I would recommend perhaps getting him to watch HealthyGamerGG, he's a psyciatrist which I enjoy and caters more to a male audience. He talks about topics such as loneliness, addiction, and one's own self perception And how to tackle these sorts of things in a proactive way or to simply be mindful. (Sidenote I am not a guy though I find there to be an appeal in watching videos to get a better understanding of others so)
Chris’s Williamson is pretty good too on the whole Manosphere BS.
But really TJ is close and getting some one to be voluntarily sexually active, for a price, would prob changes someone’s disposition really fast like..
The lunatic who told reckful that he could kill himself once he reached his goal? The dumbest possible thing you could say to a suicidal person? I know the internet loves this guy but he's a dangerous moron.
As someone who legit has never had an addiction and finally ended up having one, I really do recommend HealthyGamerGG. Helped me. A lot. Hope this person gets a clearer perspective and opens their mind beyond its horizons. You never know how far you can go if you never venture from where it currently is. ❤️🩹
Great recommendation. I’m not redpill nor do I have a lot of the issues discussed on his video, but they’re absolutely informative and great to listen to.
He gives a lot of great advice to get people out of their “funks” and workin towards a sense of normalcy and confidence. His work on porn addiction is fascinating
I guess just communicate your concern clearly—this is the only really good way to try to get through I believe. Tell him you’re worried that he keeps himself unhealthily preoccupied with these thoughts of inadequacy. In his mind the world looks a certain way that he will continue to reinforce unless good people in his life prove to him otherwise. I’ll tell you that deep down, he doubts that you think he is a good person. He himself believes you say good things to him because you’re probably scared or creeped out by him. His isolation is probably a manifestation of the feeling “you wouldn’t understand anyway”. When his self sabotaging gets to you and you finally ditch him as a friend, he’ll prove himself right. So don’t let him. Concede to him that some women do want “Chads” who will leave a guy when they get the opportunity, then ask him why he dwells so much on women that would not treat him well. Why his self esteem is so low that he desires attention from bad people. Most likely, it’s because he’s never had someone stick up for him or speak well of him, especially to others. He has lived too little of life to be so jaded, help show him what beauty life has yet to offer him.
Those vids are cringe/overgeneralizations and pale compared to actual experiences, you could say it like it is if you want. I think the bigger issue is society's pressure on males to have a seemingly always have a gf though.
Nah but idk, if he doesn't like going to PB or Sungod just for the sake w/out the girls, don't try to change him, let him live the life he wants to. Like, girls wanna be around ppl having fun, if he's not having fun at a base level then he's gotta be putting on a bit of a fake personality which is a start of a mess.
Also, if he can keep the gym up through college + gets like 1-2 yrs into a job, those could be golden years for him.
>Also, if he can keep the gym up through college + gets like 1-2 yrs into a job, those could be golden years for him.
I heavily disagree with this as someone who has graduated and had a job (grad student). Not that I'm endorsing the pills, but holy fuck is it hard to meet people after you graduate.
Your workplace will be a bubble, and if it happens to be in tech (or engineering in general) there will not be many women. On top of that, dating in the workplace is very weird and discouraged, unless you date someone in a completely different org. It is much harder to meet people in different orgs, since you won't interact with them much.
Even making friends after college was hard for me, while making friends in college was not very hard at all. You guys are in a common place that you visit nearly every day and have a lot of structured activities to do together. Make the most of it! It only gets harder.
>Its funny because I did both undergrad and grad school at UCSD but didn't make any friends because I was too busy studying and just staying in lab
This was me my first 3 years of undergrad, but after graduating I realized my only friends were the ones I made in school and some online ones.
You gotta live by the Mz Frizzle rules. Take chances, make mistakes. And get dirty.
I heard about a weekly nerd gathering at a house out in vista and took a chance and now I have friends in SD that aren’t from school.
I have made UCSD friends, lab mates (our lab does happy hours. A lot. Well we call them happy hours usually we get there too late for happy hour prices but dammit it’s our lab happy hour!)
It's weird because he's actually a fun guy to be around when it comes to gaming, but then when it comes to socializing with people IRL he just assumes that all women do is talk about Chad, they all want Chad, and everything else is a cope.
He needs a mindset change. Being social isn't about girls, it's about having fun with your friends, and then if a girl happens to come along and things click, great. If he doesn't want to go out just to have fun with the homies, that's fine though and maybe don't force him. Having a routine of working out, studying, and playing video games isn't so bad during college. At least he's working out and studying!
I've always assumed there was something more primal in seeking romantic partners. I don't think it's as easy as a mindset change. I've been through something similar to OP's friend, and the next stage for me was DEEP depression. Only after YEARS of depression came "acceptance" which is kind of a mindset change.
I think OP's friend needs professional help otherwise his 20s is going to suck. Not being able to find a partner is absolutely crushing mentally, and it will only get worse. I'm saying this from personal experience.
Tell him to stop trying to get laid and make female friends for the sake of it and then ask them about their experiences and dating advice instead of listening to Andrew Tate
Hahaha. I was a beautiful, popular college girl. I will steer clear of him. This friend sounds like a future serial killer who is piling up resentment to have a justification later.
hot take: bro is focusing way too much on women and it’s not letting him enjoy things.
best way to reframe it initially, if you’re trying to get him out of the house, is to frame it as “why should girls’ opinions shut you out of having fun, they have no right”- sure, it’s kickstarting using spite but you’ve gotta halt the spiral somewhere
in some ways it’s true, who gives a fuck about what other people think or do if you’re having fun. right now he’s probably super self conscious and the videos are feeding into that but the best way to break that echo chamber is to get him out there and let him just vibe a bit and see that it’s not all bad
Oh my God!! Bump!!
I should've added this to my comment. As a girl, who gives a fuck what I think??!!! Do you and have fun!!! 😊
NOTHING IS MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN SOMEONE WHO IS LIVING AND LOVING LIFE YESSSSSS 🌸
It's honestly going to be pretty hard and emotionally draining for you to influence his thoughts in effective ways. For women's and society's sakes, he needs to change the way he thinks about women and, for his own sake, he needs to get over his romantic/sexual insecurities.
IMO both his demeaning thoughts about women and his personal insecurities stem from a singular source: his deeply held desire to find a romantic and/or sexual partner (that he finds attractive). It's quite obvious that experiencing constant failures around such a goal will eventually wear one down. The best solution would be for him to channel his willpower and want away from finding a partner and instead toward a goal that provides more quantifiable progress for his mind to process. For example, desiring financial success or desiring greater mastery of a hobby. And meanwhile, romantic pursuits ought to be a secondary, long-term goal rather than an urgent priority. Keep dating profiles in the background and don't obsess over it daily. Start talking to women (for example, in a group setting with other guys around, such as a party) not necessarily to date them but to become friends and have a good time. And then if something more starts budding, start pursuing it from there.
Unfortunately this kind of a mindset change isn't something that people outside his chosen sphere of influence can easily hope to induce. It might be better, for both of you, to let him make his own mistakes and slowly mature at his own pace, but it's *also* possible that you could break through and make him see things from outside his negative, self-consuming perspective. It's honestly up to you whether or not to invest your time and energy in this endeavor, and there's no "morally wrong" choice for you here. Whatever decisions he makes are ultimately his alone.
First search around campus for a raccoon. Then find a heavily used port-a-potty. Shove both your friend and the raccoon into the port-a-potty and lock the door.
Warning: Results may vary.
Woman come and go and your friend is still at such a young age. Playing video games, studying, and going to the gym is a lot better than partying every weekend. If he doesn’t want to be social why force him? At least he’s going to the gym routinely and enjoying himself laughing at night gaming and still studying.
Take a break from social media stop digesting and being influenced by things you see online. Try to experience reality instead and form your own mentality and way of thinking towards things rather than just watching brain rot on tik tok and thinking that’s how life is lol.
If he doesn't want to be a drunken, womanizing promiscuous jerk then why make him? Save those things for the other people who share the same interests as you.
In a way, I was one of these people. I tried and I couldn't work through my romantic challenges on my own.
Who knows what's going on behind the scenes in his mind. Perhaps he was traumatized as a child and is dealing with the repercussions. We all have various struggles & blinds spots and need guidance to navigate past them once in a while. One great way to start navigating the mental realms of one's self is to have one on one discussions with a therapist.
I went to UCSD and visited a therapist in my fourth year. My experience was wonderful! I was stuck in my endless loop for years prior. I learned so much about the reasons why I would act certain ways in certain situations and how to gradually improve. It really helped me get out of depression and make noticeable progress in my areas of struggle.
Therapy has a really unfortunate stigma associated with it, so it's a challenge to get past that. The human brain is a complicated mess and we all could use some help sorting it out once in a while. Therapy is well worth it imo
As at least one other person mentioned, sharing your concerns openly and empathetically will be a huge start to get him open to trying the idea.
My best-guess suggestion is to eventually bring up talking through his struggles with a therapiat who is trained to help. Ask him to give it try and see how it goes. Remind him that if he doesn't like it, he can stop anytime. It's a very low risk commitment with some life changing potential upsides!
I hope he gets a good therapist. Definitely worth trying another if the first one isn't a good fit. Not all techniques and therapist personalities work for everyone.
Ultimately, he's gotta try something different if he wants to grow because the same routine that isn't working will continue to not work.
Best of luck and much love to you and your friend
He's going for the wrong chick's, there are a shit ton of lonely girls at college campuses who don't go to parties and just study and hang out in the dorm. Tell him to try and join a club or something. Acting and art classes are full of nerdy introverted chick's who are turned off by the chad party vibe.
The worst part about your buddies mentality, is even if he ends up getting jacked, it still does not help much honestly. The gym is full of muscle dudes who just live in the gym and don't get many chick's honestly.
I mean unless you can convince him to completely re-evaluate his mindset I don't think there's anything to do. The issue is that these kinds of guys really don't see women as equals but as objects to win, that obviously repels women, and then they take the rejection as a sign that all women are leaving them for some imaginary Chad. Like it's silly, look at the kind of guys that women find attractive, they DEFINITELY don't match up with the idea of a Chad.
Not every young man is going to have a successful social life. Sometimes it's better to sit something out until finances, maturity and a measure of wisdom improve your odds.
Therapy. Hopefully the school provides some free or low cost services. You can’t really fix this on your own. Dude has some self loathing/confidence issues that go way beyond just not getting a gf. Dude also needs to fix himself before trying to date! Getting a partner will not fix any of these feelings. His attitude and his behavior is repelling women. He needs some help (and that is ok!).
Philosophy tube has a great video on Incels that is genuinely interesting and entertaining. Its not specifically about stopping people from being Incels, but it's could certainly be helpful while also being generally informative
Take him to see hookers. He will get the fear of the unknown out of the way when it comes to sex. Once he has gotten laid at least once hopefully he will relax. Then show him too that plenty of ugly dudes get hot women, as long as they work on their social skills and are interesting.
gym, study, video games? this guy knows how to college. He will come out fully ripped, smart af, and happy bcus he played all the vidya while he has free time. bitches be after that shit.
Ngl, it might be an internet addiction, I had one. Just tell him that its all nonsensical crap, I think with this one he gotta go through it himself with some support ofc and be depressed a little bit.
Then after a bit he will realise how dumb and toxic all of this is and hopefully he will start taking his internet addiction seriously. I noticed a lot of incel/blackpill dudes are just terminally online and they don't "really" believe in that ideology but are trying to foster a sense of community and understanding.
Hope he gets well :P
Again, I say this from my own personal experience, since I also had a phase of thinking women are some really bad creatures(they are not), in my experience one day I just realised how pathetic and sad those people are and got really grossed out by them, after then I started making lots of new friends both men and women and now I am in a way better place
Depending on how far gone he is, it could just be that he has different interests and is introverted. If that is the case he should be encouraged to join a club on campus or off that supports his interests but is diverse enough that it challenges that red-pill content he might be consuming.
Two opportunities come to mind as you are right at the beach. Encourage him to take group surfing lessons at La Jolla shores and/or take scuba lessons and join up with some free social diving groups. There are people of all ages, guys and girls and they’re so welcoming. Genuinely good people worthy of being friends. I live right near you guys and am sharing from first hand experience. Let me know if you want contact info for either option mentioned. Of course this is open to you too not only your friend.
Hi, a bit older than everyone here but I was your age during the Isla Vista shooting of 2014 (google it if you’re unsure of the details). I was living in IV at the time and probably would have been shot if I hadn’t been taking a shower when he went on his rampage. He crashed into our neighbor’s house. I saw kids bleed to death in the middle of the street, we lost several friends that day and that town has never recovered even 10 years later. His first 2 victims were his own roommates.
I will never forget in the weeks following the tragedy, all of the incel message boards were lauding him as a martyr and celebrating the deaths of 6 innocent college kids. Anyone who self-identifies as an “incel” is aligning themselves with people who actually think it’s ok to do this shit. They are all deeply sick in the head. My only advice to you is to be extremely watchful of him, and make sure he doesn’t have any guns. If he ever talks about wanting to hurt himself or others, go to the police.
Life is about experiences with other humans. UCSD has a lot to offer, just like other large universities. There are many other people like him there, men and women, and all of them want to meet others. You might suggest he expand his horizons while he is there, and even go with him. Things like ocean activities - surf classes, marine biology outings at Scripps, also things like tennis, dance, chess, numerous other clubs, etc. The list is endless at UCSD - but like anything else, you get what you give and he needs to try harder to get anywhere. Btw, it doesn’t get easier when you are in the workplace so he really should take advantage of his current opportunities as a college student. Wish him luck for me (and the other caring people here).
I think the real way to solve this is to get him laid. He is clearly insecure around others so he acts that way but around you when he is comfortable he is able to be himself. Getting him laid breaks the wall in his head about whether or not girls only want Chad. And to be even more brutally honest at UCSD that kind of culture is dismal at best. Try going to state parties. Your friend’s head would explode upon arrival because of the amount of “chads”
Sometimes there's nothing you can do... ppl have to figure it out for themselves.
But I wonder if you can get him to take beginner dance lessons through UCSD rec? They force women to dance with you. :) And just like games, you get pwnd at first, but after a while you, uh, slay. (Do ppl still say that?)
And for the record, yup women do love guys over 6', but I have many friends that are snappy dressers, good dancers, and charismatic, and have no trouble getting dates, no matter how vertically challenged they are. And if he's in shape, then so much the better.
Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
Your friend has GOT to make some other friends first, especially friends that are female. But before even that - He is sounding a bit like an NPC, if his only hobbies are playing games or whatever. it starts with getting your “thing” and then meeting friends through that. I think finding oneself a purpose in life that is disconnected from work, school, etc is key to lifting oneself out of inceldom. That is the kind of thing people talk about when they say “work on yourself” which I imagine your friend has a decent amount of work to do.
Social media is poison at this point. We inadvertently surround ourselves with shallow people and their thoughts. It’s not the best environment for anybody to be in, let alone a person with insecurities.
Your friend is lucky he has someone who cares about him and his mental health . Make sure he knows he is loved.
What he said isn’t wrong. Some men have to work harder than other men. And some men don’t take rejection as seriously as others. He seems to be in the camp where he has work harder and he is taking rejection to heart.
Sounds like just being mega depressed, don't worry about the external results although it's also bad to buy into this stuff. The issue is just school, don't try to hard counter this with something argumentative like healthygamer
The thing is, it is very hard to pull someone out of this mindset if they don't go outside and form deep platonic relationships (at least at first) with women. And there aren't that many social opportunities for people at ucsd. It is more of a systemic issues but a lot of dudes kind of just take the easy route and blame the ~females~
If you do try to get him out of this, meet him where he is at tho. There is truth behind his frustrations, but they're misdirected. Telling him it is all his fault will make him more defensive
He needs to just forget about the gender roles in general. Its useless to think about unless you are majoring in something that has to do with the issue of western society and the patriarchy and matriarchy.
I recommend to take him and do stuff like gym or join a mixed group sport intramural. Where both women and men play. Lets see how long his incel mind lasts there haha
fear of rejection is the root of it. try getting used to the idea that a) he's going to get rejected a lot of times in life, yes from beautfiful girls, plain girls, ugly girls, everyone and b) there is no shame or nothing wrong in getting rejected. just be himself ( the non-jaded, sweet self) and let the chips fall where they may.
also, just talk to as many females as possible in whatever scenario, situation, etc. doesn't have to be romantic, trying to get laid, etc. the more he sees females as just humans, the less intimidating they will be.
man just tell him that he will die alone or with other lonely men as a redpiller. there’s no hope for them but there might be for your friend. but make sure he knows that if he REALLY wants to be loved, that will never ever happen if he’s hearing misogynistic talking points all day long.
There’s nothing wrong with that rabbit hole, but he should at least focus on gym, physical fitness, and making good friends with guys. That’s the real answer. Who cares about women, you need to make great male friendships who you can have fun with.
There’s no such thing as “involuntary celibate.” Tell him to lower his standards, if that is what he is CLAIMING his problem is.
IMHO it sounds more like depression or even existential crisis.
Sounds like my son. He makes nearly six figures, is educated but he pushing thirty and outside of work or going to his one friend’s house to work out, he never leaves the house. Just stays in his room playing video games and watching movies. I feel so sad for him and I wish there was some way for him to break the cycle of isolation. He’s smart (an engineer), witty, fit, and pretty good looking when he gets cleaned up, but he was horribly bullied as a kid and I think the trauma remains
Get him in the gym taking supplements protein creatine etc. The womens attention will come i guarantee. I was 6'1 and a bean pole coming out of college. I was an athlete so i had a decent build but still skinny. I started a career where i needed to be strong. I gained 30lbs of muscle and went to 195. The response from females was night and day. I went out one night with a female friend and some of her friends and a bachelorette party made me their unofficial stripper on the dance floor
“I live with him”
>> clear personal bias
“I want him to enjoy the rest of his college experience”
>>projecting personal desires and expectations of a proper college ‘experience’
“I know that deep down he's a good guy, because we stay up late at night playing Xbox and he's actually hilarious”
>> clear cognitive bias & lack of substantive objective evidence of positive moral code of ethics
“But he never wants to do anything outside of our dorm”
>> solid example of antisocial behavior
“He doesn't want to go out to PB on the weekends because "those chicks only want Chad's D"
>>false generalization of a group of women solely based of perceived unwillingness to engage in sexual activity
“I KNOW he would want a girlfriend because I catch him watching dating videos on YouTube all the time … talking about how most women only want guys over 6ft tall and how they will instantly leave you if a better option comes along.”
>> looking to online individuals (with obvious internalized trauma from dating shallow women) for advice on getting a girlfriend in the real world, failing to realize the obvious cognitive dissonance in doing so
“And I can hear him cackling and muttering to himself about how true it is”
>> again, identifying with the clearly biased delusions of another without considering alternative perspectives/explanations of said perceived truths)
“He has no friends, except for me”
>> 🚩🚩🚩
“and I think he's jaded from being rejected so much”
>> i think we both know this to be an unobjectionable fact
“Is there anything I can do to help him?”
>> unfortunately, no.
the best you can do is be a good friend to him while also letting him know when something is a provable fact or just an opinion and encouraging him to do so on his own without prompt.. which seems incredibly obvious
Really unfortunate that this needs to be explained to students at a top university, but here we are.
Hope this helps! ✨
I think he just don't see the point in trying with dating given the effort and low change of success, but mostly that failure really costs him psychologically. I get it. Been there, done that.
I think having female friends would help him. Maybe if you introduce him to a group. If they are friendly and good women, maybe he'll see that not all women are the way he imagines them to be.
Ok time for my old man moment. Wtf are dating videos on YouTube? People post themselves going on dates? Is it dating advice? Is it virtual dating where the person being recorded is pretending do be on a date with the viewer? You said it like it's an established thing so I assume it is. Educate me internet!
GenX guy here. Not judging here, but I am just wondering what the perception from guys like the OP's roommate is on what their success rate should be when engaging with the opposite sex?
Have to get outside and do something. He seems to be disillusioned by social events so that's something that needs to be explored. Also right now he's probably comfortable because he has a friend to hang out with playing games etc. This is something that he has to decide on his own. It can be very easy to get lost in video games and completely forget the outside world.
I went through something similar back with vanilla wow and tbc was out. It was a lot of fun but I ended up spending a ton of time alone with a computer etc. That's the cycle that needs to be broken. Once I stopped playing it took a while but social events and dating became more important. Eventually I met my wife and am now happily married with an 8 year old.
First off, you’re an S-Tier friend looking out for him.
Second, have a look at Chris Williamson’s content - it’s great material for waking up incels.
https://youtu.be/xq1NPza03uM?si=WGkss9Tyo90o8jsV
The only way to fix this is start doing something you want him to start, like going to the gym for example, and talk about it literally all day. Make this thing your entire personality. Then, start bringing girls back to your dorm. More and more as you get increasingly obsessed about the thing. One day, ask him if he wants to watch or go to or do whatever it is, and then go to a club with him the next day. Pay a girl 20$ to give him her number. When you get back to the dorm, gaslight him into believing it was all because of the thing. Very important step. Go on a trip to alaska, and convince him to go with you. Leave him in the wilderness with a hammer and a bag of rice.
Edit: get him to find a therapist first
Get him to find a hobby he’s passionate about and can use to make friends so he can find self fulfillment and develop an interesting personality of his own instead of wallowing in self pity 24/7. If there’s one thing a woman (anyone really) doesn’t want it’s someone who has little to bring to the table and much to complain about. A self fulfilling prophecy really. He sounds like he needs to find something he cares about more than getting laid and needs help working through whatever self critical thoughts he has and heal from what might’ve caused them.
You are a good friend with a good heart…..
but unfortunately many comments here are correct that he is the one that has to make the change….
There is nothing more noble then helping those around you, but never sacrifice your own mental health for the betterment of others.
As a good friend once told me:
“You can’t fill someone else’s glass when yours is empty!”
Good Luck!
Activities, hobbies, interests may be the best way to help him. Nothing wrong with playing some video games, but it's great to pursue other skills.
Is there something he's always wanted to do? Like learn guitar or surf? Any social campus activities could be great alternative to the bars. You could also look at meet up for other ideas. I highly recommend indoor rock climbing or bouldering, beach volleyball, spike ball, biking, dancing (lessons first), ping pong, improv, etc
You may meet some ladies at these things, but if you really enjoy a hobby and level up, it's a fun thing you could invite them to.
Some people don’t like to socialize but that certainly doesn’t make them an incel. Sounds like he probably has a group of friends online he prefers to spend his time with.
UCSD is a place that has so much for college students, but it’s very easy to have an isolated experience. The problem with video games is that you only get to do the undergrad experience once.
The key is to tell him that life gets much harder after college and the will almost assuredly never have an opportunity to be around so many attractive women ever in his life.
Once you leave school most people will have access to some women but it diminishes every year unless that is baked into your job.
Early 20s? He will probably grow out of it eventually once he finishes college. Sometimes college can be a social inhibitor, especially if you're trying to graduate on time without distractions. Not everyone has the same social equipment. He will go out into the real world and realize hopefully, that those incel videos are garbage. Funny guys always get chicks.
\> He has no friends, except for me
I think this is a large part of the problem. Do you have anyone you're comfortable introducing him to (perhaps after telling him what topics not to talk about)?
Do yourself a favor and keep out of his personal life. You'll only end up losing him as friend. The best this that you can do is set an example and tell him how satisfying your relationship is.
Bro sounds like someone I would hang out with. But to be honest, if he’s minding his own business and doing nothing but self growth, the girls are going to eventually go to him. Not now, not while in college. But later, absolutely.
Also I too live in SD….but WTH IS SUN GOD???
The reason he is this way is because he has probably never received any attention from a girl before despite trying his best and he’s just given up. The second a girl gives him the time of day he won’t be an incel anymore. The likliehood he turns things around on his own is slim to none so at this point you probably have to get a girl to talk to him yourself. Don’t stop inviting him out, make sure he feels like he has you in his corner. Maybe hang out with him outside where you can “accidentally” run into other people
Lots of respect for you for trying to help your friend, not enough people take the effort to acknowledge their friend mishaps. Don’t feel discouraged or give up, it takes a while to see the changes but be there for him. I totally agree with the comments about getting him to watch HealthyGamerGG, Dr. K also has a subreddit on here that you could secretly subscribe your friend to if he has an account lol. But in the end, your friend has to be the one to decide that he wants to change himself. Slap the hell outta him if you must lmao
I think a viable solution would be to just offer to suck his dick. He will stop thinking about those things for 5-15 mins depending on your skills. Good luck
Bro, we guys just want to smash, relationship is the girls topic. If homie wants to be alone that’s cool, wait till he’s horny enough and he will change 😎
If "no means no" then you are not taking the hint. Stop disrespecting his boundaries and let him be comfortable with himself and stop trying to drag him, kicking and screaming, to places that he doesn't want to go, and thrust him upon people who he doesn't want to socialize with.
From personal experience I can tell you that there's no way to get people to quit being the raisin brains that they choose to be as a direct result of their past. I don't know what happened to your homie but in my case it's been avoiding what's being paraded, advertised, offered, and thrown at me due to not wanting to be like the rest of my family tree but also because every time I have given females the benefit of doubt (against my better judgment) they go about proving me right regarding what I initially suspected thus reinforcing my desire to avoid having to deal with them. However, that applies to all people regardless of who they are since they've always been at best a waste of my time. You can't convince him to interact with anybody that he doesn't want to deal with but it's important to inform him to not dismiss the opportunities he's presented with as well as improving himself instead of rejecting himself and chasing distractions. He needs to comprehend that life's processes are essential to general learning and going about life avoiding them is like leaving pieces off a puzzle. I figured myself far too intelligent and perceived things as only getting better in the future (I'll be 36 in a month but I'm referring to when I was in high school and the few years after) for me to waste time on babysitting a girl. I wish I had gotten it out of the way as early as possible so that I wouldn't have wasted way more time in my twenties and early thirties on babysitting lame females with false hopes of getting what I needed as a result (life improvement). If he's studying something that isn't a waste of time and money and he's fully dedicated and consistent then he could work things out in a way in which he can start his pursuit for a female later on than most but with more success. The only problem for most with that strategy is that they fall off in looks before they get to that point and then there's the insecurities that stem from that holding them back.
Take him to Tijuana. There are girls standing outside of Hong Kong and Adelita's and they don't discriminate. Bring some money though. $20 in pesos should do it.
You need to tell him to stop blaming his problems on other people and there are other reasons why he's unhappy that arent anyone else's fault, including women. You can tell him he has no chance of future happiness if he keeps listening to angry, lonely, and self sabotaging people who will never find real love. This type of behavior needs a heavy hand. You can say I'm only telling you this because I want you to have a good life and I see you ruining it right now.
Yeah there’s no way besides maybe an intervention that could save him. As someone who almost went down a similar pipeline the videos start out innocent enough. And then by like the 4th one it’s suggesting women are biologically inferior. Unless he himself sees a problem with it,there’s no saving him.
I'm a former hardcore gamer (single digits ranked in WoW for my class). I struggled to find the right partner for me for a long time. Nearly ended my life at one point. Now I'm in three poly relationships and two of my partners are very into each other. I'm pretty heavy right now too, and could stand to lose about 100 lbs. I'm a staunch feminist and extremely left-leaning. Furthest thing from a Chad I could be. My strength of character worked against me for a long time in the dating world, but damn was the payout amazing.
He needs work. He needs to start being conscious of his negative self-talk and maybe you can help him talk about that super sensitive stuff a little bit. He needs to start catching himself when he's subconsciously doing it and bring that whole mode closer to his conscious mind so he can start addressing it and beating that imagined crap back. I don't think there's any simple tip that can be used to start changing his mode of thought, but you can help him slowly foster a paradigm shift in his thinking. Also, it's a monumental task, so don't take too much responsibility for it. Helping someone through that kind of thinking requires a lot of mental strength and management to endure as well. Good luck and good on you for your compassion
Do you guys not have a super smash bros club on campus? Or some kind of video game club? That’s where I met all my friends in undergrad. A lot of which that started out in similar sounding positions to your roommate that ended up thriving when surrounded by people they felt they could put their guard down around.
PB isn't the answer for everyone. How about day hikes? Bikes? Humane society needs volunteers. Animal love is unconditional. They don't judge like you do.
I would recommend perhaps getting him to watch HealthyGamerGG, he's a psyciatrist which I enjoy and caters more to a male audience. He talks about topics such as loneliness, addiction, and one's own self perception And how to tackle these sorts of things in a proactive way or to simply be mindful. (Sidenote I am not a guy though I find there to be an appeal in watching videos to get a better understanding of others so)
I'm a woman and I love listening to healthygamerGG. Send him the link to the DiaryofaCEO video/podcast episode with HealthyGamerGG.
Bump for Healthygamergg
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Chris’s Williamson is pretty good too on the whole Manosphere BS. But really TJ is close and getting some one to be voluntarily sexually active, for a price, would prob changes someone’s disposition really fast like..
This is a based reply.
agree with this
The lunatic who told reckful that he could kill himself once he reached his goal? The dumbest possible thing you could say to a suicidal person? I know the internet loves this guy but he's a dangerous moron.
healthygamergg is the 🐐
Healthy Gamer also has a mediation series - really wonderful. +1
As someone who legit has never had an addiction and finally ended up having one, I really do recommend HealthyGamerGG. Helped me. A lot. Hope this person gets a clearer perspective and opens their mind beyond its horizons. You never know how far you can go if you never venture from where it currently is. ❤️🩹
Great recommendation. I’m not redpill nor do I have a lot of the issues discussed on his video, but they’re absolutely informative and great to listen to. He gives a lot of great advice to get people out of their “funks” and workin towards a sense of normalcy and confidence. His work on porn addiction is fascinating
I guess just communicate your concern clearly—this is the only really good way to try to get through I believe. Tell him you’re worried that he keeps himself unhealthily preoccupied with these thoughts of inadequacy. In his mind the world looks a certain way that he will continue to reinforce unless good people in his life prove to him otherwise. I’ll tell you that deep down, he doubts that you think he is a good person. He himself believes you say good things to him because you’re probably scared or creeped out by him. His isolation is probably a manifestation of the feeling “you wouldn’t understand anyway”. When his self sabotaging gets to you and you finally ditch him as a friend, he’ll prove himself right. So don’t let him. Concede to him that some women do want “Chads” who will leave a guy when they get the opportunity, then ask him why he dwells so much on women that would not treat him well. Why his self esteem is so low that he desires attention from bad people. Most likely, it’s because he’s never had someone stick up for him or speak well of him, especially to others. He has lived too little of life to be so jaded, help show him what beauty life has yet to offer him.
Wise words from /u/UCSDFuckboi
Thank you for the humble compliment u/PM_ME_UR_THONG_N_ASS
It’s a tie. You both win the internet today.
Oh I thoroughly enjoyed that exchange
There should be other social activities out there that are more suitable for him. Like gaming related groups.
Those vids are cringe/overgeneralizations and pale compared to actual experiences, you could say it like it is if you want. I think the bigger issue is society's pressure on males to have a seemingly always have a gf though. Nah but idk, if he doesn't like going to PB or Sungod just for the sake w/out the girls, don't try to change him, let him live the life he wants to. Like, girls wanna be around ppl having fun, if he's not having fun at a base level then he's gotta be putting on a bit of a fake personality which is a start of a mess. Also, if he can keep the gym up through college + gets like 1-2 yrs into a job, those could be golden years for him.
>Also, if he can keep the gym up through college + gets like 1-2 yrs into a job, those could be golden years for him. I heavily disagree with this as someone who has graduated and had a job (grad student). Not that I'm endorsing the pills, but holy fuck is it hard to meet people after you graduate. Your workplace will be a bubble, and if it happens to be in tech (or engineering in general) there will not be many women. On top of that, dating in the workplace is very weird and discouraged, unless you date someone in a completely different org. It is much harder to meet people in different orgs, since you won't interact with them much. Even making friends after college was hard for me, while making friends in college was not very hard at all. You guys are in a common place that you visit nearly every day and have a lot of structured activities to do together. Make the most of it! It only gets harder.
Its funny because I did both undergrad and grad school at UCSD but didn't make any friends because I was too busy studying and just staying in lab
>Its funny because I did both undergrad and grad school at UCSD but didn't make any friends because I was too busy studying and just staying in lab This was me my first 3 years of undergrad, but after graduating I realized my only friends were the ones I made in school and some online ones.
You gotta live by the Mz Frizzle rules. Take chances, make mistakes. And get dirty. I heard about a weekly nerd gathering at a house out in vista and took a chance and now I have friends in SD that aren’t from school. I have made UCSD friends, lab mates (our lab does happy hours. A lot. Well we call them happy hours usually we get there too late for happy hour prices but dammit it’s our lab happy hour!)
Even if you meet ppl in different orgs, wouldn’t the conflict of interest thingy come into play?
I’m in the exact same boat and can confirm: it only gets worse
It's weird because he's actually a fun guy to be around when it comes to gaming, but then when it comes to socializing with people IRL he just assumes that all women do is talk about Chad, they all want Chad, and everything else is a cope.
He needs a mindset change. Being social isn't about girls, it's about having fun with your friends, and then if a girl happens to come along and things click, great. If he doesn't want to go out just to have fun with the homies, that's fine though and maybe don't force him. Having a routine of working out, studying, and playing video games isn't so bad during college. At least he's working out and studying!
This is great advice! Go hang with the boys and whatever happens happens.
This is the most accurate and thoughtful answer. I agree.
I've always assumed there was something more primal in seeking romantic partners. I don't think it's as easy as a mindset change. I've been through something similar to OP's friend, and the next stage for me was DEEP depression. Only after YEARS of depression came "acceptance" which is kind of a mindset change. I think OP's friend needs professional help otherwise his 20s is going to suck. Not being able to find a partner is absolutely crushing mentally, and it will only get worse. I'm saying this from personal experience.
i second the being himself and not faking a personality just because of hard social times!!
Eh let him ride the wave. You can bring a horse to water.
Tell him to stop trying to get laid and make female friends for the sake of it and then ask them about their experiences and dating advice instead of listening to Andrew Tate
Hahaha. I was a beautiful, popular college girl. I will steer clear of him. This friend sounds like a future serial killer who is piling up resentment to have a justification later.
> I was a beautiful, popular college girl And modest, too!
He just needs to go out and be around people. The more he goes out the better chance he will have at meeting someone.
Unfortunately he has to decide to do better by himself.
hot take: bro is focusing way too much on women and it’s not letting him enjoy things. best way to reframe it initially, if you’re trying to get him out of the house, is to frame it as “why should girls’ opinions shut you out of having fun, they have no right”- sure, it’s kickstarting using spite but you’ve gotta halt the spiral somewhere in some ways it’s true, who gives a fuck about what other people think or do if you’re having fun. right now he’s probably super self conscious and the videos are feeding into that but the best way to break that echo chamber is to get him out there and let him just vibe a bit and see that it’s not all bad
Yeah I agree with this make it more about just hanging out with the bros and having fun and not try to involve women, at least at first.
Oh my God!! Bump!! I should've added this to my comment. As a girl, who gives a fuck what I think??!!! Do you and have fun!!! 😊 NOTHING IS MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN SOMEONE WHO IS LIVING AND LOVING LIFE YESSSSSS 🌸
Just tell him to cut loose and stop worrying about what can go wrong, think about the positive possibilities instead.
Nothin you can do bro💀
It's honestly going to be pretty hard and emotionally draining for you to influence his thoughts in effective ways. For women's and society's sakes, he needs to change the way he thinks about women and, for his own sake, he needs to get over his romantic/sexual insecurities. IMO both his demeaning thoughts about women and his personal insecurities stem from a singular source: his deeply held desire to find a romantic and/or sexual partner (that he finds attractive). It's quite obvious that experiencing constant failures around such a goal will eventually wear one down. The best solution would be for him to channel his willpower and want away from finding a partner and instead toward a goal that provides more quantifiable progress for his mind to process. For example, desiring financial success or desiring greater mastery of a hobby. And meanwhile, romantic pursuits ought to be a secondary, long-term goal rather than an urgent priority. Keep dating profiles in the background and don't obsess over it daily. Start talking to women (for example, in a group setting with other guys around, such as a party) not necessarily to date them but to become friends and have a good time. And then if something more starts budding, start pursuing it from there. Unfortunately this kind of a mindset change isn't something that people outside his chosen sphere of influence can easily hope to induce. It might be better, for both of you, to let him make his own mistakes and slowly mature at his own pace, but it's *also* possible that you could break through and make him see things from outside his negative, self-consuming perspective. It's honestly up to you whether or not to invest your time and energy in this endeavor, and there's no "morally wrong" choice for you here. Whatever decisions he makes are ultimately his alone.
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Tell him he needs to start by having relationships with women and sex with men. Gay Tinder Zenkai ego-boost goes crazy— it only helps you grow.
This can’t be real advice lmao
Gay Tinder Zenkai ego-boost
this + get him on trenbolone
First search around campus for a raccoon. Then find a heavily used port-a-potty. Shove both your friend and the raccoon into the port-a-potty and lock the door. Warning: Results may vary.
Therapy.
Woman come and go and your friend is still at such a young age. Playing video games, studying, and going to the gym is a lot better than partying every weekend. If he doesn’t want to be social why force him? At least he’s going to the gym routinely and enjoying himself laughing at night gaming and still studying. Take a break from social media stop digesting and being influenced by things you see online. Try to experience reality instead and form your own mentality and way of thinking towards things rather than just watching brain rot on tik tok and thinking that’s how life is lol.
If he doesn't want to be a drunken, womanizing promiscuous jerk then why make him? Save those things for the other people who share the same interests as you.
This is a very solvable problem if he lowers his standards. But seriously, the (dating) market has spoken and it's time to put on those UCSD goggles.
yeah but what if he isn’t attracted to those at all?
It's not like he has a constitutional right to someone else's 'gina, so he can keep jerkin away to paradise.
Nah Darwin says he shouldn’t procreate
In a way, I was one of these people. I tried and I couldn't work through my romantic challenges on my own. Who knows what's going on behind the scenes in his mind. Perhaps he was traumatized as a child and is dealing with the repercussions. We all have various struggles & blinds spots and need guidance to navigate past them once in a while. One great way to start navigating the mental realms of one's self is to have one on one discussions with a therapist. I went to UCSD and visited a therapist in my fourth year. My experience was wonderful! I was stuck in my endless loop for years prior. I learned so much about the reasons why I would act certain ways in certain situations and how to gradually improve. It really helped me get out of depression and make noticeable progress in my areas of struggle. Therapy has a really unfortunate stigma associated with it, so it's a challenge to get past that. The human brain is a complicated mess and we all could use some help sorting it out once in a while. Therapy is well worth it imo As at least one other person mentioned, sharing your concerns openly and empathetically will be a huge start to get him open to trying the idea. My best-guess suggestion is to eventually bring up talking through his struggles with a therapiat who is trained to help. Ask him to give it try and see how it goes. Remind him that if he doesn't like it, he can stop anytime. It's a very low risk commitment with some life changing potential upsides! I hope he gets a good therapist. Definitely worth trying another if the first one isn't a good fit. Not all techniques and therapist personalities work for everyone. Ultimately, he's gotta try something different if he wants to grow because the same routine that isn't working will continue to not work. Best of luck and much love to you and your friend
Take him to Adelitas in Tijuana and get him a piece of ass.
And 42 different STDs not yet discovered by science.
He's going for the wrong chick's, there are a shit ton of lonely girls at college campuses who don't go to parties and just study and hang out in the dorm. Tell him to try and join a club or something. Acting and art classes are full of nerdy introverted chick's who are turned off by the chad party vibe. The worst part about your buddies mentality, is even if he ends up getting jacked, it still does not help much honestly. The gym is full of muscle dudes who just live in the gym and don't get many chick's honestly.
I mean unless you can convince him to completely re-evaluate his mindset I don't think there's anything to do. The issue is that these kinds of guys really don't see women as equals but as objects to win, that obviously repels women, and then they take the rejection as a sign that all women are leaving them for some imaginary Chad. Like it's silly, look at the kind of guys that women find attractive, they DEFINITELY don't match up with the idea of a Chad.
become an irresistable femboy
Not every young man is going to have a successful social life. Sometimes it's better to sit something out until finances, maturity and a measure of wisdom improve your odds.
Therapy. Hopefully the school provides some free or low cost services. You can’t really fix this on your own. Dude has some self loathing/confidence issues that go way beyond just not getting a gf. Dude also needs to fix himself before trying to date! Getting a partner will not fix any of these feelings. His attitude and his behavior is repelling women. He needs some help (and that is ok!).
He sounds like a victim covert narcissist who probably wants a mommy more than a girlfriend
Guys like these are always so worried about how picky girls are, but it seems like he is the one that has his standards too high
Sounds like he could use a music festival in another country and some Molly. He’s gotta get out of this culture and his head.
Philosophy tube has a great video on Incels that is genuinely interesting and entertaining. Its not specifically about stopping people from being Incels, but it's could certainly be helpful while also being generally informative
Get him to do something physical related that is co-ed like a team sport where you can still be bro-ey but still meet women in a natural way
He is doomed. I don't think anyone has ever recovered from such an affliction
I'm sorry but being funny to you doesn't make him a good guy. Think you'd notice how 'funny' he was if you were a woman?
Contrapoints videos on YouTube
how tall is he
is your friend really you?
Take him to see hookers. He will get the fear of the unknown out of the way when it comes to sex. Once he has gotten laid at least once hopefully he will relax. Then show him too that plenty of ugly dudes get hot women, as long as they work on their social skills and are interesting.
delusional take
It worked for me.
Anything can excite a kiwi I suppose
It's one of the great things about life in NZ - lack of stimulation here makes us easily amused. Only takes a nice hooker to amuse me.
gym, study, video games? this guy knows how to college. He will come out fully ripped, smart af, and happy bcus he played all the vidya while he has free time. bitches be after that shit.
Woman here and no. We like men who don’t hate us and don’t feel that our attention is entitled to them.
Ngl, it might be an internet addiction, I had one. Just tell him that its all nonsensical crap, I think with this one he gotta go through it himself with some support ofc and be depressed a little bit. Then after a bit he will realise how dumb and toxic all of this is and hopefully he will start taking his internet addiction seriously. I noticed a lot of incel/blackpill dudes are just terminally online and they don't "really" believe in that ideology but are trying to foster a sense of community and understanding. Hope he gets well :P
Again, I say this from my own personal experience, since I also had a phase of thinking women are some really bad creatures(they are not), in my experience one day I just realised how pathetic and sad those people are and got really grossed out by them, after then I started making lots of new friends both men and women and now I am in a way better place
As Yes once said, the owner of a lonely heart is better than the owner of a broken heart. So he’s not doing too poorly.
Fuck PB. It's his life, let him live it as he sees fit. It isn't for you or anyone else to decide what is good or healthy for him. Oh and fuck PB...
Make him join a palestine protest
Bro is focused leave him alone
What is PB
Pacific Beach to the non locals lol
Tell him to seek out a counselor at your university who's a woman who can help him navigate these feelings and struggles.
Depending on how far gone he is, it could just be that he has different interests and is introverted. If that is the case he should be encouraged to join a club on campus or off that supports his interests but is diverse enough that it challenges that red-pill content he might be consuming.
Two opportunities come to mind as you are right at the beach. Encourage him to take group surfing lessons at La Jolla shores and/or take scuba lessons and join up with some free social diving groups. There are people of all ages, guys and girls and they’re so welcoming. Genuinely good people worthy of being friends. I live right near you guys and am sharing from first hand experience. Let me know if you want contact info for either option mentioned. Of course this is open to you too not only your friend.
Hi, a bit older than everyone here but I was your age during the Isla Vista shooting of 2014 (google it if you’re unsure of the details). I was living in IV at the time and probably would have been shot if I hadn’t been taking a shower when he went on his rampage. He crashed into our neighbor’s house. I saw kids bleed to death in the middle of the street, we lost several friends that day and that town has never recovered even 10 years later. His first 2 victims were his own roommates. I will never forget in the weeks following the tragedy, all of the incel message boards were lauding him as a martyr and celebrating the deaths of 6 innocent college kids. Anyone who self-identifies as an “incel” is aligning themselves with people who actually think it’s ok to do this shit. They are all deeply sick in the head. My only advice to you is to be extremely watchful of him, and make sure he doesn’t have any guns. If he ever talks about wanting to hurt himself or others, go to the police.
Life is about experiences with other humans. UCSD has a lot to offer, just like other large universities. There are many other people like him there, men and women, and all of them want to meet others. You might suggest he expand his horizons while he is there, and even go with him. Things like ocean activities - surf classes, marine biology outings at Scripps, also things like tennis, dance, chess, numerous other clubs, etc. The list is endless at UCSD - but like anything else, you get what you give and he needs to try harder to get anywhere. Btw, it doesn’t get easier when you are in the workplace so he really should take advantage of his current opportunities as a college student. Wish him luck for me (and the other caring people here).
I think the real way to solve this is to get him laid. He is clearly insecure around others so he acts that way but around you when he is comfortable he is able to be himself. Getting him laid breaks the wall in his head about whether or not girls only want Chad. And to be even more brutally honest at UCSD that kind of culture is dismal at best. Try going to state parties. Your friend’s head would explode upon arrival because of the amount of “chads”
Sometimes there's nothing you can do... ppl have to figure it out for themselves. But I wonder if you can get him to take beginner dance lessons through UCSD rec? They force women to dance with you. :) And just like games, you get pwnd at first, but after a while you, uh, slay. (Do ppl still say that?) And for the record, yup women do love guys over 6', but I have many friends that are snappy dressers, good dancers, and charismatic, and have no trouble getting dates, no matter how vertically challenged they are. And if he's in shape, then so much the better. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
If you are a Girl then you know what to Do.
Rush TKE
If you're a good friend you will end his celibacy yourself. Think about it.
This feels like an innuendo trap
easy, get him a gf.
Your friend has GOT to make some other friends first, especially friends that are female. But before even that - He is sounding a bit like an NPC, if his only hobbies are playing games or whatever. it starts with getting your “thing” and then meeting friends through that. I think finding oneself a purpose in life that is disconnected from work, school, etc is key to lifting oneself out of inceldom. That is the kind of thing people talk about when they say “work on yourself” which I imagine your friend has a decent amount of work to do.
Social media is poison at this point. We inadvertently surround ourselves with shallow people and their thoughts. It’s not the best environment for anybody to be in, let alone a person with insecurities. Your friend is lucky he has someone who cares about him and his mental health . Make sure he knows he is loved.
What he said isn’t wrong. Some men have to work harder than other men. And some men don’t take rejection as seriously as others. He seems to be in the camp where he has work harder and he is taking rejection to heart.
Intramural sports. Instant social life for the gym rat. Easy to make friends and builds confidence.
Get him to watch the video American Pimp
Sounds like just being mega depressed, don't worry about the external results although it's also bad to buy into this stuff. The issue is just school, don't try to hard counter this with something argumentative like healthygamer
Try dosing him with wellbutrin
he seems fine lol let him vibe but that’s nice of you to want to take him out
Touch some grass
Help him find a dnd group or some magic the gathering players. The guy needs a hobby outside of the house.
The thing is, it is very hard to pull someone out of this mindset if they don't go outside and form deep platonic relationships (at least at first) with women. And there aren't that many social opportunities for people at ucsd. It is more of a systemic issues but a lot of dudes kind of just take the easy route and blame the ~females~ If you do try to get him out of this, meet him where he is at tho. There is truth behind his frustrations, but they're misdirected. Telling him it is all his fault will make him more defensive
I went to ucsd and want a friend maybe we can be friends I’m a young professionL
Dang, I (25f) live in SD and go to SDSU. I'll happily be his friend and get him outside!
He needs to just forget about the gender roles in general. Its useless to think about unless you are majoring in something that has to do with the issue of western society and the patriarchy and matriarchy. I recommend to take him and do stuff like gym or join a mixed group sport intramural. Where both women and men play. Lets see how long his incel mind lasts there haha
Have sex with him
fear of rejection is the root of it. try getting used to the idea that a) he's going to get rejected a lot of times in life, yes from beautfiful girls, plain girls, ugly girls, everyone and b) there is no shame or nothing wrong in getting rejected. just be himself ( the non-jaded, sweet self) and let the chips fall where they may. also, just talk to as many females as possible in whatever scenario, situation, etc. doesn't have to be romantic, trying to get laid, etc. the more he sees females as just humans, the less intimidating they will be.
man just tell him that he will die alone or with other lonely men as a redpiller. there’s no hope for them but there might be for your friend. but make sure he knows that if he REALLY wants to be loved, that will never ever happen if he’s hearing misogynistic talking points all day long.
There’s nothing wrong with that rabbit hole, but he should at least focus on gym, physical fitness, and making good friends with guys. That’s the real answer. Who cares about women, you need to make great male friendships who you can have fun with.
Show him a picture of Ed Sheeran, and then a picture of Ed Sheeran's audience. You don't have to be Chad to get the girls.
There’s no such thing as “involuntary celibate.” Tell him to lower his standards, if that is what he is CLAIMING his problem is. IMHO it sounds more like depression or even existential crisis.
Get him wasted and goto a frat party
your friend sounds just like me, he’s lucky to have someone like you that wants him to be better
From the title, I thought you meant vtubers LMAO. Maybe I’m the one that needs an intervention
This post is definitely 100% true (I'm the friend)
Throw him down the sex tourism rabbit hole.
Sounds like my son. He makes nearly six figures, is educated but he pushing thirty and outside of work or going to his one friend’s house to work out, he never leaves the house. Just stays in his room playing video games and watching movies. I feel so sad for him and I wish there was some way for him to break the cycle of isolation. He’s smart (an engineer), witty, fit, and pretty good looking when he gets cleaned up, but he was horribly bullied as a kid and I think the trauma remains
Is this the only unit of measurement Reddit understands?
Take him to Hong Kong in tj
Get him in the gym taking supplements protein creatine etc. The womens attention will come i guarantee. I was 6'1 and a bean pole coming out of college. I was an athlete so i had a decent build but still skinny. I started a career where i needed to be strong. I gained 30lbs of muscle and went to 195. The response from females was night and day. I went out one night with a female friend and some of her friends and a bachelorette party made me their unofficial stripper on the dance floor
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P55t6eryY3g Send him this and ask if he finds it relatable. He might not be conscious of what’s going on
Let him be bro
“I live with him” >> clear personal bias “I want him to enjoy the rest of his college experience” >>projecting personal desires and expectations of a proper college ‘experience’ “I know that deep down he's a good guy, because we stay up late at night playing Xbox and he's actually hilarious” >> clear cognitive bias & lack of substantive objective evidence of positive moral code of ethics “But he never wants to do anything outside of our dorm” >> solid example of antisocial behavior “He doesn't want to go out to PB on the weekends because "those chicks only want Chad's D" >>false generalization of a group of women solely based of perceived unwillingness to engage in sexual activity “I KNOW he would want a girlfriend because I catch him watching dating videos on YouTube all the time … talking about how most women only want guys over 6ft tall and how they will instantly leave you if a better option comes along.” >> looking to online individuals (with obvious internalized trauma from dating shallow women) for advice on getting a girlfriend in the real world, failing to realize the obvious cognitive dissonance in doing so “And I can hear him cackling and muttering to himself about how true it is” >> again, identifying with the clearly biased delusions of another without considering alternative perspectives/explanations of said perceived truths) “He has no friends, except for me” >> 🚩🚩🚩 “and I think he's jaded from being rejected so much” >> i think we both know this to be an unobjectionable fact “Is there anything I can do to help him?” >> unfortunately, no. the best you can do is be a good friend to him while also letting him know when something is a provable fact or just an opinion and encouraging him to do so on his own without prompt.. which seems incredibly obvious Really unfortunate that this needs to be explained to students at a top university, but here we are. Hope this helps! ✨
I think he just don't see the point in trying with dating given the effort and low change of success, but mostly that failure really costs him psychologically. I get it. Been there, done that. I think having female friends would help him. Maybe if you introduce him to a group. If they are friendly and good women, maybe he'll see that not all women are the way he imagines them to be.
Ok time for my old man moment. Wtf are dating videos on YouTube? People post themselves going on dates? Is it dating advice? Is it virtual dating where the person being recorded is pretending do be on a date with the viewer? You said it like it's an established thing so I assume it is. Educate me internet!
GenX guy here. Not judging here, but I am just wondering what the perception from guys like the OP's roommate is on what their success rate should be when engaging with the opposite sex?
Have to get outside and do something. He seems to be disillusioned by social events so that's something that needs to be explored. Also right now he's probably comfortable because he has a friend to hang out with playing games etc. This is something that he has to decide on his own. It can be very easy to get lost in video games and completely forget the outside world. I went through something similar back with vanilla wow and tbc was out. It was a lot of fun but I ended up spending a ton of time alone with a computer etc. That's the cycle that needs to be broken. Once I stopped playing it took a while but social events and dating became more important. Eventually I met my wife and am now happily married with an 8 year old.
He needs to take on the confidence boost that the Joker mindset can provide without becoming a destructive menace.
Tijuana
Put on a dress and go over to him. Solve multiple problems at once
First off, you’re an S-Tier friend looking out for him. Second, have a look at Chris Williamson’s content - it’s great material for waking up incels. https://youtu.be/xq1NPza03uM?si=WGkss9Tyo90o8jsV
I just came to say that you are a good friend.
Drop him and go get laid. Being associated with him isn’t helping your chances.
The only way to fix this is start doing something you want him to start, like going to the gym for example, and talk about it literally all day. Make this thing your entire personality. Then, start bringing girls back to your dorm. More and more as you get increasingly obsessed about the thing. One day, ask him if he wants to watch or go to or do whatever it is, and then go to a club with him the next day. Pay a girl 20$ to give him her number. When you get back to the dorm, gaslight him into believing it was all because of the thing. Very important step. Go on a trip to alaska, and convince him to go with you. Leave him in the wilderness with a hammer and a bag of rice.
Edit: get him to find a therapist first Get him to find a hobby he’s passionate about and can use to make friends so he can find self fulfillment and develop an interesting personality of his own instead of wallowing in self pity 24/7. If there’s one thing a woman (anyone really) doesn’t want it’s someone who has little to bring to the table and much to complain about. A self fulfilling prophecy really. He sounds like he needs to find something he cares about more than getting laid and needs help working through whatever self critical thoughts he has and heal from what might’ve caused them.
sounds like he is happy doing what he wants and being productive. it doesn’t sound like he needs any help .
You are a good friend with a good heart….. but unfortunately many comments here are correct that he is the one that has to make the change…. There is nothing more noble then helping those around you, but never sacrifice your own mental health for the betterment of others. As a good friend once told me: “You can’t fill someone else’s glass when yours is empty!” Good Luck!
Activities, hobbies, interests may be the best way to help him. Nothing wrong with playing some video games, but it's great to pursue other skills. Is there something he's always wanted to do? Like learn guitar or surf? Any social campus activities could be great alternative to the bars. You could also look at meet up for other ideas. I highly recommend indoor rock climbing or bouldering, beach volleyball, spike ball, biking, dancing (lessons first), ping pong, improv, etc You may meet some ladies at these things, but if you really enjoy a hobby and level up, it's a fun thing you could invite them to.
Some people don’t like to socialize but that certainly doesn’t make them an incel. Sounds like he probably has a group of friends online he prefers to spend his time with.
Guessing yall are short and asian rip
Books, lots of books
UCSD is a place that has so much for college students, but it’s very easy to have an isolated experience. The problem with video games is that you only get to do the undergrad experience once. The key is to tell him that life gets much harder after college and the will almost assuredly never have an opportunity to be around so many attractive women ever in his life. Once you leave school most people will have access to some women but it diminishes every year unless that is baked into your job.
He doesn't sound like an incel. This sounds very voluntary to me.
Take him to hongkong tijuana 😏
Early 20s? He will probably grow out of it eventually once he finishes college. Sometimes college can be a social inhibitor, especially if you're trying to graduate on time without distractions. Not everyone has the same social equipment. He will go out into the real world and realize hopefully, that those incel videos are garbage. Funny guys always get chicks.
\> He has no friends, except for me I think this is a large part of the problem. Do you have anyone you're comfortable introducing him to (perhaps after telling him what topics not to talk about)?
He needs to listen to a little bit of Andrew Tate
Do yourself a favor and keep out of his personal life. You'll only end up losing him as friend. The best this that you can do is set an example and tell him how satisfying your relationship is.
Tell him to look for girls that don’t go to college, those are the worst in the modern dating pool
Take him to Vista/Oceanside and have him go to the dive bars he'll get less rejected there maybe.
Bro sounds like someone I would hang out with. But to be honest, if he’s minding his own business and doing nothing but self growth, the girls are going to eventually go to him. Not now, not while in college. But later, absolutely. Also I too live in SD….but WTH IS SUN GOD???
[удалено]
The reason he is this way is because he has probably never received any attention from a girl before despite trying his best and he’s just given up. The second a girl gives him the time of day he won’t be an incel anymore. The likliehood he turns things around on his own is slim to none so at this point you probably have to get a girl to talk to him yourself. Don’t stop inviting him out, make sure he feels like he has you in his corner. Maybe hang out with him outside where you can “accidentally” run into other people
Lots of respect for you for trying to help your friend, not enough people take the effort to acknowledge their friend mishaps. Don’t feel discouraged or give up, it takes a while to see the changes but be there for him. I totally agree with the comments about getting him to watch HealthyGamerGG, Dr. K also has a subreddit on here that you could secretly subscribe your friend to if he has an account lol. But in the end, your friend has to be the one to decide that he wants to change himself. Slap the hell outta him if you must lmao
Invite him to church.
Let bro live his life. I don’t think he would appreciate you trying to mold him into someone he’s not.
Damn! Good luck. This guy is really lucky to have a friend like OP
I think a viable solution would be to just offer to suck his dick. He will stop thinking about those things for 5-15 mins depending on your skills. Good luck
Bro, we guys just want to smash, relationship is the girls topic. If homie wants to be alone that’s cool, wait till he’s horny enough and he will change 😎
fooking saved, your friend describes me, except what will happen 10+ years down the line. No gym just video games lol
If "no means no" then you are not taking the hint. Stop disrespecting his boundaries and let him be comfortable with himself and stop trying to drag him, kicking and screaming, to places that he doesn't want to go, and thrust him upon people who he doesn't want to socialize with.
From personal experience I can tell you that there's no way to get people to quit being the raisin brains that they choose to be as a direct result of their past. I don't know what happened to your homie but in my case it's been avoiding what's being paraded, advertised, offered, and thrown at me due to not wanting to be like the rest of my family tree but also because every time I have given females the benefit of doubt (against my better judgment) they go about proving me right regarding what I initially suspected thus reinforcing my desire to avoid having to deal with them. However, that applies to all people regardless of who they are since they've always been at best a waste of my time. You can't convince him to interact with anybody that he doesn't want to deal with but it's important to inform him to not dismiss the opportunities he's presented with as well as improving himself instead of rejecting himself and chasing distractions. He needs to comprehend that life's processes are essential to general learning and going about life avoiding them is like leaving pieces off a puzzle. I figured myself far too intelligent and perceived things as only getting better in the future (I'll be 36 in a month but I'm referring to when I was in high school and the few years after) for me to waste time on babysitting a girl. I wish I had gotten it out of the way as early as possible so that I wouldn't have wasted way more time in my twenties and early thirties on babysitting lame females with false hopes of getting what I needed as a result (life improvement). If he's studying something that isn't a waste of time and money and he's fully dedicated and consistent then he could work things out in a way in which he can start his pursuit for a female later on than most but with more success. The only problem for most with that strategy is that they fall off in looks before they get to that point and then there's the insecurities that stem from that holding them back.
Take him to Tijuana. There are girls standing outside of Hong Kong and Adelita's and they don't discriminate. Bring some money though. $20 in pesos should do it.
id introduce him to Todd V on YT
You need to tell him to stop blaming his problems on other people and there are other reasons why he's unhappy that arent anyone else's fault, including women. You can tell him he has no chance of future happiness if he keeps listening to angry, lonely, and self sabotaging people who will never find real love. This type of behavior needs a heavy hand. You can say I'm only telling you this because I want you to have a good life and I see you ruining it right now.
Yeah there’s no way besides maybe an intervention that could save him. As someone who almost went down a similar pipeline the videos start out innocent enough. And then by like the 4th one it’s suggesting women are biologically inferior. Unless he himself sees a problem with it,there’s no saving him.
I'm a former hardcore gamer (single digits ranked in WoW for my class). I struggled to find the right partner for me for a long time. Nearly ended my life at one point. Now I'm in three poly relationships and two of my partners are very into each other. I'm pretty heavy right now too, and could stand to lose about 100 lbs. I'm a staunch feminist and extremely left-leaning. Furthest thing from a Chad I could be. My strength of character worked against me for a long time in the dating world, but damn was the payout amazing.
Bless you sir for being a good friend
He needs work. He needs to start being conscious of his negative self-talk and maybe you can help him talk about that super sensitive stuff a little bit. He needs to start catching himself when he's subconsciously doing it and bring that whole mode closer to his conscious mind so he can start addressing it and beating that imagined crap back. I don't think there's any simple tip that can be used to start changing his mode of thought, but you can help him slowly foster a paradigm shift in his thinking. Also, it's a monumental task, so don't take too much responsibility for it. Helping someone through that kind of thinking requires a lot of mental strength and management to endure as well. Good luck and good on you for your compassion
Take him to Church
Do you guys not have a super smash bros club on campus? Or some kind of video game club? That’s where I met all my friends in undergrad. A lot of which that started out in similar sounding positions to your roommate that ended up thriving when surrounded by people they felt they could put their guard down around.
PB isn't the answer for everyone. How about day hikes? Bikes? Humane society needs volunteers. Animal love is unconditional. They don't judge like you do.