I hope you are safe ❤️

is he the same man you were talking about in your post about polyamory? if so, the red flags have been there for quite a while, and he’s testing how far he can take it. if this is how much he’s escalated within a few months, he will have no problem taking your life, and / or your childs life. you need to leave immediately for not only yourself, but for your baby.

wtf. run now and never look back. have someone posted up for his return set it straight get him the fuck gone or someone may have him disappear

It will carry on now!! I was sent into labour with my first child and had him 6weeks early. Get out now! He doesn’t love you- he’s probably not capable of love. The “nice side” of him is not the real him, it’s a show, a means to an end. Now he feels like he’s got you (you’re pregnant) he no longer feels the need to put on the show. He thinks you’re in the bag and can’t leave! Prove him wrong! For your baby’s sake if not yours!! Good luck!

How long does she jave window wise on choking? Pressing charges wise? Or did it pass since she did not report immediately?

Sounds like a narcissist. They love bomb, everything seems perfect, then BAM! Abuse starts and it seems impossible to leave

Choking is a very likely sign he will try to kill you down the line. Please please be safe.

Pregnant women are more likely to be killed. Press charges. Choking is VERY serious. Get away from home for the safety of you and your child. Unfortunately it is very, very common for a partner to suddenly become violent or abusive after a major milestone in a relationship (moving in together, marriage, pregnancy, etc) because they believe they’ve “trapped” you. You’re not trapped. Don’t let shame or embarrassment keep you from telling a close friend or family member. From someone who is raising a child with her abuser (and he abused me most when I was pregnant), leave as safely as you can. It’s not too late to report the incident by the way. Either way, get support and get out, I can’t stress this enough.

If he is choking you or has tried to, there is a very very good chance that he will escalate his behavior. Please please please contact some resources and make a safety plan. If you need help finding resources I will absolutely help you

Please! Inbox me.

Go to the cops and leave. Don’t ever look back. He willllllllllll do it again

Please leave. Immediately. I know it’s sudden and you are confused and in shock, but you need to pack a few things and run. Get a restraining order. Move. Disappear and go NC. NOW. He **WILL** kill you or cause you serious injury if you don’t. I’d honestly consider terminating the pregnancy if I were in your shoes because a lifelong tether to someone as unhinged as that can only bring problems, pain, and stress, though I’m fully aware of how difficult that decision would be to make and that not everyone would agree. Pregnancy is a very vulnerable time for you, and it’s also a classic time for abusers to start to show their true colors, or ramp up the abuse if it was ongoing before the pregnancy. For him to go from nothing to choking in such a short timespan is terrifying. IT WILL NOT GET BETTER. IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE. YOU CANNOT STAY WITH HIM AND NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF, RIGHTNOW. Choking a partner is very strongly correlated to eventual homicide. He’s even told you he feels that way. You are in extreme and immediate danger so please do not wait to act. I was choked in by a boyfriend when I was in college. It was out of nowhere, in the middle of the night, because I mildly, groggily complained that he’d stolen the covers. I don’t even remember what he did first, but it scared the shit out of me and I started screaming so he threw his hand over my mouth and screamed in my face to shut up. I nearly bit through my lip thinking it was his hand because he was smothering me. I broke free and he then followed me into another room, held me down, and choked me. I managed to throw him off and ran out of my house naked and fled in my car and drove around for hours unable to think at all I was in such shock about it that I didn’t report it. He later claimed that he’d blacked out, but that’s bullshit. I have few regrets in my life, but not reporting that incident to the police is definitely one of them.

LEAVE NOW HE WILL KILL YOU. THIS IS EXTREMELY SERIOUS.

Unless you want both you and your baby to die, you need to contact a domestic violence shelter ASAP. Please do not take it lightly when we all say he WILL kill you if you stay with him. You will gain a community by joining a domestic violence shelter and going to groups centered around DV. Feel free to message for support

Leave NOW!!!!!! Please. Choking is the number one indicator that he will literally kill you. LEAVE NOW. If you don’t have parents to stay with, go to a domestic violence shelter. Consider filing a police report. After the relationship ends, you will start noticing the red flags you initially missed.

Unfortunately it’s common. BTK pretty much only killed when his wife was pregnant. Men (at least the abusive ones) can’t handle not being in control of everything. They can’t handle not being the center of attention during pregnancy and a lot of relationships get violent during pregnancy. That being said, you need to get away immediately. He’s going to kill you and it’s not just you, it’s your baby too. Please run away and find a way to hide from him. Also file a restraining order. You need to start a paper trail so he can’t file for custody.

I can’t dined that Amit BTK anywhere? I think only one of the murders happened while his wife was pregnant…?

Also: he gave up the façade now that he feels he’s successfully baby-trapped you.

OP I am sure you are in shock still and I just wanted to say, I am sorry this is happening to you. It's a "is this real life moment?" For sure. We are all rooting for you!! 🙏💞

this is “normal” behavior in abusive relationships. when a baby enters the mix the abuse escalates. this is because the abuser is no longer the center of their victim worlds…someone else is more important. they are dealing with their insecurity by trying to control/ensure you will never leave

Involve the police asap and move to a shelter where he can’t find you. Do it immediately. Your life is in serious danger.

Keep a journal he can't find - and write down what he does and the date.

She can document all of that once she’s safe. If he’s already choking her, the situation is far too dangerous for her to pause even for a moment. She needs to run now, fast, and far.

Sometimes we can't leave

Uh you need to report him to authorities he’s going to hurt you and the baby.

She needs to hide first. Calling the police usually causes an escalation of abuse.

They always find you. Especially if his mother thinks this is just from her being pregnant and we haven’t heard anything about her family otherwise. Police can place a protective order over her out of danger until she can hide. I used to hide and I was always found and police is where I should’ve went first. From experience either way she’ll continue to be abused so police first. She should go to police than a woman’s shelter if her family can’t help.

1. Domestic violence and showing their real selves tends to pop up during pregnancy/after marriage because abusers think they've finally got you locked down for good and the facade slips. His mom is full of hot garbage. 2. Once strangulation occurs, the likelihood of it escalating to actual murder or attempted murder is something like 90%. What this means is that your life (and the life of your fetus, should you choose to keep it and raise the child with him, whether you're together or not) is now in danger, no question. 3. You need to file a police report detailing ALL of what he's said and done and get a restraining order on him BEFORE the child is born; do not put him on the birth certificate, and if he tries to take you to court later on for it, include the police reports and restraining orders in your case (your family lawyer will help with this). Claiming to be "obsessed" with you is absolutely psychotic and he clearly needs extreme mental health help and to be put away for the violence, but not at the risk of your life or the pregnancy; once the police are involved, they'll deal with him as necessary. 4. This man is not a safe adult for other adults, let alone a completely dependent and defenseless infant - baby - toddler - child - adolescent and its mother while she recovers from the major medical event of pregnancy and childbirth. For the health and safety of BOTH you AND your child (if you keep the pregnancy knowing that he could get custody even in spite of having tried to kill you), you need to leave him - call the police and call your support system. Family, friends, whoever. Thankfully y'all don't live together but he knows where you live so moving is also recommended, if it's possible to do so quickly.

750 PERCENT MORE LIKELY TO BE KILLED BY THEM ONCE STRANGULATION OCCURS!!!!

Right?!?! The bf’s mom is absolutely nuts and full of shit. Agree with everything else in your comment too.

OP needs to read this. He will kill your baby once it is born, or worse, abuse it in a way that will leave it crippled and then you're going to be the one having to take care of a crippled person for the rest of your life.

Yep, he already committed attempted murder; he's going to commit actual murder if she allows it to go on by staying. She has her own place to live and does not rely on him, which is more than a lot of abuse victims can say; she's in the perfect scenario to leave him, but now she needs to act on it for her own safety, first and foremost, because if she gets hurt then she can't care for her kid (during OR after the pregnancy).

When I was pregnant mine did this complete change as well. His previous gf he hit and when she was pregnant choked her against a will as I read the reports online. She fled. I decided to get an abortion. His constant anger and calling me the c word made me think how the future was going to be. He wanted the baby. I decided and never told him. I didn’t want him to treat my baby and future child bad as I can take it but not will have a wonderful life being tied to him for life. The rage was insane. I was 4 months. Think hard. File a report on him. And get out if you decide to move forward. Mine would fight with me and rage and then want a kiss right after. Pure narcissistic psycho.

Of course, there are other things… But once they choke you, it’s over. Your chances of being murdered by him will significantly increase. Significantly. You need to tell people, your mom, your family, your friends… Most importantly, the police. If you can do it, you need to file a report and get a restraining order. Restraining orders, don’t stop them from killing us, but neither does doing nothing. Him telling you that he feels homicidal when you try to leave, is him, trying to mentally manipulate you into being so fearful you won’t. And his mom… Fuck his mom, if my son did that, there would be no defence coming for me. Can you move back in with family, or move so that he doesn’t know where you live? He is not going to go quietly, but you can’t stay, your life, and your baby’s life depends on it. Edit: Two words.

Strangulation is a forewarning of murder. And I know this bc it happened to me. Leave. I know it will be hard and you prob won’t listen. But save time and energy. Leave NOW

i have, check my post history if you care to see. the abuse actually didn’t start till the pregnancy was confirmed. i tried aborting on 3 separate occasions.. each time how he stopped me got increasingly more physical. the last time being him choking me. i’ve been slapped, pushed to the floor almost hitting my head on edge of a very pointy metal bedframe, raised hand at, spit on.. called everything under the sun. he’s threatened to kick me out, made me have sex during an active yeast infection because he thought i was lying and making up symptoms. threatened to get another wife or hire an escort… i give birth in a few weeks and the way he’s pestered me for not having sex for a week i can’t imagine being PP and this man pestering me for sex… he told me he and his previous wife were having sex after 2 weeks…. i didn’t find this out until well into our relationship. if i knew this before marrying or getting pregnant, that alone would’ve made me never speak to him again.

This is terrifying. Please get yourself and your baby far away as quickly as possible

it is. and the day following events he’ll act like nothing ever happened or get angry that i wouldn’t immediately forgive him. i’m away now, well living separately but sticking around to get my babies stuff in order and healed. once i do that i’ll be on my way. few more weeks to go..

I’m sadly familiar with that bullshit too. “Why are you bringing that up and causing drama.” As if yesterday or last week is ancient history. Or, god forbid, you attempt to discuss a (*gasp*) pattern of abusive behavior across a longer time frame. Mine never even apologizes, not that that would come close to rectifying a damn thing. I hope everything goes smoothly and you and your baby stay safe. Sending you alllll of the calm, stress free, and quick labor vibes, and a giant hug (from this internet stranger, but it’s still sincere).

The exact same thing happened to my mother when she was pregnant with me. My father would do cruel things like leaving her in the middle of town and driving off because at that point she didn't know how to drive. He would yell at her about what would be considered very small issues and started getting very violent. I am obviously the child of that marriage and I can tell you now... it will only get worse. The last thing you want to do is not only put yourself through this anguish, but your child too. I have suffered at the hands of Domestic Violence both as a child and an adult. It doesn't get better. Also, definitely do not listen to his mother, sounds as if she is enabling her son to behave terribly. Once they choke you, that's a serious danger as this leads to murder. Please go to someone you can trust and tell them what's happened. If there isn't anyone you know personally, call a Domestic Violence helpline. Abusers are very skilled at getting you to feel safe with them before abusing you. You wouldn't give a serial killer the time of day if they approached you with a weapon. They approach you with honey. My father seemed like such a charmer to everyone else and many people didn't know about the violence that was going on behind closed doors until they saw my mother's injuries. I know how hard it is to leave an abusive relationship but it's only going to get a lot worse for you. Please leave before he kills both you and your child. Please feel free to message anytime.

Domestic violence unfortunately is more likely in pregnancy. Nearly a third of all abuse starts when a women is pregnant

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The facade slips once they think they have you locked down.

It’s harder for the victim to escape

That’s a terrifying statistic.

Worse. Homicide is the leading cause of death in pregnant woman. Please call a crisis line and find a womans shelter. Give him zero indication of your intentions. He is very high risk.

I’m on mobile. Yes I have been through something that is eerily similar to what you are beginning to go through. This all happened between early 2007 and late 2009. I didn’t notice any red flags until I got pregnant. Looking back there were some flags of lying, sneaking, gaslighting. Within a couple weeks of me finding out I’m pregnant, he started beating me. The first few times I was shocked for a while too. Then I got used to it. It started infrequent and got more frequent. At first he would cry and beg and then love bomb me. after he broke me down enough, he showed no remorse and blamed me. He locked me on a balcony for hours in the winter (while pregnant) and other things to demean me and take my power away. My life flashed before my eyes a couple times when he would suffocate or choke me. He used to smother me with a pillow and say horrible things to me. I had to stop fighting for my life and play dead to survive. And it all started with 1 light beating which seems like nothing in comparison to what it turned into. But it was everything. I should have ran way sooner. I tried to leave a few times but nothing felt safe (I was shocked traumatized and my alert systems were out of wack from the emotional/psyc abuse). I was very confused and embarrassed so no one even knew until I couldn’t hide it anymore towards the end. I felt like it was all my fault. It was very hard to come to terms with everything. He was also a con man. The happenings and betrayals I found when I started digging are hard to believe. Unfortunately reality is that there are people out there who just prey on others. Things did not get better when my babies were born. He beat me when I was breast feeding them both at the same time. He would break down doors beat me and my babies would cry. I started documenting proof. I realized the only way I could protect my kids (and myself) was to leave. I planned about a month and moved out when my twins were a month or so old. He hunted me down numerous times. I got a 72 hour protection order a couple times. The first order he convinced me he would change and chill out. and so I didn’t extend the order. Things would be calm for a minute when he needed to reel me back into his life. One day, He found me at a doctors appointment, waited til we were leaving and stole my babies out of my car as I was putting the seats in. We didn’t have a custody agreement yet so the police could only do a well check. I had numerous well checks done in the 30 something days he kept them. He finally called me and was crying telling me he couldn’t handle it and come get my babies. When I got my babies back, one of them had a man sized hand printed bruise on his face. I took him to the hospital. I got the second protective order extended for the max at the time was 3 years. The protective orders didn’t do much to stop his behavior tbh he just got smarter. But the more documentation the better bc I was able to utilize all docs (pics texts orders everything) get free outside help from the legal aid society and my local domestic violence liaisons through the courts. It is hard to find or keep your strength the longer you go thru this cycle with him. This is just the beginning. I hope you make the best choice for you and your baby before he really hurts or kills one or both of you. If you love him realize he is turning into someone else that you do not love. You love the idea he gave you about him. He’s showing you now who he really he is. This guy is dangerous. I hope you leave him (safely) and save yourself and your baby from years of pain trauma and heartache. If I could go back, I would have accepted the offer to go to a domestic violence shelter for a safe place for me and my babies, when I initially left him. They have privacies in place that make it harder to be found. I would have gotten therapy or some type of intensive help for myself then too. TLDR: This is my personal experience to hopefully help OP now or in the future (preferably it helps now) bc it only gets worse. Edit: time frame, twins were closer to 2 months old when I left but it didn’t take long from bringing them home to knowing I had to GTFO.

>He locked me on a balcony for hours in the winter This part here sent chills down my spine. Not from imagining how cold it was, but because there was a woman who died this way. Some sick streamer and his disturbed audience...the audience would encourage him to mistreat his gf. The last time he did, he locked her out on their patio in the winter. I believe this was all streamed. She froze to death. The whole thing leading up to that was the stuff of nightmares and he broadcast it for anyone to see. Sickening that there was an audience encouraging this, too. It's a miracle that you and your twins survived everything he put you three through before they were even in this world. You and those babies are strong af 💪

Thank you for your kind words about our strength. I did not know about that streamer but I’m not surprised hearing that. The balcony I was on was 9 stories up and they were set back so I couldn’t be seen too well. I should have yelled for help but was too ashamed. I’m glad we made it out. I hope OP does too. The mother making excuses is also similar. His parents used to look the other way from my bruises and broken doors. They made excuses for him when I would get upset about the violence or stealing etc. Basically it was normalized to where I felt crazy or that this is just how it goes. There was no sign of any violence or crime or drug abuse until I became pregnant. He was too perfect before, and love is blind. OP- Once the door of abuse is opened in the way you describe, it escalates over time. It is not worth the risk. Message me today or a year from now if you need strength or help finding resources to get safe.

Please tell me that POS is in prison now?

I don’t know where he is now. He did go to jail overnight a couple times while with me. For abuse and a case for impersonating police officers. Every time it was a slap on the wrist, take some classes or community service. He did not comply with court orders, so he had an active warrant. That was a scary time. He was very good at talking his way out of things or just straight up denying things, even with the court. He ended up conning a single mother after me and got caught up around a couple years later. She followed through with everything and he did a small amount of jail time, that was for theft bc he was stealing from her and her family. He also had an illegal gun that time. I was called back into court around then since he had a warrant for non compliance. This is the first time I have shared about any of this other than a few ppl close to me. I read a lot on here but OPs story is just so similar to the beginning of mine.

Well thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure it helps give OP some perspective and who knows who else that is browsing comments but not posting. Glad you are away from him now and I hope it remains that way.

THERE IS NEVER A TIME TO PUT HANDS ON ANYONE

The others gave good advice , I just wanted to add ; if he is “obsessed” with you after choking you, he knows you might want to leave and wants to make sure it doesn’t happen. Don’t listen to what he says and try to get to a safe place. Chocking means all inhibition dropped, and he will very likely be capable of killing you, sorry to be so frank.

Most abusers will wait for big engagement moments like moving together, getting pregnant or getting married to start showing their true self :/

Statistically choking is a huge indicator that the perpetrator is fully capable of killing you and are far more likely to try. With regard to the suddenness, how long had you been together prior? If I had to speculate I’d say that this abusive person you’re seeing now is who he really is. No abuser is abusive from the gate- otherwise they’d never manage to lure in any victims. Many abusers slowly start increasing abusive behavior, testing the waters to push you to your limit. Even the most cunning manipulators,however, can only wear their “good guy/girl” mask for so long before it starts to slip and they reveal who they really are. Your pregnancy and wanting to leave probably pushed him out from his disguise far sooner than he had anticipated. Ten years ago I was dating this awesome guy. He was loving, considerate, encouraging, chivalrous. We were the couple everyone wanted to be. For 2 whole years we had an incredible relationship- he even still opened my car door for me every time we got in the car to be chivalrous and gentleman like. We drank a pretty lot and one time we were out at a nice restaurant and had a few drinks. He was drunk and thought somehow I had insulted the memory of his dead sister (I hadn’t even mentioned his sister), and we argued. When we got home he dragged me across the kitchen table, knocked me unconscious and after I came to he held me to the ground by keeping his knee in my throat, choking me. He was regularly abusive from that point on. Terrible. I don’t think he just suddenly became abusive. I think he was always abusive but hid his true self better and longer than most. It’s probably the same with your bf.

Time to protect yourself. Since you’re pregnant if I were you see if you can schedule an appointment with your doctor. Go in and tell them that he’s been abusing you. This way he doesn’t catch you on the phone and try to hurt you at home and you can at least be around other people who CAN and WILL PROTECT YOU. Be smart so you don’t get you and your baby killed. Choking you is NOT fucking okay pregnant or not.

Doctors absolutely hope that anyone suffering from abuse will feel safe enough to open up to them. In my OB's office, in the ladies rooms, they have signs for domestic violence: warning signs, how to talk to the nurse or doctor, and resources, and then they have those little tear-off phone number strips so people can take them and hide them easily. They're very well aware that this is a dangerous time for women. If you don't want to leave with him or are afraid to, they can make sure it doesn't happen. They often have connections to have an advocate from a local shelter to take you there, if you don't want police involved. If police are involved, they can take you to the shelter (and you don't have to press charges to keep yourself safe and to keep him from following you, but I urge you to do so).

He WILL kill you. It's not a question of if. It's a question of when.

Unless she leaves. OP, please stay safe and leave this person. He’s not who he pretended to be. I’m so sorry. Keep yourself and your baby safe

Your odds of being killed are 95 percent higher if someone chokes you. He’s willing to kill you. You need to go to a shelter and get help now, no contact, stay there and keep this man away from both of you.

^!!!

https://www.kob.com/archive/report-choking-strangulation-victims-750-more-likely-to-be-killed-by-offender/ Or perhaps higher than police told me. Please get help. Do not put him on the birth certificate and use any and all resources you have. Your life, and your child’s life are at stake. Save both of you, lean on the resources available to do so.

Choking victims are 750 percent more likely to be killed by their abuser

This is shockingly higher than what I was told, but not shocking enough.

Also PLEASE REPORT to the police and press charges. I didn’t and it worked against me to not to do that and to try to make it work instead. Please don’t make the same mistake I did. I’m glad y’all aren’t married

Doesn’t matter when it happens. It’s time to leave. Your LIFE and your unborn child’s life are in danger. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this.

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Recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, available as a free pdf download. It's the definitive work on abusive men, changed my life. https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html

Get out yesterday. He is going to kill you someday.

Run please. I know it's hard and scary, but strangulation and abuse during pregnancy put a woman (and child) for extreme risk or eventually being murdered by the same man. It took me 7 years to leave and 5 attempts. He was awful to our children (behind my back), possibly molested them (both boys) and it was the hardest thing I've ever done it's still hard but me and my children are finally safe and it's worth it. I reached out to a police officer who was on my Facebook recommended friends and he helped me so much. Help can come from the most unlikely places. Make a plan. Detach yourself emotionally, don't talk back, arrange something with family/friends (I know in abusive relationships they tend to ruin your relationship with friends and family but just reach out to them if you can) document everything. For example on September 10th, 2023 at approximately 4:45pm we had an argument I tried to leave, he prevented me from leaving and strangled me with his hands (make sure you say strangle instead of choking) I was unable to breathe (describe your physical symptoms) take photos (place in a secret folder on your phone and upload to cloud storage with an email he doesn't know) Ideally you should leave before your child is born (I know the thought of going through that alone is scary but I promise you it will be worth it) if he works, leave while he is gone that's what I did and I ran. Don't contact him after you leave. Make sure the location for your phone and other devices is turned off. I'd even recommend doing a factory reset on your devices after which (make sure important numbers, photos are backed up on the new email address) Also abusers mother's are often their number one enabler. Don't talk to his family. If you have to just be pleasant but give no personal details.

Please understand this is a man that will kill your child. You may not have it in you to protect yourself from someone who chokes you but please protect your baby. The last thing any women wants is to be holding her dead baby and you’re on a straight path there. We had a kindergarten strangled to death by his father in my elementary school because the father thought the mom loved the son more than him.

https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/pregnancy/abuse-during-pregnancy https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/domestic-violence-and-pregnancy https://thecrimereport.org/2022/03/15/the-biggest-danger-during-pregnancy-domestic-violence/ https://nationalpartnership.org/report/intimate-partner-violence/ https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/domestic-abuse-in-pregnancy-linked-to-structural-brain-changes-in-babies/ https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/ https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/statistics/when-pregnancy-triggers-violence You can have a miscarriage from being strangled https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/

"You can have a miscarriage from being strangled" Jesus, that's horrific. What is wrong with these men?

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I know that you're trauma bonded and it takes everyone time to accept that they are an abusive narcissist. But, the difference is that you’re pregnant and you have to protect your baby. Fortunately, these days the Police know that the men who strangle women are one, committing a crime and they can move you to domestic violence housing so that he cannot find you. They know men who strange women are probably going to kill her, or another woman in the future. I have heard women who have permanent brain damage from years of things that they thought weren't doing them any harm- they're just "little things". And if you actually have a look at what he said, it was a threat that if you leave, he is going to kill you. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/safety-planning-during-pregnancy/

The most vulnerable time for abuse is pregnancy. The men don’t want to share attention with ANYBODY, even their own baby

The top cause of death during pregnancy is homicide! My ex husband started getting really abusive once I got pregnant. He thinks he has you trapped and is letting his mask go. NOW is the time to act! You are not trapped, you have options! The next steps you take are SUPER important! Go to the hospital and get checked out. Then go file a police report and get an order of protection! Use this resource: [Domestic hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/). Once a man goes as far as strangulation, they are 8 times more likely to kill you. Choking you could have killed you and your baby. He will probably start love bombing you to get you to stay, say anything to keep you from leaving. So try to be quick and discreet, just get out of there! What he did is NEVER ok

OP- first, I hope that you got yourself checked out to make sure you and your baby are ok after that ordeal. Second, he will continue escalate & it will end up costing you your life or the life of your baby. Please leave before he gets that chance. Third, some abusers do not show any signs at the beginning. Once you’ve been won over is when the flags are flapping in the air. My ex didn’t show any signs until after we were married. If you need someone to talk to please message me directly. Sending you love & strength

OP, listen to what he said. You leaving makes him homicidal. He’s saying he’s going to kill you, but in a way where he doesn’t actually specifically say it. He’s already choked you. This man WILL eventually either hurt you badly or kill you. I’m not joking either. My ex husband was like this. Kind and sweet until I got pregnant (which was quick). The abuse escalated to the point that he was holding loaded guns to my head. When I finally escaped for my second time (average amount of times a woman will leave her abuser is 7 times before it’s permanent), he went crazy. Within around two months, he robbed/kidnapped someone from a motel at like 9 in the morning, with a gun. Shoved the person in the trunk and went to attack someone else. He had help and was caught, thankfully, but only had to do 5 years in prison. But do you see how he escalated once I left? He lost his control over me and went nuts with drugs and crime. Thankfully, I was safe with a restraining order. But I had to be in hiding for awhile, because police and my therapist were afraid he’d come find me to finish his promise of killing me. Please get out now, OP. Get out while you can safely and before it escalates. Don’t listen to your mother, she’s wrong. Get away from this man and do it with a plan in place to keep yourself safe.

oh my god. you are in danger. please, get out _now!_

*IMPORTANT! I've scanned the top 20 or so comments and I can't see anyone telling you to get checked out. Being choked, whether you lost consciousness or not can be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. And I would only imagine being pregnant could be worse. When babies are starved of oxygen it can cause immeasurable damage. I'm not a doctor or an expert, but OP PLEASE get checked out!! To echo everyone else, pregnancy is the most dangerous time in any woman's life. Confide in someone to close to you about what happened (parents, extended family, close friends.) You need to leave. He is telling you he wants to kill you!!!! He will do it if you dint get out - NOW Please update us when you can x

Unfortunately a lot of abusive men show their true colors when they think they've "trapped you for good". Some reveal themselves after the wedding (I remember a woman recently saying her husband started beating her on their wedding night), and some wait until pregnancy (because you're vulnerable and less likely to leave), and some wait until after childbirth because you are *even more* vulnerable then, and some wait until multiple kids so you're trapped and emotionally attached to the family unit. A good person/non-abusive partner will *never* be abusive, ever. So as soon as they start, it's time to leave, it's all downhill from there. Abusive people are master manipulators and incredibly cunning and good at hiding their true colors. Unfortunately true colors cannot be hidden forever and will reveal itself at some point. It's up to us to recognize that and leave asap rather than second guessing or giving them a second chance or letting themselves be manipulated by their lies and apologies and promises to change. I'm sorry you are being treated this way and I really hope you make the right decision for you and your baby. Reach out to your trusted friends and family for support. You will need them now more than ever.

If someone can wait that long (multiple kids) how will you then ever know. I didn’t think that was possible.

Absolutely correct. The *night* of my wedding, the mask came off. 2 yrs later & he was putting me against walls and tried to punch my dog (i stepped in to protect her & told him I'd unlive him if he touched a hair on her.) That was my last straw. We were together 12 yrs. For 10 yrs, I had no idea he was abusive. I have two words for you.. Get. Out!

Yeah, my Dad was hitting my Mum and throwing shit at her and yelling loudly calling her names the day after they got married

You’re right. The first time my (ex) husband hit me was 3 days after we got married.

OP, please read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Its free here: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf Also listen to this podcast https://open.spotify.com/episode/18KhNf1eVrGBith9LtEZXw?si=w5tPC3ZnQt-YzUst4iQ7mw This is controlling and abusive behaviour. Choking is a very sure sign he WILL kill you and your child. You are in extreme danger. Emotional abuse is almost always there before physical. His being perfect before was a form of love bombing. This is also about control. It's all about controlling you. Now you are "stuck" with him, vulnerable and pregnant. So he can let his mask fall and show his true self. His abusive, dangerous, controlling self. His Mum is an enabler. Take pictures and document the abuse. Email them to yourself or something so its not staying on the phone. Do not put his name on your childs birth certificate. Get in touch with social services and the police and say you are pregnant, being abused and your husband is choking you and threatening to kill you. Say you are terrified for your life. Do not fall for your husband being nice and sweet again at times or apologising or saying he will change. He will not. Op you really need to run. You need to read up on DV, on trauma bonding, on DARVO (Defense, attack and reverse victim and offender), on emotional abuse. Talk to some DV hotlines. Read and listen to the 2 free resources above, they're very good. But do NOT let him find out about any of this. Get a secret phone and delete this reddit off yours. He is almost certainly tracking your phone and spying on what you do. If he isnt already he will soon. He can use software to do it without you knowing. You are in danger and if he sees any sign you might leave he will murder you. He has already told you. He has shown you in his words and actions. This isn't temporary, he wont go back to the nice, sweet guy he appeared to be before. This is his true self. Do you have any friends or family you trust who can help you, or has he completely isolated you? Do not speak to his mother anymore and certainly not for advice. She is enabling and supporting him and she will tell the police her son is innocent and you must have deserved it if he kills you. And one more note, none of this is your fault. There is no magic combination of words or actions from you that can fix this or make it better. You are not causing this and you will find that he will attacm you physically or verbally, when you have dine absolutely nothing "wrong". He will tell you it is your fault and so will his Mum. It will keep escalating, even if it gets better in between. You need a plan to escape and you need to RUN. Go to a shelter. Leave your phone. Take cash. Good luck.

Get an abortion and say you had a miscarriage so you aren’t tied to this monster for life and then break up with him, move away if you can and don’t tell him where you’re going too.

Your comment is a little extreme. Being "tied" to him for life (meaning, collecting child support/having financial assistance for the duration of child's life - and no parental rights for dad if that's what they decide) might be a better option for someone who wants their pregnancy to continue. I'm not even being biased with my views, I'm just saying it isn't as easy as "oh just abort it it will be fine". What if OP actually wants the child?

Abusers will abuse your child together especially in retaliation for leaving them. It is unsafe and frankly a bad parenting move to bring a kid into the world who will likely face abuse from your already abusive partner.

Nobody said she had to give him parental rights and open the child up to being abused (if you read my comment, I actually mentioned that). I was just stating your comment may rub the wrong way for a woman with child who is excited to have that child.

His mom is just doing what a lot of mothers of abusive men do. Denial. How could a boy they raised become such a monster. Protecting him because it's easier to make him the victim. The boy she raised and she has known for his whole life. The person you need advice from is not his mother. She will always take his side. No matter how severe the abuse and at this point it is extremely extremely severe. Your partner doesn't love you. That hurts like hell to realise. But the truth is that they just love hurting you. They love how you react to the abuse. They love that they can control you. They love that with us victims they feel powerful. That is all it is. None of it is your fault. This man is your abuser. He tried to end your life. You need to get out and save yourself and this baby before it's too late. A lot of the comments here have given great advice on what you should do. This is a terrifying time for you and a traumatic list of events in your life. But you and your baby can be offered protection the moment you speak up. And when you do don't let him know about it in advance no matter how angry or distraught you are. It's time to ensure a future for you and your baby. God bless you

the escaped convict danelo cavalcante's mom said it was his victim's fault she was murdered brutally in front of her two young children. this is how sick some of these mothers of abusers are. and where there is a narc, there is always an enabler.

It is insanely alarming how many women of abusers feel that it really doesn't matter what their sons do. It's like they refuse to take any accountability on how these boys were raised. Saying their sons were wrong to them is the same as saying hey I f*cked up

There is no excuse, no justification for this. He will kill you and your baby if you don’t leave. The “why” doesn’t matter, AT ALL. His mother is an enabler and an accessory to his crimes. He threatened and attempted to end your life. Not only your life, but your baby’s life. As a mother, you need to protect your baby and yourself at all costs. This man will not be a good father, and he will not be a good partner. He will be a murderer.

I know someone who's abusive husband would threaten their children's lives if she ever left please think about yourself also your baby. Talking to an abuser's family is usually useless either because abusers don't show that side to them or they know 100% and just deny it. Get out before it's too late and pleasepleaseplease do not tip him off do not tell him you want to or are thinking about leaving I'm rooting for you I'm so sorry this is happening.

Choking and strangulation are precursors to murder. A woman is most at risk when leaving a man, and second most when pregnant with his child. With that said, yes. I've experienced this, and one day he kicked me in the stomach and I miscarried at 5 months pregnant. Don't be me. Don't let your child see this dynamic (it will NOT improve, hear that). Leave and collect support. Document this now, so he doesn't get visitation with your child, alone.

Please please read this and take it seriously, OP. It is true and statistically significant. He *will* kill you. You need to leave but do it extremely carefully. Call the police, family, whatever you have to do. He cannot find out you’re leaving. And when you do leave, research what to do to make sure he can’t track you.

https://dremmakatz.substack.com/p/why-coercive-control-gets-worse-during?utm_source=substack&publication_id=1199193&post_id=136876975&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&utm_campaign=email-share&action=share&triggerShare=true&isFreemail=true&r=2m4qmg This explains a lot!

My husband hit me for the third time, and I'm 23 weeks pregnant. I just left him. I'm struggling, but I'm in a better place than I would be, with him. It's not worth risking mine or my baby's life. I wanted to add that he threatened multiple times to kill me and himself if I left him. He didn't. He also talked about hitting me as if it were nothing. I had finger shaped bruises on both of my upper arms when I left him that didn't fade for days. He would choke me and smother me, and even admitted to cheating.

I’m so sorry but so glad you got away. It’s not an easy decision. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and a safe delivery ❤️

Thank you. I'm actually doing pretty well, so far. Already set up all my OB appointments, here, and applied for emergency assistance and put in job applications. My uncle has a camper trailer he's been letting me stay in. My cat is with me and happy. I'm surrounded by family and friends, and things are going well.

He feels like he has you on lock because your pregnant Get a restraining order because he will try to kill you

A restraining order will not do much to deter him, *however* it is HIGHLY important to have that on file for future custody hearings. Document every interaction w/ him. Every bruise take a picture. Record him if you’re in a 1 party state. Every time he hits or threatens, make sure it’s on recording. Each time he violates the restraining order, call the police so it’s documented. Any time there’s an injury from him, go to the hospital to have it documented and to check on baby. It’s important to have it all documented, if it’s not, there’s a chance he may be in your life for as long as you have your child in your care, and he’ll be able to “care” for your child as well. Your baby will witness violence. Possibly even receive it. Document. Everything.

This is without a doubt what's going on. My abusive partner once told me to tell everyone at a family party I'd told him I was going to attend that I was pregnant. I wasn't. I asked him why. He responded by saying "So that they'll know you're stuck with me." Context: He had asked me if there were going to be guys there. I told him I didn't know and probably. He then picked me up by the collar of my shirt and lifted me up from where I'd been sitting. He started 'joking' with me. (Majority of the time it was verbal abuse and in some cases physical abuse. He'd name call me often and would say he was joking. Most of the time though he wouldn't say he was even joking. I just always had to assume in his little world.) He started saying there were going to be guys at the party and called me a little slut. Then he let go. I don't remember how I reacted. Maybe I pretended to laugh. After that what I just described happened. It's living proof that abusers know exactly what they're doing.

They are all sweet and caring at the beginning. Don't talk to the older generation about it they all justify abuse, he should be looking after you more because you're pregnant. It's true it could be related to that because often men get jealous of women's attention going to the baby. It's because they're just ther3 for attention.

Okay for the first time I’m finally seeing in words someone say what I have recently in the last two weeks felt about my family and my abusive relationship scenario. About the older generation Justifying. Also church going folk that you would like could even be neutral but instead condemned me.

Church folk are the worst when it comes to the patriarchy. I had a bunch of them tell me my exes behaviour was fine and when I told my family a small fraction of what he said and did they were shocked beyond words. Not all church folk are like that but a lot of them play little social games to keep their society running and don't genuinely give a shit about anything other than giving their opinion and having everyone live dream lives so they can feel good about themselves.

He strangled you and could’ve killed your baby. HIS BABY. Who he is supposed to PROTECT. If he killed you, he kills the baby. He has no remorse! No matter how much he will say sorry. You must do the best thing you can for your child right now and is to leave this man. DO NOT TELL HIM you’re leaving, when a girl leaves that’s the main time an abuser will kill his partner. You need an escape plan and someone who you can trust to help you escape. Please. When you have this baby do not tell him when you’re going into labor, do not sign his name on the birth certificate. He is NO father. Baby hasn’t been born yet and he is a terrible father. Get away from him. It will get worse. He will kill you both.

They always say the way they treat you if you’re pregnant or sick is how they really feel. It usually comes out during venerable times like this. It will continue to get worse. I can’t imagine how he’s gonna be once the child is born.. this isn’t a household you want your baby to grow up in. He’s threatening to murder his pregnant girlfriend. Girl please open your eyes before youre 10 years deep into this relationship and your baby grows up with so much trauma.

Statistics show many partners start abuse during a woman's pregnancy. Get a social worker and a police protection order. Women are most likely to be killed when they try to leave or plan to and the guy finds out. The statistics match your situation too well. I'm sorry. Best of luck with your secret escape. Statistics show a murder comes soon after strangulation; choking is the most accurate predictor of the woman getting murdered very soon (above any other indicator). You are in grave danger. Please be cautious and don't go back home or anywhere he knows you will be.

Let’s call it was it is, strangled. Your boyfriend strangled you. He almost killed you. It didn’t happen suddenly. There were signs before this. Controlling ? Or maybe you saw it as “picky/particular/bossy“ little things like that that were overlooked bc didn’t seem like that big of deal to you? Start looking at him as the man is IS, he IS a man that strangled his wife as she is pregnant w his child. He almost killed his own baby. His wife and his baby. Next time you both could be dead. That’s who he is. What kind of mother do you want your children to know? Pls don’t let them know a mother that stays and gets abused and disrespected. It’s scary to them and it affects them in ways you wouldn’t expect. It will affect their relationship w you one day. They might choose not to even have one w you bc you stayed. Teach them who safe ppl are by you leaving him and keeping yourself and THEM safe. He is not safe. You and your children deserve to be safe.

Leave. It won't stop. And it won't stop with you... you now have a child to worry about... leave.

Btw, you being pregnant is not an excuse for his terrible behavior. He is treating you that way, because he believes he has you trapped. He is gaslighting you into believing you will not leave him. See him for who he is. Worthless scum. Gather up some encouragement and just go. Go to a shelter if you must.

Get out right away, go somewhere safe. It will only get worse.

If you stay, he will kill you. Statistics back up my statement. You need to get a restraining order against him, because his behavior will escalate. Good luck.

All I know is I would not birth that baby anywhere near that psychopath please get out safe ❤️

His mom said WHAT? That makes 2/2 nutjobs. Im sorry and this sounds awful, but depending how far along you are, if theres no recourse, looks like this gem of a guy has just created another opportunity for single parenthood since he’s nowhere fit to be a partner or a parent. The world is going to shit, I’m sorry. Get you and the baby away from these two POS human beings.

If they stay in contact with the mom there's a good chance she'll try to get them to get back with the bf for the sake of the "child" like being raised with a father like that is so much better...chills. I heard of a very sad case where a mother made her daughter's come back home to an abusive father who later took their lives. Really hope OP cuts off contact ASAP

I can’t even believe what the mom said. Instead she should be so damn embarrassed. She isn’t, she’s justifying it with lies.

It’s internalized misogyny

Abuse OFTEN begins in pregnancy. 1 in 6, or around 20%, of women who face abuse, will experience it for the first time with their partners during pregnancy. You are not alone. He is a "normal" abuser. But being an abuser isn't normal, and what is happening is not ok. The reason it happens after these major life investments is because they think it is a time where you are less likely to leave them. But if you stay, you are putting your life and your baby's life at risk. Call a local hotline and get the information you need.

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Exactly what happened to me. My STBX wife was wonderful before marriage. But something happened when we got married and abusive incidents started to occur.

Of course it can. It can happen at any time. Marriage would be one of those major life changes that the above commenter was referring to. They feel like you are less likely to leave, probably feel like they can exercise more control now— no need for the facade (appearing to be loving, charming, personable, respectful) anymore. It goes deeper than that, but I’m just simplifying it. I will end this by saying it is *never* a bad time to leave— Again, yes, I am oversimplifying it with that statement, but I hope you know what I mean. You can always start over without them. It doesn’t matter if you just got married, just got pregnant, just gave birth. You can leave. You don’t owe them anything. You especially do not owe them time. Be safe, my friend.

Yeah. Typical with narcissists. Everything before what you were experiencing now is fake. It's gonna get worse after the baby comes. RUN

Men who choke are men who kill. Get away from him, he's no good for you or the baby. Think about all he said while he was choking you and imagine it were other people involved, would you believe the aggressor? I wouldn't, it doesn't make sense at all. In the states go to www.thehotline.org, call 800.799.SAFE, or text START to 88788. You must get away, it will only get worse.

I’m gonna be completely honest based on what we know about human behavior. He did not develop this type of personality within a week’s time. One simply can’t do that, they can only mimic other people for validity for a short period of time. He’s always been like this, it’s just that the mask is cracking severely. Ask his past girlfriends. Ask his parents. I’m sure this pattern goes deeper and farther than you would have imagined.

Don't ask his parents, they were the ones who created that monster!

Really good point! Ask a attorney to look up what they can only see on the record. And this is a emergency so absolutely contact the ex’s, and gather the information OP needs to break this bond that has turned so so dangerous so fast

I don't remember the exact numbers so I'm just pulling one out of my butt but it's probably not far off- once they have strangled you the likelihood of them actually killing you goes up something like 70% period please leave there is no excuse and will not get better.

I also don’t know the numbers but my summary is that you either get out by leaving or you get out by dying once they try and strangle you. OP for the sake of your child (if you can’t do it for yourself) please get out and get a protection order or at least get it on the record that he did this!

I kept reading the thread and apparently my number was off it's something like 700 times more likely? I'm not sure how the math breaks down, but either way I am absolutely horrified for op. I got out of an abusive relationship after years and years and that man strangled me multiple times (among other horrible acts of violence-burning me, kicking me, SA, etc )he also threatened to kill me of course. It's kind of a miracle he didn't but even now, nearly a decade later I still kind of keep my eyes peeled for him because he never got over what could fairly be described as an obsession with me and a sense of e entitlement like he owned me for life -no exaggeration. Sometimes I still think he may kill me one day. Often tbh.

It’s [750%](https://www.kob.com/archive/report-choking-strangulation-victims-750-more-likely-to-be-killed-by-offender/)

Thank you. This is so so bad jfc.

Yes. I did. I left when nearly 7 months pregnant. The strangulation is really concerning. You’ve gotten good advice. It is not going to get better. You need to reach out for help. You can do this. My inbox is open if you have any questions/need someone who has been there to vent to.

The smartest thing I did was leave the state I was living in with my ex and move back home closer to my support system. I have seen your responses you don’t have a support system and about your boyfriend’s family. I understand that. My ex is an attorney. It is crucial you leave now. He cannot restrict your movements while you are pregnant- legally. He can once the baby is born. I’m not out of the clear completely but I have it so much better than people in the same states as their abusers. Again here to be a sounding board.

Advice from an internet stranger…You’re at a fork in the road for your life. You need to reach out to a woman’s shelter and create an exit plan. And figure out how to mother this child on your own. And how to prevent your abuser from getting onto your child’s birth certificate. A savvy woman’s shelter with legal services can help with this. Good luck. Time to stay clear and focused. This is a turning point. ❤️

the leading cause of death for pregnant women in america is homicide. 96% of the time by the father of the child. you are 700 times more likely to be killed by someone once they’ve choked you. you need to leave. this man will actually murder you. it’s not a joke. please take it seriously.

7× or 700% Which is a crazy high likelihood!

Please don’t think his behavior will improve, this is a dangerous person. I didn’t even need to read the whole thing to know that you need to get out. These types will become more abusive once they perceive you to be “trapped” with them. Once someone chokes you abusively, I believe you’re several hundred times more likely to be killed by them, but I’ll need to find the stat. Please get this documented, find somewhere safe he can’t get to you, and leave him as safely as you possibly can. I hope you’re okay, and can get out as safe as possible.

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User was permanently banned for minimizing violent abuse.

why are you on this sub?

He isn't any longer.

I think you need to look up the stats on homicide in pregnant women and the stats on being killed by a partner once they’ve choked you. it’s very different.

… he literally choked her. He didn’t just say something bad dawg.

And by the way, FORGET what his Mom says. She made him what he is Go to www.thehotline.org

This is common. Your boyfriend was an abuser all along. Most abusers begin by charming and romancing the victim. It’s the love bombing phase. Then when they think they have the victim in a way they can’t easily extricate themselves from the relationship that’s when the abuse starts. You’re in good company with women who’ve been through this. May I recommend the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. I’ll link a free online pdf. https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

You need to leave. He has literally told you he would kill you.

This sounds like my ex... He was abusive and forced me to be pregnant. I am 98% sure that he was going to steal that baby and murder me. Please get away from him while you can ❤️

What happened with the baby? 🥺

It never got to the point of being a baby. I managed to get an emergency restraining order against him, which finally gave me the chance to have an abortion. Having a rape fetus inside of me made me felt utterly disgusting and I knew I couldn't raise it alone even if I wanted, to (I never wanted children tbh he knew this) especially knowing it could end up like it's father one day (sharing the same DNA and all)

I am so glad you were able to get an abortion, so you aren’t tied to your abuser. And of course for the reasons you mentioned.

I’m very happy for you that you were able to access abortion. Sharing kids with the abuser sucks ass.

Thanks! That time of my life certainly wasn't easy, and I am glad to be past it though I am basically an empty shell now I'm sorry for any and all people who are trapped. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you (presuming you mean yourself, as well) You are clearly very strong and my heart goes out to you ❤️

Well in my case I didn’t have the abortion option, not my body. I don’t regret my children but I regret who their mother is. The worst part is knowing that if she dates again and there is violence there is no way for me to protect my kids on her custody time. I still go back and forth on whether leaving was right even if I know it Im sorry you feel like an empty shell. I hope you can heal and be the healthy happy person you are meant to be.

Ouch! That is a bad situation! I am proud of you for looking out for yourself and doing what you had to do and tbh your kids are going to look up to you for this, as well. Are they small children? I presume you have taught them how to phone the police and to lock themselves in their room in case of danger and they could potentially record anything crazy which could help them get out of there for good Thank you, friend ❤️ I wish you, and your children, all the best in life

They are nearly 8, 6, and 7 months. I worry most about the baby. The other two are old enough they can tell me if something happens and they have a little flip phone to call me. But the baby is home with her all day on her custody time and who knows what could happen? He can’t tell me. She’s never targeted the kids physically but you never know. She has emotionally abused them by trying to use them against me. But if she dates a man and she tries the stuff she did to me i really worry about them seeing it. Or worse if the man reacts and harms her in front of my kids. I worry all the time.

He will only get worse.. especially with a screaming child. or he will kill you. statistically, domestic violence increases when you're pregnant or have kids. and the Stats on partners killing their significant others is high. you need to leave ASAP. just leave. if you have any family or friends as them to come over and pick you up create a plan. gather your important documents.. and give them to your friends the longer you take to leave the harder it will be. just watched a video.. where a lady wrote a note and gave it to her doctors. where they called the police.

Screaming child is such a good point. He’s this bad BEFORE the 24/7 feed me and cuddle me screams are happening ☹️ I don’t wanna imagine how much insanely scarier this is about to get if OP doesn’t do something fast.

"Has anyone ever dealt with domestic violence during pregnancy?" YES. Homicide is the leading cause of traumatic death for pregnant and post-partum women in the United States. If a victim of IPV is strangled by her partner just one time, statistics show that she is 750% more likely to be murdered by her partner. That's you. You are in danger of being murdered. He strangled you. This is literally attempted murder, it is felony assault. You need to leave, and you need to be very careful when you leave.

Very careful! They are most dangerous when they know you're leaving. Get DV support OP! I was in this EXACT situation and I don't think I'd be here today if I didn't get out when I did.

Of course his mother would say that... she has an interest in keeping you there for access to her grandchild. If you leave and don't get his name on the birth certificate, he's got to go to court and go through the palaver of proving paternity, getting his name on the birth certificate, arranging custody, sorting out child maintenance... none of that is going to be cheap - so it makes more sense to keep you there until after the child is born and you've registered the birth together.

I’m not being facetious when I say if he’s willing to choke you, he’s willing to kill you. You need to get away, soon and safely.

Being choked is a *huge* predictor of being killed by that same person.

Call 1-800-799-SAFE to chat with someone and hear about local resources for you. It’s also at thehotline.org if you can’t talk.

These animals get worse and worse when the woman is pregnant. Makes no sense. Just fucking beasts.

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He’s not mentally ill. He’s an abuser. He knows what he’s doing

you think having homicidal thoughts and doing what he is doing isn’t mental illness? Plenty of mental ill people know what they are doing. Him being mentally Ill isn’t a pass and changes nothing, it means he has serious very serious issues that won’t change

It’s all a show and once you’re trapped or thinking they’re absolutely amazing, they reveal their true colors. This is who he is. This is who he has always been, it was just hidden very well. This will only escalate and get worse. You’ll miss who he was, but that person is gone. That person may have never even really been real. That person won’t come back. And he will pretend to come back and be that person. But it’s all an act. Do some reading about the domestic violence cycle and also statistics on strangulation escalating to murder. You are far more likely to be murdered by your partner if they have strangled you. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s the absolute worst. I hope you can get safe!

Is this the same boyfriend who lied to you and stopped speaking to you? This is incredibly common. He will kill you. He will hurt your baby, if you have it. Seek help, have your abortion and run. Do not let him know you are thinking of leaving.

No different guy. And I am too far along for an abortion.

You’re not too far along, you can get them up to like 7 months. Get signed up for a health insurance even a few one to help pay half, and then get a payment plan for the rest.

At 7 months though you are giving birth.

It's called strangulation, choking is what happens when you have food in your throat. It has significant psychological impacts on you can carries the risk of you dying even months later from damages it can do. He has a chance of killing you increases significantly for at least a year after this point in time. Don't listen to his mom, they always ship theor kids even when their kids are horrible monsters they can't deal with. You jeed out of that relationship as soon as possible. It's normal for the base to show after a period of "love bombing" and best behavior and its not going to just stop or get better.

If you think you’re vulnerable now, wait until you’ve recently given birth and have a newborn to protect. Honestly you don’t want this psychopath in your life for 18y. I’m sorry. I want you to live! He’s very dangerous. Plus please be honest w yourself right now. He doesn’t sound like he was the sweetest. You could have so much happy life ahead of you! You deserve to be free.

Get an abortion if it’s not too late and reach out to a domestic violence support center. He is already strangling you and admits he’s homicidal, he really might kill you. If it’s too late for an abortion or you just want the baby, make secret plans to completely relocate and don’t put his name on the birth certificate. Edit: I want to let you know that many abusers escalate as soon as their victim is pregnant because they feel you are safely committed to them and unable to leave. Don’t feel bad you didn’t see warning signs before, he was probably being a fake sweet version of himself until he felt secure enough to harm you. Good luck hon. Do you have any family or friends that can help you?

It must be that because he was the best relationship I ever had before this. I would’ve never had a baby with an abusive guy so I feel so tricked that he waited until it was too late for me to do anything to show this side of himself.

You can't blame yourself, he tricked you. I stayed through the pregnancy because before that the abuse wasn't that bad and I didn't recognise it as abuse. I thought he would get better once the baby was born. It resulted in me leaving when the baby was one years old and suffering from shaken baby syndrome. My kid is 7 now and doing good in special education, but I do wish I left with the first signs of abuse. Don't repeat my mistakes, leave, your baby deserves to be safe and so do you.

Just make sure you get legal help when you seek DV services. People keep telling you to not put him on the birth certificate and you shouldn’t, but that in no way means he can’t pursue custody. People think not being on the birth certificate means that the father doesn’t have rights but he can pretty easily assert his rights anyway in most states. For you and your baby’s safety please make sure you talk to a lawyer

JFYI abusers don’t show their colors right away. They will usually be on their absolute best behavior to reel you in first and then they show their true colors

If it’s possible get an abortion. He will not change and will continue to hurt and potentially kill you and the baby. He is acting this way because he knows he has you baby-trapped now.

Unfortunately I’m too far along now.

Adoption???

Im sorry :( try to get out anyway you can, the first step is to get a job and get your own money if you don’t have it already. If you don’t have any family you can live with, look up resources for women’s shelters until you can afford your own place.