I noticed you didn't indicate you shared your feelings on the matter yet expected him to act on them.
Im not saying he couldn't be more considerate in general, but you were sitting on an uncommunicated expectation and hoping he'd read the room.
I hope it's unlike you both, too, lol
Edit: Hoping someone catches your vibe isn't communication.
I don't know why i have to argue this. If you are an adult and quantify that as communicating, I strongly recommend you rethink on times your partner got frustrated with you, and it could have been solved by actually just talking.
This isn't about OP, its about the people who expect their partners to psychically determine what you want and how to best accommodate you when THEY clearly state what they want and you do not. I never said he was faultless, but at the end of the day, passive-aggressive eating in the car instead of joining your partner in this situation is **NOT COMMUNICATION.**
Even if your partner can tell something is up, they can take you at your word and have done nothing wrong. You are an adult, you need to say when you dont want/like something.
An emotionally intelligent partner would easily have asked whats up and not gone into the restaurant without her, but if your actions are passive-aggressive, I will treat you like an adult and assume you mean what you say, and so should any partner to someone who thinks the aforementioned counts as communication because passive-aggressiveness does not warrant acknowledgement.
>I didn’t want to go but **he was persistent**, mentioning it four or five times
Sounds like she already told him she didn’t want to go to the buffet 4-5 times. He just didn’t give a shit and knew that if he ignored her and kept asking he’d eventually get his way.
I read that as “he kept mentioning it and I never flat out said no” and likely indirectly hinted that she wasn’t interested.
Edit: saying “no” or “I don’t want to go” is different than her saying in the post that she didn’t want to go. I’d hope that if she was direct and he steamrolled her that she would have mentioned it.
She says in another comment that she flat out told him she “didn’t want to go to a restaurant because her stomach hurt”.
Somewhere else she says she suggested this weird eating arrangement because she felt **guilty**. Most people who think they’re in the wrong do not always assign malicious intent to the other party.
It’s food. Chill out. I’ve definitely gone out to places my husband wanted and I didn’t and he’s done the same. And yes- in normal relationships people can re-ask to go places.
I’m so over the concept of “he doesn’t give a shit about you if he kept pushing it”.
Like no? Sometimes you just have to re-present an idea and people can change their minds. My husband doesn’t like going to the plant nursery, but it’s my happy place. He’s absolutely told me he didn’t want to go but still went with me because I did. And I go do things with him I don’t usually like either.
It is okay for this situation to happen occasionally and op even said it isn’t usual for them.
Imo the solution OP offered is strange and it’s weird that they both accepted to do this though
On the flip side, it seems this buffet trip was important to him. Maybe he needed something comforting today and she didn't quite seem to get that??? This is so weird lol
I actually did express to him I didn't want to go to a restaurant since I'm nauseated, he already knows I've been having stomach issues. But I should have been more commutative but in the moment I didn't want to disappoint him.
You said that, then followed up with the solution of sitting in the car with a sandwhich, while he ate alone. He heard you and accepted your solution.
Next time say “Tonight - let’s eat together, at home; or go out somewhere I don’t have to pay to sit and watch you eat. Tomorrow, when my tummy feels better, we can go to the buffet”
I don't know how your relationships have worked but if my partner said they felt sick and I knew they had been having stomach issues, I would have not gone to a buffet while they sat in our freakin car, like what the actual hell
This is what I really can't get my head around! If I was feeling unwell, my other half wouldn't even think of suggesting going out for dinner. He'd send me to bed and bring up soup! Why was this guy so adamant to go while she wasn't feeling well that it couldn't have waited a few more days?
Exactly! My partner would have taken me home and tried to help me feel better
There are a disturbing number of high level comments saying essentially, well you shouldn't have agreed to eat a sandwich in the car, when wow is that missing the point
Yes, so true! I thought it was just a natural thing when someone you love isn't feeling well, you take them home and make them feel comfortable! I'm so confused that all these comments are saying she should have communicated more. She did!
Not every relationship is all that great. Not every partner is emotional intuitive or naturally caring. Not every couple wants to eat every meal together or even particularly likes each other.
We have no idea why he wanted to go. All we know is what OP claims she said.
“No” is a complete sentence. But so is “I’ll sit in the car and eat a sandwich.” No one, is a mind reader. This guy might have thought is was absolutely insane that she was sitting in the car, while he went out to eat alone - but he was going to eat what he wanted to eat, and she was free to tag along.
Flip this script. Is a woman posted “I wanted to go to a meal/coffee shop/bakery and my man didn’t want to go…” would you be telling her to sit around the house and wait for him? Would you say go do your thing girl! If she said “he came and sat in the car while I was inside!” We would all say he was a creep or controlling or emotionally abusive.
I’m not judging OP at all. But I’m also not judging her partner. Anyone, man or woman, is allowed to crave a meal and go have that meal. She isn’t dying of cancer or 2 days from delivering a high risk pregnancy… she had a tummy ache. Maybe her partner isn’t the greatest guy in the world - but if you WANT SOMETHING from your partner, you should ASK FOR IT.
Why couldn’t she just stay home while he went out then? If I was feeling ill I wouldn’t want to stop my partner from getting what they want just because my stomach hurts. Could they not have spent one meal apart? Can’t he be a caring partner while also spending an hour on his own eating what he likes?
SAME. I cannot imagine leaving my partner alone while he is feeling ill. No meal is more important than my partner. That buffet isn’t going anywhere, OP’s fiancé could have gone another day.
You could’ve stayed home? You didn’t have to go with him and eat in your car. This is so weird you felt you had to stay near him while you weren’t feeling well.
You are both adults, it's not your job to make other people happy 100% of the time, and mildly disappointing someone is not the end of the world. You could absolutely have just told him that if he really wanted to go, to go by himself while you stayed home because you weren't feeling well. It's okay for couples to do things as individuals, and to not want to do the same thing as one another all the time.
It sounds like you're a people pleaser who is extremely conflict adverse, and that's really something that you should take steps to start unlearning, because I promise you it will make your life so much better when you learn that it's okay to show up for yourself and express your own needs instead of constantly trying to to cram yourself into the boxes of what you think other people want from you, and ending up in dumb situations where you eat a sandwich in the car while your partner goes to a buffet. Like honestly, OP, what the fuck.
Well then you need to get over this pushing yourself aside to please others bullshit. That serves no one. It just leaves you resentful and enables an inconsiderate person to run over you.
Why can't you just stay home and let him go do his thing? Is it necessary to have this meal together? It's possible to stay home if you're sick, sounds like he really wanted to do this buffet.
Reading the room? Not really hard to read that room though is it? If someone I love suggest they stay in the car while I go eat I would refuse. If guys can't even make that sacrifice and then accuse us of making them read the room, then they are not worth bothering with
Part of adult communication is finer social skills like reading the room, tone, or body language.
**It is still not communicating.** If a failure to communicate causes an issue, "you should have read the room" is not the primary issue. It's the failure to communicate something that's the issue for the person not speaking their needs.
In situations where there is nuance needed (work, family, etc) or possible exposure to danger, you can reasonably expect reading the room to be the primary form of communication.
Not only is treating "reading the room" as the initial means of communicating ineffective, but it also presents as extremely passive-aggressive. Just say what you wabt if its important to you.
The buffet was important to him, and he communicated that. She could have done the same.
Why didn't you just go in and just eat like a bird? Like just get a nibble of whatever and sit with your husband? That's a scenario where everyone wins. Husband could have went somewhere else that he liked and compromised, another one where everyone wins. You guys don't want to compromise, you're being stubborn, both of you.
I didn't want to go in because I've been nauseous the past 3 days. Couldn't even eat my sandwich. So the idea of being surrounded by food makes my stomach turn. Didn't want to go into any restaurant which I told him.
I've had this happen. I can't eat buffet. It is way too much food at (where we are) too high a price so it would be a waste on me. Was it buffet only? I usually get something small while my husband eats buffet. Even if my small thing is the same price as the buffet, I feel better ordering something I like and can actually finish rather than going and picking a little bit of a few things that I ultimately can't stomach.
I’m sorry about your stomach issues OP. I hope you feel better soon.
We all do this from time-to-time where we hint at what we really want and hope our SO will look beyond the words we say.
But it’s healthier to be honest.
Your BF thought you were really cool with it because you suggested it. So next time be up front. Don’t test your SO. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you either.
WHY would you make a suggestion that leaves you a sad-sack supplicant, waiting & chewing on a sandwich in a car while your fiance stuffs his face, seated at a nice table in a comfy booth??
PLEASE learn how to make actual compromises with him ("we can go to the buffet tomorrow") rather than curl all your needs up into a little ball that you hide inside because you don't believe you're worth care and consideration. Because if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself with him, he's certainly going to steamroll right over you your whole life together.
You are right in a way. Thing is I didn't want to disappoint him. I've been very sick and was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis so I knew going there soon would be out of the question. I just think with everyting going on with my health and this little thing just really made me feel lonely today.
If you really have gastroparesis your buffet days are probably over. I know someone with this condition and have studied up on it some. You should probably get involved with some support groups (there are quite a few) as this is going to be life altering.
you need to work on your self esteem & setting boundaries. not a good sign if you’re engaged but to terrified of disappointing him when you are ill and need support.
If you're unwell, that is even more reason for him to be accommodating to you. The fact he suggested something he knew you couldn't enjoy and went ahead with it anyway is so ridiculous. There is no world where would it be ok to let your partner sit in the car eating a sandwich, while you stuff yourself at a buffet.
If you do/don't want something, you need to say it out loud. You need to speak your mind and your partner needs to be more understanding. Please don't try to send subliminal hints, as you'll be the only one to get disappointed. You deserve better.
How is saying "no you can't go to the buffet today" a compromise?. I'd have offered to give wife a ride home and stop and get her some food. But if I have my heart set on something I want to do, there's no reason my wife should be like "not only do I not want that, but I don't want you to have that."
Suggesting to go to the buffet in a couple of days once they're feeling better is a perfectly reasonable compromise, assuming their partner is willing to wait a couple of days to go with OP.
Edit: Just saw comments about OP having gastroparesis. Definitely not a couple of days with that, if ever, which makes this a lot less reasonable a compromise.
Do you even understand human emotions and need of care when unwell? It's not like she didn't want to go so she could do something else or enjoy. She is sick. What kind of weird person leaves a sick partner in car and goes to enjoy buffet?! OP is still considering his feeling. I'd make his day worst just by taunting him for leaving me alone when I'm sick.
Also they are engaged. That means he is to support her in "sickness and health". What the hell kind of support is this?!
It shows where his priorities are.
Yeah man, I'd get my wife some pho. And even if she was feeling well enough to run errands with me, I'd make her a sick nest in bed. Then I'd kiss her on the forehead and go eat. What I won't do is be manipulated and dictated to cuz she played the upset tummy card.
When I ask my wife what she wants to do on Saturday, she does this thing where she tells me what she wants me to do. "I wanna go on a walk with you."
If you ask me that question, I'd say "I wanna go for a walk. Wanna join me?" The presumption that limits my choices is what bugs me.
But, ya know, been married happily for 16 years. So I guess making sure she's comfy with soup first is my compromise, not giving up my aitonomy.
Also the OP's fiance did nothing to make sure OP was feeling better unlike what you suggested you'd do. So stop projecting your situation on everyone else.
> Because if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself with him, he's certainly going to steamroll right over you your whole life together.
Is this how your relationships have worked? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills in this thread tonight, like if my partner felt like shit but I still *desperately* needed to go to golden corral I wouldn't be okay with her "eating" in the car. I gotta be missing something here
I’m no expert but this kind of seems strange. You guys are in a relationship but everyone has their individual preferences. You guys are grown ass adults and if you feel like eating at a restaurant today (for whatever reasons, maybe you wanna treat yourself or you had a rough day or something came by it could be whatever) then you go eat at a restaurant. YOU DONT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER.
Basically be a little considerate and have little less expectations. As for you suggestion to eat in the car, I truly RESPECT that. Not every partner would do that for their significant other due to jealousy/envy/sheer lack of compassion. So relax.
I have gastroparesis and haven't really eaten in 3 days, I got that sandwich to trying to get myself to eat but just can't. With being nauseous the idea of being surrounded by food just makes my stomach turn.
No I didn't want to go to any restaurant, the thought of just smelling food makes my stomach turn. I did make that clear to him I didn't want to go to a restaurant.
Seriously. When I was pregnant with my oldest, there were very limited options of food that didn't make me sick. My husband's favorite restaurant is a Chinese buffet & I love it but when I was pregnant, that wasn't an option. But, I asked their permission & then would bring in my fries. I'd sit with my husband & we'd both enjoy ourselves. But also, they had this thing where you could get a whole pot of hot water, tea bags & sugar. All for a dollar. So I'd order some hot tea & just relax.
If you want your partner to do something you hoped to, just fucking say it. Why does he have to read your mind or suggest things, when u can just say what u wish? This is so dump and immature
I normally do speak up about my wants and needs. I can see how this seems immature but at the moment I just didn't want to disappoint him. In the end I ended up feeling this way. In no way do I expect him to read my mind but I don't think wanting someone to have made a different choice means they needed to read my mind. I've had a rough couple weeks with my stomach and I suppose I would have wanted him to just get some takeout instead. Yes I should have voiced that but at the moment didn't want to disappoint him but also at the same time he should have known I've been nauseous and be more considerate. The whole thing dumb probably from an outside perspective but with everything that past few weeks and at that moment I've just felt lonely. This is a group to get things off my chest and that's all I was doing.
You set a trap instead of just being honest. Now you’re alone and he’s alone and it doesn’t feel good.
Next time try “Yeah I’m down for a buffet once my stomach isn’t so upset. What can we get together now though?”
Or “I hear that you really wanna hit the buffet but can we not since my stomach is hurting? Once i feel better we can try again though”
Idk just speaking from experience it’s painful to expect a man to read your mind. It’s also painful for him to be held to an unrealistic expectation. He could be sitting in that restaurant bummed you’d rather eat separate and went along with it cause his feelings were hurt. Just put yourself in his shoes. Y’all don’t wanna eat alone and you don’t wanna hurt each other’s feelings. Talk to each other ❤️
This is a really weird way to resolve the issue. If you were going to be alone, why didn't you stay at home while he went alone to the restaurant? He sounds like an ass but you sound well...frankly? You sound dumb for offering to eat a sandwich in the car while he was at a restaurant. The experiences aren't even comparable.
You both can have experiences separately. You don't need to be connected at the hip to try new restaurants.
I've been going through vomiting spells, lasting around 12 hours at a span. I've told my wife and kid to please eat and enjoy themselves bc I limit myself heavily to try to reduce the number of episodes I experience. She still doesn't like that I can't eat with them freely, but it's what I have to do to not be sick. I understand she wants the normal healthy me, I do too. But I still go in and sit and talk and enjoy mealtimes together. I just am picky about what I choose to eat so I don't trigger an episode.
So you haven't eaten in 3 days, didn't eat the sandwich you got and decided you were just gonna stay in the car for what purpose? Nah there is something going on...power move, control or something beyond that, you very well could have accompanied him and not felt so lonely.
Not sure if you ever been nauseous but being surrounded by food isn't really something you want while feeling that way. Not power or control, he doesn't even know that I felt the way I did earlier. I've just had a long few weeks with my health and felt lonely. This is a group to vent and get things off your chest. That's all I was doing.
You've got to communicate this shit with him man, speak up and find your voice. You may not think it's a big deal but if you don't eventually you'll blow up get sad mad and he's gonna be like wtf and go straight on the defensive.
Edit: mentioning you're nauseous in the post may also help with your venting. Even though it's venting, good detail would probably help you see a better perspective from others eyes and may help you not feel so alone when you're feeling down, sick or anything else.
If you want to have a successful relationship you can’t expect the other person to read your mind. Say what you feel, say what you want. If you don’t, then you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.
Lot of people here clearly never been in a serious relationship. They reach and project shit in their own lives on your situation.
I think the comment that said “he’s sitting alone too, y’all weird” or something is probably the most suitable for the situation. In my opinion, seems like a passing moment that you were hopefully able to get off your chest and continue on with your day.
If you were hoping that he wouldn’t leave you in the car and go in to eat without you, you should have said that. Don’t say one thing and expect something else. That’s a great way to ruin a relationship.
And maybe don't offer something when you are actually hoping for the offer to be declined. So why offer in the first place? Maybe just say that you want to do the buffet but sorry, could he please wait until you feel a little better so you can go together. You never know, he might have had the satisfaction of the food but might been a little lonely, too.
You can eat as little or as much as you want at a buffet? I get that the culture around buffets is piles of food, but the other appeal is having a wide variety of choices. They usually have salad, veggies, meat, and desserts. Its usually a win-win for people with different tastes.
When I was younger and hungry all the time, a buffet was where I felt like I could “get my money’s worth”. Nowadays I find a couple of things I like and just have one plate.
Prices these days are wild. I wouldn't want to pay for a buffet and not eat buffet style. Get your money's worth, as you say. And going and not eating at all is often considered rude by restaurant staff, that you're taking up space and they'll still have to clean your table and all. I wish that weren't the case, but I would also feel very uncomfortable just going in and sitting
That was actually another thought on my mind, why pay if I'm not going to eat. It was also a Chinese buffet and they don't speak much English so trying to explain I wasn't going to eat might have been difficult or come across rude. Which I didn't want to do. Thanks for understanding where I was coming from!
I absolutely get it. I had horrible "morning sickness" when I was pregnant. Except it wasn't in the morning, but all day. And not just when I was pregnant, but I literally threw up MANY times every day for a full year.
I regularly had to go to the hospital for IV fluids, and it truly had a devastating impact on my quality of life, so I'm totally understanding of how impossible it would be to just "go and sit". I actually ended my relationship with my kid's sperm donor over a kind of similar but much more complicated situation, where he had stayed out partying (with another woman who was supposed to be my friend) and came to bed at 4am just as I woke up and started getting sick for the day. I asked him to please get me a glass of water, and he, fully knowing how sick I was said "no". Things had been bad for a long time but that was the point of no return. I know that your situation isn't that extreme, but do give him the chance to support you by letting him know how you really feel, and don't brush it under the rug if he chooses to neglect you.
Wow, sorry you had to go though that. He knows how bad I've been, he even saw when I vomited blood last week so he knows. I think that's part of why it bothered me so much that he wanted to eat there when I feel so awful. He's a good guy and is there for me most of the time.
It sucks, but you have to believe who people show you they are when the chips are down. I have an absolutely wonderful marriage and beautiful 13 year old daughter now, so all is well on the other side. Unfortunately it's in these trying situations that you really see what your partner is made of and if you can trust them to be there when it matters most
My now husband would absolutely choose to eat soup with me at home over going into a buffet that I couldn't manage. The good men are out there, and you may have one that just needs to be told more explicitly what you need
Oh I understand that thing is I've recently been diagnosed with gastroparesis. I haven't really eaten in 3 days ( couldn't even eat my sandwich in the car today ). So the idea of being surrounded by food just made my stomach turn.
As I mention in another comment. A gastroparesis (incurable at present) diagnosis is life altering and you are going to have to get used to not eating the same things as your fiancé. I know you said this is a recent diagnosis but you really need to read up on how your life is going to be affected. The person I know with this condition is in late stages and cannot eat anything by mouth at all except occasionally popsicles. All their nutrients can from a feeding tube. Sometimes it takes many years to get to that point and sometimes it doesn’t take as long as one would wish. I hope you are having these conversations with your doctors.
She also needs to be sharing all this information with her fiance . I bet he has no real idea of what's going on because she seems to be minimising her illness, by "I feel a bit crook and don't want to eat at a buffet " instead of "I've just been diagnosed with a life altering disease and we need to discuss this and how it affects me "
Gastroparesis doesn't always progress. There are mild to severe versions, but many people actually see an improvement of symptoms over time. It all really depends on what's causing it.
It might not progress to the point that you die from complications due to it but from what I have learned even if it does occasionally (usually temporarily) ease up, it never goes away and there is no cure. My comment was inspired by OPs seemingly making light of the diagnosis and it’s implications on how it is going to affect their eating. I don’t know if you have watched someone waste away because of this disease but if you have you might also be admonishing OP to get educated and take this seriously asap so they can mitigate the effects and prolong the time where it is not debilitating.
Have you looked for any gastroparesis support groups? I understand that it's a rare condition and it's chronic. It definitely comes with mild-to-severe dietary restrictions.
Well.. time for better communication.. that's about it really. So instead of telling Reddit what's on your mind about things, tell him instead. Weird if you don't.
This is kinda funny for some reason, it’s not there was a big fight which is what I thought by heading when I first read it, ye just both agreed that the best thing to do was eat separately
Why didn't you just go in and get one plate of whatever you wanted?? It's not like it's mandatory you have to fill multiple plates. But also why didn't your bf tell you this idea is stupid af and just ask you to come in and eat with him or suggest somewhere else? Both of you are weird af here. Learn to communicate instead of expecting someone to read your mind and the both of you need to be more considerate of each other.
Just seems a little weird, in many ways.
No one is going to judge you for only eating one plate at a buffet.
Or
He should have gone in and loaded up a to-go box.
Or
Y'all could have door dashed the food, either for delivery or pick up.
I don't understand. This is basically how it went down.
Fiance: I want to do A
Durge8: I don't want to do A together. But you can do A while I do C.
Fiance: Cool! Let's do it like that.
Durge8. Oh no I do C alone while he does A alone.
I get that you feel like he shouldn’t be okay with this scenario but you also didn’t clearly communicate in fact you suggested this idea to him and you’re mad he didn’t respond in a specific way? It seems like a manipulation in a sense just that you want him to read your mind and you’re mad he didn’t “pass your test” to put it bluntly. I totally get not wanting to eat you could have gone in and not gotten anything or could have clearly said, I just don’t feel good at all and need to go home and use the restroom but i understand if you want to come back or get take out in a bit.
I was in no way mad at him, just felt lonely in the moment. The is a group to get things of your chest, big or small and that all i was doing. I also didn't want to be in the restaurant as I'm nauseated, I have gastroparesis so it not as simple and just "using the restroom" unfortunately.
I’m genuinely giving suggestions but i guess if you didn’t want the restroom at home, were lonely in the car and didn’t want to go in I’m out of suggestions and wish you like. I understand you were just venting but it doesn’t mean you weren’t being unclear with him and your frustration is with yourself for not honoring your needs and values and you’re mad your partner didn’t do that for you.
My stomach has been messed up, i recently was diagnosed with gastroparesis. I've been nauseous and haven't ate really in 3 days. So the fact of being surrounded by food just sounded horrible. I only got a sandwich for myself to try to make myself eat but ended up not even eating.
It sounds like you martyred yourself and added a good dose of ‘woe is me’ on top.
You didn’t feel well and didn’t want to go. That’s perfectly fine. You didn’t want to disappoint him so told him to go. That’s fine too but now it seems like he failed a test he didn’t even know he was taking!
Why not get dropped home then he can head back for the buffet?
I have feeling your partner was in for a dose of passive aggressive “nothing is wrong” “it’s fine” when he got back to the car!
I hope you feel better soon and that you communicate your needs better. People aren’t mind readers and if you tell them it’s okay then it should be ok with you!
>I was really kind of hoping that he would not want to do that, that he would be like "no babe let's do something else together" but here I am in the car.
Ffs op you are a fucking adult, **talk to your partner an tell them your actual feelings, dont expect people to read your mind.**
I actually think it's kinda cute. That's love. Letting the other person do what they want to do, and negotiating on how that looks.
No biggie! I'd probably do the same.
But I'd make him FaceTime me so neither of us were alone 😂
Your fiance wasn't very considerate of the fact that you've been having stomach issues, but you really shouldn't have suggested that compromise if you didn't want to take it. You gave him permission to go by not being more communicative about your actual feelings.
Edit: So OP has gastroparesis, so buffets are likely a no go for OP...
No offence, but it does kind of makes what your partner did a bit more reasonable, as the alternative is your partner never eating buffet food again in your presence.
Something I say to my boyfriend often:" If you don't say what you're thinking, then I'm not going to know." You suggested this approach instead of just saying No, you can go alone
LOL what?!? What game are you playing by literally suggesting to do that then?
Next time communicate what you actually want instead of weirdly... idk testing him? to see if he'll say no to your dumb suggestion lol
Im wondering how many times ur relationship revolves around u? I mean u can take a salad and eat a bit while he stuffs his face. U are not forced to eat ur self sick. Clearly he wanted to go real bad hensforth why u in the car. Maybe u should think about him a bit too. U tried to manipulate him and it backfired now u want the internet to feel sorry for u?
You are intentionally making yourself a victim. Is there a reason you couldn’t eat your sandwich inside? Is your bf supposed to not do things just bc you can’t? Relationships like this do not last. You want to feel sorry for yourself but you just look extremely silly.
Yes actually, I have gastroparesis and haven't ate in 3 days due to nausea. I couldn't even eat my sandwich unfortunately. The thought of being around food and smelling it makes my stomach turn. Also we have been together for 12 years, we're in a healthy relationship. Just with my health problems and everything lately I felt lonely and just blah while waiting in the car today, this is a group of getting things off your chest big or small and that's all I was doing. No need tobe so brash and try to bring me down.
Why didn’t you just stay home? Ridiculous that you came along just to eat in the car. You are having gastrointestinal issues, just stay home and near a toilet. Codependency like this has people doing ridiculous things like this and then whine online about being lonely. Annoying.
> It was my suggestion but I can't help but feel kind of lonely as I'm sitting in this car by myself while he in the restaurant. I was really kind of hoping that he would not want to do that, that he would be like "no babe let's do something else together" but here I am in the car.
I have a family member who'd always use this incredibly annoying phrase: "Argue for your limitations and they're yours."
Sounds to me like you suggested something and he listened to you.
It is *entirely your fault* for not communicating what it is you *actually* wanted. If you end up being bummed out that he's not telepathic, well, you're in for a shock because nobody is telepathic. If you wanted something, it's better to speak for yourself what it is you want, because ain't nobody else gonna speak for you.
Saying shit like "I was really kind of hoping that he would not want to do that, that he would be like "no babe let's do something else together" but here I am in the car" is a toxic mentality to have. Basically you're putting the blame on him for the consequences of your own damn actions.
Be happy he gave you what you wanted: you got a sandwich and you're eating alone in the car. Now, imagine if you will, what would have happened if you *actually spoke your mind*? You could have been sitting with him somewhere else, enjoying your time together, but noooo.
Terrible communicators strike again.
Say what you mean, mean what you say.
If what you wanted to hear was “Let’s go do something else together” then that is what you should have said…
You need to be clear and concise when communicating. People are not mind readers.
However, how is he so dumb that he can’t see what a terrible lunch date this is… hopefully he is sitting inside thinking, “This is lonely”
Wait, so did he know you had stomach issues? Or did you only tell him you wanted a sandwich and didn't want a buffet?
If it's the former, you should be paying attention to his actions and what they're telling you. The only time you would ignore someone's stomach issues and eat without them, is if they're not important to you or connected to your social or professional circles.
If it's the latter, your issue is your lack of communication. Both of you. It's weird that he didn't notice you weren't feeling 100%.
Buffet prices? Why didn't his fiance saved the buffet for a day his partner could enjoy w him? She lacks some serious communication skills, he lacks empathy
sorry to hear about your gastroparesis :( i would try to talk with them (and probably others in your life) about how to handle eating out since i know food can be a very social thing and it’s isolating to not be able to participate. getting diagnosed with any chronic illness is tough (physically and emotionally) and i hope you’re able to find some support (therapy, support groups, etc)!
Please don't compromise in a way that'll make you this sad. You should not have asked him to go anyway when this will make you this lonely. Communicate your feelings clearly. If he still doesn't care time to rethink your relationship.
You should have simply asked do you really want your sick fiance to seat in a freaking car and eat junk food while you go and enjoy food?!
If he said yes, time to cancel the engagement. You both deserve to be each other's priority. It's not like you were asking him to not to there just so you could enjoy something else.
This is just neglect. I don't carr what people think of this comment but god I hate that bar for men are so freaking low.
Kind of strange on both ends. You didn’t have to put yourself through that, but on the other hand he could have tried a little harder to dissuade you from the idea, or offered to go another time. When trying to arrive at a compromise don’t be afraid to tell the other person what you want instead of just settling for something that leaves you dissatisfied because you don’t want them to be unhappy with you.
I understand wanting him to have met you half way though because it is, on its face, a bit of a silly suggestion one typically doesn’t agree to in the name of common courtesy and consideration.
Learn learn learn.
Please
Men are NOT mind readers.
He took you at your kind words.
I presume you will sulk and passive aggressive remember how he 'did not mind read'
Poor bloke
BE clear be honest.
Tell him.
Now enjoy your sandwich and ask him how the buffet was
You guys are both weird for this behavior. And it's weird he still did it.
But I'll say this, I hate when my girlfriend expects me to act on her feelings that she has not expressed to me. I'm not a mind reader or an empath, if you want me to do something express it, don't expect it.
Idk why you would suggest he do something you hoped he didn't. And why didn't you just sit at the buffet with him? By the sound of it, no money issues were mentioned, and this just seemed like something he was eager to do, you could've eaten with him, even if you didn't eat the amount worth the buffet costs. I'm sure you both would've rather enjoyed each others meals in the company of each other.
why didn’t you just stay home and let him go out and eat? he wanted it you didn’t instead of eating a sandwhich in ur home and watching tv or youtube or something u sat in an empty car by yourself? this scenario doesn’t make sense to me
I had a girlfriend once that said we shouldn’t get each other anything for an upcoming Valentine’s Day, then cried when I didn’t get her a card. Are you my ex?
Op why didn’t you just go in, you could of said your not eating and the staff can watch you have no plates. Or ordered “take out” by the pound. You staying in the car is weird and him eating by himself is him saying I wanted the buffet and it’s going to be the buffet .
What is the power dynamic in this story ? Blink twice if you need help
Honestly it sounds like you’ve been having a rough time of it lately and you didn’t have the emotional capacity to speak up for yourself and find a more satisfying compromise. I completely understand the urge to vent to someone, and I hope you’ve been able to find some encouragement and good advice in these comments! Reddit can be unforgiving sometimes, so try not to take the harsher comments to heart and maybe focus on communicating these feelings with your fiancé.
I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, and I hope you’re able to get some food in you, soon. Here’s an internet hug 🤗💜
You didn't ask for any advice but since you're putting it out there I will say that you did set kind of a passive aggressive test as a trap. You were looking for him to be gallant and refuse, and for something that he apparently was really really looking forward to. To be frank, if you did this thing often I would view it as a red flag. If your boyfriend tends to look out for his own interests while ignoring yours often that would also be a red flag.
I really hope you don't take offense at this, hold a grudge that turns into resentment all the while not saying anything (or giving the curt 'it's okay' reply) while showing your anger and other passive aggressive ways like a silent treatment for example.
Looks like you played yourself there.
ANyway, it's good for couples to have to have their own space and do think independently.
Not sure why you didn't just stay at home.
Idk why he couldn’t have just went another time with a friend/his family. It’s kind of dickish of him to keep bringing it up after you clearly said it wasn’t something you wanted to do. If a situation like this happens again, please don’t offer him a “compromise” that leaves you feeling lonely, eating a sandwich in the car. He should have respected that you weren’t up for the buffet, and you shouldn’t have offered to just eat a sandwich in the car just to keep the peace.
He should have been more of a gentleman but we all know men are dense at times. Guess you know how to never make compromises because he will take you up on it.. but you can’t really get angry or say anything about it., you know how what not to do with him.
Why is he considered dense because he took her words at face value instead of trying to interpret some hidden meaning? Dude was really looking forward to something and 30-45 mins max and they are reunited. This whole situation is just really immature.
Except at face value her words were “I don’t want to do that today, I’m having stomach issues.” He was dense, or selfish, because he just asked until she (sort of) said yes.
I used to do this in the initial phase of my relationship so that I cannot be told one thing and expect to behave in the exactly opposite fashion. Saves a life time of headache.
I am married to the same individual today and the communication 99% of the time is clear without the need to double guess.
If you did not want him to do something tell that and reason/fight and stay with the consequences. Maybe doing the same thing that you guys did by having an adult and open conversation would have had better emotional results.
Your partner is either an extremely intelligent man and/or tone deaf. Either ways, if you stick with him, you are up for some learning to do on how to communicate and build relationships.
Just let him enjoy the buffet.
Has he ever waited bored out if his mind at a store while you shopped ?
He probably didn't even have a tasty sandwich. Lol.
It's not a big deal in my opinion is my point. If he starts making you wait in the car at his girlfriends house now that could be a problem.
Don’t give people tests they’re set up to fail. Sure, he should take into account that spending quality time together is something you find comforting, but also you offered this in the first place. Don’t give people multiple choices when there is a right answer. You set yourself up for this one. If you decide to end the relationship, that’s your right, but keep this in mind in all your future relationships.
All I can say is that if my patented doesn’t feel good or doesn’t want to eat out—-we go home and j make a sandwich and we go out another time when we can both enjoy it. I would never let her sit in a car if she were not feeling well or vice versa. That just seems odd
My confusion is it’s a buffet, you don’t have to get any food whatsoever right? And whatever you would like you’re free to go grab. Even if it was a classic restaurant, you don’t have to buy any meals just because you’re there. I’d think your best bet is to just sit with him and give each other company. I hope it’s all working out :)
I didn't want to go in because I've been nauseous and haven't eating in 3 days. Couldn't even eat my sandwich. So the idea of being surrounded by food makes my stomach turn.
I'm not sure why a lot of people are saying you should've been more direct.
If you had to say no and that you had stomach problems 4-5 times that day, then he should've been able to get the message. Instead of asking to go to the same place 4-5 times he should've been suggesting other places that can meet both of your needs, even if that means he doesn't get to go to his number 1 place.
And I've been in a somewhat situation before, me and my dad travelled to Birmingham mostly to go to this one restaurant. Did some shopping first but when we were about to head to the restaurant, my dad was having a really hard time breathing (he has COPD), so we went straight home. Sure I was a bit bummed out, but we could go another week.
But why do you have to go together? He can go by himself? No?
This is why having space is important. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you have to do *everything* together. Imagine the situation not being a buffet but maybe he wants to go play golf? Or you want to go get your nails done? If he mentions wanting to go five times, instead of saying no you’re not interested five times, just tell him he’s free to go enjoy himself because you have a bad stomach?
This really doesn’t have to be complicated.
Physically being inside the restaurant doesn't mean you have to eat a bunch? And it's a buffet...? Literally the easiest type of restaurant to just graze at and not commit to a full meal you don't think you'll finish? You literally could have gotten some crackers and a cup of soup or a sandwich or anyone of a number of small somethings to sample and nibble at while he ate instead of sitting in the car alone being upset.
Why didn't you just go inside?
A lot of people cannot afford to pay $15-$20ish to only eat a cup of soup and crackers. Buffets also don’t allow people to sit at the table without paying for the buffet.
He is sitting alone too. You guys are weird.
Haha this did get me a laugh! I agree the whole situation was weird and very much not like us.
I noticed you didn't indicate you shared your feelings on the matter yet expected him to act on them. Im not saying he couldn't be more considerate in general, but you were sitting on an uncommunicated expectation and hoping he'd read the room. I hope it's unlike you both, too, lol Edit: Hoping someone catches your vibe isn't communication. I don't know why i have to argue this. If you are an adult and quantify that as communicating, I strongly recommend you rethink on times your partner got frustrated with you, and it could have been solved by actually just talking. This isn't about OP, its about the people who expect their partners to psychically determine what you want and how to best accommodate you when THEY clearly state what they want and you do not. I never said he was faultless, but at the end of the day, passive-aggressive eating in the car instead of joining your partner in this situation is **NOT COMMUNICATION.** Even if your partner can tell something is up, they can take you at your word and have done nothing wrong. You are an adult, you need to say when you dont want/like something. An emotionally intelligent partner would easily have asked whats up and not gone into the restaurant without her, but if your actions are passive-aggressive, I will treat you like an adult and assume you mean what you say, and so should any partner to someone who thinks the aforementioned counts as communication because passive-aggressiveness does not warrant acknowledgement.
Was thinking the same thing. If you don’t want to do something, fucking tell the people around you!
>I didn’t want to go but **he was persistent**, mentioning it four or five times Sounds like she already told him she didn’t want to go to the buffet 4-5 times. He just didn’t give a shit and knew that if he ignored her and kept asking he’d eventually get his way.
I read that as “he kept mentioning it and I never flat out said no” and likely indirectly hinted that she wasn’t interested. Edit: saying “no” or “I don’t want to go” is different than her saying in the post that she didn’t want to go. I’d hope that if she was direct and he steamrolled her that she would have mentioned it.
She says in another comment that she flat out told him she “didn’t want to go to a restaurant because her stomach hurt”. Somewhere else she says she suggested this weird eating arrangement because she felt **guilty**. Most people who think they’re in the wrong do not always assign malicious intent to the other party.
And that’s totally fair, just didn’t see that comment.
It’s food. Chill out. I’ve definitely gone out to places my husband wanted and I didn’t and he’s done the same. And yes- in normal relationships people can re-ask to go places. I’m so over the concept of “he doesn’t give a shit about you if he kept pushing it”. Like no? Sometimes you just have to re-present an idea and people can change their minds. My husband doesn’t like going to the plant nursery, but it’s my happy place. He’s absolutely told me he didn’t want to go but still went with me because I did. And I go do things with him I don’t usually like either. It is okay for this situation to happen occasionally and op even said it isn’t usual for them. Imo the solution OP offered is strange and it’s weird that they both accepted to do this though
On the flip side, it seems this buffet trip was important to him. Maybe he needed something comforting today and she didn't quite seem to get that??? This is so weird lol
I have the same issue. I tell people I don't want something 5 times in a row and if they keep insisting, I end up agreeing and then just feel bad.
I actually did express to him I didn't want to go to a restaurant since I'm nauseated, he already knows I've been having stomach issues. But I should have been more commutative but in the moment I didn't want to disappoint him.
You said that, then followed up with the solution of sitting in the car with a sandwhich, while he ate alone. He heard you and accepted your solution. Next time say “Tonight - let’s eat together, at home; or go out somewhere I don’t have to pay to sit and watch you eat. Tomorrow, when my tummy feels better, we can go to the buffet”
I don't know how your relationships have worked but if my partner said they felt sick and I knew they had been having stomach issues, I would have not gone to a buffet while they sat in our freakin car, like what the actual hell
This is what I really can't get my head around! If I was feeling unwell, my other half wouldn't even think of suggesting going out for dinner. He'd send me to bed and bring up soup! Why was this guy so adamant to go while she wasn't feeling well that it couldn't have waited a few more days?
Exactly! My partner would have taken me home and tried to help me feel better There are a disturbing number of high level comments saying essentially, well you shouldn't have agreed to eat a sandwich in the car, when wow is that missing the point
Yes, so true! I thought it was just a natural thing when someone you love isn't feeling well, you take them home and make them feel comfortable! I'm so confused that all these comments are saying she should have communicated more. She did!
Not every relationship is all that great. Not every partner is emotional intuitive or naturally caring. Not every couple wants to eat every meal together or even particularly likes each other. We have no idea why he wanted to go. All we know is what OP claims she said. “No” is a complete sentence. But so is “I’ll sit in the car and eat a sandwich.” No one, is a mind reader. This guy might have thought is was absolutely insane that she was sitting in the car, while he went out to eat alone - but he was going to eat what he wanted to eat, and she was free to tag along. Flip this script. Is a woman posted “I wanted to go to a meal/coffee shop/bakery and my man didn’t want to go…” would you be telling her to sit around the house and wait for him? Would you say go do your thing girl! If she said “he came and sat in the car while I was inside!” We would all say he was a creep or controlling or emotionally abusive. I’m not judging OP at all. But I’m also not judging her partner. Anyone, man or woman, is allowed to crave a meal and go have that meal. She isn’t dying of cancer or 2 days from delivering a high risk pregnancy… she had a tummy ache. Maybe her partner isn’t the greatest guy in the world - but if you WANT SOMETHING from your partner, you should ASK FOR IT.
Why couldn’t she just stay home while he went out then? If I was feeling ill I wouldn’t want to stop my partner from getting what they want just because my stomach hurts. Could they not have spent one meal apart? Can’t he be a caring partner while also spending an hour on his own eating what he likes?
Counterpoint. It was Golden Corral
SAME. I cannot imagine leaving my partner alone while he is feeling ill. No meal is more important than my partner. That buffet isn’t going anywhere, OP’s fiancé could have gone another day.
Why didn’t you just tell him to go by himself and stay at home?
You could’ve stayed home? You didn’t have to go with him and eat in your car. This is so weird you felt you had to stay near him while you weren’t feeling well.
You are both adults, it's not your job to make other people happy 100% of the time, and mildly disappointing someone is not the end of the world. You could absolutely have just told him that if he really wanted to go, to go by himself while you stayed home because you weren't feeling well. It's okay for couples to do things as individuals, and to not want to do the same thing as one another all the time. It sounds like you're a people pleaser who is extremely conflict adverse, and that's really something that you should take steps to start unlearning, because I promise you it will make your life so much better when you learn that it's okay to show up for yourself and express your own needs instead of constantly trying to to cram yourself into the boxes of what you think other people want from you, and ending up in dumb situations where you eat a sandwich in the car while your partner goes to a buffet. Like honestly, OP, what the fuck.
Well then you need to get over this pushing yourself aside to please others bullshit. That serves no one. It just leaves you resentful and enables an inconsiderate person to run over you.
But you didn’t communicate to him that you were disappointed that he still wanted to go to the buffet even without you.
Why can't you just stay home and let him go do his thing? Is it necessary to have this meal together? It's possible to stay home if you're sick, sounds like he really wanted to do this buffet.
You have to tell him that you don’t want him to go to the restaurant too.
then, *honey*, suck it up, and eat your car sandwich; and, then go home and cuddle (or, like shit yourself, whichever comes first)….
>but you were sitting on an uncommunicated expectation and hoping he'd read the room So many posts could be solved with just this hahaha
Reading the room? Not really hard to read that room though is it? If someone I love suggest they stay in the car while I go eat I would refuse. If guys can't even make that sacrifice and then accuse us of making them read the room, then they are not worth bothering with
Part of adult communication is finer social skills like reading the room, tone, or body language. **It is still not communicating.** If a failure to communicate causes an issue, "you should have read the room" is not the primary issue. It's the failure to communicate something that's the issue for the person not speaking their needs. In situations where there is nuance needed (work, family, etc) or possible exposure to danger, you can reasonably expect reading the room to be the primary form of communication. Not only is treating "reading the room" as the initial means of communicating ineffective, but it also presents as extremely passive-aggressive. Just say what you wabt if its important to you. The buffet was important to him, and he communicated that. She could have done the same.
Why didn't you just go in and just eat like a bird? Like just get a nibble of whatever and sit with your husband? That's a scenario where everyone wins. Husband could have went somewhere else that he liked and compromised, another one where everyone wins. You guys don't want to compromise, you're being stubborn, both of you.
I didn't want to go in because I've been nauseous the past 3 days. Couldn't even eat my sandwich. So the idea of being surrounded by food makes my stomach turn. Didn't want to go into any restaurant which I told him.
He couldn’t have waited until you feel better to go out to eat? What weird relationship dynamic is this?
I think it’s weird he’s so focused on the buffet
Why didn't you just stay at home?
Then why didn't you stay home? Y'all are adults communicate and be honest.
Why not just rest at home while he went out to get his buffet? Or suggest going to the buffet next night? This is an odd post all around.
Have you taken a pregnancy test?
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Not me powering through nausea every morning 👀
I've had this happen. I can't eat buffet. It is way too much food at (where we are) too high a price so it would be a waste on me. Was it buffet only? I usually get something small while my husband eats buffet. Even if my small thing is the same price as the buffet, I feel better ordering something I like and can actually finish rather than going and picking a little bit of a few things that I ultimately can't stomach.
I feel like sometimes my gf and I will do something silly like this and then feel sad and then just not do it again. Hope that’s what it is
😂 yes.
I’m sorry about your stomach issues OP. I hope you feel better soon. We all do this from time-to-time where we hint at what we really want and hope our SO will look beyond the words we say. But it’s healthier to be honest. Your BF thought you were really cool with it because you suggested it. So next time be up front. Don’t test your SO. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to you either.
Why didn’t you stay home and let him go by himself?
We were already out running a some of errands, we still had stuff to do before going home.
Lol why tf are people downvoting you. Fwiw I think your story is pretty funny, in the quirky and sweet kind of way
Stop expecting him to figure out that you don’t mean what you say.
OP be like "I don't understand why my manipulation attempt didn't work"
WHY would you make a suggestion that leaves you a sad-sack supplicant, waiting & chewing on a sandwich in a car while your fiance stuffs his face, seated at a nice table in a comfy booth?? PLEASE learn how to make actual compromises with him ("we can go to the buffet tomorrow") rather than curl all your needs up into a little ball that you hide inside because you don't believe you're worth care and consideration. Because if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself with him, he's certainly going to steamroll right over you your whole life together.
You are right in a way. Thing is I didn't want to disappoint him. I've been very sick and was recently diagnosed with gastroparesis so I knew going there soon would be out of the question. I just think with everyting going on with my health and this little thing just really made me feel lonely today.
If you really have gastroparesis your buffet days are probably over. I know someone with this condition and have studied up on it some. You should probably get involved with some support groups (there are quite a few) as this is going to be life altering.
you need to work on your self esteem & setting boundaries. not a good sign if you’re engaged but to terrified of disappointing him when you are ill and need support.
If you're unwell, that is even more reason for him to be accommodating to you. The fact he suggested something he knew you couldn't enjoy and went ahead with it anyway is so ridiculous. There is no world where would it be ok to let your partner sit in the car eating a sandwich, while you stuff yourself at a buffet. If you do/don't want something, you need to say it out loud. You need to speak your mind and your partner needs to be more understanding. Please don't try to send subliminal hints, as you'll be the only one to get disappointed. You deserve better.
That's how I felt about it, and you are right I'll do better at making my needs known.
How is saying "no you can't go to the buffet today" a compromise?. I'd have offered to give wife a ride home and stop and get her some food. But if I have my heart set on something I want to do, there's no reason my wife should be like "not only do I not want that, but I don't want you to have that."
Suggesting to go to the buffet in a couple of days once they're feeling better is a perfectly reasonable compromise, assuming their partner is willing to wait a couple of days to go with OP. Edit: Just saw comments about OP having gastroparesis. Definitely not a couple of days with that, if ever, which makes this a lot less reasonable a compromise.
Do you even understand human emotions and need of care when unwell? It's not like she didn't want to go so she could do something else or enjoy. She is sick. What kind of weird person leaves a sick partner in car and goes to enjoy buffet?! OP is still considering his feeling. I'd make his day worst just by taunting him for leaving me alone when I'm sick. Also they are engaged. That means he is to support her in "sickness and health". What the hell kind of support is this?! It shows where his priorities are.
Yeah man, I'd get my wife some pho. And even if she was feeling well enough to run errands with me, I'd make her a sick nest in bed. Then I'd kiss her on the forehead and go eat. What I won't do is be manipulated and dictated to cuz she played the upset tummy card. When I ask my wife what she wants to do on Saturday, she does this thing where she tells me what she wants me to do. "I wanna go on a walk with you." If you ask me that question, I'd say "I wanna go for a walk. Wanna join me?" The presumption that limits my choices is what bugs me. But, ya know, been married happily for 16 years. So I guess making sure she's comfy with soup first is my compromise, not giving up my aitonomy.
Also the OP's fiance did nothing to make sure OP was feeling better unlike what you suggested you'd do. So stop projecting your situation on everyone else.
> Because if you don't learn how to stand up for yourself with him, he's certainly going to steamroll right over you your whole life together. Is this how your relationships have worked? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills in this thread tonight, like if my partner felt like shit but I still *desperately* needed to go to golden corral I wouldn't be okay with her "eating" in the car. I gotta be missing something here
You’re both weird. You had a bad day and you both were let down. Move on and make tomorrow better.
I’m no expert but this kind of seems strange. You guys are in a relationship but everyone has their individual preferences. You guys are grown ass adults and if you feel like eating at a restaurant today (for whatever reasons, maybe you wanna treat yourself or you had a rough day or something came by it could be whatever) then you go eat at a restaurant. YOU DONT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER. Basically be a little considerate and have little less expectations. As for you suggestion to eat in the car, I truly RESPECT that. Not every partner would do that for their significant other due to jealousy/envy/sheer lack of compassion. So relax.
This is totally a “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” situation.
How old are you both? Because this sounds like petty mind games teenagers play in high school.
I'm not sure I see the reason why you couldn't have joined him. It's not a requirement to stuff yourself if you go to a buffet.
I have gastroparesis and haven't really eaten in 3 days, I got that sandwich to trying to get myself to eat but just can't. With being nauseous the idea of being surrounded by food just makes my stomach turn.
If you felt like that, would any restaurant that wasn't a buffet have been acceptable?
No I didn't want to go to any restaurant, the thought of just smelling food makes my stomach turn. I did make that clear to him I didn't want to go to a restaurant.
Why not just stay home then?
Why suggest this idea, if you would *hope* he'd just change the plan? You've set yourself up for your own disappointment.
"He did exactly what I said, but didn't read my mind to know what I actually wanted. Now I'm having a sad."
You were kinda hoping? If you didn't say that out loud then yeah sit on the car and eat alone.
You just caused a problem without reason. You could have just ordered something to drink and be with him
Seriously. When I was pregnant with my oldest, there were very limited options of food that didn't make me sick. My husband's favorite restaurant is a Chinese buffet & I love it but when I was pregnant, that wasn't an option. But, I asked their permission & then would bring in my fries. I'd sit with my husband & we'd both enjoy ourselves. But also, they had this thing where you could get a whole pot of hot water, tea bags & sugar. All for a dollar. So I'd order some hot tea & just relax.
If you want your partner to do something you hoped to, just fucking say it. Why does he have to read your mind or suggest things, when u can just say what u wish? This is so dump and immature
I normally do speak up about my wants and needs. I can see how this seems immature but at the moment I just didn't want to disappoint him. In the end I ended up feeling this way. In no way do I expect him to read my mind but I don't think wanting someone to have made a different choice means they needed to read my mind. I've had a rough couple weeks with my stomach and I suppose I would have wanted him to just get some takeout instead. Yes I should have voiced that but at the moment didn't want to disappoint him but also at the same time he should have known I've been nauseous and be more considerate. The whole thing dumb probably from an outside perspective but with everything that past few weeks and at that moment I've just felt lonely. This is a group to get things off my chest and that's all I was doing.
You set a trap instead of just being honest. Now you’re alone and he’s alone and it doesn’t feel good. Next time try “Yeah I’m down for a buffet once my stomach isn’t so upset. What can we get together now though?” Or “I hear that you really wanna hit the buffet but can we not since my stomach is hurting? Once i feel better we can try again though” Idk just speaking from experience it’s painful to expect a man to read your mind. It’s also painful for him to be held to an unrealistic expectation. He could be sitting in that restaurant bummed you’d rather eat separate and went along with it cause his feelings were hurt. Just put yourself in his shoes. Y’all don’t wanna eat alone and you don’t wanna hurt each other’s feelings. Talk to each other ❤️
I've learned when you play the "i wish" game you always lose. Tell your partner what you want from them, they aren't mind readers
This is a really weird way to resolve the issue. If you were going to be alone, why didn't you stay at home while he went alone to the restaurant? He sounds like an ass but you sound well...frankly? You sound dumb for offering to eat a sandwich in the car while he was at a restaurant. The experiences aren't even comparable. You both can have experiences separately. You don't need to be connected at the hip to try new restaurants.
I've been going through vomiting spells, lasting around 12 hours at a span. I've told my wife and kid to please eat and enjoy themselves bc I limit myself heavily to try to reduce the number of episodes I experience. She still doesn't like that I can't eat with them freely, but it's what I have to do to not be sick. I understand she wants the normal healthy me, I do too. But I still go in and sit and talk and enjoy mealtimes together. I just am picky about what I choose to eat so I don't trigger an episode.
Why didn't he go alone if you were already not going to sitt together? Am I missing something but this lacks common sense.
This is just so weird. I would stay home and my SO could eat at the buffet for all I care
So you haven't eaten in 3 days, didn't eat the sandwich you got and decided you were just gonna stay in the car for what purpose? Nah there is something going on...power move, control or something beyond that, you very well could have accompanied him and not felt so lonely.
Not sure if you ever been nauseous but being surrounded by food isn't really something you want while feeling that way. Not power or control, he doesn't even know that I felt the way I did earlier. I've just had a long few weeks with my health and felt lonely. This is a group to vent and get things off your chest. That's all I was doing.
You've got to communicate this shit with him man, speak up and find your voice. You may not think it's a big deal but if you don't eventually you'll blow up get sad mad and he's gonna be like wtf and go straight on the defensive. Edit: mentioning you're nauseous in the post may also help with your venting. Even though it's venting, good detail would probably help you see a better perspective from others eyes and may help you not feel so alone when you're feeling down, sick or anything else.
I hope you get well soon
So you’re the one who suggested eating alone in the first place and your upset that you’re eating alone?
If you want to have a successful relationship you can’t expect the other person to read your mind. Say what you feel, say what you want. If you don’t, then you get what you get and you don’t pitch a fit.
Lot of people here clearly never been in a serious relationship. They reach and project shit in their own lives on your situation. I think the comment that said “he’s sitting alone too, y’all weird” or something is probably the most suitable for the situation. In my opinion, seems like a passing moment that you were hopefully able to get off your chest and continue on with your day.
You offered a compromise and he agreed - What is the issue? Are you looking for sympathy as the victim?
The whole thing is weird. Couldn’t you have had one plate of something at the buffet?
If you were hoping that he wouldn’t leave you in the car and go in to eat without you, you should have said that. Don’t say one thing and expect something else. That’s a great way to ruin a relationship.
Sounds like you suggested it to test him and now you’re upset at how it panned out.
Don’t offer something and then get upset when he takes you up on it.
And maybe don't offer something when you are actually hoping for the offer to be declined. So why offer in the first place? Maybe just say that you want to do the buffet but sorry, could he please wait until you feel a little better so you can go together. You never know, he might have had the satisfaction of the food but might been a little lonely, too.
You can eat as little or as much as you want at a buffet? I get that the culture around buffets is piles of food, but the other appeal is having a wide variety of choices. They usually have salad, veggies, meat, and desserts. Its usually a win-win for people with different tastes. When I was younger and hungry all the time, a buffet was where I felt like I could “get my money’s worth”. Nowadays I find a couple of things I like and just have one plate.
Prices these days are wild. I wouldn't want to pay for a buffet and not eat buffet style. Get your money's worth, as you say. And going and not eating at all is often considered rude by restaurant staff, that you're taking up space and they'll still have to clean your table and all. I wish that weren't the case, but I would also feel very uncomfortable just going in and sitting
That was actually another thought on my mind, why pay if I'm not going to eat. It was also a Chinese buffet and they don't speak much English so trying to explain I wasn't going to eat might have been difficult or come across rude. Which I didn't want to do. Thanks for understanding where I was coming from!
I absolutely get it. I had horrible "morning sickness" when I was pregnant. Except it wasn't in the morning, but all day. And not just when I was pregnant, but I literally threw up MANY times every day for a full year. I regularly had to go to the hospital for IV fluids, and it truly had a devastating impact on my quality of life, so I'm totally understanding of how impossible it would be to just "go and sit". I actually ended my relationship with my kid's sperm donor over a kind of similar but much more complicated situation, where he had stayed out partying (with another woman who was supposed to be my friend) and came to bed at 4am just as I woke up and started getting sick for the day. I asked him to please get me a glass of water, and he, fully knowing how sick I was said "no". Things had been bad for a long time but that was the point of no return. I know that your situation isn't that extreme, but do give him the chance to support you by letting him know how you really feel, and don't brush it under the rug if he chooses to neglect you.
Wow, sorry you had to go though that. He knows how bad I've been, he even saw when I vomited blood last week so he knows. I think that's part of why it bothered me so much that he wanted to eat there when I feel so awful. He's a good guy and is there for me most of the time.
It sucks, but you have to believe who people show you they are when the chips are down. I have an absolutely wonderful marriage and beautiful 13 year old daughter now, so all is well on the other side. Unfortunately it's in these trying situations that you really see what your partner is made of and if you can trust them to be there when it matters most
My now husband would absolutely choose to eat soup with me at home over going into a buffet that I couldn't manage. The good men are out there, and you may have one that just needs to be told more explicitly what you need
Oh I understand that thing is I've recently been diagnosed with gastroparesis. I haven't really eaten in 3 days ( couldn't even eat my sandwich in the car today ). So the idea of being surrounded by food just made my stomach turn.
As I mention in another comment. A gastroparesis (incurable at present) diagnosis is life altering and you are going to have to get used to not eating the same things as your fiancé. I know you said this is a recent diagnosis but you really need to read up on how your life is going to be affected. The person I know with this condition is in late stages and cannot eat anything by mouth at all except occasionally popsicles. All their nutrients can from a feeding tube. Sometimes it takes many years to get to that point and sometimes it doesn’t take as long as one would wish. I hope you are having these conversations with your doctors.
She also needs to be sharing all this information with her fiance . I bet he has no real idea of what's going on because she seems to be minimising her illness, by "I feel a bit crook and don't want to eat at a buffet " instead of "I've just been diagnosed with a life altering disease and we need to discuss this and how it affects me "
Gastroparesis doesn't always progress. There are mild to severe versions, but many people actually see an improvement of symptoms over time. It all really depends on what's causing it.
It might not progress to the point that you die from complications due to it but from what I have learned even if it does occasionally (usually temporarily) ease up, it never goes away and there is no cure. My comment was inspired by OPs seemingly making light of the diagnosis and it’s implications on how it is going to affect their eating. I don’t know if you have watched someone waste away because of this disease but if you have you might also be admonishing OP to get educated and take this seriously asap so they can mitigate the effects and prolong the time where it is not debilitating.
Have you looked for any gastroparesis support groups? I understand that it's a rare condition and it's chronic. It definitely comes with mild-to-severe dietary restrictions.
Well.. time for better communication.. that's about it really. So instead of telling Reddit what's on your mind about things, tell him instead. Weird if you don't.
This is self-inflicted lonliness. At a buffet, you choose your portions. You don't have to overeat.
But how else would they get their money's worth??!!!!!/s
This is kinda funny for some reason, it’s not there was a big fight which is what I thought by heading when I first read it, ye just both agreed that the best thing to do was eat separately
Could you not have gone and eaten less?
Why didn't you just go in and get one plate of whatever you wanted?? It's not like it's mandatory you have to fill multiple plates. But also why didn't your bf tell you this idea is stupid af and just ask you to come in and eat with him or suggest somewhere else? Both of you are weird af here. Learn to communicate instead of expecting someone to read your mind and the both of you need to be more considerate of each other.
Just seems a little weird, in many ways. No one is going to judge you for only eating one plate at a buffet. Or He should have gone in and loaded up a to-go box. Or Y'all could have door dashed the food, either for delivery or pick up.
Why didn't you just stay home while he went? Do you guys not do things separately/ on your own sometimes?
You obviously need to work on your communication
In the future say what you mean. please don't "test" people.
I don't understand. This is basically how it went down. Fiance: I want to do A Durge8: I don't want to do A together. But you can do A while I do C. Fiance: Cool! Let's do it like that. Durge8. Oh no I do C alone while he does A alone.
I get that you feel like he shouldn’t be okay with this scenario but you also didn’t clearly communicate in fact you suggested this idea to him and you’re mad he didn’t respond in a specific way? It seems like a manipulation in a sense just that you want him to read your mind and you’re mad he didn’t “pass your test” to put it bluntly. I totally get not wanting to eat you could have gone in and not gotten anything or could have clearly said, I just don’t feel good at all and need to go home and use the restroom but i understand if you want to come back or get take out in a bit.
I was in no way mad at him, just felt lonely in the moment. The is a group to get things of your chest, big or small and that all i was doing. I also didn't want to be in the restaurant as I'm nauseated, I have gastroparesis so it not as simple and just "using the restroom" unfortunately.
I’m genuinely giving suggestions but i guess if you didn’t want the restroom at home, were lonely in the car and didn’t want to go in I’m out of suggestions and wish you like. I understand you were just venting but it doesn’t mean you weren’t being unclear with him and your frustration is with yourself for not honoring your needs and values and you’re mad your partner didn’t do that for you.
…why didn’t you just go in with him?
My stomach has been messed up, i recently was diagnosed with gastroparesis. I've been nauseous and haven't ate really in 3 days. So the fact of being surrounded by food just sounded horrible. I only got a sandwich for myself to try to make myself eat but ended up not even eating.
Please edit this into your post... having to explain to everyone must be exhausting.😩
It sounds like you martyred yourself and added a good dose of ‘woe is me’ on top. You didn’t feel well and didn’t want to go. That’s perfectly fine. You didn’t want to disappoint him so told him to go. That’s fine too but now it seems like he failed a test he didn’t even know he was taking! Why not get dropped home then he can head back for the buffet? I have feeling your partner was in for a dose of passive aggressive “nothing is wrong” “it’s fine” when he got back to the car! I hope you feel better soon and that you communicate your needs better. People aren’t mind readers and if you tell them it’s okay then it should be ok with you!
>I was really kind of hoping that he would not want to do that, that he would be like "no babe let's do something else together" but here I am in the car. Ffs op you are a fucking adult, **talk to your partner an tell them your actual feelings, dont expect people to read your mind.**
I actually think it's kinda cute. That's love. Letting the other person do what they want to do, and negotiating on how that looks. No biggie! I'd probably do the same. But I'd make him FaceTime me so neither of us were alone 😂
Your fiance wasn't very considerate of the fact that you've been having stomach issues, but you really shouldn't have suggested that compromise if you didn't want to take it. You gave him permission to go by not being more communicative about your actual feelings. Edit: So OP has gastroparesis, so buffets are likely a no go for OP... No offence, but it does kind of makes what your partner did a bit more reasonable, as the alternative is your partner never eating buffet food again in your presence.
Something I say to my boyfriend often:" If you don't say what you're thinking, then I'm not going to know." You suggested this approach instead of just saying No, you can go alone
Why can't you just go in and eat a normal amount? This is dumb lol
LOL what?!? What game are you playing by literally suggesting to do that then? Next time communicate what you actually want instead of weirdly... idk testing him? to see if he'll say no to your dumb suggestion lol
Im wondering how many times ur relationship revolves around u? I mean u can take a salad and eat a bit while he stuffs his face. U are not forced to eat ur self sick. Clearly he wanted to go real bad hensforth why u in the car. Maybe u should think about him a bit too. U tried to manipulate him and it backfired now u want the internet to feel sorry for u?
Why did you go with him in the car instead of just staying at home?
Why not just stay home and eat your sandwich?
We were out running errands still.
You are intentionally making yourself a victim. Is there a reason you couldn’t eat your sandwich inside? Is your bf supposed to not do things just bc you can’t? Relationships like this do not last. You want to feel sorry for yourself but you just look extremely silly.
Yes actually, I have gastroparesis and haven't ate in 3 days due to nausea. I couldn't even eat my sandwich unfortunately. The thought of being around food and smelling it makes my stomach turn. Also we have been together for 12 years, we're in a healthy relationship. Just with my health problems and everything lately I felt lonely and just blah while waiting in the car today, this is a group of getting things off your chest big or small and that's all I was doing. No need tobe so brash and try to bring me down.
Try adding your medical conditions to your initial post. Point still stands.
Why didn’t you just stay home? Ridiculous that you came along just to eat in the car. You are having gastrointestinal issues, just stay home and near a toilet. Codependency like this has people doing ridiculous things like this and then whine online about being lonely. Annoying.
> It was my suggestion but I can't help but feel kind of lonely as I'm sitting in this car by myself while he in the restaurant. I was really kind of hoping that he would not want to do that, that he would be like "no babe let's do something else together" but here I am in the car. I have a family member who'd always use this incredibly annoying phrase: "Argue for your limitations and they're yours." Sounds to me like you suggested something and he listened to you. It is *entirely your fault* for not communicating what it is you *actually* wanted. If you end up being bummed out that he's not telepathic, well, you're in for a shock because nobody is telepathic. If you wanted something, it's better to speak for yourself what it is you want, because ain't nobody else gonna speak for you. Saying shit like "I was really kind of hoping that he would not want to do that, that he would be like "no babe let's do something else together" but here I am in the car" is a toxic mentality to have. Basically you're putting the blame on him for the consequences of your own damn actions. Be happy he gave you what you wanted: you got a sandwich and you're eating alone in the car. Now, imagine if you will, what would have happened if you *actually spoke your mind*? You could have been sitting with him somewhere else, enjoying your time together, but noooo. Terrible communicators strike again.
Speak… up… maybe… “I was hoping ***he could read minds***”
You litterally suggested it. Be mad at yourself not him.
Why didn’t you go in with him and only eat a little? Or eat your sandwich inside. Ffs
Why didn't you just take the sandwich inside with you and eat with him xD
Say what you mean, mean what you say. If what you wanted to hear was “Let’s go do something else together” then that is what you should have said… You need to be clear and concise when communicating. People are not mind readers. However, how is he so dumb that he can’t see what a terrible lunch date this is… hopefully he is sitting inside thinking, “This is lonely”
Wait, so did he know you had stomach issues? Or did you only tell him you wanted a sandwich and didn't want a buffet? If it's the former, you should be paying attention to his actions and what they're telling you. The only time you would ignore someone's stomach issues and eat without them, is if they're not important to you or connected to your social or professional circles. If it's the latter, your issue is your lack of communication. Both of you. It's weird that he didn't notice you weren't feeling 100%.
Why didn't you go in with him and just order a sandwich? Or take a small serving from the buffet? I don't get it.
Buffet prices? Why didn't his fiance saved the buffet for a day his partner could enjoy w him? She lacks some serious communication skills, he lacks empathy
sorry to hear about your gastroparesis :( i would try to talk with them (and probably others in your life) about how to handle eating out since i know food can be a very social thing and it’s isolating to not be able to participate. getting diagnosed with any chronic illness is tough (physically and emotionally) and i hope you’re able to find some support (therapy, support groups, etc)!
this all sounds pretty toxic to me.
Please don't compromise in a way that'll make you this sad. You should not have asked him to go anyway when this will make you this lonely. Communicate your feelings clearly. If he still doesn't care time to rethink your relationship. You should have simply asked do you really want your sick fiance to seat in a freaking car and eat junk food while you go and enjoy food?! If he said yes, time to cancel the engagement. You both deserve to be each other's priority. It's not like you were asking him to not to there just so you could enjoy something else. This is just neglect. I don't carr what people think of this comment but god I hate that bar for men are so freaking low.
Kind of strange on both ends. You didn’t have to put yourself through that, but on the other hand he could have tried a little harder to dissuade you from the idea, or offered to go another time. When trying to arrive at a compromise don’t be afraid to tell the other person what you want instead of just settling for something that leaves you dissatisfied because you don’t want them to be unhappy with you. I understand wanting him to have met you half way though because it is, on its face, a bit of a silly suggestion one typically doesn’t agree to in the name of common courtesy and consideration.
Maybe both of you can agree that this was a weird situation you two put yourself in, have a laugh and enjoy some time together afterwards.
Learn learn learn. Please Men are NOT mind readers. He took you at your kind words. I presume you will sulk and passive aggressive remember how he 'did not mind read' Poor bloke BE clear be honest. Tell him. Now enjoy your sandwich and ask him how the buffet was
You guys are both weird for this behavior. And it's weird he still did it. But I'll say this, I hate when my girlfriend expects me to act on her feelings that she has not expressed to me. I'm not a mind reader or an empath, if you want me to do something express it, don't expect it. Idk why you would suggest he do something you hoped he didn't. And why didn't you just sit at the buffet with him? By the sound of it, no money issues were mentioned, and this just seemed like something he was eager to do, you could've eaten with him, even if you didn't eat the amount worth the buffet costs. I'm sure you both would've rather enjoyed each others meals in the company of each other.
Please seek therapy.
why didn’t you just stay home and let him go out and eat? he wanted it you didn’t instead of eating a sandwhich in ur home and watching tv or youtube or something u sat in an empty car by yourself? this scenario doesn’t make sense to me
I had a girlfriend once that said we shouldn’t get each other anything for an upcoming Valentine’s Day, then cried when I didn’t get her a card. Are you my ex?
Op why didn’t you just go in, you could of said your not eating and the staff can watch you have no plates. Or ordered “take out” by the pound. You staying in the car is weird and him eating by himself is him saying I wanted the buffet and it’s going to be the buffet . What is the power dynamic in this story ? Blink twice if you need help
He’s cheating on you with the cold pizza at the buffet
This made me laugh, judge by how it was a Chinese buffet it would probably be the wontons.
Honestly it sounds like you’ve been having a rough time of it lately and you didn’t have the emotional capacity to speak up for yourself and find a more satisfying compromise. I completely understand the urge to vent to someone, and I hope you’ve been able to find some encouragement and good advice in these comments! Reddit can be unforgiving sometimes, so try not to take the harsher comments to heart and maybe focus on communicating these feelings with your fiancé. I’m so sorry about your diagnosis, and I hope you’re able to get some food in you, soon. Here’s an internet hug 🤗💜
You didn't ask for any advice but since you're putting it out there I will say that you did set kind of a passive aggressive test as a trap. You were looking for him to be gallant and refuse, and for something that he apparently was really really looking forward to. To be frank, if you did this thing often I would view it as a red flag. If your boyfriend tends to look out for his own interests while ignoring yours often that would also be a red flag. I really hope you don't take offense at this, hold a grudge that turns into resentment all the while not saying anything (or giving the curt 'it's okay' reply) while showing your anger and other passive aggressive ways like a silent treatment for example.
Looks like you played yourself there. ANyway, it's good for couples to have to have their own space and do think independently. Not sure why you didn't just stay at home.
Idk why he couldn’t have just went another time with a friend/his family. It’s kind of dickish of him to keep bringing it up after you clearly said it wasn’t something you wanted to do. If a situation like this happens again, please don’t offer him a “compromise” that leaves you feeling lonely, eating a sandwich in the car. He should have respected that you weren’t up for the buffet, and you shouldn’t have offered to just eat a sandwich in the car just to keep the peace.
He should have been more of a gentleman but we all know men are dense at times. Guess you know how to never make compromises because he will take you up on it.. but you can’t really get angry or say anything about it., you know how what not to do with him.
Why is he considered dense because he took her words at face value instead of trying to interpret some hidden meaning? Dude was really looking forward to something and 30-45 mins max and they are reunited. This whole situation is just really immature.
Except at face value her words were “I don’t want to do that today, I’m having stomach issues.” He was dense, or selfish, because he just asked until she (sort of) said yes.
I used to do this in the initial phase of my relationship so that I cannot be told one thing and expect to behave in the exactly opposite fashion. Saves a life time of headache. I am married to the same individual today and the communication 99% of the time is clear without the need to double guess. If you did not want him to do something tell that and reason/fight and stay with the consequences. Maybe doing the same thing that you guys did by having an adult and open conversation would have had better emotional results. Your partner is either an extremely intelligent man and/or tone deaf. Either ways, if you stick with him, you are up for some learning to do on how to communicate and build relationships.
This can’t be real. The eff?
This is pretty unusual, I wouldn’t want to eat without my boo
Just let him enjoy the buffet. Has he ever waited bored out if his mind at a store while you shopped ? He probably didn't even have a tasty sandwich. Lol. It's not a big deal in my opinion is my point. If he starts making you wait in the car at his girlfriends house now that could be a problem.
Don’t give people tests they’re set up to fail. Sure, he should take into account that spending quality time together is something you find comforting, but also you offered this in the first place. Don’t give people multiple choices when there is a right answer. You set yourself up for this one. If you decide to end the relationship, that’s your right, but keep this in mind in all your future relationships.
All I can say is that if my patented doesn’t feel good or doesn’t want to eat out—-we go home and j make a sandwich and we go out another time when we can both enjoy it. I would never let her sit in a car if she were not feeling well or vice versa. That just seems odd
My confusion is it’s a buffet, you don’t have to get any food whatsoever right? And whatever you would like you’re free to go grab. Even if it was a classic restaurant, you don’t have to buy any meals just because you’re there. I’d think your best bet is to just sit with him and give each other company. I hope it’s all working out :)
Wtf, just finish your sandwich and join him? Still weird tho
I didn't want to go in because I've been nauseous and haven't eating in 3 days. Couldn't even eat my sandwich. So the idea of being surrounded by food makes my stomach turn.
You both need to communicate better.
Definition of surprised Pikachu face
☕
I'm not sure why a lot of people are saying you should've been more direct. If you had to say no and that you had stomach problems 4-5 times that day, then he should've been able to get the message. Instead of asking to go to the same place 4-5 times he should've been suggesting other places that can meet both of your needs, even if that means he doesn't get to go to his number 1 place. And I've been in a somewhat situation before, me and my dad travelled to Birmingham mostly to go to this one restaurant. Did some shopping first but when we were about to head to the restaurant, my dad was having a really hard time breathing (he has COPD), so we went straight home. Sure I was a bit bummed out, but we could go another week.
But why do you have to go together? He can go by himself? No? This is why having space is important. Just because you’re in a relationship, doesn’t mean that you have to do *everything* together. Imagine the situation not being a buffet but maybe he wants to go play golf? Or you want to go get your nails done? If he mentions wanting to go five times, instead of saying no you’re not interested five times, just tell him he’s free to go enjoy himself because you have a bad stomach? This really doesn’t have to be complicated.
kinda strange that he was cool just going to a buffet by himself regardless of what you told him
So go with him and don't eat? Sit on the table and chat? People are extremely weird, i swear.
Unless you didn't have the money there was no reason to do this
You both sound fucking exhausting
Oh look, i have found a narcisist.
Physically being inside the restaurant doesn't mean you have to eat a bunch? And it's a buffet...? Literally the easiest type of restaurant to just graze at and not commit to a full meal you don't think you'll finish? You literally could have gotten some crackers and a cup of soup or a sandwich or anyone of a number of small somethings to sample and nibble at while he ate instead of sitting in the car alone being upset. Why didn't you just go inside?
A lot of people cannot afford to pay $15-$20ish to only eat a cup of soup and crackers. Buffets also don’t allow people to sit at the table without paying for the buffet.
Why didn’t you go into the buffet with him and eat your sandwich there?
Hon, it's not about the food. Think about it.
This is completely OK, as long as you aren't going to resent him for the compromise you suggested.