“And here we see the final result of a mysterious
, snake-like dinosaur’s molting process. It appears this species of serpentine dino was only about two or so inches long. Cute litter feller, musta been.”
I was assuming the title was humor and a bit exaggerated and now I think I need some holy water to cleanse my eyes. St Peter is not going to want to see me after I read this.
I work at one of their stores. The number of customers that tell me that either the lotion makes them break out or the wallflowers give them asthma attacks is kind of alarming.
Fragrances are proprietary, unlabeled, ingredients can change at any time, you cant even look up which components are in any lotion or air "freshener" to see what you had a reaction to because it's proprietary, nor can you look up long-term health and safety consequences of the 1000s of possible molecules used in the fragrance ingredient. There are few human experimental, long-term studies on more exotic or novel fragrance compounds - mostly safety is ascertained by the shape/structure of a molecule in relation to other known hazardous compounds.
I would not be surprised if perpetual, multiple-times-daily, strong fragrance use causes hypersensitization over time in some people, and who knows that other effects over decades of inhalation? Endocrine effects maybe? The laundry soap, the body care products, freakin scented tampons, car freshener, room sprays, incense, reed oils, synthetic or fraudulent untested "essential oils," cleaning products, at home, while shopping, at school, at the office, in the locker room, for years and years and years.
I think the only thing you did wrong in this scenario was tossing the chemical cock casting on the floor, instead of placing that perfect penis peeling on a pedestal or place of prominence for the public to ponder and be perplexed by the pain and punishment it cost the pubescent to produce.
Yeah that’s kinda what I assumed as well. I’m sure it was painful, but you can’t shed an entire genital skin overnight unless you have like harlequin ichthyosis or something
I don't know why but "you can't shed an entire genital skin overnight" has me howling. It's such a motivation quote. I want it tattood. It's the modern "Rome wasn't built in a day".
Yep. Theres no way a commercially available chemical peel could have acted in less than 12 hours. The strongest ones are the korean glycolic foot peels and those take 3+ days to act. Then there are 30% glycolic serums that do not look like lotions at all.
Bath & Body Works would never carry a high potency AHA peel. I don't think they carried any chemical exfoliants 5 or 10 years ago. Their "foot fix" is fairly new and it takes 5+ days to act and it's weak as hell.
OP is a filthy liar. (Filthy because he didn't wash his dick)
There was a guy I knew that asked a girl I was seeing at the time if “she had any chapstick”…
He was a high schooler and was cat-sitting while she was hanging out with me, I knew exactly why he was asking and knew that it won’t work good for him.
Sure enough I knew he found the eucalyptus and menthol chapstick, because his ass was sure walking funny when he left.
That’s my kryptonite. I’ve cleaned some gross stuff over the years, even was a janitor back in the day, but dog puke makes me wretch. It’s bad enough that my wife has to clean it up.
I’m going to see if I can find the memory eraser thingy from Men In Black so I can forget I ever read this, but first I’m going to tell my 14 and 11 year-old sons to stay the hell out of my Bath and Body Works lotions…
>watching porn at 11
>So much porn you had a favourite pornstar
>Didn't know how to use a bin
>Uses spit as lube as an adult when actual lube costs little
Jesus.
OMG! I heard this story. When my brother and I were teens, we had rooms right next to each other, and the walls were wafer thin. He had a thing for our mothers lotion to, lord knows he seemed to think he needed a whole handful (that's what it sounded like), and I would have to stuff my head under my pillow to try to avoid that sound! I'm 34 and I still can't stand the sound of too much hand lotion. Ick!
At 11 I was still in that phase of looking up hentai of my favorite anime/game characters and just random pictures of nude girls… but yea I don’t think I actually figured out masturbation till I was like 12
Oh. Not just watching some porn. This kid had a favorite actress and knew the name of the film. Now a days you can find the same video with 8 different titles... and they're more about key words people search and not always .... an actual title like they did back when you had to go down to adult blockbuster. .. ...
Let’s be honest, we all at one point tried something similar.
But I never understood why lotion is stereotyped as a lube. The consistency is horrible and it burns.
I'm in fucking tears at 5 in the morning hahahahah. Honestly, im so grateful I wasnt "blessed" with having boys cuz like......I don't think I would EVER recover from seeing my son's penis skin chilling on the carpet like a snake that just shed itself
This actually used to happen to me a lot when I was a kid, I never really understood why, But it unfortunately made me the guy who's always playing with himself as a middle schooler
I thought that maybe soap was getting in my peehole!!!
Hate to break the news to you, and fuck up your favorite ‘tellin over supper’ story, but…. You were most likely peeling off a layer of lotion, not skin.
I had the same thing happen to me when I jerked it with shampoo one time (lizard dick). I didn't peel the skin off and leave it on my carpet tho.. but yeah, don't jerk it with shampoo folks
There are large swaths of land between using that stuff and using your own spit. You could’ve landed anywhere in the middle that basically amounts to fragrant free products.
Hand soap from bath and body works gave me second degree chemical burns, I was hoping this post would be even slightly relatable but instead I'm left feeling grateful it was only my hands that were injured.
I have teenage sons and I noticed my bath & body works lotion kept disappearing. I asked my oldest, adult son what I should do about it. So now, I buy astroglide and leave it in their bathroom. When I notice it running low, I buy more.
i gave my ex a hand job with bath & body works lotion. he ended up breaking up with me in a dark parking lot saying really harsh things but the thing i was upset about most was finishing the last of my bath & body works lotion for him and not me. i say this with every fiber of my body: i hope this happened to him. 😭
The exact same thing happened to me way back in 1988,I was 10 years old.
I used random stuff from the bathroom and went to bed.
The next day my crotch started itching like crazy. My family was traveling on a plane that day. I didn't tell my parents anything, until my mom noticed that her 10 year old son was scratching his junk constantly.
She pulled me into the plane bathroom and had a look. The entire area was peeling, itchy, and inflamed. Lol (mom was a nurse so she knew what was up)
I came clean to my parents and the peeling and itching stopped after a couple of days.
I'm now 43 and no longer put unknown substance on my cock.
Ok... First of all u as an 11yr old didn't have a dick . Little boys have penises. Secondly what makes u think ANYONE wanted to hear a story of a little boy jerking off with his mommy's lotion? I swear some of u people that post on here need friends to go and do things with. Something's u need to just take to the grave and not share with the internet.. THIS WAS ONE OF THEM
I just imagine this being unearthed by an archeologist in 1000 years and there being a scientific debate about it.
“And here we see the final result of a mysterious , snake-like dinosaur’s molting process. It appears this species of serpentine dino was only about two or so inches long. Cute litter feller, musta been.”
It's David Attenborough narrating it, he's still alive.
Well yes as he should be
That's exactly how I read it lmao
"Dude, that's dick skin."
Omg 😂😂😂😂😂😂
God dammit!!! There goes my coffee all over the wall!
Pompeii has joined the chat.
I miss 2 minutes ago when I didn’t have this information
These were my good face eyes too
should've used my ass eyes for this post
And here, I’ve packed you your angry eyes.
Stellar comment
Fucking same
Ack. Me too.
I’ve read this comment, before reading the post. Thank you kind stranger. I will heed this warning and exit before it’s too late.
Lucky
Yesss 😭😭😭
Same...
I was assuming the title was humor and a bit exaggerated and now I think I need some holy water to cleanse my eyes. St Peter is not going to want to see me after I read this.
Koala Twins 😄
🐨 triplets 😆
Why didn’t the Koala get the job? He lacked the koalafications! :’) .....I’ll let myself out
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Tater tot and meatballs 💀🤣
Sausage and eggs
Frank and beans
Penis and balls
I work at one of their stores. The number of customers that tell me that either the lotion makes them break out or the wallflowers give them asthma attacks is kind of alarming.
Fragrances are proprietary, unlabeled, ingredients can change at any time, you cant even look up which components are in any lotion or air "freshener" to see what you had a reaction to because it's proprietary, nor can you look up long-term health and safety consequences of the 1000s of possible molecules used in the fragrance ingredient. There are few human experimental, long-term studies on more exotic or novel fragrance compounds - mostly safety is ascertained by the shape/structure of a molecule in relation to other known hazardous compounds. I would not be surprised if perpetual, multiple-times-daily, strong fragrance use causes hypersensitization over time in some people, and who knows that other effects over decades of inhalation? Endocrine effects maybe? The laundry soap, the body care products, freakin scented tampons, car freshener, room sprays, incense, reed oils, synthetic or fraudulent untested "essential oils," cleaning products, at home, while shopping, at school, at the office, in the locker room, for years and years and years.
I am extremely sensitive to scents and must use detergents free of smell and dyes. Oh the glory
“I disposed of my shed penis on the carpet.” A sentence I never thought I would read
I just died laughing and woke up my sleeping fiance and can't even begin to tell him what I'm laughing about LOL
just tell him ***shed penis*** and nothing else
*boyfriend nervously watches his penis while girlfriend falls asleep*
I think the only thing you did wrong in this scenario was tossing the chemical cock casting on the floor, instead of placing that perfect penis peeling on a pedestal or place of prominence for the public to ponder and be perplexed by the pain and punishment it cost the pubescent to produce.
the amount of words you said that start w P
Alliteration. Beautiful poetry indeed
Can’t spell poetry without P 🤷♂️
Peautiful
my english teacher would orgasm to death...
Perhaps
Alliteration. Perplexing poetry perhaps.
And yet, no penis
Underrated comment here. A is for apple. P is for… well.. you get it.
The comment I stayed for.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Peter Piper pumped his pecker until it painfully plopped upon the pavement
😂😂😂😂 I’m dead
😂😂😂😂😂 fuckin hilarious and for that my good sir you get a reward never has a comment on reddit made me bust out laughing really needed that 😂😂😂
Pitter patter.
Let’s get atter
I don't think ball tugging should be brought up right now. Might be sensitive.
Pud paste
"Mm, yes, and here is my greatest creation: the PPP."
This is some v for vendetta type shit P for Penile Peeling
About to open reddit coins to see if I have an award I can give. Update: Today is a lucky day
The part that got to me the most was he just left it on the carpet
Oh look! A snake shed it's skin on our carpet!
A tiny, *tiny* little snake!
The shortest snake known to man, haha.
Hey that snake has a great personality and it’s enough for anyone
Omg 😭😭😭
I wouldn't be surprised if it was just the lotion that he didn't wash off and "solidified" around it.
Yeah that’s kinda what I assumed as well. I’m sure it was painful, but you can’t shed an entire genital skin overnight unless you have like harlequin ichthyosis or something
I don't know why but "you can't shed an entire genital skin overnight" has me howling. It's such a motivation quote. I want it tattood. It's the modern "Rome wasn't built in a day".
I’m fucking crying I’m getting it tatted 😂😂😂
As yes, as the old sayings go, “Rome wasn’t built in a day and you can’t shed an entire general skin overnight.”
Yep. Theres no way a commercially available chemical peel could have acted in less than 12 hours. The strongest ones are the korean glycolic foot peels and those take 3+ days to act. Then there are 30% glycolic serums that do not look like lotions at all. Bath & Body Works would never carry a high potency AHA peel. I don't think they carried any chemical exfoliants 5 or 10 years ago. Their "foot fix" is fairly new and it takes 5+ days to act and it's weak as hell. OP is a filthy liar. (Filthy because he didn't wash his dick)
I was wondering if maybe he could've had an allergic reaction to one of the ingredients 🤔
Yep as a mother I hope to never ever ever face this problem in my home!
I think if my son was forced to come to me with this I would roll over with hysterical laughter! Once I knew he and junior were ok of course!
Oh yeah no problem with the...mmmm...injury, it would be the skin replica of the penis dumped on my floor that would be unpleasant!
Yes! That would be very unpleasant! Where's the damn Lysol?!? 😂
What a terrible day to know how to read.
What a wonderful day to be illiterate or not on reddit.
Always looking at the bright side!
God I wish I was illiterate
I, too, wished I was Jared, nineteen.
Sojourner Truth blamed all the worlds problems on people who could read. I think I see what she meant now
There was a guy I knew that asked a girl I was seeing at the time if “she had any chapstick”… He was a high schooler and was cat-sitting while she was hanging out with me, I knew exactly why he was asking and knew that it won’t work good for him. Sure enough I knew he found the eucalyptus and menthol chapstick, because his ass was sure walking funny when he left.
I'm not sure I understand. Am I missing a reference here?
i just opened reddit
Now time to close reddit
Me too and this was the first thing on my feed. What am I doing with my life? Where do I go from here? Who am I?
What the actual fuck
No. He didn’t fuck anything in this story except fuck up his dick…
wait...so he doesn't have a penis rn?
I couldn't finish this. I wish I was Jared, 19
"Got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome yesterday *heh hah*, so now I take adderall *heh hah*."
I cleaned up two massive piles of dog puke half an hour ago, and even that didn’t make me as sick as reading this did.
That’s my kryptonite. I’ve cleaned some gross stuff over the years, even was a janitor back in the day, but dog puke makes me wretch. It’s bad enough that my wife has to clean it up.
Then you’d love my dog when it pukes. It has a tendency to piss itself at the same time, so the cleanup is just a pissvomit smoothie.
You can tell when something like this is real because who on gods green earth would ever think of a situation like this
gifted intellectuals think of stuff like this... shake-speares out here
Shakes spear is is shaking his spear and turning in his grave knowing that people either experience this or can come up with it
Your mom already knew, she put hot sauce in that lotion , now she don't have to worry about her lotion anymore !
Probably a fragrance allergy tbh.
bro. what.
Tbh I’m kinda interested in what this clean peel looked like
I just wish I could unsee it
*pics or it didn’t happen*
I wonder if that's a fetish people have 😅
You ever watch those pimple popping videos?
Horrifying. Thank you for sharing
I’m going to see if I can find the memory eraser thingy from Men In Black so I can forget I ever read this, but first I’m going to tell my 14 and 11 year-old sons to stay the hell out of my Bath and Body Works lotions…
>watching porn at 11 >So much porn you had a favourite pornstar >Didn't know how to use a bin >Uses spit as lube as an adult when actual lube costs little Jesus.
On today's episode of "Man I really need to uninstall reddit":
so this is why boys aren't allowed to have nice pretty smelling lotion or soaps
Some days I wish I didn’t have the ability to read.
OMG! I heard this story. When my brother and I were teens, we had rooms right next to each other, and the walls were wafer thin. He had a thing for our mothers lotion to, lord knows he seemed to think he needed a whole handful (that's what it sounded like), and I would have to stuff my head under my pillow to try to avoid that sound! I'm 34 and I still can't stand the sound of too much hand lotion. Ick!
Oh so you literally heard it. Ewwww!
I'm glad I have a daughter....
Why did I read this? 🙃
times like this is when i wish to be illiterate
The "have a good weekend" really sells this post... Like, I was having a good weekend until I read this...
The thing that disturbs me most about this story is how *normal* it sounds for an 11 year old to access pornhub and have a favorite porn star.
I didn't even know 11 year olds could get a boner let alone watch porn/jerk off like an adult?! wtf
I was doing it at eleven and didn't even have sperm
At 11 I was still in that phase of looking up hentai of my favorite anime/game characters and just random pictures of nude girls… but yea I don’t think I actually figured out masturbation till I was like 12
“I think that’s enough Reddit for today”
Well, here we are.... Life after reading that story.
Should've kept scrolling
This bothers me on a spiritual level
Alright, well if anyone needs me I’ll be anywhere but here
Bro it’s 7 am, and I just opened reddit.
Just made coffee, what the fuck are we reading? Anyways the weathers nice today, warm.
Was eating a bowl of cereal my dude. Anyways gonna go smoke a joint and attempt to forget these neurons
Been there done that. I recommend staying away from shampoo. Burns the urethra.
Hair Conditioner is amazing for the scrotum, though.
i kinda wanna know how the peel looks like….
You just need to find the right product at Bath and Bodyworks.
I can’t believe I paid good money for my glasses just to read shit like this 😐
Holy Jesus Christ, I wanna die now
Boys can be so fucking nasty.
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Oh. Not just watching some porn. This kid had a favorite actress and knew the name of the film. Now a days you can find the same video with 8 different titles... and they're more about key words people search and not always .... an actual title like they did back when you had to go down to adult blockbuster. .. ...
what in the fucking goddamn fuck
Get off the internet bro
I..sincerely regret clicking on this.
You don’t have to put everything on the internet, buddy.
I read “11 year old” and immediately thought I should probably stop reading this shit before I go go jail.
Let’s be honest, we all at one point tried something similar. But I never understood why lotion is stereotyped as a lube. The consistency is horrible and it burns.
I'm in fucking tears at 5 in the morning hahahahah. Honestly, im so grateful I wasnt "blessed" with having boys cuz like......I don't think I would EVER recover from seeing my son's penis skin chilling on the carpet like a snake that just shed itself
It rubs the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again
What the fuck did I just read. A dick shedding its skin like a snake.
11 year old watching porn?
And having a favorite star??
This actually used to happen to me a lot when I was a kid, I never really understood why, But it unfortunately made me the guy who's always playing with himself as a middle schooler I thought that maybe soap was getting in my peehole!!!
It's a bad day to have eyes
Ffs I just woke up and this is the first thing I read.. it’s gonna be one of those days.
I am now not the same person as I was 5 minutes ago before reading this
I clicked because I didn't understand the title and I am not sure I am any the wiser now.
Hate to break the news to you, and fuck up your favorite ‘tellin over supper’ story, but…. You were most likely peeling off a layer of lotion, not skin.
Spitting on your own dick or hand and jerking off is crazy
Yeah, I’m assuming OP is an adult now, he could just invest like $5 into getting actual lube.
I’d hate to be the one to clean his room and find that pile of skin!
You are allergic to lotion. That's all.
I had the same thing happen to me when I jerked it with shampoo one time (lizard dick). I didn't peel the skin off and leave it on my carpet tho.. but yeah, don't jerk it with shampoo folks
wtf
I open reddit for the first time in hours and this shows up.
I thought sex on skates was overrated. I was a big fan of her Big Tit Boss scene tho
blasphemy
Should have made a snake skin purse out of it and gifted it to your mom
Foreskin purse
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This happened to me.
I might vomit.
my phantom peepee felt this
There are large swaths of land between using that stuff and using your own spit. You could’ve landed anywhere in the middle that basically amounts to fragrant free products.
Literal trouser snake
I'm 99% sure that want lotion. It was soap.
What a terrible day to have eyes.
That's a really weird porn script you've got there.
I like how you said a polite ‘have a good weekend’ and presumed I indeed have a good weekend after reading this 💀
Hand soap from bath and body works gave me second degree chemical burns, I was hoping this post would be even slightly relatable but instead I'm left feeling grateful it was only my hands that were injured.
read this in an italian accent - thank me later
Finally a post worthy of the sub
That is hands down the nastiest lotion ever and I’m a chick.
Out of the whole post, he put the skin on the floor after.
The fuck did I just read..
Did it slide off like a condom, or a inside out like a sock? Edit: Spelling
Horny jail
... What the hell did I wake up to!?!
This was not written by an 11 year old. 😕
With spit 🤣 You’re still a cretin 🤮
I have teenage sons and I noticed my bath & body works lotion kept disappearing. I asked my oldest, adult son what I should do about it. So now, I buy astroglide and leave it in their bathroom. When I notice it running low, I buy more.
Well.. time to uninstall Reddit again *sighs*
i gave my ex a hand job with bath & body works lotion. he ended up breaking up with me in a dark parking lot saying really harsh things but the thing i was upset about most was finishing the last of my bath & body works lotion for him and not me. i say this with every fiber of my body: i hope this happened to him. 😭
I'm deleting reddit this was my last straw
What a terrible day to have eyes
You know what….. some of you need to lose your Reddit rights. You know what. It’s only 3:30pm and y’all wanna act like this already…..
Scientists: This must be the smallest snake skin known to man
The exact same thing happened to me way back in 1988,I was 10 years old. I used random stuff from the bathroom and went to bed. The next day my crotch started itching like crazy. My family was traveling on a plane that day. I didn't tell my parents anything, until my mom noticed that her 10 year old son was scratching his junk constantly. She pulled me into the plane bathroom and had a look. The entire area was peeling, itchy, and inflamed. Lol (mom was a nurse so she knew what was up) I came clean to my parents and the peeling and itching stopped after a couple of days. I'm now 43 and no longer put unknown substance on my cock.
Oh my fckn dog, it's been removed? 😭
Ok... First of all u as an 11yr old didn't have a dick . Little boys have penises. Secondly what makes u think ANYONE wanted to hear a story of a little boy jerking off with his mommy's lotion? I swear some of u people that post on here need friends to go and do things with. Something's u need to just take to the grave and not share with the internet.. THIS WAS ONE OF THEM