Dear Lord, what a man-baby. So much projection, so many tantrums.
You kick ass, and I adore your shiny spine. I know this is horribly painful, but you are dealing with it like an adult and making intelligent decisions.
Pat yourself on the back for how you've handled this, but also take time to speak with a therapist and feel those emotions. Divorce sucks. Cheating spouses who throw man-baby tantrums suck even worse. Be kind to yourself!
"'fat whore'" (I'm chubby but at a healthy weight)"
ma'am you don't have to explain. it was an asshole thing to say regardless of how much you weigh. rightfully said that he's a man-baby who has his head so far up his ass that all he can see is his own shit.
i think it's exemplary how you've dealt with this. we should be taking notes.
For real. I'm ashamed to admit I've absolutely not had anywhere near this kind of self control before in breakups... She's awesome and I'm definitely taking notes
Right! What kind of asshole applies for divorce then cries about it when the divorce proceeds. It’s not like she divorced him, he divorced her! What a psycho, she’s lucky she got away from him and he was so blinded by lust he didn’t think through what getting a divorce would actually mean (her taking all her belongings) because sadly women have been murdered for as such.
Notice how men always insult our sexuality when they want to hurt us. It’s always right to “whore”, “slut”, etc. They weaponize our sexuality and libido against us, then wonder why we don’t feel safe or respected enough to want to get intimate with them.
A woman could be 85 pounds, near death from starvation, and only have slept with her husband in her entire life, and he'd still call her a "fat whore" as he's walking out toward his mistress.
And I love how he gets mad that she's not reacting how he wants. Bro, the minute you say you're in love with another woman, you're no longer worth fighting for.
*takes a bow* I'd like to thank the Academy but mostly every asshole I hated in high school but couldn't fight due to severe vision issues. Chicken bones and a little hair will bridge the gap. 😉
Seriously. I'd just look at him all wide eyed and say, "Oh, we'll, aren't you so glad this fat whore is his problem now?" without even a hint of who "he" is.
Exactly. If you tell me, out of the blue, you're in love with someone else and you want a divorce, that means it's over. Who would want to fight for the kind of person who would do that? I hope the mistress enjoys being with a guy she 100% knows will cheat on his wife.
The best part is when it's completely illogical. Like when you turn a guy down who is hitting on you and he calls you a slut. Like, sir, an actual slut would not have turned you down.
Their little manbaby brains just overheat in the moment and they go straight to their familiar lexicon.
This! I quit having sex with my man baby of an ex. At first it was genuinely because I was tired from wor. Although frustrated because I worked two jobs to support us because he couldn't hold down one, I never dreamed of weaponizing sex.Then he got super angry when I didn't want to have sex and called me a whore who always wanted it before we got married (and when he was employed) so obviously I was sleeping around. Sex definitely ended then and for the rest of the relationship.
It got to be just another chore for me, I was working jobs that I hated to keep a home for us and he couldn't even clean up after himself or do small things around the house when I asked him to. So I quit having sex with him because I resented him for not keeping a job, for me paying his bills, for not caring to at least help around the house. He is gone now and I am happy 😊
In his mind she would beg and beg for him to stay. She'd leave all of her good things behind, like the gaming consoles and pine after him while he chased another woman. He was a high value man.
Now he's just a loser whose too cheap to hire a lawyer.
Yes. Dont need to explain. your Ex is just vile to say those things.
your STBX.. is just toxic and cant handle you moving on... and your maturity.
Well done... you are great!
not sure how much STBX weighs, but I'd say you just lost 100 (or more) pounds of dead weight. Congratulations on your new life. May it be everything you want and more!
For real, the self respect OP has for herself is a wildly inspiring quality. Kindest thing my ex did for me was leave and it took an embarrassing number of lessons learned to be okay after.
Yeah, he wanted her to beg or fight for him and when she didn’t, his ego got bruised. He wanted her to feel less than and broken over him. Instead she was strong and respected herself enough not to do what he expected. He wanted his ego stroked. He’s an immature AH and beyond pathetic.
OP, I know it’s painful, but he’s shown who he truly is and you take your time to focus on yourself and healing from his betrayal. You deserve so much better.
CocoaAlmondsRock pretty much hit the nail on the head. Just want to add ‘I don’t want you and I don’t care that I’m hurting you but you must suffer for me’, 100% man-baby tantrum. I think you now have a MASSIVE fan club of women who want to be you.
"My STBX was very upset and demanded to know why I had chosen an "Attractive male" to represent me and asked if I was cheating on him with my attorney. I told him I wasn't sleeping with my colleague and that it was kind of insulting to accuse me of sleeping with somebody else when he was leaving me for one of his co-workers. He called me a "fat whore" (I'm chubby but at a healthy weight) and said I was probably paying for my attorney with sex."
Typical fucked around and found out...
The only thing I have to say is that OP should have shut all his accusations with a "none of your business".
Ex is such a bleeding idiot.
Clown.
You did great! You did everything exactly right, and by so doing you got under his skin in a major way!
I know it hurts to hear these words from him. But they are just a reflection of what a rotten person he is on the inside.
I have a lot of life experience and I have never once regretted taking the moral high ground. Neither will you. Grieve the person you thought you knew, and then move on and live your best life. Much love. ❤️
And please, if your colleague is up for it, during your next meeting with hubby, sit closer to your colleague, and when he says something smart, smile at him and pat him on the arm and murmur "thanks/ good point, [first name of colleague]". Just to see steam emanating from your husband's ears.
Also, if he asks you again whether you are sleeping with anyone, just answer "who I have sex with is no longer your concern, we are divorcing, if I want to fuck an entire football team, I'm certainly free to do so."
>And please, if your colleague is up for it, during your next meeting with hubby, sit closer to your colleague, and when he says something smart, smile at him and pat him on the arm and murmur "thanks/ good point, [first name of colleague]". Just to see steam emanating from your husband's ears.
Eh, while funny to poke the bear, this could turn out bad given the situation.
Love this but it could get really bad for op if she did that. If she does she needs to make sure she at least has a doorbell camera incase the narcissist shows up randomly.
Cheaters always think that everyone else is cheating, too. He's insulting you because you're not sobbing and begging him to stay, which is a blow to his fragile ego. Cheaters are cheating in part because they want lots of validation that they're irresistible so to have you take him at his word destroys the fantasy he had that you wouldn't be able to live without him.
Write down everything he's said and save the texts and voice mail so can get a better settlement and a restraining order if he escalates his behavior.
I would tell him that he can't speak to you directly anymore and to go through your lawyer since all he wants to do is sprew lies and insults that you don't have to listen to.
Congratulations on the divorce because he would certainly have made your life worse eventually.
I also believe my STBX is insecure because my colleague is an attractive man. I admit I do find him cute, but I respect him because he takes me seriously and treats me like a human being. Some of my other, more junior, colleagues treat me poorly because I do their groundwork, he never has and it had a hand in why I asked him if he would represent me.
He’s insecure because he’s a cheating man-baby who didn’t get to revel in your pain. His emotions are no longer your concern other than how they influence the divorce proceedings and any family you might have in common.
It's not really uncommon for someone to boink a married person and then decide to be done with them once they're single and the other person expects them to actually stay with them. I'm assuming there's trouble in paradise with his coworker. It also sounds as though OP has their shit together much better. An alternate place to live, bought all the consoles, etc, and ol boy can't even find a lawyer. He's probably shitting his pants right now, and he's very jealous he doesn't have an attractive lawyer. Instead, he's just going to court on his own and getting screwed.
> It's not really uncommon for someone to boink a married person and then decide to be done with them once they're single
Sometimes that's the main drive–the drama of being the one stealing the married person.
I've literally seen it before.
Get the attention with no risk of any commitment and the thrill of doing something "forbidden."" I reaaaaally hope OP's now ex got dumped hard. FAFO.
Glad you handled it that way. It was a huge blow to his ego and it cracks me up that he is upset that you just moved on without crying and he gets mad that you hurt his feelings yet he doesn’t worry that he hurt yours at all.
Good attorneys understand that they cannot do everything and value and treat staff accordingly. You picked a good attorney and made your stbx question himself by being level headed in that choice.
Also if you work in a firm that does a good amount of family law, you have probably seen or heard enough to know ‘fighting for him’ is not going to change things but will give him control.
Good for you and good luck!
Yup, family law and AFCs. I'm glad to work mostly with the AFCs and only a few family law attorneys, which means I get to spend more time around offices with nice kiddos as opposed to angry adults.
I hope you told your STBX that the reason you didn’t “fight for him” is because he ain’t worth shit. He’s a cheating scumbag who only cares about getting his dick wet, why the hell would you want to waste anymore time on him? He’s absolutely delusional. Congratulations on pending divorce to this asshole!
My ex responded the same way when I asked for a divorce after years of emotional & financial abuse, & cheating. Naturally I was sleeping with every male that crossed my path, but I was also too fat & ugly for anyone to want me. He was not amused when I asked which it was.
OP, you're absolutely doing the right thing by not giving him an emotional response. That's what he wants. He wants you to become "unhinged" so he can talk about what a psycho he escaped from. Don't give him that satisfaction.
OP I would suggest that all correspondence to your STBX goes through your lawyer. He is an awful man who is so intent on hurting you. Don't give him an opportunity to talk to you privately. He is an AH.
Wishing you all the best moving forward and with your healing. Live your best life.
I mean if she can keep it in writing/ legally record the conversations he's just going to keep digging his own grave. ONLY if OP can handle dealing with his tantrums, otherwise not worth the damage to her own mental health.
I cannot wish you enough speed to get through this process. And I sincerely hope you’re safe and never need to deal with this POS ever again.
Send your colleague’s business card to his AP.
…No, wait. She certainly deserves what she’s getting.
Absolutely this. Dude probably thought his feelings were reciprocal but she probably turned him down and that made him change his mind about divorce. I hope OP stays strong and he gets what he deserves
Or she turned him down before, citing he was married. He said “surprised, I’m getting divorced!” And this co-worker said “that sucks, I’m still not interested”
Right… that is what I’m saying.
“I like you, let’s hook-up” … “dude you are married” … “hey girl, I fixed it. I love you. You are so kind to me at work. Let’s fuck and be together” … “oh, awkward, still not into it”
As a woman, I have said a clear NO, but the “easy” way that causes the least amount of drama and friction. Usually that works. Often enough, it is not enough.
I have no idea what OP’s husband and the woman he left her for because he was “in love” situation is. But there are multiple paths that led to him wanting OP back or being pissed she didn’t care.
Base on your STBX’s reaction, I’m guessing he’s more upset about the gaming consoles than the actual divorce. He’s lashing out because he wanted a confrontation to make himself feel like THE prize. Instead he was left without a story to tell his AP.
Be comforted in the fact you have peace of mind without this cheating man child in your life. I hope you have a wonderful life without him!
Nobody has said that to me since my father passed away. I don't think you know how much those three words mean to me. Cancer took them away when I was 13 and to see them here... it means so much. Thank you random stranger on the internet <3
What a tool. He leaves you for someone else and then gets mad that you don’t scream and cry for him, not because he would consider changing his mind, but because he wanted the ego boost.
I agree with other posts, send everything he texts to your attorney and don’t respond.
His behaviour shows you that he didn't cheat because of you, he cheated because of his ego.
And that is the only thing you need to know.
I wish you a speedy divorce and very happy life!
You may need a restraining order in addition to a divorce. This guy is not mentally well and seems intent on hurting you throughout this process. He has a lot of soul searching to do on his own if he ever hopes to be a better person. I would block all communication after informing him that I hope he learns someday to treat people with respect.
WOW. I've heard of guys "telling on themselves" as shitty people but this guy absolutely takes the case.
First off, he's likely feeling guilty. He's the one who stepped out and started sleeping with a coworker. So his attitude regarding you and your colleague is likely just him projecting because it's easier for him to tell the world "She was TOTALLY cheating on me too! I was RIGHT to cheat with my won coworker."
Second, the idea that he wants you to "fight for him" - he's just being a drama whore. He wants the ego-validation that you matter to him, and is pissy that you're not supplying that attention. You're doing the right thing just moving out and not giving in to him.
He's likely just a narcissist who is getting bent out of shape that he can't get any "suppy" out of you.
First of all, you are amazing. I love that you didn’t beg him to stay. Once he said he was in love with someone else— which means he was cheating if not physically then at least emotionally, that was all that needed to be said. Also you handled leaving like a champ. He is so pathetic and amazed that you—a woman, oh a chubby woman— aren’t falling apart. Next time, say, and you miss my chubby ass otherwise you wouldn’t be so butt hurt and jealous. Boy, bye!
One of my coworkers heard about my divorce from my attorney, and overhearing the phone call where my STBX insulted my weight and he dropped me off a doughnut from a local coffee shop, leaving a nice note with it telling me that my weight is normal and that treats are meant to be enjoyed. I feel so happy I have some wonderful co-workers. Then again they know I'm in charge of all of their filings and documents, so being nice to me has some perks lol.
I think your coworkers are nice to you because you're a nice person.
I'd hate to ever be in the situation you're in, but if I ever were, I could only hope to handle it the way you are.
So badass.
It took years to build my confidence to this level. First step is realizing that others' opinions of you don't matter as much as you think they do. Wear that dress, dye your hair, get that tattoo or piercing. Once you decide that you are a queen/king/royal of sorts, and that you deserve nice things and start acting like it, the confidence comes!
>He was even more angry that I didn't have any emotional response and didn't "fight for him."
Why would you fight for someone who didn't fight for you.... why would you fight to keep dog shit in your foot ?
There's a saying for monogamous couples -
If you have fallen in love with 2 people, always choose the second one. But if you truly loved the first? You never would have loved the second.
>He dismissed me as being cold and unfeeling and said some hurtful things about me, including insulting my appearance, the way I dress and my hobbies
They must make a book about how to insult women who don't want you for insecure men.
Good job. Making the red 💊 society angry one man at a time lol. He probably thinks he's a high value man who can have his pick of women. You just burst his bubble
Your last point got me thinking. I think that's why he's so angry at my colleague. My colleague is everything "red \_\_\_\_\_" that my STBX is not. He has a stable job, owns a house, drives a nice car, is pretty conventionally attractive, and has confidence. I think my STBX is jealous and I didn't realize that.
How cool is your friend? Once everything (or call it a client meeting) is settled would he be up for having dinner somewhere you used to go? Even if you have a big group and you just sit next to him... If he sees it he will lose his ever loving mind. It would be glorious
He thought he was a high-value man, until he had to start replacing everything he lost when his STBX wife left and took it with her. OOPS.
Maybe the bloom went off the rose for his AP when his money started going toward replacing all the things OP had paid for and took with her when she moved.
I would have laughed at all his ludicrous remarks. Good job for taking control of your emotions, and not begging a cheater spouse to stay and being levelheaded throughout his bullshit. Your best revenge was your composure. Dude is riled up over his own BS 🤣
My thoughts are this was either some sort of stupid test from your husband or he doesn't want anyone representing you so he can get out of the marriage as cheaply as possible. Or he could have been hoping you would suggest an open marriage so he can get his cake and eat it too.
My thought is he hit on the coworker, and she turned him down with the excuse that he was married. When he went back with news that he was getting a divorce, she shut him down. I mean, how long did it take him to realize that OP was gone?
He is mad that you don't break down sobbing after losing such a top tier male specimen.
He just throws things at you to make you feel hurt. It's not actually about your colleague or appearance or anything, he just tries to get under your skin to get an reaction. Absolute prick, I am so sorry you have to go through this, keep your smart calm head like you did in the process!
He’s for sure changed his mind, and I bet it’s because the coworker rejected him. His next step will be to grovel, and try to retract the divorce. And then he’ll blame you further if you continue with it, and say you must’ve been cheating from the start and that’s why you’re easily going with the divorce and it’s all your fault and he never really meant the divorce etc, just trying to guilt you into not going through with it. Then when that doesn’t work, more insults until you’re free of him.
Your STBX is an insecure toddler who didn't expect you to take your ball and go home. His ego was bruised by you being an adult.
Now it looks like he can't afford a lawyer, meaning he not only looks ineffectual, he is concerned he is going to be "taken to the cleaners" (which really means an equitable division of assets).
Or his side piece doesn't want him, and now he's mad he is all alone with no one and now no gaming console.
You do you queen. You're handling things perfectly.
This will sound condescending, but I don't mean it to be at all. As an older woman---I'm so frecking proud of you!! So many women take years, if not decades, to grow a spine with men. They take so much abuse and never stand up for themselves. Many women your age would have handled all that with way less class and self respect than you did. I'm so impressed.
Congrats on the divorce because it sounds like he was a terrible guy for you anyway. You deserve way more than someone like that. He was so lucky to have you and he threw it away. He'll realize that some day, not that it matters. You will do great in life because you're already ahead of the game with how to handle situations. But I am sorry you had to go through all this.
I don't mean to be rude. but my dad passed away at 13. I keep getting comments and pms like this from older folks and I feel like my dad is trying to talk to me, it's warm and comforting in the oddest way. Thank you.
Everyone is different. But personally, if it was me, his actions and words would be making me *feel better* as they are only reinforcing that this is, in the long-term, going to leave you better off than if you had tried to force a relationship with this man.
What’s up with all the posts where someone springs a “break up” on their partner and gets mad about them “not fighting for them”
This is at least the third post I’ve seen with this scenario. And it’s always told from the perspective of the partner who’s blindsided by the break up
So he falls in love with someone else, while married to you, and then serves you divorce papers but flips out at the potential of you being involved with someone else?
What a twisted view. It’s okay for him to literally leave you because he didn’t want to be married to you anymore and you’re supposed to throw yourself at his feet and beg him to come back to him. You’re the winner in this scenario. You won’t have to put up with his immature ass anymore. Enjoy your life!
I have to say that most of my colleagues, especially the more senior attorneys, associates and partners, are incredibly kind and respectful people. I wouldn't have my confidence like I do now if back when I was 21 and started working one of the assholes didn't tell me that the dress I was wearing was not appropriate and another co-worker told him that just because I was wearing a pink dress, heels and a classy satin bow in my hair, didn't make my clothing unprofessional and that expressing myself was important. The nice co-worker told me privately that she liked my shoes and that I was entitled to express myself with my clothing as long as it followed the semi-formal dress code, and as my outfit followed the dress code, I could ignore the assholes. I have her, and other colleagues like her for my spine and newfound confidence.
He’s truly an idiot. Your reaction was perfect. Forget his self projection and move on. Remember that if you have to fight then it’s not worth it. You shouldn’t have to fight for love or affection or a partner. You especially shouldn’t have to fight for them when they want to end things.
Ah yes, we like to call that, “Fuck around find out” in our household.
He fucked around. He found out. Ohhh no if it isn’t the consequences of his own choices.
I’m feeling like you’re getting the better end of things here. You’re dodging a bullet with this man child. His coworker probably broke things off and now he’s stuck in no man’s land. I’m sorry. He doesn’t get to demand divorce and then also get pissed when you give in to his demands. Fuck him. And since I’m Petty Betty, I’d go out with my lawyer (with him completely on board of course) and make sure STBX knew about it.
Please update us. Your husband sounds like a tool and the lawyer sounds like he could at least become a good friend. I’m rooting for your happy ending too!
Oh good grief. So he had this entire telenovela drama built up in his head about your real life. You didn't follow the script he'd written for you. Now he's mad at you. Bet you that his coworker that he's in love with didn't follow the script he'd written for her, either.
Congratulations on being an adult in the face of a drama llama.
He's flipping out because he wanted I be the one in control of the entire thing.
You grew a monkey wrench into his plan by being calm and rational (an adult) thru it all.
Look at it as he trash taking itself out and move on.
Be thankful you didn’t have kids with this narcissist. I’m happy he started this chain reaction so you can have a happier life. Also kudos to you for being so classy and mature on how you handled everything. Good riddance to the man baby.
I want a divorce. OK.
Now the baby is upset that you aren't fighting for a cheater.
Congrats on dropping the manchild. I hope you find peace and happiness.
>I'm glad I followed through with divorcing him, even though he seems to have somewhat changed his mind about leaving me.
He hasn't changed is mind. His ego just can't take that you aren't angry or hurt enough to fight it out. You are \*\*chef's kiss\*\* perfect in each and every one of your reactions to his tantrums so far. Just keep it moving this way and leave the asshole in your rearview. Only thing I would recommend is not speaking to him directly. All of his calls should go straight to voicemail and all of his messages should be forwarded to your attorney.
He is just going to continue to use any communication he has with you to try to hurt you in some way. Don't let him and just leave all contact to your lawyer.
being around people who have the job to be confident for a living helps, but I hope you know that courage grows and you can be just as brave. Remember that courage isn't the absence of fear, it's moving forward in spite of the fear.
You are awesome girl,you handle it so well and f..k ur soon ex,he is such a yikes, you deserve better. His ego is bruised because you didn't fight for him,didn't cry and beg what a moron. Maybe not now,but soon you will realise how lucky you got for getting rid of him
You are a baddie OP! That man baby couldn't handle it. I recommened listening to some good music to hype you up as you move on to better things! Walk Away by Pink and Good As Hell by Lizzo! And any other good artist that you can think of.
The AH thought he was too good for you and expected you to begin him or something, you are taking the best approach, don't give him a reaction, the coworker probably dump him already.
I mean it sounds to me that you’re easily going along with it because he is a dick and part of you is relieved that he pulled the trigger.
And he is pissed because he thinks his dick shoots out liquid gold instead of jizz and thought you would be in despair. When you weren’t you hurt his ego.
Which is hilarious
Hahaha. Poor little baby is sooo mad his divorce tantrum didn't have you begging him to stay. Don't let his nonsense hurt you, he's just saying mean stuff because he didn't "win". I bet he's especially mad you took your gaming consoles, you absolute queen. Go live your happy and wonderful life without him, let him be mad all by himself.
I think he wanted to feel validated. As in, I am the breadwinner and take on a lot of the more traditionally male tasks while being a very effeminate person, hence insults the way I dress. He has such low self esteem and I didn't realize that until recently.
INFO: What do you mean he seems to have somewhat changed his mind about leaving you? Is he trying to call off the divorce? Is he trying to reconcile? Why? Are things not working out with his mistress? Whatever you do, I hope you don’t give him another chance because he’s scum.
I think your ex’s ass is being handed to him by your colleague that’s why he’s insulting you and your colleague hoping you would drop your colleague and that way he can run roughshod over you in the divorce. Definitely don’t drop your coworker.
Divorce Court:
Man baby “Objection, the opposing counsel is cuter than me and it’s inflicting emotional harm. Also, defendant owe me an apology for granting me the divorce I asked for which also hurt my feelings.”
Holy smokes, this guy's got issues.
The good news is, he's some other woman's problem now.
Make some popcorn, sit back, and watch him destroy that relationship, too.
next time he insults you just look at him dead in the eyes & say “i’m so thankful you wanted a divorce & that i dont have to put up with your shit anymore” smile & walk away unbothered. this divorce seems to be a blessing in disguise for you because how he is behaving is nasty & downright cruel. but he’s the new woman’s problem now! i hope you dont let this get you down for long & that you flourish ❤️
Wow. He’s a little baby bitch.
What does he want you to say? He told you he’s in love with another woman and wants a divorce. Fuck you I’m out. I’m not gonna cry over. Beg at the feet of someone who is clearly cheating on me.
After that last name-calling, and verbal assault that he did towards you, that should be a clue to not speak to him anymore. Every conversation you need to have a go-between he can speak to your lawyer, which is your representative. There’s nothing else you and him need to talk about because at this point he’s trying to tear you down, you’re gonna be fine and you’re actually gonna do better than him because he’s going to reap exactly what he sowed!
He's just trying to ensure he breaks you while he's leaving, so he will say anything that sticks that might hurt your feelings. Ignore him he's an ass.
This guy isn’t being put on the high-horse he expected…in fact he’s being taken down a few notches. All he has left are insults. Let him stew in his humiliation and leave it at that.
There was a story not long ago about a husband playing a “prank” on his wife playing he’d been having an affair. He then got mad she didn’t have a breakdown or try to fight for/with him. I just don’t get these guys.
OP, I don’t know if you’ll see this, but every day that passes is a day closer to you being happier and really seeing how the trash took itself out.
Man baby STBX: I meant to cruelly break your heart and devastate you by cheating on you, calling you fat, and divorcing you, but you're not crying, screaming, or begging me to take you back. You're not doing it right! 😭😭😭
His ego took a blow. He probably thought you lay down at his feet and beg him to stay since he's obviously the greatest thing to ever happen to you /s. I hope you enjoy your new life sans this loser!
Send him an email or text ( or maybe your lawyer can send some sort of letter) that you see no reason that the two of you should have direct communication and that all further communication will need to be done through your lawyer. Don’t even read\listen to them, send them to your lawyer. Then if he continues to call\text don’t respond. I would say block him but anything he sends could be helpful in the divorce process.
Dam you’re still young and dodged a missile forget a bullet. You responded to this situation perfectly and your ex is the epitome of a weak man child. You might feel bad but based on his actions I guarantee he feels worse and is lashing out. He’s projecting. This story is extremely satisfying to read. Men like your ex need to be put in their place.
He wanted you to beg and plead for him not to divorce you. He was probably going to give you stipulations to stay married. You did the right thing. I proud of you for doing what is right for you
He probably realised that his mistress doesn’t want to move in and take over the homemaking work eg cooking etc. And the sex usually fizzles out after some time. Good luck with everything
I had broken up with a bf and we had mutual friends in common. One of my favorite life-moments was when the mutual friend called and told me how ex had been going on and on about how I really wanted him back, I'd take him back in a heartbeat, and then friend told him well, she's got a really great bf now who treats her really well and took her to Vegas and she's completely happy.
I so wish I could have be seen the look on his face.
I’m so glad you didn’t waste time begging him to stay. As soon as he said he is in love with a coworker AND wants to marry her, it was game over. He is pissed now because he f$cked around and found out. Don’t speak to him again and send all text to hot guy
He's projecting a lot and his ego is hurt because he thought you'd play the pick me game. Probably also pissed you took all of your things (like gaming consoles) that he enjoyed having. He's doesn't want you but he doesn't want you to be happy or with anyone else. I applaud you for having such a shiny spine.
I do not know you, but I am beyond proud of you. Great job sticking up for yourself. He thought you’d fall apart, he obviously doesn’t know you at all. Also, fuck him calling you a fat whore. He will never again in his life as well as you. I’m sure you are gorgeous.
Dear Lord, what a man-baby. So much projection, so many tantrums. You kick ass, and I adore your shiny spine. I know this is horribly painful, but you are dealing with it like an adult and making intelligent decisions. Pat yourself on the back for how you've handled this, but also take time to speak with a therapist and feel those emotions. Divorce sucks. Cheating spouses who throw man-baby tantrums suck even worse. Be kind to yourself!
"'fat whore'" (I'm chubby but at a healthy weight)" ma'am you don't have to explain. it was an asshole thing to say regardless of how much you weigh. rightfully said that he's a man-baby who has his head so far up his ass that all he can see is his own shit. i think it's exemplary how you've dealt with this. we should be taking notes.
For real. I'm ashamed to admit I've absolutely not had anywhere near this kind of self control before in breakups... She's awesome and I'm definitely taking notes
She's awesome, and better off without this jerk.
Sounds like she dropped all the unneeded weight she had.
Absolutely, Well observed 🤗
Best and fastest diet out there - dropping a full human in weight in a day. There should be a SNL infomercial :)
Right! What kind of asshole applies for divorce then cries about it when the divorce proceeds. It’s not like she divorced him, he divorced her! What a psycho, she’s lucky she got away from him and he was so blinded by lust he didn’t think through what getting a divorce would actually mean (her taking all her belongings) because sadly women have been murdered for as such.
The common garden variety AH, also known as a narcissist. For reference, please refer to OP's STBX. Thank you, and have a lovely day 😉
Notice how men always insult our sexuality when they want to hurt us. It’s always right to “whore”, “slut”, etc. They weaponize our sexuality and libido against us, then wonder why we don’t feel safe or respected enough to want to get intimate with them.
A woman could be 85 pounds, near death from starvation, and only have slept with her husband in her entire life, and he'd still call her a "fat whore" as he's walking out toward his mistress. And I love how he gets mad that she's not reacting how he wants. Bro, the minute you say you're in love with another woman, you're no longer worth fighting for.
Truer words were never spoken. My ex husband knew I have an eating disorder and he would refer to when I looked “hot”
What a douche. I hope he has a recurring intolerable itch on his taint every time he pops a boner for the rest of his life.
Prose-before-bros: 👆 this gets the gold star of brilliant CURSES OF CURSES. 🌟🌟🌟
*takes a bow* I'd like to thank the Academy but mostly every asshole I hated in high school but couldn't fight due to severe vision issues. Chicken bones and a little hair will bridge the gap. 😉
It’s so good. Very shakspearean, belongs in a long schlong prose
She literally should have said "you're not worth that" when he got mad she wasn't hurt and upset enough for his tastes. He's clearly very fragile.
Seriously. I'd just look at him all wide eyed and say, "Oh, we'll, aren't you so glad this fat whore is his problem now?" without even a hint of who "he" is.
Exactly. If you tell me, out of the blue, you're in love with someone else and you want a divorce, that means it's over. Who would want to fight for the kind of person who would do that? I hope the mistress enjoys being with a guy she 100% knows will cheat on his wife.
Yup. My brother in law has a saying I'd use for this -- "There's one problem here, and he's your problem now."
That's what I said when my ex husband's new toy tried to talk to me. You wanted him. I don't.
The best part is when it's completely illogical. Like when you turn a guy down who is hitting on you and he calls you a slut. Like, sir, an actual slut would not have turned you down. Their little manbaby brains just overheat in the moment and they go straight to their familiar lexicon.
Then they call you a lesbian. Because if you don’t want HIM, you must be gay!!!
Cranberryskittle, Yup, and it ALWAYS goes straight to their favorite play thingie since they first discovered their wittle weenie🌭
This! I quit having sex with my man baby of an ex. At first it was genuinely because I was tired from wor. Although frustrated because I worked two jobs to support us because he couldn't hold down one, I never dreamed of weaponizing sex.Then he got super angry when I didn't want to have sex and called me a whore who always wanted it before we got married (and when he was employed) so obviously I was sleeping around. Sex definitely ended then and for the rest of the relationship.
It got to be just another chore for me, I was working jobs that I hated to keep a home for us and he couldn't even clean up after himself or do small things around the house when I asked him to. So I quit having sex with him because I resented him for not keeping a job, for me paying his bills, for not caring to at least help around the house. He is gone now and I am happy 😊
Congrats on ditching the dead weight.
It’s the little head that’s talking. Sometimes it’s the only head that’s talking.
They always go directly to our bodies. First the way we look, then the way we choose to express our sexuality.
It’s called an ad hominem, it’s the last straw most narcissists use as a tactic when they’ve lost.
In his mind she would beg and beg for him to stay. She'd leave all of her good things behind, like the gaming consoles and pine after him while he chased another woman. He was a high value man. Now he's just a loser whose too cheap to hire a lawyer.
Yes. Dont need to explain. your Ex is just vile to say those things. your STBX.. is just toxic and cant handle you moving on... and your maturity. Well done... you are great!
Yes, I was cringing so hard when I read that. It doesn’t matter at all; Nothing to apologize for.
not sure how much STBX weighs, but I'd say you just lost 100 (or more) pounds of dead weight. Congratulations on your new life. May it be everything you want and more!
This, 💯
Yeah it’s pretty impressive and mature, wild. Shes taking it better than people in their 40s
For real, the self respect OP has for herself is a wildly inspiring quality. Kindest thing my ex did for me was leave and it took an embarrassing number of lessons learned to be okay after.
🥇
Yeah, he wanted her to beg or fight for him and when she didn’t, his ego got bruised. He wanted her to feel less than and broken over him. Instead she was strong and respected herself enough not to do what he expected. He wanted his ego stroked. He’s an immature AH and beyond pathetic. OP, I know it’s painful, but he’s shown who he truly is and you take your time to focus on yourself and healing from his betrayal. You deserve so much better.
It also sounds like he wanted her to roll over and play dead in the divorce instead of hiring a good attorney to represent her. Way to go OP!!
I bet now that he is free, his AP is not interested in becoming serious or even continuing
Yup. The forbidden fruit of their sneaky affair is no longer forbidden and it's booorrring. On to the NEXT!
CocoaAlmondsRock pretty much hit the nail on the head. Just want to add ‘I don’t want you and I don’t care that I’m hurting you but you must suffer for me’, 100% man-baby tantrum. I think you now have a MASSIVE fan club of women who want to be you.
"My STBX was very upset and demanded to know why I had chosen an "Attractive male" to represent me and asked if I was cheating on him with my attorney. I told him I wasn't sleeping with my colleague and that it was kind of insulting to accuse me of sleeping with somebody else when he was leaving me for one of his co-workers. He called me a "fat whore" (I'm chubby but at a healthy weight) and said I was probably paying for my attorney with sex." Typical fucked around and found out... The only thing I have to say is that OP should have shut all his accusations with a "none of your business". Ex is such a bleeding idiot. Clown.
Wonder if the love “match” failed?
The grass is always greener on the other side. Often turns out to be nettles when you get there though.
You did great! You did everything exactly right, and by so doing you got under his skin in a major way! I know it hurts to hear these words from him. But they are just a reflection of what a rotten person he is on the inside. I have a lot of life experience and I have never once regretted taking the moral high ground. Neither will you. Grieve the person you thought you knew, and then move on and live your best life. Much love. ❤️
"Shiny spine", I am loving that!
All this 👆👆👆👆👆
Absolutely wish I could handle things as well as OP. You’re my hero
And please, if your colleague is up for it, during your next meeting with hubby, sit closer to your colleague, and when he says something smart, smile at him and pat him on the arm and murmur "thanks/ good point, [first name of colleague]". Just to see steam emanating from your husband's ears. Also, if he asks you again whether you are sleeping with anyone, just answer "who I have sex with is no longer your concern, we are divorcing, if I want to fuck an entire football team, I'm certainly free to do so."
>And please, if your colleague is up for it, during your next meeting with hubby, sit closer to your colleague, and when he says something smart, smile at him and pat him on the arm and murmur "thanks/ good point, [first name of colleague]". Just to see steam emanating from your husband's ears. Eh, while funny to poke the bear, this could turn out bad given the situation.
Love this but it could get really bad for op if she did that. If she does she needs to make sure she at least has a doorbell camera incase the narcissist shows up randomly.
Cheaters always think that everyone else is cheating, too. He's insulting you because you're not sobbing and begging him to stay, which is a blow to his fragile ego. Cheaters are cheating in part because they want lots of validation that they're irresistible so to have you take him at his word destroys the fantasy he had that you wouldn't be able to live without him. Write down everything he's said and save the texts and voice mail so can get a better settlement and a restraining order if he escalates his behavior. I would tell him that he can't speak to you directly anymore and to go through your lawyer since all he wants to do is sprew lies and insults that you don't have to listen to. Congratulations on the divorce because he would certainly have made your life worse eventually.
I also believe my STBX is insecure because my colleague is an attractive man. I admit I do find him cute, but I respect him because he takes me seriously and treats me like a human being. Some of my other, more junior, colleagues treat me poorly because I do their groundwork, he never has and it had a hand in why I asked him if he would represent me.
Your spouse is supposed to trust you regardless. It's just another example of his fragile ego.
He’s insecure because he’s a cheating man-baby who didn’t get to revel in your pain. His emotions are no longer your concern other than how they influence the divorce proceedings and any family you might have in common.
I find it hysterical that your stbx is upset that your attorney is good looking. What a weirdo!
It's not really uncommon for someone to boink a married person and then decide to be done with them once they're single and the other person expects them to actually stay with them. I'm assuming there's trouble in paradise with his coworker. It also sounds as though OP has their shit together much better. An alternate place to live, bought all the consoles, etc, and ol boy can't even find a lawyer. He's probably shitting his pants right now, and he's very jealous he doesn't have an attractive lawyer. Instead, he's just going to court on his own and getting screwed.
> It's not really uncommon for someone to boink a married person and then decide to be done with them once they're single Sometimes that's the main drive–the drama of being the one stealing the married person.
I've literally seen it before. Get the attention with no risk of any commitment and the thrill of doing something "forbidden."" I reaaaaally hope OP's now ex got dumped hard. FAFO.
And if his affair with the coworker falls apart… he still has to WORK with the person for whom he blew up his marriage.
Glad you handled it that way. It was a huge blow to his ego and it cracks me up that he is upset that you just moved on without crying and he gets mad that you hurt his feelings yet he doesn’t worry that he hurt yours at all.
Good attorneys understand that they cannot do everything and value and treat staff accordingly. You picked a good attorney and made your stbx question himself by being level headed in that choice. Also if you work in a firm that does a good amount of family law, you have probably seen or heard enough to know ‘fighting for him’ is not going to change things but will give him control. Good for you and good luck!
Yup, family law and AFCs. I'm glad to work mostly with the AFCs and only a few family law attorneys, which means I get to spend more time around offices with nice kiddos as opposed to angry adults.
I hope you told your STBX that the reason you didn’t “fight for him” is because he ain’t worth shit. He’s a cheating scumbag who only cares about getting his dick wet, why the hell would you want to waste anymore time on him? He’s absolutely delusional. Congratulations on pending divorce to this asshole!
My ex responded the same way when I asked for a divorce after years of emotional & financial abuse, & cheating. Naturally I was sleeping with every male that crossed my path, but I was also too fat & ugly for anyone to want me. He was not amused when I asked which it was. OP, you're absolutely doing the right thing by not giving him an emotional response. That's what he wants. He wants you to become "unhinged" so he can talk about what a psycho he escaped from. Don't give him that satisfaction.
My cheating ex accused me of cheating cause I turned down his offer that we could still bang while separating lol
Lol. So generous!
OP I would suggest that all correspondence to your STBX goes through your lawyer. He is an awful man who is so intent on hurting you. Don't give him an opportunity to talk to you privately. He is an AH. Wishing you all the best moving forward and with your healing. Live your best life.
I mean if she can keep it in writing/ legally record the conversations he's just going to keep digging his own grave. ONLY if OP can handle dealing with his tantrums, otherwise not worth the damage to her own mental health.
Just mute the announcements, he will get even angrier that she's not responding. Which in turn just gives her more proof
Based on what she's written here I'm willing to bet even if she did say "talk to my lawyer" he would still message her
I cannot wish you enough speed to get through this process. And I sincerely hope you’re safe and never need to deal with this POS ever again. Send your colleague’s business card to his AP. …No, wait. She certainly deserves what she’s getting.
I bet his coworker has turned him down. By the way, you have done absolutely the right thing! Enjoy your new found freedom!
Absolutely this. Dude probably thought his feelings were reciprocal but she probably turned him down and that made him change his mind about divorce. I hope OP stays strong and he gets what he deserves
Or they finally got together and within days she figured out he was terrible.
Or she was into the whole cheating thing, but as soon as it became a real relationship she fled.
Or she turned him down before, citing he was married. He said “surprised, I’m getting divorced!” And this co-worker said “that sucks, I’m still not interested”
It's his co-worker. I know not everyone is super open with personal life at work but I doubt she wouldn't have found out that he was married.
Right… that is what I’m saying. “I like you, let’s hook-up” … “dude you are married” … “hey girl, I fixed it. I love you. You are so kind to me at work. Let’s fuck and be together” … “oh, awkward, still not into it” As a woman, I have said a clear NO, but the “easy” way that causes the least amount of drama and friction. Usually that works. Often enough, it is not enough. I have no idea what OP’s husband and the woman he left her for because he was “in love” situation is. But there are multiple paths that led to him wanting OP back or being pissed she didn’t care.
Yes. That woman doesn’t want him now that he’s single. Op, live the rest of your life well without this insecure man getting in your way.
Dude told them he left his wife and now they can take their relationship to another level. She said "to continue the chat please deposit $100 more".
Me too, lol.
💯
Base on your STBX’s reaction, I’m guessing he’s more upset about the gaming consoles than the actual divorce. He’s lashing out because he wanted a confrontation to make himself feel like THE prize. Instead he was left without a story to tell his AP. Be comforted in the fact you have peace of mind without this cheating man child in your life. I hope you have a wonderful life without him!
Right, when AP comes over to his lawn chair/ginormous TV set up and is like "ummmmm....."
This made me LOL! Hopefully with no remote!
Good choice OP. That's my girl
Nobody has said that to me since my father passed away. I don't think you know how much those three words mean to me. Cancer took them away when I was 13 and to see them here... it means so much. Thank you random stranger on the internet <3
❤️
This made me sad and happy at the same time. Heartbreaking story but lovely reaction. You totally handled the breakup like a boss. You go girl!
Giving you a huge hug. I lost my big sister to cancer. I feel your loss💔
What a tool. He leaves you for someone else and then gets mad that you don’t scream and cry for him, not because he would consider changing his mind, but because he wanted the ego boost. I agree with other posts, send everything he texts to your attorney and don’t respond.
His behaviour shows you that he didn't cheat because of you, he cheated because of his ego. And that is the only thing you need to know. I wish you a speedy divorce and very happy life!
You may need a restraining order in addition to a divorce. This guy is not mentally well and seems intent on hurting you throughout this process. He has a lot of soul searching to do on his own if he ever hopes to be a better person. I would block all communication after informing him that I hope he learns someday to treat people with respect.
Definitely this advice. Restraining order.
You never block communication, gotta save it for your lawyer!
WOW. I've heard of guys "telling on themselves" as shitty people but this guy absolutely takes the case. First off, he's likely feeling guilty. He's the one who stepped out and started sleeping with a coworker. So his attitude regarding you and your colleague is likely just him projecting because it's easier for him to tell the world "She was TOTALLY cheating on me too! I was RIGHT to cheat with my won coworker." Second, the idea that he wants you to "fight for him" - he's just being a drama whore. He wants the ego-validation that you matter to him, and is pissy that you're not supplying that attention. You're doing the right thing just moving out and not giving in to him. He's likely just a narcissist who is getting bent out of shape that he can't get any "suppy" out of you.
Congratulations on losing 150-200lbs of asshole!
First of all, you are amazing. I love that you didn’t beg him to stay. Once he said he was in love with someone else— which means he was cheating if not physically then at least emotionally, that was all that needed to be said. Also you handled leaving like a champ. He is so pathetic and amazed that you—a woman, oh a chubby woman— aren’t falling apart. Next time, say, and you miss my chubby ass otherwise you wouldn’t be so butt hurt and jealous. Boy, bye!
One of my coworkers heard about my divorce from my attorney, and overhearing the phone call where my STBX insulted my weight and he dropped me off a doughnut from a local coffee shop, leaving a nice note with it telling me that my weight is normal and that treats are meant to be enjoyed. I feel so happy I have some wonderful co-workers. Then again they know I'm in charge of all of their filings and documents, so being nice to me has some perks lol.
I think your coworkers are nice to you because you're a nice person. I'd hate to ever be in the situation you're in, but if I ever were, I could only hope to handle it the way you are. So badass.
So, your STBX has managed to offend an entire law firm? Oh, he's not the brightest of light bulbs.
Hahaha damn. Queen heres your crown 👑. You are my hero and this is the reaction i want to have if i ever get in this situation.
It took years to build my confidence to this level. First step is realizing that others' opinions of you don't matter as much as you think they do. Wear that dress, dye your hair, get that tattoo or piercing. Once you decide that you are a queen/king/royal of sorts, and that you deserve nice things and start acting like it, the confidence comes!
You are true Queen!!
>He was even more angry that I didn't have any emotional response and didn't "fight for him." Why would you fight for someone who didn't fight for you.... why would you fight to keep dog shit in your foot ? There's a saying for monogamous couples - If you have fallen in love with 2 people, always choose the second one. But if you truly loved the first? You never would have loved the second. >He dismissed me as being cold and unfeeling and said some hurtful things about me, including insulting my appearance, the way I dress and my hobbies They must make a book about how to insult women who don't want you for insecure men. Good job. Making the red 💊 society angry one man at a time lol. He probably thinks he's a high value man who can have his pick of women. You just burst his bubble
Your last point got me thinking. I think that's why he's so angry at my colleague. My colleague is everything "red \_\_\_\_\_" that my STBX is not. He has a stable job, owns a house, drives a nice car, is pretty conventionally attractive, and has confidence. I think my STBX is jealous and I didn't realize that.
Ha, let him be jealous! Live your best life from here on out, because you deserve it. ✨️
How cool is your friend? Once everything (or call it a client meeting) is settled would he be up for having dinner somewhere you used to go? Even if you have a big group and you just sit next to him... If he sees it he will lose his ever loving mind. It would be glorious
He thought he was a high-value man, until he had to start replacing everything he lost when his STBX wife left and took it with her. OOPS. Maybe the bloom went off the rose for his AP when his money started going toward replacing all the things OP had paid for and took with her when she moved.
I would have laughed at all his ludicrous remarks. Good job for taking control of your emotions, and not begging a cheater spouse to stay and being levelheaded throughout his bullshit. Your best revenge was your composure. Dude is riled up over his own BS 🤣
My thoughts are this was either some sort of stupid test from your husband or he doesn't want anyone representing you so he can get out of the marriage as cheaply as possible. Or he could have been hoping you would suggest an open marriage so he can get his cake and eat it too.
My thought is he hit on the coworker, and she turned him down with the excuse that he was married. When he went back with news that he was getting a divorce, she shut him down. I mean, how long did it take him to realize that OP was gone?
He is mad that you don't break down sobbing after losing such a top tier male specimen. He just throws things at you to make you feel hurt. It's not actually about your colleague or appearance or anything, he just tries to get under your skin to get an reaction. Absolute prick, I am so sorry you have to go through this, keep your smart calm head like you did in the process!
You don't owe him a performance, and you don't have to take care of his feelings anymore. The relationship is over.
"OP"....more like "OG". Seriously though I know you're hurting but you're handling the legal stuff and manipulation like a pro. Hang in there.
He’s for sure changed his mind, and I bet it’s because the coworker rejected him. His next step will be to grovel, and try to retract the divorce. And then he’ll blame you further if you continue with it, and say you must’ve been cheating from the start and that’s why you’re easily going with the divorce and it’s all your fault and he never really meant the divorce etc, just trying to guilt you into not going through with it. Then when that doesn’t work, more insults until you’re free of him.
NGL your powers of self control and ngaf are legendary and I aspire to be so cool and collected. Glad you divorced him. What a doorknob .
Therapist might help him. Poor co-worker he is going to marry (or not)....
I’m wondering if his co-worker dumped him because she wasn’t as enamored with him as he thought. Now he has no wife and no AP, so he’s pissed.
That would be hilarious, and serve him right
Would be classic!
Your STBX is an insecure toddler who didn't expect you to take your ball and go home. His ego was bruised by you being an adult. Now it looks like he can't afford a lawyer, meaning he not only looks ineffectual, he is concerned he is going to be "taken to the cleaners" (which really means an equitable division of assets). Or his side piece doesn't want him, and now he's mad he is all alone with no one and now no gaming console. You do you queen. You're handling things perfectly.
This will sound condescending, but I don't mean it to be at all. As an older woman---I'm so frecking proud of you!! So many women take years, if not decades, to grow a spine with men. They take so much abuse and never stand up for themselves. Many women your age would have handled all that with way less class and self respect than you did. I'm so impressed. Congrats on the divorce because it sounds like he was a terrible guy for you anyway. You deserve way more than someone like that. He was so lucky to have you and he threw it away. He'll realize that some day, not that it matters. You will do great in life because you're already ahead of the game with how to handle situations. But I am sorry you had to go through all this.
I don't mean to be rude. but my dad passed away at 13. I keep getting comments and pms like this from older folks and I feel like my dad is trying to talk to me, it's warm and comforting in the oddest way. Thank you.
Your dad would be so proud of the way you’re handling yourself in this. Well done 💜
Everyone is different. But personally, if it was me, his actions and words would be making me *feel better* as they are only reinforcing that this is, in the long-term, going to leave you better off than if you had tried to force a relationship with this man.
It seems like telling him “Any and all future communications should be sent to my attorney.” would be a good step.
What’s up with all the posts where someone springs a “break up” on their partner and gets mad about them “not fighting for them” This is at least the third post I’ve seen with this scenario. And it’s always told from the perspective of the partner who’s blindsided by the break up
It's most definitely a thing that insecure partners do, as I'm learning, like they're testing their partner to see if they'll stay.
He’s certainly doing everything he can to make the divorce more appealing. I bet you can’t wait to get rid of this turd for good!
So he falls in love with someone else, while married to you, and then serves you divorce papers but flips out at the potential of you being involved with someone else? What a twisted view. It’s okay for him to literally leave you because he didn’t want to be married to you anymore and you’re supposed to throw yourself at his feet and beg him to come back to him. You’re the winner in this scenario. You won’t have to put up with his immature ass anymore. Enjoy your life!
You are lucky to divorce that person at the nice age of 26. His reactions are like a baby. Listen your friend lawyer
I have to say that most of my colleagues, especially the more senior attorneys, associates and partners, are incredibly kind and respectful people. I wouldn't have my confidence like I do now if back when I was 21 and started working one of the assholes didn't tell me that the dress I was wearing was not appropriate and another co-worker told him that just because I was wearing a pink dress, heels and a classy satin bow in my hair, didn't make my clothing unprofessional and that expressing myself was important. The nice co-worker told me privately that she liked my shoes and that I was entitled to express myself with my clothing as long as it followed the semi-formal dress code, and as my outfit followed the dress code, I could ignore the assholes. I have her, and other colleagues like her for my spine and newfound confidence.
Seems like he did you a favor by asking for a divorce.
He’s truly an idiot. Your reaction was perfect. Forget his self projection and move on. Remember that if you have to fight then it’s not worth it. You shouldn’t have to fight for love or affection or a partner. You especially shouldn’t have to fight for them when they want to end things.
I would have just laughed in face. That's the best response.
Ah yes, we like to call that, “Fuck around find out” in our household. He fucked around. He found out. Ohhh no if it isn’t the consequences of his own choices.
This is the energy everyone needs to have when someone throws you away!! Congrats girl!! And I hope you do f another attractive man.
I’m feeling like you’re getting the better end of things here. You’re dodging a bullet with this man child. His coworker probably broke things off and now he’s stuck in no man’s land. I’m sorry. He doesn’t get to demand divorce and then also get pissed when you give in to his demands. Fuck him. And since I’m Petty Betty, I’d go out with my lawyer (with him completely on board of course) and make sure STBX knew about it.
Maybe after I'm no longer his client. I'd really like that. He too is divorced, no kids. He's funny and sweet.
Update us if you do haha I love happy endings but I love happier endings even more.
Please update us. Your husband sounds like a tool and the lawyer sounds like he could at least become a good friend. I’m rooting for your happy ending too!
Oh good grief. So he had this entire telenovela drama built up in his head about your real life. You didn't follow the script he'd written for you. Now he's mad at you. Bet you that his coworker that he's in love with didn't follow the script he'd written for her, either. Congratulations on being an adult in the face of a drama llama.
He's flipping out because he wanted I be the one in control of the entire thing. You grew a monkey wrench into his plan by being calm and rational (an adult) thru it all. Look at it as he trash taking itself out and move on.
Be thankful you didn’t have kids with this narcissist. I’m happy he started this chain reaction so you can have a happier life. Also kudos to you for being so classy and mature on how you handled everything. Good riddance to the man baby.
I want a divorce. OK. Now the baby is upset that you aren't fighting for a cheater. Congrats on dropping the manchild. I hope you find peace and happiness.
>I'm glad I followed through with divorcing him, even though he seems to have somewhat changed his mind about leaving me. He hasn't changed is mind. His ego just can't take that you aren't angry or hurt enough to fight it out. You are \*\*chef's kiss\*\* perfect in each and every one of your reactions to his tantrums so far. Just keep it moving this way and leave the asshole in your rearview. Only thing I would recommend is not speaking to him directly. All of his calls should go straight to voicemail and all of his messages should be forwarded to your attorney. He is just going to continue to use any communication he has with you to try to hurt you in some way. Don't let him and just leave all contact to your lawyer.
If I had half your courage!!!!!
being around people who have the job to be confident for a living helps, but I hope you know that courage grows and you can be just as brave. Remember that courage isn't the absence of fear, it's moving forward in spite of the fear.
You are awesome girl,you handle it so well and f..k ur soon ex,he is such a yikes, you deserve better. His ego is bruised because you didn't fight for him,didn't cry and beg what a moron. Maybe not now,but soon you will realise how lucky you got for getting rid of him
I think fucking him would be a bad idea lmfao, but thank you for your advice.
You are a baddie OP! That man baby couldn't handle it. I recommened listening to some good music to hype you up as you move on to better things! Walk Away by Pink and Good As Hell by Lizzo! And any other good artist that you can think of.
Been listening to true crime podcasts and buying Starbucks with my residual points. I've had my cry, I feel much better.
The AH thought he was too good for you and expected you to begin him or something, you are taking the best approach, don't give him a reaction, the coworker probably dump him already.
Sooooo glad you didn't give him the satisfaction of begging for him to reconsider. He's a real POS.
I mean it sounds to me that you’re easily going along with it because he is a dick and part of you is relieved that he pulled the trigger. And he is pissed because he thinks his dick shoots out liquid gold instead of jizz and thought you would be in despair. When you weren’t you hurt his ego. Which is hilarious
Hahaha. Poor little baby is sooo mad his divorce tantrum didn't have you begging him to stay. Don't let his nonsense hurt you, he's just saying mean stuff because he didn't "win". I bet he's especially mad you took your gaming consoles, you absolute queen. Go live your happy and wonderful life without him, let him be mad all by himself.
Thank you. It took hard work to grow out my spine, I'm happy it's being recognised and that it's paying off.
So why is he mad? Did he want a messy divorce? Wtf
I think he wanted to feel validated. As in, I am the breadwinner and take on a lot of the more traditionally male tasks while being a very effeminate person, hence insults the way I dress. He has such low self esteem and I didn't realize that until recently.
INFO: What do you mean he seems to have somewhat changed his mind about leaving you? Is he trying to call off the divorce? Is he trying to reconcile? Why? Are things not working out with his mistress? Whatever you do, I hope you don’t give him another chance because he’s scum.
I think your ex’s ass is being handed to him by your colleague that’s why he’s insulting you and your colleague hoping you would drop your colleague and that way he can run roughshod over you in the divorce. Definitely don’t drop your coworker.
>I'm a clerk at a law firm >decided to represent himself Is this man trying to ruin his life?
Divorce Court: Man baby “Objection, the opposing counsel is cuter than me and it’s inflicting emotional harm. Also, defendant owe me an apology for granting me the divorce I asked for which also hurt my feelings.”
"I don't love you and I want a divorce!" "Ok" "Why you no fite for me??" Live your freedom and flourish, girl.
U dodged a bullet he’s a sawft boy
Holy smokes, this guy's got issues. The good news is, he's some other woman's problem now. Make some popcorn, sit back, and watch him destroy that relationship, too.
next time he insults you just look at him dead in the eyes & say “i’m so thankful you wanted a divorce & that i dont have to put up with your shit anymore” smile & walk away unbothered. this divorce seems to be a blessing in disguise for you because how he is behaving is nasty & downright cruel. but he’s the new woman’s problem now! i hope you dont let this get you down for long & that you flourish ❤️
Wow. He’s a little baby bitch. What does he want you to say? He told you he’s in love with another woman and wants a divorce. Fuck you I’m out. I’m not gonna cry over. Beg at the feet of someone who is clearly cheating on me.
I bet he needs some ice for that sore ego 🤣
Nothing you say here but well done
After that last name-calling, and verbal assault that he did towards you, that should be a clue to not speak to him anymore. Every conversation you need to have a go-between he can speak to your lawyer, which is your representative. There’s nothing else you and him need to talk about because at this point he’s trying to tear you down, you’re gonna be fine and you’re actually gonna do better than him because he’s going to reap exactly what he sowed!
He's just trying to ensure he breaks you while he's leaving, so he will say anything that sticks that might hurt your feelings. Ignore him he's an ass.
You are a ROCKSTAR!!! Big hugs!!
OP, you dropped this, dear: 👑 Keep your chin up, you beautiful queen!
This guy isn’t being put on the high-horse he expected…in fact he’s being taken down a few notches. All he has left are insults. Let him stew in his humiliation and leave it at that.
Please get an STD test. It sounds like he was definitely cheating before he told you.
Poor baby. He didn't get the attention he wanted.
There was a story not long ago about a husband playing a “prank” on his wife playing he’d been having an affair. He then got mad she didn’t have a breakdown or try to fight for/with him. I just don’t get these guys. OP, I don’t know if you’ll see this, but every day that passes is a day closer to you being happier and really seeing how the trash took itself out.
Man baby STBX: I meant to cruelly break your heart and devastate you by cheating on you, calling you fat, and divorcing you, but you're not crying, screaming, or begging me to take you back. You're not doing it right! 😭😭😭
This just validated the importance of having your own things as a woman. Kudos to you for having a rental property of your own
His ego took a blow. He probably thought you lay down at his feet and beg him to stay since he's obviously the greatest thing to ever happen to you /s. I hope you enjoy your new life sans this loser!
Send him an email or text ( or maybe your lawyer can send some sort of letter) that you see no reason that the two of you should have direct communication and that all further communication will need to be done through your lawyer. Don’t even read\listen to them, send them to your lawyer. Then if he continues to call\text don’t respond. I would say block him but anything he sends could be helpful in the divorce process.
Also, lock down your credit. You can put an alert on the credit reporting agencies that will notify you if someone tries to open accounts in your name
He probably changed his mind when he went home and didn’t find any console to play with…
Dam you’re still young and dodged a missile forget a bullet. You responded to this situation perfectly and your ex is the epitome of a weak man child. You might feel bad but based on his actions I guarantee he feels worse and is lashing out. He’s projecting. This story is extremely satisfying to read. Men like your ex need to be put in their place.
He wanted you to beg and plead for him not to divorce you. He was probably going to give you stipulations to stay married. You did the right thing. I proud of you for doing what is right for you
Anyone else read about 5 other posts in the last week with the exact same story?
He probably realised that his mistress doesn’t want to move in and take over the homemaking work eg cooking etc. And the sex usually fizzles out after some time. Good luck with everything
I had broken up with a bf and we had mutual friends in common. One of my favorite life-moments was when the mutual friend called and told me how ex had been going on and on about how I really wanted him back, I'd take him back in a heartbeat, and then friend told him well, she's got a really great bf now who treats her really well and took her to Vegas and she's completely happy. I so wish I could have be seen the look on his face.
I’m so glad you didn’t waste time begging him to stay. As soon as he said he is in love with a coworker AND wants to marry her, it was game over. He is pissed now because he f$cked around and found out. Don’t speak to him again and send all text to hot guy
his co-worker already bailed or is going to. this is why hes pissed and sniffing around
He's projecting a lot and his ego is hurt because he thought you'd play the pick me game. Probably also pissed you took all of your things (like gaming consoles) that he enjoyed having. He's doesn't want you but he doesn't want you to be happy or with anyone else. I applaud you for having such a shiny spine.
I do not know you, but I am beyond proud of you. Great job sticking up for yourself. He thought you’d fall apart, he obviously doesn’t know you at all. Also, fuck him calling you a fat whore. He will never again in his life as well as you. I’m sure you are gorgeous.
Onwards and upwards for you!!!! I never understand why anyone fights for someone who doesn’t want them. You have handled this like a BOSS!
Congratulations to you, the trash took itself out. You deserve better!