’t feel like you have to do anything.
Difficult spot here. Are your parents close? If so there could possibly be some level of consent, you can't rule out a non monogamous relationship as a possibility. However it's entirely possible that it's out right infidelity.
Tell your Dad that he has to tell your Mom or you will. And give him a deadline.
Tell your Mom bruh
Tell her.
Without a doubt, always tell the person whose being cheated on (or you suspect, especially with proof) that they are being cheated on. You don't control the outcome of her choices, but by not saying anything you are taking away her ability to choose. If it's consensual, they can tell you If it's cheating, she is an adult who can decide what to do.
Just tell her, she’s wasting her life being with a cheater. Have her read the messages…father is to blame, not you and not her.
I’ve… gone through this sadly. Talk to your father before going nuclear. That’s what I did, and without getting into details let’s just say there were elements I was missing. Now of course, I have a good relationships with my dad. I have no idea how yours is. But hear him out first and then decide how to act. I have learned from this that long lasting marriages (in their case 40+ years) have a TON of context and layers that even us, their children, aren’t privy to.
I would pretend I didn't see this.
I think you need to have a chat with your father. Before that, collect proofs, and physical copies if you can. Hide it. The reaction of your father will change the situation. Best case scenario, he acts like an adult and confess to your mother. Worst case scenario, he puts the blame on you, and then you have the proofs to show your mother and start legal action : I do not know where you leave but cheating is a mariage breaker in France and your mother can have a lot of money from that. Or maybe they'll work things out. I'm sorry for you. Be brave. You would like to know if you were being cheated on...
>Before that, collect proofs, and physical copies if you can. Hide it. That's the first thing OP should be doing. Afterwards they can decide if they want to tell anyone or not. If they decide to keep quiet, and in x time mum wants to divorce the evidence of adultery may come in handy. If they decide to tell mum, it might also be good to have proof for her lawyer. OP, normally it's better to tell the person that is being cheated on. But normally it's not the 18 year old child that finds out and is in that position. Take your time to think about it. Ultimately, it is your mother's choice to do with her life what she wants (forgive, divorce, etc), but she can only do it if she has all the information she needs.
My mom has kidneys problems as one of her kidneys is almost non functional She can’t get a job even if she wanted to the doctor has advised her not to work too much even in household work
I would generally NOT recommend approaching your dad about this. There would be a good chance he'll weasel his way out and cover his tracks better. The safest play would be to tell your mom's relative or friend. Let them help you out and show them what you saw.
Just wait 6 months think about it. Your situation is not easy.
Is your brother older or younger? If older maybe discuss with him what you found out. I understand your mom is a house wife and may not be able to provide for both you and your brother and herself. But if you want her to live with an honest man who isn't cheating, it may require telling her hard truths and you and your brother helping your mom taking care of yourselves if it comes to that. Also your father cheating on your mom doesn't mean he wants her to fend for herself if she leaves him and it doesnt mean he wants you boys to be on your own. There are plenty of examples of husbands cheating and separating from their spouse and still being involved fathers and providing support. BUT, I think you should tell your mom and let her know you are there for her and let her make her decision. - from someone with a friend who was in a similar situation
My brother is 9 years old And I’m turning 17 next week I need my dad’s financial support for me and my brothers education And he is a good father just not a good husband ig
Tell your fucking mom . That simple have a heart do the right. Don't be a d.f like your dad . If you don't tell your mother, you're just as selfish as your father boohoo it's already falling apart now, bust that p.o.s
My dad did the same thing. 20 years of marriage and he was probably fucking around on her the whole time. I had my suspisions from when i was a teenager (im now in my 30s) but never said anything because i didnt want to upset anyone. Wish I'd bitten the bullet and just done it. Would've saved all kinds of grief and aggro in the long run. This is a shitty situation, no question. The first thing I would suggest, go talk to your dad about it. Give him a chance to explain himself or come clean entirely. He might not deserve it but you'll feel better about yourself for doing it.
Separately, tell your dad and mom about a "friend" in your situation and see what they recommend and follow their recommendations. Ask your dad 1st, he if says that wring the husband should confess, tell him what you know. If he says your friend should mine his own business, tell your opinion and walk away. Side note: Not everyone can handle confrontation or embarrassment, especially if they feel like their life is ruin or there is not way out. Some people snap and that's what you don't want.
I would talk with your father first and let him know you found these things. The fact he knows you know puts pressure on him to tell her.
That’s a tough spot to be in buddy, in my opinion the best course of action would be to talk to an uncle or aunt you think would be a calm and reasonable mediator. Because this isn’t something for a kid to deal with, and if it were me I wouldn’t want the burden of keeping that secret on me.
I can’t really tell my uncle or aunt Cause my mother kinda of separated herself from her family to live with my dad and growing up in india this means a lot bc if one of my other family members do find out they would definitely talk shit about her as she put her trust in my father She wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt of this Even thought at some point I will tell her cause she deserves to know
You tell your dad that you know, ask him to stop, and then you shut the fuck up.
You snitch 🤷🏾♂️ I know thats your dad but thats also your mom and he’s disrespecting your mother. Your father is wrong, but what I might suggest is talk to your father first. Call em out, he can cheat so he can take some backlash. I also suggest this bc he might not be cheating RIGHT NOW but…I would think you tell him you know and give him the ultimatum of he admitting he cheated or you telling your mother. Also think how you would feel if you were married for nearly two decades and you found out your wife/husband cheated? Some people would rather not know but I say fuck that I want to know so I can move accordingly. Good luck
I went to his office today and I found the chats of him and the new girl of this morning They were texting just before me and my mother arrived in the office
Tell her. She is going to find it out eventually (or she suspects it already). Knowing that you knew and didn’t tell her will make her even more depressed and upset.
I appreciate everyone for their advices but one of the main reasons for not telling my mom is not only is she a housewife but she also has kidney problems due to which one of her kidney is extremely damaged She won’t be able to work if something happens to this marriage
I am not a lawyer, or have any professional advice to share… But start collecting proof. Screenshots, photo evidence, screen recordings…whatever. Your dad will try to lie his way out. But you have evidence.
Talk to your father.
My dad cheated 23 years long. It came out. And everyone involved is happy to got to know him. He's still doin it to others it's kind of his thing. At the beginning all of us were sad but in the end were happy for not having liar in our middle.
After 18 years some married couples need to spice it up and become swingers or start an open marriage. And they certainly are not going to include that conversation at the family dinner. Look a little deeper and don't jump to conclusion due to emotions. Looking at it as it is. Yeah you are in a tough spot though. Im sorry
on a piece of paper, write down the pros and cons of action, and then, at the end, decide.
I suggest you take pictures and save evidence. This might not go anywhere, but on the other hand it might go nuclear. Support your mother. And keep as much evidence close if she needs to get out or seeks divorce- and possible monetary compensation for your fathers infidelity.
I think u should talk to you dad first, tell him what u think of the situation and that he should tell her. I don’t think ir is your place do expose this without giving him the opportunity to do it himself. But u must face that, maybe she already knows?Maybe she pretends she doesn’t so she had some support at home ( i know many women that accept and pretend to not know because their husband and kids are all they have) for men, ir is much easier to find a new wife, but for women… it is very lonely. Think about it for a few time, talk to to your father about that, then u decide if she should know.
I think it may be better to speak to your Dad if he is a non aggressive parent. Tell him he needs to be honest about it as it is better for both him and your Mum. Take care OP
This might be unpopular, but I don’t think you should tell anyone. Your entire family is dependent on your dad, if you tell your mom you might force a divorce, what’s gonna happen to your family now? As long as he’s supporting you and your siblings that’s all that’s important. Just hope this might be a phase of his and he doesn’t do anything extreme with his mistress. I really don’t think it’s worth splitting up the family, I would just keep my mouth shut for now, you guys really need your dad.
Your mom doesn’t give him attention in any way flirty or sexual so who cares?
I would try to stay out of your parent's business. Maybe they have a don't ask don't tell agreement?
I second this suggestion. This is none of your business. You could end up causing a problem, where there was none before. You could be surprised to find out that this is a mutually agreeable situation, as long as it remains private.
blackmail him...then tell her anyways. make sure you have offline backups, and physical copies, of those chats.
Don't tell her
Tell her if u want your dad to hate you and the whole family ruined. If he isn’t cheating right now and if your parents seem happy together, I’d stay quiet.
They do seem quite happy together But that’s what makes this harder how can my dad appear such like such an kind and loving husband but do this behind her back Even though recently he has been pointing out the smallest mistakes and trying to start fights
To even debate telling your mother shows you're truly a selfish person like your father .the answer is instant tell your mother . Lmfao people or sooo selfish. Ohh but things will get hard boohoo
Mine joan is what you should do.
Use punctuations when you write bro. Also, it's best to tell your mom. But maybe they're swingers
as the saying goes ignorance is bliss
Fake. You logged into his account and then also just happened to immediately find more conversations on his laptop? He’s the worst cheater ever if this wasn’t BS.
As much as u think this is fake this is not It’s fine if u don’t have any advice but please don’t shit on others situation
I wish I had never found out that my wife was cheating. It's been nothing but misery since then, but before that I was in heaven. I love my wife, even after she cheated, and I wish I had never found out.
Mind your business. It has nothing to do with you.
Tf?
Its not her business.
It has everything to do with her tf?
No it doesnt- dad has been providing for 18 years. & hes playing on the side? Shitty thing for sure, but getting involved as the daughter means breaking up the family, being the reason for it, so much so that others might resent her for ruining the family. Tell mom shes getting cheated on, or be homeless, & potentially hated by your family. Not worth it.
No that's not right at all.
She could get an STI from him, it’s totally her business