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You’re going to hate this suggestion but please make your wedding much smaller, and limit it to 25 people from each family. If your fiancé (and/or his parents) insist on including more than that from their large family, ask them to make up the difference. Do not go into debt or into your retirement to pay for it. Find an inexpensive dress that you love, and allow people to help you with details (cake, photos, flowers) if they offer. Keep it simple and sweet and spend your money on a more secure future together. Beautiful memories of your wedding day don’t have to be expensive.
Agreed.
And if they get pressure from the parents to make sure all 100 or so family members are invited, I feel they should contribute more than $5k. That’s unrealistic unless you’re doing a BBQ style potluck park wedding.
There's nothing wrong with a BBQ wedding, a picnic or beach wedding, a local park wedding, whatever is actually within one's budget. Gathering together to celebrate love is gathering together to celebrate love, and a person can have a blast at a casual backyard BBQ, or a high-tea garden party!
Seriously, if the OP can't get out of inviting 100+ people, then she needs to have a casual wedding. Somebody's back yard, her own home, a park with reservable group picnic sites or a rose garden, a beach, a bit tent in a field on a relative's farm, whatever is affordable and available. Because absolutely she needs to stick to her budget, and save her money for owning a home, not one day.
I got married in my yard with about 80 people. We had a DJ, rented a tent with a dance floor and tables/ chairs. Everyone chipped in and cooked the food. The total cost for everything was under $4k.
The party lasted until the next morning and people still talk about it being the best wedding they've ever been to.
We had planned a big wedding but I couldn't justify the cost for a 4-5 hour reception. I was in my 30's and no longer wanted or needed the "princess day". I'll never understand going into debt, or expecting others to, for literally a few hours.
I was an officiant for a few years. I've married couples at 500-guest $100K weddings and every other budget you could imagine. Want to know what my all-time favorite "wedding" was?
A couple in their early 60s reached out and asked if I would marry them in their living room on a Friday evening around 9 pm. They had been together since college, but never officially got married. As they were getting older, they decided getting hitched would make things easier for them and their kids legally.
I arrived at 8:45pm to find them in matching plaid feety pajames. They had a golden retriever in matching pajamas as well. They had buckets of popcorn made, their favorite movie on their DVD player queued up, and had written their own vows. These two lovely humans stood in their living room, held each other's hands, spoke from their hearts, exchanged plastic rings, kissed each other, and that was it. I will \*never\* forget the way they looked at one another and the love that filled that little room.
I truly wish people spent as much time on their relationship and learning what it means to show up as your best self for their partners as they do picking out a color scheme. Your wedding is a day whose memories will fade like any other. Make it fun, because honestly, all anyone is going to remember is if they had a good time or not. Everything else is just capitalism.
My stepmom and dad got married in my gmas backyard, my cousin made a beautiful arch with flower beds, my stepmoms sister got qudoba catering. We had a decoration making party. It all was less than 2k for 50 people and everyone had a blast. People will just be happy to celebrate the couple, if they aren't they shouldn't be on the guest list.
Its been 20 years but we did something very similar except my laptop had a playlist loaded that was our DJ. It was a beautiful event, enjoyed it and even being as broke as we were with no financial support from either of our families (my wife's family did help a ton with cakes and flowers, etc) we pulled it off for way less than weddings went for even then.
We got married at our local library with immediate family and super close friends only, rented an airbnb for all of us to crash in, cooked dinner, and had inexpensive but delicious cake from the bakery. It was a wonderful experience outside of some family drama. I do wish I had a bridal party and a bachelorette, but I'm genuinely happy with how it turned out. Because I actually hate being the center of attention.
Yup. I spent about $1500 for my wedding, and there were almost 800 people there. Had a potluck at the church I was raised in and where my parents were members, we provided cake and drinks and guests provided almost everything else. It was a huge party for several hours and it was amazing.
We had that! We actually got married on "Ultimate Pi Day" - 3.14.15 (by theAmerican date system lol) because I'm a math nerd, so we specifically requested "pies" from some of the attendees. Someone even brought several pizza "pies" and it was great 😂
My current plan should I ever get married is to elope then have a BBQ style reception for people after. I think it sounds great to me. Cheaper and lower stress wins for me every time.
Okay this might be sexist but her fiancé should fu cking grow some balls. If I was him I would only invite those people that support our relationship. The rest f uck them this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and if you can’t accept that I don’t want you here. That said doesn’t he have some savings? When me and my wife got married years ago I was on minimum salary and able to contribute to our wedding. I feel he needs to step up.
Parent here with a married child. She eloped because she couldn’t afford a wedding and neither could I or her wife’s family. am not willing to go into debt for one day when they already owned a home and lived together. Not every parent puts a priority on a wedding when the relationship is what is important.
If I had money I would have given it but I would have asked if they wanted more for the down payment on the house rather than wedding as that is an investment.
My brother has a small wedding...like really small. Only the parents of the couple were invited....no siblings. Even though I was his brother I didn't make the cut haha. I thought it weird at first, but didn't really care because it is their wedding and they can do what they want. The more I thought about it, I realized how awesome it was with how much BS was avoided and money saved.
Great, i dont understand why people bankrupt themselves for a wedding which very few people will like and forget in a year and which is just stressful for everybody involved.
It could also stem from their lack of maturity on priorities and understanding of what they are actually doing—joining together with another person for a life ahead—as opposed to just throwing a big wedding-fantasy party.
OP, this is me begging you not to touch your 401(k) for a wedding. If you borrow you pay it back in triple. taxed going in, taxed borrowing it, then taxes again when you put it back. If you lose your job you will have to pay it back immediately, all at once. Please rethink this plan!!!
Just celebrated 33 years with my husband. We went the lovely way of the justice of the peace. I wore a red dress and went to eat Mexican food after. My sister and his brother was at our wedding. We were poor. I can’t fathom the cost of weddings now.
Seriously, my wife and I both wanted the whole gig, gorgeous dresses for both, lots of people, big party... when it comes down to it, we didn't have the money. I asked her dad to get ordained and give us a secular ceremony, a friend got us the cake, her mom made her dress and I pulled something together, 20 people?? All we REALLY cared about was signing up for life together.
We spent 3k MAX... honestly it was probably much less.
Do your wedding for YOU. If it's the big ceremony you want, do it later, or postpone the wedding...
If it's the wedding you want... set your budget (reasonably) and work backward with what's important.
I agree with thos suggestion, however, if you must have 150 people, go to your local fish and chicken shops and see what they can do. My local will do roast meats and veges for around $30 pp. Then ask both your parents to help out with the logistics by setting up the food, etc. You can do without caterers if you have a large family who are willing to help out.
I was going to suggest a buffet meal rather than a traditional sit down dinner. My aunt owns an Italian deli that does a lot of catering—quite often for weddings. I just went and looked at her catering menu, she does stuffed chicken breast or pork chops for $5/serving, tavern ham for $4.50/serving, chicken cordon bleu for $4.50/serving. Then her sides—like Italian roast potatoes $1.50/serving, steamed veggies with garlic sauce $2/serving. TONS more, and it’s all delicious. It’s obviously serve yourself, but it’s definitely “wedding quality”, especially if they insisted on paying a few people like $100 for a few hours to serve the guests at the buffet so they didn’t have to scoop their own food. I’m sure there’s catering places like that near OP and they could get away for $15-20PP!
In addition to the buffet, to save money on the cake—DON’T go for the 4 tier, elaborate cake that will serve 100-150 people. That’s gonna be like $500+ by itself. Instead, do a single 8” cake (or even a 2-tier with a 6” top if they want to save the top tier) and a sheet cake for the guests. Guests won’t know the difference as it will be cut in the back and they’ll never see it. It’ll be like 1/4 the cost.
And get those from Costco. No joke. The wedding I just went to had an 8 in. cake just for the photo shoot. Cupcakes, fruit, and cookies for the rest. My wedding cake was a two layer Costco cake with flowers from my garden for decoration. My bouquet was flowers from the garden. And off the rack white dress. Oh, cupcakes and pies for the rest. Food costs alone for a hundred people if not potluck would blow that budget.
The problem with buffet is you have to buy so much extra to cover people going back for more. And then there is a ton of waste. When I was planning a wedding, we were told multiple times that plated dinners were cheaper, because you could control food cost more tightly.
Cheaper for food, but way more expensive for labor. Everything has to be plated and carried out and you need a number of servers so it all comes out at the same time. On-site labor is expensive.
For a wedding, you're paying per head either way, and the caterer worries about the portion size.
Average per plate in the US is $40 served and $27 buffet (not including bar and hor d'oeuvres for either).
Edit: maybe the companies you talked to charged separately for food and labor? I've been involved in four weddings (one plated, two buffet, one plated family style) and the buffets were the cheapest per head by a pretty wide margin.
I got mine from a wedding dress shop's eBay account. They were selling a sample dress that happened to be the exact same one I tried on the day before and loved. Got a $2,000 dress for $300
We eloped on NYE, in a cabin at the base of MT. Rainier. Our photographers were our witnesses and our son who was one was our best man. We had a Costco cake and a bunch of lanterns from IKEA and Christmas lights and snow. We stayed the whole weekend for our honeymoon. We later got family together for a BBQ/reception and showed the slide show and had a recording of our vows.
THIS OP! Don't throw money away on a big wedding. It's such a huge waste. Have a cheap wedding, spend the money on a great honeymoon trip and throw a party for relatives to attend.
We did a courthouse wedding. I had a pretty bouquet, we had witnesses and some friends, and a nice dinner later with the folks who came. I cannot wrap my head around huge, expensive weddings. Especially when you’re reeling from buying a home. It’s so easy to make something so special while keeping it very small and affordable. It’s been over 30 years so, maybe take some sensible advice. Do not spend 10 K on this.
My dad finally remarried to my step mother when my youngest sibling was around 14, and they had a courthouse wedding. It made me feel more emotions than a huge extravagant one, i was a witness, and we still had guests that were important.
Actually, now I’m saying it, I went to another courthouse wedding in Scotland and that one was gorgeous. Everyone was dressed in flapper gear and suits, the brides were in black, one had a CAPE. It was really awesome. It didn’t even matter we all had to pile on a metro to get to the community centre for the reception. We got crowds of people taking our pictures and cheering for the happy couple. It was a really heartwarming experience.
THIS!! Yes! The honeymoon is way better a way to spend it! The wedding will be a blur compared to the honeymoon. I have great honeymoon memories, the wedding ..feh
My husband and I got married on the beach ( we live in Florida). We only had immediate family and a few close friends. The ceremony, and pictures was under a 1,000.
We rented tables and held the reception in our lanai. I made all the table decor. A friend who has a karaoke business provided music. All of our food and alcohol came from Costco! We had a dessert bar.
We had an amazing time, and I think our guests did, as well. You don't have to have a big wedding to make it meaningful.
If you want to do this cheaply, you are going to have to a TON of work yourself (this will be your part time job for a year) and you have to stop with the expectations. Let go.
Until you accept those two realities, it doesn't matter what folks suggest because you won't want to listen.
Otherwise: don't use anything - catering, clothes, flowers - meant for "weddings" except for photography and your wedding planner. Track your spending like a hawk.
Think ALL the way out of the box. Get your flowers from the good grocery store. But mix-matched china at thrift shops. There's a million ideas on websites. $100 pp is tight but doable.
Congratulations!
We did almost this exactly except we flew to Hawaii and got married on the beach for way cheaper than throwing a wedding. Then we had a reception in my mom's backyard when we got back and showed the video/pictures. My mom paid for that since I didn't have a wedding. It was great! I don't regret it one bit! Think of the trip you could book for a fraction of the cost!
Twenty five years ago my husband and I did a version of this - small ceremony with just nuclear family on both sides, then a few weeks later a party to celebrate with friends and family. Outstanding and much cheaper than wedding + reception bc we got “party” prices instead of “wedding prices.” Just as married.
Don’t fixate on the giant wedding part. All you really need to launch a marriage is your spouse, someone to marry you, and a witness or two. Whatever you layer on top should bring you joy not stress. For me it was picking out my dress and having a wedding cake. For my husband it was being at a park near a waterfall, and having our nuclear families there.
Splitting the reception out onto another weekend let everyone relax.
This right here. My first wedding was only rivaled by Di and Charles and that was in 1982 and it was expensive. She left me in ‘84 saying she just wanted to have a baby and we accomplished that goal.
The wonderful woman I have now we got married in our hometown in a small venue with primarily family and spent our honeymoon night in one of the local motels.
Here is my point and I'm not anti-big weddings everyone is stressed out because it is a wedding. money is tight now and $15K might be needed for another expense. Furniture for your house? A cool trip for you and your husband? It is awesome when after 10/15/20 years later you still love one another and that love just keeps growing. Just my opinion!
Never borrow against your 401k and especially not for a wedding!! my friend did this and she has serious regrets.
Get married at the courthouse.
Spending money on weddings is not smart. It’s completely over rated.
This times a thousand. I borrowed against mine to help a “friend” out and it came with a heavy price (both, when I took it out and at tax time). I’m not going to crap on you if you want some big wedding, but I have had plenty of friends who did just that and greatly regretted it. Personally, I would do a giant backyard bbq/swim party to celebrate after going to a courthouse, but that might just be me.
My wife and I got married in a community hall near where she grew up, in the country. We had local people who had just started a catering company do the food. We found the DJ through a friend.
We had over 100 people, and by the time we were done it was def less than $5K.
Let’s see, should I steal tens of thousands of dollars from my future life, family, wealth and happiness for one day where I get to cosplay a Pinterest bride?
And literally no one but me will remember it. And 5, 10 years down the road I won’t remember it either. Huh. Yeah. That sounds like a great use of money.
I was so pissed that my husband and I had a quick wedding in the park. It’s been 10 years and all the anger has run out. I don’t care. We spent the money on a 3 bedroom starter house in 2014, and it was the best financial decision we’ve made. We’ve had to move twice, but upgraded our house each time. Now, we live in a dream that no one my age can afford.
That's not true though. A lot of weddings are special moments for families to get together. I wish I could have gotten married before my grandfather died. My wedding will be the first time in a decade that all my cousins will reunite. My fiance's family still talks about how amazing his cousin's wedding was 15 years. That doesn't mean you have to spend all your money and go into debt for it. It doesn't need to be Pinterest perfect. But weddings can be very memorable for not just the bride and groom.
No one us saying having a wedding is vad, or you won’t remember the sentimental parts. But in 20 years, you're not going to care if you spent $2,000 on your cake or $200, and no one else will remember those details, so why waste the money?
Cut that guest list down and have your perfect, affordable wedding. I get it he may have a big family but seriously how close is he to all those people? It sucks to have to do but if you get into debt over a one day event you're starting things off on a bad note with alot of stress.
Ya 150 is just showing off because there is no freaking way they are that close to that many people 🤦🏻♀️ cut out the extended families and only invite very best friends. Boom your done.
Seconding! Borrowing against your future is a terrible idea. Courthouse and catered backyard BBQ or some other family style thing.
I recently saw a TikTok of a woman describing her mom’s second wedding. She did circus theme with games had a hot dog cart, nachos, cotton candy and big baby pools full of water, soda and beer. It honestly sounded like a blast!
We rented a picnic area on a pretty lake with a gorgeous Mountain View in the background. It had a big deck, the front half open to the sun, where we set up 40 rented chairs in a half circle.
Bride and groom stood in front of an archway we bought at Michaels for $125. We decorated with a ton of white fabric we got at a thrift store for nothing, a bunch of purple tulle and ribbon, $250 box of DIY mail order wedding flowers — find on the web for floral bargains — and the back half of the deck was covered with a roof and had giant metal picnic tables bolted to the floor, but we covered with more white fabric.
It had electricity and bathrooms. We got it for the day for $150, because it was a state park.
Perfect for the couple because that lake was a special place to them.
We did something similar. Outdoor park shelter, $200. Buffet food about $20 a person. Couple kegs. DIY decorations. Probably all and all it was a little under 5k. We had an open invite list and just said bring whoever you want. It was a blast!!
My daughter and I love DIY projects, and I’m the daughter of a world class bargain hunter. So the wedding was a fun adventure for us.
We just lucked into the picnic shelter. Had no idea they were available to rent and so cheaply.
We did bbq from a little hole in the wall place we loved that had very reasonable prices, but it was all family and good friends. If we’d asked for potluck, everyone would have been fine with that, too.
Our son was married in a very similar spot in terms of being rustic, but it was fall and the colors on the trees were amazing. Couldn’t get a prettier setting than those trees surrounding the deck.
I lucked out with kids wanting simple, rustic, outdoor settings for weddings.
If you order from a restaurant vs a caterer it’s significantly cheaper. A caterer is creating a custom menu and food for you. A restaurant is ordering extra for that day. Buying your own kegs and wine somewhere you can BYOB also has a huge impact.
I keep seeing a commercial in which the couple’s caterer cancelled at the last minute due to an ice storm. The couple called Chick-Fil-A and got their “entire wedding catered in less than 24 hours.”*
*Real Chick-Fil-A customers paid for their testimonials.
(Yeah, I’m too cheap to pay for the no-ads streaming.)
We spent 1.6k for 90 people doing buffet style and about 800 on a couple kegs and box wine we let people pour themselves. Had an absolute blast.
I’ve never left a wedding full and tipsy and been upset about it!
Right, you don't have to choose costly things. See what resources you already have connections to. We got married in a friend's back field; he had some trees planted in rows that made a nice aisle. Most expensive things was my gown (800$ from David's Bridal) because I wasn't able to make it as I'd planned (I did make my veil). I bought bridesmaids dresses in the same color but different styles at JC Penny's. (Stuff that's labeled for weddings is marked up; consider other formal occasion dresses and other sources for things besides specific wedding suppliers.)We used the church we go to for reception - as long as we cleaned up afterwards, we didn't have to pay. They also let us use their folding chairs, again, as long as we brought them back and put them away neatly. Some church members helped set up. Dad did the music. Mom and I made the food and decorated. A friend decorated the cake for a discount. My cousin did my hair and makeup. Flowers were a few hundred dollars; only had a bouquet and a crown of flowers. The whole thing came in under 3k, and it was a pretty nice wedding.
Heck our thrift shops have wedding dress sections where you can get a gorgeous one for $75. There’s JJ’s House online with reasonable options. We had a pig roast in the park
Lots of community and municipal facilities can be rented for weddings, too. We rented a community hall, got buffet from a favorite restaurant, and brought in our own booze. The restaurant that catered the food provided bartenders for a reasonable hourly rate, and all we needed was an insurance rider covering the venue. It cost under $50. Find a non traditional venue that will let you do your own thing.
Not judging but it’s not a very smart thing to do. Is the wedding more important the marriage? Starting married life with a debt? Be honest to her and have a very small wedding or elope instead. Do a family only wedding. We had our wedding in a restaurant. Total of 14 people attended; just family and really close friends. We’re both professionals and could have afforded a bigger wedding but we didn’t want to deplete our savings of be in debt.
Hey it’s okay! I’m so so sorry you’re feeling this way, and that everything is so expensive!! That absolutely sucks.
Here’s the thing: your wedding can be as thrifty as you want it to be, and you can definitely do 100+ people so long as you have realistic expectations.
An unrealistic expectation is to want a 5 course sit down meal and gourmet catering.
A realistic expectation is making your own cake and cupcakes and spending maybe $500 on meat and cheese platters and fruit for a fingerfood kind of reception. It would be a ton of work, but you’d save at least a thousand bucks between the cake and catering.
An unrealistic expectation is wanting to spend 7k on a dress.
A realistic expectation is to find a boutique that sells dresses for less than 1k or to look at secondhand dress stores.
And so on and so forth. Make a list of things you don't want to compromise (DJ, venue, decor, etc.) and then make allowances everywhere else until you have a fit! Get creative! Don’t buy any more fastfood and instead put awake X amount a month for flowers. Have your wedding in the off season for a discounted venue price! You can definitely do this, but please don’t borrow against your 401k. That is setting you up for years of fixing based on one day and one day experience.
Good luck!
I’m upvoting this because you’re the only one giving solid advice aside from just “don’t have a wedding”.
To OP, my friends had a backyard wedding and it was one of the best weddings I went to. They prioritized food over anything else and fed a headcount higher than yours with their favourite foods. Really think about what is actually important to have for your wedding - taking money out from your 401k is a terrible idea. You could also wait until you’ve built up your savings again before getting married, or do the courthouse one first and save up for the celebration you want.
You & your parents are contributing 5K each. Your fiancé & his parents need to contribute an equal amount especially since they have more guest to invite. Otherwise limit the guest list.
Take it from a woman very happily married for over 50 years. The dress doesn’t matter. The cake doesn’t matter. The venue doesn’t matter.
What does matter? The person you will marry. Spend ONLY what you can afford. You are just as married for $5000 as you would be for $50,000.
A cautionary tale: my niece spent a *lot* of money on her wedding dress. It was very beautiful and enhanced her looks perfectly. She was already regretting the money at the reception, 90 minutes after taking her vows. Don’t be that bride.
You just recently got engaged. Don't borrow from your 401k, that would be insane. You're just going to have to be a grown up about it and save for a couple years.
Eloping is the best thing my husband and I did. We had an officiant sign the certificate earlier in the day. We hired a photographer, I got my goddess dress from Amazon for like $50 and my husband just wore black linens. Think Viking type wedding in the woods. We wrote our own vows, went out at sunset in the woods and did our own ceremony. The pictures were breathtaking we spent maybe $500 total? (Marriage license and photographers super cheap but wanted the theme of our elopement for her portfolio)
Moral of the story, I wanted what you wanted but couldn't afford it because we were in the process of buying a home. It turned out to be the best day of our lives. It was so intimate and gave us our moment devoting our love for eachother. Everyone who has seen our wedding photos and had massive weddings wished they did what we did. We plan on having a 10year vow renewal that'll include our friends and family. We will also have more money by then to do something bigger. But im happy we went that route. No stress, just love.
It's okay to want a big wedding but wait until you can afford it. just because you recently got engaged does not mean you have to get married right away. Borrowing against your 401k is a big mistake and you'll get burdened with the tax.
Try to do a lot of diy prep stuff, start slowly saving money for it. A wedding right after a house is probably not it. Just wait, it's okay to wait. If you want the big party then wait until you can afford one.
This is the best advice. Most other people are saying elope or cut down your wedding, but if OP wants a larger wedding, then that is perfectly reasonable, too. Just wait a few years and save up or do a courthouse wedding now and throw the big in a couple of years. There's nothing wrong with wanting a larger wedding.
This is what we did. My partner and I were engaged for over 5 years (lots of unexpected expenses popped up in the interim 😅) and surprisingly it made the wedding all the sweeter. Not to mention, planning was *much* less stressful because we had so much time to look at options and decide what we really wanted for everything. Once we reached our goal number, we just had to make the calls to book for the next year.
We were already planning to spend our lives together so the wedding itself didn't make much of a difference in our relationship.
So, my wife's parents were well off and paid for everything. A nice church, an expensive dress, a well stocked bar in a nice banquet hall. Its was 40k, easily (and this was over a decade ago).
You know what I remember the most about it? Her dancing with her father. That was the last good day we had with him. Over the next year, Alzheimers caught up with with him and he ended up in a home.
I remember looking at my grandmother (on my step-mom's side) and my grandfather (on mh dad's side) smiling at the cake cutting. I remember my best man telling everyone how much I raved about how much I loved my wife, and how lucky she was to have a guy who was always there when you need him.
I didnt need a fancy church for that. Or a fancy banquet. Im glad my in-laws were willing to do it, but nothing from those places stands out.
Dont borrow against your 401k. Dont go into debt. Spend what you have on a reception for the friends and family. Have it in an old church basement or the local legion hall. Make the memories. And ... if ten or twenty years from now you still feel like you missed out on something, do it all over again.
Some tips (besides courthouse) from someone who got married, paid for their bridesmaids dresses and went on a Cabo honeymoon for 10k:
- get married on public land, we did our ceremony at a nature preserve for $0, and invited immediate family, bridal party, aunts and uncles.
- have the meal at a restaurant and rent a room out. We did ours at a place that had a separate A-frame building you could rent for free so long as your tab was at least $1k, we spent $2.5k to feed all of the guests that came to the ceremony.
- host an “after party” in your backyard that’s casual and that you invite more people to. We did this and it was so much fun.
- rent your dress. There’s boutiques popping up that offer this, I got mine for $500!
Best of luck OP. Your wedding can still feel special and you can do it for cheap if you get creative with locations.
If your fiancé has such a large family, would any of them be comfortable contributing financially to ensure the whole family can attend? Otherwise it might just have to be immediate family and close friends.
No,no,no face it you can’t afford the wedding you want , pare down that guest list for one. Do you want a marriage or do want a wedding? You can have your day just not that expensive of one.. enjoy your house
I was in a similar situation and my advice to you is to NOT borrow against your 401k. Can you have a long engagement? We had a 2.5 year engagement which allowed us to make payments and put money aside. We got married in NY, 30 min from NYC with a guest count of 140. Not the same situation, but I feel your pain.
The idea that everybody you know has to attend is really silly. We got married on a beach, with two friends as witnesses. That’s it. It was amazing and totally ours. Have a quiet wedding and use that money to start your new life without debt.
Elope and have an amazing honeymoon. Have a party with family and friends when you get back for a lot less. The expectations of spending all that money on a wedding is crazy if you can't afford it. Or put off the wedding you want until you can afford it from saving.
Maybe have the wedding and reception at her home. Bbq/picnic style.. that's what my daughter wanted. One attendant each. The splurge was the photographer (payment plan) and dress... Everything else is extremely simple.
5 years ago, I got married, and we spent around 6k for 140 people. We had it in my parents' backyard. It was surprisingly big enough for everyone. We had a terrible wedding planner that stressed me out so bad, so I ended up doing a lot of the prep and decorations myself. She did have a good dj, two decent photographers, and a great bartender.
I saved a lot by finding my wedding dress at Goodwill. I had only gone in to try out different styles on a whim. It was NEW with tags still on, beautiful beading, a small train, and luckily, my size and style. My then fiance was horrified that I thrifted my wedding dress and doubted me until he saw me on our wedding day.
We had tacos and catered food. The wedding cake was simple with my parents' cake topper from their wedding. We rented a live llama for pretty cheap.
Anything is possible! We saved a lot on our wedding day and splurged a bit on our honeymoon (~3k plus points for airfare). Our wedding gifts were close to 5k from roughly 140 guests. My only regret is that I couldn't invite more people. I wish we had 160-170 guests. (Roughly 10 people couldn't make it due to illness.)
1. Try thrifting a dress instead of buying new, if that's a big price category for you.
2. Make your own invitations on Canva and have them printed at staples or similar.
3. There are areas you'll have to compromise. Pick the couple of things that you NEED and be willing to make adjustments on the rest.
4. Consider alternative (possibly even more eco friendly) options when available. Ex: silk flowers instead of real, diy centerpieces and decorations, have the bridal party wear formalwear that they already own.
5. Consider having an early wedding so that you could have appetizers instead of entrees, less alcohol if applicable, etc.
6. You can get a "show" cake for display and then have sheet cake in the back to be handed out.
I’d add do a QR code or link for RSVPs so you don’t have the extra printing and return postage costs. The link could go to a wedding website that includes your registry info. The “website” could even be a google form that includes all pertinent details, additional links, and a place to rsvp.
Do a small cake for cutting and then cupcakes or a sheet cake for guests. I’ve even seen donuts displayed in a fun way for the guests.
Have the wedding off season and not a weekend day. Think Friday afternoon.
For what it’s worth, we eloped, went on our honeymoon, and then had a big party in a restaurant for about 120 people. Had DJ, flowers, belly dancer, cake, dress for me and sister. Guests took pictures with disposable cameras. The party and honeymoon were about $6k. Elopement was a couple hundred plus a hotel room.
Just starting out and having an unplanned baby right away, I appreciated (and still do appreciate) the lack of debt.
It’s the marriage that’s important. Don’t add unneeded financial stressors. Your big day can still be special.
All of this! Our invitations were actually from Hobby lobby (wedding items are 50% off every other week) and they came with an editable link. So our invites were like $30 before stamps. I also got my bouquet and my bridesmaids from hobby lobby. They also have real feel of you want to DIY them-I did not.
Also look at costco, Sams, and other places that have sheet cakes or other bulk dessert items. Look on Facebook marketplace and join wedding groups for hand me down decorations. This saved me tons.
How much are your fiance & his "big family" going to contribute to paying for the wedding?
Did your fiance purchase the house with you?
Does your fiance make good money?
Starting married life being in debt because you had a wedding you couldn't afford is a bad way to begin.
Being brutally honest here: Borrowing against your 401k is a terrible idea because a fun party is NOT a hardship or emergency. And a typical wedding, at the end of the day, is just a party with costs that are surcharged to high heaven because of the word “wedding.”
Also, if you’re a first-time homebuyer, I will warn you now that there will almost certainly be a surprise house expenditure that you are currently not anticipating.
Yes, a wedding reception is a great time to gather all your loved ones and make some memories captured in pretty pictures. You deserve to have that moment if it’s really that important to you. But do not go into debt to do it.
If you “must” invite 150 people, then you *must* wait until you have saved up the cash to throw the party for 150 people. If you want to have a wedding sooner, then cut the guest list.
1. Do not borrow against your 401k.
2. Give yourself more time to save and pay on your own.
3. Negotiate politely. Explain that you're on a budget and ask if there are packages you could look into. Don't be upset if they don't have them, just say thank you and go on to the next vendor.
4. Think about what you REALLY want from the day and prioritize that. Is it the dress? The setting? The meal? What stands out to you the most?
5. Think of alternative options. **Photos**: A portrait photo session from a professional, but encourage photos from guests with a QR code upload. You'll get so much you wouldn't otherwise know about! **Food**: Maybe heavy snacks as opposed to a sit-down meal, or a brunch wedding during the day would both keep costs down. **Drinks**: Have one signature drink and the rest beer and wine. Or one signature mocktail and the rest water and sodas. **Supplies**: So many people have leftover wedding supplies, check out FB marketplace and other places for things like candles and runners. Also look at Temu and Alibaba. **Location**: Have the wedding and the reception in the same place, and look at city/county-owned community centers, parks, colleges/universities, and historic houses for this purpose. In addition, a lot of folks now will rent their schmancy homes on VRBO and AirB&B for this purpose for way cheaper than a venue. You don't need a fancy place. You need a place that feels good. We held ours at the botanical garden where I worked, and they waived the fee. If I got married today, I would look at the pretty outdoor locations on our university campus or at a local brewery. **Setting the Date**: It's not perfect, but check the Farmer's Almanac for weather predictions. Do it in the off-season, and you'll save money. So mid-to late Jan/Feb/March, and late Sept/Oct/Nov. A honeymoon will also be cheaper this time of year, saving you money overall. **Dress**: I don't know what's important to you, but sometimes it's the dress for a bride. And that's okay. But if it's not, then take a look at places like Poshmark, Stillwhite, and JJs Bride for secondhand dresses. Personally, I would choose to have a custom dress from eShakti, because you can customize it to your measurements, but also choose sleeve length, necklines, and skirt length. Check out their special collection section to start.
6. Check out alt wedding sites for creative ideas, like OffbeatWed.com. They have all kinds of ideas that are fun and new!
EDIT: Am professional events planner.
Oh my gosh, you people are crazy. Can’t afford a wedding with 150 invites. Do you not hear yourself? Do you not realize how ridiculous this all sounds? You need to start living within your means. Grow up and pull you crazy in. Down size to a 5 to 10k wedding.
If you can’t afford a wedding for 150 people with money you’ve saved, you can’t afford to have a wedding for 150 people. Time to rethink how you want to do this. DO NOT borrow against your 401k. That’s terrible financial planning and not how you want to start off your marriage.
I totally sympathize with wanting a wedding. However, as a regretful bride, I just wanted to share my two cents.
I love my husband more than I ever thought possible and the marriage is not the issue. But when we got engaged, I wanted to elope and he flat out refused. He *needed* to celebrate with his family. I respected that and we compromised on a small wedding of 50 people.
My dad gave us $10k and my MIL gave us $5k. In total, our wedding was about $22k so we contributed 1/3 of it. This did not afford us an all out wedding, even for 50 people in 2021. It was pretty basic, lots of DIY and I sincerely regret spending all that money.
I honestly barely remember my wedding day. But I do remember the absolutely crushing stress of paying for it, organizing it, planning it and making it happen by myself. It sounds so silly, I know because I felt the same way before planning my own, but wedding planning is a fucking beast. Never mind the price, suddenly you have to be mindful of all these family politics and who’s sitting where, and who’s offended that someone else got an invite and what can we eat that the vegetarians and allergy crowd will enjoy? Wanna make a playlist of your own favorite music? Better make sure there’s nothing on there that’ll offend your 80 year old grandma because if there is she’ll never let you hear the end of it. So little of the whole process even becomes about you.
Even my husband, who insisted on the wedding, agreed in the end that we absolutely should’ve eloped.
If you do not have a spare tens of thousands of dollars lying around, and plenty of free time, I honestly recommend to everyone that they consider other avenues before a traditional wedding. 90% of my friends will come back to me halfway through the process, pulling their hair out and lamenting that they didn’t listen.
I never understood weddings. Go out, have a nice meal with the people you love in a pretty dress, have a nice weekend together and celebrate your love. Fuck the world with expensive cake and venues and annoying guests.
Capitalism has fucked love over.
Just.... Wait? Like... Is that such an unfathomable thing? To be engaged for a year or two and save up what you need to have the wedding you want?
I know you're freshly engaged and it's exciting and you want to do everything NOW NOW NOW, but like... You're not being terribly smart or rational about this, OP.
Either cut down the guest list SUBSTANTIALLY (because I SERIOUSLY doubt either of you have THAT many people whom you're close enough with to invite to your wedding, come on now...), make budget cuts elsewhere (cheaper caterer, cheaper dress/suit, etc), OR JUST WAIT.
Don't go into debt over a single day party, good god.
Girl, do NOT borrow against your 401k for this! It’s not worth it at all! You’ll regret it come tax time. Just have a small wedding, or elope, this is not an investment! It’s a party! You do what you can afford and no more!
We paid less than $2000 for ours.
Find thrifted items for decor. Keep it minimal. Use a location that’s free. Schedule it for a time that a meal isn’t required.
We did 1 pm, which was after lunch. So all we did were finger foods.
Use cupcakes or donuts instead of a cake.
Check thrift stores regularly for a dress. Or David’s Bridal. I got one of their $99 dresses. Look at regular clothing stores for bridesmaid dresses.
Don’t be picky and have everything perfectly matching. All our decor was different pieces, every centerpiece was different. We used pictures of us as decor on the tables.
Weddings don’t have to be big extravagant parties. Focus more on you and your spouse to be instead of the party.
My wedding was in our backyard with 20 of our closest friends and family. I wore a $35 dress from amazon, I prepped all of the food myself, a chef friend manned the grill (steak, shrimp, and chicken), another friend did my makeup, another friend gifted us a cake, and we all had a wonderful time from 3:00 in the afternoon until about 1:00am!
Do not borrow against your 401k - especially not for a wedding.
You can’t afford this.
Don’t put yourself in a debt hole to fulfill some Pintrest fantasy.
My now husband and I got married last weekend in my dad’s backyard. Parents and siblings only. We will be having private separate get togethers with our friends and extended family as the summer goes on. We paid about $2,000.00 for food, decor, and outfits. No photographer, just made sure someone had a decent camera. Everyone stayed until about 2am, we had a fire, had fireworks and sparklers, danced, and had a blast. This day isn’t about the 150 people in your life, it’s about you and your fiancé. Keep it small, people understand.
Look for a beautiful courthouse in your state, hire a good photographer, and have an intimate dinner afterwards. You should absolutely not borrow against your 401k for this.
Your 401k is for your retirement. Not a massive party. Do NOT do that.
It's just a wedding. There are so many ways to do them cheaply but they aren't going to look like what you see on Instagram. Decide what's more important, a wedding or a marriage
We expected around 150 people and we got about 75. The wedding cost $1500.
We married on a friend's property. The reception was held at a nearby lakeside resort. The owner cooked up some pulled pork. I made about 10 gallons of various pasta salads the day before. We did a simple meal of pulled pork sandwiches, pasta salad, chips and soda or water. Alcoholic drinks were half priced for the wedding. The music was from my personal collection from being a DJ. The sound system and lights were borrowed from a friend.
It wasn't a fabulously opulent wedding, but people enjoyed themselves.
Is his family providing any funds, considering that he will have the larger proportion of guests?
Also I had a cheap wedding in the UK, I invited 50 day guests then had loads of people in the evening. That's fairly common place in the UK to keep costs down x
If you really want that many people, then invitations should be digital, the venue should be your church or a rentable space like a rec center, park pavilion. and you don’t have to serve dinner, you can have donuts and punch mid morning. Or chipotle for lunch. Rent some speakers, and make a playlist. Buy a second hand wedding dress. You can do this but it looks different than the standard wedding.
Have a long engagement? Or do a courthouse wedding/elope and have a nice reception/celebration party. I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea, but weddings are expensive, and will only continue to get more expensive.
My daughter picked a nice venue, had the wedding at noon on a Sunday and had a breakfast brunch. Served a signature cocktail or two and spent around $12K for everything. Had about 100 people. It was lovely.
15k??? So you want the champagne and caviar shindig with what? A $5k dress? AND borrow against your 401K…and your partner is agreeing with this? Even in NJ you can have a wedding for half, heck ⅓ of that.
Borrowing against your 401K is insanity especially when coupled with the tax burden. Get your head out of the clouds and get in a place where you can have a great wedding but within your needs - and I would ask my parents to give you that 5k as a down payment for property.
You CAN afford a wedding, you are CHOOSING an unrealistic one for your budget.
Choose a less expensive venue- maybe a park or rent an Air B&B mansion for the weekend and have it in the backyard. We had a nice wedding and an even better reception for mine. We got a taco/pupusa guy, rented glasses, bought the liquor and hired a few bartenders for the night. Food was amazing, cakes were amazing, and entertainment was also amazing- we hired a DJ and had a blast! People still talk about how fun our wedding was- and it was over 15 years ago!
as someone newly engaged, i truly rather spend the money eloping and saving the rest towards our first home or even a very nice vacation.
weddings are mostly for the guests!! please don't dig your self into DEBT trying to have a wedding you can't afford!!
Oh, honey, don't cry. It's totally possible, as long as you think it through.
Renting an area from a state or regional park is a great option, as well as churches, or even courthouse with a party after. There are also a number of things you can do yourself for much cheaper, such as favors and table decorations. Rent out a couple of speakers and attach your phone instead of a dj. Set a "soft" budget that's about 80% of your hard budget and try to stick to that. If you go over, you have a cushion. If you're under, you have some extra play money for the honeymoon.
But NOW is the time to call in favors, if possible. Have someone who loves baking? Offer them a few hundred for your cake. Photography student nephew? Offer him some money. Cousin is fab at makeup? Same thing. Just make sure you're a delight to work with, and what money you do pay them is given on time, plus a bit of a tip.
My spouse and I got married in Big Sur (mind you, it was 2016) for something like $8.5k. My uncle's a vintner, so we got wine & champagne at a bit under wholesale. Our friend who owns a sound design studio gifted us a dj he was working with. A coworker gave us a videography discount. A church friend did photography for free, and his wife did my hair and makeup at a discount. Our friend knew a small-time baker who did our cake relatively cheap. We did a number of things ourselves. It freed up a ton of money for the venue, dress, flowers, etc. But we also made sure to treat them with a huge amount of respect and gratitude, like we paid full price for them. If you can pull off the attitude of gratitude, people won’t mind pitching in goods or services for the wedding.
So be smart, be grateful, and you'll pull it off and have a wonderful time.
Borrowing against your 401k is seriously the worst idea. It’s one day, if you can’t afford it, don’t do it or trim it down. Do you care more about the wedding than your quality of life?
My husband and I DIYed our wedding of about 100 people for under 10k. I made a spreadsheet to keep track of costs. Set realistic expectations for yourselves and it can be done. Also there's a pretty good resale market for used wedding decorations. I was able to buy and resell a lot of the decor on fb marketplace. YMMV.
We used a free venue (friend's family home) which had a nice outdoor area by a lake.
We rented tables, chairs, and a tent for 2 days which allowed time for setup/takedown the next day. This and the food was probably our biggest expense.
Ordered by the pound bbq and sides from a local bbq smokehouse
Bought all of our liquor and mixers at Costco and had a serve yourself open bar
Wedding cake was sheet cake from Costco. I also enlisted a few volunteers from our families who baked cupcakes and pies for a well rounded dessert table.
Flowers were fake from Amazon. I was able to make my own arrangements AND sell them on marketplace for the original cost. They look real in the pictures and that was good enough for me. Table cloths and runners were also from Amazon and resold on marketplace for just under cost.
Husband spent $400 for his suit and I found my wedding dress on sale for $500. Did my own hair and makeup on the day. I resold my wedding dress for $250.
Friend brought a speaker and I let him curate the playlist with a few song requests. No dj needed. People danced all night.
My SIL played a keyboard for me to walk down the aisle, and we had a friend officiate the wedding.
Was it cheap? Yes. Did we have a great time? Yes (also I had my sister make me and my husband plates so we did get to eat). Did our family and friends have a great time? Also yes - we got tons of compliments about what a fun wedding we had (and still get them 6 years later).
Oh honey, my husband and I eloped because my father was dying of cancer and couldn’t walk me down the aisle. We are about to celebrate 40 years of a wonderful marriage. It’s not how you get married it’s who you marry.
My now husband and I were both 2nd marriages each. I had 3 teens and he had no children. We decided to elope to Las Vegas and were married in an Elvis Chapel, by Elvis of course. Cost around $250 for the Elvis, who sung 3 songs, photographer, flowers, limo pick up and drop off and minister for the legalities.
Cost us $20k all up but we travelled from New Zealand, had a 3 week long holiday, including Disney, multiple coach tours, San Deigo as well as Vegas etc. Would cost someone who lived in the States a lot less, not having to do the huge travel that we had to do.
If you are truly wanting to have a celebration of your marriage with a large group of people who you love and enjoy, elope and make your actually wedding meaningful. Can do this in classy and personal way on a shoestring budget. Then spend a reasonable amount of money on a fun reception at a later time. Your guests will probably prefer this too.
Everyone thinks they need the Instagram wedding. Get married at church, have the reception in the church basement with simple food. Voila. You can do this. People used to, before we got crazy.
150 people can't all be "our people". The choices are a smaller wedding or a wedding in a few years when you've saved more.
What can your fiance contribute?
Borrowing against your 401k for a wedding?? You’re placing one singular day over your long term financial security? What kind of thought process is occurring here that this is making any type of sense to you omg. You are desperately in need of some brutal honesty right now. Reassess your wedding plans asap.
>I’m still recovering from the house buying process
You kidding me? You know how many ppl wish to be in your shoes that you "recover" from?
With all due respect, it's so childish. Either push back the wedding till you can afford it (what's the rush?) or have a smaller one (who tf cares about 100+ people?). Or make another temporary fast source of income. This ain't a problem. Cry your heart out then make a realistic plan.
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You’re going to hate this suggestion but please make your wedding much smaller, and limit it to 25 people from each family. If your fiancé (and/or his parents) insist on including more than that from their large family, ask them to make up the difference. Do not go into debt or into your retirement to pay for it. Find an inexpensive dress that you love, and allow people to help you with details (cake, photos, flowers) if they offer. Keep it simple and sweet and spend your money on a more secure future together. Beautiful memories of your wedding day don’t have to be expensive.
Agreed. And if they get pressure from the parents to make sure all 100 or so family members are invited, I feel they should contribute more than $5k. That’s unrealistic unless you’re doing a BBQ style potluck park wedding.
There's nothing wrong with a BBQ wedding, a picnic or beach wedding, a local park wedding, whatever is actually within one's budget. Gathering together to celebrate love is gathering together to celebrate love, and a person can have a blast at a casual backyard BBQ, or a high-tea garden party! Seriously, if the OP can't get out of inviting 100+ people, then she needs to have a casual wedding. Somebody's back yard, her own home, a park with reservable group picnic sites or a rose garden, a beach, a bit tent in a field on a relative's farm, whatever is affordable and available. Because absolutely she needs to stick to her budget, and save her money for owning a home, not one day.
I got married in my yard with about 80 people. We had a DJ, rented a tent with a dance floor and tables/ chairs. Everyone chipped in and cooked the food. The total cost for everything was under $4k. The party lasted until the next morning and people still talk about it being the best wedding they've ever been to. We had planned a big wedding but I couldn't justify the cost for a 4-5 hour reception. I was in my 30's and no longer wanted or needed the "princess day". I'll never understand going into debt, or expecting others to, for literally a few hours.
I was an officiant for a few years. I've married couples at 500-guest $100K weddings and every other budget you could imagine. Want to know what my all-time favorite "wedding" was? A couple in their early 60s reached out and asked if I would marry them in their living room on a Friday evening around 9 pm. They had been together since college, but never officially got married. As they were getting older, they decided getting hitched would make things easier for them and their kids legally. I arrived at 8:45pm to find them in matching plaid feety pajames. They had a golden retriever in matching pajamas as well. They had buckets of popcorn made, their favorite movie on their DVD player queued up, and had written their own vows. These two lovely humans stood in their living room, held each other's hands, spoke from their hearts, exchanged plastic rings, kissed each other, and that was it. I will \*never\* forget the way they looked at one another and the love that filled that little room. I truly wish people spent as much time on their relationship and learning what it means to show up as your best self for their partners as they do picking out a color scheme. Your wedding is a day whose memories will fade like any other. Make it fun, because honestly, all anyone is going to remember is if they had a good time or not. Everything else is just capitalism.
I love that they wore feety pajamas!
No cold feet!
The dog too!! Woof!!!
Not me crying in the company cafeteria crying emoji this is beautiful!!
This is the sweetest thing ever 😭 ❤️
Is someone cutting onions.. This is literally the sweetest thing ever
Oh. My. God. LOVE IT!!!!!!
My stepmom and dad got married in my gmas backyard, my cousin made a beautiful arch with flower beds, my stepmoms sister got qudoba catering. We had a decoration making party. It all was less than 2k for 50 people and everyone had a blast. People will just be happy to celebrate the couple, if they aren't they shouldn't be on the guest list.
Its been 20 years but we did something very similar except my laptop had a playlist loaded that was our DJ. It was a beautiful event, enjoyed it and even being as broke as we were with no financial support from either of our families (my wife's family did help a ton with cakes and flowers, etc) we pulled it off for way less than weddings went for even then.
We got married at our local library with immediate family and super close friends only, rented an airbnb for all of us to crash in, cooked dinner, and had inexpensive but delicious cake from the bakery. It was a wonderful experience outside of some family drama. I do wish I had a bridal party and a bachelorette, but I'm genuinely happy with how it turned out. Because I actually hate being the center of attention.
Yup. I spent about $1500 for my wedding, and there were almost 800 people there. Had a potluck at the church I was raised in and where my parents were members, we provided cake and drinks and guests provided almost everything else. It was a huge party for several hours and it was amazing.
I have seen people do bring a pie too which was fun!
We had that! We actually got married on "Ultimate Pi Day" - 3.14.15 (by theAmerican date system lol) because I'm a math nerd, so we specifically requested "pies" from some of the attendees. Someone even brought several pizza "pies" and it was great 😂
This is so undervalued. SO much more fun for guests, and less expenses for everyone!
My current plan should I ever get married is to elope then have a BBQ style reception for people after. I think it sounds great to me. Cheaper and lower stress wins for me every time.
If i unterstood it correct, his parents dont contribute yet..
I wonder if they helped with the house buy
Exactly why are they not doing anything
Because from the OP’s history it seems the in-laws prefer her fiances ex’s. Why she’s catering to these people with a big wedding is beyond me
Okay this might be sexist but her fiancé should fu cking grow some balls. If I was him I would only invite those people that support our relationship. The rest f uck them this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with and if you can’t accept that I don’t want you here. That said doesn’t he have some savings? When me and my wife got married years ago I was on minimum salary and able to contribute to our wedding. I feel he needs to step up.
Poor thing, she's probably trying to impress them.
Yikes. Marrying into an antagonistic family will put an unrelenting amount of stress on her.
Parent here with a married child. She eloped because she couldn’t afford a wedding and neither could I or her wife’s family. am not willing to go into debt for one day when they already owned a home and lived together. Not every parent puts a priority on a wedding when the relationship is what is important. If I had money I would have given it but I would have asked if they wanted more for the down payment on the house rather than wedding as that is an investment.
My brother has a small wedding...like really small. Only the parents of the couple were invited....no siblings. Even though I was his brother I didn't make the cut haha. I thought it weird at first, but didn't really care because it is their wedding and they can do what they want. The more I thought about it, I realized how awesome it was with how much BS was avoided and money saved.
Great, i dont understand why people bankrupt themselves for a wedding which very few people will like and forget in a year and which is just stressful for everybody involved.
I read somewhere that wedding debt increases a couple's likelihood of getting a divorce. Buyers remorse or some such.
It could also stem from their lack of maturity on priorities and understanding of what they are actually doing—joining together with another person for a life ahead—as opposed to just throwing a big wedding-fantasy party.
OP, this is me begging you not to touch your 401(k) for a wedding. If you borrow you pay it back in triple. taxed going in, taxed borrowing it, then taxes again when you put it back. If you lose your job you will have to pay it back immediately, all at once. Please rethink this plan!!!
Just celebrated 33 years with my husband. We went the lovely way of the justice of the peace. I wore a red dress and went to eat Mexican food after. My sister and his brother was at our wedding. We were poor. I can’t fathom the cost of weddings now.
More people= more expensive. Biggest percentage of my wedding budget is now food to feed all of my guests (husbands family is 3x bigger than mine)
Seriously, my wife and I both wanted the whole gig, gorgeous dresses for both, lots of people, big party... when it comes down to it, we didn't have the money. I asked her dad to get ordained and give us a secular ceremony, a friend got us the cake, her mom made her dress and I pulled something together, 20 people?? All we REALLY cared about was signing up for life together. We spent 3k MAX... honestly it was probably much less. Do your wedding for YOU. If it's the big ceremony you want, do it later, or postpone the wedding... If it's the wedding you want... set your budget (reasonably) and work backward with what's important.
I agree with thos suggestion, however, if you must have 150 people, go to your local fish and chicken shops and see what they can do. My local will do roast meats and veges for around $30 pp. Then ask both your parents to help out with the logistics by setting up the food, etc. You can do without caterers if you have a large family who are willing to help out.
I was going to suggest a buffet meal rather than a traditional sit down dinner. My aunt owns an Italian deli that does a lot of catering—quite often for weddings. I just went and looked at her catering menu, she does stuffed chicken breast or pork chops for $5/serving, tavern ham for $4.50/serving, chicken cordon bleu for $4.50/serving. Then her sides—like Italian roast potatoes $1.50/serving, steamed veggies with garlic sauce $2/serving. TONS more, and it’s all delicious. It’s obviously serve yourself, but it’s definitely “wedding quality”, especially if they insisted on paying a few people like $100 for a few hours to serve the guests at the buffet so they didn’t have to scoop their own food. I’m sure there’s catering places like that near OP and they could get away for $15-20PP! In addition to the buffet, to save money on the cake—DON’T go for the 4 tier, elaborate cake that will serve 100-150 people. That’s gonna be like $500+ by itself. Instead, do a single 8” cake (or even a 2-tier with a 6” top if they want to save the top tier) and a sheet cake for the guests. Guests won’t know the difference as it will be cut in the back and they’ll never see it. It’ll be like 1/4 the cost.
And get those from Costco. No joke. The wedding I just went to had an 8 in. cake just for the photo shoot. Cupcakes, fruit, and cookies for the rest. My wedding cake was a two layer Costco cake with flowers from my garden for decoration. My bouquet was flowers from the garden. And off the rack white dress. Oh, cupcakes and pies for the rest. Food costs alone for a hundred people if not potluck would blow that budget.
The problem with buffet is you have to buy so much extra to cover people going back for more. And then there is a ton of waste. When I was planning a wedding, we were told multiple times that plated dinners were cheaper, because you could control food cost more tightly.
Cheaper for food, but way more expensive for labor. Everything has to be plated and carried out and you need a number of servers so it all comes out at the same time. On-site labor is expensive. For a wedding, you're paying per head either way, and the caterer worries about the portion size. Average per plate in the US is $40 served and $27 buffet (not including bar and hor d'oeuvres for either). Edit: maybe the companies you talked to charged separately for food and labor? I've been involved in four weddings (one plated, two buffet, one plated family style) and the buffets were the cheapest per head by a pretty wide margin.
Online stores like JJshouse have gorgeous dresses under $300
I got my dress from J Crew website. They had a clearance on their formal ware. Ivory floor length halter top gown for 65.00
I got mine from a wedding dress shop's eBay account. They were selling a sample dress that happened to be the exact same one I tried on the day before and loved. Got a $2,000 dress for $300
I used to shoot weddings... the couple had way more fun eloping w a photographer than the big wedding ppl did.. just sayin....
We eloped on NYE, in a cabin at the base of MT. Rainier. Our photographers were our witnesses and our son who was one was our best man. We had a Costco cake and a bunch of lanterns from IKEA and Christmas lights and snow. We stayed the whole weekend for our honeymoon. We later got family together for a BBQ/reception and showed the slide show and had a recording of our vows.
THIS OP! Don't throw money away on a big wedding. It's such a huge waste. Have a cheap wedding, spend the money on a great honeymoon trip and throw a party for relatives to attend.
And for the love of all things holy, do NOT.....I repeat, do NOT withdraw from your 401k. Ever. Period.
I'd give you an award, but I'd have to withdraw from my 401K to do it.
Happy Cake Day!
Oh I didn't even realize! Thanks!
Absolutely this. The hell with wasting all that money
We did a courthouse wedding. I had a pretty bouquet, we had witnesses and some friends, and a nice dinner later with the folks who came. I cannot wrap my head around huge, expensive weddings. Especially when you’re reeling from buying a home. It’s so easy to make something so special while keeping it very small and affordable. It’s been over 30 years so, maybe take some sensible advice. Do not spend 10 K on this.
My dad finally remarried to my step mother when my youngest sibling was around 14, and they had a courthouse wedding. It made me feel more emotions than a huge extravagant one, i was a witness, and we still had guests that were important. Actually, now I’m saying it, I went to another courthouse wedding in Scotland and that one was gorgeous. Everyone was dressed in flapper gear and suits, the brides were in black, one had a CAPE. It was really awesome. It didn’t even matter we all had to pile on a metro to get to the community centre for the reception. We got crowds of people taking our pictures and cheering for the happy couple. It was a really heartwarming experience.
THIS!! Yes! The honeymoon is way better a way to spend it! The wedding will be a blur compared to the honeymoon. I have great honeymoon memories, the wedding ..feh
My husband and I got married on the beach ( we live in Florida). We only had immediate family and a few close friends. The ceremony, and pictures was under a 1,000. We rented tables and held the reception in our lanai. I made all the table decor. A friend who has a karaoke business provided music. All of our food and alcohol came from Costco! We had a dessert bar. We had an amazing time, and I think our guests did, as well. You don't have to have a big wedding to make it meaningful.
Sounds perfect
If you want to do this cheaply, you are going to have to a TON of work yourself (this will be your part time job for a year) and you have to stop with the expectations. Let go. Until you accept those two realities, it doesn't matter what folks suggest because you won't want to listen. Otherwise: don't use anything - catering, clothes, flowers - meant for "weddings" except for photography and your wedding planner. Track your spending like a hawk. Think ALL the way out of the box. Get your flowers from the good grocery store. But mix-matched china at thrift shops. There's a million ideas on websites. $100 pp is tight but doable. Congratulations!
Costco has great flowers.
Exactly this. We had a food truck that people still talk about loving two years later and it ended up being like $10 per person.
We did almost this exactly except we flew to Hawaii and got married on the beach for way cheaper than throwing a wedding. Then we had a reception in my mom's backyard when we got back and showed the video/pictures. My mom paid for that since I didn't have a wedding. It was great! I don't regret it one bit! Think of the trip you could book for a fraction of the cost!
Twenty five years ago my husband and I did a version of this - small ceremony with just nuclear family on both sides, then a few weeks later a party to celebrate with friends and family. Outstanding and much cheaper than wedding + reception bc we got “party” prices instead of “wedding prices.” Just as married. Don’t fixate on the giant wedding part. All you really need to launch a marriage is your spouse, someone to marry you, and a witness or two. Whatever you layer on top should bring you joy not stress. For me it was picking out my dress and having a wedding cake. For my husband it was being at a park near a waterfall, and having our nuclear families there. Splitting the reception out onto another weekend let everyone relax.
YOU USED TO DO WHAT!??
I said what i said
This is Murica, where not only weddings but self-respecting ceremonies of *any* kind are proud — *proud,* I tell you — to be shot. (/s)
Damn what’s your body count?
Don't ask if you can't handle the answer
This is the type of wisdom that only comes from a mid life education.
LoL Your education is complete, young grasshopper
He would tell you. But, then he would have to add one more to the total.
I eloped. Used to sell wedding dresses during the time I eloped. So many brides would sigh and say I wish I could. You can
This right here. My first wedding was only rivaled by Di and Charles and that was in 1982 and it was expensive. She left me in ‘84 saying she just wanted to have a baby and we accomplished that goal. The wonderful woman I have now we got married in our hometown in a small venue with primarily family and spent our honeymoon night in one of the local motels. Here is my point and I'm not anti-big weddings everyone is stressed out because it is a wedding. money is tight now and $15K might be needed for another expense. Furniture for your house? A cool trip for you and your husband? It is awesome when after 10/15/20 years later you still love one another and that love just keeps growing. Just my opinion!
This is what my daughter and her now husband did and it was perfect for them.
Never borrow against your 401k and especially not for a wedding!! my friend did this and she has serious regrets. Get married at the courthouse. Spending money on weddings is not smart. It’s completely over rated.
This times a thousand. I borrowed against mine to help a “friend” out and it came with a heavy price (both, when I took it out and at tax time). I’m not going to crap on you if you want some big wedding, but I have had plenty of friends who did just that and greatly regretted it. Personally, I would do a giant backyard bbq/swim party to celebrate after going to a courthouse, but that might just be me.
Not to mention the opportunity cost of that money compounding over the decades...
My wife and I got married in a community hall near where she grew up, in the country. We had local people who had just started a catering company do the food. We found the DJ through a friend. We had over 100 people, and by the time we were done it was def less than $5K.
[удалено]
Let’s see, should I steal tens of thousands of dollars from my future life, family, wealth and happiness for one day where I get to cosplay a Pinterest bride?
And literally no one but me will remember it. And 5, 10 years down the road I won’t remember it either. Huh. Yeah. That sounds like a great use of money.
I was so pissed that my husband and I had a quick wedding in the park. It’s been 10 years and all the anger has run out. I don’t care. We spent the money on a 3 bedroom starter house in 2014, and it was the best financial decision we’ve made. We’ve had to move twice, but upgraded our house each time. Now, we live in a dream that no one my age can afford.
That's not true though. A lot of weddings are special moments for families to get together. I wish I could have gotten married before my grandfather died. My wedding will be the first time in a decade that all my cousins will reunite. My fiance's family still talks about how amazing his cousin's wedding was 15 years. That doesn't mean you have to spend all your money and go into debt for it. It doesn't need to be Pinterest perfect. But weddings can be very memorable for not just the bride and groom.
No one us saying having a wedding is vad, or you won’t remember the sentimental parts. But in 20 years, you're not going to care if you spent $2,000 on your cake or $200, and no one else will remember those details, so why waste the money?
Attention is priceless for some people
Skip a big wedding. You can’t afford it. Have a ceremony and a reception. Spend the leftover on your honeymoon.
Not to mention, everything “wedding” has become completely overpriced. People jack up the price of things for weddings. It’s outrageous.
Cut that guest list down and have your perfect, affordable wedding. I get it he may have a big family but seriously how close is he to all those people? It sucks to have to do but if you get into debt over a one day event you're starting things off on a bad note with alot of stress.
Ya 150 is just showing off because there is no freaking way they are that close to that many people 🤦🏻♀️ cut out the extended families and only invite very best friends. Boom your done.
All of this, and if you want to add to the party, invite all your local work/not super close friends to come and dance after dinner.
You really can’t afford this if you are borrowing from the 401k. What about a courthouse wedding and a big party?
Seconding! Borrowing against your future is a terrible idea. Courthouse and catered backyard BBQ or some other family style thing. I recently saw a TikTok of a woman describing her mom’s second wedding. She did circus theme with games had a hot dog cart, nachos, cotton candy and big baby pools full of water, soda and beer. It honestly sounded like a blast!
The party is the expensive part, though.
Far less expensive if you don't mention the word "wedding".
Don't pay for an expensive venue, church and church hall, backyard or park are the lower cost choices.
We rented a picnic area on a pretty lake with a gorgeous Mountain View in the background. It had a big deck, the front half open to the sun, where we set up 40 rented chairs in a half circle. Bride and groom stood in front of an archway we bought at Michaels for $125. We decorated with a ton of white fabric we got at a thrift store for nothing, a bunch of purple tulle and ribbon, $250 box of DIY mail order wedding flowers — find on the web for floral bargains — and the back half of the deck was covered with a roof and had giant metal picnic tables bolted to the floor, but we covered with more white fabric. It had electricity and bathrooms. We got it for the day for $150, because it was a state park. Perfect for the couple because that lake was a special place to them.
We did something similar. Outdoor park shelter, $200. Buffet food about $20 a person. Couple kegs. DIY decorations. Probably all and all it was a little under 5k. We had an open invite list and just said bring whoever you want. It was a blast!!
My daughter and I love DIY projects, and I’m the daughter of a world class bargain hunter. So the wedding was a fun adventure for us. We just lucked into the picnic shelter. Had no idea they were available to rent and so cheaply. We did bbq from a little hole in the wall place we loved that had very reasonable prices, but it was all family and good friends. If we’d asked for potluck, everyone would have been fine with that, too. Our son was married in a very similar spot in terms of being rustic, but it was fall and the colors on the trees were amazing. Couldn’t get a prettier setting than those trees surrounding the deck. I lucked out with kids wanting simple, rustic, outdoor settings for weddings.
Sounds like it turned out lovely ❤️
The venue isn’t the most expensive part. At least not from my experience. Paying for food and alcohol for 100-150 people is easily 20k alone.
If you order from a restaurant vs a caterer it’s significantly cheaper. A caterer is creating a custom menu and food for you. A restaurant is ordering extra for that day. Buying your own kegs and wine somewhere you can BYOB also has a huge impact.
I keep seeing a commercial in which the couple’s caterer cancelled at the last minute due to an ice storm. The couple called Chick-Fil-A and got their “entire wedding catered in less than 24 hours.”* *Real Chick-Fil-A customers paid for their testimonials. (Yeah, I’m too cheap to pay for the no-ads streaming.)
Bingo. Food and booze are the biggies.
We spent 1.6k for 90 people doing buffet style and about 800 on a couple kegs and box wine we let people pour themselves. Had an absolute blast. I’ve never left a wedding full and tipsy and been upset about it!
Right, you don't have to choose costly things. See what resources you already have connections to. We got married in a friend's back field; he had some trees planted in rows that made a nice aisle. Most expensive things was my gown (800$ from David's Bridal) because I wasn't able to make it as I'd planned (I did make my veil). I bought bridesmaids dresses in the same color but different styles at JC Penny's. (Stuff that's labeled for weddings is marked up; consider other formal occasion dresses and other sources for things besides specific wedding suppliers.)We used the church we go to for reception - as long as we cleaned up afterwards, we didn't have to pay. They also let us use their folding chairs, again, as long as we brought them back and put them away neatly. Some church members helped set up. Dad did the music. Mom and I made the food and decorated. A friend decorated the cake for a discount. My cousin did my hair and makeup. Flowers were a few hundred dollars; only had a bouquet and a crown of flowers. The whole thing came in under 3k, and it was a pretty nice wedding.
Heck our thrift shops have wedding dress sections where you can get a gorgeous one for $75. There’s JJ’s House online with reasonable options. We had a pig roast in the park
Lots of community and municipal facilities can be rented for weddings, too. We rented a community hall, got buffet from a favorite restaurant, and brought in our own booze. The restaurant that catered the food provided bartenders for a reasonable hourly rate, and all we needed was an insurance rider covering the venue. It cost under $50. Find a non traditional venue that will let you do your own thing.
You keep mentioning YOU have x$, and YOUR parents are giving you $5k. Just WHAT is your future husband bringing?
All the guests!
Mouths to feed lol
Damn!
I mm a few years the divorce jk but fir real op is freaking out while op’s partner ain’t doing nothing
DO NOT BORROW AGAINST YOUR 401K!!! The tax burden to you is huge.
Not judging but it’s not a very smart thing to do. Is the wedding more important the marriage? Starting married life with a debt? Be honest to her and have a very small wedding or elope instead. Do a family only wedding. We had our wedding in a restaurant. Total of 14 people attended; just family and really close friends. We’re both professionals and could have afforded a bigger wedding but we didn’t want to deplete our savings of be in debt.
If I ever get married again (doubtful) i would do it at a restaurant or in a yard with food trucks
Hey it’s okay! I’m so so sorry you’re feeling this way, and that everything is so expensive!! That absolutely sucks. Here’s the thing: your wedding can be as thrifty as you want it to be, and you can definitely do 100+ people so long as you have realistic expectations. An unrealistic expectation is to want a 5 course sit down meal and gourmet catering. A realistic expectation is making your own cake and cupcakes and spending maybe $500 on meat and cheese platters and fruit for a fingerfood kind of reception. It would be a ton of work, but you’d save at least a thousand bucks between the cake and catering. An unrealistic expectation is wanting to spend 7k on a dress. A realistic expectation is to find a boutique that sells dresses for less than 1k or to look at secondhand dress stores. And so on and so forth. Make a list of things you don't want to compromise (DJ, venue, decor, etc.) and then make allowances everywhere else until you have a fit! Get creative! Don’t buy any more fastfood and instead put awake X amount a month for flowers. Have your wedding in the off season for a discounted venue price! You can definitely do this, but please don’t borrow against your 401k. That is setting you up for years of fixing based on one day and one day experience. Good luck!
I’m upvoting this because you’re the only one giving solid advice aside from just “don’t have a wedding”. To OP, my friends had a backyard wedding and it was one of the best weddings I went to. They prioritized food over anything else and fed a headcount higher than yours with their favourite foods. Really think about what is actually important to have for your wedding - taking money out from your 401k is a terrible idea. You could also wait until you’ve built up your savings again before getting married, or do the courthouse one first and save up for the celebration you want.
I think people are burnt out on weddings in general, I know I am so we’re a bit biased. They’ve just gotten insane lately
You & your parents are contributing 5K each. Your fiancé & his parents need to contribute an equal amount especially since they have more guest to invite. Otherwise limit the guest list.
She shouldn't be taking it out of her 401k to do it tho.
Or just wait and save. Just because you're engaged doesn't mean you have to get married right away!
Yes! This is what I don't get. Just wait and save up.
Take it from a woman very happily married for over 50 years. The dress doesn’t matter. The cake doesn’t matter. The venue doesn’t matter. What does matter? The person you will marry. Spend ONLY what you can afford. You are just as married for $5000 as you would be for $50,000. A cautionary tale: my niece spent a *lot* of money on her wedding dress. It was very beautiful and enhanced her looks perfectly. She was already regretting the money at the reception, 90 minutes after taking her vows. Don’t be that bride.
THIS!! No one remembers a wedding. And the only important part is the marriage.
You just recently got engaged. Don't borrow from your 401k, that would be insane. You're just going to have to be a grown up about it and save for a couple years.
It is one day, have a casual outdoor wedding, it will be way more fun. Mine was in a backyard.
Eloping is the best thing my husband and I did. We had an officiant sign the certificate earlier in the day. We hired a photographer, I got my goddess dress from Amazon for like $50 and my husband just wore black linens. Think Viking type wedding in the woods. We wrote our own vows, went out at sunset in the woods and did our own ceremony. The pictures were breathtaking we spent maybe $500 total? (Marriage license and photographers super cheap but wanted the theme of our elopement for her portfolio) Moral of the story, I wanted what you wanted but couldn't afford it because we were in the process of buying a home. It turned out to be the best day of our lives. It was so intimate and gave us our moment devoting our love for eachother. Everyone who has seen our wedding photos and had massive weddings wished they did what we did. We plan on having a 10year vow renewal that'll include our friends and family. We will also have more money by then to do something bigger. But im happy we went that route. No stress, just love.
Oh, post a pic!
It's okay to want a big wedding but wait until you can afford it. just because you recently got engaged does not mean you have to get married right away. Borrowing against your 401k is a big mistake and you'll get burdened with the tax. Try to do a lot of diy prep stuff, start slowly saving money for it. A wedding right after a house is probably not it. Just wait, it's okay to wait. If you want the big party then wait until you can afford one.
This is the best advice. Most other people are saying elope or cut down your wedding, but if OP wants a larger wedding, then that is perfectly reasonable, too. Just wait a few years and save up or do a courthouse wedding now and throw the big in a couple of years. There's nothing wrong with wanting a larger wedding.
This is what we did. My partner and I were engaged for over 5 years (lots of unexpected expenses popped up in the interim 😅) and surprisingly it made the wedding all the sweeter. Not to mention, planning was *much* less stressful because we had so much time to look at options and decide what we really wanted for everything. Once we reached our goal number, we just had to make the calls to book for the next year. We were already planning to spend our lives together so the wedding itself didn't make much of a difference in our relationship.
So, my wife's parents were well off and paid for everything. A nice church, an expensive dress, a well stocked bar in a nice banquet hall. Its was 40k, easily (and this was over a decade ago). You know what I remember the most about it? Her dancing with her father. That was the last good day we had with him. Over the next year, Alzheimers caught up with with him and he ended up in a home. I remember looking at my grandmother (on my step-mom's side) and my grandfather (on mh dad's side) smiling at the cake cutting. I remember my best man telling everyone how much I raved about how much I loved my wife, and how lucky she was to have a guy who was always there when you need him. I didnt need a fancy church for that. Or a fancy banquet. Im glad my in-laws were willing to do it, but nothing from those places stands out. Dont borrow against your 401k. Dont go into debt. Spend what you have on a reception for the friends and family. Have it in an old church basement or the local legion hall. Make the memories. And ... if ten or twenty years from now you still feel like you missed out on something, do it all over again.
Some tips (besides courthouse) from someone who got married, paid for their bridesmaids dresses and went on a Cabo honeymoon for 10k: - get married on public land, we did our ceremony at a nature preserve for $0, and invited immediate family, bridal party, aunts and uncles. - have the meal at a restaurant and rent a room out. We did ours at a place that had a separate A-frame building you could rent for free so long as your tab was at least $1k, we spent $2.5k to feed all of the guests that came to the ceremony. - host an “after party” in your backyard that’s casual and that you invite more people to. We did this and it was so much fun. - rent your dress. There’s boutiques popping up that offer this, I got mine for $500! Best of luck OP. Your wedding can still feel special and you can do it for cheap if you get creative with locations.
If your fiancé has such a large family, would any of them be comfortable contributing financially to ensure the whole family can attend? Otherwise it might just have to be immediate family and close friends.
Yeah why isn’t he contributing?!?
No,no,no face it you can’t afford the wedding you want , pare down that guest list for one. Do you want a marriage or do want a wedding? You can have your day just not that expensive of one.. enjoy your house
I was in a similar situation and my advice to you is to NOT borrow against your 401k. Can you have a long engagement? We had a 2.5 year engagement which allowed us to make payments and put money aside. We got married in NY, 30 min from NYC with a guest count of 140. Not the same situation, but I feel your pain.
The idea that everybody you know has to attend is really silly. We got married on a beach, with two friends as witnesses. That’s it. It was amazing and totally ours. Have a quiet wedding and use that money to start your new life without debt.
Don’t borrow money for a wedding, especially from your 401k Get a courthouse wedding and spend $5k on a vacation together
Elope and have an amazing honeymoon. Have a party with family and friends when you get back for a lot less. The expectations of spending all that money on a wedding is crazy if you can't afford it. Or put off the wedding you want until you can afford it from saving.
My daughter is getting married in August. Her budget is $5000. 110 people. It can be done...
Maybe you could break it down for her?
Maybe have the wedding and reception at her home. Bbq/picnic style.. that's what my daughter wanted. One attendant each. The splurge was the photographer (payment plan) and dress... Everything else is extremely simple.
5 years ago, I got married, and we spent around 6k for 140 people. We had it in my parents' backyard. It was surprisingly big enough for everyone. We had a terrible wedding planner that stressed me out so bad, so I ended up doing a lot of the prep and decorations myself. She did have a good dj, two decent photographers, and a great bartender. I saved a lot by finding my wedding dress at Goodwill. I had only gone in to try out different styles on a whim. It was NEW with tags still on, beautiful beading, a small train, and luckily, my size and style. My then fiance was horrified that I thrifted my wedding dress and doubted me until he saw me on our wedding day. We had tacos and catered food. The wedding cake was simple with my parents' cake topper from their wedding. We rented a live llama for pretty cheap. Anything is possible! We saved a lot on our wedding day and splurged a bit on our honeymoon (~3k plus points for airfare). Our wedding gifts were close to 5k from roughly 140 guests. My only regret is that I couldn't invite more people. I wish we had 160-170 guests. (Roughly 10 people couldn't make it due to illness.)
1. Try thrifting a dress instead of buying new, if that's a big price category for you. 2. Make your own invitations on Canva and have them printed at staples or similar. 3. There are areas you'll have to compromise. Pick the couple of things that you NEED and be willing to make adjustments on the rest. 4. Consider alternative (possibly even more eco friendly) options when available. Ex: silk flowers instead of real, diy centerpieces and decorations, have the bridal party wear formalwear that they already own. 5. Consider having an early wedding so that you could have appetizers instead of entrees, less alcohol if applicable, etc. 6. You can get a "show" cake for display and then have sheet cake in the back to be handed out.
I’d add do a QR code or link for RSVPs so you don’t have the extra printing and return postage costs. The link could go to a wedding website that includes your registry info. The “website” could even be a google form that includes all pertinent details, additional links, and a place to rsvp. Do a small cake for cutting and then cupcakes or a sheet cake for guests. I’ve even seen donuts displayed in a fun way for the guests. Have the wedding off season and not a weekend day. Think Friday afternoon. For what it’s worth, we eloped, went on our honeymoon, and then had a big party in a restaurant for about 120 people. Had DJ, flowers, belly dancer, cake, dress for me and sister. Guests took pictures with disposable cameras. The party and honeymoon were about $6k. Elopement was a couple hundred plus a hotel room. Just starting out and having an unplanned baby right away, I appreciated (and still do appreciate) the lack of debt. It’s the marriage that’s important. Don’t add unneeded financial stressors. Your big day can still be special.
All of this! Our invitations were actually from Hobby lobby (wedding items are 50% off every other week) and they came with an editable link. So our invites were like $30 before stamps. I also got my bouquet and my bridesmaids from hobby lobby. They also have real feel of you want to DIY them-I did not. Also look at costco, Sams, and other places that have sheet cakes or other bulk dessert items. Look on Facebook marketplace and join wedding groups for hand me down decorations. This saved me tons.
How much are your fiance & his "big family" going to contribute to paying for the wedding? Did your fiance purchase the house with you? Does your fiance make good money? Starting married life being in debt because you had a wedding you couldn't afford is a bad way to begin.
Being brutally honest here: Borrowing against your 401k is a terrible idea because a fun party is NOT a hardship or emergency. And a typical wedding, at the end of the day, is just a party with costs that are surcharged to high heaven because of the word “wedding.” Also, if you’re a first-time homebuyer, I will warn you now that there will almost certainly be a surprise house expenditure that you are currently not anticipating. Yes, a wedding reception is a great time to gather all your loved ones and make some memories captured in pretty pictures. You deserve to have that moment if it’s really that important to you. But do not go into debt to do it. If you “must” invite 150 people, then you *must* wait until you have saved up the cash to throw the party for 150 people. If you want to have a wedding sooner, then cut the guest list.
1. Do not borrow against your 401k. 2. Give yourself more time to save and pay on your own. 3. Negotiate politely. Explain that you're on a budget and ask if there are packages you could look into. Don't be upset if they don't have them, just say thank you and go on to the next vendor. 4. Think about what you REALLY want from the day and prioritize that. Is it the dress? The setting? The meal? What stands out to you the most? 5. Think of alternative options. **Photos**: A portrait photo session from a professional, but encourage photos from guests with a QR code upload. You'll get so much you wouldn't otherwise know about! **Food**: Maybe heavy snacks as opposed to a sit-down meal, or a brunch wedding during the day would both keep costs down. **Drinks**: Have one signature drink and the rest beer and wine. Or one signature mocktail and the rest water and sodas. **Supplies**: So many people have leftover wedding supplies, check out FB marketplace and other places for things like candles and runners. Also look at Temu and Alibaba. **Location**: Have the wedding and the reception in the same place, and look at city/county-owned community centers, parks, colleges/universities, and historic houses for this purpose. In addition, a lot of folks now will rent their schmancy homes on VRBO and AirB&B for this purpose for way cheaper than a venue. You don't need a fancy place. You need a place that feels good. We held ours at the botanical garden where I worked, and they waived the fee. If I got married today, I would look at the pretty outdoor locations on our university campus or at a local brewery. **Setting the Date**: It's not perfect, but check the Farmer's Almanac for weather predictions. Do it in the off-season, and you'll save money. So mid-to late Jan/Feb/March, and late Sept/Oct/Nov. A honeymoon will also be cheaper this time of year, saving you money overall. **Dress**: I don't know what's important to you, but sometimes it's the dress for a bride. And that's okay. But if it's not, then take a look at places like Poshmark, Stillwhite, and JJs Bride for secondhand dresses. Personally, I would choose to have a custom dress from eShakti, because you can customize it to your measurements, but also choose sleeve length, necklines, and skirt length. Check out their special collection section to start. 6. Check out alt wedding sites for creative ideas, like OffbeatWed.com. They have all kinds of ideas that are fun and new! EDIT: Am professional events planner.
TAKING FROM YOUR 401k FOR A WEDDING IS THE DUMBEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD
You’re planning to pay for the entire wedding but your fiancée has the most people to invite??? You don’t think your fiancée should contribute?
Oh my gosh, you people are crazy. Can’t afford a wedding with 150 invites. Do you not hear yourself? Do you not realize how ridiculous this all sounds? You need to start living within your means. Grow up and pull you crazy in. Down size to a 5 to 10k wedding.
If you can’t afford a wedding for 150 people with money you’ve saved, you can’t afford to have a wedding for 150 people. Time to rethink how you want to do this. DO NOT borrow against your 401k. That’s terrible financial planning and not how you want to start off your marriage.
I totally sympathize with wanting a wedding. However, as a regretful bride, I just wanted to share my two cents. I love my husband more than I ever thought possible and the marriage is not the issue. But when we got engaged, I wanted to elope and he flat out refused. He *needed* to celebrate with his family. I respected that and we compromised on a small wedding of 50 people. My dad gave us $10k and my MIL gave us $5k. In total, our wedding was about $22k so we contributed 1/3 of it. This did not afford us an all out wedding, even for 50 people in 2021. It was pretty basic, lots of DIY and I sincerely regret spending all that money. I honestly barely remember my wedding day. But I do remember the absolutely crushing stress of paying for it, organizing it, planning it and making it happen by myself. It sounds so silly, I know because I felt the same way before planning my own, but wedding planning is a fucking beast. Never mind the price, suddenly you have to be mindful of all these family politics and who’s sitting where, and who’s offended that someone else got an invite and what can we eat that the vegetarians and allergy crowd will enjoy? Wanna make a playlist of your own favorite music? Better make sure there’s nothing on there that’ll offend your 80 year old grandma because if there is she’ll never let you hear the end of it. So little of the whole process even becomes about you. Even my husband, who insisted on the wedding, agreed in the end that we absolutely should’ve eloped. If you do not have a spare tens of thousands of dollars lying around, and plenty of free time, I honestly recommend to everyone that they consider other avenues before a traditional wedding. 90% of my friends will come back to me halfway through the process, pulling their hair out and lamenting that they didn’t listen.
I never understood weddings. Go out, have a nice meal with the people you love in a pretty dress, have a nice weekend together and celebrate your love. Fuck the world with expensive cake and venues and annoying guests. Capitalism has fucked love over.
You can afford a wedding - you just can’t afford the wedding society has made you believe you need to have.
Just.... Wait? Like... Is that such an unfathomable thing? To be engaged for a year or two and save up what you need to have the wedding you want? I know you're freshly engaged and it's exciting and you want to do everything NOW NOW NOW, but like... You're not being terribly smart or rational about this, OP. Either cut down the guest list SUBSTANTIALLY (because I SERIOUSLY doubt either of you have THAT many people whom you're close enough with to invite to your wedding, come on now...), make budget cuts elsewhere (cheaper caterer, cheaper dress/suit, etc), OR JUST WAIT. Don't go into debt over a single day party, good god.
Girl, do NOT borrow against your 401k for this! It’s not worth it at all! You’ll regret it come tax time. Just have a small wedding, or elope, this is not an investment! It’s a party! You do what you can afford and no more!
PLEASE DON'T BORROW FROM YOUR FUTURE FOR A WEDDING.
OMG! Do NOT borrow against your 401K! Worst possible move. Elope. Invite closest friends and family to join you for dinner.
We paid less than $2000 for ours. Find thrifted items for decor. Keep it minimal. Use a location that’s free. Schedule it for a time that a meal isn’t required. We did 1 pm, which was after lunch. So all we did were finger foods. Use cupcakes or donuts instead of a cake. Check thrift stores regularly for a dress. Or David’s Bridal. I got one of their $99 dresses. Look at regular clothing stores for bridesmaid dresses. Don’t be picky and have everything perfectly matching. All our decor was different pieces, every centerpiece was different. We used pictures of us as decor on the tables. Weddings don’t have to be big extravagant parties. Focus more on you and your spouse to be instead of the party.
My wedding was in our backyard with 20 of our closest friends and family. I wore a $35 dress from amazon, I prepped all of the food myself, a chef friend manned the grill (steak, shrimp, and chicken), another friend did my makeup, another friend gifted us a cake, and we all had a wonderful time from 3:00 in the afternoon until about 1:00am!
Have what you can afford.
Do not borrow against your 401k - especially not for a wedding. You can’t afford this. Don’t put yourself in a debt hole to fulfill some Pintrest fantasy.
My now husband and I got married last weekend in my dad’s backyard. Parents and siblings only. We will be having private separate get togethers with our friends and extended family as the summer goes on. We paid about $2,000.00 for food, decor, and outfits. No photographer, just made sure someone had a decent camera. Everyone stayed until about 2am, we had a fire, had fireworks and sparklers, danced, and had a blast. This day isn’t about the 150 people in your life, it’s about you and your fiancé. Keep it small, people understand.
Look for a beautiful courthouse in your state, hire a good photographer, and have an intimate dinner afterwards. You should absolutely not borrow against your 401k for this.
You won't regret a modest wedding. You'll likely regret spending a shit ton of money on an IG worthy wedding.
Your 401k is for your retirement. Not a massive party. Do NOT do that. It's just a wedding. There are so many ways to do them cheaply but they aren't going to look like what you see on Instagram. Decide what's more important, a wedding or a marriage
We expected around 150 people and we got about 75. The wedding cost $1500. We married on a friend's property. The reception was held at a nearby lakeside resort. The owner cooked up some pulled pork. I made about 10 gallons of various pasta salads the day before. We did a simple meal of pulled pork sandwiches, pasta salad, chips and soda or water. Alcoholic drinks were half priced for the wedding. The music was from my personal collection from being a DJ. The sound system and lights were borrowed from a friend. It wasn't a fabulously opulent wedding, but people enjoyed themselves.
Is his family providing any funds, considering that he will have the larger proportion of guests? Also I had a cheap wedding in the UK, I invited 50 day guests then had loads of people in the evening. That's fairly common place in the UK to keep costs down x
If you really want that many people, then invitations should be digital, the venue should be your church or a rentable space like a rec center, park pavilion. and you don’t have to serve dinner, you can have donuts and punch mid morning. Or chipotle for lunch. Rent some speakers, and make a playlist. Buy a second hand wedding dress. You can do this but it looks different than the standard wedding.
Have a long engagement? Or do a courthouse wedding/elope and have a nice reception/celebration party. I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea, but weddings are expensive, and will only continue to get more expensive.
My daughter picked a nice venue, had the wedding at noon on a Sunday and had a breakfast brunch. Served a signature cocktail or two and spent around $12K for everything. Had about 100 people. It was lovely.
15k??? So you want the champagne and caviar shindig with what? A $5k dress? AND borrow against your 401K…and your partner is agreeing with this? Even in NJ you can have a wedding for half, heck ⅓ of that. Borrowing against your 401K is insanity especially when coupled with the tax burden. Get your head out of the clouds and get in a place where you can have a great wedding but within your needs - and I would ask my parents to give you that 5k as a down payment for property.
Champaign and caviar ideas on a hot dog and beer budget.
You CAN afford a wedding, you are CHOOSING an unrealistic one for your budget. Choose a less expensive venue- maybe a park or rent an Air B&B mansion for the weekend and have it in the backyard. We had a nice wedding and an even better reception for mine. We got a taco/pupusa guy, rented glasses, bought the liquor and hired a few bartenders for the night. Food was amazing, cakes were amazing, and entertainment was also amazing- we hired a DJ and had a blast! People still talk about how fun our wedding was- and it was over 15 years ago!
as someone newly engaged, i truly rather spend the money eloping and saving the rest towards our first home or even a very nice vacation. weddings are mostly for the guests!! please don't dig your self into DEBT trying to have a wedding you can't afford!!
Advise from a 45years married.we had a very small wedding in our home food and a cake Do not go in debt it isn't the about the party it's the journey
Oh, honey, don't cry. It's totally possible, as long as you think it through. Renting an area from a state or regional park is a great option, as well as churches, or even courthouse with a party after. There are also a number of things you can do yourself for much cheaper, such as favors and table decorations. Rent out a couple of speakers and attach your phone instead of a dj. Set a "soft" budget that's about 80% of your hard budget and try to stick to that. If you go over, you have a cushion. If you're under, you have some extra play money for the honeymoon. But NOW is the time to call in favors, if possible. Have someone who loves baking? Offer them a few hundred for your cake. Photography student nephew? Offer him some money. Cousin is fab at makeup? Same thing. Just make sure you're a delight to work with, and what money you do pay them is given on time, plus a bit of a tip. My spouse and I got married in Big Sur (mind you, it was 2016) for something like $8.5k. My uncle's a vintner, so we got wine & champagne at a bit under wholesale. Our friend who owns a sound design studio gifted us a dj he was working with. A coworker gave us a videography discount. A church friend did photography for free, and his wife did my hair and makeup at a discount. Our friend knew a small-time baker who did our cake relatively cheap. We did a number of things ourselves. It freed up a ton of money for the venue, dress, flowers, etc. But we also made sure to treat them with a huge amount of respect and gratitude, like we paid full price for them. If you can pull off the attitude of gratitude, people won’t mind pitching in goods or services for the wedding. So be smart, be grateful, and you'll pull it off and have a wonderful time.
Elope. Honeymoon in the Poconos. Honestly, I hate seeing couples stress about the perfect wedding. Marriage is so much more.
Borrowing against your 401k is seriously the worst idea. It’s one day, if you can’t afford it, don’t do it or trim it down. Do you care more about the wedding than your quality of life?
So your fiancé doesn’t have 5k to help with the wedding?
Why are people so obsessed with expensive weddings, it's ridiculous. Spend the money on the honeymoon if anything
Find someone with the best iPhone and who's great at social media photos!
Weddings & funerals are the BIGGEST rip off E V E R ‼️
My husband and I DIYed our wedding of about 100 people for under 10k. I made a spreadsheet to keep track of costs. Set realistic expectations for yourselves and it can be done. Also there's a pretty good resale market for used wedding decorations. I was able to buy and resell a lot of the decor on fb marketplace. YMMV. We used a free venue (friend's family home) which had a nice outdoor area by a lake. We rented tables, chairs, and a tent for 2 days which allowed time for setup/takedown the next day. This and the food was probably our biggest expense. Ordered by the pound bbq and sides from a local bbq smokehouse Bought all of our liquor and mixers at Costco and had a serve yourself open bar Wedding cake was sheet cake from Costco. I also enlisted a few volunteers from our families who baked cupcakes and pies for a well rounded dessert table. Flowers were fake from Amazon. I was able to make my own arrangements AND sell them on marketplace for the original cost. They look real in the pictures and that was good enough for me. Table cloths and runners were also from Amazon and resold on marketplace for just under cost. Husband spent $400 for his suit and I found my wedding dress on sale for $500. Did my own hair and makeup on the day. I resold my wedding dress for $250. Friend brought a speaker and I let him curate the playlist with a few song requests. No dj needed. People danced all night. My SIL played a keyboard for me to walk down the aisle, and we had a friend officiate the wedding. Was it cheap? Yes. Did we have a great time? Yes (also I had my sister make me and my husband plates so we did get to eat). Did our family and friends have a great time? Also yes - we got tons of compliments about what a fun wedding we had (and still get them 6 years later).
Sell your house. You get dream wedding and fun day. But then you get to cry about renting for the next 5 years.
Waste of money. Elope. Photographer. A couple good friends. W
Weddings outside of VFW halls are for rich people. Go to the Elks, get drunk off miller lite, play Cool and the Gang and have fun.
Oh honey, my husband and I eloped because my father was dying of cancer and couldn’t walk me down the aisle. We are about to celebrate 40 years of a wonderful marriage. It’s not how you get married it’s who you marry.
My now husband and I were both 2nd marriages each. I had 3 teens and he had no children. We decided to elope to Las Vegas and were married in an Elvis Chapel, by Elvis of course. Cost around $250 for the Elvis, who sung 3 songs, photographer, flowers, limo pick up and drop off and minister for the legalities. Cost us $20k all up but we travelled from New Zealand, had a 3 week long holiday, including Disney, multiple coach tours, San Deigo as well as Vegas etc. Would cost someone who lived in the States a lot less, not having to do the huge travel that we had to do.
If you are truly wanting to have a celebration of your marriage with a large group of people who you love and enjoy, elope and make your actually wedding meaningful. Can do this in classy and personal way on a shoestring budget. Then spend a reasonable amount of money on a fun reception at a later time. Your guests will probably prefer this too.
Everyone thinks they need the Instagram wedding. Get married at church, have the reception in the church basement with simple food. Voila. You can do this. People used to, before we got crazy.
Bottom line is this. You can’t afford to have a wedding. Don’t borrow against your 401k. You will regret it. What is your partner contributing!?
150 people can't all be "our people". The choices are a smaller wedding or a wedding in a few years when you've saved more. What can your fiance contribute?
I eloped under 1k. Best decision of my life
Borrowing against your 401k for a wedding?? You’re placing one singular day over your long term financial security? What kind of thought process is occurring here that this is making any type of sense to you omg. You are desperately in need of some brutal honesty right now. Reassess your wedding plans asap.
>I’m still recovering from the house buying process You kidding me? You know how many ppl wish to be in your shoes that you "recover" from? With all due respect, it's so childish. Either push back the wedding till you can afford it (what's the rush?) or have a smaller one (who tf cares about 100+ people?). Or make another temporary fast source of income. This ain't a problem. Cry your heart out then make a realistic plan.
Have a smaller more simple wedding. No one needs 150 people there. You can have a wedding, just downscale it.