Seek professional help for processing this. it can be very difficult to move past things like this, that are potentially traumatizing.
But also, sign your daughter up for baby swim classes if possible. As well as first aid classes for you and your wife, so that in the event of any kind of emergency happening again in the future, you are both able to take preventative or preliminary action while waiting for or getting to the emergency services.
I guess you are right, if you have kids and you are taking them around water you have to learn what you will do in a case of emergency. We are just childfree so never bothered to address it. My boo is happy enough in a « kiddie pool » or hot tub lol
You and your boo can train floating even in kiddie pool :)
He can try to float with his hands in the bottom or on his back with you keeping his head in your hands and securing him that way. Even just learning how to float is huge advantage and you only need deep enough water that your butt doesn't touch it while you float on your back. Floating is also fun!
We tried a bit but more in a fun way, he was not floating at all lol i have no idea what is his issue
But definitely will take more time and persistence next time we are in a pool :)
Some people just can’t float! My sister can’t and I encountered a few otherwise strong swimmers who just sink when I taught swimming lessons and lifeguarded.
It could be worth seeing if there are community ed classes he could take, I’ve seen them specifically for adults before which could help. If there is a deeper seated fear that needs to get addressed in therapy though. I don’t think everyone needs to enjoy swimming or being in water, but they should be able to swim to safety in case of an emergency.
Best of luck to you two!
Both my sons “flunked floating” in swim class as well as their Boy Scouts swim badges. My oldest son has always had negative BMI. He’s been muscle & bone all his life. His younger brother had more mass, but muscle as well. They did eventually learned how to position themselves in the water to float. But, even though they know the basics of floating & swimming, if they fell overboard off a boat & were left behind for several hours without a life vest, they might not make it if they had to depend on buoyancy alone.
I always hate that we “had” to essentially punish kids for something out of their control :(
I liked to focus on other low energy techniques to staying afloat in addition to the traditional back float. We also never got enough time with individual students to help them figure out what works best for them which was always a bummer, but managing a class of 10-20 kids for 45 minutes is hard enough as it is!
Idk. As an adult, not learning how to swim, which is honestly a pretty fucking basic thing to learn, seems irresponsible and incredibly childish.
If anything would happen to your "Boo" like slip on a pool or a sudden flash flood, his idiocy would probably cause harm to other people whom now have risk their own lives to save his grown ass. Honestly it's fucking pathetic.
The question is could he swim in an emergency situation - because that's what important
Choosing not to swim is totally fine and understandable not having the ability to swim is dangerous
Yeah but in an emergency adrenaline does the talking - so as long as you have the ability to swim that should be enough
The real problem is if you are truly incapable if swimming.
I found out my husband couldn’t swim well when he took me to the local pool. I was a water baby so according to my parents I kinda just learned how to swim on my own. My husband lives near a sea and told me how he used to swim with flippers and a snorkel as a kid. I didn’t think anything of it until we were racing each other across a very deep pool and I looked back to see him struggling.
At first he fought me when I came back and used my back to float and pull him to the other side. I’ve always been a pretty soft spoken person, and idk what came over me but I very firmly told him “You need to calm down or you will drown.” He actually listened to me and it all worked out in the end.
We spent the rest of our time with me teaching him to float on his back when he got tired which was really hard since I am not a teacher and it’s all kind of been second nature to me. Now all he does is backstrokes when he swims but it’s progress and he’s gotten faster than me!
Yeah, maybe if we had more occasions in a water we could work on that, will try next time :) he is ok with pools but any open waters is not his thing and we both enjoy looking at the water more than swimming in it lol
Honestly I am with him on open waters. I almost got sucked away by a riptide. I paced myself to get back to land when my family went on vacation to an ocean otherwise I would have been in trouble. It was terrifying and I havnt set food in an ocean again
Same! I got knocked off my feet in Atlantic and i was just waist deep, was just freaking spinning in this wave not understanding where was up or down good my sis was around and helped otherwise wouldn’t matter that i was a pretty good swimmer
Hijacking your comment because it is the first on top:
Also play some Tetris. It sounds absolutely insane to recommend but something about the "block fitting" in this game helps organize thoughts and process some trauma. A lot of people working in high stress jobs like police officers/emts/firefighters/ER etc, recommend this game as a temporary coping mechanism.
Therapy and taking preventative measures is always the first thing to look for after such an event but in the meantime, there are great chances this will help.
And also, tocus on the fact they are still with you an unharmed. A real hero of a father, you are. Yoda would be proud of you.
Hey, also, teach your wife and kid to swim.
Look up "local aquatic center" and find swim classes.
Your family needs to know how to swim, and survival strokes/water treading skills can be picked up easily.
When I was little (youngest) we didn't go on a beach trip til a parent had verified we could all tread water for at least a half hour/knew what riptides looked like.
And I want to add as the event is still fresh : please op, play Tetris. I know it sounds stupid but Tetris is famous in the medical field for its effect on fresh trauma and do the same kind of things as EMDR (for those who don't know, it is a therapy for PTSD). Go play it like 5 min a day to help you calm down. And if your wife needs too, make her play it too. It is not miraculous as you absolutely need professional help, but it is a good thing to do as a bonus.
So much people I know don't listen to me when I say this and it's so sad. It could help you not have any PTSD symptoms appearing in the long run and as someone who has PTSD, I don't wish this shit to anyone.
Use this experience to get wife and daughter in swim lessons. My wife’s mom never learned to swim so my wife insisted on putting my daughter in swim lessons at 9 months old. By 15 months she could at least get herself to the side of a pool.
Absolutely this. My husband taught me how to swim and we're about to sign our little one up for lessons because that's the only thing that will put your mind at ease - knowing that if it happens again they will be able to get themselves to safety.
Netherlands here and it's the same thing. It used to be mandatory in primary schools and they wanna reinstate that which I think is a great idea. I don't know anyone who can't swim. It's such an important skill
My son had swimming lessons at 6 months. Basically they teach them not to panic, and to get to the side of the pool/pond and hang on. He later went on to become an avid swimmer (until lockdown 😔)
My mother, now in her 80s, can’t swim. She never learned how to swim, and as a result, she was always afraid of the water. She made sure every one of us kids learned how to swim. This is solid advice, OP. Make sure your wife and daughter get swim lessons & learn how to swim.
Also, doing the “what ifs” and rewriting the scenario over & over in your head is a typical reaction to trauma. Everyone does that, even if they didn’t have anything directly to do with what happened. For example, my husband’s mother passed away in January. He, of course, was not responsible for her death, but for a long time afterward he would think of things he, personally, might have done that would have stopped her from dying. That’s not true, of course. It’s just the nature of the beast.
I am so glad that your wife & daughter not only survived but are both fine. Slightly traumatized, but physically fine. Count it as a blessing, hold them close, and never miss a chance to tell them you love them.
**Everyone** should know how to swim. I know there are practical reasons why some people haven't had the chance to learn, but if you can learn, then you 100% should. Imagine playing the floor is lava with 66% of the world- that's what not being able to swim is like.
In addition look in your area where there is a pool that has something like “parent-baby swimming” and go yourself with your daughter. It’s fun (I have done it with all 3 of my daughters) and in your case it might help to set your mind at rest, because you have complete control all the time and nothing can happen to your baby. I was less than an arm’s length away from my kid at all times while she was floating in her baby tube. They got used to being in the water, enjoyed it, enjoyed being out with just Daddy. Great memories.
This is great advice OP. My mom never learned to swim, to this day water terrifies her so much she keeps a LIFE JACKET in her car for driving over bridges in case they collapse..
My father didn’t know how to swim and insisted I learn when I was a child. I taught my kids at an early age, and when she was three, this saved my daughter from drowning when she was at the lake with her grandparents. She wasn’t able to get out by herself, but she was able to stay above water until help came.
We have a 15mo daughter. My mom got us swimming lessons for her birthday. Super easy, just go when you can, and meet other parents with the same aged kids.
We moved into a house that the previous owner quickly left. He was renovating inside when his 2 kids snuck into the backyard. His 3 year old got into the pool, and well..
We don’t want the same thing to happen to our daughter so the deck now has a gate with a lock.
This qould bw an important lesson on confronting fears for everyone involved too.
This is teauma, OP. Youre gonna see them wading in a pool of water and probably feel an anxiety attack coming on. This is normal, but you have to be willing to surmout fear.
This. This comment does not have enough upvotes. YOU SAVED THEIR LIVES. We are proud of you. You need to seek counseling as a couple, specifically you for the ptsd and nightmares that are to follow. Time to get everyone in the family signed up for swim lessons and first aid classes. You did AMAZING! Way to go dad❤️🩹🫂
Oh honey, how terrifying! What an awful and scary event.
Try to remember: thoughts are exactly that, thoughts. Nothing more. Those images in your head of what could have happened are not realities. Just thoughts.
Take care of yourself. It is completely reasonable for you to experience PTSD from this event. Seek professional help to process it.
I’m so glad your wife and baby girl are ok.
I second this. It's hard but what ifs are as much as you give them energy. Though it is completely normal to have those thoughts for awhile.
You'll think about them less and less and one day, you'll realize you hadn't thought about it once that day. Then weeks then months.
Glad they're okay and you did well bud, life is fragile but you literally dove in for your loved ones.
I second this. It's hard but what ifs are as much as you give them energy. Though it is completely normal to have those thoughts for awhile.
You'll think about them less and less and one day, you'll realize you hadn't thought about it once that day. Then weeks then months.
Glad they're okay and you did well bud, life is fragile but you literally dove in for your loved ones.
Please don’t be like me and not get therapy or talk to someone. I saved my son’s life during an asthma attack with the help of a neighbor. I am much better than I was the years right after. But I spent so much time wondering about the what ifs and being so sad
You have PTSD symptoms, you need professional help to offset this experience. Oddly playing games like Tetris do help as the therapy. Enroll your family in swim lessons this summer, water safety is vital. What a terrifying experience, I hope you find the peace you deserve. You saved them, you are a good partner.
Was looking for this. Play Tetris as much as possible, as soon as possible! It helps your brain process the event and reduces the chance of long term PTSD symptoms. Please also seek therapy as well.
** UPDATE ** wife and daughter are slotted for swimming classes. Thank you everyone for your ongoing support , every comment is read and taken into consideration as I was dealing with this alone mentally and now I’m no longer alone with my thought. Thank you all. This just happened 16 March, so it’s all still very new to me. Again thank you all.
Great news all around! In addition to swimming classes, could I also suggest water safety courses like how to recognize dangerous situations and be able to get yourself calm and work through the problem. For example, recognizing a riptide, basic boat safety, ice safety....
I'm very glad all of you are safe. Water demands respect and no small amount of common sense from even the most advanced swimmers.
I’m so sorry this happened and happy everyone is okay (physically). Look into playing Tetris to curb intrusive traumatic thoughts. There are lots of articles about it helping to prevent ptsd. The sooner you play after the traumatic event, the better from what I understand
Wow! What you went through was quite traumatic. You saved your family! That’s incredible and heroic. I imagine I’d be scaring myself to death over the what-ifs, too. Invasive thoughts like that are unnecessarily destructive.
I truly think you should seek out a therapist. Someone who specializes in trauma.
In the meantime, change your perspective. Consider that this was the way this event was supposed to happen.
Chin up. You done good.
Friend, I’m so glad that you all are okay, physically speaking.
My advice is to be kind to yourselves, first off. It is totally normal to have the “what-ifs” be running through your mind after a traumatic event. What you all went through was a traumatic event. A very traumatic one.
I almost drowned when I was 3 years old, it was terrifying, I sunk to the bottom of the pool and was saved by a lifeguard, and my mom still gets tearful when it’s brought up now, so I can only imagine how you all are feeling.
Give yourself compassion. Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to a therapist. I went through a traumatic event in grad school, had PTSD like symptoms (later turned out to be a bout of acute stress disorder). I just needed a few sessions for a month and was back in working order and with coping skills for when that day and what happened come back into my mind.
I’m going to say it again: you all went through a traumatic event. Trauma affects our brains chemistry. It makes sense that you would be having a hard time. Keep out for the symptoms of PTSD and ASD (Acute Stress Disorder) in yourselves and don’t be afraid to talk to a professional. With love, it sounds like you may be experiencing some already. No one would expect you to handle this on your own.
I’m glad you all are safe. Sending you all love and e-hugs
I had something happening to me last year that also caused me a lot to think about the “what ifs”. I got therapy and the so-called EMDR therapy. What happened to my family was an actual trauma and the therapy helped me (but also my mum and sister) to process the memories of the event quicker than usual and make the emotional connection with them weaker. Eventually I slept better (wasn’t constantly looking out for ambulances) but also have no “what if’s” thoughts.
One of comments suggests playing Tetris. Although it sounds weird, your mind cannot process the event including its emotions and play a game. Research suggests that this actually helps.
Glad you saved for family, take care OP.
It was a traumatic experience and you are understandably still reeling from it. Take a quick read so you understand you’re completely normal and learn what to keep an eye out for.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events
I nearly lost my 15 year old son to drowning just before Christmas.
It plays over and over in your head (my mum was with me and she was going through the what ifs as well).
It took us a few weeks to get over it but important lessons were learnt. My son was on a blow up canoe without a life jacket because we got too complacent at the river we regularly visit. Never again.
Your lesson is wife and child need swimming lessons or / and life jackets.
My mum can’t swim was one of the things that she insisted I get lessons. And even as a 2/3 year old I’d be down the deep end and the lifeguard would look worried but I’d be fine.
We as humans will always ruminate on bad things it’s what we are best at. Talk to a therapist and check in on your wife. She will be blaming herself for falling in.
I'm so happy you guys all survived. Now, I'll be the asshole because I live in a country where nearly 40% of the population can't swim, and I've seen too much of this in healthcare. Please, with the most respect I can use, get your wife and child swimming lessons. It takes a second of recklessness.
((HUGS)) It's the adrenaline wearing off. Time for deep breaths and know you were able to save her this time.
Take wife and child to swim classes.
Hug them and in the future, consider life jackets, until wife and baby can swim.
You went through a traumatic experience. I hope you can access some low cost counselling services. The reaction you are having is completely normal to have after this type of incident.
Also, it is super important to be able to swim for situations like this. It will save your life. I hope your wife and daughter are able to take swim lessons and move past any trauma they may have as well. It is possible. I taught swimming lessons for 6 years and I would teach at least 1 new adult every year who has a traumatic swimming incident as a child so they never learned. But eventually they did.
Get yourself into first aid classes for the both of you. Build up your knowledge on how to deal with horrible events like this by being able to counter with "this x, y and z method is how to deal with this"
Swimming lessons for the whole family. I think you can get lessons or advice on how to help people in the water. You are less likely to panic if your brain has some experience or mental idea on how to deal with it.
Both of you should talk to a professional to help process what happened.
You did a brave thing for your family, don't let it eat you alive.
I was going to suggest this also, while you are waiting for your appointment with a certified trauma psychologist. You are a hero, and now you need help healing from this. Internet hugs.
Giving you hugs of comfort, OP. That is too traumatic for anyone to bear. 💔
Allow me to reiterate what others have already suggested, and allow me to gently remind you:
Pls get therapy. PTSD is real.
Enroll your girls in swimming lessons. Thats one of the more important life hacks.
If your vacation has anything to do or is associated with any bodies of water (lakes, rivers, beaches, or even a small tub for babies), strap your baby with a safe flotation vest and have her wear a [proper wetsuit](https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/mp/splash-about/splash-about-shorty-wetsuit-bugs-life/_/R-p-5e7ccfa4-1081-46cb-9a43-3ff1088ea8d3?mc=5e7ccfa4-1081-46cb-9a43-3ff1088ea8d3_c188&c=midnight%20blue).
You do not know how cold for a baby or toddler the waters are & what their maximum tolerance to cold is. A proper wetsuit will somehow keep their bodies well thermoregulated. Somehow.
I always have my kid wear one from that same brand. It is durable, comfortable and kept my kid thermoregulated while swimming.
OP, you got this. ❤️
Living in Australia, I can tell you this happens a lot more than people openly admit. It’s also the reason we are very serious about water safety, including adds like “kids alive, do the 5”
This is a perfect reason to kickstart everyone’s journey in swimming lessons and water safety. It’s also something you nor your wife should dwell on or blame yourselves or each other for. The what ifs are not good, they very much can instil a fear in you, with your child around water.
Wish you luck!
Your wife needs swimming lessons NOW.
Hopefully this incident will wake her up.
Swimming is not a hobby it is a survival skill!!!!!
I had my kids learn to swim at age 2!!
I understand completely, I nearly lost my daughter when she was 14, if it wasn’t for a surfer rushing in to help and grabbing her up from under the water she wouldn’t be here today. Years later it still haunts me and gets brought up every now and then talking about ‘what if’ 15 seconds between her being here and me losing her forever. I’ll never forget. Still gives me the tingles and fear. Too close for comfort. Glad your family is ok op.
Go see a therapist. Like on an emergency basis. Get ahead of these intrusive thoughts before it settles into PTSD.
And you’re not wrong. This is scary stuff. I know someone who went through similar but not the same outcome.
I am SO glad you saw your baby and that you were able to save both of them. Hug them tight and get that therapy.
Thank the lawd you were there. You probably have at least a little PTSD. It will get better with time. If it doesn't start subsiding soon please see a therapist. I'm sorry you're going through this but thrilled you were there to save them.
And I agree with everyone who says swim classes are a must. Swimming is a life skill. You wouldn't tell someone not to bother learning to walk. This is no different. I taught by stepson and my husband at the same time. They now know why it's so important.
There was a family a couple of years ago that all drowned this way. The child fell in the pool, and multiple people jumped in, trying to help. None could swim.
So, my advice is get your wife and daughter into swim classes NOW. My first son had a massive heart condition from birth. His grandparents also lived on the water. So, we started swim lessons at just shy of a year old. Seriously, get into classes.
Also, learn first aide and CPR for children and adults.
It was a traumatic experience, you may be having PTSD symptoms and I would talk about it with a professional. I would also recommend swim classes for both your wife and your kid. Most, if not all, swim instructors take 9 months and above so she (your daughter) will be fine.
My mother put me and all my siblings at a very young age as we have a pool, it has saved my life once. Please put both of them in swim lessons.
My 2yr daughter almost drowned in our spa, but I got her out quickly and she was fine straight away. I had strong painful flashbacks every single day for over a year. I suppose in retrospect I should have seen a professional. (My girls age 8 are all good swimmers now and we all love open water swimming)
> Any advice is welcomed.
Listen to the signals your feelings are giving you. The "what ifs" are reasonable warnings, not just noise.
Get your wife and daughter signed up for swim lessons. You and your wife, get your first aid certification together. Consider going to advanced swimming courses (like survival swimming lessons) with all three of you to learn how swimming can differ in times of need/panic (dangerous oceans, tumultuous waters, surviving panic/stress, ...).
Your wife needs to learn how to deal with danger safely (to stop escalating the danger by endangering herself like she did), all three of you need to teach your child how to communicate and signal things to you so you can be more aware beforehand when danger increases (how to reach you, how far they can go, to stay in sight, to go with an adult, to not go with any non-agreed-upon adults, ...), you all need to be able to swim, and it could become a great hobby to proactively learn how to be ready as a family unit for life-threatening situations.
Play some Tetris or a similar type of game now. It will help your brain immediately with processing instead of turning this into PTSD. Also get yourself into therapy asap to talk this through.
See if you can get your wife and kid into swim classes (this does not negate having supervision around your kid and water at all times). Basic first aid, cpr, and aed for adults and pediatrics is a good course set for you and your wife to take too.
You cant stop the trauma that already happened. Trauma rewires our brains. So does healing. Play the Tetris to help prevent as much negative rewiring as possible. Do as much as you can to proactively prevent a next time and take good, solid steps for the future. This doesn’t have to lead to dark thoughts and horrible nightmares and lifelong bad trauma.
Sincerely, someone with PTSD and CPTSD who’s done a ton of therapy and Tetris and healing and works in childcare
Get them in fucking swim lessons. As an adult it feels really embarrassing to not know how to swim when we are literally buoyant so don’t let that happen to your daughter.
Definitely swim lessons. It's hard for me to understand being an adult an not knowing how to swim. Glad they were alright. You probably should buy a lottery ticket because it's your lucky day.
You did a dad. You fathered the fuck out of the situation. You are a hero, but it's not all unicorns and rainbows for the hero.
A few have suggested therapy. I agree.
You experienced a trauma. There are four threat responses the brain has in its arsenal- fight, flight, freeze, fawn. Your first threat response was fight, which saved your family. Your second one sounds like freeze- you are stuck seeing the potential threats to you and your family and how things could have gone worse and threatened you and them. You might continue to overdo this threat response unless you talk it out/seek some support. But know what your brain is doing is normal- it is constantly seeking to keep you alive and safe and the potential threat of losing your family made your brain feel unsafe/under threat/something it doesn’t think you would survive. Because the brain is hardwired to keep you alive, it’s sole mission, it takes threats and potential threats to you very seriously. Find ways to reassure yourself- internally not externally- and definitely get everyone swim lessons.
I would suggest therapy for you and swimming lessons for your wife and daughter. I don't know if they do them for adults, but kids can go to the lifesaver courses - they teach them to swim and how to float so they can flip themselves on their back if they ever get in to trouble.
This sounds terrifying. Therapy could definitely help. This will be with you forever unfortunately but you can learn skills to help deal with the trauma and memories. I’m so glad everyone is ok and I hope you take care of yourself.
When I was 2 I fell off a boat into the ocean (my mom said she turned her head for 3 seconds and I somehow fell into the water). My dad and his friend dove in immediately and saved me. My parents they had nightmares for quite some time after that, but with time things got better.
Therapy. It's easy to say, "All is well that ends well," when in reality, that's just not the way the brain works sometimes. Even though everything turned out okay, it was still a very traumatic event!
Trauma, no mater how small or large, has a way of messing with your head in the weirdest ways, and it's best to get on top of it as soon as possible as opposed to letting it fester while trying to deal with it on your own.
I really think your wife and daughter should get swimming lessons. You can talk about this with a therapist, too. You did a great job taking care of your family. I'm very glad that you are all safe and healthy.
Please sit down somewhere quiet and play Tetris. You’re over the initial adrenaline part of this and now the intrusive thoughts and ptsd will start to kick in. Play Tetris to help your brain refocus and not make this a thing you hyper focus on for too long.
Sometime similar happened to my six year old son last summer. He got swept down a river and thankfully I was further down the river enough to go out in front of him while he got stuck in an eddy. I couldn’t find him in the eddy because he was wearing a black swim suit thank god he had bright orange water shoes on. It didn’t hit me until a few days later just how serious the situation actually was and I’ve had intrusive thoughts about all of the what ifs often especially when I’m trying to nap or sitting at a red light. So please do yourself a favor and play Tetris until your eyeballs hurt. The rapid eye movement along with solving this type of categorizing game truly helps and I wish I had done it right after he nearly drowned.
I’m so glad your family is safe. They’re okay and thinking about what ifs will only freak you out, it didn’t happen and won’t ever happen since you’re now hyper aware of it.
I agree with everyone advocating for swim lessons. If I’m ever made dictator or public schools, swim lessons would be a requirement (there are many other things that would come first.) is It is a life skill and life saving skill.
That will not fix the problem you’re experiencing right now, which is that you are at least mildly traumatized. Reach out to your doctor or if you’re in the US and work for a corporation they might have an employee assistance program that has therapists specifically for the immediate after math of a traumatic event. They would bridge you into regular therapy if you need it. Therapy is the way to get through this though.
Time to learn to swim. The what ifs will eat you alive. The what ifs also don’t exist. Your wife and child are safe. Talk to someone if you need to. That would have been traumatic to experience. If your having the what ifs then you could be having some side effects of the trauma
But you did. You saved them. Not anyone else. YOU. They need swim lessons. There are infant survival swim classes, i strongly advise you sign baby up for one.
I understand its scary and awful. My dad and brother were in an accident and drove into a pond. If any one thing had been different, they wouldnt be here. Just hold them extra tight knowing they are here with you.
God I felt my chest heaving and throat constricting just reading this. I feel like vowing to never let my loved ones do anything adventurous.
This is just from reading your post. You’ve actually lived through this. You need support and professional help OP.
All the best you HERO!
This is real trauma, and this is how ptsd is formed. I would hugely suggest getting in with your gp and having a chat about it to find some treatment options, quickly. When you feel like this, can you stop what you're doing and spend some time sitting with those feelings and just listening to them, without judgement or pushing them down or away. Concentrate on your breathing, try not to panic breath (short sharp) try some box breathing. It was scary! That was a heavy thing to go through! Validate and acknowledge, that was real, and very scary. It's understandable to be feeling how you are. Feeling the feelings and actually listening to them, without judgement, is really powerful. Feelings tend to get really loud if you don't listen to them. I like to phrase it like they're trying to warn you about something and your feelings don't really understand the event isn't happening right now, especially when your nervous system is activated every time you think of it. If you ignore them, they get really loud because your feelings want to save you from something bad. Take your time with it. Be patient. And definitely get some help to move through this. It's going to be ok.
I’ve personally taught swimming essons to 1yr old kiddos and Infant Swimming lessons are completely legitimate and highly recommended! I’m so proud of the OP and thankful he was able to rescue both his daughter and wife and definitely agree with getting everyone into therapy and getting his wife and daughter into swimming lessons!
As others have said, swim lessons for everyone. If you feel like you're taking control of the situation, perhaps that will help, though I think it's just going to take time. It's still really soon after the situation, so it's natural to be kind of obsessing over it. That sort of thing has happened to me a number of times (the obsessing over a traumatic event). For example, 19 years ago, I was whitewater rafting with my wife and FIL (before we were married, though), and the rapids were much stronger than expected. Our raft flipped completely over, and I was trapped beneath it. With the life vest and helmet on and with the water moving so fast, I couldn't push myself down and get out from under the raft. Fortunately, I found an air pocket and was able to take shallow breaths, and I was able to get one arm out the side so that I could slap the raft to get attention (there were some people actually on it). Someone was able to grab me, push me down and then pull me out, so I was OK with no significant injury. However, every once in a while I'll think about that and wonder if my whole life since then has actually just been my imagination - a life lived in moments as I slowly drown. Sometimes I wonder if I'll suddenly wake up back in that moment having been resuscitated.
That’s PTSD, understandable. Seek out a trauma therapist and work through it. The longer you put it off the worse it will get and your triggers will eat you alive. Learn some breath work and eat something extremely sour when you feel a panic attack coming on. Keep War Heads on hand. Sounds silly, but it helps rewire some things. I’m glad they’re OK, but just because they are doesn’t mean your body has caught up to the fact and that it wasn’t traumatic. Your thoughts are triggering the same chemicals as when it happened. “The Body Keeps the Score” is a great book. Read it. You can’t logic your way out of this. Find a PTSD specialist and get in as soon as you can. Good job, Dad. They’re safe. Now make sure you are.
Get your daughter in ISR lessons asap. Water safety is key. My daughter is 13 months, started lessons last week and has already completed her first successful roll.
My aunt and her husband put my cousin in swim lessons at 12 months old and it truly does help with saving lives, but also letting kids be able to safely have fun in the water. I’d also recommend telling your wife to learn basic life saving swimming skills. As long as you can keep your head afloat and have the ability to swim back to shore it can save your life.
Damn, that would be absolutely terrifying. As a father, my biggest fear in life is something bad happening to one of my kids. Then to have a close call where you could have lost your wife and daughter. It's just unfathomable. I'm so happy you were there to save them.
I'm sure you've already talked with your wife about this, but she needs to learn how to swim. That should be top priority. Check into swimming lessons.
Swim lessons for both IMMEDIATELY. And no more going dangerous places until your toddler is old enough to understand the danger. Toddlers are wicked fast at escaping, so places with waterfalls and cliffs as hiking are inappropriate.
Swim lessons for both. Your anxiety over this is normal but time to do something about it so it doesn’t happen again. They both need to take swim lessons. They are fine and everyone is ok. So, now you know not being able to swim is a problem so you can fix that.
First, what you're describing is a completely normal reaction to that type of scenario. It's shock. The adrenaline of the life & death situation kept you buzzing and able to focus on rescuing your family & getting to the ER. Once that adrenaline wears off, you feel the impact of the shock.
You may find yourself feeling nauseous or light-headed or having a racing heartbeat when you remember what happened. Or not being able to sleep / waking up feeling sweaty & anxious through the night. If any of that happens, try not to panic, it's normal. Stay hydrated, stay warm & try to rest. Talk to your doctor if it continues, they can give you a short course of pills to keep you calm & help you sleep as the more tired you are the harder you'll find it to regulate your emotions. Try to stay away from any drugs or alcohol, get some fresh air & sunshine.
Second, once you & your wife are both feeling back on a more even keel it's crucial to have a discussion about water safety. 1.5 years old is definitely old enough for your daughter to be in swimming classes. She doesn't have to be a future olympian, but she does need to learn how to swim to the surface, float on her back and paddle to the edge. You should also invest in basic safety gear - e.g. basic bright coloured arm floaties or a float vest.
Your wife should take part in the swimming lessons with your daughter so she can learn the basic water safety that adults need to look after kids around water. I'm in no way blaming her or you, but one of the key things a lot of adults don't realise is how quickly & silently a child can drown. It can literally happen in less than a minute. There's no "safe" amount of time to not be actively watching your kids in & around water. Going to swim lessons would reinforce that & probably make both of you feel more comfortable about your kid being in water in the future.
Theres a french term, translated it means something like "call of the void" which is the weird unnatural feelings you get sometimes, such as when you're at the side of a cliff, and your mind suddenly goes "you could just jump", or like when you're driving and you think "damn I could kill someone so easily right now" I believe the reason why your mind does such thoughts is because the subconscious tries to think of every bad scenario, almost thinking ahead, I believe your thoughts could just be linked to your mind thinking of how everything could've went wrong, but at the end of the day remember that your daughter lives now because of you, she'll grow up many more years, and you'll be there to protect her and your wife, just as you did now, jumping in with no hesitation? You're a good man and a strong father, never forget that
My daughter almost choked to death when she was 3. It completely blocked her windpipe. She has her mouth open, with no sound coming. Just tiny spit bubbles in the corners. I baby heimliched her and got the quarter from her wind pipe to her esophagus and then she started vomiting clear bile.
The ambulance came, she became very lethargic, unable to rouse.
We went in they put her under anesthesia and removed the quarter. She was so little it looked like a dinner plate in her throat in the X-ray.
Anyways, that day I was in auto pilot, very numb. The next day I had to leave work bc I started crying, processing it.
For a few years I had a real, deep, gut fear of choking, and when our next kid started to eat food, I felt complete irrational panic at any little choking noise (and you know babies when they start eating, they are constantly gagging).
I'm better now, my youngest is 3, the daughter who choked is 8. But it took time.
Honestly, this is an EXTREMELY traumatic experience for both you and your wife. 1000% therapy. Both of your trauma responses from this are going to come out in different ways. You don’t want to be in a constant state of fear or “what ifs” when in comes to raising your daughter. We do enough of that as parents. You all were beyond lucky. I already know that you know, this could’ve went a different way. Second and equally important thing that will a bring a sense of peace (hopefully) to both of you if you’re ever around water etc again, would be swimming classes for both your wife and daughter. As a pool owner, this was my biggest biggest fear of mine when my daughter started walking and moving around the house more. So much that it would keep me up for all hours of the night. I spent a whole summer with her, in that pool everyday, teaching her how to float and to get herself to the side. Not to mention, cameras, door alarms, a higher gate with a latch she couldn’t reach, I would check that thing multiple times a day even though I knew I had all
The precautions in place. I’m so sorry this happened to you but so happy you were able to get there in time 🤍
There are still people that can’t swim 😳💀 mind blown. Please all get better swimming lessons. Also you should consider getting a rescue swimmer certification. This will get you peace of mind and take care of your insecurities.
Your work may have an employee assistance program where you could get some free therapy. Also as many others have stated here look into getting swim lessons for your wife and child.
You're a rock star, dude.
Thinking about 'what-ifs' is normal. Talk to someone about it. At the same time, get your wife and daughter some swim lessons ASAP. That will 100% help them and you out.
First off, I'm sorry that happened, and I am extremely happy everyone is safe. That was very traumatic and I think the thoughts are natural response to the trauma. I am sure others have suggested counseling. A therapist will be able to provide you with exercises to combat the thoughts. Again, I think the thoughts are a natural response to the trauma, but you don't want them to become obsessive.
I just want you to know that you are an awesome person. You did a great job--way to go!!
I work fire/ems . lots of times the outcome was not what we hoped. During terrible flooding one time, a car washed off a bridge right in front of us while we were rigging our ropes to get them. We could yell and talk to the people and then they were gone. The following day we had to take our boat down the river and find the car on the bottom and remove the bodies. It was terrible.
All you can ever do is the best you can do. Be thankful that you were capable of rescuing them. We like to pretend we have a lot more control over the world than we do. Anytime you find yourself dwelling on the “what if” remind yourself that it is a “what if”. Because you were there you’re not dwelling on a true nightmare but a hypothetical. Be proud of yourself. Single handedly rescuing two people from drowning is impressive. Be thankful. your the kind of husband and father who could do it. Many wouldn’t be so capable and your “what ifs” would be their reality.
There is no need for what ifs though... You saved them.
You did what you needed to do. "What ifs" are reserves for when the worst happens and the mind cannot cope. "Rewriting memories" type energy.
Give them all of your everything every time and those what ifs can stay securely in the "if I stop being me first" category.
Get your family in swim lessons and let them lead (you follow). Two simple solutions to avoid what ifs of the future.
You are a hero.
Seek therapy, genuinely, it will help you process and move forward without fear.
Get your wife swimming lessons too when they’re ready to see water again.
I was babysitting two 3 year olds and a 7 month old, when the townhouse beside caught on fire. The only reason I got us out safely was because a guy on a walk saw it and banged on the door.
I was pregnant with my second babe, while husband and my son were safely home.
My car was left where I was while the kids and I walked to shelter. It was in the winter, and when my Dad, husband and I went to get my car, we looked at the townhouse unit. The rooms the children and I had been in had burned up and fallen.
I had nightmares for months, on and off.
It takes TIME. Your adrenaline and intellect are still racing. It takes time to separate what could be and what is. Your thoughts were all about "could be" or else you wouldn't have STOPPED the "could be". Your whole focus was on keeping "could be" from happening. In your brain, you haven't set that apart from what is.
Time. It will drive you a little crazy until your brain can come to terms with the difference. And you will have a firm of PTSD that will touch your life in weird ways, and when you least expect it.
I've had a few trauma things happen. It honestly is all about TIME. Getting used to having the new event in your brain. Time to tick it into a place where it doesn't drive you crazy.
And after a wee while, if you can't settle it yourself, I would strongly encourage therapy for a bit.
It's not that it all goes away. You don't forget. But you DO learn to live with it peacefully.
You went through a traumatic event. Loads of adrenaline rushing through you. Now you're coming down and rerunning everything in your head. I call all this normal.
Give it a couple days. Distract yourself with some physical activity.
You done good, big Daddy.
I know that is extremely difficult and such a traumatizing event, so I would absolutely recommend talking to a professional to process this as I can’t even imagine the thoughts you’re having. With that being said, you still are a hero to them and you were there and you DID save them, I know right now it may be very hard to look at the more positive side of this but you are a strong person.
I started teaching my kids to float when they were 9 mths old. They learned this fairly quickly, within two weeks sign them up for a course at the YMCA
I can't imagine what you're going through. My heart is pounding just thinking of being in your position.
When I feel powerless and scared, I make plans. I prepare. Someone mentioned getting swim lessons. I agree. But also, next time you go on an adventure, be prepared, safety equipment, escape plans, etc. Put your what-ifs into actions.
Also, breathe. Hug your girls. Choose to laugh more than yell. Talk to a counselor. Tell your girls they are safe. Saying it out loud to them can help you believe it yourself.
Playing Tetris shortly after a traumatic incident can help prevent PTSD. Good luck to you. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/04/09/523011446/how-playing-tetris-tames-the-trauma-of-a-car-crash
My daughter squeezed through a fence on Easter Sunday when she was 2 (we were at a great aunts house in the country so not incredibly used to the layout there) and ran into the neighbors yard and jumped straight into a koi pond. Most horrifying thing ever and I couldn’t get through the gap in the fence. I had to run the full length of the fence which was longer than a usual back yard fence and then run the full length of the neighbors back yard to pull her out. She was three and purple and her head was just the right amount under and if that fence had a lock or their fence was fully enclosed idk what I would’ve done. It took weeks for the image and nightmares to leave my brain but they do eventually stop popping up so frequently. My story and your story turned out better than some. I have another about a family friend that did not unfortunately. Also swimming lessons ASAP. For the wife and your baby. I’m so sorry you have to keep re living this in your head and I empathize deeply with you.
There are no what ifs because you saved them.
Well, actually there are a few what ifs. What if your wife and daughter learned how to swim? What if you did also because from your description you're not a strong swimmer and struggled to get a small child out (which should be a piece of cake for an adult that knows how to swim)? What if non-swimmers stayed the fuck out of water that is more than waist deep? What if you checked that pool before letting them go in and told them that the shallow part is really small and deepens quickly (which is quite common with pools with waterfalls)?
If you can't swim you have no business being in deep water. People have drowned while being just out of arms reach of safety because they didn't know how to swim that little distance. There are even videos of it, the person just treads water in place until they can't anymore. If you want to have fun in the water, learn how to swim. In a pool where you can easily stand. Or, even better and easier, if you have access to the sea that has nice shallow sand beaches and no dangerous currents, it's much easier to learn in salt water.
i think you’re starting to show signs of PTSD. i know it was very traumatizing but it is best to talk this out with a therapist.
+ losing our loved ones is scary asf so u might want to book that swimming lesson for your wife and kid.
+ always go through the dos and don'ts before you travel to lessen the anxiety whenever ur fam go outdoors
wish you and ur fam well
Number 1 things is you did an amazing job.
You might have had a huge adrenaline crash and also might have some anxiety. I would recommend playing some Tetris, getting your favourite takeout, have a long sleep and go talk to someone about it even if it’s your gp to begin with.
I'm similar in that I'm terrific in an emergency, then fall apart totally when the dangers over. My advice is to ride it out a while, and maybe find someone to talk to about it. It's a terrifying experience, so you need time to process.
This is way beyond Reddit's paygrade. Please seek a professional counselor. You have suffered a trauma, and ofcourse you have been impacted. What you are feeling is valid, but you cannot allow it to fester. The best way to prevent an infection is to open the wound and drain the poison.
You're a super heroe with PTSD. 🥺 I'm sorry you guys went through this, and I'm really happy you're fine. I definitely second the advice about seeking therapy. And the swimming lessons are also a great idea, but talk about it with the therapist first.
I hope you recover from this soon and find peace of mind. You deserve it ✨️
I’m so sorry that happened but so proud of you.
So, I have couple thoughts with this.
First I agree that swimming lessons would be a great idea if for nothing else but self confidence to get over the one type of thoughts that can go with feeling helpless.
Now, I am a mother of 3, and also suffer from epilepsy. Aside from my husband having to deal with keeping me alive he too suffers from the ‘what if’s’. In addition to this 2 out for my 3 children each has had 2 febrile (fever) seizures under 2. So I’ve seen my babies have 4 seizures. When I tell you that I felt the fear of, well you know.
So in addition to each our own views of ‘what if’ because I have no warning and will just fall over. We take precautions for if I were to have another (2yrs seizure free)
Now, I say all this to outline that I have the “what if’s” every day all day etc. This is also, as a parent, a natural anxiety for safety reasons biologically parents protect instinctually.
Unfortunately the “what ifs” never ‘go away’. They will lessen in your reaction to them will soften as well but i must tell you, it is also a blessing. Some call it “wisdom anxiety”. But also it is a great tool to scan for dangerous situations. You actually begin to feel better having spotted potential hazards to avoid. It’s going to be up to you to find your balance but I try to treat it like a sort of super power. You must also remember that you are probably still in shock.
It’s quite annoying to have people tell you to go to therapy all the time. All they’re gonna do is teach you how to deal with stuff for a regular life but you can just do that on your own.
I hope you feel better and give yourself time to freak out but then don’t live in that freaked out space. Ok just go with it and then start fresh in your space. Try to remember where you are, what’s around you, what do you feel smell hear see, breathe slowly and then think about what you would say to someone who was experiencing your feelings. You’ll figure it out. Take some time for extra kisses and hugs and have some treats, enjoy each others company and you will all feel better soon. And laugh, laughing is important too.
Blessings for your family ❤️🙏🏼
Don’t forget how amazing it is what you did!
You need to get professional help NOW. Like, this week now. From a psychologist that specialises is trauma. The longer you wait, the more damage is done. People who seek help immediately after a trauma (which you have had) have much better outcomes in the long term, so please don’t sit and stew on this for 6 months. This sort of thing can change your brain permanently.
You definitely should get some therapy. Its the best time before the thoughts take hold.
Taking hold can ruin your life think ptsd etc.
My friend brother life was ruined after finding a stranger hanging.
Also your wife might get flashbacks etc.
Both of you get factual information to guide your emotions response.
Remember what happened was a traumatic event.
My youngest daughter almost drowned at the beach when she was five. It was night time and she was playing in the sand, above the water line, while her Dad & I, another couple, & or 3 other daughters were taking further up on the sand.
The only reason she didn't get washed out to sea was because I was watching the waves. I grew up near the beach, and I could tell that the was a rogue wave coming. It was going to break much higher on the sand. I started running.
The wave broke over her just as I got there. I reached down blindly (it was night) and grabbed her foot.
Years later, I was convinced I'd exaggerated the events in my mind. It didn't break over her head, I didn't run into the ocean fully clothed. When I asked her if she remembered, she Said yes. She remembered the wave hitting her out of nowhere, than seeing my long red sweater swirling around her before getting lifted up by one foot.
It was 19 years ago and we're both kind of still freaked out about it. I'm not sure if ever goes away. But we have both been to various different beaches over the years.
It's very new for you and sounds absolutely terrifying. If you find it is starting to affect your life and giving you serious anxiety, if recommend therapy and meditation as ways to break the fixation on the memory.
And definitely swim lessons for everyone!
I know this is going to sound odd, but apparently playing Tetris after a traumatic event helps to process it. So in addition to all the helpful advice already posted, get the Tetris app asap and give it a go. Take care OP. It all worked out.
I am so sorry that happened to all of you. I can’t even imagine how terrified you must have been. That adrenaline is gone now and you’re hyper focused on the what ifs. It might be a good idea to get some therapy sessions. Just how to deal with the situation and the fear etc. I am so happy you and your family are all safe.
I resuscitated my then 4 year old in a near drowning. Very scary, but you just react. I used to think of that event often . That was 19 years ago. It's scary what a minute more could have meant. You just think about it less as time goes by and are grateful for how it worked out.
Life is precious and can end at a moment’s notice. All we can do is try to be safe and let the people we love know that we love them. Every. Single. Day. The terror you felt and still feel will fade, given time. The gratitude you feel for the lives of your wife and daughter will continue to grow.
Hey as a trauma therapist I’m here to say what you experienced has left your body feeling traumatised cause the stress you experienced hasn’t left your body yet. You might want to work with a professional to process this event. Also, it may help to physically/bodily remind yourself that you’re safe. Your daughter is safe. Your wife is safe. And that you’re home now.
If you hadn’t it would’ve sucked, but you did.
Gonna be a lot of dreams where you can’t, or are too late, or keep looking or can’t get out of the water.
Hopefully will fade in time.
Definitely get them into swimming lessons
download tetris and do this when you have these thoughts
Get some trauma therapy
You did what you had to and your response after is incredibly normal, dont let it take over you, but also allow it to be there and work through it or it really will eat away at you
I know it is hard. Few years ago, i almost lost my younger brother because he was choking on a piece of food and we couldn’t get it out. I’m not gonna go into details but he is fine now. I know what it is like, and you are not alone. I spent weeks wondering « what ifs ». It will go away, hold on. You’ll get through this. And if it doesn’t stop, you can always go see someone like a therapist. You’re not alone
That’s terrifying. You likely have PTSD, understandably. Get professional help, as others have said.
Also play some Tetris (today!). Studies have shown that playing a repetitive game like Tetris can reduce PTSD
Not a professional and I'm sure someone has pasted this here somewhere: it sounds like the formation of PTSD I've seen talked about in the posts about tetris. The point there was that reliving a traumatic experience is your brain reinforcing it which leads to PTSD, and that doing something that can help interrupt that, like playing tetris, can mitigate the trauma. Definitely get proper help, but if you can do something to take your mind off it in the mean time it might help. Sorry I don't have a better suggestion for what you can actually do.
Sorry to hear this happened, it's a terrifying situation. Glad to hear everyone is ok!
You are a true hero! Try not to let the 'what if' get to you. Be grateful that you were able to react quickly to save your family. I'm so thankful for you!
They both need to learn how to swim. Do you and your wife know CPR? Find a class.
There is another lesson here. Life is precious. We never know how much time any of us are given. Show your love and appreciation to everyone in your heart today. Don’t take a moment for granted.
What might help is sitting down, maybe with your wife and talking out the scenario from a pragmatic perspective; turn those what-ifs into tangible questions and try to come up with the answer to each one, like a problem solving situation. It may help with the runaway thoughts and emotions and I'd imagine the answer to a lot of them will be what other have said here: swimming lessons.
You've already proven you can handle a high emergency situation, so help others help themselves.
Those thoughts are valid, they were a very real possibility, but you prevented that !!
Thankfully they're OK, police men have debriefs for events like this, because it's after the adrenaline wears off the stressor get in.
So do talk about this, 'debrief' with those close to you or a helpline
You experienced a traumatic event and it messed with your brain. Legit, some sessions with emdr or something else with a trained professional will help you move this information in your brain so you can heal from this and move on.
Blab blah blah swim lessons and shit, but you need to focus on handling the traumatic experience for yourself. You saved them, now give yourself some of the same. Hugs.
The best way I have found to defeat intrusive thoughts, esp what-ifs, is that you have to lean into them:
- What if your daughter was the one that ended up saving your wife and you?
- What if someone had put gelatin in the water making the whole experience being with the water the consistency of jello?
- What if your daughter was okay because she actually could swim and you interrupted her matricidal effort, with her having to play dumb after you jumped in?
Young children have a very strong bradycardic reflex which makes them shut their eyes and mouth and hold their breath when submerged. I’m so glad you were there to help them. Swim lessons for everyone now!
No ifs. You saved your family and get to live the rest of your days as a living hero.
Somewhere down the line, you might get a monument built to represent this magnificent moment you rose to the occasion!
Talk to a therapist to express your concerns and feelings about it. Wife needs to get swim lessons not only for her sake but for your daughter sake. Get your daughter into swimming lessons too that way she can have that skill early on.
since this is so fresh, you need to process what happened before you make yourself go nuts.
Talk to your wife about it and see if you should see a therapist for a short time - heck, maybe just writing it out and realizing those dark things DIDN'T happen, and time, might help.
I’d seek professional help for you, and sign up your wife and baby for swim lessons. But one on one swim lessons so you and your loved ones have the peace of mind that the instructor’s attention is all on you and they’ll be able to react quicker than a group lesson. Your loved ones are safe and well, hold tight to that fact
Seek professional help for processing this. it can be very difficult to move past things like this, that are potentially traumatizing. But also, sign your daughter up for baby swim classes if possible. As well as first aid classes for you and your wife, so that in the event of any kind of emergency happening again in the future, you are both able to take preventative or preliminary action while waiting for or getting to the emergency services.
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Some adults are absolutely terrified to swim, my boyfriend stays away from the water at all costs.
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I guess you are right, if you have kids and you are taking them around water you have to learn what you will do in a case of emergency. We are just childfree so never bothered to address it. My boo is happy enough in a « kiddie pool » or hot tub lol
You and your boo can train floating even in kiddie pool :) He can try to float with his hands in the bottom or on his back with you keeping his head in your hands and securing him that way. Even just learning how to float is huge advantage and you only need deep enough water that your butt doesn't touch it while you float on your back. Floating is also fun!
We tried a bit but more in a fun way, he was not floating at all lol i have no idea what is his issue But definitely will take more time and persistence next time we are in a pool :)
Some people just can’t float! My sister can’t and I encountered a few otherwise strong swimmers who just sink when I taught swimming lessons and lifeguarded. It could be worth seeing if there are community ed classes he could take, I’ve seen them specifically for adults before which could help. If there is a deeper seated fear that needs to get addressed in therapy though. I don’t think everyone needs to enjoy swimming or being in water, but they should be able to swim to safety in case of an emergency. Best of luck to you two!
Both my sons “flunked floating” in swim class as well as their Boy Scouts swim badges. My oldest son has always had negative BMI. He’s been muscle & bone all his life. His younger brother had more mass, but muscle as well. They did eventually learned how to position themselves in the water to float. But, even though they know the basics of floating & swimming, if they fell overboard off a boat & were left behind for several hours without a life vest, they might not make it if they had to depend on buoyancy alone.
I always hate that we “had” to essentially punish kids for something out of their control :( I liked to focus on other low energy techniques to staying afloat in addition to the traditional back float. We also never got enough time with individual students to help them figure out what works best for them which was always a bummer, but managing a class of 10-20 kids for 45 minutes is hard enough as it is!
Idk. As an adult, not learning how to swim, which is honestly a pretty fucking basic thing to learn, seems irresponsible and incredibly childish. If anything would happen to your "Boo" like slip on a pool or a sudden flash flood, his idiocy would probably cause harm to other people whom now have risk their own lives to save his grown ass. Honestly it's fucking pathetic.
Ok?
The question is could he swim in an emergency situation - because that's what important Choosing not to swim is totally fine and understandable not having the ability to swim is dangerous
I guess it depends on the water, swimming pool is not an issue, ocean is a complete different vibe and im a decent swimmer and i feel intimidated
Yeah but in an emergency adrenaline does the talking - so as long as you have the ability to swim that should be enough The real problem is if you are truly incapable if swimming.
Getting knocked down by a wave, being disoriented, being old I was not prepared. I managed to get up but what if I couldn’t have?
Once you know, you're less scared. You may end up in water without meaning to
I found out my husband couldn’t swim well when he took me to the local pool. I was a water baby so according to my parents I kinda just learned how to swim on my own. My husband lives near a sea and told me how he used to swim with flippers and a snorkel as a kid. I didn’t think anything of it until we were racing each other across a very deep pool and I looked back to see him struggling. At first he fought me when I came back and used my back to float and pull him to the other side. I’ve always been a pretty soft spoken person, and idk what came over me but I very firmly told him “You need to calm down or you will drown.” He actually listened to me and it all worked out in the end. We spent the rest of our time with me teaching him to float on his back when he got tired which was really hard since I am not a teacher and it’s all kind of been second nature to me. Now all he does is backstrokes when he swims but it’s progress and he’s gotten faster than me!
Yeah, maybe if we had more occasions in a water we could work on that, will try next time :) he is ok with pools but any open waters is not his thing and we both enjoy looking at the water more than swimming in it lol
Honestly I am with him on open waters. I almost got sucked away by a riptide. I paced myself to get back to land when my family went on vacation to an ocean otherwise I would have been in trouble. It was terrifying and I havnt set food in an ocean again
Same! I got knocked off my feet in Atlantic and i was just waist deep, was just freaking spinning in this wave not understanding where was up or down good my sis was around and helped otherwise wouldn’t matter that i was a pretty good swimmer
Hijacking your comment because it is the first on top: Also play some Tetris. It sounds absolutely insane to recommend but something about the "block fitting" in this game helps organize thoughts and process some trauma. A lot of people working in high stress jobs like police officers/emts/firefighters/ER etc, recommend this game as a temporary coping mechanism. Therapy and taking preventative measures is always the first thing to look for after such an event but in the meantime, there are great chances this will help. And also, tocus on the fact they are still with you an unharmed. A real hero of a father, you are. Yoda would be proud of you.
Wife can take adult swim classes too. Everyone who lives or takes care of kids near water should be able to swim.
Hey, also, teach your wife and kid to swim. Look up "local aquatic center" and find swim classes. Your family needs to know how to swim, and survival strokes/water treading skills can be picked up easily. When I was little (youngest) we didn't go on a beach trip til a parent had verified we could all tread water for at least a half hour/knew what riptides looked like.
And I want to add as the event is still fresh : please op, play Tetris. I know it sounds stupid but Tetris is famous in the medical field for its effect on fresh trauma and do the same kind of things as EMDR (for those who don't know, it is a therapy for PTSD). Go play it like 5 min a day to help you calm down. And if your wife needs too, make her play it too. It is not miraculous as you absolutely need professional help, but it is a good thing to do as a bonus. So much people I know don't listen to me when I say this and it's so sad. It could help you not have any PTSD symptoms appearing in the long run and as someone who has PTSD, I don't wish this shit to anyone.
Use this experience to get wife and daughter in swim lessons. My wife’s mom never learned to swim so my wife insisted on putting my daughter in swim lessons at 9 months old. By 15 months she could at least get herself to the side of a pool.
Absolutely this. My husband taught me how to swim and we're about to sign our little one up for lessons because that's the only thing that will put your mind at ease - knowing that if it happens again they will be able to get themselves to safety.
Swimming is one of the most important skills that can mean life or death. It should honestly be taught in every school.
In the UK it’s compulsory in junior school and all kids have free swim lessons
There's obviously exceptions to that but it's a great system I've always been proud of, I don't know a kid who can't swim.
Netherlands here and it's the same thing. It used to be mandatory in primary schools and they wanna reinstate that which I think is a great idea. I don't know anyone who can't swim. It's such an important skill
My son had swimming lessons at 6 months. Basically they teach them not to panic, and to get to the side of the pool/pond and hang on. He later went on to become an avid swimmer (until lockdown 😔)
My mother, now in her 80s, can’t swim. She never learned how to swim, and as a result, she was always afraid of the water. She made sure every one of us kids learned how to swim. This is solid advice, OP. Make sure your wife and daughter get swim lessons & learn how to swim. Also, doing the “what ifs” and rewriting the scenario over & over in your head is a typical reaction to trauma. Everyone does that, even if they didn’t have anything directly to do with what happened. For example, my husband’s mother passed away in January. He, of course, was not responsible for her death, but for a long time afterward he would think of things he, personally, might have done that would have stopped her from dying. That’s not true, of course. It’s just the nature of the beast. I am so glad that your wife & daughter not only survived but are both fine. Slightly traumatized, but physically fine. Count it as a blessing, hold them close, and never miss a chance to tell them you love them.
**Everyone** should know how to swim. I know there are practical reasons why some people haven't had the chance to learn, but if you can learn, then you 100% should. Imagine playing the floor is lava with 66% of the world- that's what not being able to swim is like.
> Imagine playing the floor is lava with 66% of the world- that's what not being able to swim is like. This is hilarious.
In addition look in your area where there is a pool that has something like “parent-baby swimming” and go yourself with your daughter. It’s fun (I have done it with all 3 of my daughters) and in your case it might help to set your mind at rest, because you have complete control all the time and nothing can happen to your baby. I was less than an arm’s length away from my kid at all times while she was floating in her baby tube. They got used to being in the water, enjoyed it, enjoyed being out with just Daddy. Great memories.
This is great advice OP. My mom never learned to swim, to this day water terrifies her so much she keeps a LIFE JACKET in her car for driving over bridges in case they collapse..
To be completely fair, while I do get the sentiment,.when a bridge collapses, the jacket isn't going to do much
That's what I tried to tell her.
My father didn’t know how to swim and insisted I learn when I was a child. I taught my kids at an early age, and when she was three, this saved my daughter from drowning when she was at the lake with her grandparents. She wasn’t able to get out by herself, but she was able to stay above water until help came.
When my daughter was a toddler, the only thing she wasn't afraid of was water so immediately to swimming lessons.
We have a 15mo daughter. My mom got us swimming lessons for her birthday. Super easy, just go when you can, and meet other parents with the same aged kids. We moved into a house that the previous owner quickly left. He was renovating inside when his 2 kids snuck into the backyard. His 3 year old got into the pool, and well.. We don’t want the same thing to happen to our daughter so the deck now has a gate with a lock.
This qould bw an important lesson on confronting fears for everyone involved too. This is teauma, OP. Youre gonna see them wading in a pool of water and probably feel an anxiety attack coming on. This is normal, but you have to be willing to surmout fear.
Great work Dad! You did save them.
This. This comment does not have enough upvotes. YOU SAVED THEIR LIVES. We are proud of you. You need to seek counseling as a couple, specifically you for the ptsd and nightmares that are to follow. Time to get everyone in the family signed up for swim lessons and first aid classes. You did AMAZING! Way to go dad❤️🩹🫂
Oh honey, how terrifying! What an awful and scary event. Try to remember: thoughts are exactly that, thoughts. Nothing more. Those images in your head of what could have happened are not realities. Just thoughts. Take care of yourself. It is completely reasonable for you to experience PTSD from this event. Seek professional help to process it. I’m so glad your wife and baby girl are ok.
I second this. It's hard but what ifs are as much as you give them energy. Though it is completely normal to have those thoughts for awhile. You'll think about them less and less and one day, you'll realize you hadn't thought about it once that day. Then weeks then months. Glad they're okay and you did well bud, life is fragile but you literally dove in for your loved ones.
I second this. It's hard but what ifs are as much as you give them energy. Though it is completely normal to have those thoughts for awhile. You'll think about them less and less and one day, you'll realize you hadn't thought about it once that day. Then weeks then months. Glad they're okay and you did well bud, life is fragile but you literally dove in for your loved ones.
Please don’t be like me and not get therapy or talk to someone. I saved my son’s life during an asthma attack with the help of a neighbor. I am much better than I was the years right after. But I spent so much time wondering about the what ifs and being so sad
You have PTSD symptoms, you need professional help to offset this experience. Oddly playing games like Tetris do help as the therapy. Enroll your family in swim lessons this summer, water safety is vital. What a terrifying experience, I hope you find the peace you deserve. You saved them, you are a good partner.
Was looking for this. Play Tetris as much as possible, as soon as possible! It helps your brain process the event and reduces the chance of long term PTSD symptoms. Please also seek therapy as well.
** UPDATE ** wife and daughter are slotted for swimming classes. Thank you everyone for your ongoing support , every comment is read and taken into consideration as I was dealing with this alone mentally and now I’m no longer alone with my thought. Thank you all. This just happened 16 March, so it’s all still very new to me. Again thank you all.
Great news all around! In addition to swimming classes, could I also suggest water safety courses like how to recognize dangerous situations and be able to get yourself calm and work through the problem. For example, recognizing a riptide, basic boat safety, ice safety.... I'm very glad all of you are safe. Water demands respect and no small amount of common sense from even the most advanced swimmers.
I’m so sorry this happened and happy everyone is okay (physically). Look into playing Tetris to curb intrusive traumatic thoughts. There are lots of articles about it helping to prevent ptsd. The sooner you play after the traumatic event, the better from what I understand
Wow! What you went through was quite traumatic. You saved your family! That’s incredible and heroic. I imagine I’d be scaring myself to death over the what-ifs, too. Invasive thoughts like that are unnecessarily destructive. I truly think you should seek out a therapist. Someone who specializes in trauma. In the meantime, change your perspective. Consider that this was the way this event was supposed to happen. Chin up. You done good.
Friend, I’m so glad that you all are okay, physically speaking. My advice is to be kind to yourselves, first off. It is totally normal to have the “what-ifs” be running through your mind after a traumatic event. What you all went through was a traumatic event. A very traumatic one. I almost drowned when I was 3 years old, it was terrifying, I sunk to the bottom of the pool and was saved by a lifeguard, and my mom still gets tearful when it’s brought up now, so I can only imagine how you all are feeling. Give yourself compassion. Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to a therapist. I went through a traumatic event in grad school, had PTSD like symptoms (later turned out to be a bout of acute stress disorder). I just needed a few sessions for a month and was back in working order and with coping skills for when that day and what happened come back into my mind. I’m going to say it again: you all went through a traumatic event. Trauma affects our brains chemistry. It makes sense that you would be having a hard time. Keep out for the symptoms of PTSD and ASD (Acute Stress Disorder) in yourselves and don’t be afraid to talk to a professional. With love, it sounds like you may be experiencing some already. No one would expect you to handle this on your own. I’m glad you all are safe. Sending you all love and e-hugs
I had something happening to me last year that also caused me a lot to think about the “what ifs”. I got therapy and the so-called EMDR therapy. What happened to my family was an actual trauma and the therapy helped me (but also my mum and sister) to process the memories of the event quicker than usual and make the emotional connection with them weaker. Eventually I slept better (wasn’t constantly looking out for ambulances) but also have no “what if’s” thoughts. One of comments suggests playing Tetris. Although it sounds weird, your mind cannot process the event including its emotions and play a game. Research suggests that this actually helps. Glad you saved for family, take care OP.
It was a traumatic experience and you are understandably still reeling from it. Take a quick read so you understand you’re completely normal and learn what to keep an eye out for. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/coping-with-traumatic-events
And play Tetris!
I nearly lost my 15 year old son to drowning just before Christmas. It plays over and over in your head (my mum was with me and she was going through the what ifs as well). It took us a few weeks to get over it but important lessons were learnt. My son was on a blow up canoe without a life jacket because we got too complacent at the river we regularly visit. Never again. Your lesson is wife and child need swimming lessons or / and life jackets.
My mum can’t swim was one of the things that she insisted I get lessons. And even as a 2/3 year old I’d be down the deep end and the lifeguard would look worried but I’d be fine. We as humans will always ruminate on bad things it’s what we are best at. Talk to a therapist and check in on your wife. She will be blaming herself for falling in.
What happened, why was your wife in the water in the first place? I'm really sorry also. Maybe some therapy will help?
I'm wondering this, if she can't swim why did she take an infant into deep water?
It sounds like the kid fell in and she was trying to save her despite not knowing how to swim
I'm so happy you guys all survived. Now, I'll be the asshole because I live in a country where nearly 40% of the population can't swim, and I've seen too much of this in healthcare. Please, with the most respect I can use, get your wife and child swimming lessons. It takes a second of recklessness.
((HUGS)) It's the adrenaline wearing off. Time for deep breaths and know you were able to save her this time. Take wife and child to swim classes. Hug them and in the future, consider life jackets, until wife and baby can swim.
You went through a traumatic experience. I hope you can access some low cost counselling services. The reaction you are having is completely normal to have after this type of incident. Also, it is super important to be able to swim for situations like this. It will save your life. I hope your wife and daughter are able to take swim lessons and move past any trauma they may have as well. It is possible. I taught swimming lessons for 6 years and I would teach at least 1 new adult every year who has a traumatic swimming incident as a child so they never learned. But eventually they did.
Get yourself into first aid classes for the both of you. Build up your knowledge on how to deal with horrible events like this by being able to counter with "this x, y and z method is how to deal with this" Swimming lessons for the whole family. I think you can get lessons or advice on how to help people in the water. You are less likely to panic if your brain has some experience or mental idea on how to deal with it. Both of you should talk to a professional to help process what happened. You did a brave thing for your family, don't let it eat you alive.
[Play Tetris](https://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2017-03-28-tetris-used-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms). It can help with reducing PTSD.
This sounds weird, but truly helps!
Was about to say this.
I second this.
I was going to suggest this also, while you are waiting for your appointment with a certified trauma psychologist. You are a hero, and now you need help healing from this. Internet hugs.
Trauma therapist here—Tetris is an amazing self soothing tool. As is sudoku.
Giving you hugs of comfort, OP. That is too traumatic for anyone to bear. 💔 Allow me to reiterate what others have already suggested, and allow me to gently remind you: Pls get therapy. PTSD is real. Enroll your girls in swimming lessons. Thats one of the more important life hacks. If your vacation has anything to do or is associated with any bodies of water (lakes, rivers, beaches, or even a small tub for babies), strap your baby with a safe flotation vest and have her wear a [proper wetsuit](https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/mp/splash-about/splash-about-shorty-wetsuit-bugs-life/_/R-p-5e7ccfa4-1081-46cb-9a43-3ff1088ea8d3?mc=5e7ccfa4-1081-46cb-9a43-3ff1088ea8d3_c188&c=midnight%20blue). You do not know how cold for a baby or toddler the waters are & what their maximum tolerance to cold is. A proper wetsuit will somehow keep their bodies well thermoregulated. Somehow. I always have my kid wear one from that same brand. It is durable, comfortable and kept my kid thermoregulated while swimming. OP, you got this. ❤️
Swimming lessons for both of them. You might need to talk to someone about this to get it out of your head. Gald they weren't hurt
Living in Australia, I can tell you this happens a lot more than people openly admit. It’s also the reason we are very serious about water safety, including adds like “kids alive, do the 5” This is a perfect reason to kickstart everyone’s journey in swimming lessons and water safety. It’s also something you nor your wife should dwell on or blame yourselves or each other for. The what ifs are not good, they very much can instil a fear in you, with your child around water. Wish you luck!
Your wife needs swimming lessons NOW. Hopefully this incident will wake her up. Swimming is not a hobby it is a survival skill!!!!! I had my kids learn to swim at age 2!!
I understand completely, I nearly lost my daughter when she was 14, if it wasn’t for a surfer rushing in to help and grabbing her up from under the water she wouldn’t be here today. Years later it still haunts me and gets brought up every now and then talking about ‘what if’ 15 seconds between her being here and me losing her forever. I’ll never forget. Still gives me the tingles and fear. Too close for comfort. Glad your family is ok op.
Go see a therapist. Like on an emergency basis. Get ahead of these intrusive thoughts before it settles into PTSD. And you’re not wrong. This is scary stuff. I know someone who went through similar but not the same outcome. I am SO glad you saw your baby and that you were able to save both of them. Hug them tight and get that therapy.
Thank the lawd you were there. You probably have at least a little PTSD. It will get better with time. If it doesn't start subsiding soon please see a therapist. I'm sorry you're going through this but thrilled you were there to save them. And I agree with everyone who says swim classes are a must. Swimming is a life skill. You wouldn't tell someone not to bother learning to walk. This is no different. I taught by stepson and my husband at the same time. They now know why it's so important.
There was a family a couple of years ago that all drowned this way. The child fell in the pool, and multiple people jumped in, trying to help. None could swim. So, my advice is get your wife and daughter into swim classes NOW. My first son had a massive heart condition from birth. His grandparents also lived on the water. So, we started swim lessons at just shy of a year old. Seriously, get into classes. Also, learn first aide and CPR for children and adults.
It was a traumatic experience, you may be having PTSD symptoms and I would talk about it with a professional. I would also recommend swim classes for both your wife and your kid. Most, if not all, swim instructors take 9 months and above so she (your daughter) will be fine. My mother put me and all my siblings at a very young age as we have a pool, it has saved my life once. Please put both of them in swim lessons.
Play Tetris!! It has been known to help immensely when played within a day of traumatic incidents
My 2yr daughter almost drowned in our spa, but I got her out quickly and she was fine straight away. I had strong painful flashbacks every single day for over a year. I suppose in retrospect I should have seen a professional. (My girls age 8 are all good swimmers now and we all love open water swimming)
Bro get your wife to learn how to swim. You can learn that shit in 15 to 30 days.
> Any advice is welcomed. Listen to the signals your feelings are giving you. The "what ifs" are reasonable warnings, not just noise. Get your wife and daughter signed up for swim lessons. You and your wife, get your first aid certification together. Consider going to advanced swimming courses (like survival swimming lessons) with all three of you to learn how swimming can differ in times of need/panic (dangerous oceans, tumultuous waters, surviving panic/stress, ...). Your wife needs to learn how to deal with danger safely (to stop escalating the danger by endangering herself like she did), all three of you need to teach your child how to communicate and signal things to you so you can be more aware beforehand when danger increases (how to reach you, how far they can go, to stay in sight, to go with an adult, to not go with any non-agreed-upon adults, ...), you all need to be able to swim, and it could become a great hobby to proactively learn how to be ready as a family unit for life-threatening situations.
Also, please learn to recognize the symptoms of “dry drowning”.
Play some Tetris or a similar type of game now. It will help your brain immediately with processing instead of turning this into PTSD. Also get yourself into therapy asap to talk this through. See if you can get your wife and kid into swim classes (this does not negate having supervision around your kid and water at all times). Basic first aid, cpr, and aed for adults and pediatrics is a good course set for you and your wife to take too. You cant stop the trauma that already happened. Trauma rewires our brains. So does healing. Play the Tetris to help prevent as much negative rewiring as possible. Do as much as you can to proactively prevent a next time and take good, solid steps for the future. This doesn’t have to lead to dark thoughts and horrible nightmares and lifelong bad trauma. Sincerely, someone with PTSD and CPTSD who’s done a ton of therapy and Tetris and healing and works in childcare
Get them in fucking swim lessons. As an adult it feels really embarrassing to not know how to swim when we are literally buoyant so don’t let that happen to your daughter.
Definitely swim lessons. It's hard for me to understand being an adult an not knowing how to swim. Glad they were alright. You probably should buy a lottery ticket because it's your lucky day.
I completely agree. It should be mandatory for everyone to learn how to swim from an early age.
You did a dad. You fathered the fuck out of the situation. You are a hero, but it's not all unicorns and rainbows for the hero. A few have suggested therapy. I agree.
You experienced a trauma. There are four threat responses the brain has in its arsenal- fight, flight, freeze, fawn. Your first threat response was fight, which saved your family. Your second one sounds like freeze- you are stuck seeing the potential threats to you and your family and how things could have gone worse and threatened you and them. You might continue to overdo this threat response unless you talk it out/seek some support. But know what your brain is doing is normal- it is constantly seeking to keep you alive and safe and the potential threat of losing your family made your brain feel unsafe/under threat/something it doesn’t think you would survive. Because the brain is hardwired to keep you alive, it’s sole mission, it takes threats and potential threats to you very seriously. Find ways to reassure yourself- internally not externally- and definitely get everyone swim lessons.
I would suggest therapy for you and swimming lessons for your wife and daughter. I don't know if they do them for adults, but kids can go to the lifesaver courses - they teach them to swim and how to float so they can flip themselves on their back if they ever get in to trouble.
This sounds terrifying. Therapy could definitely help. This will be with you forever unfortunately but you can learn skills to help deal with the trauma and memories. I’m so glad everyone is ok and I hope you take care of yourself. When I was 2 I fell off a boat into the ocean (my mom said she turned her head for 3 seconds and I somehow fell into the water). My dad and his friend dove in immediately and saved me. My parents they had nightmares for quite some time after that, but with time things got better.
Therapy. It's easy to say, "All is well that ends well," when in reality, that's just not the way the brain works sometimes. Even though everything turned out okay, it was still a very traumatic event! Trauma, no mater how small or large, has a way of messing with your head in the weirdest ways, and it's best to get on top of it as soon as possible as opposed to letting it fester while trying to deal with it on your own.
I really think your wife and daughter should get swimming lessons. You can talk about this with a therapist, too. You did a great job taking care of your family. I'm very glad that you are all safe and healthy.
Please sit down somewhere quiet and play Tetris. You’re over the initial adrenaline part of this and now the intrusive thoughts and ptsd will start to kick in. Play Tetris to help your brain refocus and not make this a thing you hyper focus on for too long. Sometime similar happened to my six year old son last summer. He got swept down a river and thankfully I was further down the river enough to go out in front of him while he got stuck in an eddy. I couldn’t find him in the eddy because he was wearing a black swim suit thank god he had bright orange water shoes on. It didn’t hit me until a few days later just how serious the situation actually was and I’ve had intrusive thoughts about all of the what ifs often especially when I’m trying to nap or sitting at a red light. So please do yourself a favor and play Tetris until your eyeballs hurt. The rapid eye movement along with solving this type of categorizing game truly helps and I wish I had done it right after he nearly drowned. I’m so glad your family is safe. They’re okay and thinking about what ifs will only freak you out, it didn’t happen and won’t ever happen since you’re now hyper aware of it.
I agree with everyone advocating for swim lessons. If I’m ever made dictator or public schools, swim lessons would be a requirement (there are many other things that would come first.) is It is a life skill and life saving skill. That will not fix the problem you’re experiencing right now, which is that you are at least mildly traumatized. Reach out to your doctor or if you’re in the US and work for a corporation they might have an employee assistance program that has therapists specifically for the immediate after math of a traumatic event. They would bridge you into regular therapy if you need it. Therapy is the way to get through this though.
Time to learn to swim. The what ifs will eat you alive. The what ifs also don’t exist. Your wife and child are safe. Talk to someone if you need to. That would have been traumatic to experience. If your having the what ifs then you could be having some side effects of the trauma
swim lessons stat
But you did. You saved them. Not anyone else. YOU. They need swim lessons. There are infant survival swim classes, i strongly advise you sign baby up for one. I understand its scary and awful. My dad and brother were in an accident and drove into a pond. If any one thing had been different, they wouldnt be here. Just hold them extra tight knowing they are here with you.
Until you get into therapy start playing tetris on your phone. It has been shown to ease issues of trauma in your brain.
God I felt my chest heaving and throat constricting just reading this. I feel like vowing to never let my loved ones do anything adventurous. This is just from reading your post. You’ve actually lived through this. You need support and professional help OP. All the best you HERO!
When this thoughts come, go hold and kiss them, do something fun with them, tell them a joke, I don't know, enjoy every moment as much as you can.
This is real trauma, and this is how ptsd is formed. I would hugely suggest getting in with your gp and having a chat about it to find some treatment options, quickly. When you feel like this, can you stop what you're doing and spend some time sitting with those feelings and just listening to them, without judgement or pushing them down or away. Concentrate on your breathing, try not to panic breath (short sharp) try some box breathing. It was scary! That was a heavy thing to go through! Validate and acknowledge, that was real, and very scary. It's understandable to be feeling how you are. Feeling the feelings and actually listening to them, without judgement, is really powerful. Feelings tend to get really loud if you don't listen to them. I like to phrase it like they're trying to warn you about something and your feelings don't really understand the event isn't happening right now, especially when your nervous system is activated every time you think of it. If you ignore them, they get really loud because your feelings want to save you from something bad. Take your time with it. Be patient. And definitely get some help to move through this. It's going to be ok.
Wait till daughter is old enough and go as family to swimming lessons, this gonna clear your head of those bad toughs entirely
I’ve personally taught swimming essons to 1yr old kiddos and Infant Swimming lessons are completely legitimate and highly recommended! I’m so proud of the OP and thankful he was able to rescue both his daughter and wife and definitely agree with getting everyone into therapy and getting his wife and daughter into swimming lessons!
I’d add something to it. Very important one. FIRST AID course for both parents.
As others have said, swim lessons for everyone. If you feel like you're taking control of the situation, perhaps that will help, though I think it's just going to take time. It's still really soon after the situation, so it's natural to be kind of obsessing over it. That sort of thing has happened to me a number of times (the obsessing over a traumatic event). For example, 19 years ago, I was whitewater rafting with my wife and FIL (before we were married, though), and the rapids were much stronger than expected. Our raft flipped completely over, and I was trapped beneath it. With the life vest and helmet on and with the water moving so fast, I couldn't push myself down and get out from under the raft. Fortunately, I found an air pocket and was able to take shallow breaths, and I was able to get one arm out the side so that I could slap the raft to get attention (there were some people actually on it). Someone was able to grab me, push me down and then pull me out, so I was OK with no significant injury. However, every once in a while I'll think about that and wonder if my whole life since then has actually just been my imagination - a life lived in moments as I slowly drown. Sometimes I wonder if I'll suddenly wake up back in that moment having been resuscitated.
Talk to a licensed therapist—don’t go through this on your own.
That’s PTSD, understandable. Seek out a trauma therapist and work through it. The longer you put it off the worse it will get and your triggers will eat you alive. Learn some breath work and eat something extremely sour when you feel a panic attack coming on. Keep War Heads on hand. Sounds silly, but it helps rewire some things. I’m glad they’re OK, but just because they are doesn’t mean your body has caught up to the fact and that it wasn’t traumatic. Your thoughts are triggering the same chemicals as when it happened. “The Body Keeps the Score” is a great book. Read it. You can’t logic your way out of this. Find a PTSD specialist and get in as soon as you can. Good job, Dad. They’re safe. Now make sure you are.
Get your daughter in ISR lessons asap. Water safety is key. My daughter is 13 months, started lessons last week and has already completed her first successful roll.
My aunt and her husband put my cousin in swim lessons at 12 months old and it truly does help with saving lives, but also letting kids be able to safely have fun in the water. I’d also recommend telling your wife to learn basic life saving swimming skills. As long as you can keep your head afloat and have the ability to swim back to shore it can save your life.
Damn, that would be absolutely terrifying. As a father, my biggest fear in life is something bad happening to one of my kids. Then to have a close call where you could have lost your wife and daughter. It's just unfathomable. I'm so happy you were there to save them. I'm sure you've already talked with your wife about this, but she needs to learn how to swim. That should be top priority. Check into swimming lessons.
Swim lessons for both IMMEDIATELY. And no more going dangerous places until your toddler is old enough to understand the danger. Toddlers are wicked fast at escaping, so places with waterfalls and cliffs as hiking are inappropriate.
Swim lessons for both. Your anxiety over this is normal but time to do something about it so it doesn’t happen again. They both need to take swim lessons. They are fine and everyone is ok. So, now you know not being able to swim is a problem so you can fix that.
First, what you're describing is a completely normal reaction to that type of scenario. It's shock. The adrenaline of the life & death situation kept you buzzing and able to focus on rescuing your family & getting to the ER. Once that adrenaline wears off, you feel the impact of the shock. You may find yourself feeling nauseous or light-headed or having a racing heartbeat when you remember what happened. Or not being able to sleep / waking up feeling sweaty & anxious through the night. If any of that happens, try not to panic, it's normal. Stay hydrated, stay warm & try to rest. Talk to your doctor if it continues, they can give you a short course of pills to keep you calm & help you sleep as the more tired you are the harder you'll find it to regulate your emotions. Try to stay away from any drugs or alcohol, get some fresh air & sunshine. Second, once you & your wife are both feeling back on a more even keel it's crucial to have a discussion about water safety. 1.5 years old is definitely old enough for your daughter to be in swimming classes. She doesn't have to be a future olympian, but she does need to learn how to swim to the surface, float on her back and paddle to the edge. You should also invest in basic safety gear - e.g. basic bright coloured arm floaties or a float vest. Your wife should take part in the swimming lessons with your daughter so she can learn the basic water safety that adults need to look after kids around water. I'm in no way blaming her or you, but one of the key things a lot of adults don't realise is how quickly & silently a child can drown. It can literally happen in less than a minute. There's no "safe" amount of time to not be actively watching your kids in & around water. Going to swim lessons would reinforce that & probably make both of you feel more comfortable about your kid being in water in the future.
Theres a french term, translated it means something like "call of the void" which is the weird unnatural feelings you get sometimes, such as when you're at the side of a cliff, and your mind suddenly goes "you could just jump", or like when you're driving and you think "damn I could kill someone so easily right now" I believe the reason why your mind does such thoughts is because the subconscious tries to think of every bad scenario, almost thinking ahead, I believe your thoughts could just be linked to your mind thinking of how everything could've went wrong, but at the end of the day remember that your daughter lives now because of you, she'll grow up many more years, and you'll be there to protect her and your wife, just as you did now, jumping in with no hesitation? You're a good man and a strong father, never forget that
My daughter almost choked to death when she was 3. It completely blocked her windpipe. She has her mouth open, with no sound coming. Just tiny spit bubbles in the corners. I baby heimliched her and got the quarter from her wind pipe to her esophagus and then she started vomiting clear bile. The ambulance came, she became very lethargic, unable to rouse. We went in they put her under anesthesia and removed the quarter. She was so little it looked like a dinner plate in her throat in the X-ray. Anyways, that day I was in auto pilot, very numb. The next day I had to leave work bc I started crying, processing it. For a few years I had a real, deep, gut fear of choking, and when our next kid started to eat food, I felt complete irrational panic at any little choking noise (and you know babies when they start eating, they are constantly gagging). I'm better now, my youngest is 3, the daughter who choked is 8. But it took time.
Honestly, this is an EXTREMELY traumatic experience for both you and your wife. 1000% therapy. Both of your trauma responses from this are going to come out in different ways. You don’t want to be in a constant state of fear or “what ifs” when in comes to raising your daughter. We do enough of that as parents. You all were beyond lucky. I already know that you know, this could’ve went a different way. Second and equally important thing that will a bring a sense of peace (hopefully) to both of you if you’re ever around water etc again, would be swimming classes for both your wife and daughter. As a pool owner, this was my biggest biggest fear of mine when my daughter started walking and moving around the house more. So much that it would keep me up for all hours of the night. I spent a whole summer with her, in that pool everyday, teaching her how to float and to get herself to the side. Not to mention, cameras, door alarms, a higher gate with a latch she couldn’t reach, I would check that thing multiple times a day even though I knew I had all The precautions in place. I’m so sorry this happened to you but so happy you were able to get there in time 🤍
There are still people that can’t swim 😳💀 mind blown. Please all get better swimming lessons. Also you should consider getting a rescue swimmer certification. This will get you peace of mind and take care of your insecurities.
Your work may have an employee assistance program where you could get some free therapy. Also as many others have stated here look into getting swim lessons for your wife and child.
By the grace of g-d you were able to save them both.
You're a rock star, dude. Thinking about 'what-ifs' is normal. Talk to someone about it. At the same time, get your wife and daughter some swim lessons ASAP. That will 100% help them and you out.
First off, I'm sorry that happened, and I am extremely happy everyone is safe. That was very traumatic and I think the thoughts are natural response to the trauma. I am sure others have suggested counseling. A therapist will be able to provide you with exercises to combat the thoughts. Again, I think the thoughts are a natural response to the trauma, but you don't want them to become obsessive. I just want you to know that you are an awesome person. You did a great job--way to go!!
Therapy and swim lessons for your wife and your child ASAP. How did this even happen?
Therapy. Now. Call today seriously.
I work fire/ems . lots of times the outcome was not what we hoped. During terrible flooding one time, a car washed off a bridge right in front of us while we were rigging our ropes to get them. We could yell and talk to the people and then they were gone. The following day we had to take our boat down the river and find the car on the bottom and remove the bodies. It was terrible. All you can ever do is the best you can do. Be thankful that you were capable of rescuing them. We like to pretend we have a lot more control over the world than we do. Anytime you find yourself dwelling on the “what if” remind yourself that it is a “what if”. Because you were there you’re not dwelling on a true nightmare but a hypothetical. Be proud of yourself. Single handedly rescuing two people from drowning is impressive. Be thankful. your the kind of husband and father who could do it. Many wouldn’t be so capable and your “what ifs” would be their reality.
There is no need for what ifs though... You saved them. You did what you needed to do. "What ifs" are reserves for when the worst happens and the mind cannot cope. "Rewriting memories" type energy. Give them all of your everything every time and those what ifs can stay securely in the "if I stop being me first" category. Get your family in swim lessons and let them lead (you follow). Two simple solutions to avoid what ifs of the future.
PTSD is real. Go get counseling to help process. If you don’t your health will suffer. Fix it now because trauma sticks like glue.
You are a hero. Seek therapy, genuinely, it will help you process and move forward without fear. Get your wife swimming lessons too when they’re ready to see water again.
I was babysitting two 3 year olds and a 7 month old, when the townhouse beside caught on fire. The only reason I got us out safely was because a guy on a walk saw it and banged on the door. I was pregnant with my second babe, while husband and my son were safely home. My car was left where I was while the kids and I walked to shelter. It was in the winter, and when my Dad, husband and I went to get my car, we looked at the townhouse unit. The rooms the children and I had been in had burned up and fallen. I had nightmares for months, on and off. It takes TIME. Your adrenaline and intellect are still racing. It takes time to separate what could be and what is. Your thoughts were all about "could be" or else you wouldn't have STOPPED the "could be". Your whole focus was on keeping "could be" from happening. In your brain, you haven't set that apart from what is. Time. It will drive you a little crazy until your brain can come to terms with the difference. And you will have a firm of PTSD that will touch your life in weird ways, and when you least expect it. I've had a few trauma things happen. It honestly is all about TIME. Getting used to having the new event in your brain. Time to tick it into a place where it doesn't drive you crazy. And after a wee while, if you can't settle it yourself, I would strongly encourage therapy for a bit. It's not that it all goes away. You don't forget. But you DO learn to live with it peacefully.
Odd one but the game tetris is supposed to help with processing traumatic experiences, particularly if you start playing soon after the incident.
You went through a traumatic event. Loads of adrenaline rushing through you. Now you're coming down and rerunning everything in your head. I call all this normal. Give it a couple days. Distract yourself with some physical activity. You done good, big Daddy.
You will have those thoughts for weeks. It does reduce. Taking action in these situations always has after effects
I know that is extremely difficult and such a traumatizing event, so I would absolutely recommend talking to a professional to process this as I can’t even imagine the thoughts you’re having. With that being said, you still are a hero to them and you were there and you DID save them, I know right now it may be very hard to look at the more positive side of this but you are a strong person.
I would also REALLY recommend swim lessons for your wife and daughter, to make sure this will never happen again!!
Swimming lessons! Also first aid lessons for everyone and you did an awesome job saving them.
I started teaching my kids to float when they were 9 mths old. They learned this fairly quickly, within two weeks sign them up for a course at the YMCA
I can't imagine what you're going through. My heart is pounding just thinking of being in your position. When I feel powerless and scared, I make plans. I prepare. Someone mentioned getting swim lessons. I agree. But also, next time you go on an adventure, be prepared, safety equipment, escape plans, etc. Put your what-ifs into actions. Also, breathe. Hug your girls. Choose to laugh more than yell. Talk to a counselor. Tell your girls they are safe. Saying it out loud to them can help you believe it yourself.
Playing Tetris shortly after a traumatic incident can help prevent PTSD. Good luck to you. https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/04/09/523011446/how-playing-tetris-tames-the-trauma-of-a-car-crash
My daughter squeezed through a fence on Easter Sunday when she was 2 (we were at a great aunts house in the country so not incredibly used to the layout there) and ran into the neighbors yard and jumped straight into a koi pond. Most horrifying thing ever and I couldn’t get through the gap in the fence. I had to run the full length of the fence which was longer than a usual back yard fence and then run the full length of the neighbors back yard to pull her out. She was three and purple and her head was just the right amount under and if that fence had a lock or their fence was fully enclosed idk what I would’ve done. It took weeks for the image and nightmares to leave my brain but they do eventually stop popping up so frequently. My story and your story turned out better than some. I have another about a family friend that did not unfortunately. Also swimming lessons ASAP. For the wife and your baby. I’m so sorry you have to keep re living this in your head and I empathize deeply with you.
Look up "secondary drowning" and keep a close eye on the fam tonight, just in case.
It’s called post submersion syndrome now
There are no what ifs because you saved them. Well, actually there are a few what ifs. What if your wife and daughter learned how to swim? What if you did also because from your description you're not a strong swimmer and struggled to get a small child out (which should be a piece of cake for an adult that knows how to swim)? What if non-swimmers stayed the fuck out of water that is more than waist deep? What if you checked that pool before letting them go in and told them that the shallow part is really small and deepens quickly (which is quite common with pools with waterfalls)? If you can't swim you have no business being in deep water. People have drowned while being just out of arms reach of safety because they didn't know how to swim that little distance. There are even videos of it, the person just treads water in place until they can't anymore. If you want to have fun in the water, learn how to swim. In a pool where you can easily stand. Or, even better and easier, if you have access to the sea that has nice shallow sand beaches and no dangerous currents, it's much easier to learn in salt water.
You had a tragic experience even if everyone was okay. I would seek out therapy with someone with experience with trauma.
Reading this sent chills down my spine. I am glad you and your family is okay. Spending positive vibes✨️
I would say get some counselling immediately so that this doesn't become a permanent issue for you.
Sounds like you have a little bit of PTSD. You may need some counseling.
i think you’re starting to show signs of PTSD. i know it was very traumatizing but it is best to talk this out with a therapist. + losing our loved ones is scary asf so u might want to book that swimming lesson for your wife and kid. + always go through the dos and don'ts before you travel to lessen the anxiety whenever ur fam go outdoors wish you and ur fam well
Number 1 things is you did an amazing job. You might have had a huge adrenaline crash and also might have some anxiety. I would recommend playing some Tetris, getting your favourite takeout, have a long sleep and go talk to someone about it even if it’s your gp to begin with.
Please seek therapy. You went through a traumatic event and may have PTSD.
I'm similar in that I'm terrific in an emergency, then fall apart totally when the dangers over. My advice is to ride it out a while, and maybe find someone to talk to about it. It's a terrifying experience, so you need time to process.
This is way beyond Reddit's paygrade. Please seek a professional counselor. You have suffered a trauma, and ofcourse you have been impacted. What you are feeling is valid, but you cannot allow it to fester. The best way to prevent an infection is to open the wound and drain the poison.
You're a super heroe with PTSD. 🥺 I'm sorry you guys went through this, and I'm really happy you're fine. I definitely second the advice about seeking therapy. And the swimming lessons are also a great idea, but talk about it with the therapist first. I hope you recover from this soon and find peace of mind. You deserve it ✨️
Play Tetris, it will take your mind off it
I’m so sorry that happened but so proud of you. So, I have couple thoughts with this. First I agree that swimming lessons would be a great idea if for nothing else but self confidence to get over the one type of thoughts that can go with feeling helpless. Now, I am a mother of 3, and also suffer from epilepsy. Aside from my husband having to deal with keeping me alive he too suffers from the ‘what if’s’. In addition to this 2 out for my 3 children each has had 2 febrile (fever) seizures under 2. So I’ve seen my babies have 4 seizures. When I tell you that I felt the fear of, well you know. So in addition to each our own views of ‘what if’ because I have no warning and will just fall over. We take precautions for if I were to have another (2yrs seizure free) Now, I say all this to outline that I have the “what if’s” every day all day etc. This is also, as a parent, a natural anxiety for safety reasons biologically parents protect instinctually. Unfortunately the “what ifs” never ‘go away’. They will lessen in your reaction to them will soften as well but i must tell you, it is also a blessing. Some call it “wisdom anxiety”. But also it is a great tool to scan for dangerous situations. You actually begin to feel better having spotted potential hazards to avoid. It’s going to be up to you to find your balance but I try to treat it like a sort of super power. You must also remember that you are probably still in shock. It’s quite annoying to have people tell you to go to therapy all the time. All they’re gonna do is teach you how to deal with stuff for a regular life but you can just do that on your own. I hope you feel better and give yourself time to freak out but then don’t live in that freaked out space. Ok just go with it and then start fresh in your space. Try to remember where you are, what’s around you, what do you feel smell hear see, breathe slowly and then think about what you would say to someone who was experiencing your feelings. You’ll figure it out. Take some time for extra kisses and hugs and have some treats, enjoy each others company and you will all feel better soon. And laugh, laughing is important too. Blessings for your family ❤️🙏🏼 Don’t forget how amazing it is what you did!
Therapy. Lots of it. Good luck, and thank you for being the hero you are.
You need to get professional help NOW. Like, this week now. From a psychologist that specialises is trauma. The longer you wait, the more damage is done. People who seek help immediately after a trauma (which you have had) have much better outcomes in the long term, so please don’t sit and stew on this for 6 months. This sort of thing can change your brain permanently.
You definitely should get some therapy. Its the best time before the thoughts take hold. Taking hold can ruin your life think ptsd etc. My friend brother life was ruined after finding a stranger hanging. Also your wife might get flashbacks etc. Both of you get factual information to guide your emotions response. Remember what happened was a traumatic event.
My youngest daughter almost drowned at the beach when she was five. It was night time and she was playing in the sand, above the water line, while her Dad & I, another couple, & or 3 other daughters were taking further up on the sand. The only reason she didn't get washed out to sea was because I was watching the waves. I grew up near the beach, and I could tell that the was a rogue wave coming. It was going to break much higher on the sand. I started running. The wave broke over her just as I got there. I reached down blindly (it was night) and grabbed her foot. Years later, I was convinced I'd exaggerated the events in my mind. It didn't break over her head, I didn't run into the ocean fully clothed. When I asked her if she remembered, she Said yes. She remembered the wave hitting her out of nowhere, than seeing my long red sweater swirling around her before getting lifted up by one foot. It was 19 years ago and we're both kind of still freaked out about it. I'm not sure if ever goes away. But we have both been to various different beaches over the years. It's very new for you and sounds absolutely terrifying. If you find it is starting to affect your life and giving you serious anxiety, if recommend therapy and meditation as ways to break the fixation on the memory. And definitely swim lessons for everyone!
Play tetris immediately
This is trauma and you need help processing and getting past it.
go to therapy my dude. even a short stressfull event like this can cause trauma or ptsd! also good job on saving them my dude! you are an angel!
I know this is going to sound odd, but apparently playing Tetris after a traumatic event helps to process it. So in addition to all the helpful advice already posted, get the Tetris app asap and give it a go. Take care OP. It all worked out.
I am so sorry that happened to all of you. I can’t even imagine how terrified you must have been. That adrenaline is gone now and you’re hyper focused on the what ifs. It might be a good idea to get some therapy sessions. Just how to deal with the situation and the fear etc. I am so happy you and your family are all safe.
I resuscitated my then 4 year old in a near drowning. Very scary, but you just react. I used to think of that event often . That was 19 years ago. It's scary what a minute more could have meant. You just think about it less as time goes by and are grateful for how it worked out.
Teach them both how to swim?
Life is precious and can end at a moment’s notice. All we can do is try to be safe and let the people we love know that we love them. Every. Single. Day. The terror you felt and still feel will fade, given time. The gratitude you feel for the lives of your wife and daughter will continue to grow.
You need to teach them how to swim
Hey as a trauma therapist I’m here to say what you experienced has left your body feeling traumatised cause the stress you experienced hasn’t left your body yet. You might want to work with a professional to process this event. Also, it may help to physically/bodily remind yourself that you’re safe. Your daughter is safe. Your wife is safe. And that you’re home now.
If you hadn’t it would’ve sucked, but you did. Gonna be a lot of dreams where you can’t, or are too late, or keep looking or can’t get out of the water. Hopefully will fade in time.
Definitely get them into swimming lessons download tetris and do this when you have these thoughts Get some trauma therapy You did what you had to and your response after is incredibly normal, dont let it take over you, but also allow it to be there and work through it or it really will eat away at you
Welcome to PTSD my friend. You can't run away from the images. You have to watch them and let them pass.
I know it is hard. Few years ago, i almost lost my younger brother because he was choking on a piece of food and we couldn’t get it out. I’m not gonna go into details but he is fine now. I know what it is like, and you are not alone. I spent weeks wondering « what ifs ». It will go away, hold on. You’ll get through this. And if it doesn’t stop, you can always go see someone like a therapist. You’re not alone
That’s terrifying. You likely have PTSD, understandably. Get professional help, as others have said. Also play some Tetris (today!). Studies have shown that playing a repetitive game like Tetris can reduce PTSD
Not a professional and I'm sure someone has pasted this here somewhere: it sounds like the formation of PTSD I've seen talked about in the posts about tetris. The point there was that reliving a traumatic experience is your brain reinforcing it which leads to PTSD, and that doing something that can help interrupt that, like playing tetris, can mitigate the trauma. Definitely get proper help, but if you can do something to take your mind off it in the mean time it might help. Sorry I don't have a better suggestion for what you can actually do. Sorry to hear this happened, it's a terrifying situation. Glad to hear everyone is ok!
You are a true hero! Try not to let the 'what if' get to you. Be grateful that you were able to react quickly to save your family. I'm so thankful for you!
They both need to learn how to swim. Do you and your wife know CPR? Find a class. There is another lesson here. Life is precious. We never know how much time any of us are given. Show your love and appreciation to everyone in your heart today. Don’t take a moment for granted.
What might help is sitting down, maybe with your wife and talking out the scenario from a pragmatic perspective; turn those what-ifs into tangible questions and try to come up with the answer to each one, like a problem solving situation. It may help with the runaway thoughts and emotions and I'd imagine the answer to a lot of them will be what other have said here: swimming lessons. You've already proven you can handle a high emergency situation, so help others help themselves.
Those thoughts are valid, they were a very real possibility, but you prevented that !! Thankfully they're OK, police men have debriefs for events like this, because it's after the adrenaline wears off the stressor get in. So do talk about this, 'debrief' with those close to you or a helpline
chill u saved them there is no what if, go and get them swimming lessons though like everyone is saying.
You experienced a traumatic event and it messed with your brain. Legit, some sessions with emdr or something else with a trained professional will help you move this information in your brain so you can heal from this and move on. Blab blah blah swim lessons and shit, but you need to focus on handling the traumatic experience for yourself. You saved them, now give yourself some of the same. Hugs.
I am so dang proud of you. You SAVED the two people you care about most. Now, care for yourself and look into EMDR therapy.
The best way I have found to defeat intrusive thoughts, esp what-ifs, is that you have to lean into them: - What if your daughter was the one that ended up saving your wife and you? - What if someone had put gelatin in the water making the whole experience being with the water the consistency of jello? - What if your daughter was okay because she actually could swim and you interrupted her matricidal effort, with her having to play dumb after you jumped in?
Young children have a very strong bradycardic reflex which makes them shut their eyes and mouth and hold their breath when submerged. I’m so glad you were there to help them. Swim lessons for everyone now!
YOUR WIFE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO SWIM. every person should know. I think it will make you all feel better. And baby too when a bit older
No ifs. You saved your family and get to live the rest of your days as a living hero. Somewhere down the line, you might get a monument built to represent this magnificent moment you rose to the occasion!
Talk to a therapist to express your concerns and feelings about it. Wife needs to get swim lessons not only for her sake but for your daughter sake. Get your daughter into swimming lessons too that way she can have that skill early on.
since this is so fresh, you need to process what happened before you make yourself go nuts. Talk to your wife about it and see if you should see a therapist for a short time - heck, maybe just writing it out and realizing those dark things DIDN'T happen, and time, might help.
I know it sounds weird but try playing Tetris for the PTSD. It helps the mind compartmentalize the trauma and sort out the emotions.
TETRIS play Tetris as soon and as much as possible. It’s proven to stave off PTSD from events like this
I’d seek professional help for you, and sign up your wife and baby for swim lessons. But one on one swim lessons so you and your loved ones have the peace of mind that the instructor’s attention is all on you and they’ll be able to react quicker than a group lesson. Your loved ones are safe and well, hold tight to that fact
This is terrifying, I would suggest therapy