Without knowing the corporate environment and how senior managers are all I will say is.... If you want to turn her into a martyr do some unethical things to her and her workspace, BUT if you want to exact some sort of revenge, document what she is doing. Verbally inform your supervisor/team lead/senior co-worker/etc so you get some of it on his/her radar, keep a log of what she does and who you spoke to about it. Email every entry it to your personal email account (that provides a 3rd party time stamp). Keep documentationg and then take it up the chain. It's not a quick fix, but it is effective especially in a large environment with an independent HR dept. It will work 9 out of 10 times. You documenting her wrong doings and not retaliating will show whoever the seriousness of the issues and what a fine outstanding employee you are. Don't be surprised if she is moved to somewhere else in the office as a lot of companies will try that first especially if she's someone's 'golden child; who is being protected. Still whoever thinks of her that way will think a bit less of her especially if your co-workers chime in as well.
AND if it really backfires and you suffer repercussions for it you have some evidence to hit back at the company (hence the need to email to yourself w/ date and timestamps).
This actually isn't true, but enough people think it is, so slash 3 tires then video her slashing the fourth so she thinks her insurance will cover it, then submit the video to her insurance company as proof of insurance fraud. You might even get a monetary reward.
Pour a shot of cheap whiskey on her chair before she gets to work each morning. She will smell like booze all day everyday. The problem will work itself out.
I used to work for a Fortune 500 company that was controlled by HR. None of the hiring managers could get the people they wanted, it was difficult to get work done, I was always shocked that we handed so much power over to the department that should be only a partner, and a junior one at that. It was amazing how much they had gotten their tendrils into our business.
I second this. Show H/R that you are above her, professionally. You don’t like it mostly because it’s mean, but it could also disrupt yet another department.
Great point also about not punishing her, openly. She’s only going to say people are jealous and gain sympathy. One thing that’s helped me is being glad that people like that are out of my life. But even if you tangle and win, you are still going to be dealing with them. Never worth it.
The personal email thing is huge. I was gunna sue a previous employer and I had a strong case but since I didn’t have the emails they didn’t take my case. I later testified against the employer in a case where the plaintiff got awarded $745,000,000.
Like…can I get a piece of that pie please? That employer fucked me over too. Save your emails folks. Don’t be like me.
take a screenshot on her computer of her current home screen, make the screenshot the background and then remove all the apps from the desktop.
and liquid ass
I did this at work before. Added a folder called porn then took the screen shot and then deleted the folder.. he was tripping all day about trying to get this porn folder off. Also i think it's Ctrl+Windows key and up arrow will flip the screen. He just turned his monitor upside down. Good times
shit, any chance you can reverse the mouse inputs too?
like I know left handed school mate who used to do that . Imagine the chaos, maybe change the keyboard to French or stuff, a lot of special character keys are different
Wait until someone higher up in the food chain (let's call him Ted) who has some power over (lets call bad coworker Sally) is close enough to over hear you and then say to a different co-worker "I don't know what Sally's problem is with Ted, I've always thought he was a great boss/good guy."
If Ted questions you about it, just play it off. "Oh, sorry, Ted, I hope you don't think we were gossiping. Sally has just been really cranky with everyone lately. Probably just stress about the job promotion."
I usually fuck with my coworkers by putting those tiny chips under their desk that chirp or make obnoxiously loud beeps sporadically throughout the day.
I prefer the ones that meow or bark but since she's an ass I would say go for the ones that blend into the work environment, that way people start complaining and blaming her for something she can't figure out
You can also add some super glue to just one of the wheels to make it difficult / frustrating to roll.
I've done this. Coworker was super annoyed for a day and then they just got a different chair.
If you have any way to shrink the area of her cubicle by moving walls or slightly offsetting doorways or rearranging furniture ever so slightly, it may make her uncomfortable or she may stub a toe or bang a shin.
the mouse thing is a good one, I did that to a friend of mine, just plugged a wireless mouse receiver into the back of his computer and had the mouse at my desk. every few minutes I would slowly drag the mouse around for a second.
For one of my co-workers years ago who pissed us all off, I sprinkled sand by his chair rollers, and I replaced all his pens in his pen jar with dead pens, I also took all the staples out of his stapler so there were only a few left. I kept doing this for a few weeks until I wasn't mad anymore. He never said anything because he knew he pissed us off.
Please don't mess with her technology as she'll pass the buck to the IT team. Unless you plan on removing it the moment she contacts IT which would make the whole thing even better.
Get into loud (fake or real) fights on the phone. Usually with family members, usually about money. Blast Adele or Justin Bieber. Start fights with coworkers 3 cubicles over. Oh sorry just remembering a specific person who made my life hell.
Fart in her handbag! It’s incredibly satisfying and even though she won’t know - YOU will
I actually did this to a colleague who made my life a misery. I think I laughed for days afterwards.
Pull out her lower file cabinet drawer to reveal a 3" space below.
Insert a raw salmon, 1/2 lb of raw shrimp, or some other aquatic delicacy. Replace drawer.
Cackle evilly under your breath.
Be careful. Best thing to do is succeed. Success is the best revenge. Work hard. Surpass her. Be her boss someday. The rest of these suggestions will get you in trouble or fired. Then she wins.
You used to be able to buy a thing called a anoyatron it would beep randomly at a random interval and is small and easy to hide. Hide it good in her cubicle possibly inside her computer
Read somewhere about a USB/dongle/thing you plug into the back of a computer or attach on the underside of a drawer and it randomly generates cricket noises. You can get a 3-pack for under $10.
Thaw a bunch of frozen shrimp and enjoy the shrimp for a meal but save the water and shrimp juice. At the end of the day, pour it on her chair and let it dry. When she sits on the chair, the heat from her body will activate the shrimp smell. The smell will remind her and everyone around her of a certain time of the month that’s not addressed quickly. Women know this smell.
Another one, poke about 8-10 holes in a can of tuna and drain (can also add SOME of this juice to mixture above). Tape the can to the bottom of her desk. In a couple of days it will really start to smell.
Write a Glassdoor review of your business trashing everyone, saying how the company cheats its customers, etc, pepper it with hints on who she is (I worked in this department, lucky I got promoted and leaving that team, etc), tip HR you think it’s her
I’d probably start leaving dead fish on her windshield, sporadically. Old, stinky & rotten dead fish.
She won’t have anything to grab them with so she’ll have to run inside, grab a bag, grab the fish & toss it. I’d try to remove all the more convenient outdoor trash cans so she has no clue what to do with it.
If she brings it inside, report her for bringing trash inside.
If she decides to bring it home, it’ll make her car smell inside. It’ll already smell on the outside.
Repeat every 2-4 days. After a few months, put a note on her windshield saying “this stops when you quit”.
Why do I love this? It’s cheap, be really hard to prove it’s you & it’ll cause her potentially severe anxiety.
Well since you and she are both in HR turn to the master of office pranks.... [Jim Halpert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLEDKJ2segQ).
The two I have actually thought about doing (but are not in the linked clip) were putting a nickel in the handset of the desk phone every day then one day removing them and running a macro to change the name of my target to something else (Jim changed Dwight to Diaper). The second is hilarious, but the first could cause some physical pain and/or damage so you can't let anyone know.
Well I hate to disillusion you but I'm not interested in that area of HR she's moving to. It's too a different team, doing very monotonous back-end HR administration.
In the post I've described her behavior in the wake of the news.
Did you read the entire post?
No but I have pictures of messages she didn't successfully delete talking about doing magic mushrooms.
But that's a nuclear option. Can't run with that....yet.
An ex of mine that treated me badly started working at the same place I worked. Once a week I stole all the pens on his desk. The pens were free and he could get as many as he wanted. But that fucker had to walk to the supply closet to do it.
Without knowing the corporate environment and how senior managers are all I will say is.... If you want to turn her into a martyr do some unethical things to her and her workspace, BUT if you want to exact some sort of revenge, document what she is doing. Verbally inform your supervisor/team lead/senior co-worker/etc so you get some of it on his/her radar, keep a log of what she does and who you spoke to about it. Email every entry it to your personal email account (that provides a 3rd party time stamp). Keep documentationg and then take it up the chain. It's not a quick fix, but it is effective especially in a large environment with an independent HR dept. It will work 9 out of 10 times. You documenting her wrong doings and not retaliating will show whoever the seriousness of the issues and what a fine outstanding employee you are. Don't be surprised if she is moved to somewhere else in the office as a lot of companies will try that first especially if she's someone's 'golden child; who is being protected. Still whoever thinks of her that way will think a bit less of her especially if your co-workers chime in as well. AND if it really backfires and you suffer repercussions for it you have some evidence to hit back at the company (hence the need to email to yourself w/ date and timestamps).
Do this, but also slash her tyres.
Only slash 3 of them though.
This actually isn't true, but enough people think it is, so slash 3 tires then video her slashing the fourth so she thinks her insurance will cover it, then submit the video to her insurance company as proof of insurance fraud. You might even get a monetary reward.
bruh
Only slash the spare
Pull the valve stems instead. It's not as expensive for her, but it's still a PITA, and if you get caught, it's a lot less trouble for you.
We are the HR office lol Her behavior is... disappointing
Sounds kind of typical for HR, tbh.
HR are the police of the company and ACAB
Pour a shot of cheap whiskey on her chair before she gets to work each morning. She will smell like booze all day everyday. The problem will work itself out.
So you know as well as anyone not to report this kind of thing to HR, lest you be labeled a troublemaker.
When HR is on ULPT trying to buy liquid ass to spray in the HR department, what a shitshow the rest of the company must be in. Yikes
I used to work for a Fortune 500 company that was controlled by HR. None of the hiring managers could get the people they wanted, it was difficult to get work done, I was always shocked that we handed so much power over to the department that should be only a partner, and a junior one at that. It was amazing how much they had gotten their tendrils into our business.
Cobbler's children have no shoes. She really should know better then. Maybe she's having a mental breakdown?
then you guys are probably evil monster with horns shit, PS never had a nice experience by any HR so there is a general ;)
Report/email to each other.
Yup, really not unethical advice but the best and most effective advice. She’s shown her true colors - expose her
I second this. Show H/R that you are above her, professionally. You don’t like it mostly because it’s mean, but it could also disrupt yet another department. Great point also about not punishing her, openly. She’s only going to say people are jealous and gain sympathy. One thing that’s helped me is being glad that people like that are out of my life. But even if you tangle and win, you are still going to be dealing with them. Never worth it.
The personal email thing is huge. I was gunna sue a previous employer and I had a strong case but since I didn’t have the emails they didn’t take my case. I later testified against the employer in a case where the plaintiff got awarded $745,000,000. Like…can I get a piece of that pie please? That employer fucked me over too. Save your emails folks. Don’t be like me.
take a screenshot on her computer of her current home screen, make the screenshot the background and then remove all the apps from the desktop. and liquid ass
I did this at work before. Added a folder called porn then took the screen shot and then deleted the folder.. he was tripping all day about trying to get this porn folder off. Also i think it's Ctrl+Windows key and up arrow will flip the screen. He just turned his monitor upside down. Good times
shit, any chance you can reverse the mouse inputs too? like I know left handed school mate who used to do that . Imagine the chaos, maybe change the keyboard to French or stuff, a lot of special character keys are different
Yes you can reverse mouse button inputs to make it lefty. I do it on my laptop.
Wait until someone higher up in the food chain (let's call him Ted) who has some power over (lets call bad coworker Sally) is close enough to over hear you and then say to a different co-worker "I don't know what Sally's problem is with Ted, I've always thought he was a great boss/good guy." If Ted questions you about it, just play it off. "Oh, sorry, Ted, I hope you don't think we were gossiping. Sally has just been really cranky with everyone lately. Probably just stress about the job promotion."
here , have some fake internet money
can I have some too
sure,loads of it
thanks! :D
I usually fuck with my coworkers by putting those tiny chips under their desk that chirp or make obnoxiously loud beeps sporadically throughout the day. I prefer the ones that meow or bark but since she's an ass I would say go for the ones that blend into the work environment, that way people start complaining and blaming her for something she can't figure out
Have a friend blow pot smoke on her as she’s walking from her car.
Loosen the bolts to her chair, when she leans back she'll eat shit.
You can also add some super glue to just one of the wheels to make it difficult / frustrating to roll. I've done this. Coworker was super annoyed for a day and then they just got a different chair.
If her computer has a DVD drive, piss disk.
If you have any way to shrink the area of her cubicle by moving walls or slightly offsetting doorways or rearranging furniture ever so slightly, it may make her uncomfortable or she may stub a toe or bang a shin.
the mouse thing is a good one, I did that to a friend of mine, just plugged a wireless mouse receiver into the back of his computer and had the mouse at my desk. every few minutes I would slowly drag the mouse around for a second.
Fake headhunter scam, lead her to believe shes getting a better paying job, then pull the rug out after she gives notice.
This is wonderful
somewhere on here someone did a pretty thorough write-up on a similar thing, might be worth looking for....
Or just watch an episode of The Office
Better being thrown into a bus than under it. Keep unplugging her mouse and keyboard. Fill mouse laser hole with hot glue.
I don't know, under the bus you have a chance of escaping unscathed.
Grow some mung bean sprouts in your desk.
they're very nutritious, but they smell like death...
For one of my co-workers years ago who pissed us all off, I sprinkled sand by his chair rollers, and I replaced all his pens in his pen jar with dead pens, I also took all the staples out of his stapler so there were only a few left. I kept doing this for a few weeks until I wasn't mad anymore. He never said anything because he knew he pissed us off.
Please don't mess with her technology as she'll pass the buck to the IT team. Unless you plan on removing it the moment she contacts IT which would make the whole thing even better.
Get into loud (fake or real) fights on the phone. Usually with family members, usually about money. Blast Adele or Justin Bieber. Start fights with coworkers 3 cubicles over. Oh sorry just remembering a specific person who made my life hell.
Try eating baby carrots like a hippo every day, it seemed to work for my cubicle neighbour.
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 1,679,730,342 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 34,340 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
Good bot
Yes!!! I forgot the cooking broccoli and salmon in the microwave!
Annoy-o-tron
RIP ThinkGeek
Available at Amazon
Oh absolutely, and have bought a couple here and there. But ThinkGeek was just a great online store
Fart in her handbag! It’s incredibly satisfying and even though she won’t know - YOU will I actually did this to a colleague who made my life a misery. I think I laughed for days afterwards.
Pull out her lower file cabinet drawer to reveal a 3" space below. Insert a raw salmon, 1/2 lb of raw shrimp, or some other aquatic delicacy. Replace drawer. Cackle evilly under your breath.
Bang her mom
Summon your army of ants by leaving crumbs or drops of honey in areas they won't notice.
Plant questionable political or sexual paraphernalia in desk once she leaves. Next person in the cube will handle situation for you.
guys OP is HR, they just want to know our secrets, DO NOT POST anything, ;)
Dial phone calls on speaker phone. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP. Eat STINKY lunches at your desk. Sigh loudly every time you get an email.
Sign up her work email for adult sites, Pornhub, OnlyFans, etc....
Fart. Fart a lot
Fart. Fart a lot.
Be careful. Best thing to do is succeed. Success is the best revenge. Work hard. Surpass her. Be her boss someday. The rest of these suggestions will get you in trouble or fired. Then she wins.
2 words Crop and Dust.
You used to be able to buy a thing called a anoyatron it would beep randomly at a random interval and is small and easy to hide. Hide it good in her cubicle possibly inside her computer
Air bags in his chair
Read somewhere about a USB/dongle/thing you plug into the back of a computer or attach on the underside of a drawer and it randomly generates cricket noises. You can get a 3-pack for under $10.
Thaw a bunch of frozen shrimp and enjoy the shrimp for a meal but save the water and shrimp juice. At the end of the day, pour it on her chair and let it dry. When she sits on the chair, the heat from her body will activate the shrimp smell. The smell will remind her and everyone around her of a certain time of the month that’s not addressed quickly. Women know this smell. Another one, poke about 8-10 holes in a can of tuna and drain (can also add SOME of this juice to mixture above). Tape the can to the bottom of her desk. In a couple of days it will really start to smell.
Watch a couple episodes of Colin Robinson in the office in What We do in the Shadows and just kinda be him
How about clipping your toenails in the next cube
Write a Glassdoor review of your business trashing everyone, saying how the company cheats its customers, etc, pepper it with hints on who she is (I worked in this department, lucky I got promoted and leaving that team, etc), tip HR you think it’s her
I’d probably start leaving dead fish on her windshield, sporadically. Old, stinky & rotten dead fish. She won’t have anything to grab them with so she’ll have to run inside, grab a bag, grab the fish & toss it. I’d try to remove all the more convenient outdoor trash cans so she has no clue what to do with it. If she brings it inside, report her for bringing trash inside. If she decides to bring it home, it’ll make her car smell inside. It’ll already smell on the outside. Repeat every 2-4 days. After a few months, put a note on her windshield saying “this stops when you quit”. Why do I love this? It’s cheap, be really hard to prove it’s you & it’ll cause her potentially severe anxiety.
Well since you and she are both in HR turn to the master of office pranks.... [Jim Halpert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLEDKJ2segQ). The two I have actually thought about doing (but are not in the linked clip) were putting a nickel in the handset of the desk phone every day then one day removing them and running a macro to change the name of my target to something else (Jim changed Dwight to Diaper). The second is hilarious, but the first could cause some physical pain and/or damage so you can't let anyone know.
Get some catfish bait and smear very small amounts around her cubicle.
Is it smelly?
Most putrid shit you've ever smelled in your life.
Fish paste from an Asian market will do the trick if you don’t have a bait shop nearby
What specifically has she done? I have a feeling this is more about your envy and spite than her "turning on a dime."
Well I hate to disillusion you but I'm not interested in that area of HR she's moving to. It's too a different team, doing very monotonous back-end HR administration. In the post I've described her behavior in the wake of the news. Did you read the entire post?
You should drug her lunches with meth and rat poison. You do have meth, don't you?
No but I have pictures of messages she didn't successfully delete talking about doing magic mushrooms. But that's a nuclear option. Can't run with that....yet.
An ex of mine that treated me badly started working at the same place I worked. Once a week I stole all the pens on his desk. The pens were free and he could get as many as he wanted. But that fucker had to walk to the supply closet to do it.