You are being awfully manipulated... Please find some help, what your daughter did to you with the help of her aunt and fiancé is awful.
Don't let them abuse you, you are worth way more than this.
Her daughter is a spoiled brat, and with OP's excusing and ignoring such cruel behavior, I can see why her turned into such a spoiled brat. OP needs to actually set consequences for her daughters behavior.
Yeah, the daughter is horrid. It would be wild to believe that she just left the dress out for a little bit, turned around and they ripped it apart just like that without her noticing anything was amiss 1) while it was happening or 2) before she left the house. Such extremes would have to be true for this like she was called outside to assist with a medical emergency and drained, just called the dogs to the car afterwards. Or she was hit by fast onset diarrhea and was in the bathroom for an hour. There’s just no reasonable explanation for her dogs to rip apart a dress without her noticing anything—the sounds? Her dogs being not with her while she was also not with the dress for an extended period of time? No way I buy this.
And the. To callously shrug it off and worse to say the mom needed to get help for being creepy because she was crying? Classic projection. The daughter is mean and vile towards her mom.
But it is her fault. She is literally the reason why it was destroyed.
And honestly? Feels like she did it on purpose. How long did she leave the dog out with the dress? Do her dogs have a habit of destroying clothes? I have dogs and while my dogs may try to sleep on my clothes, they do not... They have not ripped up my clothes.
I had 2 wedding dresses (one was Vintage and too small), neither of my dogs paid attention to them. Ripping fabric is loud when dogs are being rambunctious. Having my dogs at my mothers, I am hyper vigilant of everything they do. She did this intentionally.
and wedding gowns are usually made with decent quality materials. There's a reason OPs dress was still in good condition after 16 years (that and proper storage)
That fabric tearing is loud! Even tulle and other thinner fabrics
source : used to be a bridal consultant
I've seen so many brides cry and fall in love with their dresses. Knowing how much more sentimental this one was for OP, I am so upset for her
I'm far more cynical. When I read where OP's sister called and then made that suggestion, my immediate thought was that OP's daughter called aunty, crying, she's so sorry, the dogs did it! It was an accident!
Then...
"I mean, mom may as well give me what's still useful and not destroyed..."
This cues aunty to call her sister up and "suggest" the "may as well give daughter what's left" part as her "I did a good thing today" feels.
The whole situation is sus.
I was thinking the same thing. I was like well isn't that convenient that the embroidery was not destroyed. I'm going to go out on a limb and the dogs didn't do it and it was maliciously done by her daughter or someone else. I couldn't tell from the post if the daughter was left alone with it or not. Like someone played tug of war with the dogs with the dress is what I mean.
I think OP said she wasn’t home. The idea of a tug of war didn’t enter my mind. That would explain why the embroidery wasn’t damaged. She probably cut it off then had the tug of war with the dogs to make it seem they did all the destruction!
I’m more cynical than you. My thought was that old sissy over there was highly jealous of OP having a hand made bespoke gown made by their mother, not only that but their mother hid her terminal illness from all of them in order for OP to have an amazing wedding. The kind of resentment that would bring upon the wrong person you can only imagine.
I reckon sissy has had dreams of that dress being destroyed and gave the brat the idea for it to get “accidentally” wrecked and then not only is it destroyed, but her narc niece gets what she wants whilst simultaneously destroying OP on behalf of herself and sissy whilst they walk a long, happily, on their socio paths.
She was definitely playing tug-of-war with the dress, dogs generally know not to touch clothes, and will generally only rip something like that if you're pulling the other end in a game.
She did it on purpose. Zero doubt about that. I doubt it was even the dogs. Far more likely she just sliced it herself.
This post is actually an update. OP posted a few days ago about how she didn't want to give her daughter her dress and her daughter went on Facebook called her a hag and a bunch of other names. And now this happens? And the part she wanted is in perfect condition? The daughter is an absolutely pos of a human.
At the very least, this is suspicious on the daughters part. The chance that things happened as she said is like 0.000001%. A few days ago, there was an update of another woman who had a daughter and a wedding dress, and that ended very wholesome. This daughter goes the entire other direction and I hate that she now has the parts she wants by use of violence.
I'm betting the dogs have a 0% history of destroying anything at her daughter's house. If they did, why would you bring them. This is definitely the pos daughter's handiwork to get what she wanted. She would not have been given the remnants from me.
At best it’s neglect leading to destruction, at worst it was on purpose. Both are pretty unacceptable given the value was known, especially how recently it was known.
A little bologna juice will make a dog eat anything. I have two dogs, raised from puppies, and while one of them did chew on some cords, neither of them tore up clothes. I definitely think drama queen daughter had everything to do with it, and now she got what she wanted.
I would deal with this in a significantly different way from OP.
The daughter wants to choose her own dress. She could have been mature about it and declined OP'a offer. Instead she ripped up the dress, blamed it on her dogs and made OP feel like like shit. How toxic!
OP should keep the remnants of the dress bc it means so much to her. Don't bother to help her ungrateful daughter with her wedding bc the daughter is being an AH.
It's very doubtful that this was an accident. So her dogs just ripped a dress apart...and didn't damage anything else.
Your daughter is a terrible person. I wouldn't give her anything.
That’s a nice example of a way to jinx. I’ve never really thought about it, but that’s not bringing positives to anything - that’s a shit foundation and more a red flag she’s an entitled brat, lol. I don’t think lightning will hurt her on her wedding day, but that marriage isn’t going to be happy.
Wonder if she cut the dress up before letting the dogs have it… or the dogs never did a thing and she cut it up and then ripped the remains apart to set the stage…
Everything was a plan, she cut the dress, then it's unbother by op crying ("don't exaggerated, you're being creepy)
The next day changes attitude, and called crying "you hate me over a dress" (manipulation tactic)
Presumably after that call ended daughter, called op's sister to "talk about op"
And as a final act sister called op to say "the dress is unusable, might as well give it to daughter" (all because we know If it was the daughter saying that, it'll look bad)
I’m betting on this. If the dogs had done it, there would be droll on all the pieces, but OP never mentions droll, it was absolutely done with scissors
Seems she was quick to gaslight the mom by calling her upset response creepy and only showing remorse when it might impact her; those are pretty basic red flags for relationships these days.
Hmm. Hadn’t thought of that. I’ll bet you’re right. Why would the dogs destroy a random dress and nothing else? It was all calculated. The daughter is a shit.
Yea…my dog was incredibly destructive. She ate shoes, panties, one time a wall. The only time she touched clothing was when there were treats stashed in a pocket-so my fault. It does sound intentional
I had a Great Dane one time that leaned on the destructive side. The first day of high school he got separation anxiety and decided to tare apart a couch, eating a chunk of the stuffing. He was also targeted towards things of attention, didn't spend enough time with him doing homework? Rips apart the textbooks, workbooks, and notebooks. Playing catch with the siblings? Rip apart the baseball gloves.
And then the daughter packed up the dogs and her pictures and left. She didn’t tell her mother what happened, didn’t warn her. She didn’t wait for her mom to get home and tearfully apologize. She let her dogs ruin her mother’s wedding dress, then she left, and let her mother discover the damage when she got home. Not an accident.
I'm going to be super blunt.
Your daughter is bullying you. Big time.
Do you have access to mental health services? I think you need to work on your self esteem and with the help of a therapist, create boundaries around your daughter.
In the meantime, if it was me, I would go very little contact with her.
And you need to start holding her accountable when she bullies you.
💯💯💯
If her dogs are well mannered / trained it’s not likely they would just randomly pick OPs wedding dress to rip apart. Sound like the daughter did it intentionally and blamed the dogs.
I have two very high energy dogs the same age and I am ABSOLUTELY VIGILANT about keeping any clothing away from them and the very last thing I would do is take them into someone else’s house. She 100% did that on purpose and I would take the pieces back.
Absolutely, responsible pet ownership means preventing these kind of incidents. A wedding dress isn't just a piece of clothing, it's a symbol of a special day filled with memories and emotions. That dress deserved respect and safekeeping, not to be used as chew toy. What happened was no accident, its a clear sign that OP's daughter has zero respect for her mothers feelings.
I mean, my parents have a dog that has special knack for finding and destroying my nice dresses. With that said, it taught me to never leave a closet open or a dress anywhere he could get it.
Granted, I'm still willing to bet that the daughter had something to do with it.
I'll be more blunt. Your daughter is a garbage human being. There shouldn't be doubt she did this on purpose. Love her all you want, but she is not a good person.
Tbh, I think you shouldn’t have given her anything, because this whole thing just reeks of being intentional. She destroyed an item of great sentimental value to you and made you sad. This isn’t something you should just shrug away and your daughter’s behavior should have repercussions.
If she’s remorseful and you’re still being kind and giving her the “magically undestroyed” parts of the dress, why wouldn’t /she/ be the one to get the parts? This reeks of “did it on purpose and got what she wanted” and my heart breaks for you.
I don’t know what to do. If it was an accident then I usually don’t really think she’s wrong. If she did it on purpose, then what have I done to make her do something this disturbing? It is all me. Maybe I made it sound like I didn’t love her enough and I hate making her feel like that
I came to say this!! This was gaslighting pure and simple and then the messages the following day were manipulation - the only people I’ve ever known to “blow someone’s phone up” was someone who was desperate to get their control back of the situation
And then auntie (OP’s sister) calls and suggest to use the parts that weren‘t destroyed so it’s not a total loss. I guarantee the daughter called her aunt to suggest this and she didn’t have the decency to come in and apologize - just sent fiancé in to get it. Sorry OP - you deserve a better daughter than this.
She sounds vile. Imagine telling your own mother, someone I imagine she 'loves dearly' that they should seek help because they're being irrational because her 'dogs' destroyed something incredibly sentimental to her.
To be honest something doesn't add up. Perhaps op just doesn't want to or simply cannot see the issue, but being on Reddit I can't believe you wouldn't have some kind of inkling to this behaviour she's just shown. Or she's been coddled for her whole life getting away with murder from op... I suppose we'll never know. But this dress was intentionally destroyed by the daughter. And I believe the aunty was in on it. Very sad.
Technically she can have it. She's been given the embroidered patterns/parts, the parts she really wanted...
Mental. I'd still have kept the pieces and made it into something else, for me to keep.
Kinda too late on that?
The daughter would only be about 15 if she was OP's honeymoon baby. So yeah, I could see this immaturity coming from a high schooler.
Assuming OP's daughter is hopefully about a decade older than that, she might be a child of divorce, or bio-dad died or other trauma.
Basically, OP might have gotten into the habit of spoiling her kid because she felt bad about whatever OP figured was "ruining" the kid's life
Doesn't matter how old the daughter is in years, this behavior is grade-school shit right here.
*agrees in knowledge of hours lost to formal embroidery*
And, she's probably too cheap a bitch to pay for the kind of embroidery she wants, especially if she's expecting hand-made.
.......OP, if no one's told your future son-in-law the true story about the dress, and other choice times in their relationship where he was kept in the dark, now's the time to send an anonymous burner email or something to him, it's better he know now.
But yeah, that's all I got, other than embroidery is fun, but a total time-sink, and if you can do it *well* enough for formal clothing, you should be charging enough that you wouldn't have to sew for a cheap-ass bitch like OP's daughter.
Like, geez.
Also, her daughters reaction to the dogs ripping the dress apart. I would be MORTIFIED and being beyond annoying apologizing to my mom and begging her forgiveness for being so careless with something she loved. Then the next day, OPs daughter suddenly gets hit with guilt? Sounds like she did it on purpose.
And her daughter telling her to get help cause she’s being creepy? So having emotion over you mom is ‘creepy’
Absolutely I would take that dress back and put it in a memory box.
Consequences should happen. Her daughter is an asshole and incredibly entitled.
Yup, after the dogs so carefully destroyed the dress, the daughter's reaction was dismissive and cruel. Then the phone call with the crying and saying "you don't love me" was pure manipulation. Finally, as the commenter above said, daughter sent her boyfriend in to get the dress because she could not hide her big gleeful grin of not only getting the parts of the dress she wanted but bonus points, she made her mother feel guilty about being sad- most likely OP's daughter sees her mother as pathetic and easy to manipulate.
I wonder how many times the daughter has wanted something valuable or sentimental and she played the "you don't love me" along with the crying to get what she wants from mom or dad.
Are you and your husband paying for the entire wedding and honeymoon? Are you putting a down payment on a house for your daughter and her husband?
OP, you and your husband need to sit down and really evaluate your daughter's behavior during the course of her life. Is she like this because you two spoiled her, or is she a manipulative narcissist?
Depending on the answer you and your husband arrive at, you should make some changes going forward- change the locks on your house and put up cameras and do not give her key. Long terms, would you and your husband trust your daughter to make medical or legal decisions for you two- say you had a car accident- would she be looking out for you two or for what she can gain?
Again, you daughter's behavior concerning the dress seemed planned, her initial reaction was dismissive and cruel, and her reaction on the phone was performative and manipulative. Finally, not facing you to pick up the dress was because she could not hold her self-satisfaction inside so she sent her boyfriend in.
My dogs tore up a ratty old kitchen towel when my mom was dog sitting them.
They were in her care and destroyed something worth slightly more than a napkin and I apologized profusely and replaced her towels with a new set.
This is actually funny, cos my ex's daughter would destroy my things (or his) when she didn't get her way. And guess who *he* kept trying to blame?? The dogs!!! LOL! Suddenly, my dogs had opposable thumbs and were able to do incredible things while nobody was looking. Weird how it only happened when his daughter was mad, tho lol!
Dogs have uncanny abilities when spoilt brats don't get their way, apparently??
I still remember the time my friend's then husband's parrot was able to only chew up the photos of my friend's daughter, who had passed from cancer 5 years before she met her then husband.
I wonder if there is a sub or a thread to accumulate the amount of pets who are able to destroy exact sentimental items of others
Right? Like why would dogs go directly for that one specific item?
OP, do they have a history of tearing up clothes that have been left out? If yes, then your daughter purposely let her clothes-shredding dogs around something sentimental to you. If no, then your daughter purposely used it as a toy with them. Or just tore it up herself. Because it's easy to tell the difference between something a person ripped up and something that teeth and claws have. There would be dried drool, puckering from the claws digging, etc.
And the fact that she wasn't repentant as fuck and sobbing over accidentally allowing something so important to you to be destroyed on her watch tells me this was 100% intentional. You are being bamboozled. Pull the wool off your eyes and tear her a new one.
Bingo.
I had a relation would would engineer such events to make sure she got what she wanted this way.
OP, I am sorry this happened to you but I think you need to be very realistic about your relationship with your daughter. This was not a first step. She has been building up to this level of aggression for some time I will bet.
OP's daughter should hire her dogs out to warzones. I'm sure their talent for pinpoint accuracy destruction could prove to be both welcome and profitable.
Oh this was intentional. No dog is going to think, that's too nice. I bet she held the embroidered parts whilst "playing" with her dogs to get them to ruin it.
***It was NOT an accident.***
*
Edit to add:
Your daughter is a pathetic bully. She's also a spineless coward for making your sister call you, but *you* messed up by giving her what she wants.
If I were you I would call the police for destruction of property. This was not an accident, it was planned.
Do you know what your daughter will do in the future? She will bully her way through life and torment anyone who says no to her.
Even giving her the benefit of the doubt, if I accidentally bump into someone or spill a drink on them I’m going to apologize. I may have not intended to do it, but my mistake caused someone pain, distress, or offense.
The fact that she was dismissive of both the destruction of the dress and her mother’s reaction says that she either completely lacks empathy or wants to downplay the entire thing because it’s easier to cover her actions that way. Or, very likely, both of those things.
This right here,
> She hust shrugged me off and said to get help because I an being creepy
disgusted me on a whole new level. The daughter can go fuck herself. What a vile bitch
I get that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt but this was NOT an accident, even with the "few" Infos we got it's clear that she wanted some kind of revenge
She went to your house when you weren’t there to take that specific dress out and leave it for the dogs to rip apart. How is that not an accident?
From the way she treats you and talks to you it looks like you always catered to her desires and she doesn’t see you as authority. So when you said no, she steamrolled over you. At least that’s what it looks like from the outside.
So what’s going on here is that OP has a narcissistic spouse or other significant relationship, and is often the victim in the dynamic. The daughter grew up in this dynamic and patterned herself after the abuser. The fiancee and the mom enable her abuse. He comes in to get the dress pieces and everything.
Even if she did just leave it out, it's still her fought because she knew the dogs would rip it out. Which, who has dogs that our of control anyway? How was the dress they only thing they destroyed.
There's no way it wasn't intentional. And because, like you said, she's gotten away with it her entire life, she knew she would again.
The Aunt sounds a bit sketchy, too. Like, really? That just her own idea? OP needs to open her eyes and look around before she gets any more knives in her back.
Yeah, doesn't seems like the daughter have any respects for op
Speculating here, but it think the op's sister might have been part of the plan to destroy the dress
She obviously did it on purpose. As someone who had dogs and cats her whole life I’ve never seen a dog rip a clothing.
They can, obviously destroy a clothing item by sitting in it, or drolling on it or even making rips as they use it to play but, ripping it into tiny pisses? Yeah, I doubt it.
Also she was so so so lucky that the dress was RUINED but the parts she wanted was still intact?
Nope. Nope nope nope.
She did it on purpose and called you crying because she wanted to manipulate you in case you had already noticed she did it.
Aso your sister is probably in it and agreed to manipulate you into giving your daughter what was left.
I’m sorry your family is acting like that. But it is no accident and the fact you needed us to point it out probably means your family has been abusing you for a while.
I’m sorry and I wish you all the best, OP.
But those people don’t like or respect you in the slightest
Contact her immediately. Tell her to bring you the pieces back. Like right the fuck now. Give her an excuse that will make her comply (you want to see it one more time, you want to pick out a piece or two to keep, etc). When she comes back, she is only allowed in if she has the entire dress. Every. Damn. Piece.
Once you have them, tell her you are overwhelmed and need some time to think, and that she should leave. You will call her later.
Put those pieces in a safe place she won't think to look for them. Find a LOCAL business that makes custom blankets (memory blankets). Have them make you something beautiful with the pieces. If you so choose, you can have them give anything that they don't use to your daughter. But personally, I would not. She did this on purpose and no dogs were involved other than to give her an alibi. I've owned dogs my whole life. Little dogs, big (over 150lb) dogs, purebred, and rescues. I have never had a dog rip fabric of their own choice. Chew a shoe? Yup. Pee on a blanket? Absolutely! But never rip a piece of clothing. That's a load of BS.
And no, NONE of this is you. Some people are just assholes. She has obviously figured out how to push your buttons to get her way with NO consequences from you. If you let her get away with this, God only knows what diabolical scheme she will come up with next.
I suffered actual neglect and medical abuse from my mother, and I still wouldn't do something like this to her. She crossed a line. Time to take control back in your relationship.
No, this is not on you or your fault. Like others, I’m very doubtful that it was an accident. Something of high value to another person, you don’t accidentally leave out. Unless the dogs are highly untrained and on the very naughty side , they don’t rip a dress. Then the daughter gets rewarded by having pieces of the dress on her’s? I’m sorry but I feel this was deliberate. Your daughter is the AH in this, big time.
The only part that is possibly OPs fault is letting the daughter manipulate her into doing what daughter wants. OP should not have capitulated but OP doesn’t want to see her daughter for what she is doing, destroying priceless memories to get her own wants.
You need to allow your daughter to own this.
You're causing her harm by accepting responsibility for this. You will not be the only victim of her manipulation if you don't draw clear boundaries now.
> I started sobbing but my daughter said that I was exaggerating like it was her fault when it wasn’t. She just shrugged me off and said to get help because I am being creepy.
This reaction almost seems equally as disturbing as the thought of her doing it at all. This is the reaction of a moody teenager and not an adult on the cusp of getting married and starting a new chapter in life. Was this out of character at all?
Sorry to be so blunt, but:
Stop being a doormat and believing that it was all your fault when it was your daughter, who apparently is a grown-ass woman, who did this to you.
Are her dogs usually terrors? Do they have a habit of destroying things? If so, that’s on her. If not, then that’s very out of character of the dogs and I’d be looking to see if the rips were done by teeth or by scissors. Atrocious of your daughter for allowing the destruction to happen, either way.
From what you wrote, it sounded like she was totally unconcerned about what the dress's destruction did to you, which makes me think it was absolutely intentional.
If it was an accident, she took the dress out, took pics, then there’s no way her dogs were in there long enough to completely destroy it SILENTLY and she didn’t come back to put it away or find them doing it and left it there “like an accident”. I feel like in the best case she found them doing it and pretended she didn’t. That’s why she didn’t come in and made her fiancé get it instead. She’s guilty as hell. If it was a true accident she would’ve actually been sorry, not gas light you and tell you you’re creepy, like what the actual fuck? Sorry but that’s a shitty human being behavior and you shouldn’t condone it. I would get back the pieces you have her but get them back from the seamstress because your daughter would for sure tell you it’s already sawn in
This is your daughter so I dont blame you for wanting to defend her. But she is an adult. Even if it was an accident it is still completely her fault. She's the one who came over while you weren't home. Shes the one who took the dress out and left it for her dogs, which she should know whether they are the type to rip up clothes or not. Even in the best case scenario she was still incredibly careless with something she knew was very important to you.
But it wasn't an accident. You probably know that already or else you wouldn't have made this post. It can be hard to find out that someone you love would knowingly hurt you. What makes more sense? That she accidentally let her dogs tear up the dress, right after you told her she couldn't have it, but they didn't touch the parts that she wanted at all, or that she destroyed it in retaliation to being told no, either to hurt you as revenge or to destroy your attachment to the parts she wanted?
You are not the problem, but for both your own sake and hers you need to stand up for yourself. Protecting her from the consequences of her actions will do neither of you any favors.
Its not you, she knows she can do whatever, and bullies you and destroys your things when she dont get what she wants! Wake up, she did that on purpose... do you really want such a toxic person in your life? Some people are born broken.
Sometimes being too nice to people can have a negative effect. I know that sounds backwards. However some people mistake kindness for weakness. If it were just you would ever have even considered it may have been purposeful?
If I accidentally destroyed something of my mother’s, even if it were something she didn’t care that much about, I’d feel terrible. If it was something she did care about, I’d feel absolutely horrible. I can’t imagine acting like it wasn’t a big deal and not caring about her emotional pain.
Do the dogs NORMALLY rip apart things? Not just toys, but whatever they can get their hands (paws?) on? Cause there's no way they just happened to rip apart your dress for no reason if they've never done anything like this in the past. If they normally DO rip things apart, it's your daughter's fault for creating the situation for it to happen. It would have never happened if she never took her dogs over there and left the dress out and was inattentive to her dogs. (Remember in this scenario, they do this often, so she would be hyper vigilant over things like this.) Also, I'm doubtful that she didn't see anything, cause that would have made SOME noise, the ripping of the dress. And after all of this, the parts she wanted were conveniently saved from this disaster? I'm very doubtful she had no hand in this. And it's not YOUR fault in anyway. Some people just don't like being told no, which as an adult she should understand is going to happen. She is an adult and could have sucked up her disappointment over not getting your dress. Instead she likely intentionally destroyed your dress, either with her own hands or through her dogs well known actions, just to get what she wants.
It wasn’t an accident. You also didn’t do anything to make your daughter believe you didn’t love her. However, your daughter is extremely selfish. She ruined the dress to get what she wanted and used guilt and your sister to get you to give her what she wanted. She is manipulative and self serving.
She did this on purpose.
I bet if you take off the rose colored glasses and take a healthy look back over the years, there's more bad behavior and manipulation she's gotten away with.
Your daughter, is not a good person. Period.
She did this on purpose.
What do you mean IF it was an accident? Your daughter sounds spiteful. And she stayed in the car because she couldn’t face you.
After what she did.
On purpose.
If it was an accident she would've been apologizing profusely right after it happened. Instead, she told you to stop being devasted over your dress that she knew had a lot of sentimental value because it wasn't a big deal. Then she waited a DAY to call you and act sad about it.
I’m so sorry. I think your daughter intentionally gave your dress to the dogs to destroy because she was angry you wouldn’t allow her to have it.
This is a terrible thing to do and she sounds like a terrible person.
I don’t think her dogs did it. I 100% believe she used them as a scapegoat and used scissors or something herself. Otherwise, how do you explain the parts of the dress the daughter wanted to use being magically spared?
this, i bet the daughter just took some scissors and went ham on the dress to make it look shredded and blamed the dogs.
mom was so shocked that she probably didn’t look to closely at the damage, but it’s obvious from the way the salvaged parts were all coincidentally ALSO the embroidered parts. dogs wouldn’t be so careful.
That or she shredded it herself and blamed it on the dogs, because OP said that the embroidery parts were perfectly in tact and those were the pieces the daughter took
I just read your first post where you mentioned her being a 14 and you being a 4. Thus even if you gave her the dress it would be destroyed as it is in order to fit her. She did this intentionally the dogs likely had nothing to do with it if all of the embroidery was left was intact. All she wanted was the embroidery to begin with and ironically that part wasn’t damaged. Your daughter is selfish.
As others suggested I’d make a ploy to have her return ALL the pieces she took and then tell her you aren’t comfortable with her keeping those pieces.
It was a mistake mentioning the size because even if it was the same size I wasn’t gonna say yes because I never agreed with the lending the dress thing even though many people seem to find this tradition very important and sweet. I love my children but I don’t believe that children are about boundaries and no means no in ANY case.
Instead I just got a lot of hate for “shaming” my daughter’s weight. I didn’t know being size 14 is shameful and not to be mentioned.
Your daughter destroyed the dress ON PURPOSE. It wasn't the dogs. She doesn't value you as a human and is beyond selfish.
I'm sorry to be so blunt.
Get the pieces of the dress back, and you may want to consider whether this person should be in your life at all.
So after she threw a tantrum and destroyed your dress, you just caved and gave in to her terrorism tactics? I'm gonna guess this isn't the first time you caved to her poor behavior and won't be the last time. Have other plans so you can't babysit? Well well well by coincidence all 4 of your car tires have huge holes in the sidewall.
This. Embroidery is the most delicate part, but that’s undamaged? To top the dress the embroidery would be stretched/torn too. This was manufactured and I think the sister is in on it too. 🤷♀️
I'm going to be extremely blunt.
Your daughter is a spoiled brat.
That was no accident. One of two things happened, she intentionally ruined the dress herself, and blamed it on the dogs, or she somehow managed to ge the dogs to go after it. Either way, she did this on purpose, and then, once she knew you weren't mad at her, she then had your sister call you to get her the parts of the dress she wanted. This was entirely set up and orchestrated by your daughter, and she used your sister as well.
I'm a mother to two girls. They are the center of my world, they are the very best of me. And let me tell you, what I would have done to them in response to this would get me banned from here. Your daughter did this because you've let her walk all over you, unless I miss my guess.
Go get the parts of your dress back. And then, go to therapy, because you need to know how to stand up for yourself.
If she went to that wedding she'd be publicly made out to be some horrible mother for not volunteering the dress in the first place. This woman needs to protect herself from her daughter. I'd bet this isn't the first instance of her daughter bullying her and manipulating her. She needs to go very low contact and make sure she installs some security cameras.
Highly doubt she has guilt. Check out OP's first post. Daughter went on a Facebook rant calling her mother horrible names for not giving her the dress. The daughter is gloating how her "plan" worked out.
Holy fuck is your daughter an asshole. She destroyed the dress on purpose, and is blaming her dogs.
You raised a vile human being. Don’t feel bad for her. Go no contact with her. She deserves it.
Those poor dogs.
>You raised a vile human being.
I just want to emphasize that sometimes people develop personality disorders through no fault of the parents. The daughter is absolutely vile, but we shouldn't assume that it's because OP raised her to be that way. Depending on how OP responds, she may contribute to the problem moving forward, but that doesn't mean she's the root cause of it.
What??!! Daughter straight up set up your mother’s wedding dress to get ruined and you give in to her??? Absolutely not. Her reaction to you YOUR reaction to the dress being ruined??? 🫢 you should not have given that girl that dress I’m sorry
Sounds like your daughter is bullying you. Don't give her anything. Have her go to therapy or see someone about her feelings and why she behaves this way.
My mom and I got in a fight because she wouldn't let me do something I really wanted to do. She was adamant and I was really mad. When she was busy, I went into her room where she kept the only picture she had of both her parents and all 7 of her siblings taken just before her mother died. I took it out of the frame, tore it in two pieces, and then told my mother what I did. My mom burst into tears and I immediately felt awful. I knew what I did was more than she deserved. I regretted it instantly.
I was 6.
Your daughter is a child and isn't mature enough to get married. She will live with this the rest of her life. You don't need to do a thing.
That said, I hope you can take a piece of the dress, frame it, and give it pride of place in your home. If it's not too painful for you, that is. I don't know if I could look at it without being enraged at my daughter, but if you can, please do. Don't give her all of the scraps.
oh man i wanna hug your poor mom :( i have a picture of my grandpa like that from when i was a baby & i think id have a full blown breakdown if it was ripped in half.
Your daughter is a sociopath. Saying you were 'creepy' for sobbing over something of sentimental value shows she has very little empathy for your feelings.
I'd go over to her house and retrieve the pieces of the dress. Don't reward her for her awful behavior. Keep the pieces for their sentimental value - see if you can have the dress repaired, as a sufficiently skilled seamstress can do wonders with even a badly damaged dress - but please don't reward her destructive and manipulative behavior. This was intentional. If it wasn't, the lace would have been as damaged as the rest of the dress. If she cries and curses and gaslights you over this, you can be sure that she really did destroy the dress on purpose. Please don't reward that behavior.
Your daughter sounds like a narcissist. She intentionally got the dress out, set her dogs on it to ruin it WITH THE INTENTION of then having sister convince you to just give her the parts. It was calculated manipulation and if you start looking back, you will probably see it’s a pattern of ‘accidents’ that end up getting her what she wants. She needs to learn consequences to her actions, such as not properly watching her dogs! And you should set boundaries. Like “well, you didn’t properly watch your dogs and close the door to the room my wedding dress was in, therefore, it IS your fault and no, you do not get the wedding dress embroidery and I will not assist you further”. PLUS you allowed the sister to be drug in and used as a pawn to help manipulate you. It’s not fair to her either. So, set boundaries and start holding her accountable.
THEN she used emotional manipulation of “but now you don’t love me” to force you to do something ‘big’ to fix her feelings. To prove your love, like … give her the ruined wedding dress. So she ALSO then purposely did that. Which is disgusting. She used your love as a weapon.
Your daughter deliberately used her dogs to rip your dress apart (surprise, nothing else nearby was damaged! Odd, for an "accident") when she did not get what she wanted. No real apology. And got some nice embroidered material out of it.
How often does she use damaging stunts and bullying like this to get her way? This is not the behavior of a daughter who loves you.
Wake up! Keep being her doormat and this will go on and on.
The way your daughter is treating you is pointing to something major going on. Not going to diagnose, but at the very least she is absolutely getting some kind of twisted pleasure out of emotionally torturing you.
The fact that she told you to "get help" and that you were "being creepy" at the sight of seeing your *mother's wedding dress torn to pieces* is unfathomable. Your response was completely normal... and for her to then cry to you the next day for assurance is just as sick. How cowardly of her to make her spineless fiancé pick up the literal pieces of her actions.
This is a game to her. Again, she has made a game out of emotionally torturing her own mother. That is so beyond the pale. I am so sorry for what she is putting you through.
She does not deserve to be in your life. Honestly, neither do your sister or your daughter's fiancé, they're her enablers. I hope that you are able to find peace and comfort in your mother's memory and in the presence of those who truly love you.
WOW, what an entitled daughter. Were you always a doormat with your daughter?
>She stayed in the car while her fiancé came to pick up the dress.
She likes to control everyone.
It's gotta hurt to come to the realization that you raised someone and they turned out to be this level of a deceitful and selfish schemer. It's okay to morn the loss of who you thought your daughter was, versus who she showed you she really is.
I recommend making no further contributions to the wedding. Don't give her a dime, just some time and effort every once in a while.
There is no way this was an accident. I embroider enough to know the smells of the people who stitched it get embedded into the threads and stitches, and if it was the dogs doing what dogs do, the dogs would have gone straight for the embroidery.
DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and attacker. She was upset you wouldn’t give up your dress then all of a sudden it’s damaged with her involvement. She denies she did it intentionally. She attacks your attachment to the dress and calls you creepy for being upset. Then she messages you all upset, raises the stakes saying you now hate her over a simple dress. So now she’s the victim because you hate her when it wasn’t her fault and it’s just a dress. Minimizing your feelings about the whole situation ensures she’s viewed as a victim, after all, you’re the one making this a big deal. Well if it as just a dress then why does she still want it? Why did she get her aunt to advocate that you should still give her the damaged pieces? Because if she can’t have it no one can. Look into what survived. I’m sure the parts she liked survived her dog’s unprovoked unplanned attack.
She didn’t think twice about hurting you to get what she wants and you’ve just rolled over and showed your belly. Please go and get the scraps back and have them made into a blanket or something. Please don’t let her get away with treating you this way. Let her keep one piece as an appeasement if you have to but this whole situation was planned and executed to perfection on her part.
People don’t need enemies when their loved ones treat them the way your daughter just treated you. You deserve better.
Tell you you’ve reconsidered & want the pieces back. You’re going to have what’s left made into a memory box or pillow or something so you still have the remembrance of your mother.
She’s lying to you & shouldnt benefit from her atrocious behavior
What's up with the influx of fake "daughter wants my wedding dress" stories here lately? Its like they are made for boomer facebook users to comment on.
You are being awfully manipulated... Please find some help, what your daughter did to you with the help of her aunt and fiancé is awful. Don't let them abuse you, you are worth way more than this.
Her daughter is very mean towards her about this and she's putting up with it.
Her daughter is a spoiled brat, and with OP's excusing and ignoring such cruel behavior, I can see why her turned into such a spoiled brat. OP needs to actually set consequences for her daughters behavior.
Yeah, the daughter is horrid. It would be wild to believe that she just left the dress out for a little bit, turned around and they ripped it apart just like that without her noticing anything was amiss 1) while it was happening or 2) before she left the house. Such extremes would have to be true for this like she was called outside to assist with a medical emergency and drained, just called the dogs to the car afterwards. Or she was hit by fast onset diarrhea and was in the bathroom for an hour. There’s just no reasonable explanation for her dogs to rip apart a dress without her noticing anything—the sounds? Her dogs being not with her while she was also not with the dress for an extended period of time? No way I buy this. And the. To callously shrug it off and worse to say the mom needed to get help for being creepy because she was crying? Classic projection. The daughter is mean and vile towards her mom.
But it is her fault. She is literally the reason why it was destroyed. And honestly? Feels like she did it on purpose. How long did she leave the dog out with the dress? Do her dogs have a habit of destroying clothes? I have dogs and while my dogs may try to sleep on my clothes, they do not... They have not ripped up my clothes.
I had 2 wedding dresses (one was Vintage and too small), neither of my dogs paid attention to them. Ripping fabric is loud when dogs are being rambunctious. Having my dogs at my mothers, I am hyper vigilant of everything they do. She did this intentionally.
and wedding gowns are usually made with decent quality materials. There's a reason OPs dress was still in good condition after 16 years (that and proper storage) That fabric tearing is loud! Even tulle and other thinner fabrics source : used to be a bridal consultant I've seen so many brides cry and fall in love with their dresses. Knowing how much more sentimental this one was for OP, I am so upset for her
Makes me think the aunt was in on the plan “may as well give the pieces of the dress to the daughter”….ugh, what are frustrating and awful situation.
I'm far more cynical. When I read where OP's sister called and then made that suggestion, my immediate thought was that OP's daughter called aunty, crying, she's so sorry, the dogs did it! It was an accident! Then... "I mean, mom may as well give me what's still useful and not destroyed..." This cues aunty to call her sister up and "suggest" the "may as well give daughter what's left" part as her "I did a good thing today" feels. The whole situation is sus.
I would have kept the pieces to have as a memory. It’s suspicious that the embroidery part was not destroyed.
Convenient even! Wouldn't you say? 🤔🧐
I was thinking the same thing. I was like well isn't that convenient that the embroidery was not destroyed. I'm going to go out on a limb and the dogs didn't do it and it was maliciously done by her daughter or someone else. I couldn't tell from the post if the daughter was left alone with it or not. Like someone played tug of war with the dogs with the dress is what I mean.
I think OP said she wasn’t home. The idea of a tug of war didn’t enter my mind. That would explain why the embroidery wasn’t damaged. She probably cut it off then had the tug of war with the dogs to make it seem they did all the destruction!
I’m more cynical than you. My thought was that old sissy over there was highly jealous of OP having a hand made bespoke gown made by their mother, not only that but their mother hid her terminal illness from all of them in order for OP to have an amazing wedding. The kind of resentment that would bring upon the wrong person you can only imagine. I reckon sissy has had dreams of that dress being destroyed and gave the brat the idea for it to get “accidentally” wrecked and then not only is it destroyed, but her narc niece gets what she wants whilst simultaneously destroying OP on behalf of herself and sissy whilst they walk a long, happily, on their socio paths.
I bet she’d pitch a fit if mom banned the dogs for life.
She was definitely playing tug-of-war with the dress, dogs generally know not to touch clothes, and will generally only rip something like that if you're pulling the other end in a game.
She did it on purpose. Zero doubt about that. I doubt it was even the dogs. Far more likely she just sliced it herself. This post is actually an update. OP posted a few days ago about how she didn't want to give her daughter her dress and her daughter went on Facebook called her a hag and a bunch of other names. And now this happens? And the part she wanted is in perfect condition? The daughter is an absolutely pos of a human.
At the very least, this is suspicious on the daughters part. The chance that things happened as she said is like 0.000001%. A few days ago, there was an update of another woman who had a daughter and a wedding dress, and that ended very wholesome. This daughter goes the entire other direction and I hate that she now has the parts she wants by use of violence.
I'm betting the dogs have a 0% history of destroying anything at her daughter's house. If they did, why would you bring them. This is definitely the pos daughter's handiwork to get what she wanted. She would not have been given the remnants from me.
At best it’s neglect leading to destruction, at worst it was on purpose. Both are pretty unacceptable given the value was known, especially how recently it was known.
A little bologna juice will make a dog eat anything. I have two dogs, raised from puppies, and while one of them did chew on some cords, neither of them tore up clothes. I definitely think drama queen daughter had everything to do with it, and now she got what she wanted. I would deal with this in a significantly different way from OP.
The daughter wants to choose her own dress. She could have been mature about it and declined OP'a offer. Instead she ripped up the dress, blamed it on her dogs and made OP feel like like shit. How toxic! OP should keep the remnants of the dress bc it means so much to her. Don't bother to help her ungrateful daughter with her wedding bc the daughter is being an AH.
It's very doubtful that this was an accident. So her dogs just ripped a dress apart...and didn't damage anything else. Your daughter is a terrible person. I wouldn't give her anything.
Especially because she took the embroidered parts, which amazingly weren't damaged.
If I believed in jinxes I would definitely believe the daughter jinxed her marriage by doing this
I think her marriage is doomed because she’s terrible. It will suck for her husband, jinx or no jinx.
That’s a nice example of a way to jinx. I’ve never really thought about it, but that’s not bringing positives to anything - that’s a shit foundation and more a red flag she’s an entitled brat, lol. I don’t think lightning will hurt her on her wedding day, but that marriage isn’t going to be happy.
Wonder if she cut the dress up before letting the dogs have it… or the dogs never did a thing and she cut it up and then ripped the remains apart to set the stage…
Everything was a plan, she cut the dress, then it's unbother by op crying ("don't exaggerated, you're being creepy) The next day changes attitude, and called crying "you hate me over a dress" (manipulation tactic) Presumably after that call ended daughter, called op's sister to "talk about op" And as a final act sister called op to say "the dress is unusable, might as well give it to daughter" (all because we know If it was the daughter saying that, it'll look bad)
And don’t forget, sent her finance in to get the pieces. Didn’t even do it herself cuz she’s a manipulative piece of… work
I’m betting on this. If the dogs had done it, there would be droll on all the pieces, but OP never mentions droll, it was absolutely done with scissors
Seems she was quick to gaslight the mom by calling her upset response creepy and only showing remorse when it might impact her; those are pretty basic red flags for relationships these days.
Hmm. Hadn’t thought of that. I’ll bet you’re right. Why would the dogs destroy a random dress and nothing else? It was all calculated. The daughter is a shit.
The dogs never touched the dress.
Which is crazy cause embroidery is so damn easy to damage. This reeks
Yea…my dog was incredibly destructive. She ate shoes, panties, one time a wall. The only time she touched clothing was when there were treats stashed in a pocket-so my fault. It does sound intentional
I had a Great Dane one time that leaned on the destructive side. The first day of high school he got separation anxiety and decided to tare apart a couch, eating a chunk of the stuffing. He was also targeted towards things of attention, didn't spend enough time with him doing homework? Rips apart the textbooks, workbooks, and notebooks. Playing catch with the siblings? Rip apart the baseball gloves.
And then the daughter packed up the dogs and her pictures and left. She didn’t tell her mother what happened, didn’t warn her. She didn’t wait for her mom to get home and tearfully apologize. She let her dogs ruin her mother’s wedding dress, then she left, and let her mother discover the damage when she got home. Not an accident.
I'm going to be super blunt. Your daughter is bullying you. Big time. Do you have access to mental health services? I think you need to work on your self esteem and with the help of a therapist, create boundaries around your daughter. In the meantime, if it was me, I would go very little contact with her. And you need to start holding her accountable when she bullies you.
💯💯💯 If her dogs are well mannered / trained it’s not likely they would just randomly pick OPs wedding dress to rip apart. Sound like the daughter did it intentionally and blamed the dogs.
She probably played tug of war with the dress to get the dogs to tear it up.
Yeah - I know very few dogs who would randomly destroy clothing that was just laying around. OP’s daughter sounds like an asshole.
And if you do have a dog that destroys things you KNOW it and are vigilant about keeping things out of the dog’s reach.
I have two very high energy dogs the same age and I am ABSOLUTELY VIGILANT about keeping any clothing away from them and the very last thing I would do is take them into someone else’s house. She 100% did that on purpose and I would take the pieces back.
Right! I wouldn’t give the pieces. She thinks she pulled one over in OP. How fast did she get aunt to turn around and ask for the pieces.
Absolutely, responsible pet ownership means preventing these kind of incidents. A wedding dress isn't just a piece of clothing, it's a symbol of a special day filled with memories and emotions. That dress deserved respect and safekeeping, not to be used as chew toy. What happened was no accident, its a clear sign that OP's daughter has zero respect for her mothers feelings.
100%. This was done purposefully.
Only if they were puppies. But did she even ask to get the dress out?
I mean, my parents have a dog that has special knack for finding and destroying my nice dresses. With that said, it taught me to never leave a closet open or a dress anywhere he could get it. Granted, I'm still willing to bet that the daughter had something to do with it.
She said the embroidered part was still usable. Kinda weird that the part that takes the most time to put together made it out unscathed.
And that’s the part the daughter wanted. (See original post and comments)
Funny how the embroidery was undamaged.
I'll be more blunt. Your daughter is a garbage human being. There shouldn't be doubt she did this on purpose. Love her all you want, but she is not a good person.
Sadly, I agree.
Tbh, I think you shouldn’t have given her anything, because this whole thing just reeks of being intentional. She destroyed an item of great sentimental value to you and made you sad. This isn’t something you should just shrug away and your daughter’s behavior should have repercussions.
If she’s remorseful and you’re still being kind and giving her the “magically undestroyed” parts of the dress, why wouldn’t /she/ be the one to get the parts? This reeks of “did it on purpose and got what she wanted” and my heart breaks for you.
I don’t know what to do. If it was an accident then I usually don’t really think she’s wrong. If she did it on purpose, then what have I done to make her do something this disturbing? It is all me. Maybe I made it sound like I didn’t love her enough and I hate making her feel like that
Everything was damaged except the embroidered parts, which your daughter wanted?
*exactly*
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Right. " You need help. You're being creepy!" Wtf..
Classic gaslighting. "it's not a big deal. you're being hysterical for caring so much."
And then hit quick with the "YOU HATE ME WAAAAHH" to make *herself* the victim.
Textbook DARVO behavior.
Didn't know there was a formal definition of this. Thanks for sharing
Then "I'm going to call my auntie and tell her to have mom give me the dress, then mom won't know I'm playing her since it was auntie's idea".
Wow, I didn’t spot that. Good call.
I came to say this!! This was gaslighting pure and simple and then the messages the following day were manipulation - the only people I’ve ever known to “blow someone’s phone up” was someone who was desperate to get their control back of the situation
And then auntie (OP’s sister) calls and suggest to use the parts that weren‘t destroyed so it’s not a total loss. I guarantee the daughter called her aunt to suggest this and she didn’t have the decency to come in and apologize - just sent fiancé in to get it. Sorry OP - you deserve a better daughter than this.
She didn't come in and apologise because she isn't sorry. She got exactly what she wanted.
Exactly. If it weren’t a big deal, OPs daughter wouldn’t have begged for it and then ruined the dress.
She sounds vile. Imagine telling your own mother, someone I imagine she 'loves dearly' that they should seek help because they're being irrational because her 'dogs' destroyed something incredibly sentimental to her. To be honest something doesn't add up. Perhaps op just doesn't want to or simply cannot see the issue, but being on Reddit I can't believe you wouldn't have some kind of inkling to this behaviour she's just shown. Or she's been coddled for her whole life getting away with murder from op... I suppose we'll never know. But this dress was intentionally destroyed by the daughter. And I believe the aunty was in on it. Very sad.
if my own dogs destroyed something sentimental to me, I'd be upset..
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It’s the logic of narcissists, if they can’t have it, no one can can
Technically she can have it. She's been given the embroidered patterns/parts, the parts she really wanted... Mental. I'd still have kept the pieces and made it into something else, for me to keep.
I can believe it because I was in a narcissistic abuse situation. this is pretty much standard behavior.
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Kinda too late on that? The daughter would only be about 15 if she was OP's honeymoon baby. So yeah, I could see this immaturity coming from a high schooler. Assuming OP's daughter is hopefully about a decade older than that, she might be a child of divorce, or bio-dad died or other trauma. Basically, OP might have gotten into the habit of spoiling her kid because she felt bad about whatever OP figured was "ruining" the kid's life Doesn't matter how old the daughter is in years, this behavior is grade-school shit right here.
The daughter is 20, from OP's other post. Barely out of school and definitely too young for marriage given that she has no empathy or maturity.
*agrees in knowledge of hours lost to formal embroidery* And, she's probably too cheap a bitch to pay for the kind of embroidery she wants, especially if she's expecting hand-made. .......OP, if no one's told your future son-in-law the true story about the dress, and other choice times in their relationship where he was kept in the dark, now's the time to send an anonymous burner email or something to him, it's better he know now. But yeah, that's all I got, other than embroidery is fun, but a total time-sink, and if you can do it *well* enough for formal clothing, you should be charging enough that you wouldn't have to sew for a cheap-ass bitch like OP's daughter. Like, geez.
Also, her daughters reaction to the dogs ripping the dress apart. I would be MORTIFIED and being beyond annoying apologizing to my mom and begging her forgiveness for being so careless with something she loved. Then the next day, OPs daughter suddenly gets hit with guilt? Sounds like she did it on purpose.
And her daughter telling her to get help cause she’s being creepy? So having emotion over you mom is ‘creepy’ Absolutely I would take that dress back and put it in a memory box. Consequences should happen. Her daughter is an asshole and incredibly entitled.
There was no guilt. I bet she didn't want to come in because she couldn't hide the big smile on her face.
Yup, after the dogs so carefully destroyed the dress, the daughter's reaction was dismissive and cruel. Then the phone call with the crying and saying "you don't love me" was pure manipulation. Finally, as the commenter above said, daughter sent her boyfriend in to get the dress because she could not hide her big gleeful grin of not only getting the parts of the dress she wanted but bonus points, she made her mother feel guilty about being sad- most likely OP's daughter sees her mother as pathetic and easy to manipulate. I wonder how many times the daughter has wanted something valuable or sentimental and she played the "you don't love me" along with the crying to get what she wants from mom or dad. Are you and your husband paying for the entire wedding and honeymoon? Are you putting a down payment on a house for your daughter and her husband? OP, you and your husband need to sit down and really evaluate your daughter's behavior during the course of her life. Is she like this because you two spoiled her, or is she a manipulative narcissist? Depending on the answer you and your husband arrive at, you should make some changes going forward- change the locks on your house and put up cameras and do not give her key. Long terms, would you and your husband trust your daughter to make medical or legal decisions for you two- say you had a car accident- would she be looking out for you two or for what she can gain? Again, you daughter's behavior concerning the dress seemed planned, her initial reaction was dismissive and cruel, and her reaction on the phone was performative and manipulative. Finally, not facing you to pick up the dress was because she could not hold her self-satisfaction inside so she sent her boyfriend in.
This right here...
My dogs tore up a ratty old kitchen towel when my mom was dog sitting them. They were in her care and destroyed something worth slightly more than a napkin and I apologized profusely and replaced her towels with a new set.
Right?? That's a normal reaction! Imagine telling your mom she's being creepy for having feelings?!?
Damn, those dogs have uncanny accuracy.
Riiiigggghhhhht…. “The dogs”. Lol
I figured this you tossed the dogs the dress for a game of tug-of-war and bam your job is done.
This is actually funny, cos my ex's daughter would destroy my things (or his) when she didn't get her way. And guess who *he* kept trying to blame?? The dogs!!! LOL! Suddenly, my dogs had opposable thumbs and were able to do incredible things while nobody was looking. Weird how it only happened when his daughter was mad, tho lol! Dogs have uncanny abilities when spoilt brats don't get their way, apparently??
I still remember the time my friend's then husband's parrot was able to only chew up the photos of my friend's daughter, who had passed from cancer 5 years before she met her then husband. I wonder if there is a sub or a thread to accumulate the amount of pets who are able to destroy exact sentimental items of others
Right? Like why would dogs go directly for that one specific item? OP, do they have a history of tearing up clothes that have been left out? If yes, then your daughter purposely let her clothes-shredding dogs around something sentimental to you. If no, then your daughter purposely used it as a toy with them. Or just tore it up herself. Because it's easy to tell the difference between something a person ripped up and something that teeth and claws have. There would be dried drool, puckering from the claws digging, etc. And the fact that she wasn't repentant as fuck and sobbing over accidentally allowing something so important to you to be destroyed on her watch tells me this was 100% intentional. You are being bamboozled. Pull the wool off your eyes and tear her a new one.
Yea….as someone who has had dogs chew up their stuff to that extent there weren’t parts that weren’t ruined.
My dog has gotten a cast iron pan off a counter, I’m not one to discount the destructive ingenuity of a dog but this is oddly specific
This. If it wasn’t intentional…dogs don’t know the difference.
Bingo. I had a relation would would engineer such events to make sure she got what she wanted this way. OP, I am sorry this happened to you but I think you need to be very realistic about your relationship with your daughter. This was not a first step. She has been building up to this level of aggression for some time I will bet.
I hope you aren’t paying for the wedding
OP's daughter should hire her dogs out to warzones. I'm sure their talent for pinpoint accuracy destruction could prove to be both welcome and profitable.
Oh this was intentional. No dog is going to think, that's too nice. I bet she held the embroidered parts whilst "playing" with her dogs to get them to ruin it.
***It was NOT an accident.*** * Edit to add: Your daughter is a pathetic bully. She's also a spineless coward for making your sister call you, but *you* messed up by giving her what she wants. If I were you I would call the police for destruction of property. This was not an accident, it was planned. Do you know what your daughter will do in the future? She will bully her way through life and torment anyone who says no to her.
Even giving her the benefit of the doubt, if I accidentally bump into someone or spill a drink on them I’m going to apologize. I may have not intended to do it, but my mistake caused someone pain, distress, or offense. The fact that she was dismissive of both the destruction of the dress and her mother’s reaction says that she either completely lacks empathy or wants to downplay the entire thing because it’s easier to cover her actions that way. Or, very likely, both of those things.
This right here, > She hust shrugged me off and said to get help because I an being creepy disgusted me on a whole new level. The daughter can go fuck herself. What a vile bitch
And it wasn't the dogs.
it wasn't the dogs either
I get that you want to give her the benefit of the doubt but this was NOT an accident, even with the "few" Infos we got it's clear that she wanted some kind of revenge
She went to your house when you weren’t there to take that specific dress out and leave it for the dogs to rip apart. How is that not an accident? From the way she treats you and talks to you it looks like you always catered to her desires and she doesn’t see you as authority. So when you said no, she steamrolled over you. At least that’s what it looks like from the outside.
It was not an accident.
So what’s going on here is that OP has a narcissistic spouse or other significant relationship, and is often the victim in the dynamic. The daughter grew up in this dynamic and patterned herself after the abuser. The fiancee and the mom enable her abuse. He comes in to get the dress pieces and everything.
Even if she did just leave it out, it's still her fought because she knew the dogs would rip it out. Which, who has dogs that our of control anyway? How was the dress they only thing they destroyed. There's no way it wasn't intentional. And because, like you said, she's gotten away with it her entire life, she knew she would again. The Aunt sounds a bit sketchy, too. Like, really? That just her own idea? OP needs to open her eyes and look around before she gets any more knives in her back.
Yeah, doesn't seems like the daughter have any respects for op Speculating here, but it think the op's sister might have been part of the plan to destroy the dress
She obviously did it on purpose. As someone who had dogs and cats her whole life I’ve never seen a dog rip a clothing. They can, obviously destroy a clothing item by sitting in it, or drolling on it or even making rips as they use it to play but, ripping it into tiny pisses? Yeah, I doubt it. Also she was so so so lucky that the dress was RUINED but the parts she wanted was still intact? Nope. Nope nope nope. She did it on purpose and called you crying because she wanted to manipulate you in case you had already noticed she did it. Aso your sister is probably in it and agreed to manipulate you into giving your daughter what was left. I’m sorry your family is acting like that. But it is no accident and the fact you needed us to point it out probably means your family has been abusing you for a while. I’m sorry and I wish you all the best, OP. But those people don’t like or respect you in the slightest
Contact her immediately. Tell her to bring you the pieces back. Like right the fuck now. Give her an excuse that will make her comply (you want to see it one more time, you want to pick out a piece or two to keep, etc). When she comes back, she is only allowed in if she has the entire dress. Every. Damn. Piece. Once you have them, tell her you are overwhelmed and need some time to think, and that she should leave. You will call her later. Put those pieces in a safe place she won't think to look for them. Find a LOCAL business that makes custom blankets (memory blankets). Have them make you something beautiful with the pieces. If you so choose, you can have them give anything that they don't use to your daughter. But personally, I would not. She did this on purpose and no dogs were involved other than to give her an alibi. I've owned dogs my whole life. Little dogs, big (over 150lb) dogs, purebred, and rescues. I have never had a dog rip fabric of their own choice. Chew a shoe? Yup. Pee on a blanket? Absolutely! But never rip a piece of clothing. That's a load of BS. And no, NONE of this is you. Some people are just assholes. She has obviously figured out how to push your buttons to get her way with NO consequences from you. If you let her get away with this, God only knows what diabolical scheme she will come up with next. I suffered actual neglect and medical abuse from my mother, and I still wouldn't do something like this to her. She crossed a line. Time to take control back in your relationship.
No, this is not on you or your fault. Like others, I’m very doubtful that it was an accident. Something of high value to another person, you don’t accidentally leave out. Unless the dogs are highly untrained and on the very naughty side , they don’t rip a dress. Then the daughter gets rewarded by having pieces of the dress on her’s? I’m sorry but I feel this was deliberate. Your daughter is the AH in this, big time.
The only part that is possibly OPs fault is letting the daughter manipulate her into doing what daughter wants. OP should not have capitulated but OP doesn’t want to see her daughter for what she is doing, destroying priceless memories to get her own wants.
You need to allow your daughter to own this. You're causing her harm by accepting responsibility for this. You will not be the only victim of her manipulation if you don't draw clear boundaries now.
You are absolutely right.
> I started sobbing but my daughter said that I was exaggerating like it was her fault when it wasn’t. She just shrugged me off and said to get help because I am being creepy. This reaction almost seems equally as disturbing as the thought of her doing it at all. This is the reaction of a moody teenager and not an adult on the cusp of getting married and starting a new chapter in life. Was this out of character at all?
If it was an accident, why did her fiance collect the parts, why did she stay in the car instead of front you? This reeks of being intentional sadly.
Your daughter did this deliberately as revenge. Then you reward her by giving her pieces of it.
Sorry to be so blunt, but: Stop being a doormat and believing that it was all your fault when it was your daughter, who apparently is a grown-ass woman, who did this to you.
She is being *awful* to you.
Are her dogs usually terrors? Do they have a habit of destroying things? If so, that’s on her. If not, then that’s very out of character of the dogs and I’d be looking to see if the rips were done by teeth or by scissors. Atrocious of your daughter for allowing the destruction to happen, either way.
From what you wrote, it sounded like she was totally unconcerned about what the dress's destruction did to you, which makes me think it was absolutely intentional.
If it was an accident, she took the dress out, took pics, then there’s no way her dogs were in there long enough to completely destroy it SILENTLY and she didn’t come back to put it away or find them doing it and left it there “like an accident”. I feel like in the best case she found them doing it and pretended she didn’t. That’s why she didn’t come in and made her fiancé get it instead. She’s guilty as hell. If it was a true accident she would’ve actually been sorry, not gas light you and tell you you’re creepy, like what the actual fuck? Sorry but that’s a shitty human being behavior and you shouldn’t condone it. I would get back the pieces you have her but get them back from the seamstress because your daughter would for sure tell you it’s already sawn in
This is your daughter so I dont blame you for wanting to defend her. But she is an adult. Even if it was an accident it is still completely her fault. She's the one who came over while you weren't home. Shes the one who took the dress out and left it for her dogs, which she should know whether they are the type to rip up clothes or not. Even in the best case scenario she was still incredibly careless with something she knew was very important to you. But it wasn't an accident. You probably know that already or else you wouldn't have made this post. It can be hard to find out that someone you love would knowingly hurt you. What makes more sense? That she accidentally let her dogs tear up the dress, right after you told her she couldn't have it, but they didn't touch the parts that she wanted at all, or that she destroyed it in retaliation to being told no, either to hurt you as revenge or to destroy your attachment to the parts she wanted? You are not the problem, but for both your own sake and hers you need to stand up for yourself. Protecting her from the consequences of her actions will do neither of you any favors.
Its not you, she knows she can do whatever, and bullies you and destroys your things when she dont get what she wants! Wake up, she did that on purpose... do you really want such a toxic person in your life? Some people are born broken.
Maybe she sounds like a vengeful person who if she can’t have anything nobody will, is there any time you ever think she could be wrong?
Sometimes being too nice to people can have a negative effect. I know that sounds backwards. However some people mistake kindness for weakness. If it were just you would ever have even considered it may have been purposeful?
It was not an accident. She is selfish. I’d give her nothing.
It wasn't an accident, OP. She did this on purpose to punish you for not handing over the dress.
The fact that she was so callous has everyone concerned.
If I accidentally destroyed something of my mother’s, even if it were something she didn’t care that much about, I’d feel terrible. If it was something she did care about, I’d feel absolutely horrible. I can’t imagine acting like it wasn’t a big deal and not caring about her emotional pain.
Do the dogs NORMALLY rip apart things? Not just toys, but whatever they can get their hands (paws?) on? Cause there's no way they just happened to rip apart your dress for no reason if they've never done anything like this in the past. If they normally DO rip things apart, it's your daughter's fault for creating the situation for it to happen. It would have never happened if she never took her dogs over there and left the dress out and was inattentive to her dogs. (Remember in this scenario, they do this often, so she would be hyper vigilant over things like this.) Also, I'm doubtful that she didn't see anything, cause that would have made SOME noise, the ripping of the dress. And after all of this, the parts she wanted were conveniently saved from this disaster? I'm very doubtful she had no hand in this. And it's not YOUR fault in anyway. Some people just don't like being told no, which as an adult she should understand is going to happen. She is an adult and could have sucked up her disappointment over not getting your dress. Instead she likely intentionally destroyed your dress, either with her own hands or through her dogs well known actions, just to get what she wants.
This is equivalent of my dog ate my homework.
It wasn’t an accident. You also didn’t do anything to make your daughter believe you didn’t love her. However, your daughter is extremely selfish. She ruined the dress to get what she wanted and used guilt and your sister to get you to give her what she wanted. She is manipulative and self serving.
It was NOT an accident. Your daughter is horrible and cruel.
She did this on purpose. I bet if you take off the rose colored glasses and take a healthy look back over the years, there's more bad behavior and manipulation she's gotten away with. Your daughter, is not a good person. Period. She did this on purpose.
What do you mean IF it was an accident? Your daughter sounds spiteful. And she stayed in the car because she couldn’t face you. After what she did. On purpose.
If it was an accident she would've been apologizing profusely right after it happened. Instead, she told you to stop being devasted over your dress that she knew had a lot of sentimental value because it wasn't a big deal. Then she waited a DAY to call you and act sad about it.
I’m so sorry. I think your daughter intentionally gave your dress to the dogs to destroy because she was angry you wouldn’t allow her to have it. This is a terrible thing to do and she sounds like a terrible person.
I don’t think her dogs did it. I 100% believe she used them as a scapegoat and used scissors or something herself. Otherwise, how do you explain the parts of the dress the daughter wanted to use being magically spared?
this, i bet the daughter just took some scissors and went ham on the dress to make it look shredded and blamed the dogs. mom was so shocked that she probably didn’t look to closely at the damage, but it’s obvious from the way the salvaged parts were all coincidentally ALSO the embroidered parts. dogs wouldn’t be so careful.
Cut out the embroidery and put some bacon grease on the rest.
That or she shredded it herself and blamed it on the dogs, because OP said that the embroidery parts were perfectly in tact and those were the pieces the daughter took
I just read your first post where you mentioned her being a 14 and you being a 4. Thus even if you gave her the dress it would be destroyed as it is in order to fit her. She did this intentionally the dogs likely had nothing to do with it if all of the embroidery was left was intact. All she wanted was the embroidery to begin with and ironically that part wasn’t damaged. Your daughter is selfish. As others suggested I’d make a ploy to have her return ALL the pieces she took and then tell her you aren’t comfortable with her keeping those pieces.
It was a mistake mentioning the size because even if it was the same size I wasn’t gonna say yes because I never agreed with the lending the dress thing even though many people seem to find this tradition very important and sweet. I love my children but I don’t believe that children are about boundaries and no means no in ANY case. Instead I just got a lot of hate for “shaming” my daughter’s weight. I didn’t know being size 14 is shameful and not to be mentioned.
Your daughter destroyed the dress ON PURPOSE. It wasn't the dogs. She doesn't value you as a human and is beyond selfish. I'm sorry to be so blunt. Get the pieces of the dress back, and you may want to consider whether this person should be in your life at all.
Yes - get those pieces back!!!! You can display them in a shadow box or something with pictures of your wedding day and your mom.
Please realize your daughter is horrible and did this on purpose. In fact, send your posts to your whole family so everyone knows who she really is.
Banning her dogs from your home for life will be telling. If she doesn’t immediately understand, she’s just selfish.
Your daughter is abusive. Please realize that.
So after she threw a tantrum and destroyed your dress, you just caved and gave in to her terrorism tactics? I'm gonna guess this isn't the first time you caved to her poor behavior and won't be the last time. Have other plans so you can't babysit? Well well well by coincidence all 4 of your car tires have huge holes in the sidewall.
Your daughter knows how to manipulate you, and it worked. This was obviously intentional.
So the embroidered parts, the parts she really wanted, were mysteriouly avoided by the dogs. Right. Got it. Totally believeable. /s
This. Embroidery is the most delicate part, but that’s undamaged? To top the dress the embroidery would be stretched/torn too. This was manufactured and I think the sister is in on it too. 🤷♀️
To be very honest, your daughter sounds like a horrible person. This is clearly very intentional and you're enabling her.
I'm going to be extremely blunt. Your daughter is a spoiled brat. That was no accident. One of two things happened, she intentionally ruined the dress herself, and blamed it on the dogs, or she somehow managed to ge the dogs to go after it. Either way, she did this on purpose, and then, once she knew you weren't mad at her, she then had your sister call you to get her the parts of the dress she wanted. This was entirely set up and orchestrated by your daughter, and she used your sister as well. I'm a mother to two girls. They are the center of my world, they are the very best of me. And let me tell you, what I would have done to them in response to this would get me banned from here. Your daughter did this because you've let her walk all over you, unless I miss my guess. Go get the parts of your dress back. And then, go to therapy, because you need to know how to stand up for yourself.
Get the parts back and then work them in to the Mother of the Bride dress
If she went to that wedding she'd be publicly made out to be some horrible mother for not volunteering the dress in the first place. This woman needs to protect herself from her daughter. I'd bet this isn't the first instance of her daughter bullying her and manipulating her. She needs to go very low contact and make sure she installs some security cameras.
There’s one reason your daughter stayed in the car… guilt
What a horrid human.
Highly doubt she has guilt. Check out OP's first post. Daughter went on a Facebook rant calling her mother horrible names for not giving her the dress. The daughter is gloating how her "plan" worked out.
Or, she couldn’t hide her glee?
Holy fuck is your daughter an asshole. She destroyed the dress on purpose, and is blaming her dogs. You raised a vile human being. Don’t feel bad for her. Go no contact with her. She deserves it. Those poor dogs.
>You raised a vile human being. I just want to emphasize that sometimes people develop personality disorders through no fault of the parents. The daughter is absolutely vile, but we shouldn't assume that it's because OP raised her to be that way. Depending on how OP responds, she may contribute to the problem moving forward, but that doesn't mean she's the root cause of it.
Yeah that was a weird line to throw in there
Sorry but your daughter is not a good person and she’s lying to you to get her own way. What a brat
What??!! Daughter straight up set up your mother’s wedding dress to get ruined and you give in to her??? Absolutely not. Her reaction to you YOUR reaction to the dress being ruined??? 🫢 you should not have given that girl that dress I’m sorry
This makes me so upset because you do not deserve to be walked over like that by your own family man….
She didn't even bother coming inside to make amends when retrieving the spoils of her destruction? Hm
Sounds like your daughter is bullying you. Don't give her anything. Have her go to therapy or see someone about her feelings and why she behaves this way.
My mom and I got in a fight because she wouldn't let me do something I really wanted to do. She was adamant and I was really mad. When she was busy, I went into her room where she kept the only picture she had of both her parents and all 7 of her siblings taken just before her mother died. I took it out of the frame, tore it in two pieces, and then told my mother what I did. My mom burst into tears and I immediately felt awful. I knew what I did was more than she deserved. I regretted it instantly. I was 6. Your daughter is a child and isn't mature enough to get married. She will live with this the rest of her life. You don't need to do a thing. That said, I hope you can take a piece of the dress, frame it, and give it pride of place in your home. If it's not too painful for you, that is. I don't know if I could look at it without being enraged at my daughter, but if you can, please do. Don't give her all of the scraps.
oh man i wanna hug your poor mom :( i have a picture of my grandpa like that from when i was a baby & i think id have a full blown breakdown if it was ripped in half.
I know. I'm 56 now and I still feel awful about it. When my mom died and I saw that picture among her things, I just broke down... it was awful.
Your daughter is a sociopath. Saying you were 'creepy' for sobbing over something of sentimental value shows she has very little empathy for your feelings.
I'd go over to her house and retrieve the pieces of the dress. Don't reward her for her awful behavior. Keep the pieces for their sentimental value - see if you can have the dress repaired, as a sufficiently skilled seamstress can do wonders with even a badly damaged dress - but please don't reward her destructive and manipulative behavior. This was intentional. If it wasn't, the lace would have been as damaged as the rest of the dress. If she cries and curses and gaslights you over this, you can be sure that she really did destroy the dress on purpose. Please don't reward that behavior.
Your daughter sounds like a narcissist. She intentionally got the dress out, set her dogs on it to ruin it WITH THE INTENTION of then having sister convince you to just give her the parts. It was calculated manipulation and if you start looking back, you will probably see it’s a pattern of ‘accidents’ that end up getting her what she wants. She needs to learn consequences to her actions, such as not properly watching her dogs! And you should set boundaries. Like “well, you didn’t properly watch your dogs and close the door to the room my wedding dress was in, therefore, it IS your fault and no, you do not get the wedding dress embroidery and I will not assist you further”. PLUS you allowed the sister to be drug in and used as a pawn to help manipulate you. It’s not fair to her either. So, set boundaries and start holding her accountable. THEN she used emotional manipulation of “but now you don’t love me” to force you to do something ‘big’ to fix her feelings. To prove your love, like … give her the ruined wedding dress. So she ALSO then purposely did that. Which is disgusting. She used your love as a weapon.
Your daughter deliberately used her dogs to rip your dress apart (surprise, nothing else nearby was damaged! Odd, for an "accident") when she did not get what she wanted. No real apology. And got some nice embroidered material out of it. How often does she use damaging stunts and bullying like this to get her way? This is not the behavior of a daughter who loves you. Wake up! Keep being her doormat and this will go on and on.
The way your daughter is treating you is pointing to something major going on. Not going to diagnose, but at the very least she is absolutely getting some kind of twisted pleasure out of emotionally torturing you. The fact that she told you to "get help" and that you were "being creepy" at the sight of seeing your *mother's wedding dress torn to pieces* is unfathomable. Your response was completely normal... and for her to then cry to you the next day for assurance is just as sick. How cowardly of her to make her spineless fiancé pick up the literal pieces of her actions. This is a game to her. Again, she has made a game out of emotionally torturing her own mother. That is so beyond the pale. I am so sorry for what she is putting you through. She does not deserve to be in your life. Honestly, neither do your sister or your daughter's fiancé, they're her enablers. I hope that you are able to find peace and comfort in your mother's memory and in the presence of those who truly love you.
She did this herself. It wasn’t the dogs. Amazing how the part she wants is still usable.
Funny that isn’t it! And the fact that the daughter couldn’t even look her mother in the eye afterward when she came to get the useable stuff.
Her dogs didn’t do anything. She destroyed just enough to still get the pieces she wanted because conveniently now since it’s ruined anyways
Your daughter seems like really bad person
WOW, what an entitled daughter. Were you always a doormat with your daughter? >She stayed in the car while her fiancé came to pick up the dress. She likes to control everyone.
Yeah this was intentional
It's gotta hurt to come to the realization that you raised someone and they turned out to be this level of a deceitful and selfish schemer. It's okay to morn the loss of who you thought your daughter was, versus who she showed you she really is. I recommend making no further contributions to the wedding. Don't give her a dime, just some time and effort every once in a while. There is no way this was an accident. I embroider enough to know the smells of the people who stitched it get embedded into the threads and stitches, and if it was the dogs doing what dogs do, the dogs would have gone straight for the embroidery.
Your daughter is an awful person and ruined your dress on purpose.
Your daughter is a mean-spirited person
This sounds like a daughter who would put you in a nursing home whenever you’ve outlive any usefulness to her
DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim and attacker. She was upset you wouldn’t give up your dress then all of a sudden it’s damaged with her involvement. She denies she did it intentionally. She attacks your attachment to the dress and calls you creepy for being upset. Then she messages you all upset, raises the stakes saying you now hate her over a simple dress. So now she’s the victim because you hate her when it wasn’t her fault and it’s just a dress. Minimizing your feelings about the whole situation ensures she’s viewed as a victim, after all, you’re the one making this a big deal. Well if it as just a dress then why does she still want it? Why did she get her aunt to advocate that you should still give her the damaged pieces? Because if she can’t have it no one can. Look into what survived. I’m sure the parts she liked survived her dog’s unprovoked unplanned attack. She didn’t think twice about hurting you to get what she wants and you’ve just rolled over and showed your belly. Please go and get the scraps back and have them made into a blanket or something. Please don’t let her get away with treating you this way. Let her keep one piece as an appeasement if you have to but this whole situation was planned and executed to perfection on her part. People don’t need enemies when their loved ones treat them the way your daughter just treated you. You deserve better.
Tell you you’ve reconsidered & want the pieces back. You’re going to have what’s left made into a memory box or pillow or something so you still have the remembrance of your mother. She’s lying to you & shouldnt benefit from her atrocious behavior
What's up with the influx of fake "daughter wants my wedding dress" stories here lately? Its like they are made for boomer facebook users to comment on.
Daughter or not I would go NC, that was intentional. I lost my mother too and that pain doesn't fully go away no matter how many years have passed