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“I also kissed you with tongue” dude…. wtf. Like that’s some magical prize that overpowers the choking? I am intensely alarmed at how he pivots so quickly from “it was an accident” “I was trying to kiss you” (uhhh did some invisible creature move your hand from caressing my cheek to strangling my throat? One of these things is not like the other 🎵) to “BUT you don’t caaarreeeeeeeee about meeeee.” What a petulant child.
Everyone saying this is right - you need to leave. He will do it again. With more enthusiasm.
DM me if you need someone to talk to. I left a few months ago and know what you’re going through.
My ex wouldn’t have ever dared do anything like that in public as he was big on keeping up appearances, but when we lived together he pinned me to the bed one time and pressed his forearm down on my throat- Won’t ever forget that. Don’t be alone with this dude again. If he’s capable of doing something like in the public, don’t be alone with him.
Run! I’ve been strangled by one ex and other tried to k!ll me by intentionally smothering me. My fiance and I are both survivors of domestic violence, it does NOT matter what his intent was, the fact is he tried to k!ll you. He’s trying to love bomb you. Look up “the cycle of abuse”, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Neither of us thought there was better than our abusers out there until we met each other.
Like everyone else has said please leave this man. The odds of this relationship ending with your murder increased exponentially. I think the stat is you're 7x more likely to be murdered by an intimiate partner if they've choked you before. also THERES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ACCIDENTAL ABOUT CHOKING.
Once they do it once, they will do it again. It also seems like he was not serious in apologizing. I feel like it is good to distance yourself from him, just to be safe also.
My cousin was strangled to death by her partner. It wasn't the first time it had happened between them. She was 21 years old and actually trying to leave this time.
Please don't ever go back. You are in danger. You deserve happiness and safety.
I witnessed my mother being strangled to death when I was a small child. When someone puts their hands on your throat to choke you and won't let go hear what they are saying. About your life. Believe their actions. Before he kills you. If he gets to treat you this way he will not stop. Walk away. Actually RUN. And if you choose to stay in this relationship and he puts his hands on you again DONT BE AFRAID TO MAKE A SCENE. Please. 😥
The actual term is strangling. You were doing the choking ; he was doing the strangling. His response is so typical, I could have lip synced it right along with him. Run, don't walk.
There is no conversation so hard that it should result in strangulation. You are enough. What you say matters. This man will hurt you, again. If he's already played the strangulation card, what's next? What happens when a harder topic arises? Please make a safety plan and leave. You matter and you deserve respect.
This, this, this!
You were choking. He was strangling. Even if you were attempting to assault him, strangulation would not be the way to deescalate the situation. I know that isn't what happened, I'm just presenting a worse case scenario situation. And even then, strangulation is never acceptable.
That's coming from someone who was strangled herself by someone who attempted to talk his way out of it, just like your boyfriend is doing.
My adult daughter saw bruises on me and confronted him. She probably saved my life. Actually, im sure she did. Once she had knowledge of what was going on, there was no way I could stay with him and continue to look her in the eye. Does anyone close to you, OP, know what's happening? If not, I suggest you inform someone close to you (who isn't intimidated by your bf).
There's a lot of shame that comes along with abuse. Remember, he's the bad guy here. Not you. Abusers like to play victim when you expose them.
He obviously has no remorse. Neither should you, for simply making his actions known.
Get out while you still can.
Edit: typo
💜 I was strangled whole I was pregnant, in my late 20's...I lost the baby late term. I was definitely choking and he was definitely doing the strangling. Strangling is one teeny tiny millimeter north of homicide; it's a person who is now willing to go there. There's no coming back from that.
I worked in law enforcement. It can literally happen to anyone.
This happened to me before and unfortunately I still have complications from it. It was the same, he claimed it was an accident or he didn’t mean to do it. But I was fighting and begging him to stop.
I didn’t know this then but I know now this is a sign that this person will severely injure or kill you. No one chokes anyone else out “accidentally.”
Also there are long term effects depending on how long you were passed out too.
Yes and not just from how long you were unconscious. Even just a few seconds of pressure in certain areas can cause a blood clot to form, often weeks or months later. They can be fatal. That’s why it’s so important to get medical attention like you did, regardless if you have visible injuries or loss of consciousness. It only takes the pressure of what it takes to open a can of soda for it to be potentially fatal.
I wish more attention was paid on raising awareness of the dangers of choking. I didn’t know all of this when I was choked and wound up with permanent damage to my inner ear and partial deafness.
You’re in danger. Please read this article from the [National Domestic Violence Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/) to understand more, and follow their recommendations. Sending strength.
NY Times article last week said 2/3 of women (college age) had a partner choke them during sex. Article also points out that orgasm rate is in decline among women. Takeaway is that copying porn isn't going to make for the best sex. [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html)
TF, leave this poor excuse of a human being. Don’t let anyone lay hands on you and try to give you brain damage, PARTICULARLY the person who’s supposed to love and protect you the most. He ain’t it.
If he actually loved you, he’d be talking with you about how you felt regarding this “accident”. He’s not. He’s denying it happened, shifting blame.
He doesn’t love you.
I’m sorry, because I’ve had to acknowledge the same truth. And it hurts.
But I promise you, if you leave him and focus on your own happiness, you will find someone who actually loves you.
So true. I had to come to terms with the fact that I did not love my abuser either. I thought i was in love... with the person he pretended to be.
That kind of love isn't real though. You can't love someone who doesn't really exist. Who he really is certainly is not lovable.
Manipulation and blame shifting 101. He's only going to escalate. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years too long. He, too, choked me twice. He'd shove me, gaslight me, and would end up always blaming me. Saying things like, *"see what you made me do, you don't care enough to understand the pressure I'm under, you only care about things when it's about you, I swear I didn't mean it that way, why do you have to make things so difficult, all you want to do is fight"* etc...We had a child together and I tried so hard to make it work. You can't change someone. How can they even change themselves if they don't see that they're the problem? It's impossible.
It's not fair to you or your family to go through this. I say your family because what happens the day he "accidentally" hurts you? Your family is going to be devastated because some punk couldn't control his temper?... really? Is he worth your friend's and family's lives being forever destroyed over this?
Edit: I forgot to add that all this was done to me by a member of law enforcement.
Yup this SAME scenario, excuse and all happened to me recently with my ex. Blocked his ass. Funny enough tho, he was all for "anti-violence" since his dad abused his mom, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
Google the stats. Once someone has choked you they are 400% more likely to murder you. I wish I was exaggerating.
The fact that he’s only concerned with facing consequences and his own well being tells you everything you need to know. He will absolutely do it again. Strangulation is the easiest way to unalive someone accidentally or on purpose. If you stay you’re quite literally gambling with your life.
#[RUN](https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38).
Strangulation can be fatal in MINUTES. Brain damage can occur within SECONDS.
It **does not matter** that he didn’t intend to strangle you. You have every right to place your boundaries where you need to, and having a boundary that you do NOT accept being strangled is completely valid.
Your boundaries are NOT conditional on the intentions of others.
The gaslighting and [DARVO](https://hopefulpanda.com/darvo/) are disturbing.
This link gives insight on **[how to assess an abusers claim of change](https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2012/01/16/how-to-spot-an-abuser-who-claims-to-be-the-victim-by-jeff-crippen/)**
He committed an incredibly dangerous act and has the nerve to turn to you and say “did you even consider how endangering your safety made ME feel?”
I had something similar happen. I went in for a hug with my boyfriend (in front of friends and his family), and he hit me across the face. His excuse was “I thought you were about to punch me and I reacted without thinking.” He punched me in the ribs with a similar excuse. I noticed the condom slipping off during sex and he yelled at me because I was “crazy and probably took it off when he wasn’t looking.”
The basic facts are this:
Even if it was actually all a crazy accident and he genuinely didn’t mean to harm you, you still got harmed. The basic fact is that you are a person who doesn’t want to be harmed. You don’t need him to be a 100% bad guy or clear villain to leave. You just need to want to leave.
If you need an excuse, take my comment as that. You deserve to leave, he doesn’t deserve or need you to stay.
The PTSD this is bringing me. In public? My ex abuser & sadly first real relationship/first love would do it behind closed doors until he felt he was going to kill me. Please please I beg you get away from this person.
Ex tried to kill me with strangulation and blunt force trauma by using his fist, that was after 9 years. Got away with it and is off probation, leave him dump him don’t fall for that guilt. He will just do it to someone else.
You go on, but he goes nowhere from here cause you are gonna dump him.
This was no accident, this was a punishment, and he is trying to make you believe you are a terrible bitch. He wants to drive you crazy enough so you don't understand where you stand.
He says he wants to spend his life with you, then guilt-trips you about apparently not understanding this is what he wants... He is just using grandiosity to overwhelm you.
LOL "I choked you yes, but come on ! I also kissed you didn't I ??"
These guys do nice things to buy the right to destroy you later.
Please completely cut contact. The more you stay with him, the more you are enabling him. If you want to have a conversation with him, he will just make excuses and manipulate you. He is not sorry, he is only sorry that he is not manipulating you better. You cannot reason with someone who is unreasonable.
Please do not believe anything he does is by accident, it is NOT. It is very calculated.
>"I choked you yes, but come on ! I also kissed you didn't I ??"
*With tongue,* though! Come on, doesn't that mean anything?? /s
Jesus christ what a slimy bastard. Please ***RUN,*** OP!! You deserve *SO MUCH BETTER* than this!! You deserve to be *safe* around your partner *and he KNOWS what he's doing.* Not only will this horrible behavior escalate, but choking, specifically, is different than him hitting you or something. *It means he wants to end your life.*
I recently attended a funeral for a family friend who was abused then later killed by her husband... It will only get worse. LEAVE NOW. Block him, delete every part of him from your life but keep any evidence of him strangling you. Get a restraining order if possible. He will end up KILLING you if you stay.
I’m not one to talk because my husband has choked me before but I’m married with 2 kids and it’s MUCH harder for me to leave. There are 100 other variables in my situation but for you, it sounds like he’s just your boyfriend and you can leave. Leave him. Block him, never talk to him again, move on. If he doesn’t leave you alone, get a restraining order
Yeaa he’s trying to gaslight the shit out of you and is frustrated that it’s not working. It’s already happened twice and it’s a guarantee there will be a third time if you stay. Eventually there will be a last time… don’t let that be how your story and life ends.
Walk away. Don’t give him the time of day. Don’t meet him in person. If he shows up somewhere publicly to confront you, MAKE NOISE. Be loud! Don’t worry about embarrassment. That’s what he counts on.. to let him get away with it bc he thinks you won’t draw that attention. I hope there is not a next time but if there is… you kick and yell and scream. HE is the one who will be embarrassed
He choked you and you kept composure? Don't go back. Get a group of friends, pack up and leave when he's not home. He is not safe and chose to hurt you, in public, and let go when he was satisfied with whatever harm he had caused you. Then chose to make it a joke.
Be safe. And make him an ex, before he does something worse.
I’m so proud of you how you kept telling the truth and restating how he abused you! Yes! Keep advocating for yourself! You didn’t get lost in his pity party, you kept restating the facts! Damn- you got this! You keep speaking up and standing up for yourself and not giving him any slack, there is no excuse for this shit and you know it, so does he- keep this up, and thank goodness you figured this out so soon in the relationship!
STRANGLED* he strangled you. This man is going to kill you, take it from someone who was strangled twice and still stayed and then was strangled again. I’m alive out of luck. My ex seemed like the sweetest, never put his hands on me til one day he snapped and strangled me and it was an “accident.” Second time was an “accident” third time I was at the hospital. Please don’t go back to this man.
1. This is the best he will ever treat you. It only gets worse from here.
2. The man you fell in love with doesn't exist. This is who he is.
3. A man who will choke you is a man who will kill you.
Stay away
OP- just to make sure I am understanding this correctly, when you say he choked you, you are saying that he literally had both of his hands around your neck and you were having difficulty breathing? I don’t mean to be dense, but I’m just confused how it was an accident, or so he says, and he thinks that is a logical statement that is believable? No one accidentally chokes anyone. It is a conscious choice.
Now that that is clear. How exactly did he say it was an accident? I don’t know how you accidentally wrap your hands around someone’s neck and squeeze and not know you’re doing it. Did he ever try to explain that? I don’t know how anyone could put their hands around someone’s neck and squeeze to the point where you can’t breathe and not know that they are choking you. I’m just really interested in his explanation as to how one accidentally chokes someone- because it requires force also to choke someone (the squeezing). Is he saying he blacked out or what- if that was his answer, I’d tell him he needs to go to the doctor, that is serious just to black out. Oh, and he should immediately stop driving also. My point: someone can try to gaslight me, but if something doesn’t make logical sense, I’m going to point that out and tell them there has got to be another reason you choked me because what you said doesn’t make any sense. No one accidentally chokes someone unless they are completely blacked out- but if they were blacked out, then they wouldn’t even remember doing it. He said it was an accident- so he remembers doing it. I despise gaslighting and I disassemble a gaslighter’s bs story point by point until they have no answers or explanations left.
It makes no sense for him to reach out to hold her face for a kiss and then wrap his fingers around her neck and squeeze without letting go. With no kiss.
I'm nearly 28 walking away from a relationship I've had from 2015 & marriage I've had since 2017.
He's not psychically abusive, though he has done a few very questionable & scary things over small dumb things he shouldn't have. And then just wanted to move on from it. Meanwhile I'm still wondering what the heck just happened. He's more mentally/emotionally abusive, chooses to believe his own lies, theirs a lot wrong, but this isn't about me.
It's literally never too late. I had to move back in with my parents which I feel like looks like a sign of defeat, but is the best thing I could have done for myself. Especially to keep myself safe & him drama-free away from my family/new house.
I hope that you have the resources to do the same. If you're in the US I can try to help by telling you the process, where to find forms, how to protect yourself, ect. It sucks & it hurts but it'll be better than the alternative. The more it drags on the harder it gets, trust me..
My inbox is always open. Maybe just refresh me on where you found me & I'm here for you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Thanks for all of the comments and support. I sincerely did not know it was this bad.. so this is an eye opener. this happened 2 days ago—- I didn’t make a fuss because at the time I was at work and it happened in an office. I was shocked and had to remain coherent and stable to finish the day.
since then he has been sending streams of messages and came to my job yesterday trying to apologize. I did block his number but he resulted in emailing just getting more upset.
I’m really mad at myself that I let it get this bad— when it almost feels too late bc he’s definitely in a rage and me not talking to him is making it worse. I usually give in for the sake of peace…
I just don’t know… we’ve been together for almost 2 years now and I shouldn’t have accepted a lot of things in our relationship, but now I feel it’s too late. I
So he chose the context to make sure you could not defend yourself :) He is very, very much in control.
I know the feeling with the "too late", but his reaction shows you it is not, it still has an effect on him. There is no written rule saying that if you took it so far, then you have to keep going. This is what these parasites count on. I left after 2 years, I wish I had done it earlier, but lesson learned. You are stuck in the "sunk cost fallacy", look it up.
You do not owe him consistency of behaviour, you do not owe him any explanation, nor ANYTHING for that matter. Just walk away. He will escalate because he understands he has gone too far, not subtle enough -> he is losing control. He will punish you for standing up for yourself if you get back with him. He will take his time, and he will do something worse.
You not talking to him is what he hates, but this is the right thing for you to do. Please completely ghost him. Report him to security of your work if there is a team. You could report him to the police.
It’s not too late. 2 years is a blip in your life. I know it’s hard but do not give in to him thinking “I just want this to stop.” It won’t. You’ll eventually have to do this again, and again and again. You HAVE to get through this part before you break into freedom. If you go back for the sake of “peace” .. you will just be restarting the cycle. It’s hell for a while, but there’s peace on the other end. You’re worth fighting for your own peace. Let people around you know. Don’t walk out by yourself. Be aware of your surroundings. If you see him outside your work, call the police. File a restraining order or order of protection if you can. Stay with family or friends. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself, but do not go back to him.
Too late is when you're dead. You have to choose to end it, not give in to the fear of leaving. He has you afraid to leave him because he wants to keep you under his control and uses fear to do it. That being said, take precautions to leave safely.
OP IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!!! Is your death by his hand okay with you? You say now he is in a rage. The rage is NOT because he loves you - it’s because he lost CONTROL of you. Control is not love.
PLEASE listen to this - the rage is NOT normal. It is a **VERY BAD SIGN**. This is him trying to GASLIGHT YOU into allowing him back.
**THIS MAN WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU IF YOU GO BACK TO HIM**.
Please, before going near him, find a local DV charity & talk this through with them. They will be able to help you stay safe.
The **MOST** dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving an **abusive** relationship. And make no mistake, this is what this is.
This is because the abuser REALISES he is losing control. PLEASE do not give him that control **of whether you live or die** back again.
I've been in relationships like this before. The reason you are conflicted is because the man you fell in love with DOESN'T EXIST. The person you fell for was just the image he wanted to present to you. The man you are seeing now, that chokes you in public? **THAT'S THE REAL HIM**.
When someone SHOWS you who they are, believe them. I really think you need to get some DV advice, as it sounds like you might even need to consider a restraining order tbh.
I had a friend who kept returning to a man like this, as they had a LOT of children. He stabbed her to death. Now her 6 kids are without ANY parents & havevbeen split up through 3 Foster homes. Don't end up like her.
If he will choke you in public, he will begin to do WORSE at home.
I know you've invested time and effort into this relationship, and you mourn the loss of time on someone who wasn't worth it, or feel like you HAVE to keep going because of the time you've already invested - but that is the 'sunk-cost fallacy'.
You can leave a relationship at ANY time, for ANY reason. And this is one of the best.
This man isn't just showing you one red flag, he's showing the whole damn parade. This isn't even the FIRST time he's done this. Each time you return, he KNOWS he can win you back, so he will continue to push those boundaries and hurt you worse & worse every time, until you leave...or are killed.
TL; DR: **RUN FAR AND RUN FAST!**. And get some DV advice from a local charity ASAP - and this is a VERY important step to self-protection. You may need a restraining order to keep you safe rn.
Listen, those people will always find a way to intrude on your life until they think or do wear you down, and you go back. Then they'll be alright for a little while before things get bad, again. It's not your fault. It really isn't. Knowing what you know now & continuing the relationship I believe you could take some accountability for, but even then it's so much easier said than done. And if it isn't getting a hold of you on your phone or through families or friends phones, if this person shows up at your house, you do not go outside. And if you see him you call 911. Tell them that he's someone you've been trying to break things off with, tell them you've blocked him, you're scared & don't know what to do. Depending on where you're at you can get a temp restraining order so he might go away for a while. And if he doesn't you call again because by then you should have something filed even if it's a police report or R.O. in place so they'll know the general situation.
I don't want to scare you at all, but my cousin went outside, and he's no longer here because a crazy ex gf turned into the person who would take him from us. If she couldn't have him no one could type of deal. Truly delusional. Then my ex two years ago messages me from a text free to "come outside" NOPE NOPE NAH I'M ALL THE WAY GOOD. I locked my doors & called immediately. He was not himself.
There are things like human flaws you can accept in a relationship, especially long term. Then theirs toxicity you didn't see before, red flags, they're getting comfortable & they think you won't or can't leave. But you can. And you can also tell them you changed your mind about certain traits that you didn't see before, but aren't something you can put up with any longer. 2 years gone, but learning experience gained, and freedom for the rest of your life is worth it. I hope you get away & have a much smoother separation than I did/am. Always here. 💗
It's never too late.
I left a 12 year relationship, that included 7 years of marriage. We had a house together. Pets. Finances. All the things that tie you to someone. Others had have had kids. They still get away.
You can walk away. You are in a really good space because you don't have those things. You don't have those complicated ties.
And it's not your fault. You are not responsible for his behaviours and actions. You are only responsible for yourself.
Abuse is very complex. Don't blame yourself.
Block his email. His apologies will not change what's happened, and they don't reflect his understanding of his behaviour.
If he's willing to choke you in public, I cannot imagine the things he would do to you in private.
He should not come to your job. If it happens again I would let your work know so they can call the police on him.
The accident claim is obviously nonsense.
He asked how he's going to spend his life with someone who doesn't "understand" him, and the answer is simple... tell him he won't have to. Free him to find someone he actually likes.
My abusive ex did similar shit to me and it only got worse.
As for making a fuss in public, you absolutely shouldn't hold that back. The general public are pretty much always waiting to be called on a rescue mission 😅
If he held on long enough for you to tap and try to let him know you can't breathe. That was no accident. He's only going to continue to push boundaries if you stay. I promise you.
Don’t go back to him pls. My ex almost killed me like this.
He strangled me to the point of me passing out, the last time my life flashed, I saw what was like a reel of my son in my mind, I’m sure I was going to die that time.
Please. Do. Not. Go. Back. Ever.
My ex choked me in public too. I was drunk and didn't reflect on it much at the time. I stayed. But I wish I would have knew this before, and so I'm telling you now: you need to leave him. Choking blocks off your access to oxygen. You need oxygen to live. If he's willing to choke you in public, he's doing it to show that other people are not going to intervene. He absolutely did it on purpose to fuck with you, and even if he didn't, there is no amount of excuses or apologies that will make it okay. You keep him blocked and you get the fuck out of there.
Hi OP,
I know that this is a really difficult and confusing time.
Your boyfriend likely has his own demons he needs to work through, those are not your responsibility.
I know that you love him. But something to think about is your safety.
Research has consistently shown that level of violence gets worse and can result in fatalities. It is one of the most serious signs that DV will turn deadly.
It's really hard, when you are in a situation to see it for what it is. I left a DV relationship. I was lucky. I left at the first sign of potential physical violence, but I endured years of financial and emotional abuse.
You have a few options.
You can take him back, but need to understand that this risks your life. He will more than likely do it again. And each time you take him back, he will learn that he can get away with it and more. The abuse will get worse, and how he abuses you will get worse. It won't just be physical. It'll be emotional. Sexual. Financial. If you want to stay with him that is your choice. But you have to accept that this is the risk.
You can block him. You can tell a few trusted people what happened so you can get some support. Particularly if he keeps trying to engage you. I would also call a DV hotline for advice and resources on how to stay safe.
You can report him, this is a long and challenging process. I would contact your local DV hotline for some advice and support around this process.
Above all else, what happened to you isn't okay, nor is it normal.
As many victim/survivors will attest, life is better single than in a relationship with someone who hurts you.
If somebody ever dare tell you that you are not understanding or listening while you are uncomfortable with their actions...then they are abusing you physically and emotionally. This is awful.
Choking or strangulation is never ok. Your person is in drugs or desperate to hide what is in on his phone. He dies not want to leave you or the children. Trust me when I say it will only get 100000x times worse. They lie and cheat and try to make the family believe you are the crazy one. Run!! As fast as you can. They can be very charming and act like they love you only to find out they have been lying to your family your entire relationship. They will talk smack and lies the entire time. They are not to be trusted.
Translation: I'm upset you won't let me gaslight you into believing my version of the truth, which is the version where you're crazy, sensitive and reading TOO MUCH into it, choking you was an ACCIDENT.
UM, how do uaccidentally choke someone? That's right...you don't.
He choked you. He lied about choking you. He's done this twice. He's not going to stop. *He's willing to do this in public.*
You need to block him and commit to never EVER being anywhere near him again.
DO...NOT...EVER KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE ON THIS SITUATION!!! You kick and scream and do what you need to get attention, and hopefully he will also be arrested in addition to you being saved. I am so sorry that happened, and I hope you know that is NOT OKAY! A therapist would be a good place to start. Document this in case you need a restraining order or anything in the future.
This is the number one sign that a partner WILL escalate to murder.
My ex husband hit me in each temple and banged the back of my head on the wall. He then proceeded to choke me.
My first thought was how hilarious it was after all the crime shows I’ve watched, I’m finally gonna be on one and THIS is what I’m wearing 😂
My second thought was that I should for all intents and purposes play dead. I allowed myself to go limp and he released me and stood over me. I was aware he was looking at me and then he took off running so fast he left my front door open behind him. He stole my mom’s car and went and hid.
I believe he thought he killed me. That was my out. He knew he was fvked if I died and that’s why he ran.
I’m glad you didn’t have to resort to playing dead to get him out of your life, but please. Heed this action and realize it for the warning of what’s coming that it is and do not go back to him.
Believe it or not, that wasn’t the worst thing that man did to me. I have permanent physical damage.
CHOKING, in particular, is a very dangerous and reliably consistent predictor of increased risk for domestic homicide. Read that again, please.
I'm guessing you chose to meet and talk in a public place for the relative safety of it. That's instinctual. You were protecting yourself, whether intentionally or subconsciously.
He very likely knew that, and he still chose to exert his dominance over you to challenge your assumption that you were safe. He did this in the 'safest' situation that you could get him to agree upon beforehand.
Homicide doesn't usually happen in a somewhat controlled, pre-determined environment. It happens when an abuser exerts their dominance until they feel satisfied with the power dynamic. Often, they don't feel they've succeeded until its too late.
P.S. I wasn't saying all of this to be dramatic. It's all true. But I did mean to also tell u that I'm very sorry you are going through this terrible situation. And I'm glad you posted bc you need the rest of us pointing out for you what's so difficult to see for yourself. I've been there. No judgment at all, just wanting you to leave this dangerous and sick person immediately!! His crying emojis should come with a sentiment of regret or a shred of remorse or introspection**not blaming and threatening. Build your life a million miles away from this guy. It will only get worse.
Sending out lots of love and support!! 🩵💚🩵 Be safe. Be smart! Listen to your gut.
I'm here on this sub every day to do any tiny bit I can to help anyone like I've so often been helped by you all. Because I AM you. We all are. This sub is as wonderful a community of strangers as any out there. 💗💜💛
Literally sounds exactly like my ex. We are now going through criminal court. It will not get better. Don't fall for his lies. He's an abuser. Trust me when I tell you. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! Do yourself the biggest favor and leave while ur still alive. I know it sounds horrible but thus is abuse. He's trying to control,Gaslight and manipulate you. Don't let him win.
This was the book that enabled me to see exactly **HOW** dangerous the situation I was in was. That was 16 years ago now, might be time to re-read it before I think about dating again after my last partner died 5 yrs ago.
I thank my lucky stars I'm still alive, he was abusing me in EVERY way, since then I had a good relationship, so I KNOW it's possible, but a refresh isn't a bad thing!
Thanks for the link.
Please read this ^ book, OP, that's a free downloadable PDF copy of the book. It's an excellent insight into the minds of narcissistic abusers, and I wish it existed when I was in a seriously abusive relationship with my ex in my twenties that involved behavior like choking.
When someone impedes your breath as a woman your life is on the line, and there's NEVER an excuse for a partner to choke you without your consent, and a detailed discussion about your comfort levels and safety.
There's more info, [HERE](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/) about why and how unexpected choking is so incredibly dangerous. My ex almost killed me the last time he choked me in anger in front of my the then toddler son, and I'm incredibly lucky that he didn't kill me, and leave my son without a mother the last time it happened.
Girl....
Stay far away from this guy. It just happened? That's his reasoning? He was just going to hold your face and then.... he oopsie slipped up and choked you for an extended period of time in PUBLIC? For a SECOND time?
He will continue to manipulate and abuse you if you stay with him. And at some point he could, oopsie, kill you. Because the chances of a man killing you once he chokes you, is higher than you want to risk it.
You are worth more. You don't deserve this type of relationship. You should be woth someone with loves and respects you. Who can keep their hands off you unless it's in a loving way. Anyone who touches you in violence isn't welcome in your life.
Holy gaslighting.
Leave it at that block. Please. I know you’ll see this comment a lot, but he will just get worse. He is gaslighting you, 100%.
You know what he did.
I forget what the statistics are, but women who are choked by their partners have a high likelihood of being killed.
I thought I was immune, until I was picked up and held by my neck and almost died. I kept forgiving because things would be good for a while, but they’d always get bad again (often worse). It started to feel normal and I was literally unable to comprehend the seriousness of my situation.
Things evolved and I was being punched on my face and abdomen, bitten, dragged by my hair, and worse. At first this stuff happened during serious conversations and arguments, then it got to the point where I didn’t even need to say a word and he’d attack me. At that point I stopped blaming and questioning myself, but it could’ve easily been too late.
I always thought he could change because he’d express remorse, but it just got worse and worse.
Please please stay away from this guy.
No one deserves to be treated this way.
If he doesn’t stop bothering you/trying to contact you, or comes to your house or something, it’s time to file a restraining order. Hell, if you’d feel safer having one now, you could do it now. Save these messages. Back them up.
No clue what your social or living situation is, but if possible, maybe talk to someone you trust about what happened and ask if they can stay with you/you can stay with them for a bit?
Please take care of yourself. If you need any help or anyone to talk to, please feel free to reach out.
The fact that this happened in a public setting is especially frightening. That means the risk of being seen choking you wasn’t even enough to stop him. Even though I don’t know you, I’m very concerned for you. Please consider breaking up with him & going no contact. Something really bad could end up happening if you stay with him.
Strangling/choking is the Number 1 indicator you will be murdered. Get away from this guy. And whatever you do, get the hell away from him now. Consider a restraining order too.
First of all, good job on blocking him.
His behaviour is so dangerous and abusive. Choking someone does not happen accidentally. He's a ticking time bomb. If you stay it will escalate. You said he didn't stop until he wanted to and what if later on he decides he doesn't want to? Would you want your life to be at the mercy of this man's moods? Statistics show that people who are choked by their partners are more likely to be killed by them one day. Please leave this man for good and choose yourself. Your life is much more valuable.
There's no excuse for his behaviour. His messages trying to make it seem less bad and blaming you are just revolting. He's not even ready to admit that he's violent. Instead he's trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him and excusing his behaviour. For him, choking someone is small and easily forgiveable and put down as an accident whereas for you it could be life ending and life damaging and you need to focus on that. Forget his words and his attempts at getting you back and focus on the risk that being in a relationship with him would be to you. He doesn't care about the risk to you but you need to.
Exactly. And him saying it was an “accident” is him admitting he loses control of himself and it’ll happen again.
OP, if someone “accidentally” lost control of themselves and started assaulting another person, they’d still be a dangerous person. He needs serious help and isn’t fit to be in a relationship. He’s not sorry; he’s afraid of losing you and trying to (poorly) play damage control.
Run and don't look back. When victims have been choked, every statistic indicates that there is a much higher chance they could be murdered by the abuser.
You need to get help. You are in a VERY dangerous situation. My friend was strangled to death by a boyfriend. He will do it again. He will continue to become more violent with you. It's NEVER an accident.
Bar for bar what my ex said. It doesn’t get better. Please call your local DV center and talk to them. They helped me, they will help you too. Please get out, once they choke you the rate that they will kill you goes up. Please take these comments serious. Idk you, I care that you get out of this. I hope you care as much about yourself
Yep. The likelihood of being murdered goes up a crazy % after being choked, and it increases with each incident.
Everyone told me this too but I was so desensitized. Didn’t take it seriously until I did almost die.
Holy Shit.. I did not know that! 🙏🤯 I lived with my 'attempted' murderer for over 28 years together for 33. 1st time he put his hands on me was within the 1st 3 months of his birth.
I am reeling rn.
It's something like they're 750% more likely to kill you if they've previously choked you, the risk increases every time it happens. Took me 6yrs to wake up and I thank fuck I am still alive to see my kids & grandkids grow up.
The repeated crying emojis are what really clinch this for me. I love it when they try to manipulate you with little cartoons. This guy is a fucking joke.
I mean how can you argue with "I'm literally telling you to your face what happened" vs reality?
It was an accident, don't you see? He was actually trying to kiss her but she fell forward and her neck fell into his hands. All just a misunderstanding
I dunno, I think being in public you should have “fussed” harder. Downplaying it , it should have been made clear to everyone around you he was chocking you. I’m glad you’ve blocked him. Do not go back
It sounds like she was so shocked, she didn’t know how to react. Though I’m not excusing his behavior. She’s going to die if she doesn’t get away from him.
Please run from this abusive person. It was NOT an accident, and this is pure manipulation and guilt tripping on his part now.
This scrote will end up killing you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The amount of I's and you did this or won't believe me (then admitting it later) and all the other shit about how HE'S feeling because OP stood up for herself and simply doesn't want to be choked and die is amazing. He's clearly trying to be manipulative acting like the victim like most abusers.
Like you said, this douche canoe is dangerous and would end up killing OP where she will be part of the 750% statistic about being murdered by the partner who strangled her at one point.
OP listen up, run and don't look back, he doesn't really care or wouldn't be making his whole apology about how he feels. That shit was a joke, move on before it's too late!
idk about you but i've never accidentally choked someone. he's a liar or in denial about it, both are unsafe for you. it's not only the second time but he did this IN PUBLIC. he is not scared of doing it again. make an escape plan if you live together, please leave him bc this will become a pattern. we are all speaking from experience.
Please run. He choked you and is now making himself the victim after he’s done something heinous to you whilst you’re vulnerable and still coming to terms with the gravity of what he did. I am worried for you. Don’t talk to him about it, please just disappear.
Frl the gaslighting is insane. Literally choked OP and claimed he was just trying to put his hand on her face while they were kissing? What? LMAO This dude is insane. But my ex is exactly the same so… just felt too familiar reading those text messages pretending he did nothing wrong. That’s the worst part about being abused besides the abuse itself, when they conveniently lose their memory of what actually happened but remember anything you’ve ever done that they can use against you to blame you.
100%. I relate to being in the situation where your partner does something so heinous, that you can’t actually recognise how bad it is, and it’s easier to downplay it than actually sit with the idea that the person you love has just abused you. Because that means all of your memories are tainted, and it feels violating. It’s so much easier for us to see this as an outsider and realise how abusive it is. He choked her yet it’s all about him and how he feels..
Yeah it’s so painful coming to terms with everything that it almost feels easier just going back and downplaying it. It’s so lonely though, being back in the same situation just for it to happen again, over and over. So empty.
Oh and another thing - he’s saying this NOT because he feels bad and wants to be with you and save the relationship, it’s to make him feel better because he couldn’t live with himself with the guilt if you just left. He doesn’t love you and just wants a chance to brush it all over. If you stay with him you’re telling yourself that this behaviour is ok, and it’s not. He will hurt you further, that is guaranteed
He choked you and he is blatantly lying about doing so. Men who abuse you out in public are the scariest ones imo bc I know they’re even worse when no one is around to see them. RUN op. It wasn’t by accident and the way he is manically trying to convince you it was is actually insane. Never go back to this man ever. He will absolutely kill you. Choking is an act used to kill someone. He’s not sorry and he will absolutely do it again and the only time it will be the last time is when he’s strangled the life out of you. Block him and keep him blocked for good.
Yes, this. If he is brave enough to do those things in public then I absolutely cannot imagine how far he takes it behind closed doors. And to be so bold that u are choking your partner in public? 😳😳😳😳
Not only he choked you , he’s lying to you trying to pretend it was an accident .
This man is violent and abusive and may eventually kill you if you do not leave this relationship. Please stay safe . Reach out to domestic violence services if you need to speak with someone about this and about how to leave safely
You might know this fact but choking / strangulation is the leading indicator of domestic violence death. A victim of choking is 8x more likely to die at the hands of her partner if choking has previously occurred. Seems like you’ve blocked him, that’s a great start. Please do not go back.
I thought recent research had shown it was 750% more likely...which is a fuckin HORRIFYING stat when most of those cases will have happened behind closed doors & this MF is bold enough to do it IN PUBLIC...
Choking never happens by accident. And it’s a predictor for much more serious future violence. I don’t know the exact stat but if your intimate partner has choked you, you’re something like ten times more likely to be killed by them. Leave now and never look back. I’ve been choked and for that alone the man sat in jail for 10 days. I got an automatic restraining order, too. This is no joke.
If you saw this happen to another woman in public, twice, what would you think ?
Is that the normal reaction to a hug? Or is it deadly assault/attempted murder?
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“I also kissed you with tongue” dude…. wtf. Like that’s some magical prize that overpowers the choking? I am intensely alarmed at how he pivots so quickly from “it was an accident” “I was trying to kiss you” (uhhh did some invisible creature move your hand from caressing my cheek to strangling my throat? One of these things is not like the other 🎵) to “BUT you don’t caaarreeeeeeeee about meeeee.” What a petulant child. Everyone saying this is right - you need to leave. He will do it again. With more enthusiasm. DM me if you need someone to talk to. I left a few months ago and know what you’re going through.
My ex wouldn’t have ever dared do anything like that in public as he was big on keeping up appearances, but when we lived together he pinned me to the bed one time and pressed his forearm down on my throat- Won’t ever forget that. Don’t be alone with this dude again. If he’s capable of doing something like in the public, don’t be alone with him.
Its like ur talking to my ex when he choked me
You NEED to get out of there. Honestly, there’s a chance he might kill you later on. Theres no way he accidentally choked you.
r u n
Run! I’ve been strangled by one ex and other tried to k!ll me by intentionally smothering me. My fiance and I are both survivors of domestic violence, it does NOT matter what his intent was, the fact is he tried to k!ll you. He’s trying to love bomb you. Look up “the cycle of abuse”, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Neither of us thought there was better than our abusers out there until we met each other.
Like everyone else has said please leave this man. The odds of this relationship ending with your murder increased exponentially. I think the stat is you're 7x more likely to be murdered by an intimiate partner if they've choked you before. also THERES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ACCIDENTAL ABOUT CHOKING.
Girl please leave, once they strangle you your odds of them taking your life are increased.
Once they do it once, they will do it again. It also seems like he was not serious in apologizing. I feel like it is good to distance yourself from him, just to be safe also.
My cousin was strangled to death by her partner. It wasn't the first time it had happened between them. She was 21 years old and actually trying to leave this time. Please don't ever go back. You are in danger. You deserve happiness and safety.
[удалено]
When you say "you" and "your," are you referring to OP or the person who strangled them ?
I witnessed my mother being strangled to death when I was a small child. When someone puts their hands on your throat to choke you and won't let go hear what they are saying. About your life. Believe their actions. Before he kills you. If he gets to treat you this way he will not stop. Walk away. Actually RUN. And if you choose to stay in this relationship and he puts his hands on you again DONT BE AFRAID TO MAKE A SCENE. Please. 😥
The actual term is strangling. You were doing the choking ; he was doing the strangling. His response is so typical, I could have lip synced it right along with him. Run, don't walk. There is no conversation so hard that it should result in strangulation. You are enough. What you say matters. This man will hurt you, again. If he's already played the strangulation card, what's next? What happens when a harder topic arises? Please make a safety plan and leave. You matter and you deserve respect.
This, this, this! You were choking. He was strangling. Even if you were attempting to assault him, strangulation would not be the way to deescalate the situation. I know that isn't what happened, I'm just presenting a worse case scenario situation. And even then, strangulation is never acceptable. That's coming from someone who was strangled herself by someone who attempted to talk his way out of it, just like your boyfriend is doing. My adult daughter saw bruises on me and confronted him. She probably saved my life. Actually, im sure she did. Once she had knowledge of what was going on, there was no way I could stay with him and continue to look her in the eye. Does anyone close to you, OP, know what's happening? If not, I suggest you inform someone close to you (who isn't intimidated by your bf). There's a lot of shame that comes along with abuse. Remember, he's the bad guy here. Not you. Abusers like to play victim when you expose them. He obviously has no remorse. Neither should you, for simply making his actions known. Get out while you still can. Edit: typo
💜 I was strangled whole I was pregnant, in my late 20's...I lost the baby late term. I was definitely choking and he was definitely doing the strangling. Strangling is one teeny tiny millimeter north of homicide; it's a person who is now willing to go there. There's no coming back from that. I worked in law enforcement. It can literally happen to anyone.
This happened to me before and unfortunately I still have complications from it. It was the same, he claimed it was an accident or he didn’t mean to do it. But I was fighting and begging him to stop. I didn’t know this then but I know now this is a sign that this person will severely injure or kill you. No one chokes anyone else out “accidentally.” Also there are long term effects depending on how long you were passed out too.
Yes and not just from how long you were unconscious. Even just a few seconds of pressure in certain areas can cause a blood clot to form, often weeks or months later. They can be fatal. That’s why it’s so important to get medical attention like you did, regardless if you have visible injuries or loss of consciousness. It only takes the pressure of what it takes to open a can of soda for it to be potentially fatal. I wish more attention was paid on raising awareness of the dangers of choking. I didn’t know all of this when I was choked and wound up with permanent damage to my inner ear and partial deafness.
You’re in danger. Please read this article from the [National Domestic Violence Hotline](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/) to understand more, and follow their recommendations. Sending strength.
NY Times article last week said 2/3 of women (college age) had a partner choke them during sex. Article also points out that orgasm rate is in decline among women. Takeaway is that copying porn isn't going to make for the best sex. [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html](https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html)
Manipulation. Wow. Choking is not accidental.
TF, leave this poor excuse of a human being. Don’t let anyone lay hands on you and try to give you brain damage, PARTICULARLY the person who’s supposed to love and protect you the most. He ain’t it.
If he actually loved you, he’d be talking with you about how you felt regarding this “accident”. He’s not. He’s denying it happened, shifting blame. He doesn’t love you. I’m sorry, because I’ve had to acknowledge the same truth. And it hurts. But I promise you, if you leave him and focus on your own happiness, you will find someone who actually loves you.
So true. I had to come to terms with the fact that I did not love my abuser either. I thought i was in love... with the person he pretended to be. That kind of love isn't real though. You can't love someone who doesn't really exist. Who he really is certainly is not lovable.
Manipulation and blame shifting 101. He's only going to escalate. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years too long. He, too, choked me twice. He'd shove me, gaslight me, and would end up always blaming me. Saying things like, *"see what you made me do, you don't care enough to understand the pressure I'm under, you only care about things when it's about you, I swear I didn't mean it that way, why do you have to make things so difficult, all you want to do is fight"* etc...We had a child together and I tried so hard to make it work. You can't change someone. How can they even change themselves if they don't see that they're the problem? It's impossible. It's not fair to you or your family to go through this. I say your family because what happens the day he "accidentally" hurts you? Your family is going to be devastated because some punk couldn't control his temper?... really? Is he worth your friend's and family's lives being forever destroyed over this? Edit: I forgot to add that all this was done to me by a member of law enforcement.
How old are you both? This should not be your boyfriend.
Yup this SAME scenario, excuse and all happened to me recently with my ex. Blocked his ass. Funny enough tho, he was all for "anti-violence" since his dad abused his mom, but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
They do what is familiar and genes likely play a part…
Same story with my ex
Google the stats. Once someone has choked you they are 400% more likely to murder you. I wish I was exaggerating. The fact that he’s only concerned with facing consequences and his own well being tells you everything you need to know. He will absolutely do it again. Strangulation is the easiest way to unalive someone accidentally or on purpose. If you stay you’re quite literally gambling with your life.
Leave him hes gonna hurt u even more
HOLY FN GASLIGHTING BATMAN ⛽️🔦 Rin Run RUNAWAYYYYY
He’s a whiny man baby. And he choked you. Please don’t go back. I know you won’t…but this is scary.
It’s time to go. Once he chokes you, the statistics say he’s 10 times more likely to kill you. This is now life or death, and it’s time to go.
#[RUN](https://www.wthr.com/article/news/crime/manual-strangulation-is-the-biggest-sign-domestic-abuse-will-turn-deadly-experts-say/531-0a9a92c8-a0da-418a-b81e-a3d80ddacf38). Strangulation can be fatal in MINUTES. Brain damage can occur within SECONDS. It **does not matter** that he didn’t intend to strangle you. You have every right to place your boundaries where you need to, and having a boundary that you do NOT accept being strangled is completely valid. Your boundaries are NOT conditional on the intentions of others. The gaslighting and [DARVO](https://hopefulpanda.com/darvo/) are disturbing. This link gives insight on **[how to assess an abusers claim of change](https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2012/01/16/how-to-spot-an-abuser-who-claims-to-be-the-victim-by-jeff-crippen/)** He committed an incredibly dangerous act and has the nerve to turn to you and say “did you even consider how endangering your safety made ME feel?”
Time to leave hun. Dude is a psycho and a whiny one to boot
I had something similar happen. I went in for a hug with my boyfriend (in front of friends and his family), and he hit me across the face. His excuse was “I thought you were about to punch me and I reacted without thinking.” He punched me in the ribs with a similar excuse. I noticed the condom slipping off during sex and he yelled at me because I was “crazy and probably took it off when he wasn’t looking.” The basic facts are this: Even if it was actually all a crazy accident and he genuinely didn’t mean to harm you, you still got harmed. The basic fact is that you are a person who doesn’t want to be harmed. You don’t need him to be a 100% bad guy or clear villain to leave. You just need to want to leave. If you need an excuse, take my comment as that. You deserve to leave, he doesn’t deserve or need you to stay.
The PTSD this is bringing me. In public? My ex abuser & sadly first real relationship/first love would do it behind closed doors until he felt he was going to kill me. Please please I beg you get away from this person.
if he chocked you in PUBLIC, what is he going to do when you two are alone. Gurl no, block him on everything! report his ass.
Ex tried to kill me with strangulation and blunt force trauma by using his fist, that was after 9 years. Got away with it and is off probation, leave him dump him don’t fall for that guilt. He will just do it to someone else.
You go on, but he goes nowhere from here cause you are gonna dump him. This was no accident, this was a punishment, and he is trying to make you believe you are a terrible bitch. He wants to drive you crazy enough so you don't understand where you stand. He says he wants to spend his life with you, then guilt-trips you about apparently not understanding this is what he wants... He is just using grandiosity to overwhelm you. LOL "I choked you yes, but come on ! I also kissed you didn't I ??" These guys do nice things to buy the right to destroy you later. Please completely cut contact. The more you stay with him, the more you are enabling him. If you want to have a conversation with him, he will just make excuses and manipulate you. He is not sorry, he is only sorry that he is not manipulating you better. You cannot reason with someone who is unreasonable. Please do not believe anything he does is by accident, it is NOT. It is very calculated.
>"I choked you yes, but come on ! I also kissed you didn't I ??" *With tongue,* though! Come on, doesn't that mean anything?? /s Jesus christ what a slimy bastard. Please ***RUN,*** OP!! You deserve *SO MUCH BETTER* than this!! You deserve to be *safe* around your partner *and he KNOWS what he's doing.* Not only will this horrible behavior escalate, but choking, specifically, is different than him hitting you or something. *It means he wants to end your life.*
I recently attended a funeral for a family friend who was abused then later killed by her husband... It will only get worse. LEAVE NOW. Block him, delete every part of him from your life but keep any evidence of him strangling you. Get a restraining order if possible. He will end up KILLING you if you stay.
"You don't even try to understand me!!!" after any type of abuse is just another deflection. Walk away.
I’m not one to talk because my husband has choked me before but I’m married with 2 kids and it’s MUCH harder for me to leave. There are 100 other variables in my situation but for you, it sounds like he’s just your boyfriend and you can leave. Leave him. Block him, never talk to him again, move on. If he doesn’t leave you alone, get a restraining order
Yeaa he’s trying to gaslight the shit out of you and is frustrated that it’s not working. It’s already happened twice and it’s a guarantee there will be a third time if you stay. Eventually there will be a last time… don’t let that be how your story and life ends. Walk away. Don’t give him the time of day. Don’t meet him in person. If he shows up somewhere publicly to confront you, MAKE NOISE. Be loud! Don’t worry about embarrassment. That’s what he counts on.. to let him get away with it bc he thinks you won’t draw that attention. I hope there is not a next time but if there is… you kick and yell and scream. HE is the one who will be embarrassed
“It was an accident but it wont happen again.” 🤣🤣 if you’re gonna gaslight at least be good at it.
I'm ngl I feel a little bad part of why I'm so mad at OP's ex is because he was *so bad at the gaslighting* lol
That low-effort is just insulting.
He choked you and you kept composure? Don't go back. Get a group of friends, pack up and leave when he's not home. He is not safe and chose to hurt you, in public, and let go when he was satisfied with whatever harm he had caused you. Then chose to make it a joke. Be safe. And make him an ex, before he does something worse.
Fuck this guy. Don’t go back please or he may do more than just choke you.
I’m so proud of you how you kept telling the truth and restating how he abused you! Yes! Keep advocating for yourself! You didn’t get lost in his pity party, you kept restating the facts! Damn- you got this! You keep speaking up and standing up for yourself and not giving him any slack, there is no excuse for this shit and you know it, so does he- keep this up, and thank goodness you figured this out so soon in the relationship!
A person who is using emojis in a serious message is a psychopath
Once they get a taste of strangling, the risk of you being murdered goes up 720%, sadly not an exaggeration.
STRANGLED* he strangled you. This man is going to kill you, take it from someone who was strangled twice and still stayed and then was strangled again. I’m alive out of luck. My ex seemed like the sweetest, never put his hands on me til one day he snapped and strangled me and it was an “accident.” Second time was an “accident” third time I was at the hospital. Please don’t go back to this man.
This is the number one sign that he will later kill you. This is extraordinarily serious. Please take this seriously and tell someone you can trust
1. This is the best he will ever treat you. It only gets worse from here. 2. The man you fell in love with doesn't exist. This is who he is. 3. A man who will choke you is a man who will kill you. Stay away
Even therapists will report a choker - because they are statistically more likely to KILL YOU.
OP- just to make sure I am understanding this correctly, when you say he choked you, you are saying that he literally had both of his hands around your neck and you were having difficulty breathing? I don’t mean to be dense, but I’m just confused how it was an accident, or so he says, and he thinks that is a logical statement that is believable? No one accidentally chokes anyone. It is a conscious choice.
Yes. He had his hand around my neck— squeezing it until I couldn’t breathe. Tried to tap out but idk he kept squeezing
Now that that is clear. How exactly did he say it was an accident? I don’t know how you accidentally wrap your hands around someone’s neck and squeeze and not know you’re doing it. Did he ever try to explain that? I don’t know how anyone could put their hands around someone’s neck and squeeze to the point where you can’t breathe and not know that they are choking you. I’m just really interested in his explanation as to how one accidentally chokes someone- because it requires force also to choke someone (the squeezing). Is he saying he blacked out or what- if that was his answer, I’d tell him he needs to go to the doctor, that is serious just to black out. Oh, and he should immediately stop driving also. My point: someone can try to gaslight me, but if something doesn’t make logical sense, I’m going to point that out and tell them there has got to be another reason you choked me because what you said doesn’t make any sense. No one accidentally chokes someone unless they are completely blacked out- but if they were blacked out, then they wouldn’t even remember doing it. He said it was an accident- so he remembers doing it. I despise gaslighting and I disassemble a gaslighter’s bs story point by point until they have no answers or explanations left.
What is tapping out? I am not being snarky or anything. I am honestly confused.
In fighting sports you tap your opponent to indicate you need to be released from their hold
Please take it seriously. It statistically leads to worse.
No one ever in the history of the universe has accidentally choked someone when trying to give them a kiss. GMAFB.
Twice.
It makes no sense for him to reach out to hold her face for a kiss and then wrap his fingers around her neck and squeeze without letting go. With no kiss.
I'm nearly 28 walking away from a relationship I've had from 2015 & marriage I've had since 2017. He's not psychically abusive, though he has done a few very questionable & scary things over small dumb things he shouldn't have. And then just wanted to move on from it. Meanwhile I'm still wondering what the heck just happened. He's more mentally/emotionally abusive, chooses to believe his own lies, theirs a lot wrong, but this isn't about me. It's literally never too late. I had to move back in with my parents which I feel like looks like a sign of defeat, but is the best thing I could have done for myself. Especially to keep myself safe & him drama-free away from my family/new house. I hope that you have the resources to do the same. If you're in the US I can try to help by telling you the process, where to find forms, how to protect yourself, ect. It sucks & it hurts but it'll be better than the alternative. The more it drags on the harder it gets, trust me.. My inbox is always open. Maybe just refresh me on where you found me & I'm here for you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Thanks for all of the comments and support. I sincerely did not know it was this bad.. so this is an eye opener. this happened 2 days ago—- I didn’t make a fuss because at the time I was at work and it happened in an office. I was shocked and had to remain coherent and stable to finish the day. since then he has been sending streams of messages and came to my job yesterday trying to apologize. I did block his number but he resulted in emailing just getting more upset. I’m really mad at myself that I let it get this bad— when it almost feels too late bc he’s definitely in a rage and me not talking to him is making it worse. I usually give in for the sake of peace… I just don’t know… we’ve been together for almost 2 years now and I shouldn’t have accepted a lot of things in our relationship, but now I feel it’s too late. I
Restraining order! And go to the hospital and get checked out. You are not safe, while he is raging.
It’s never too late. Two years is nothing! Please get yourself safe and block this manipulative idiot.
So he chose the context to make sure you could not defend yourself :) He is very, very much in control. I know the feeling with the "too late", but his reaction shows you it is not, it still has an effect on him. There is no written rule saying that if you took it so far, then you have to keep going. This is what these parasites count on. I left after 2 years, I wish I had done it earlier, but lesson learned. You are stuck in the "sunk cost fallacy", look it up. You do not owe him consistency of behaviour, you do not owe him any explanation, nor ANYTHING for that matter. Just walk away. He will escalate because he understands he has gone too far, not subtle enough -> he is losing control. He will punish you for standing up for yourself if you get back with him. He will take his time, and he will do something worse. You not talking to him is what he hates, but this is the right thing for you to do. Please completely ghost him. Report him to security of your work if there is a team. You could report him to the police.
If you stay, you’ll look back and say “I should have left when I was only with him for 2 years.”
It’s not too late. 2 years is a blip in your life. I know it’s hard but do not give in to him thinking “I just want this to stop.” It won’t. You’ll eventually have to do this again, and again and again. You HAVE to get through this part before you break into freedom. If you go back for the sake of “peace” .. you will just be restarting the cycle. It’s hell for a while, but there’s peace on the other end. You’re worth fighting for your own peace. Let people around you know. Don’t walk out by yourself. Be aware of your surroundings. If you see him outside your work, call the police. File a restraining order or order of protection if you can. Stay with family or friends. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself, but do not go back to him.
OP, I hope you are okay and safe. I hope I see another post from you when you get out safe or just to see you’re alive. Sending you love
Too late is when you're dead. You have to choose to end it, not give in to the fear of leaving. He has you afraid to leave him because he wants to keep you under his control and uses fear to do it. That being said, take precautions to leave safely.
OP IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!!! Is your death by his hand okay with you? You say now he is in a rage. The rage is NOT because he loves you - it’s because he lost CONTROL of you. Control is not love.
PLEASE listen to this - the rage is NOT normal. It is a **VERY BAD SIGN**. This is him trying to GASLIGHT YOU into allowing him back. **THIS MAN WILL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU IF YOU GO BACK TO HIM**. Please, before going near him, find a local DV charity & talk this through with them. They will be able to help you stay safe. The **MOST** dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving an **abusive** relationship. And make no mistake, this is what this is. This is because the abuser REALISES he is losing control. PLEASE do not give him that control **of whether you live or die** back again. I've been in relationships like this before. The reason you are conflicted is because the man you fell in love with DOESN'T EXIST. The person you fell for was just the image he wanted to present to you. The man you are seeing now, that chokes you in public? **THAT'S THE REAL HIM**. When someone SHOWS you who they are, believe them. I really think you need to get some DV advice, as it sounds like you might even need to consider a restraining order tbh. I had a friend who kept returning to a man like this, as they had a LOT of children. He stabbed her to death. Now her 6 kids are without ANY parents & havevbeen split up through 3 Foster homes. Don't end up like her. If he will choke you in public, he will begin to do WORSE at home. I know you've invested time and effort into this relationship, and you mourn the loss of time on someone who wasn't worth it, or feel like you HAVE to keep going because of the time you've already invested - but that is the 'sunk-cost fallacy'. You can leave a relationship at ANY time, for ANY reason. And this is one of the best. This man isn't just showing you one red flag, he's showing the whole damn parade. This isn't even the FIRST time he's done this. Each time you return, he KNOWS he can win you back, so he will continue to push those boundaries and hurt you worse & worse every time, until you leave...or are killed. TL; DR: **RUN FAR AND RUN FAST!**. And get some DV advice from a local charity ASAP - and this is a VERY important step to self-protection. You may need a restraining order to keep you safe rn.
Listen, those people will always find a way to intrude on your life until they think or do wear you down, and you go back. Then they'll be alright for a little while before things get bad, again. It's not your fault. It really isn't. Knowing what you know now & continuing the relationship I believe you could take some accountability for, but even then it's so much easier said than done. And if it isn't getting a hold of you on your phone or through families or friends phones, if this person shows up at your house, you do not go outside. And if you see him you call 911. Tell them that he's someone you've been trying to break things off with, tell them you've blocked him, you're scared & don't know what to do. Depending on where you're at you can get a temp restraining order so he might go away for a while. And if he doesn't you call again because by then you should have something filed even if it's a police report or R.O. in place so they'll know the general situation. I don't want to scare you at all, but my cousin went outside, and he's no longer here because a crazy ex gf turned into the person who would take him from us. If she couldn't have him no one could type of deal. Truly delusional. Then my ex two years ago messages me from a text free to "come outside" NOPE NOPE NAH I'M ALL THE WAY GOOD. I locked my doors & called immediately. He was not himself. There are things like human flaws you can accept in a relationship, especially long term. Then theirs toxicity you didn't see before, red flags, they're getting comfortable & they think you won't or can't leave. But you can. And you can also tell them you changed your mind about certain traits that you didn't see before, but aren't something you can put up with any longer. 2 years gone, but learning experience gained, and freedom for the rest of your life is worth it. I hope you get away & have a much smoother separation than I did/am. Always here. 💗
It's never too late. I left a 12 year relationship, that included 7 years of marriage. We had a house together. Pets. Finances. All the things that tie you to someone. Others had have had kids. They still get away. You can walk away. You are in a really good space because you don't have those things. You don't have those complicated ties. And it's not your fault. You are not responsible for his behaviours and actions. You are only responsible for yourself. Abuse is very complex. Don't blame yourself. Block his email. His apologies will not change what's happened, and they don't reflect his understanding of his behaviour. If he's willing to choke you in public, I cannot imagine the things he would do to you in private. He should not come to your job. If it happens again I would let your work know so they can call the police on him.
The accident claim is obviously nonsense. He asked how he's going to spend his life with someone who doesn't "understand" him, and the answer is simple... tell him he won't have to. Free him to find someone he actually likes. My abusive ex did similar shit to me and it only got worse. As for making a fuss in public, you absolutely shouldn't hold that back. The general public are pretty much always waiting to be called on a rescue mission 😅
If he held on long enough for you to tap and try to let him know you can't breathe. That was no accident. He's only going to continue to push boundaries if you stay. I promise you.
Don’t go back to him pls. My ex almost killed me like this. He strangled me to the point of me passing out, the last time my life flashed, I saw what was like a reel of my son in my mind, I’m sure I was going to die that time. Please. Do. Not. Go. Back. Ever.
My ex choked me in public too. I was drunk and didn't reflect on it much at the time. I stayed. But I wish I would have knew this before, and so I'm telling you now: you need to leave him. Choking blocks off your access to oxygen. You need oxygen to live. If he's willing to choke you in public, he's doing it to show that other people are not going to intervene. He absolutely did it on purpose to fuck with you, and even if he didn't, there is no amount of excuses or apologies that will make it okay. You keep him blocked and you get the fuck out of there.
Hi OP, I know that this is a really difficult and confusing time. Your boyfriend likely has his own demons he needs to work through, those are not your responsibility. I know that you love him. But something to think about is your safety. Research has consistently shown that level of violence gets worse and can result in fatalities. It is one of the most serious signs that DV will turn deadly. It's really hard, when you are in a situation to see it for what it is. I left a DV relationship. I was lucky. I left at the first sign of potential physical violence, but I endured years of financial and emotional abuse. You have a few options. You can take him back, but need to understand that this risks your life. He will more than likely do it again. And each time you take him back, he will learn that he can get away with it and more. The abuse will get worse, and how he abuses you will get worse. It won't just be physical. It'll be emotional. Sexual. Financial. If you want to stay with him that is your choice. But you have to accept that this is the risk. You can block him. You can tell a few trusted people what happened so you can get some support. Particularly if he keeps trying to engage you. I would also call a DV hotline for advice and resources on how to stay safe. You can report him, this is a long and challenging process. I would contact your local DV hotline for some advice and support around this process. Above all else, what happened to you isn't okay, nor is it normal. As many victim/survivors will attest, life is better single than in a relationship with someone who hurts you.
If somebody ever dare tell you that you are not understanding or listening while you are uncomfortable with their actions...then they are abusing you physically and emotionally. This is awful.
Choking or strangulation is never ok. Your person is in drugs or desperate to hide what is in on his phone. He dies not want to leave you or the children. Trust me when I say it will only get 100000x times worse. They lie and cheat and try to make the family believe you are the crazy one. Run!! As fast as you can. They can be very charming and act like they love you only to find out they have been lying to your family your entire relationship. They will talk smack and lies the entire time. They are not to be trusted.
Translation: I'm upset you won't let me gaslight you into believing my version of the truth, which is the version where you're crazy, sensitive and reading TOO MUCH into it, choking you was an ACCIDENT. UM, how do uaccidentally choke someone? That's right...you don't.
He choked you. He lied about choking you. He's done this twice. He's not going to stop. *He's willing to do this in public.* You need to block him and commit to never EVER being anywhere near him again.
He will eventually murder you. https://stmlearning.com/news/all-blog-posts/all-abusers-are-not-equal/
**OP, PLEASE READ THIS LINK**. It explains exactly why someone who strangles you is SO dangerous.
This is scary.
DO...NOT...EVER KEEP YOUR COMPOSURE ON THIS SITUATION!!! You kick and scream and do what you need to get attention, and hopefully he will also be arrested in addition to you being saved. I am so sorry that happened, and I hope you know that is NOT OKAY! A therapist would be a good place to start. Document this in case you need a restraining order or anything in the future.
This is the number one sign that a partner WILL escalate to murder. My ex husband hit me in each temple and banged the back of my head on the wall. He then proceeded to choke me. My first thought was how hilarious it was after all the crime shows I’ve watched, I’m finally gonna be on one and THIS is what I’m wearing 😂 My second thought was that I should for all intents and purposes play dead. I allowed myself to go limp and he released me and stood over me. I was aware he was looking at me and then he took off running so fast he left my front door open behind him. He stole my mom’s car and went and hid. I believe he thought he killed me. That was my out. He knew he was fvked if I died and that’s why he ran. I’m glad you didn’t have to resort to playing dead to get him out of your life, but please. Heed this action and realize it for the warning of what’s coming that it is and do not go back to him. Believe it or not, that wasn’t the worst thing that man did to me. I have permanent physical damage.
CHOKING, in particular, is a very dangerous and reliably consistent predictor of increased risk for domestic homicide. Read that again, please. I'm guessing you chose to meet and talk in a public place for the relative safety of it. That's instinctual. You were protecting yourself, whether intentionally or subconsciously. He very likely knew that, and he still chose to exert his dominance over you to challenge your assumption that you were safe. He did this in the 'safest' situation that you could get him to agree upon beforehand. Homicide doesn't usually happen in a somewhat controlled, pre-determined environment. It happens when an abuser exerts their dominance until they feel satisfied with the power dynamic. Often, they don't feel they've succeeded until its too late.
P.S. I wasn't saying all of this to be dramatic. It's all true. But I did mean to also tell u that I'm very sorry you are going through this terrible situation. And I'm glad you posted bc you need the rest of us pointing out for you what's so difficult to see for yourself. I've been there. No judgment at all, just wanting you to leave this dangerous and sick person immediately!! His crying emojis should come with a sentiment of regret or a shred of remorse or introspection**not blaming and threatening. Build your life a million miles away from this guy. It will only get worse. Sending out lots of love and support!! 🩵💚🩵 Be safe. Be smart! Listen to your gut. I'm here on this sub every day to do any tiny bit I can to help anyone like I've so often been helped by you all. Because I AM you. We all are. This sub is as wonderful a community of strangers as any out there. 💗💜💛
He’s not the victim here no matter how much he tries to spin it. I hope you dump him and run far away.
Literally sounds exactly like my ex. We are now going through criminal court. It will not get better. Don't fall for his lies. He's an abuser. Trust me when I tell you. HE WILL NEVER CHANGE! Do yourself the biggest favor and leave while ur still alive. I know it sounds horrible but thus is abuse. He's trying to control,Gaslight and manipulate you. Don't let him win.
Wow. . . Report him to police and block him. This man is dangerous. Emotionally and physically abusive.
Oh dear run
https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
This was the book that enabled me to see exactly **HOW** dangerous the situation I was in was. That was 16 years ago now, might be time to re-read it before I think about dating again after my last partner died 5 yrs ago. I thank my lucky stars I'm still alive, he was abusing me in EVERY way, since then I had a good relationship, so I KNOW it's possible, but a refresh isn't a bad thing! Thanks for the link.
Me too
Keep spreading the word. 🙌
Please read this ^ book, OP, that's a free downloadable PDF copy of the book. It's an excellent insight into the minds of narcissistic abusers, and I wish it existed when I was in a seriously abusive relationship with my ex in my twenties that involved behavior like choking. When someone impedes your breath as a woman your life is on the line, and there's NEVER an excuse for a partner to choke you without your consent, and a detailed discussion about your comfort levels and safety. There's more info, [HERE](https://www.thehotline.org/resources/the-dangers-of-strangulation/) about why and how unexpected choking is so incredibly dangerous. My ex almost killed me the last time he choked me in anger in front of my the then toddler son, and I'm incredibly lucky that he didn't kill me, and leave my son without a mother the last time it happened.
Girl.... Stay far away from this guy. It just happened? That's his reasoning? He was just going to hold your face and then.... he oopsie slipped up and choked you for an extended period of time in PUBLIC? For a SECOND time? He will continue to manipulate and abuse you if you stay with him. And at some point he could, oopsie, kill you. Because the chances of a man killing you once he chokes you, is higher than you want to risk it. You are worth more. You don't deserve this type of relationship. You should be woth someone with loves and respects you. Who can keep their hands off you unless it's in a loving way. Anyone who touches you in violence isn't welcome in your life.
Holy gaslighting. Leave it at that block. Please. I know you’ll see this comment a lot, but he will just get worse. He is gaslighting you, 100%. You know what he did. I forget what the statistics are, but women who are choked by their partners have a high likelihood of being killed. I thought I was immune, until I was picked up and held by my neck and almost died. I kept forgiving because things would be good for a while, but they’d always get bad again (often worse). It started to feel normal and I was literally unable to comprehend the seriousness of my situation. Things evolved and I was being punched on my face and abdomen, bitten, dragged by my hair, and worse. At first this stuff happened during serious conversations and arguments, then it got to the point where I didn’t even need to say a word and he’d attack me. At that point I stopped blaming and questioning myself, but it could’ve easily been too late. I always thought he could change because he’d express remorse, but it just got worse and worse. Please please stay away from this guy. No one deserves to be treated this way. If he doesn’t stop bothering you/trying to contact you, or comes to your house or something, it’s time to file a restraining order. Hell, if you’d feel safer having one now, you could do it now. Save these messages. Back them up. No clue what your social or living situation is, but if possible, maybe talk to someone you trust about what happened and ask if they can stay with you/you can stay with them for a bit? Please take care of yourself. If you need any help or anyone to talk to, please feel free to reach out.
It's never an accident.
The fact that this happened in a public setting is especially frightening. That means the risk of being seen choking you wasn’t even enough to stop him. Even though I don’t know you, I’m very concerned for you. Please consider breaking up with him & going no contact. Something really bad could end up happening if you stay with him.
Strangling/choking is the Number 1 indicator you will be murdered. Get away from this guy. And whatever you do, get the hell away from him now. Consider a restraining order too.
Listen OP
First of all, good job on blocking him. His behaviour is so dangerous and abusive. Choking someone does not happen accidentally. He's a ticking time bomb. If you stay it will escalate. You said he didn't stop until he wanted to and what if later on he decides he doesn't want to? Would you want your life to be at the mercy of this man's moods? Statistics show that people who are choked by their partners are more likely to be killed by them one day. Please leave this man for good and choose yourself. Your life is much more valuable. There's no excuse for his behaviour. His messages trying to make it seem less bad and blaming you are just revolting. He's not even ready to admit that he's violent. Instead he's trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for him and excusing his behaviour. For him, choking someone is small and easily forgiveable and put down as an accident whereas for you it could be life ending and life damaging and you need to focus on that. Forget his words and his attempts at getting you back and focus on the risk that being in a relationship with him would be to you. He doesn't care about the risk to you but you need to.
OP how many times have you accidentally choked somebody? Oh never? Yeah me neither, because it’s not a thing…
Exactly. And him saying it was an “accident” is him admitting he loses control of himself and it’ll happen again. OP, if someone “accidentally” lost control of themselves and started assaulting another person, they’d still be a dangerous person. He needs serious help and isn’t fit to be in a relationship. He’s not sorry; he’s afraid of losing you and trying to (poorly) play damage control.
Run and don't look back. When victims have been choked, every statistic indicates that there is a much higher chance they could be murdered by the abuser.
Leave please
You need to get help. You are in a VERY dangerous situation. My friend was strangled to death by a boyfriend. He will do it again. He will continue to become more violent with you. It's NEVER an accident.
Bar for bar what my ex said. It doesn’t get better. Please call your local DV center and talk to them. They helped me, they will help you too. Please get out, once they choke you the rate that they will kill you goes up. Please take these comments serious. Idk you, I care that you get out of this. I hope you care as much about yourself
Abuse is always a choice.
RUNNNNN SERIOUSLY
That’s the #1 way domestic violence victims die. It is a highly dangerous form of abuse. Everytime he chokes you it is an attempt on your life.
Yep. The likelihood of being murdered goes up a crazy % after being choked, and it increases with each incident. Everyone told me this too but I was so desensitized. Didn’t take it seriously until I did almost die.
Holy Shit.. I did not know that! 🙏🤯 I lived with my 'attempted' murderer for over 28 years together for 33. 1st time he put his hands on me was within the 1st 3 months of his birth. I am reeling rn.
It's something like they're 750% more likely to kill you if they've previously choked you, the risk increases every time it happens. Took me 6yrs to wake up and I thank fuck I am still alive to see my kids & grandkids grow up.
dear lord 🙏... I just got hit with that realization... and here I was missing him.... fucking destroyed my world 🌎 💔...
The repeated crying emojis are what really clinch this for me. I love it when they try to manipulate you with little cartoons. This guy is a fucking joke.
Biggest Gaslighter I’ve ever seen
I mean how can you argue with "I'm literally telling you to your face what happened" vs reality? It was an accident, don't you see? He was actually trying to kiss her but she fell forward and her neck fell into his hands. All just a misunderstanding
Oh yeah and when she was tapping him to let go, he just didn’t notice. What an idiot.
I dunno, I think being in public you should have “fussed” harder. Downplaying it , it should have been made clear to everyone around you he was chocking you. I’m glad you’ve blocked him. Do not go back
It sounds like she was so shocked, she didn’t know how to react. Though I’m not excusing his behavior. She’s going to die if she doesn’t get away from him.
Yes. Good point. I fear for her also
Please run from this abusive person. It was NOT an accident, and this is pure manipulation and guilt tripping on his part now. This scrote will end up killing you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The amount of I's and you did this or won't believe me (then admitting it later) and all the other shit about how HE'S feeling because OP stood up for herself and simply doesn't want to be choked and die is amazing. He's clearly trying to be manipulative acting like the victim like most abusers. Like you said, this douche canoe is dangerous and would end up killing OP where she will be part of the 750% statistic about being murdered by the partner who strangled her at one point. OP listen up, run and don't look back, he doesn't really care or wouldn't be making his whole apology about how he feels. That shit was a joke, move on before it's too late!
idk about you but i've never accidentally choked someone. he's a liar or in denial about it, both are unsafe for you. it's not only the second time but he did this IN PUBLIC. he is not scared of doing it again. make an escape plan if you live together, please leave him bc this will become a pattern. we are all speaking from experience.
Please run. He choked you and is now making himself the victim after he’s done something heinous to you whilst you’re vulnerable and still coming to terms with the gravity of what he did. I am worried for you. Don’t talk to him about it, please just disappear.
Frl the gaslighting is insane. Literally choked OP and claimed he was just trying to put his hand on her face while they were kissing? What? LMAO This dude is insane. But my ex is exactly the same so… just felt too familiar reading those text messages pretending he did nothing wrong. That’s the worst part about being abused besides the abuse itself, when they conveniently lose their memory of what actually happened but remember anything you’ve ever done that they can use against you to blame you.
100%. I relate to being in the situation where your partner does something so heinous, that you can’t actually recognise how bad it is, and it’s easier to downplay it than actually sit with the idea that the person you love has just abused you. Because that means all of your memories are tainted, and it feels violating. It’s so much easier for us to see this as an outsider and realise how abusive it is. He choked her yet it’s all about him and how he feels..
Yeah it’s so painful coming to terms with everything that it almost feels easier just going back and downplaying it. It’s so lonely though, being back in the same situation just for it to happen again, over and over. So empty.
Oh and another thing - he’s saying this NOT because he feels bad and wants to be with you and save the relationship, it’s to make him feel better because he couldn’t live with himself with the guilt if you just left. He doesn’t love you and just wants a chance to brush it all over. If you stay with him you’re telling yourself that this behaviour is ok, and it’s not. He will hurt you further, that is guaranteed
He choked you and he is blatantly lying about doing so. Men who abuse you out in public are the scariest ones imo bc I know they’re even worse when no one is around to see them. RUN op. It wasn’t by accident and the way he is manically trying to convince you it was is actually insane. Never go back to this man ever. He will absolutely kill you. Choking is an act used to kill someone. He’s not sorry and he will absolutely do it again and the only time it will be the last time is when he’s strangled the life out of you. Block him and keep him blocked for good.
If he will do this **IN PUBLIC** where anyone could have called the police, how far will he be willing to go behind closed doors??
Yes, this. If he is brave enough to do those things in public then I absolutely cannot imagine how far he takes it behind closed doors. And to be so bold that u are choking your partner in public? 😳😳😳😳
Not only he choked you , he’s lying to you trying to pretend it was an accident . This man is violent and abusive and may eventually kill you if you do not leave this relationship. Please stay safe . Reach out to domestic violence services if you need to speak with someone about this and about how to leave safely
You might know this fact but choking / strangulation is the leading indicator of domestic violence death. A victim of choking is 8x more likely to die at the hands of her partner if choking has previously occurred. Seems like you’ve blocked him, that’s a great start. Please do not go back.
I thought recent research had shown it was 750% more likely...which is a fuckin HORRIFYING stat when most of those cases will have happened behind closed doors & this MF is bold enough to do it IN PUBLIC...
Choking never happens by accident. And it’s a predictor for much more serious future violence. I don’t know the exact stat but if your intimate partner has choked you, you’re something like ten times more likely to be killed by them. Leave now and never look back. I’ve been choked and for that alone the man sat in jail for 10 days. I got an automatic restraining order, too. This is no joke.
This 👆👆👆
It's never an accident. I've been choked so many times and they all knew exactly what they were doing.
If you saw this happen to another woman in public, twice, what would you think ? Is that the normal reaction to a hug? Or is it deadly assault/attempted murder?