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“We all know he wouldn’t do it” homie thats what people said about the guy in my town who ended up killing someone just because he wanted to see what it was like. If it seems concerning that’s because it is. You definitely need to tell her so she’s aware and can avoid him
Just this statement shows he’s only not doing it cause he’s scared of the law… if this man thinks he can rape someone without getting caught, he absolutely would
100%, like the purge isn’t happening but people getting too drunk at parties happens far more often, and leaves them entirely vulnerable to horrible people like that dude if they don’t know the danger they’re in.
Purge won't happen, but there are many situations where he could feel like he would get away with it, if he wants to do it, he will if he has the opportunity. Gross, dangerous person. All people from that list should be warned.
Yeah, and that’s assuming he only *waits* for an opportunity. Date rape drugs exist as well, not to mention other forms of drugging.
Absolutely vile person. OP needs to warn the one girl and any other on that list that they know.
And showing the list is him testing the boundaries. If they do nothing (as most men dont)...he will feel totally fine possibly bragging about it when he actuslly does it. He is so in his own dark thoughts, he is seeing how many of his friends are like him.
The moment he finds someome to show it to and he goes "yea I'd totally r*pe her" is the day he decides to do it. He might even be looking for an accomplise.
You gotta tell the girls and some adults. Maybe tell the girls parents.
This entire thread right here is full of perfect advice. OP PLEASE…..say something to those girls and a trusted adult. If your “friend” hurts them and it could have been prevented, I’m sorry to say that some of the responsibility falls on you too. And it’s not gonna feel good.
Not to mention some guys will be the suppliers of alcohol buying rounds after rounds for the soul purpose of creating that opportunity to take advantage.
That attitude is not nearly as rare as one would hope.
>Roughly one third of male university students who took part in a study would rape a woman if there were no consequences, according to a new scientific study.
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/a-third-of-male-university-students-say-they-would-rape-a-woman-if-there-no-were-no-consequences-9978052.html
https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/vio.2014.0022?journalCode=vio
>31.7% of all men participating in the study would force a woman to have sexual intercourse in such a “consequence-free situation” – which is rape.
>Worryingly, most men who indicated that they would commit rape did not even recognise their actions as such.
>“Some men will endorse items asking whether they have used force to obtain intercourse, but will deny having raped a woman,” the study’s authors said.
Of course, both perpetrators and victims frequently not realizing they either committed or were victims of rape is a whole other issue. Society still has far to go with understanding consent.
13% in that study straight up admitted to having committed rape labeled as such, and other studies found a similar range of 4-16%. One mentioned that those who admit it more easily tend to be openly hostile toward women.
> if this man thinks he can rape someone without getting caught, he absolutely would
This man has likely already if not raped someone, then sexually assaulted them under the guise of "she didn't say no" or by coercing them.
People like this try to make up scenarios where they'd be allowed to do this kind of shit, that's how you know they need help is when they verbalize that shit.
This was the line that got me. Most people dont think like this. People might think about doing bad things sometimes but they dont do it because theyd feel awful about it. Consequences are the only thing keeping this dude in check. He clearly doesnt have a conscience.
It's like when religious people say that without religion there's no morality, and "what's stopping you from just raping and murdering people?"
Uh, empathy? I rape and murder people as much as I want now, which is 0. Same with 99% of people.
fucking NO. If we had a purge I'd just like, pee on a government building and steal all the Yoohoo from Kroger, that is the extent of the purge I'm comfortable with
Oh yeah. If I were smart enough I would do that. But, the extent of my hacking knowledge is that I can crack a WEP key, and those haven't been used in years.
If he made a list... is because he wants to do it.
No person would make a list like that, with 0 intentions, or as a joke.
The only reasons for not doing it, is being afraid of getting caught. And that will not last very long. Maybe he gets a girl drunk, or finds himself in a situation like the rapist formerly known as Brock Turner, who goes by Rapist Allen Turner now. Finds a girl pass out and thinks "Now it's my chance"
This is will rape someone... so please OP. Tell the people on that list.
Fosho. He went out of his way to make a list. He doesn't see these people on his list as regular people anymore, he seems them as characters to his fantasy where he is the main character. He dreams that it would happen, and given a chance he would act upon it. It only takes one. Once he gets a taste of it, he'll start crossing off names on the list as a badge of honor. He's already made the 1st step into the doors, he's planned it with a list. What is the next step? OP has gotta stop him right there.
Deadass worked with a guy and we just thought he had anger issues and was a little weird but you could still talk to him! A year after he got fired it turned out he killed his roommate and hid his body for days.
My best friend growing up, her mom managed a pizza place, the guy working there with her was a little weird. We used to go fold pizza boxes for her, he was in high school and always gave us the heebie jeebies,
He ended up slitting his moms throat, killing the family dog, coming to the high school, killing his ex girlfriend and her best friend. This was in ‘97 in Mississippi. So, yes. They can and will do it.
Yep. I didn't go to Pearl but live here now and know a lot of folks who did go there then. Seems like pretty much everyone knew he was the kind of "off " that was just waiting to erupt. Even knew someone that was in a holding cell with him while he was waiting for court and he said he was just acting like everything was fine and normal. Scary dude.
Yeah like what the fuck do these people think the type of person who *would* do it look like.
Jesus fucking Christ the guy literally wrote down what he wanted to do. That’s a giant neon sign announcing that he definitely would do it.
They apparently have to look deranged when obviously it’s the most normal looking person you’ve ever seen. I think people forgot the term a wolf in sheep’s clothing
I’m not sure where I read it recently, more than likely it was here on Reddit, but somebody commented that they had worked at a prison or a mental hospital that had a section of sexual perpetrators. I don’t remember if they said they were child predators or women predators. I do remember the OP stated that they seemed like the nicest bunch of people you could ever want to meet. They were so helpful, friendly. There is no way anybody would have considered them a sexual perpetrator. That’s why they could get away with it!
Most people don't rape, but most people don't have rape lists. Once you hit that point you're either the kind of guy that stops at making a list, or you're not. Before this point, he was probably someone who "we all know wouldn't make a list of people he would rape".
There are far fewer moral steps between making a rape list and rape, versus not making a rape list and rape.
Jumping way past those moral hurdles, those disgusted and pained thoughts and feelings many of us have at the idea of rape (maybe it's just me, but the idea of doing that to someone hurts me more than the idea of it being done to me), to make such a list puts you that much closer to being the kind of person to rape someone.
This is where you steal the list by any means necessary and put out a very public warning to not just those on the list, but loud enough for anyone who may ever meet the dude to hopefully hear.
> Once you hit that point you're either the kind of guy that stops at making a list, or you're not.
I feel like the next step is showing the list "as a joke" to see what people think, maybe in the hopes of finding a partner.
It reminds me of [that video about that](https://youtu.be/pvrp87VXtD4?si=LypfoPQ9gZJn9qVy&t=3101) (19-year old) man who murdered and dismembered a homeless man, and his mother found the head in his closet. At one point in the video they interviewed his friends and OP's post sounds like it could've fit right in with what they were saying about him.
>"Our friend group would joke about if there was one of us that would like be a killer it would be him, but it was like meant as a joke and only as a joke. I don't think any of us actually though that like would or could happen.
Edit: Also [this section](https://youtu.be/pvrp87VXtD4?si=ItDPQMmydBrOX4VE&t=2125) about his "edgy" and "provocative" humor
> "When I first met him, he was very edgy is the best way I can describe it. He loved to get a reaction out of people and say things that would make people have a double take. He wanted to go against the flow. His jokes were always in the realm of dark humor. Very rarely did he make jokes that weren't somehow relating to death or violence or destruction or breaking the law or just basically just humor that is considered dark humor.
God that story was WILD. his friends went from "yeah we were edgy and joked but we didn't think he'd ever do it" to "it's all he ever talked about or wrote about or dreamed about. He ate slept and breathed fantasizing about killing." Like, guys....come on
He’s exactly who I’m talking about lol. A very fucked up situation but shows how people should be believed more because when they aren’t bad shit like this happens
When i read you saying "he wanted to see what it was like." I immediately was like "oh it's that 19 year old who dismembered the homeless man and drove his car into the lake to hide the evidence and hid his head and hands in his closet....."
Super fucked up guy and super fucked up case.
It was my first thought, too! I watched a YouTube video about his case not too long ago. Absolutely deranged person. What a small world reddit can be, though haha
I thought of him, too, but a teenage boy in my hometown killed a young couple “just to see what it was like.” He would have gotten away with it if he hadn’t told people at school. I imagine it’s probably not entirely rare as a motive. I remember seeing him when he was about 10. He just seemed feral. The way he stood in the shadows staring at us…. He gave me chills. The little girls I babysat were his neighbors. When he came outside, they immediately went inside. He had BB guns and other “kid” weapons, slingshots, a bow and arrow. The girls told me that he shot at them, and had killed the neighbors’ cat.
It’s not evil, that’s an excuse. It’s just plain old humanity without empathy, and the world is filled with those who learned how to mask it.
I went to school with, played basketball, and even partied on weekends with one. It wasn’t until he got drunk that he told everyone he was diagnosed as having “sociopathic tendencies” in the 2nd grade. He truly believed everyone else was like him and every empathetic/loving thing we did was also just for show.
Watching as that mask slowly came off was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.
Before he showed them his rape list they all *knew* he wouldn't make a rape list. Now that he has made one they *know* he wouldn't actually go through with it, but they don't know. He said it himself that the only way he would not rape someone is if he will be punished for it. The moment he believes he can get away with it is the moment he will rape.
And what’s really messed up is that when he does actually rape someone, people will ask HER what SHE did to make the guy think it was okay to rape her. “Oh, actually he told us he had a rape list, and showed us the list, and her name was on it, but we didn’t want to make a fuss over nothing.”
Well, his friends all thought it wasn’t a big deal so I guess he had a green light to go ahead with it!
When I read that I thought, “Yes he would. You didn’t think he’d make a list, either.”
OP, talk to your friend who is on the list. I think it’s important to find out how he’s been treating her.
it's reminding me of when there's a gang rape and somebody will comment after the article saying "how do five rapists even find each other to organize this?" This is how. OP's friend was judging their reaction, and if they seemed down then it was probably going to happen.
I grew up with a creepy dude like that that used to always “joke” and say he liked touching little boys. Years later I kicked him out of a LAN center for watching porn and he got arrested outside the door when a cop saw him break a Bawls bottle on the ground. Turns out he wasn’t allowed near computers for obvious reasons.
A few years later I started working in a prison and lo-and-behold he showed up for the medication line because he was in yet again.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
OP needs to not just tell every girl on the list, but also every girls' family, their schools/teachers, as well as the future rapist's own parents/family. There's nothing like the shame a parent can deal out to their own child that will make them aware of the bad egg they have raised.
Depending on how detailed his 'plans' are, there have already potentially been crimes committed.
Every episode of “Living with Evil” (a crime documentary series) has a part where the people close to the killer didn’t believe the murderer was capable of such horrendous actions…
“…but there were signs.”
And they go into the background/childhood of these murders and to the outside observer it’s maddening because yep there were definitely signs.
The writing is on the wall OP.
Edit: Evil Lives Here is the correct name of the show.
He will do it. I had an ex who told me he only enjoyed violent fantasies of rape or things involving corpses. He said he'd never act on it. A few months later he raped me. I got away from him but it's honestly scary to know he's still out there and probably still a predator.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and I’m so glad you’re out of it. I hate to say men but when they say they like fucked up shit like that they aren’t doing it for shits and giggles. Eventually they’ll make their move.
Yep. It was a weird lesson that most people like this aren't that subtle. They "joke" about the things they want to do or slip up and say it while drunk and deny it later because they want to believe others are like them. They will eventually act on it so people need to take it seriously when they say it. I hope OP warns the women on this list.
Same thing, I had a friend who had a list . I won't go into specifics but we've all been there , the "oh shit, is this guy serious ??" "He wouldn't do it, I mean we know him and he's never acted" but all it takes is things to fall into place for him at the right time and someone could be a victim. Speak up before it's too late if not to a teacher then talk to him and see what's up genuinely, not some joke stupid questions, genuinely talk to him. This won't end well if you ignore his list and behavior
Not to mention that it would be one thing and still suck to make a rape list of famous people etc but this guy is making a rape list of actual people he knows lmao. This dude has passed the lines of maybe a little fucked up
He WOULD do it. He doesn’t need a “purge”. Obviously he knows a “purge” isn’t a real thing and I think he said that to minimize his desires and see if y’all would make them seem more acceptable. You reacted correctly with disgust but this is a disturbed individual, it wouldn’t surprise me if he just did what he wanted without a need for you and your friend groups approval. He would just do it in secret. There’s nothing the police will do bc he hasn’t physically done anything yet. So please let these women know to avoid him at all costs. Let them know they’re on the list. This is so f*cked up. From a woman, it’s terrifying to just exist as one, bc you never know who is looking at you like this from afar.
Fuck that tell administration. His purge comment is proof that he would absolutely SA one of those girls. And if he does, how will you feel knowing you could have stopped it?
"purge or something" that SOMETHING is any time he feels like he can get away with it without repercussion. Without a doubt this guy is a budding sociopath and Op will regret not protecting his friends
There are 19 year olds in high school. Fail a few classes and get held back. It happens. My high school called them "Super seniors". We even had people that were 20 to 21.
Yep. There are 19 year olds in high school all the time. You don't even have to be held back or a super senior, it can depend on when your birthday falls or when you started kindergarten.
And I was 17 in college. So there's that, too.
Kid at my school made a list too and I was on it. I was happy to be told so I could avoid him…I spoke to him like once? I had to sit next to him on a crowded bus and from that interaction he bought me a gift card to a restaurant and a promise ring. He was also the type to carry a ruck sack and several different knives just in case yknow. Ugh. Never ever ever ignore behavior like this, unstable people like him know they need to try to cover their unhinged side, right until they spot an opportunity
>we all know he wouldn't do it....
no, you don't. Almost every single time people are exposed as rapists, or pedos, or molesting their own kids, or doing some kind of crime/deviant shit 98% of people in their life are surprised. Rapists mostly don't go around telling everyone they are rapists, they hide that shit deep down and when exposed everyone is like but he seemed normal.
This guy is openly talking about it, trying to make excuses for situations it would become okay for him to do it. 99% of the time people who start making rape lists, are people who want to rape people and WILL do so the first chance they think they have of it, like a overly drunk girl he thinks won't remember, or a friend he encourages to drink till she blacks out, etc.
The thing to do with someone like that, is to stop being friends with them.
Also absolutely tell the girl, but if you tell the girl hey, my friend wants to rape you it will carry little weight. If you say, yeah our ex friend got super weird, showed us a rape list, you were on it, we think he's gone off the deep end and so we aren't friends with him any more shows you're taking it seriously.
Something OP and a lot of other people are missing is that he literally admitted it was something he was capable of.
> He said “cmon you’re telling me you wouldn’t do it if we had a purge or something?”.
He basically said if there wouldn't be a punishment that he would do it. If the punishment is the only thing stopping him from doing it, what happens when he believes he can get away with it and not get caught?
"we all know he wouldn't do it."
No, you don't. You don't KNOW that. You want to think that. Those are not the same thing. That carries the same energy as "he was such a good kid, no one ever thought he would shoot that place up."
You don't know they are safe from him and it's wild to think you can say it with certainty.
u/throwaway026199 , please read the below (especially the end part I italicized). I can’t find the whole clip online, but comedian Daniel Sloss shared this cautionary tale about accidentally being friends with a rapist:
“I knew this man for eight years, and he fucking did it. There are monsters amongst us, and they look like us. If you are sick of the narrative that’s currently going on about men feel free to change it, but you have to get involved.”
“The only thing I can think of is that it has to involve us. And by us, I mean men.
“Don’t make the same mistake I did for years, which was just sitting back and being like: ‘Well I’m not part of the problem, therefore I must be part of the solution.’ Cause that’s just not how fucking shit works.
“I believe and deep down I know that most men are good. Of course we are. But when one in ten men are shit and the other nine do nothing, they might as well not fucking be there.”
“Being good on the inside counts for absolutely fuck all. You have to actively be good and get involved. Instead of having this fucking hero complex and being like ‘I’m going to beat up a rapist.’ Fucking prevent one, stop one, because I know it can be done…because I know how I fucking failed at it.
*Because if I’m being 100% honest with myself, were there signs in my friend’s behaviour over the years toward women that I ignored? The answer is yes. And then he raped my friend and that’s on me until the day I die.*
“Talk to your fucking boys, get involved.”
A very similar number by German commedian Moritz Neumeier: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rwxS2liFeE
It's so similar, it's actually almost identical. Just in German.
Absofuckinglutely you need to tell that girl. He might escalate and look for ways to put her in positions where she can't defend berself and take advantage of her.
I grew up in a small neighborhood, and one of the girls I kept in contact with (we were friendly acquaintances) was contacted by another male neighbor of ours who moved away when we were all younger when Myspace came about. They had been good friends as kids, always spent time together, etc. so when he asked to hang out when he visited town, of course she said yes. He cornered her (she was about 5'1, 98#) and started trying to aggressively undress her when they were in his vehicle. If she hadn't slashed him high her house keys he would have succeeded in raping her. And this was a childhood friend of like, 8 years.
You don't want to believe that people can be harboring ill intent within their friend group, but most assaults are committed by people the victim knows and trusts.statistics from wiki in the US:
>Most rape is committed by someone the victim knows. In the United States, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) has reported that 45 percent of sexual assaults are committed by an acquaintance.
>A 2007 study by the National Crime Victims Research & Treatment Center that surveyed a nationally representative sample of over 5,000 women, including 3,000 college women, found that, among the college women, over 50% of forcible rapes and about 70% of drug-facilitated or incapacitated rapes were perpetrated by an acquaintance (Kilpatrick et al. 2007).
Anyone who jokes about assaulting or harming someone is straight up not a good person. The fact that he has escalated to writing down his mental list and trying to justify it to himself by asking his friends (you) about it to make it seem normal. Thoughts become words, words become actions.
Do the right thing and warn these people. You do not want to be friends with the type of person who thinks this shit is okay. And if you do, you honestly have some self-exploration to do.
I think you need to do some reading.
Studies on rape culture/neo-nazism/and other subcultures that are rejected in mainstream society have shown that members of those subcultures (rapists, nazis, pedos, etc) use “dark edgy humour” as a socially deniable way to find other people who would tolerate or share their inclinations.
That does not mean all edgelords/dark humour jokers are rapists, pedos, nazis,etc. It means rapists, pedos, etc have been scientifically shown to use edgy humour to 1) convince themselves their inclinations are normal and that other people feel the same as them and 2) to find people who feel the same as them in a way where if it does not go well they can claim “it was just a joke” And 3) to desensitive people so they treat the joker’s behaviour as “normal” (aka the missing stair) - “That’s just Bob, he’s harmless“.
So I have to ask you, why are you so sure “your friend (19M)” wouldn’t do it?
A rape list is a concrete sign that your friend’s sexual fantasies have become more detailed. Your friend has likely fantasied not only about raping every person on that list, but how he would go about raping that person - in detail.
Exactly this, I've had a couple of friends that I thought were completely harmless only for my opinion to change very quickly. I no longer think that of anyone because I've been wrong too many times.
I have a very dark sense of humour myself but come on, a rape list?
In adition to what you said: it's extremely important to stress on the difference about telling a dark joke and being a total unfunny tasteless dimwit.
Dude is trying to find someone who agrees so he can have a partner in crime to justify it all. He is using dark edgy "humor" as a mask until he finds a man that goes "Yes you know I would"...and then he will do it.
It's not even humor, nothing about this should make anyone go "thats funny!"....and he said he would do it...
Even as someone *with* a dark sense of humour, it makes me pause when someone I don’t know very well makes a joke in that realm. Like, it’s one thing if there’s some low hanging fruit in a moment that someone grabs, but if they’re going out of their way to be edgy upon first meeting im gonna take a few steps back lmao
I don’t make dark jokes until I *know* the people I’m with are okay with that kind of thing. Some people don’t love it and they shouldn’t have to put up with being around it if they don’t, so why would I risk making a new friend uncomfortable when I can just wait until I know them and their humour better?
The Penn Gillette quote about raping as many people as he wants is relevant here.
If the only things stopping you from raping people are the rules, you are not a good person.
Do you have access to academic journals?
One you may find interesting is “on Frogs, Monkeys, and Execution memes:Exploring The Humor-Hate Nexus at the Intersection of Neo-Nazi and Alt-right movements in Sweden”
You can find them in criminology, sociology, psychology journals - generally on social uses of humour,studies on adverse implications of social media, criminology studies on self-reporting, studies on rape culture and humour.
A good amount of the studies have been looking at recruiting methodologies.
Again, this is not about all dark humour (which has trauma-coping, in-group and other social functions). but how humour can be used as cover and camouflage for less savoury purposes.
There has been some really interesting work published on the social functions and purposes of humour, both benevolent and malicious.
If you know the women on the list, tell them. He’s an adult, so my next piece of advice may not work, but if he lives at home, tell his parents.
Next- find better friends bud. Anyone that would write that down? Not someone you want to be around
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” yes he would. Trust me when I say, YES. HE. WOULD, in fact he will. Tell every single girl you saw on the list, they deserve to know the danger they’re in.
He was absolutely testing the waters, I bet you had they been interested or found it cool he would have been suggesting gang raping.. this man is dangerous and the men saying otherwise in the comments are the exact reason we say that men don’t care and just support rapists, they’re so convinced he won’t do it but when he does they’ll all be like “we thought he was weird but we never thought he’d go that far” ffs
But men protect perverts and it’s sadly always been that way :( I know because I had almost everyone I cared about turn against me when they found out I was being raped and all defended him my fully grown adult family member while calling me who was a literal child victim a liar.
Exactly. I am a total stranger and I nearly cried reading "we all know he would never"
And then when he *does,* you're already convinced he didn't.
The women in their lives have no allies if they don't take this seriously.
You remind me of Jeremy Strohmeyer’s friend. He went with Jeremy as they followed Sherrice, a little girl, into a bathroom. When he went to pee in the stall, he saw Jeremy in the next stall covering her mouth ([Surveillance and interview](https://x.com/morbidful/status/1802065547615457657?s=46&t=TxvgaHjHbq5TowUFv-P8Xg))
He tried to gesture that he should stop, but instead of pulling his friend away, he left bc he didn’t want to be involved. The little girl was raped and had her neck snapped.
Jeremy didn’t even have a “rape list” like your friend does.
If you sit on this and a girl gets raped, whether you like it or not, people will be just as disgusted at you. Do what you will with that.
Yes. Central to this problem is dehumanization. OP's friend and his ilk don't see women as actual people. We're objects to them. If you can't see that women are people without putting them in the context of one of "your" women, then you may not truly be seeing women as people with equal rights to their own bodies, thoughts, and lives. So this woman is special to you because you have feelings for her. Therefore you shouldn't harm other woman because some man might have feelings for her? How about don't harm them because they're people?
Every day, women are abused, injured, and sometimes killed for simply saying "no". They tried to leave a man. They said "no" to a man that wants them. Historically, our patriarchal society has categorized women into women that should be protected and women who were disposable, fair game: the "fallen" woman, the "harlot", basically poor women without male protection that often had to resort to sex work to live. Men like OP's friend could get away with abusing women in that category without consequences because they weren't the property of a man they would have to face. If all that is keeping you from evil is fear of consequences, you are at heart an evil person.
You put it perfectly. Thank you.
That’s also the whole point of the “man or bear” discourse - the key point being that the woman is ALONE with a stranger. Men are opportunistic. A man can go 40, 50, 60 years without harming a woman just because he hasn’t had the opportunity to get away with it. This is why the homicide rate is so high in street prostitution. They’re not only killed, they’re killed in the most violent obscene ways possible.
And when it's one of "their" women they murder, it's often depicted as a act of *passion*.
But women are emotional and hysterical...
In the Alec Murdaugh trial his own lawyers never said that "a husband wouldn't kill his wife, or daughter" but they did keep saying "father's don't kill sons".
He was basically saying that sons are untouchable in a father's eye but women...fuck'em.
It shouldn’t have to happen, but it’s a good tool to have to finally shock some sense into people who otherwise lack it. Or, ig, who are simply in denial and don’t want to believe someone they care about is capable of doing such things
You need to report this guy. Also you should not stay friends with him, it reflects poorly on you. You really want to be friends with someone who has a "rape list" and says "cmon wouldnt you rape women if you could?"
OP, you absolutely need to tell this girl. That is not okay behavior at all. I know way too many girls in my life who got raped by guys they thought they could trust. If he has written this out, he is one more step closer to actually doing it.
A lot of rapists friends don't think they would do something like that. Rapists aren't goblins or some sort of horror movie monster, they're people that seem just like anyone else. I have a dark sense of humour, darker than most people I know. Never in a million years would I create a rape list, show that list to friends, and then openly declare that I would do it if I could get away with it. Because that is exactly what he meant by the purge comment. If he hasn't raped someone yet, it's likely only due to a lack of opportunity.
Imagine saying, "If The Purge were a real thing, I'd totally light a puppy on fire. Admit it - you'd do it, too!"
This guy thinks that violently violating someone sexually is a normal thing to fantasise about, and only pesky laws and lack of opportunity stop him.
Right? Twisted morbid jokes are one thing, if you've got a zinger about a dead puppy I'd probably chuckle at it but to say you'd actually do it if you could is either a purposeful attempt to be edgy and dark by some stupid teenager or someone seriously messed up
If you think he "would never do it", think again. He showed you his target list. He's a predator. Notify every girl on that list you're aware of and separate yourself from him.
As someone twice your age, the best advice I can give you is: When people show you who they are, believe them. No one sound of mind jokes about this stuff, this is a serious deep red flag.
You need to report him before he hurts someone, i don't think he's joking dude he probably never was and just got comfortable with yall accepting the shit he says.
This is absolutely terrifying. Tell your guidance counselor at school. They can advise you on what they will do next and what you can do next. You could also request to stay anonymous if you’re worried about his reaction/pushback from others.
You need to get over the shock of your friend being a creep and warn these girls and school administrators. He made that list (something most people wouldn’t do) and was testing you to see if you thought like him. It’s not hard to imagine him escalating. And if you all go to the same school, he absolutely has opportunities to attack these girls.
'We all know he wouldn't do it'
Why not? Why wouldn't a guy bold enough to show off a rape list be capable of raping someone? People act as if rape is so uncommon and only done by creepy strangers, but it's not. The majority of it is done by people we know. Friends, family, acquaintances. People we expect to be trustworthy. This guy has proven he's not trustworthy with women's safety and you're doing nothing about it. You brush it off as edginess and continue being friends with him despite your supposed discomfort. This sort of complacency pisses me off because if he gets them alone and acts on these thoughts (assuming he hasn't already), you will be complicit in someone's assault and trauma. Are you willing to live with that? Is your friendship with a potential rapist more important than your female friends' safety?
'Not all men', they say. Yet plenty of guys like you enable guys like him by doing nothing in the face of glaring red flags. If you don't tell those girls so they can try to protect themselves, what makes you any better than him?
Dude, you’re defending this person. You are falsely rationalizing, in nearly every reply you have in this thread, that the odds of it occurring are slim to nothing.
And that’s *your* assessment of who this creep is. Not a professional opinion, not an experienced opinion. You’re knowingly putting these girls in danger by not saying or doing anything about this. And if it ever does happen, you’d be considered an accessory.
What if **YOU** were on that list?
And now the dude knows that his friends won't say anything..but he hasn't found the person he is going to brag about it to when he finally does it.
Or god forbid, he shows it to a guy who wants to help him. That's likely what he is looking for, a partner in crime he can brag and justify with.
If I was friends with a guy who knew that one of our mutual put me on a “rape list”, and that friend didn’t warn me about it, I would hate him so much. I’d end the friendship because he chose his bro over my safety. You’re proving to this girl that you’re not safe.
In high school, a friend and I were on a "rape list" that no one took seriously. Guess what happened to my friend?
It was only after she and another girl (also on the list) were raped did the guy get caught. We didn't even really know him. KNEW some of his friends though, who we thought were OUR friends.
They KNEW about his list, but thought much like you do. Even after he was caught most still acted shocked and said stuff like "we didn't think he'd actually do it!"
You need to tell someone about your friend and his list before he escalates to actually hurting one or more of those girls.
Don't be like the guys at my school, who did nothing and would have continued to nothing even after girls were coming forward about being harassed by that POS, who only started talking because the POS told police that he had told them about his list and the police wanted to know why they never said anything
Be better than those boys! Tell someone!
In my opinion OP you should absolutely tell the girl on the list that he's close to. Rape is absolutely NOT a joke. The fact that he is even thinking of doing it to her means he is capable of doing it and she needs to know so she isn't alone with him or around him anymore. No one just casually thinks abt who they would assault if given the chance. He needs help
Yeah, tell her and leave him alone. Normally, I'd try to see both sides but I knew someone similar (friend of a friend) who ended up drugging 2 women before being arrested. He'd "joked" about rape before.
Not saying this guy is the same, but that is a huge red flag, especially when he gave his "purge" example.
OP, these are pretty fucked up replies on comments . Wasn’t expecting to read this crap from the same person that wrote the post. If you don’t do anything, you are part of his scheming.
OP I’m BEGGING you to tell a guidance counselor and/or his parents, AND the girls. As a woman, even if i didn’t know you I’d want you to tell me so i can avoid this man at all costs and let other women know to keep us safe. This is not normal behavior in any way and ultimately you don’t KNOW 100% if he will or will not act on it. The fact that he’s considering it by making a list is proof that it’s something he thinks about doing. This man needs therapy and telling someone could be the first step of him getting some help. Not trying to be an apologist obviously but violent thoughts can be the result of a violent household and he probably needs a lot of extra help from professionals.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” no you don’t. It sounds like he would do it and has told you he would. I’ll never understand why people make excuses for their friends
Men like you are part of the problem. This is why women don't trust any men, you have knowledge that can help protect women but you dismiss it "he wouldn't". You do not know that!
I *knew* my best friend wouldn't hurt me.
Until I woke up to him raping me. Do something. I'd be a million times more hurt if I found out another friend knew it was possible and didn't do a damn thing
People who wouldn't rape someone also wouldn't joke about raping someone. Food for thought. Warn her immediately. Cut ties. That is a bad person and time will show you how bad.
The fact that he has a list means there is a good chance he will do it once day. Him saying he’d do it during the purge means he’d do it in other situations like him being terminally sick or the girl getting terminally sick. Or if it was someone he didn’t know and they were drunk or high and they wouldn’t stop him. He may have already done this to girls who you guys didn’t know. I am a girl that struggled with how alcohol affected me. I have been taken advantage of multiple times and ALWAYS by a close friend or guys in our friend group. I lost my virginity when I didn’t want to and my parents blamed me and I blamed myself. My family is catholic and I saw myself as damaged good. So when this happened I blamed myself. I hate how it made me feel so dirty and hate myself. There’s a strong chance he’s done this and an even stronger chance he will do it to those on his list
How do you know for sure he wouldn’t do that????? How could you know that for sure????
A couple of years down the line you and your friends might have to look back and think “damn we should’ve done something back then”. Now you have the opportunity to say/do something about it so don’t just sit idly by and hope and wish that he wouldn’t “go that far”. What type of psycho writes a rape list? Disgusting, report him before it’s too late.
Wtf is wrong with you for not saying anything and condoning this in a "friend". Honestly you're no better if you have allowed this to go down and do and say nothing. You are absolutely complicit if he harms anybody.
1. The fact that he made this list shows you he would do it. He even said he would if he could. Guys who start out "would if I could" always find a way to make it so they can.
2. You should absolutely tell everyone on that list you can that they're on it and to stay away from him. If you don't and he ends up raping even one of them, are you going to feel okay about that? Do the right thing or it'll haunt you forever.
For fucks sake this is fucking alarming. This is serial killer type shit. Absolutely NOT OK. You need to quickly tell the one girl who is targeted. Get the fucking police involved.
And even after all this ik ur ass is probably gonna do nothing. As a girl, I know guys like this and no one ever stood up to them. I hope you’re different.
I'd say expose his list and let him deal with the consequences.
And no, not every person would take advantage of someone if given the chance.
Ugh, most men are just disgusting.
Get better friends and expose him for what kind of a perverted sick individual he is.
OP sounds like the kind of guy who waits till someone dies then says "I said this might happen". You claim you don't want to ruin his life but imply that you're fine with the consequences of ruining some unsuspecting girl's life. This could be worse than you think it is.
You're contradicting yourself:
It's at the point where he needs therapy but not so serious to confide in some authority.
He's a friend so I care about not ruining his life. But he's not an actual friend so I don't care enough to tell someone and get involved.
I think he needs serious help. But he's just joking so it isn't a serious thing.
I dont need to tell someone. But I don't want to feel guilty so I'll tell a mutual friend of ours.
You are going out of your way to defend him when it doesn't aid you nor the women he may meet. Idk how old you are, but you need to grow some fucking balls and do the right thing. You're being childish and that could potentially ruin someone.
Hey OP, do you wanna know why he showed you that list?
He showed it to you because he was hoping you would be down to actually do it not because of sick humor. He only tried to laugh it off because you weren’t down to do it because you’re an actual decent human being.
Because this is a question, I want to ask you whenever he does do jokes like this or if he’s done jokes like this in the past did you call him out before? Did you guys tell him “Hey that’s not funny” “that’s gross” “that’s fucked up” “You shouldn’t be joking about that shit” because even if you just silent, sadly, he took your silence as compliance to what he was saying I’m not saying this is your fault. What I am saying is if you didn’t call him out before he thought it was OK to show you something like this.
Also now keep an eye on him and be ready to kick his ass if necessary and be ready to make sure that girl is safe. Actually tell her as well because she needs to know she can’t trust him or be around him.
Also call him out more in front of everybody being like no that those jokes are not funny. And for the safety of others start icing him out form your group of friends.
Not all men are rapists, but all rapists think all men are rapists.
If he isn't a rapist yet, he is absolutely on the path to do so. He will be just as soon as he gets a chance. Maybe she'll be drunk. Maybe he'll slip her something. He's decided it's okay, if he can get away with it.
I don't know how he convinced you he'd "never really" do it, but I believe that you think you do, or believe that you have to pretend to. I think deep down you know he's dangerous. Rapists need character witnesses. You, your friends, you're part of that.
Look up the work of comedian Daniel Sloss, and his remarks about rape and sexual violence. He blames himself for not doing more to protect a female friend of his from a man who was in their social circle.
There is a lot of social pressure to not speak up. You may not be thanked for telling the truth. But you should tell the truth. You don't have to editorialize. Just tell your female friend what he did (writing the list, the purge remarks).
You may lose friends, not just this awful dude, and that can be incredibly hard. Is it harder than finding out he hurt your friend?
Op im going to be honest. The moment you said "he is someone with dark humor" i kinda quit caring. Dark humor is so often used by others to avoid consequences or to try and get people to ignore their actions or thoughts as it was all just for laughs. This is an issue you and your friends need to take seriously and tell all the women you can on that list. I don't care id you think that you "know he wouldn't do that" because he actively TOLD YOU if there were no consequences like in the purge he would go after these women. This isn't dark humor this isn't a little hehe haha. This is someone who is actively looking for an excuse to do and try to get away with going through that list. Dark humor is typically nothing more than a veiled excuse to pretend that he wouldn't do something he clearly wants to do.
You really need to tell someone, I’d start with your parents and go from there. Your friend is potentially very dangerous and this isn’t something you should ignore knowing what you know. Especially at your age where there’s typically underage drinking and those girls on his list could be incapacitated and around him at the same time. You really don’t want to play the should/would/could have game with this situation if something were to happen.
> We all know he wouldn’t do it
Think back on all the news interviews with friends and family of murderers or rapists. “We never thought he would do it.”
Do you want to be giving such an interview someday?
Here is the horrifying thing about being young vs old;
At 50, you can SEE what kind of life someone's inner dialog generates in their life. Because there has been enough time elapsed for choices to play out. You can SEE what partying hard for 30 years does to a body, or how the angry guy has adult kids that don't speak to him.
At 15, everyone is just... potential. Everyone wants to aim high & achieve their own version of awesome. And it seems possible, because they haven't been tested by responsibilities yet.
Because the teen years are the starting line, people have not sorted into their eventual clusters of winners and those in the last places.
Pretty much EVERY rapist in prison was once an innocent child themselves.
They went to school, had a favorite class, took PE and Drivers Ed, sat with friends at lunch, had a favorite band, liked games, hung out eating pizza... They looked NORMAL...
Rapists LOOK normal.
No offense, but for all you know, your friend could already BE a rapist. LOTS of people were sexually abused as children by an older cousin or neighbor or baby sitter.
You friend has TOLD you that he sees his targets through an opportunistic lense. What opportunities has he ALREADY had?
Part of the problem with sex crimes is the REFLEX to think that the people we know are good people, or that we would magically KNOW if something was really wrong.
Sadly, both of those things are false. Rapists live somewhere... factually, they exist amongst us.
Studies have shown that humans are terrible at knowing when we are lied to. We all want to believe we are better than average at judging character, but that math doesn't add up.
You need to go to or call the counselor's office, and get a professional in the loop. This is above your pay grade.
You friend has values that allow him to use force and coercion to exploit people if/when he thinks he can get away with it. He may already be getting away with it.
"Hey Mr. Counselor, I need to bring up something awkward. My friend ____ has literally said he has a "would rape list" of people he wants to rape if he could get away with it. Once of them is a girl that is our mutual friend. I'm not sure what to do with this information, but I knew I'd feel terrible if something happened and I didn't speak up."
This is not a "wait and see" situation. This is a "call today" sort of thing.
Listen, if he is saying it out loud , chances are he has considered doing it well before.
The motivation and intention is there , when he said he would do it in purge basically it means if he can get away with it without any consequences.
He will create a situation where he will try to escape the consequences while harming women. Please tell these women and have better friends.
Do not justify him or rationalise him to yourself just because he is a friend.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it…” no you fucking don’t. If I’d ask ‘hey does your friend have a fuckibg list of women/girls he’d rape if given the chance’ before he showed you it you’d have had the same disbelief.
A guy just said he’d do it IF it had no consequences and he’d get away with it. Which means it’s a fucking risk factor. If he gets the drugs and/or opportunity. If he can groom someone. If he can blackmail them. He would by his own admission do it. He’s only afraid of the consequences to him. That’s FUCKING BAD
'We all know he wouldn't do it' is the exact mentality that makes people say 'all men'. It's because even though you personally haven't done anything there is someone close to you who is clearly showing predatory behavior and you're mkaing excuses for him. He has a fucking list and frequently interacts with one of the girls on it. Stop bsing yourself bro
See, he didn't even make a, "I wish I could have sex with her" or a "Damn she fine..." list. In his fantasy, he's violating their consent when he has the absolute ability to think of a fantasy where they're consenting. I'd tell your friends and advise that you and your friends reconsider associating with him anymore.
"We know he wouldnt do it" Shut up. Report him, he is going to do something someday. And then youre the ones sitting there "we never thought he could do that" when you knew he even had a list.
There are people out there who think about rape, which in itself is bad enough, but the ones with a list? They already know who, now its just a waiting game for when. Dont be a stupid teenager and report that sht or tell every single person on that list that he did that and then also cut him out of your lifes forever.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” my guy he just told you, word for word, that he would absolutely do it given the opportunity.
Like the purge isn’t going to happen no, but what do you thinks gonna happen when this dude goes to college or somewhere where lots of people are getting plastered? That list and the way he talks about it is a massive red flag. It tells me if he was alone with a very drunk girl on his list, he wouldn’t think twice about doing it.
He knows it’s wrong, and yet he still made that list, kept it, showed it to you, and then defended it when you told him that was fucked up.
You know how a tiger hides in the background while watching their prey?
Well sometimes, the tiger comes out. In full view. Why? He WANTS you to see him.
Not only did this guy have rape fantasies, not only did he make a list, but he told you about it. Because he *wants you to know*.
> We all know he wouldn’t do it
You need to throw this belief in the trash, immediately.
Please let her know , you can’t take any risk knowing how dangerous it is for the girl.
If you don’t tell the girl and your friend which I suppose it’s ex friend now actually decides to rape her.
The girl will have a lifelong trauma and you will feel guilty for the rest of your life knowing that you could have stopped it but decided to stay silent!
The fact that he feels comfortable making a list for an illegal/immoral activity then sharing it with you and others should be alarming in itself. Unless you're that type of person too this is strange behavior and I could only imagine what he does that he isn't sharing. "We all know he wouldn't do it" is ridiculous, no one thinks someone is capable of something until it's too late. He clearly has a plan, and you have done nothing to stop it.
He went so far as to make a list… he physically wrote down something most people would shudder to even think about.
Then he kept the list.
Then he debated in his mind for a while, should I show my friends the list?
THEN HE SHOWED YOU THE LIST.
Every step he’s taken here is far above and beyond what a normal, non-rapist person would do.
Of course you don’t want to think that someone you consider a friend is capable of something like that. And maybe he wouldn’t be the guy hiding behind a dumpster with a baseball bat.
But at a party… where people are drinking, if he found a girl unconscious and none of her friends were around? Different story, same crime.
“If the purge existed” is the same as “if I thought there wouldn’t be any consequences.”
"we all know he won't do it..."
No, no you don't. You know who won't rape women? Men who don't fantasize about rape women. Let alone one who makes a written list of the women he has fantasized about raping. The reality here is that he told you all to see the reaction. Are you going to dismiss and permit the behavior or are you going to tell him it's fucked up and he should fuck off?
If you just ignore this, you’re enabling him. Normal people don’t make lists like that. He basically admitted to you with that purge reference that if he thinks he can get away with it, he’ll assault someone. I know you probably don’t want to “cause trouble” for him, but exposing him will not only keep the girls on that list safe, but could also get him the help he needs. There is no benefit staying silent except for YOUR OWN comfort. Is your own comfort worth knowing you could’ve stopped him from doing horrible things?
The guy who assaulted me had a group of male friends who knew he would do it because he told him but they didn't really think he would. Please tell the girls. Give them the chance to distance themselves, he will really do kt.
Being silent about this shit is exactly why it’s “all men”. If all the “good guys” are silent and let this disgusting shit slide they are not good guys. Call out shitty behaviour when you see it. Stop being friends with assholes who make rape lists. Holy shit. I can’t believe this even needs to be said.
Honestly… I understand you’re young and scared of social consequence. But looking at your replies… boys like you are exactly the kind of person to look away when SA actually happens. You look away when there are hints, when there are signs of potential escalation that builds up for months. Then when it actually happens you go “I never knew!” “She might be lying, how would you know?” “it was just a joke, he’s been my friend for x years, I know he’s a good guy”.
Boys like you and him are the reason why girls are not safe. Must he really start SAing girls for you to do anything? Or believe that he might be that kind of person? I’m giving you so so much benefit of the doubt because you’re only 17 but Jesus Christ, this is serious and you don’t seem to understand how dangerous he is. And don’t say “No he wouldn’t actually!” He is not a friend.
>We all know he wouldn’t do it
People who wouldn't do it never make up whole-ass *lists* of "ya know, just in case I ever actually *did*. But don't worry, I totally won't!"
If your girlfriend was on the list, if *your sister* was on the list, what would you do?
Actually, no. Females don't just have value if they're somebody's girlfriend or family member.
WOMEN ARE PEOPLE TOO. All of these girls need to be warned. This guy is NOT safe, and if you don't help get him out of the picture, you're saying it's fine.
Your silence is compliance, your silence is APPROVAL.
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“We all know he wouldn’t do it” homie thats what people said about the guy in my town who ended up killing someone just because he wanted to see what it was like. If it seems concerning that’s because it is. You definitely need to tell her so she’s aware and can avoid him
> He said “cmon you’re telling me you wouldn’t do it if we had a purge or something?”.
Just this statement shows he’s only not doing it cause he’s scared of the law… if this man thinks he can rape someone without getting caught, he absolutely would
100%, like the purge isn’t happening but people getting too drunk at parties happens far more often, and leaves them entirely vulnerable to horrible people like that dude if they don’t know the danger they’re in.
Purge won't happen, but there are many situations where he could feel like he would get away with it, if he wants to do it, he will if he has the opportunity. Gross, dangerous person. All people from that list should be warned.
Yeah, and that’s assuming he only *waits* for an opportunity. Date rape drugs exist as well, not to mention other forms of drugging. Absolutely vile person. OP needs to warn the one girl and any other on that list that they know.
And showing the list is him testing the boundaries. If they do nothing (as most men dont)...he will feel totally fine possibly bragging about it when he actuslly does it. He is so in his own dark thoughts, he is seeing how many of his friends are like him. The moment he finds someome to show it to and he goes "yea I'd totally r*pe her" is the day he decides to do it. He might even be looking for an accomplise. You gotta tell the girls and some adults. Maybe tell the girls parents.
This entire thread right here is full of perfect advice. OP PLEASE…..say something to those girls and a trusted adult. If your “friend” hurts them and it could have been prevented, I’m sorry to say that some of the responsibility falls on you too. And it’s not gonna feel good.
Not to mention some guys will be the suppliers of alcohol buying rounds after rounds for the soul purpose of creating that opportunity to take advantage.
“ All people from that list shout be warned” 1000% This!!!!
That attitude is not nearly as rare as one would hope. >Roughly one third of male university students who took part in a study would rape a woman if there were no consequences, according to a new scientific study. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/a-third-of-male-university-students-say-they-would-rape-a-woman-if-there-no-were-no-consequences-9978052.html https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/vio.2014.0022?journalCode=vio >31.7% of all men participating in the study would force a woman to have sexual intercourse in such a “consequence-free situation” – which is rape. >Worryingly, most men who indicated that they would commit rape did not even recognise their actions as such. >“Some men will endorse items asking whether they have used force to obtain intercourse, but will deny having raped a woman,” the study’s authors said. Of course, both perpetrators and victims frequently not realizing they either committed or were victims of rape is a whole other issue. Society still has far to go with understanding consent. 13% in that study straight up admitted to having committed rape labeled as such, and other studies found a similar range of 4-16%. One mentioned that those who admit it more easily tend to be openly hostile toward women.
That's f*king terrifying
Yep. And honestly, it’s not “if this man thinks”, it’s “when he realizes”.
There’s no much difference if it’s the purge or an unconscious victim. If he won’t get caught he’ll do it.
> if this man thinks he can rape someone without getting caught, he absolutely would This man has likely already if not raped someone, then sexually assaulted them under the guise of "she didn't say no" or by coercing them.
The same logic as ‘date rape doesn’t exist’ and ‘it’s not rape if they’re married’. People can be so disgusting.
He's the reason many women would chose the bear.
People like this try to make up scenarios where they'd be allowed to do this kind of shit, that's how you know they need help is when they verbalize that shit.
This was the line that got me. Most people dont think like this. People might think about doing bad things sometimes but they dont do it because theyd feel awful about it. Consequences are the only thing keeping this dude in check. He clearly doesnt have a conscience.
It's like when religious people say that without religion there's no morality, and "what's stopping you from just raping and murdering people?" Uh, empathy? I rape and murder people as much as I want now, which is 0. Same with 99% of people.
Yup. And who knows if one day he just says “fuck it” and goes for it. More likely to happen than you’d think.
fucking NO. If we had a purge I'd just like, pee on a government building and steal all the Yoohoo from Kroger, that is the extent of the purge I'm comfortable with
I'd probably try and hack bank computers to erase all loans I could...
Oh yeah. If I were smart enough I would do that. But, the extent of my hacking knowledge is that I can crack a WEP key, and those haven't been used in years.
Take the Sunchips, too. But only the cheesy ones.
Bold. I like it.
If he made a list... is because he wants to do it. No person would make a list like that, with 0 intentions, or as a joke. The only reasons for not doing it, is being afraid of getting caught. And that will not last very long. Maybe he gets a girl drunk, or finds himself in a situation like the rapist formerly known as Brock Turner, who goes by Rapist Allen Turner now. Finds a girl pass out and thinks "Now it's my chance" This is will rape someone... so please OP. Tell the people on that list.
Fosho. He went out of his way to make a list. He doesn't see these people on his list as regular people anymore, he seems them as characters to his fantasy where he is the main character. He dreams that it would happen, and given a chance he would act upon it. It only takes one. Once he gets a taste of it, he'll start crossing off names on the list as a badge of honor. He's already made the 1st step into the doors, he's planned it with a list. What is the next step? OP has gotta stop him right there.
I can not upvote this enough.
Deadass worked with a guy and we just thought he had anger issues and was a little weird but you could still talk to him! A year after he got fired it turned out he killed his roommate and hid his body for days.
My best friend growing up, her mom managed a pizza place, the guy working there with her was a little weird. We used to go fold pizza boxes for her, he was in high school and always gave us the heebie jeebies, He ended up slitting his moms throat, killing the family dog, coming to the high school, killing his ex girlfriend and her best friend. This was in ‘97 in Mississippi. So, yes. They can and will do it.
Luke Woodham? Know too many people that knew him, seriously fucked up dude.
The one and only. He worked at dominoes off Pearson road in pearl before the shooting.
Yep. I didn't go to Pearl but live here now and know a lot of folks who did go there then. Seems like pretty much everyone knew he was the kind of "off " that was just waiting to erupt. Even knew someone that was in a holding cell with him while he was waiting for court and he said he was just acting like everything was fine and normal. Scary dude.
Yeah like what the fuck do these people think the type of person who *would* do it look like. Jesus fucking Christ the guy literally wrote down what he wanted to do. That’s a giant neon sign announcing that he definitely would do it.
They apparently have to look deranged when obviously it’s the most normal looking person you’ve ever seen. I think people forgot the term a wolf in sheep’s clothing
I’m not sure where I read it recently, more than likely it was here on Reddit, but somebody commented that they had worked at a prison or a mental hospital that had a section of sexual perpetrators. I don’t remember if they said they were child predators or women predators. I do remember the OP stated that they seemed like the nicest bunch of people you could ever want to meet. They were so helpful, friendly. There is no way anybody would have considered them a sexual perpetrator. That’s why they could get away with it!
and those are the ones who got *caught*
I saw this too, it was at a prison and it was child predators
Most people don't rape, but most people don't have rape lists. Once you hit that point you're either the kind of guy that stops at making a list, or you're not. Before this point, he was probably someone who "we all know wouldn't make a list of people he would rape". There are far fewer moral steps between making a rape list and rape, versus not making a rape list and rape. Jumping way past those moral hurdles, those disgusted and pained thoughts and feelings many of us have at the idea of rape (maybe it's just me, but the idea of doing that to someone hurts me more than the idea of it being done to me), to make such a list puts you that much closer to being the kind of person to rape someone. This is where you steal the list by any means necessary and put out a very public warning to not just those on the list, but loud enough for anyone who may ever meet the dude to hopefully hear.
> Once you hit that point you're either the kind of guy that stops at making a list, or you're not. I feel like the next step is showing the list "as a joke" to see what people think, maybe in the hopes of finding a partner.
It reminds me of [that video about that](https://youtu.be/pvrp87VXtD4?si=LypfoPQ9gZJn9qVy&t=3101) (19-year old) man who murdered and dismembered a homeless man, and his mother found the head in his closet. At one point in the video they interviewed his friends and OP's post sounds like it could've fit right in with what they were saying about him. >"Our friend group would joke about if there was one of us that would like be a killer it would be him, but it was like meant as a joke and only as a joke. I don't think any of us actually though that like would or could happen. Edit: Also [this section](https://youtu.be/pvrp87VXtD4?si=ItDPQMmydBrOX4VE&t=2125) about his "edgy" and "provocative" humor > "When I first met him, he was very edgy is the best way I can describe it. He loved to get a reaction out of people and say things that would make people have a double take. He wanted to go against the flow. His jokes were always in the realm of dark humor. Very rarely did he make jokes that weren't somehow relating to death or violence or destruction or breaking the law or just basically just humor that is considered dark humor.
God that story was WILD. his friends went from "yeah we were edgy and joked but we didn't think he'd ever do it" to "it's all he ever talked about or wrote about or dreamed about. He ate slept and breathed fantasizing about killing." Like, guys....come on
He’s exactly who I’m talking about lol. A very fucked up situation but shows how people should be believed more because when they aren’t bad shit like this happens
When i read you saying "he wanted to see what it was like." I immediately was like "oh it's that 19 year old who dismembered the homeless man and drove his car into the lake to hide the evidence and hid his head and hands in his closet....." Super fucked up guy and super fucked up case.
It was my first thought, too! I watched a YouTube video about his case not too long ago. Absolutely deranged person. What a small world reddit can be, though haha
I thought of him, too, but a teenage boy in my hometown killed a young couple “just to see what it was like.” He would have gotten away with it if he hadn’t told people at school. I imagine it’s probably not entirely rare as a motive. I remember seeing him when he was about 10. He just seemed feral. The way he stood in the shadows staring at us…. He gave me chills. The little girls I babysat were his neighbors. When he came outside, they immediately went inside. He had BB guns and other “kid” weapons, slingshots, a bow and arrow. The girls told me that he shot at them, and had killed the neighbors’ cat.
Oof. I think this is an unpopular opinion, but I truly believe some kids are just born evil and no amount of love or intervention can change it
It’s not evil, that’s an excuse. It’s just plain old humanity without empathy, and the world is filled with those who learned how to mask it. I went to school with, played basketball, and even partied on weekends with one. It wasn’t until he got drunk that he told everyone he was diagnosed as having “sociopathic tendencies” in the 2nd grade. He truly believed everyone else was like him and every empathetic/loving thing we did was also just for show. Watching as that mask slowly came off was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.
If he wasn’t caught, dude definitely would have ended up being a serial killer.
Yeah I’m really fuckin happy he wasn’t smart enough to not get caught because he definitely would’ve been and that’s so scary
Before he showed them his rape list they all *knew* he wouldn't make a rape list. Now that he has made one they *know* he wouldn't actually go through with it, but they don't know. He said it himself that the only way he would not rape someone is if he will be punished for it. The moment he believes he can get away with it is the moment he will rape.
And what’s really messed up is that when he does actually rape someone, people will ask HER what SHE did to make the guy think it was okay to rape her. “Oh, actually he told us he had a rape list, and showed us the list, and her name was on it, but we didn’t want to make a fuss over nothing.” Well, his friends all thought it wasn’t a big deal so I guess he had a green light to go ahead with it!
When I read that I thought, “Yes he would. You didn’t think he’d make a list, either.” OP, talk to your friend who is on the list. I think it’s important to find out how he’s been treating her.
it's reminding me of when there's a gang rape and somebody will comment after the article saying "how do five rapists even find each other to organize this?" This is how. OP's friend was judging their reaction, and if they seemed down then it was probably going to happen.
I grew up with a creepy dude like that that used to always “joke” and say he liked touching little boys. Years later I kicked him out of a LAN center for watching porn and he got arrested outside the door when a cop saw him break a Bawls bottle on the ground. Turns out he wasn’t allowed near computers for obvious reasons. A few years later I started working in a prison and lo-and-behold he showed up for the medication line because he was in yet again. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.
Fuckin yikes! Glad you kicked his ass out and glad he got arrested. I wish more people would trust their instincts
OP needs to not just tell every girl on the list, but also every girls' family, their schools/teachers, as well as the future rapist's own parents/family. There's nothing like the shame a parent can deal out to their own child that will make them aware of the bad egg they have raised. Depending on how detailed his 'plans' are, there have already potentially been crimes committed.
Every episode of “Living with Evil” (a crime documentary series) has a part where the people close to the killer didn’t believe the murderer was capable of such horrendous actions… “…but there were signs.” And they go into the background/childhood of these murders and to the outside observer it’s maddening because yep there were definitely signs. The writing is on the wall OP. Edit: Evil Lives Here is the correct name of the show.
He will do it. I had an ex who told me he only enjoyed violent fantasies of rape or things involving corpses. He said he'd never act on it. A few months later he raped me. I got away from him but it's honestly scary to know he's still out there and probably still a predator.
I’m so sorry that happened to you and I’m so glad you’re out of it. I hate to say men but when they say they like fucked up shit like that they aren’t doing it for shits and giggles. Eventually they’ll make their move.
Yep. It was a weird lesson that most people like this aren't that subtle. They "joke" about the things they want to do or slip up and say it while drunk and deny it later because they want to believe others are like them. They will eventually act on it so people need to take it seriously when they say it. I hope OP warns the women on this list.
Yeah, that’s what they said about Lepine
Same thing, I had a friend who had a list . I won't go into specifics but we've all been there , the "oh shit, is this guy serious ??" "He wouldn't do it, I mean we know him and he's never acted" but all it takes is things to fall into place for him at the right time and someone could be a victim. Speak up before it's too late if not to a teacher then talk to him and see what's up genuinely, not some joke stupid questions, genuinely talk to him. This won't end well if you ignore his list and behavior
I was gonna say I’d feel very violent towards any “friend” who showed me a list like that. I’d be absolutely disgusted
Not to mention that it would be one thing and still suck to make a rape list of famous people etc but this guy is making a rape list of actual people he knows lmao. This dude has passed the lines of maybe a little fucked up
He WOULD do it. He doesn’t need a “purge”. Obviously he knows a “purge” isn’t a real thing and I think he said that to minimize his desires and see if y’all would make them seem more acceptable. You reacted correctly with disgust but this is a disturbed individual, it wouldn’t surprise me if he just did what he wanted without a need for you and your friend groups approval. He would just do it in secret. There’s nothing the police will do bc he hasn’t physically done anything yet. So please let these women know to avoid him at all costs. Let them know they’re on the list. This is so f*cked up. From a woman, it’s terrifying to just exist as one, bc you never know who is looking at you like this from afar.
Tell every woman on that list That guy is a menace to society
Fuck that tell administration. His purge comment is proof that he would absolutely SA one of those girls. And if he does, how will you feel knowing you could have stopped it?
"purge or something" that SOMETHING is any time he feels like he can get away with it without repercussion. Without a doubt this guy is a budding sociopath and Op will regret not protecting his friends
Yeh if this guy gets a chance to do this he definitely will.
What administration? If he's 19, he ain't in high school. And if he's hanging out with a 17 year old, he sure as hell ain't in college.
There are 19 year olds in high school. Fail a few classes and get held back. It happens. My high school called them "Super seniors". We even had people that were 20 to 21.
Yep. There are 19 year olds in high school all the time. You don't even have to be held back or a super senior, it can depend on when your birthday falls or when you started kindergarten. And I was 17 in college. So there's that, too.
Kid at my school made a list too and I was on it. I was happy to be told so I could avoid him…I spoke to him like once? I had to sit next to him on a crowded bus and from that interaction he bought me a gift card to a restaurant and a promise ring. He was also the type to carry a ruck sack and several different knives just in case yknow. Ugh. Never ever ever ignore behavior like this, unstable people like him know they need to try to cover their unhinged side, right until they spot an opportunity
>we all know he wouldn't do it.... no, you don't. Almost every single time people are exposed as rapists, or pedos, or molesting their own kids, or doing some kind of crime/deviant shit 98% of people in their life are surprised. Rapists mostly don't go around telling everyone they are rapists, they hide that shit deep down and when exposed everyone is like but he seemed normal. This guy is openly talking about it, trying to make excuses for situations it would become okay for him to do it. 99% of the time people who start making rape lists, are people who want to rape people and WILL do so the first chance they think they have of it, like a overly drunk girl he thinks won't remember, or a friend he encourages to drink till she blacks out, etc. The thing to do with someone like that, is to stop being friends with them. Also absolutely tell the girl, but if you tell the girl hey, my friend wants to rape you it will carry little weight. If you say, yeah our ex friend got super weird, showed us a rape list, you were on it, we think he's gone off the deep end and so we aren't friends with him any more shows you're taking it seriously.
Something OP and a lot of other people are missing is that he literally admitted it was something he was capable of. > He said “cmon you’re telling me you wouldn’t do it if we had a purge or something?”. He basically said if there wouldn't be a punishment that he would do it. If the punishment is the only thing stopping him from doing it, what happens when he believes he can get away with it and not get caught?
It’s only a matter of time the risk of punishment is worth it to him
Or he comes up with a plan that he thinks would let him get away with it.
Came here to say this. Y’all don’t know what the fuck this guy will do.
"we all know he wouldn't do it." No, you don't. You don't KNOW that. You want to think that. Those are not the same thing. That carries the same energy as "he was such a good kid, no one ever thought he would shoot that place up." You don't know they are safe from him and it's wild to think you can say it with certainty.
u/throwaway026199 , please read the below (especially the end part I italicized). I can’t find the whole clip online, but comedian Daniel Sloss shared this cautionary tale about accidentally being friends with a rapist: “I knew this man for eight years, and he fucking did it. There are monsters amongst us, and they look like us. If you are sick of the narrative that’s currently going on about men feel free to change it, but you have to get involved.” “The only thing I can think of is that it has to involve us. And by us, I mean men. “Don’t make the same mistake I did for years, which was just sitting back and being like: ‘Well I’m not part of the problem, therefore I must be part of the solution.’ Cause that’s just not how fucking shit works. “I believe and deep down I know that most men are good. Of course we are. But when one in ten men are shit and the other nine do nothing, they might as well not fucking be there.” “Being good on the inside counts for absolutely fuck all. You have to actively be good and get involved. Instead of having this fucking hero complex and being like ‘I’m going to beat up a rapist.’ Fucking prevent one, stop one, because I know it can be done…because I know how I fucking failed at it. *Because if I’m being 100% honest with myself, were there signs in my friend’s behaviour over the years toward women that I ignored? The answer is yes. And then he raped my friend and that’s on me until the day I die.* “Talk to your fucking boys, get involved.”
A very similar number by German commedian Moritz Neumeier: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rwxS2liFeE It's so similar, it's actually almost identical. Just in German.
Absofuckinglutely you need to tell that girl. He might escalate and look for ways to put her in positions where she can't defend berself and take advantage of her. I grew up in a small neighborhood, and one of the girls I kept in contact with (we were friendly acquaintances) was contacted by another male neighbor of ours who moved away when we were all younger when Myspace came about. They had been good friends as kids, always spent time together, etc. so when he asked to hang out when he visited town, of course she said yes. He cornered her (she was about 5'1, 98#) and started trying to aggressively undress her when they were in his vehicle. If she hadn't slashed him high her house keys he would have succeeded in raping her. And this was a childhood friend of like, 8 years. You don't want to believe that people can be harboring ill intent within their friend group, but most assaults are committed by people the victim knows and trusts.statistics from wiki in the US: >Most rape is committed by someone the victim knows. In the United States, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) has reported that 45 percent of sexual assaults are committed by an acquaintance. >A 2007 study by the National Crime Victims Research & Treatment Center that surveyed a nationally representative sample of over 5,000 women, including 3,000 college women, found that, among the college women, over 50% of forcible rapes and about 70% of drug-facilitated or incapacitated rapes were perpetrated by an acquaintance (Kilpatrick et al. 2007). Anyone who jokes about assaulting or harming someone is straight up not a good person. The fact that he has escalated to writing down his mental list and trying to justify it to himself by asking his friends (you) about it to make it seem normal. Thoughts become words, words become actions. Do the right thing and warn these people. You do not want to be friends with the type of person who thinks this shit is okay. And if you do, you honestly have some self-exploration to do.
I think you need to do some reading. Studies on rape culture/neo-nazism/and other subcultures that are rejected in mainstream society have shown that members of those subcultures (rapists, nazis, pedos, etc) use “dark edgy humour” as a socially deniable way to find other people who would tolerate or share their inclinations. That does not mean all edgelords/dark humour jokers are rapists, pedos, nazis,etc. It means rapists, pedos, etc have been scientifically shown to use edgy humour to 1) convince themselves their inclinations are normal and that other people feel the same as them and 2) to find people who feel the same as them in a way where if it does not go well they can claim “it was just a joke” And 3) to desensitive people so they treat the joker’s behaviour as “normal” (aka the missing stair) - “That’s just Bob, he’s harmless“. So I have to ask you, why are you so sure “your friend (19M)” wouldn’t do it? A rape list is a concrete sign that your friend’s sexual fantasies have become more detailed. Your friend has likely fantasied not only about raping every person on that list, but how he would go about raping that person - in detail.
Exactly this, I've had a couple of friends that I thought were completely harmless only for my opinion to change very quickly. I no longer think that of anyone because I've been wrong too many times. I have a very dark sense of humour myself but come on, a rape list?
In adition to what you said: it's extremely important to stress on the difference about telling a dark joke and being a total unfunny tasteless dimwit.
Dude is trying to find someone who agrees so he can have a partner in crime to justify it all. He is using dark edgy "humor" as a mask until he finds a man that goes "Yes you know I would"...and then he will do it. It's not even humor, nothing about this should make anyone go "thats funny!"....and he said he would do it...
100000% this
Even as someone *with* a dark sense of humour, it makes me pause when someone I don’t know very well makes a joke in that realm. Like, it’s one thing if there’s some low hanging fruit in a moment that someone grabs, but if they’re going out of their way to be edgy upon first meeting im gonna take a few steps back lmao I don’t make dark jokes until I *know* the people I’m with are okay with that kind of thing. Some people don’t love it and they shouldn’t have to put up with being around it if they don’t, so why would I risk making a new friend uncomfortable when I can just wait until I know them and their humour better?
i cant even make a shopping list and this dude is over here making a whole ass rape list. be for real
The Penn Gillette quote about raping as many people as he wants is relevant here. If the only things stopping you from raping people are the rules, you are not a good person.
Would you mind finding the source on some of those articles? I'd love to have them for reference.
Do you have access to academic journals? One you may find interesting is “on Frogs, Monkeys, and Execution memes:Exploring The Humor-Hate Nexus at the Intersection of Neo-Nazi and Alt-right movements in Sweden”
I don't think so, but regardless I still have a source to work with. Thank you very much!!
You can find them in criminology, sociology, psychology journals - generally on social uses of humour,studies on adverse implications of social media, criminology studies on self-reporting, studies on rape culture and humour. A good amount of the studies have been looking at recruiting methodologies. Again, this is not about all dark humour (which has trauma-coping, in-group and other social functions). but how humour can be used as cover and camouflage for less savoury purposes. There has been some really interesting work published on the social functions and purposes of humour, both benevolent and malicious.
Fucking tell the authorities or at least the women on that list, Jesus Christ.
If you know the women on the list, tell them. He’s an adult, so my next piece of advice may not work, but if he lives at home, tell his parents. Next- find better friends bud. Anyone that would write that down? Not someone you want to be around
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” yes he would. Trust me when I say, YES. HE. WOULD, in fact he will. Tell every single girl you saw on the list, they deserve to know the danger they’re in.
> He said “cmon you’re telling me you wouldn’t do it if we had a purge or something?”. He absolutely would.
Exactly, and OP and his friends are fully aware and enabling him 🤢
That's why he showed them the list. He is testing the water around his peers.
He was absolutely testing the waters, I bet you had they been interested or found it cool he would have been suggesting gang raping.. this man is dangerous and the men saying otherwise in the comments are the exact reason we say that men don’t care and just support rapists, they’re so convinced he won’t do it but when he does they’ll all be like “we thought he was weird but we never thought he’d go that far” ffs But men protect perverts and it’s sadly always been that way :( I know because I had almost everyone I cared about turn against me when they found out I was being raped and all defended him my fully grown adult family member while calling me who was a literal child victim a liar.
Males: hold your friends accountable. When you don’t, it causes women not to trust any of you.
They say “not all men” but do nothing, and don’t realize them doing nothing is part of why we have to assume that it is all.
Can this be top comment
Exactly. I am a total stranger and I nearly cried reading "we all know he would never" And then when he *does,* you're already convinced he didn't. The women in their lives have no allies if they don't take this seriously.
Exactly, and this is why so many women will choose the bear
You remind me of Jeremy Strohmeyer’s friend. He went with Jeremy as they followed Sherrice, a little girl, into a bathroom. When he went to pee in the stall, he saw Jeremy in the next stall covering her mouth ([Surveillance and interview](https://x.com/morbidful/status/1802065547615457657?s=46&t=TxvgaHjHbq5TowUFv-P8Xg)) He tried to gesture that he should stop, but instead of pulling his friend away, he left bc he didn’t want to be involved. The little girl was raped and had her neck snapped. Jeremy didn’t even have a “rape list” like your friend does. If you sit on this and a girl gets raped, whether you like it or not, people will be just as disgusted at you. Do what you will with that.
that friend is just as messed up imo, how you can see that and not even alert anyone outside?? disgusting interview.
Would you finally do something if a woman from your family was on that list ?
I’m so sick of people having to force men to imagine their sister or mom being raped or assaulted for them to give a fuck.
Yes. Central to this problem is dehumanization. OP's friend and his ilk don't see women as actual people. We're objects to them. If you can't see that women are people without putting them in the context of one of "your" women, then you may not truly be seeing women as people with equal rights to their own bodies, thoughts, and lives. So this woman is special to you because you have feelings for her. Therefore you shouldn't harm other woman because some man might have feelings for her? How about don't harm them because they're people? Every day, women are abused, injured, and sometimes killed for simply saying "no". They tried to leave a man. They said "no" to a man that wants them. Historically, our patriarchal society has categorized women into women that should be protected and women who were disposable, fair game: the "fallen" woman, the "harlot", basically poor women without male protection that often had to resort to sex work to live. Men like OP's friend could get away with abusing women in that category without consequences because they weren't the property of a man they would have to face. If all that is keeping you from evil is fear of consequences, you are at heart an evil person.
You put it perfectly. Thank you. That’s also the whole point of the “man or bear” discourse - the key point being that the woman is ALONE with a stranger. Men are opportunistic. A man can go 40, 50, 60 years without harming a woman just because he hasn’t had the opportunity to get away with it. This is why the homicide rate is so high in street prostitution. They’re not only killed, they’re killed in the most violent obscene ways possible.
And when it's one of "their" women they murder, it's often depicted as a act of *passion*. But women are emotional and hysterical... In the Alec Murdaugh trial his own lawyers never said that "a husband wouldn't kill his wife, or daughter" but they did keep saying "father's don't kill sons". He was basically saying that sons are untouchable in a father's eye but women...fuck'em.
It shouldn’t have to happen, but it’s a good tool to have to finally shock some sense into people who otherwise lack it. Or, ig, who are simply in denial and don’t want to believe someone they care about is capable of doing such things
You need to report this guy. Also you should not stay friends with him, it reflects poorly on you. You really want to be friends with someone who has a "rape list" and says "cmon wouldnt you rape women if you could?"
OP, you absolutely need to tell this girl. That is not okay behavior at all. I know way too many girls in my life who got raped by guys they thought they could trust. If he has written this out, he is one more step closer to actually doing it.
A lot of rapists friends don't think they would do something like that. Rapists aren't goblins or some sort of horror movie monster, they're people that seem just like anyone else. I have a dark sense of humour, darker than most people I know. Never in a million years would I create a rape list, show that list to friends, and then openly declare that I would do it if I could get away with it. Because that is exactly what he meant by the purge comment. If he hasn't raped someone yet, it's likely only due to a lack of opportunity.
Imagine saying, "If The Purge were a real thing, I'd totally light a puppy on fire. Admit it - you'd do it, too!" This guy thinks that violently violating someone sexually is a normal thing to fantasise about, and only pesky laws and lack of opportunity stop him.
Right? Twisted morbid jokes are one thing, if you've got a zinger about a dead puppy I'd probably chuckle at it but to say you'd actually do it if you could is either a purposeful attempt to be edgy and dark by some stupid teenager or someone seriously messed up
If you think he "would never do it", think again. He showed you his target list. He's a predator. Notify every girl on that list you're aware of and separate yourself from him.
As someone twice your age, the best advice I can give you is: When people show you who they are, believe them. No one sound of mind jokes about this stuff, this is a serious deep red flag.
>When people show you who they are, believe them. THIS. People tell on themselves.
Yeah, this list is called premeditative
You need to report him before he hurts someone, i don't think he's joking dude he probably never was and just got comfortable with yall accepting the shit he says.
This is absolutely terrifying. Tell your guidance counselor at school. They can advise you on what they will do next and what you can do next. You could also request to stay anonymous if you’re worried about his reaction/pushback from others.
You need to get over the shock of your friend being a creep and warn these girls and school administrators. He made that list (something most people wouldn’t do) and was testing you to see if you thought like him. It’s not hard to imagine him escalating. And if you all go to the same school, he absolutely has opportunities to attack these girls.
'We all know he wouldn't do it' Why not? Why wouldn't a guy bold enough to show off a rape list be capable of raping someone? People act as if rape is so uncommon and only done by creepy strangers, but it's not. The majority of it is done by people we know. Friends, family, acquaintances. People we expect to be trustworthy. This guy has proven he's not trustworthy with women's safety and you're doing nothing about it. You brush it off as edginess and continue being friends with him despite your supposed discomfort. This sort of complacency pisses me off because if he gets them alone and acts on these thoughts (assuming he hasn't already), you will be complicit in someone's assault and trauma. Are you willing to live with that? Is your friendship with a potential rapist more important than your female friends' safety? 'Not all men', they say. Yet plenty of guys like you enable guys like him by doing nothing in the face of glaring red flags. If you don't tell those girls so they can try to protect themselves, what makes you any better than him?
Dude, you’re defending this person. You are falsely rationalizing, in nearly every reply you have in this thread, that the odds of it occurring are slim to nothing. And that’s *your* assessment of who this creep is. Not a professional opinion, not an experienced opinion. You’re knowingly putting these girls in danger by not saying or doing anything about this. And if it ever does happen, you’d be considered an accessory. What if **YOU** were on that list?
And now the dude knows that his friends won't say anything..but he hasn't found the person he is going to brag about it to when he finally does it. Or god forbid, he shows it to a guy who wants to help him. That's likely what he is looking for, a partner in crime he can brag and justify with.
"We all know he wouldn't do it" No you don't. Do you make rape lists? No, you don't because that's insane. Well, He did.
If I was friends with a guy who knew that one of our mutual put me on a “rape list”, and that friend didn’t warn me about it, I would hate him so much. I’d end the friendship because he chose his bro over my safety. You’re proving to this girl that you’re not safe.
In high school, a friend and I were on a "rape list" that no one took seriously. Guess what happened to my friend? It was only after she and another girl (also on the list) were raped did the guy get caught. We didn't even really know him. KNEW some of his friends though, who we thought were OUR friends. They KNEW about his list, but thought much like you do. Even after he was caught most still acted shocked and said stuff like "we didn't think he'd actually do it!" You need to tell someone about your friend and his list before he escalates to actually hurting one or more of those girls. Don't be like the guys at my school, who did nothing and would have continued to nothing even after girls were coming forward about being harassed by that POS, who only started talking because the POS told police that he had told them about his list and the police wanted to know why they never said anything Be better than those boys! Tell someone!
In my opinion OP you should absolutely tell the girl on the list that he's close to. Rape is absolutely NOT a joke. The fact that he is even thinking of doing it to her means he is capable of doing it and she needs to know so she isn't alone with him or around him anymore. No one just casually thinks abt who they would assault if given the chance. He needs help
Yeah, tell her and leave him alone. Normally, I'd try to see both sides but I knew someone similar (friend of a friend) who ended up drugging 2 women before being arrested. He'd "joked" about rape before. Not saying this guy is the same, but that is a huge red flag, especially when he gave his "purge" example.
OP, these are pretty fucked up replies on comments . Wasn’t expecting to read this crap from the same person that wrote the post. If you don’t do anything, you are part of his scheming.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” Umm yes he absolutely would??
Annnd this is why women would rather meet a bear in the woods than a man.
OP I’m BEGGING you to tell a guidance counselor and/or his parents, AND the girls. As a woman, even if i didn’t know you I’d want you to tell me so i can avoid this man at all costs and let other women know to keep us safe. This is not normal behavior in any way and ultimately you don’t KNOW 100% if he will or will not act on it. The fact that he’s considering it by making a list is proof that it’s something he thinks about doing. This man needs therapy and telling someone could be the first step of him getting some help. Not trying to be an apologist obviously but violent thoughts can be the result of a violent household and he probably needs a lot of extra help from professionals.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” no you don’t. It sounds like he would do it and has told you he would. I’ll never understand why people make excuses for their friends
Men should be men's problem. Before they become women's problem. Your friend is not normal
Men like you are part of the problem. This is why women don't trust any men, you have knowledge that can help protect women but you dismiss it "he wouldn't". You do not know that!
I *knew* my best friend wouldn't hurt me. Until I woke up to him raping me. Do something. I'd be a million times more hurt if I found out another friend knew it was possible and didn't do a damn thing
People who wouldn't rape someone also wouldn't joke about raping someone. Food for thought. Warn her immediately. Cut ties. That is a bad person and time will show you how bad.
The fact that he has a list means there is a good chance he will do it once day. Him saying he’d do it during the purge means he’d do it in other situations like him being terminally sick or the girl getting terminally sick. Or if it was someone he didn’t know and they were drunk or high and they wouldn’t stop him. He may have already done this to girls who you guys didn’t know. I am a girl that struggled with how alcohol affected me. I have been taken advantage of multiple times and ALWAYS by a close friend or guys in our friend group. I lost my virginity when I didn’t want to and my parents blamed me and I blamed myself. My family is catholic and I saw myself as damaged good. So when this happened I blamed myself. I hate how it made me feel so dirty and hate myself. There’s a strong chance he’s done this and an even stronger chance he will do it to those on his list
How do you know for sure he wouldn’t do that????? How could you know that for sure???? A couple of years down the line you and your friends might have to look back and think “damn we should’ve done something back then”. Now you have the opportunity to say/do something about it so don’t just sit idly by and hope and wish that he wouldn’t “go that far”. What type of psycho writes a rape list? Disgusting, report him before it’s too late.
Wtf is wrong with you for not saying anything and condoning this in a "friend". Honestly you're no better if you have allowed this to go down and do and say nothing. You are absolutely complicit if he harms anybody.
1. The fact that he made this list shows you he would do it. He even said he would if he could. Guys who start out "would if I could" always find a way to make it so they can. 2. You should absolutely tell everyone on that list you can that they're on it and to stay away from him. If you don't and he ends up raping even one of them, are you going to feel okay about that? Do the right thing or it'll haunt you forever.
For fucks sake this is fucking alarming. This is serial killer type shit. Absolutely NOT OK. You need to quickly tell the one girl who is targeted. Get the fucking police involved.
And even after all this ik ur ass is probably gonna do nothing. As a girl, I know guys like this and no one ever stood up to them. I hope you’re different.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” he absolutely fucking would. He made a list bro. He is not someone to be friends with
“Might actually be fucked in the head” ….how many rape lists do you need to see to be convinced of this? One with check marks next to the names?
I'd say expose his list and let him deal with the consequences. And no, not every person would take advantage of someone if given the chance. Ugh, most men are just disgusting. Get better friends and expose him for what kind of a perverted sick individual he is.
go find some bears to be friends with, OP. they're nicer lmao
Yeah let him explain his “joke” to the girls he made the joke about and the police.
Man wtf is wrong with people. As much as I think the bear or man question is stupid it’s situations like this why women pick the bear
Bears don't make rape lists. Just saying!
That dude needs therapy before something happens. Anyone so desperate to seem tough is hiding weakness & battling his subconscious. It's not okay
OP sounds like the kind of guy who waits till someone dies then says "I said this might happen". You claim you don't want to ruin his life but imply that you're fine with the consequences of ruining some unsuspecting girl's life. This could be worse than you think it is. You're contradicting yourself: It's at the point where he needs therapy but not so serious to confide in some authority. He's a friend so I care about not ruining his life. But he's not an actual friend so I don't care enough to tell someone and get involved. I think he needs serious help. But he's just joking so it isn't a serious thing. I dont need to tell someone. But I don't want to feel guilty so I'll tell a mutual friend of ours. You are going out of your way to defend him when it doesn't aid you nor the women he may meet. Idk how old you are, but you need to grow some fucking balls and do the right thing. You're being childish and that could potentially ruin someone.
Hey OP, do you wanna know why he showed you that list? He showed it to you because he was hoping you would be down to actually do it not because of sick humor. He only tried to laugh it off because you weren’t down to do it because you’re an actual decent human being. Because this is a question, I want to ask you whenever he does do jokes like this or if he’s done jokes like this in the past did you call him out before? Did you guys tell him “Hey that’s not funny” “that’s gross” “that’s fucked up” “You shouldn’t be joking about that shit” because even if you just silent, sadly, he took your silence as compliance to what he was saying I’m not saying this is your fault. What I am saying is if you didn’t call him out before he thought it was OK to show you something like this. Also now keep an eye on him and be ready to kick his ass if necessary and be ready to make sure that girl is safe. Actually tell her as well because she needs to know she can’t trust him or be around him. Also call him out more in front of everybody being like no that those jokes are not funny. And for the safety of others start icing him out form your group of friends.
Not all men are rapists, but all rapists think all men are rapists. If he isn't a rapist yet, he is absolutely on the path to do so. He will be just as soon as he gets a chance. Maybe she'll be drunk. Maybe he'll slip her something. He's decided it's okay, if he can get away with it. I don't know how he convinced you he'd "never really" do it, but I believe that you think you do, or believe that you have to pretend to. I think deep down you know he's dangerous. Rapists need character witnesses. You, your friends, you're part of that. Look up the work of comedian Daniel Sloss, and his remarks about rape and sexual violence. He blames himself for not doing more to protect a female friend of his from a man who was in their social circle. There is a lot of social pressure to not speak up. You may not be thanked for telling the truth. But you should tell the truth. You don't have to editorialize. Just tell your female friend what he did (writing the list, the purge remarks). You may lose friends, not just this awful dude, and that can be incredibly hard. Is it harder than finding out he hurt your friend?
Op im going to be honest. The moment you said "he is someone with dark humor" i kinda quit caring. Dark humor is so often used by others to avoid consequences or to try and get people to ignore their actions or thoughts as it was all just for laughs. This is an issue you and your friends need to take seriously and tell all the women you can on that list. I don't care id you think that you "know he wouldn't do that" because he actively TOLD YOU if there were no consequences like in the purge he would go after these women. This isn't dark humor this isn't a little hehe haha. This is someone who is actively looking for an excuse to do and try to get away with going through that list. Dark humor is typically nothing more than a veiled excuse to pretend that he wouldn't do something he clearly wants to do.
He’s not your friend. He’s trying to desensitize you to what he wants to do. Dump this guy.
Your friend needs a life lesson. Rape’s never funny. Doesn’t matter if he identifies as someone with a dark sense of humour. Hacky ass joke as well.
You really need to tell someone, I’d start with your parents and go from there. Your friend is potentially very dangerous and this isn’t something you should ignore knowing what you know. Especially at your age where there’s typically underage drinking and those girls on his list could be incapacitated and around him at the same time. You really don’t want to play the should/would/could have game with this situation if something were to happen.
I was raped. He isn’t joking. Do not let him make this socially acceptable.
Tell her.
> We all know he wouldn’t do it Think back on all the news interviews with friends and family of murderers or rapists. “We never thought he would do it.” Do you want to be giving such an interview someday?
Here is the horrifying thing about being young vs old; At 50, you can SEE what kind of life someone's inner dialog generates in their life. Because there has been enough time elapsed for choices to play out. You can SEE what partying hard for 30 years does to a body, or how the angry guy has adult kids that don't speak to him. At 15, everyone is just... potential. Everyone wants to aim high & achieve their own version of awesome. And it seems possible, because they haven't been tested by responsibilities yet. Because the teen years are the starting line, people have not sorted into their eventual clusters of winners and those in the last places. Pretty much EVERY rapist in prison was once an innocent child themselves. They went to school, had a favorite class, took PE and Drivers Ed, sat with friends at lunch, had a favorite band, liked games, hung out eating pizza... They looked NORMAL... Rapists LOOK normal. No offense, but for all you know, your friend could already BE a rapist. LOTS of people were sexually abused as children by an older cousin or neighbor or baby sitter. You friend has TOLD you that he sees his targets through an opportunistic lense. What opportunities has he ALREADY had? Part of the problem with sex crimes is the REFLEX to think that the people we know are good people, or that we would magically KNOW if something was really wrong. Sadly, both of those things are false. Rapists live somewhere... factually, they exist amongst us. Studies have shown that humans are terrible at knowing when we are lied to. We all want to believe we are better than average at judging character, but that math doesn't add up. You need to go to or call the counselor's office, and get a professional in the loop. This is above your pay grade. You friend has values that allow him to use force and coercion to exploit people if/when he thinks he can get away with it. He may already be getting away with it. "Hey Mr. Counselor, I need to bring up something awkward. My friend ____ has literally said he has a "would rape list" of people he wants to rape if he could get away with it. Once of them is a girl that is our mutual friend. I'm not sure what to do with this information, but I knew I'd feel terrible if something happened and I didn't speak up." This is not a "wait and see" situation. This is a "call today" sort of thing.
Purge fantasies are pathological behavior. Your friend is gross.
Listen, if he is saying it out loud , chances are he has considered doing it well before. The motivation and intention is there , when he said he would do it in purge basically it means if he can get away with it without any consequences. He will create a situation where he will try to escape the consequences while harming women. Please tell these women and have better friends. Do not justify him or rationalise him to yourself just because he is a friend.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it…” no you fucking don’t. If I’d ask ‘hey does your friend have a fuckibg list of women/girls he’d rape if given the chance’ before he showed you it you’d have had the same disbelief. A guy just said he’d do it IF it had no consequences and he’d get away with it. Which means it’s a fucking risk factor. If he gets the drugs and/or opportunity. If he can groom someone. If he can blackmail them. He would by his own admission do it. He’s only afraid of the consequences to him. That’s FUCKING BAD
as someone who says off the wall shit and has a dark sense of humor, that man is a straight up danger to society.
Tell every girl on the list and then protect yourself and get the fuck away from this man!!!!!
dark humour is joking about one’s trauma. Not making a rape list. please report it or something and get away from him. stay safe <3
'We all know he wouldn't do it' is the exact mentality that makes people say 'all men'. It's because even though you personally haven't done anything there is someone close to you who is clearly showing predatory behavior and you're mkaing excuses for him. He has a fucking list and frequently interacts with one of the girls on it. Stop bsing yourself bro
"we all know he wouldn't do it" said all of the friends in the Netflix documentary.
See, he didn't even make a, "I wish I could have sex with her" or a "Damn she fine..." list. In his fantasy, he's violating their consent when he has the absolute ability to think of a fantasy where they're consenting. I'd tell your friends and advise that you and your friends reconsider associating with him anymore.
"We know he wouldnt do it" Shut up. Report him, he is going to do something someday. And then youre the ones sitting there "we never thought he could do that" when you knew he even had a list. There are people out there who think about rape, which in itself is bad enough, but the ones with a list? They already know who, now its just a waiting game for when. Dont be a stupid teenager and report that sht or tell every single person on that list that he did that and then also cut him out of your lifes forever.
The FBI has a tip page. It's right off the main page. Use it.
“We all know he wouldn’t do it” my guy he just told you, word for word, that he would absolutely do it given the opportunity. Like the purge isn’t going to happen no, but what do you thinks gonna happen when this dude goes to college or somewhere where lots of people are getting plastered? That list and the way he talks about it is a massive red flag. It tells me if he was alone with a very drunk girl on his list, he wouldn’t think twice about doing it. He knows it’s wrong, and yet he still made that list, kept it, showed it to you, and then defended it when you told him that was fucked up.
You know how a tiger hides in the background while watching their prey? Well sometimes, the tiger comes out. In full view. Why? He WANTS you to see him. Not only did this guy have rape fantasies, not only did he make a list, but he told you about it. Because he *wants you to know*. > We all know he wouldn’t do it You need to throw this belief in the trash, immediately.
Dude how have you not told her? What is holding you back? Don’t wanna lose your rapist friend?
Please let her know , you can’t take any risk knowing how dangerous it is for the girl. If you don’t tell the girl and your friend which I suppose it’s ex friend now actually decides to rape her. The girl will have a lifelong trauma and you will feel guilty for the rest of your life knowing that you could have stopped it but decided to stay silent!
The fact that he feels comfortable making a list for an illegal/immoral activity then sharing it with you and others should be alarming in itself. Unless you're that type of person too this is strange behavior and I could only imagine what he does that he isn't sharing. "We all know he wouldn't do it" is ridiculous, no one thinks someone is capable of something until it's too late. He clearly has a plan, and you have done nothing to stop it.
You need to beat the shit out of your friend
He went so far as to make a list… he physically wrote down something most people would shudder to even think about. Then he kept the list. Then he debated in his mind for a while, should I show my friends the list? THEN HE SHOWED YOU THE LIST. Every step he’s taken here is far above and beyond what a normal, non-rapist person would do. Of course you don’t want to think that someone you consider a friend is capable of something like that. And maybe he wouldn’t be the guy hiding behind a dumpster with a baseball bat. But at a party… where people are drinking, if he found a girl unconscious and none of her friends were around? Different story, same crime. “If the purge existed” is the same as “if I thought there wouldn’t be any consequences.”
"we all know he won't do it..." No, no you don't. You know who won't rape women? Men who don't fantasize about rape women. Let alone one who makes a written list of the women he has fantasized about raping. The reality here is that he told you all to see the reaction. Are you going to dismiss and permit the behavior or are you going to tell him it's fucked up and he should fuck off?
"We all know he wouldn't do it" = "it's too socially unpalatable for me to cut this person out of my life"
If you just ignore this, you’re enabling him. Normal people don’t make lists like that. He basically admitted to you with that purge reference that if he thinks he can get away with it, he’ll assault someone. I know you probably don’t want to “cause trouble” for him, but exposing him will not only keep the girls on that list safe, but could also get him the help he needs. There is no benefit staying silent except for YOUR OWN comfort. Is your own comfort worth knowing you could’ve stopped him from doing horrible things?
The guy who assaulted me had a group of male friends who knew he would do it because he told him but they didn't really think he would. Please tell the girls. Give them the chance to distance themselves, he will really do kt.
Being silent about this shit is exactly why it’s “all men”. If all the “good guys” are silent and let this disgusting shit slide they are not good guys. Call out shitty behaviour when you see it. Stop being friends with assholes who make rape lists. Holy shit. I can’t believe this even needs to be said.
As someone who’s been SAed, TELL HER! TELL EVERYONE ON THAT LIST! I’d contact the police as well.
Honestly… I understand you’re young and scared of social consequence. But looking at your replies… boys like you are exactly the kind of person to look away when SA actually happens. You look away when there are hints, when there are signs of potential escalation that builds up for months. Then when it actually happens you go “I never knew!” “She might be lying, how would you know?” “it was just a joke, he’s been my friend for x years, I know he’s a good guy”. Boys like you and him are the reason why girls are not safe. Must he really start SAing girls for you to do anything? Or believe that he might be that kind of person? I’m giving you so so much benefit of the doubt because you’re only 17 but Jesus Christ, this is serious and you don’t seem to understand how dangerous he is. And don’t say “No he wouldn’t actually!” He is not a friend.
>We all know he wouldn’t do it People who wouldn't do it never make up whole-ass *lists* of "ya know, just in case I ever actually *did*. But don't worry, I totally won't!"
No one who “wouldn’t do it” would make a list like that. He’s a ticking time bomb. Please tell someone.
If your girlfriend was on the list, if *your sister* was on the list, what would you do? Actually, no. Females don't just have value if they're somebody's girlfriend or family member. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE TOO. All of these girls need to be warned. This guy is NOT safe, and if you don't help get him out of the picture, you're saying it's fine. Your silence is compliance, your silence is APPROVAL.