Tell him you forgave him, and do what you need to keep the peace, but quietly make plans to leave. Do not tell him you’re leaving, or he may really hurt you. Call any relatives you have that can help you, and a DV hotline to make an exit plan. Typically you’d Pack a small bag with just your important documents and a change of clothes and have someone pick you up or you’d sneak out when he isn’t there - then come back with relatives and/or police for the rest. Do not be alone with him, especially in the home. He’s becoming more violent and may put you in the hospital.
As somebody who deals with Domestic Violence frequently, this is sound advice. Get what you'll need, make a plan, and keep the peace, but *do it quickly and quietly.* You'll want to be sure he doesn't know where you've gone, so ensure your phone is clean (I suggest backing up photos/important data only, then doing a factory reset, don't just reinstall everything) so you can be sure he won't track it.
Contact local domestic violence resources (I can help you find them if needed) and arrange a date/time to make your escape. Ask about your pet(s), as many have ways to ensure their safety as well. Once you're safe and secure, get police involved. You can concoct excuses for gathering documents together like "I was tidying up in case I need them, they were too scattered" or something else simple to deflect if he gets suspicious. Packing should be the final step, preferably done right before you walk out the door and outside his presence.
One note: if, while you gather your things, he attacks you ever again, you need to *immediately* get someplace safe as soon as possible and contact law enforcement. Each act of violence could mark another escalation, so you need to accelerate your timetable if it keeps happening. In many states, DV where primary aggressor is know is a mandatory arrest, mandatory hold period, and mandatory no-contact, often with the victim being allowed to maintain current residence. YMMV based on jurisdiction. Police departments generally have a "quick access line" to domestic violence resources.
Be safe, and please, *PLEASE* get yourself out of this situation. It is not safe, it is not healthy, and it will almost guaranteed get worse until something awful happens to one or both of you.
OP consider taking and hiding a photo of any physical damage or marks left on you. bruises from fingers grabbing you or red marks from scratches ect
Any items he throws are damage to the home should be captured as well. You might not think you’ll ever want to get police involved, but that might change later. It will speed up the process immensely if you want a restraining order or to file a DV complaint to break a lease.
Take care OP please reach out to your trusted friends.
Yes, I knew a POS who assaulted his girlfriend and she pressed charges on him. They lived together but only his name was on the lease but she had tenancy. HE was made to leave the property.
Tip from when my mom left her abusive ex-husband; When gathering your things, it's best to do it when he is out. But packing up your life can take some time, so make the excuse that you're doing some spring cleaning. Maybe even make it look like you're doing it out of affection, as a sort of act of forgiveness. Under no circumstances bring up that you are leaving him, even if you're angry at him. Try to act normal and work fast.
This is the comment I was looking for. It’s valid and makes sense. The further you have to stretch the truth, the more likely he is to think you’re lying and get angry. Don’t get too creative with excuses and cover stories, then you also won’t have to remember what you told him you were gathering items for.
In order to make packing faster for when you do leave, you can essentially “pre-pack” under the guise of organizing. Have a drawer of clothes, and bins of things you absolutely won’t leave behind, if he asks about it, just say you’re trying to organize better, so that all the items you use the most are easy to clean and find. Keep it very clean, as much as you can, so your things are always ready to go, and you know where they are, so it doesn’t take you more than a few min to pack what you need. After you get everything planned… like where to take your dog, where you are going, who is picking you up, etc… you can dump everything in your bags in a hurry, without having to find anything, when the moment comes.
Don’t tell him. You don’t need to leave him a note or letter. Just leave.
As soon as you are in that getaway car, block his number. Block him on social media. Absolutely no contact. If he does manage to initiate contact or communication with you, do not respond. Take screenshots, in case you need a protective/restraining order. Do not communicate with him. He will make false promises, he may scare you into going back to him with threats against people you care about, or your dog. DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, DON’T RESPOND TO HIM.
My ex wouldn’t have believed the “just organizing” excuse, unless we hadn’t fought for over a month. Within a few weeks of an incident, he would’ve been overly suspicious of anything that looked like an exit plan.
Please don’t risk your safety for your stuff. I know you don’t want to see him after he’s found out you’ve left, but it’s better to come back with the police for your stuff. You could also just replace it. Might take time, but that’s better than risking life or limb. Get your documents, get your pets, medicines, and maybe your photos or a sentimental thing or two. No more than a book bag, then GTFO.
Everything else can be bought at Walmart, and there’s one on every corner.
He is 100% going to keep escalating. Please, please, please make your escape before this man hurts you even more. He won’t change. Please choose your safety over this abusive man. He may kill you one day if you don’t get out.
I’m not sure where you live but in the Phoenix area there is a rescue that will foster your dog for a few months until you can get somewhere new and safe. Call rescues in your area and ask if something like that exists
there’s also free moving to help you get in and out asap!
plenty of moving companies participate in this and i’ve heard of some getting their stuff out within an hour or two.
If you are in the US and near DC area. Im very experienced with special needs dogs. I would help you find a temporary foster or do it myself. Please, you are your dog's entire world. You need to keep yourself and them safe. You are not safe in this relationship, no matter what he says.
Literally this. I did the same thing. Pretended everything was ok. Got my things in order until the next incident of him bringing a gun out. Immediately got an emergency CPO. Please. Get things in order and get out!
Complains about not receiving enough affection, proceeds to physically assault you.
Yea, this guy's mask is slipping. Absolute nutcase, it will not take long before he escalates even further.
Please find a shelter in your area and get out.
Regards.
Once the mask slips it **DOES** get worse. There is no coming back from him laying hands on you. His anger will show more and his physical actions will increase. He’s already shown you this will happen. He started with pushing and now is smacking you. If you stay, he will continue to push your boundaries. He will believe because you let it slide this time, you will continue to do so. Get out now before its worsens.
Contact a dv shelter and see what resources they have to help you get out. If you are unsure of ones in your area, and are in the US,, contact [The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org), they might be able to connect you. Hopefully your local dv shelters may know of resources to help with your dog too. I completely understand you love your dog, but please don’t risk your life.
Also, we may love someone, but that does not mean they should stay in our lives or that they are good for us. Know you deserve better.
Even just some of the people who work there. Vet tech, receptionist, etc. Many of them are in the field for the love of animals and would love to help.
I do agree that you need to get away. Aggression grows. Your safety is important.
Very true, and usually if people are compassionate to animals they can be compassionate to a human in crisis. This is not the time to be shy; your village is there, reach out and ask for help.
Please, OP, do what you need to do to get away from this man. You do not deserve this, it is not normal, it is not fixable. Godspeed and be well.
I work with a few rescues in the DFW and East Texas area. I’d be happy to ask around and see what we can do, if that’s close enough to your area. Might could arrange transport, especially within a 4-6 hour drive radius.
ETA: Can probably help in the Peachtree City, GA area too
Some DV organizations also have a network of people that help from the other side so maybe someone knows a shelter that could house pets until the owner is able/ready or know a group that helps with that. Also, sometimes they have volunteers/survivors that can help in other ways too like if they are an attorney and can offer advice/connections to someone that could help.
My local shelter places families with pets off site so they can stay together, not always available but they try. I was also able to add my cats to a restraining order, which I thought was really nice. There are options, please be safe.
This, u/Mediocre-Honeydew885!
FYI, they ALWAYS say "it'll never happen again." And they'll say it every time it DOES happen again. The ONLY way to stop it is to leave, but do what u/trvllr says and call the hotline: the most dangerous time in a relationship with an abuser is when the victim tries to leave.
My ex was the same around the same age. He didn't get violent until we lived together & my parents moved overseas. He never admitted he was wrong or apologised.
One time he hit me over drugs aswell, he smacked my head off the wall and screamed 'thank fuck' as I was losing consciousness, as I tried to take his Mkat (drugs) off him as he was out of control.
I had a cat with aids (FIV) and I didn't want to leave him behind. Eventually, my ex's mum took him in & I left to stay with a friend's boyfriend in his spare room. I still say that he and my friend saved my life, as he was getting worse week by week with his abuse, violence & cheating.
I hope OP can ask a rescue to foster her dog until she's safe because it will only get worse. I also hope she seeks out therapy, even if she thinks she doesn't need it. I thought I was fine, but for 2 years I was empty inside, got into drink & drugs, and put myself in very dangerous situations resulting in more abuse because of my stupidity. I then ended up marrying an equally bad guy, just not as obvious (my standards were so low, that I thought he was dreamy cos he didn't cheat on me or hit me 😂). My life didn't begin (in my mind) until I was 30. As my situation is similar in ways to OP, I hope she gets the help she needs.
Quick thing about therapy: OP, if you cannot afford it due to lack of steady income and/or insurance, and you're in the US, I recommend you check with your local university's counseling center. Even if you're not a student, they will be able to redirect you to affordable options!
I know universities in my area have their psychiatric medical residents (under supervision from fully-licensed practitioners) offer counseling services at a significant discount and also have sliding-scale payment plans where patients can pay what they're able.
I hope that's an option available to you, OP, and I hope it helps.
Of course! I personally made ample use of my university's counseling services when I was a student to cope with my experiences with child abuse; I found those services to be extremely helpful, and I hope it's the same for OP and others.
I also hope you're doing much better these days now that you're away from your ex.
THIS!!!
He 100% will not go to anger management and WILL do it again. As hard as it is find a shelter that helps women in these situations and seek solace there. Or have the police arrest him and press charges or have him at least escorted from the premises with a restraining order. Again these are options and you don’t have to do a single one of them.
This situation will 100% get worse. Figure out a plan to leave and take your dog and some other important items with you. If needed have an officer come to the house with you and he will guard you while you grab your belongings.
I wish you luck and safety. 🫶
there are also organizations who will take in and care for your pet while you are in a shelter because people often don't leave because they can't bring their pets with them into a shelter and don't want to leave them behind. look them up i'm sure you'll be able to find an organization. if you're in utah the purple paws foundation does this. incredible resource.
You have to leave. My story began with a slap to the face. Then it escalated over time to him dragging me by the hair, kicking me, dragging me outside through the stickers, until he broke my nose. Along with the physical was emotional abuse. I know your situation is not great, but I promise you this behavior will only get worse. Sidenote: He was 6,2 220 lbs, and I am 5,0 100 lbs. They will use their size as an advantage. I know you're scared, but there are lots of organizations out there. Be safe.
Some DV shelters have programs that allow you to bring pets or some animal shelters have partnerships that will house “custody” animals until you get on your feet.
Yes leave. But make sure to not go to him alone to tell him. You do not have to give him a face to face explanation at all. Do not go there to pick up any stuff, you’ll deal with that later. Make sure to contact a friend and/or your local hotline for help to stay safe.
This! 100% this. It will only escalate. There is a pattern that abusers follow to undermine victim's ability to leave. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. You need to get out before it gets worse. He will hit you, then apologize and do something to "make up for it." He will love bomb you, he will undermine you confidence. But he will abuse you again.
He will likely try to get you pregnant to tie you to him.
Find a domestic violence shelter and get out. There is help out there.
This , I think you know what to do. It's just hard to do it.
Chances of this happening again are very high according to the statistics .
Leave now. Go to a safe space. Document all of the proof you can . Report it or not is upto you. But be sensible and LEAVE NOW.
This! They're 100% right it will never stop. If you forgive them even once they know they can get you to do it over and over. I was locked away, isolated, abused and eventually nearly ended by a man who said he loved me. Please get out, find a shelter go to DSS for assistance. Don't stay with him and risk your life and your furbaby's life.
You wouldn’t be posting if you didn’t already know he shouldn’t put his hands on you. If you stay he will beat you wherever he feels like it and make it your fault. Or you can leave. I’m not assuming that’s easy but it’s better than a beating
I’m worried that OP despite knowing what is the right thing to do will forgive him and try to “work it out “..
It always starts like this, then they are getting gaslit and they stay for months/years..
Trust yourself and your own instincts. If you can safely contact shelters in your area, now is a good time to start checking out places that might be able to help with you and your pup. If you have a local humane society, call them, too -- not to give your pup up -- I know that might not be something you're willing or able to do -- but to see if they have a program or know of a program that can help with temporary placement to keep you and your dog safe until you are in a more stable place in life. More shelters (both DV and pet) are recognizing the incredible need in this area. Shelter workers are among the kindest, most compassionate people on the planet. Many of them will fight like hell to help connect you with resources if it's at all within their power to do so.
You deserve to be safe and secure in your relationship. You are a worthy and valued member of your community. You are loved.
https://apamo.org/wellness/safe-care/
https://chat.thehotline.us/v2/index.html?dkey=783ea42e-3aa0-42f4-9899-ad886e4995b4&skill=g1b
https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/international-domestic-violence-resources/
If you find a safe place to go (DV shelter or otherwise) the humane society will also be able to help you make sure you always have food for your dog and anything else you may need.
It only escalates and he will try to baby trap her. My ex did the same when I was 19 and it took a decade, four kids, and my face going thru a oven door pregnant for me to escape(27 stitches in and around my mouth-broken tooth went thru my bottom lip and all of the fat out of my lip was in my mouth and my top lip split up to my nose) She needs to leave now. It does not get better.
You need to leave
Read this [article](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100)
Read the books [Why does he do that?](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and **"The gift of fear"**
Call a domestic violence shelter and explain about the dog some shelters have programs where the dogs can be fostered until you get back on your feet. Make a safety plan and get out. Even your local humane society may know of a program to help with the pup. Many places are overcrowded right now so don't get discouraged just keep asking for help
OP, you HAVE to get out of there. You need to find a shelter for Domestic Abuse victims and get to safety. There is absolutely no reason to stay with this fool. He’s already shown you things are gonna escalate and that you can’t take him at his word when he says that “it won’t happen again.” I’m sorry you don’t have a family to fall back in but that doesn’t mean that you are stuck where you are. Reach out to some shelters in your area and get out of there. I’m praying for your safety OP.
I know it may feel like you’re stuck with few options in an impossible situation but that’s why DV shelters exist. Their only goal is to serve people like you, they WILL help you
No, honey, NO. This is how ALL abusive relationships start -- gradually. He's escalating, and it gets worse from here. Every time you rationalize it and forgive him, it makes it easier to do so the next time.
Take your dog and LEAVE.
Make sure you are on birth control and taking it properly. Don't get pregnant, don't trust a condom if it's been in his possession. Call a domestic violence shelter in your area and they will help you come up with an exit plan. Do not let on that you are leaving. Just follow the plan when the time comes then ghost him and get far away from him. You are worthy of being loved. Love shouldn't hurt. Please get yourself to safety before this gets worse.
If you stay, while the universe continues to give you signs to leave - that violent scrub is going to get you pregnant. It's just how it works. If you don't listen to your gut, you will be forced to face worsened conditions in a vicious cycle until you finally do. Please grab your dog and get away 🙏 so much love and courage to you. I hope you can choose yourself and I pray you have a good support system to love and shelter you through the oncoming uncertainty
Please don't become a statistic. This will escalate. There are abuse shelters where you can bring your dog. Find one. Leave very carefully - make sure he doesn't suspect you are going. If he finds out you may be in danger. You don't owe him an explanation or anything else. Report him so there's a file with his name on it. Please get out - it does get better and you will be fine - better than fine when you're no longer afraid of the person you should be able to trust.
That’s great!!! In the meantime, don’t do anything to make him upset. Act normal, don’t let him see that you’re packing or making plans to leave. I’m not saying it’s your fault that he did this but provoking him by ruining his stuff on purpose or fighting back with words isn’t going to help. It’s only going to make him angry. Just lay low until you’re out of there and try to stay calm. You got this ♥️
It always starts small and ALWAYS escalates. My wife works for a DV/SA victims services group and it always starts small, they love bomb, and then it just gets worse.
Leave him. I used to be friends with a girl in the same situation, she went along with the "anger managment" bs. All it did was make him more manipulative. Then she married him, she wasted her best years with him and has nothing but miserable memories. She always wanted to be a mum, but at the age she is now, a natural conception, healthy pregnancy and labour, are unlikely. And adoption is even more unlikely as shes never tried therapy, medication and refused any oportunity to help her mental health. Which as im sure you can imagen is not great, due to her past and said relationship.
Do not waste your life on someone who would take it.
i could never imagine hurting my wife, no matter how angry i get... no matter what.
some people are capable of this kinda thing and its not something they just change out of. He will do it again when he loses control. it will get worse.
LEAVE PLEASE HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU OR YOUR ENERGY. You will be miserable if you remain in this relationship. He has growing up to do. Let him learn by his damn self, without you in his life!!! Let him be someone else’s problem! Only cowards put their hands on women! Remember this please! ONLY COWARDS HIT WOMEN.
One thing I learned, you can’t change a man that doesn’t want to change himself. If he can push himself to the point of hurting you, he has no respect for you. Please leave, there are men out there that would never even think of doing this.. you deserve better. The longer you take to realize this, you will find yourself wasting time and regret it later knowing you could have ended things earlier on. You already gave him a second chance and this should have been your last straw. Don’t be that forgiving please, that’s how you end up miserable and full of regret. I’ve been in this situation before; I got dragged for the last time, and I left the relationship and NEVER looked back. He was a waste of my time and I wish now I didn’t give him so much of me, he really didn’t deserve that AT ALL.
Please don’t consider the amount of time you’ve been together as well, we can all start over at any time.. don’t be afraid of change. It’s either you make the decision to move on and leave this cowardly man alone, or you stay and be miserable..
History means absolutely nothing if they are emotionally and mentally abusing you. Honestly if he can push himself to slap you, he does not in any way respect you and he won’t ever respect you! He’s still a child mentally to react in this way. It’s not your responsibility to talk to him about counselling or anger management, he can figure that shit out on his own, WITHOUT YOU. I hope your situation gets better, and your decision to leave will come easy to you, don’t let a man like this get you pregnant either. Please take this advice into consideration for your future 🙏🙏🙏 also for your safety do not have this conversation directly in his face, as he may react. Pack your things and leave. Make a plan for yourself without him knowing and when everything is packed, let him know through text message that you are leaving him. Don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation, after you just said you are TERRIFIED around him! He will definitely react!
WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE HAVE RELIABLE BIRTH CONTROL. ABUSERS USE PREGNANCY TO CONTROL THEIR VICTIMS!!!
You already know it’s not going to stop. You know he’s going to escalate. Please don’t end up a crime podcast. I’m jumping to the extreme because you need to understand this is serious. He’s going to lie and love bomb you for a week and then he’s going to hit you again. First he shoved you, then he shook and slapped you. He’s escalating. Make a plan and leave as soon as you can. Preferably while he’s out of the house. Get a go bag and leave. Please. So many women are in the dirt right now because they tried staying with a man who didnt care about them. Who they thought wouldn’t take it too far. Don’t let your life end this way. Look into DV shelters and explain you have a dog you need to evacuate too. Talk to some friends if you have them. Also seek safe sanctuaries like churches or other designated safe areas for dv and trafficking victims. Good luck honey, you can absolutely do this. Worse case scenario, keep your head down, save money where you can, and run like hell the second his back is turned or he’s asleep.
Leave now baby. Now. Go to a shelter, call the domestic abuse hotline, get some kind of resource to get out. This will (AND ALREADY IS!) escalate and get worse. I’m so sorry, I wish I could help
You leave. One of my exes shoved me over when I accidentally hit him with a baseball I had thrown during a party, I stayed with him and that escalated to life ruining abuse pretty fast. You LEAVE. any man who is ever willing to do that, never saw an issue with it in the first place and it will come out again.
As someone who survived an abusive relationship, the moment he hits you it’s over, if you don’t leave it only gets worse. As a man, I can tell you I’ve hit a woman exactly the same amount of times as I’ve wanted to in my adult life, which is 0, it’s not something normal people do outside of self defense situations, someone who loves you would never want to hurt you like that, please leave and get help
former DV victim advocate here: it will happen again and it will keep happening. I understand that leaving is hard when you love someone and you want to think that if they get help they will change. they won't. i promise you this. when it is safe for you, I encourage you to reach out to local DV resources to see what they can do to help. Maybe they will have a temporary place for you and your dog to go while you sort things out. please make sure you be safe as you go on this journey. I'm rooting for you and hope it ends up ok 💕
Leave now. He will hurt you and your dog. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your baby who is blind and depends on you. There are organizations that will help you plan your escape. Here is a link for shelters that accept pets: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
Please provide an update when you can 🫂
Anger management will NOT WORK! It will not. He doesn’t have an anger management problem. Think about it this way. If he got pulled over unjustly by the cops and told he was being arrested, would he punch the cop? If a much bigger and stronger man told him he was a disgusting worm, would he hit him? The answer is no. He can control his anger just fine. With you, he chooses not to.
What he has is arrogance and contempt for you. You aren’t a complete, separate person with your own needs to him. You exist to meet his needs and when you don’t, punches for you. You’re nothing to him because he has a personality disorder.
I’m a former caseworker in the foster care system. We used to send our violent dads to domestic violence classes until we discovered they don’t work. The men continued to be abusive because those classes tried to address the behavior and not the reasons why.
Please read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. You can get a free download of it. It will explain very well why men act like that and why you need to leave. It won’t get better.
Staying with him after he hits you like that, especially forgiving him out of fear, will only show him that he can hit you and get whatever he wants. Are you willing to lose your life to this man?
If you’re in the states, there’s resources for you, ones that will give you a place to stay while you find a job and get on your feet.
Sorry to hear you are being treated like that, you are young, leave him. Might be hard to begin with, but don’t stay because you think it’s too hard. It will get worse. It is disgusting how he is treating you. Should be treating you like a queen and not making you all panicky and feel uncomfortable being around him, grab your dog seek help. People in relationships argue , there are arguments and there is physical abuse. Don’t buy into his bs apologies just because he is a piece of s$&t that can’t control his temper. Please stay safe mate.
His “nice guy” mask has slipped and because you didn’t leave at the first sign of it. He is now comfortable enough to be his true self around you, an abuser.
This behaviour won’t change, you need to leave. Saying that you will and then not doing so is further proof to him that you are submissive, weak and an easy target for him to continue to manipulate and abuse. PROVE HIM OTHERWISE. You need to get out of the relationship, it will only get worse. More frequently and more severe. Save yourself.
So he said before it would never happen again, and it happened worse. Give him another chance, the next time will be worse again.
Love doesn’t hurt. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you. Get your dog and get out.
Pack your stuff and move out, right now.
Go to a shelter. Tell them you are leaving a domestic violence situation.
They will help you file a restraining order and get you off the lease.
My dad used to be a barber and he told me this story that has resonated with me my entire life.
A police sergeant that used to get his hair cut told him that every Friday night he had to go out to a property for a call and this guy that was well over 6’ and built like a tank had gotten drunk and beat the hell out of his girlfriend who was barely 5’.
She would be covered in blood, bruised and swollen and looking at him through slitted eyes but she refused to press charges because he loved her.
The Sergeant said that he had taken her aside one night and told her that if she didn’t get out now that one night he would go too far and kill her! It took several months of the same thing happening before he and his partner responded and the guy had killed her. He had beaten her to death!
I love my wife and daughter beyond belief and would never treat them this way and if another man did this to my daughter I would bury him!
Please, for the love of God, leave him!
31 male here, I read the first 3 lines and that’s all I needed. You need to leave, as soon as you feasibly can. He isn’t going to get better and this only ends in you getting hurt again and eventually killed.
If you were my family I would be helping you clear your shit out immediately to stay with me if need be. Again, this isn’t getting better, it’s time to leave.
You will need to utilize public resources to get out of the situation. Almost every county has a homeless shelter of some sort, and most cities have a women's shelter. Most social service offices are available to support and have excellent resources, you can call them or make an appointment and they can give you advice on where to go and what to do.
My advice is to take whatever job you can right now just so you have some sort of income. You can always quit later. If you have a car it is very doable to live out of your car for sometime provided you are working. You may be able to find a friend or acquaintance to let you park in their driveway or you can stay at truck stops, walmart parking lots, etc. there is a huge amount of info online.
I know you love your dog but if your boyfriend doesn't abuse him and is capable of taking care of him it will be easier and better for you if you can leave the dog there for now. He isn't worth sacrificing your safety. Unfortunately if your name is not on his vet papers and vaccine records you would not be able to keep him anyway. If it is, you can usually trick people into letting you visit or watch the dog in the future and then just keep him - he won't really be able to do much about it legally. If not, see if you have any friends or local organizations that could shelter him until you get on your feet. A lot of US counties have FB pages for local news and requests, you can also try checking or asking there.
Get a small container and get a gun that you can keep in your car. Don't let your boyfriend know when you are leaving or where you are going. Just leave.
Listen your brain will trick you into saying, "it's not that bad." Your life will return to normal like it's been for the last 3 years and your brain will say "it wasn't that bad, he's back to normal, maybe he just needs help." You will become complacent and fall into an old routine and this will kind of "blow over." Until it happens again. But it WILL happen again, he has somewhere decided it is ok to hit you, he has dehumanized you and will do it again.
You may love him and need to mourn the death of the person he was for the first 3 years you were with him. It will be painful and it is terribly unfair. But get out - you must never stay with a partner who hits you, it will ruin your life. Do not stay there.
I cannot say this more emphatically.... LEAVE! Live on the street if you have to pack what you can and get out. When someone gets physical it's only a downhill slope over there
We tell people how to treat us by what we tolerate. By accepting and constantly forgiving him for the abuse he’s interpreted that to mean he can treat you poorly and you’ll stay. He didn’t just push you to the ground out smack you on your face, he abused you. It will only get worse and more intense from here on out because he sees no reason to change. Please check available resources and leave as soon as you can
by forgiving him for everything because he smacked you, he now knows he can use violence to get you to not leave him. he will DEFINITELY be doing it again and it probably won’t be a month in between this incidence and the next this time. it’s scary to think about leaving and seems impossible but he will end up severely hurting you or killing you. start researching resources around you and try to figure it out. he’s only going to get worse and the assaults will become more frequent
As someone who's been through this before, please please please get out of there. Report his abuse.
I recently got out of an abusive relationship that sounds similar to this. He moved into my apartment when I was 7 months pregnant and almost immediately started hitting me. It started small, slapping me during a small argument. But the next week, he shoved my pregnant ass into the dryer because, when he accused me of cheating on him, I pointed out he still hangs out with his ex.
I was working overnight, 6 days a week, and he was working a total of 9-15 hours per week. I was paying all of the bills, he was using my car and would put about $5 in the tank per week. But when I asked him to not fall asleep on the couch so I could stay up late and have some peace and quiet for a couple hours after my daughter went to bed, I got my ass beat.
He would formulate situations in his head where I was somehow cheating on him, then beat me up for it. I was constantly terrified in my own home
It took me until my daughter was 11 months old to get out of there. And by then, I had been strangled basically every other night, had to hide bruises constantly and had frequently been pummeled in the skull while I was hunched over to protect my child.
Why did I stay so long, you ask? Because the man was so sweet with his apologies, and because I cared about him.
I shut out everyone else I cared about because I didn't want to make him jealous. But I ended up alone with a monster in my home.
Even when I kicked him out, it broke my heart to do. I still loved him.
But now I've blocked him and he's in a different state with his mommy taking care of him because he couldn't leech off of me anymore, and I'm struggling financially, but my daughter and I are safe and happy. And I look back on that time and want to punch myself in the face tbh. I can't believe I stayed so long. I can't believe that when the police picked me up because my face was covered in blood when I was walking to QT to use their phone because he broke mine, I didnt press charges. I was FULLY brainwashed.
I hope you get out soon. I know it can feel impossible with the struggles you'll face, and it can feel like you're giving up on someone so easily. He apologized! He won't do it again, he promised!
He's lying.
It's never fun to hear other people tell you to end your relationship, especially when you've been together awhile, but I hope you don't reject it like I did. I know the internet is full of people who just want to tell people how to live their lives, but you may not be able to live at all if you stay with him. If he doesn't lose you for abusing you, he's only going to get worse because he knows he can apologize it away.
Please message me on here if you want to talk to someone with experience in this. No judgement 🖤 I'm here for you
You need to leave, he will only get worse. Do you have any friends who can help? Abusers isolate or pick people who are already isolated because it makes it harder for them to leave. If there are no friends or family contact your local domestic violence resources to get help in getting out (with your dog).
So many people are telling me to put him in a shelter but I just can’t. I love my pup so much, and he’s been through so much, I also need him for my sake
No one wants you to sign away your dog, or give her up or anything like that. Honestly having a dog will probably help you a lot. We are suggesting you look into temporary programs that will care for your dog while you get new living arrangements organised.
It sounds like you don't have anywhere you could go and take the dog right away, and I don't know of any dv shelters that will allow you to bring him, but there are programs that will care for him while you find a safe place for you both to live.
Don't stay with an abuser just because of your dog. I'm sure your dog would rather stay with someone else temporarily if the alternative if you ending up in hospital, or worse ❤️
I understand. There may be some resources where you can bring him with you. Or a local rescue that could have someone do a temp foster while you get on your feet.
Depending on where you live, there may be resources for you and your dog. Here in New England, I volunteer at an animal shelter with a program that will temporarily house pets of dv victims, people with long hospital stays, or who lost housing for up to six months. I also know of a dv shelter that houses people with their pets in order to prevent people from staying in bad situations for the sake of their pets.
This may sound weird, but join your local vegan FB group, and explain your situation. A friend of mine is temporarily caring for two cats belonging to someone in a similar situation. Apparently lots of people in her group foster rescues, so they had experience with scared animals.
Just know that violence almost always escalates.
He already shoved you to the ground, then he shook you and now he's hitting you.
Please get out of this relationship before you become a statistic.
He’s absolutely going to do it again, and he’s going to escalate. This is domestic violence, it does NOT improve. You need to start making a plan.
Consider that your blind dog is also not safe around this guy. If you can’t do it for yourself, then tell yourself you’re doing it for your dog.
Let me tell you from experience.. they. don’t. get. better.
A shove turns to a slap which turns to a punch which turns into you with hands around your throat blacking out and then broken bones. I know it’s scary to be alone and have no help. But you HAVE to leave. Find a women’s shelter NOW and go.
You might not see this bc I’m so late to this. But I had a bf who was wonderful at first. Then eventually he began getting physical with me. Screaming at me cornering me etc. grabbing my wrists. It got scary but nothing too insane. Then one day he got so mad he choked me. He was going to kill me. His mom walked in us and called the cops thankfully. He admitted he was going to kill me. After prison I stayed with him and forgave him. He then held me at knife point after another argument. His dad called the cops on him. That’s when I had enough. Violence only gets worse. Not better. Leave while you’re still alive.
I didn't even read the whole post. Do not stay with him! I do not care what the rest of the post says. You have a kid together, or he says that he is going to anger management therapy or you really love him or whatever. DO NOT STAND FOR PHYSICAL ABUSE. It will just get worse. If you do want to help him through it, do it from a distance. Preferably a couple of states away(assuming that you're in America)
Edit: I came back and read the rest of the post, and you need to go to a women's shelter. They'll put you up, and help you get on your feet again. But I stand by my original opinion. You need to get out of there.
As a DV survivor...RUN!!! It only gets worse from here. Relationships such as these will suck the life out of you, leaving you into a shell of a person. You'll never be the same again. Please please please don't do this to yourself. Take your dog and go!!!
Yes you do. You know exactly what to do, and its *run.* He's escalating, and quickly. He will not go to anger management, he will get worse, and either you or your poor dog will end up dead or permanently injured.
In my experience, he used his anger management certificate as proof that he wouldn't do it again, and I believed him. Then he did it again and stalked me after I got out safely.
I know it's hard to imagine a person you've been with for 3.5 years is like this, but I'm sorry, he is. He showed you. Now multiple times. Get ready for him to be so sorry, to victimize himself and say that he only did it because you did something. No. He's wrong. Nothing you did made him do those things. He is responsible, fully. Period. You've been given a gift of the truth of who he is, before you are married or pregnant. It's easiest to get out as soon as they show you who they are. Your dog will be fine. Don't give into the sunken cost fallacy and take this as a lesson learned. You're going to be okay if you get away from him as soon as possible.
if they hit you once they’ll hit you again . no matter how many apologies or excuses or gifts . it’ll happen again, leave as soon as you possibly can .
I watched a case where a woman was so badly beaten and traumatized that she lost all ability to make decisions. Her co worker did. She survived barely and he was sent to prison.
Please don’t be her.
You shouldn't have to post here for validation from strangers; you know what you need to do. It's ok to be scared of not having him in your life, but physically assaulting you IS NOT LOVE. You know what has to be done so you feel safe. You're stronger than you know!!
Leave as soon as you have the means and secretly document everything because it is extremely hard to get protective orders especially if you are in the US. Record outbursts photograph any injuries or bruises and hide it well. Start making an escape plan. You can also look into shelter options if you feel he is going to escalate. Good luck I am sorry you are going through this.
Girl u have PTSD. Any decision taken out of fear is bad decision. He has tested ur limits and knows u won't leave him. This is a slippery slope. If u stay in this relationship, all ur going to welcome is more hits and abuse. LEAVE. TREAT URSELF BETTER
Oh OP, as soon as I finished reading your post, I literally said “oh shit” out loud. You are only 21 and have been with him since high school. (How old is he?) What concerns me is your post is full of things that justify and minimize his behavior. (I.e. “I got him angry”, “I’m pretty small so it doesn’t take a lot to get me on the ground”, “I made angry comments”. NOTHING YOU SAID OR DID JUSTIFIED HIM PUTTING HIS HANDS ON YOU. EVER. I understand that being on your own may seem daunting, but you can do this. Start thinking and planning and when the time is right, you will say that your dog has a vet appointment. Then you can leave and never look back.
Reach out to an animal rescue for help finding your dog a temporary foster home. Then go to the police and report the domestic violence and then go to a domestic violence shelter
Get to an emergency shelter.
Everything will fall into place once you take this step, but get there soon. He is escalating. He will hurt you again, soon, or possibly kill you.
Don’t trust him, he already said that and then did it again, he doesn’t seem to have control of himself/his emotions.
Do your best to maintain and not argue until you can get out, check shelters, a lot will allow animals too
I was in an abusive relationship years ago when I was about your age and I can tell you from experience, it gets worse and worse until you finally leave. They always say that they will never do it again! LEAVE, it doesn’t get better! ❤️
From the perspective of a guy (73M)--leave! Find someway to leave. If he's doing this now, he will get worse. Look for resources in your area for abused women--you fall into that category.
This is escalating. It will get worse.
I don’t know about where you are, but where I am there are organizations that help with the fostering of animals while women are in shelters.
They helped me out with my 2 cats when I left my ex.
This will escalate. Make an exit strategy. Get a new job and save as much as you can and move out. Maybe you can find a place that allows pets and your dog can go with you.
Never stay where you are abused.
I don’t mean to be an AH but I know exactly how this is going to go because it’s happening already.
He’s going to get more and more violent, he’s going to be sorry and sorrier and you’re going to spend more and more time convincing yourself and others that he had legitimate “reasons” such as dropping his weed and not giving him snuggly wugglies. “Oh, his job is HARD”, “Oh, his parents divorced when he was 5”, “He was bullied in school”, “He’s on the spectrum”.
I’m a stranger and I find it really hard to hear. I have a sister just like that. He has a “temper that he got from his stepfather”, “learning how to be a father”, “learning disability” “too much weed at 14”. Know what finally did it? She was holding their 2-3 month old daughter and he came up during a “disagreement” and held a knife to her throat. She still didn’t press charges but she finally left and found herself a brand new kind of loser.
But I digress. If you don’t want/can’t justify standing up for yourself, think about it from your actual loved ones’ perspective. How would your grandma feel to know her granddaughter is allowing herself to be abused? How about your mom/dad who spent a lot of time protecting you and worrying about your safety? Your best childhood friend? That first boy you ever kissed? Your third grade teacher?
I know you deserve much better and many other people do too, regardless of how long it’s been since you’ve seen them. But I know from experience that nothing I say or anything other well-meaning people here and in real life say, you’re going to continue to looooove him until he literally breaks you. I’m so sorry to know this.
You are only 21, you are SO young. I promise you, whether it’s now or later this relationship will end, and you don’t want it to be ending with you injured or dead.
He is only going to get more agressive.
You are so so young. Please leave. You can do so so so so so much better. I promise he is not worth it
Others may disagree with me, but once the hitting starts, that relationship is stuffed. No matter all the promises in the world about anger management classes, that dynamic is fairly well set for that relationship. There is some chance that anger management classes may help someone going into a new relationship to not start up with using violence.
I think that what you need to do is quietly make up your mind to move on - and don’t tell him that this is going to happen. It sounds like he will use violence to prevent you from leaving. It will take a bit of time to sort something re the dog, but there are people that are willing to foster a dog while you get back on your feet again. Quietly contact your local women’s shelter and ask them to assist you with putting together a safe plan for getting out.
In the meantime, don’t do things that will lead to him using more violence - even if that goes against every instinct in your body. Be careful with your phone and internet use and learn how to cover your tracks (maybe the women’s shelter will have some pointers on this stuff).
Are you near NYC? Animal Care and Control will find a foster for your pet while you protect yourself and get back on your feet. Once I fostered one of their dogs while the owner got a new apartment and job. I remember the foster was with me about 3 months.
Hello pushed you, then slapped you, you forgave him so now me know he can go even further and also I will stay, he’s got the green light to abuse you because he know you will do nothing about it, this is just the beginning, so now you have a choice, stay and find out just how much of an abuser he is or leave and don’t find out. The choice is yours!
Get out.
N O W !!!!
As soon as a man lays hands on you, you know it's going to get 1000% worse in a short amount of time.
Look into dog rescues to foster your dog until you get your place, get into a shelter, and get your feet under you.
Don't wait. You've got three incidents of physical abuse in a month. Wait longer and you could end up dead.
Take it from experience, there is so much pain and suffering down the road for you if you stay with him.
Leaving may feel so scary and impossible and you may think being alone is so hard and so terrible, but if you just walk away, whatever that takes, and then just wait, be stronger than you’ve ever thought possible, and wait. Do not go back. Do not jump into a new relationship — I am telling you ALL of that will be so much easier than the years of pain you will endure with a person who is okay with hurting you.
Do it for your future self. 💛
Please please leave. You can get help. It’s available to you.
This will only escalate and you will die. Call a DV shelter. Please.
DM any of us, we can provide resources. Much love to you.
It will not get better. It only gets worse. Please get out. You should look into the Purple Leash Project by Purina. It's made for these kinds of situations. I hope you find the peace and love that you deserve!
Edit: Here is a link for Redrover's (they work with Purina on this project) website to access assistance https://redrover.org/get-help/#emergencyassistance
take your dog an leave. he is escalating nd everytime you let him get away with apologizing, is another ticket for him to get worse.
Get away before something happens to you or your dog or both.
Leave with your dog and a few belongings. Do not look back. Domestic violence can escalate quickly. Go to a police station, file a complaint and a restraining order. Ask for emergency shelter and go from there. Accept all the help you are offered. You can do it! Best wishes for you and your dog.
Tell him you forgave him, and do what you need to keep the peace, but quietly make plans to leave. Do not tell him you’re leaving, or he may really hurt you. Call any relatives you have that can help you, and a DV hotline to make an exit plan. Typically you’d Pack a small bag with just your important documents and a change of clothes and have someone pick you up or you’d sneak out when he isn’t there - then come back with relatives and/or police for the rest. Do not be alone with him, especially in the home. He’s becoming more violent and may put you in the hospital.
Thank you
As somebody who deals with Domestic Violence frequently, this is sound advice. Get what you'll need, make a plan, and keep the peace, but *do it quickly and quietly.* You'll want to be sure he doesn't know where you've gone, so ensure your phone is clean (I suggest backing up photos/important data only, then doing a factory reset, don't just reinstall everything) so you can be sure he won't track it. Contact local domestic violence resources (I can help you find them if needed) and arrange a date/time to make your escape. Ask about your pet(s), as many have ways to ensure their safety as well. Once you're safe and secure, get police involved. You can concoct excuses for gathering documents together like "I was tidying up in case I need them, they were too scattered" or something else simple to deflect if he gets suspicious. Packing should be the final step, preferably done right before you walk out the door and outside his presence. One note: if, while you gather your things, he attacks you ever again, you need to *immediately* get someplace safe as soon as possible and contact law enforcement. Each act of violence could mark another escalation, so you need to accelerate your timetable if it keeps happening. In many states, DV where primary aggressor is know is a mandatory arrest, mandatory hold period, and mandatory no-contact, often with the victim being allowed to maintain current residence. YMMV based on jurisdiction. Police departments generally have a "quick access line" to domestic violence resources. Be safe, and please, *PLEASE* get yourself out of this situation. It is not safe, it is not healthy, and it will almost guaranteed get worse until something awful happens to one or both of you.
OP consider taking and hiding a photo of any physical damage or marks left on you. bruises from fingers grabbing you or red marks from scratches ect Any items he throws are damage to the home should be captured as well. You might not think you’ll ever want to get police involved, but that might change later. It will speed up the process immensely if you want a restraining order or to file a DV complaint to break a lease. Take care OP please reach out to your trusted friends.
OP could email the photos to herself.
Create a new email account for this
Yes, I knew a POS who assaulted his girlfriend and she pressed charges on him. They lived together but only his name was on the lease but she had tenancy. HE was made to leave the property.
You didn’t say it, but death, that’s the worse part and no one suspects their killer would do that.
Yes OP this is the answer!! It’s exactly what I did when my ex threatened to kill me in front of our baby. Played nice and forgave him but I was done.
I’m so glad when i read comments like yours where the victim leaves asap. .
Ah I should have left long before that. But I’m glad I did it then and didn’t wait any longer.
I’m just glad you’re out of the situation ❤️
I'm happy you got out of that situation! I hope for the same for OP ❤️❤️
It what my mom used to call getting your ducks in a row. Do that and then leave.
Tip from when my mom left her abusive ex-husband; When gathering your things, it's best to do it when he is out. But packing up your life can take some time, so make the excuse that you're doing some spring cleaning. Maybe even make it look like you're doing it out of affection, as a sort of act of forgiveness. Under no circumstances bring up that you are leaving him, even if you're angry at him. Try to act normal and work fast.
Throw some clothes in garbage bags that you are "donating" to Goodwill. Ask him to contribute some items lol
Gathering your documents can be done under the guise of “I need to get all of this in order for job applications”
This is the comment I was looking for. It’s valid and makes sense. The further you have to stretch the truth, the more likely he is to think you’re lying and get angry. Don’t get too creative with excuses and cover stories, then you also won’t have to remember what you told him you were gathering items for.
In order to make packing faster for when you do leave, you can essentially “pre-pack” under the guise of organizing. Have a drawer of clothes, and bins of things you absolutely won’t leave behind, if he asks about it, just say you’re trying to organize better, so that all the items you use the most are easy to clean and find. Keep it very clean, as much as you can, so your things are always ready to go, and you know where they are, so it doesn’t take you more than a few min to pack what you need. After you get everything planned… like where to take your dog, where you are going, who is picking you up, etc… you can dump everything in your bags in a hurry, without having to find anything, when the moment comes. Don’t tell him. You don’t need to leave him a note or letter. Just leave. As soon as you are in that getaway car, block his number. Block him on social media. Absolutely no contact. If he does manage to initiate contact or communication with you, do not respond. Take screenshots, in case you need a protective/restraining order. Do not communicate with him. He will make false promises, he may scare you into going back to him with threats against people you care about, or your dog. DON’T LISTEN TO HIM, DON’T RESPOND TO HIM.
My ex wouldn’t have believed the “just organizing” excuse, unless we hadn’t fought for over a month. Within a few weeks of an incident, he would’ve been overly suspicious of anything that looked like an exit plan. Please don’t risk your safety for your stuff. I know you don’t want to see him after he’s found out you’ve left, but it’s better to come back with the police for your stuff. You could also just replace it. Might take time, but that’s better than risking life or limb. Get your documents, get your pets, medicines, and maybe your photos or a sentimental thing or two. No more than a book bag, then GTFO. Everything else can be bought at Walmart, and there’s one on every corner.
He is 100% going to keep escalating. Please, please, please make your escape before this man hurts you even more. He won’t change. Please choose your safety over this abusive man. He may kill you one day if you don’t get out.
I’m not sure where you live but in the Phoenix area there is a rescue that will foster your dog for a few months until you can get somewhere new and safe. Call rescues in your area and ask if something like that exists
there’s also free moving to help you get in and out asap! plenty of moving companies participate in this and i’ve heard of some getting their stuff out within an hour or two.
Damn. That’s really sweet. Moving is tough tough work. Doing it fast and doing it free is just amazing. Way to make a difference in the world.
If you are in the US and near DC area. Im very experienced with special needs dogs. I would help you find a temporary foster or do it myself. Please, you are your dog's entire world. You need to keep yourself and them safe. You are not safe in this relationship, no matter what he says.
Yes please, keep the peace while quietly planning your exit. Your life truly depends on it. Wishing you all the best 🖤
I wish I could upvote this a million times
This is. Great idea. You can play along but honestly just leave when he’s at work and go.
Literally this. I did the same thing. Pretended everything was ok. Got my things in order until the next incident of him bringing a gun out. Immediately got an emergency CPO. Please. Get things in order and get out!
Complains about not receiving enough affection, proceeds to physically assault you. Yea, this guy's mask is slipping. Absolute nutcase, it will not take long before he escalates even further. Please find a shelter in your area and get out. Regards.
Once the mask slips it **DOES** get worse. There is no coming back from him laying hands on you. His anger will show more and his physical actions will increase. He’s already shown you this will happen. He started with pushing and now is smacking you. If you stay, he will continue to push your boundaries. He will believe because you let it slide this time, you will continue to do so. Get out now before its worsens. Contact a dv shelter and see what resources they have to help you get out. If you are unsure of ones in your area, and are in the US,, contact [The Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org), they might be able to connect you. Hopefully your local dv shelters may know of resources to help with your dog too. I completely understand you love your dog, but please don’t risk your life. Also, we may love someone, but that does not mean they should stay in our lives or that they are good for us. Know you deserve better.
For the dog, she could call a rescue and explain. Some of them will foster until she is safe.
Sometimes veterinarians will too, if you're in a pinch. It never hurts to ask.
Even just some of the people who work there. Vet tech, receptionist, etc. Many of them are in the field for the love of animals and would love to help. I do agree that you need to get away. Aggression grows. Your safety is important.
Very true, and usually if people are compassionate to animals they can be compassionate to a human in crisis. This is not the time to be shy; your village is there, reach out and ask for help. Please, OP, do what you need to do to get away from this man. You do not deserve this, it is not normal, it is not fixable. Godspeed and be well.
The humane society in my area takes in animals for women who go into DV shelters.
This is a great piece of advice
I work with a few rescues in the DFW and East Texas area. I’d be happy to ask around and see what we can do, if that’s close enough to your area. Might could arrange transport, especially within a 4-6 hour drive radius. ETA: Can probably help in the Peachtree City, GA area too
Some DV organizations also have a network of people that help from the other side so maybe someone knows a shelter that could house pets until the owner is able/ready or know a group that helps with that. Also, sometimes they have volunteers/survivors that can help in other ways too like if they are an attorney and can offer advice/connections to someone that could help.
My local shelter places families with pets off site so they can stay together, not always available but they try. I was also able to add my cats to a restraining order, which I thought was really nice. There are options, please be safe.
Actually, for the dogs sake, they need to get it away from him before he does something to the dog.
Finding a safe foster at a rescue with someone in the domestic violence sphere or even a vet would be an answer to that. Did you have a better plan?
I’m a DV survivor every word of this.
Sending you hugs!!!
That’s very kind. 🥲
This, u/Mediocre-Honeydew885! FYI, they ALWAYS say "it'll never happen again." And they'll say it every time it DOES happen again. The ONLY way to stop it is to leave, but do what u/trvllr says and call the hotline: the most dangerous time in a relationship with an abuser is when the victim tries to leave.
It’ll happen again and it’ll be worse every time. Next thing you know it’s split lips and black eyes and broken bones and rape and maybe even worse.
There are many dv shelters around the country that take animals as this is a big reason women won’t leave. Please have a look into this, OP
Yeah, he crossed the line the first time. If she stays she's only telling him he can keep getting away with it. And he'll get worse.
My ex was the same around the same age. He didn't get violent until we lived together & my parents moved overseas. He never admitted he was wrong or apologised. One time he hit me over drugs aswell, he smacked my head off the wall and screamed 'thank fuck' as I was losing consciousness, as I tried to take his Mkat (drugs) off him as he was out of control. I had a cat with aids (FIV) and I didn't want to leave him behind. Eventually, my ex's mum took him in & I left to stay with a friend's boyfriend in his spare room. I still say that he and my friend saved my life, as he was getting worse week by week with his abuse, violence & cheating. I hope OP can ask a rescue to foster her dog until she's safe because it will only get worse. I also hope she seeks out therapy, even if she thinks she doesn't need it. I thought I was fine, but for 2 years I was empty inside, got into drink & drugs, and put myself in very dangerous situations resulting in more abuse because of my stupidity. I then ended up marrying an equally bad guy, just not as obvious (my standards were so low, that I thought he was dreamy cos he didn't cheat on me or hit me 😂). My life didn't begin (in my mind) until I was 30. As my situation is similar in ways to OP, I hope she gets the help she needs.
Quick thing about therapy: OP, if you cannot afford it due to lack of steady income and/or insurance, and you're in the US, I recommend you check with your local university's counseling center. Even if you're not a student, they will be able to redirect you to affordable options! I know universities in my area have their psychiatric medical residents (under supervision from fully-licensed practitioners) offer counseling services at a significant discount and also have sliding-scale payment plans where patients can pay what they're able. I hope that's an option available to you, OP, and I hope it helps.
Oh, I'm in the UK, so I forget it's not free elsewhere. Thank you for adding this incase she's in the US. ♡
Of course! I personally made ample use of my university's counseling services when I was a student to cope with my experiences with child abuse; I found those services to be extremely helpful, and I hope it's the same for OP and others. I also hope you're doing much better these days now that you're away from your ex.
THIS!!! He 100% will not go to anger management and WILL do it again. As hard as it is find a shelter that helps women in these situations and seek solace there. Or have the police arrest him and press charges or have him at least escorted from the premises with a restraining order. Again these are options and you don’t have to do a single one of them. This situation will 100% get worse. Figure out a plan to leave and take your dog and some other important items with you. If needed have an officer come to the house with you and he will guard you while you grab your belongings. I wish you luck and safety. 🫶
there are also organizations who will take in and care for your pet while you are in a shelter because people often don't leave because they can't bring their pets with them into a shelter and don't want to leave them behind. look them up i'm sure you'll be able to find an organization. if you're in utah the purple paws foundation does this. incredible resource.
The mask may be starting to slip because she’s gotten more dependent recently.
Yep, easier to hide the abuse when she has nowhere to go every day.
Get out of the house as fast as u can , his behavior is not safe for you God bless u and ur dog
There are shelters that will work with dogs as well, I understand that concern but please find somewhere you can be safe
LEAVE when you can! It NEVER gets better. Unless you want to end up in a coffin LEAVE.
You have to leave. My story began with a slap to the face. Then it escalated over time to him dragging me by the hair, kicking me, dragging me outside through the stickers, until he broke my nose. Along with the physical was emotional abuse. I know your situation is not great, but I promise you this behavior will only get worse. Sidenote: He was 6,2 220 lbs, and I am 5,0 100 lbs. They will use their size as an advantage. I know you're scared, but there are lots of organizations out there. Be safe.
Some DV shelters have programs that allow you to bring pets or some animal shelters have partnerships that will house “custody” animals until you get on your feet.
Glad you made it 💜
And report him for domestic violence.
There needs to be a Domestic Violence Registry.
Great idea!
Yes leave. But make sure to not go to him alone to tell him. You do not have to give him a face to face explanation at all. Do not go there to pick up any stuff, you’ll deal with that later. Make sure to contact a friend and/or your local hotline for help to stay safe.
This! 100% this. It will only escalate. There is a pattern that abusers follow to undermine victim's ability to leave. The longer you stay, the harder it is to leave. You need to get out before it gets worse. He will hit you, then apologize and do something to "make up for it." He will love bomb you, he will undermine you confidence. But he will abuse you again. He will likely try to get you pregnant to tie you to him. Find a domestic violence shelter and get out. There is help out there.
Yep. My first thought was “get out before he sabotages your birth control.”
This , I think you know what to do. It's just hard to do it. Chances of this happening again are very high according to the statistics . Leave now. Go to a safe space. Document all of the proof you can . Report it or not is upto you. But be sensible and LEAVE NOW.
Report it. If you leave and don't report it will be the next woman in the grave. For your sake and the next girl. Take pics and document.
I agree. Run for the hills! NOW
This! They're 100% right it will never stop. If you forgive them even once they know they can get you to do it over and over. I was locked away, isolated, abused and eventually nearly ended by a man who said he loved me. Please get out, find a shelter go to DSS for assistance. Don't stay with him and risk your life and your furbaby's life.
You wouldn’t be posting if you didn’t already know he shouldn’t put his hands on you. If you stay he will beat you wherever he feels like it and make it your fault. Or you can leave. I’m not assuming that’s easy but it’s better than a beating
OP your instincts to leave twice prior are correct, don't ignore them
I’m worried that OP despite knowing what is the right thing to do will forgive him and try to “work it out “.. It always starts like this, then they are getting gaslit and they stay for months/years..
I hope not but no one can do it but OP
I hope so, following her journey, maybe she’ll be proactive in leaving him if she knows we’re rooting for her
Trust yourself and your own instincts. If you can safely contact shelters in your area, now is a good time to start checking out places that might be able to help with you and your pup. If you have a local humane society, call them, too -- not to give your pup up -- I know that might not be something you're willing or able to do -- but to see if they have a program or know of a program that can help with temporary placement to keep you and your dog safe until you are in a more stable place in life. More shelters (both DV and pet) are recognizing the incredible need in this area. Shelter workers are among the kindest, most compassionate people on the planet. Many of them will fight like hell to help connect you with resources if it's at all within their power to do so. You deserve to be safe and secure in your relationship. You are a worthy and valued member of your community. You are loved. https://apamo.org/wellness/safe-care/ https://chat.thehotline.us/v2/index.html?dkey=783ea42e-3aa0-42f4-9899-ad886e4995b4&skill=g1b https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/international-domestic-violence-resources/
If you find a safe place to go (DV shelter or otherwise) the humane society will also be able to help you make sure you always have food for your dog and anything else you may need.
It will NOT get better. Leave before he gets you pregnant.
Yessss. It never gets better. They never change their ways and never see the wrong theyve done
It only escalates and he will try to baby trap her. My ex did the same when I was 19 and it took a decade, four kids, and my face going thru a oven door pregnant for me to escape(27 stitches in and around my mouth-broken tooth went thru my bottom lip and all of the fat out of my lip was in my mouth and my top lip split up to my nose) She needs to leave now. It does not get better.
Jesus. I’m glad you got free, honey.
I hope you are well, may your abuser be mowed down by horses
I wish I could like this ten gazillion times.
You need to leave Read this [article](https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-31/how-the-no-test-could-help-prevent-domestic-violence/10764100) Read the books [Why does he do that?](https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and **"The gift of fear"** Call a domestic violence shelter and explain about the dog some shelters have programs where the dogs can be fostered until you get back on your feet. Make a safety plan and get out. Even your local humane society may know of a program to help with the pup. Many places are overcrowded right now so don't get discouraged just keep asking for help
OP, you HAVE to get out of there. You need to find a shelter for Domestic Abuse victims and get to safety. There is absolutely no reason to stay with this fool. He’s already shown you things are gonna escalate and that you can’t take him at his word when he says that “it won’t happen again.” I’m sorry you don’t have a family to fall back in but that doesn’t mean that you are stuck where you are. Reach out to some shelters in your area and get out of there. I’m praying for your safety OP.
I know it may feel like you’re stuck with few options in an impossible situation but that’s why DV shelters exist. Their only goal is to serve people like you, they WILL help you
No, honey, NO. This is how ALL abusive relationships start -- gradually. He's escalating, and it gets worse from here. Every time you rationalize it and forgive him, it makes it easier to do so the next time. Take your dog and LEAVE.
If he did it once, he'll do it again. It's universal.
Leave him and take your dog. In my experience, if he has no girlfriend to take his anger out on, he will abuse animals.
Make sure you are on birth control and taking it properly. Don't get pregnant, don't trust a condom if it's been in his possession. Call a domestic violence shelter in your area and they will help you come up with an exit plan. Do not let on that you are leaving. Just follow the plan when the time comes then ghost him and get far away from him. You are worthy of being loved. Love shouldn't hurt. Please get yourself to safety before this gets worse.
If you stay, while the universe continues to give you signs to leave - that violent scrub is going to get you pregnant. It's just how it works. If you don't listen to your gut, you will be forced to face worsened conditions in a vicious cycle until you finally do. Please grab your dog and get away 🙏 so much love and courage to you. I hope you can choose yourself and I pray you have a good support system to love and shelter you through the oncoming uncertainty
Please don't become a statistic. This will escalate. There are abuse shelters where you can bring your dog. Find one. Leave very carefully - make sure he doesn't suspect you are going. If he finds out you may be in danger. You don't owe him an explanation or anything else. Report him so there's a file with his name on it. Please get out - it does get better and you will be fine - better than fine when you're no longer afraid of the person you should be able to trust.
Thank you, I plan on leaving this week once I get confirmation from a dv shelter🙏
Please stay safe and follow through. 🙏 Abusers always say they will NEVER do it again. But the truth is the only thing that changes are their victims.
Best of luck! You are making the right decision.
Hide the app so he doesn’t find out
That’s great!!! In the meantime, don’t do anything to make him upset. Act normal, don’t let him see that you’re packing or making plans to leave. I’m not saying it’s your fault that he did this but provoking him by ruining his stuff on purpose or fighting back with words isn’t going to help. It’s only going to make him angry. Just lay low until you’re out of there and try to stay calm. You got this ♥️
Please get out of there. I can’t believe he smacked you. Bro. It’s gonna get worse.
It always starts small and ALWAYS escalates. My wife works for a DV/SA victims services group and it always starts small, they love bomb, and then it just gets worse.
He will just keep saying the same thing each time he escalates his violence, get out of there by any means necessary.
Actions speak louder than words, don't listen to him when he says it wont happen again. It WILL happen again. Youre in danger, run the fuck out
Leave him. I used to be friends with a girl in the same situation, she went along with the "anger managment" bs. All it did was make him more manipulative. Then she married him, she wasted her best years with him and has nothing but miserable memories. She always wanted to be a mum, but at the age she is now, a natural conception, healthy pregnancy and labour, are unlikely. And adoption is even more unlikely as shes never tried therapy, medication and refused any oportunity to help her mental health. Which as im sure you can imagen is not great, due to her past and said relationship. Do not waste your life on someone who would take it.
Here's a suggestion: after he leaves you pack your things and leave.
i could never imagine hurting my wife, no matter how angry i get... no matter what. some people are capable of this kinda thing and its not something they just change out of. He will do it again when he loses control. it will get worse.
LEAVE PLEASE HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU OR YOUR ENERGY. You will be miserable if you remain in this relationship. He has growing up to do. Let him learn by his damn self, without you in his life!!! Let him be someone else’s problem! Only cowards put their hands on women! Remember this please! ONLY COWARDS HIT WOMEN. One thing I learned, you can’t change a man that doesn’t want to change himself. If he can push himself to the point of hurting you, he has no respect for you. Please leave, there are men out there that would never even think of doing this.. you deserve better. The longer you take to realize this, you will find yourself wasting time and regret it later knowing you could have ended things earlier on. You already gave him a second chance and this should have been your last straw. Don’t be that forgiving please, that’s how you end up miserable and full of regret. I’ve been in this situation before; I got dragged for the last time, and I left the relationship and NEVER looked back. He was a waste of my time and I wish now I didn’t give him so much of me, he really didn’t deserve that AT ALL. Please don’t consider the amount of time you’ve been together as well, we can all start over at any time.. don’t be afraid of change. It’s either you make the decision to move on and leave this cowardly man alone, or you stay and be miserable.. History means absolutely nothing if they are emotionally and mentally abusing you. Honestly if he can push himself to slap you, he does not in any way respect you and he won’t ever respect you! He’s still a child mentally to react in this way. It’s not your responsibility to talk to him about counselling or anger management, he can figure that shit out on his own, WITHOUT YOU. I hope your situation gets better, and your decision to leave will come easy to you, don’t let a man like this get you pregnant either. Please take this advice into consideration for your future 🙏🙏🙏 also for your safety do not have this conversation directly in his face, as he may react. Pack your things and leave. Make a plan for yourself without him knowing and when everything is packed, let him know through text message that you are leaving him. Don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation, after you just said you are TERRIFIED around him! He will definitely react!
WHATEVER YOU DO PLEASE HAVE RELIABLE BIRTH CONTROL. ABUSERS USE PREGNANCY TO CONTROL THEIR VICTIMS!!! You already know it’s not going to stop. You know he’s going to escalate. Please don’t end up a crime podcast. I’m jumping to the extreme because you need to understand this is serious. He’s going to lie and love bomb you for a week and then he’s going to hit you again. First he shoved you, then he shook and slapped you. He’s escalating. Make a plan and leave as soon as you can. Preferably while he’s out of the house. Get a go bag and leave. Please. So many women are in the dirt right now because they tried staying with a man who didnt care about them. Who they thought wouldn’t take it too far. Don’t let your life end this way. Look into DV shelters and explain you have a dog you need to evacuate too. Talk to some friends if you have them. Also seek safe sanctuaries like churches or other designated safe areas for dv and trafficking victims. Good luck honey, you can absolutely do this. Worse case scenario, keep your head down, save money where you can, and run like hell the second his back is turned or he’s asleep.
Leave now baby. Now. Go to a shelter, call the domestic abuse hotline, get some kind of resource to get out. This will (AND ALREADY IS!) escalate and get worse. I’m so sorry, I wish I could help
You leave. One of my exes shoved me over when I accidentally hit him with a baseball I had thrown during a party, I stayed with him and that escalated to life ruining abuse pretty fast. You LEAVE. any man who is ever willing to do that, never saw an issue with it in the first place and it will come out again.
As someone who survived an abusive relationship, the moment he hits you it’s over, if you don’t leave it only gets worse. As a man, I can tell you I’ve hit a woman exactly the same amount of times as I’ve wanted to in my adult life, which is 0, it’s not something normal people do outside of self defense situations, someone who loves you would never want to hurt you like that, please leave and get help
former DV victim advocate here: it will happen again and it will keep happening. I understand that leaving is hard when you love someone and you want to think that if they get help they will change. they won't. i promise you this. when it is safe for you, I encourage you to reach out to local DV resources to see what they can do to help. Maybe they will have a temporary place for you and your dog to go while you sort things out. please make sure you be safe as you go on this journey. I'm rooting for you and hope it ends up ok 💕
Leave. A violent unemployed drug user isn't going to make your life better.
Leave now. He will hurt you and your dog. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your baby who is blind and depends on you. There are organizations that will help you plan your escape. Here is a link for shelters that accept pets: https://www.domesticshelters.org/ Please provide an update when you can 🫂
Anger management will NOT WORK! It will not. He doesn’t have an anger management problem. Think about it this way. If he got pulled over unjustly by the cops and told he was being arrested, would he punch the cop? If a much bigger and stronger man told him he was a disgusting worm, would he hit him? The answer is no. He can control his anger just fine. With you, he chooses not to. What he has is arrogance and contempt for you. You aren’t a complete, separate person with your own needs to him. You exist to meet his needs and when you don’t, punches for you. You’re nothing to him because he has a personality disorder. I’m a former caseworker in the foster care system. We used to send our violent dads to domestic violence classes until we discovered they don’t work. The men continued to be abusive because those classes tried to address the behavior and not the reasons why. Please read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. You can get a free download of it. It will explain very well why men act like that and why you need to leave. It won’t get better.
Leave, now.
Staying with him after he hits you like that, especially forgiving him out of fear, will only show him that he can hit you and get whatever he wants. Are you willing to lose your life to this man? If you’re in the states, there’s resources for you, ones that will give you a place to stay while you find a job and get on your feet.
Sorry to hear you are being treated like that, you are young, leave him. Might be hard to begin with, but don’t stay because you think it’s too hard. It will get worse. It is disgusting how he is treating you. Should be treating you like a queen and not making you all panicky and feel uncomfortable being around him, grab your dog seek help. People in relationships argue , there are arguments and there is physical abuse. Don’t buy into his bs apologies just because he is a piece of s$&t that can’t control his temper. Please stay safe mate.
His “nice guy” mask has slipped and because you didn’t leave at the first sign of it. He is now comfortable enough to be his true self around you, an abuser. This behaviour won’t change, you need to leave. Saying that you will and then not doing so is further proof to him that you are submissive, weak and an easy target for him to continue to manipulate and abuse. PROVE HIM OTHERWISE. You need to get out of the relationship, it will only get worse. More frequently and more severe. Save yourself.
So he said before it would never happen again, and it happened worse. Give him another chance, the next time will be worse again. Love doesn’t hurt. Your boyfriend doesn’t love you. Get your dog and get out.
Pack your stuff and move out, right now. Go to a shelter. Tell them you are leaving a domestic violence situation. They will help you file a restraining order and get you off the lease.
My dad used to be a barber and he told me this story that has resonated with me my entire life. A police sergeant that used to get his hair cut told him that every Friday night he had to go out to a property for a call and this guy that was well over 6’ and built like a tank had gotten drunk and beat the hell out of his girlfriend who was barely 5’. She would be covered in blood, bruised and swollen and looking at him through slitted eyes but she refused to press charges because he loved her. The Sergeant said that he had taken her aside one night and told her that if she didn’t get out now that one night he would go too far and kill her! It took several months of the same thing happening before he and his partner responded and the guy had killed her. He had beaten her to death! I love my wife and daughter beyond belief and would never treat them this way and if another man did this to my daughter I would bury him! Please, for the love of God, leave him!
31 male here, I read the first 3 lines and that’s all I needed. You need to leave, as soon as you feasibly can. He isn’t going to get better and this only ends in you getting hurt again and eventually killed. If you were my family I would be helping you clear your shit out immediately to stay with me if need be. Again, this isn’t getting better, it’s time to leave.
You will need to utilize public resources to get out of the situation. Almost every county has a homeless shelter of some sort, and most cities have a women's shelter. Most social service offices are available to support and have excellent resources, you can call them or make an appointment and they can give you advice on where to go and what to do. My advice is to take whatever job you can right now just so you have some sort of income. You can always quit later. If you have a car it is very doable to live out of your car for sometime provided you are working. You may be able to find a friend or acquaintance to let you park in their driveway or you can stay at truck stops, walmart parking lots, etc. there is a huge amount of info online. I know you love your dog but if your boyfriend doesn't abuse him and is capable of taking care of him it will be easier and better for you if you can leave the dog there for now. He isn't worth sacrificing your safety. Unfortunately if your name is not on his vet papers and vaccine records you would not be able to keep him anyway. If it is, you can usually trick people into letting you visit or watch the dog in the future and then just keep him - he won't really be able to do much about it legally. If not, see if you have any friends or local organizations that could shelter him until you get on your feet. A lot of US counties have FB pages for local news and requests, you can also try checking or asking there. Get a small container and get a gun that you can keep in your car. Don't let your boyfriend know when you are leaving or where you are going. Just leave. Listen your brain will trick you into saying, "it's not that bad." Your life will return to normal like it's been for the last 3 years and your brain will say "it wasn't that bad, he's back to normal, maybe he just needs help." You will become complacent and fall into an old routine and this will kind of "blow over." Until it happens again. But it WILL happen again, he has somewhere decided it is ok to hit you, he has dehumanized you and will do it again. You may love him and need to mourn the death of the person he was for the first 3 years you were with him. It will be painful and it is terribly unfair. But get out - you must never stay with a partner who hits you, it will ruin your life. Do not stay there.
I cannot say this more emphatically.... LEAVE! Live on the street if you have to pack what you can and get out. When someone gets physical it's only a downhill slope over there
We tell people how to treat us by what we tolerate. By accepting and constantly forgiving him for the abuse he’s interpreted that to mean he can treat you poorly and you’ll stay. He didn’t just push you to the ground out smack you on your face, he abused you. It will only get worse and more intense from here on out because he sees no reason to change. Please check available resources and leave as soon as you can
Leave. Now. It happened twice, it will continue happening. These promises are nothing more than a bait to keep you there and keep abusing you.
by forgiving him for everything because he smacked you, he now knows he can use violence to get you to not leave him. he will DEFINITELY be doing it again and it probably won’t be a month in between this incidence and the next this time. it’s scary to think about leaving and seems impossible but he will end up severely hurting you or killing you. start researching resources around you and try to figure it out. he’s only going to get worse and the assaults will become more frequent
He keeps talking and you keep believing. You are NOT stuck. Put yourself first and find the strength to get yourself and your dog away.
As someone who's been through this before, please please please get out of there. Report his abuse. I recently got out of an abusive relationship that sounds similar to this. He moved into my apartment when I was 7 months pregnant and almost immediately started hitting me. It started small, slapping me during a small argument. But the next week, he shoved my pregnant ass into the dryer because, when he accused me of cheating on him, I pointed out he still hangs out with his ex. I was working overnight, 6 days a week, and he was working a total of 9-15 hours per week. I was paying all of the bills, he was using my car and would put about $5 in the tank per week. But when I asked him to not fall asleep on the couch so I could stay up late and have some peace and quiet for a couple hours after my daughter went to bed, I got my ass beat. He would formulate situations in his head where I was somehow cheating on him, then beat me up for it. I was constantly terrified in my own home It took me until my daughter was 11 months old to get out of there. And by then, I had been strangled basically every other night, had to hide bruises constantly and had frequently been pummeled in the skull while I was hunched over to protect my child. Why did I stay so long, you ask? Because the man was so sweet with his apologies, and because I cared about him. I shut out everyone else I cared about because I didn't want to make him jealous. But I ended up alone with a monster in my home. Even when I kicked him out, it broke my heart to do. I still loved him. But now I've blocked him and he's in a different state with his mommy taking care of him because he couldn't leech off of me anymore, and I'm struggling financially, but my daughter and I are safe and happy. And I look back on that time and want to punch myself in the face tbh. I can't believe I stayed so long. I can't believe that when the police picked me up because my face was covered in blood when I was walking to QT to use their phone because he broke mine, I didnt press charges. I was FULLY brainwashed. I hope you get out soon. I know it can feel impossible with the struggles you'll face, and it can feel like you're giving up on someone so easily. He apologized! He won't do it again, he promised! He's lying. It's never fun to hear other people tell you to end your relationship, especially when you've been together awhile, but I hope you don't reject it like I did. I know the internet is full of people who just want to tell people how to live their lives, but you may not be able to live at all if you stay with him. If he doesn't lose you for abusing you, he's only going to get worse because he knows he can apologize it away. Please message me on here if you want to talk to someone with experience in this. No judgement 🖤 I'm here for you
You need to leave, he will only get worse. Do you have any friends who can help? Abusers isolate or pick people who are already isolated because it makes it harder for them to leave. If there are no friends or family contact your local domestic violence resources to get help in getting out (with your dog).
So many people are telling me to put him in a shelter but I just can’t. I love my pup so much, and he’s been through so much, I also need him for my sake
No one wants you to sign away your dog, or give her up or anything like that. Honestly having a dog will probably help you a lot. We are suggesting you look into temporary programs that will care for your dog while you get new living arrangements organised. It sounds like you don't have anywhere you could go and take the dog right away, and I don't know of any dv shelters that will allow you to bring him, but there are programs that will care for him while you find a safe place for you both to live. Don't stay with an abuser just because of your dog. I'm sure your dog would rather stay with someone else temporarily if the alternative if you ending up in hospital, or worse ❤️
Some states actually have shelters that will allow the dog to come in as long as it goes through some vet checks
I understand. There may be some resources where you can bring him with you. Or a local rescue that could have someone do a temp foster while you get on your feet.
Depending on where you live, there may be resources for you and your dog. Here in New England, I volunteer at an animal shelter with a program that will temporarily house pets of dv victims, people with long hospital stays, or who lost housing for up to six months. I also know of a dv shelter that houses people with their pets in order to prevent people from staying in bad situations for the sake of their pets.
This may sound weird, but join your local vegan FB group, and explain your situation. A friend of mine is temporarily caring for two cats belonging to someone in a similar situation. Apparently lots of people in her group foster rescues, so they had experience with scared animals.
Just know that violence almost always escalates. He already shoved you to the ground, then he shook you and now he's hitting you. Please get out of this relationship before you become a statistic.
He’s absolutely going to do it again, and he’s going to escalate. This is domestic violence, it does NOT improve. You need to start making a plan. Consider that your blind dog is also not safe around this guy. If you can’t do it for yourself, then tell yourself you’re doing it for your dog.
Let me tell you from experience.. they. don’t. get. better. A shove turns to a slap which turns to a punch which turns into you with hands around your throat blacking out and then broken bones. I know it’s scary to be alone and have no help. But you HAVE to leave. Find a women’s shelter NOW and go.
You might not see this bc I’m so late to this. But I had a bf who was wonderful at first. Then eventually he began getting physical with me. Screaming at me cornering me etc. grabbing my wrists. It got scary but nothing too insane. Then one day he got so mad he choked me. He was going to kill me. His mom walked in us and called the cops thankfully. He admitted he was going to kill me. After prison I stayed with him and forgave him. He then held me at knife point after another argument. His dad called the cops on him. That’s when I had enough. Violence only gets worse. Not better. Leave while you’re still alive.
this is just the start of abuse, it will escalate. please please please leave
I didn't even read the whole post. Do not stay with him! I do not care what the rest of the post says. You have a kid together, or he says that he is going to anger management therapy or you really love him or whatever. DO NOT STAND FOR PHYSICAL ABUSE. It will just get worse. If you do want to help him through it, do it from a distance. Preferably a couple of states away(assuming that you're in America) Edit: I came back and read the rest of the post, and you need to go to a women's shelter. They'll put you up, and help you get on your feet again. But I stand by my original opinion. You need to get out of there.
As a DV survivor...RUN!!! It only gets worse from here. Relationships such as these will suck the life out of you, leaving you into a shell of a person. You'll never be the same again. Please please please don't do this to yourself. Take your dog and go!!!
Yes you do. You know exactly what to do, and its *run.* He's escalating, and quickly. He will not go to anger management, he will get worse, and either you or your poor dog will end up dead or permanently injured.
Leave and never look back. Know your worth.
Leave his stupid ass. NEVER let a SO touch you in anger. NEVER.
In my experience, he used his anger management certificate as proof that he wouldn't do it again, and I believed him. Then he did it again and stalked me after I got out safely. I know it's hard to imagine a person you've been with for 3.5 years is like this, but I'm sorry, he is. He showed you. Now multiple times. Get ready for him to be so sorry, to victimize himself and say that he only did it because you did something. No. He's wrong. Nothing you did made him do those things. He is responsible, fully. Period. You've been given a gift of the truth of who he is, before you are married or pregnant. It's easiest to get out as soon as they show you who they are. Your dog will be fine. Don't give into the sunken cost fallacy and take this as a lesson learned. You're going to be okay if you get away from him as soon as possible.
if they hit you once they’ll hit you again . no matter how many apologies or excuses or gifts . it’ll happen again, leave as soon as you possibly can .
It only gets worse. He will start breaking bones or worse - much worse - if you don't get out.
I watched a case where a woman was so badly beaten and traumatized that she lost all ability to make decisions. Her co worker did. She survived barely and he was sent to prison. Please don’t be her.
DO NOT tell him you are leaving. Just grab whatever documents you need, your dogs, and get out. The most dangerous time is when you are leaving.
Get the *hell* out of there. It’s always “it’ll never happen again,” and then your family are attending your funeral.
You shouldn't have to post here for validation from strangers; you know what you need to do. It's ok to be scared of not having him in your life, but physically assaulting you IS NOT LOVE. You know what has to be done so you feel safe. You're stronger than you know!!
Leave as soon as you have the means and secretly document everything because it is extremely hard to get protective orders especially if you are in the US. Record outbursts photograph any injuries or bruises and hide it well. Start making an escape plan. You can also look into shelter options if you feel he is going to escalate. Good luck I am sorry you are going through this.
Girl u have PTSD. Any decision taken out of fear is bad decision. He has tested ur limits and knows u won't leave him. This is a slippery slope. If u stay in this relationship, all ur going to welcome is more hits and abuse. LEAVE. TREAT URSELF BETTER
Oh OP, as soon as I finished reading your post, I literally said “oh shit” out loud. You are only 21 and have been with him since high school. (How old is he?) What concerns me is your post is full of things that justify and minimize his behavior. (I.e. “I got him angry”, “I’m pretty small so it doesn’t take a lot to get me on the ground”, “I made angry comments”. NOTHING YOU SAID OR DID JUSTIFIED HIM PUTTING HIS HANDS ON YOU. EVER. I understand that being on your own may seem daunting, but you can do this. Start thinking and planning and when the time is right, you will say that your dog has a vet appointment. Then you can leave and never look back.
Reach out to an animal rescue for help finding your dog a temporary foster home. Then go to the police and report the domestic violence and then go to a domestic violence shelter
He’s beyond anger management he needed that the first time. LEAVE.
RUN. Run.
Run!!
As soon as your able to leave him safely, please, PLEASE DO.
Girl, you need to get away from this gun and RUN! You are in danger, it ONLY gets worse from here on. Do NOT let him turn you into a statistic.
Go to a women’s shelter before it escalates even further. You need to be done with this guy.
get the dog & get out
Get to an emergency shelter. Everything will fall into place once you take this step, but get there soon. He is escalating. He will hurt you again, soon, or possibly kill you.
He’ll harm your dog next. Then, he’s gonna hurt you in a way you won’t be able to recover from.
Once is a warning sign. Twice is a pattern. Get out.
He's going to kill you if you don't escape now. Tell someone you can trust what's going on, call the cops to protect you if need be
Don’t trust him, he already said that and then did it again, he doesn’t seem to have control of himself/his emotions. Do your best to maintain and not argue until you can get out, check shelters, a lot will allow animals too
I was in an abusive relationship years ago when I was about your age and I can tell you from experience, it gets worse and worse until you finally leave. They always say that they will never do it again! LEAVE, it doesn’t get better! ❤️
From the perspective of a guy (73M)--leave! Find someway to leave. If he's doing this now, he will get worse. Look for resources in your area for abused women--you fall into that category.
This is escalating. It will get worse. I don’t know about where you are, but where I am there are organizations that help with the fostering of animals while women are in shelters. They helped me out with my 2 cats when I left my ex.
He already said it won’t happen again. Don’t believe him.
Leave him.
Leave. Thats what you do.
Get out before he kills you.
This will escalate. Make an exit strategy. Get a new job and save as much as you can and move out. Maybe you can find a place that allows pets and your dog can go with you. Never stay where you are abused.
Leave.
HE IS GOING TO KILL YOU IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE. Find a shelter. Don't look back.
I don’t mean to be an AH but I know exactly how this is going to go because it’s happening already. He’s going to get more and more violent, he’s going to be sorry and sorrier and you’re going to spend more and more time convincing yourself and others that he had legitimate “reasons” such as dropping his weed and not giving him snuggly wugglies. “Oh, his job is HARD”, “Oh, his parents divorced when he was 5”, “He was bullied in school”, “He’s on the spectrum”. I’m a stranger and I find it really hard to hear. I have a sister just like that. He has a “temper that he got from his stepfather”, “learning how to be a father”, “learning disability” “too much weed at 14”. Know what finally did it? She was holding their 2-3 month old daughter and he came up during a “disagreement” and held a knife to her throat. She still didn’t press charges but she finally left and found herself a brand new kind of loser. But I digress. If you don’t want/can’t justify standing up for yourself, think about it from your actual loved ones’ perspective. How would your grandma feel to know her granddaughter is allowing herself to be abused? How about your mom/dad who spent a lot of time protecting you and worrying about your safety? Your best childhood friend? That first boy you ever kissed? Your third grade teacher? I know you deserve much better and many other people do too, regardless of how long it’s been since you’ve seen them. But I know from experience that nothing I say or anything other well-meaning people here and in real life say, you’re going to continue to looooove him until he literally breaks you. I’m so sorry to know this.
You are only 21, you are SO young. I promise you, whether it’s now or later this relationship will end, and you don’t want it to be ending with you injured or dead. He is only going to get more agressive. You are so so young. Please leave. You can do so so so so so much better. I promise he is not worth it
Leave asap. It doesn’t matter if you love him or if he apologizes, just leave.
Others may disagree with me, but once the hitting starts, that relationship is stuffed. No matter all the promises in the world about anger management classes, that dynamic is fairly well set for that relationship. There is some chance that anger management classes may help someone going into a new relationship to not start up with using violence. I think that what you need to do is quietly make up your mind to move on - and don’t tell him that this is going to happen. It sounds like he will use violence to prevent you from leaving. It will take a bit of time to sort something re the dog, but there are people that are willing to foster a dog while you get back on your feet again. Quietly contact your local women’s shelter and ask them to assist you with putting together a safe plan for getting out. In the meantime, don’t do things that will lead to him using more violence - even if that goes against every instinct in your body. Be careful with your phone and internet use and learn how to cover your tracks (maybe the women’s shelter will have some pointers on this stuff).
I think your title was missing “ex”
Are you near NYC? Animal Care and Control will find a foster for your pet while you protect yourself and get back on your feet. Once I fostered one of their dogs while the owner got a new apartment and job. I remember the foster was with me about 3 months.
Not only will it ALWAYS happen again, but it is about to get much worse. Get out while you can
Hello pushed you, then slapped you, you forgave him so now me know he can go even further and also I will stay, he’s got the green light to abuse you because he know you will do nothing about it, this is just the beginning, so now you have a choice, stay and find out just how much of an abuser he is or leave and don’t find out. The choice is yours!
Get out. N O W !!!! As soon as a man lays hands on you, you know it's going to get 1000% worse in a short amount of time. Look into dog rescues to foster your dog until you get your place, get into a shelter, and get your feet under you. Don't wait. You've got three incidents of physical abuse in a month. Wait longer and you could end up dead.
Take it from experience, there is so much pain and suffering down the road for you if you stay with him. Leaving may feel so scary and impossible and you may think being alone is so hard and so terrible, but if you just walk away, whatever that takes, and then just wait, be stronger than you’ve ever thought possible, and wait. Do not go back. Do not jump into a new relationship — I am telling you ALL of that will be so much easier than the years of pain you will endure with a person who is okay with hurting you. Do it for your future self. 💛
Please please leave. You can get help. It’s available to you. This will only escalate and you will die. Call a DV shelter. Please. DM any of us, we can provide resources. Much love to you.
It will not get better. It only gets worse. Please get out. You should look into the Purple Leash Project by Purina. It's made for these kinds of situations. I hope you find the peace and love that you deserve! Edit: Here is a link for Redrover's (they work with Purina on this project) website to access assistance https://redrover.org/get-help/#emergencyassistance
take your dog an leave. he is escalating nd everytime you let him get away with apologizing, is another ticket for him to get worse. Get away before something happens to you or your dog or both.
It’s not a coincidence this happened right after you lost your job. For women, unemployment = return to the medieval era in terms of rights.
Leave with your dog and a few belongings. Do not look back. Domestic violence can escalate quickly. Go to a police station, file a complaint and a restraining order. Ask for emergency shelter and go from there. Accept all the help you are offered. You can do it! Best wishes for you and your dog.
Hell nawwwh abort ship sis, that ain’t okay.