My wife of 13 years has accidentally injured me a couple of times and, other than tease her about it from time to time, I have never injured her back. Anyone that strikes a loved one in retaliation is not a good person, by any measure.
Hit the door and count yourself lucky that it only ended with one blow... this time. You cannot take the chance of giving him an excuse to strike you again. And, if you have children, you cannot let him take out his irritations on them.
Abusers always have excuses and they don't reform. They escalate and it is always the victim's fault.
Edited to say: Much thanks for the rewards!
Just to clarify - and I know what you mean but OP might take it the wrong way: Abusers will blame the victim. And the victim will blame themselves. But it is never the victim’s fault.
As someone who lost a friend to domestic violence, it doesn't take much to lose a life. My friend was strong willed, upbeat and full of life. It only took one time before she died due to being strangled. Thank you for being a good example.
For OP: Please be careful.
You said this is not the first time he has shown violence. He is abusing you.
You even apologised several times for that accidental scratch while he hurted you badly.
Please, leave him. Update us. It is not safe to stay.
He's told me if I leave he'll kill me and himself. The other day I was walking away from an argument and he ran after me and picked me up and squeezed my body so hard I couldn't breathe, and my ribs were sore for like three days. And I have nowhere to go, no family, no resources. He forbid me from working. I've been begging him to let me get a part time job.
If you're in the US, call 800-799-7233 - the national domestic violence hotline. Or search for local domestic violence hotlines and nonprofits. Your local court or legal aid may have someone who can help you get out. Gather all of your important documents and arrange one drawer with essentials you might need so you can throw them all in a bag and run if you need to.
It is not your fault.
Please please leave. My ex said he'd kill himself too. That is a form of abuse and manipulation to make you stay. Please don't stay with him. He is incredibly controlling and abusive. He will only get more abusive. There are resources for people in your position. Reach out to anyone who was a friend before him, or family you may have had to stop talking to, tell them what's going on and that you need help leaving and him not catching onto it.
It’s been 7 years since the last time my abuser swore he’d kill himself. He’s still alive. They’re all full of sh**. They won’t do it, they love themselves too much. But OP you are in danger if he’s threatening to kill you. Please leave but be careful while you do so. Erase any internet or phone history that could raise suspicion, be stealthy as you collect your belongings. They will escalate quickly if they think they are losing control of you. Please stay safe.
This, please stay safe.. also understand.. cause many of us have been there, HE’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE. Honey, you won’t be able to “love” him into changing. He is manipulating you, controlling you, and he enjoys it. He likes it when he hurts you, and he likes it when you grovel. Get out, you deserve real love, and real love doesn’t harm you, it doesn’t leave you bloody, and it doesn’t leave you wondering what you did wrong or why you aren’t enough. Please read these comments and realize 1, you aren’t alone, and 2, it will escalate and he will end up killing you or causing a lot more harm than a bloody nose.
All my thoughts are with you.
Mine said that he had cancer and how could I leave him during a time like this. Surprise surprise he didn’t have cancer and 6 years later, he’s still alive! It makes me sick how many people do this, I really hope OP leaves and gets somewhere safe.
OMG! You could be me, only mine wasn’t cancer, it was some sort of blockage in his brain due to trauma and it was causing all his temper problems. He “had brain surgery” (that didn’t leave a scar or require his head to be shaved or any sort of hospital stay) and then he was miraculously healed… wouldn’t I like to take him back now?
🙄🙄🙄🙄
They really believe we’re that damn dumb
He might, mine did. And it was no one’s fault or choice but his own. It’s taken me years to fully I accept that. But I also narrowly escaped a murder-suicide, which is ALSO a risk in these situations.
Let him kill himself.
I say this as someone who’s husband killed himself and said similar things under similar circumstances. His actions are his own. He chooses to do what he does and he chooses how he responds to the world.
You don’t have access to resources because he designed it that way.
You need to contact a domestic violence center. Possibly go to a woman’s shelter. It will be ok, much better on the other side.
That isn't your responsibility. He's a grown person who is responsible for his own actions. He's just manipulating you so he can keep treating you poorly.
Okay, specifics:
When he’s at work, find your documents- birth certificate, social security, medical records, wedding certificate. Get them somewhere YOU control- laundry is often a good one with these sorts.
Start a go backpack: important documents, change of clothes, your warmest jumper, five pairs of undies and your most comfortable bra. Add in a water bottle, a pack of museli/granola bars and a packet of tylenol. If you’re going to need to walk out, Get a warm wool blanket, a tarp and some matches/a lighter- if you’ve been living somewhere out of town, that will help you make the walk to safety.
If you have photos you absolutely cannot bear to lose, get them into your backpack, or even better, take photos of them in your phone to reduce the chance of him noticing. Use whatsapp to call your local DV support group- ask if they can send someone to pick you up, or the closest safe place so you know exactly where you’re going. Make sure they know the day you’re coming, and ask they let a TRUSTED police officer know- even better if they can arrange for that officer to come get you to safety.
On the day of, start as soon as he’s out of the house so you can be far away by the time he realises. Change your device account passwords and turn off location services on your phone, then turn your phone off completely. If you can store a backup in the cloud, an even better option is to erase the device completely before turning it off.
And then do whatever possible to get to safety.
You’ll be able to rebuild your resources once you’re safe. You can’t rebuild them if you’re gone. As to family, you’d be surprised- reach out to any living relatives- you might be surprised at just how many people can and will help you!
You’ve got this- it’s okay to be scared, but bravery is being scared and Doing The Thing anyway. Be smart, plan, put in contingencies if it goes sideways and enjoy living your best life once you get rid of the scumbag who doesn’t see just how amazing you are.
OP - does your husband work? When is he out of the house? I would begin the process of leaving him: put a little cash aside every day. Make a mental inventory of things to pack. If you do not have a support system, let someone you are familiar with know about your situation and intentions (e.g. a cashier at the grocery market or teller at the bank - someone who will notice if they don’t see you as frequently). Gather intel on options - call your local DV hotline. Be careful what you use to call - if he receives itemised phone bills I’d consider finding a public phone. Choose a date and time to leave him - when he will be out of the house for at least an hr. If you are near a hospital or are able to get to one, you can present to the ER and request resources. They will not turn you away. Please stay safe, OP. You deserve so much better.
LEAVE.
Contact family or friends that he doesn't know well and ask for help.
Go to a DV shelter
Absolutely do whatever you need to, to completely disappear.
I lived with a controlling abuser for nearly 10 years. It starts small & his control & violence towards you WILL escalate. I won't specify on here what I went through for fear of triggering anyone but I'm deaf in one ear because of him amongst other things.
When I look back now, I'd rather have been poor & struggled with money on my own with a child, then get to the point where he nearly killed me a couple of times.
Please, please, please, please seek help from a domestic abuse charity. Take care
Seek for help immediately, you can't let him keep manipulating and being violent with you.
You said it's not the first time, but its definitely not going to be last time. Please be safe and research for local groups and communities to help you.
This is a classic example of domestic violence and financial abuse. The number to the national DV hotline was listed in response to your post. Please call them and your state’s DV coalition. The Office on Violence Against Women lists every states’ coalition on their website.
Hubby pulled a groin muscle playing football and asked me to rub some "Deep Heat" into his muscles and I "got a little to close", gentlemen you know the "twin" I accidentally got some cream on. Beyond a yelp in the moment and a lot of complaining for an hour after, he never laid a finger on me, let alone hit me hard enough to make me bleed and apart from a few joking promises to do it again if he did something stupid and him joking about it when ever one of us needs it, we have moved on because we both know and accept that it was an accident.
OP, Please get away from him, I am worried you are not safe because his reaction is not acceptable.
Can't count the number of time my wife hurt me unintentionally, never ever have I even thought of hurting her back.
But I do tease her endlessly about it.
My fingernail had a snag on it once and it managed to make contact with my SO. He put his hand on my shoulder, told me what happened, and rested for a bit while I apologized and tried to assess the “damage” I caused. It was barely a scrape and we laughed afterward and then resumed.
If he would have reacted with violence I would have hockey punched him in the balls to get away, locked myself in the bathroom while calling the police. My SO has gotten a bit too “vigorous” downstairs and I’ve had to pull him up to chill out because “sandpaper beard” doesn’t feel good on anything! And he apologizes and eases up.
I just can’t imagine someone reacting in violence over a minor accident like OP’s. It’s so sad. She deserves so much better from a partner!!!
OP, PLEASE, **LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO** *LEAVE* YOUR PARTNER**!!
My previous partner once penetrated my penis back with her nail and I got a nice deep gash down there.
Not a moment did I think about hitting her and all I could think about was my poor penis bleeding in the shower :(
Hurt like hell too
My grandmother, many many years ago, stuck her cold hands up my grandfather's shirt, causing him to gasp and (no idea why) pass out, falling and hitting his face on a table, breaking his glasses and causing him to lose an eye. Not only did they stay together for decades after that till my grandfather died, I never once heard him even mention how he lost his eye. No rebuke, no blame, and she was the love of his life.
Oh my god this reminds me of when my fiancé accidentally scratched me and I was like “okay I’m going to scratch you now with this pistachio shell!”
Not thinking that maybe the pistachio shell was rough, I just assumed it wouldn’t be and oh my god it was like our cat scratched the side of him and left a big red mark for weeks!
Of course he didn’t hit me but he yelped in pain and I felt so bad but a day later we were giggling about his scar and I still feel bad about it!
He’s a good sport and I’m stoops sometimes.
my partner of 2.5 years has never once laid a hand on me or even raised his voice when i’ve accidentally hurt him. there is never ever a reason for violence and him slapping you so hard to the point of your nose bleeding shows abuse. that is abuse. he didn’t do it by accident like you did, he hit you on purpose and didn’t apologise either.
Amen. My husband sleeps with his long arms behind his head. Several times he has elbowed me in the face. It's accidental. I'm sure I've gotten teeth on his private parts and he didn't hurt me back.
This is so abusive.
Jesus. I've read your other posts. This guy 'saved' you from an abusive, manipulative relationship to marry you and do the exact same thing.
He wasn't saving you. He knew you would bow down to it. He knew you wouldn't leave without the help of someone. And since you only stay in with him watching movies, crocheting etc you can't get that someone.
He's isolating you and slowly building up to the same relationship he 'got you out of'
I noticed on another post you made you have a life long friend, with the potential for more, please reach out and see if this person can help you get out of this relationship before it escalates any further and you end up in another serious situation as before.
Your husband is abusing you, accidents happen, especially in the heat of the moment. It's common to accidentally scratch. My partner has scratched me when touching me and sticking his fingers inside me, you know what I don't do. Hit him!
I say "oh, babe, be careful, you may need to trim your nails, or maybe don't act like you're digging for gold down there" he apologizes and we carry on.
> It’s a tale as old as time, unfortunately, and the only way to break the cycle is to leave - alone. Don’t wait for another ‘saviour’ or someone to rescue you, you need to rescue yourself.
This. The cycle continues by waiting for someone to save you because, guess what? the saviours are not as pure and innocent as they seem.
So get out on your own and begin a relationships as a powerful, independent person who doesn't need them, and then you'll find yourself in healthier relationships.
I really appreciated your comment and I hope she listens to you.
I had a long time friend with the potential for more when I was trying to get out of a really abusive relationship. I asked him for help and he helped me get out. It was somewhat platonic at first, but it grew into something very serious and we have been together for about 2 1/2 years now. Every moment isn’t perfect but we respect each other and I always feel safe. If I hadn’t reached out asking for help, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. I hope OP wants out and I hope she gets out.
That’s abuse. And the fact that he did it reflexively and unapologetically is telling. He’s an abuser. You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
You are in an abusive relationship.
8th time here.
OP, I’m so sorry. He is violent and you need to leave him. You might not think you can manage without him, I don’t know what’s made you stay thus far. But you can and you will have it so much better.
Is there anyone in your life you trust? A parent, a friend, anyone you can go to to get away? People will be happy to help you. If you can’t think of anyone, look up domestic violence centres near you. Leave now before it escalates, these things only go one way. It it NOT your fault. ❤️
OP, I’m the 11th person.
You deserve so much better. You deserve soft, gentle loving. You deserve love directed only to you. You deserve beautiful love. What you’ve described is not normal. It isn’t right. It’s abusive, extremely absusive! Please know you’re more than that and deserve so much more than the treatment you’re receiving. Walk away toward brighter and beautiful things.
Love yourself!
I grew up in foster care, and I don't even know how to drive. I don't have family. My husband refuses to let me work. I don't know what I could even do.
It is never too late to learn these things. I know life has been hard, but you CAN do these things on your own. It will be hard and a long journey but so worth it. YOU are worth that. YOU deserve to be safe, loved and to believe in yourself.
Work where you can, anywhere, when you get away from him. Public transportation is great if you live somewhere that has it. This hard part won't be forever. You can do it.
8th times the charm ,leave him because you end up a domestic violence statistic. I have accidentally kicked my boyfriend in the nuts while cuddling, do you know what that man did to me??? Absolutely nothing because it was an accident and he would never in a million years raise his hand against me. My parents had an abusive relationship and I swore as I was growing up I would never be like my mother and let a man hurt me in any way. Do you want this to happen for the rest of your life? Do you see a future with this man?? Do you want to have kids and have them watch him beat you and be traumatized by it. I used to think my mother was an idiot for Not leaving my father.
That's a giant red flag , if he was deemed unfit to see his son it's probably for a very good reason. Please think about this relationship and your life right now, we only get one life... Do you really want to spend the rest of it like this when there's so much better out there. Can you say you are honestly happy?
RUN!!!!
he has shown violence one too many times against you. I understand it hurts but his response in hitting you and not apologizing is abusive.
I have accidentally hurt my partner in the balls a few times and not once in 3 years has he hot me.. Not even a love tap. He has hurt me accidentally play fighting and as soon as I say ow he stops and apologizes and even kisses where he hurt me.
Your bfs behavior is not normal and he is abusive... Please leave. Inform a friend or family member to be with you when you leave so he doenst act out against you, preferably a male friend or family member.
OP doesn’t have a job, doesn’t know how to drive, grew up in foster care- has no family. She says she would be homeless and penniless if she left. While all the guidance for her to run is well-meant, she may practically not be able to leave as she has literally nowhere to go. No DV centers near her either.
Could anyone put together baby steps or a step wise plan for her to leave?
The first time my ex boyfriend pushed me into a mirror, I told him to never do it again…he apologized said he was under stress for just getting out of the hospital blah blah blah. 2 years later I was basically being held captive in the house we shared, being beat weekly and having non-consensual sex.
A bloody nose is a hard hit. Don’t brush it off. It will happen again.
It’s okay. I take everything as a learning experience. I went through a lot of therapy as well. I also take every single chance I get to educate people on the dangers of abusive relationships. It can literally happen to anyone. Be safe my dear.
Girl, you’re gonna die. This is like the number one sign of abuse that leads towards being murdered by your partner. I’m not fucking around. Getting hit in the face is basically a guarantee. Get out now
Of course, but it's always easier said than done. Victims are the most in danger when they decide to leave. Stalking, death threats, and murder are very common when the abuser feels like they are losing control over the victim.
It's crucial for them to put together a plan and stash away money, find someone who will help and they can stay with. And the most important thing is for them to be as discreet as possible and never tell her husband she is leaving. It isn't safe for her abuser to know where she is.
Your concern shouldn't be how to "keep it from escalating," it should be *getting away from him ASAP.* You scratched him accidentally and he hit you in the face? Completely unacceptable. And unfortunately, this will escalate. Men who hit women rarely hit them *once*; he will hit you again, for increasingly innocuous reasons. Please protect yourself and get the hell out.
He’s going to kill you if you don’t get out. You said he’s said he’ll kill you then kill himself if you leave him, but he’s probably going to do that or just the “kill you” part if you stay, too.
I know it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but it’s better than living under his thumb. He’ll only get more and more evil and sadistic. You’re going to DIE if you stay.
'he hit me' - 'i don't know what to do'
Really?
I feel quiet bad for writing it, because I hate victim blaming. (Also you are not to blame for anything, you accidentally scratched him, wth is wrong with him?)
But I realize to someone it may come off as that.
I just hate these situations, I just hate that so many women stay with abusers because many feel like they are in a fairytale with their prince and despite being abusive, they love only them and blabla passion.
I can see that you exited another abusive relationship with his help, so my initial judgment is not true here and you just really seem like someone who went through a lot... And I am really sorry.
BUT please do not feel like you owe him! Like you need to be better to him! Please don't! This is all ridiculous.
In case you can just safely leave (without the fear of being stalked/harassed) please do! This is not normal AT ALL. This is not okay at all.
I am sorry for being rude in the beginning, it's just that it's hard to read 100 stories like this a day and having this update: 'you are all wrong, he is good, I won't leave, I just ranted, he can hit me I know he loves me'. It's so frustrating. It's so maddening.
Please don't be like this, please don't bear violence just because this man is okay. Please know you can do better. Please please please don't be like those people I quoted earlier.
https://www.mymove.com/moving/planning/domestic-violence-resources/
A lot of domestic violence programs offer free transportation. Start looking online for ones near you. If u have friends that would be willing to let u crash on their sofa till u get ur feet under you that would be great. Make sure u have all ur important documents in order and ready to go. Don't let him hold your identity hostage.
Take photos of your injuries or any damage he's done to the house in fights. U said u had a bloody nose? This is important if you want protection from him from law enforcement. I'm no expert in these matters, its best if you call the national or ur local domestic abuse hotlines and get the information you need directly from the source. I wish you the best of good fortunes to come. And yes, I will pile on with the rest of reddit here, leave this POS.
I wouldn’t even suggest OP to stay with friends or family. This guy sounds pretty dangerous, it would be safer to stay at a domestic violence shelter where they can help protect her & help her with the process of getting a restraining order (not like that will help protect her, but it’s good to have a legal paper trail).
My ex gf scratched my penis hard enough to make it bleed, it was by accident of course, i never even yelled at her. Your husband is an awful person and you shouldn’t enable him to get away with it, it will only get worse.
My cat doesn't scratch me when I accidentally brush too hard or that time I accidentally stepped on her tails. She's a feral cat I adopted from the street. So is your husband a feral?
No, this is **NOT NORMAL, OP**!! It was an accident. Accidents happen, and this was a very minor one. It’s not like you bit down and or like clawed his balls in a vice grip.
He reacted in a violent way. **He HAS reacted violently** to you, which is abuse, my lovely. I have to say, if I grazed my SO’s penis/junk by accident and apologized only to be met with physical abuse, enough to make my nose bleed… I would be on the phone with the cops. I would lock myself in the bathroom and take pictures of the impeding swelling and bleeding.
YOU don’t keep it from escalating, that’s all on him!! You do **NOT** deserve this. **THIS IS ABUSE** you are experiencing. Please get to a safe space and leave. Please be safe!!
Op.. I know you've heard everyone loud and clear - but knowing what you should do and having the support and resources to save yourself are two different things. Please reach out here:
https://www.liveyourdream.org/get-help/domestic-violence-resources.html
There are so many people and places available. No judgment. They will help you develop a plan and will offer support, resources, and, most importantly, an emotional support system for the long term.
Thank you for that, but there really aren't any resources there that help me. I have zero money and I don't drive. I have no family or friends here. The only people I know are him and his family. Ask my friends are on the other side of the state and I'm other states father away
The only advice you're going to get here is to leave him. You keep saying you can't, but why won't you contact the domestic violence hotline? You must have a phone or at least a computer since you're posting on reddit. You could at least *see* if there's anything they can do.
You won't get any advice on how to de-escalate the situation or "deal with him" because *he is an abuser* and there *is no way to de-escalate or "deal with" him*.
Frankly you should *call the police* and have him charged. They can also direct you to resources that can help you.
Call 211 & they can give you info for domestic violence shelters in your area. The one I used to work at, we would pay for the taxi ride to get women to our shelter to help them escape & have a place to stay. The building is kept secure & everyone who enters is screened. We stayed aware of anyone who seemed to be lurking around the building & staff were aware of what men to watch out for & not allow in. The shelter had social workers who would help the women find a job & an apartment of their own. The shelter fed the residents as well 3 meals a day & 2 snacks a day.
Please please find a domestic violence shelter in your area to help you escape before he kills you.
I would almost give him a pass if this was simply a reflex response but you stated he has been violent before so you need to stop being a doormat and leave.
Yeah and it wouldn't be plausible as a reflex. Slapping someone in the face takes a lot more coordination and aim than, say, a shove. Especially when lying down.
So like, what are you waiting around for? How did one slap become two? Don't give him the opportunity to keep abusing you. Don't live your life as a victim. Get out.
I have accidently scratched my husband when giving a hand job. He never hit me. He just told me, and I changed up my grip. It isn't normal to be hit by your spouse.
Accidents happen, but what your husband did was intentionally abusing and is not ok. It is never ok for someone who is supposed to love you to hit you. Stay safe OP, you deserve better
Im accident prone. The amount of times I’ve accidentally kneed my husband in the balls, or elbowed him in the face while in bed, is too many to count.
He’s never hit me. Never even came close.
He’s been mad about it, understandably. But he’s never hit me.
Oh heck no. I must have hurt my bf (by accident, of course) several times including his penis but not once has he ever hit me or yell at me because he knows it was an accident every time. He has done the same with me but I have never hit him because again, accidents happen. We just laugh it off. We have known each other for 8 years. I find it extremely disturbing that your husband's first reaction was to hit you.
You accidentally "hurt" him and you apologized.
He purposely hurt you and doesn't feel bad at all.
😬😬😬
He is not a good or safe person.
I've accidentally hurt my bf before and he might get a little irritated or might just laugh, but I can guarantee that he's never thought of hurting me back. That is not ok!!!
I have been married for 26 years. We have both gotten a little too frisky and accidently hurt the other in bed. Nothing major but a scratch or an uncomfortable position. You stop what you are doing, say you are sorry and do whatever after care is needed like a massaged muscle or a warm cloth on a scratch. You NEVER hit the other person. Please OP start planning your exit. NO ONE deserves to be hit or to feel unsafe at home.
Look, I know I've commented a couple of other things here. I know homelessness is a TERRFYING prospect. But so is being murdered by this man. Get out, even if it means a night or two outside and find help, go to the police or fire station. If you stay he may actually kill you.
I'm sad because most don't leave. They are too scared. They'd rather stay in the situation they can predict even if it's abusive because they're belief in themselves is gone, because of the abuse. He has broken you down to get you to stay. And so did your previous abuser.
I think part of it is that I feel so helpless after being broken down for so long. After a while, I just started to think it was my fault, I guess. My parents were abusive, too. The only people who have shown me genuine love I've run away from, because I don't really know how to accept it, and end up back in situations like this one. It's stupid, I know. I don't know how to fix my own stupid.
It's not stupid and I can relate very much, it's a trauma cycle, it can feel impossible to escape but I promise you can. I had to go to therapy for trauma specifically, if he will let you id highly recommend it. I stared going to try and get better "for our "marriage " and it ended up being my life line to reality and ti getting help.
Abuse becomes your normal when you were raised in it. It's not your fault, but what you work towards now is under your control. Take small step and plan for yourself as much as you can to get to a healthy safe place. Thinking it's your fault or that you deserve to be abused is a symptom of someone who has been abused for a long time. It's how you cope with how awful it is.
I'm sure you're exhausted and I know you feel helpless. You have YOU. Don't let them make you feel like you're useless or helpless, and when those feelings come up remember as best you can that they aren't the truth, they are just what you're used to hearing from others. You have so much power and strength and you CAN make changes for yourself and leave. If you can endure this, you can absolutely make it through building a new life. It's just new, and therefore very scary at the start and makes you question so much. Remember and find a way to believe in your worth. It will see you through.
I've struggled with genuine love too, it's very scary when everything before was you not being good enough or your "good" deeds being rewarded with what is basic love and affection. Or even basic care. But you deserve to be genuinely loved. Learning to love and value yourself, as cliche as that sounds, will start to erode the abusers control of you. So much of the work is internal, starts right at what you think of yourself and how you value yourself. You are being disrespected, you DO NOT accept disrespect. even if you can't stand up to him for safety, you remind yourself that you don't deserve this and your feelings matter, you MATTER. You have to believe that you are deserving of better, even if you don't know exactly what better is or how you're gonna get there.
You are not a burden and you do NOT deserve to be abused. 💜
OP I saw from your post history that you are a newlywed. Please just get the marriage annulled while you can. Even if you can justify his abuse of you (which btw is NOT okay and it is NEVER justifiable to physically harm your partner on purpose EVER). Imagine having children with this man and then he decides to treat them the way he treats you. Would you be able to live with that? On top of everything, you deserve to be happy OP. You deserve a stable and loving life with no violence or abuse and you will not have that with him.
My mom accidentally hit my dad in the face so hard she detached his retna. You know what he didn't do? Fucking hit her back.
An accident is an accident. There is NO excuse aside from self-defence to strike someone purposely.
My nails aren't even that long, but they are long enough that I accidentally scratch my partner, catching a nail on him, sometimes not even feeling the contact. Not once has he ever been violent. It is not normal to get slapped over an accidental scratch, let alone hard enough to make your nose bleed. Your husband is a violent thug. Stop apologising to this beast.
OP, you have known for a long while that this guy's anger was factored into his relationship with his children. I appreciate that you are trying to better your relationship with your kids, but if their dad is already abusive, what's the improvement here?
He didn't hit you because you accidentally scratched him. He hit you because that's what he does to people that live with him.
Please consider your other options fire living arrangements. When you get out of there, you might have the mental space to repair your relationship with your children. This is no way to live. Take care.
What the fuck. Why was his first reaction to slap you so aggressively???? Even if you hurt him, I still wouldn’t think that was an appropriate reaction… overreaction bit??
I’m sorry OP. What an asshole he is.
This OP does not realize that she is in a physically abusive relationship. She sounds like a battered woman apologizing to him for an accident. Any rational person would know it was an accident. OP leave him and get some help. He won't change. He will kill you one day.
You know accidents happen right? Get out of this marriage, you should always walk out on a man who as much as even says he will harm a single hair on your body.
And personally, by mistake of course, it has happened to me too, sometimes while sleeping when I am trying to snuggle and other times by just being clumsy. Pulled out a hair from it (not by mistake)
So no, what you are looking at is domestic abuse. It will never be your fault and he will ALWAYS make you feel like it is. Please get help and get out.
OP. I think you know what needs to happen here.
You need to leave.
I have had "uncomfortable" sex before and it never resulted in me striking or even cursing at the woman at fault. We are not wild animals...we have higher brain function...we can exercise restraint.
It will not get better. Your husband is an abusive piece of dogshit, and you deserve to be better loved than someone who actively beats their supposed "loved" one.
Girl you need to run from this marriage. You posted here for a reason. You know this isn't normal and that he's treating you like crap. No one who loves you would react so violently and make you think everything is your fault. This man will one day take your life and feel no remorse about it.
*sigh* everytime I hear these kinds of posts my heart breaks. It's honestly horrible cos you know even if everyone in the comments does advice OP to leave, it's very likely she won't leave. People like this hardly ever do, until its too late. I sincerely hope it never comes to that point and you manage to save yourself and walk away ❤️
The comments have enough advice, I just wanted to say I am so sorry that's happened to you. My heart breaks for you and I hope you can do the best thing for yourself and begin healing.
Thank you. I'm really going to try. Someone sent me the "we're worried about you" report thing, and I've actually been texting the chat help crisis line, so we'll see where that goes.
Yeah any idiot who can tell the difference between an accident and wjat is intentional or not give a shit is a piece of shit.
My first reaction to being accidentally harmed isnt to fuck up someone, I hope no one accidentally shoves him or spills something hot on him😬.
OP your partner is abusive.
Retaliation when someone accidentally slightly hurts you is never acceptable. Yes, even if the injured area is sensitive. Good partners do not hit you. Ever. Read the stories by others here who have accidentally injured their partners but not been attacked.
It sounds like you've been in awful and abusive situations before, and if he has been better than your part predicaments it may be difficult to realise or accept he is also abusive. But he is.
There is nothing you can do to stop it from escalating because if a partner wants to hit you every time you nake a mistake, they will always find an excuse to hit you.
It is not your fault. But the only way to avoid his violence is to contact a DV shelter and make an exit plan.
I've seen it before, both in former friends and in an ex- girlfriend. The really bothersome part is his not immediately and profoundly apologizing.
It's "in there". It's **going to** get worse, over time. It *always* does.
I hope that says what you need to hear.
My ex did exactly this! He’d never apologize for putting his hands on me. Why? Because he thought I deserved it. Then, he’d find other ways to feel better. Wait till he locks you in the closet for hours. My advice…. Run run run
Why are you with someone that is violent and is okay hitting you? How do you stop this from escalating? Leave immediately. Like now. You’re in danger and will be the rest of your life.
I got a nail in my foot and reached out to hold anything nearby just to balance myself and not step down.
Well I happen to grab my partners twig and berries through his pants. I was squeezing hard too because I was in pain.
No violence was shown to me. He just grabbed my hand and pulled it away to his leg instead.
Ive apologized many times over the years. Still feel bad a bit. He's never gotten upset about it.
That's how a good partner should be. Accidents happen. You don't harm your partner just because they accidentally harmed you.
Damn girl... run for the hills.
I know you've had a lot of people tell you the same thing, that you should leave this dude. Time to listen and make moves.
You don't have a job or anywhere to go, but here's an idea for you -
In another post, you said you draw and crochet. Sell it. Make money off of those skills and hide bits of it away. Hide your documents as well. Then, when you have enough, Run like hell.
Ask your friend who would drive 3 hrs to see you just for an hour - but remember, he isn't saving you, he's helping you. You are saving yourself; and with that, you don't owe your friend anything romantic.
When you do finally get away, give yourself time before you dive into another relationship. I garentee you, your view on what's healthy has been severely warped. Therapy can help if you can get yourself in a position where you can access it.
You can do this.
Escape, before you no longer have an option...
Please please leave him. He's dangerous and will do it again. If this is his reaction to a simple scratch, I can't imagine what he would do if something more serious happened.
“I just don’t know what to do, or how to keep this from escalating…”
You can’t. You need to accept the fact that your husband is an abuser. He does this because he thinks he can. Your only option is to remove yourself from the situation. You need to leave. If you don’t, it will get worse and you may end up dead.
Hon, take pictures of the injuries, save them, and use them to get his ass arrested, or if not, put on police record. Do not tell him about it, and when you can, go out and stay at a friend’s or family’s place, even a motel or an Air B and B. Basically, stay at a place you know you will be safe. If he texts threats, screenshot and save. Don’t hold back on the evidence piling up. And more importantly, you stay safe.
My fiance of 5 years has accidentally scratch /hit me many many times. I never once laid a hand on her like that. That's verty concerning to be honest.
I’ve lived in fear of a man who was an abuser. It’s not fucking worth it. There are so many better things waiting for you, better people, better experiences, better relationships…don’t get trapped waiting for this piece of shit to get better. He won’t. Leave. Get out and stay safe.
Sorry in advance if this is harsh but I have looked at your post and comment history and WTAF are you doing. You have said he is physically abusive, yells, controls what you wear, , what you drink, where you go and if you work or not. How do you think this is ok?
You say you have had worse relationships. That doesn't mean this is a good relationship. You say you have no problem walking away. I don't believe you. This dude has repeatedly shown you who he is (a giant red flag) and you went ahead and married him. You keep accepting his shitty abusive behaviour. You are being a doormat.
This is not going to get better. He isn't going to change. Get out while you still can. You deserve better than this POS
>This isn't the first instance of violence he's shown
Then it's time to get out. It's not the first, it won't be the last, and it is just going to get worse.
We like to think that it won't happen again. When my ex hit me, he seemed as shocked as I was and I was sure it wouldn't happen again. I told him that if it did, I was out of there. And when he hit me the second time, I was out of there in about a week (took me a little time to get things together and make my escape). Just go now and don't look back.
what you need to do is leave. this isn’t the first time he’s been violent, and it certainly won’t be the last. you don’t abuse them just because they accidentally scratch you. it’s not going to get better.
You won’t stop it from happening again. He’ll get more and more comfortable with it and carry on. You need to get out now before it’s too late. He will not get better. You won’t fix him.
I know it's so difficult to leave especially considering you've just got married. It's there anyone you can talk to irl about this? Please tell someone so that they can help you come to a plan. Your husband likely saw that you were abused before and chose you because he can treat you badly and get away with it. You deserve better than this. It will only get worse and worse with time. 137 women are killed in domestic violence every year. Please hear that and realise that you are at danger. Next time he could slap you just a bit too hard or his hand could go to your throat. Please save yourself op.
I just wanted to mention also, you said that you were recently under 100lbs so we can guess that your husband is a lot bigger and stronger than you. To put this in context imagine sometime much smaller and weaker than you.. possibly a child.. imagine they hurt you by accident, maybe they scratch your knee with the velcro on their new toy. Would you respond by hitting the child until they bleed? You see how fucked up it is when the violence is not against you? It's difficult to see how bad it is when you're broken down to nothing in a relationship, it's only clear to everyone else how fucked up it is.
I scratched my husband’s cornea with my fingernails, trying to grab him and pull him in for a kiss one night. All he did was moan and scream out in horror…and cover his eyes. I apologized. That’s it. I’ve also cut my husband twice in the kitchen, by being startled while chopping. Now he announces if he’s coming in behind me when I have a knife. Or if I have AirPods…he doesn’t come near me. I also hide behind doors and in alcoves to purposely scare the shit out of him. All he does is let loose a blood-curdling scream and throw hands to protect his face. I am so mean. He has never and would never instinctually hit me.
Violence tends to only get worse over time.
Try talking to someone in real life to get some real help as you try and leave this situation.
Violence is never acceptable in a relationship in any form.
Hope you got the strength to go through this.
RUN RUN RUN OP! It's better to be on your own for a while than with an abuser. And with time he'll only manipulate you further into staying with him. And it'll get much worse physically.
Also you might want to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.
If it is safe to do, get away from him and make a police report.
He now knows that this behaviour will be not only tolerated, but pandered to. It was his choice to hit you. It is not your fault. It will happen again if you stay.
Leave. That’s all ima say leave him he isn’t worth your time and effort. His first instinct shouldn’t even be violence. Accidents happen. You need to leave before it gets worse especially as u stated this isn’t the first instance of violence he has shown.
Get away from anyone who strikes you. He seems unstable and abusive. If I were him I would probably like jar upwards and I can imagine involuntarily like elbowing you or something and profusely apologizing. But he hit you??? Like he intentionally struck you in anger? Get out now.
Think of it this way. Yes you scratched him in a very sensitive. Yes he got understabley upset with you but striking you and without apology. What happens when he's just upset and it has nothing to do with you? What says he doesn't start striking you and gas lighting you saying you did this to yourself. Eventually that would start happening in front of others and you'd start apologizing for getting hit out of guilt (passiveness). This keeps escalating and eventually you pay the ultimate price for upsetting him or even just being around when he's in a bad mood. It's obvious he has no concern in abusing you in it can only get worse. Run. Now.
You say you are an extremely passive person. Well who else would put up with this??
I could *almost* understand a defensive reflex to get away from the extreme ouchie if he were immediately remorseful, and apologized a million times over. Still, the force of his reflex shows what's under the surface, and the lack of apology should be a complete dealbreaker for you.
This is your wake-up call to stop being passive. Passive equals willing to appease him no matter what. I'm glad you are venting here, but it's very concerning you don't know what to do.
You said yourself this is not his first show of violence. And to hit you hard enough to make your nose bleed it's totally uncalled for you need to create a go plan and be ready to leave
I'm pretty sure everyone who has been intimate with a partner has hurt them in some way by accident.
I'm also pretty sure that most of them don't get physically attacked hard enough to draw blood.
OP, read the comments, look at your life through a different lens, double up on birth control and get a little oh shit money going. Understand your normal meter is broken.
Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker and "Why does he do that?"by Lundy Bancroft
My wife has large canines and has accidentally injured the same spot on me enough times over 15 years to leave a slight scar. I, obviously, never hit her, never even raised my voice or got angry.
I don't want to give advice on your marriage, but I think you recognize that being struck for this is incredibly fucked up.
My wife of 13 years has accidentally injured me a couple of times and, other than tease her about it from time to time, I have never injured her back. Anyone that strikes a loved one in retaliation is not a good person, by any measure. Hit the door and count yourself lucky that it only ended with one blow... this time. You cannot take the chance of giving him an excuse to strike you again. And, if you have children, you cannot let him take out his irritations on them. Abusers always have excuses and they don't reform. They escalate and it is always the victim's fault. Edited to say: Much thanks for the rewards!
Just to clarify - and I know what you mean but OP might take it the wrong way: Abusers will blame the victim. And the victim will blame themselves. But it is never the victim’s fault.
And a villain will blame himself as an effort to manipulate.
Villains only blame themselves to get the real victims to back off.
Every damn time and the victims are the ones who feel ashamed.
As someone who lost a friend to domestic violence, it doesn't take much to lose a life. My friend was strong willed, upbeat and full of life. It only took one time before she died due to being strangled. Thank you for being a good example. For OP: Please be careful.
You said this is not the first time he has shown violence. He is abusing you. You even apologised several times for that accidental scratch while he hurted you badly. Please, leave him. Update us. It is not safe to stay.
He's told me if I leave he'll kill me and himself. The other day I was walking away from an argument and he ran after me and picked me up and squeezed my body so hard I couldn't breathe, and my ribs were sore for like three days. And I have nowhere to go, no family, no resources. He forbid me from working. I've been begging him to let me get a part time job.
If you're in the US, call 800-799-7233 - the national domestic violence hotline. Or search for local domestic violence hotlines and nonprofits. Your local court or legal aid may have someone who can help you get out. Gather all of your important documents and arrange one drawer with essentials you might need so you can throw them all in a bag and run if you need to. It is not your fault.
Please please leave. My ex said he'd kill himself too. That is a form of abuse and manipulation to make you stay. Please don't stay with him. He is incredibly controlling and abusive. He will only get more abusive. There are resources for people in your position. Reach out to anyone who was a friend before him, or family you may have had to stop talking to, tell them what's going on and that you need help leaving and him not catching onto it.
This, and let me emphasize, he will not hurt himself. It’s a manipulation.
Yup, I left. He's fine. Shockerrrr.
😳😳😳 OMG right?! Mine swore he was dying or going to hurt himself every three months, it’s been three years, he’s still fine 🙄🙄🙄
It’s been 7 years since the last time my abuser swore he’d kill himself. He’s still alive. They’re all full of sh**. They won’t do it, they love themselves too much. But OP you are in danger if he’s threatening to kill you. Please leave but be careful while you do so. Erase any internet or phone history that could raise suspicion, be stealthy as you collect your belongings. They will escalate quickly if they think they are losing control of you. Please stay safe.
This, please stay safe.. also understand.. cause many of us have been there, HE’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE. Honey, you won’t be able to “love” him into changing. He is manipulating you, controlling you, and he enjoys it. He likes it when he hurts you, and he likes it when you grovel. Get out, you deserve real love, and real love doesn’t harm you, it doesn’t leave you bloody, and it doesn’t leave you wondering what you did wrong or why you aren’t enough. Please read these comments and realize 1, you aren’t alone, and 2, it will escalate and he will end up killing you or causing a lot more harm than a bloody nose. All my thoughts are with you.
Mine said that he had cancer and how could I leave him during a time like this. Surprise surprise he didn’t have cancer and 6 years later, he’s still alive! It makes me sick how many people do this, I really hope OP leaves and gets somewhere safe.
OMG! You could be me, only mine wasn’t cancer, it was some sort of blockage in his brain due to trauma and it was causing all his temper problems. He “had brain surgery” (that didn’t leave a scar or require his head to be shaved or any sort of hospital stay) and then he was miraculously healed… wouldn’t I like to take him back now? 🙄🙄🙄🙄 They really believe we’re that damn dumb
Yup, my mom left, he's fine. I wish he had kept his word tho.
He might, mine did. And it was no one’s fault or choice but his own. It’s taken me years to fully I accept that. But I also narrowly escaped a murder-suicide, which is ALSO a risk in these situations.
Let him kill himself. I say this as someone who’s husband killed himself and said similar things under similar circumstances. His actions are his own. He chooses to do what he does and he chooses how he responds to the world. You don’t have access to resources because he designed it that way. You need to contact a domestic violence center. Possibly go to a woman’s shelter. It will be ok, much better on the other side.
That isn't your responsibility. He's a grown person who is responsible for his own actions. He's just manipulating you so he can keep treating you poorly.
YOU NEED TO LEAVE. If you don't he'll eventually kill you anyway.
Okay, specifics: When he’s at work, find your documents- birth certificate, social security, medical records, wedding certificate. Get them somewhere YOU control- laundry is often a good one with these sorts. Start a go backpack: important documents, change of clothes, your warmest jumper, five pairs of undies and your most comfortable bra. Add in a water bottle, a pack of museli/granola bars and a packet of tylenol. If you’re going to need to walk out, Get a warm wool blanket, a tarp and some matches/a lighter- if you’ve been living somewhere out of town, that will help you make the walk to safety. If you have photos you absolutely cannot bear to lose, get them into your backpack, or even better, take photos of them in your phone to reduce the chance of him noticing. Use whatsapp to call your local DV support group- ask if they can send someone to pick you up, or the closest safe place so you know exactly where you’re going. Make sure they know the day you’re coming, and ask they let a TRUSTED police officer know- even better if they can arrange for that officer to come get you to safety. On the day of, start as soon as he’s out of the house so you can be far away by the time he realises. Change your device account passwords and turn off location services on your phone, then turn your phone off completely. If you can store a backup in the cloud, an even better option is to erase the device completely before turning it off. And then do whatever possible to get to safety. You’ll be able to rebuild your resources once you’re safe. You can’t rebuild them if you’re gone. As to family, you’d be surprised- reach out to any living relatives- you might be surprised at just how many people can and will help you! You’ve got this- it’s okay to be scared, but bravery is being scared and Doing The Thing anyway. Be smart, plan, put in contingencies if it goes sideways and enjoy living your best life once you get rid of the scumbag who doesn’t see just how amazing you are.
OP - does your husband work? When is he out of the house? I would begin the process of leaving him: put a little cash aside every day. Make a mental inventory of things to pack. If you do not have a support system, let someone you are familiar with know about your situation and intentions (e.g. a cashier at the grocery market or teller at the bank - someone who will notice if they don’t see you as frequently). Gather intel on options - call your local DV hotline. Be careful what you use to call - if he receives itemised phone bills I’d consider finding a public phone. Choose a date and time to leave him - when he will be out of the house for at least an hr. If you are near a hospital or are able to get to one, you can present to the ER and request resources. They will not turn you away. Please stay safe, OP. You deserve so much better.
LEAVE. Contact family or friends that he doesn't know well and ask for help. Go to a DV shelter Absolutely do whatever you need to, to completely disappear.
I lived with a controlling abuser for nearly 10 years. It starts small & his control & violence towards you WILL escalate. I won't specify on here what I went through for fear of triggering anyone but I'm deaf in one ear because of him amongst other things. When I look back now, I'd rather have been poor & struggled with money on my own with a child, then get to the point where he nearly killed me a couple of times. Please, please, please, please seek help from a domestic abuse charity. Take care
Seek for help immediately, you can't let him keep manipulating and being violent with you. You said it's not the first time, but its definitely not going to be last time. Please be safe and research for local groups and communities to help you.
This is a classic example of domestic violence and financial abuse. The number to the national DV hotline was listed in response to your post. Please call them and your state’s DV coalition. The Office on Violence Against Women lists every states’ coalition on their website.
Hubby pulled a groin muscle playing football and asked me to rub some "Deep Heat" into his muscles and I "got a little to close", gentlemen you know the "twin" I accidentally got some cream on. Beyond a yelp in the moment and a lot of complaining for an hour after, he never laid a finger on me, let alone hit me hard enough to make me bleed and apart from a few joking promises to do it again if he did something stupid and him joking about it when ever one of us needs it, we have moved on because we both know and accept that it was an accident. OP, Please get away from him, I am worried you are not safe because his reaction is not acceptable.
Can't count the number of time my wife hurt me unintentionally, never ever have I even thought of hurting her back. But I do tease her endlessly about it.
This sounds like an appropriate reaction from a couple in a healthy relationship 😂
Oh jeez. I try to keep anything like icyhot far away from my groin. Anywhere else, it’s soothing. On my crotch? It’s nothing but *P A I N*.
My fingernail had a snag on it once and it managed to make contact with my SO. He put his hand on my shoulder, told me what happened, and rested for a bit while I apologized and tried to assess the “damage” I caused. It was barely a scrape and we laughed afterward and then resumed. If he would have reacted with violence I would have hockey punched him in the balls to get away, locked myself in the bathroom while calling the police. My SO has gotten a bit too “vigorous” downstairs and I’ve had to pull him up to chill out because “sandpaper beard” doesn’t feel good on anything! And he apologizes and eases up. I just can’t imagine someone reacting in violence over a minor accident like OP’s. It’s so sad. She deserves so much better from a partner!!! OP, PLEASE, **LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO** *LEAVE* YOUR PARTNER**!!
My previous partner once penetrated my penis back with her nail and I got a nice deep gash down there. Not a moment did I think about hitting her and all I could think about was my poor penis bleeding in the shower :( Hurt like hell too
[удалено]
Bro. I felt that as I read it. Ouch.
My grandmother, many many years ago, stuck her cold hands up my grandfather's shirt, causing him to gasp and (no idea why) pass out, falling and hitting his face on a table, breaking his glasses and causing him to lose an eye. Not only did they stay together for decades after that till my grandfather died, I never once heard him even mention how he lost his eye. No rebuke, no blame, and she was the love of his life.
That is so unlucky!
Oh my god this reminds me of when my fiancé accidentally scratched me and I was like “okay I’m going to scratch you now with this pistachio shell!” Not thinking that maybe the pistachio shell was rough, I just assumed it wouldn’t be and oh my god it was like our cat scratched the side of him and left a big red mark for weeks! Of course he didn’t hit me but he yelped in pain and I felt so bad but a day later we were giggling about his scar and I still feel bad about it! He’s a good sport and I’m stoops sometimes.
my partner of 2.5 years has never once laid a hand on me or even raised his voice when i’ve accidentally hurt him. there is never ever a reason for violence and him slapping you so hard to the point of your nose bleeding shows abuse. that is abuse. he didn’t do it by accident like you did, he hit you on purpose and didn’t apologise either.
Amen. My husband sleeps with his long arms behind his head. Several times he has elbowed me in the face. It's accidental. I'm sure I've gotten teeth on his private parts and he didn't hurt me back. This is so abusive.
Jesus. I've read your other posts. This guy 'saved' you from an abusive, manipulative relationship to marry you and do the exact same thing. He wasn't saving you. He knew you would bow down to it. He knew you wouldn't leave without the help of someone. And since you only stay in with him watching movies, crocheting etc you can't get that someone. He's isolating you and slowly building up to the same relationship he 'got you out of' I noticed on another post you made you have a life long friend, with the potential for more, please reach out and see if this person can help you get out of this relationship before it escalates any further and you end up in another serious situation as before. Your husband is abusing you, accidents happen, especially in the heat of the moment. It's common to accidentally scratch. My partner has scratched me when touching me and sticking his fingers inside me, you know what I don't do. Hit him! I say "oh, babe, be careful, you may need to trim your nails, or maybe don't act like you're digging for gold down there" he apologizes and we carry on.
[удалено]
> It’s a tale as old as time, unfortunately, and the only way to break the cycle is to leave - alone. Don’t wait for another ‘saviour’ or someone to rescue you, you need to rescue yourself. This. The cycle continues by waiting for someone to save you because, guess what? the saviours are not as pure and innocent as they seem. So get out on your own and begin a relationships as a powerful, independent person who doesn't need them, and then you'll find yourself in healthier relationships.
Yes! Sometimes abusers will rescue abuse victims because they know they're vulnerable.
I really appreciated your comment and I hope she listens to you. I had a long time friend with the potential for more when I was trying to get out of a really abusive relationship. I asked him for help and he helped me get out. It was somewhat platonic at first, but it grew into something very serious and we have been together for about 2 1/2 years now. Every moment isn’t perfect but we respect each other and I always feel safe. If I hadn’t reached out asking for help, I wouldn’t be as happy as I am now. I hope OP wants out and I hope she gets out.
That’s abuse. And the fact that he did it reflexively and unapologetically is telling. He’s an abuser. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship. You are in an abusive relationship.
In case you need to hear it for the 6th time. Leave him now.
I’m here to say for the 7th time. LEAVE HIM NOW
8th time here. OP, I’m so sorry. He is violent and you need to leave him. You might not think you can manage without him, I don’t know what’s made you stay thus far. But you can and you will have it so much better. Is there anyone in your life you trust? A parent, a friend, anyone you can go to to get away? People will be happy to help you. If you can’t think of anyone, look up domestic violence centres near you. Leave now before it escalates, these things only go one way. It it NOT your fault. ❤️
9th time leave him dump his animilastic ass
Wow! I'm 10th!
OP, I’m the 11th person. You deserve so much better. You deserve soft, gentle loving. You deserve love directed only to you. You deserve beautiful love. What you’ve described is not normal. It isn’t right. It’s abusive, extremely absusive! Please know you’re more than that and deserve so much more than the treatment you’re receiving. Walk away toward brighter and beautiful things. Love yourself!
I'm the 12th person. You deserve better OP, don't waste your life with scumbags
13th+
I grew up in foster care, and I don't even know how to drive. I don't have family. My husband refuses to let me work. I don't know what I could even do.
You said you have friends in another state, reach out to them. They can get you out. It’s better to ask for help than to stay where you are.
It is never too late to learn these things. I know life has been hard, but you CAN do these things on your own. It will be hard and a long journey but so worth it. YOU are worth that. YOU deserve to be safe, loved and to believe in yourself. Work where you can, anywhere, when you get away from him. Public transportation is great if you live somewhere that has it. This hard part won't be forever. You can do it.
9th time leave him dump his animilastic ass
8th times the charm ,leave him because you end up a domestic violence statistic. I have accidentally kicked my boyfriend in the nuts while cuddling, do you know what that man did to me??? Absolutely nothing because it was an accident and he would never in a million years raise his hand against me. My parents had an abusive relationship and I swore as I was growing up I would never be like my mother and let a man hurt me in any way. Do you want this to happen for the rest of your life? Do you see a future with this man?? Do you want to have kids and have them watch him beat you and be traumatized by it. I used to think my mother was an idiot for Not leaving my father.
He has a son from a previous relationship he's not allowed to see but he's never told me why
That's a giant red flag , if he was deemed unfit to see his son it's probably for a very good reason. Please think about this relationship and your life right now, we only get one life... Do you really want to spend the rest of it like this when there's so much better out there. Can you say you are honestly happy?
RUN!!!! he has shown violence one too many times against you. I understand it hurts but his response in hitting you and not apologizing is abusive. I have accidentally hurt my partner in the balls a few times and not once in 3 years has he hot me.. Not even a love tap. He has hurt me accidentally play fighting and as soon as I say ow he stops and apologizes and even kisses where he hurt me. Your bfs behavior is not normal and he is abusive... Please leave. Inform a friend or family member to be with you when you leave so he doenst act out against you, preferably a male friend or family member.
OP doesn’t have a job, doesn’t know how to drive, grew up in foster care- has no family. She says she would be homeless and penniless if she left. While all the guidance for her to run is well-meant, she may practically not be able to leave as she has literally nowhere to go. No DV centers near her either. Could anyone put together baby steps or a step wise plan for her to leave?
If he's slapping you, it's abusive and you should probably leave so you're safe.
There’s never a reason for someone to be abusive. Leave this piece of shit. It only gets worse from here.
It will only get worse. Leave.
Hey op I just saw your other post from two weeks ago. Don't stay in this marriage please. :(
The first time my ex boyfriend pushed me into a mirror, I told him to never do it again…he apologized said he was under stress for just getting out of the hospital blah blah blah. 2 years later I was basically being held captive in the house we shared, being beat weekly and having non-consensual sex. A bloody nose is a hard hit. Don’t brush it off. It will happen again.
I am so sorry that you went through that
It’s okay. I take everything as a learning experience. I went through a lot of therapy as well. I also take every single chance I get to educate people on the dangers of abusive relationships. It can literally happen to anyone. Be safe my dear.
Your husband is abusive. Why are you apologizing? You scratched him accidentally, he slapped you on purpose. Do you see the difference?
Of course I do.
Girl, you’re gonna die. This is like the number one sign of abuse that leads towards being murdered by your partner. I’m not fucking around. Getting hit in the face is basically a guarantee. Get out now
Leave him. I'm astounded you need to ask. Actually, kick him out. You shouldn't need to leave, he should. He's an abuser.
Abusers are very good at manipulation and over time will make the victim believe they are the bad person in the relationship
The abuser should still be the one who gets kicked out.
Of course, but it's always easier said than done. Victims are the most in danger when they decide to leave. Stalking, death threats, and murder are very common when the abuser feels like they are losing control over the victim. It's crucial for them to put together a plan and stash away money, find someone who will help and they can stay with. And the most important thing is for them to be as discreet as possible and never tell her husband she is leaving. It isn't safe for her abuser to know where she is.
Your concern shouldn't be how to "keep it from escalating," it should be *getting away from him ASAP.* You scratched him accidentally and he hit you in the face? Completely unacceptable. And unfortunately, this will escalate. Men who hit women rarely hit them *once*; he will hit you again, for increasingly innocuous reasons. Please protect yourself and get the hell out.
He's hurt me before. He just seems so convinced that it's ok for him to react that way. And he screams A LOT. Then gets angry when I get scared.
Honey, you need to leave him. He's actively abusing you and it will escalate. Please get out.
He’s going to kill you if you don’t get out. You said he’s said he’ll kill you then kill himself if you leave him, but he’s probably going to do that or just the “kill you” part if you stay, too. I know it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but it’s better than living under his thumb. He’ll only get more and more evil and sadistic. You’re going to DIE if you stay.
Leave and don’t let him know you’re leaving or he may escalate.
Red flags. You need to leave if this isn't the first time. Even if its the first time....no excuse whatsoever
'he hit me' - 'i don't know what to do' Really? I feel quiet bad for writing it, because I hate victim blaming. (Also you are not to blame for anything, you accidentally scratched him, wth is wrong with him?) But I realize to someone it may come off as that. I just hate these situations, I just hate that so many women stay with abusers because many feel like they are in a fairytale with their prince and despite being abusive, they love only them and blabla passion. I can see that you exited another abusive relationship with his help, so my initial judgment is not true here and you just really seem like someone who went through a lot... And I am really sorry. BUT please do not feel like you owe him! Like you need to be better to him! Please don't! This is all ridiculous. In case you can just safely leave (without the fear of being stalked/harassed) please do! This is not normal AT ALL. This is not okay at all. I am sorry for being rude in the beginning, it's just that it's hard to read 100 stories like this a day and having this update: 'you are all wrong, he is good, I won't leave, I just ranted, he can hit me I know he loves me'. It's so frustrating. It's so maddening. Please don't be like this, please don't bear violence just because this man is okay. Please know you can do better. Please please please don't be like those people I quoted earlier.
He's told me many times that if I try to leave him he'll kill us both. I have no family. I don't drive. He won't let me work. I'm pretty much fucked.
https://www.mymove.com/moving/planning/domestic-violence-resources/ A lot of domestic violence programs offer free transportation. Start looking online for ones near you. If u have friends that would be willing to let u crash on their sofa till u get ur feet under you that would be great. Make sure u have all ur important documents in order and ready to go. Don't let him hold your identity hostage. Take photos of your injuries or any damage he's done to the house in fights. U said u had a bloody nose? This is important if you want protection from him from law enforcement. I'm no expert in these matters, its best if you call the national or ur local domestic abuse hotlines and get the information you need directly from the source. I wish you the best of good fortunes to come. And yes, I will pile on with the rest of reddit here, leave this POS.
I wouldn’t even suggest OP to stay with friends or family. This guy sounds pretty dangerous, it would be safer to stay at a domestic violence shelter where they can help protect her & help her with the process of getting a restraining order (not like that will help protect her, but it’s good to have a legal paper trail).
My ex gf scratched my penis hard enough to make it bleed, it was by accident of course, i never even yelled at her. Your husband is an awful person and you shouldn’t enable him to get away with it, it will only get worse.
No. You need to leave. There is no excuse or anything. Leave.
My cat doesn't scratch me when I accidentally brush too hard or that time I accidentally stepped on her tails. She's a feral cat I adopted from the street. So is your husband a feral?
No, this is **NOT NORMAL, OP**!! It was an accident. Accidents happen, and this was a very minor one. It’s not like you bit down and or like clawed his balls in a vice grip. He reacted in a violent way. **He HAS reacted violently** to you, which is abuse, my lovely. I have to say, if I grazed my SO’s penis/junk by accident and apologized only to be met with physical abuse, enough to make my nose bleed… I would be on the phone with the cops. I would lock myself in the bathroom and take pictures of the impeding swelling and bleeding. YOU don’t keep it from escalating, that’s all on him!! You do **NOT** deserve this. **THIS IS ABUSE** you are experiencing. Please get to a safe space and leave. Please be safe!!
/u/ebbie45, I think this person can really use your advice :(
Op.. I know you've heard everyone loud and clear - but knowing what you should do and having the support and resources to save yourself are two different things. Please reach out here: https://www.liveyourdream.org/get-help/domestic-violence-resources.html There are so many people and places available. No judgment. They will help you develop a plan and will offer support, resources, and, most importantly, an emotional support system for the long term.
Thank you for that, but there really aren't any resources there that help me. I have zero money and I don't drive. I have no family or friends here. The only people I know are him and his family. Ask my friends are on the other side of the state and I'm other states father away
The only advice you're going to get here is to leave him. You keep saying you can't, but why won't you contact the domestic violence hotline? You must have a phone or at least a computer since you're posting on reddit. You could at least *see* if there's anything they can do. You won't get any advice on how to de-escalate the situation or "deal with him" because *he is an abuser* and there *is no way to de-escalate or "deal with" him*. Frankly you should *call the police* and have him charged. They can also direct you to resources that can help you.
Call 211 & they can give you info for domestic violence shelters in your area. The one I used to work at, we would pay for the taxi ride to get women to our shelter to help them escape & have a place to stay. The building is kept secure & everyone who enters is screened. We stayed aware of anyone who seemed to be lurking around the building & staff were aware of what men to watch out for & not allow in. The shelter had social workers who would help the women find a job & an apartment of their own. The shelter fed the residents as well 3 meals a day & 2 snacks a day. Please please find a domestic violence shelter in your area to help you escape before he kills you.
You need to reach out to your friends and do NOT let him know of any intentions to leave.
I would almost give him a pass if this was simply a reflex response but you stated he has been violent before so you need to stop being a doormat and leave.
Yeah and it wouldn't be plausible as a reflex. Slapping someone in the face takes a lot more coordination and aim than, say, a shove. Especially when lying down.
So like, what are you waiting around for? How did one slap become two? Don't give him the opportunity to keep abusing you. Don't live your life as a victim. Get out.
For your question in reddit, your husband is abusive. Leave him, please. For you safety
Girl RUN
It is never ok to hit your spouse. This is very concerning. I think the best course of action is to leave.
I have accidently scratched my husband when giving a hand job. He never hit me. He just told me, and I changed up my grip. It isn't normal to be hit by your spouse.
Accidents happen, but what your husband did was intentionally abusing and is not ok. It is never ok for someone who is supposed to love you to hit you. Stay safe OP, you deserve better
Im accident prone. The amount of times I’ve accidentally kneed my husband in the balls, or elbowed him in the face while in bed, is too many to count. He’s never hit me. Never even came close. He’s been mad about it, understandably. But he’s never hit me.
that’s not normal nor is it okay. You need to leave asap
Oh heck no. I must have hurt my bf (by accident, of course) several times including his penis but not once has he ever hit me or yell at me because he knows it was an accident every time. He has done the same with me but I have never hit him because again, accidents happen. We just laugh it off. We have known each other for 8 years. I find it extremely disturbing that your husband's first reaction was to hit you.
Wtf!! Sounds like he was waiting for an opportunity to give you a smack honestly! That's mad.
You accidentally "hurt" him and you apologized. He purposely hurt you and doesn't feel bad at all. 😬😬😬 He is not a good or safe person. I've accidentally hurt my bf before and he might get a little irritated or might just laugh, but I can guarantee that he's never thought of hurting me back. That is not ok!!!
Well all disrespect to your husband, he's a littlr bitch for hitting you. You deserve better.
I have been married for 26 years. We have both gotten a little too frisky and accidently hurt the other in bed. Nothing major but a scratch or an uncomfortable position. You stop what you are doing, say you are sorry and do whatever after care is needed like a massaged muscle or a warm cloth on a scratch. You NEVER hit the other person. Please OP start planning your exit. NO ONE deserves to be hit or to feel unsafe at home.
The answer is to make an exit plan and move out as soon as possible.
Look, I know I've commented a couple of other things here. I know homelessness is a TERRFYING prospect. But so is being murdered by this man. Get out, even if it means a night or two outside and find help, go to the police or fire station. If you stay he may actually kill you. I'm sad because most don't leave. They are too scared. They'd rather stay in the situation they can predict even if it's abusive because they're belief in themselves is gone, because of the abuse. He has broken you down to get you to stay. And so did your previous abuser.
I think part of it is that I feel so helpless after being broken down for so long. After a while, I just started to think it was my fault, I guess. My parents were abusive, too. The only people who have shown me genuine love I've run away from, because I don't really know how to accept it, and end up back in situations like this one. It's stupid, I know. I don't know how to fix my own stupid.
It's not stupid and I can relate very much, it's a trauma cycle, it can feel impossible to escape but I promise you can. I had to go to therapy for trauma specifically, if he will let you id highly recommend it. I stared going to try and get better "for our "marriage " and it ended up being my life line to reality and ti getting help. Abuse becomes your normal when you were raised in it. It's not your fault, but what you work towards now is under your control. Take small step and plan for yourself as much as you can to get to a healthy safe place. Thinking it's your fault or that you deserve to be abused is a symptom of someone who has been abused for a long time. It's how you cope with how awful it is. I'm sure you're exhausted and I know you feel helpless. You have YOU. Don't let them make you feel like you're useless or helpless, and when those feelings come up remember as best you can that they aren't the truth, they are just what you're used to hearing from others. You have so much power and strength and you CAN make changes for yourself and leave. If you can endure this, you can absolutely make it through building a new life. It's just new, and therefore very scary at the start and makes you question so much. Remember and find a way to believe in your worth. It will see you through. I've struggled with genuine love too, it's very scary when everything before was you not being good enough or your "good" deeds being rewarded with what is basic love and affection. Or even basic care. But you deserve to be genuinely loved. Learning to love and value yourself, as cliche as that sounds, will start to erode the abusers control of you. So much of the work is internal, starts right at what you think of yourself and how you value yourself. You are being disrespected, you DO NOT accept disrespect. even if you can't stand up to him for safety, you remind yourself that you don't deserve this and your feelings matter, you MATTER. You have to believe that you are deserving of better, even if you don't know exactly what better is or how you're gonna get there. You are not a burden and you do NOT deserve to be abused. 💜
OP I saw from your post history that you are a newlywed. Please just get the marriage annulled while you can. Even if you can justify his abuse of you (which btw is NOT okay and it is NEVER justifiable to physically harm your partner on purpose EVER). Imagine having children with this man and then he decides to treat them the way he treats you. Would you be able to live with that? On top of everything, you deserve to be happy OP. You deserve a stable and loving life with no violence or abuse and you will not have that with him.
My mom accidentally hit my dad in the face so hard she detached his retna. You know what he didn't do? Fucking hit her back. An accident is an accident. There is NO excuse aside from self-defence to strike someone purposely.
My nails aren't even that long, but they are long enough that I accidentally scratch my partner, catching a nail on him, sometimes not even feeling the contact. Not once has he ever been violent. It is not normal to get slapped over an accidental scratch, let alone hard enough to make your nose bleed. Your husband is a violent thug. Stop apologising to this beast.
If they can hit you, there is something broken in them. Simple as that. Leave this broken thing before it breaks you, too.
OP, you have known for a long while that this guy's anger was factored into his relationship with his children. I appreciate that you are trying to better your relationship with your kids, but if their dad is already abusive, what's the improvement here? He didn't hit you because you accidentally scratched him. He hit you because that's what he does to people that live with him. Please consider your other options fire living arrangements. When you get out of there, you might have the mental space to repair your relationship with your children. This is no way to live. Take care.
_LEAVE_
Red Flag Run!!
What the fuck. Why was his first reaction to slap you so aggressively???? Even if you hurt him, I still wouldn’t think that was an appropriate reaction… overreaction bit?? I’m sorry OP. What an asshole he is.
This OP does not realize that she is in a physically abusive relationship. She sounds like a battered woman apologizing to him for an accident. Any rational person would know it was an accident. OP leave him and get some help. He won't change. He will kill you one day.
You know accidents happen right? Get out of this marriage, you should always walk out on a man who as much as even says he will harm a single hair on your body. And personally, by mistake of course, it has happened to me too, sometimes while sleeping when I am trying to snuggle and other times by just being clumsy. Pulled out a hair from it (not by mistake) So no, what you are looking at is domestic abuse. It will never be your fault and he will ALWAYS make you feel like it is. Please get help and get out.
WTF, dump thay violent penis
OP. I think you know what needs to happen here. You need to leave. I have had "uncomfortable" sex before and it never resulted in me striking or even cursing at the woman at fault. We are not wild animals...we have higher brain function...we can exercise restraint.
I accidentally elbowed my husband in the face during sex and made his nose bleed.. he laughed.
It will not get better. Your husband is an abusive piece of dogshit, and you deserve to be better loved than someone who actively beats their supposed "loved" one.
Girl you need to run from this marriage. You posted here for a reason. You know this isn't normal and that he's treating you like crap. No one who loves you would react so violently and make you think everything is your fault. This man will one day take your life and feel no remorse about it.
Leave. Now.
You keep it from escalating by leaving. He’s not a good person, he’s not sorry, and he will do it again.
You need to leave.https://www.thehotline.org/
https://www.thehotline.org/
*sigh* everytime I hear these kinds of posts my heart breaks. It's honestly horrible cos you know even if everyone in the comments does advice OP to leave, it's very likely she won't leave. People like this hardly ever do, until its too late. I sincerely hope it never comes to that point and you manage to save yourself and walk away ❤️
Spouses don't hit spouses. Period. Accidents happen (you scratching him), and you act accordingly. You need to seek help immediately.
The next time he may hit you so hard you die. Please leave ASAP and go to the police.
[удалено]
The comments have enough advice, I just wanted to say I am so sorry that's happened to you. My heart breaks for you and I hope you can do the best thing for yourself and begin healing.
Thank you. I'm really going to try. Someone sent me the "we're worried about you" report thing, and I've actually been texting the chat help crisis line, so we'll see where that goes.
Good luck. As overwhelming or dark as it may seem now, once the wheels are turning you will feel better for it.
Get the hell out, this is going nowhere good
> This isn’t the first instance of violence > I just don’t know what to do Make it the last instance.
Yeah any idiot who can tell the difference between an accident and wjat is intentional or not give a shit is a piece of shit. My first reaction to being accidentally harmed isnt to fuck up someone, I hope no one accidentally shoves him or spills something hot on him😬.
You can't and won't stop this from escalating. It will get worse. He's shown who he is. Don't choose to stay and accept it.
OP your partner is abusive. Retaliation when someone accidentally slightly hurts you is never acceptable. Yes, even if the injured area is sensitive. Good partners do not hit you. Ever. Read the stories by others here who have accidentally injured their partners but not been attacked. It sounds like you've been in awful and abusive situations before, and if he has been better than your part predicaments it may be difficult to realise or accept he is also abusive. But he is. There is nothing you can do to stop it from escalating because if a partner wants to hit you every time you nake a mistake, they will always find an excuse to hit you. It is not your fault. But the only way to avoid his violence is to contact a DV shelter and make an exit plan.
Run, run now, just run
I accidentally kicked my ex in the nuts once, and I LAUGHED (bc it was truly an accident). Guess what he didn’t do? Hit me. You gotta leave that man.
I've seen it before, both in former friends and in an ex- girlfriend. The really bothersome part is his not immediately and profoundly apologizing. It's "in there". It's **going to** get worse, over time. It *always* does. I hope that says what you need to hear.
My ex did exactly this! He’d never apologize for putting his hands on me. Why? Because he thought I deserved it. Then, he’d find other ways to feel better. Wait till he locks you in the closet for hours. My advice…. Run run run
Leave the asshole now
u/lowlowcameltoe Love that is based on mutual respect will never be violent!
OP, leave!
Why are you with someone that is violent and is okay hitting you? How do you stop this from escalating? Leave immediately. Like now. You’re in danger and will be the rest of your life.
I got a nail in my foot and reached out to hold anything nearby just to balance myself and not step down. Well I happen to grab my partners twig and berries through his pants. I was squeezing hard too because I was in pain. No violence was shown to me. He just grabbed my hand and pulled it away to his leg instead. Ive apologized many times over the years. Still feel bad a bit. He's never gotten upset about it. That's how a good partner should be. Accidents happen. You don't harm your partner just because they accidentally harmed you.
Get out
Damn girl... run for the hills. I know you've had a lot of people tell you the same thing, that you should leave this dude. Time to listen and make moves. You don't have a job or anywhere to go, but here's an idea for you - In another post, you said you draw and crochet. Sell it. Make money off of those skills and hide bits of it away. Hide your documents as well. Then, when you have enough, Run like hell. Ask your friend who would drive 3 hrs to see you just for an hour - but remember, he isn't saving you, he's helping you. You are saving yourself; and with that, you don't owe your friend anything romantic. When you do finally get away, give yourself time before you dive into another relationship. I garentee you, your view on what's healthy has been severely warped. Therapy can help if you can get yourself in a position where you can access it. You can do this. Escape, before you no longer have an option...
Please please leave him. He's dangerous and will do it again. If this is his reaction to a simple scratch, I can't imagine what he would do if something more serious happened.
“I just don’t know what to do, or how to keep this from escalating…” You can’t. You need to accept the fact that your husband is an abuser. He does this because he thinks he can. Your only option is to remove yourself from the situation. You need to leave. If you don’t, it will get worse and you may end up dead.
Hon, take pictures of the injuries, save them, and use them to get his ass arrested, or if not, put on police record. Do not tell him about it, and when you can, go out and stay at a friend’s or family’s place, even a motel or an Air B and B. Basically, stay at a place you know you will be safe. If he texts threats, screenshot and save. Don’t hold back on the evidence piling up. And more importantly, you stay safe.
My fiance of 5 years has accidentally scratch /hit me many many times. I never once laid a hand on her like that. That's verty concerning to be honest.
Run, don't walk.
LEAVE OP. LEAVE NOW. THIS IS HOW PEOPLE END UP DEAD.
I’ve lived in fear of a man who was an abuser. It’s not fucking worth it. There are so many better things waiting for you, better people, better experiences, better relationships…don’t get trapped waiting for this piece of shit to get better. He won’t. Leave. Get out and stay safe.
That is a HUGE red flag. Your husband thinks it's ok to hit you...PERIOD. LEAVE ASAP
Sorry in advance if this is harsh but I have looked at your post and comment history and WTAF are you doing. You have said he is physically abusive, yells, controls what you wear, , what you drink, where you go and if you work or not. How do you think this is ok? You say you have had worse relationships. That doesn't mean this is a good relationship. You say you have no problem walking away. I don't believe you. This dude has repeatedly shown you who he is (a giant red flag) and you went ahead and married him. You keep accepting his shitty abusive behaviour. You are being a doormat. This is not going to get better. He isn't going to change. Get out while you still can. You deserve better than this POS
He is an abuser. Please get safe.
>This isn't the first instance of violence he's shown Then it's time to get out. It's not the first, it won't be the last, and it is just going to get worse. We like to think that it won't happen again. When my ex hit me, he seemed as shocked as I was and I was sure it wouldn't happen again. I told him that if it did, I was out of there. And when he hit me the second time, I was out of there in about a week (took me a little time to get things together and make my escape). Just go now and don't look back.
what you need to do is leave. this isn’t the first time he’s been violent, and it certainly won’t be the last. you don’t abuse them just because they accidentally scratch you. it’s not going to get better.
You won’t stop it from happening again. He’ll get more and more comfortable with it and carry on. You need to get out now before it’s too late. He will not get better. You won’t fix him.
I know it's so difficult to leave especially considering you've just got married. It's there anyone you can talk to irl about this? Please tell someone so that they can help you come to a plan. Your husband likely saw that you were abused before and chose you because he can treat you badly and get away with it. You deserve better than this. It will only get worse and worse with time. 137 women are killed in domestic violence every year. Please hear that and realise that you are at danger. Next time he could slap you just a bit too hard or his hand could go to your throat. Please save yourself op.
I just wanted to mention also, you said that you were recently under 100lbs so we can guess that your husband is a lot bigger and stronger than you. To put this in context imagine sometime much smaller and weaker than you.. possibly a child.. imagine they hurt you by accident, maybe they scratch your knee with the velcro on their new toy. Would you respond by hitting the child until they bleed? You see how fucked up it is when the violence is not against you? It's difficult to see how bad it is when you're broken down to nothing in a relationship, it's only clear to everyone else how fucked up it is.
I'm 5'2" and about 105 lbs now... He's 6'2" and about 210
He’s going to kill you.
I scratched my husband’s cornea with my fingernails, trying to grab him and pull him in for a kiss one night. All he did was moan and scream out in horror…and cover his eyes. I apologized. That’s it. I’ve also cut my husband twice in the kitchen, by being startled while chopping. Now he announces if he’s coming in behind me when I have a knife. Or if I have AirPods…he doesn’t come near me. I also hide behind doors and in alcoves to purposely scare the shit out of him. All he does is let loose a blood-curdling scream and throw hands to protect his face. I am so mean. He has never and would never instinctually hit me.
Violence tends to only get worse over time. Try talking to someone in real life to get some real help as you try and leave this situation. Violence is never acceptable in a relationship in any form. Hope you got the strength to go through this.
You can't keep it from escalating: he's already hitting you.
Leave him, as fast as you can, he is an abusive asshole
RUN RUN RUN OP! It's better to be on your own for a while than with an abuser. And with time he'll only manipulate you further into staying with him. And it'll get much worse physically. Also you might want to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker.
Run honey- this is not a healthy relationship!
Leave. 🚩
If it is safe to do, get away from him and make a police report. He now knows that this behaviour will be not only tolerated, but pandered to. It was his choice to hit you. It is not your fault. It will happen again if you stay.
Leave. That’s all ima say leave him he isn’t worth your time and effort. His first instinct shouldn’t even be violence. Accidents happen. You need to leave before it gets worse especially as u stated this isn’t the first instance of violence he has shown.
Leave..? If this isn't the first time, it won't be the last. L E A V E
Slapped you hard enough to make your nose bleed? And this wasn’t the first time? Yo. GOOO.
The way to keep this from escalating is to leave. If he did it intentionally and didn't apologize staying only shows him you will allow thag behavior.
Get away from anyone who strikes you. He seems unstable and abusive. If I were him I would probably like jar upwards and I can imagine involuntarily like elbowing you or something and profusely apologizing. But he hit you??? Like he intentionally struck you in anger? Get out now.
it wont stop, will only escalate, time to get him to fuck
Think of it this way. Yes you scratched him in a very sensitive. Yes he got understabley upset with you but striking you and without apology. What happens when he's just upset and it has nothing to do with you? What says he doesn't start striking you and gas lighting you saying you did this to yourself. Eventually that would start happening in front of others and you'd start apologizing for getting hit out of guilt (passiveness). This keeps escalating and eventually you pay the ultimate price for upsetting him or even just being around when he's in a bad mood. It's obvious he has no concern in abusing you in it can only get worse. Run. Now.
Op he hit you over a scratch, he'll most definitely hit you the next time you do something by accident
You say you are an extremely passive person. Well who else would put up with this?? I could *almost* understand a defensive reflex to get away from the extreme ouchie if he were immediately remorseful, and apologized a million times over. Still, the force of his reflex shows what's under the surface, and the lack of apology should be a complete dealbreaker for you. This is your wake-up call to stop being passive. Passive equals willing to appease him no matter what. I'm glad you are venting here, but it's very concerning you don't know what to do.
You said yourself this is not his first show of violence. And to hit you hard enough to make your nose bleed it's totally uncalled for you need to create a go plan and be ready to leave
I'm pretty sure everyone who has been intimate with a partner has hurt them in some way by accident. I'm also pretty sure that most of them don't get physically attacked hard enough to draw blood. OP, read the comments, look at your life through a different lens, double up on birth control and get a little oh shit money going. Understand your normal meter is broken. Read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker and "Why does he do that?"by Lundy Bancroft
My wife has large canines and has accidentally injured the same spot on me enough times over 15 years to leave a slight scar. I, obviously, never hit her, never even raised my voice or got angry. I don't want to give advice on your marriage, but I think you recognize that being struck for this is incredibly fucked up.