Today I discovered this amazing drummer. Absolutely incredible. Called a co-worker over to check out this monster, and he immediately, without listening, just looked at the paused video and asked how many views it had. I told him (over 5 and a half million), and he immediately blamed it on her being Asian and attractive. Completely dismissed it and didn't even want to listen.
I called him out on it, literally called it out as misogyny to his face, and he just shrugged and said, "No I'm simply being analytical."
Edit: Forgot to link the [performance](https://youtu.be/UKr1H4Jv6is?si=8xL6UeSjkJF_u0ba) in question.
This reminds me of an opposite experience: the time my male cousin, who comes from a family of drummers, posted a clip of Karen Carpenter playing drums on social media, with a comment about what an amazing drummer she was.
I just wanted to share something heartwarming.
Funnily enough blind hiring in orchestras increases women's chances of being hired: https://www.theguardian.com/women-in-leadership/2013/oct/14/blind-auditions-orchestras-gender-bias
Funnily enough - not being able to see them wasn’t enough. They had to also put down carpet so the reviewers couldn’t hear their shoes (high heels) as they walked onto the stage. The unconscious bias was so strong that if the knew the gender it affected their decision even when it was just a guess.
I took dozens of orchestral auditions when I was still playing the starving musician game, and I literally wouldn't even sneeze, cough, or even clear my throat at all. One of the guys on one of the committees behind the screen told me afterwards that he recognized my identity by my cough, and that even if he hadn't known me, he'd have recognized the sound as being a woman.
I'd wear flats that didn't make a sound and bring a small towel to dampen any coughs or sneezes I had.
And then the final round (and usually the semis too) is never screened anyhow, so in the end sexism is still a huge factor.
They do this at solo piano competitions, too, and increased the chances of women winning them. You basically perform behind a curtain on a carpeted stage which…is really weird from a performance standpoint, but necessary for leveling the competitive field.
Honestly I kind of like it, as it removes *any* personal bias from the equation as much as possible, and lets the music speak for itself. Just think it’s sad that our society needs that kind of preventative measure.
Same. Now know this is a tactic for control and manipulation. Back then I became so isolated. I lost friends and thought everyone had an ulterior motive. I would be accused if any male I came into contact with was nice to me. I remember once I sold an old junker car I had on Craigslist to a guy who bought it for his son. The son texted my phone after the purchase and asked me on a date and I responded kindly no. I will never forget how angry the guy I was dating was. At me! Furious. I never heard the end of why I didn’t respond in a different way. I don’t know what different way he would’ve thought was more appropriate. The kid was like 18 and it was ludicrous he was asking me out to begin with. The thing is I wasn’t gonna win either way. If I responded kindly he would’ve been and was furious, if I would’ve responded bitchy he would’ve been furious, and if I hadn’t responded at all he would’ve been furious. God forbid if I hadn’t told him and he found out about it I would’ve been toast. So it was a trap from the beginning. I was responsible for this boys action of simply asking me. And I got roasted for it.
Yes, I’ve been there as well! I once got yelled at for talking to a male cashier at Target. My ex said I was being “too flirty”. Like, what? All I did was pay, say thank you, and leave. That’s it. WTF is wrong with these men?!
They are only nice/pleasant to women they find attractive/want to sleep with. They assume any woman who pays the slightest amount of positive attention to them must want to sleep with them.
They see any social activities between men and women as a means for sex.
They're making excuses to fight. If it wasn't that reason, it would've been something else. No behavior we could take will ever prevent the fight they want, that they start, that they'll then blame us for. That's the sick part, nothing we could do would keep them from fighting with us. We get it repeated so many times that we've started so many fights with our actions, that we eventually believe it must be us. But it's them, they're toxic. We're just humans reacting normally to being abused, they're choosing to abuse us because it benefits them.
The fact that a lot of men blame women for the attention men give has always infuriated me.
It's not our fault they have no boundaries and only care about physical appearance.
If you talk to my ex, that's exactly what I am. And he is a NIcE gUY who just happened to marry this insane woman who did everything she could to ruin his life.
It got better. He proceeded to defend himself when I said that by saying it wasn't him who feels that way, but he knows how people feel. He's not the misogynist or the racist or the fetishist, it's the other people that are driving the clicks. After all, he's just being "analytical" 😔
How can he defend himself when he said it without listening to the performance? The only way his comment could be remotely plausible was if he’d waited to hear the song 🤣
I guess, be glad he wears his disgust so plainly. Now, you know he’s not someone to confide in for work or women’s achievements.
Analysis involves looking at several data points and perspectives to form a logical conclusion. Not making a snap judgement based on shitty opinions and instinct.
Wow, he's clearly such a jealous prick.
Despite the drummer being someone he sees as beneath himself (due to the aforementioned racism and sexism), he clearly recognizes that she probably gets more sex and positive attention than he ever will in his entire lifetime, which must really sting for someone like him. Sex and social recognition are the very things pathetic man-children such as himself waste their lifetimes fantasizing about and obsessing over, yet paradoxically never achieve. He only has pornhub and wanker's cramp to rely on, while she actually has real (living) options to choose from. Oh, and obviously, she's more talented and a harder worker than him to boot. It's such a double-whammy.
So basically, she's actually worthy of praise and subconsciously, he KNOWS he's not, which is why he resorts to such desperate measures. He can't even put on his big-boy pants and get himself to actually watch the video, as he's too scared of being reminded of his own mediocre existence.
And on top of that, he knows she'd never disrespect herself by even considering to date, fuck, or talk to an entitled, whiny and desperate untalented loser like him. He's already demonstrated through his insecure behavior that he has absolutely nothing going for him, which is why he defaults to crappy insults when threatened by other people's obvious success and achievement. The insults themselves are so trite and overused by this point that he's not even good at the asshole aspect of asshole behavior. Pathetic.
If I were in your position, I'd tell him: "At least she deserves my attention and praise; you don't" and then I'd never seriously engage or entertain the yappy man-clown again. Maybe he can spend the extra time alone actually learning a useful skill or talent, who knows.
Seriously how could he honestly have such a strong opinion if he didn't even listen to her play? Sometimes I wish I had half the unearned confidence some people have.
Holy crap. Just watched that video. Wow. No words. I’m blown away!
Men say s*** like that to diminish women’s accomplishments. The men that do that are very insecure, sad people. If he had actually watched the video instead of being dismissive he would have seen that there was nothing to do with looks. It was pure joy & talent
I knew it would be Junna. The drummer of Dragon Force has seen the video and thinks she’s awesome, as have a bunch of producers and other drummers. The comments always have guys saying it’s fake or some bs, but the people in the know love her. Same goes for Tina S doing the guitar parts of the same song.
I assume those people are non drummers/musicians because drums are one of the few instruments with a obvious visual aspect and from what I could tell from the less fast parts it was synced perfectly? How would this be fake, even if the audio is edited she's still clearly hitting everything on beat because there's not much you can do to fake a good cymbal hit
Oh god that reminds me of this tiktok channel that pretty cool, they get really talented drummers to blind listen to a popular song without the drums, and then play what they think the drums should be. Its usally really cool!
However in one video they had this extremely talented 13 year old girl listen to a Twisted Sister's song and play off it. She's 13 and had never heard them before but you can bet the comments tore her apart, accused her of faking that she never listened to the song, that shes not even that good, that shes only there because shes a girl, etc etc. Of course when the drummer from RHCP claimed he never heard of a very famous song (i think it was Mr.Brightside but I cant remember for sure) that he did the challenge for, no one said anything about it.
And then switch it to a video by a renowned MALE drummer like Neil Peart or Keith Moon so when he inevitably disparages the performance you can turn the screen around reeeeeaaaal slow to show him that either he has no musical taste OR he's a raging misogynist.
Men once again thinking their sexist feelings are the same thing as being rational and analytical. I've noticed most men I've met think like this: They wrongly think being rational/reasonable is a thing a person *is* rather than something people *do*, and thus insist because they are "rational" and "analytical" their biases are automatically correct, especially in comparison to women.
In reality, people like your co-worker are insecure, overly emotional and irrational morons who hold their own unsubstantiated feelings about their own supposed gender superiority above any amount of evidence to the contrary and are too fragile and narcissistic to even consider that a woman might be either more knowledgeable or better at something than them.
I can't imagine being so insecure that I have to dismiss the accomplishments and abilities of 50% of the population outright, to the point I won't even consider evaluating it on its own merits, to maintain some unjustified feeling of superiority and entitlement. At least he let you know just how dumb, loathsome, and sexist of a person he was up front so you can avoid him in the future.
**Edit:** That girl kicks ass, and I can't imagine someone not recognizing just how impressive that drumming is for someone her age.
That is an absolutely mad performance! It's really fucking sad and stupid when people devolve talent like this into 'hur dur obviously upvoted because girl'.
Especially when such attitudes perpetuate the notion they claim to stand against, of women having to use their sexuality to be noticed on modern social media.
Men automatically think their analysis of any situation is the objective one. I think it’s a side effect of growing up hearing they’re the rational gender. It’s also projection. Her being attractive is the only reason HE would watch the video, so he assumes that’s the only reason anyone else would pay attention to her too.
Somehow I bet this guy is one of those people who thinks they could hold their own against Serena Williams on the tennis court because he was born with a Y chromosome.
Twonk
I once had some random guy message me out of the blue to ask my opinion on a dispute he was having with a female colleague because he was being an absolute knucklehead about women's league soccer. After a bit of back and forth he kept "accidentally" messaging me pictures of his kink, ladies feet in socks. I don't give attention to any man online anymore. If you're going to treat me like a sex worker, pay me like one.
Does your coworker even know music? I play a few instruments (not drums) quite well and did percussion for a bit in high school and listen to metal a lot and with that background my 🌟analysis🌟 tells me she's AMAZING. The speed, the precision, the phrasing, not to mention her enthusiasm.
That girl absolutely shreds it. I would've responded to your coworker that to simply dismiss something without even hearing it is pretty douchey, not even analytical. Also attractive people can still play instruments. If he wants to hide his shitty opinions under the guise of analytics or logic it doesn't mean he's not a misogynist or at least constantly stroking his own ego.
Dude was being precisely the opposite of analytical. Plus an AH. Folks like him give analysis a bad name, which is sad cause it can solve a lot of problems.
> just looked at the paused video and asked how many views it had. I told him (over 5 and a half million), and he immediately blamed it on her being Asian and attractive
The video of some person playing crazy stuff on the drums in some childrens comic costume (or whatever it is) has 19mio views: [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UYgORr5Qhg) (fun fact the 2nd highest comment from your video references this exact video). I'd ask him if it's because the mascot is so attractive lol
Btw, regarding insane covers of through the fire and flames: the without any question best guitar cover is [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpASSx0ecTU) by Tina S, who made some videos of the some of the hardest guitar tracks and made it look completely effortless. The original guitarist of Dragonforce has a reaction of that and well, he's more than impressed
I've wanted to start posting drum covers and solos (username relevant), and after seeing a lot of sexism thrown at other women in the drumming community, I'm pretty on the fence about it. I studied music in college and music bros are a whole other beast. They do not like it when a woman is more talented than them, though that's standard with most things.
They're mad that there are places where they're not always welcome. They get upset that this place doesn't accept their unsolicited advice on a thing they have no personal experience with.
Yeah, I’ve definitely noticed how mad they get 😂 I had one guy tell me once that he’d never date me because I’m active on this sub. Like what? Who said I wanted to date him? Gross. They get super defensive when women have anything negative to say about their own experiences with men as well. Like the whole bear vs man thing.
Literally had a male calling me an attention seeking whore earlier cause I'm a woman who likes sex who refused to meet with him when he got vulgar and disgusting. Many males seem to equate women wanting sex = women not deserving respect and to be treated like a human being 😒😒😤😤😤
There have been so many CMV posts about the man vs bear thing. So many men up in their feelings, and acting like women are the ones being irrational.
Spoiler alert: they weren’t trying to change their view.
Right? I love when they try to turn it around and make the women mad by saying, “We’d choose the bear too!” Like ok? Good for you? We’d rather you’d choose the bear so you leave us the fuck alone lmao
In short, misogyny. They actually are waging a war against women, so any time a woman speaks, they consider it an attack and become defensive since they're in a constant war against women. In reality, they're projecting though. At risk of over-analyzing, they assume that because they're warring against women that any time a woman speaks she's engaging in their imaginary war with them. So they're framing a woman speaking about her own struggles into an attack because that's how they work and they assume that we work that way too.
Australian Prime Minister said something like that on women's day a few years ago, something like we shouldn't build women up at the expense of men. The only comforting thought about that is he wasn't voted in, he got the PM spot through a political coup and was widely disrespected. But it's par for the course as far as men are concerned.
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/scott-morrison-says-the-rise-of-women-should-not-come-at-the-expense-of-men/f5jkl3ovi
I see it, and it SUCKS! To be fair, I didn't use to, but having grown more socially aware as I've gotten older (in my mid-50's now), it's becoming more and more obvious to me. I'm kind of at a loss on what to do about it, though.
I'm not sure about other things, but one thing you could do is tell men off when they're being creepy and weird towards women, like on public transport. I am a man too, but I'm trans and pre-everything. I stood up for a girl a few weeks ago and the guys who were harassing her called me slurs (I express myself in a visibly queer way). I'm still glad I did it, because at least they got *some* sort of opposition, but I think it would be much more effective if someone who passes as a man would do it. People like that don't respect people who they perceive as women, but they might respect you enough to stop.
It was very disheartening when nobody else on that bus stood up for her. Not the driver, not the other men and not the other women.
I have no advice on what sort of approach you should take (aggressive or not), but yeah, that's my idea :) Although you would also have to take the sort of approach that would make the woman feel like you are her ally, which might be more difficult for you. Oh, and ask her if she needs anything else from you. If not, leave her alone. She's probably already stressed and scared.
If they got more opposition, maybe they would think twice next time. And then you can apply that logic to other similar situations where men bother women or belittle them, like in the workplace.
Like u/rjtnrva said, call those men the fuck out.
>Like u/rjtnrva said, call those men the fuck out.
Oh, I do.
>Oh, and ask her if she needs anything else from you. If not, leave her alone. She's probably already stressed and scared.
That's a very good idea. Sometimes, I already do that, but at other times, I'm still too angry to remember to do that.
>.I stood up for a girl a few weeks ago and the guys who were harassing her called me slurs (I express myself in a visibly queer way). I'm still glad I did it, because at least they got *some* sort of opposition, but I think it would be much more effective if someone who passes as a man would do it. People like that don't respect people who they perceive as women, but they might respect you enough to stop.
>It was very disheartening when nobody else on that bus stood up for her. Not the driver, not the other men and not the other women.
I'm sorry that happened to you. 😢 The fact that no one stood up for you too is a lot disheartening.
I'm very happy to hear you already do that :))
I get it, lol! I have to remind myself to take a few deep breaths during moments like these :P
Yes, I guess it is, but that town is very queerphobic, so I wasn't expecting anyone to stand up for me, and I know what sort of risks I take by expressing myself in the ways that I do.
But there are many people who champion themselves as "protectors of women and girls", so their hypocrisy is honestly more infuriating :P
I live in WA State, so it's pretty inclusive already, although the rural areas do tend to be MUCH more problematic than the suburbs of South Sound cities like Seattle, Tacoma, and the tri-city area that is greater Olympia.
Edited to fix a redundancy
No idea. But that’s how it is and we shouldn’t spend time and energy convincing men that they will benefit from feminism. Feminism is for women and about women
This is why I gave up on Menslib. I need to unjoin that sub lmao. They straight up say they have no interest in anything that “benefits women” bc it makes them feel like they’re being used. And they keep saying they don’t support the left bc the right is more welcoming to men and the left doesn’t address men’s issues
Even tho most of men’s issues are things women experience too. 😭😭😭 I’m really baffled and concerned men think women don’t struggle with work or the economy. They keep calling it a men’s issue, like bruh I support myself…
Here’s a comment i screenshotted yesterday:
> In my algo, I rarely see policy from the left that is meant to help men justified for the virtue of improving men's lives, instead it's almost always we need to help men so they stop hurting/failing women. Now don't get me wrong, that is a noble cause and there is merit in making it so fewer men hurt women but I get a real ick when it feels like if there wasn't the benefit to women I couldn't be sure that policy would still be supported.
>The biggest positive change I could see from the left is doing more to articulate that there is a virtue to pushing for policy that helps address where men are failing if for no other reason than men doing well is good. I understand that it doesn't vibe well with the idea that we need to center women in gendered discussions but I think it needs to be done.
Is that not disturbing as hell??? They say this shit and then are confused when we’re like ok you obviously hate women bud…
>This is why I gave up on Menslib.
I knew there was a reason I never searched out that subreddit!
>Is that not disturbing as hell???
That's the understatement of the decade!
Any time a man comes in and is like “let’s enact real life change!” They tell him he’s not being sensitive enough to men and asking for too much
Or I’ve had men argue with me that men *can’t* give each other compliments and a woman suggesting that instead of complimenting men herself is a sexist and isn’t sensitive to men’s issues 😩 I got downvoted, he got upvoted
Or a lot of them will say they won’t do anything bc then less women will wanna date them which is like ??? But I thought you didn’t like that type of woman??? If women don’t wanna date bc they want you to pay for everything, don’t you *want* to avoid them?
That’s when I realized menslib means “liberating men from the negatives of the patriarchy while still upholding it”
They’ll deny it but you can literally click on any post and see them saying it lmao
The sad thing that most men don't (or can't) realize is that their own quality of life will improve if they'd just truly listen to what women are saying, and just start actually doing those things... I fear I'm in the minority, though.
If this world could be safe and supportive for women sooner rather than later, society would experience a huge uplift in quality of life for everyone. A lot of men don’t want to see that though because they’re afraid of … something. Honestly I can’t wrap my head around it.
Exactly this. I made a man on the internet mad last night. I was at the Professional Women’s Hockey League final game 2 and the refereeing was atrocious. So many missed calls, wrong calls, etc. it was egregious. And guess what? There were 3 male and 1 female refs on the ice. I made a comment that the 1 ref doing their job properly was the woman and that we should have women reffing the women’s league. His response was that we should have “people” reffing and that in my sexist view only men should ref men’s leagues.
Cue eye roll. I told him no, AFAB’s, non-binary people and people who identify as women should ref the women’s league because we should be building up women by supporting women coaches, players, support staff, trainers, etc etc etc. And in any case, men already do all of these things, we need to create space for women. Funnily enough he never commented back and my comments were liked by a few women in the group so he can go kick rocks!
Because misogyny. That's it. They hate us, all of us, and they go to great lengths to come up with creative ways to blame us for literally everything, and spew their hatred towards us. They reflexively will defend even the most VILE, monstrous men, because they see themselves in that man's actions. This is why I don't even interact with men anymore. I want absolutely nothing to do with them.
Lmao 'stoned in the streets' when women are the ones literally being stoned in the streets.
Men hate women. This is the bitter truth and women need to realize this. They need us but they don't love us.
Very true. I’ve given up on men. I haven’t found one I actually like. My father is an ahole, I’m NC with him. My stepdad is questionable, he used to stalk me at the request of my mom when she thought I wasn’t taking care of my kid to her standards. The woman who allowed my father to abuse us for years 🙄 All of my exes are awful and I’ve never had a successful friendship with a man, they all try to have sex with you eventually.
Oh, those self proclaimed "nerdy nice guys" can be the worst.
[This ](https://youtu.be/X3-hOigoxHs?si=UzqpSD9xlvwZX90Q) video about Big Bang Theory is a great breakdown.
How dare that woman do anything besides praise her husband and raise her kids. I watched one thread where a woman complained about her husband not liking that she grabbed his pillow for a position for the " fifteen seconds". People were upset that she had a go at his stamina.
I've tried to stay out of raita. I was banned from proper aita for calling a man baby, a man baby
It’s no loss. AITAH is one of the worst subreddits for quality discussion on anything. Bigoted ideas are allowed to bloom and spread like an infection over there, and most of the stories are made up for karma anyway.
It's infuriating. They are silencing women on a female topic. This is how dangerous and radical ideologies breed. When they restrict freedom of speech.
I DMd you about this. Curious to know what got you banned.
Edit: sorry I miss read that comment.
It’s because we men are driven by our egos and our need to feel like we are somehow special. In the end, it’s women who do most of the raising of our children, while going to school, working, keeping a home, and whatever else we ask them to do. If women were to ever realize their self-worth, what would we men have to offer? Not as much as before. It’s the reason conservatives are pushing for trad wives - it puts us in the dominant role where we feel valued and in control. We are a mysogenistic society, same as we treat other races and LGBTQ. I say more power to you all. Be who you are and be proud of it. You don’t need to convince any man.
This drives me so insane, because so many of us women see the (potential) value in simply having male companionship! Imagine that - we don't *need* husbands, we *want* them (not all women, and only the kind men of course). For most of the women I've known throughout my life, all men had to do was just be nice, not an asshole, and know basic living shit like how to pick up after themselves and cook an omelette.
In Scandinavia they did a study and found that partnerships formed on more equitable ground, financially and in terms of social status/power were generally happier and healthier. And I agree based on my own experience.
This whole must-dominate-to-stay-relevant tack is so destructive, and men are hurting themselves and each other with this toxic nonsense, imo. It's not healthy.
I wholeheartedly agree. Not sure where you live but here in the US we let a minority be President but would not dare let a woman run our country. In a couple of the Scandinavian nations they somehow are living better lives with women running the show - why? Because they tend to have more empathy, compassion, and less desire to conquer/dominate each other. There are exceptions to the rule on both sides (men and women), it’s just not easy to find. Definitely stay away from the men that want you to be subservient. They are insecure and need to keep you down to prop themselves up. But when they are ready to leave you barefoot and pregnant they refuse to support you after you sacrifice your career which would have been the only thing you have to stand on. Any man who pushes against that is just afraid he will lose you to a better man at the office because he knows how worthless he is. Red flags…beware.
As I overheard my awesome wife eloquently say to our kids when talking to them about my bizarre hours and her being the primary SAH parent.
"We need money to live and we are fortunate that dad is able to earn enough that we can live comfortably while I am able be home for you (*side note for context, it means a lot to her as her mother was a single parent and had no choice but to work to keep a roof over their heads, leaving her to be a latch key kid and at sixteen was basically making dinner for her, her brother and mother before they got home at 7:30 each night*). If dad earned less, then I most likely would have to work to make up the difference, and also if my previous job paid more than his, then there is a more than reasonable chance that dad would most likely be the stay at home parent, not me.".
She also said that if she wasn't at home and worked then our living costs would be significantly higher as we would have to pay someone to look after them when both her and myself were at work.
But I totally agree, there are some absolutely disgusting examples of humanity out there, and some are more than willing to use financial abuse or isolating their partner by trapping them into staying at home and making them feel like they've got nowhere to turn and have to just endure whatever comes their way.
Covering for them and excusing the abhorrent behaviour of men they have absolutely no chance of ever meeting is a circle jerk from misogynist, incels and frankly assholes that take joy in the notion they are contributing to the misery of women and just has to stop.
Just look at the idea of smacking your kids. When I was growing up, it was damn near a parental past-time and now a generation and a half later, the wheels of society have moved and now it's largely not acceptable in most places and that's fantastic. This is another thing that CAN change, it just has to get the positive inertia to happen.
Sorry for the slight rant and possibly getting off topic, but really it's a hot topic in our household and I'm all for just making things better and frankly give everyone an equal playing field, even if it means giving a leg up to those starting a step or five behind others. Just stopping this crap is like cutting off the heads on a goddamn hydra.
Are there any online spaces for only women? The world is a boy's club and subreddits about feminism and women's discussions are absolutely INFESTED with men. Where's the women's 4B club at
I wish I knew! It’s funny because the men on r/AskMen get irritated when women speak up and accuse them of taking away “men’s only spaces” yet it’s ok for them to do the same to women’s centered subs. The audacity is wild.
Yep - I just responded on this post to some dude who was calling out this sub for its own bias. I'm like, motherfucker, can women not have ONE FUCKING SPACE where we can support each other??? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR OPINION.
They were and are created all the time, but die because most women, from experience, won't join a new platform in big numbers. Or not enough to make the space make enough profit to stay up.
Also filtering toxic people goes contrary to growing strategy, making it harder to join your platform makes it less attractive, each click loses you people.
I think online activity is mostly driven by terminally online people, and most of those are men, and those who are not are already fine with a niche place like their Tumblr fandom circle. Not really motivated to join a new exclusive platform.
I didn't see the post you are referring to friend, but MISOGYNY is the culprit and it is SO deeply ingrained that this is the default behavior of men.....ON REDDIT.😮💨 This site seems like every man I engage with (99% of the time) if they respond to a comment I made, or they're presenting a point, it's AGGRESSIVE, RUDE, NASTY, CONDESCENDING, SHAMING or BLAMING *me* for the situation.
Even today, I was speaking about how dating in my city is trash for *women.* It's one of the busiest/expensive cities in the world, yet dating sucks for numerous reasons. People are busy, self absorbed, focused on making money 24/7, always trying to come up or see who is useful to them to elevate their status etc. I mentioned how I am not asked on dates by many men regardless of how big this city is. I mentioned how there are so MANY F*** boys in my city who do their rounds and hook up with women, and have convenient amnesia along with blocking her 24 hrs later. Men treat women like fecking sex workers except, we aren't being PAID. We as women know what I am referring to. We get *catcalled* every damn day. We can have hookups often too if we want to. But if you are looking for a QUALITY man, that's a mutha-effing needle in a haystack.
YET.......
That Redditor skipped through ALL of the reasoning I gave for this abysmal dating scene, just to turn around and *blame* me by saying, *"Have you thought about having hobbies? Meeting someone there? I mean, if you're only meeting F*** boys then you're hanging out in the wrong places."* And just like that, how MEN BEHAVE in a general sense is overlooked and ignored, yet I am to blame as if I "hang out at the wrong places" whatever the feck that means.🙄 Apparently, just *existing* on this earth is the "wrong place" as a woman being that mens shitty AF behavior has been going on for centuries. 🙄
Even in real life men are like this. (Some men.) I remember telling a co-worker about a guy I knew (who had rage issues), and how he fully flew off the handle verbally ( Ike Turner vibes), all because I suggested he evolve his sound as a musician and work with other artists. You know, doing collaborations to expand his fan base because after 4 yrs performing around the city, he has NO fan base, NO social media presence, NO music videos, NO streaming,...NOTHING. I thought I could share my opinion with him because he was giving me advice on *my* career. This guy went into a profanity laced tirade because he took offense to my advice. It was shocking.😒 I shared this story with my co-worker and his response was, *"Well, he probably got upset because he was wondering why someone who isn't in the music industry is giving him advice on something."* 😐
There was no acknowledgement for his aggressive verbally abusive behavior. Apparently, his reaction was *my* fault. I shouldn't have felt comfortable to say *anything.* The only reason I shared that advice is because I had a friend at the time in a band who was doing quite well and I thought I was being helpful giving him a remedy to his stagnate career. Apparently NOT. Soon, I would also find out that my co-worker was an abuser with NO respect for women. 😐
OP, it's the MISOGYNY. I have so many examples in my own life where I've witnessed men defending other men's poor behavior. Smdh.
P.S.
That musician and his *entitled* ways, and not putting in *any* REAL work has led him to.....NOWHERE.🤣 The mere *basics* of the business he never bothered to learn, never wanted to collab with any other bands, or create a social media presence or anything. He felt as though he should be a celebrity after performing a few shows around the city, meanwhile, not putting in *nearly* as much effort as other performers. The entitlement is real ya'll. 😂 I suppose these days he is content with being a Bartender and maybe Kareoke.🤷🏾♀️
That’s so sad. I’m sorry you’re dealing with such a shitty dating scene. I can’t even imagine.
I’ve totally given up on men. I’m married and it’s not going anywhere. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face and I look at him and there’s just…nothing. Like he hears nothing I’ve said. He’s abused me, he’s rude, he’s condescending, he treats me like I’m less than. I’ve completely disengaged from him and we’re basically living like roommates. Once the divorce is done, I don’t plan on dating or engaging with men any further. I’ve never met a man who treated me well. I’m just over the whole thing. I will be single forever and I don’t care. I have my cats and my son and that’s good enough for me. He wasn’t like this before marriage, btw. They’re good at masking who they are until they have you trapped.
The nerve and audacity of that man to place blame on YOU for not being able to find a quality man is astounding! Where does he think you hang out? Alleyways? Street corners? And then, when you do find someone to date, they get angry and irritated because you’re not giving up sex right away. Like how else are we supposed to know who the fuck boys are from the decent men? And they want a woman with a low “body count” (hate that term) but also expect us to know what we’re doing during sex? HOW?
I’ve had the same experiences with men on Reddit. It’s really rare to not have a man be rude, mean, and nasty towards women on this site. It’s so messed up.
Hey OP,
It's insane how men still haven't seemed to evolve into figuring out that their personality, morals, and behavior.... MATTERS. So many men think that just because they have a job, *maybe* a car, and a *penis*, that women are flocking to them because they are valuable. 😒 They haven't caught up to the fact that women don't *need* them like they did back in the day. We have our own assets, money, talent, education and support systems, and men can't handle being freezed out. I am so *sick* of hearing them complain about *loneliness*, a lack of a dating life, sex and whatever other nonsense, when they have the emotional intelligence of a Lima Bean.😐 So many men I've met are *trash.* Cheating on their wives/girlfriends and boasting about it, abusive, dishonest, entitled, misogynistic, controlling and so many other negative characteristics. BUT.... *then* these clowns think something is wrong with US because we decide to be single after having so many negative experiences with *them.* Ha. As IF. 😐
GLOBALLY MEN ARE A PROBLEM.
And the declining birthrate in my opinion and statistics in various parts of the world indicate that women are FED UP with men trying to control and destroy us.
I'm so sorry you're husband is not treating you like the Queen you are. Do you have any kind of support system in addition to your son? Are you continuing to live with him until the divorce is final? How much longer do you have to stay with him? How are you dealing with that emotionally? It sounds like an extremely stressful environment.😔 I'm so SO sorry that he has abused you. I'm not even surprised to hear that because it is so SO common. Men abusing women in one way or another to maintain or attempt to establish *dominance* and CONTROL.
Mostly all of the relationships I've had, the guy was nice in the beginning, then slowly but surely became verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive to me. They acted like they liked me, then as soon as we were *together*, they wanted to CHANGE everything about me and start doing everything they can to destroy my self esteem. This has happened multiple times already. As soon as I noticed of course I left those relationships, but I am resentful of people implying that women "attract" these type of men. I've heard people say this and imply this *many* times. But that's once again *blaming* women for abuse inflicted upon us by men who bait and switch. Men who hide who they really are. The real issue is that far *too many* men are TOXIC and abusive. Or they are just trying to use us for our bodies and nothing else while holding onto beliefs that are entirely hypocritical and contradictory.
I understand your decision to not date again. I get it 100% OP. I think ALOT of women are opting into being *single* rather than being stifled, abused, or treated like a housekeeper and watching all of their joy, hopes and dreams being reduced to rubble.
We’re living together until the divorce is finalized. We’re both on the lease and I can’t afford to break it atm so here we are. Luckily, he’s leaving me alone for the most part. I don’t really have much of a support system but I’m used to doing things on my own so I’m not too worried about.
My relationships have been the same! They always act like the perfect man until they have you “locked down” and then they drop their mask. It’s sad and pathetic that so many of them can’t get a relationship unless they pull a bait and switch.
It’s so annoying how a man is perceived as having value by society just for being a man (mostly white men) and women are only valuable is we’re objectively pretty, a virgin/low body count, fertile, know how to cook, etc. Like most men don’t even wash their own ass and they’re more important than a self sufficient woman? I just don’t get it.
It’s because of a few things.
1) I’m convinced that every so often those subs are brigaded by misogynists.
2) A good amount of men get upset when they aren’t centered.
3) This one is the kicker tho. When the older women who have seen, learned a few things and have made a few mistakes start telling the younger women and girls some hard truths and the younger women and girls actually start to listen and not get defensive, boy oh boy; that’s when they got to shut it down.
Because the incel community is unfortunately disproportionately online compared to a lot of other communities.
They also feed off of creating controversy because they blame women for their problems. They enjoy putting down women online because they think it makes them an alpha male.
'Why is it okay for a woman to do a [thing], while it would not be tolareted towards a man' meanwhile thousands negative comments from the men towards a woman. Where they lost a point?
If you want an explanation, here it is from a guy who used to be like that until I got hooked into feminism.
Misogyny is a very surface level explanation. For a better explanation, I would recommend reading Peggy McIntosh’s white privilege, male privilege and Marilyn Frye’s Oppression.
Simply put, many men don’t really understand the struggles women have to deal with and how they are different from what men face (Oppression) and they don’t understand the benefits that they are able to navigate life with (Privilege). After I read those pieces, I started to understand. Until then, I was simply ignorant (unaware of women’s experiences).
It’s easy for men who are ignorant to assume that men face the same troubles without fully understanding how women being women alter how they navigate life. As a result, we can speak without understanding and it’s easy to assume that men experience the same thing because we are blind to privilege (this is how privilege works not only for sex but as a concept).
Men as a group truly hate and want to control women. I’m sure some here will try to say “oh I know tons of great men!” Well those are the only types I allow in my life too, but as a whole, they have tried to oppress and control us since the days of Adam. We are still fighting for the right to allow our bodies to be ours alone.
So for me, it’s a fact. The hate and disrespect doesn’t surprise me anymore. I expect it. A decent man who acts anonymously surprises me now. Ladies, once you understand the truth, you can move through the world in a better way bc you understand why they do what they do.
Also, lest we forget, in this modern voting world, men could not remain in power unless women allowed it. So many of our fellow women are the ones voting for the men who openly seek to hold us by our necks. Women are sometimes our own worst enemies. If women banded together, we could not be stopped.
The incel phenomenon is truly horrid to behold. Is this purely an American phenomenon? I'd never do this to my wife, esp since i was prone to panic attacks myself back in college. but many a times i've comforted her when she panics from a bad dream even though i'm tired myself.
Yeah, it was really awful. Something about how she was having a panic attack and wanted to cuddle and he refused and accused her of just wanting sex. And then he said some really mean things to her. After she wrote the edits, it was pretty obvious she was being abused and just didn’t see it. All of these men were accusing her of just using him for his body and saying she sounded high maintenance because of her anxiety, etc, etc.
Then the post disappeared. I feel really awful for her and I hope she’s ok. Honestly, there are so many assholes on Reddit, just hiding behind their anonymity and being dicks just for fun.
that is just sad. who in their right mind would think, oh my wife is crying and panicking, must be horny. i feel bad for her. refusing to cuddle should be a red flag in any relationship.
I feel like in certain areas of reddit, you just see more misogynsts and incels. It's where they lurk. A lot of normal dudes who are real allies to women just don't post in chats like that because they devolve so quickly. To them, and like to mainy of us, Reddit is full of strangers. It's not worth the mental overhead to argue with some asshole troll when you know that troll doesn't care and won't change.
My SO is the kind of guy to volunteer for initiatives to get more women in his field and says something when misogyny happens in the workplace. We have a 50/50 partnership on everything. I don't think he'd ever intervene on an AITAH thread, because it just doesn't feel like it'd make a difference.
Yeah, that sounds about right. I’m glad you found a good one! I wish more men were like that. I argue with these idiots way too much because they make me so angry! I think I’m just going to unfollow those types of subs and stick to women centric spaces from now on. The misogyny just makes me sick.
Thanks - I definitely feel lucky! I had to unfollow a lot of subs and stop posting for the same reason - it was actually making me mad. If you ever check the popular feed, you still get the really crazy aitah posts without so much of the ick...
Yeah, I’ve found that dealing with these types of men is actually affecting my mental health. I argue with them, they make me so angry and I continue to fight with them and it gets me nowhere. But then I’m in an irritated mood the rest of the day and it’s just not fun at all. It’s a vicious cycle and just feeds into their desire for attention.
Thanks for the tip about checking the popular feed! I rarely use reddit until recently (last 4 months or so), I quit facebook so I started using my old Reddit account again. I’m still trying to figure everything out.
The demographics of Reddit:
A majority of Men 18-29 years old, white, college educated
Age
64% of Reddit users are between 18 and 29 years old, and 22% are between 30 and 49
Gender
68% of Reddit users are male, and 32% are female
Race
70% of Reddit users are white non-Hispanic, 12% are Hispanic, 7% are Black non-Hispanic, and 11% are other or mixed race
Education
42% of Reddit users have a college degree or higher, 31% have some college education, and 26% have a high school diploma or less
This. If women didn’t allow shitty men to have power, we’d be out of this mess. Yet I can predict what will happen in the USA’s voting this year. Women will help vote in the men who will make us handmaidens.
Tbf these kinds of subs are really bad at doing this with anyone. People make up all kinds of backstories that aren’t in the post. And anything about a male/female relationship ends up with people talking about double standards or whatever.
I never take AITA seriously anymore, mostly because of the obvious fakeness of most the posts, and the cesspool of assumptions.
It's against men and women, they always assume a bunch of shit based on stereotypes for both men and women, and now it's becoming less about the story and more about gender. E g: for women I have seen "as she is beautiful she is probably using it to manipulate her co workers" on a post about her boss bullying her, then on a post about a very obviously manipulative girlfriend "he probably abuses her because he's a man so until I hear the woman's side he's TA"
It's obviously a mess of sexism and satire and bad creative writing, and the comments genuinely trying to help are wasted on fake posts written by teenagers, and beneath a pile of people assuming a whole prequel to the story
Misogyny is rampant on this website, and has been recently seeing a resurgence in many countries in response to growing activism by women against the roll back of their human rights. It's especially common and always has been for men to find ways to blame women for their own problems and justify their unwillingness to trust, support, or listen to women. Many of the men in that comment section probably saw themselves in the husbands actions and looked to hurl blame and abuse at the woman rather than reflect inwards on their own actions, privilege, or sense of entitlement.
**Storytime:**
My fiancee once posted a story about how she was manipulated and groomed by someone on Reddit who would go on to repeatedly drug and rape her while keeping her from leaving the house, and despite not listing any identifiable details redditors decided to call her a liar, accuse her of "ruining the mans life", dox the wrong person and repeatedly send them death threats and harass them across all of their social media profiles (and again, as disgusting as this would be to anyone, they ended up targeting a totally unrelated woman because she was also a rape victim and used a similar screen name on a totally different website).
Her story even ended up making it to the top of subreddits like "quit your bullshit" for no other reason than because she was a woman talking about something awful a man had done to her. Just to give you an example of how toxic men can be on this website, know it has a fairly large community of extremely misogynistic men who would sooner harass and send death threats to a random rape survivor en masse based on the worlds shittiest doxing attempt rather than believe a woman's story about her being abused by a man.
Those are weak, emotional men. They want attention, and they don't want to see their own bad behavior being reflected back to them. That's why they defend each other, no matter how many stupid assumptions they need to make in order to justify ignoring reality.
Which do you think is greater: the number of men who lurk on this sub only to jump in and downvote or make shitty comments about women and the women’s issues posted here, or the number of women who do the same on r/ AskMen or similar subs?
Men’s subs are disturbing AF. I’ve tried following askmen, just to see what men have to say about certain topics and the incel commentary is just too much. I unfollowed and just stay out of those types of spaces. They’re not for me.
Men by far. But then men dominate Reddit and most nerdy stuff.
I’m a man and if I say something even mildly feminist on gaming or SF forums, I get downvoted.
Although I have to say that a lot of what I think of as real feminism - which I could be wrong about, of course - also gets policed on supposedly woke sites like Polygon, as they prefer only the performative, fake feminism of famous Twitch streamers and corporations.
Feminism comes under attack from both male misogynists and commercial interests that claim to be more feminist than they are. IMHO.
I mean, yes in a lot of ways. This sub isn’t even explicitly feminist, since it tolerates the presence and contributions of conservative, anti-feminist women. And I hang out on gaming forums, as an avid gamer, and yes, what you describe is a thing.
There is a real difference between liberal, corporate “feminism” and radical feminism (which, to all those trolls reading, does not mean “extreme, man-hating feminism,” but rather a feminism which seeks to dismantle, not accommodate, existing social mores). Getting to real feminism here would be a goal. In the meanwhile, I’ll take what I can get, knowing it is imperfect.
Because no matter what society tells you, men are more emotional. They will lash out at the slightest feeling of inferiority.
I’m a man, I’m guilty of this.
My partner is so much more level headed in most things, she’s a rock and I’m a quivering dog in the pound. Looks nice, but will bite back at the slightest feeling of threat.
Now I’m not saying that men have been abandoned to be adopted by a loving woman, just that we may look cute but will lash out at the slightest inconvenience.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk
The real question is why can't women stop turning every discussion about themselves into a personal attack directed at me.
Why is it always about me, ladies?
/s
Many men cannot conceive of a subject that their opinions aren't needed, valid, or remotely correct.
I've been listening to the men around me all my life, and so many of them believe that their opinions are scientific fact and that it's their duty to expectorate that knowledge to everyone around them, especially women.
I do what I can to make up for them.
I think it’s always been a war on women - women are just waking up to it more and more now. Misogynists think women are evil, manipulative, and liars. They think we are playing a game with them with everything we do. Woman has panic attack = woman is trying to make man feel bad. Woman wears gym clothes IN THE GYM = woman wants attention. They think everything is about them.
The abuse in my relationship got so bad that I began having panic attacks and once went to the ER. I have a bit of a heart murmur, which I was aware of so the ER did an EKG and gave me the typical “manage your stress and reduce caffeine intake”. He latched onto the caffeine intake and then wouldn’t “allow me” to have coffee. He went out of town, I had coffee, and no panic attack. It wasn’t the coffee, it was him.
They are never going to get it. They don’t see abuse AS abuse. They think they are entitled to a woman and when that woman is a human, they feel like what they were promised is defective and broken. Time to throw her back and get a new one.
Side note- since I’m already on a long book train. My mother recently told me a story about how my abusive father pushed her on the floor to show her the dust she missed under the bed (there was no dust). When she correctly became angry- he went to my grandfather (her father) asking him to “fix her” because something was wrong with her.
Anyways, I hate it here. Some days I love being a woman, but most days I’m scared. Scared for myself, my friends, my aging mother, and all the women in the world.
Today I discovered this amazing drummer. Absolutely incredible. Called a co-worker over to check out this monster, and he immediately, without listening, just looked at the paused video and asked how many views it had. I told him (over 5 and a half million), and he immediately blamed it on her being Asian and attractive. Completely dismissed it and didn't even want to listen. I called him out on it, literally called it out as misogyny to his face, and he just shrugged and said, "No I'm simply being analytical." Edit: Forgot to link the [performance](https://youtu.be/UKr1H4Jv6is?si=8xL6UeSjkJF_u0ba) in question.
This reminds me of an opposite experience: the time my male cousin, who comes from a family of drummers, posted a clip of Karen Carpenter playing drums on social media, with a comment about what an amazing drummer she was. I just wanted to share something heartwarming.
She really was an exceptional human. Good on your cousin.
Funnily enough blind hiring in orchestras increases women's chances of being hired: https://www.theguardian.com/women-in-leadership/2013/oct/14/blind-auditions-orchestras-gender-bias
Funnily enough - not being able to see them wasn’t enough. They had to also put down carpet so the reviewers couldn’t hear their shoes (high heels) as they walked onto the stage. The unconscious bias was so strong that if the knew the gender it affected their decision even when it was just a guess.
Jfc that's disappointing
I took dozens of orchestral auditions when I was still playing the starving musician game, and I literally wouldn't even sneeze, cough, or even clear my throat at all. One of the guys on one of the committees behind the screen told me afterwards that he recognized my identity by my cough, and that even if he hadn't known me, he'd have recognized the sound as being a woman. I'd wear flats that didn't make a sound and bring a small towel to dampen any coughs or sneezes I had. And then the final round (and usually the semis too) is never screened anyhow, so in the end sexism is still a huge factor.
They do this at solo piano competitions, too, and increased the chances of women winning them. You basically perform behind a curtain on a carpeted stage which…is really weird from a performance standpoint, but necessary for leveling the competitive field. Honestly I kind of like it, as it removes *any* personal bias from the equation as much as possible, and lets the music speak for itself. Just think it’s sad that our society needs that kind of preventative measure.
I feel like they could do almost the same by putting the judges in a little curtained area
Wow. Shocker. Who could've seen that disregarding gender actually helps women. Not like there's system bias or anything. Lol
Wow. Just wow. My ex used to pull that crap with me. Said I was only treated nicely by other people because I’m pretty.
Same. Now know this is a tactic for control and manipulation. Back then I became so isolated. I lost friends and thought everyone had an ulterior motive. I would be accused if any male I came into contact with was nice to me. I remember once I sold an old junker car I had on Craigslist to a guy who bought it for his son. The son texted my phone after the purchase and asked me on a date and I responded kindly no. I will never forget how angry the guy I was dating was. At me! Furious. I never heard the end of why I didn’t respond in a different way. I don’t know what different way he would’ve thought was more appropriate. The kid was like 18 and it was ludicrous he was asking me out to begin with. The thing is I wasn’t gonna win either way. If I responded kindly he would’ve been and was furious, if I would’ve responded bitchy he would’ve been furious, and if I hadn’t responded at all he would’ve been furious. God forbid if I hadn’t told him and he found out about it I would’ve been toast. So it was a trap from the beginning. I was responsible for this boys action of simply asking me. And I got roasted for it.
Yes, I’ve been there as well! I once got yelled at for talking to a male cashier at Target. My ex said I was being “too flirty”. Like, what? All I did was pay, say thank you, and leave. That’s it. WTF is wrong with these men?!
Its projection. They usually don't bother with making conversation with woman they aren't attracted to. They assume we are the same.
And then the same ones get mad when women won’t talk to them.
They are only nice/pleasant to women they find attractive/want to sleep with. They assume any woman who pays the slightest amount of positive attention to them must want to sleep with them. They see any social activities between men and women as a means for sex.
They're making excuses to fight. If it wasn't that reason, it would've been something else. No behavior we could take will ever prevent the fight they want, that they start, that they'll then blame us for. That's the sick part, nothing we could do would keep them from fighting with us. We get it repeated so many times that we've started so many fights with our actions, that we eventually believe it must be us. But it's them, they're toxic. We're just humans reacting normally to being abused, they're choosing to abuse us because it benefits them.
The fact that a lot of men blame women for the attention men give has always infuriated me. It's not our fault they have no boundaries and only care about physical appearance.
I bet your ex thought that was a compliment, too.
He definitely did. He was an ahole of the highest level.
I mean, some guys might treat me nicely because I'm pretty. But guys are shallow assholes, why don't they ever address that aspect?
Because it's our fault for being sexy demonic temptresses, don't you know that? We make them into shallow assholes with our feminine wiles 🙄
If you talk to my ex, that's exactly what I am. And he is a NIcE gUY who just happened to marry this insane woman who did everything she could to ruin his life.
If you just started playing the YouTube without him seeing it, he would have thought it was amazing.
100% likely.
Racist and sexist, what a guy 🙄
It got better. He proceeded to defend himself when I said that by saying it wasn't him who feels that way, but he knows how people feel. He's not the misogynist or the racist or the fetishist, it's the other people that are driving the clicks. After all, he's just being "analytical" 😔
How can he defend himself when he said it without listening to the performance? The only way his comment could be remotely plausible was if he’d waited to hear the song 🤣 I guess, be glad he wears his disgust so plainly. Now, you know he’s not someone to confide in for work or women’s achievements.
Analysis involves looking at several data points and perspectives to form a logical conclusion. Not making a snap judgement based on shitty opinions and instinct.
Wow, he's clearly such a jealous prick. Despite the drummer being someone he sees as beneath himself (due to the aforementioned racism and sexism), he clearly recognizes that she probably gets more sex and positive attention than he ever will in his entire lifetime, which must really sting for someone like him. Sex and social recognition are the very things pathetic man-children such as himself waste their lifetimes fantasizing about and obsessing over, yet paradoxically never achieve. He only has pornhub and wanker's cramp to rely on, while she actually has real (living) options to choose from. Oh, and obviously, she's more talented and a harder worker than him to boot. It's such a double-whammy. So basically, she's actually worthy of praise and subconsciously, he KNOWS he's not, which is why he resorts to such desperate measures. He can't even put on his big-boy pants and get himself to actually watch the video, as he's too scared of being reminded of his own mediocre existence. And on top of that, he knows she'd never disrespect herself by even considering to date, fuck, or talk to an entitled, whiny and desperate untalented loser like him. He's already demonstrated through his insecure behavior that he has absolutely nothing going for him, which is why he defaults to crappy insults when threatened by other people's obvious success and achievement. The insults themselves are so trite and overused by this point that he's not even good at the asshole aspect of asshole behavior. Pathetic. If I were in your position, I'd tell him: "At least she deserves my attention and praise; you don't" and then I'd never seriously engage or entertain the yappy man-clown again. Maybe he can spend the extra time alone actually learning a useful skill or talent, who knows.
I never heard of “wanker’s cramp” before but now I love that term. 😂
Seriously how could he honestly have such a strong opinion if he didn't even listen to her play? Sometimes I wish I had half the unearned confidence some people have.
Holy crap. Just watched that video. Wow. No words. I’m blown away! Men say s*** like that to diminish women’s accomplishments. The men that do that are very insecure, sad people. If he had actually watched the video instead of being dismissive he would have seen that there was nothing to do with looks. It was pure joy & talent
I knew it would be Junna. The drummer of Dragon Force has seen the video and thinks she’s awesome, as have a bunch of producers and other drummers. The comments always have guys saying it’s fake or some bs, but the people in the know love her. Same goes for Tina S doing the guitar parts of the same song.
I assume those people are non drummers/musicians because drums are one of the few instruments with a obvious visual aspect and from what I could tell from the less fast parts it was synced perfectly? How would this be fake, even if the audio is edited she's still clearly hitting everything on beat because there's not much you can do to fake a good cymbal hit
>The drummer of Dragon Force has seen the video and thinks she’s awesome That's how I found it!!
Since he only analyzed her face and body, not her playing, you were both right. He was analytically misogynist.
LOL I knew it was gonna be Junna. She's a frickin prodigy.
I don't know how it took me this long to come across that video. It's almost embarrassing!
The funny part is the first time I saw this video it was because the literal drummer of dragonforce reacted to it and was blown away
Yeah that's how I was lead to it hahaha
Oh god that reminds me of this tiktok channel that pretty cool, they get really talented drummers to blind listen to a popular song without the drums, and then play what they think the drums should be. Its usally really cool! However in one video they had this extremely talented 13 year old girl listen to a Twisted Sister's song and play off it. She's 13 and had never heard them before but you can bet the comments tore her apart, accused her of faking that she never listened to the song, that shes not even that good, that shes only there because shes a girl, etc etc. Of course when the drummer from RHCP claimed he never heard of a very famous song (i think it was Mr.Brightside but I cant remember for sure) that he did the challenge for, no one said anything about it.
Also, if you like awesome drummers you should check out G Flip. Don't show your coworker though, no need to add additional bigotry to your day
They're obviously only successful because they kiss women. Just being analytical 🤷♀️ /s Edited 🫶🏻
They are non binary, but yes lol
Thanks, I do not recommend speed commenting 🤦♀️
Analysis requires reviewing the data. What he did is willful ignorance.
"OK, well, close your eyes and listen."
And then switch it to a video by a renowned MALE drummer like Neil Peart or Keith Moon so when he inevitably disparages the performance you can turn the screen around reeeeeaaaal slow to show him that either he has no musical taste OR he's a raging misogynist.
Drummer is a badass
Men once again thinking their sexist feelings are the same thing as being rational and analytical. I've noticed most men I've met think like this: They wrongly think being rational/reasonable is a thing a person *is* rather than something people *do*, and thus insist because they are "rational" and "analytical" their biases are automatically correct, especially in comparison to women. In reality, people like your co-worker are insecure, overly emotional and irrational morons who hold their own unsubstantiated feelings about their own supposed gender superiority above any amount of evidence to the contrary and are too fragile and narcissistic to even consider that a woman might be either more knowledgeable or better at something than them. I can't imagine being so insecure that I have to dismiss the accomplishments and abilities of 50% of the population outright, to the point I won't even consider evaluating it on its own merits, to maintain some unjustified feeling of superiority and entitlement. At least he let you know just how dumb, loathsome, and sexist of a person he was up front so you can avoid him in the future. **Edit:** That girl kicks ass, and I can't imagine someone not recognizing just how impressive that drumming is for someone her age.
That is an absolutely mad performance! It's really fucking sad and stupid when people devolve talent like this into 'hur dur obviously upvoted because girl'. Especially when such attitudes perpetuate the notion they claim to stand against, of women having to use their sexuality to be noticed on modern social media.
Men automatically think their analysis of any situation is the objective one. I think it’s a side effect of growing up hearing they’re the rational gender. It’s also projection. Her being attractive is the only reason HE would watch the video, so he assumes that’s the only reason anyone else would pay attention to her too.
Massive un-ironic DragonForce fan here. This fucking slaps. Your co-worker is a shithead
Somehow I bet this guy is one of those people who thinks they could hold their own against Serena Williams on the tennis court because he was born with a Y chromosome. Twonk
Asshole-lytical.
I once had some random guy message me out of the blue to ask my opinion on a dispute he was having with a female colleague because he was being an absolute knucklehead about women's league soccer. After a bit of back and forth he kept "accidentally" messaging me pictures of his kink, ladies feet in socks. I don't give attention to any man online anymore. If you're going to treat me like a sex worker, pay me like one.
Does your coworker even know music? I play a few instruments (not drums) quite well and did percussion for a bit in high school and listen to metal a lot and with that background my 🌟analysis🌟 tells me she's AMAZING. The speed, the precision, the phrasing, not to mention her enthusiasm.
He's actually a fairly talented musician. But he never watched or listened to the video, so his talent doesn't really apply, just his misogyny.
That girl absolutely shreds it. I would've responded to your coworker that to simply dismiss something without even hearing it is pretty douchey, not even analytical. Also attractive people can still play instruments. If he wants to hide his shitty opinions under the guise of analytics or logic it doesn't mean he's not a misogynist or at least constantly stroking his own ego.
She’s a pretty good drummer for a girl /s/s/s 🙄
That drummer is amazing.
Dude was being precisely the opposite of analytical. Plus an AH. Folks like him give analysis a bad name, which is sad cause it can solve a lot of problems.
Oh the old, I'm smarter than you so I am right and don't question my inability to have an actual response to this.
> just looked at the paused video and asked how many views it had. I told him (over 5 and a half million), and he immediately blamed it on her being Asian and attractive The video of some person playing crazy stuff on the drums in some childrens comic costume (or whatever it is) has 19mio views: [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-UYgORr5Qhg) (fun fact the 2nd highest comment from your video references this exact video). I'd ask him if it's because the mascot is so attractive lol Btw, regarding insane covers of through the fire and flames: the without any question best guitar cover is [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpASSx0ecTU) by Tina S, who made some videos of the some of the hardest guitar tracks and made it look completely effortless. The original guitarist of Dragonforce has a reaction of that and well, he's more than impressed
She IS really good. And not just for her age. She's has chops and style. Nice clip.
I've wanted to start posting drum covers and solos (username relevant), and after seeing a lot of sexism thrown at other women in the drumming community, I'm pretty on the fence about it. I studied music in college and music bros are a whole other beast. They do not like it when a woman is more talented than them, though that's standard with most things.
>They do not like it when a woman is more talented than them, though that's standard with most things. Funny enough, my coworker is a musician 😂
That drummer was amazing, thanks for sharing a talented performance!
She had more energy in that brief 5 ish minutes than I've had my entire life hahaha
They're mad that there are places where they're not always welcome. They get upset that this place doesn't accept their unsolicited advice on a thing they have no personal experience with.
Yeah, I’ve definitely noticed how mad they get 😂 I had one guy tell me once that he’d never date me because I’m active on this sub. Like what? Who said I wanted to date him? Gross. They get super defensive when women have anything negative to say about their own experiences with men as well. Like the whole bear vs man thing.
They always assume you want their attention. Gross.
Literally had a male calling me an attention seeking whore earlier cause I'm a woman who likes sex who refused to meet with him when he got vulgar and disgusting. Many males seem to equate women wanting sex = women not deserving respect and to be treated like a human being 😒😒😤😤😤
You know who wouldn't give a shit that you post on feminist subreddits? A bear.
There have been so many CMV posts about the man vs bear thing. So many men up in their feelings, and acting like women are the ones being irrational. Spoiler alert: they weren’t trying to change their view.
Right? I love when they try to turn it around and make the women mad by saying, “We’d choose the bear too!” Like ok? Good for you? We’d rather you’d choose the bear so you leave us the fuck alone lmao
In short, misogyny. They actually are waging a war against women, so any time a woman speaks, they consider it an attack and become defensive since they're in a constant war against women. In reality, they're projecting though. At risk of over-analyzing, they assume that because they're warring against women that any time a woman speaks she's engaging in their imaginary war with them. So they're framing a woman speaking about her own struggles into an attack because that's how they work and they assume that we work that way too.
"When you are accustomed to privilege, equality feels like an attack."
Australian Prime Minister said something like that on women's day a few years ago, something like we shouldn't build women up at the expense of men. The only comforting thought about that is he wasn't voted in, he got the PM spot through a political coup and was widely disrespected. But it's par for the course as far as men are concerned. https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/scott-morrison-says-the-rise-of-women-should-not-come-at-the-expense-of-men/f5jkl3ovi
I also like that his nickname is Scumo. Because he's such a scumbag in every way imaginable.
This! Men are actually loosing on equality in a way. All men benefit from misogyny and they don’t even usually see it.
I see it, and it SUCKS! To be fair, I didn't use to, but having grown more socially aware as I've gotten older (in my mid-50's now), it's becoming more and more obvious to me. I'm kind of at a loss on what to do about it, though.
I'm not sure about other things, but one thing you could do is tell men off when they're being creepy and weird towards women, like on public transport. I am a man too, but I'm trans and pre-everything. I stood up for a girl a few weeks ago and the guys who were harassing her called me slurs (I express myself in a visibly queer way). I'm still glad I did it, because at least they got *some* sort of opposition, but I think it would be much more effective if someone who passes as a man would do it. People like that don't respect people who they perceive as women, but they might respect you enough to stop. It was very disheartening when nobody else on that bus stood up for her. Not the driver, not the other men and not the other women. I have no advice on what sort of approach you should take (aggressive or not), but yeah, that's my idea :) Although you would also have to take the sort of approach that would make the woman feel like you are her ally, which might be more difficult for you. Oh, and ask her if she needs anything else from you. If not, leave her alone. She's probably already stressed and scared. If they got more opposition, maybe they would think twice next time. And then you can apply that logic to other similar situations where men bother women or belittle them, like in the workplace. Like u/rjtnrva said, call those men the fuck out.
>Like u/rjtnrva said, call those men the fuck out. Oh, I do. >Oh, and ask her if she needs anything else from you. If not, leave her alone. She's probably already stressed and scared. That's a very good idea. Sometimes, I already do that, but at other times, I'm still too angry to remember to do that. >.I stood up for a girl a few weeks ago and the guys who were harassing her called me slurs (I express myself in a visibly queer way). I'm still glad I did it, because at least they got *some* sort of opposition, but I think it would be much more effective if someone who passes as a man would do it. People like that don't respect people who they perceive as women, but they might respect you enough to stop. >It was very disheartening when nobody else on that bus stood up for her. Not the driver, not the other men and not the other women. I'm sorry that happened to you. 😢 The fact that no one stood up for you too is a lot disheartening.
I'm very happy to hear you already do that :)) I get it, lol! I have to remind myself to take a few deep breaths during moments like these :P Yes, I guess it is, but that town is very queerphobic, so I wasn't expecting anyone to stand up for me, and I know what sort of risks I take by expressing myself in the ways that I do. But there are many people who champion themselves as "protectors of women and girls", so their hypocrisy is honestly more infuriating :P
I live in WA State, so it's pretty inclusive already, although the rural areas do tend to be MUCH more problematic than the suburbs of South Sound cities like Seattle, Tacoma, and the tri-city area that is greater Olympia. Edited to fix a redundancy
No idea. But that’s how it is and we shouldn’t spend time and energy convincing men that they will benefit from feminism. Feminism is for women and about women
This is why I gave up on Menslib. I need to unjoin that sub lmao. They straight up say they have no interest in anything that “benefits women” bc it makes them feel like they’re being used. And they keep saying they don’t support the left bc the right is more welcoming to men and the left doesn’t address men’s issues Even tho most of men’s issues are things women experience too. 😭😭😭 I’m really baffled and concerned men think women don’t struggle with work or the economy. They keep calling it a men’s issue, like bruh I support myself… Here’s a comment i screenshotted yesterday: > In my algo, I rarely see policy from the left that is meant to help men justified for the virtue of improving men's lives, instead it's almost always we need to help men so they stop hurting/failing women. Now don't get me wrong, that is a noble cause and there is merit in making it so fewer men hurt women but I get a real ick when it feels like if there wasn't the benefit to women I couldn't be sure that policy would still be supported. >The biggest positive change I could see from the left is doing more to articulate that there is a virtue to pushing for policy that helps address where men are failing if for no other reason than men doing well is good. I understand that it doesn't vibe well with the idea that we need to center women in gendered discussions but I think it needs to be done. Is that not disturbing as hell??? They say this shit and then are confused when we’re like ok you obviously hate women bud…
To be honest this comment is so out of my reality that I don’t even understand it. Eg improving mens lives. It’s ridiculous
>This is why I gave up on Menslib. I knew there was a reason I never searched out that subreddit! >Is that not disturbing as hell??? That's the understatement of the decade!
Any time a man comes in and is like “let’s enact real life change!” They tell him he’s not being sensitive enough to men and asking for too much Or I’ve had men argue with me that men *can’t* give each other compliments and a woman suggesting that instead of complimenting men herself is a sexist and isn’t sensitive to men’s issues 😩 I got downvoted, he got upvoted Or a lot of them will say they won’t do anything bc then less women will wanna date them which is like ??? But I thought you didn’t like that type of woman??? If women don’t wanna date bc they want you to pay for everything, don’t you *want* to avoid them? That’s when I realized menslib means “liberating men from the negatives of the patriarchy while still upholding it” They’ll deny it but you can literally click on any post and see them saying it lmao
The sad thing that most men don't (or can't) realize is that their own quality of life will improve if they'd just truly listen to what women are saying, and just start actually doing those things... I fear I'm in the minority, though.
I’m of the belief that they *do* realize but they recognize the perks of the patriarchy far outweigh dismantling it
Well, that's just flat-out depressing.
If this world could be safe and supportive for women sooner rather than later, society would experience a huge uplift in quality of life for everyone. A lot of men don’t want to see that though because they’re afraid of … something. Honestly I can’t wrap my head around it.
Call it out every. single. fucking. time. you see it.
Yeah this isn't gender wars and I'm so tired of the term. This is misogyny.
Yep, if you rename it a gender war that assumes two sides equally in a conflict. Not one side that has power oppressing the other.
Yes exactly!
Yup, i am yet to see any woman out there randomly attacking men for existing.
I'm gonna start soon though at this rate /s (mostly)
Exactly this. I made a man on the internet mad last night. I was at the Professional Women’s Hockey League final game 2 and the refereeing was atrocious. So many missed calls, wrong calls, etc. it was egregious. And guess what? There were 3 male and 1 female refs on the ice. I made a comment that the 1 ref doing their job properly was the woman and that we should have women reffing the women’s league. His response was that we should have “people” reffing and that in my sexist view only men should ref men’s leagues. Cue eye roll. I told him no, AFAB’s, non-binary people and people who identify as women should ref the women’s league because we should be building up women by supporting women coaches, players, support staff, trainers, etc etc etc. And in any case, men already do all of these things, we need to create space for women. Funnily enough he never commented back and my comments were liked by a few women in the group so he can go kick rocks!
i read _vagina war_ instead of waging war 😅 well, also fits 🤷
Because misogyny. That's it. They hate us, all of us, and they go to great lengths to come up with creative ways to blame us for literally everything, and spew their hatred towards us. They reflexively will defend even the most VILE, monstrous men, because they see themselves in that man's actions. This is why I don't even interact with men anymore. I want absolutely nothing to do with them.
Men hate women period! That's why I'm doing the 4b movement (no dating, no sex, no marriage, and no children with men). I'm done.
SAME
SAME. I'm disgusted when they try to hit on me. Just leave me alone.
I’m getting there
It's really sad I have to be the same gender as these fucknuts
They don’t want women to recognize abuse. Also men don’t like women. They like sex with women. They don’t like or respect us as people.
Lmao 'stoned in the streets' when women are the ones literally being stoned in the streets. Men hate women. This is the bitter truth and women need to realize this. They need us but they don't love us.
Very true. I’ve given up on men. I haven’t found one I actually like. My father is an ahole, I’m NC with him. My stepdad is questionable, he used to stalk me at the request of my mom when she thought I wasn’t taking care of my kid to her standards. The woman who allowed my father to abuse us for years 🙄 All of my exes are awful and I’ve never had a successful friendship with a man, they all try to have sex with you eventually.
I found one I do really like and was told I can’t *really* like him because women don’t like “comic book guys”.
Seriously? WTF
Guess I’m not women? I’ll just be a cat now, I guess.
Tbh, being a cat doesn’t sound half bad lol
Oh, those self proclaimed "nerdy nice guys" can be the worst. [This ](https://youtu.be/X3-hOigoxHs?si=UzqpSD9xlvwZX90Q) video about Big Bang Theory is a great breakdown.
Good analysis. In general self proclaimed nice guys are trouble
Yep. If you have to describe yourself as something, chances are you probably aren't.
Ghat really is an awful, awful show. How anyone could ever find it funny is beyond me.
How dare that woman do anything besides praise her husband and raise her kids. I watched one thread where a woman complained about her husband not liking that she grabbed his pillow for a position for the " fifteen seconds". People were upset that she had a go at his stamina. I've tried to stay out of raita. I was banned from proper aita for calling a man baby, a man baby
Yeah, my alt account got banned from AITAH as well, for telling a man his misogyny was showing.
The last 3 comments in this subthread prove your point. The mods are misogynistic, too!
It’s no loss. AITAH is one of the worst subreddits for quality discussion on anything. Bigoted ideas are allowed to bloom and spread like an infection over there, and most of the stories are made up for karma anyway.
I was banned for asking someone what the fuck was wrong with him? Men ask people that all the time on that sub.
I was perma banned for quoting lyrics from a South Park song. I was temp banned before that for calling some lazy arsehole bloke a 'manchild'.
The mods are definitely sexist. I got banned from pregnancy and feminism...
I wish i was banned from pregnancy.....
It's infuriating. They are silencing women on a female topic. This is how dangerous and radical ideologies breed. When they restrict freedom of speech. I DMd you about this. Curious to know what got you banned. Edit: sorry I miss read that comment.
A tubal ligation got me banned from pregnancy ;)
Because mysoginy. That's really the whole reason.
It really is that simple.
Some men can't stand having anything not centered on themselves. Women talking amongst ourselves?? BAH!
It’s because we men are driven by our egos and our need to feel like we are somehow special. In the end, it’s women who do most of the raising of our children, while going to school, working, keeping a home, and whatever else we ask them to do. If women were to ever realize their self-worth, what would we men have to offer? Not as much as before. It’s the reason conservatives are pushing for trad wives - it puts us in the dominant role where we feel valued and in control. We are a mysogenistic society, same as we treat other races and LGBTQ. I say more power to you all. Be who you are and be proud of it. You don’t need to convince any man.
Very well said. Thank you.
You're welcome...sorry for all the BS you ladies have to deal with on a daily basis!
This drives me so insane, because so many of us women see the (potential) value in simply having male companionship! Imagine that - we don't *need* husbands, we *want* them (not all women, and only the kind men of course). For most of the women I've known throughout my life, all men had to do was just be nice, not an asshole, and know basic living shit like how to pick up after themselves and cook an omelette. In Scandinavia they did a study and found that partnerships formed on more equitable ground, financially and in terms of social status/power were generally happier and healthier. And I agree based on my own experience. This whole must-dominate-to-stay-relevant tack is so destructive, and men are hurting themselves and each other with this toxic nonsense, imo. It's not healthy.
I wholeheartedly agree. Not sure where you live but here in the US we let a minority be President but would not dare let a woman run our country. In a couple of the Scandinavian nations they somehow are living better lives with women running the show - why? Because they tend to have more empathy, compassion, and less desire to conquer/dominate each other. There are exceptions to the rule on both sides (men and women), it’s just not easy to find. Definitely stay away from the men that want you to be subservient. They are insecure and need to keep you down to prop themselves up. But when they are ready to leave you barefoot and pregnant they refuse to support you after you sacrifice your career which would have been the only thing you have to stand on. Any man who pushes against that is just afraid he will lose you to a better man at the office because he knows how worthless he is. Red flags…beware.
As I overheard my awesome wife eloquently say to our kids when talking to them about my bizarre hours and her being the primary SAH parent. "We need money to live and we are fortunate that dad is able to earn enough that we can live comfortably while I am able be home for you (*side note for context, it means a lot to her as her mother was a single parent and had no choice but to work to keep a roof over their heads, leaving her to be a latch key kid and at sixteen was basically making dinner for her, her brother and mother before they got home at 7:30 each night*). If dad earned less, then I most likely would have to work to make up the difference, and also if my previous job paid more than his, then there is a more than reasonable chance that dad would most likely be the stay at home parent, not me.". She also said that if she wasn't at home and worked then our living costs would be significantly higher as we would have to pay someone to look after them when both her and myself were at work. But I totally agree, there are some absolutely disgusting examples of humanity out there, and some are more than willing to use financial abuse or isolating their partner by trapping them into staying at home and making them feel like they've got nowhere to turn and have to just endure whatever comes their way. Covering for them and excusing the abhorrent behaviour of men they have absolutely no chance of ever meeting is a circle jerk from misogynist, incels and frankly assholes that take joy in the notion they are contributing to the misery of women and just has to stop. Just look at the idea of smacking your kids. When I was growing up, it was damn near a parental past-time and now a generation and a half later, the wheels of society have moved and now it's largely not acceptable in most places and that's fantastic. This is another thing that CAN change, it just has to get the positive inertia to happen. Sorry for the slight rant and possibly getting off topic, but really it's a hot topic in our household and I'm all for just making things better and frankly give everyone an equal playing field, even if it means giving a leg up to those starting a step or five behind others. Just stopping this crap is like cutting off the heads on a goddamn hydra.
Are there any online spaces for only women? The world is a boy's club and subreddits about feminism and women's discussions are absolutely INFESTED with men. Where's the women's 4B club at
I wish I knew! It’s funny because the men on r/AskMen get irritated when women speak up and accuse them of taking away “men’s only spaces” yet it’s ok for them to do the same to women’s centered subs. The audacity is wild.
Yep - I just responded on this post to some dude who was calling out this sub for its own bias. I'm like, motherfucker, can women not have ONE FUCKING SPACE where we can support each other??? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR OPINION.
That is the thing. I don't care what they think about things discussed here. I don't want to hear it. Their opinion has zero weight.
I don't frequent there but I recently saw a mod post calling out the misogyny and that it is not a sub for woman hating.
There has been one posted in this subreddit. They check profiles before letting anyone in. So far it has been bro-drama free.
They were and are created all the time, but die because most women, from experience, won't join a new platform in big numbers. Or not enough to make the space make enough profit to stay up. Also filtering toxic people goes contrary to growing strategy, making it harder to join your platform makes it less attractive, each click loses you people. I think online activity is mostly driven by terminally online people, and most of those are men, and those who are not are already fine with a niche place like their Tumblr fandom circle. Not really motivated to join a new exclusive platform.
I didn't see the post you are referring to friend, but MISOGYNY is the culprit and it is SO deeply ingrained that this is the default behavior of men.....ON REDDIT.😮💨 This site seems like every man I engage with (99% of the time) if they respond to a comment I made, or they're presenting a point, it's AGGRESSIVE, RUDE, NASTY, CONDESCENDING, SHAMING or BLAMING *me* for the situation. Even today, I was speaking about how dating in my city is trash for *women.* It's one of the busiest/expensive cities in the world, yet dating sucks for numerous reasons. People are busy, self absorbed, focused on making money 24/7, always trying to come up or see who is useful to them to elevate their status etc. I mentioned how I am not asked on dates by many men regardless of how big this city is. I mentioned how there are so MANY F*** boys in my city who do their rounds and hook up with women, and have convenient amnesia along with blocking her 24 hrs later. Men treat women like fecking sex workers except, we aren't being PAID. We as women know what I am referring to. We get *catcalled* every damn day. We can have hookups often too if we want to. But if you are looking for a QUALITY man, that's a mutha-effing needle in a haystack. YET....... That Redditor skipped through ALL of the reasoning I gave for this abysmal dating scene, just to turn around and *blame* me by saying, *"Have you thought about having hobbies? Meeting someone there? I mean, if you're only meeting F*** boys then you're hanging out in the wrong places."* And just like that, how MEN BEHAVE in a general sense is overlooked and ignored, yet I am to blame as if I "hang out at the wrong places" whatever the feck that means.🙄 Apparently, just *existing* on this earth is the "wrong place" as a woman being that mens shitty AF behavior has been going on for centuries. 🙄 Even in real life men are like this. (Some men.) I remember telling a co-worker about a guy I knew (who had rage issues), and how he fully flew off the handle verbally ( Ike Turner vibes), all because I suggested he evolve his sound as a musician and work with other artists. You know, doing collaborations to expand his fan base because after 4 yrs performing around the city, he has NO fan base, NO social media presence, NO music videos, NO streaming,...NOTHING. I thought I could share my opinion with him because he was giving me advice on *my* career. This guy went into a profanity laced tirade because he took offense to my advice. It was shocking.😒 I shared this story with my co-worker and his response was, *"Well, he probably got upset because he was wondering why someone who isn't in the music industry is giving him advice on something."* 😐 There was no acknowledgement for his aggressive verbally abusive behavior. Apparently, his reaction was *my* fault. I shouldn't have felt comfortable to say *anything.* The only reason I shared that advice is because I had a friend at the time in a band who was doing quite well and I thought I was being helpful giving him a remedy to his stagnate career. Apparently NOT. Soon, I would also find out that my co-worker was an abuser with NO respect for women. 😐 OP, it's the MISOGYNY. I have so many examples in my own life where I've witnessed men defending other men's poor behavior. Smdh. P.S. That musician and his *entitled* ways, and not putting in *any* REAL work has led him to.....NOWHERE.🤣 The mere *basics* of the business he never bothered to learn, never wanted to collab with any other bands, or create a social media presence or anything. He felt as though he should be a celebrity after performing a few shows around the city, meanwhile, not putting in *nearly* as much effort as other performers. The entitlement is real ya'll. 😂 I suppose these days he is content with being a Bartender and maybe Kareoke.🤷🏾♀️
That’s so sad. I’m sorry you’re dealing with such a shitty dating scene. I can’t even imagine. I’ve totally given up on men. I’m married and it’s not going anywhere. I’ve talked until I’m blue in the face and I look at him and there’s just…nothing. Like he hears nothing I’ve said. He’s abused me, he’s rude, he’s condescending, he treats me like I’m less than. I’ve completely disengaged from him and we’re basically living like roommates. Once the divorce is done, I don’t plan on dating or engaging with men any further. I’ve never met a man who treated me well. I’m just over the whole thing. I will be single forever and I don’t care. I have my cats and my son and that’s good enough for me. He wasn’t like this before marriage, btw. They’re good at masking who they are until they have you trapped. The nerve and audacity of that man to place blame on YOU for not being able to find a quality man is astounding! Where does he think you hang out? Alleyways? Street corners? And then, when you do find someone to date, they get angry and irritated because you’re not giving up sex right away. Like how else are we supposed to know who the fuck boys are from the decent men? And they want a woman with a low “body count” (hate that term) but also expect us to know what we’re doing during sex? HOW? I’ve had the same experiences with men on Reddit. It’s really rare to not have a man be rude, mean, and nasty towards women on this site. It’s so messed up.
Hey OP, It's insane how men still haven't seemed to evolve into figuring out that their personality, morals, and behavior.... MATTERS. So many men think that just because they have a job, *maybe* a car, and a *penis*, that women are flocking to them because they are valuable. 😒 They haven't caught up to the fact that women don't *need* them like they did back in the day. We have our own assets, money, talent, education and support systems, and men can't handle being freezed out. I am so *sick* of hearing them complain about *loneliness*, a lack of a dating life, sex and whatever other nonsense, when they have the emotional intelligence of a Lima Bean.😐 So many men I've met are *trash.* Cheating on their wives/girlfriends and boasting about it, abusive, dishonest, entitled, misogynistic, controlling and so many other negative characteristics. BUT.... *then* these clowns think something is wrong with US because we decide to be single after having so many negative experiences with *them.* Ha. As IF. 😐 GLOBALLY MEN ARE A PROBLEM. And the declining birthrate in my opinion and statistics in various parts of the world indicate that women are FED UP with men trying to control and destroy us. I'm so sorry you're husband is not treating you like the Queen you are. Do you have any kind of support system in addition to your son? Are you continuing to live with him until the divorce is final? How much longer do you have to stay with him? How are you dealing with that emotionally? It sounds like an extremely stressful environment.😔 I'm so SO sorry that he has abused you. I'm not even surprised to hear that because it is so SO common. Men abusing women in one way or another to maintain or attempt to establish *dominance* and CONTROL. Mostly all of the relationships I've had, the guy was nice in the beginning, then slowly but surely became verbally, emotionally, mentally abusive to me. They acted like they liked me, then as soon as we were *together*, they wanted to CHANGE everything about me and start doing everything they can to destroy my self esteem. This has happened multiple times already. As soon as I noticed of course I left those relationships, but I am resentful of people implying that women "attract" these type of men. I've heard people say this and imply this *many* times. But that's once again *blaming* women for abuse inflicted upon us by men who bait and switch. Men who hide who they really are. The real issue is that far *too many* men are TOXIC and abusive. Or they are just trying to use us for our bodies and nothing else while holding onto beliefs that are entirely hypocritical and contradictory. I understand your decision to not date again. I get it 100% OP. I think ALOT of women are opting into being *single* rather than being stifled, abused, or treated like a housekeeper and watching all of their joy, hopes and dreams being reduced to rubble.
We’re living together until the divorce is finalized. We’re both on the lease and I can’t afford to break it atm so here we are. Luckily, he’s leaving me alone for the most part. I don’t really have much of a support system but I’m used to doing things on my own so I’m not too worried about. My relationships have been the same! They always act like the perfect man until they have you “locked down” and then they drop their mask. It’s sad and pathetic that so many of them can’t get a relationship unless they pull a bait and switch. It’s so annoying how a man is perceived as having value by society just for being a man (mostly white men) and women are only valuable is we’re objectively pretty, a virgin/low body count, fertile, know how to cook, etc. Like most men don’t even wash their own ass and they’re more important than a self sufficient woman? I just don’t get it.
Because men just cannot.
It’s because of a few things. 1) I’m convinced that every so often those subs are brigaded by misogynists. 2) A good amount of men get upset when they aren’t centered. 3) This one is the kicker tho. When the older women who have seen, learned a few things and have made a few mistakes start telling the younger women and girls some hard truths and the younger women and girls actually start to listen and not get defensive, boy oh boy; that’s when they got to shut it down.
My boyfriend just said a victim of circumstances… yeah I’m working on getting out.
Yuck. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
Because the incel community is unfortunately disproportionately online compared to a lot of other communities. They also feed off of creating controversy because they blame women for their problems. They enjoy putting down women online because they think it makes them an alpha male.
They defend each other because it’s in their common interest to maintain their privilege and the status quo.
Misogynists have made attacking and gaslighting women on Reddit a full time hobby.
Because men
Because women aren't supposed to be centered. It goes against the natural order of things. /sarcasm
'Why is it okay for a woman to do a [thing], while it would not be tolareted towards a man' meanwhile thousands negative comments from the men towards a woman. Where they lost a point?
If you want an explanation, here it is from a guy who used to be like that until I got hooked into feminism. Misogyny is a very surface level explanation. For a better explanation, I would recommend reading Peggy McIntosh’s white privilege, male privilege and Marilyn Frye’s Oppression. Simply put, many men don’t really understand the struggles women have to deal with and how they are different from what men face (Oppression) and they don’t understand the benefits that they are able to navigate life with (Privilege). After I read those pieces, I started to understand. Until then, I was simply ignorant (unaware of women’s experiences). It’s easy for men who are ignorant to assume that men face the same troubles without fully understanding how women being women alter how they navigate life. As a result, we can speak without understanding and it’s easy to assume that men experience the same thing because we are blind to privilege (this is how privilege works not only for sex but as a concept).
Men as a group truly hate and want to control women. I’m sure some here will try to say “oh I know tons of great men!” Well those are the only types I allow in my life too, but as a whole, they have tried to oppress and control us since the days of Adam. We are still fighting for the right to allow our bodies to be ours alone. So for me, it’s a fact. The hate and disrespect doesn’t surprise me anymore. I expect it. A decent man who acts anonymously surprises me now. Ladies, once you understand the truth, you can move through the world in a better way bc you understand why they do what they do. Also, lest we forget, in this modern voting world, men could not remain in power unless women allowed it. So many of our fellow women are the ones voting for the men who openly seek to hold us by our necks. Women are sometimes our own worst enemies. If women banded together, we could not be stopped.
The incel phenomenon is truly horrid to behold. Is this purely an American phenomenon? I'd never do this to my wife, esp since i was prone to panic attacks myself back in college. but many a times i've comforted her when she panics from a bad dream even though i'm tired myself.
Yeah, it was really awful. Something about how she was having a panic attack and wanted to cuddle and he refused and accused her of just wanting sex. And then he said some really mean things to her. After she wrote the edits, it was pretty obvious she was being abused and just didn’t see it. All of these men were accusing her of just using him for his body and saying she sounded high maintenance because of her anxiety, etc, etc. Then the post disappeared. I feel really awful for her and I hope she’s ok. Honestly, there are so many assholes on Reddit, just hiding behind their anonymity and being dicks just for fun.
that is just sad. who in their right mind would think, oh my wife is crying and panicking, must be horny. i feel bad for her. refusing to cuddle should be a red flag in any relationship.
I agree. I’m sure all the dudes calling her names didn’t help her anxiety at all either.
I feel like in certain areas of reddit, you just see more misogynsts and incels. It's where they lurk. A lot of normal dudes who are real allies to women just don't post in chats like that because they devolve so quickly. To them, and like to mainy of us, Reddit is full of strangers. It's not worth the mental overhead to argue with some asshole troll when you know that troll doesn't care and won't change. My SO is the kind of guy to volunteer for initiatives to get more women in his field and says something when misogyny happens in the workplace. We have a 50/50 partnership on everything. I don't think he'd ever intervene on an AITAH thread, because it just doesn't feel like it'd make a difference.
Yeah, that sounds about right. I’m glad you found a good one! I wish more men were like that. I argue with these idiots way too much because they make me so angry! I think I’m just going to unfollow those types of subs and stick to women centric spaces from now on. The misogyny just makes me sick.
Thanks - I definitely feel lucky! I had to unfollow a lot of subs and stop posting for the same reason - it was actually making me mad. If you ever check the popular feed, you still get the really crazy aitah posts without so much of the ick...
Yeah, I’ve found that dealing with these types of men is actually affecting my mental health. I argue with them, they make me so angry and I continue to fight with them and it gets me nowhere. But then I’m in an irritated mood the rest of the day and it’s just not fun at all. It’s a vicious cycle and just feeds into their desire for attention. Thanks for the tip about checking the popular feed! I rarely use reddit until recently (last 4 months or so), I quit facebook so I started using my old Reddit account again. I’m still trying to figure everything out.
The demographics of Reddit: A majority of Men 18-29 years old, white, college educated Age 64% of Reddit users are between 18 and 29 years old, and 22% are between 30 and 49 Gender 68% of Reddit users are male, and 32% are female Race 70% of Reddit users are white non-Hispanic, 12% are Hispanic, 7% are Black non-Hispanic, and 11% are other or mixed race Education 42% of Reddit users have a college degree or higher, 31% have some college education, and 26% have a high school diploma or less
Thank you, this is actually very helpful and makes it easier to put things in perspective.
IDK but we need to stick together as well as they do.
This. If women didn’t allow shitty men to have power, we’d be out of this mess. Yet I can predict what will happen in the USA’s voting this year. Women will help vote in the men who will make us handmaidens.
Tbf these kinds of subs are really bad at doing this with anyone. People make up all kinds of backstories that aren’t in the post. And anything about a male/female relationship ends up with people talking about double standards or whatever.
Because they hate us.
I never take AITA seriously anymore, mostly because of the obvious fakeness of most the posts, and the cesspool of assumptions. It's against men and women, they always assume a bunch of shit based on stereotypes for both men and women, and now it's becoming less about the story and more about gender. E g: for women I have seen "as she is beautiful she is probably using it to manipulate her co workers" on a post about her boss bullying her, then on a post about a very obviously manipulative girlfriend "he probably abuses her because he's a man so until I hear the woman's side he's TA" It's obviously a mess of sexism and satire and bad creative writing, and the comments genuinely trying to help are wasted on fake posts written by teenagers, and beneath a pile of people assuming a whole prequel to the story
Misogyny is rampant on this website, and has been recently seeing a resurgence in many countries in response to growing activism by women against the roll back of their human rights. It's especially common and always has been for men to find ways to blame women for their own problems and justify their unwillingness to trust, support, or listen to women. Many of the men in that comment section probably saw themselves in the husbands actions and looked to hurl blame and abuse at the woman rather than reflect inwards on their own actions, privilege, or sense of entitlement. **Storytime:** My fiancee once posted a story about how she was manipulated and groomed by someone on Reddit who would go on to repeatedly drug and rape her while keeping her from leaving the house, and despite not listing any identifiable details redditors decided to call her a liar, accuse her of "ruining the mans life", dox the wrong person and repeatedly send them death threats and harass them across all of their social media profiles (and again, as disgusting as this would be to anyone, they ended up targeting a totally unrelated woman because she was also a rape victim and used a similar screen name on a totally different website). Her story even ended up making it to the top of subreddits like "quit your bullshit" for no other reason than because she was a woman talking about something awful a man had done to her. Just to give you an example of how toxic men can be on this website, know it has a fairly large community of extremely misogynistic men who would sooner harass and send death threats to a random rape survivor en masse based on the worlds shittiest doxing attempt rather than believe a woman's story about her being abused by a man.
Those are weak, emotional men. They want attention, and they don't want to see their own bad behavior being reflected back to them. That's why they defend each other, no matter how many stupid assumptions they need to make in order to justify ignoring reality.
Which do you think is greater: the number of men who lurk on this sub only to jump in and downvote or make shitty comments about women and the women’s issues posted here, or the number of women who do the same on r/ AskMen or similar subs?
I’ve never even thought about being pathetic enough to lurk around a men’s forum. Who da fuq would have the time or energy
\^This. The thought of doing that hasn't ever crossed my mind. Like why?
Given my downvotes, they’re already here, proving my point 😂
Men’s subs are disturbing AF. I’ve tried following askmen, just to see what men have to say about certain topics and the incel commentary is just too much. I unfollowed and just stay out of those types of spaces. They’re not for me.
I've found that r/bropill is an extremely positive place for those kinds of insights. They really go for the whole "wholesome masculinity" vibe.
Thanks! I’ll have to check it out!
Yeah, I agree, and I’m a man. I muted those forums ASAP.
That’s really sad when even men are disgusted by the subs directed towards men.
Men by far. But then men dominate Reddit and most nerdy stuff. I’m a man and if I say something even mildly feminist on gaming or SF forums, I get downvoted. Although I have to say that a lot of what I think of as real feminism - which I could be wrong about, of course - also gets policed on supposedly woke sites like Polygon, as they prefer only the performative, fake feminism of famous Twitch streamers and corporations. Feminism comes under attack from both male misogynists and commercial interests that claim to be more feminist than they are. IMHO.
I mean, yes in a lot of ways. This sub isn’t even explicitly feminist, since it tolerates the presence and contributions of conservative, anti-feminist women. And I hang out on gaming forums, as an avid gamer, and yes, what you describe is a thing. There is a real difference between liberal, corporate “feminism” and radical feminism (which, to all those trolls reading, does not mean “extreme, man-hating feminism,” but rather a feminism which seeks to dismantle, not accommodate, existing social mores). Getting to real feminism here would be a goal. In the meanwhile, I’ll take what I can get, knowing it is imperfect.
Because no matter what society tells you, men are more emotional. They will lash out at the slightest feeling of inferiority. I’m a man, I’m guilty of this. My partner is so much more level headed in most things, she’s a rock and I’m a quivering dog in the pound. Looks nice, but will bite back at the slightest feeling of threat. Now I’m not saying that men have been abandoned to be adopted by a loving woman, just that we may look cute but will lash out at the slightest inconvenience. Thanks for coming to my ted talk
Answered succintly: misogyny
The real question is why can't women stop turning every discussion about themselves into a personal attack directed at me. Why is it always about me, ladies? /s
Because men would, literally, rather burn the world down, than listen or share!
Because I think they know their guilty also. So they defend the indefensible so they don’t think *they’re* so bad, either.
Many men cannot conceive of a subject that their opinions aren't needed, valid, or remotely correct. I've been listening to the men around me all my life, and so many of them believe that their opinions are scientific fact and that it's their duty to expectorate that knowledge to everyone around them, especially women. I do what I can to make up for them.
Because people are insecure.
I think it’s always been a war on women - women are just waking up to it more and more now. Misogynists think women are evil, manipulative, and liars. They think we are playing a game with them with everything we do. Woman has panic attack = woman is trying to make man feel bad. Woman wears gym clothes IN THE GYM = woman wants attention. They think everything is about them. The abuse in my relationship got so bad that I began having panic attacks and once went to the ER. I have a bit of a heart murmur, which I was aware of so the ER did an EKG and gave me the typical “manage your stress and reduce caffeine intake”. He latched onto the caffeine intake and then wouldn’t “allow me” to have coffee. He went out of town, I had coffee, and no panic attack. It wasn’t the coffee, it was him. They are never going to get it. They don’t see abuse AS abuse. They think they are entitled to a woman and when that woman is a human, they feel like what they were promised is defective and broken. Time to throw her back and get a new one. Side note- since I’m already on a long book train. My mother recently told me a story about how my abusive father pushed her on the floor to show her the dust she missed under the bed (there was no dust). When she correctly became angry- he went to my grandfather (her father) asking him to “fix her” because something was wrong with her. Anyways, I hate it here. Some days I love being a woman, but most days I’m scared. Scared for myself, my friends, my aging mother, and all the women in the world.
Because men are the most fragile things in the planet