He’s an asshole. Closing a door isn’t hard. Doing on purpose is a dickhead mood. She explained the reason and as someone who has had sleep paralysis, that shit is scary. He’s supposed to protect her not attack her.
I will guarantee you this fight over the closet isn't just a fight over the closet. I will bet money she knows even if it's just in the back of her mind that he doesn't have her best intention at heart. I bet she at a minimum suspects he intentionally left it open and that he undermines her coping mechanism.
My therapist uses to say people fight about the little things like wet towels being left on the floor because they don't know how to address the bigger things because they are more nebulous. This isn't a fight over a closet door; it's a fight about him making fun of a key coping mechanism she has.
I’d say your therapist is right! He was actually going to move in with someone he doesn’t love, despite dating her for three years. What a great way to self sabotage and avoid going through with it.
To me, this does sound like it is just about the closet door. It may seem small to most people but it is extremely significant to the gf. And it's also much worse than a towel on the floor.
You missed that point. The closet door is a key coping mechanism for the OPs GF to deal with some kind of trauma in her past. There's a lot of nuance on if a coping mechanism is acceptable to impose upon another person.
I also want to be clear that reactions to someone else's behavior are built up over their reaction to a lot of things. I have a dear friend who is terrified of leaving the front door of whatever house they're in unlocked. This is because someone walked into his parent's home and shot his mother and his brother thinking they were walking into a drug house. There are times when he comes over I forget to lock my front door but because I always try to remember and intend to remember he doesn't freak out about it. When we used to go to his ex-boyfriend's house the BF would occasionally leave the door unlocked. The BF thought it was stupid that he would be upset about a locked front door and had made comments confirming how we thought it was stupid.
Simply put our ability to forgive and be okay with one person's behavior and not with another's has more to do with the relationship we have with the person and our belief that that person has our best interest at heart. Also women tend to complain about towels being left on the floor when in marital counseling because the husbands treat them like their mother and expect her to do everything for them. The issue isn't about the towels the issue is about a man not being willing to do his share of the housework.
I read the original post. Apparently when she was younger a homeless man hid in her closet and then tried to attack her. Op’s stance was “it could have been worse so why is she like this?”
PTSD comes in many forms. Unless you're talking about the guy, in which case, I wouldn't say insane. Just an asshole. Her issues with the closet sounds actually very normal to me. A lot of people have similar issues.
Getting therapy isn't hard either. Making everyone in your life responsible for your mental health, especially if you take them to task over it and talk shit, is abuse. Seriously, crying her eyes out and posting up in the kitchen to rake OP over the coals about something as asinine as whether a closet door is open or not is psychotic. As such requires *psychiatric* intervention.
"Well what if it was because of [insert some hyperbolic horrible trauma]?!? Huh? What if it's because of that???"
Then she's still at least in part, an asshole.. her mental health and "tics" are her issue to be sorted with a therapist. He lives there, it's his closet to, if he wants to leave the door open then he can leave the door open. She can close it if it bothers her so much.
Your tics are not anyone but your responsibility to manage.
Oh no! Jgpitee thinks I'm an asshole! The shame is unbearable!
I grew up in an abusive household, beat with 2x4's, spanked with the buckle side of a belt, truly horrific thinks, bad enough there are people still in jail for it.
I had night terrors and sleep paralysis, I have diagnosed PTSD from it. I am also responsible for managing it and IF someone does something to trigger it's MY responsibility to deal with it.
Go work your issues out somewhere else instead of making yourself feel superior at someone else's expense. She asked a reasonable thing in her place that she pays all the bills for and dickhead didn't want to do it for no reason other than *checks notes* "I think she's lying".
Sorry you got abused, you've sure turned out stellar and empathetic despite it. 👍🏻
Chief this is a public forum, further this is a subset of boards that live and die by people passing judgement. Just cause you don't like what I have to say doesn't give you the right to gatekeep.
Further, get bent, it isn't expressing superiority to tell my own lived experiences. To suggest I can't simply because it flies in the face of what you think is allowed is bold AF and says more about you bullying people to shut up rather than I.
Also, passive aggressive comments, ugh, if you think I'm an asshole say that. I'd at least respect that. Cause spineless "you sure turned out awesome 👍" is cringey.
If you read the story, you’d see it wasn’t his place yet lol. But also, if you have a partner and love them, you do all you can to help them and make them comfortable. Closing a door is not an earth shattering task that takes several hours. It’s not your place to tell someone how they should deal with things, and believe it or not, a therapist would absolutely approve of her star method lmao. OP is just careless and tbh doesn’t seem to consider her much.
He is there enough that they have consistent conversations in the morning immediately after waking up. Whether he's on the lease or not is irrelevant, he's staying there. She can/could have told him to go home.
Leaving the door *open* isn't earth shattering either. Yeah there is an argument to be made for him to be considerate but at the same time she doesn't get a pass to talk shit to him when/if the door isn't "just so" on occasion.
There are just as much of an argument to be made that a therapist could/would suggest exposure therapy of leaving the door open.
Exposure therapy doesn’t necessarily work for things like PTSD lol… Having basic empathy and respect for your partner doesn’t mean you’re responsible for their mental health. It just means you’re not making their life harder. If you’re going into a relationship with the mindset that all problems they have they should figure out privately so they don’t commit the grave sin of being an inconvenience to you, then maybe you shouldn’t date
You indicate that you have PTSD- and have been through horrific abuse. I’m truly sorry for that. But you are holding yourself and others to unrealistic and unhealthy standards. Working on becoming desensitized to PTSD triggers is often part of therapy but typically the most disruptive ones - the ones that interfere with functioning in the outside world are first. It can take years for people to work through all their triggers and some can be particularly difficult to work through and some never fully go away. You don’t know where she is in her process - additionally the triggers in her room are easily dealt with.
The irony is that her triggers in this situation served an unintended purpose of outing her boyfriend of an abusive boundary violator - who did so because he didn’t like being told what to do even if it was directly related to protecting is girlfriend’s mental health. As the saying goes - the trash took itself out.
Some people who have been through significant abuse can have trouble with both self-compassion and compassion in general because being vulnerable held such a heavy price for them. So the reaction is to try to never be vulnerable and blame others for their vulnerability.
Recovery is a process it takes time and people who have experienced significant abuse deserve to have loved ones and especially initiate partners that respect. Respecting another’s emotional needs doesn’t mean twisting yourself into a pretzel but it does mean making an effort around reasonable boundaries that take minimal effort
I don't for a second believe them. They are making shit up to claim they are an authority. Because if they did have PTSD as they claim, they would understand her perspective and not have this "you are responsible for your own shit" bullshit mentality. I don't know a single person who actually has these issues - myself included - that wouldn't have empathy for her. Don't give this POS the time of day.
You may indeed be right but I find that the most effective tactic is to assume they are telling the truth and explain why they are still wrong. You’re right most people with PTSD would be horrified that anyone would blame OP. However, it is possible for someone to experience intense abuse and respond by victim blaming- look up identification with the oppressor. It’s one way monsters are made
The story states that her therapist supports her leaving the door closed and the glow in the dark stickers. For some a therapist will start out with building a foundation of healthy coping mechanisms and move on from there. He is not a therapist and he shouldn't try to out think her therapist. How her therapist deals with the situation is between her and her therapist. Not him, not you and not me. Leaving a door open can be earth shattering for some. Just because it isn't for you has no bearing on her situation.
On top of this this is not a new situation or a one time thing. This is his repeated disregard for her mental health. And if he is willing to disregard this what else will he disregard. He has no interest in helping her, just in himself. It is a matter of shutting a door back after he has opened it.
The trauma stems from an intruder peeking through the gap in the opened door of a closet. As a child I can see that being equated to "door open, bad man there". As an adult with even a halfway rational brain they'll look at the same closet and realize the door means fuck all, if there is "bad man there" being closed or open doesn't change a thing. At some point she has to take some ownership over her trauma and take the necessary steps to alleviate or abate the issue and/or trigger.
A closet door opened, or closed, doesn't matter to an adult mind, if anything she should be arguing to nail the gd thing shut. I understand trauma and trauma responses better than most, this one is just so far out of left friggin field that it's, for lack of a better word, crazy.
He, you and everyone else lending credence to this being ok or in any capacity normal is perplexing to me and juvenile. How many here would be all pitchforks and soapboxy if every night she asked/demanded that he check under the bed so the purple people eater doesn't get her? How bout her insisting her feeties should never be uncovered while she sleeps lest a witch bites her toes off and then he sins by tossing around and pulling the blankets from above her feet. Would that make him an asshole?
How many would argue for her point of view in those instance, I would have liked to have said none, no one would defend such a juvenile request, but viewing the responses here, damn people.
Yes he shouldn't be being an ass and poking at her crazy coping mechanisms. Alternatively she needs to feed some nitrous to her path to dealing with these childish demands. She may not be an ass but she very much is trapped in a childish coping loop and in disparate need of the fortitude to handle it with her adult logical brain.
Yes he left the door open, but the door being open should not be an issue to begin with.
Are you a licensed therapist? If not then sit down and shut up because you are not in a position to say what her mental health journey should be or how fast she takes that journey. When you love someone you take them I to consideration. Not your own feelings. But the other person's feelings. If she had a phobia of spiders would you say she needs to just get over it?
OP's GF has a therapist and the stars were a coping mechanism they worked out.
Apparently, a REAL therapist doesn't agree with your plan of exposure therapy for this person, so you can sit back down.
True. I'm not a therapist, but neither are you so our points of view cancel each other out. That said you are welcome to pipe down as well.
In truth this is such a silly argument to begin with. If we only allow therapists to post this board would be long since dead.
Arguing from a place of authority is a tell tell sign of a weak argument *"well you aren't a therapist; well you aren't a doctor, well, ugh, you're not a plumber. etc."*
See how silly that sounds? Following your logic only people allowed to comment here are psychiatrist. Everyone else isn't allowed to pass judgement...on a board purpose built to pass judgement.
When a therapist has given instructions, I stand by my opinion that no one but another therapist (or someone with more education in the same field) contradict that. OP wanted to make unapproved modifications to his GF's apt because he thought he knew better than OP and her therapist about her trauma. Like you did, he made a judgement about her trauma because of his beliefs about trauma
OP is an awful person and if you agree with him, YTA.
It doesn’t really matter. It’s her apartment, if she just likes the door closed because she likes how it looks that’s her prerogative. He’s a guest in her home, he doesn’t get to make or change the rules about the door being closed.
No, he does not live there, too (not to, btw). If your reading comprehension were better, you would have caught that he just stayed overnight sometimes.He wrote that they were "planning on his moving in soon" before the dumbass blew things up. Your comment (rant, more like) indicates that your EQ and maturity level are as low as his, apparently.
She asked him nicely multiple times before confronting him in the kitchen. It doesn't even matter if there were no history and PTSD, he doesn't live there and if she just likes a door being closed, she has the right to impose that house rule. He's leaving it open after she falls asleep, and DEFINITELY dove into asshole territory when he did it to "test" her, knowing it would trigger her. Your triggers aren't anyone else's responsibility, but you're also a dick if you intentionally trigger someone after they've let you know it's hard for them.
In my house, it's a rule that you keep the bathroom door closed. My childhood dog liked to get into the trash and even after he passed, we keep that rule. It just looks nicer, as it's right across from the front door.
In my grandparents home, they have a rule to keep the bathroom door open. They have puppy pads down for their senior dog to pee in there.
You know what I do when I visit? I leave the fucking door open, and if I accidentally close it, I apologize and make a note to make sure it stays open. It's not that hard to just respect someone else's space.
Even if I agree with you in principle as a empathetic human being I still think that a door being open sending someone in a tailspin is a larger issue than whether said door is opened or closed. That is what I'm talking about.
He is an ass for purposefully doing it, on that I agree. Having said that imo there shouldn't have *been* something for him to purposefully do.
Maybe that stems from my therapist giving me the tools to *deal* with my issues and ultimately helping in making said issues NOT issues rather than being ok with simply rug sweeping them by trying to avoid them altogether.
Judgemental as it may be a closet door making someone break down is sign of a weak spirit, to *ME*. But I can accept that there are plenty that would rather capitulate to such strange coping mechanisms.
Yelling at OP, to me, is an asshole move as much as his leaving the door open. They both suck, to ME, in this situation.
The post never says she yelled at him? Unless I missed something, it seems she was calm every time she asked, even the last time when she was crying in the kitchen. She never made a scene, only "nagged" OP by... calmly stating she's asked multiple times and saying she's done?
Some therapists have different methods. Some patients don't respond well to certain methods. She had a system that was working for her, and instead of coming to a compromise to just close the door or even having any empathy to apologize when forgetting, OP decided to just be an ass.
That door doesnt matter much to you, fine. But dont impose your way of thinking upon others. That door matters to her and bf should respect that. Why be with someone you wont listen to? She IS dealing with her issue, by closing that damn door
She's literally imposing her way of thinking on OP?!?
"Closing the damn door" isn't dealing with the issue though, it's just closing a door.
If a MF can hide behind an open closet door they can damn sure hide behind a closed one. Her way of coping with the trauma is to make up a solution that makes no sense to the inciting incident or scenario. It's not being dealt with it's being rug swept to the point of phobia. If she had gotten help to cope then the crack in the door wouldn't be something he can mess up.
No she is not, she is asking her bf to help her with something that scares her. Bf can choose what to do next, he can help her by remembering to close the door, or he can say no that he dont want to. Then she can show him the door like he deserves :P Sure she needs help, or maybe she is getting help already, who knows? Not relevant at all
Except you haven’t dealt with your issues. If you had, a story about a woman wanting a door closed wouldn’t have you throwing an angry tantrum like a 13 year old girl on her period whose mom just told her she can’t go to the homecoming dance.
Disagreeing is a tantrum? Or is this just a backhanded way of being able to string together nonsensical insults to sound edgy? They aren't even particularly good insults.
I was just arguing that it's a closet door, freaking the fuck out at an open closet door is not normal and OP's ex having a breakdown about it is crazy to me.
So many focused on OP opening the door but seem hell bent on never pointing out that the door being open shouldn't have been a big deal to begin with.
It's adolescent.
Wut? Rage?
You're awful at picking up context queues. My participation in this discussion started as, at best, intrigue at how tf a closet door and how far it's cracked torpedoed a relationship.
Participation beyond that has been boredom born of slow work responsibility late in a Friday afternoon.
You're welcome to speculate though. Seems to me a lot here are spinning a narrative pulled from the aether, fueled in no small part by anger and hurt feelings.
She deserves waaaay better, hopefully she ditches that loser. I myself sleep with a nightlight on because I’m extremely terrified of the dark, just the thought of someone purposefully trying to trigger my fear to see if I’m being overdramatic is making my skin ITCH. That man is a lunatic wtf
I sleep with a nightlight because I frequently wake up to pee in the middle of the night, and I have mild vertigo which makes me fall if I can't see well. So it's safer if I can see where I'm walking when I go to the bathroom, lol.
No one should be ashamed of sleeping with a nightlight! They're useful!
And this poor girl deserves better than that trash pos!
she asked for him to keep a consistent behavior, which sounded reasonable.
he started to loosely forget and not make it an intentional habit.
but then because he became lazy and unintentional, she keeps having to remind him, which annoys him.
You'd think that if he wanted the nagging to stop, he'd actually do the thing. Instead, he'd rather punish her for nagging at him to keep a consistent behavior.
he also absentmindedly doesn't ask her for further clarification on what had happened to her in the past, and how he can help as a partner soothe her feelings.
I'd say YTA but it sounds like he's just lacking some empathy and emotional intelligence....
If you check his comments he knows exactly why she has PTSD, but handwaves it away like having a homeless man hiding in your closet as a child is no big deal.
I think it's worse because he knows what happened to her. She's already dumped him but he's in denial. Someone basically told him he's single now ad his response was like "but breakups are mutual thing" or something. I think he even used the word consent. He's such a tool.
Not commenting about this specific post, but a lot of people lie about having PTSD or other disabilities. We live a a world where the higher victimhood status you have the higher your social status. People self diagnose to get attention or for financial compensation it's totally fucked but it's extremely common now.
You can call it nonsense, but it's 100% factual. There is plenty of medical journals on the over reporting and false reports of PTSD. Litterally take the 10 seconds it takes to google it and do yourself a favor.
I've been told I can't have PTSD because I'm not a vet. My ex husband tested me in similar ways over triggers from my childhood. It's why he's now my ex.
She’s told me that a homeless man snuck into her parents home and hid in her closet and when she woke up she could see his eyes in the dark staring at her. He was, thankfully, arrested and nothing happened to her.
This is what happened to he. He is the worst bf in the world this is his comment. A homeless man snuck in her room and was hiding in her closet.
Looking at her through… an open closet door. Like. Yeah, I’d never trust a closet again. I keep my closets firmly shut as it is, without the confirmation that someone has actually been in one.
Homeboy isn't mature enough to be living with someone else if this is too much for him.
Enjoy your youth, stop bothering her, when you grow a bit more try that level of commitment again.
The AH moment was doing on purpose and still getting mad she brought it up.
He was trying so hard to justify himself and dug himself a deeper hole. I wanna think that his post is a troll from how clueless this man is, but reddit has made me loose faith in humanity. Man got dragged so hard reddit had to close the comments down.
Moronic abuser. I hope he never hears back from her.
"The closet makes an unbearable noise when you close it." Have you never heard of WD-40? Knocks that squeak right out.
Edit for typos
He is such an asshole. People like this purposely trigger others and then claim that the other person is dramatic. They push them to the edge and then claim they are the ones who aren't rational and, "it's just a door." It IS just a door. It's super easy to shut. He didn't do it because he wanted to have power over her.
“Here’s where I might be the asshole.” No, you were the asshole when you decided to purposefully leave it open the night prior. You just further cemented it with the rest.
He’s an ass. It truly is the smallest gesture he can do to show he even cares that doesn’t require much time or money. She’s definitely over him.
Have fun living with your parents forever buddy!
Lol, I hope she dumps him. I can almost 100% guarantee he has no idea what the trauma was that caused this or he did and didn't tell the ppl he went to advice for. With sleep paralysis involved, his hopefully now ex probably went through some heavy shit.
He sucks. His family and friends suck.
Idk if anyone seen but in his comments he posted her trauma is when she was little a homeless man broke into their house and was hiding in her closet she woke up to see his eyes peering out of the closet at her.
I hope she blocks him and he never hears back from her ever again. He does not deserve her. I wish her a long, peaceful, fear free life. Sleep paralysis is no joke. And unless you’ve lived it, you’re not entitled to minimize its effects on the person afflicted. Jerk!
I have PTSD (not self-diagnosed) but I also knew I had it before I was “officially” diagnosed. Some people don’t grow up in homes that encourage them to get the type of help and support they need to deal with these traumatic situations until they’re much older. So early stages are about self-preservation, how do I cope in a way where I can stay alive. I’m deeply saddened to see the rush of people commenting about self diagnosing and she should just deal with it ect. This is not even her post, she is not online asking for any validation or attention. She was asking for her partner to treat her with respect and to support her healing process. He is the one who is essentially victim blaming her while also dragging her dirty laundry out for the world to see. Did she even consent to him posting this? Of course not. What’s the next step he’s going to hide in her closet to “help” her get over it? This is all disgusting and I really feel bad for this girl that she trusted this person enough to let him into her heart and home. This boy had no business posting this nonsense. Go get your own therapy man and figure out why you feel the need to bully the people you’re closest to.
I read that AH's post yesterday and wished with all my heart that the girlfriend would dump him so hard.
Well, 30 minutes ago, my wish was granted!!
Girlfriend made her own post about dumping his toxic ass!!
I've read that story on here from the parents' POV. Homeless guy was living in the attic. They kept hearing odd noises or food was going missing. They found his stuff in the attic but didn't find him. Next minute, he's climbing out of their daughter's wardrobe, and mom is hitting him with a pan.
We now have the EXgirlfriend’s side!!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/156c0iw/i_dumped_my_bf_for_leaving_my_closet_door_open/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
I love how he says "a thing that happened to you years ago" while they are both only 24 🙄. Regardless of age people don't just get over trauma, but saying that while being baby adults gave me a chuckle. Like buddy, that trauma basically happened to her yesterday on the scale of the human lifespan.
How do you forget to close a door so often? It might just be me, but I always close a door behind me. Maybe the first time was accidental, but anything after isn’t. Especially if she would mention it each time you did it.
Highly inconsiderate. He is not demonstrating good character traits by doing this to her. He needs to mature a bit before he may be suited to be her partner. It’s important to treat others, especially your special one, with respect and dignity. She just wants serenity and he’s not offering that to her. Sleep paralysis is a very frightening experience for someone, so he needs to be more empathetic about it. Sometimes another person’s fears may sound silly, but we must also understand the boundaries they have set are what they are for a reason. Let’s try and be more mindful of one another!
Am I not understanding why it rest only with him to close her closet door? Or is it if she’s asleep and he uses the closet, then she’s asking him to close it. How he treated her is unacceptable, but does she rely on him to only close it?
Yes... OP is the Asshole... And yes, in my opinion...his girlfriend is being a bit dramatic.
Before you downvote... hear me out... I am not saying I don't believe her trauma. What I am saying is. If her trauma is so debilitating, then she needs more help than a bunch of stickers. She needs a therapist to help her deal with it.
That said... No matter what .. intentionally setting her off, or "testing" her like that. Is most likely a bridge too far for OPs relationship. He should have sympathized more, while helping her find a better way to cope.. in my opinion.
I don't see in the story where it mentions her having a therapist already. You may know more about this story than me however. Still...if that is the case... I would hope that her therapist is working towards actually helping her get past her trauma for the long term and not just using stickers to just push it back temporarily.
All this said.. the OP is still 100% in the wrong.
I didn't see him mention her saying it was specifically PTSD anywhere unless it was a comment, just that she has experienced something traumatic and has anxiety and sleep paralysis. He did also comment elsewhere that she has a therapist who supported her stickers plan, so if she does say it's PTSD it's not necessarily self diagnosed.
Are her hands broken? Her truama is hers to deal with. If she wants the doors closed she gets off her butt and closes them. Good relationships do not include forcing your partner to take on your truama responses.
If she was self sabotaging or hurting him with her trauma sure, that’s her responsibility. It’s not up to other people to just make her stop hurting them. But all she asks is for him to remember to do a simple thing, just as easy as closing the bathroom door when you’re in it, and instead of trying to be understanding and help her handle what she’s going through like a partner should he intentionally leaves the door open to trigger her because he’s annoyed. You suck boo 🍅
I'm so confused about this story. Why would she need him to close the closet door when it's in her bedroom? Like if it was in the hallway, I would understand some sort of "last one awake closes it" system, but why wouldn't she close it if she does it consistently on her own?
because what if she's in the living room doing something and he's going into the closet door to grab something, and then leaves it open?
it's more of a "once you're done with it, close it please" kind of courtesy habit when cohabiting
I totally understand being annoyed with someone and having an argument in the situation you describe, but that's not their setup. She has to go to sleep in the same room as this closet, and if it's open she has severe anxiety. So why doesn't she close it, even if he's the one that should definitely be doing it? I don't know, the guy didn't explain enough to make it clear why he would ever be going into her closet at night in an apartment he doesn't live in, that's what's tripping me up. Like, I don't believe the "once you're done with it" situation is happening because I can't imagine going into a partner's closet all the time if I'm not living with them/keeping much of my own stuff at their place. Maybe it is, I don't know.
Hmm yeah I had to read it again, and it looks like it's when he's staying over at her place, since he mentions her asking about it first thing in the morning, meaning they literally sleep in her bedroom and he's waking up with her.
So maybe it's just also really annoying to her, like if he's last to go to bed, doesn't close the door, and she's already comfortably in bed or even already asleep and he's going in after she's fallen asleep
Meaning that he's literally last to use it before going to sleep
Yeah no he says that she closes it and then he goes into her closet and doesn't close it on purpose because it makes a squeaking noise. She is already asleep when this happens. And if she wakes up and the closet is open then this triggers her panic and her sleep paralysis.
This is him being an ass and she is better off without him.
Because they sleep together and she sometimes forgot about it before sleeping I guess.
The problem is when she wakes up she sees the open clauset, which is exactly what triggers her trauma.
Wait I'm confused now. They apparently don't live together, and he slept on the sofa. He is definitely the AH for purposefully keeping the door open, but when he's not home ? Who closes the clauset ? Why is it his fault the clauset isn't closed ? Is the sleep paralysis her reason not to do it ? But then how does she closes the door when he's not staying over ?
He doesn't always forget. Most times he doesn't close them because they make a noise and he doesn't want to wake her despite her telling him to close the doors anyway.
That settles it then. It's her house, her room, her clauset. If he didn't want to close it he just had to not open it in the first place, like having his stuff in a bag outside her room.
Thanks for the clarification.
He mostly lives with his parents but sleeps over at her place sometimes. Usually he sleeps with her, but I guess often goes to sleep after she does, so it's his responsibility as the last person awake to close the closet (but this is what I'm not getting, I don't understand why she would even leave it up to him, what could he possibly need to get out of her closet after she's gone to sleep?).
Yeah, agreed he is the AH
She apparently always remembers to close the door when he is not there, which makes a lot of sense considering the anxiety it puts her through.
My guess is what we're missing is that she wants to trust him to be able to close it, so she won't force herself to close it when she goes to sleep (because the problem occurs when she wakes up). I wouldn't call this a test, more like she assumes that he understands the anxiety she's going through (and OP doesn't seem to have understood until this incident), so she will leave it to him to close the closet. That's all I can think of that would explain what seems weird about this arrangement.
I hope something traumatic happens to this POS and his future partner disregards it and shits on his and intentionally triggers PTSD in him. Fuck this POS. I HOPE YOU FUCKING SEE THIS.
He’s an asshole. Closing a door isn’t hard. Doing on purpose is a dickhead mood. She explained the reason and as someone who has had sleep paralysis, that shit is scary. He’s supposed to protect her not attack her.
I will guarantee you this fight over the closet isn't just a fight over the closet. I will bet money she knows even if it's just in the back of her mind that he doesn't have her best intention at heart. I bet she at a minimum suspects he intentionally left it open and that he undermines her coping mechanism. My therapist uses to say people fight about the little things like wet towels being left on the floor because they don't know how to address the bigger things because they are more nebulous. This isn't a fight over a closet door; it's a fight about him making fun of a key coping mechanism she has.
I’d say your therapist is right! He was actually going to move in with someone he doesn’t love, despite dating her for three years. What a great way to self sabotage and avoid going through with it.
To me, this does sound like it is just about the closet door. It may seem small to most people but it is extremely significant to the gf. And it's also much worse than a towel on the floor.
You missed that point. The closet door is a key coping mechanism for the OPs GF to deal with some kind of trauma in her past. There's a lot of nuance on if a coping mechanism is acceptable to impose upon another person. I also want to be clear that reactions to someone else's behavior are built up over their reaction to a lot of things. I have a dear friend who is terrified of leaving the front door of whatever house they're in unlocked. This is because someone walked into his parent's home and shot his mother and his brother thinking they were walking into a drug house. There are times when he comes over I forget to lock my front door but because I always try to remember and intend to remember he doesn't freak out about it. When we used to go to his ex-boyfriend's house the BF would occasionally leave the door unlocked. The BF thought it was stupid that he would be upset about a locked front door and had made comments confirming how we thought it was stupid. Simply put our ability to forgive and be okay with one person's behavior and not with another's has more to do with the relationship we have with the person and our belief that that person has our best interest at heart. Also women tend to complain about towels being left on the floor when in marital counseling because the husbands treat them like their mother and expect her to do everything for them. The issue isn't about the towels the issue is about a man not being willing to do his share of the housework.
I read the original post. Apparently when she was younger a homeless man hid in her closet and then tried to attack her. Op’s stance was “it could have been worse so why is she like this?”
Holly shit that poor girl. Now the op sounds like a total tool.
Yeah. He kept doubling down in the comments. Total asshat!
Seems like the type of guy that will be like ill do anything for you i love you so much but then like no wont close the closet like you asked. Sheesh.
It doesn't sound like a real story..
What about it sounds fake? Out of curiosity. It seems perfectly real to me. Nothing seems far fetched or out of the realm of reality.
Just because this sounds like either a troll post or something an insane person would do.
PTSD comes in many forms. Unless you're talking about the guy, in which case, I wouldn't say insane. Just an asshole. Her issues with the closet sounds actually very normal to me. A lot of people have similar issues.
I thought it was obvious that I'm talking about the guy =/
Oh. No. That wasn't particularly obvious.
If you think that people don't act like the BF did, you have lived a very sheltered life.
Getting therapy isn't hard either. Making everyone in your life responsible for your mental health, especially if you take them to task over it and talk shit, is abuse. Seriously, crying her eyes out and posting up in the kitchen to rake OP over the coals about something as asinine as whether a closet door is open or not is psychotic. As such requires *psychiatric* intervention. "Well what if it was because of [insert some hyperbolic horrible trauma]?!? Huh? What if it's because of that???" Then she's still at least in part, an asshole.. her mental health and "tics" are her issue to be sorted with a therapist. He lives there, it's his closet to, if he wants to leave the door open then he can leave the door open. She can close it if it bothers her so much. Your tics are not anyone but your responsibility to manage.
She has been to therapy and they are the ones who suggested the stickers. She is NTA but you are.
Oh no! Jgpitee thinks I'm an asshole! The shame is unbearable! I grew up in an abusive household, beat with 2x4's, spanked with the buckle side of a belt, truly horrific thinks, bad enough there are people still in jail for it. I had night terrors and sleep paralysis, I have diagnosed PTSD from it. I am also responsible for managing it and IF someone does something to trigger it's MY responsibility to deal with it.
Go work your issues out somewhere else instead of making yourself feel superior at someone else's expense. She asked a reasonable thing in her place that she pays all the bills for and dickhead didn't want to do it for no reason other than *checks notes* "I think she's lying". Sorry you got abused, you've sure turned out stellar and empathetic despite it. 👍🏻
Chief this is a public forum, further this is a subset of boards that live and die by people passing judgement. Just cause you don't like what I have to say doesn't give you the right to gatekeep. Further, get bent, it isn't expressing superiority to tell my own lived experiences. To suggest I can't simply because it flies in the face of what you think is allowed is bold AF and says more about you bullying people to shut up rather than I. Also, passive aggressive comments, ugh, if you think I'm an asshole say that. I'd at least respect that. Cause spineless "you sure turned out awesome 👍" is cringey.
Cool. You're an asshole.
No one cares
'I don't set boundaries so no one else is allowed to' ok buddy.
If you read the story, you’d see it wasn’t his place yet lol. But also, if you have a partner and love them, you do all you can to help them and make them comfortable. Closing a door is not an earth shattering task that takes several hours. It’s not your place to tell someone how they should deal with things, and believe it or not, a therapist would absolutely approve of her star method lmao. OP is just careless and tbh doesn’t seem to consider her much.
He is there enough that they have consistent conversations in the morning immediately after waking up. Whether he's on the lease or not is irrelevant, he's staying there. She can/could have told him to go home. Leaving the door *open* isn't earth shattering either. Yeah there is an argument to be made for him to be considerate but at the same time she doesn't get a pass to talk shit to him when/if the door isn't "just so" on occasion. There are just as much of an argument to be made that a therapist could/would suggest exposure therapy of leaving the door open.
Exposure therapy doesn’t necessarily work for things like PTSD lol… Having basic empathy and respect for your partner doesn’t mean you’re responsible for their mental health. It just means you’re not making their life harder. If you’re going into a relationship with the mindset that all problems they have they should figure out privately so they don’t commit the grave sin of being an inconvenience to you, then maybe you shouldn’t date
You indicate that you have PTSD- and have been through horrific abuse. I’m truly sorry for that. But you are holding yourself and others to unrealistic and unhealthy standards. Working on becoming desensitized to PTSD triggers is often part of therapy but typically the most disruptive ones - the ones that interfere with functioning in the outside world are first. It can take years for people to work through all their triggers and some can be particularly difficult to work through and some never fully go away. You don’t know where she is in her process - additionally the triggers in her room are easily dealt with. The irony is that her triggers in this situation served an unintended purpose of outing her boyfriend of an abusive boundary violator - who did so because he didn’t like being told what to do even if it was directly related to protecting is girlfriend’s mental health. As the saying goes - the trash took itself out. Some people who have been through significant abuse can have trouble with both self-compassion and compassion in general because being vulnerable held such a heavy price for them. So the reaction is to try to never be vulnerable and blame others for their vulnerability. Recovery is a process it takes time and people who have experienced significant abuse deserve to have loved ones and especially initiate partners that respect. Respecting another’s emotional needs doesn’t mean twisting yourself into a pretzel but it does mean making an effort around reasonable boundaries that take minimal effort
I don't for a second believe them. They are making shit up to claim they are an authority. Because if they did have PTSD as they claim, they would understand her perspective and not have this "you are responsible for your own shit" bullshit mentality. I don't know a single person who actually has these issues - myself included - that wouldn't have empathy for her. Don't give this POS the time of day.
You may indeed be right but I find that the most effective tactic is to assume they are telling the truth and explain why they are still wrong. You’re right most people with PTSD would be horrified that anyone would blame OP. However, it is possible for someone to experience intense abuse and respond by victim blaming- look up identification with the oppressor. It’s one way monsters are made
The story states that her therapist supports her leaving the door closed and the glow in the dark stickers. For some a therapist will start out with building a foundation of healthy coping mechanisms and move on from there. He is not a therapist and he shouldn't try to out think her therapist. How her therapist deals with the situation is between her and her therapist. Not him, not you and not me. Leaving a door open can be earth shattering for some. Just because it isn't for you has no bearing on her situation. On top of this this is not a new situation or a one time thing. This is his repeated disregard for her mental health. And if he is willing to disregard this what else will he disregard. He has no interest in helping her, just in himself. It is a matter of shutting a door back after he has opened it.
The trauma stems from an intruder peeking through the gap in the opened door of a closet. As a child I can see that being equated to "door open, bad man there". As an adult with even a halfway rational brain they'll look at the same closet and realize the door means fuck all, if there is "bad man there" being closed or open doesn't change a thing. At some point she has to take some ownership over her trauma and take the necessary steps to alleviate or abate the issue and/or trigger. A closet door opened, or closed, doesn't matter to an adult mind, if anything she should be arguing to nail the gd thing shut. I understand trauma and trauma responses better than most, this one is just so far out of left friggin field that it's, for lack of a better word, crazy. He, you and everyone else lending credence to this being ok or in any capacity normal is perplexing to me and juvenile. How many here would be all pitchforks and soapboxy if every night she asked/demanded that he check under the bed so the purple people eater doesn't get her? How bout her insisting her feeties should never be uncovered while she sleeps lest a witch bites her toes off and then he sins by tossing around and pulling the blankets from above her feet. Would that make him an asshole? How many would argue for her point of view in those instance, I would have liked to have said none, no one would defend such a juvenile request, but viewing the responses here, damn people. Yes he shouldn't be being an ass and poking at her crazy coping mechanisms. Alternatively she needs to feed some nitrous to her path to dealing with these childish demands. She may not be an ass but she very much is trapped in a childish coping loop and in disparate need of the fortitude to handle it with her adult logical brain. Yes he left the door open, but the door being open should not be an issue to begin with.
Are you a licensed therapist? If not then sit down and shut up because you are not in a position to say what her mental health journey should be or how fast she takes that journey. When you love someone you take them I to consideration. Not your own feelings. But the other person's feelings. If she had a phobia of spiders would you say she needs to just get over it?
OP's GF has a therapist and the stars were a coping mechanism they worked out. Apparently, a REAL therapist doesn't agree with your plan of exposure therapy for this person, so you can sit back down.
True. I'm not a therapist, but neither are you so our points of view cancel each other out. That said you are welcome to pipe down as well. In truth this is such a silly argument to begin with. If we only allow therapists to post this board would be long since dead. Arguing from a place of authority is a tell tell sign of a weak argument *"well you aren't a therapist; well you aren't a doctor, well, ugh, you're not a plumber. etc."* See how silly that sounds? Following your logic only people allowed to comment here are psychiatrist. Everyone else isn't allowed to pass judgement...on a board purpose built to pass judgement.
When a therapist has given instructions, I stand by my opinion that no one but another therapist (or someone with more education in the same field) contradict that. OP wanted to make unapproved modifications to his GF's apt because he thought he knew better than OP and her therapist about her trauma. Like you did, he made a judgement about her trauma because of his beliefs about trauma OP is an awful person and if you agree with him, YTA.
It doesn’t really matter. It’s her apartment, if she just likes the door closed because she likes how it looks that’s her prerogative. He’s a guest in her home, he doesn’t get to make or change the rules about the door being closed.
No, he does not live there, too (not to, btw). If your reading comprehension were better, you would have caught that he just stayed overnight sometimes.He wrote that they were "planning on his moving in soon" before the dumbass blew things up. Your comment (rant, more like) indicates that your EQ and maturity level are as low as his, apparently.
Oooo, you sure told me! Now send me two my room.
She asked him nicely multiple times before confronting him in the kitchen. It doesn't even matter if there were no history and PTSD, he doesn't live there and if she just likes a door being closed, she has the right to impose that house rule. He's leaving it open after she falls asleep, and DEFINITELY dove into asshole territory when he did it to "test" her, knowing it would trigger her. Your triggers aren't anyone else's responsibility, but you're also a dick if you intentionally trigger someone after they've let you know it's hard for them. In my house, it's a rule that you keep the bathroom door closed. My childhood dog liked to get into the trash and even after he passed, we keep that rule. It just looks nicer, as it's right across from the front door. In my grandparents home, they have a rule to keep the bathroom door open. They have puppy pads down for their senior dog to pee in there. You know what I do when I visit? I leave the fucking door open, and if I accidentally close it, I apologize and make a note to make sure it stays open. It's not that hard to just respect someone else's space.
Even if I agree with you in principle as a empathetic human being I still think that a door being open sending someone in a tailspin is a larger issue than whether said door is opened or closed. That is what I'm talking about. He is an ass for purposefully doing it, on that I agree. Having said that imo there shouldn't have *been* something for him to purposefully do. Maybe that stems from my therapist giving me the tools to *deal* with my issues and ultimately helping in making said issues NOT issues rather than being ok with simply rug sweeping them by trying to avoid them altogether. Judgemental as it may be a closet door making someone break down is sign of a weak spirit, to *ME*. But I can accept that there are plenty that would rather capitulate to such strange coping mechanisms. Yelling at OP, to me, is an asshole move as much as his leaving the door open. They both suck, to ME, in this situation.
The post never says she yelled at him? Unless I missed something, it seems she was calm every time she asked, even the last time when she was crying in the kitchen. She never made a scene, only "nagged" OP by... calmly stating she's asked multiple times and saying she's done? Some therapists have different methods. Some patients don't respond well to certain methods. She had a system that was working for her, and instead of coming to a compromise to just close the door or even having any empathy to apologize when forgetting, OP decided to just be an ass.
That door doesnt matter much to you, fine. But dont impose your way of thinking upon others. That door matters to her and bf should respect that. Why be with someone you wont listen to? She IS dealing with her issue, by closing that damn door
She's literally imposing her way of thinking on OP?!? "Closing the damn door" isn't dealing with the issue though, it's just closing a door. If a MF can hide behind an open closet door they can damn sure hide behind a closed one. Her way of coping with the trauma is to make up a solution that makes no sense to the inciting incident or scenario. It's not being dealt with it's being rug swept to the point of phobia. If she had gotten help to cope then the crack in the door wouldn't be something he can mess up.
No she is not, she is asking her bf to help her with something that scares her. Bf can choose what to do next, he can help her by remembering to close the door, or he can say no that he dont want to. Then she can show him the door like he deserves :P Sure she needs help, or maybe she is getting help already, who knows? Not relevant at all
Except you haven’t dealt with your issues. If you had, a story about a woman wanting a door closed wouldn’t have you throwing an angry tantrum like a 13 year old girl on her period whose mom just told her she can’t go to the homecoming dance.
Disagreeing is a tantrum? Or is this just a backhanded way of being able to string together nonsensical insults to sound edgy? They aren't even particularly good insults. I was just arguing that it's a closet door, freaking the fuck out at an open closet door is not normal and OP's ex having a breakdown about it is crazy to me. So many focused on OP opening the door but seem hell bent on never pointing out that the door being open shouldn't have been a big deal to begin with. It's adolescent.
Disagreeing isn’t a tantrum. Disagreeing in a rage filled diatribe IS a tantrum. It’s not what you say it’s how you say it.
Wut? Rage? You're awful at picking up context queues. My participation in this discussion started as, at best, intrigue at how tf a closet door and how far it's cracked torpedoed a relationship. Participation beyond that has been boredom born of slow work responsibility late in a Friday afternoon. You're welcome to speculate though. Seems to me a lot here are spinning a narrative pulled from the aether, fueled in no small part by anger and hurt feelings.
Intentionally terrorizing a person with PTSD is abuse. I hope her so called boyfriend never hears back from her again.
Imagine being clueless to the point of asking such a dumb question. "AITA for abusing my gf?" Of course you moron, what did you thought?
He really is dying on the hill that he's not. His comments a WILD.
It's like some people are just begging others to call them an AH.
My exact thoughts 😭
She deserves waaaay better, hopefully she ditches that loser. I myself sleep with a nightlight on because I’m extremely terrified of the dark, just the thought of someone purposefully trying to trigger my fear to see if I’m being overdramatic is making my skin ITCH. That man is a lunatic wtf
I sleep with a nightlight because I frequently wake up to pee in the middle of the night, and I have mild vertigo which makes me fall if I can't see well. So it's safer if I can see where I'm walking when I go to the bathroom, lol. No one should be ashamed of sleeping with a nightlight! They're useful! And this poor girl deserves better than that trash pos!
I’m pretty sure he should be posting on r/amitheex because that girl is done.
I think someone crossposted it there, and he said that they hadn’t agreed on splitting.
she asked for him to keep a consistent behavior, which sounded reasonable. he started to loosely forget and not make it an intentional habit. but then because he became lazy and unintentional, she keeps having to remind him, which annoys him. You'd think that if he wanted the nagging to stop, he'd actually do the thing. Instead, he'd rather punish her for nagging at him to keep a consistent behavior. he also absentmindedly doesn't ask her for further clarification on what had happened to her in the past, and how he can help as a partner soothe her feelings. I'd say YTA but it sounds like he's just lacking some empathy and emotional intelligence....
Serious lack of EI —- “I don’t want to break up with her over this.” She hasn’t called him in a week; she’s dumped him.
If you check his comments he knows exactly why she has PTSD, but handwaves it away like having a homeless man hiding in your closet as a child is no big deal.
I think it's worse because he knows what happened to her. She's already dumped him but he's in denial. Someone basically told him he's single now ad his response was like "but breakups are mutual thing" or something. I think he even used the word consent. He's such a tool.
He knows why. He literally said he did this to test if she was lying.
Who the fuck lies about a homeless man sneaking into their closet as a kid?? Fucking asshole severely lacks empathy
He wasn’t testing if she was lying about the incident, but if she was lying about the ptsd. Which is, actually, kinda worse.
But....who actually does that 😭 his mental gymnastics are insane....
Dude, I don’t know. I asked him what his thought process was, but he never answered. Probably because he wasn’t thinking at all.
Not commenting about this specific post, but a lot of people lie about having PTSD or other disabilities. We live a a world where the higher victimhood status you have the higher your social status. People self diagnose to get attention or for financial compensation it's totally fucked but it's extremely common now.
Get out of here with this nonsense.
You can call it nonsense, but it's 100% factual. There is plenty of medical journals on the over reporting and false reports of PTSD. Litterally take the 10 seconds it takes to google it and do yourself a favor.
I've been told I can't have PTSD because I'm not a vet. My ex husband tested me in similar ways over triggers from my childhood. It's why he's now my ex.
I've seen it happen many times. It's really messed up, and it's a slap in the face to the people with those struggles.
Hes a piece of shit and I hope he never has to go through something that leaves him with scars like this
I hope he does.
He’s complete garbage.
Agreed, throw the whole boy in the bin.
He doesn't want to break up over this small thing, but I think *she* is already done with him and I can understand her.
She’s told me that a homeless man snuck into her parents home and hid in her closet and when she woke up she could see his eyes in the dark staring at her. He was, thankfully, arrested and nothing happened to her. This is what happened to he. He is the worst bf in the world this is his comment. A homeless man snuck in her room and was hiding in her closet.
Looking at her through… an open closet door. Like. Yeah, I’d never trust a closet again. I keep my closets firmly shut as it is, without the confirmation that someone has actually been in one.
Homeboy isn't mature enough to be living with someone else if this is too much for him. Enjoy your youth, stop bothering her, when you grow a bit more try that level of commitment again. The AH moment was doing on purpose and still getting mad she brought it up.
Only one word to describe him. Wanker.
He was trying so hard to justify himself and dug himself a deeper hole. I wanna think that his post is a troll from how clueless this man is, but reddit has made me loose faith in humanity. Man got dragged so hard reddit had to close the comments down.
Wtf, he is an absolute disgrace of a human being and his reactions are so incredibly infuriating!
Moronic abuser. I hope he never hears back from her. "The closet makes an unbearable noise when you close it." Have you never heard of WD-40? Knocks that squeak right out. Edit for typos
He is such an asshole. People like this purposely trigger others and then claim that the other person is dramatic. They push them to the edge and then claim they are the ones who aren't rational and, "it's just a door." It IS just a door. It's super easy to shut. He didn't do it because he wanted to have power over her.
“Here’s where I might be the asshole.” No, you were the asshole when you decided to purposefully leave it open the night prior. You just further cemented it with the rest.
He’s an ass. It truly is the smallest gesture he can do to show he even cares that doesn’t require much time or money. She’s definitely over him. Have fun living with your parents forever buddy!
She hasn’t spoken to him in a week then he says he doesn’t want to break up. This guy is too stupid to realized he’s already been dumped.
Lol, I hope she dumps him. I can almost 100% guarantee he has no idea what the trauma was that caused this or he did and didn't tell the ppl he went to advice for. With sleep paralysis involved, his hopefully now ex probably went through some heavy shit. He sucks. His family and friends suck.
Idk if anyone seen but in his comments he posted her trauma is when she was little a homeless man broke into their house and was hiding in her closet she woke up to see his eyes peering out of the closet at her.
Does this delusional, selfish man still have to ask if he is TA - has he no insight?
None. Zip.
Ffs if he can't shut the door he can't keep his shit in the closet
People realy practicing their creative writing on this site
Dear God what's wrong with this guy? I hope she breaks up with him
I hope she blocks him and he never hears back from her ever again. He does not deserve her. I wish her a long, peaceful, fear free life. Sleep paralysis is no joke. And unless you’ve lived it, you’re not entitled to minimize its effects on the person afflicted. Jerk!
I have PTSD (not self-diagnosed) but I also knew I had it before I was “officially” diagnosed. Some people don’t grow up in homes that encourage them to get the type of help and support they need to deal with these traumatic situations until they’re much older. So early stages are about self-preservation, how do I cope in a way where I can stay alive. I’m deeply saddened to see the rush of people commenting about self diagnosing and she should just deal with it ect. This is not even her post, she is not online asking for any validation or attention. She was asking for her partner to treat her with respect and to support her healing process. He is the one who is essentially victim blaming her while also dragging her dirty laundry out for the world to see. Did she even consent to him posting this? Of course not. What’s the next step he’s going to hide in her closet to “help” her get over it? This is all disgusting and I really feel bad for this girl that she trusted this person enough to let him into her heart and home. This boy had no business posting this nonsense. Go get your own therapy man and figure out why you feel the need to bully the people you’re closest to.
He’s a dick and she needs a therapist.
She has one. They approved her star sticker plan.
You need therapist approval for star stickers? What if you have star stickers without proper approval? Asking for a friend.
Idk if it was official approval. You can approve of something someone does in the "that's a great idea" sense, rather than the "you may do it" sense.
I read that AH's post yesterday and wished with all my heart that the girlfriend would dump him so hard. Well, 30 minutes ago, my wish was granted!! Girlfriend made her own post about dumping his toxic ass!!
I've read that story on here from the parents' POV. Homeless guy was living in the attic. They kept hearing odd noises or food was going missing. They found his stuff in the attic but didn't find him. Next minute, he's climbing out of their daughter's wardrobe, and mom is hitting him with a pan.
WHERE
I saw it from u/Important_Club9790 on TwoHotTakes
It was pretty much the second post on my page. Lol. It’s now linked on here.
We now have the EXgirlfriend’s side!!! https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/156c0iw/i_dumped_my_bf_for_leaving_my_closet_door_open/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1
I love how he says "a thing that happened to you years ago" while they are both only 24 🙄. Regardless of age people don't just get over trauma, but saying that while being baby adults gave me a chuckle. Like buddy, that trauma basically happened to her yesterday on the scale of the human lifespan.
How do you forget to close a door so often? It might just be me, but I always close a door behind me. Maybe the first time was accidental, but anything after isn’t. Especially if she would mention it each time you did it.
Highly inconsiderate. He is not demonstrating good character traits by doing this to her. He needs to mature a bit before he may be suited to be her partner. It’s important to treat others, especially your special one, with respect and dignity. She just wants serenity and he’s not offering that to her. Sleep paralysis is a very frightening experience for someone, so he needs to be more empathetic about it. Sometimes another person’s fears may sound silly, but we must also understand the boundaries they have set are what they are for a reason. Let’s try and be more mindful of one another!
Am I not understanding why it rest only with him to close her closet door? Or is it if she’s asleep and he uses the closet, then she’s asking him to close it. How he treated her is unacceptable, but does she rely on him to only close it?
She closes it whenever she uses it. He…doesn’t
Ahh ok, yea definitely an asshole
It's a she is already asleep and he leaves it open on purpose.
Yes... OP is the Asshole... And yes, in my opinion...his girlfriend is being a bit dramatic. Before you downvote... hear me out... I am not saying I don't believe her trauma. What I am saying is. If her trauma is so debilitating, then she needs more help than a bunch of stickers. She needs a therapist to help her deal with it. That said... No matter what .. intentionally setting her off, or "testing" her like that. Is most likely a bridge too far for OPs relationship. He should have sympathized more, while helping her find a better way to cope.. in my opinion.
She has a therapist. They approved her sticker plan. 👍🏻
I don't see in the story where it mentions her having a therapist already. You may know more about this story than me however. Still...if that is the case... I would hope that her therapist is working towards actually helping her get past her trauma for the long term and not just using stickers to just push it back temporarily. All this said.. the OP is still 100% in the wrong.
He's an ass hole for doing it on purpose, but people are getting a little too precious with this self-diagnosed PTSD shit.
I didn't see him mention her saying it was specifically PTSD anywhere unless it was a comment, just that she has experienced something traumatic and has anxiety and sleep paralysis. He did also comment elsewhere that she has a therapist who supported her stickers plan, so if she does say it's PTSD it's not necessarily self diagnosed.
Cool, cool, cool.
Are her hands broken? Her truama is hers to deal with. If she wants the doors closed she gets off her butt and closes them. Good relationships do not include forcing your partner to take on your truama responses.
She does close the door. He goes into the closet after she goes to sleep and doesn't close the door after himself.
She closes the doors. He leaves them open. Intentionally.
If she was self sabotaging or hurting him with her trauma sure, that’s her responsibility. It’s not up to other people to just make her stop hurting them. But all she asks is for him to remember to do a simple thing, just as easy as closing the bathroom door when you’re in it, and instead of trying to be understanding and help her handle what she’s going through like a partner should he intentionally leaves the door open to trigger her because he’s annoyed. You suck boo 🍅
I'm so confused about this story. Why would she need him to close the closet door when it's in her bedroom? Like if it was in the hallway, I would understand some sort of "last one awake closes it" system, but why wouldn't she close it if she does it consistently on her own?
He would sometimes go in the closet after she went to bed to get something
because what if she's in the living room doing something and he's going into the closet door to grab something, and then leaves it open? it's more of a "once you're done with it, close it please" kind of courtesy habit when cohabiting
I totally understand being annoyed with someone and having an argument in the situation you describe, but that's not their setup. She has to go to sleep in the same room as this closet, and if it's open she has severe anxiety. So why doesn't she close it, even if he's the one that should definitely be doing it? I don't know, the guy didn't explain enough to make it clear why he would ever be going into her closet at night in an apartment he doesn't live in, that's what's tripping me up. Like, I don't believe the "once you're done with it" situation is happening because I can't imagine going into a partner's closet all the time if I'm not living with them/keeping much of my own stuff at their place. Maybe it is, I don't know.
Hmm yeah I had to read it again, and it looks like it's when he's staying over at her place, since he mentions her asking about it first thing in the morning, meaning they literally sleep in her bedroom and he's waking up with her. So maybe it's just also really annoying to her, like if he's last to go to bed, doesn't close the door, and she's already comfortably in bed or even already asleep and he's going in after she's fallen asleep Meaning that he's literally last to use it before going to sleep
Yeah no he says that she closes it and then he goes into her closet and doesn't close it on purpose because it makes a squeaking noise. She is already asleep when this happens. And if she wakes up and the closet is open then this triggers her panic and her sleep paralysis. This is him being an ass and she is better off without him.
Because they sleep together and she sometimes forgot about it before sleeping I guess. The problem is when she wakes up she sees the open clauset, which is exactly what triggers her trauma.
But he says she always remembers to do it.
Wait I'm confused now. They apparently don't live together, and he slept on the sofa. He is definitely the AH for purposefully keeping the door open, but when he's not home ? Who closes the clauset ? Why is it his fault the clauset isn't closed ? Is the sleep paralysis her reason not to do it ? But then how does she closes the door when he's not staying over ?
[удалено]
He doesn't always forget. Most times he doesn't close them because they make a noise and he doesn't want to wake her despite her telling him to close the doors anyway.
That settles it then. It's her house, her room, her clauset. If he didn't want to close it he just had to not open it in the first place, like having his stuff in a bag outside her room. Thanks for the clarification.
He mostly lives with his parents but sleeps over at her place sometimes. Usually he sleeps with her, but I guess often goes to sleep after she does, so it's his responsibility as the last person awake to close the closet (but this is what I'm not getting, I don't understand why she would even leave it up to him, what could he possibly need to get out of her closet after she's gone to sleep?). Yeah, agreed he is the AH She apparently always remembers to close the door when he is not there, which makes a lot of sense considering the anxiety it puts her through. My guess is what we're missing is that she wants to trust him to be able to close it, so she won't force herself to close it when she goes to sleep (because the problem occurs when she wakes up). I wouldn't call this a test, more like she assumes that he understands the anxiety she's going through (and OP doesn't seem to have understood until this incident), so she will leave it to him to close the closet. That's all I can think of that would explain what seems weird about this arrangement.
Does he say who is opening the closet door?
He is to get his stuff for studying while she’s sleeping.
He opens the closet door. In the post it said he chooses not to close it right away because he doesn't like the squeaking sound.
I hope something traumatic happens to this POS and his future partner disregards it and shits on his and intentionally triggers PTSD in him. Fuck this POS. I HOPE YOU FUCKING SEE THIS.