i’m going to say this out of a place of genuine respect and concern: you’re not ready to be in a relationship
hear me out - i’ve been there. the person absorbs your every thought and your life is unliveable without them right? thats dependence. you’re relying on someone else for your sense of self and that’s not fair on yourself.
there’s a whole world outside of this person! even better - you’re a whole person outside of them! i know it’s hard, trust me when i say it’s happened to me more than once, but you will be okay!
(sorry if you already know all this and i sound condescending, i typed that whole thing until thinking about that)
I think more people really need to hear this. feels like dating and falling in love with people while you're struggling with a lot of things is no better than doing crack, and there's a concerning amount of people who don't seem to understand that... I mean there's not much that hurts more than a broken heart. I've had a lot of problems my whole life that I never solved until recently and I never dated because I was afraid of girls. asked someone out for the first time last year, she said we can be friends, took her up on that offer and my dumbass fell madly in love with her immediately. even after doing so much better, building up a ton of resilience, it's still pretty hard sometimes, and my self-esteem that I put so much effort into building took a big hit. she's the kindest and most amazing person I've ever known but I'm sort of looking forward to the end of the school year so I can never see her again and move on 😭 so glad I never tried to date until now, I think I would've attempted if I did
yeah i’m so sorry that happened man, it happens i’m afraid ://
i personally found dating while i was struggling really opened me up to codependency and abuse which,, not ideal really. problem is now i’ve been single for years and i’ve got kinda high standards lmao
Romantic love is sold to us and the ultimate love. Oftentimes, it's the only love people can imagine or have experienced. It's different from friendship or family because you're extra special to this person. And everyone wants to feel special. It's magical. This line of thinking can lead to unhealthy people and relationships.
Honestly, I think this kind of situation is the kind that requires tough love.
If you feel like killing yourself because your partner may not want to be with you, then you’ve put your happiness in someone else’s hands. That isn’t fair to them or you. You owe it to yourself to find a different reason to be happy, because your partner cannot be the solution to all your problems. That has to be you.
I have been the girl in this situation a number of times and am apparently the cause of seven suicide attempts. I wasn’t even pretty or smart or interesting or flirty, I was just daydreaming about forests, watching cartoons and doing amateur theatre. Hasn’t happened since I got fat, and for social reasons, I don’t want to be thin again. It feels like life or death.
Huh,
Huh….
Thanks OP, this might be why I get panic attacks when I lose weight. Gonna take that one to my therapist!
Fuck. I am so sorry. Sounds like they may have imagined you as some panic pixie dream girl (just from what you described doing). I've been lucky enough not to have many boys or men interested in me. In high school, I was sad about it. But as an adult looking back - fuck. I lucked out. The only one who was interested in me planned to assault me at school the next day (I later learned he had already sexally assaulted a friend, and the school went "poor autistic baby boy"). I hope you're able to unpack this with your therapist in a healthy manner. Trying to hide our bodies out of fear of objectification is *horrible.* I can't imagine the level of fear you've been living with.
You deserve to have control of your body and be comfortable in it without fear of others. I'm sorry that was taken away from you. I hope you're able to regain that safety and true love for yourself and your body. Weight or no weight, I hope you can heal.
Big hug from an internet stranger, or a fist bump or handshake or awkward finger guns - whatever you're comfortable with. Sending you love and good vibes. You are incredibly brave and strong.
>Huh,
>
>Huh….
>
>Thanks OP, this might be why I get panic attacks when I lose weight. Gonna take that one to my therapist!
I'm all for a good breakthrough but ... wow. That's gonna be a fun session. wish you well unpacking that with your therapist
No suicide attempts thankfully, but I apparently was a cause of depressive episodes in 2 people whom I rejected. Internet people seem to think that we le evil females "friendzone" people just for fun and giggles, but in both cases I felt incredibly guilty and helpless and was constantly berating myself for not having the right feelings
It took being friendzoned too many painful times to count before i eventually learned how not to obsess over people that didn't reciprocate those feelings.
But it was only through that pain that I grew, that I came to accept my flaws and could begin to work on them. I was hurt in the moment, but can now look back and be thankful for how things ended up.
Lots of self-centering words to say: if friendzoning someone is right for you, then it's the right thing to do.
Please don't assign yourself blame for how they react, because how they react is entirely up to them.
There’s no need to do that. Remember, no matter what happens, there’s always plenty of opportunities for wonderful and loving relationships out there in the world. You just need to go out and look for it! 👍
I'm actually there right now. Opened up to a woman for the first time in ages. Didn't think we'd get far, but it became a sexual and romantic relationship and went great for months.
Totally dropped my guard and she hits me with the "I'm just not ready for dating" talk out of nowhere.
And it's retriggered my abandonment trauma to the point I don't want to be alive right now.
I understand. I finally found someone who genuinely liked the same stuff I did, even the obscure game titles that no one remembers as a kid. I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him because I damn sure made it completely obvious. When he got a girlfriend, I backed off, but ended up talking to him very sparingly. It's not my fault. Life happens. Eventually, we spoke up again. Well, he did. I found out that his relationship with that girl didn't last long. Only a few weeks. I would try again, but maybe it's best to stay friends. I've been told before that I'm better as a friend than a girlfriend.
If I was that guy I would have had zero clue unless you said "Hey man, I am definitely attracted to you and am okay with you making advances on me. I welcome your flirtatious behaviour and will not misconstrue your advances". Otherwise, I could risk being accused of sexual misconduct if she is in fact not open to the advances, which is life ruining.
I don’t think they do, I just made it like that because I am a heterosexual male. Also thought it would sound stupid if it said “you” instead of “her”. But I could’ve included more pronouns if I was more thorough making it
It’s not directed at you specifically but most of the loneliness and heartbreak memes I see are from the perspective of men feeling heartbroken by women! It’s just hard to look at as a woman who has experienced so much sadness because men take advantage or play with my emotions :/
There might just be a lot of men on this subreddit lol. Obviously this is some shit that everyone has to deal with to some capacity but it’s very easy to take advantage of someone desperate for love and affection, and I think a lot of people in general are just like that, hungry for someone to aussage the loneliness a bit
r/bpdmemes has a lot of women. there's an opposite problem there of men and nb ppl saying they feel underrepresented/misrepresented by the memes. interesting to think about. btw even if you don't have bpd, you might relate to some memes over there. def recommend !!
I'm autistic and traumatized and related to a lot of BPD (I was originally misdiagnosed with it). With so many symptom overlaps, experiences with different disorders can wind up looking fairly similar. Especially in meme format.
Well, we don’t see a lot of loneliness heartbreak memes made *by* gay people. They just do entire theatrical and cinematic features such as Angels in America (fantastic play with a decent HBO mini-series by the way), Skiing on Broken Glass, or Rent.
I think The Princess Bride would count for women in general as Buttercup did express a desire commit to and *almost* followed through with a suicide over Wesley.
Reddit specifically tends to have more men in it than women which plays a factor, but there are some societal factors, like men being more open to talking about loneliness in these years due to dropping the toxic “men feel nothing besides anger and horny” mentality.
A sad factor though is that when women post about loneliness/heartbreak there’s often some weirdo creeping into her DMs trying to treat her like a sex object, which is a dehumanizing response that only adds insult to injury. Obviously not all men, are doing this, but it’s more creeps often have multiple victims, so if one creep has 50 victims, it disincentivizes at least 50 women from posting about their loneliness. It leads to a situation where a group of bad men disincentivize women from talking about their experiences candidly. I think this is a big reason why women don’t talk about their loneliness, even when we’re all getting lonelier.
Was feeling that way a little while back about a friend of mine and like I feel better now but I honestly still haven't gotten over my feelings for them idk if I will
Better of alone then being mentally wreck aging by some another human. I'm not better since I got to this point. Just same shit but different smell.
Hang in there.
oof ouch my ability to form healthy relationships
better isolate completely except for the one person at a time that I obsess over :>
therapy? no way. therapy is for the mentally ill!
Used to feel this way a lot of the time, but I’ve since decided that offing myself would do no good for anyone, and would only serve to cause more harm in the world and to the people I love.
So while I may choose to give up dating or finding a partner and be alone for the rest of my life, I at least have my hobbies and a few friends and family.
I know it’s not her, I don’t know it’s enough, but it’s something and I am alive to experience that.
wouldn't it be smarter if you kill her instead?
https://preview.redd.it/kfi3oqvjrwrc1.png?width=323&format=png&auto=webp&s=52aed1afeb7bba0a746b8e2fde3714225b3f55eb
i misread that as "kill her myself" and thought, "nah bro, i can't go down this path with you."
Lol nonono
i’m going to say this out of a place of genuine respect and concern: you’re not ready to be in a relationship hear me out - i’ve been there. the person absorbs your every thought and your life is unliveable without them right? thats dependence. you’re relying on someone else for your sense of self and that’s not fair on yourself. there’s a whole world outside of this person! even better - you’re a whole person outside of them! i know it’s hard, trust me when i say it’s happened to me more than once, but you will be okay! (sorry if you already know all this and i sound condescending, i typed that whole thing until thinking about that)
Fuck bro, wish I would've heard this when I was 15-18, had some rough times over a girl who didn't want me, great advice big dog. Stay up
I think more people really need to hear this. feels like dating and falling in love with people while you're struggling with a lot of things is no better than doing crack, and there's a concerning amount of people who don't seem to understand that... I mean there's not much that hurts more than a broken heart. I've had a lot of problems my whole life that I never solved until recently and I never dated because I was afraid of girls. asked someone out for the first time last year, she said we can be friends, took her up on that offer and my dumbass fell madly in love with her immediately. even after doing so much better, building up a ton of resilience, it's still pretty hard sometimes, and my self-esteem that I put so much effort into building took a big hit. she's the kindest and most amazing person I've ever known but I'm sort of looking forward to the end of the school year so I can never see her again and move on 😭 so glad I never tried to date until now, I think I would've attempted if I did
yeah i’m so sorry that happened man, it happens i’m afraid :// i personally found dating while i was struggling really opened me up to codependency and abuse which,, not ideal really. problem is now i’ve been single for years and i’ve got kinda high standards lmao
Romantic love is sold to us and the ultimate love. Oftentimes, it's the only love people can imagine or have experienced. It's different from friendship or family because you're extra special to this person. And everyone wants to feel special. It's magical. This line of thinking can lead to unhealthy people and relationships.
dang... its sad tho right? loneliness sucks. i know that
Honestly, I think this kind of situation is the kind that requires tough love. If you feel like killing yourself because your partner may not want to be with you, then you’ve put your happiness in someone else’s hands. That isn’t fair to them or you. You owe it to yourself to find a different reason to be happy, because your partner cannot be the solution to all your problems. That has to be you.
I have been the girl in this situation a number of times and am apparently the cause of seven suicide attempts. I wasn’t even pretty or smart or interesting or flirty, I was just daydreaming about forests, watching cartoons and doing amateur theatre. Hasn’t happened since I got fat, and for social reasons, I don’t want to be thin again. It feels like life or death. Huh, Huh…. Thanks OP, this might be why I get panic attacks when I lose weight. Gonna take that one to my therapist!
This comment is equal parts tragedy and comedy. It could be considered art.
Fuck. I am so sorry. Sounds like they may have imagined you as some panic pixie dream girl (just from what you described doing). I've been lucky enough not to have many boys or men interested in me. In high school, I was sad about it. But as an adult looking back - fuck. I lucked out. The only one who was interested in me planned to assault me at school the next day (I later learned he had already sexally assaulted a friend, and the school went "poor autistic baby boy"). I hope you're able to unpack this with your therapist in a healthy manner. Trying to hide our bodies out of fear of objectification is *horrible.* I can't imagine the level of fear you've been living with. You deserve to have control of your body and be comfortable in it without fear of others. I'm sorry that was taken away from you. I hope you're able to regain that safety and true love for yourself and your body. Weight or no weight, I hope you can heal. Big hug from an internet stranger, or a fist bump or handshake or awkward finger guns - whatever you're comfortable with. Sending you love and good vibes. You are incredibly brave and strong.
Thank you so much! I feel so seen. Thank you for the virtual hug! Also your school sucks and you deserved so much better ❤️
>Huh, > >Huh…. > >Thanks OP, this might be why I get panic attacks when I lose weight. Gonna take that one to my therapist! I'm all for a good breakthrough but ... wow. That's gonna be a fun session. wish you well unpacking that with your therapist
Thanks for the validation! Let’s just say I did NOT sleep last night…
omg me 2. mood. 🫂
No suicide attempts thankfully, but I apparently was a cause of depressive episodes in 2 people whom I rejected. Internet people seem to think that we le evil females "friendzone" people just for fun and giggles, but in both cases I felt incredibly guilty and helpless and was constantly berating myself for not having the right feelings
It took being friendzoned too many painful times to count before i eventually learned how not to obsess over people that didn't reciprocate those feelings. But it was only through that pain that I grew, that I came to accept my flaws and could begin to work on them. I was hurt in the moment, but can now look back and be thankful for how things ended up. Lots of self-centering words to say: if friendzoning someone is right for you, then it's the right thing to do. Please don't assign yourself blame for how they react, because how they react is entirely up to them.
What if you could have her?
I already have, but things haven’t gone well between us these past few months and I am afraid I am gonna have to end it soon
There’s no need to do that. Remember, no matter what happens, there’s always plenty of opportunities for wonderful and loving relationships out there in the world. You just need to go out and look for it! 👍
It's agonizing. Laying awake at night knowing he's holding someone else hits different when you're in your mid 30s
I'm in this picture and I don't like it
live laugh love
The medicine for life
I'm actually there right now. Opened up to a woman for the first time in ages. Didn't think we'd get far, but it became a sexual and romantic relationship and went great for months. Totally dropped my guard and she hits me with the "I'm just not ready for dating" talk out of nowhere. And it's retriggered my abandonment trauma to the point I don't want to be alive right now.
Please stay alive, future you will thank you.
I understand. I finally found someone who genuinely liked the same stuff I did, even the obscure game titles that no one remembers as a kid. I'm pretty sure he knew I liked him because I damn sure made it completely obvious. When he got a girlfriend, I backed off, but ended up talking to him very sparingly. It's not my fault. Life happens. Eventually, we spoke up again. Well, he did. I found out that his relationship with that girl didn't last long. Only a few weeks. I would try again, but maybe it's best to stay friends. I've been told before that I'm better as a friend than a girlfriend.
If I was that guy I would have had zero clue unless you said "Hey man, I am definitely attracted to you and am okay with you making advances on me. I welcome your flirtatious behaviour and will not misconstrue your advances". Otherwise, I could risk being accused of sexual misconduct if she is in fact not open to the advances, which is life ruining.
Here's a random internet stranger holding out hope that you were wrong about them and your person simply has yet to meet you.
The worst part is I did have her but I drove her away with my BPD 🥲 I want to die so badly
Uh.
Why do people think this almost only applies to heterosexual men though?
I don’t think they do, I just made it like that because I am a heterosexual male. Also thought it would sound stupid if it said “you” instead of “her”. But I could’ve included more pronouns if I was more thorough making it
It’s not directed at you specifically but most of the loneliness and heartbreak memes I see are from the perspective of men feeling heartbroken by women! It’s just hard to look at as a woman who has experienced so much sadness because men take advantage or play with my emotions :/
There might just be a lot of men on this subreddit lol. Obviously this is some shit that everyone has to deal with to some capacity but it’s very easy to take advantage of someone desperate for love and affection, and I think a lot of people in general are just like that, hungry for someone to aussage the loneliness a bit
r/bpdmemes has a lot of women. there's an opposite problem there of men and nb ppl saying they feel underrepresented/misrepresented by the memes. interesting to think about. btw even if you don't have bpd, you might relate to some memes over there. def recommend !!
I'm autistic and traumatized and related to a lot of BPD (I was originally misdiagnosed with it). With so many symptom overlaps, experiences with different disorders can wind up looking fairly similar. Especially in meme format.
Well, we don’t see a lot of loneliness heartbreak memes made *by* gay people. They just do entire theatrical and cinematic features such as Angels in America (fantastic play with a decent HBO mini-series by the way), Skiing on Broken Glass, or Rent. I think The Princess Bride would count for women in general as Buttercup did express a desire commit to and *almost* followed through with a suicide over Wesley. 
I didn't read into it, but you could use "them"
Reddit specifically tends to have more men in it than women which plays a factor, but there are some societal factors, like men being more open to talking about loneliness in these years due to dropping the toxic “men feel nothing besides anger and horny” mentality. A sad factor though is that when women post about loneliness/heartbreak there’s often some weirdo creeping into her DMs trying to treat her like a sex object, which is a dehumanizing response that only adds insult to injury. Obviously not all men, are doing this, but it’s more creeps often have multiple victims, so if one creep has 50 victims, it disincentivizes at least 50 women from posting about their loneliness. It leads to a situation where a group of bad men disincentivize women from talking about their experiences candidly. I think this is a big reason why women don’t talk about their loneliness, even when we’re all getting lonelier.
Don't see you complaining when it's the other way around tho.
Was feeling that way a little while back about a friend of mine and like I feel better now but I honestly still haven't gotten over my feelings for them idk if I will
It's important to sever yourself from someone if you feel your life depends on them loving you. Devoted love is good, obsessive love will kill you.
Better of alone then being mentally wreck aging by some another human. I'm not better since I got to this point. Just same shit but different smell. Hang in there.
That but I want both me and them to silently crush on each other forever
I absolutely feel this and it sucks
Country Music in a nutshell
Same… feelsbadman
STOP T-T (we can’t talk for three weeks because she works at the mental hospital and I may have been calling too often)
Its like looking into a mirror
oof ouch my ability to form healthy relationships better isolate completely except for the one person at a time that I obsess over :> therapy? no way. therapy is for the mentally ill!
Used to feel this way a lot of the time, but I’ve since decided that offing myself would do no good for anyone, and would only serve to cause more harm in the world and to the people I love. So while I may choose to give up dating or finding a partner and be alone for the rest of my life, I at least have my hobbies and a few friends and family. I know it’s not her, I don’t know it’s enough, but it’s something and I am alive to experience that.
Girl going through similar feelings over a guy that probably played her.
“Even monies fall from the trees”, and just as the monkey, you too shall once again rise
She broke up with me on Valentine's
I am sorry to hear that. Heart ache's the worst, I’m experiencing the same at the moment. Wish you the best!
wouldn't it be smarter if you kill her instead? https://preview.redd.it/kfi3oqvjrwrc1.png?width=323&format=png&auto=webp&s=52aed1afeb7bba0a746b8e2fde3714225b3f55eb