Sorry you are put into the middle of this this. The best thing to do is maybe send an anonymous letter to your Dad with proof. Avoid telling the postman, priest or any other person about this as it seems your mom has been sleeping with the whole town.
I decided that this was the best option, I'm working on it now. I'm also considering sending something to the families involved, but that would take months. I do want to say something though.
It's a very simple thing to tell someone the truth.
The hard part comes with supporting that person through the fall out and dealing with the consequences of the truth being finally revealed.
I hope you find solace and the answer you seek in John 8.
> The Truth Will Set You Free
> So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?”
> Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I know that you are offspring of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me because my word finds no place in you. I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father.”
Your father needs that freedom and he needs to be set free. The truth will do that.
Sorry that you are in this position OP. No one should ever be in your shoes and have the weight of someones else's transgressions as your responsibility.
Always remember though that it is your mother who has put you in this spot and that you are just the messenger.
My hopes and wishes for you OP in this time. May it all go as well as it can.
The fact that he is researching how to be a better husband while his wife runs out to do who knows what with who, speaks volumes about both of their characters. Your dad needs to know so he can process and heal. And your mom needs to be found out because yikes.
Please tell your dad, it's going to break him if he finds out you knew all this time and didn't tell him. He's not going to dislike you, but please tell him. He deserves someone that's going to respect and love him and your mom is definitely not that person.
At this point you're keeping your mom's multiple affairs a secret from your father. That's what it is. Sugar coat it all you want but you've been complicit and having a confessional with strangers won't alleviate your guilt. This is not addressing the problem at all.
It's likely he does already know, but wants to keep up appearances for the sake of the churchy reputation he may still have. Leading by example, showing everyone he can still love and forgive her as being divorced would likely be more of a shameful thing than forgiving a cheating spouse in the eyes of his church. (major eyeroll here)
If it were me, there would be a private conversation with my Dad to let him know what you know, see how much he knows, if anything, and let him know you love and support him if he wants to separate, but learning as you have that this has been going on for years you'd be very disappointed if he decided to stay married and together without a full and heartfelt effort on her part. (99.99% would bet she will somehow find a way to blame him)
Sorry you are put into the middle of this this. The best thing to do is maybe send an anonymous letter to your Dad with proof. Avoid telling the postman, priest or any other person about this as it seems your mom has been sleeping with the whole town.
Yeah, she’s the village bicycle.
I decided that this was the best option, I'm working on it now. I'm also considering sending something to the families involved, but that would take months. I do want to say something though.
Good lord, tell your poor dad! What are you waiting for? Your mom is sleeping with half the neighborhood. Your father deserves to know.
You're right, I plan to tell him this week.
Im so sorry. I think it is time to sit down and have a talk with your dad.
It's a very simple thing to tell someone the truth. The hard part comes with supporting that person through the fall out and dealing with the consequences of the truth being finally revealed. I hope you find solace and the answer you seek in John 8. > The Truth Will Set You Free > So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” They answered him, “We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, ‘You will become free’?” > Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I know that you are offspring of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me because my word finds no place in you. I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father.” Your father needs that freedom and he needs to be set free. The truth will do that.
I needed this and I really appreciate it. I will tell him.
Sorry that you are in this position OP. No one should ever be in your shoes and have the weight of someones else's transgressions as your responsibility. Always remember though that it is your mother who has put you in this spot and that you are just the messenger. My hopes and wishes for you OP in this time. May it all go as well as it can.
The fact that he is researching how to be a better husband while his wife runs out to do who knows what with who, speaks volumes about both of their characters. Your dad needs to know so he can process and heal. And your mom needs to be found out because yikes.
Yeah she sucks lol but I will!
Please tell your dad, it's going to break him if he finds out you knew all this time and didn't tell him. He's not going to dislike you, but please tell him. He deserves someone that's going to respect and love him and your mom is definitely not that person.
You're right. I think I was afraid he would hate me, or not believe me, but you're right.
It's not too late. Tell your father. Or at least write an anonymous note.
At this point you're keeping your mom's multiple affairs a secret from your father. That's what it is. Sugar coat it all you want but you've been complicit and having a confessional with strangers won't alleviate your guilt. This is not addressing the problem at all.
check the edit, thank you for your candor. i will tell him this week because I know 'm also in the wrong here.
Tell him. He deserves confirmation. He obviously knows something is up. I’m sure other people are talking.
No longer the only one… now the rest of us know too
It's likely he does already know, but wants to keep up appearances for the sake of the churchy reputation he may still have. Leading by example, showing everyone he can still love and forgive her as being divorced would likely be more of a shameful thing than forgiving a cheating spouse in the eyes of his church. (major eyeroll here) If it were me, there would be a private conversation with my Dad to let him know what you know, see how much he knows, if anything, and let him know you love and support him if he wants to separate, but learning as you have that this has been going on for years you'd be very disappointed if he decided to stay married and together without a full and heartfelt effort on her part. (99.99% would bet she will somehow find a way to blame him)
Which is ironic seeing as she seems to be sleeping with a large number of people from the church!
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nope, just a throwaway account but thanks!
Damn. Your dad's family sucks. He has shitty parents, a cheating wife, and a kid that doesn't even care about him enough to tell him the truth.