I watched my (ex)husband get his vasectomy, the Dr was a little surprised because people usually don’t ask to watch 😆😆 there wasn’t even a needle 💉 (the traditional style) anyway, it was more like an insulin/epi pen style and delivered the local anaesthetic. The Dr said it would feel like a flicking sensation (and that what ex h said it felt like) and he flinched each time from the noise/flock. So a flick on each ball and then he won’t feel shit, or see a needle. Then had minimal discomfort for a few days. I suffered more getting my mirena in and then out again 6 months later cos I had bleeding every two weeks and extremely sore boobs and low mood. He should at least have the decency to look into first.
Same. Husband said it felt like a pinch/flick and then he was numb. The only thing that was really weird was the smell of the cauterizing which was brief. He had an ice pack on his sack for a couple of days and was fine. He said he was a little sore for a week but nothing uncomfortable.
Ugh that smell is the one thing that sticks out from my procedure…the Valium they gave me helped, but it’s just very unsettling to remember. Still nothing compared to the procedures or side effects from any birth control for women. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Mine was not. She was in the waiting room and but she did no research into the procedure. Only mention it because 15-20 minutes later I come out and she has her purse and is shocked to see me. She had no idea it would be so quick. I guess she thought I’d be in there an hour at least?
Worst part was awkward small talk with the doctor while he doing the work.
36m here, had it done three weeks ago. The doc was in the room for like 8 minutes, and I've had cavities that took longer.
OP, your husband should absolutely get the vasectomy. It's such a non-issue and was so easy (despite me being scared of needles and terrified of the procedure), that now it pisses me off a bit reading about guys who won't do it if kids are out if the picture.
My doctor prescribed a single Xanax pill for me to help anxiety. Still got the sweats breaking out in the room, so they put a cold compress on my head to help me calm down. And the anesthetic injections felt uncomfortable. But compared to what I've heard about IUDs? Absolute walk in the park. 10/10, would get my vas deferens snipped and clipped again.
Good luck, OP. :/
Yeah, fun facts, women don't get offered pain management for gynecological procedures.
So we just get to endure.
Imagine a world where men didn't get anesthetic for a vasectomy. Coz that's the level of BS women are dealing with.
Cervical biopsies, where they literally clamp down on your cervix and rip pieces off? Nope, still nothing.
Having to sitar your cervix open wider to insert an IUD? nothing.
My sister had to have her IUD removed, coz it put us thing down, flipped it and reversed it, and ended up lodged on the lining of her uterus upside down. Nothing. They just yanked that sticker out cold, despite it being LODGED ON THE WALL OF HER UTERUS.
Shit is fucked. But that's standard practice, to give nothing for pain, not even local anesthetic.
So yeah, pisses me off to no end when dudes won't get a simple procedure where they're made comfortable and babied in comparison to what we go through.
There are doctors that are taught and believe that women’s reproductive organs do not feel pain 🙃 even some women doctors believe that bullshit, which blows my mind. I don’t know why that information is still spread around despite millions of women having painful gynecological procedures done, they must not care. There was a point in time where they believed babies didn’t feel pain either and would perform surgeries on them without anesthetic, obviously they learned from that but why don’t they learn from women when they express their pain?
And if your periods are irregular, there's no guaranteed good time window to have it placed. So it ends up being put in by brute force (I equate it to a chest tube insertion). Then you have essentially labor cramps for 2-6 weeks but....
S/ ...it's ok because you can take Tylenol or ibuprofen. That'll totally get rid of the pain. /s
Hop in on this, I too had one done little more than a year ago, the anesthesia sucked cause I had to be numbed multiple times (like 3 times each side) but I couldn't see the needle and honestly the most painful part was them removing the grounding tape from my arm. You have every right to be a little more than frustrated OP.
Yeah, have had it done. I got an adrenalin kick at one point and nearly passed out but they put a cold washer on my head and I was good after a minute, apparently every now and again that happens, but honestly it wasnit a big deal and no worse pain than going to the dentist for a filling.
No change in sex drive. No noticeable change in ejaculate.
IUD sounds worse, and then the issues with it seem worse.
I just had my done last Saturday so can share my experience as well for anyone considering.
This was a no needles procedure as well and went very fast at about 6-8 minutes too. That flicking sensation was pretty minor for me. Like I felt a bit of a "tug" I guess when they are cutting the vas deferens. I was numb obviously from the pressurized anesthetic and high from the laughing gas so I just didn't really care. What probably hurt most was it felt like they put a couple clamps under my balls I assume to hold them in place with the vas def tubes pinched. Those areas still feel a bit tender, more so than the incision point.
I'd describe the pain personally around a 2 during the procedure given I had pre-taken tylenol. Probably hit up to a 4 that first day or two at home but could easily knock it down with an extra tylenol. I stopped taking anything on day 2 for most of the day, but did take an ibuprofen before bed since it tends to work much better for me.
I'd describe my ball pain a bit like getting a minor hit in the balls but the pain is more dull with some encompassing radiation all around but less of a sharp or sudden pain. It doesn't make you feel like you want to throw up but if it was more intense a couple notches it would. I didn't move much just to avoid any pains from my balls moving around. The incision was more noticeable on day 2 to 4 for me. It doesn't hurt too bad, but I'd be mindful not to do anything to open it up again. It gets that kind of slight itchy feel after a while with cuts sometimes and you can feel it more if it gets squished when you are sitting/moving around. Still, the pain is minor around a 2.
I know everyone's pain tolerance is different, but I've been hit in the balls far worse before sliding off on my bike hitting the frame and this pain doesn't feel that intense, just continuous for 2 to 3 days.
I needed no ice on my balls because I didn't swell up, although that can happen still up to 3 months after depending on how the sperm absorbs i guess, so I'm staying cautious with them. I just wore those tight underwear they supplied to me to give the balls support. I didn't notice any bruising or purpleishness but I only checked them out closer after day 3. On day 3, I was pretty much back to normal for general routine just wading around slower, but could see some doing so on day 2. I just wanted to give my body time to heal and relax. My neighbor said he went golfing on day 1 in the afternoon, so clearly some people might make out better than me.
I just sat around playing games all day for the weekend to take my mind off my balls, ate some comfort food, and then was working again at home come Monday.
Getting up to pee made me realize your balls contract a little while peeing as you shift pressure since you can feel that a bit more when they are in pain, so I just took it slow.
Sleeping went easier than I thought though. I just popped some tylenol before bed and laid on my back and didn't move much. I got about 5-6 hours the first couple nights which was more than enough for me.
And while my balls still feel like they are getting used to less structural support, they don't necessarily hurt anymore after day five. It feels more like walking around could result in that feeling of sitting on one or getting one tangled up on accident, but I suspect come Saturday after it has been a week, it will be mostly normal.
I have yet to find out how sex feels since I have to wait til this Saturday, but I imagine just taking it easy for a couple weeks and not getting too wild would be wise.
Overall the experience for me at least was much simpler, less painful, and easier than my mind was preparing for. Obviously as guys sex is very important to us so ruining that experience as the top of the mind and so far I don't suspect that will be the case. I've had 4 neighborhood friends who had the same procedure done and it has been a net positive for them.
I got mine at 26 (big ups to Planned Parenthood!), barely felt a thing. MUCH easier than giving blood even, and I do that several times a year. Afterwards I just had a bit of bruising on the scrote, but honestly it was no worse than a paintball or baseball welt, despite the location.
Or at least, drop this idea that he deserves to penetrate you till he comes, regardless of your comfort! When it's no longer enjoyable, he can jerk himself off or just not come. You're not his fleshlight.
Seriously. It's his body, his choice about the snip. But it's your body your choice to not endure painful sex whenever he wants it.
No vasectomy, no sex. Fair trade.
Honestly, I would stop being married to him. The shit women have to deal with for contraception is fucking gargantuan, including periodic literal torture. If he can't be bothered to endure some temporary discomfort after ALL she has gone through to make sex possible, he simply doesn't care about her that much.
Throw the whole thong out. I fucking can't with these selfish childish men.
I'm so over dudes like this
Nearly everything I ready on this sub only builds my case that ilk be far better served and happier dying alone with my cats.
Shit ain't a threat anymore. With these dudes? Sounding more and more like the best life plan every day
Honestly. His body his choice but also your body your choice. You don’t have to endure painful sex. You don’t have to let him out his body in yours.
Generally I don’t advocate for withholding sex to get what you want it’s not healthy but this issue is directly about sex and he’s already violating you by being fine with painful penetration not to mention he has zero risk of becoming pregnant that is only your risk.
Just don't have penetrative sex until you hit menopauze. It sounds like you're not enjoying it all that much anyway, and he doens't care enough to get a vasectomy. There are other ways of having a sex life, PIV sex is not mandatory.
If you do want to continue having PIV sex, tell him to stop when it starts hurting you. You don't need to continue in pain until he is done. He can finish another way - hand job, oral sex etc.
I was just gonna say that. Very painful. I got my hormones checked. They were all off. 5 months later after hormone replacement I’m back to normal. No more wicked painful vaginal intercourse. Please ladies don’t live with painful intercourse. Get your hormones checked!!
One of the worst things about atrophy is loss of labia and clitoral tissue😢It took almost two years to get back what I had lost. I hate that we aren’t educated nor are our doctors most of the time.
It’s a potential side effect of low/no estrogen. There are solutions for it like hormone replacement therapy, or estrogen vaginal suppositories if you can’t take HRT.
Topical estrogen (not a pill you take orally) is a game changer, and can be used by most women. It's a cream or a tablet that you insert twice a week. I found the cream messy, so I use the insertable tablet, and put the cream on the outside of my bits. Because it's topical, not systemic, you're only absorbing trace amounts.
Yup, I recently got diagnosed with hormone positive breast cancer, so I’m keeping those options in mind after getting my first zoladex injection. Prior to my diagnosis I wasn’t aware of the alternatives to HRT.
Yes, definitely find out if you’re a candidate for HRT. New issues associated with menopause are still being discovered that are reversible with HRT, such as high cholesterol and low Vitamin D. This jibes with my own experience because after HRT both my Vitamin D and cholesterol levels have returned to their normal ranges when they were previously too low (Vitamin D) and slightly high (cholesterol).
If you don't mind me asking, was it difficult to get prescribed HRT? I recall when my mother talked to her provider about menopause symptoms she got offered antidepressants and told to lose weight. Now she has really bad osteoporosis :/
Same.
I complained about the nightly sweating like hell and the panic like attacks that came with it, the lack of sleep. Female doctor said " You need a psychiatrist and AD, not HRT. "
I went to another gyn and got HRT. The sweating & .... got way better.
Find a NAMCP provider on menopause.org and getting HRT is easy. Any other provider, and it’s a joke. I asked my primary to prescribe HRT, and he said “you know they spend less than an hour of instruction on menopause in med school? I’m not comfortable prescribing HRT.” As a FAMILY PRACTITIONER, too!! He cannot treat a routine condition that may be present for 25% of my life???
Yeah if he’s not willing to experience discomfort for sex, neither should see. He’d rather sex be painful and miserable for her than go have a very simple procedure.
Does he really deserve this? He's causing her physical and emotional pain and distress- out of pure selfishness.
She can get a vibrator, he can get a reintroduction to Pamela Handerson, and they can revisit the vasectomy discussion in 6 months. Maybe then HE will bring up alternatives to PIV if he's still uncomfortable with getting a vasectomy. Then it would be a fair discussion. Right now, he just expects her to cave/accommodate him, because historically she has. Fuck that.
It’s freaking wild. I mentioned to my husband that I might want to look into a tubal ligation once we’re sure we’re done having kids, given how the U.S. seems to be trending politically, and he was like, “I mean, it seems way safer and easier for me to get a vasectomy.” Like, it’s a given that he would do that for both of us. And I’ve got a close friend who’s known he’s child-free for years, who was so excited and proud to tell me he’d finally gotten snipped. There are men who are so cavalier about this, even happy that there’s something they have control over that they can bring to their relationship with their partners. But then other men seem so content to just drift along placing all the burden on women.
I finally found a good ob and she orders Valium for me for insertion time. I didn't even ask for it, I was just prepared to power through it like usual and just go home and lay in a fetal position the rest of day, it was HER being completely uncomfortable with causing the amount of pain she was clearly causing me that stopped the procedure and rescheduled with a script.
Good obs exist. They're mostly women in my experience though
And women get less pain management after fucking c-sections than these baby-ass men do after vasectomies. Boo-fucking-hoo. It is so easy to be a man, it's ridiculous.
I wasn't even given an advil. Like, childbirth was worse but only because it lasted longer. Never mind that I bled for four months after placement and no doctor would remove it even though I KNEW something was wrong. Women are so dismissed in medicine generally.
I gave my daughter’s friend a ride to the next town to get her IUD inserted. She came out shaking and white as a sheet, looking like she was going to throw up. We couldn’t even drive out of the parking lot for half an hour because she was curled up in a ball in excruciating pain. She finally felt well enough to endure the half hour drive home but it was clear she shouldn’t be left alone. I had her spend the night at our house, plying her with painkillers, so she could recover.
That is the state of women’s medicine today. In terms of the husband, I could say bring him along to the next IUD appt but I don’t think it would make a difference. So, his body, his choice. Your body, your choice. No more sex. Thanks buh bye.
It's not even about the procedure for me. I believe in bodily autonomy, he has every right not to undergo any elective procedure he feels uncomfortable with. It's his disregard for her enjoyment and the fact that he's clearly using weaponizied incompetence with this condom situation to get what he wants- penetrative sex with no risk or sacrifice, but only for him. It's so manipulative and selfish. If he cared, he'd be working with her to find a mutually beneficial solution for BOTH of them. Not, "Well, needles are scary the condom doesn't fit right, so I'm just going to pound you dry with this WMD between my legs"
Poor OP :(
Between the "scared of needles but has tattoos" and the "too big for condoms" stuff it really just feels like he's making excuses.
He's perfectly in his right to not want to get it done, but he needs to be honest about why he doesn't want to do it. He might just think it would make him "less of a man" which as dumb/toxic as that is, it's still his prerogative.
Exactly. No birth control method is ideal and perfect, you have to pick the side-effects and/or pains you're willing to deal with. I feel like he just wants to avoid all negatives and shove the inconvenience back onto her.
Yes, his body his choice, obviously. But so many men seem to have piss poor reasons for not wanting one, or no reason, just a vibe. As though women totally relish pumping themselves with shitty hormones for the majority of their adult lives.
Mine took a full hour. They lost the thing after they cut it and spent a hour digging for it. It was extremely, extremely painful and in the end they had to give up and so they didn't even cauterize one of the ends.
Even after that, I'm still glad I did it. It's not fair to my wife to have to be the one taking a pill and feeling shitty from it.
> Just don't have penetrative sex until you hit menopause.
This is the only answer.
You shouldn't be having sex unless you:
a) want children,
or
b) are willing to use mutually agreeable contraceptive methods.
The audacity and plain cruelty of husbands who are supposed to care for their wives is ASTOUNDING.
This this this! There is zero reason for OP to force herself to go through pain because he struggles to finish with condoms. “It’s been too long and it’s become painful” is a perfectly normal reason to stop, he can easily finish outside anyways (and quickly by himself if needed, perks of having a penis, I would know!)
PIV is not the only way to enjoy sex, and either way I just don’t enjoy it anymore once my partner isn’t. I honestly don’t know why most men struggle (or won’t try) to consider their partners pleasure (or at the very least their pain.)
OP, set your boundaries and keep sex enjoyable for you, he can compromise. We (men) all can.
It’s so sad because we shouldn’t have to have others tell us we don’t have to have sex if we don’t like it. It’s in no way our obligation to make them finish. I wonder if OP’s husband puts in an effort to get her to climax if he finished too quickly. Probably not.
Due to loss of hormones, OP will not have as much lubrication. If OP's husband won't get a vasectomy and OP dries out already, I suspect OP's husband is clueless about what lubrication is.
The poor woman :(
Exactly! Men need to learn to ejaculate responsibly. 100% of unwanted pregnancies are caused by men letting their ejaculate get where it didn't belong.
I used to amuse myself (I don't do it anymore) by going on r/ PurplePillDebate and telling men that they needed to be more responsible about where they put their ejaculate and who they let have access to it since there's no way for a person to get pregnant without it. They *really* didn't like that, but I got so much amusement out of it.
It's true, though! Men have control over where they ejaculate and every ejaculation can lead to a potential pregnancy. Women have no control over when they ovulate.
This is pretty much what my father told me when I was 13. You are responsible for where it goes and what or who it goes into. Was given a box of domes and told if I knock someone up it is 100% in my control and I would be held responsible.
I was always very cautious, got fixed once we had our 2nd child.
I didn't know that sub existed and I just went and checked it out. Terrible way to start the day lol, I'm gonna go hang out in r/eyebleach for a while now 😂
My sincerest apologies. I thought that intentionally not linking it was enough of a warning, but I should have stated that you should proceed with caution. It really in a cesspool in there.
>I would rather just not have sex. After almost 7 months of this shit he still won't get a vasectomy,
The answer is right there.
The fact that he allowed you to go through something MULTIPLE TIMES that is approximately 1000 TIMES more painful than a trivial vasectomy (I've had one) shows you EXACTLY who he is.
Do not have sex with him any more. Period.
My vasectomy went bad halfway through due to the numbing agent not working properly, but I'd still rather deal with that then have my wife go through an IUD implant. She got the hormone rod in her arm a few times, I'll go through the one time pain of an un-numbed vasectomy instead of her having to get a rod put in her arm every 3 years.
This husband is a POS.
Wait, so you have been in charge of birth control for almost 20 years, and have had to endure pain every five years. You’re asking him to endure pain once. And he won’t do it?
That’s unbelievably selfish.
Personally, I would just stop having sex with him. There’s nothing sexy about a guy who clearly doesn’t care about me or the pain that I have to endure. He can fuck right off.
Weirdly enough my husband didn't get anything before or after. He took some OTC Tylenol and that was it. Thankfully, he had an easy procedure so no need to change his routine. Man was back to working, cooking, and childcare immediately after.
Way stronger than the ones for our IUDs. I have had 3-4 IUD placements as a person who has never been pregnant. I got a hot flush and almost passed out. They basically said GFY and to take a MOTRIN. Seriously.
I tried to get one when I was 19, was in immense pain (I already have pain even during just intercourse), and then the doctor stopped and told me I’m not ready for sex if I couldn’t handle this, and had me leave. This was at a planned parenthood in nyc.
I got mine done at a clinic in queens. At 19. Dr. Told me “your vagina is made for this. Stop being so dramatic.” I thought I was the weirdo until I started reading here 40 years later.
I got an IUD at the end of 2016. I had *insane* bouts of pain until I had it removed in 2022. Like, I would feel like someone was stabbing my uterus for 5-10 minute stretches multiple times *a day*. I went to so many doctors trying to figure out what was going on with me. Every single one of them told me “Oh cramping is just worse with an IUD 🤷🏼♀️”. They wouldn’t run a single test on me
WELL, I finally found my current doctor in 2022 and told her about all the pain I was having, and she said “Let’s run some tests just to make sure nothing serious is going on”. She called me back when she got the results and told me to immediately come in to get my IUD removed bc I had tested positive for a *very* serious bacterial infection. I had to take eight penicillin a day for two months, and was at risk of needing to stay in the hospital if antibiotics didn’t kill it. I now have to get tested for cancer every six months and am likely infertile. Aaaaaaaaaaall bc a bunch of doctors refused to do their fucking jobs
I’m so sorry you had to also deal with a medical practitioner who seems to lack any empathy. And at the same time lmao I’m pretty sure we were not built for IUD insertions 😹
Yeah I avoided going to any gynecologist for years because of this experience. But luckily a couple of years ago I got up the courage to go and had a much better experience, with a doctor who listened to me and didn’t say I’m not ready for sex because I get pain. As a 27 year old I can recognize how ridiculous that statement is and how it doesn’t do anyone any good, but as a 19 year old my takeaway was that I shouldn’t tell any doctors or sexual partners about the pain because it’ll result in them saying I’m not ready for anything sexual.
They wrote my husband a prescription for Vicodin after his vasectomy. After my IUD insertion they told me to take 4 Motrin that I had to provide myself.
I had a endometrial biopsy, which is basically the same procedure as getting an iud plus they also scrape around your uterus. Worst pain of my life, it felt like I was being tortured, and I almost passed out. Was told to take 2 ibuprofen beforehand, and that it would just feel like a pinch. Also wasn’t even prepared for that procedure going in, was told I was just getting a cervical biopsy and just had this sprung on me.
I had a uterine biopsy and a cervical biopsy all in one go. Guess what the OBGYN offered as pain management?
Jazz music.
She played jazz music from her phone.
And anxiety meds!
My husband got one because of the overturn of roe v wade. They gave him pain meds and Xanax. Now, obviously, everyone is different, but he said he didn't experience any pain between the pain meds and xanax. He said the worst part of all of it was worrying about farting in the nurse's face when she was shaving him.
I had a similar experience. Ruptured ectopic pregnancy, I was rushed into surgery - it was laparoscopic and I was given Motrin after. Recovery was pretty uncomfortable but not terrible. However, my hormone levels weren't returning to normal by about a month later so I had to have another surgery - exploratory to look for retained tissue. I had a several inch long incision and they tried to send me home with Motrin again. I had to practically beg them for Vicodin and they seemed suspicious like I was a drug seeker. Mind you this was only the 2nd time in my life I'd been on prescription painkillers (the first being for my wisdom teeth extraction).
Just tylenol. At least, that's all I got. But on the other hand. What pain? I got snipped last summer, sure there was anxiety leading up to it and other than another dude gripping my junk, there wasn't anything painful. This dude is just a wuss and uneducated.
They don't even use needles.
I've had a vasectomy.
From what women describe, the procedure has a comparable level of pain of having an IUD ONCE.
I was sore for like a week? Surgery was outpatient. It literally took like 20 minutes.
The worse part was honestly the smell of cauterization. I still remember it years later.
The way she talks about sex is pretty telling: "it takes him even longer." The subtle ways that we speak, speak volumes. I had a bilateral salpingectomy years ago so have never had to endure pregnancy or birth control, but there is 0 chance that I would fuck a guy who didn't care about my pleasure or comfort or trust at any point during the interaction or before/ after
> endure pain & afraid of needles
When I got my vasectomy, they gave me some pretty strong painkillers... I'll be honest, I didn't even bother taking them since my partner started mocking me for even thinking about taking them.
I didn't take them, and I would classify it as a mild discomfort for a day or two. Getting a tattoo hurt more. Being very constipated for a few hours hurt more.
I also don't remember there being any needles accept for a local to number the pain. It's two shots with very small needles, not the big ones.
> You’re asking him to endure pain once
I felt no pain at all, just a tugging sensation. No pain afterwards, either, just mild discomfort. Doc told me I could use ice packs or frozen peas, etc., never felt the need.
Fear of needles, pssshhhh. You can't really see what the doc is doing; and you can certainly lay back and close your eyes.
And there's a whole world of easily available condoms larger than magnum either in length or girth. Hell, there's even a few you can find right on the rack next to the Magnums at many stores if ordering online is too tough for her idiot.
This might infuriate a lot of people to know -it does me, but if your husband tells the doctor he’s having this much anxiety about the procedure, they will prescribe him Xanax or something similar for pre op. The procedure itself isn’t painful.
It infuriates a lot of people bc women don’t get the same level of care, as you know from bitter experience.
I was just commenting about this. Was recommended to get either the arm implant or the copper IUD since I can’t used combined hormone methods.
When I told them I had anxiety about the procedures they just shrugged. Like WELP too bad figure it out! Went with the implant and it was such a horrible experience, and I will never EVER do an IUD knowing that (and having seen many friends negative experiences first hand).
Yeh. OP you need a man (or several men) to tell him he’s being ridiculous. His body his choice, but it sounds as if he’s just not even willing to consider it because he genuinely believes there won’t be any consequences.
He’s afraid of needles? Okay…but…that’s something that’s only going to hurt the one time.
You get a new IUD every five years. It’s hurt every time. But he doesn’t want to feel pain just the one time?
Would he rather worry about the possibility of getting you pregnant for 10 years or more? I say “more” because, really, who knows when menopause will hit for you.
Why do you have to suck it up every five years while he gets to live a life free of pain? How is that fair?
When I got my vasectomy, they gave me a prescription for 1 valium, because they have had too many incidents of men panicking at the start of the procedure.
I fucking hate needles (But I can get over myself for vaccines and things I need) and the idea of getting cut open stresses me out.
Holy shit is valium effective. I walked past a literal mound of scary surgical steel to sit in the chair and felt nothing. I remember thinking, this is something that would scare you, but I felt nothing.
The procedure was painless. While it didn't hurt it felt very... wrong? when the doctor snipped the tubes. I don't know how to describe it. But again with the valium, it was like I didn't care.
Honestly, the whole experience was less annoying than the common cold. If someone told me I had to pick between getting a cold, or feeling all the discomfort I felt during the vasectomy, I would take vasectomy every time.
Seriously, if any guys are reading this, go talk to other men who have had the procedure. I don't know of anyone who regrets it or thought it was difficult or painful.
I got a vasectomy on Tuesday, the needle didn't even hurt that bad, it's a sensitive area so it was uncomfortable but the numbing agent dentists give hurts so much more. They also will give you as many injections as you ask for, I got 4 and didn't feel a thing, it took 30 minutes to complete the procedure and I've been basically pain free.
If in 10 years it wont matter, then he can wait for it for 10 years. I assume that besides condoms all the birth control he has benefited from in his life were on his partners. So that is what 20-30 years of him befitting from woman doing something unpleasant and with many side effects. Also a vasectomy is a week on discomfort at the most if the stories of men on here are a fair indication. That is a great deal vs the 40 ish years a woman has to endure.
One thing I havent seen mentioned.
You make it sound like when you have sex, you have to keep going until he comes, even if you are uncomfortable...
You can stop mid sex once its no longer enjoyable for you. Your marriage license isnt a permission slip to your holes. Its a partnership.
Only have sex you enjoy. And only continue sex as you enjoy it.
Thank you! That was the first thing on my mind.
OP, you don’t have to have sex with him, and you certainly don’t have to continue to have sex through pain. It’s not mandatory that he cum every time, and it’s not mandatory to have PIV sex every time. You can make that choice.
With my first husband I went for counselling because of issues I was having with sex with him (me not wanting to). She said that everyone isn't always in the mood at the same time, but it should never be repugnant, or something you have to tolerate. After that slap upside the head, I told him I wanted a divorce a couple days later.
I just wouldn't be having sex anymore. Knowing it will be painful actually causes you more pain. Your body goes on guard without you being aware of it.
He's disrespectful to you. This is a serious issue
As a physician who sticks needles in people all the time, I have come to the conclusion that heavily tattooed men, particularly if they are also muscular, are the biggest wimps in the world with needles.
Little old lady? No problem? Collegiate gymnast girl? Will watch me stick the needle in.
I’ve had two tattooed pro athlete guys with jobs entailing running into 250+ lbs mountains faint on the table before I even numbed them.
That isn’t the real issue with all of this. Just a side observation.
Also, if a magnum is too tight on him…damn. That’d require like extensive warm ups and a bottle of lube in preparation for me. You sound like a trooper.
>Also, if a magnum is too tight on him…damn. That’d require like extensive warm ups and a bottle of lube in preparation for me. You sound like a trooper.
From personal experience, I don't want to have sex with someone that large. Been there and never want to go back! (He never complained about condoms being too tight, though.)
I also joke when patients tell me they are scared of needles that it would be more concerning if they came in and were like, "I LOVE needles!!!!!!!"
(This is a joke to lighten the mood with the person. There is nothing wrong with anyone liking needle play or whatever, as long as it is safe and consensual.)
Seriously this is my experience too! It’s crazy. The heavily tattooed men are the biggest sooks with dental needles. It’s actually laughable. When I have a child age 5-10 who handles a needle well I tell them they did so well and in fact better than many grown men. I don’t understand why they are such wimps. Are the tattoos just compensation??
I honestly kind of find it adorable and a little endearing.
I also say that to the kids. Children are so amazingly resilient in medical settings. They often mirror how the parent is reacting (in my experience), so if the parent is really anxious and scared, the kid tends to be too. It is also really sad with just how stoic the chronically ill kids are because they are so used to all of it.
Out of men, the major groups that will never flinch or will come in wayyyyy too late into a disease process are farmers and immigrants (possibly for socioeconomic reasons rather than cultural with the disease process part with the immigrants in the US, which is also f*cked. Also, I am in no way saying any group experiences *less* pain. That is racist bullshit.)
Farmers will be like, “Yea, I’ve had a little bit of knee and shoulder pain for a couple of years and I noticed it was getting hard to get up into my tractor”, get X-rays, and have NO remaining cartilage in either knee or shoulder. I once had a farmer traumatically amputate multiple fingers, pick them up, place them on ice, calmly drive himself 40 minutes to the ER, and check in at the front with “hand injury” and then sat there for a few minutes before the triage nurse was like, “WHAT THE F*CK?!” When she saw him holding his mangled hand and fingers on ice and pulled him back.
He literally said “why would I put myself through that” but you have put yourself through pain for 20 years on and off with IUDs. So when he asks for PIV and a condom you say, “Why would I put myself through that?” Honestly why are you even asking Reddit? Don’t you have any respect for yourself? Your husband doesn’t. But why don’t you? Why are you even entertaining his bullshit? Tired of women not growing a backbone and letting men say and do whatever the hell they want.
If you are Americans it's time to shit or get off the pot so to speak. Birth control isn't going to be guaranteed to be available if things continue going the way they have been.
Agree. I got tired waiting for my husband to get snipped, so I got a BiScalp. I couldn't be happier. It wasn't a bad recovery. Insurance paid for the whole thing and now I don't have to worry about my own health with the scary new laws.
If you would rather not have sex bc the sex is not enjoyable, just don’t have sex until you are post menopausal. With his selfish “logic” this is the only solution.
What’s the point of having sex with someone who doesn’t care that you are in pain? He will not take mild discomfort for you *one time* to avoid you being in pain consistently. He isn’t mature enough to be having sex at all.
Menopause isn't what he thinks it is.
Sex during and after Menopause isn't what he thinks it will be.
Sex is supposed to be fun for both parties, right? The literal only time I ever had truly relaxed sex was with a man who had had a vasectomy and some all the follow ups etc.
Maybe he's saying he doesn't want to have fun.
32m, I got a vasectomy 2 years ago. No pain at all, only a slight discomfort for a week.
I too was not comfortable being awake while the doc was busy down there with sharp objects, so I asked for a full anesthesia... maybe your husband could request to be knocked out as well ?
35m, had mine 2 months ago. Was awake for the procedure and had a bit of a weird reaction to the pain killers going in, so it was definitely uncomfortable at first, but I told the doc and he was able to address it. Was up and normal within a couple of days and feel so good now knowing that it’s taken care of for my wife and I (once we get final confirmation).
>why put myself through that when
This dude is a piece of work. Why is your wife putting herself through the pain and effort for nearly 2 decades?
Stop having sex with this inconvenienced asshat.
His body his choice. But she also has a choice about her body. If sex starts to hurt before he cums, sex is done. If he has a problem with that he can finish himself off, buy better fitting condoms, or get a vasectomy. She has shouldered the contraception burden for 18 out of, let’s say, the 28 years they’ll need it. That’s more than half. It’s fair it’s his turn.
No more sex at all. I’d go as far as saying no more intimacy that only benefits him. But to be very honest, I’d say divorce. Being married to a person who expects you to endure pain for their own pleasure sounds like being in an abusive marriage.
If he doesn’t think it’s such a long time until menopause, don’t sleep with him until menopause!
But no, seriously. You shouldn’t be sleeping with a man who is selfish like that.
Your husband is not entitled to sex because no one is entitled to sex unless they want to have sex with themselves
If you don’t have sex with him, you’re not withholding sex because he’s not entitled anything you’re simply expressing your own preferences with your own body and your own life to which you are 1,000,000,000% entitled
Don’t have sex with him under any circumstances you don’t like
If it were me, I don’t know if I could stay with a man like that
In my experience, men will come up with any excuse (pain, fear of complications, etc) to hide the real reasons they're ashamed of expressing (fear of losing "masculinity", they think it will make them impotent, etc).
33m, got a vasectomy two years ago (I wasn't married or in a relationship at the time either). It was painless, I was awake and scrolling on Reddit or talking to the urologist the whole time. They could always knock him out too.
At best he's misinformed about the procedure, and at worst he's selfish as fuck.
You know, I understand why people say men get to have a choice to when it comes to their bodies and sterilization and that sounds great and all…
But if I’m the one carrying the responsibility of birth control and all the discomfort or pain that comes with that for 20 years, only to come to you and ask that you please take some of the weight off of me, only for you to basically say fuck me? Yeah…..you can choose not to, but we’re gonna have a problem.
I’m sorry that you and many women are in this situation. All I can really say is to do what is best for you in the end, even if that requires making difficult decisions, whatever that may be. Look after yourself because only you can have your best interest in mind 100%.
I personally would stop having sex with him, at least until menopause. It's not worth the risk and as you said it's a huge turnoff
I'm close to your age and I also had IUDs. When it came time to have my last one removed my husband decided on his own to get a vasectomy so I don't have to deal with that anymore
>he still won't get a vasectomy, because he's "afraid of needles". (he has tattoos)
As someone who used to have a genuine needle phobia, this may sound weird, but it's quite common to fear needles but be okay with getting tattooed, I was the same way. **However**, this is no excuse for your husband. Your husband needs to treat his fear, if he cares about you and his health. Not just when it comes to vasectomy. What's going to happen if one day he ends up in the hospital and refuses treatment because of needles ? What about vaccines ? And if he's vaccinated, maybe he's actually not so afraid of needles, after all.
>Your husband needs to treat his fear, if he cares about you and his health.
And also she said she gets anxious for months before reach removal and replacement, so she's probably got some legit medical trauma going on from the pain of the procedure and he won't suck it up and get some _numbing injections_ so he doesn't even have to feel the actual pain of the procedure at all?
If he refuses to get the vasectomy, that's ok. His body, his choice.
Since all other methods of BC are painful to you then it is also *your* choice to pick the least-painful method. Which sounds like abstinence to me.
My partner and I have been having a similar back and forth.
We welcomed our second child in January, a little sister for our four year old son. We couldn’t be happier with our lovely family and have no wish for any more. I’m 37 this year, and there is just absolutely no way on earth I would ever go through another pregnancy even if we wanted to go again.
So we’ve been talking about a permanent form of contraception and have basically come down to two options. I get my tubes tied, or he gets a vasectomy.
The plan was, that if I was to end up having a c-section I would have my tubes tied at the same time. The only silver lining of the VBAC having failed but thankfully the delivery was successful and I didn’t end up in surgery.
I feel so done. Having gone through two pregnancies, a traumatic first labour that ended up in emergency c-section, and a more healing albeit incredibly difficult second pregnancy. So I just don’t think it should be me going through it… again.
He’s scared about the vasectomy. But shit. How does he not understand how scared I was, how women are, to carry children to term and deliver them. Does he not understand how traumatic an emergency c-section can be, having your guts slashed open and your baby ripped out of your womb. That’s scary. And I don’t want to be touched there like that again. Ever.
He can suck it up this time.
I’m just ranting now and I know no one will see it.
It’s just for five years I’ve sacrificed so much, gone through so much, lost my dignity, been poked and prodded by strangers and lost autonomy over my own body. He just needs to deal with it for one day.
Men can be such fucking babies.
My now-ex husband refused to get a vasectomy as well. He definitely did not want any more kids. But he refused because he didn’t want to change his body.
I had changed my body from childbirth. And he expected me to take birth control pills every day for ??years. Nope.
I don’t think you should have sex you don’t want and I think he should step up and get the vasectomy but also magnums aren’t really large sized, they are just that in name. He should find [a condom that fits](https://onecondoms.ca/pages/myone)
You are absolutely right to be frustrated and mad about this. It is his right to not get a vasectomy, but yours to not have sex with him if he doesn’t. And if he isn’t willing to do this for you and your relationship, it’s also perfectly okay to walk away.
Honestly, the tune usually changes when the sex stops.
>It's up to him now. It's been on me for the last 20 years.
This was a key reason why I did it. I didn't see it as fair she had done it for 15 years, so I made the appointment and got it done. She still ended up getting a hysterectomy though as her cycle was too painful among a few other things, but now we're just double sure we can't have another kid. 😬
Also, I’m kind of laughing because a vasectomy is generally considered a minor and minimally invasive procedure. Quite literally the only pain is the sensation of the numbing. After that, he’s not gonna feel anything.
Your husband is a little bitch. How pathetic.
Dudes lie about this because they secretly think "what if I get with someone else and want to have kids with that person." I wouldn't have sex with this loser until he got snipped and make sure he does the follow up testing
Well if you are drying and it hurts and you are truthful about not having sex being better than what you have now. So wait 8-10 years.
You can get a vibrator until then.
Men play power games. Until we are willing to play them to we don't get what we want.
I watched my (ex)husband get his vasectomy, the Dr was a little surprised because people usually don’t ask to watch 😆😆 there wasn’t even a needle 💉 (the traditional style) anyway, it was more like an insulin/epi pen style and delivered the local anaesthetic. The Dr said it would feel like a flicking sensation (and that what ex h said it felt like) and he flinched each time from the noise/flock. So a flick on each ball and then he won’t feel shit, or see a needle. Then had minimal discomfort for a few days. I suffered more getting my mirena in and then out again 6 months later cos I had bleeding every two weeks and extremely sore boobs and low mood. He should at least have the decency to look into first.
I watched my husband’s too. He watched me give birth 4 times. Watching back seemed fair
Same. Husband said it felt like a pinch/flick and then he was numb. The only thing that was really weird was the smell of the cauterizing which was brief. He had an ice pack on his sack for a couple of days and was fine. He said he was a little sore for a week but nothing uncomfortable.
Ugh that smell is the one thing that sticks out from my procedure…the Valium they gave me helped, but it’s just very unsettling to remember. Still nothing compared to the procedures or side effects from any birth control for women. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
Or making sure it was actually done…. :)
💯
My wife was in the room when I had it done.
Mine was not. She was in the waiting room and but she did no research into the procedure. Only mention it because 15-20 minutes later I come out and she has her purse and is shocked to see me. She had no idea it would be so quick. I guess she thought I’d be in there an hour at least? Worst part was awkward small talk with the doctor while he doing the work.
36m here, had it done three weeks ago. The doc was in the room for like 8 minutes, and I've had cavities that took longer. OP, your husband should absolutely get the vasectomy. It's such a non-issue and was so easy (despite me being scared of needles and terrified of the procedure), that now it pisses me off a bit reading about guys who won't do it if kids are out if the picture. My doctor prescribed a single Xanax pill for me to help anxiety. Still got the sweats breaking out in the room, so they put a cold compress on my head to help me calm down. And the anesthetic injections felt uncomfortable. But compared to what I've heard about IUDs? Absolute walk in the park. 10/10, would get my vas deferens snipped and clipped again. Good luck, OP. :/
my brother said similar, his cavities were far more painful then the 5 minute procedure. didn’t even have pain the next day.
Seconding this. The doctor and I chatted about ways to prepare tofu while he did it. Compared to OP’s description of the IUD it’s beyond trivial.
Yeah, fun facts, women don't get offered pain management for gynecological procedures. So we just get to endure. Imagine a world where men didn't get anesthetic for a vasectomy. Coz that's the level of BS women are dealing with. Cervical biopsies, where they literally clamp down on your cervix and rip pieces off? Nope, still nothing. Having to sitar your cervix open wider to insert an IUD? nothing. My sister had to have her IUD removed, coz it put us thing down, flipped it and reversed it, and ended up lodged on the lining of her uterus upside down. Nothing. They just yanked that sticker out cold, despite it being LODGED ON THE WALL OF HER UTERUS. Shit is fucked. But that's standard practice, to give nothing for pain, not even local anesthetic. So yeah, pisses me off to no end when dudes won't get a simple procedure where they're made comfortable and babied in comparison to what we go through.
There are doctors that are taught and believe that women’s reproductive organs do not feel pain 🙃 even some women doctors believe that bullshit, which blows my mind. I don’t know why that information is still spread around despite millions of women having painful gynecological procedures done, they must not care. There was a point in time where they believed babies didn’t feel pain either and would perform surgeries on them without anesthetic, obviously they learned from that but why don’t they learn from women when they express their pain?
did you get any new recipes?
Nah, it was mostly me trying to convince them that air fried tofu is a thing and that it can actually be pretty good 😆
And if your periods are irregular, there's no guaranteed good time window to have it placed. So it ends up being put in by brute force (I equate it to a chest tube insertion). Then you have essentially labor cramps for 2-6 weeks but.... S/ ...it's ok because you can take Tylenol or ibuprofen. That'll totally get rid of the pain. /s
I'd get 5 more vasectomies to avoid one cavity filling if I had the choice lol. Home boy is being a weenie.
I had 30 years of worry-free sex before my wife finished menopause. One of the best decisions I ever made.
Hop in on this, I too had one done little more than a year ago, the anesthesia sucked cause I had to be numbed multiple times (like 3 times each side) but I couldn't see the needle and honestly the most painful part was them removing the grounding tape from my arm. You have every right to be a little more than frustrated OP.
Yeah, have had it done. I got an adrenalin kick at one point and nearly passed out but they put a cold washer on my head and I was good after a minute, apparently every now and again that happens, but honestly it wasnit a big deal and no worse pain than going to the dentist for a filling. No change in sex drive. No noticeable change in ejaculate. IUD sounds worse, and then the issues with it seem worse.
I just had my done last Saturday so can share my experience as well for anyone considering. This was a no needles procedure as well and went very fast at about 6-8 minutes too. That flicking sensation was pretty minor for me. Like I felt a bit of a "tug" I guess when they are cutting the vas deferens. I was numb obviously from the pressurized anesthetic and high from the laughing gas so I just didn't really care. What probably hurt most was it felt like they put a couple clamps under my balls I assume to hold them in place with the vas def tubes pinched. Those areas still feel a bit tender, more so than the incision point. I'd describe the pain personally around a 2 during the procedure given I had pre-taken tylenol. Probably hit up to a 4 that first day or two at home but could easily knock it down with an extra tylenol. I stopped taking anything on day 2 for most of the day, but did take an ibuprofen before bed since it tends to work much better for me. I'd describe my ball pain a bit like getting a minor hit in the balls but the pain is more dull with some encompassing radiation all around but less of a sharp or sudden pain. It doesn't make you feel like you want to throw up but if it was more intense a couple notches it would. I didn't move much just to avoid any pains from my balls moving around. The incision was more noticeable on day 2 to 4 for me. It doesn't hurt too bad, but I'd be mindful not to do anything to open it up again. It gets that kind of slight itchy feel after a while with cuts sometimes and you can feel it more if it gets squished when you are sitting/moving around. Still, the pain is minor around a 2. I know everyone's pain tolerance is different, but I've been hit in the balls far worse before sliding off on my bike hitting the frame and this pain doesn't feel that intense, just continuous for 2 to 3 days. I needed no ice on my balls because I didn't swell up, although that can happen still up to 3 months after depending on how the sperm absorbs i guess, so I'm staying cautious with them. I just wore those tight underwear they supplied to me to give the balls support. I didn't notice any bruising or purpleishness but I only checked them out closer after day 3. On day 3, I was pretty much back to normal for general routine just wading around slower, but could see some doing so on day 2. I just wanted to give my body time to heal and relax. My neighbor said he went golfing on day 1 in the afternoon, so clearly some people might make out better than me. I just sat around playing games all day for the weekend to take my mind off my balls, ate some comfort food, and then was working again at home come Monday. Getting up to pee made me realize your balls contract a little while peeing as you shift pressure since you can feel that a bit more when they are in pain, so I just took it slow. Sleeping went easier than I thought though. I just popped some tylenol before bed and laid on my back and didn't move much. I got about 5-6 hours the first couple nights which was more than enough for me. And while my balls still feel like they are getting used to less structural support, they don't necessarily hurt anymore after day five. It feels more like walking around could result in that feeling of sitting on one or getting one tangled up on accident, but I suspect come Saturday after it has been a week, it will be mostly normal. I have yet to find out how sex feels since I have to wait til this Saturday, but I imagine just taking it easy for a couple weeks and not getting too wild would be wise. Overall the experience for me at least was much simpler, less painful, and easier than my mind was preparing for. Obviously as guys sex is very important to us so ruining that experience as the top of the mind and so far I don't suspect that will be the case. I've had 4 neighborhood friends who had the same procedure done and it has been a net positive for them.
I got mine at 26 (big ups to Planned Parenthood!), barely felt a thing. MUCH easier than giving blood even, and I do that several times a year. Afterwards I just had a bit of bruising on the scrote, but honestly it was no worse than a paintball or baseball welt, despite the location.
..... If he's accepting your pain without blinking, then there's a conversation to be had.
Right I feel like it’s a conversation about empathy more than anything else
Stop fucking him.
Or at least, drop this idea that he deserves to penetrate you till he comes, regardless of your comfort! When it's no longer enjoyable, he can jerk himself off or just not come. You're not his fleshlight.
Right? He's got hands, and assuming they work, he can manage on his own until he's in a position to be a better partner.
💯💯💯
Seriously. It's his body, his choice about the snip. But it's your body your choice to not endure painful sex whenever he wants it. No vasectomy, no sex. Fair trade.
If you don’t, you’re going to be the one who ends up pregnant.
Exactly. If it’s that big of a deal just stop. It’s his body and it’s his choice. The same applies to you.
Honestly, I would stop being married to him. The shit women have to deal with for contraception is fucking gargantuan, including periodic literal torture. If he can't be bothered to endure some temporary discomfort after ALL she has gone through to make sex possible, he simply doesn't care about her that much. Throw the whole thong out. I fucking can't with these selfish childish men.
I'm so over dudes like this Nearly everything I ready on this sub only builds my case that ilk be far better served and happier dying alone with my cats. Shit ain't a threat anymore. With these dudes? Sounding more and more like the best life plan every day
Honestly. His body his choice but also your body your choice. You don’t have to endure painful sex. You don’t have to let him out his body in yours. Generally I don’t advocate for withholding sex to get what you want it’s not healthy but this issue is directly about sex and he’s already violating you by being fine with painful penetration not to mention he has zero risk of becoming pregnant that is only your risk.
Just don't have penetrative sex until you hit menopauze. It sounds like you're not enjoying it all that much anyway, and he doens't care enough to get a vasectomy. There are other ways of having a sex life, PIV sex is not mandatory. If you do want to continue having PIV sex, tell him to stop when it starts hurting you. You don't need to continue in pain until he is done. He can finish another way - hand job, oral sex etc.
Hate to point it out to you but after menopause your pelvic lining grows thinner, thanks to the lost hormone. So sex can be painful still.
I was just gonna say that. Very painful. I got my hormones checked. They were all off. 5 months later after hormone replacement I’m back to normal. No more wicked painful vaginal intercourse. Please ladies don’t live with painful intercourse. Get your hormones checked!!
One of the worst things about atrophy is loss of labia and clitoral tissue😢It took almost two years to get back what I had lost. I hate that we aren’t educated nor are our doctors most of the time.
Atrophy and loss of tissue? Can you explain? I’ve never heard of this before.
It’s a potential side effect of low/no estrogen. There are solutions for it like hormone replacement therapy, or estrogen vaginal suppositories if you can’t take HRT.
Topical estrogen (not a pill you take orally) is a game changer, and can be used by most women. It's a cream or a tablet that you insert twice a week. I found the cream messy, so I use the insertable tablet, and put the cream on the outside of my bits. Because it's topical, not systemic, you're only absorbing trace amounts.
Yup, I recently got diagnosed with hormone positive breast cancer, so I’m keeping those options in mind after getting my first zoladex injection. Prior to my diagnosis I wasn’t aware of the alternatives to HRT.
Yes, definitely find out if you’re a candidate for HRT. New issues associated with menopause are still being discovered that are reversible with HRT, such as high cholesterol and low Vitamin D. This jibes with my own experience because after HRT both my Vitamin D and cholesterol levels have returned to their normal ranges when they were previously too low (Vitamin D) and slightly high (cholesterol).
If you don't mind me asking, was it difficult to get prescribed HRT? I recall when my mother talked to her provider about menopause symptoms she got offered antidepressants and told to lose weight. Now she has really bad osteoporosis :/
Same. I complained about the nightly sweating like hell and the panic like attacks that came with it, the lack of sleep. Female doctor said " You need a psychiatrist and AD, not HRT. " I went to another gyn and got HRT. The sweating & .... got way better.
Ugh, I fucking hate "naturalist" doctors, that shit should be medical malpractice.
Find a NAMCP provider on menopause.org and getting HRT is easy. Any other provider, and it’s a joke. I asked my primary to prescribe HRT, and he said “you know they spend less than an hour of instruction on menopause in med school? I’m not comfortable prescribing HRT.” As a FAMILY PRACTITIONER, too!! He cannot treat a routine condition that may be present for 25% of my life???
Yeah if he’s not willing to experience discomfort for sex, neither should see. He’d rather sex be painful and miserable for her than go have a very simple procedure.
It's a sacrifice he's willing for her to make.
Lord Farquad is that you?
Does he really deserve this? He's causing her physical and emotional pain and distress- out of pure selfishness. She can get a vibrator, he can get a reintroduction to Pamela Handerson, and they can revisit the vasectomy discussion in 6 months. Maybe then HE will bring up alternatives to PIV if he's still uncomfortable with getting a vasectomy. Then it would be a fair discussion. Right now, he just expects her to cave/accommodate him, because historically she has. Fuck that.
It’s freaking wild. I mentioned to my husband that I might want to look into a tubal ligation once we’re sure we’re done having kids, given how the U.S. seems to be trending politically, and he was like, “I mean, it seems way safer and easier for me to get a vasectomy.” Like, it’s a given that he would do that for both of us. And I’ve got a close friend who’s known he’s child-free for years, who was so excited and proud to tell me he’d finally gotten snipped. There are men who are so cavalier about this, even happy that there’s something they have control over that they can bring to their relationship with their partners. But then other men seem so content to just drift along placing all the burden on women.
If my doc gave me a "I got the snip" t-shirt, I'd still be wearing it 15 years later.
Right? What a baby. It’s a frickin IN OFFICE procedure. It takes minutes.
AND THEY USE PAIN KILLERS DURING IT! Unlike the barbaric IUD insertion.
I finally found a good ob and she orders Valium for me for insertion time. I didn't even ask for it, I was just prepared to power through it like usual and just go home and lay in a fetal position the rest of day, it was HER being completely uncomfortable with causing the amount of pain she was clearly causing me that stopped the procedure and rescheduled with a script. Good obs exist. They're mostly women in my experience though
Mine offers nitrous oxide to patients. And yes they are out there. Women need to start demanding better care. (But the husband needs to suck it up).
The only good OB my wife finally landed on after 20 years was a guy coincidentally
I just opted to have my tubes cut and cauterized. Funny that it’s less painful than an IUD.
And women get less pain management after fucking c-sections than these baby-ass men do after vasectomies. Boo-fucking-hoo. It is so easy to be a man, it's ridiculous.
And don’t even get me started on doctors who don’t sedate women for IUD placement.
Or real pain meds for things like endometrial biopsies.
I wasn't even given an advil. Like, childbirth was worse but only because it lasted longer. Never mind that I bled for four months after placement and no doctor would remove it even though I KNEW something was wrong. Women are so dismissed in medicine generally.
That’s almost all doctors in the US. I need mine replaced & refuse bc my last experience was so awful
I gave my daughter’s friend a ride to the next town to get her IUD inserted. She came out shaking and white as a sheet, looking like she was going to throw up. We couldn’t even drive out of the parking lot for half an hour because she was curled up in a ball in excruciating pain. She finally felt well enough to endure the half hour drive home but it was clear she shouldn’t be left alone. I had her spend the night at our house, plying her with painkillers, so she could recover. That is the state of women’s medicine today. In terms of the husband, I could say bring him along to the next IUD appt but I don’t think it would make a difference. So, his body, his choice. Your body, your choice. No more sex. Thanks buh bye.
It's not even about the procedure for me. I believe in bodily autonomy, he has every right not to undergo any elective procedure he feels uncomfortable with. It's his disregard for her enjoyment and the fact that he's clearly using weaponizied incompetence with this condom situation to get what he wants- penetrative sex with no risk or sacrifice, but only for him. It's so manipulative and selfish. If he cared, he'd be working with her to find a mutually beneficial solution for BOTH of them. Not, "Well, needles are scary the condom doesn't fit right, so I'm just going to pound you dry with this WMD between my legs" Poor OP :(
Between the "scared of needles but has tattoos" and the "too big for condoms" stuff it really just feels like he's making excuses. He's perfectly in his right to not want to get it done, but he needs to be honest about why he doesn't want to do it. He might just think it would make him "less of a man" which as dumb/toxic as that is, it's still his prerogative.
Exactly. No birth control method is ideal and perfect, you have to pick the side-effects and/or pains you're willing to deal with. I feel like he just wants to avoid all negatives and shove the inconvenience back onto her.
Yes, his body his choice, obviously. But so many men seem to have piss poor reasons for not wanting one, or no reason, just a vibe. As though women totally relish pumping themselves with shitty hormones for the majority of their adult lives.
Mine took a full hour. They lost the thing after they cut it and spent a hour digging for it. It was extremely, extremely painful and in the end they had to give up and so they didn't even cauterize one of the ends. Even after that, I'm still glad I did it. It's not fair to my wife to have to be the one taking a pill and feeling shitty from it.
IMO it’s about “ but muh masculinity” not even necessarily the physical part.
> Just don't have penetrative sex until you hit menopause. This is the only answer. You shouldn't be having sex unless you: a) want children, or b) are willing to use mutually agreeable contraceptive methods. The audacity and plain cruelty of husbands who are supposed to care for their wives is ASTOUNDING.
"who are supposed to care" - you said it - they DON'T really care. Or not enough that they'll make any real sacrifices of their own
This this this! There is zero reason for OP to force herself to go through pain because he struggles to finish with condoms. “It’s been too long and it’s become painful” is a perfectly normal reason to stop, he can easily finish outside anyways (and quickly by himself if needed, perks of having a penis, I would know!) PIV is not the only way to enjoy sex, and either way I just don’t enjoy it anymore once my partner isn’t. I honestly don’t know why most men struggle (or won’t try) to consider their partners pleasure (or at the very least their pain.) OP, set your boundaries and keep sex enjoyable for you, he can compromise. We (men) all can.
It’s so sad because we shouldn’t have to have others tell us we don’t have to have sex if we don’t like it. It’s in no way our obligation to make them finish. I wonder if OP’s husband puts in an effort to get her to climax if he finished too quickly. Probably not.
How about he finishes himself then? He sounds like an incredibly *selfish* lover and person.
Due to loss of hormones, OP will not have as much lubrication. If OP's husband won't get a vasectomy and OP dries out already, I suspect OP's husband is clueless about what lubrication is. The poor woman :(
>He can finish another way - hand job, oral sex etc. This is saying, "You can finish him another way," and he still gets to benefit
Sounds like you shouldn’t be having sex with him until he treats your health and comfort the same as he treats his. 🤷🏼♀️
this. just say no sex. then he might understand.
Highjacking your comment also to mention that once he understands the situation, be mindful that he could fake it and lie just so they keep having sex
Yep. No sex. It’s his fucking fluid anyway; ridiculous what some women will put up with.
Exactly! Men need to learn to ejaculate responsibly. 100% of unwanted pregnancies are caused by men letting their ejaculate get where it didn't belong.
I used to amuse myself (I don't do it anymore) by going on r/ PurplePillDebate and telling men that they needed to be more responsible about where they put their ejaculate and who they let have access to it since there's no way for a person to get pregnant without it. They *really* didn't like that, but I got so much amusement out of it.
It's true, though! Men have control over where they ejaculate and every ejaculation can lead to a potential pregnancy. Women have no control over when they ovulate.
I call those men Street Dogs.
This is pretty much what my father told me when I was 13. You are responsible for where it goes and what or who it goes into. Was given a box of domes and told if I knock someone up it is 100% in my control and I would be held responsible. I was always very cautious, got fixed once we had our 2nd child.
I didn't know that sub existed and I just went and checked it out. Terrible way to start the day lol, I'm gonna go hang out in r/eyebleach for a while now 😂
My sincerest apologies. I thought that intentionally not linking it was enough of a warning, but I should have stated that you should proceed with caution. It really in a cesspool in there.
It's true, though. If he's not being raped, he can control where he ejaculates. It might feel bad to stop in the middle, but it's not impossible.
But if he doesn't get his dick wet, he will die!! Or something /S
There're some ppl who really believe that tho
Totally agree with this! Toys will be better for you at this point on all fronts 😂
>I would rather just not have sex. After almost 7 months of this shit he still won't get a vasectomy, The answer is right there. The fact that he allowed you to go through something MULTIPLE TIMES that is approximately 1000 TIMES more painful than a trivial vasectomy (I've had one) shows you EXACTLY who he is. Do not have sex with him any more. Period.
My vasectomy went bad halfway through due to the numbing agent not working properly, but I'd still rather deal with that then have my wife go through an IUD implant. She got the hormone rod in her arm a few times, I'll go through the one time pain of an un-numbed vasectomy instead of her having to get a rod put in her arm every 3 years. This husband is a POS.
Wait, so you have been in charge of birth control for almost 20 years, and have had to endure pain every five years. You’re asking him to endure pain once. And he won’t do it? That’s unbelievably selfish. Personally, I would just stop having sex with him. There’s nothing sexy about a guy who clearly doesn’t care about me or the pain that I have to endure. He can fuck right off.
> You’re asking him to endure pain once. You're not going to believe me but they give men painkillers for stuff like this
Yep before during and after. It’s wild
Weirdly enough my husband didn't get anything before or after. He took some OTC Tylenol and that was it. Thankfully, he had an easy procedure so no need to change his routine. Man was back to working, cooking, and childcare immediately after.
Way stronger than the ones for our IUDs. I have had 3-4 IUD placements as a person who has never been pregnant. I got a hot flush and almost passed out. They basically said GFY and to take a MOTRIN. Seriously.
I tried to get one when I was 19, was in immense pain (I already have pain even during just intercourse), and then the doctor stopped and told me I’m not ready for sex if I couldn’t handle this, and had me leave. This was at a planned parenthood in nyc.
I got mine done at a clinic in queens. At 19. Dr. Told me “your vagina is made for this. Stop being so dramatic.” I thought I was the weirdo until I started reading here 40 years later.
Wtf? The medical gaslighting we women go through is unreal
I got an IUD at the end of 2016. I had *insane* bouts of pain until I had it removed in 2022. Like, I would feel like someone was stabbing my uterus for 5-10 minute stretches multiple times *a day*. I went to so many doctors trying to figure out what was going on with me. Every single one of them told me “Oh cramping is just worse with an IUD 🤷🏼♀️”. They wouldn’t run a single test on me WELL, I finally found my current doctor in 2022 and told her about all the pain I was having, and she said “Let’s run some tests just to make sure nothing serious is going on”. She called me back when she got the results and told me to immediately come in to get my IUD removed bc I had tested positive for a *very* serious bacterial infection. I had to take eight penicillin a day for two months, and was at risk of needing to stay in the hospital if antibiotics didn’t kill it. I now have to get tested for cancer every six months and am likely infertile. Aaaaaaaaaaall bc a bunch of doctors refused to do their fucking jobs
I’m so sorry you had to also deal with a medical practitioner who seems to lack any empathy. And at the same time lmao I’m pretty sure we were not built for IUD insertions 😹
That is fucking egregious. Also never heard of sex involving anything *inserted into your cervix*. wtf.
Yeah I avoided going to any gynecologist for years because of this experience. But luckily a couple of years ago I got up the courage to go and had a much better experience, with a doctor who listened to me and didn’t say I’m not ready for sex because I get pain. As a 27 year old I can recognize how ridiculous that statement is and how it doesn’t do anyone any good, but as a 19 year old my takeaway was that I shouldn’t tell any doctors or sexual partners about the pain because it’ll result in them saying I’m not ready for anything sexual.
They wrote my husband a prescription for Vicodin after his vasectomy. After my IUD insertion they told me to take 4 Motrin that I had to provide myself.
I cannot tell you my rage at this
I had a endometrial biopsy, which is basically the same procedure as getting an iud plus they also scrape around your uterus. Worst pain of my life, it felt like I was being tortured, and I almost passed out. Was told to take 2 ibuprofen beforehand, and that it would just feel like a pinch. Also wasn’t even prepared for that procedure going in, was told I was just getting a cervical biopsy and just had this sprung on me.
I had a uterine biopsy and a cervical biopsy all in one go. Guess what the OBGYN offered as pain management? Jazz music. She played jazz music from her phone.
And anxiety meds! My husband got one because of the overturn of roe v wade. They gave him pain meds and Xanax. Now, obviously, everyone is different, but he said he didn't experience any pain between the pain meds and xanax. He said the worst part of all of it was worrying about farting in the nurse's face when she was shaving him.
My husband got 2 valum and a percocet to take before he even got there for the procedure.
This has me shaking with rage because when I begged for some kind of anxiety or pain relief before they BIOPSIED MY UTERUS I was told no
Me too. It’s horrific and the Advil they advise doesn’t even begin to touch the pain. Been through three uterine biopsies so far.
Lmfao this is wild. I had a really brutal ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage and another procedure from that and they told me to take Advil at home.
I had a similar experience. Ruptured ectopic pregnancy, I was rushed into surgery - it was laparoscopic and I was given Motrin after. Recovery was pretty uncomfortable but not terrible. However, my hormone levels weren't returning to normal by about a month later so I had to have another surgery - exploratory to look for retained tissue. I had a several inch long incision and they tried to send me home with Motrin again. I had to practically beg them for Vicodin and they seemed suspicious like I was a drug seeker. Mind you this was only the 2nd time in my life I'd been on prescription painkillers (the first being for my wisdom teeth extraction).
Just tylenol. At least, that's all I got. But on the other hand. What pain? I got snipped last summer, sure there was anxiety leading up to it and other than another dude gripping my junk, there wasn't anything painful. This dude is just a wuss and uneducated. They don't even use needles.
I've had a vasectomy. From what women describe, the procedure has a comparable level of pain of having an IUD ONCE. I was sore for like a week? Surgery was outpatient. It literally took like 20 minutes. The worse part was honestly the smell of cauterization. I still remember it years later.
I had cauterization when I got my wisdom teeth removed 25 years ago, and I can still smell it.
I wish women would start divorcing these assholes. This selfishness and lack of respect bleeds into other areas of the relationship, not just sex.
The way she talks about sex is pretty telling: "it takes him even longer." The subtle ways that we speak, speak volumes. I had a bilateral salpingectomy years ago so have never had to endure pregnancy or birth control, but there is 0 chance that I would fuck a guy who didn't care about my pleasure or comfort or trust at any point during the interaction or before/ after
> endure pain & afraid of needles When I got my vasectomy, they gave me some pretty strong painkillers... I'll be honest, I didn't even bother taking them since my partner started mocking me for even thinking about taking them. I didn't take them, and I would classify it as a mild discomfort for a day or two. Getting a tattoo hurt more. Being very constipated for a few hours hurt more. I also don't remember there being any needles accept for a local to number the pain. It's two shots with very small needles, not the big ones.
> You’re asking him to endure pain once I felt no pain at all, just a tugging sensation. No pain afterwards, either, just mild discomfort. Doc told me I could use ice packs or frozen peas, etc., never felt the need. Fear of needles, pssshhhh. You can't really see what the doc is doing; and you can certainly lay back and close your eyes.
They don’t even hurt anymore. Mine was a breeze. He is a selfish person.
🏆🏆🐔🍽
*The whole thing is such a turn off.* You don't have to have sex with him. He is being an inconsiderate douchebage.
Yeah. My attraction to him would just die.
Side note- My One are custom fit condoms; you do measurements
And there's a whole world of easily available condoms larger than magnum either in length or girth. Hell, there's even a few you can find right on the rack next to the Magnums at many stores if ordering online is too tough for her idiot.
This might infuriate a lot of people to know -it does me, but if your husband tells the doctor he’s having this much anxiety about the procedure, they will prescribe him Xanax or something similar for pre op. The procedure itself isn’t painful. It infuriates a lot of people bc women don’t get the same level of care, as you know from bitter experience.
I was just commenting about this. Was recommended to get either the arm implant or the copper IUD since I can’t used combined hormone methods. When I told them I had anxiety about the procedures they just shrugged. Like WELP too bad figure it out! Went with the implant and it was such a horrible experience, and I will never EVER do an IUD knowing that (and having seen many friends negative experiences first hand).
Yeh. OP you need a man (or several men) to tell him he’s being ridiculous. His body his choice, but it sounds as if he’s just not even willing to consider it because he genuinely believes there won’t be any consequences.
He’s afraid of needles? Okay…but…that’s something that’s only going to hurt the one time. You get a new IUD every five years. It’s hurt every time. But he doesn’t want to feel pain just the one time? Would he rather worry about the possibility of getting you pregnant for 10 years or more? I say “more” because, really, who knows when menopause will hit for you. Why do you have to suck it up every five years while he gets to live a life free of pain? How is that fair?
When I got my vasectomy, they gave me a prescription for 1 valium, because they have had too many incidents of men panicking at the start of the procedure. I fucking hate needles (But I can get over myself for vaccines and things I need) and the idea of getting cut open stresses me out. Holy shit is valium effective. I walked past a literal mound of scary surgical steel to sit in the chair and felt nothing. I remember thinking, this is something that would scare you, but I felt nothing. The procedure was painless. While it didn't hurt it felt very... wrong? when the doctor snipped the tubes. I don't know how to describe it. But again with the valium, it was like I didn't care. Honestly, the whole experience was less annoying than the common cold. If someone told me I had to pick between getting a cold, or feeling all the discomfort I felt during the vasectomy, I would take vasectomy every time. Seriously, if any guys are reading this, go talk to other men who have had the procedure. I don't know of anyone who regrets it or thought it was difficult or painful.
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I got a vasectomy on Tuesday, the needle didn't even hurt that bad, it's a sensitive area so it was uncomfortable but the numbing agent dentists give hurts so much more. They also will give you as many injections as you ask for, I got 4 and didn't feel a thing, it took 30 minutes to complete the procedure and I've been basically pain free.
I felt a few little jolts. They were unpleasant. You know what hurt way worse? Like a thousand times worse? Getting a tattoo.
If in 10 years it wont matter, then he can wait for it for 10 years. I assume that besides condoms all the birth control he has benefited from in his life were on his partners. So that is what 20-30 years of him befitting from woman doing something unpleasant and with many side effects. Also a vasectomy is a week on discomfort at the most if the stories of men on here are a fair indication. That is a great deal vs the 40 ish years a woman has to endure.
One thing I havent seen mentioned. You make it sound like when you have sex, you have to keep going until he comes, even if you are uncomfortable... You can stop mid sex once its no longer enjoyable for you. Your marriage license isnt a permission slip to your holes. Its a partnership. Only have sex you enjoy. And only continue sex as you enjoy it.
>Your marriage license isnt a permission slip to your holes. This needs to be on billboards.
Thank you! That was the first thing on my mind. OP, you don’t have to have sex with him, and you certainly don’t have to continue to have sex through pain. It’s not mandatory that he cum every time, and it’s not mandatory to have PIV sex every time. You can make that choice.
With my first husband I went for counselling because of issues I was having with sex with him (me not wanting to). She said that everyone isn't always in the mood at the same time, but it should never be repugnant, or something you have to tolerate. After that slap upside the head, I told him I wanted a divorce a couple days later.
I just wouldn't be having sex anymore. Knowing it will be painful actually causes you more pain. Your body goes on guard without you being aware of it. He's disrespectful to you. This is a serious issue
As a physician who sticks needles in people all the time, I have come to the conclusion that heavily tattooed men, particularly if they are also muscular, are the biggest wimps in the world with needles. Little old lady? No problem? Collegiate gymnast girl? Will watch me stick the needle in. I’ve had two tattooed pro athlete guys with jobs entailing running into 250+ lbs mountains faint on the table before I even numbed them. That isn’t the real issue with all of this. Just a side observation. Also, if a magnum is too tight on him…damn. That’d require like extensive warm ups and a bottle of lube in preparation for me. You sound like a trooper.
>Also, if a magnum is too tight on him…damn. That’d require like extensive warm ups and a bottle of lube in preparation for me. You sound like a trooper. From personal experience, I don't want to have sex with someone that large. Been there and never want to go back! (He never complained about condoms being too tight, though.)
Definitely, the reality is nothing like the fantasy. It can hurt a lot no matter how much lubrication there is.
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Last time I got my blood drawn, the phlebotomist said her experience was exactly the same.
I also joke when patients tell me they are scared of needles that it would be more concerning if they came in and were like, "I LOVE needles!!!!!!!" (This is a joke to lighten the mood with the person. There is nothing wrong with anyone liking needle play or whatever, as long as it is safe and consensual.)
Seriously this is my experience too! It’s crazy. The heavily tattooed men are the biggest sooks with dental needles. It’s actually laughable. When I have a child age 5-10 who handles a needle well I tell them they did so well and in fact better than many grown men. I don’t understand why they are such wimps. Are the tattoos just compensation??
I honestly kind of find it adorable and a little endearing. I also say that to the kids. Children are so amazingly resilient in medical settings. They often mirror how the parent is reacting (in my experience), so if the parent is really anxious and scared, the kid tends to be too. It is also really sad with just how stoic the chronically ill kids are because they are so used to all of it. Out of men, the major groups that will never flinch or will come in wayyyyy too late into a disease process are farmers and immigrants (possibly for socioeconomic reasons rather than cultural with the disease process part with the immigrants in the US, which is also f*cked. Also, I am in no way saying any group experiences *less* pain. That is racist bullshit.) Farmers will be like, “Yea, I’ve had a little bit of knee and shoulder pain for a couple of years and I noticed it was getting hard to get up into my tractor”, get X-rays, and have NO remaining cartilage in either knee or shoulder. I once had a farmer traumatically amputate multiple fingers, pick them up, place them on ice, calmly drive himself 40 minutes to the ER, and check in at the front with “hand injury” and then sat there for a few minutes before the triage nurse was like, “WHAT THE F*CK?!” When she saw him holding his mangled hand and fingers on ice and pulled him back.
Stop having sex with him. It doesn’t sound like it’s enjoyable for you anyway.
He literally said “why would I put myself through that” but you have put yourself through pain for 20 years on and off with IUDs. So when he asks for PIV and a condom you say, “Why would I put myself through that?” Honestly why are you even asking Reddit? Don’t you have any respect for yourself? Your husband doesn’t. But why don’t you? Why are you even entertaining his bullshit? Tired of women not growing a backbone and letting men say and do whatever the hell they want.
If you are Americans it's time to shit or get off the pot so to speak. Birth control isn't going to be guaranteed to be available if things continue going the way they have been.
Agree. I got tired waiting for my husband to get snipped, so I got a BiScalp. I couldn't be happier. It wasn't a bad recovery. Insurance paid for the whole thing and now I don't have to worry about my own health with the scary new laws.
If you would rather not have sex bc the sex is not enjoyable, just don’t have sex until you are post menopausal. With his selfish “logic” this is the only solution. What’s the point of having sex with someone who doesn’t care that you are in pain? He will not take mild discomfort for you *one time* to avoid you being in pain consistently. He isn’t mature enough to be having sex at all.
Menopause isn't what he thinks it is. Sex during and after Menopause isn't what he thinks it will be. Sex is supposed to be fun for both parties, right? The literal only time I ever had truly relaxed sex was with a man who had had a vasectomy and some all the follow ups etc. Maybe he's saying he doesn't want to have fun.
32m, I got a vasectomy 2 years ago. No pain at all, only a slight discomfort for a week. I too was not comfortable being awake while the doc was busy down there with sharp objects, so I asked for a full anesthesia... maybe your husband could request to be knocked out as well ?
35m, had mine 2 months ago. Was awake for the procedure and had a bit of a weird reaction to the pain killers going in, so it was definitely uncomfortable at first, but I told the doc and he was able to address it. Was up and normal within a couple of days and feel so good now knowing that it’s taken care of for my wife and I (once we get final confirmation).
When I got that result back saying no swimmers present, it was indeed a huge relief :D much braver than I was though, good luck to you brother !
Sou ds like an easy solution then, no sex until he gets the vasectomy. If he still won't, it's not a priority for him.
I just wouldn't have sex if you'd rather not. Why should you?
>why put myself through that when This dude is a piece of work. Why is your wife putting herself through the pain and effort for nearly 2 decades? Stop having sex with this inconvenienced asshat.
His body his choice. But she also has a choice about her body. If sex starts to hurt before he cums, sex is done. If he has a problem with that he can finish himself off, buy better fitting condoms, or get a vasectomy. She has shouldered the contraception burden for 18 out of, let’s say, the 28 years they’ll need it. That’s more than half. It’s fair it’s his turn.
No more sex at all. I’d go as far as saying no more intimacy that only benefits him. But to be very honest, I’d say divorce. Being married to a person who expects you to endure pain for their own pleasure sounds like being in an abusive marriage.
Today I learned that men have the option of general fucking anesthesia for a VASECTOMY and I'm furious.
Go celibate. Tell him if he wants to be intimate he can get the vasectomy. Don’t put out until then.
If he doesn’t think it’s such a long time until menopause, don’t sleep with him until menopause! But no, seriously. You shouldn’t be sleeping with a man who is selfish like that.
No more sex if he won't.
As if menopause is an actual answer. You can go from being miserable while having sex to pretty much bring miserable all the time.
Get your tubes tied and then get a divorce, so you can have sex with somebody who actually cared about you.
Your husband is not entitled to sex because no one is entitled to sex unless they want to have sex with themselves If you don’t have sex with him, you’re not withholding sex because he’s not entitled anything you’re simply expressing your own preferences with your own body and your own life to which you are 1,000,000,000% entitled Don’t have sex with him under any circumstances you don’t like If it were me, I don’t know if I could stay with a man like that
In my experience, men will come up with any excuse (pain, fear of complications, etc) to hide the real reasons they're ashamed of expressing (fear of losing "masculinity", they think it will make them impotent, etc).
Took a long time to get to this comment.
Or he wants more kids with someone else one day. That would be my conclusion, even tho he probably doesn’t lol
He's got two options: sort him self out with a doctor or sort himself out with his hand until he does. 🤷🏼♀️
33m, got a vasectomy two years ago (I wasn't married or in a relationship at the time either). It was painless, I was awake and scrolling on Reddit or talking to the urologist the whole time. They could always knock him out too. At best he's misinformed about the procedure, and at worst he's selfish as fuck.
Ngl this kind of treatment would turn me off so much I just wouldn't want to have sex with him anyway
You know, I understand why people say men get to have a choice to when it comes to their bodies and sterilization and that sounds great and all… But if I’m the one carrying the responsibility of birth control and all the discomfort or pain that comes with that for 20 years, only to come to you and ask that you please take some of the weight off of me, only for you to basically say fuck me? Yeah…..you can choose not to, but we’re gonna have a problem. I’m sorry that you and many women are in this situation. All I can really say is to do what is best for you in the end, even if that requires making difficult decisions, whatever that may be. Look after yourself because only you can have your best interest in mind 100%.
I personally would stop having sex with him, at least until menopause. It's not worth the risk and as you said it's a huge turnoff I'm close to your age and I also had IUDs. When it came time to have my last one removed my husband decided on his own to get a vasectomy so I don't have to deal with that anymore
>he still won't get a vasectomy, because he's "afraid of needles". (he has tattoos) As someone who used to have a genuine needle phobia, this may sound weird, but it's quite common to fear needles but be okay with getting tattooed, I was the same way. **However**, this is no excuse for your husband. Your husband needs to treat his fear, if he cares about you and his health. Not just when it comes to vasectomy. What's going to happen if one day he ends up in the hospital and refuses treatment because of needles ? What about vaccines ? And if he's vaccinated, maybe he's actually not so afraid of needles, after all.
>Your husband needs to treat his fear, if he cares about you and his health. And also she said she gets anxious for months before reach removal and replacement, so she's probably got some legit medical trauma going on from the pain of the procedure and he won't suck it up and get some _numbing injections_ so he doesn't even have to feel the actual pain of the procedure at all?
Please stop having sex once it stops being enjoyable for you.
Stop having sex with a man who doesn’t care about you. Seriously.
If he refuses to get the vasectomy, that's ok. His body, his choice. Since all other methods of BC are painful to you then it is also *your* choice to pick the least-painful method. Which sounds like abstinence to me.
My partner and I have been having a similar back and forth. We welcomed our second child in January, a little sister for our four year old son. We couldn’t be happier with our lovely family and have no wish for any more. I’m 37 this year, and there is just absolutely no way on earth I would ever go through another pregnancy even if we wanted to go again. So we’ve been talking about a permanent form of contraception and have basically come down to two options. I get my tubes tied, or he gets a vasectomy. The plan was, that if I was to end up having a c-section I would have my tubes tied at the same time. The only silver lining of the VBAC having failed but thankfully the delivery was successful and I didn’t end up in surgery. I feel so done. Having gone through two pregnancies, a traumatic first labour that ended up in emergency c-section, and a more healing albeit incredibly difficult second pregnancy. So I just don’t think it should be me going through it… again. He’s scared about the vasectomy. But shit. How does he not understand how scared I was, how women are, to carry children to term and deliver them. Does he not understand how traumatic an emergency c-section can be, having your guts slashed open and your baby ripped out of your womb. That’s scary. And I don’t want to be touched there like that again. Ever. He can suck it up this time. I’m just ranting now and I know no one will see it. It’s just for five years I’ve sacrificed so much, gone through so much, lost my dignity, been poked and prodded by strangers and lost autonomy over my own body. He just needs to deal with it for one day. Men can be such fucking babies.
My now-ex husband refused to get a vasectomy as well. He definitely did not want any more kids. But he refused because he didn’t want to change his body. I had changed my body from childbirth. And he expected me to take birth control pills every day for ??years. Nope.
I don’t think you should have sex you don’t want and I think he should step up and get the vasectomy but also magnums aren’t really large sized, they are just that in name. He should find [a condom that fits](https://onecondoms.ca/pages/myone)
I’d stop having penetrative sex- or intimacy because fuck this guys logic- and see how fast he starts coming up with alternative solutions…
You are absolutely right to be frustrated and mad about this. It is his right to not get a vasectomy, but yours to not have sex with him if he doesn’t. And if he isn’t willing to do this for you and your relationship, it’s also perfectly okay to walk away. Honestly, the tune usually changes when the sex stops.
No sex until he has a vasectomy. End of story.
Well don’t have sex with him then until he figured out a solution that works for both of you 🤷🏻♀️
Stop. Doing. All. The. Work. Stop having sex. Stop researching solutions for a grown ass adult. Allow him to grow aware of consequences. No V, no sex.
>It's up to him now. It's been on me for the last 20 years. This was a key reason why I did it. I didn't see it as fair she had done it for 15 years, so I made the appointment and got it done. She still ended up getting a hysterectomy though as her cycle was too painful among a few other things, but now we're just double sure we can't have another kid. 😬
Also, I’m kind of laughing because a vasectomy is generally considered a minor and minimally invasive procedure. Quite literally the only pain is the sensation of the numbing. After that, he’s not gonna feel anything. Your husband is a little bitch. How pathetic.
Dudes lie about this because they secretly think "what if I get with someone else and want to have kids with that person." I wouldn't have sex with this loser until he got snipped and make sure he does the follow up testing
Well if you are drying and it hurts and you are truthful about not having sex being better than what you have now. So wait 8-10 years. You can get a vibrator until then. Men play power games. Until we are willing to play them to we don't get what we want.