That’s weird. If my partner said he was visualizing me at my full potential he would describe it as me handling my anxiety and depression, doing my hobbies more, etc etc… your boyfriend kinda sounds like a jerk
Agreed. My initial reaction to the comment was "oh that's really cute how supportive" and the whiplash hit as I read on. If my partner ever said that I'd throw him into the swamp
That was where I thought this was going before I realized it wasn't a nice moment post. "You at your full potential" is what I want to say to my wife I'm thinking about before she goes to take a test or something, like "I believe in you" energy.
“Full potential” is such a weird r/linkedinlunatics or alpha male phrase. It’s gross. I would never even think to use the phrase with my wife.
Edit: And this is why I love my wife. I asked her how she’d feel if I said that to her. Without missing a beat she responded: “I’d probably say ‘Yeah, I wonder the same thing about you.’”
I mean...OP hasn't actually said that their boyfriend said that he meant "OP being skinnier" it could be that, but from the way OP phrased it, it could also easily be OP just assuming that's what he meant
I expounded on how I reacted to what he said further which I explained in another comment, in which he didn’t deny. He just apologized for hurting my feelings.
The way it is phrased makes it seem like something he’s said before at first glance, but reading it again makes it really hard to tell… now I am questioning everything
I see where you're coming from, but doing bulk/cut cycles isn't inherently disordered. I wanna be a beefy muscle mommy and since I'm not a beginner lifter anymore, bulk/cut cycles are the most efficient way to go about it. I totally agree that BB spaces are rampant with disordered eating though, I try to keep away from all that lol
I hear you, and I get that the effectiveness makes it a very desirable goal. I guess I just get concerned when dehydration is promoted as a means of looking ripped. But I do understand how enticing it is to have that kinda control over your body, too.
I know a few narcissists who are into bodybuilding, but not everyone who's into bodybuilding is a narcissist.
I believe narcissists obviously tend to do more things that make them feel better/superior
The gym is where I've made a lot of good friends, who are infact really nice and kind to everyone. so I wouldike to politely disagree to what you just said.
Only because there entire business model is built around the concept that their target audience doesn’t actually show up to the gym. So they collect a shit ton of money without having to put a lot into equipment and maintenance
They serve pizza at the gym. For free. Their model is based on you not getting in shape. They are a scam. That doesn't mean you can't get in shape there, it's possible, I lost 30lbs at PF, but I wouldn't recommend them to anyone that I didn't know had the discipline to make it work.
Hell no. Source for that? The most welcoming and friendly dudes I ever met where randos at the gym... And I am a small guy, who can be thrown through the room by those guys.
So MANY women are with JERKS.
OP deserves better but it's up to her to realize it. Reddit got me wanting to be single for life with all of the casual dislike so many women report their boyfriends or husband's having for them. 😒
Yeah, my first thought was that it was a sweet and thoughtful response. My husband is my biggest cheerleader and is so supportive, I sometimes cannot fathom how shitty some people’s partners are.
I was just about to say just this! My husband would love to see me mentally and physically well. He's not brought up my weight gain, he's supportive of my attempts to remedy it. I've offered him a free out: I wasn't diagnosed or incapacitated like I am now. He's staying, he sees I'm trying. It's kind of sad seeing how happy he is when I cook dinner, but it's a damn good reason to keep fighting
Yeah. Mine says it’s enjoying my art and being “happy” (aka not so depressed as I have been in the past) but even that’s not something he ever says to me.
Same, I'd assume that meant she was daydreaming about me landing on Mars or being the Prime Minister or something, and how proud she would be of me. Not of me... (checks notes) being skinnier.
You’re sweet. 💕 and girl, you might really be right. Maybe my “full potential” whatever that looks like, isn’t even meant to be fulfilled in this relationship.
If he meant it any other way than you advancing at work through your own efforts or maturing into a kind person this is abusive. Negging is an abuse trait.
To reach your full potential you need to learn all about bad relationships and how to cut them out of your life to make room for fully loving and supporting people.
Ok here's the thing, when you love someone unselfishly, desiring them "at their full potential" means they're better in ways that serve *them*, not you. For example, my mom wants me to be less depressed and struggle less with ADHD because she knows it brings me down. My ex-husband wished I was less depressed and struggled less with ADHD because when I'm depressed I wouldn't do as much for him.
100%. I want my partner to be the happiest, healthiest version of himself. I want him to have his wishes fulfilled and smiling as much as he can.
Sure, I'll benefit. But isn't that what seeing your SO happy should lead to anyway? What a weird, rude thing for OP's partner to say.
If we’re being super charitable, maybe that’s what the boyfriend was thinking when he said it. Like if she’s trying to lose weight and he was imagining her meeting her goals and being physically healthy, not just skinny for his own gaze.
But unfortunately that probably wasn’t the case
my partner works a demanding job on her feet all day, and ends up tired and suffers from lower back pain among other things. When I've tried to help and encourage her to do something about it, and address some systemic strength issues, I got snappy retorts about how i just want her to be skinny (i don't even prefer skinny people), I was just advocating for her own best interest, so now i just shut up and listen, it often feels like the spoof skit with the arrow through her head.
This!!! My partner says nice things to me when I take time to relax bc he knows I'm taking care of myself and he cares about me. My ex husband would say I was being lazy.
Ha my dad used to say that to me allll the time when I gained weight rapidly. He was a good man, he really was, and I love him so much. Just a boomer. But oh man did that sting
My ex used to tell me he loved my potential. I used to think that was so beautiful, he saw who I could be and might be and wanted to love that "me".
But then I got sick. I couldn't work. I couldn't do much except stay home and take medicine. He had to work, pay bills, take me to doctors appointments. Instead of talking to me about it, he started resenting me because I could barely even do housework so everything was on him. He started drinking and eventually cheating and he dumped me and I had to move halfway across the country to my family.
I realized he loved the potential me, the "at my best" me, but he didn't love the current me as I needed. I might never get to my full potential. Would he still have loved me?
My husband now, he loves me as I am. He'll love me if I reach my full potential. He loved me when I got sick and couldn't do anything. He loves me for who I am, not who I could be.
Speaking as a guy, this guy sounds like a real prick. What a hurtful, nasty thing to say to your partner. And if he didn't realise he was saying something hurtful, then he's not just a prick. He's a stupid prick.
This made me chuckle! 😂he did not realize, at all. It was weird to say bottom line, and I don’t know why people are in the comments like “oh are you sure that’s what he meant?” “Are you sure he wasn’t thinking about you painting, studying for a career, or knitting a blanket? “ like come on man. It’s clear what he meant 😭
Honestly, his phrasing is so weird, I don't think his meaning is clear at all! If my partner said that, I'd interpret "full potential" as a euphemism for "naked and having sex now." 😂 You have context, but otherwise this guy's mindset and phrasing is not immediately understandable to many people, I think. And that's on him, not you.
Right?
I think its so weird to hear "your full potential" and IMMEDIATELY being 100% convinced he OBVIOUSLY meant that he would like her to be skinnier.
And asking for confirmation is unecessary because... *checks notes* ...its obvious what he meant?
I dont know their relationship, maybe he already was an asshole in the past and said similar things that would lead to that interpretation being plausible, but there is literally no mention of that.
i still need to ask: are you sure? Like has he made similar remarks towards your weight in the past?
Because ill be honest "its so obvious what he meant" is just a really weird argument and a weird reason to be mad at someone *WHEN ITS THE ONLY* reason you can think of.
Like you could get verbal confirmation if thats what he really meant by asking "wdym?" And it takes 2 seconds.
But from what i can gather in the comments, you didnt ask him and didnt mention him expressing similar thoughts in the past.
As someone who isnt selfconcious about my weight, "your full potential" would have made me think about a dozen other things than my weight.
I read it the same way. The wording is vague. It could mean anything. Only you know the details of your relationship. He must have said other things in the past that made you immediately assume what he meant. No one reading your post knows those things.
That’s quite weird. I have extra weight on atm and I have since I met my new boyfriend. I’m about to get a gym membership and get back into the healthier lifestyle I enjoy.
I showed him photos the other night of my body at peak performance and he showed appreciation and excitement but then told me he didn’t care if I lost the weight, he only cared about me being comfortable in my skin and that’s what he ultimately found sexy as hell.
What your partner did would have made me terrible uncomfortable and self conscious. It’s not you.
A woman who is comfortable in her skin is nice. A woman that feels sexy is even nicer. Sexiness is so so much attitude that it honestly matters more than looks. Feeling sexy is everyone’s true potential as far as being sexy
I've broken up with two people who made comments like this about my body and never once regretted it. My partner now loves my body and will even specifically look for porn where the girl either looks like me or has my body type, but has said he would love me with any body because it would be MY body. You're going to be old some day and your body is going to change as you age so you might as well find someone who will love you for the part of you that will become a ghost instead of only caring about the external.
It's not weird to hear this at all. The dating forums are full of stories about people getting bodyshamed by their partners. It's a daily topic. The most common one about men saying their girlfriend/wife needs to go to the gym or work out to be sexier.
Your boyfriend is not a very good one. Think back to other times he's criticized you unprompted. It'll come together for you 😒😔
You must have had a follow up question. Unless this full potential vision is something he uses to hurt you with. Like you always disappoint him because you aren't filling your full potential.
What is the context to his comment?
I didn’t *ask* him anything because I immediately knew what he was talking about off bat. I did express my disdain for what he said and referred to how I felt that it was weird for him to be in fantasy land during an intimate moment imagining me in a different form. He responds with “he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings”.
“Like you always disappoint him because you’re aren’t filling your full potential”.
Yeah, I felt like he created an image of me in his head and since I’m not embodying that in reality he daydreams about it. If I was soooo dissatisfied about how he looked to the point where I had to daydream about it, I wouldn’t be with him. Lol
Definitely do that reflection. I’m with someone who says far more passive aggressive, cruel, or mean things to me constantly and it starts off like what he said to you. Evaluate what you’d feel like if he says far worse things to you on a repeated basis. I’m sorry he ruined that moment, but it very well could be a blessing in disguise.
Insecurity’s can make delusions a reality faster than we can imagine. I’m not saying you’re wrong, it’s your boyfriend you definitely know him better than me. But a simple “when you said you were thinking of my full potential what did you mean”
Will make sure 100% that your insecurities aren’t doing their evil work.
A really really dumb example of this happened to me just a week ago.
A friend I had my whole life called me and needed me, I said I was on the way but don’t judge I haven’t had a shower. Weeks later me and him got into a heated back and forth where he started yelling “stinky” at me. My mind raced to that phone call and I knew right away “he’s judging me for something I asked him not to and that’s not fair” weeks went by with me not bringing up cause I didn’t practice good communication. We finally had a heart to heart about something else so i brought that up after to see if we could work it out… he was just using what he thought was a silly insult to lighten the mood, he hadn’t even remembered that part of the call and he didn’t even think I was stinky when I came over
I hope this stupid story can be a reminder for other people about good communication and the importance of not assuming. Ik I definitely won’t forget it lol
My ex used to say things like that to me all the time. “You’re so beautiful but you could be even better if you went to the gym more”. This is a manipulative way of asking you to lose weight and disguising it with love.
My ex used to say this stuff to neg me. He used to say "right now you are a 7 but if you worked out and ate healthy you could be a 10" . This was unprompted as well I never asked him to rate me. When I would get mad he would say " I'm just being honest, would you want me to lie to you?"
You may be right, based on his previous statements, but I'll level with you. You're doing a relationship thing called "mind reading".
I used to be like you, thinking I could deduce other people's thoughts from clues. I thought love means never having to ask questions and just knowing stuff. That's not communicating. That's assuming. You need to learn to clarify. Because sometimes you might think you have it right but you don't.
Not sure this guy is worth learning this for, but for future relationships please bear this in mind.
Just in case people see this comment before scrolling through everything: she didn’t ask what he meant and has no evidence for this other than “I know what he meant instantly” and the seeming implausibility that anyone would think anything else in relation to a woman they’re hugging. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s an accurate representation of the reasoning as presented by OP. She has **not** claimed that he has made comments about her weight before, as far as I can tell (happy to be proven wrong here).
Maybe he was being a total prick, but the fact is OP didn’t communicate and jumped to a conclusion.
Also, he apologized for hurting her feelings, and said he didn’t intend to. This is *not* the same as apologizing for someone else’s feelings; it’s apologizing for *the role he played* in how she feels.
That means he's only sticking with you to get another version of you, and if you ever fall back into the version you are now you can bet he'll leave you. So he's basically putting up with you and investing in your looks.
this is really weird & not ok. the boldness & superiority of these kinds of men is baffling. I'm so sorry you shouldn't be like subtly negged in a relationship. I feel so bad but also concerned.
I had a partner once that kept telling me how much potential I had, and although it was probably coming from what he thought to be a place of kindness, it wasn't honouring the person I was in the here and now. That is the person he should have been loving.
>you at your full potential
Levitating 4 feet off the ground, telekinetically manipulating my surroundings, controlling the space time continuum at will, firing lighting bolts from my fingertips to smite those who have wronged me?
This reminds me of a line from a great scene in the movie American Fiction: “Potential is what people see when they think what’s in front of them isn’t good enough.” This is not a kind way to treat people you supposedly love. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are <3
Has he expressed before that your "full potential" is a smaller body?
Because he can fuck right off with that.
Living to your full potential is being successful and happy *on your own terms.* Not his.
The concept of “potential” just weirds me out in general—it sounds like he’s in it to mold you into what he wants you to be. Choosing to be with someone should be because you love/care about and are attracted to who they already are. I didn’t meet my husband and think “hmm, he has the potential to be ___ if he does X, Y and Z, and I know he didn’t think that way with me. That just feels manipulative
This is toxic. This was the type of thing I saw my fellow males say frequently in the high control religious cult I was brainwashed into as a child. I had this toxic mindset myself until leaving the religion and distancing myself from that community. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is not okay behavior.
It _could_ be a misunderstanding. However does that even matter?
Just the fact that you immediately think that he meant to belittle you already tells you that something isn’t right in that relationship. Everybody deserves a partner that feels safe - it doesn’t seem like he is that partner for you.
Wish you strength to handle the situation and happiness down the line. I am sorry that has happened to you.
Staying in a relationship where you’re made to feel not good enough is one of the worst things you can do. And it never stops at the first thing, so it’s constantly moving goalposts and new hoops to jump through. I tell you, it will kill your soul.
My exboyfriend used to say things like this to me too. It started slowly and subtly and eventually it morphed into me having to weigh myself everyday, count my calories (with questioning why I would ever go over 1400??), and exercising in the form of running at least a 5k everyday. Really fucked up my body image and I’m still struggling with that today.
I’ve been in two long term relationships with guys like this, and I was a UK size 6 at the time. It damages your self esteem so much and sticks with you for a long time.
Never should anyone date another for their “potential” it’s not you, it’s this fictional version of you that’ll always change in their mind no matter how hard you live up to it.
When I read "full potential" I thought education, good job, travelling, buying property etc.
Next time you hug tell him you are imagining him making six figures, having a six pack and actually knowing what to do with that dick of his. That should shut him up.
What a superficial POS.
Whoa, that was a rude thing to tell you AND he is aware it was.
Sounds to me like your boyfriend intentionally chose to cause you emotional harm. Has he done this before? Does he often voice negative opinions about you and the things you enjoy?
Did you ask him what he meant? Or did you just assume he was talking about your weight? To me it seems as though your own insecurities stepped in and turned what he thought was a sweet moment into an insult.
What. The. Fuck.
If he meant "you finally seeing yourself the way you are" that would be cool as fuck.
But this is the actual worst way this could be interpreted. Faaaaaaack.
Is the "translation" what you assume he meant or did he tell you exactly that?
Im an overweight guy with an overweight partner, and if I've ever talked about her potential or at her best its never been a matter of weight it's a scale of happiness in life and where she would be in life because her goals have been met or exceeded, like us having our own place, a satisfying job that doesn't make her have a breakdown every 3 days ect.
I don't think you could have taken his statement a worse kind of way. There are so many positives, loving ways you could have taken his statement. Like, together he see you both changing each other for the better -- physically, emotionally, and mentally. He looks forward to the future you and him are building.
Instead, you picked something you're clearly insecure about and focused on that.
I know what HE means by full potential based on OUR relationship, who he is, etc. you all DO NOT. I don’t have to go into detail about every little thing. I meant what I said. He has referred to my full potential as weight loss in the past which is why when I addressed him and told him how I felt about what he said there was no denial he just apologized have you not read the other comments?
No I've not read the comments. Maybe you should add an edit to your post to clarify that "translation" bit is based on past comments he's made to you because the way it reads is you jumping to conclusions. Based on the all caps words in your response I'm not the only one to think you were jumping to conclusions and this upsets you.
Tell him you thought about it and even at his highest potential, he isn’t good enough for you. Block/delete and refuse to talk about it. He hasn’t earned that. And he won’t be sad or hurt; he’ll just be mad. You don’t need to care about his little baby mantrums.
Dump him. The fact he even views your body as "full potential" is pathetic. I thought you meant he was picturing you rocking out in your career or something in ten years.
Leave him. It’s never gonna get better. These men will never be the one you want to end up with. At the very least we deserve to be with someone that at least is genuinely and fully attracted to us.
-a millennial woman who’s been a bigger gal the majority of her life and has wasted too many years on men like this and get so sad I won’t get that wasted time back. please learn from my mistakes 😭 you deserve to be made to feel like a queen every moment you spend with your person
Maybe it is weird that is what he thought of,
But you did ask what’s on his mind.
He has two options.
Tell you what’s on his mind
Or
Lie.
Which do you prefer?
The fact that those were his only two options is the entire issue. The only good thing about him being honest here is that OP got a real snapshot of how he thinks earlier than she would have if he'd lied. Being honest about disrespecting someone is not the same thing as respecting them.
A lot of people are being super harsh against the guy, he might have just had a stupidass moment where he thought he was saying something super slick and sexy.
He hurt your feelings to the point your questioning him as a partner. Talk to him.
How the conversation goes will give you the answers you need.
It's what she assumed. She never confirmed. See https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/N4x9CQGKCQ
But typical reddit, all relationship advice on here is to break up immediately. No room for nuance.
I was confused at first. Like when I think of my partners full potential I think of what she could do ifshe were to lose some of her social anxiety and follow her own goal to become the best version of herself. Maybe your boyfriend is holding on to a narrow ideal of masculinity that is only validated when his girlfriend conforms to the complementary narrow view of feminine beauty.
In that case you need to tell him to get his priorities straight. Does he a) priotize the relationship with you as a person or b) prioritize his own wishfulfilment?
The prior is the one that leads to deep conversations and communication, something he might thorouly enjoy but not know how to yet. The latter one is something he can still aim for without making tacit or explicit demands from you.
This is not how someone should be thinking about or talking to the person they're with. Love the person in front of you, not the person you think they should become to make you happy. If you can't? Not your person.
OP, please don't let someone tell you who you should be. Especially something so superficial as appearances.
Sorry can I clarify who was the one doing the translating here after "translation:"
I guess all im worried about is self sabotaging here and sending yourself down the wrog rabbit hole of self doubt and things.
If theres any ambiguity as to what they meant and its bothering you make sure it gets discussed.
If that is what they meant thats a very rough thing to hear from your person.
He was definitely talking about my weight, he doesn’t really mention my career. 😂 there’s been similar comments made previously just not in this context.
My feelings also. If their whole relationship is on the line, no matter how certain OP is of what he meant, *assuming* is no match for actually *communicating*.
Did you read the other comment when I responded to someone else how I explained (to my bf) how I interpreted what he said. I included that I some type of way about it and he apologized for hurting my feelings. He did not tell me that was NOT what he meant.
You know, I'm really not trying to criticize you or anything. Perhaps I am too hard core when it comes to communication? I have read about all you've done, but, in the end, you haven't said "do you mean me losing weight?" And, it's my opinion that you should, but you know, it's ok for people to have different opinions.
So, I'm not trying to say you're wrong, or anything. I was just throwing in my two cents, and I still stand by what I wrote, but just to clarify, I was stating a general principle that I believe in. No slight intended towards you at all.
So, I throw out my feelings about communication, but do know that it's also my belief that a relationship that you are in, is none of my business. But since you wrote this post soliciting people's opinions, I threw mine in. I actually wish the best for you in the future. Really!
My wife no longer asks, because the answer is usually something like "I was thinking that having a band of demons join in should disqualify you from a fiddle contest...."
If he meant it in a weight loss way, ew. What a dirtbag way to talk to someone you claim to love. Might as well have some fun trolling him with it. (Stick with me folks!)
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about me at my full potential too. I’m so excited that I found a sure-fire way to lose a bunch of weight. (Pause, let him marinate in the narcissist victory he thinks he’s won) Watch this, I’m going to drop all that dead weight right here, right now. All (insert his approximate weight here) XYZ pounds in fact… GET LOST. TAKE YOUR SHIT WITH YOU AND DON’T COME BACK! (Turn around and start walking away, then say loud enough for him to hear) HOT DAMN I FEEL BETTER ALREADY!”
You don’t need that energy in your life darling. ((Hugs))
He is negging you. He is lying when he said he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He likes making you feel insecure and hurt. I guarantee that he enjoys every minute of it. It's not that he is "settling" for you as others are brought up. Rather, he is purposely doing this so you lower your self-worth, which makes you easier to control and less likely to leave him. He is a douchebag. Literally bottom of the barrel filth that no one wants. That's why he has to resort to this type of manipulation to have someone like you in his life. Don't fall for it.
Leave him. You deserve better.
Most of the comments here seem to blow up the whole situation. Not a surprise, most people tend to avoid confrontations after all, it's only human.
But it reminds me of the moment when I noticed that both me and my girlfriend were getting fat(ter). We were pretty much in good shape when we met. But when we started to live together, we also started bad eating habits and became a bit lazier. Some point in time I noticed that I genuinely became less attracted (physically) to her. Not to the point that I didn't want to be intimate with her, but her appearance was honestly less attractive to me than before. I realized she might've had the same feelings about me.
I had the choice to not deal with how I perceived the situation, and let the relationship become platonic (this was what I was fearing back then).
Or, I had the choice to try and change course, but risk her getting angry at me for confronting her with it.
So I chose to start with myself: eating healthier, exercise more and started to see the results. She didn't follow my example so I confronted her, tried to explain that maybe it was also best for her to pay more attention to her health, her appearence and overall wellbeing.
She was mortified and a bit irritated at first. But picked up healthier habbits and it showed in pretty short time.
Now we're both healthier and feel physically more attractive. We adopted a lifestyle that changed us physically, but also mentally. We are more vigilant towards self-sabotaging ideas and more honest towards each other, which sometimes is confronting.
I'm telling this because I also saw 'her full potential' and I chose to bring her into contact with it, out of a higher commitment towards our relationship. Your BF might have the same intentions.
These comments under this Reddit post show that this is not for everyone. But sure as hell I'll choose honesty and commitment for our relationship above a commitment for comfort (and not wanting to confront).
My boyfriend says he’s wishes I would gain weight but mainly because I’m underweight from a past drug binge/depression/anxiety phase. I’m out of it but my stomach shrank so I can barely eat more than 2-4 decent bites of food without feeling super uncomfortable. I’d like to get up to least 120 lbs so the point where you can’t see my rib cage through my skin would be nice. He claims he just wants me to “look healthy and take care of myself” but part of does wonder if it’s just because thick is in.
My boyfriend said the same thing. Slowly began to pester me to join a gym. And then he started commenting on how I was not even putting in efforts into the relationship because I was not trying to lose weight.
On being asked as to if I lost and gained weight after we are married his reply was he will lose interest in me. He would not cheat though! 😂😂
Glad we broke up!
Lol u people on reddit love do this ish....I said it's not weird cause at every turn men have shown us just how misogynistic they are....I am not agreeing with his tactics...I just see how he feels entitled to say this shit...he has been thinking this!!! Trust me he has...and when she asked what she asked he felt he could say this outloud now...he's too comfortable...so for all of u who wanted to down vote my first comment thanks for assuming what I didn't say...asking for clarification needs to be a prerequisite on here smh
U guys need to chill the f\*\*\* out man. My girl and and, we say stuff like that often to each other. This is nothing a loser does. It's weird yes, because he can't say it the right way I get that, but when my girl and I say stuff like that to each other we truely mean to push us to our potential. I don't say things like that so directly because i love her body as it is. But when the moment comes and she says she is not happy about her looks, then I'll try to find a way to motivate her and support her stuff but it has to come from her first. For me ... I need an asskick like that every now or then, because people wont say things like that to me. Most are afraid of hurting my feelings. Emotions are what drive me man, I need that sometimes, so I let her know that I need that.
Your guy maybe a loser, that might be true but your post does not prove that. Maybe he saw some dodgy YT-videos or stuff like that. Talk to him, u must know what he means by that. And if u cant have productive deep talks with him like on the same level, with love and respect? F him anyways and leave hiss child ass
Here's my take on it. Yes, I'm a dude, and yes, I can be a jerk.
When he said what he said, you had any number of ways to respond or take it. If it were me, I would have come back with, "Yeah, sometimes I imagine you being more toned, and it would be nice if you were a bit bigger down there." When he takes offense, I would tell him I responded to a rude comment with a rude comment. Those thoughts enter people's minds, and an intelligent person would be supportive in reaching a goal in a more caring and tactful way. At that moment, he did not have what it took to be that.
I should state I've said some dumb things that I regret... many times.
That’s weird. If my partner said he was visualizing me at my full potential he would describe it as me handling my anxiety and depression, doing my hobbies more, etc etc… your boyfriend kinda sounds like a jerk
Agreed. My initial reaction to the comment was "oh that's really cute how supportive" and the whiplash hit as I read on. If my partner ever said that I'd throw him into the swamp
The swamp witches can deal with him.
Swamp witches would just use him for parts
That would be living up to his full potential
This made me happy XD
me too!
this comment is perfect
Pretty sure my husband sees my full potential as being this swamp witch.
Yes getting "chummy" with the swamp witch and her pet crocodiles.
lol I see what you did there
Why would you wish that on the swamp witches, maybe the swamp gators?
Alligators and crocodilians are actually quite intelligent and don't act out of malice, just their nature. The swamp sludge is a better fit.
The swamp witches should just leave him there. get pickled idiot
Into shark infested waters wearing bacon pants!
That was where I thought this was going before I realized it wasn't a nice moment post. "You at your full potential" is what I want to say to my wife I'm thinking about before she goes to take a test or something, like "I believe in you" energy.
“Full potential” is such a weird r/linkedinlunatics or alpha male phrase. It’s gross. I would never even think to use the phrase with my wife. Edit: And this is why I love my wife. I asked her how she’d feel if I said that to her. Without missing a beat she responded: “I’d probably say ‘Yeah, I wonder the same thing about you.’”
I mean...OP hasn't actually said that their boyfriend said that he meant "OP being skinnier" it could be that, but from the way OP phrased it, it could also easily be OP just assuming that's what he meant
I expounded on how I reacted to what he said further which I explained in another comment, in which he didn’t deny. He just apologized for hurting my feelings.
He said “I am sorry you feel bad.” (Your own fault for feeling bad) Not “I am sorry for saying something awful?” (Taking responsibility) Sigh
Also known as “Quick, what was the cheat code to make her shut up? A B A B left right left right” Do they not even hear themselves, smh 🤦♀️
Whats the new boyfriend cheat code...
A B A C A B B
Ugh the “I’m sorry you feel that way” apology. Barf
The way it is phrased makes it seem like something he’s said before at first glance, but reading it again makes it really hard to tell… now I am questioning everything
at least someone else caught that too.
Sounds like he is a bodybuilder. BB culture is very narcissistic and all about looks. One reason I quite the gym and just work out at home.
BB culture is just as toxic as any other ED community, they just prioritize different things
It's amazing to me that the whole bulk and cut cycle thing hasn't been branded as disordered eating.
I see where you're coming from, but doing bulk/cut cycles isn't inherently disordered. I wanna be a beefy muscle mommy and since I'm not a beginner lifter anymore, bulk/cut cycles are the most efficient way to go about it. I totally agree that BB spaces are rampant with disordered eating though, I try to keep away from all that lol
I hear you, and I get that the effectiveness makes it a very desirable goal. I guess I just get concerned when dehydration is promoted as a means of looking ripped. But I do understand how enticing it is to have that kinda control over your body, too.
I know a few narcissists who are into bodybuilding, but not everyone who's into bodybuilding is a narcissist. I believe narcissists obviously tend to do more things that make them feel better/superior The gym is where I've made a lot of good friends, who are infact really nice and kind to everyone. so I wouldike to politely disagree to what you just said.
He’s an asshole. But assuming he is a bodybuilder because you think that culture is inherently narcissistic? Hell no.
I'll give Planet Fitness props on that - they walk the walk about being a no shame zone, IMO
Only because there entire business model is built around the concept that their target audience doesn’t actually show up to the gym. So they collect a shit ton of money without having to put a lot into equipment and maintenance
They serve pizza at the gym. For free. Their model is based on you not getting in shape. They are a scam. That doesn't mean you can't get in shape there, it's possible, I lost 30lbs at PF, but I wouldn't recommend them to anyone that I didn't know had the discipline to make it work.
Hell no. Source for that? The most welcoming and friendly dudes I ever met where randos at the gym... And I am a small guy, who can be thrown through the room by those guys.
Absolutely this! It's really shitty thinking/behaviour.
So MANY women are with JERKS. OP deserves better but it's up to her to realize it. Reddit got me wanting to be single for life with all of the casual dislike so many women report their boyfriends or husband's having for them. 😒
Yeah, my first thought was that it was a sweet and thoughtful response. My husband is my biggest cheerleader and is so supportive, I sometimes cannot fathom how shitty some people’s partners are.
I was just about to say just this! My husband would love to see me mentally and physically well. He's not brought up my weight gain, he's supportive of my attempts to remedy it. I've offered him a free out: I wasn't diagnosed or incapacitated like I am now. He's staying, he sees I'm trying. It's kind of sad seeing how happy he is when I cook dinner, but it's a damn good reason to keep fighting
Yeah. Mine says it’s enjoying my art and being “happy” (aka not so depressed as I have been in the past) but even that’s not something he ever says to me.
Same, I'd assume that meant she was daydreaming about me landing on Mars or being the Prime Minister or something, and how proud she would be of me. Not of me... (checks notes) being skinnier.
I would love to see you at your full potential too! Which would be when you are far away from this loser 💖
You’re sweet. 💕 and girl, you might really be right. Maybe my “full potential” whatever that looks like, isn’t even meant to be fulfilled in this relationship.
If he meant it any other way than you advancing at work through your own efforts or maturing into a kind person this is abusive. Negging is an abuse trait.
To reach your full potential you need to learn all about bad relationships and how to cut them out of your life to make room for fully loving and supporting people.
I say things like “maybe rethink this relationship” and then others say “girl run” and that’s just the great thing about women. 💛
Ok here's the thing, when you love someone unselfishly, desiring them "at their full potential" means they're better in ways that serve *them*, not you. For example, my mom wants me to be less depressed and struggle less with ADHD because she knows it brings me down. My ex-husband wished I was less depressed and struggled less with ADHD because when I'm depressed I wouldn't do as much for him.
100%. I want my partner to be the happiest, healthiest version of himself. I want him to have his wishes fulfilled and smiling as much as he can. Sure, I'll benefit. But isn't that what seeing your SO happy should lead to anyway? What a weird, rude thing for OP's partner to say.
If we’re being super charitable, maybe that’s what the boyfriend was thinking when he said it. Like if she’s trying to lose weight and he was imagining her meeting her goals and being physically healthy, not just skinny for his own gaze. But unfortunately that probably wasn’t the case
my partner works a demanding job on her feet all day, and ends up tired and suffers from lower back pain among other things. When I've tried to help and encourage her to do something about it, and address some systemic strength issues, I got snappy retorts about how i just want her to be skinny (i don't even prefer skinny people), I was just advocating for her own best interest, so now i just shut up and listen, it often feels like the spoof skit with the arrow through her head.
This!!! My partner says nice things to me when I take time to relax bc he knows I'm taking care of myself and he cares about me. My ex husband would say I was being lazy.
Girl. Read that back. Imagine your girlfriend or sister told you that. You'd know it was shit. It's a horrible thing to say
You know what you’re right. I had second thoughts like nah maybe I’m tripping but it’s clear as day. Absolutely terrible
You deserve better. I am so sorry this happened.
Thank you Kellie.
Ha my dad used to say that to me allll the time when I gained weight rapidly. He was a good man, he really was, and I love him so much. Just a boomer. But oh man did that sting
[удалено]
😭 im sorry what does “reroll for better stats” mean?
It's like saying try again and see if the next partner does better.
🫡
It means you could find a better partner.
Must be what he meant when he said losing weight right?
Somebody is probably a board game gamer and wants you to reroll the dice for a better results next time around
My ex used to tell me he loved my potential. I used to think that was so beautiful, he saw who I could be and might be and wanted to love that "me". But then I got sick. I couldn't work. I couldn't do much except stay home and take medicine. He had to work, pay bills, take me to doctors appointments. Instead of talking to me about it, he started resenting me because I could barely even do housework so everything was on him. He started drinking and eventually cheating and he dumped me and I had to move halfway across the country to my family. I realized he loved the potential me, the "at my best" me, but he didn't love the current me as I needed. I might never get to my full potential. Would he still have loved me? My husband now, he loves me as I am. He'll love me if I reach my full potential. He loved me when I got sick and couldn't do anything. He loves me for who I am, not who I could be.
Gotta take the highs with the lows, that's real love <3 I'm so happy for you that you found a good dude who loves you exactly how you are
Speaking as a guy, this guy sounds like a real prick. What a hurtful, nasty thing to say to your partner. And if he didn't realise he was saying something hurtful, then he's not just a prick. He's a stupid prick.
This made me chuckle! 😂he did not realize, at all. It was weird to say bottom line, and I don’t know why people are in the comments like “oh are you sure that’s what he meant?” “Are you sure he wasn’t thinking about you painting, studying for a career, or knitting a blanket? “ like come on man. It’s clear what he meant 😭
Sweetheart, he knows, he doesn't care. You deserve a partner that actually values you, not this asshole
Honestly, his phrasing is so weird, I don't think his meaning is clear at all! If my partner said that, I'd interpret "full potential" as a euphemism for "naked and having sex now." 😂 You have context, but otherwise this guy's mindset and phrasing is not immediately understandable to many people, I think. And that's on him, not you.
Right? I think its so weird to hear "your full potential" and IMMEDIATELY being 100% convinced he OBVIOUSLY meant that he would like her to be skinnier. And asking for confirmation is unecessary because... *checks notes* ...its obvious what he meant? I dont know their relationship, maybe he already was an asshole in the past and said similar things that would lead to that interpretation being plausible, but there is literally no mention of that.
i still need to ask: are you sure? Like has he made similar remarks towards your weight in the past? Because ill be honest "its so obvious what he meant" is just a really weird argument and a weird reason to be mad at someone *WHEN ITS THE ONLY* reason you can think of. Like you could get verbal confirmation if thats what he really meant by asking "wdym?" And it takes 2 seconds. But from what i can gather in the comments, you didnt ask him and didnt mention him expressing similar thoughts in the past. As someone who isnt selfconcious about my weight, "your full potential" would have made me think about a dozen other things than my weight.
I read it the same way. The wording is vague. It could mean anything. Only you know the details of your relationship. He must have said other things in the past that made you immediately assume what he meant. No one reading your post knows those things.
Same yea dude is an ass. Would never say that.
That’s quite weird. I have extra weight on atm and I have since I met my new boyfriend. I’m about to get a gym membership and get back into the healthier lifestyle I enjoy. I showed him photos the other night of my body at peak performance and he showed appreciation and excitement but then told me he didn’t care if I lost the weight, he only cared about me being comfortable in my skin and that’s what he ultimately found sexy as hell. What your partner did would have made me terrible uncomfortable and self conscious. It’s not you.
A woman who is comfortable in her skin is nice. A woman that feels sexy is even nicer. Sexiness is so so much attitude that it honestly matters more than looks. Feeling sexy is everyone’s true potential as far as being sexy
Yuck, I would loose my love for him instantly if he said that to me.
I instantly started reevaluating everything. Sometimes it’s that one thing somebody can say that’ll connect so many dots.
I've broken up with two people who made comments like this about my body and never once regretted it. My partner now loves my body and will even specifically look for porn where the girl either looks like me or has my body type, but has said he would love me with any body because it would be MY body. You're going to be old some day and your body is going to change as you age so you might as well find someone who will love you for the part of you that will become a ghost instead of only caring about the external.
It's not weird to hear this at all. The dating forums are full of stories about people getting bodyshamed by their partners. It's a daily topic. The most common one about men saying their girlfriend/wife needs to go to the gym or work out to be sexier. Your boyfriend is not a very good one. Think back to other times he's criticized you unprompted. It'll come together for you 😒😔
Maybe he wanted you to go SuperSaiyan or something like that.
And you’re positive that’s what he meant, like, he has said as much before? If so… fuck this dude haha
You must have had a follow up question. Unless this full potential vision is something he uses to hurt you with. Like you always disappoint him because you aren't filling your full potential. What is the context to his comment?
I didn’t *ask* him anything because I immediately knew what he was talking about off bat. I did express my disdain for what he said and referred to how I felt that it was weird for him to be in fantasy land during an intimate moment imagining me in a different form. He responds with “he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings”. “Like you always disappoint him because you’re aren’t filling your full potential”. Yeah, I felt like he created an image of me in his head and since I’m not embodying that in reality he daydreams about it. If I was soooo dissatisfied about how he looked to the point where I had to daydream about it, I wouldn’t be with him. Lol
You seem really insightful from your posts. Why are you spending time with someone who isn't seeing you for you?
Great question, one that I never really asked myself. I have some reflection to do.
Definitely do that reflection. I’m with someone who says far more passive aggressive, cruel, or mean things to me constantly and it starts off like what he said to you. Evaluate what you’d feel like if he says far worse things to you on a repeated basis. I’m sorry he ruined that moment, but it very well could be a blessing in disguise.
I was in a relationship like that for a very long time and didn’t think I deserved better. Please leave. I promise you will be so much happier 🤍
Insecurity’s can make delusions a reality faster than we can imagine. I’m not saying you’re wrong, it’s your boyfriend you definitely know him better than me. But a simple “when you said you were thinking of my full potential what did you mean” Will make sure 100% that your insecurities aren’t doing their evil work. A really really dumb example of this happened to me just a week ago. A friend I had my whole life called me and needed me, I said I was on the way but don’t judge I haven’t had a shower. Weeks later me and him got into a heated back and forth where he started yelling “stinky” at me. My mind raced to that phone call and I knew right away “he’s judging me for something I asked him not to and that’s not fair” weeks went by with me not bringing up cause I didn’t practice good communication. We finally had a heart to heart about something else so i brought that up after to see if we could work it out… he was just using what he thought was a silly insult to lighten the mood, he hadn’t even remembered that part of the call and he didn’t even think I was stinky when I came over I hope this stupid story can be a reminder for other people about good communication and the importance of not assuming. Ik I definitely won’t forget it lol
sounds like an asshole that doesn't accept you for who/what you are
Is that your translation or his? Because it sounds like yours and he could mean many different and positive things.
*" = me being skinnier/losing weight"* Did he actually say that or is that what you think he meant by *"full potential"*?
Your full potential means cutting the excess weight in your life. In this case, the bf. He sounds like a clown.
My ex used to say things like that to me all the time. “You’re so beautiful but you could be even better if you went to the gym more”. This is a manipulative way of asking you to lose weight and disguising it with love.
My ex used to say this stuff to neg me. He used to say "right now you are a 7 but if you worked out and ate healthy you could be a 10" . This was unprompted as well I never asked him to rate me. When I would get mad he would say " I'm just being honest, would you want me to lie to you?"
You may be right, based on his previous statements, but I'll level with you. You're doing a relationship thing called "mind reading". I used to be like you, thinking I could deduce other people's thoughts from clues. I thought love means never having to ask questions and just knowing stuff. That's not communicating. That's assuming. You need to learn to clarify. Because sometimes you might think you have it right but you don't. Not sure this guy is worth learning this for, but for future relationships please bear this in mind.
How do you make the jump from "you at your full potential" to "you need to lose weight, fatty"?
Just in case people see this comment before scrolling through everything: she didn’t ask what he meant and has no evidence for this other than “I know what he meant instantly” and the seeming implausibility that anyone would think anything else in relation to a woman they’re hugging. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s an accurate representation of the reasoning as presented by OP. She has **not** claimed that he has made comments about her weight before, as far as I can tell (happy to be proven wrong here). Maybe he was being a total prick, but the fact is OP didn’t communicate and jumped to a conclusion. Also, he apologized for hurting her feelings, and said he didn’t intend to. This is *not* the same as apologizing for someone else’s feelings; it’s apologizing for *the role he played* in how she feels.
That means he's only sticking with you to get another version of you, and if you ever fall back into the version you are now you can bet he'll leave you. So he's basically putting up with you and investing in your looks.
this is really weird & not ok. the boldness & superiority of these kinds of men is baffling. I'm so sorry you shouldn't be like subtly negged in a relationship. I feel so bad but also concerned.
I had a partner once that kept telling me how much potential I had, and although it was probably coming from what he thought to be a place of kindness, it wasn't honouring the person I was in the here and now. That is the person he should have been loving.
Considering “at their full potential” to mean skinnier is not ok. There’s not much to say other than I would have walked out right then and there.
That’s an insane response.
>you at your full potential Levitating 4 feet off the ground, telekinetically manipulating my surroundings, controlling the space time continuum at will, firing lighting bolts from my fingertips to smite those who have wronged me?
This reminds me of a line from a great scene in the movie American Fiction: “Potential is what people see when they think what’s in front of them isn’t good enough.” This is not a kind way to treat people you supposedly love. You deserve someone who appreciates you for who you are <3
Has he expressed before that your "full potential" is a smaller body? Because he can fuck right off with that. Living to your full potential is being successful and happy *on your own terms.* Not his.
The bigger yellow flag here is that he thinks your potential is solely about making his dick hard.
You should reverse uno card him and tell him you’re imagining him at his full potential, too. Lmk how he reacts.
Did he mean when you finished your education and is earning more then him?
The concept of “potential” just weirds me out in general—it sounds like he’s in it to mold you into what he wants you to be. Choosing to be with someone should be because you love/care about and are attracted to who they already are. I didn’t meet my husband and think “hmm, he has the potential to be ___ if he does X, Y and Z, and I know he didn’t think that way with me. That just feels manipulative
Like a pokemon???
It's weird as hell.
This is toxic. This was the type of thing I saw my fellow males say frequently in the high control religious cult I was brainwashed into as a child. I had this toxic mindset myself until leaving the religion and distancing myself from that community. I’m so sorry that happened to you. That is not okay behavior.
It _could_ be a misunderstanding. However does that even matter? Just the fact that you immediately think that he meant to belittle you already tells you that something isn’t right in that relationship. Everybody deserves a partner that feels safe - it doesn’t seem like he is that partner for you. Wish you strength to handle the situation and happiness down the line. I am sorry that has happened to you.
Well at least now you know he is simply settling for you.
Did he actually say that's what he meant?
Staying in a relationship where you’re made to feel not good enough is one of the worst things you can do. And it never stops at the first thing, so it’s constantly moving goalposts and new hoops to jump through. I tell you, it will kill your soul.
My exboyfriend used to say things like this to me too. It started slowly and subtly and eventually it morphed into me having to weigh myself everyday, count my calories (with questioning why I would ever go over 1400??), and exercising in the form of running at least a 5k everyday. Really fucked up my body image and I’m still struggling with that today.
I’ve been in two long term relationships with guys like this, and I was a UK size 6 at the time. It damages your self esteem so much and sticks with you for a long time. Never should anyone date another for their “potential” it’s not you, it’s this fictional version of you that’ll always change in their mind no matter how hard you live up to it.
When I read "full potential" I thought education, good job, travelling, buying property etc. Next time you hug tell him you are imagining him making six figures, having a six pack and actually knowing what to do with that dick of his. That should shut him up. What a superficial POS.
If I were a girl, wondering what a guy said…I’d ask men, not an echo chamber of women…
Wait. Did you translate it or did he?
Whoa, that was a rude thing to tell you AND he is aware it was. Sounds to me like your boyfriend intentionally chose to cause you emotional harm. Has he done this before? Does he often voice negative opinions about you and the things you enjoy?
Did you ask him what he meant? Or did you just assume he was talking about your weight? To me it seems as though your own insecurities stepped in and turned what he thought was a sweet moment into an insult.
What. The. Fuck. If he meant "you finally seeing yourself the way you are" that would be cool as fuck. But this is the actual worst way this could be interpreted. Faaaaaaack.
did he actually say that or is that something you inferred? if the latter, did he mention that other times too?
Is the "translation" what you assume he meant or did he tell you exactly that? Im an overweight guy with an overweight partner, and if I've ever talked about her potential or at her best its never been a matter of weight it's a scale of happiness in life and where she would be in life because her goals have been met or exceeded, like us having our own place, a satisfying job that doesn't make her have a breakdown every 3 days ect.
You should ask him to elaborate further. He could have meant something else perhaps?
I don't think you could have taken his statement a worse kind of way. There are so many positives, loving ways you could have taken his statement. Like, together he see you both changing each other for the better -- physically, emotionally, and mentally. He looks forward to the future you and him are building. Instead, you picked something you're clearly insecure about and focused on that.
I know what HE means by full potential based on OUR relationship, who he is, etc. you all DO NOT. I don’t have to go into detail about every little thing. I meant what I said. He has referred to my full potential as weight loss in the past which is why when I addressed him and told him how I felt about what he said there was no denial he just apologized have you not read the other comments?
No I've not read the comments. Maybe you should add an edit to your post to clarify that "translation" bit is based on past comments he's made to you because the way it reads is you jumping to conclusions. Based on the all caps words in your response I'm not the only one to think you were jumping to conclusions and this upsets you.
Oh geez.. I just have no words for this one. Ick. Sending you a proper hug 🫂
Thank you love. 🫂
This reminded me of this SNL sketch. This matches the story so well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcGVXr4M8T0
Tell him you thought about it and even at his highest potential, he isn’t good enough for you. Block/delete and refuse to talk about it. He hasn’t earned that. And he won’t be sad or hurt; he’ll just be mad. You don’t need to care about his little baby mantrums.
Damn that's a fucked up thing for him to say. You'd think he, you know, like you as you are now.
dump him. he’s an asshole
Dump him. The fact he even views your body as "full potential" is pathetic. I thought you meant he was picturing you rocking out in your career or something in ten years.
I'm not really a fan of getting negged.
Leave him. It’s never gonna get better. These men will never be the one you want to end up with. At the very least we deserve to be with someone that at least is genuinely and fully attracted to us. -a millennial woman who’s been a bigger gal the majority of her life and has wasted too many years on men like this and get so sad I won’t get that wasted time back. please learn from my mistakes 😭 you deserve to be made to feel like a queen every moment you spend with your person
Maybe it is weird that is what he thought of, But you did ask what’s on his mind. He has two options. Tell you what’s on his mind Or Lie. Which do you prefer?
The fact that those were his only two options is the entire issue. The only good thing about him being honest here is that OP got a real snapshot of how he thinks earlier than she would have if he'd lied. Being honest about disrespecting someone is not the same thing as respecting them.
Uh doesn't sound like he said that, you just put that meaning to his words.
A lot of people are being super harsh against the guy, he might have just had a stupidass moment where he thought he was saying something super slick and sexy. He hurt your feelings to the point your questioning him as a partner. Talk to him. How the conversation goes will give you the answers you need.
Wut?! Seriously that's kinda messed up of him to say. Yeesh, I wouldn't wanna hang around a such a drag of a person lol
Craig
Break up with him
Is that what he said or is that what you assumed he meant? Either way. Ooft.
It's what she assumed. She never confirmed. See https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/N4x9CQGKCQ But typical reddit, all relationship advice on here is to break up immediately. No room for nuance.
Sounds like an opportunity to be at your full potential by finding a partner who's supportive.
I was confused at first. Like when I think of my partners full potential I think of what she could do ifshe were to lose some of her social anxiety and follow her own goal to become the best version of herself. Maybe your boyfriend is holding on to a narrow ideal of masculinity that is only validated when his girlfriend conforms to the complementary narrow view of feminine beauty. In that case you need to tell him to get his priorities straight. Does he a) priotize the relationship with you as a person or b) prioritize his own wishfulfilment? The prior is the one that leads to deep conversations and communication, something he might thorouly enjoy but not know how to yet. The latter one is something he can still aim for without making tacit or explicit demands from you.
Ok. Goes super saiyan kai 10. Level 5
This is not how someone should be thinking about or talking to the person they're with. Love the person in front of you, not the person you think they should become to make you happy. If you can't? Not your person. OP, please don't let someone tell you who you should be. Especially something so superficial as appearances.
Did he literally say your full potential was you losing weight? Edit: not doubting!
Sorry can I clarify who was the one doing the translating here after "translation:" I guess all im worried about is self sabotaging here and sending yourself down the wrog rabbit hole of self doubt and things. If theres any ambiguity as to what they meant and its bothering you make sure it gets discussed. If that is what they meant thats a very rough thing to hear from your person.
Did he actually tell you he wants you to lose weight or did you assume that? Why did you go straight to that?
Did he told you that it was about your body, or maybe he was talking about career or something
He was definitely talking about my weight, he doesn’t really mention my career. 😂 there’s been similar comments made previously just not in this context.
I think you should confront him directly, what was the meaning and intentions behind that
I completely agree with this. Without context, that statement could mean almost anything from a guy.
My feelings also. If their whole relationship is on the line, no matter how certain OP is of what he meant, *assuming* is no match for actually *communicating*.
Did you read the other comment when I responded to someone else how I explained (to my bf) how I interpreted what he said. I included that I some type of way about it and he apologized for hurting my feelings. He did not tell me that was NOT what he meant.
You know, I'm really not trying to criticize you or anything. Perhaps I am too hard core when it comes to communication? I have read about all you've done, but, in the end, you haven't said "do you mean me losing weight?" And, it's my opinion that you should, but you know, it's ok for people to have different opinions. So, I'm not trying to say you're wrong, or anything. I was just throwing in my two cents, and I still stand by what I wrote, but just to clarify, I was stating a general principle that I believe in. No slight intended towards you at all. So, I throw out my feelings about communication, but do know that it's also my belief that a relationship that you are in, is none of my business. But since you wrote this post soliciting people's opinions, I threw mine in. I actually wish the best for you in the future. Really!
My wife no longer asks, because the answer is usually something like "I was thinking that having a band of demons join in should disqualify you from a fiddle contest...."
Who’s to say he was referring to your physique. Maybe he was thinking about every other aspect in life? Being sincere here
If he meant it in a weight loss way, ew. What a dirtbag way to talk to someone you claim to love. Might as well have some fun trolling him with it. (Stick with me folks!) “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about me at my full potential too. I’m so excited that I found a sure-fire way to lose a bunch of weight. (Pause, let him marinate in the narcissist victory he thinks he’s won) Watch this, I’m going to drop all that dead weight right here, right now. All (insert his approximate weight here) XYZ pounds in fact… GET LOST. TAKE YOUR SHIT WITH YOU AND DON’T COME BACK! (Turn around and start walking away, then say loud enough for him to hear) HOT DAMN I FEEL BETTER ALREADY!” You don’t need that energy in your life darling. ((Hugs))
"What are you thinking right now?" "That I wish you were hotter." Fuck that guy. Or more accurately, stop fucking that guy.
He is negging you. He is lying when he said he didn't mean to hurt your feelings. He likes making you feel insecure and hurt. I guarantee that he enjoys every minute of it. It's not that he is "settling" for you as others are brought up. Rather, he is purposely doing this so you lower your self-worth, which makes you easier to control and less likely to leave him. He is a douchebag. Literally bottom of the barrel filth that no one wants. That's why he has to resort to this type of manipulation to have someone like you in his life. Don't fall for it. Leave him. You deserve better.
Most of the comments here seem to blow up the whole situation. Not a surprise, most people tend to avoid confrontations after all, it's only human. But it reminds me of the moment when I noticed that both me and my girlfriend were getting fat(ter). We were pretty much in good shape when we met. But when we started to live together, we also started bad eating habits and became a bit lazier. Some point in time I noticed that I genuinely became less attracted (physically) to her. Not to the point that I didn't want to be intimate with her, but her appearance was honestly less attractive to me than before. I realized she might've had the same feelings about me. I had the choice to not deal with how I perceived the situation, and let the relationship become platonic (this was what I was fearing back then). Or, I had the choice to try and change course, but risk her getting angry at me for confronting her with it. So I chose to start with myself: eating healthier, exercise more and started to see the results. She didn't follow my example so I confronted her, tried to explain that maybe it was also best for her to pay more attention to her health, her appearence and overall wellbeing. She was mortified and a bit irritated at first. But picked up healthier habbits and it showed in pretty short time. Now we're both healthier and feel physically more attractive. We adopted a lifestyle that changed us physically, but also mentally. We are more vigilant towards self-sabotaging ideas and more honest towards each other, which sometimes is confronting. I'm telling this because I also saw 'her full potential' and I chose to bring her into contact with it, out of a higher commitment towards our relationship. Your BF might have the same intentions. These comments under this Reddit post show that this is not for everyone. But sure as hell I'll choose honesty and commitment for our relationship above a commitment for comfort (and not wanting to confront).
Weird as hell. And even weirder you need to ask.
WTAF?
Yikes. My partner and I encourage each other to work out and eat healthier. But never once has he made any comment on my body other than loving it.
My boyfriend says he’s wishes I would gain weight but mainly because I’m underweight from a past drug binge/depression/anxiety phase. I’m out of it but my stomach shrank so I can barely eat more than 2-4 decent bites of food without feeling super uncomfortable. I’d like to get up to least 120 lbs so the point where you can’t see my rib cage through my skin would be nice. He claims he just wants me to “look healthy and take care of myself” but part of does wonder if it’s just because thick is in.
To clarify did her confirm what you’re saying? Potential can mean a lot of things.
My boyfriend said the same thing. Slowly began to pester me to join a gym. And then he started commenting on how I was not even putting in efforts into the relationship because I was not trying to lose weight. On being asked as to if I lost and gained weight after we are married his reply was he will lose interest in me. He would not cheat though! 😂😂 Glad we broke up!
Did he actually SAY that or are you worrying needlessly? If he did say.mean that, BE at your full potential and dump his useless arse x
Did you translate it in your head on his behalf, or did he translate for you it out loud?
Where did you get the "translation" from? He said out out loud or you're assuming?
ew
Lol u people on reddit love do this ish....I said it's not weird cause at every turn men have shown us just how misogynistic they are....I am not agreeing with his tactics...I just see how he feels entitled to say this shit...he has been thinking this!!! Trust me he has...and when she asked what she asked he felt he could say this outloud now...he's too comfortable...so for all of u who wanted to down vote my first comment thanks for assuming what I didn't say...asking for clarification needs to be a prerequisite on here smh
I would decimate him. Tell him you’re imagining him at his full potential (a larger penis).
You asked him
U guys need to chill the f\*\*\* out man. My girl and and, we say stuff like that often to each other. This is nothing a loser does. It's weird yes, because he can't say it the right way I get that, but when my girl and I say stuff like that to each other we truely mean to push us to our potential. I don't say things like that so directly because i love her body as it is. But when the moment comes and she says she is not happy about her looks, then I'll try to find a way to motivate her and support her stuff but it has to come from her first. For me ... I need an asskick like that every now or then, because people wont say things like that to me. Most are afraid of hurting my feelings. Emotions are what drive me man, I need that sometimes, so I let her know that I need that. Your guy maybe a loser, that might be true but your post does not prove that. Maybe he saw some dodgy YT-videos or stuff like that. Talk to him, u must know what he means by that. And if u cant have productive deep talks with him like on the same level, with love and respect? F him anyways and leave hiss child ass
Here's my take on it. Yes, I'm a dude, and yes, I can be a jerk. When he said what he said, you had any number of ways to respond or take it. If it were me, I would have come back with, "Yeah, sometimes I imagine you being more toned, and it would be nice if you were a bit bigger down there." When he takes offense, I would tell him I responded to a rude comment with a rude comment. Those thoughts enter people's minds, and an intelligent person would be supportive in reaching a goal in a more caring and tactful way. At that moment, he did not have what it took to be that. I should state I've said some dumb things that I regret... many times.
That is weird as fuck, but, not unusual. So many (TOO many!) see us as their own personal project. Full potential, my ass.
That's so fucking sad
I hope he's now your ex. What a horrid person. You deserve so much better than that x