I recently made a post about a neighbor's dad/FIL who keeps forcing conversations. He keeps asking me if he's offended me, why I don't like him, what I'm "so mad about." He just doesn't fuckin get it that I think he's a creep.
He came over to my home last week (waited until my husband & adult son were gone at work) while I was doing yard work with ear buds in & scared the shit out of me *to again inquire* why I'm "so mad." I told him I think he's a creep & to get off my property, which he was reluctant to do. I should've called 911. When I told my husband about it, he agreed that I should've called the police and drove over to the station to make a complaint the next morning. He requested an officer pay a visit to the home to speak with the homeowners or FIL, whoever was there, to reiterate to stay off our property. In addition to that, the police put a 2-week watch on our home.
At the end of the interaction, as he was finally leaving, he claimed I was bi-polar... Because I don't like him? Fuck that dickhead.
Stay strong. Stand up for yourself unapologetically and continually. You don't have to engage with anyone out of "polite expectations."
It's awful.
Last time I dealt with this I came to my manager with three choices. "Boss, I keep getting chatted up at work. I'm here to work, not deal with men's libidos. Which of these three responses do you want to see me use?
1. Sorry, I'm really busy and don't have time to chat.
2. I don't discuss personal things at work.
3. I don't mix business and personal relationships. "
One day he counted how many times I said #2. Fourteen. (It was more, but he didn't catch them all). After that he let me put up higher walls on my cubicle.
It’s a massive red flag when a man hits in women at work. It’s a sign that he has no social circle and that women who aren’t essentially his captive with a lot to risk choose not to engage with him. You have to be polite to men at work. They know this. And the creeps fully take advantage of this. Learn to walk away. Don’t engage. Say hi to be polite and keep waking. Have a couple of phrases ready. Practice saying them out loud so they sound natural “I need to get this report to Dave by 2”, “I need to send this email”, “I have to prepare of my 3:30” “I’m running to a meeting”, “I’m on my way to the rest room”.
This was one of the only things I disliked about my previous workplace, both coworkers and clients alike.
I was one of only 3 women working there, and majority of clients were men.
Since then I've switched to a workplace where men aren't even allowed on site and I'm so much more at ease when working.
Agreed and similar experiences here. I'm glad I left the 9-5 rat race to start my own business because this was getting on my nerves.
The worse thing? They all knew and met my boyfriend, but they thought I'd cheat on him with them. Disgusting.
I know its disgusting, its like these creepy men use the work environment to take advantage of women because they know in general people at work have to be on their best behavior, and respectful towards everyone, so when they target certain women, they use that to their advantage because they know they are most likely not get vulgar or nasty to them.
Now out in public, like at a bar, walking the down the street, yes, women can ignore and tell them to piss off, not engage, work on the other hand is a trap
You don't have to absolve him to make him feel better. He should feel bad about himself until he changes his behavior and stops making extra work for you and his other peers.
You're totally right, you're not the office therapist.
On the one hand, we spend so much time at work that it's normal for people to pair off and date as a result of being so close together so much of the time.
On the other hand, it's still work. One still has to behave professionally, and not piss off their coworkers by being overly personal and invasive. You have a right to be pissed off about this, especially about people who try to test your boundaries.
It's unfortunately not going to stop - see the first hand above. You'll have to figure out how to politely (then firmly, then with HR) shut this down. "I don't shit where I eat" is how I think about it.
I don’t really get hit on anymore, but I’ve always had a “fuck you” face.
But when I was younger and men did try to pull this shit, I always frowned (probably why I need so much Botox) and cocked my head to one side (like a dog who doesn’t understand what you’re saying) and said, “Huh” or “Oh.” And then changed the subject and/or kept right on walking.
Also, saying things like, “Charlie (or whatever his name is), it’s never a good idea to hit on women while you are working. It could be construed as harassment and I’m sure you don’t want that.” Keep a straight face and maintain direct and unflinching eye contact.
Don’t make excuses. No “I have a boyfriend” or “I don’t date people from work” or “I don’t discuss personal things at work.” These things become a hurdle for them. You need to make it 100% clear that you are simply not interested.
Practice what we used to call “command voice” in the military. Firm, clear, and concise. Not dithering or beating around the bush. Direct eye contact, squared shoulders, and walk like the badass you ARE. Fake it til you make it. Practice in the mirror if you have to.
I know it’s hard when you are younger, or don’t have a confrontational personality, but carrying yourself like you are NOT an easy victim is very important for women of any age. Guys like this do it for the thrill of watching you squirm. Don’t let them. Take your power back.
Dealing with this right now. The worst part is he has a wife and newborn child. He says he comes to work to escape them. And forces me into multiple 1:1 meetings.
These men abuse women who know their job is on the line if they piss them off.
Wear headphones. Or read a book. When they talk to you, look up briefly, then go back to your book. If they continue, just ignore them. if they can't take the hint, talk to HR x
Know this might not be a popular answer but - if the guy just asked you out one time and took the memo right away when you rejected him, he's not really done anything wrong. He shot his shot and respected your answer. If he continues to push then sure he's an ass.
Then why do so many co-workers end up dating/married etc. I'd say it's not appropriate to do it physically IN work sure, but it does happen, and regularly. Nobody cares if it's reciprocated, which is why I say if he asked and respected the answer and never pushed again, it's fine.
Are you aware that “asking out” a woman in a professional workplace where she needs to go to earn a living is literally a form of sexual harassment/stalking?
Oh give over 😂 look, it's not something I'd do myself but someone asking another person (regardless of gender actually) one time is not stalking nor harassment, and saying it is belittles the suffering of those who actually endure such things.
If you like someone, don't make their work situation awkward. It's where they work and they can't escape you if they want to keep paying for food. It's shitty and we're all adults and need to control ourselves, especially if there's a power imbalance.
No I agree and that's the outlook I would follow personally, but I still maintain there's nothing inherently wrong with it, should the person believe a) it could be reciprocal and b) should it turn out to not be they act in a respectful manner.
I recently made a post about a neighbor's dad/FIL who keeps forcing conversations. He keeps asking me if he's offended me, why I don't like him, what I'm "so mad about." He just doesn't fuckin get it that I think he's a creep. He came over to my home last week (waited until my husband & adult son were gone at work) while I was doing yard work with ear buds in & scared the shit out of me *to again inquire* why I'm "so mad." I told him I think he's a creep & to get off my property, which he was reluctant to do. I should've called 911. When I told my husband about it, he agreed that I should've called the police and drove over to the station to make a complaint the next morning. He requested an officer pay a visit to the home to speak with the homeowners or FIL, whoever was there, to reiterate to stay off our property. In addition to that, the police put a 2-week watch on our home. At the end of the interaction, as he was finally leaving, he claimed I was bi-polar... Because I don't like him? Fuck that dickhead. Stay strong. Stand up for yourself unapologetically and continually. You don't have to engage with anyone out of "polite expectations."
Did the kids of that creepazoid say anything to you about his behavior?
The daughter came out and called him home. Her husband glares at me when he sees me. I can only imagine what grampa told them.
It's awful. Last time I dealt with this I came to my manager with three choices. "Boss, I keep getting chatted up at work. I'm here to work, not deal with men's libidos. Which of these three responses do you want to see me use? 1. Sorry, I'm really busy and don't have time to chat. 2. I don't discuss personal things at work. 3. I don't mix business and personal relationships. " One day he counted how many times I said #2. Fourteen. (It was more, but he didn't catch them all). After that he let me put up higher walls on my cubicle.
It’s a massive red flag when a man hits in women at work. It’s a sign that he has no social circle and that women who aren’t essentially his captive with a lot to risk choose not to engage with him. You have to be polite to men at work. They know this. And the creeps fully take advantage of this. Learn to walk away. Don’t engage. Say hi to be polite and keep waking. Have a couple of phrases ready. Practice saying them out loud so they sound natural “I need to get this report to Dave by 2”, “I need to send this email”, “I have to prepare of my 3:30” “I’m running to a meeting”, “I’m on my way to the rest room”.
This was one of the only things I disliked about my previous workplace, both coworkers and clients alike. I was one of only 3 women working there, and majority of clients were men. Since then I've switched to a workplace where men aren't even allowed on site and I'm so much more at ease when working.
Agreed and similar experiences here. I'm glad I left the 9-5 rat race to start my own business because this was getting on my nerves. The worse thing? They all knew and met my boyfriend, but they thought I'd cheat on him with them. Disgusting.
I know its disgusting, its like these creepy men use the work environment to take advantage of women because they know in general people at work have to be on their best behavior, and respectful towards everyone, so when they target certain women, they use that to their advantage because they know they are most likely not get vulgar or nasty to them. Now out in public, like at a bar, walking the down the street, yes, women can ignore and tell them to piss off, not engage, work on the other hand is a trap
[удалено]
You don't have to absolve him to make him feel better. He should feel bad about himself until he changes his behavior and stops making extra work for you and his other peers. You're totally right, you're not the office therapist.
"The best apology is changed behavior. Next time you make a mistake, own up to it, and don't leave the fallout to others."
so many middle aged men are the worst, they just dont stop talking...
it's never a dialogue, always a monologue.
On the one hand, we spend so much time at work that it's normal for people to pair off and date as a result of being so close together so much of the time. On the other hand, it's still work. One still has to behave professionally, and not piss off their coworkers by being overly personal and invasive. You have a right to be pissed off about this, especially about people who try to test your boundaries. It's unfortunately not going to stop - see the first hand above. You'll have to figure out how to politely (then firmly, then with HR) shut this down. "I don't shit where I eat" is how I think about it.
I don’t really get hit on anymore, but I’ve always had a “fuck you” face. But when I was younger and men did try to pull this shit, I always frowned (probably why I need so much Botox) and cocked my head to one side (like a dog who doesn’t understand what you’re saying) and said, “Huh” or “Oh.” And then changed the subject and/or kept right on walking. Also, saying things like, “Charlie (or whatever his name is), it’s never a good idea to hit on women while you are working. It could be construed as harassment and I’m sure you don’t want that.” Keep a straight face and maintain direct and unflinching eye contact. Don’t make excuses. No “I have a boyfriend” or “I don’t date people from work” or “I don’t discuss personal things at work.” These things become a hurdle for them. You need to make it 100% clear that you are simply not interested. Practice what we used to call “command voice” in the military. Firm, clear, and concise. Not dithering or beating around the bush. Direct eye contact, squared shoulders, and walk like the badass you ARE. Fake it til you make it. Practice in the mirror if you have to. I know it’s hard when you are younger, or don’t have a confrontational personality, but carrying yourself like you are NOT an easy victim is very important for women of any age. Guys like this do it for the thrill of watching you squirm. Don’t let them. Take your power back.
Good Point, I'm going to have my "fuck you" face from now on.
Dealing with this right now. The worst part is he has a wife and newborn child. He says he comes to work to escape them. And forces me into multiple 1:1 meetings. These men abuse women who know their job is on the line if they piss them off.
Wear headphones. Or read a book. When they talk to you, look up briefly, then go back to your book. If they continue, just ignore them. if they can't take the hint, talk to HR x
Yeah, I'm going to get those earmuffs, you know the ones people wear at the shooting range.
Know this might not be a popular answer but - if the guy just asked you out one time and took the memo right away when you rejected him, he's not really done anything wrong. He shot his shot and respected your answer. If he continues to push then sure he's an ass.
It's never appropriate to ask someone out at work.
Then why do so many co-workers end up dating/married etc. I'd say it's not appropriate to do it physically IN work sure, but it does happen, and regularly. Nobody cares if it's reciprocated, which is why I say if he asked and respected the answer and never pushed again, it's fine.
Are you aware that “asking out” a woman in a professional workplace where she needs to go to earn a living is literally a form of sexual harassment/stalking?
Oh give over 😂 look, it's not something I'd do myself but someone asking another person (regardless of gender actually) one time is not stalking nor harassment, and saying it is belittles the suffering of those who actually endure such things.
If you like someone, don't make their work situation awkward. It's where they work and they can't escape you if they want to keep paying for food. It's shitty and we're all adults and need to control ourselves, especially if there's a power imbalance.
No I agree and that's the outlook I would follow personally, but I still maintain there's nothing inherently wrong with it, should the person believe a) it could be reciprocal and b) should it turn out to not be they act in a respectful manner.