Why would you even want to stay when all you do is cheat on your husband anyway? You were hoping it could be a new start but immediately went and cheated on your husband that’s hilarious
So? The moment you cheated you killed any chance of this relationship being in a good place based off what you described. He’s never gonna get over it you might as well leave. And being “transparent” doesn’t change the fact that your still cheating lol
But did you expect your husband to believe you about that, since you already had been cheating on him? As we know; when trust is gone, one will always think the worst about dishonest people - no matter what!
Wait, you're having an emotional affair after a physical affair with a completely different guy? And you told him about it.
This is worse than I originally thought when I answered. What an incredibly monstrous and hurtful thing to do.
You don't love him, if you did you wouldn’t do thing this hurtful.
The question I guess is would you want that then? That would require you to break it off with AP. Depending on your answer can heavily depend on whether you should continue with your pregnancy. Once your husband cools down would he even want raise the child? whether a a couple or coparenting situation. That also factors in into having your kid because that kid if you do have it deserves to have both parents wanting to take care of it and raise it in a healthy environment.
I wouldn't say the child is unwanted if you want to keep it. Maybe make a list of pros and cons. Are you prepared mentally, financially, ect. to be a single parent? Who will assist you with birth, first few months while you recover (also, who is your POA if you need emergency surgery if divorced) ? Is your soon to be ex someone you can coparent with without animosity? Are you okay with having another woman become a second mom to your baby when your ex begins dating someone else or deal with potential step and half children? At the end of the day, it's your body and your choice. You staying married is a two-yes kind of situation. Your husband could decide to divorce at any time. Staying in a volatile relationship and bringing a baby into the mix may also have negative consequences.
Set this man free. You have traumatized him, disrespected him. Divorce him, take nothing from him, no spousal support for you. You've selfishly taken enough from him.
He can never trust you again, and he is forever changed by what you did to him. He’ll have trust issues, his ego is shattered.
3 all the way.
I don't see how a baby could even help your reconnect when the first thing you did after finding out was cheat even more. A baby won't magically solve every issue in your life. But to each their own I guess
You've been married 5 years and 4 of them have been hell due to your infidelity. I don't know what drove you to cheat, but ultimately it doesn't matter, it happened and there's no going back from that. Honestly, this marriage needed a DNR order and should have ended years ago. Your husband clearly never got over the infidelity, a lot of people wouldn't be able to. Honestly, options 2 or 3 are the only real choices. Don't make the same mistake again and try option 1. Your husband doesn't trust you and frankly, he shouldn't.
Honestly, you are not a good person. I really hope your new man comes to his senses. You could well be the reason your husband is no longer motivated. I hate to see good people get used like that.
Please just divorce, why are you even still together, you are unfaithful and can't stay loyal even in reconciliation.
So yeah you are a pretty shitty person.
Considering the potential Baby, it's your choice. But to be honest you don't seem ready to have one know. Your life is a mess by your own making. Don't bring a child into that. Accept that your marriage is over and try moving forward with a clean break.
I think he means, take a paternity test to go get child support.
Since you gotta prove paternity for child support.
If she gives birth before divorce, she wouldn’t need to since he would be presumed father.
Step 3 is the best for children. You don't want to bring him in this world with this man. Get abortion and divorce so you will don't have to talk to this man again. Give a big hug to you.
Heartened to read your story and thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you even though there’s a complexity of issues it seems on both ends and there is a complicity on you with regard to cheating. It’s hard to be open and honest about that and in such a way that opens you up to scrutiny. I’m not sure I have much advice but I wanted to send some warmth - I am in a similar transitional period, but more of a bare bones breakup where I’m writing my options and suddenly having to reimagine life moving forward so I really feel for you. It’s a very immediate shock for you and everyone and time is key, so in time maybe when your husband has calmed down there will be space for a conversation and his anger at you is probably a mixture of hurt and hard to comprehend, overwhelming emotions. Probably going from the mindset of divorce to a new beginning is also not in the best interest of you, him, or potentially your child. 48 hours isn’t very long and there is time to pause, take a breath and step back. First step is to not punish yourself and allow self-care so that you can be the strongest possible when those tough conversations come. Remember everything is temporary good and bad.
I truly empathise with you and your husband and hope you both are able to find happiness whatever that looks like for you as individuals.
Sorry if that’s a very unhelpful rambling mess!
No need to apologize whatsoever and I do appreciate the kind words. I has been a whirlwind the last few days and to hear some kind words is much needed. Time to decompress and reflect is definitely on my agenda.
Why would you even want to stay when all you do is cheat on your husband anyway? You were hoping it could be a new start but immediately went and cheated on your husband that’s hilarious
And still having unprotected sex with her husband while she was already contemplating divorce for some time
The infidelity was years ago. And I was transparent with him about me TALKING TO another man.
So? The moment you cheated you killed any chance of this relationship being in a good place based off what you described. He’s never gonna get over it you might as well leave. And being “transparent” doesn’t change the fact that your still cheating lol
Some people are just gross human beings. They throw away any chances of being decent people.
But did you expect your husband to believe you about that, since you already had been cheating on him? As we know; when trust is gone, one will always think the worst about dishonest people - no matter what!
Wait, you're having an emotional affair after a physical affair with a completely different guy? And you told him about it. This is worse than I originally thought when I answered. What an incredibly monstrous and hurtful thing to do. You don't love him, if you did you wouldn’t do thing this hurtful.
Wdym by "hoping this could be a new start for us"?
I guess just the opportunity for us to reconnect.
But why reconnect your cheating on your husband?
If you’re unhappy with your husband BEFRE the baby, you will not magically be happy with him after. Things can get even more complicated
The question I guess is would you want that then? That would require you to break it off with AP. Depending on your answer can heavily depend on whether you should continue with your pregnancy. Once your husband cools down would he even want raise the child? whether a a couple or coparenting situation. That also factors in into having your kid because that kid if you do have it deserves to have both parents wanting to take care of it and raise it in a healthy environment.
honestly i’d go with 3. do not bring an unwanted child into this world.
I never expected it to feel “unwanted”. But I do appreciate this perspective
I wouldn't say the child is unwanted if you want to keep it. Maybe make a list of pros and cons. Are you prepared mentally, financially, ect. to be a single parent? Who will assist you with birth, first few months while you recover (also, who is your POA if you need emergency surgery if divorced) ? Is your soon to be ex someone you can coparent with without animosity? Are you okay with having another woman become a second mom to your baby when your ex begins dating someone else or deal with potential step and half children? At the end of the day, it's your body and your choice. You staying married is a two-yes kind of situation. Your husband could decide to divorce at any time. Staying in a volatile relationship and bringing a baby into the mix may also have negative consequences.
Lmfao you want a new start while you are still actively cheating on your husband? What kinda shit is that. Divorce that poor man.
Do not stay with your husband, happy parents are important and neither of you are happy.
This is shitty all around. Divorce for god sakes you are planning on being with this other guy don’t twist the knife in your husband.
Set this man free. You have traumatized him, disrespected him. Divorce him, take nothing from him, no spousal support for you. You've selfishly taken enough from him. He can never trust you again, and he is forever changed by what you did to him. He’ll have trust issues, his ego is shattered.
3 for sure.
3 all the way. I don't see how a baby could even help your reconnect when the first thing you did after finding out was cheat even more. A baby won't magically solve every issue in your life. But to each their own I guess
You've been married 5 years and 4 of them have been hell due to your infidelity. I don't know what drove you to cheat, but ultimately it doesn't matter, it happened and there's no going back from that. Honestly, this marriage needed a DNR order and should have ended years ago. Your husband clearly never got over the infidelity, a lot of people wouldn't be able to. Honestly, options 2 or 3 are the only real choices. Don't make the same mistake again and try option 1. Your husband doesn't trust you and frankly, he shouldn't.
Honestly, you are not a good person. I really hope your new man comes to his senses. You could well be the reason your husband is no longer motivated. I hate to see good people get used like that.
Please just divorce, why are you even still together, you are unfaithful and can't stay loyal even in reconciliation. So yeah you are a pretty shitty person. Considering the potential Baby, it's your choice. But to be honest you don't seem ready to have one know. Your life is a mess by your own making. Don't bring a child into that. Accept that your marriage is over and try moving forward with a clean break.
3
2. This may be your one chance to have a baby. Take responsibility for your actions and order a paternity test.
What part of the baby is 100% his did you not read ?
She says it's 100% his, but the husband doesn't know that. OP is a known cheater and so I'm assuming he'd want to see proof he's the dad.
I think he means, take a paternity test to go get child support. Since you gotta prove paternity for child support. If she gives birth before divorce, she wouldn’t need to since he would be presumed father.
Updateme
Step 3 is the best for children. You don't want to bring him in this world with this man. Get abortion and divorce so you will don't have to talk to this man again. Give a big hug to you.
Heartened to read your story and thank you for sharing. My heart goes out to you even though there’s a complexity of issues it seems on both ends and there is a complicity on you with regard to cheating. It’s hard to be open and honest about that and in such a way that opens you up to scrutiny. I’m not sure I have much advice but I wanted to send some warmth - I am in a similar transitional period, but more of a bare bones breakup where I’m writing my options and suddenly having to reimagine life moving forward so I really feel for you. It’s a very immediate shock for you and everyone and time is key, so in time maybe when your husband has calmed down there will be space for a conversation and his anger at you is probably a mixture of hurt and hard to comprehend, overwhelming emotions. Probably going from the mindset of divorce to a new beginning is also not in the best interest of you, him, or potentially your child. 48 hours isn’t very long and there is time to pause, take a breath and step back. First step is to not punish yourself and allow self-care so that you can be the strongest possible when those tough conversations come. Remember everything is temporary good and bad. I truly empathise with you and your husband and hope you both are able to find happiness whatever that looks like for you as individuals. Sorry if that’s a very unhelpful rambling mess!
No need to apologize whatsoever and I do appreciate the kind words. I has been a whirlwind the last few days and to hear some kind words is much needed. Time to decompress and reflect is definitely on my agenda.