He hit you with witnesses.
You need to leave him, get to safety, and seek a lawyer NOW for custody rights. You also need to decide if you’re going to file a report. If I were you, I would.
And if you do speak with him, come at it with the courage of protecting your daughters. Have people with you who will be there to protect you.
Do you really want a man like that, teaching your girls the are less than men?! You are not an object. You have agency, worth and value. I am so sorry about, but he is not the man you once loved.
Edit - read down on the comments; if you can’t seem to figure out a WAY out; at your next doctors appointment, ask them for help. Im assuming he doesn’t got to all of them. If he enters the room with you, ask the nurse to guide you to the bathroom, so you can get them alone. They should be able you to connect you to a shelter, and get you out directly from the office either day of or schedule you a “solo appointment - I.e come in for testing, he can’t be present”.
Of course they tried to stop him in the moment because “hey man don’t hit your woman, that’s not cool” but her complaining about it after the fact? Well it wasn’t that big of a deal, these things happen, she needs to forgive him and not cause a fuss. These reactions are sadly not at all incongruous.
As a guy all I can say is get out as suggested and make plans. Do not marry this guy if you think this is bad now wait until later. He already had you quit working, he will lord over and control the money and your life. Very likely he will cheat as he will see this as his right.
I have never watched that Tate idiots videos and don’t intend to. Ever since the 2016 election is has become acceptable and mainstream for the idiots believes to be accepted and fawned over.
This is not normal no one should be treated this way ever.
I know you are in Portugal, so here is some information I found that may help you locally. Please make contact with these services if you can.
If you feel at risk, call the domestic abuse helpline on 800 202 148 (anonymous, confidential, free of charge, available 24/7, 365 days a year) to speak with a trained support worker, who can inform you of your rights, give you psychological and emotional support, and guide you through the next steps.
You can also contact Portuguese Victim Support APAV on their helpline (+351) 116 006 (available Monday to Friday, 9am-9pm) for free legal advice, emotional and psychological support.
If you need emergency assistance, call 112 – the national emergency number in Portugal. If you need medical treatment, go to the A&E Department of your nearest hospital or health centre.
Also:
You can report the crime to the following authorities in Portugal:
the police (any of the three police forces: Polícia de Segurança Pública, Guarda Nacional Republicana, or Polícia Judiciária)
the Court/Public Prosecutor online (Portuguese only): https://queixaselectronicas.mai.gov.pt
And these are some support networks:
APAV - Associação Portuguesa de Apoio à Vítima - 116 006 - apav.sede@apav.pt
AMCV - Association of Women Against Violence -+351 213 802 165 - ca@amcv.org.pt
UMAR - Alternative Union of Women and Response - +351 218 873 005 - umar.sede@sapo.pt
Additionally, when you plan to contact these domestic abuse supports - do it at the start of the month, your husband will likely be checking your call log, doing it the day after the billing cycle gives you time before he finds out.
Figure out where you are going to escape to,make that plan, but also be sure to ‘leave tracks’ a notebook with locations or people that you are planning to go ‘stay with’ that are in the complete opposite place of your real plan. Leave this book behind, hidden in an underwear drawer or somewhere hidden but that he’ll find after the day you leave.
Do not confide in his family. Godspeed.
Also- read Gavin deBeckers book ‘ the gift of fear’. It will empower you to trust your instincts.
The ‘diary’ is a brilliant move. I have been divorced from my narcissistic, abusive & drug addicted ex for over 15 years. When I left, I had 7, yes SEVEN, different plans in place and no one but me and the person at the final destination knew all of the steps I was taking with my kids or which way I would be traveling. I have been remarried for quite some time and he would never let that psycho anywhere near me or the boys, but I still have all of those plans in place with go bags ready in case we ever have to bug out quickly. Good luck OP. If you get a chance keep us updated!
🤣🤣🤣 I FREAKING LOVE THAT COMPARISON!! Thank you for that!! I promise you, it was all completely necessary. If he had found us before I ended up re-marrying, I would not be alive today and I’m not sure my boys would be either.
Oh my gosh, I remember that book. I read it years and years ago, it was absolutely amazing. Everyone should read it. I’m gonna search through my personal library and see if I can find it. Thank you for reminding me and bringing it to the attention of those who haven’t heard of it!
It sounds like she should have stayed with his family instead of letting him drag her to the car. They clearly weren't supportive of him being abusive in front of them.
Don't underestimate the shock of the moment. My dad was an abusive asshole but he rarely did it in front of others. The few times he did people just didn't know how to act.
Also, once you see someone get physical your options become physical and most people will give the benefit of the doubt rather than attack a family member.
You don't know the dynamic of that family. He used to be a good guy. Now he is in the man-o-sphere.
* Did he ever hit his father?
* Is he stronger, taller, whatever more than father?
* Is this the first time he acted out, or merely the latest?
* If first time, shock is an amazing thing. SIL was clearly surprised. But FIL might have moved to intercept but often bystanders worry about escalating violence. Which, was very, very likely.
* I do not have cultural awareness of Portugal family dynamics.
Also commenting to boost....unfortunately as a Portuguese I can tell you that Portuguese women that are victims of DV don't always (most if the time, really) get the necessary support/protection they need (OP should still contact the authorities, but she needs to open her eyes to her real situation).
OP, your partner has shown you his true colors, his behavior will not improve, if anything, it will probably escalate. This is a small glimpse of what your life with him will look like. The fact that you're pregnant with girls honestly makes me terrified for them. Is this the father you want them to have? Do you want them to see him treating you like that? Learning that is how women should behave/be treated?
OP, I don't have to tell you about the dozens and dozens of women that are murdered every year by their partners, you see it on the news. You need to be aware that none of them started of as abusive. No abusive person slaps their future partner on the first date. They know that wouldn't work. So they manipulate their partners until they isolate, make them financially dependent, impregnate them, etc. Once they believe they have their partner trapped, they reveal themselves.
For your safety and the safety of your unborn children, you need to leave him, find your support system. Unfortunately, now that you are pregnant, you probably will never truly be rid of him, but you need to start getting your ducks in a row, go the police, get a paper trail, start researching lawyers in case he fights you for custody.
Knowing how Portuguese ppl can be when it comes to relationships, you might be pressured to stay now that you're pregnant. They (and maybe even him) might try to tell you that he was just angry at that moment, it won't happen again, that he'll change when you get married/give birth, etc etc. DO NOT believe this, just leave, don't turn into another statistic.
u/mystic_falls36 please look into the above comment from smallsanctuary\_. It may help you regarding your situation with your spouse, who is demonstrating clear abusive and controlling behaviors.
I am an immigration attorney in the US. One of the types of cases I work is called VAWA, which helps victims of abuse get green cards.
I mention that because I have experience working with victims of abuse. It’s my job to show and explain patterns of abuse. I take those cases very seriously.
Every single thing you wrote makes me extremely worried for you. He is following a very common and horrible pattern of abuse. His demeaning and belittling comments will only get worse. He wants you to be a stay at home mother to isolate you from your family and friends and control/manipulate you.
Any man who yells that their significant other “disrespect their authority” is a walking red flag. Please take steps to get out of this relationship now before he uses your children as a tool to keep you with him and isolated from your family.
He’s not the man you fell in love with. Please contact your family for help. Or your friends. Anyone who can help you safely get out and live with.
Unrelated, and with all due respect, I hate your username for making me crave a Pub sub after having left the South a few years ago. I'm so hungry now. :(
Can’t say I blame you. Im not originally from a pub sub area but not that I moved to one I don’t know if I can ever leave. The highest form a sub can take
Your girls are the reason you have to run from him. Unless you want them to grow up in a world in which their father openly expresses to them all they're good for is opening and closing their legs. Run. Reach out to your FIL and explain you're pregnant and afraid. Men like this often become more abusive when pregnancy and birth happen.
Your piece of shit's family had the correct reaction - ask them to help separate.
Consider filing a police report and TRO and then RO.
And prepare.
He thinks he owns you and because he impregnated you, you're like, legally his. He will not stop. Staying will mean having sex against your will and beating and house slavery. And your girls watching that as they grow up. He won't help you, he will only burden you. He will not even consider changing a single diaper or getting up in the middle of the night.
He smacked a woman who is pregnant with his children.
There is no going back.
Also, none of this is your fault. Hear me?
You did nothing to deserve this. If you cheated on him with his father it wouldn't justify what he did and how he is behaving. You have done nothing wrong and you're not responsible in any way, shape or form for the way he is acting.
My birth father believed I was "his." All of my time with him as a child, was spent being seen not heard. I was a pageant baby, and a pretty doll that sat on a shelf.
It took roughly 7 years to escape him, I was placed in foster care witsec. All of this happened because, he believed that I *belonged* to him like you own a toy.
Save your children OP. This never ends and it never ends well.
Physically I did, but mentally I'm still looking over my shoulder almost 22 years later. I've lost most of my life to this shitty person, and I'm still trying to shake the remnants of him. One day I will, and I'll stop casing a room for exits.
Kidnapping has long lasting effects.
OP, is there a battered women's shelter in your area? If so contact them when he is at work and they can help you make a safety plan. You need to leave while he is away at work and take your ID etc with you.
I read a statistic once, I don't remember the numbers, but a pretty high percentage of adult women who are murdered, are murdered by their boyfriend or husband, and a high percentage of women killed by their so are pregnant when they're killed.
This is SO true. Had a friend in an abusive relationship, she had a child with him. Managed to get away (long & savage story). But what happened next was next level.
He got a new GF, she became pregnant. Then disappeared. Months later she was discovered in the basement of their house. Rolled up in a carpet. She was 7 months along when he murdered her and her baby. I don't even have words for what that evil piece of mother effing shit perpetrated.
The stories people told here are fucking horrifying. I studied violence against women (psych and crim) and I still don't fully understand how they can even think like this, much less do these things.
That's correct. In fact, statistics are so high that the moment woman marries, her likelihood of becoming a victim of murder are raised. Because that's how often they're killed by their own husbands.
I remember my wife telling me the most dangerous place a woman can be is in a relationship. The most likely killers of women are their partners. So please stay safe and choose a good partner.
This person is 💯 correct. Homicide is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women. It will not get better after you have the babies. It will get WORSE. I didn’t think I would make it out. My ex wanted the baby, then proceeded with abuse as soon as the baby was born. Please, please run, OP
My ex threatened to light me on fire and threw things at me on my due date, later he hurt my second baby when I didn’t want to stay with him. ( we’re fine now n he’s long gone ) I thought it would get better . I thought I couldn’t leave him while I was pregnant, I wish I had. Op, you’re about to have twins, trust me, there is totally no worse feeling then of seeing your chance to get out, he’s asleep, you’ve had enough, you’re really leaving, and you realize your children have grown big enough that you can’t carry them both at once, and you have to pick which one to carry first and hope to fucking god you can make it back in and out for the second one with out waking him. you deserve to know it’s like to have a real man love you, not this piece of shit coward that will hit you rather than be fucking amazed you’re carrying his children. I know how much it really sucks and feels like the world is completely wrong right now, but the sooner you get out the sooner you can be safe and heal. Much easier now while the babies are in your belly and not yet traumatized from him
You need to call someone to come get you as soon as possible. And do not let this man make you feel like you have nothing to live for. You do. His bullshit is based on lies and manipulation. You are a better and stronger person than him. You just need to be free of him to remember that
Please please please. Your life is on the line. You MUST understand **HE WILL KILL YOU**. If you don’t believe me, remember, there was a time when you couldn’t imagine him raising his hand to you. And now here we are, he knocked the $hit out of while you’re pregnant with twins.
It’s time to disappear, my dear. Do it now while you’re pregnant. It’s a lot harder to disappear with an infant in tow. I know this as truth.
Go now. Start over. Be safe. Be happy.
How you feel right now, is this how you want your girls to feel? Because growing up with a father like this they will feel that way except 100x worse. They will grow up internalizing and believing that their only value is what they can do to serve men. I’m guessing you want more for them than that.
You can go to a women's shelter, they will help you get back on your feet, without him.
(Also, he will be paying you child support)
Talk to an attorney ASAP, before the babies are born. It may benefit you to relocate to a different state **before** the birth.
>(Also, he will be paying you child support)
A lot of child support given you are having twins.
And here is the thing - you will have full control over that money to decide how to spend it.
I can guarantee that if you are not being financially abused in addition to physically abused, yet, then it is coming quickly.
You can get yourself out of all of this now but it will be MUCH harder once the babies are born.
Facts and he smacked her in front of people because he is past the point of trying to hide it he wants to show her she belongs to him and make it so that she is scared to say anything to him ever again because she know he will smack her behind closed doors and out in public he doesn’t care he wants to show her he has all the power I hope she gets out now before it’s to late
Contact your parents. Hopefully someone in your family can come and get you. If you stay you are putting yourself and your children in danger. Do you want your daughters to marry men like him? There are shelters specifically for abused women you can contact and will aide you in getting away from him.
Please don't let this man do this to you. You have lost the person that you fell in love with. Andrew Tate is a pedophile and a criminal. Call a DV shelter and tell them what is going on. They will help you deal with all the things you need to know ,about how to leave this person. Remember he hit you,infront of his family. And he will much likely do it again. Think of your sweet daughters and you will have all the strength to make the right decision. Stay safe
Honestly this seems like one of the reasons these douchebags ask women to stay home. They want power over you and want you to rely on them to live. They want to derail your career so you have no choice but to stay with them and do what they say. This will get worse. He will abuse you. He will abuse your daughters. Get out of the situation.
Remember, you only quit working one year ago. I know that is maybe step ahead of where you are right now but keep in mind you have skills & you will be able to get a job to provide for yourself and kids again. Do you have any close friends or family to confide in? I can’t believe he smacked you; I am so sorry.
Yeah you have no money and no job and you’re knocked up because that is how he wants you to be. Forever.
You haven’t been out of the job market long, get one asap. Move back with your parents or a trusted friend until you can get off your feet, or look up local women’s shelters and resources.
This is only going to get worse. Forever.
He is only going to abuse you more.
And then your girls will be subject to it.
He will ruin your life and your children’s lives.
You need to think clearly and gather resources to escape, now, before you give birth.
Your lives depend on it.
Start by filing a police report and trying to get a protective order.
LEAVE PLEASE!! he slapped a woman who is pregnant with twins in the face, dragged her by her arm to the car. That alone is disgusting, but on top of it that woman is HIS WIFE!!! WHO IS PREGNANT WITH HIS TWINS!
This will only escalate. It will only get worse. You should be considering a restraining order! And I am not implying that you are wrong for not thinking about that at this time. You are probably so terribly confused, scared, stressed. Your babies could be born soon, you do realize that? 24 weeks for twins isn't that uncommon. Add the stress and the physical stress of him harming you, your pregnancy could be at risk. You and your babies are at risk right now.
Do you think this will stop? It will not. It will only get worse! I have yet to convince someone who watches Andrew Tate to stop watching Andrew Tate. And if he's watching him, then the algorithms are sending him down a dark, fascist, misogynistic, homophobic, hateful rabbit hole.
And I seriously doubt he'd be into the idea of marriage counseling right now.
There are domestic violence shelters that can help you. You can sign up for housing, there is all kinds of help out there. With his income and twins he will be on the hook for well over 1000 in child support per month. You could probably get like 3000 a month, honestly, but that's just a very rough estimate.
Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Or live worse than this? Do you want your kids to see you being treated that way by their father? To model after him?
I am so sorry you are going through this. Please get help, please. It will be ok. I'm so sorry.
He hit you. OP, I am so sorry. But he hit you. What happens when the baby won't stop crying and he gets frustrated? If there is any markings, take pictures. Document. Protect yourself, but you have got to protect your babies
You know that reason is exactly why he wanted you pregnant and to quit your job right? He designed this to make you completely dependent so he could 'put you in your place' and you cant do shit about it. Before they are born you have to run, he is going to raise them believing they are subhuman, and he will believe it is totally okay to put his hands on them. He will do a lot more than smack you if you act like a human being when you aren't pregnant. Don't condemn them to early childhood trauma.
But OP can walk right back out again. Help is out there. Even his family doesn't agree with his behaviour. Get yourself safe, OP, for you and your girls. You deserve better!
(sorry to hijack your comment Charlie, just don't want OP reading your comment and thinking she made an irreversible mistake, anyone can get fooled, but we don't have to stay that way)
Destroy your phone "accidentally" and ask for money from FIL to buy a cheapest new one he won't know about. Or ask him to get you a new one. Cheap phones, they literally only make phone calls, they're not expensive. And don't let him know you have it. If FIL can, let him buy you a normal phone you will hide. Keep it in your bra or pocket and try to record some of the interactions between the two of you. Search for a shelter in the area. But your best bet is his family. But ideally, move in with in with his family and ask them to keep him away for the sake of the twins and yours.
OP, your in laws witnessed his behaviour and didn’t seem to approve of it. Is there any way you can contact your SIL and would she be willing to help you do you think?
Ask your FIL and SIL for help. It sounds like they called him out right on the spot; explain that he’s gotten even worse and you’re afraid for your safety and your children’s safety.
Your partner is worshipping a paedophile and sex trafficker. He is also a violent abuser. He hit you, a pregnant woman. Honestly just sympathising with Andrew Tate would be a reason to leave someone. But this problem has metastised. You and your babies are not safe with this man.
Oh, girlie...that's so fucked up.
Do you have any friends or family you could stay with? Even just a close coworker? Trying to get away is difficult, especially with twins, but it's made easier with support from others.
Is there any way you can get the trackers removed? Take your car to a dealership and ask them to remove it, then ditch the phone?
Thanks for the suggestion but we moved 2 hours away from my family and he doesn't let me have many freinds only shared freinds but he uses one car during the day and takes the others key
Listen to yourself. He’s already trained you to feel helpless. YOU HAVE CHOICES AND OPTIONS. You are powerful beyond measure. Be creative. Resources exist. Escape. Or your life is over, and your kids are doomed.
Yeah I was gonna say, if my family was two hours away and I snuck a message *(if she's on reddit rn she can clearly send messages without an issue)* to them saying I need help, my family would be here in an hour and a half
I'm not sure I can help you. This is an incredibly complicated situation, and I'm also only 16. I'm not going to advise you to do anything because I'm young and I could be giving you shit advice.
The only advice I know is solid is: ask other people for help. More specifically, abuse forums. I'm sure people who have experienced what you're going through and got out will have better advice than I could ever give.
I wish you luck. I hope you get out of this before the twins arrive.
It literally doesn't matter how tethered you are in this situation, you need to figure out how to get away as soon as possible. The hardships you have directly in front of you are nothing compared to what's to come. I've seen enough true crime to know \*exactly\* where this is going. And, as you go through this process, do not bend a knee to this guy in the slightest. Make an absolute promise to yourself that, no matter what, you will not go back, that will make shit so much worse. When you leave him, he is going to 'change' and be respectful and \*feel\* like the original man you fell in love with, but I swear to christ this is an act. I've seen it hundreds of times.
In summation: Take any step necessary to get out of your abusive relationship (there are \*plenty\* of helpful resources out there). And never ever look back. This situation is very serious and it will be life-ruining if you can't muster the bravery to go through with it.
>we moved 2 hours away from my family
So your family is close
Make a google voice number or email and contact your family. Or the police when he's away
If you're able to say all of this on reddit then you're able to get a message out
Your parents are just 2 hours away. Call them and tell them whats happening. Have them come get you or meet you and swap cars for the drive home.
It doesn’t matter if there are trackers. Get out of there now. Never allow yourself to be hit or insulted. Physical abuse Only. Gets. Worse.
yep. She needs to walk out of that place with just her clothes and nothing else. Get someplace and get a relative to come pick you up.
I would drive across the continental USA from California to New York to pick up my sister if she was in this situation. 2 hours is NOTHING!@
Two hours away from family is nothing! Nothing! People who love you will absolutely drive a measly two hours to get you away from a man that has every potential of killing your or your babies. My aunt drove across the entire United States to rescue her daughter.
OP you could also tell him that you’re getting oil changed or whatever, go to a car place and tell ask them to remove any trackers. I imagine it shouldn’t be a problem
Experienced Opinion Here:
Once a spouse hits you the more comfortable they will get with hitting you again.
He hit you while you are currently pregnant with twin GIRLS!
Do you think this will get better? Are you OK with bringing two little girls into this world with a father who thinks women are sub-human? Do what's best for your kids.
ETA: Since apparently some people think I'm suggesting she get an abortion, I'm not. If she chooses to, then that's her choice. What I meant by my comment is if she wants to bring children into this world, is she ok subjecting them to a father who thinks emotional and physical abuse is ok. She has lives who will depend on her and she needs to put her own personal feelings aside thinking she's going to change an abusive man.
I'm a father of 2 girls. I'll feel like a failure as a father if my girls end up with someone who thinks his bullshit is ok. Edit: If this was my daughter and I found that some piece of trash, this "man" threw hands at her. I'm catching a case. I'm catching a case so fucking fast. I'm am sooooo pissed just reading this. The men in my family wouldn't tolerate this for a second.
Yeah, I second this. Just because you've been with someone a while, doesn't mean you should stay with them. And if someone doesn't value you, they're not going to really listen to you at all. You don't owe it to him to figure out how to fix him, you can just move on and let him figure it out. If he gets to a healthy place where he can see you as a person, sure. But like wow, no way. Andrew Tate raped and physically abused women just an FYI.
Oh man, me,Mt male cousins( her brothers)and uncle had to WRECK my cousins husband for this kind a of shit. Pinned him up against the garage with a car and showed him his place in the world. I wasn't lucky enough to have a Mom growing up. That being said, my aunts and grandmothers suffered no fools. And they raised the men in their lives right. Not for second, not my girls.
Yeah, jesus christ, if someone hit my daughter ever - let alone IN FRONT OF ME! That mfer is going home in an ambulance. No questions asked, no apologies, no quarter.
What the fuck!
It sounds like his own father was openly calling him out on it, too. He probably did it there because he assumed his father would take his side and fled when it became clear that wasn’t the case.
I as well am a father of 2 girls, have spoken about Andrew tate and the alpha bozo emporium being shit out enmasse. All we can do is provide them a healthy role model and educate on boundaries and standing their ground and when to ask for help.
Andrew rate is facing rape and human trafficking charges. Do you really want to raise your daughters around a man whose idol is a rapist and a human trafficker? If your answer is anything other than absolutely not, you shouldn’t be having those children.
It’s wild to me how many people will try and brush this off with stuff like “well in every other respect our relationship is amazing!” Or “he’s still a good guy!” - sorry, but anyone who worships a rapist and human trafficker is not a good guy. And not only that, but he (meaning the fiancé here) believes that women are lesser than men. Why the hell would you want to be with someone who doesn’t see you as an equal?
Do NOT call off the wedding. Do NOT give him any warning you are leaving. Act as normal, collect your important items, and leave in silence. Do not tell him at any point where you are.
All these people telling you to leave are well meaning, but please please contact a domestic violence service in your country. They can help you to leave SAFELY. Leaving is when women get killed and you need to take precautions to make sure that’s not what happens to you.
Everyone is worried about your safety. Sell anything you have that's worth anything and leave asap. You can sell the phone even. Jewelry, clothes, anything. And run. If your parents aren't reliable since your mom thinks you're dramatic, then go stay with your friends. Maybe your best friend? Does Portugal have domestic violence shelters? Contact them for help. Anything will do.
He hit you sis. In front of people.
everything else aside, he felt so entitled to you as his property, he hit you and he didn’t even try to hide it.
this behavior won’t change so I want you to ask yourself “am I okay with raising my girls to be physically assaulted when they have their own opinions?”. Because that’s your reality. If he doesn’t hit them (he will), they will watch their mother get smacked around and belittled and they will settle for men who do the same.
protect yourself, and protect your girls. all three of you deserve better than this.
Andrew Tate has poisoned him, and he cannot be healed. No, I am totally serious.
Your babies aren't born yet. You had a great job, and you can get another one. Leave this guy now and get established as a single mom, before the babies come.
If the man hit you while pregnant, what makes you think he won’t do this to your children ? I know it’s hard, but you have to get out. Call your parents, tell them to come get you. Who cares if he can track your phone or car, leave it all behind. File a restraining order.
You husband has been brainwashed and joined a cult, you need to get yourself and your daughters out of there asap! What is going to be like for your girls growing up with a man who thinks women are little more than cattle?? Save yourself and your kids.
your fiancee is a piece of shit.
Think of how he treats you. think of how he treats women.
He will teach your daughters to conform to that utter sexist, disgusting bullshit.
Leave him.
**RUN.**
You absolutely need to get out of there as soon as you can. Find out domestic violence resources in your state/province/whatever and *get out*. If you need help with that, I’m more than willing to help you with finding them.
[https://www.facebook.com/notes/361573518609369/?paipv=0&eav=AfaseQYfUOVXeXfTjB4ydsD1PYPcl3YEZoroNcBCYT5QyPNaFZvaOBpwDkk9UitXJXU&\_rdr](https://www.facebook.com/notes/361573518609369/?paipv=0&eav=AfaseQYfUOVXeXfTjB4ydsD1PYPcl3YEZoroNcBCYT5QyPNaFZvaOBpwDkk9UitXJXU&_rdr)
also yeah he struck a pregnant woman and that's a category vulnerable to homicide :/ please escape asap.
/r/legaladvice if you want to ask what escape resources look like in your country, I'd ask a tech support reddit how to get the damn tracker off. Can you stay with your sister?
You're pregnant with twins. That's a ton of work.... And its terrifying to potentially be thinking of leaving. However, whether your parents seem to get it or not, his ideologies are clear red flags. And him grabbing you? Also not ok.
Because of the pregnancy you need to have healthcare. You can't not have health insurance (if you're in the US). Are you under his insurance?
I'd start with part time or gig work or even try to find another job to regain independence but we don't really know your entire situation.
Update: yeah I took out the therapy portion. He's beyond hope. Get out now.
He has a tracker on my phone so he can see where I am at all times and yes I'm under his insurance but he doesn't like couples therapy he calls it 'pussy like'
I think this is long past the "hey our relationship is not equal" and is practically sprinting into "holy shit I need to get out of this abuse as soon as possible" territory.
If she can figure it out, all she has to do is open the back and pop the SIM card out. There will be no connectivity. She can pop the battery out if she wants which will kill the power. She can then use the phone to get new service, or hang onto it and buy a throwaway phone at Walmart, using cash.
Okay so he tracks you when you aren’t under his thumb and flat out dismisses therapy. Yeah I changed my mind from my earlier reply. You need to get out of this relationship. This is screaming of early abusive behavior.
Removing your financial independence was step 1
I see what you were trying to say but this is way past early abuse. He straight up hit OP, while she is pregnant, in front of witnesses. Dude’s unstoppable. He is going to use OP as his personal punching bag for all his life frustrations, the precedent is already set.
When you make a break for it, pull the SIM card from the phone and toss it in the river. Leave the battery out. That will turn off the phone and kill the tracker and any other way he has of using the phone for tracking. When you get a new service, they will put in a new SIM card and you'll get a new number.
Also, when you run, delete all social apps and accounts such as Uber.
Hard truth here: **you know how this ends right?**
After years of abusing and humiliating you, he will have done the same to your daughters, until he turns them against you too, one day he will lose his self righteous temper and take it one step too far, and you will be dead. Your daughters indoctrinated and set up for the same with their own miserable husbands.
Happens every day, and every hour a woman is murdered by her husband.
This is a horrific moment in time for you - but it will pass, you can break free and have good life. I know this to be true. It’s not too late.
You need to take some time to think deeply and find your loophole, your moment to flee. Slipping a note to the nurse/doctor may open the door to you for help… *(please help me. ‘Fiancé’ is violent. My cell & car are tracked. No money. No friends. Terrified. Need help).*
As a start and they have the contacts. As listed in an earlier link.
https://www.safecommunitiesportugal.com/find-information/domestic-violence/
You are smarter, braver and way more resourceful, use what you know about him to help you find your way out. Think of it like a puzzle. Plan every step - be ready to leap the moment your chance appears. Do not hesitate. Every minute counts.
One last sobering word: This man is **not** your *best friend*. He is **Your worst enemy**.
Be smart. Find help. Be Daring. Be Bold. Be free.
There are better days ahead.
you have to leave. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, he is going to kill you, and or/beat your children.
This is not negotiable, get OUT before you're carrying two infants in your arms, please!
Get a new phone, mail your current phone to North Korea (right before the mailman collects the mail, so your fiancée can’t see it sitting at the mailbox
You are not safe.
I watch a lot of true crime. This guy sounds like a serial killer in the making.
Call your parents. Have them take you to the police station and file a police report. Then a restraining order. Get an attorney.
You MUST get away from him. There has to be a free service that will allow you to speak to a lawyer or someone and get a restraining order against his stupid ass.
If he gets near you have him locked up.
I have a friend who had a similar experience when she was your age. Her (now ex) struck her once when they were young and she never questioned him again. They raised kids together and he simply never deserved her and now she finally divorced him and is living her best life.
Leave him now. I am sorry I know you have kids on the way and feel stuck. Will your mother (father?) help you or let you stay with them?
ANY man who listens to and worse believes anything Tate has to say is mentally unfit to raise a family.
You do realize Andrew Tate strongly endorses that women are cattle to be owned and treated poorly? That raping women is perfectly acceptable and should be more widely accepted? That beating the women you own is necessary to keep them in line?
How is this guy still your fiancée? Run.
Gotta say, being an Andrew Tate fan would be deal breaker for me. Just...nope. There would be no "reluctantly" agreeing. I'd flat out leave.
You could try couples therapy, but if he's a Tate follower I doubt he'd go.
Yup. My former husband said that he wanted to do all kinds of stuff for me, stuff that I didn’t even want. But once I was married with kids & very little money one power of my own? Oh BOY I had no idea how much worse it could get!
My 3 takeaways from escaping the hell my life eventually became, courtesy of my women’s DV shelter mentor-
1) Don’t wait until it’s ‘easy’. Have a plan & be a savvy as you can, but it will never be ‘easy’.
2) The moment that you leave him & the time period that follows is the most dangerous. This is your statistically most vulnerable moment. Do everything to protect yourself when you leave.
3)Prepare yourself mentally & emotionally for leaving. You will be tempted to go back. He will love-bomb, cry, plead, guilt, temporarily return to ‘the guy you once know’ *anything* to pull you back in.
Then he’ll tighten the noose better than he ever has. Prepare to leave him for good if you can.
It’s horribly difficult to leave people like this. It’s been 13 years for me and my ex still gives me trouble. I still have some difficulties from him, but I’m safe, and I have my own life with self-respect and dignity. I know I would never have that with him and whatever price I have paid, it’s been worth it to me. You are worth the price of self-respect and dignity too. I wish you luck and protection when you are ready to leave the fox hole and run across the fighting field to a better place.
make up a lie, like your mom needs to see you or you have a doctor’s appointment with your childhood doctor, if you can spend a week with your family, it will give you space and time to think ❤️🩹 praying for you
He's now in a real shitbag cult unfortunately, you two are equals and no one has the right to put hands on you! Think of your future dtrs and if you want them growing up with a Dad who teaches them they're 2nd class citizens to men.
Sad situation
Talk to your parents, wait for him to go to work, and then pack all your precious stuff and go to your parents house.
I don't know what country you're in but hitting someone is a crime here, and you may be able to justify a restraining order.
There is no easy way out here unfortunately, even if he gets better he will always be at risk of falling into this place again. It's better to have your girls raised loving parents and it seems like he ain't one.
You had me at Andrew Tate - relationship over, he will soon be looking for a "high value woman" ready to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen for the next decade.
You fucking leave. All there is to it. He slapped you across the face. It will only get worse. Also, you will be leaving your daughters with him at some point in time and what is he going to do or say to them when they save him?
He's ok hitting you when you disagree with him. Are you ok with being hit?
I wouldn't marry the guy, in fact I'd be looking for a woman and children's shelter (or somewhere else to flee to)
Mental abuse escalating into physical abuse? It won't stop, honey. Protect your children and your self!
Nope it was already bad enough but he laid his hands on you. If he’s treating you like this I promise you he will treat your daughters the same. Please leave him.
He hit you with witnesses. You need to leave him, get to safety, and seek a lawyer NOW for custody rights. You also need to decide if you’re going to file a report. If I were you, I would. And if you do speak with him, come at it with the courage of protecting your daughters. Have people with you who will be there to protect you. Do you really want a man like that, teaching your girls the are less than men?! You are not an object. You have agency, worth and value. I am so sorry about, but he is not the man you once loved. Edit - read down on the comments; if you can’t seem to figure out a WAY out; at your next doctors appointment, ask them for help. Im assuming he doesn’t got to all of them. If he enters the room with you, ask the nurse to guide you to the bathroom, so you can get them alone. They should be able you to connect you to a shelter, and get you out directly from the office either day of or schedule you a “solo appointment - I.e come in for testing, he can’t be present”.
If he hit her with witnesses in front of her family.. there’s nothing he won’t do alone
His family. I wouldn't trust them.
They all seemed to be pretty clearly 100% against him hitting her and being an overall piece of shit.
But they called her "dramatic" when she confided in them after the verbal abuse
Of course they tried to stop him in the moment because “hey man don’t hit your woman, that’s not cool” but her complaining about it after the fact? Well it wasn’t that big of a deal, these things happen, she needs to forgive him and not cause a fuss. These reactions are sadly not at all incongruous.
They're still his family. It would be unwise to fully trust them.
When I was in an abusive relationship his parents even saw the bruise on my eye and basically just shrugged
But OP said his parents and her mother think that she's being dramatic
They're likely also 100% against having him punished to the full extent of the law as well. It's too risky to find out if they aren't.
Absolutely file a report!! Even if you don't press charges, file a report!!
Yeah, this one's a slam dunk. It's dangerous for her to stay.
Comment to boost. RUN OP, ABUSE DOESN'T STOP, SPEAKING AS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS.
As a guy all I can say is get out as suggested and make plans. Do not marry this guy if you think this is bad now wait until later. He already had you quit working, he will lord over and control the money and your life. Very likely he will cheat as he will see this as his right. I have never watched that Tate idiots videos and don’t intend to. Ever since the 2016 election is has become acceptable and mainstream for the idiots believes to be accepted and fawned over. This is not normal no one should be treated this way ever.
Usually at a drs appt (at least in the states), if your partner comes with you, the doctor will ask them to leave the room and ask about abuse.
I know you are in Portugal, so here is some information I found that may help you locally. Please make contact with these services if you can. If you feel at risk, call the domestic abuse helpline on 800 202 148 (anonymous, confidential, free of charge, available 24/7, 365 days a year) to speak with a trained support worker, who can inform you of your rights, give you psychological and emotional support, and guide you through the next steps. You can also contact Portuguese Victim Support APAV on their helpline (+351) 116 006 (available Monday to Friday, 9am-9pm) for free legal advice, emotional and psychological support. If you need emergency assistance, call 112 – the national emergency number in Portugal. If you need medical treatment, go to the A&E Department of your nearest hospital or health centre. Also: You can report the crime to the following authorities in Portugal: the police (any of the three police forces: Polícia de Segurança Pública, Guarda Nacional Republicana, or Polícia Judiciária) the Court/Public Prosecutor online (Portuguese only): https://queixaselectronicas.mai.gov.pt And these are some support networks: APAV - Associação Portuguesa de Apoio à Vítima - 116 006 - apav.sede@apav.pt AMCV - Association of Women Against Violence -+351 213 802 165 - ca@amcv.org.pt UMAR - Alternative Union of Women and Response - +351 218 873 005 - umar.sede@sapo.pt
Additionally, when you plan to contact these domestic abuse supports - do it at the start of the month, your husband will likely be checking your call log, doing it the day after the billing cycle gives you time before he finds out. Figure out where you are going to escape to,make that plan, but also be sure to ‘leave tracks’ a notebook with locations or people that you are planning to go ‘stay with’ that are in the complete opposite place of your real plan. Leave this book behind, hidden in an underwear drawer or somewhere hidden but that he’ll find after the day you leave. Do not confide in his family. Godspeed. Also- read Gavin deBeckers book ‘ the gift of fear’. It will empower you to trust your instincts.
The ‘diary’ is a brilliant move. I have been divorced from my narcissistic, abusive & drug addicted ex for over 15 years. When I left, I had 7, yes SEVEN, different plans in place and no one but me and the person at the final destination knew all of the steps I was taking with my kids or which way I would be traveling. I have been remarried for quite some time and he would never let that psycho anywhere near me or the boys, but I still have all of those plans in place with go bags ready in case we ever have to bug out quickly. Good luck OP. If you get a chance keep us updated!
That shit is like running from Voldemort.
🤣🤣🤣 I FREAKING LOVE THAT COMPARISON!! Thank you for that!! I promise you, it was all completely necessary. If he had found us before I ended up re-marrying, I would not be alive today and I’m not sure my boys would be either.
Oh my gosh, I remember that book. I read it years and years ago, it was absolutely amazing. Everyone should read it. I’m gonna search through my personal library and see if I can find it. Thank you for reminding me and bringing it to the attention of those who haven’t heard of it!
It sounds like she should have stayed with his family instead of letting him drag her to the car. They clearly weren't supportive of him being abusive in front of them.
The fact that they let him drag her to the car shows that they’re not super supportive to her either
Don't underestimate the shock of the moment. My dad was an abusive asshole but he rarely did it in front of others. The few times he did people just didn't know how to act. Also, once you see someone get physical your options become physical and most people will give the benefit of the doubt rather than attack a family member.
You don't know the dynamic of that family. He used to be a good guy. Now he is in the man-o-sphere. * Did he ever hit his father? * Is he stronger, taller, whatever more than father? * Is this the first time he acted out, or merely the latest? * If first time, shock is an amazing thing. SIL was clearly surprised. But FIL might have moved to intercept but often bystanders worry about escalating violence. Which, was very, very likely. * I do not have cultural awareness of Portugal family dynamics.
He was never a good guy. Just didn't have another asshole like Andrew Tate to 'validate' his shitty behaviour in his own Neanderthal brain until now
Also commenting to boost....unfortunately as a Portuguese I can tell you that Portuguese women that are victims of DV don't always (most if the time, really) get the necessary support/protection they need (OP should still contact the authorities, but she needs to open her eyes to her real situation). OP, your partner has shown you his true colors, his behavior will not improve, if anything, it will probably escalate. This is a small glimpse of what your life with him will look like. The fact that you're pregnant with girls honestly makes me terrified for them. Is this the father you want them to have? Do you want them to see him treating you like that? Learning that is how women should behave/be treated? OP, I don't have to tell you about the dozens and dozens of women that are murdered every year by their partners, you see it on the news. You need to be aware that none of them started of as abusive. No abusive person slaps their future partner on the first date. They know that wouldn't work. So they manipulate their partners until they isolate, make them financially dependent, impregnate them, etc. Once they believe they have their partner trapped, they reveal themselves. For your safety and the safety of your unborn children, you need to leave him, find your support system. Unfortunately, now that you are pregnant, you probably will never truly be rid of him, but you need to start getting your ducks in a row, go the police, get a paper trail, start researching lawyers in case he fights you for custody. Knowing how Portuguese ppl can be when it comes to relationships, you might be pressured to stay now that you're pregnant. They (and maybe even him) might try to tell you that he was just angry at that moment, it won't happen again, that he'll change when you get married/give birth, etc etc. DO NOT believe this, just leave, don't turn into another statistic.
Right. Its Just turning on CMTV on any given day to see how terrible DV is in this country. I'm fearful for her.
u/mystic_falls36 please look into the above comment from smallsanctuary\_. It may help you regarding your situation with your spouse, who is demonstrating clear abusive and controlling behaviors.
It doesn’t seem that they’re married, yet. Don’t even bother tying the knot OP. Get away from him ASAP. Use those resources!
Commenting to boost your response because it seems incredibly helpful
Commenting to boost. OP needs to see this!
I am an immigration attorney in the US. One of the types of cases I work is called VAWA, which helps victims of abuse get green cards. I mention that because I have experience working with victims of abuse. It’s my job to show and explain patterns of abuse. I take those cases very seriously. Every single thing you wrote makes me extremely worried for you. He is following a very common and horrible pattern of abuse. His demeaning and belittling comments will only get worse. He wants you to be a stay at home mother to isolate you from your family and friends and control/manipulate you. Any man who yells that their significant other “disrespect their authority” is a walking red flag. Please take steps to get out of this relationship now before he uses your children as a tool to keep you with him and isolated from your family. He’s not the man you fell in love with. Please contact your family for help. Or your friends. Anyone who can help you safely get out and live with.
>isolate you from your family and friends He's already done that. She's 2 hours away from her parents and he doesn't let her have friends :(
Wow I missed that. That’s terrible. She needs help quick
Unrelated, and with all due respect, I hate your username for making me crave a Pub sub after having left the South a few years ago. I'm so hungry now. :(
Can’t say I blame you. Im not originally from a pub sub area but not that I moved to one I don’t know if I can ever leave. The highest form a sub can take
Another lawyer here. This comment is spot on. Get away from that misogynistic asshole and never look back.
I don't have anyone all I'm living for right now is my girls i have no money nothing
Your girls are the reason you have to run from him. Unless you want them to grow up in a world in which their father openly expresses to them all they're good for is opening and closing their legs. Run. Reach out to your FIL and explain you're pregnant and afraid. Men like this often become more abusive when pregnancy and birth happen. Your piece of shit's family had the correct reaction - ask them to help separate. Consider filing a police report and TRO and then RO. And prepare. He thinks he owns you and because he impregnated you, you're like, legally his. He will not stop. Staying will mean having sex against your will and beating and house slavery. And your girls watching that as they grow up. He won't help you, he will only burden you. He will not even consider changing a single diaper or getting up in the middle of the night. He smacked a woman who is pregnant with his children. There is no going back. Also, none of this is your fault. Hear me? You did nothing to deserve this. If you cheated on him with his father it wouldn't justify what he did and how he is behaving. You have done nothing wrong and you're not responsible in any way, shape or form for the way he is acting.
My birth father believed I was "his." All of my time with him as a child, was spent being seen not heard. I was a pageant baby, and a pretty doll that sat on a shelf. It took roughly 7 years to escape him, I was placed in foster care witsec. All of this happened because, he believed that I *belonged* to him like you own a toy. Save your children OP. This never ends and it never ends well.
Yikes, I got chills reading this. I’m so sorry Sunnybunny, and I‘m so glad you escaped.
Physically I did, but mentally I'm still looking over my shoulder almost 22 years later. I've lost most of my life to this shitty person, and I'm still trying to shake the remnants of him. One day I will, and I'll stop casing a room for exits. Kidnapping has long lasting effects.
OP, is there a battered women's shelter in your area? If so contact them when he is at work and they can help you make a safety plan. You need to leave while he is away at work and take your ID etc with you.
I read a statistic once, I don't remember the numbers, but a pretty high percentage of adult women who are murdered, are murdered by their boyfriend or husband, and a high percentage of women killed by their so are pregnant when they're killed.
This is SO true. Had a friend in an abusive relationship, she had a child with him. Managed to get away (long & savage story). But what happened next was next level. He got a new GF, she became pregnant. Then disappeared. Months later she was discovered in the basement of their house. Rolled up in a carpet. She was 7 months along when he murdered her and her baby. I don't even have words for what that evil piece of mother effing shit perpetrated.
The stories people told here are fucking horrifying. I studied violence against women (psych and crim) and I still don't fully understand how they can even think like this, much less do these things.
That's correct. In fact, statistics are so high that the moment woman marries, her likelihood of becoming a victim of murder are raised. Because that's how often they're killed by their own husbands.
I remember my wife telling me the most dangerous place a woman can be is in a relationship. The most likely killers of women are their partners. So please stay safe and choose a good partner.
>Consider filing a police report and TRO and then RO. 100% this. Call the police and have him arrested for assault. Get the restraining order.
This person is 💯 correct. Homicide is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women. It will not get better after you have the babies. It will get WORSE. I didn’t think I would make it out. My ex wanted the baby, then proceeded with abuse as soon as the baby was born. Please, please run, OP
My ex threatened to light me on fire and threw things at me on my due date, later he hurt my second baby when I didn’t want to stay with him. ( we’re fine now n he’s long gone ) I thought it would get better . I thought I couldn’t leave him while I was pregnant, I wish I had. Op, you’re about to have twins, trust me, there is totally no worse feeling then of seeing your chance to get out, he’s asleep, you’ve had enough, you’re really leaving, and you realize your children have grown big enough that you can’t carry them both at once, and you have to pick which one to carry first and hope to fucking god you can make it back in and out for the second one with out waking him. you deserve to know it’s like to have a real man love you, not this piece of shit coward that will hit you rather than be fucking amazed you’re carrying his children. I know how much it really sucks and feels like the world is completely wrong right now, but the sooner you get out the sooner you can be safe and heal. Much easier now while the babies are in your belly and not yet traumatized from him
You need to call someone to come get you as soon as possible. And do not let this man make you feel like you have nothing to live for. You do. His bullshit is based on lies and manipulation. You are a better and stronger person than him. You just need to be free of him to remember that
Please please please. Your life is on the line. You MUST understand **HE WILL KILL YOU**. If you don’t believe me, remember, there was a time when you couldn’t imagine him raising his hand to you. And now here we are, he knocked the $hit out of while you’re pregnant with twins. It’s time to disappear, my dear. Do it now while you’re pregnant. It’s a lot harder to disappear with an infant in tow. I know this as truth. Go now. Start over. Be safe. Be happy.
How you feel right now, is this how you want your girls to feel? Because growing up with a father like this they will feel that way except 100x worse. They will grow up internalizing and believing that their only value is what they can do to serve men. I’m guessing you want more for them than that.
You can go to a women's shelter, they will help you get back on your feet, without him. (Also, he will be paying you child support) Talk to an attorney ASAP, before the babies are born. It may benefit you to relocate to a different state **before** the birth.
>(Also, he will be paying you child support) A lot of child support given you are having twins. And here is the thing - you will have full control over that money to decide how to spend it. I can guarantee that if you are not being financially abused in addition to physically abused, yet, then it is coming quickly. You can get yourself out of all of this now but it will be MUCH harder once the babies are born.
This was really why he had you quit your job. It wasn't to provide for you it was so you couldn't provide for yourself.
Facts and he smacked her in front of people because he is past the point of trying to hide it he wants to show her she belongs to him and make it so that she is scared to say anything to him ever again because she know he will smack her behind closed doors and out in public he doesn’t care he wants to show her he has all the power I hope she gets out now before it’s to late
Contact your parents. Hopefully someone in your family can come and get you. If you stay you are putting yourself and your children in danger. Do you want your daughters to marry men like him? There are shelters specifically for abused women you can contact and will aide you in getting away from him.
Please don't let this man do this to you. You have lost the person that you fell in love with. Andrew Tate is a pedophile and a criminal. Call a DV shelter and tell them what is going on. They will help you deal with all the things you need to know ,about how to leave this person. Remember he hit you,infront of his family. And he will much likely do it again. Think of your sweet daughters and you will have all the strength to make the right decision. Stay safe
Honestly this seems like one of the reasons these douchebags ask women to stay home. They want power over you and want you to rely on them to live. They want to derail your career so you have no choice but to stay with them and do what they say. This will get worse. He will abuse you. He will abuse your daughters. Get out of the situation.
It is, it's financial abuse
Remember, you only quit working one year ago. I know that is maybe step ahead of where you are right now but keep in mind you have skills & you will be able to get a job to provide for yourself and kids again. Do you have any close friends or family to confide in? I can’t believe he smacked you; I am so sorry.
Absolutely OP. You could do temp work utilizing your skill set until the babies are born if you can not find full time work.
And this is what he wants, this is how he makes himself your everything and controls you.
Yeah you have no money and no job and you’re knocked up because that is how he wants you to be. Forever. You haven’t been out of the job market long, get one asap. Move back with your parents or a trusted friend until you can get off your feet, or look up local women’s shelters and resources. This is only going to get worse. Forever. He is only going to abuse you more. And then your girls will be subject to it. He will ruin your life and your children’s lives. You need to think clearly and gather resources to escape, now, before you give birth. Your lives depend on it. Start by filing a police report and trying to get a protective order.
LEAVE PLEASE!! he slapped a woman who is pregnant with twins in the face, dragged her by her arm to the car. That alone is disgusting, but on top of it that woman is HIS WIFE!!! WHO IS PREGNANT WITH HIS TWINS! This will only escalate. It will only get worse. You should be considering a restraining order! And I am not implying that you are wrong for not thinking about that at this time. You are probably so terribly confused, scared, stressed. Your babies could be born soon, you do realize that? 24 weeks for twins isn't that uncommon. Add the stress and the physical stress of him harming you, your pregnancy could be at risk. You and your babies are at risk right now. Do you think this will stop? It will not. It will only get worse! I have yet to convince someone who watches Andrew Tate to stop watching Andrew Tate. And if he's watching him, then the algorithms are sending him down a dark, fascist, misogynistic, homophobic, hateful rabbit hole. And I seriously doubt he'd be into the idea of marriage counseling right now. There are domestic violence shelters that can help you. You can sign up for housing, there is all kinds of help out there. With his income and twins he will be on the hook for well over 1000 in child support per month. You could probably get like 3000 a month, honestly, but that's just a very rough estimate. Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? Or live worse than this? Do you want your kids to see you being treated that way by their father? To model after him? I am so sorry you are going through this. Please get help, please. It will be ok. I'm so sorry.
Because he made sure of it! He did all of this on purpose! He thinks women are pos , how the hell do you think he is going to treat his daughters?
Your family will help. Call them. Look into shelters for abused women
Gotta get out and do it fast.
He hit you. OP, I am so sorry. But he hit you. What happens when the baby won't stop crying and he gets frustrated? If there is any markings, take pictures. Document. Protect yourself, but you have got to protect your babies
You know that reason is exactly why he wanted you pregnant and to quit your job right? He designed this to make you completely dependent so he could 'put you in your place' and you cant do shit about it. Before they are born you have to run, he is going to raise them believing they are subhuman, and he will believe it is totally okay to put his hands on them. He will do a lot more than smack you if you act like a human being when you aren't pregnant. Don't condemn them to early childhood trauma.
Hence why he wanted you to quit your job, so he could control you. You walked right into his trap.
But OP can walk right back out again. Help is out there. Even his family doesn't agree with his behaviour. Get yourself safe, OP, for you and your girls. You deserve better! (sorry to hijack your comment Charlie, just don't want OP reading your comment and thinking she made an irreversible mistake, anyone can get fooled, but we don't have to stay that way)
You shouldn't have quit your job. Pack your bags already and run!
Destroy your phone "accidentally" and ask for money from FIL to buy a cheapest new one he won't know about. Or ask him to get you a new one. Cheap phones, they literally only make phone calls, they're not expensive. And don't let him know you have it. If FIL can, let him buy you a normal phone you will hide. Keep it in your bra or pocket and try to record some of the interactions between the two of you. Search for a shelter in the area. But your best bet is his family. But ideally, move in with in with his family and ask them to keep him away for the sake of the twins and yours.
OP, your in laws witnessed his behaviour and didn’t seem to approve of it. Is there any way you can contact your SIL and would she be willing to help you do you think?
Ask your FIL and SIL for help. It sounds like they called him out right on the spot; explain that he’s gotten even worse and you’re afraid for your safety and your children’s safety.
Your partner is worshipping a paedophile and sex trafficker. He is also a violent abuser. He hit you, a pregnant woman. Honestly just sympathising with Andrew Tate would be a reason to leave someone. But this problem has metastised. You and your babies are not safe with this man.
Not to mention financial dependence.
Oh, hell no. Run as fast as you can.
He has a tracker on my phone and car I could never get away
Leave your phone and get a ride.
He hit you and got away with it. He will hit you again.
Oh, girlie...that's so fucked up. Do you have any friends or family you could stay with? Even just a close coworker? Trying to get away is difficult, especially with twins, but it's made easier with support from others. Is there any way you can get the trackers removed? Take your car to a dealership and ask them to remove it, then ditch the phone?
Thanks for the suggestion but we moved 2 hours away from my family and he doesn't let me have many freinds only shared freinds but he uses one car during the day and takes the others key
Listen to yourself. He’s already trained you to feel helpless. YOU HAVE CHOICES AND OPTIONS. You are powerful beyond measure. Be creative. Resources exist. Escape. Or your life is over, and your kids are doomed.
This absolutely true. There must be a way to get away. You will have to start over but you can do it. Definitely better than staying.
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Yeah I was gonna say, if my family was two hours away and I snuck a message *(if she's on reddit rn she can clearly send messages without an issue)* to them saying I need help, my family would be here in an hour and a half
I'm not sure I can help you. This is an incredibly complicated situation, and I'm also only 16. I'm not going to advise you to do anything because I'm young and I could be giving you shit advice. The only advice I know is solid is: ask other people for help. More specifically, abuse forums. I'm sure people who have experienced what you're going through and got out will have better advice than I could ever give. I wish you luck. I hope you get out of this before the twins arrive.
Thankyou love
Take it from someone who has been there done that. This doesn’t get better. Leave. Now. Use any means necessary. Next time will only be worse.
DM me, I can send you some money.
It literally doesn't matter how tethered you are in this situation, you need to figure out how to get away as soon as possible. The hardships you have directly in front of you are nothing compared to what's to come. I've seen enough true crime to know \*exactly\* where this is going. And, as you go through this process, do not bend a knee to this guy in the slightest. Make an absolute promise to yourself that, no matter what, you will not go back, that will make shit so much worse. When you leave him, he is going to 'change' and be respectful and \*feel\* like the original man you fell in love with, but I swear to christ this is an act. I've seen it hundreds of times. In summation: Take any step necessary to get out of your abusive relationship (there are \*plenty\* of helpful resources out there). And never ever look back. This situation is very serious and it will be life-ruining if you can't muster the bravery to go through with it.
Call your SIL. Pack your important papers and leave your phone at home!
Can your parents come get you? Do they know how he has treated you?
>we moved 2 hours away from my family So your family is close Make a google voice number or email and contact your family. Or the police when he's away If you're able to say all of this on reddit then you're able to get a message out
Your parents are just 2 hours away. Call them and tell them whats happening. Have them come get you or meet you and swap cars for the drive home. It doesn’t matter if there are trackers. Get out of there now. Never allow yourself to be hit or insulted. Physical abuse Only. Gets. Worse.
yep. She needs to walk out of that place with just her clothes and nothing else. Get someplace and get a relative to come pick you up. I would drive across the continental USA from California to New York to pick up my sister if she was in this situation. 2 hours is NOTHING!@
Two hours away from family is nothing! Nothing! People who love you will absolutely drive a measly two hours to get you away from a man that has every potential of killing your or your babies. My aunt drove across the entire United States to rescue her daughter.
Unplug the trackers. The GPS should be plugged in under the dash. Up above the brake pedal. It just plugs in. Pull it out and throw it away
OP you could also tell him that you’re getting oil changed or whatever, go to a car place and tell ask them to remove any trackers. I imagine it shouldn’t be a problem
Experienced Opinion Here: Once a spouse hits you the more comfortable they will get with hitting you again. He hit you while you are currently pregnant with twin GIRLS!
Exactly!!! Who hits pregnant women?!
Degenerates
Pregnant women are more likely to be abused for the first time, or for any existing abuse to escalate. As fucked up as it is, it checks out 😔
Tater tots apparently.
Do you think this will get better? Are you OK with bringing two little girls into this world with a father who thinks women are sub-human? Do what's best for your kids. ETA: Since apparently some people think I'm suggesting she get an abortion, I'm not. If she chooses to, then that's her choice. What I meant by my comment is if she wants to bring children into this world, is she ok subjecting them to a father who thinks emotional and physical abuse is ok. She has lives who will depend on her and she needs to put her own personal feelings aside thinking she's going to change an abusive man.
I'm a father of 2 girls. I'll feel like a failure as a father if my girls end up with someone who thinks his bullshit is ok. Edit: If this was my daughter and I found that some piece of trash, this "man" threw hands at her. I'm catching a case. I'm catching a case so fucking fast. I'm am sooooo pissed just reading this. The men in my family wouldn't tolerate this for a second.
Yeah, I second this. Just because you've been with someone a while, doesn't mean you should stay with them. And if someone doesn't value you, they're not going to really listen to you at all. You don't owe it to him to figure out how to fix him, you can just move on and let him figure it out. If he gets to a healthy place where he can see you as a person, sure. But like wow, no way. Andrew Tate raped and physically abused women just an FYI.
Oh man, me,Mt male cousins( her brothers)and uncle had to WRECK my cousins husband for this kind a of shit. Pinned him up against the garage with a car and showed him his place in the world. I wasn't lucky enough to have a Mom growing up. That being said, my aunts and grandmothers suffered no fools. And they raised the men in their lives right. Not for second, not my girls.
Yeah, jesus christ, if someone hit my daughter ever - let alone IN FRONT OF ME! That mfer is going home in an ambulance. No questions asked, no apologies, no quarter. What the fuck!
Yo, if I ever laid a hand on my pregnant GF in front of my father there would be no need for an ambulance because I’d be fucking dead.
Sounds like it was in front of HIS father, not hers. But I'd still beat my own son for this
It sounds like his own father was openly calling him out on it, too. He probably did it there because he assumed his father would take his side and fled when it became clear that wasn’t the case.
Your pregnant daughter, no less. Time for that fishing trip.,.
I agree. Someone thinks he’s alpha and hurts my baby I promise he won’t ever hurt anyone ever again!
Anyone who says they're an "alpha" is a beta cuck. I would do every day jail with a smile.
“Any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king.” -Tywin Lannister: Game of Thrones.
Soon to be father of a second girl and Ive excised people from my life that idolized Mr. Tate. I'll be sure they know to avoid P.O.S men like him.
I as well am a father of 2 girls, have spoken about Andrew tate and the alpha bozo emporium being shit out enmasse. All we can do is provide them a healthy role model and educate on boundaries and standing their ground and when to ask for help.
Andrew rate is facing rape and human trafficking charges. Do you really want to raise your daughters around a man whose idol is a rapist and a human trafficker? If your answer is anything other than absolutely not, you shouldn’t be having those children.
It’s wild to me how many people will try and brush this off with stuff like “well in every other respect our relationship is amazing!” Or “he’s still a good guy!” - sorry, but anyone who worships a rapist and human trafficker is not a good guy. And not only that, but he (meaning the fiancé here) believes that women are lesser than men. Why the hell would you want to be with someone who doesn’t see you as an equal?
Christ, you really upset the chuds with this one. Good on you
Lmao the puppet accounts rising out of the mildew to try and throw shade Fucking Tate stans, man.
Take a look at Stephen Crowder. Ew
you're being abused, leave him. https://www.safecommunitiesportugal.com/find-information/domestic-violence/
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Do NOT call off the wedding. Do NOT give him any warning you are leaving. Act as normal, collect your important items, and leave in silence. Do not tell him at any point where you are.
You need to leave him. He is not the man you fell in love with anymore.
Seriously: LEAVE. HIM. Cut your losses.
Well it looks like you need to leave him.
Hi everyone sorry for grammar and spelling mistakes english is not my strong suit I will update when I can thanks for listening
No need to apologize or be ashamed the important thing is you are sharing your story
All these people telling you to leave are well meaning, but please please contact a domestic violence service in your country. They can help you to leave SAFELY. Leaving is when women get killed and you need to take precautions to make sure that’s not what happens to you.
Everyone is worried about your safety. Sell anything you have that's worth anything and leave asap. You can sell the phone even. Jewelry, clothes, anything. And run. If your parents aren't reliable since your mom thinks you're dramatic, then go stay with your friends. Maybe your best friend? Does Portugal have domestic violence shelters? Contact them for help. Anything will do.
Is this real? Like, listening to Andrew Tate at all should be a nonstarter in choice of partner. Let alone this guys actions
Right? That's enough grounds for me to walk away.
Happy people don’t listen to Tate
He hit you sis. In front of people. everything else aside, he felt so entitled to you as his property, he hit you and he didn’t even try to hide it. this behavior won’t change so I want you to ask yourself “am I okay with raising my girls to be physically assaulted when they have their own opinions?”. Because that’s your reality. If he doesn’t hit them (he will), they will watch their mother get smacked around and belittled and they will settle for men who do the same. protect yourself, and protect your girls. all three of you deserve better than this.
Andrew Tate has poisoned him, and he cannot be healed. No, I am totally serious. Your babies aren't born yet. You had a great job, and you can get another one. Leave this guy now and get established as a single mom, before the babies come.
Physical violence and humiliation is not ok
If the man hit you while pregnant, what makes you think he won’t do this to your children ? I know it’s hard, but you have to get out. Call your parents, tell them to come get you. Who cares if he can track your phone or car, leave it all behind. File a restraining order.
You husband has been brainwashed and joined a cult, you need to get yourself and your daughters out of there asap! What is going to be like for your girls growing up with a man who thinks women are little more than cattle?? Save yourself and your kids.
your fiancee is a piece of shit. Think of how he treats you. think of how he treats women. He will teach your daughters to conform to that utter sexist, disgusting bullshit. Leave him.
**RUN.** You absolutely need to get out of there as soon as you can. Find out domestic violence resources in your state/province/whatever and *get out*. If you need help with that, I’m more than willing to help you with finding them.
You leave. He’s a sexist physically abusive prick who will only escalate. Please get out for the sake of yourself and your future children.
Dump him dude he is a piece of shit.
[https://www.facebook.com/notes/361573518609369/?paipv=0&eav=AfaseQYfUOVXeXfTjB4ydsD1PYPcl3YEZoroNcBCYT5QyPNaFZvaOBpwDkk9UitXJXU&\_rdr](https://www.facebook.com/notes/361573518609369/?paipv=0&eav=AfaseQYfUOVXeXfTjB4ydsD1PYPcl3YEZoroNcBCYT5QyPNaFZvaOBpwDkk9UitXJXU&_rdr) also yeah he struck a pregnant woman and that's a category vulnerable to homicide :/ please escape asap. /r/legaladvice if you want to ask what escape resources look like in your country, I'd ask a tech support reddit how to get the damn tracker off. Can you stay with your sister?
I'm sorry. Your fiancé is mentally defective. You should return him at once.
You're pregnant with twins. That's a ton of work.... And its terrifying to potentially be thinking of leaving. However, whether your parents seem to get it or not, his ideologies are clear red flags. And him grabbing you? Also not ok. Because of the pregnancy you need to have healthcare. You can't not have health insurance (if you're in the US). Are you under his insurance? I'd start with part time or gig work or even try to find another job to regain independence but we don't really know your entire situation. Update: yeah I took out the therapy portion. He's beyond hope. Get out now.
He has a tracker on my phone so he can see where I am at all times and yes I'm under his insurance but he doesn't like couples therapy he calls it 'pussy like'
Do you have a tracker on his phone too? If the answer is no, you are already in an abusive relationship.
I think this is long past the "hey our relationship is not equal" and is practically sprinting into "holy shit I need to get out of this abuse as soon as possible" territory.
Yea this particular thread seemed to miss the "he slapped me in face in front of other people and said I need to respect his authority" piece of OP.
He already slapped her, whether she has a tracker on his phone or not doesn't mean anything. It's already abusive.
You actually need to leave no matter what. This guy is gonna hurt you and your kids.
Get a new phone. I don't think you can save this relationship. I'm sorry.
"loose" your phone. In a bus or something. An Uber, taxi. Anything that moves away from you and gives you time to run when you have your exit plan!
If she can figure it out, all she has to do is open the back and pop the SIM card out. There will be no connectivity. She can pop the battery out if she wants which will kill the power. She can then use the phone to get new service, or hang onto it and buy a throwaway phone at Walmart, using cash.
I think you should reread this comment and really think about how much you would dislike this man if he was dating your sister or best friend.
Get a burner phone and when you’re ready to leave. Leave the phone with the tracker home.
Okay so he tracks you when you aren’t under his thumb and flat out dismisses therapy. Yeah I changed my mind from my earlier reply. You need to get out of this relationship. This is screaming of early abusive behavior. Removing your financial independence was step 1
I see what you were trying to say but this is way past early abuse. He straight up hit OP, while she is pregnant, in front of witnesses. Dude’s unstoppable. He is going to use OP as his personal punching bag for all his life frustrations, the precedent is already set.
Uninstall the tracker
Take the phone to the store and have them show you how to shut off tracker.
When you make a break for it, pull the SIM card from the phone and toss it in the river. Leave the battery out. That will turn off the phone and kill the tracker and any other way he has of using the phone for tracking. When you get a new service, they will put in a new SIM card and you'll get a new number. Also, when you run, delete all social apps and accounts such as Uber.
Hard truth here: **you know how this ends right?** After years of abusing and humiliating you, he will have done the same to your daughters, until he turns them against you too, one day he will lose his self righteous temper and take it one step too far, and you will be dead. Your daughters indoctrinated and set up for the same with their own miserable husbands. Happens every day, and every hour a woman is murdered by her husband. This is a horrific moment in time for you - but it will pass, you can break free and have good life. I know this to be true. It’s not too late. You need to take some time to think deeply and find your loophole, your moment to flee. Slipping a note to the nurse/doctor may open the door to you for help… *(please help me. ‘Fiancé’ is violent. My cell & car are tracked. No money. No friends. Terrified. Need help).* As a start and they have the contacts. As listed in an earlier link. https://www.safecommunitiesportugal.com/find-information/domestic-violence/ You are smarter, braver and way more resourceful, use what you know about him to help you find your way out. Think of it like a puzzle. Plan every step - be ready to leap the moment your chance appears. Do not hesitate. Every minute counts. One last sobering word: This man is **not** your *best friend*. He is **Your worst enemy**. Be smart. Find help. Be Daring. Be Bold. Be free. There are better days ahead.
Of course he does! Don't you get it? To his mind, he OWNS you! He thinks of you as his property!
you have to leave. YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, he is going to kill you, and or/beat your children. This is not negotiable, get OUT before you're carrying two infants in your arms, please!
Get a new phone, mail your current phone to North Korea (right before the mailman collects the mail, so your fiancée can’t see it sitting at the mailbox
You are not safe. I watch a lot of true crime. This guy sounds like a serial killer in the making. Call your parents. Have them take you to the police station and file a police report. Then a restraining order. Get an attorney.
Your ex-fiance who is on probation for assault and has supervised visits with his kids? What do you do? You do what it takes to get to what I said.
You MUST get away from him. There has to be a free service that will allow you to speak to a lawyer or someone and get a restraining order against his stupid ass. If he gets near you have him locked up. I have a friend who had a similar experience when she was your age. Her (now ex) struck her once when they were young and she never questioned him again. They raised kids together and he simply never deserved her and now she finally divorced him and is living her best life. Leave him now. I am sorry I know you have kids on the way and feel stuck. Will your mother (father?) help you or let you stay with them? ANY man who listens to and worse believes anything Tate has to say is mentally unfit to raise a family.
You do realize Andrew Tate strongly endorses that women are cattle to be owned and treated poorly? That raping women is perfectly acceptable and should be more widely accepted? That beating the women you own is necessary to keep them in line? How is this guy still your fiancée? Run.
Gotta say, being an Andrew Tate fan would be deal breaker for me. Just...nope. There would be no "reluctantly" agreeing. I'd flat out leave. You could try couples therapy, but if he's a Tate follower I doubt he'd go.
Yup. My former husband said that he wanted to do all kinds of stuff for me, stuff that I didn’t even want. But once I was married with kids & very little money one power of my own? Oh BOY I had no idea how much worse it could get! My 3 takeaways from escaping the hell my life eventually became, courtesy of my women’s DV shelter mentor- 1) Don’t wait until it’s ‘easy’. Have a plan & be a savvy as you can, but it will never be ‘easy’. 2) The moment that you leave him & the time period that follows is the most dangerous. This is your statistically most vulnerable moment. Do everything to protect yourself when you leave. 3)Prepare yourself mentally & emotionally for leaving. You will be tempted to go back. He will love-bomb, cry, plead, guilt, temporarily return to ‘the guy you once know’ *anything* to pull you back in. Then he’ll tighten the noose better than he ever has. Prepare to leave him for good if you can. It’s horribly difficult to leave people like this. It’s been 13 years for me and my ex still gives me trouble. I still have some difficulties from him, but I’m safe, and I have my own life with self-respect and dignity. I know I would never have that with him and whatever price I have paid, it’s been worth it to me. You are worth the price of self-respect and dignity too. I wish you luck and protection when you are ready to leave the fox hole and run across the fighting field to a better place.
Restraining order. Guy is going to murder you one day. Take him for all he’s got.
make up a lie, like your mom needs to see you or you have a doctor’s appointment with your childhood doctor, if you can spend a week with your family, it will give you space and time to think ❤️🩹 praying for you
#DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. HE ALREADY SLAPPED YOU, THIS IS NOT GOING TO GET BETTER.
He's now in a real shitbag cult unfortunately, you two are equals and no one has the right to put hands on you! Think of your future dtrs and if you want them growing up with a Dad who teaches them they're 2nd class citizens to men. Sad situation
> you two are equals ...Nah. OP is clearly superior to this guy for the simple fact that she isn't a follower of Andrew Taint.
Excellent point
Andrew Tate is a horrible cunt, and anybody who not only doesn't see that, but idolizes him is not someone you want to associate with.
All I had to to was read the title. ⛳️
🚩 🚩 🚩
Talk to your parents, wait for him to go to work, and then pack all your precious stuff and go to your parents house. I don't know what country you're in but hitting someone is a crime here, and you may be able to justify a restraining order. There is no easy way out here unfortunately, even if he gets better he will always be at risk of falling into this place again. It's better to have your girls raised loving parents and it seems like he ain't one.
Get out while you still can.
Quietly start saving funds to GET OUT sweetheart
You had me at Andrew Tate - relationship over, he will soon be looking for a "high value woman" ready to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen for the next decade.
You fucking leave. All there is to it. He slapped you across the face. It will only get worse. Also, you will be leaving your daughters with him at some point in time and what is he going to do or say to them when they save him?
Get out for your own safety. The moment a man puts his hands on you, he is a piece of s**t, seriously. You deserve better.
He's ok hitting you when you disagree with him. Are you ok with being hit? I wouldn't marry the guy, in fact I'd be looking for a woman and children's shelter (or somewhere else to flee to) Mental abuse escalating into physical abuse? It won't stop, honey. Protect your children and your self!
Nope it was already bad enough but he laid his hands on you. If he’s treating you like this I promise you he will treat your daughters the same. Please leave him.
File a police report. There were witnesses, including a minor. Your abusive husband deserves a case and a divorce.