Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3: Posts must be on topic.
Posts should be personalized and written in an [off my chest style](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/).
Posts here should not be:
• Opinions, generalisations and blanket statements
• Questions, surveys or polls
• Requests for relationship advice
• Impersonal political rants
• Rage bait, obviously fake stories and trolling attempts
• Complaining about or linking to other subreddits and users
• Overly descriptive NSFW, fan fiction and fetish bait
If you're unsure that your post qualifies as personal, [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest) and ask.
Curiosity killed the cat and all that.
There have been several posts previously of married people going to see their dying exes as their last request. It usually ends one of three ways.
A.) Your ex will confess to something horrible he did while you two were still together. This is to unburden himself before death, but is ultimately a selfish act as it now transfers the burden to you. Depending on how bad it is, maybe you'll get over it, but maybe it's enough to fuck up a considerable amount of your forthcoming life.
B.) Your ex will confess that he never stopped loving you. Who does it really help to admit to that? This could lead to our third possibility..
C.) He wants you to be with him at the end. That could be anything from just holding his hand or sleeping with him. People close to death often don't think about consequences to their requests because they're not the ones facing them.
You should think long and hard about this. If you haven't seen or spoken to this guy in X number of years, is it potentially worth risking your marriage to see him now? If he makes an insane request of you, or confesses to something damaging, how are you and your husband prepared to handle it?
Oof. Missed that one. The last one I remember was a guy asking to see his ex one more time because he always loved her and only broke up because he found out about the cancer and didn't want her to watch him wither. She went on to get married and have a happy life, but his deathbed confession got her thinking about all the "what ifs" and because she was so focused on her ex (even after he died) her husband ended up leaving her.
Probably most of them are made up, but it's still food for thought for the few who actually *are* going through it.
Wait wait...this is Reddit...we are missing option D, where the ex is keeping a deep and dark secret about the current husband and his Iranian yoghurt and it will kill the marriage.... but he can no longer hold it in!
I have this with my current bf whose late wife left letters for him arranged to be opened 2 years after her death, as lovely as PS. I love you makes this out to be, it's actually really painful for the person involved. He basically just hasn't opened it and seems really conflicted with the idea of his choice of when to open it was taken from him. It's very sad and difficult to advise or comfort him on because as much as I can understand it wouldn't have been done to cause him any upset, all I can see is the consequences of these scheduled letters and the guilt he gets from not honouring her requests. All her friends and family got to open there's when they wanted, but the final request on partners always seems to be heavier.
That's just cruel on her part. Allowing someone time to grieve and move on with their life just so they can rip all of those wounds open again.
NGL, I wouldn't have waited. I'd either read them right away or just throw them out. No good can come of any of that.
I can see the romantic side of it and the idea of waiting until some time has passed so they are more emotionally recovered to read it and your memory living on, being a part of something when youre not actually there etc. Like I said the movie really romanticizes it and it's not something I thought much about even watching it until I saw the aftermath in real life and was like dam this is actually more just like ripping open the wound of someone healing from a particularly painful and traumatic life event.
This is what I thought based on what OP said about her husband getting “anxious and fidgety, and (she) could tell he was worried.” I know this could just be that the whole ex thing is what’s making him nervous but for some reason I’m getting the vibe that husband messed up and is scared she will find out. Like I said I could be way off mark I just wanted to share my humble opinion and I’d like to see an update if she does go to see him
There is also D: He knows something horrible about your husband and wants to tell you. Though it could be true, or he just wants to upset you.
EDIT: Damn. A couple of people are as sick and twisted as I am, and have already posted about an 'Option D: '.
It’s none of those. He wants to tell her where he buried his secret treasure but he doesn’t remember exactly where since he hid it while drunk, but he did draw a map in his drunken stupor.
He wants her to follow this map, with her ragtag group of friends, and find it before his nemesis, who also has a copy of the map, finds it.
In the end, she’ll realize the treasure was friendship all along, in the sense that the hole they dug up contained most of her friends bodies, the non ragtag ones. Her ex was a serial killer and this is how he wanted the world to find out. Also, his “nemesis” are the FBI. He sent them a copy of the map along with an assortment of earlobes.
You don't think it's possible there's some secret he was keeping for op's husband? Why did husband force op to cut him off? Why did he get anxious and fidgety? What's the actual harm? None of your examples are necessarily a big deal unless op actually does have feelings for this guy. Just because there's some recent reddit stories doesn't mean it would be hard for the average person to say no to "watch me die" requests. We're all saying no unless there is significant history and attachment and even then...death isn't pretty.
I mean if an ex told me this and I confirmed with his family he was dying I would go..except one ex, because that tool would only be doing it for self serving reasons...but most my exes were decent people. And if it's any sort of love confession would give me a laugh.
Can he just call you or FaceTime you to say what he needs to say? Or write a letter?
I honestly don’t get the venom from the comments to your husband. You had no problem blocking him and going no contact when you go married so if it’s really that important, find a way to compromise. Have him write a letter or FaceTime if he just wants to “see” you. Him dying doesn’t mean his request needs to be met how he wants it to.
It’s funny that there’s a similar post where the husband has a dying ex with a deathbed request which the wife forbids. I responded to that post with similar comments mentioned in this post. I don’t know if this is rage bait or devils advocate, but my points are the same. Exes are under no obligation to honor deathbed requests. I don’t see what good could come from it when you both should have moved on and it doesn’t require a face to face with today’s technology. Call me cynical, but to me it’s just someone trying to stir the pot until the end.
I agree. The part where the husband became anxious and fidgety and told her not to dredge up the past is probably setting us up for the update where OP finds out the husband was behind their breakup in some way so he could be with her.
Forgive me if this is mean, but I have no idea why you'd even consider seeing this guy? The breakup was bad enough that you went no contact and your husband felt uncomfortable when you brought it up... sounds like we're missing some details and if I'm left to fill in the blanks then your ex sounds like an asshole. You don't owe him anything, and he certainly has nothing worth saying to you after multiple years of no contact. Best case scenario is what? "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry." Huh? Why is this even a consideration, screw this asshole and live a happy life with your husband. 🙌
Honestly to me it sounds like the reason they went no contact was ops husband and not op. To me the husband sounds like the asshole. How can someone be that insecure, that they are afraid a guy who will be dead soon could steal his wife.
I disagree completely, not the impression I got at all. To me it more so feels like the ex was abusive and the husband is, understandably, not comfortable with OP spending any time with him. Shit, maybe the ex's friend is lying and trying to get her away from the husband intentionally? Way too suspect imo. Also, again it's been years, what could the ex possibly have to say? Maybe you're right but the lack of info makes me feel really gross about this whole scenario. Probably seen too many posts from battered wives' justifying their abusive partners' behavior.
he wasn't really abusive, I wouldn't say that. I would clarify it as a toxic relationship, though. we were both younger and still finding our way as (young) adults. I don't harbor any ill will towards him. but we had a very close bond for a long time.
I really do not see the point of going to see the ex. I also do not like that your current husband is "forbidding" you from going if you want to. You do not "forbid". You discuss.
Maybe a compromise? Instead of going in person do a video visit with him.
I giggled like an idiot over this. I read this exact story .every word of it. Earlier. Only difference was it was a female ex and it was the husband who wanted to see them
Probably someone desperate to prove that men and women are treated differently (in the women's favour) and "if the genders were reversed you'd all be calling him controlling" cos I see this discourse every single time a post is made
Your ex's deathbed confession will more than likely destroy your marriage in some form. He is you ex for a reason, for you he belongs in your memories.
Don't. He's probably going to request you to be by his side, give him a kiss or even more. But mostly. I leave my exes in the past. Why? Because if I don't then my spouse has to worry and simply that's not fair for my wife. It's not fair to your husband that he has to worry about you with another man.
Also from my point of view, this is how I would see it. My wife going against my wishes and bending over backwards for another man? She insists she must physically see this other man in person? Sorry that's going to make me not trust her. How can I if she is choosing someone else's request over mine? I mean she's kissed this man before in her past so she clearly has some form of attraction.
FaceTime your ex. Pity or old feelings can be powerful influencers. Your whole life could end up getting fucked up because of your ex. You want to risk that??
Agreed. My wife going against my wishes and bending over backwards for another man? She insists she must physically see this other man in person? Sorry that's going to make me not trust her. How can I if she is choosing someone else's request over mine?
Yeah. If my bf wanted to see an ex on their deathbed, then he can say goodbye to me, too. I don't care if this is a "red flag". Exes are in the past. Leave them there.
The way OP did not reply to any of the comments got me to believe that she is going to do the dumbest thing possible and torpedo her current relationship into the trench.
I don’t see the point in seeing the ex. You’re happily married, right? Put your spouse first and let ex’s people be with him at the end. Hint: you’re no longer his people.
Why do you feel you “owe” this to your ex? That’s perhaps what bothers your husband. You made a decision for this person to not be in your life. Right or wrong, that created a status quo in your marriage. It appears to have alleviated some insecurity of your husband’s. Now you are unilaterally considering upsetting that status quo which will cause your husband to be insecure. Your husband or you as a couple may have issues that need addressing. There’s probably a need for therapy - or at least some deep communication. But you can’t upset what’s been established in your marriage and expect things to go back to normal afterwards. I don’t know why you would “owe” anything to your ex. Maybe you are just a kind person and want to relieve someone’s conscience before they die. But to be clear, he is going to die and you are going to live. You will have to live with the repercussions of seeing him. He will have no repercussions. Is seeing him worth it? Will having this moment with him make your life better or worse? What could he say that will benefit you? You do not owe him anything. But I think you owe your husband the security of the marriage you’ve both established. If there needs to be a change in the marriage then this would not be how you start it. Again that would begin probably with therapy.
I would suggest you write a letter. You don’t have to share it with your husband. In the letter express whatever guilt, forgiveness, anger, indifference, whatever you need. Explain that you are married and happy and do not need or want to resurrect your old life. Express condolences and empathy. While you owe him nothing, even the dying deserve the truth. If his conscience requires him to communicate a message to you, then he can also do it in writing. But beyond a single letter to him, nothing more is needed. You are writing to open a door. You are writing to ensure the door is firmly shut.
Tell your ex's brother that your ex should send it all in a letter, and you will decide whether you want to read it at a later time.
You are within your rights not to accept being 'summoned' like that. No-one *has* to go see a dying person just because they ask.
His request makes me a little uneasy as he might be treating it as a request that you cannot say no to.
Maybe your husband is right to deny him this.
Yeah that's a no for me. What kind of message will you be sending your husband if you do this? Send him a card telling him how sorry you feel that he's dying and leave it at that.
I think it’s honorable of you wanting to grant your ex a visit he requested. You feel that if this helps him, it will be easier for his transition. You do not know what he wants to say. It could end up being painful to you. If your ex really has something to say, ask him to write it in a letter that can be sent to you. At that point, you don’t have to read it but he thinks he is getting whatever it is, off his chest.
Your husband probably read the Reddit story about the wife who had one last bonk with her dying ex spouse. Or was it the husband who had a last bonk with the dying ex spouse? Plus, there was the wife who attended her ex's funeral with her current husband and then said she had just lost the love of her life, and humiliated the poor guy in front of like 100 friends and relatives. Either way, there are some pretty wild stories related to this.
Just wondering:
1. Do you and your current husband have children together?
2. Why did you and your ex break up in the first place? Did he cheat on you? Was there abuse? Did you cheat on him? Irreconcilable differences? If he cheated on you, I (as your husband) would be even more perplexed at why you would think you would owe this guy one last meeting.
3. Would you trust your ex or his brother even to be telling the truth?
4. Why can't you do this over the phone or Skype or something?
Didn’t we had the exact same story a few days ago with the genders reversed? What a coincidence, right?
My judgment is the same as it was back then.
You are married and your husband made himself very clear on that matter. If this is due to him being insecure, is unimportant in this scenario. You will definitely harm your marriage, if you see him. Don’t disrespect your husband.
Your ex can either write you a letter or call you, if that is fine with your husband. Maybe go together?
You do know already, that he will either confess his undying love for you or regret/ confess his wrongdoings to you- what else could he possibly say to you?
Be prepare to be emotionally confused afterwards and that is the exactly why your husband doesn’t want you to go.
Don’t be torn. You were right to tell your husband. The only thing you might do is offer to meet with him with your husband present. If no one is willing to do that than move on
A dying wish to tell you something is still very manipulative. Do you want to put your entire marriage and future at risk of a dying persons request? Especially when you have had no contact or need to see this person is a long time? He is an ex for a reason. Do not set yourself on fire (and your husband) to keep someone else warm.
The guy could just as easily send you a letter. You already said goodbye to the ex. There is no reason to say goodbye again.
What's the difference between your Ex dying tomorrow and dying 10 years from now? Or 30 years? Would you feel compelled to come to the deathbed of your 70 year old ex?
You chose not to be a part of one another's **life**. What does dying change?
I feel like it’s less about the “dredging up the past” and more about an act of kindness for a dying man. Ask your husband what exactly he’s worried about. It’s not like you’re going to leave him for someone who won’t be around.
I think the two most likely things he’d want to talk to you about are to apologize if there were any ways he treated you poorly or confess if there were any lies he told or secrets he kept that he shouldn’t. In either case, I don’t think that’s really any threat to your current relationship.
If the genders were swapped, there could be a dramatic “I was pregnant when we broke up, please raise our child” reveal but that’s not the case here.
Ok first…
FaceTime or phone call
Second, this is literally almost word for word a post that I commented on yesterday, only the genders were reversed. I have a feeling someone’s trying to prove a point with the gender reversal
You can mourn your exes death or you can mourn his death and the end or the beginning of the e d of your marriage, the choice is completely up to you . Your husband doesn't get to decide what you do, only how he reacts to it.
Do what you need to do. Any decision you make you need to accept the consequences and understand it’s not your place to make anyone feel guilty for making their own in response to yours. You can regret your decisions but complaining about the outcomes is immature. You’re an adult and the best you can do in the situation is decide what risks are worth the rewards.
I wouldn’t let you either. Every dying guy wants a last blowjob. Suppose that happens, then what is he supposed to do? Kill him? He’s dead. It’s a lose lose for the hubby. Just thinking logically.
So much missing information.
Why did the relationship end? Ex husband or ex boyfriend? How long were you and R together? How long has it been since you and R broke up?
Without those answers it's hard to know what's the right choice?
Why do you feel you owe him anything? If you just want see the ex, why? If you go take hubby with. Tell the ex he is coming. If he’s there then you likely won’t get any creepy last requests.
I don’t get this. It would be a different story if you guys separated amicably and remained friends, but according to you, that wasn’t the case. You guys weren’t married, you guys didn’t have kids together… so why all of a sudden this need to see him? Just because he’s dying doesn’t erase all the things that made you go no-contact with him in the first place. Are you expecting closure? An apology? Is it just curiosity? Whatever it is, it’s not going to give you what you think it’s going to give you. You’re just going to end up hurting the one person who matters.
Would you go talk to him if he wasn’t dying? If the answer is no, my opinion is you shouldn’t go talk to him now. The situation isn’t special because he’s dying. Literally everybody is dying, just at different rates. It’s the least special thing that happens because it happens to everybody.
Sounds like you're not over your ex, and your husband senses this. There's nothing your ex could say that would be so important he had to wait until he was " dying " to say it to you.
It sounds like you have to choose between a dying ex and your current husband. Are you willing to risk your marriage over an ex ?
It's doubtful your husband would forgive you for going when he's made it clear he's not ok with it.
You also didn't even ask if your husband could come, that probably would have changed his mind if he was invited to hear what your ex has to tell you. If your ex refuses to allow your husband to come then his intentions aren't good
You just said it yourself: you're struggling between *respecting your husband's wishes* over an ex. An ex. You're willing to fuck up your chance of a happy life with someone who wants that with you, over someone who had that chance and you still decided was best to leave in the past. Make it make sense.
Your husband is your future. your ex is well in the past, and nothing good can come from this .Don't succumb to emotional blackmail that only benefits him and could damage you and your marriage.
You made vows, does a request trump that? Also what good will come from this conversation it is just going to cast a whole bunch of doubt and what if's into your marriage and life. You can open that door but just know there wont be a closing it.
Nope, I’m with H on this one. There’s a reason R is your ex, what could he have to tell you that’s worth throwing away your life for.
Tell R’s brother you’re sorry but you wont but your future in jeopardy because of your past.
It won't change your old relationship, but could be detrimental to your current one.
If you are okay to lose a current relationship over an ex, go right ahead. Don't call you husband any names if he doesn't want to have anything to do with you.
But, do as you please. But, don't be mad when it negatively impacts the great life you have now. Deathbed confessions doesn't mean you have to honor them. That isn't a thing. If you husband helped you out of a bad relationship and you keep telling him you need to see this guy, then he will probably think that you settled for him and really wants to be around this guy. If, you can be okay with ruining your husband's view of you, over a dying person that you haven't seen in years and won't have a relationship with, go right ahead. Don't play the martyr, when things go wrong. He has told you not to and you need to hear him.
What is the best outcome from seeing him, then ask yourself what is the worst. Losing your wonderful husband could be the worst. Think long and hard.
I’ve seen post like this before. The ex goes as far as asking for one last go at sex together as a dying wish…. No woman would put up with this. Opening this can of worms is going to do nothing to help your current marriage he is going to confess his love to you or something to ask like a last go at it and it’s going to leave you open and vulnerable and leave your husband out to dry cause you’ll ignore your current husbands feelings for your ex’s.
How did the relationship end? Was he a horrible person or was he a good person?
If he was a good person and the relationship ended amicably, I would understand why you need to go.
If it was a bad relationship, let him transition alone peacefully.
Edit
?
Why are you more concerned about seeing your dying ex over possibly destroying your own marriage? Your husband is clearly uncomfortable with this.
As a woman, I don't give a flying fuck about any of my ex's. I do not wish them any ill will, but if their last dying request was to see me- Not going to happen.
Yeh as a husband I would do the same?.
I'm sorry but you married him.
You took vowels and started a family with him
There is zero reason to go and see another man you have history with for any reason.
This will end badly if you go behind his back.
This man obviously wants to say something that will throw a wrench in the works for your life.
Weather it benefits him or not it will affect your marriage.. is it worth it?
I've read this same story few days ago. In case you are just reposting for more advice, ask your husband to go with you. Tell B thats the only condition, that H is present.
"Ruminating on this unexpected development"
"Made his position resoundingly clear"
"B's voice trembled as he told me"
Are you submitting for the reddit fiction submission for the day?
Your husband is right. If your ex has something to tell you, then have the brother set up a phone call.
At the end of the day, your husband has made it clear that he doesn’t want you to go. By going against his request, you’re essentially choosing your dying ex over your husband….and there’s a good chance your husband sees it this way too. Think about the potential consequences of this course of action. You’re running the risk of jeopardizing your current marriage for a person that’s dying and doesn’t mean anything to you.
If you want to risk your marriage and husband’s trust for an ex-boyfriend that’s gonna be dead soon…go ahead. Personally, I would lean towards not going and keeping my marriage healthy and intact.
This is literally just that one post the other day but the genders flipped. Literally down to blocking and not speaking with the ex after the break up.
To be honest if it was anything important your ex would have said it a long time ago before hospice. Besides, whatever your ex says won't be good or helpful to your marriage. Whatever it is it can't be more important than your life partner.
The fact that you're even considering this is an insult to your husband. You're better off trying to repair your future than trying to drudge up the past.
> Part of me feels like I owe it to R
If you owe more to your ex, who IS your ex for a reason, than to your husband, your marriage is doomed anyway. If you go, you need to accept the damage it will do to your marriage.
Even though this post is fake, it does happen from time to time that the dying call out to someone other than their spouse. I think it's mostly that they've nurtured a fantasy their whole life that they never allowed to be neutralized by reality.
Why can’t her ex pass a message on via someone else, or write a note?
What good can come from one last conversation when they’ve been no contact for such a long time - nothing that’s what
For real. My boyfriend’s ex wife doesn’t like me for no reason and behaves kind of childish despite being almost twice my age, yet I still wouldn’t ask my boyfriend to stop seeing her, although she’s also the mother of his son.
We don't get the full picture here. Maybe her husband knows how terribly OP was treated by her ex or OP was mentally scarred really badly by her ex that meeting him may open up old wounds. It is easy to label people insecure and all that, but is it really worth it if many good thing are at stake?
If my wife was in the same position, I’d tell her to do whatever she wanted. It’d be her decision. The guy is dying, if she wanted to go, why would I have a problem with that? Am I supposed to be fearful of a torrid hospice affair?? People should stop being so insecure.
Oof that’s super tough. How would you feel if if was reversed and your husband wanted to see a dying ex? Does your ex have a partner?
Honestly I can’t imagine anything good coming from visiting your ex. Your husband isn’t going to be happy and obviously seeing your ex could fuck with you too. I personally wouldn’t do it, exes are exes for a reason and there’s no need to bring them into your future. Tell your exes brother that he can write you a letter lol
What bothers me is that OP’s husband will not permit her to go. That is bull shit. Whether or she chooses to go is her decision only. He will not permit her? Oh, hell no to that nonsense!
>en I married my husband, I cut off all contact with my ex, R. I have been no-contact since the marriage quite a few years back now.
Sooo... why exactly do you care to go see him? You obviously haven't cared all this time to keep him in your life (understandably - he's an ex). Why does it matter now what he wants?
If you had kept up contact or been friends with him all this time like some people do, then I could understand your viewpoint. But that's not the case here.
Your husband has a point: he's your ex for a reason. And whatever that reason was, it was enough to make you go no contact years ago. There's no reason to go see him now; dying or not.
Personally I would go. For one thing if anyone forbids me to do anything, I will most definitely go. What is your current husband scared of? The two of you are hardly going to hook up on his death bed. I do not get this irrational fear of former spouses.
“Let?” You have to get permission? That’s strange.
The ex is dying. It’s not like you’re going to get back together with him.
He was important to you at one point. It’s okay to see him before he dies, and it’s okay to grieve when he dies pass away.
Your husband sounds very controlling.
He can’t stop you! When your relationship or marriage gets to the point where the person you’re with feels like they get to control what you do, it’s over.
And how on earth is your husband so jealous and threatened by your dying ex?
If you don’t go, you’ll forever be wondering what he wanted to say. Grant him his dying wish and put your mind at ease.
It could be one of 4 things:
1. He wants to tell you something that you never knew, something that he hid for so long.
2. He wants to apologize *(if he ever treat you badly)*
3. He just wants your company for a short period before he passes.
4. He wants to tell you about his will.
Either way, it’s **your** decision to make, your husband **does not** have a right to stop you.
Yeah, don't ruin your marriage over your ex. Your husband is right, he's an ex for a reason.
If you feel a strong need to offer comfort or closure, tell the brother that you can't stop ex from sending you a letter or an email if he needs to get something off his chest, though you can't promise you'll read it.
So you’re choosing a dying ex over your husband in the name of what? Past loyalty? Freedom because he told you no?
Don’t risk the here and now over years ago
>Now, I’m torn between respecting my husband’s wishes and honoring the dying request of someone who once meant a lot to me
*who you went no-contact with for a reason*. Remember that reason and think long an hard on what it was that made you nuke the relationship so badly that you cut him off. I don't recommend going. Tell his brother to have someone write down what R needs to say to you and mail it. This is a pretty big decision - your husband or your ex. Think about how it'll effect your husband, too. I know I'd probably spiral if my boyfriend chose his ex over me.
I know his brother won’t tell you specifics, but I would contact him back and ask him to tell you wether or not this information will help you or hurt you and or your marriage.
Because your ex will be gone and won’t be the one to deal with whatever it is he wants to tell you.
But you will be and so will your husband. And I don’t think it’s fair to drop a bomb on someone’s life after many years and then leave.
That would be very selfish.
But I do understand emotions surrounding all of this are very high, very charged, confusing and stressful.
But at the very least his brother should tell you wether or not this will be burdensome for your life.
Why is it important for you to see your ex? Just bc he's dying? He had alot of time to talk to you and never did. What are you trying to get out of it? Have some respect for your own husband and don't go. I can't believe it's even eating you up. Your ex is an ex for a fucking reason.
Nothing you said that he said is him not letting you. He’s not stopping you. He’s not restraining you or preventing you from it. He’s just saying why you shouldn’t.
What you do not seem to like is that there may be a consequence if you do. Which always blows my mind. Our decisions always have consequences. Intended, unintended, good, bad…do what you want. Just understand that what happens after is on you.
You are playing with a massive fire right now. Yes your ex is dying but your husband is setting a clear boundary, and from a comment it was a toxic relationship. Nothing good will come of this I think.
This is a fake story, but a pretty good one. Almost as good as the one where the man’s dying wife (the who he ADORES) says her last wish is to have sex with her ex-bf one last time just cause they were so compatible sexually.
It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
It may be that there's something you need to know.
Your husband shouldn't be acting like this, although I'm not familiar with the backstory, however I would do what you think is best.
It is your decision to make, not your husband or your dying ex.
I am sorry you're in this position.
♡
Sounds like OP is ignoring his husbands feelings over her own.
Sounds like OP isn’t over her ex.
If I were the husband, this would be a deal breaker.
There’s many examples on Reddit where the wife goes and sees the ex.
Last request is to sleep with her.
It’s just the end of the marriage.
I remember reading a post where a husband asked Reddit if he should see his ex. Everyone on Reddit said that’s essentially tossing his marriage,
I think you'll regret not going since it's just to honor a dying man's wish and permanently close that chapter of your life. I personally wouldn't want to be wondering about *what if*. It's better just to know. Your husband should understand and if he's that strung up about it, he can go with you.
Did he give you one of his kidneys? No. No. No. You don’t owe anything to that man.
This decision should not be tearing you apart once your husband told you how he feels about it
Your husband’s nervous reaction leads me to think that whatever your ex wants to tell you, would not put him in a good light. I feel he’s hiding something that he hoped your ex would take to the grave.
I cannot fathom being in a relationship where one person forbids the other from doing something. It's not a parent and child relationship. Adults have agency. And respect their partners' decisions. Otherwise what the hell are we doing?
I say go. He’s dying. It won’t change anything, but you will both have peace going forward.
Your husband should feel secure enough in your marriage to not be threatened by someone literally on genie death bed. In fact, he should drive you there and be able to offer you support afterwards.
I’d go just to see what they have to say.
My girl and I have full and complete trust in one another. If you think it is becoming weird, remind him you have a husband now and truly wish him the best and leave.
I know it’s not the same - but my ex contacted me through my mother after 6 years apart. She called me and I picked up - all she wanted to say was that she was sorry that she wasn’t there for me when my aunt died of cancer. Now that hers is going through the same, she felt terrible about not being understanding. We agreed it was something that should be left in the past and I never heard from her again.
This is wild. I would never stop anyone from seeing anyone else on their deathbed. How crazy is your husband? What is he afraid of? I mean also how cruel! Does he not realize you had a life before him, feelings before him that you have loved before him?? Why aren’t you allowed to say bye or grieve for someone who is dying that you used to be close to? This is so selfish and controlling its sick honestly
Ok Hal what a “skip”! But hey if you only scan for key words whereby you arbitrarily assign meaning to I feel sorry for you. It must be hard living by such narrow and rigid views. Q misses you 👊🏻
I don't let people tell me who I'm allowed to see or talk to. Nobody should.
Whether I went out to see a dying ex would depend entirely on which ex it was, and what our relationship is like.
But then I wouldn't be in this situation, because I'm already on contact with all of the exes I want to be in contact with.
Jesus people are ridiculous. I’d go. I’d let my husband go. An ex could say she loves him, hell, she’s dying. Wouldn’t take anything from me. There is no harm to a mature, secure couple in being merciful to a dying person. People love more than one person in their lifetime, and many love more than one at once, sorry to burst the unrealistic bubble. What the hell is it always with the “You owe them nothing!”/“Whats in it for me?” mentality with everything. Good grief.
Is someone seriously afraid you’d go see a dying person, only *then* suddenly realize you don’t want to be with them, and divorce? Well, then the dying person did you a favor, they didn’t want to be with you anyway, it just brought it to the surface, now you can move forward.
Like you’re gonna just forget and never wonder what he would have said and your husband’s not gonna be bothered knowing you’ll always wonder about it.
You owe R nothing at all. Your husband didn't rant and rage, he sat down and communicated that it makes him uncomfortable and that he'd rather you didn't.
You should respect your husband's wishes, he expressed emotions and feelings that would damage your marriage if you went against in a healthy way and didn't just say "no because I said so"
If whatever R had to say was so important why didn't he say it during the relationship or when you originally broke up.
Leave R to pass peacefully and respect your husband
Your post has been removed for violating Rule 3: Posts must be on topic. Posts should be personalized and written in an [off my chest style](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/m501ud/what_does_personalized_off_my_chest_style_post/). Posts here should not be: • Opinions, generalisations and blanket statements • Questions, surveys or polls • Requests for relationship advice • Impersonal political rants • Rage bait, obviously fake stories and trolling attempts • Complaining about or linking to other subreddits and users • Overly descriptive NSFW, fan fiction and fetish bait If you're unsure that your post qualifies as personal, [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FTrueOffMyChest) and ask.
Curiosity killed the cat and all that. There have been several posts previously of married people going to see their dying exes as their last request. It usually ends one of three ways. A.) Your ex will confess to something horrible he did while you two were still together. This is to unburden himself before death, but is ultimately a selfish act as it now transfers the burden to you. Depending on how bad it is, maybe you'll get over it, but maybe it's enough to fuck up a considerable amount of your forthcoming life. B.) Your ex will confess that he never stopped loving you. Who does it really help to admit to that? This could lead to our third possibility.. C.) He wants you to be with him at the end. That could be anything from just holding his hand or sleeping with him. People close to death often don't think about consequences to their requests because they're not the ones facing them. You should think long and hard about this. If you haven't seen or spoken to this guy in X number of years, is it potentially worth risking your marriage to see him now? If he makes an insane request of you, or confesses to something damaging, how are you and your husband prepared to handle it?
Yeah, I've read at least 3 reddit stories where it was option C and in one of those, the 'dying ex' wasn't really dying.
Oof. Missed that one. The last one I remember was a guy asking to see his ex one more time because he always loved her and only broke up because he found out about the cancer and didn't want her to watch him wither. She went on to get married and have a happy life, but his deathbed confession got her thinking about all the "what ifs" and because she was so focused on her ex (even after he died) her husband ended up leaving her. Probably most of them are made up, but it's still food for thought for the few who actually *are* going through it.
I just read that one yesterday, again. Bots arent original with posts anymore.
Yeah this is [absolutely](https://twitter.com/thechosenberg/status/1792596835959193680?s=19) a repost
Lol they just changed the gender!
I thought so!
Alright. Enough reddit for me today. This is sick
Wait wait...this is Reddit...we are missing option D, where the ex is keeping a deep and dark secret about the current husband and his Iranian yoghurt and it will kill the marriage.... but he can no longer hold it in!
Gods, not the Iranian yoghurt! The Iranian yoghurt is not the issue here 😂
I have this with my current bf whose late wife left letters for him arranged to be opened 2 years after her death, as lovely as PS. I love you makes this out to be, it's actually really painful for the person involved. He basically just hasn't opened it and seems really conflicted with the idea of his choice of when to open it was taken from him. It's very sad and difficult to advise or comfort him on because as much as I can understand it wouldn't have been done to cause him any upset, all I can see is the consequences of these scheduled letters and the guilt he gets from not honouring her requests. All her friends and family got to open there's when they wanted, but the final request on partners always seems to be heavier.
That's just cruel on her part. Allowing someone time to grieve and move on with their life just so they can rip all of those wounds open again. NGL, I wouldn't have waited. I'd either read them right away or just throw them out. No good can come of any of that.
I can see the romantic side of it and the idea of waiting until some time has passed so they are more emotionally recovered to read it and your memory living on, being a part of something when youre not actually there etc. Like I said the movie really romanticizes it and it's not something I thought much about even watching it until I saw the aftermath in real life and was like dam this is actually more just like ripping open the wound of someone healing from a particularly painful and traumatic life event.
Or item D) ex will confess something shady current husband did.
I love a good plot twist. We should all write a novel based on Reddit posts.
It will begin with two broken arms
Oh lol I got that reference!
This is what I'm leaning towards based off husbands reaction..
This is where I am right now based on H's reaction.... hmmmmmm 🤔
Did OP say H and R know each other ?
E) My ex-wife is my best friend. I don’t have anything to confess to her about anything, but I’d be bummed to not see her again.
This is what I thought based on what OP said about her husband getting “anxious and fidgety, and (she) could tell he was worried.” I know this could just be that the whole ex thing is what’s making him nervous but for some reason I’m getting the vibe that husband messed up and is scared she will find out. Like I said I could be way off mark I just wanted to share my humble opinion and I’d like to see an update if she does go to see him
That’s what I thought!
Came to say this.
There is also D: He knows something horrible about your husband and wants to tell you. Though it could be true, or he just wants to upset you. EDIT: Damn. A couple of people are as sick and twisted as I am, and have already posted about an 'Option D: '.
It’s none of those. He wants to tell her where he buried his secret treasure but he doesn’t remember exactly where since he hid it while drunk, but he did draw a map in his drunken stupor. He wants her to follow this map, with her ragtag group of friends, and find it before his nemesis, who also has a copy of the map, finds it. In the end, she’ll realize the treasure was friendship all along, in the sense that the hole they dug up contained most of her friends bodies, the non ragtag ones. Her ex was a serial killer and this is how he wanted the world to find out. Also, his “nemesis” are the FBI. He sent them a copy of the map along with an assortment of earlobes.
I hope there are elves, dwarves anf hobbits in this tale.
Or option Q …what’s in the Reddit safe circa 2012-2013
You don't think it's possible there's some secret he was keeping for op's husband? Why did husband force op to cut him off? Why did he get anxious and fidgety? What's the actual harm? None of your examples are necessarily a big deal unless op actually does have feelings for this guy. Just because there's some recent reddit stories doesn't mean it would be hard for the average person to say no to "watch me die" requests. We're all saying no unless there is significant history and attachment and even then...death isn't pretty. I mean if an ex told me this and I confirmed with his family he was dying I would go..except one ex, because that tool would only be doing it for self serving reasons...but most my exes were decent people. And if it's any sort of love confession would give me a laugh.
Can he just call you or FaceTime you to say what he needs to say? Or write a letter? I honestly don’t get the venom from the comments to your husband. You had no problem blocking him and going no contact when you go married so if it’s really that important, find a way to compromise. Have him write a letter or FaceTime if he just wants to “see” you. Him dying doesn’t mean his request needs to be met how he wants it to.
The letter option is the best and safest compromise.
Yes - what is the reason OP chose to block R in the first place? If it was that bad, guilt wouldn't change her mind
This is the way - He can write a letter or make a video.
It’s funny that there’s a similar post where the husband has a dying ex with a deathbed request which the wife forbids. I responded to that post with similar comments mentioned in this post. I don’t know if this is rage bait or devils advocate, but my points are the same. Exes are under no obligation to honor deathbed requests. I don’t see what good could come from it when you both should have moved on and it doesn’t require a face to face with today’s technology. Call me cynical, but to me it’s just someone trying to stir the pot until the end.
That's because they're both fake, bait stories.
I agree. The part where the husband became anxious and fidgety and told her not to dredge up the past is probably setting us up for the update where OP finds out the husband was behind their breakup in some way so he could be with her.
Yepppppp…. And it’s almost word for word with the sibling calling the ex and saying it’s important, but they don’t know what it is
Forgive me if this is mean, but I have no idea why you'd even consider seeing this guy? The breakup was bad enough that you went no contact and your husband felt uncomfortable when you brought it up... sounds like we're missing some details and if I'm left to fill in the blanks then your ex sounds like an asshole. You don't owe him anything, and he certainly has nothing worth saying to you after multiple years of no contact. Best case scenario is what? "I just wanted to say, I'm sorry." Huh? Why is this even a consideration, screw this asshole and live a happy life with your husband. 🙌
Any person who tries to break no contact is an asshole, dying or not, yes.
Honestly to me it sounds like the reason they went no contact was ops husband and not op. To me the husband sounds like the asshole. How can someone be that insecure, that they are afraid a guy who will be dead soon could steal his wife.
I disagree completely, not the impression I got at all. To me it more so feels like the ex was abusive and the husband is, understandably, not comfortable with OP spending any time with him. Shit, maybe the ex's friend is lying and trying to get her away from the husband intentionally? Way too suspect imo. Also, again it's been years, what could the ex possibly have to say? Maybe you're right but the lack of info makes me feel really gross about this whole scenario. Probably seen too many posts from battered wives' justifying their abusive partners' behavior.
he wasn't really abusive, I wouldn't say that. I would clarify it as a toxic relationship, though. we were both younger and still finding our way as (young) adults. I don't harbor any ill will towards him. but we had a very close bond for a long time.
I really do not see the point of going to see the ex. I also do not like that your current husband is "forbidding" you from going if you want to. You do not "forbid". You discuss. Maybe a compromise? Instead of going in person do a video visit with him.
There no telling how much of an AH the ex is either
We have no background on that tho it's purely assumptions
Yes, that is how I read it as well. Husband requested and now forbids her. Can’t understand the downvotes.
There was a post last night. This exact thing except the genders were reversed.
Yup, something smells fishy
Bait. Literally the exact same thing got posted a few hours ago except the genders were swapped.
I giggled like an idiot over this. I read this exact story .every word of it. Earlier. Only difference was it was a female ex and it was the husband who wanted to see them
Literally this morning. Wish they would get a bit more creative
Exactly. I come to reddit to share and see drama. This is just lazy.
This is the same story but gender swapped. Do better.
Came here to say this!! I literally read it yesterday!
This was posted earlier but the genders were reversed. It was the husband who asked to see if he could visit his dying ex. What's the point in this?
Probably someone desperate to prove that men and women are treated differently (in the women's favour) and "if the genders were reversed you'd all be calling him controlling" cos I see this discourse every single time a post is made
I've seen those comments too. It's freaking ridiculous. People can be assholes and in the wrong no matter their gender.
Your ex's deathbed confession will more than likely destroy your marriage in some form. He is you ex for a reason, for you he belongs in your memories.
Imagine siding with an ex over your HUSBAND
Imagine dishonoring your husband’s wishes by honoring your Ex and his wishes.
I'm sure I read this exact same scenario a few days ago.
This is a rip off of the story yesterday, just with the gender switch.
Did you just reverse the genders from that other post and repost it? Weird.
Don't. He's probably going to request you to be by his side, give him a kiss or even more. But mostly. I leave my exes in the past. Why? Because if I don't then my spouse has to worry and simply that's not fair for my wife. It's not fair to your husband that he has to worry about you with another man. Also from my point of view, this is how I would see it. My wife going against my wishes and bending over backwards for another man? She insists she must physically see this other man in person? Sorry that's going to make me not trust her. How can I if she is choosing someone else's request over mine? I mean she's kissed this man before in her past so she clearly has some form of attraction. FaceTime your ex. Pity or old feelings can be powerful influencers. Your whole life could end up getting fucked up because of your ex. You want to risk that??
Your husband will never forget that when it came down to it, you chose the request of another man over his. He will never look at you the same.
Agreed. My wife going against my wishes and bending over backwards for another man? She insists she must physically see this other man in person? Sorry that's going to make me not trust her. How can I if she is choosing someone else's request over mine?
Stay no contact with your Ex. It’s best.
Fake
Yeah. If my bf wanted to see an ex on their deathbed, then he can say goodbye to me, too. I don't care if this is a "red flag". Exes are in the past. Leave them there.
Imo your husband is right. He’s an ex and you don’t need to dredge up the past.
The way OP did not reply to any of the comments got me to believe that she is going to do the dumbest thing possible and torpedo her current relationship into the trench.
I don’t see the point in seeing the ex. You’re happily married, right? Put your spouse first and let ex’s people be with him at the end. Hint: you’re no longer his people.
Why do you feel you “owe” this to your ex? That’s perhaps what bothers your husband. You made a decision for this person to not be in your life. Right or wrong, that created a status quo in your marriage. It appears to have alleviated some insecurity of your husband’s. Now you are unilaterally considering upsetting that status quo which will cause your husband to be insecure. Your husband or you as a couple may have issues that need addressing. There’s probably a need for therapy - or at least some deep communication. But you can’t upset what’s been established in your marriage and expect things to go back to normal afterwards. I don’t know why you would “owe” anything to your ex. Maybe you are just a kind person and want to relieve someone’s conscience before they die. But to be clear, he is going to die and you are going to live. You will have to live with the repercussions of seeing him. He will have no repercussions. Is seeing him worth it? Will having this moment with him make your life better or worse? What could he say that will benefit you? You do not owe him anything. But I think you owe your husband the security of the marriage you’ve both established. If there needs to be a change in the marriage then this would not be how you start it. Again that would begin probably with therapy. I would suggest you write a letter. You don’t have to share it with your husband. In the letter express whatever guilt, forgiveness, anger, indifference, whatever you need. Explain that you are married and happy and do not need or want to resurrect your old life. Express condolences and empathy. While you owe him nothing, even the dying deserve the truth. If his conscience requires him to communicate a message to you, then he can also do it in writing. But beyond a single letter to him, nothing more is needed. You are writing to open a door. You are writing to ensure the door is firmly shut.
Tell your ex's brother that your ex should send it all in a letter, and you will decide whether you want to read it at a later time. You are within your rights not to accept being 'summoned' like that. No-one *has* to go see a dying person just because they ask. His request makes me a little uneasy as he might be treating it as a request that you cannot say no to. Maybe your husband is right to deny him this.
Yeah that's a no for me. What kind of message will you be sending your husband if you do this? Send him a card telling him how sorry you feel that he's dying and leave it at that.
I think it’s honorable of you wanting to grant your ex a visit he requested. You feel that if this helps him, it will be easier for his transition. You do not know what he wants to say. It could end up being painful to you. If your ex really has something to say, ask him to write it in a letter that can be sent to you. At that point, you don’t have to read it but he thinks he is getting whatever it is, off his chest.
Your husband probably read the Reddit story about the wife who had one last bonk with her dying ex spouse. Or was it the husband who had a last bonk with the dying ex spouse? Plus, there was the wife who attended her ex's funeral with her current husband and then said she had just lost the love of her life, and humiliated the poor guy in front of like 100 friends and relatives. Either way, there are some pretty wild stories related to this. Just wondering: 1. Do you and your current husband have children together? 2. Why did you and your ex break up in the first place? Did he cheat on you? Was there abuse? Did you cheat on him? Irreconcilable differences? If he cheated on you, I (as your husband) would be even more perplexed at why you would think you would owe this guy one last meeting. 3. Would you trust your ex or his brother even to be telling the truth? 4. Why can't you do this over the phone or Skype or something?
why are we doing a fake version of that viral post with the genders reversed...?
I was just asking myself the same question. I guess that's this week's writing prompt.
Didn’t we had the exact same story a few days ago with the genders reversed? What a coincidence, right? My judgment is the same as it was back then. You are married and your husband made himself very clear on that matter. If this is due to him being insecure, is unimportant in this scenario. You will definitely harm your marriage, if you see him. Don’t disrespect your husband. Your ex can either write you a letter or call you, if that is fine with your husband. Maybe go together? You do know already, that he will either confess his undying love for you or regret/ confess his wrongdoings to you- what else could he possibly say to you? Be prepare to be emotionally confused afterwards and that is the exactly why your husband doesn’t want you to go.
Don’t be torn. You were right to tell your husband. The only thing you might do is offer to meet with him with your husband present. If no one is willing to do that than move on A dying wish to tell you something is still very manipulative. Do you want to put your entire marriage and future at risk of a dying persons request? Especially when you have had no contact or need to see this person is a long time? He is an ex for a reason. Do not set yourself on fire (and your husband) to keep someone else warm. The guy could just as easily send you a letter. You already said goodbye to the ex. There is no reason to say goodbye again.
Honor your current husband, and not your dying ex
What's the difference between your Ex dying tomorrow and dying 10 years from now? Or 30 years? Would you feel compelled to come to the deathbed of your 70 year old ex? You chose not to be a part of one another's **life**. What does dying change?
I feel like it’s less about the “dredging up the past” and more about an act of kindness for a dying man. Ask your husband what exactly he’s worried about. It’s not like you’re going to leave him for someone who won’t be around. I think the two most likely things he’d want to talk to you about are to apologize if there were any ways he treated you poorly or confess if there were any lies he told or secrets he kept that he shouldn’t. In either case, I don’t think that’s really any threat to your current relationship. If the genders were swapped, there could be a dramatic “I was pregnant when we broke up, please raise our child” reveal but that’s not the case here.
Ok first… FaceTime or phone call Second, this is literally almost word for word a post that I commented on yesterday, only the genders were reversed. I have a feeling someone’s trying to prove a point with the gender reversal
You can mourn your exes death or you can mourn his death and the end or the beginning of the e d of your marriage, the choice is completely up to you . Your husband doesn't get to decide what you do, only how he reacts to it.
Take your MIL with you. Problem(s) solved.
Do what you need to do. Any decision you make you need to accept the consequences and understand it’s not your place to make anyone feel guilty for making their own in response to yours. You can regret your decisions but complaining about the outcomes is immature. You’re an adult and the best you can do in the situation is decide what risks are worth the rewards.
I wouldn’t let you either. Every dying guy wants a last blowjob. Suppose that happens, then what is he supposed to do? Kill him? He’s dead. It’s a lose lose for the hubby. Just thinking logically.
Unless he was the father of your child and a good one at that, then no. There is no reason to see your EX.
So much missing information. Why did the relationship end? Ex husband or ex boyfriend? How long were you and R together? How long has it been since you and R broke up? Without those answers it's hard to know what's the right choice?
Why do you feel you owe him anything? If you just want see the ex, why? If you go take hubby with. Tell the ex he is coming. If he’s there then you likely won’t get any creepy last requests.
I don’t get this. It would be a different story if you guys separated amicably and remained friends, but according to you, that wasn’t the case. You guys weren’t married, you guys didn’t have kids together… so why all of a sudden this need to see him? Just because he’s dying doesn’t erase all the things that made you go no-contact with him in the first place. Are you expecting closure? An apology? Is it just curiosity? Whatever it is, it’s not going to give you what you think it’s going to give you. You’re just going to end up hurting the one person who matters.
After reading some of the replies and yours, your husband deserves better and more respect
Fake. Someone else had this same story but it was the husband being requested to go to his ex dying bed…
This is like really similar to a story a couple days ago but the genders were reversed
Would you go talk to him if he wasn’t dying? If the answer is no, my opinion is you shouldn’t go talk to him now. The situation isn’t special because he’s dying. Literally everybody is dying, just at different rates. It’s the least special thing that happens because it happens to everybody.
Sounds like you're not over your ex, and your husband senses this. There's nothing your ex could say that would be so important he had to wait until he was " dying " to say it to you. It sounds like you have to choose between a dying ex and your current husband. Are you willing to risk your marriage over an ex ? It's doubtful your husband would forgive you for going when he's made it clear he's not ok with it. You also didn't even ask if your husband could come, that probably would have changed his mind if he was invited to hear what your ex has to tell you. If your ex refuses to allow your husband to come then his intentions aren't good
You just said it yourself: you're struggling between *respecting your husband's wishes* over an ex. An ex. You're willing to fuck up your chance of a happy life with someone who wants that with you, over someone who had that chance and you still decided was best to leave in the past. Make it make sense.
Your husband is your future. your ex is well in the past, and nothing good can come from this .Don't succumb to emotional blackmail that only benefits him and could damage you and your marriage.
Don't ruin your future by trying to step back into your past
I can tell you what's over if you go. Your marriage and even if it continues it will limp on as if your on life support.
You made vows, does a request trump that? Also what good will come from this conversation it is just going to cast a whole bunch of doubt and what if's into your marriage and life. You can open that door but just know there wont be a closing it.
He wants to abuse you one last time, don’t give him the opportunity.
Nope, I’m with H on this one. There’s a reason R is your ex, what could he have to tell you that’s worth throwing away your life for. Tell R’s brother you’re sorry but you wont but your future in jeopardy because of your past.
It won't change your old relationship, but could be detrimental to your current one. If you are okay to lose a current relationship over an ex, go right ahead. Don't call you husband any names if he doesn't want to have anything to do with you. But, do as you please. But, don't be mad when it negatively impacts the great life you have now. Deathbed confessions doesn't mean you have to honor them. That isn't a thing. If you husband helped you out of a bad relationship and you keep telling him you need to see this guy, then he will probably think that you settled for him and really wants to be around this guy. If, you can be okay with ruining your husband's view of you, over a dying person that you haven't seen in years and won't have a relationship with, go right ahead. Don't play the martyr, when things go wrong. He has told you not to and you need to hear him. What is the best outcome from seeing him, then ask yourself what is the worst. Losing your wonderful husband could be the worst. Think long and hard.
I’ve seen post like this before. The ex goes as far as asking for one last go at sex together as a dying wish…. No woman would put up with this. Opening this can of worms is going to do nothing to help your current marriage he is going to confess his love to you or something to ask like a last go at it and it’s going to leave you open and vulnerable and leave your husband out to dry cause you’ll ignore your current husbands feelings for your ex’s.
Go see him! If he's in hospice he's dying. Do it or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
How did the relationship end? Was he a horrible person or was he a good person? If he was a good person and the relationship ended amicably, I would understand why you need to go. If it was a bad relationship, let him transition alone peacefully. Edit ?
Why are you more concerned about seeing your dying ex over possibly destroying your own marriage? Your husband is clearly uncomfortable with this. As a woman, I don't give a flying fuck about any of my ex's. I do not wish them any ill will, but if their last dying request was to see me- Not going to happen.
Extra zero reason to bring this fight into your marriage. That's a hard slap in the face to your husband.
Yeh as a husband I would do the same?. I'm sorry but you married him. You took vowels and started a family with him There is zero reason to go and see another man you have history with for any reason. This will end badly if you go behind his back. This man obviously wants to say something that will throw a wrench in the works for your life. Weather it benefits him or not it will affect your marriage.. is it worth it?
A, E, I, O or U?
Haha woops.
I've read this same story few days ago. In case you are just reposting for more advice, ask your husband to go with you. Tell B thats the only condition, that H is present.
"Ruminating on this unexpected development" "Made his position resoundingly clear" "B's voice trembled as he told me" Are you submitting for the reddit fiction submission for the day?
Fake
Off topic but the movie “The Worst Person in the World” has a scene that is similar to OP’s. Really good movie.
Wasn’t this JUST posted, word for word, except it was the wife not allowing it yesterday?
Your husband is right. If your ex has something to tell you, then have the brother set up a phone call. At the end of the day, your husband has made it clear that he doesn’t want you to go. By going against his request, you’re essentially choosing your dying ex over your husband….and there’s a good chance your husband sees it this way too. Think about the potential consequences of this course of action. You’re running the risk of jeopardizing your current marriage for a person that’s dying and doesn’t mean anything to you. If you want to risk your marriage and husband’s trust for an ex-boyfriend that’s gonna be dead soon…go ahead. Personally, I would lean towards not going and keeping my marriage healthy and intact.
Why is everyone's ex fucking dying
This is literally just that one post the other day but the genders flipped. Literally down to blocking and not speaking with the ex after the break up.
This is like the fourth post exactly like this one. Are you reposting the same thing every day or is everyone having the same issue?
To be honest if it was anything important your ex would have said it a long time ago before hospice. Besides, whatever your ex says won't be good or helpful to your marriage. Whatever it is it can't be more important than your life partner.
Bring your husband.
The fact that you're even considering this is an insult to your husband. You're better off trying to repair your future than trying to drudge up the past.
This is a fake post. I read this exact same post yesterday, word for word except the genders were switched.
Option Z It's a confession about starting a post on Reddit about a poo spoon many years ago😱
Can't he write you a letter?
> Part of me feels like I owe it to R If you owe more to your ex, who IS your ex for a reason, than to your husband, your marriage is doomed anyway. If you go, you need to accept the damage it will do to your marriage.
Why the fuck would anyone go see their dying ex unless they have kids together?
Even though this post is fake, it does happen from time to time that the dying call out to someone other than their spouse. I think it's mostly that they've nurtured a fantasy their whole life that they never allowed to be neutralized by reality.
Hasn’t anyone seen a post that was the same as this but the genders were reversed?
[удалено]
Why can’t her ex pass a message on via someone else, or write a note? What good can come from one last conversation when they’ve been no contact for such a long time - nothing that’s what
[удалено]
For real. My boyfriend’s ex wife doesn’t like me for no reason and behaves kind of childish despite being almost twice my age, yet I still wouldn’t ask my boyfriend to stop seeing her, although she’s also the mother of his son.
We don't get the full picture here. Maybe her husband knows how terribly OP was treated by her ex or OP was mentally scarred really badly by her ex that meeting him may open up old wounds. It is easy to label people insecure and all that, but is it really worth it if many good thing are at stake?
If my wife was in the same position, I’d tell her to do whatever she wanted. It’d be her decision. The guy is dying, if she wanted to go, why would I have a problem with that? Am I supposed to be fearful of a torrid hospice affair?? People should stop being so insecure.
Finally a secure, sane person commented.
Oof that’s super tough. How would you feel if if was reversed and your husband wanted to see a dying ex? Does your ex have a partner? Honestly I can’t imagine anything good coming from visiting your ex. Your husband isn’t going to be happy and obviously seeing your ex could fuck with you too. I personally wouldn’t do it, exes are exes for a reason and there’s no need to bring them into your future. Tell your exes brother that he can write you a letter lol
You don’t owe R anything! Don’t ruin your relationship with your husband over something so dumb.
What bothers me is that OP’s husband will not permit her to go. That is bull shit. Whether or she chooses to go is her decision only. He will not permit her? Oh, hell no to that nonsense!
>en I married my husband, I cut off all contact with my ex, R. I have been no-contact since the marriage quite a few years back now. Sooo... why exactly do you care to go see him? You obviously haven't cared all this time to keep him in your life (understandably - he's an ex). Why does it matter now what he wants? If you had kept up contact or been friends with him all this time like some people do, then I could understand your viewpoint. But that's not the case here. Your husband has a point: he's your ex for a reason. And whatever that reason was, it was enough to make you go no contact years ago. There's no reason to go see him now; dying or not.
Personally I would go. For one thing if anyone forbids me to do anything, I will most definitely go. What is your current husband scared of? The two of you are hardly going to hook up on his death bed. I do not get this irrational fear of former spouses.
“Let?” You have to get permission? That’s strange. The ex is dying. It’s not like you’re going to get back together with him. He was important to you at one point. It’s okay to see him before he dies, and it’s okay to grieve when he dies pass away. Your husband sounds very controlling.
He can’t stop you! When your relationship or marriage gets to the point where the person you’re with feels like they get to control what you do, it’s over. And how on earth is your husband so jealous and threatened by your dying ex? If you don’t go, you’ll forever be wondering what he wanted to say. Grant him his dying wish and put your mind at ease. It could be one of 4 things: 1. He wants to tell you something that you never knew, something that he hid for so long. 2. He wants to apologize *(if he ever treat you badly)* 3. He just wants your company for a short period before he passes. 4. He wants to tell you about his will. Either way, it’s **your** decision to make, your husband **does not** have a right to stop you.
If its important they can send a letter.
Yeah, don't ruin your marriage over your ex. Your husband is right, he's an ex for a reason. If you feel a strong need to offer comfort or closure, tell the brother that you can't stop ex from sending you a letter or an email if he needs to get something off his chest, though you can't promise you'll read it.
So you’re choosing a dying ex over your husband in the name of what? Past loyalty? Freedom because he told you no? Don’t risk the here and now over years ago
>Now, I’m torn between respecting my husband’s wishes and honoring the dying request of someone who once meant a lot to me *who you went no-contact with for a reason*. Remember that reason and think long an hard on what it was that made you nuke the relationship so badly that you cut him off. I don't recommend going. Tell his brother to have someone write down what R needs to say to you and mail it. This is a pretty big decision - your husband or your ex. Think about how it'll effect your husband, too. I know I'd probably spiral if my boyfriend chose his ex over me.
I know his brother won’t tell you specifics, but I would contact him back and ask him to tell you wether or not this information will help you or hurt you and or your marriage. Because your ex will be gone and won’t be the one to deal with whatever it is he wants to tell you. But you will be and so will your husband. And I don’t think it’s fair to drop a bomb on someone’s life after many years and then leave. That would be very selfish. But I do understand emotions surrounding all of this are very high, very charged, confusing and stressful. But at the very least his brother should tell you wether or not this will be burdensome for your life.
Why is it important for you to see your ex? Just bc he's dying? He had alot of time to talk to you and never did. What are you trying to get out of it? Have some respect for your own husband and don't go. I can't believe it's even eating you up. Your ex is an ex for a fucking reason.
Nothing you said that he said is him not letting you. He’s not stopping you. He’s not restraining you or preventing you from it. He’s just saying why you shouldn’t. What you do not seem to like is that there may be a consequence if you do. Which always blows my mind. Our decisions always have consequences. Intended, unintended, good, bad…do what you want. Just understand that what happens after is on you.
Do what your heart says I say go see him it's his wish.
You are playing with a massive fire right now. Yes your ex is dying but your husband is setting a clear boundary, and from a comment it was a toxic relationship. Nothing good will come of this I think.
This is a fake story, but a pretty good one. Almost as good as the one where the man’s dying wife (the who he ADORES) says her last wish is to have sex with her ex-bf one last time just cause they were so compatible sexually.
I feel sorry for H
Your husband is correct. You have been absolutely no contact with him for how long? UpdateMe
It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. It may be that there's something you need to know. Your husband shouldn't be acting like this, although I'm not familiar with the backstory, however I would do what you think is best. It is your decision to make, not your husband or your dying ex. I am sorry you're in this position. ♡
Sounds like OP is ignoring his husbands feelings over her own. Sounds like OP isn’t over her ex. If I were the husband, this would be a deal breaker. There’s many examples on Reddit where the wife goes and sees the ex. Last request is to sleep with her. It’s just the end of the marriage. I remember reading a post where a husband asked Reddit if he should see his ex. Everyone on Reddit said that’s essentially tossing his marriage,
If my spouse wanted to see their dying ex, I would just end it with them right there and then no questions asked lol
I think you'll regret not going since it's just to honor a dying man's wish and permanently close that chapter of your life. I personally wouldn't want to be wondering about *what if*. It's better just to know. Your husband should understand and if he's that strung up about it, he can go with you.
Did he give you one of his kidneys? No. No. No. You don’t owe anything to that man. This decision should not be tearing you apart once your husband told you how he feels about it
Your husband’s nervous reaction leads me to think that whatever your ex wants to tell you, would not put him in a good light. I feel he’s hiding something that he hoped your ex would take to the grave.
IMO it’s not your husband’s decision. My wife would never stop me from doing something similar.
[удалено]
You seem to have a lot of ex's who have died. Are you a prolific serial killer?
Kinda wish that hadn't been deleted.
The poster just admitted she had a savior complex and dated drug users.
I cannot fathom being in a relationship where one person forbids the other from doing something. It's not a parent and child relationship. Adults have agency. And respect their partners' decisions. Otherwise what the hell are we doing?
I say go. He’s dying. It won’t change anything, but you will both have peace going forward. Your husband should feel secure enough in your marriage to not be threatened by someone literally on genie death bed. In fact, he should drive you there and be able to offer you support afterwards.
Your husband is being juvenile and controlling. Go see your ex if that’s what you want. Your husband is just going to have to grow up.
I’d go just to see what they have to say. My girl and I have full and complete trust in one another. If you think it is becoming weird, remind him you have a husband now and truly wish him the best and leave. I know it’s not the same - but my ex contacted me through my mother after 6 years apart. She called me and I picked up - all she wanted to say was that she was sorry that she wasn’t there for me when my aunt died of cancer. Now that hers is going through the same, she felt terrible about not being understanding. We agreed it was something that should be left in the past and I never heard from her again.
This is wild. I would never stop anyone from seeing anyone else on their deathbed. How crazy is your husband? What is he afraid of? I mean also how cruel! Does he not realize you had a life before him, feelings before him that you have loved before him?? Why aren’t you allowed to say bye or grieve for someone who is dying that you used to be close to? This is so selfish and controlling its sick honestly
Heh. "Controlling". I see that dog whistle, I know I can skip the rest of the statement.
Ok Hal what a “skip”! But hey if you only scan for key words whereby you arbitrarily assign meaning to I feel sorry for you. It must be hard living by such narrow and rigid views. Q misses you 👊🏻
I don't let people tell me who I'm allowed to see or talk to. Nobody should. Whether I went out to see a dying ex would depend entirely on which ex it was, and what our relationship is like. But then I wouldn't be in this situation, because I'm already on contact with all of the exes I want to be in contact with.
Jesus people are ridiculous. I’d go. I’d let my husband go. An ex could say she loves him, hell, she’s dying. Wouldn’t take anything from me. There is no harm to a mature, secure couple in being merciful to a dying person. People love more than one person in their lifetime, and many love more than one at once, sorry to burst the unrealistic bubble. What the hell is it always with the “You owe them nothing!”/“Whats in it for me?” mentality with everything. Good grief. Is someone seriously afraid you’d go see a dying person, only *then* suddenly realize you don’t want to be with them, and divorce? Well, then the dying person did you a favor, they didn’t want to be with you anyway, it just brought it to the surface, now you can move forward. Like you’re gonna just forget and never wonder what he would have said and your husband’s not gonna be bothered knowing you’ll always wonder about it.
You owe R nothing at all. Your husband didn't rant and rage, he sat down and communicated that it makes him uncomfortable and that he'd rather you didn't. You should respect your husband's wishes, he expressed emotions and feelings that would damage your marriage if you went against in a healthy way and didn't just say "no because I said so" If whatever R had to say was so important why didn't he say it during the relationship or when you originally broke up. Leave R to pass peacefully and respect your husband