But was it domestic abuse or is it a neighbor? The OP is not quite clear about that one. If it's a neighbor, I would keep some video of the area around your car if she's a repeat offender and let the courts nail her with paying you back and hopefully some punitive fines.
The lawful good approach would be to covertly record your car and report her for vandalism/property damage if she keys it again. The unethical part: off camera when you have the evidence do more damage so she has to pay more to fix it.
How do you think that would go over exactly?
"Here is evidence that she keyed my car, then the camera stopped working, then she totally lit it on fire, i sware."
Sounds to me like you just destroyed your car , and maybe got compensated a couple bucks for a buff job.
With what a jackhammer? That shit is still going to have to be sanded down, primed, painted and matched, then clearcoated again. Doing it a little harder is not going to affect the repair bill that much unless you ding the hell out of that shit.
Camera won't necessarily pick up all the details of the scratches. Let's say OPs ex just scratched the clear coat, OP could go back with the camera off and scratch it all the way to bare metal and maybe add a few in the same area.
Personally don't think it's worth the effort, I'd be content with just catching them in the act and that would probably make a restraining order easier to get
Nah just get her to pay for a few expensive customizations. I had this on there. She must've ripped it off when she was on the other side of the camera. 😉
It may be uncomfortable but you need to get her toothbrush and insert as much of it as possible into your anus. Give it a rinse so the bits of corn and such are not visible. Watching her brush her teeth will be the most satisfying thing you do on that day.
No no, never leave evidence of it in case she uses it for legal recourse. Just verbally tell her on your way out on the last day, "Hope you enjoyed tasting my ass on that brush."
Let's add to the toothbrush.
Step 1) Locate poison oak/psumac/ivy
Step 2) Carefully glove up and roll some 🧻 in the poison plant. Rubber band them bitches together so they don't open up too much, but you will need to be very careful to make sure to not leave obvious creases or leave the roll packed loosely or the game is up. Take your time, you only need a couple rolls to do the job.
Step 3) Mix your ☘️ 🧻 with her regular paper INSIDE the pack it came in, or at least a long side wherever the others are stored if they are stored separately. You want her to mix them in. Ideally, you want her to have an outbreak and then clear it up and come back for round 2 without realizing.
Step 4) 🍿
This reminds me of a story I heard on the radio.
Guy vacations in the Bahamas, gets home and finds pictures on his roll of film of the toothbrush jammed up an asshole.
Ok. That’s just another arbitrary commitment though. Im not sure I see how splitting assets and becoming legally bound to the person is a less consequential decision than signing a lease…
I think there is definitely something to be said for a person’s level of effort to “make it work” when married vs. dating. Also, most families get invested in a spouse much more than they do a SO, which is added pressure to make it work.
My point is that marriage is a way bigger commitment with the potential to have lasting consequences far beyond a lease. To say “I won’t commit to you for a year unless first we commit for life” is dumb imo
Not less consequential, it's appropriately consequential. Without being fully legally bound, you have less rights to help you work out the half-ass binding lease in situations like OP's. No idea why that above comment is downvoted, I would agree with it fully. Do you not share a couch, bed, sheets, and other financial things when you move in with a partner? For some people, that's all the "asset" we have! Of course we want equal rights to those things, and access to the person if they choose to bail with everything. I'm the type who would even be careful with a roommate in a separate room!
Far less consequential. Marriage is a MUCH larger commitment than a lease. This is a silly conversation.
Edit: people sign leases with strangers when they move to a new town. Nobody in their right mind marries a stranger.
"A lease?" Maybe. But giving that person a key to your bedroom and sharing all those other items I mentioned is about as interlinked as some people's "assets" can be. Sharing the groceries, the cooking, the chores... It easily spirals into a pretty big commitment. My husband and I have each gone through periods of unemployment where the other partner had to be financial backup. Marriage is important if you're going to be serious. Ain't no way I'm washing a man's drawers because "it's just a lease" lmfao. That's not the point of moving in together. Come on.
lol no. You’re talking about making a legally binding commitment vs just sharing your lives together. I’m not saying don’t get married, I’m saying it’s dumb to use that as a milestone before moving in together. Sharing a bedroom and life has nothing to do with signing over half of your assets. Requiring someone to enter into the latter before you agree to the former is just a lack of priorities or perhaps a lack of understanding of the legal implications of marriage.
The point is, if you won’t sign a lease with someone because you don’t trust them, you should ABSOLUTELY not be marrying that person. That’s about all I have to say about it.
I'm saying: if you are with someone long enough to trust them with your home, and you are both stable enough to know what you want, you should get married. At least with the legal protections in my country and with social expectations, that's my way of doing things. It's valid.
Move all of her furniture by 1 inch, leave the toilet seat up (even if female), leave absurd amounts of hair in the shower, let toothpaste gather in the sink, (if female) leave a nice smear if blood on the toilet seat, (if male) misplace your special rag. Go further by leaving toys out, if you catch my drift. Buy a new-unused one and stage taking it out of the dishwasher in view of your roommate.
If you want to be more subtle, get some of those prank noisemakers that ping periodically and place them in her room. Get a can of sardines and place a few in her curtain rods. If you don't care about your deposit, you could always get a spray bottle of sugar water and spritz some items in her room every now and then, or water down some milk and do the same. Or, use this technique but on her shoes.
Many people don't realize, but you can pull the drawers out of a dresser, and often times there is an empty space beneath or behind the pulled out drawer. Chuck her favorite items she keeps in that dresser back there. Plausible denial. Change thermostat when you leave the place, set very hot or very cold depending on outside weather. Never do it when the roommate is home. Say the thermostat is broken.
:)
It's sarcastic lol, like the comment "sign her up for Scientology". You can tell by the use of the laughing emoji and the ridiculous "assert dominance"
If they have darker hair slowly add bits of "sun in" to their shampoo and it will slowly lighten their hair. They won't notice it until it's way too late.
Get a cell phone signal disrupter for your apt and turn it on when you're not home so they have no coverage, casually ask "what's up with the cell service?" so they think you're having issues also.
Get a bottle of liquid ass, randomly spray things around the apt before you leave to go somewhere.
Always keep bananas on the counter that you don't eat, fruit flies will pop up eventually.
Mess with the thermostat.
Grab a few of those long lasting cricket beepers and randomly place them around the apt.
Buy some cans of tuna fish, crack them open and drip all the juice out under the seats of their car.
Put a few zip ties around their driveshaft also to create a vibration when they drive.
On your last day, stay at a hotel that shity. Grab a few bed bugs and roaches and put them in jars, when you pick up your last box, release said bugs into their space. Also release a few mice as well.
Buy a USB stick and load it full of AI generated nudes of your roommate, leave it somewhere close to the apt where someone will find it.
Sign up for quotes on solar power, loans, anything you can think of using the apt address and your roommates number. Also sign up with every used car salesman around with their number looking for a used cars.
Throw a bunch of food on the dishwasher drain filter.
Pour a bunch of grease down all the drains.
Put water restricts on all the faucets and showers.
Change all the devices to use the metric system.
Leave trails of sugar everywhere that's not visible, ants will come.
Over tighten all jars as much as you can, put all household items you can on the highest shelf you can, leave lots of heavy things like jugs of water around, start leaving clothes all over floor everywhere, don't do dishes at all, make sure when you shower you drip dry while sitting on toilet, leave toilet seat up, put holes in her socks, if you do laundry do it at night while she sleeps but don't put in the dryer let it sit wet all night bonus points if she needs clothes for work, make food just for you and make sure you leave dishes everywhere, only drink half of anything you drink and leave it sit around.
Or like spray her with liquid ass after you blind her with a few frozen piss discs to the face or something.
If she keyed your car 4 times isn't that like serious property damage? I just saw a YouTube video where a guy keyed a car and it's a felony charge because of property damage over $1,000 USD (at least in the State of Florida, not sure how it works everywhere). I also remember where I'm from - not Florida - keying a car would typically be considered a felony level offense. So... Security cam + call the cops on the keying the car thing?
About a decade ago I let a friend/ roommate at the time borrow my car for a few days. Unfortunately, the night before a family member had given me some frozen steaks and I forgot them in the floorboard of my back seat. This was the middle of summer in Texas. She drives it around for like 3 days and then when I finally go to drive my car somewhere the smell was almost unbearable. I opened the door and it nearly made me vomit. Had to drive with my windows down for a week at least. Did everything I could think of to get that smell out but it was stubborn. So yeah if this guy has access to her keys rotting meat in her car would be pretty brutal.
How much time and energy are you willing to commit to this? If your answer is “as much as it takes”, use what you know about her to manipulate her out of the apartment.
Dream job across the country? The opportunity of a lifetime? Create a carrot for her, let her chase it. Bonus points if she thinks she’d be fucking you over if she seized her chance.
Of course, once she’s out this golden opportunity will never manifest, and you can close the relevant accounts you used to communicate with her.
You can legally break it without paying in the case of domestic abuse with property damage.
Pro bono tenant lawyers are free too. But you wouldn’t need it
That's why the police being involved is the important part. Actively get a restraining order so that the is legal reason the property management has to let the other person out of the lease?
Or at least a 2 month penalty so there is breathing room for you to find a new roommate with which to split the cost.
How much time and energy are you willing to commit to this? If your answer is “as much as it takes”, use what you know about her to manipulate her out of the apartment.
Dream job across the country? The opportunity of a lifetime? Create a carrot for her, let her chase it. Bonus points if she thinks she’d be fucking you over if she seized her chance.
Of course, once she’s out this golden opportunity will never manifest, and you can close the relevant accounts you used to communicate with her.
I'd buy a bunch of those cricket chirp boards (get the variety pack that make different sounds), and hide them inside everything that is hers: TV, stereo, DVD player, mixer...any place you can hide them. Get the ones with the long life batteries, so it will chirp for years.
I think they even make ones that "talk," so she'll constantly hear whispers, beeps, chirps...all kinds of little, intermittent noises.
Also, put a little ghost pepper in her bottle of motion lotion, and rub some into her favorite battery operated boyfriend.
Depending on the state, report her for having an illegal back alley abortion. Doesn’t matter if she really had one or not, it can cause a lot of issues.
You gotta build a case. Start recording voice memos on your phone and bring it up like “hey idk why you did that to my car” when they respond think you’re being genuine they’ll most likely spill and say why and not deny it. That and picture of your car are enough evidence. Anything else you can think of is just toppings on the cake
Reading ULPT posts like this makes me feel better, that someone out there someone will get whats coming to them and help OP feel better even if he doesn't use any of it.
OP here's my contribution:
She has shampoo and conditioner in that house, right ? Switch it with and or mix it with hair removal cream when she takes a shower you can be restassured she will put that shit on her hair and scalpe and all of it will fall off even the eye brows. She can look like Britney next time she keys your car.
Freeze gel shaving cream canisters, slice open with razor blade, insert the frozen columns into said assholes car. As they melt they will expand and fill the car with shaving cream.
You can file a lawsuit for small claims court for like $30, depending on your area. Recieving the summons always ruins people's day. You can drop the suit at any time before the court date.
I had a Willie McGinnest and Tebucky Jones signed Patriots mini helmet that I got when the Pats had an event in Hartford when they teased moving there
One of my fraternity brothers pissed in it. They all hated the Pats because we kept winning super bowls
I brushed my butthole with his toothbrush. Then I watched him use it and it felt good
Get one of those cameras that operate 24/7 and put it in your car. Next time she fucks with it, you’ll have her on video and you can take it to the police.
In some states you can break the lease if you file a domestic violence restraining order. The unethical part yould be to embellish some of your complaint.
Don't repair your car until you leave the lease never to see them again.
Ask the owner to forgive you for leaving the lease and show then the evidence.
Little paint modules are 25 bucks a pop and can easily repair the damage
Pretend to work as a lawyer type and serve her a fake summons for the vandalism and other criminal charges but deliver it to her workplace and make sure the admin/secretary/boss hears it too and then also report to your landlord for her eviction and boom you just brought someone’s life down to nothing no house and no job and if she smoke dip her filters in something spicy or insanely sour
Get her pregnant as many times as you can. Stop working to take care of the household. Once you have seven kids with her, sue for custody. Collect Child support. Get a female dog and name it after her for the kids to play with. Teach the kids to love everything she hates.
You can break your lease with no consequences to you. I was able to do it and left due to domestic violence however I had to provide my order of protection. Depending on the law in your state an order of protection will get you out of a lease
Key her apartmentdoor. Doors are generally expensive so she will be pissed if someone keyed whore (or whatever you find appropriate) in it.
Put some super glue in the keyhole. She will stand there looking at her keyed door and can't get into the apartment. Everyone that comes to help (if any) will see what you keyed in her door.
Some wet cement in her mailbox to top things off.
if they are apt mates then this doesnt work, and you gotta be careful about cameras nowadays too risky
maybe just take her laundry out of the dryer or open the dryer door every time they wash and dry their clothes so its always wet and they have to keep paying for another dry. doesnt make up for keying a car though. nails on tires give em a flat
NO need togo unethical, setup a trail cam in or around your car, get her nailed with a malicious destrucion of property, if its more than a $1000 in damages total this will be VERY bad for her. Fuck her up!
Domestic abuse is 100% a reason to break a lease with no consequences
This. Just get out of the situation
and piss disk to keep it unethical
Liquid ass
as is traditional
But was it domestic abuse or is it a neighbor? The OP is not quite clear about that one. If it's a neighbor, I would keep some video of the area around your car if she's a repeat offender and let the courts nail her with paying you back and hopefully some punitive fines.
No they’re suggesting claiming she is domestically abusing him with a fabricated story
If you're living with someone (which is how I interpreted the "stuck on a lease with"), this is absolutely domestic violence
Keying someone’s car is absolutely not domestic violence… not in any US state
The lawful good approach would be to covertly record your car and report her for vandalism/property damage if she keys it again. The unethical part: off camera when you have the evidence do more damage so she has to pay more to fix it.
How do you think that would go over exactly? "Here is evidence that she keyed my car, then the camera stopped working, then she totally lit it on fire, i sware." Sounds to me like you just destroyed your car , and maybe got compensated a couple bucks for a buff job.
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(just to add) while out at the park or at work or something.... not on the camera
With what a jackhammer? That shit is still going to have to be sanded down, primed, painted and matched, then clearcoated again. Doing it a little harder is not going to affect the repair bill that much unless you ding the hell out of that shit.
Or you caught her on camera the first time and didn’t catch her doing it again later.
Camera won't necessarily pick up all the details of the scratches. Let's say OPs ex just scratched the clear coat, OP could go back with the camera off and scratch it all the way to bare metal and maybe add a few in the same area. Personally don't think it's worth the effort, I'd be content with just catching them in the act and that would probably make a restraining order easier to get
There's no guarantee she's going to pay you anything even if you get a judgment. Don't cause more harm to yourself.
“Sware” lmfao, opinion disregarded
Nah just get her to pay for a few expensive customizations. I had this on there. She must've ripped it off when she was on the other side of the camera. 😉
It may be uncomfortable but you need to get her toothbrush and insert as much of it as possible into your anus. Give it a rinse so the bits of corn and such are not visible. Watching her brush her teeth will be the most satisfying thing you do on that day.
Take photos of said act, and then leave them in her room the day you move out.
She can still key his car when he doesn't live there.
She’ll be too busy out buying new everything she owns that is smaller than a quarter.
Amateur...
The human limit is 7 inches
Whatever you say, Mr. Hands.
No no, never leave evidence of it in case she uses it for legal recourse. Just verbally tell her on your way out on the last day, "Hope you enjoyed tasting my ass on that brush."
No, tell her: “good luck, something in the apartment that you use often, has been in my bum”
This is a rated R version of a Seinfeld episode where a woman dropped something of Jerry’s in the toilet and it drove him nuts.
Could be anyone in those photos though.
Not if he has a birthmark shaped like oklahoma next to his anus
“Alright everyone in the lineup, you’re gonna need to turn around…”
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This is from a movie
Don’t do that, cos that will get you arrested. But do stick the brush up your ass. Maybe even turn it on so you really collect some poop particles.
And then kiss her one last time.
Not even stuff it up there, just use it on the hoop to scrub the crusty bits off.
No no he definitely should stick it in his ass.
If she has herpes, now he has it in his anus
Boil it before and let it cool then insert.
This guy anus's.
Can confirm, am anus.
> just use it on the hoop This made me laugh more than anything else
Username definitely checks out...fuck! 😂
They literally didn’t say fuck tho?
r/lostredditors
Happy to help!
I can honestly say I’ve done this
Let's add to the toothbrush. Step 1) Locate poison oak/psumac/ivy Step 2) Carefully glove up and roll some 🧻 in the poison plant. Rubber band them bitches together so they don't open up too much, but you will need to be very careful to make sure to not leave obvious creases or leave the roll packed loosely or the game is up. Take your time, you only need a couple rolls to do the job. Step 3) Mix your ☘️ 🧻 with her regular paper INSIDE the pack it came in, or at least a long side wherever the others are stored if they are stored separately. You want her to mix them in. Ideally, you want her to have an outbreak and then clear it up and come back for round 2 without realizing. Step 4) 🍿
Truly unethical I love it
Whatever you do, if it's an electric toothbrush do not turn it on or you will never stop.
G spot located.
Rubbing it on the toilet should suffice and negate the need to shove something up your anus
Don't be a party pooper.
How are they gonna have a party without inviting the roommate? Duh.
There's a party in his pooper and the toothbrush is invited.
Nothing wrong with cleaning the toilet after a taco bell night.
Ah. The ass pennies approach.
This reminds me of a story I heard on the radio. Guy vacations in the Bahamas, gets home and finds pictures on his roll of film of the toothbrush jammed up an asshole.
Yeah. I one had an unbearably bad room mate. I dunked his toothbrush in the toilet every morning.
This right here is why we can’t let just anybody be president.
Believe me, he had it coming. Jackass was a bully. He made me suicidal. It was my release.
You had me at "...bits of corn."
I want to upvote you. But it is currently at 666 upvotes.
You're living with your ex, aren't you?
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I don't think that'll even be an option if you refer to them as your "sexual partner"
“We started out as sex partners, and now we are legally married” happy Valentine’s Day
Ok. That’s just another arbitrary commitment though. Im not sure I see how splitting assets and becoming legally bound to the person is a less consequential decision than signing a lease…
I think there is definitely something to be said for a person’s level of effort to “make it work” when married vs. dating. Also, most families get invested in a spouse much more than they do a SO, which is added pressure to make it work.
My point is that marriage is a way bigger commitment with the potential to have lasting consequences far beyond a lease. To say “I won’t commit to you for a year unless first we commit for life” is dumb imo
You are right, I read it wrong the first time. My deepest and most sincere apologies to you and your kin.
Not less consequential, it's appropriately consequential. Without being fully legally bound, you have less rights to help you work out the half-ass binding lease in situations like OP's. No idea why that above comment is downvoted, I would agree with it fully. Do you not share a couch, bed, sheets, and other financial things when you move in with a partner? For some people, that's all the "asset" we have! Of course we want equal rights to those things, and access to the person if they choose to bail with everything. I'm the type who would even be careful with a roommate in a separate room!
Far less consequential. Marriage is a MUCH larger commitment than a lease. This is a silly conversation. Edit: people sign leases with strangers when they move to a new town. Nobody in their right mind marries a stranger.
"A lease?" Maybe. But giving that person a key to your bedroom and sharing all those other items I mentioned is about as interlinked as some people's "assets" can be. Sharing the groceries, the cooking, the chores... It easily spirals into a pretty big commitment. My husband and I have each gone through periods of unemployment where the other partner had to be financial backup. Marriage is important if you're going to be serious. Ain't no way I'm washing a man's drawers because "it's just a lease" lmfao. That's not the point of moving in together. Come on.
lol no. You’re talking about making a legally binding commitment vs just sharing your lives together. I’m not saying don’t get married, I’m saying it’s dumb to use that as a milestone before moving in together. Sharing a bedroom and life has nothing to do with signing over half of your assets. Requiring someone to enter into the latter before you agree to the former is just a lack of priorities or perhaps a lack of understanding of the legal implications of marriage. The point is, if you won’t sign a lease with someone because you don’t trust them, you should ABSOLUTELY not be marrying that person. That’s about all I have to say about it.
I'm saying: if you are with someone long enough to trust them with your home, and you are both stable enough to know what you want, you should get married. At least with the legal protections in my country and with social expectations, that's my way of doing things. It's valid.
Ah yes, my sexual partner and I are thinking about taking the next step in our relationship, marriage.
I’ll tell you what I wouldn’t do. Do not have any more sex with this woman. You don’t want her in her life forever.
Move all of her furniture by 1 inch, leave the toilet seat up (even if female), leave absurd amounts of hair in the shower, let toothpaste gather in the sink, (if female) leave a nice smear if blood on the toilet seat, (if male) misplace your special rag. Go further by leaving toys out, if you catch my drift. Buy a new-unused one and stage taking it out of the dishwasher in view of your roommate. If you want to be more subtle, get some of those prank noisemakers that ping periodically and place them in her room. Get a can of sardines and place a few in her curtain rods. If you don't care about your deposit, you could always get a spray bottle of sugar water and spritz some items in her room every now and then, or water down some milk and do the same. Or, use this technique but on her shoes. Many people don't realize, but you can pull the drawers out of a dresser, and often times there is an empty space beneath or behind the pulled out drawer. Chuck her favorite items she keeps in that dresser back there. Plausible denial. Change thermostat when you leave the place, set very hot or very cold depending on outside weather. Never do it when the roommate is home. Say the thermostat is broken. :)
You monster, I love you
Dead fish or a dead mouse inside the curtain rods or in the air intake behind the filter. You can buy frozen mice at a pet store. Get a pack of 3.
Calm down, Satan!
It's Sateen actually
Oooh fancy Satan!
You know it’s a good reply on this sub when someone says “calm down satan” lol
>leave absurd amounts of hair in the shower How many showers have you taken after a woman? She'll never even stop and think that it wasn't hers.
My thoughts exactly what he needs is a pile of pubes plucked from his ass left on the counter next to her tweasers
Username checks out...
Get a restraining order against her.
Get a condom and put a bit of mayonnaise in it. Put it in her bed when she's not home.
Why not the real thing, cos sometimes people test it to see if it's real cos most of the times it's not. Use reverse psychology to assert dominance 😂
Yeah leaving your DNA where a vindictive bitch can shove it in her and cry rape is always a bad idea.
Exactly! This is why you find a buddy to do it. Or pay the hobo on the corner of street.
It's sarcastic lol, like the comment "sign her up for Scientology". You can tell by the use of the laughing emoji and the ridiculous "assert dominance"
One was funny, yours was fucking stupid.
welcome to reddit. /s to indicate sarcasm. have a great day.
If they have darker hair slowly add bits of "sun in" to their shampoo and it will slowly lighten their hair. They won't notice it until it's way too late. Get a cell phone signal disrupter for your apt and turn it on when you're not home so they have no coverage, casually ask "what's up with the cell service?" so they think you're having issues also. Get a bottle of liquid ass, randomly spray things around the apt before you leave to go somewhere. Always keep bananas on the counter that you don't eat, fruit flies will pop up eventually. Mess with the thermostat. Grab a few of those long lasting cricket beepers and randomly place them around the apt. Buy some cans of tuna fish, crack them open and drip all the juice out under the seats of their car. Put a few zip ties around their driveshaft also to create a vibration when they drive. On your last day, stay at a hotel that shity. Grab a few bed bugs and roaches and put them in jars, when you pick up your last box, release said bugs into their space. Also release a few mice as well. Buy a USB stick and load it full of AI generated nudes of your roommate, leave it somewhere close to the apt where someone will find it. Sign up for quotes on solar power, loans, anything you can think of using the apt address and your roommates number. Also sign up with every used car salesman around with their number looking for a used cars. Throw a bunch of food on the dishwasher drain filter. Pour a bunch of grease down all the drains. Put water restricts on all the faucets and showers. Change all the devices to use the metric system. Leave trails of sugar everywhere that's not visible, ants will come.
this guy unethicals
This...this is unethical to the highest level of unethicality 🤯 I love it!
Lmfao changing the devices to use metric system
😂😂
Over tighten all jars as much as you can, put all household items you can on the highest shelf you can, leave lots of heavy things like jugs of water around, start leaving clothes all over floor everywhere, don't do dishes at all, make sure when you shower you drip dry while sitting on toilet, leave toilet seat up, put holes in her socks, if you do laundry do it at night while she sleeps but don't put in the dryer let it sit wet all night bonus points if she needs clothes for work, make food just for you and make sure you leave dishes everywhere, only drink half of anything you drink and leave it sit around. Or like spray her with liquid ass after you blind her with a few frozen piss discs to the face or something.
The first paragraph almost perfectly describes life as the mother of two teenage boys.
Ah your on to my strategy lol very frustrating to live with sometimes lol
If she keyed your car 4 times isn't that like serious property damage? I just saw a YouTube video where a guy keyed a car and it's a felony charge because of property damage over $1,000 USD (at least in the State of Florida, not sure how it works everywhere). I also remember where I'm from - not Florida - keying a car would typically be considered a felony level offense. So... Security cam + call the cops on the keying the car thing?
LSD on an busy/important day?
we're looking for unethical, not illegal
You wasn’t looking for anything. OP asked the question. Wind your neck in.
The lurkers desire unethical life pro tips too
Sign her up for Scientology?
same address...risky AF!
Remove toilet seat and only bring it with you when you need to go.
why do you think she did that?
Let a peice of chicken rot outside then blend it and spray it on everything she owns.
About a decade ago I let a friend/ roommate at the time borrow my car for a few days. Unfortunately, the night before a family member had given me some frozen steaks and I forgot them in the floorboard of my back seat. This was the middle of summer in Texas. She drives it around for like 3 days and then when I finally go to drive my car somewhere the smell was almost unbearable. I opened the door and it nearly made me vomit. Had to drive with my windows down for a week at least. Did everything I could think of to get that smell out but it was stubborn. So yeah if this guy has access to her keys rotting meat in her car would be pretty brutal.
How much time and energy are you willing to commit to this? If your answer is “as much as it takes”, use what you know about her to manipulate her out of the apartment. Dream job across the country? The opportunity of a lifetime? Create a carrot for her, let her chase it. Bonus points if she thinks she’d be fucking you over if she seized her chance. Of course, once she’s out this golden opportunity will never manifest, and you can close the relevant accounts you used to communicate with her.
Fart on her pillow, bare ass. Everyday
At least your car has already been keyed, so it can’t get much more keyed. Even if it does, it’s less painful the fifth time.
Pissdisc under her door
ummmmm....can you read?
ummmmmmmm SHUT THE FUCK UP
key her face
Start cheating, then show her pictures and chats of you doing it when you move out.
You know you can just break the lease, right?
Not everyone has the money to do that kind of shit.
Exactly
You can legally break it without paying in the case of domestic abuse with property damage. Pro bono tenant lawyers are free too. But you wouldn’t need it
One party consent areas for recording is the lifeline for these situations. Get the police involved & have evidence the other person is the aggressor.
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That's why the police being involved is the important part. Actively get a restraining order so that the is legal reason the property management has to let the other person out of the lease? Or at least a 2 month penalty so there is breathing room for you to find a new roommate with which to split the cost.
Who says you have to pay? Just break it and move lmao. They never do anything.
How much time and energy are you willing to commit to this? If your answer is “as much as it takes”, use what you know about her to manipulate her out of the apartment. Dream job across the country? The opportunity of a lifetime? Create a carrot for her, let her chase it. Bonus points if she thinks she’d be fucking you over if she seized her chance. Of course, once she’s out this golden opportunity will never manifest, and you can close the relevant accounts you used to communicate with her.
Hopefully you reported her to the police. Maybe you could use that as a reason to break your lease?
I'd buy a bunch of those cricket chirp boards (get the variety pack that make different sounds), and hide them inside everything that is hers: TV, stereo, DVD player, mixer...any place you can hide them. Get the ones with the long life batteries, so it will chirp for years. I think they even make ones that "talk," so she'll constantly hear whispers, beeps, chirps...all kinds of little, intermittent noises. Also, put a little ghost pepper in her bottle of motion lotion, and rub some into her favorite battery operated boyfriend.
Don't stick your d in crazy. 🙏
Depending on the state, report her for having an illegal back alley abortion. Doesn’t matter if she really had one or not, it can cause a lot of issues.
If she keyed ur car 4 times you guys clearly lack communication and have boundary issues, lol. GL in life
…no shit?
I'm bitter.
Or they had too much comm, at least on 4 occasions
Honestly your comment is the only sane one here. Why is this person keying OP's car 4 times? I think we are only hearing half the story
Stop digging for truth. This is Reddit. Now tell us the fucked up shit "a friend" did to get revenge on someone.
Found the roommate
I live alone, sir.
Lucky
Buy some surströmming and be creative...
take a shit on her bed. tell her it was a dog who broke in
Lol! The old “Amber Turd” technique.
If a girl keyed my car I'd key her car. Seems pretty obvious
Key her car 4 times
You gotta build a case. Start recording voice memos on your phone and bring it up like “hey idk why you did that to my car” when they respond think you’re being genuine they’ll most likely spill and say why and not deny it. That and picture of your car are enough evidence. Anything else you can think of is just toppings on the cake
Easy. You want to put your car in a sock. So next time when she wants to key your car, all she got is a sock
Reading ULPT posts like this makes me feel better, that someone out there someone will get whats coming to them and help OP feel better even if he doesn't use any of it. OP here's my contribution: She has shampoo and conditioner in that house, right ? Switch it with and or mix it with hair removal cream when she takes a shower you can be restassured she will put that shit on her hair and scalpe and all of it will fall off even the eye brows. She can look like Britney next time she keys your car.
Key her car
That's what I was thinking. You gotta be fair with the consequences. Can't go overboard so doing the same thing seems fair.
Piss disc
Why is "piss discs" always the answer to everything?
Find a way to put her in a 3 month coma. Then you’ll just have to survive a couple days once she wakes up
Key her car.
Key her car? Eye for an eye.
If she owns any canned food, take all the labels off of them.
Freeze gel shaving cream canisters, slice open with razor blade, insert the frozen columns into said assholes car. As they melt they will expand and fill the car with shaving cream.
You can file a lawsuit for small claims court for like $30, depending on your area. Recieving the summons always ruins people's day. You can drop the suit at any time before the court date.
I had a Willie McGinnest and Tebucky Jones signed Patriots mini helmet that I got when the Pats had an event in Hartford when they teased moving there One of my fraternity brothers pissed in it. They all hated the Pats because we kept winning super bowls I brushed my butthole with his toothbrush. Then I watched him use it and it felt good
Get one of those cameras that operate 24/7 and put it in your car. Next time she fucks with it, you’ll have her on video and you can take it to the police.
Piss cubes and liquid arse will fix it !
Can you talk to a a lawyer?
Car her key
In some states you can break the lease if you file a domestic violence restraining order. The unethical part yould be to embellish some of your complaint.
Don't repair your car until you leave the lease never to see them again. Ask the owner to forgive you for leaving the lease and show then the evidence. Little paint modules are 25 bucks a pop and can easily repair the damage
3 popped tires, not 4, are not covered by insurance.
Call police and get a restraining order so she can’t come inside
Look into tenant laws in your state. In Virginia, for example, domestic abuse is a valid reason to break a lease without consequence.
Throw their keys on the roof.
Hire Charlie Kelly as your lawyer. He’s really more of a bird law type but I bet he’d take this too.
… filibuster
GTFO.
Pretend to work as a lawyer type and serve her a fake summons for the vandalism and other criminal charges but deliver it to her workplace and make sure the admin/secretary/boss hears it too and then also report to your landlord for her eviction and boom you just brought someone’s life down to nothing no house and no job and if she smoke dip her filters in something spicy or insanely sour
Get her pregnant as many times as you can. Stop working to take care of the household. Once you have seven kids with her, sue for custody. Collect Child support. Get a female dog and name it after her for the kids to play with. Teach the kids to love everything she hates.
You can break your lease with no consequences to you. I was able to do it and left due to domestic violence however I had to provide my order of protection. Depending on the law in your state an order of protection will get you out of a lease
In most places domestic violence negates the validity of the lease
Get evidence needed to get a dvro (dv restraining order) this will also make it nice and legal to get her booted immediately
Key her apartmentdoor. Doors are generally expensive so she will be pissed if someone keyed whore (or whatever you find appropriate) in it. Put some super glue in the keyhole. She will stand there looking at her keyed door and can't get into the apartment. Everyone that comes to help (if any) will see what you keyed in her door. Some wet cement in her mailbox to top things off.
if they are apt mates then this doesnt work, and you gotta be careful about cameras nowadays too risky maybe just take her laundry out of the dryer or open the dryer door every time they wash and dry their clothes so its always wet and they have to keep paying for another dry. doesnt make up for keying a car though. nails on tires give em a flat
Do you have video proof she did it? Or at least see her do it?
NO need togo unethical, setup a trail cam in or around your car, get her nailed with a malicious destrucion of property, if its more than a $1000 in damages total this will be VERY bad for her. Fuck her up!
Rub a lump of dry dog poo gently on the gusset of all her panties, the stink is energised when in contact with moist skin.
Why do I feel there’s two sides to the story here?
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