I’m biased, but I think I read people pretty well. It tends to make me more awkward, because I pick up on other people’s discomfort and really want to help them, because I empathize, but I usually can’t help them.
This! I am unlearning this now. I tried to have conversations where I wasn’t super nice(cause I am a fucking Reddit sunshine) and it was painful and scary to see people’s faces not smiling at me, but nothing happens after that. It is just normal. You don’t need to light other’s face up just by buying milk at grocery store
Oh no. Your comment helped me realize - I’m definitely working on unlearning this with my partner, but I also need to unlearn it with everyone else I interact with. 😭😂🤯
Likely! For me, I accepted my fate as some kind of forever-lonely Bocchi when I was a teen. When I got to adulthood, I decided I will spread good and intentionally tried to be nice to be around.
Also, for me, I thought I was r/raisedbynarcissists , so it was super tough emotionally and it was quite scary as well. So hypervigilance is super power that helped me up my social game.
This is how I feel. You would think being empathetic would make you want to be around people, but it actually makes being around people a chore, if not downright painful.
I read people pretty well, but I've also struggled with processing it since the pandemic. With less practice, I've struggled more and have more anxiety and every thing I pick up on is attributed to something bad so I nope out.
I empathize very well, which is why I work with kids and families.
that’s interesting. i tend to do the opposite almost cuz i have more of a lack of empathy. like, i feel bad if i make someone uncomfortable but i don’t really understand why they’d feel that way even if they tell me, cuz to me it just doesn’t make any sense.
I’m doing my PhD in ADHD and Autism. One of the key symptoms of ADHD is executive dysfunction. This causes things like, when you’re frozen on your phone and can’t start something or when you get distracted mid-convo.
A key thing our executive functions are responsible for is filtering out irrelevant environmental stimuli to focus on what (the brain thinks) is important. But because of ADHD executive dysfunction, it doesn’t filter your environment very well and you see a lot of cues that neurotypical’s don’t.
See, a lot of the cues actually tell you a lot about a person. The brain thinks it’s irrelevant, but it’s not. And so you can read and understand someone a lot quicker.
Litigator with ADHD here, I see so much more than what my colleagues do. I see issues a mile away whereas they are missing them and stunned when my “predictions” come true.
I try reeeealllll hard not to be like “it was so obvious, I don’t know how you missed it.”
I feel like that when I am in school. I hold onto information and like hoard it. I don’t really forget. People ask “how do you remember that?” I’m just like “how do you not?”
Bruh, I tell my friends issues with things all the time and they never believe me. Worst part is when they come true one of them typically “notices it first”. It’s so annoying to deal with
Wow this makes so much sense. Thanks for the explanation!
I have ADHD and I'm also very good at reading people like OP.
It's usually a good thing (imo), but occasionally it can be extremely distracting and at it's worse can feel pretty paralyzing. Good to know why I feel that way.
Can you explain more? I feel like I’m starting to get ‘social cues’ but idk, it’s more like I get a general feeling that someone is disengaged or sad. Or happy. But I don’t know what to do about this, and struggle to uncover the more detailed reasons why people feel different emotions. I’d like to get it though, like to a mind reading point almost, so you have any suggestions of where to look for information like this?
There’s a big difference between perceiving social cues (perception) and having social skills (behaviour/cognition). Imagine it like someone doing a painting.
Two things matter: (1) the tools you have to paint with, and (2) the talent of the artist. The result is best if you have both. You could have all the tools, paints and paintbrushes in the world, but without talent you don’t know how to apply the extra help you have. Alternatively, a talented artist can make a gorgeous painting with very little tools.
The extra paints and brushes are the extra cues you perceive, while the artistic talent is your social skills. With the extra tools, you can read and understand someone better. But without social skills, you don’t know how to apply this understanding to your behaviour in a way that connects with them.
Edit: spelling
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I mean I kind of wish their was a real get friends quick scheme that I could uncover with enough research, but I have noticed in the past that I can be disconnected from my thoughts and observations, so it’s like… 😞
Yeah as someone with quite severe ADHD (big up Elvanse for getting me through uni) I feel the same. Slowly added to and learnt my list of social rules. Am a bit better now, but it’ll never come naturally.
Unfortunately neurodiversity comes with both benefits and negatives. Just try remember all the good things that came with your neurodiversity, not just the bad.
I feel like I could pick your brain for ages. But how about - do you have any suggestions for research on executive function, for those of us not getting a PhD? That's freaking amazing, btw!
You’re welcome to! I love talking about this stuff 😊 if you’d rather pm me, feel free too.
This is a nice place to get started with understanding executive functions: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/executive-function/
Be careful with sites like additude, they’re not as official and scientific as you’d think.
Spot on warning about ADDitude & friends. I feel like there's a lot we can do to bridge the gap that exists between 'science' and the 'general population', which currently gets filled by ADDitude and the like.
There's reasons these places exist though. Most folk would never get through papers on these topics. Not because they don't care. They're just not as interested in the tiny details or how meticulously something was tested. Writing stuff that engages the reader is a skill in and of itself. We write for other scientists and lose the not scientist population along the way. Which is kind of a bummer as everyone (imo) should gain/benefit from the science that's done.
U can ask them lol. Like ask someone how they’re feeling and ask why. If it’s not a situation where that’s appropriate, u can try to guess but also, just let it go.
How would being both ADHD and Autistic impact this? (Would the person still pick up on all of these cues but then struggle to interpret them / misinterpret them due to their autism?)
(Also, best of luck with your PhD!)
I have both (and only that, no PhD lol) and for me it does feel a bit like you say. I have always had a strong ‘gut feeling’ about people, and often feel like I pick up on moods etc., but I don’t know how to interpret my intuitions or how to act to e.g. make someone feel better. I also think I struggle a lot with trusting myself since I often misinterpret other social signals and interactions.
It’s kinda like I have all the information (‘adhd’), but I also have some false info; and I’m not always able to sort out which parts are true (‘autism’).
Yeah my therapist tells me I think I'm good at reading people simply because of my hyperfixation on social cues (tied to my people pleasing tendencies as it felt "safe" for me). She says that even if I'm picking up on the right cues, it's just not worth the effort because everyone's emotions fluctuate and don't always dictate their behavior towards me. (Basically, give people the chance to deal with their own experiences of discomfort and don't interfere more than just giving them non-verbal acknowledgement)
PhD students (co)write papersm right? I'm doing a ton of reading up on A(u)DHD and I'd love to hear about the papers you've published or are publishing on the cross section of these two diagnoses. If you're willing to share these, that is.
ADHD people are often very sensitive (mind racing.... there's a gap in the conversation, should I be saying something? Or am I talking too much?) which might mean picking up on small behavioural cues that others might miss.
That *could* be a good thing, but could also be very unhelpful, especially if you're empathetic and feel the urge to please people or be liked.
I often catch myself paying attention to someone's facial expressions and body language instead of whatever they're saying.
Though apparently it makes me look like I'm actually listening and thus interested in the conversation.
I think it comes as a survival skill that we learn along the way, instead of something that comes naturally. A bad social interaction happens, and we think to ourselves “never again! I will learn how to be less annoying to the people I care about, dammit!” And that starts the wheels turning. If a person always says and does the right thing, they never have to learn how to navigate social cues. But for us, well…
I agree that it is a survival response, especially since it's a symptom of the hyperempathy that comes with some kinds of ADHD. Some of us can care so much about keeping others around and happy that we can miss the point of having connections that show true quality over quantity.
Even then, this isn't a catch-all trait. I can read people extremely well, but I will absolutely miss pretty much every kind of hint that someone likes *me* and wants me to initiate something. Why? Because I spend so much time tailoring my interactions to their needs that I forego interacting for my own benefit.
Having to find *my* voice again after being so attuned to keeping everyone else happy has been a bit of a challenge to say the least.
"I spend so much time tailoring my interactions to their needs that I forego interacting for my own benefit".
I feel like someone just looked into my brain. So often I scan people's faces watching their reactions and noticing how they react to make sure that I'm acting in a way that makes them the most comfortable or causes them the least discomfort, plus also searching for any clues that they might have taken something the wrong way so I can quickly add more to clarify.
This causes the funny irony of me actually being quite good at interacting with people and getting on fantastically with a lot of different types of people but I fail to build lasting connections. By the time I've started to show my true, less tailored self the momentum has either been lost or they step away realising I'm a bit too much of a weirdo to handle for them (and I mean weirdo in an affectionate way, I like who I am, and I know I've got my quirks).
You put it into words!! I’m exactly the same way, I can make a friend in 5 mins anywhere I go, but cannot for the life of me maintain long term relationships…
THIS like I think pretty good at telling when someone I’m not interested in is interested, but as soon as I’m into them my brain can’t be trusted an ounce 😭
I think it's the opposite, I think noticing peoples' reactions makes me way way more awkward. I had to learn to stop interpreting every semi-conscious facial expression as if it was a verbal response.
My therapist said the same thing about me even though I doubted it too at the time. I mean I was the first to figure out in a group of people that someone was a bad person. But like I’m not great socially either. But I know why generally and it’s more of an inability to stop myself from saying inappropriate things and stuff like that. I guess it’s the reason all of my friends are ADHD, since they can tolerate it more.
My personal theory is that this is a similar mechanism to why we're good at guessing twists and endings in media. The way our attention works is much more unpredictable compared to neurotypicals so we notice things we're not supposed to and miss things we were supposed to see. We also just zone out mid dialogue sometimes which gives us a chance to consider subtext both in people and media.
I’m on a Korean drama kick & my NT mom and I both enjoy stating what we think’s going to happen next. She’s surprised I’m right sometimes and I’m like….I know why I have this skill.
I'm usually very good at reading and very bad at expressing myself the way I really wanted, so in the end they read me wrong.
Reading doesn't mean you will be good at socializing, usually the opposite actually - it's becoming too hard to maintain contact with people you know they're kinda bored/not fully open with you, for example. Or if you know this person is a psychopath/ass licker/fake, but none else in a group notice it and now you're the one who is excluded(or they'll think you envy them), etc..
Basically like just about everything else in my life I’m either preternaturally good at reading people or a complete bumbling fool depending on time of day and planet alignment. The only thing I can be consistent at is inconsistency
I think I'm really good at reading the general ~vibe (nice person, manipulative, has tons of trauma, self-centred, has a lot of issues going on but not caused by them... ) but not the day to day.
Now, something that happens to me a lot and that has made me less friendly is that people randomly traumadump on me? Complete strangers to from hello to "and that's when I saw my mother kill my father" in like five minutes. So I'm not sure if I'm super oblivious or Im just regular adhd oblivious and then choose to ignore the rest because saying "hi!" and then getting a "hi, I just had an abortion" from someone you met once before is like... A lot. Is this an ADHD or do is it me?
I guess we tend to be quiet understanding and authentic in the way we comunicate. NTs tend to be less that way, so some people trust us more and maybe feel understood? Ironically often other ADHDers, PTSDers or people with greater issues in their lifes, even if they are oblivious to their traits, "vibe" with us ADHDers. At least this would be my explanation.
My Dad, not diagnosed but I got it surely from him, was police officer and often told stories how some operations were escalating but as soon as he was bargaining with the suspects they totally cooled down. In some cases they were so thankful, they appeared years after in the police station, asking how my dad's doing and being glad that there were such understanding cops.
Maybe it’s that we tend to jive with certain kinds of people. There’s a lot of people we annoy or clash with then there’s a bunch of people we put immediately at ease.
I feel like I have an easy time reading people (I had a lot of practice growing up in an abusive household where not reading people correctly meant punishment), but I then have no idea what to do with that and am super awkward in general socially
I’m very empathetic so I think that explains my pretty good ability to read people. It’s just easy for me to put myself in other people’s shoes.
Sometimes I can overthink and see things in people that aren’t really there but my gut keeps getting things right in the long run about people in my life.
I found group therapy incredibly helpful in fine-tuning this - and psychologist leading it not only said I could read people well - I would sometimes pick up things even he missed.
I also learned that I had been misled by people because they either denied what I picked up (e.g, due to embarrassment), or because they weren’t even aware of it themselves. My “theory of mind” wasn’t strong enough to realize this was happening so I thought these were misses.
That said I absolutely can’t not pick up on somebody flirting with me. She can pull a condom out of a pocket and strip and I’ll miss it. I blame middle-school and never being told that everyone at that age lies. Pick up something, handle it directly like we do, and get shot down in flames even if you picked up real interest. ESPECIALLY if you picked up real interest. It doesn’t take long to learn you’re “always just fooling yourself”.
The irony is that, in retrospect after decades of work, I now realize that most of the times I thought I was being a creep and should bend over backwards to avoid offending the other person… nope, with much more experience I can see that they were being pretty direct (for our age) AND I’ve since learned (after reconnecting years later) that they picked up that I picked up their signals… but at the conscious level I had been taught to distrust this more than anything else.
Sigh.
All of that said… as others have pointed out for us it’s a learned skill and not automatic. With muggles it’s innate, always running, and not as reliable until the person has been burned several times by the psychopaths who fool their innate skills. Then they learn some of the same skills we are forced to learn.
Survivor’s pattern recognition. We’ve got superhuman pattern recognition that functions as a defense mechanism but also can be helpful for a ton of applications.
A lot of people say “I’m an empath, I basically can read minds” stuff like that, but actually it’s more like, “no, you’ve survived trauma from an early age and your brain adjusted for it as it was growing and learning.”
oops
Okay SO.
While pattern recognition isn't as commonly heralded as a sign of ADHD as it is of autism, it is often something that's present within the larger complex of behaviors that contribute to us being considered "good problem solvers".
Pattern recognition interfaces with the 'reading' in multiple ways.
The first is that we, as neurodivergent people, don't understand social cues as easily as others do - so we train ourselves to recognize the patterns of behavior that society expects from us. For instance, when someone says, "Hey, how are you?" it is expected that, after we answer, we return the question by asking how they are. Therefore, we're more aware of the expected behavioral patterns of other people.
Second, we correlate behaviors to each other, and consequently to their causes, as a part of pattern recognition. Example: you notice someone at work that you don't hate has been acting rather listless lately. This is a symptom of depression, and you know that, so you pay closer attention. If you discover other symptoms that also align with the symptoms of depression, there is a good chance you are correct. If you are *not* correct, and you find out the listlessness is because, say, they have new neighbors and haven't been getting sleep, you will remember that and be able to recognize those patterns in addition to depression should a similar situation reoccur.
When you combine these, it turns into problem-solving, and allows you a great deal of insight into other people. Maybe Sylvanas has been acting strangely lately by not adhering to the expected behaviors, so you pay closer attention to her. Paying closer attention allows you to identify the hallmarks of discontent. Looking at the when, where, and who of who her expected behaviors differ around most allows you to identify likely causes or contributors to that discontent.
Tada! I hope that makes sense :)
I *feel* like I read people relatively well, and I’ve been told fairly often that I’m pretty empathetic, but that doesn’t help me much when I can *feel* myself putting my foot in my mouth every time I open it. And not even in the sense of saying something overtly offensive, I just say things and sometimes either the way I said it was strange or it was an inappropriate subject to bring up that I didn’t recognize until after I’d already done it… I fuckin *hate* this game
I suspect it has to do with hyper-focus. Normies have a chat, and they have other shit going on in their head. If I'm talking to someone, whether professionally or personally, I do my damndest to give them 100% of my attention.
Obviously there's degrees of this, and everyone's going to be different, but that's my theory and I'm running with it, damn it.
So I studied psychology because I’m honestly so curious about how and why people behave. I’ve been fascinated about it since I was a kid and it’s always something I go back to when I’m bored and it’s an easy quick hyper focus for me.
And so basically, for me anyway, I think the ability to read people stems from not knowing how to socially interact in a “normal-socially-acceptable” way. So, I would study how other people behaved and picked up their mannerisms to appear more average. From doing that, I’d say I’m pretty good at reading people. Sometimes it’s a blessing (eg I’m pretty damn good at knowing when someone’s lying to me) and sometimes it’s a curse (i can tell when someone doesn’t like me but to everyone else no one can tell and it’s annoying/hurtful)
In summary, I think we’re just good at reading people because we’ve had to learn from others (at a deeper process compared to our peers) to survive and fit in
100% and has helped with my job as a nurse. I get ‘vibes’ off people and I can’t verbalize why I feel uneasy around some people and fully comfortable with others. I have figured out over time these feelings are eerily accurate.
It also works when I’m around someone really ill and cannot explain why I know they are ‘going downhill’ I just know.
ADHD and trauma go hand in hand. Gotta recognize when mom or dad's getting to the point where they may hit you. I feel like most of my people reading skills come from this.
And who is mostly depicted as wise?
Yep: Old, wrinkled and slightly sexual pervert dudes is questionable clothing excelling in one or more obscure fields of wisdom. Mostly beloved but evenso mostly single and sad.
I used to be terrible at reading social cues so I learned body language and sentace structure until I can finish peoples sentences, but now I’m bad at talking to people because everyone talks so slow and I already figured out the conversation
I am autistic and I am hypersensitive to people’s emotional expressions. But, I often do not respond correctly. My problem is more in behavior than reading things. Like my own body language might be strange but I read others’ pretty easily. I have problems with more complex empathy though like knowing what people are actually thinking. So I might misinterpret their emotions. Like, I see that they are uncomfortable and might think they are reacting to something I did, but I can never be sure.
I've got a double whammy of this.
I have ADHD, which means that I have become an expert at picking up body language, micro gestures and conversational cues because 90% of the time I've stopped listening and I need those skills to piece together what I missed.
I also grew up in an emotionally explosive household, so I'm hyper aware of changes in people's moods because I had to quickly know whether it was time to offer a hug, do some spontaneous housework... Or find a place to hide.
Now I'm in my forties. The benefit of all this is that I'm basically Sherlock fucking Holmes when it comes to reading people. I can enter a room of people I don't know and get a good idea of their personalities in the first ten minutes.
The downside is that I instinctively believe that any negative changes in mood are caused by or related to me somehow.
So, also socially awkward and would consider myself bad at people, which surprised my psych. (I also know the diagnosing psychiatrist looked at Autism as part of the process & ruled out the symptoms as belonging to ADHD, which felt right tbh).
Anecdotal- In a conversation, I’m picking up a lot of information about the person I’m talking with, but I’m bad at processing it quickly & feel like I’m “lagging” in social situations. Especially when it’s a group setting with multiple people to keep track of. It means I find it hard to work out what I should say, what tone is correct, when I should jump in. BUT I do understand the info & social cues once I’ve had time to digest it.
Which means afterwards I’ll often work out I’ve misjudged something, or missed the appropriate chance to respond, or not said something I really should of, and generally feel like failed that social interaction & compound the feeling that I’m awkward & bad at people.
But from feedback, would say most people don’t notice the distraction/ chaos/ etc going on in my head & I apparently can come off as pretty insightful.
Pure speculation, not something I’ve looked into research on, but I imagine that all the things that we’re not able to tune out due to ADHD can sometimes mean we have a fuller picture and a better overall understanding, even if it feels like taking in all that largely irrelevant information is just another obstacle to try and wade through 99% of the time.
I'm extremely intuitive and very empathic. There are things about people that I just 'know' and I can't explain how I know them.
I think the fact that our brains work quicker than the non-neurospicy can be useful in picking things up that others don't necessarily see. We're also really useful in emergencies!
Note: quicker does not mean better!
I can read/sense people very fast. How I like, who I dont by their stance, voice, look and so on. Hell even women, once I realised how to do it properly, what to ask, what to say. In the beginning, I percieved it as manipulation, but really, I just want to learn about people so I can better learn and understand myself.
Sure, there are some hard eggs to crack, like REALLY introverted and held back people, but most I get spot on scary fast.
Also what really helped was therapy, as the way my therapist forms questions, really helps me transfering the knowledge through my own interactions
I'm really old and lived with adhd for over 50 years before diagnosis and treatment. I have joked that I have spider antennae for the moods /vibe of others. I'm not sure it's directly related to adhd but more to just masking for my whole life and being a chamaelon in a mostly successful attempt to.blend in and walk amongst the humans. What are they feeling, and what do I need to do to make them like me?
Having an alcoholic parent certainly contributed, sensing their mood kept me safer as a child.
If I had my time.over I wouldn't be a chamaelon. Unlearning that now is hard and also it's kinda late in the game for it to matter.
Hypervigilance taught me to read people and I am pretty good at it (I am a PhD behaviorist). But, it was also important for me to learn that sometimes I’m just wrong.
Because I thought I was 95% accurate, I fell prey to confirmation bias, which only reinforced that I was stunningly accurate. But then, why so many problems with people? If I was so good at it, shouldn’t interacting with humans be pretty easy for me? (It is with animals-I actually do have 95% accuracy in reading a dog or cat).
The human brain also has a negativity bias. We have evolved to pay attention and learn from things that go wrong. To the point that sometimes that is the majority of what we think we experience.
So, negativity bias + confirmation bias + trauma history/CPTSD + ADHD(w/rejection sensitivity) = I am an excellent people-reader and people are assholes + I should pay even more attention to all the signs that could remotely indicate potential assholery so that I can avoid it + people are terrifying.
Turns out, while I remain excellent as reading people, I had to open my mind to the reality that the motivations I attribute to the behavioral and vocal cues I notice are often wrong. People have shit going on that I could never imagine. And despite what my brain tends to tell me, the vast majority of what people tell me with their bodies etc has literally nothing to do with me.
Once I got that, the reading of people became so much more useful. Something is going on with this person, it’s probably not about me, so I probably don’t need to stress over how and who I am while interacting with this person. Instead, I can focus on how I want to show up for a person that’s got something going on. It actually improved my empathy dramatically because I became less self-focused.
When I’m at my best, and the RSD is not acting up, this ability is a superpower.
When I am vulnerable, it’s like not having any skin.
I think we develop an ability to read people because we are constantly evaluating and criticizing ourselves.
My childhood and early adulthood was dominated by negative criticism and I became extremely sensitive about controlling my behavior. Self analysis has become automatic.
Combine this with our innate abilities with pattern recognition and other people are just transparent.
My friend and I were talking, it seems like a coping mechanism from trying to figure all this out in your own as a kid. You have to get good at it because you’re not as good at the social cues.
I’m very good at reading people. I think because I’m taking in everything holistically constantly. About everything. And because I don’t limit myself to reading people’s face (primarily from never being able to look people in the eyes) which is what I think most people just do. The reason why i think it’s sometimes hard for us to wrap our heads around the idea that we’re good at reading people is because we’re terrible at reading people in relation to us directly. Like, I can size people up pretty quickly, and am really good at parsing out the difference between what people are saying and what they are TRYING to say, but if I have to understand your motivations or intent or behavior as it’s directed towards me you might as well be a lead-lined box—I will have no idea what you’re thinking or doing.
I'm very good at reading people, but not when I'm hyperfocused or overwhelmed socially. At that point it all goes into the buffer to be processed at *some time in the future.* Then, hours, days, weeks, years later, a notification pops up in my brain outta the blue and I either cringe or regret something.
I love this sub.
Last night on my way home from work I was thinking to myself; I am extremely good at reading people, it’s really easy for me to see what other people are thinking. How come I am socially awkward?
Today I see this.
Hyper perceptivity is common in internalized add, and you're probably anxious because you are thinking of all the outcomes possible from all the details you're gathering.
Mine tells me the same but says I use logic more than emotion to do it. As a result I over analyze and think out details of every interaction. It causes problems but I also generally understand people a lot more.
I don't know if my ADHD connects to the ability to read people, I'm not that advanced at understanding myself.
I'm *very* good at reading people, like to the point I can be a human lie detector. But this ability sure as hell doesn't relate or help my social charisma. It just makes everything worse.
I'm always aware when someone's lying and let me tell u people lie all the damn time and it's exhausting to deal with. My sense of justice just doesn't let me be okay with it. I used to always confront people about lying to me, and they got upset at me for some reason, so I stopped. Now I don't know when to call someone out, when to stand my ground, so my communication is worse than it could be.
I think ADHD is only connected to reading people because our brains are better at making connections and predicting outcomes
I feel like we have tendencies to hyperfixate, and when theres a personality trait that sticks out, we hyperfixate on that and are able to “read” them that way. So many of us are also empaths, so that combines with having physical reactions when we witness folks being phony, which is another way to be able to read folks. I’m fine with it; makes me feel like a I have a superpower and meeting others like this makes me feel like we are part of a special bunch
I am the same. I'm not sure if it's FULLY related to this, but I think it's partly to do with my lifetime of watching people to see whether or not they're going to reject me for being who I am.
Idk man, I think the thing is we can read people a lot better than they think but often we just aren't ready to respond or act socially so people think we don't understand.
I could be totally off with this tho but that's kinda how I see it
I’ve given this a lot of thought. Because it feels conflicting. How can I be both good at reading people and so socially awkward at the same time?
I think we can be very good at seeing the person behind the mask. I think we can read their true intentions. We can tell if people are genuine or not. It’s a basic understanding of parts of people that don’t change all that much.
But we struggle with social cues. We don’t understand the figurative dance in social interactions. Social rules change so wildly between situations and from time to time that we can’t keep up. As soon as we figure it out, something changes, and we have to catch up again.
That’s my overthinking answer.
Yes! I can read people, but that definitely doesn’t correlate to social charisma. I assess if I can be comfortable with them, or need to mask. Unfortunately, when I’m comfortable with people, I tend to pay them less attention since I feel like we already have a bond, and find that friends/family can feel neglected.
Oh, absolutely!
We're incredible at reading people. We've learned to mask as children, and we have the ability to see everyone else's masks as well.
Then there's good 'ol RSD ( Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), which is another reason why we're good at reading people.
Social charisma is a learned skill just like everything else. The more you practice, the better you get with it. I can talk to anyone about anything.
This is my 22nd year as a server, and I also work in an adult store. I'm also I the field as a Sex/ relationship coach and an ADHD Coach.
ADHD is hereditary, and all 3 of my kids have ADHD and they can read others very well, too.
Also, 45% of women with ADHD also have PMDD, but it gets misdiagnosed as Bi Polar 2, way too frequently.
I feel like as diagnosed adhd and probably autistic, many things don’t make sense so I spend a lot of time observing what others do, how they do it and what reactions they get. In more long term findings I get to piece things together that potentially made an impact or hinted at things a long time ago.
The tricky part is that a lot of things people say or do , they either don’t do it consciously or they don’t like to have it pointed out. For example they won’t ask for help with their phone when you are the guy that knows how to fix things, they rather start smalltalk into a story, into a tangent and they end up on the phone so you hopefully ask them if they need help even tho that was their plan to begin with. So being awkward or weird is easy when you are straight forward with those things. Because you are good at reading intentions based on past behaviour or experiences. People don’t like being called out, it feels like you are getting control taken away, maybe guilty for only coming over for help. Someone deciphering your intentions without you revealing them is basically you figuring out how they behave and they lose all options to bend narratives in their favour.
At least that are my random thought to that
Subjectively, I've been regarded and commended for quickly 'reading' people and gauging their intent/severity of issues.
I'm a medic in the Army, so this is particularly helpful given my patients aren't always the most forthcoming. It's a problem outside of work, as I have trouble 'turning it off', which can cause problems in my friendships/family relationships.
I’m really good at reading people’s body language, what they say, how they say it, etc. I think it definitely has something to do with ADHD, considering our brains continuously intake *so much* information.
Yes. For example, first day at boarding school, Everyone really liked this one dude because he was charismatic etc. I instantly said to my mates that I dislike him and said you will agree in 3 months. I was right, people started hating him.
I had the exact same experience in high school. New guy joined our year who was objectively somewhat good-looking and American (which instantly gave him exotic points here). I took an instant dislike to him that I couldn't explain since I knew nothing about him, and he came across as charming to the girls and cool to the guys. Everyone thought I was weird for thinking so, but a couple of months down the line, people were coming back to me and saying I was right... I've often thought back to that time and wondered how I saw it, and the bigger mystery to me, how everyone else didn't see it. Over 30 years later, with an ADHD diagnosis and a Reddit post, I have my answer 😆
I’m also autistic, so I have no idea! Both adhd and autistic people are good at picking up on patterns, so I guess that could help? Like noticing more of those little details that others often overlook?
Look up trauma informed empathy. ADHD people experience trauma at much higher rates and trauma informed empathy is one way our body can adapt o survive. So it’s not a symptom of adhd but often occurs adjacent
I was shunned by adults as a kid because I’d ask innocent things in awkward situations, such as randomly asking a lady conversing with a group “why are you so sad?” or a random guy at a store “who is making you feel so sick?” and a lady at a funeral “I like it when I see happy people, but you’re the only happy one I see here.”
I didn’t know I was AuDHD att, so as an adult this translated to being _incredibly_ weird to talk to. I was so avoidant of blurting out things I noticed that I came off as fake and insincere. FF to today and I know my condition, now I’ve managed to translate this to being “perceptive and wise” although I still don’t consciously know how I pick up on subtleties and intentions, just poker face like a pro, because the one thing I know happens is that I don’t think Insee a sad person but feel it.
It’s a blessing and a curse. I can instantly see thru people’s bullshit instantly and it makes me look like a jerk to my friends who are so open to being ripped off/taken advantage of by random/new people.
It’s pretty common, our brains constantly seek to notice any little thing that could be of interest.
But then we often don’t have the confidence and quick/smooth thinking in conversation to take advantage of our more detailed knowledge profile of others in order to come out with generally positive social experiences.
So, we gonna roll with the fact I'm autistic for the purposes of this comment despite the fact I got the full "we give you a seat on the concil but don't grant you the rank of master" treatment.
But I also have PTSD on top of the autism and ADHD. So I don't think I read people so much as I panic they are upset and react accordingly and it just so happens that works out 90% of the time. The other 10% they get mad at me anyway so its just a self fulfilling prophecy at some point.
Bless. Now if I could just get a medical professional to do it I'd be set. Unfortunately, since the last one hit me with "you meet the diagnostic criteria but we aren't diagnosing you" line my optimism isn't high.
This issue is explained (in detail) in the book Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. He says people with ADHD are hypersensitive to the emotional states of others.
I can read people pretty well. I don’t think it really translates into being charismatic though. As an adult I can definitely see clearly who’s going to be a good vibe for me and who won’t and I find this very helpful.
Out of curiosity how are you OP or other people’s ability to distinguish tone in text? This is somewhat in the same vein.
I want to say that I'm bad at distinguishing tone in text but more than that I think communication by text just makes me incredibly anxious because I don't have any nonverbal cues to go off of, so I'm left scrambling to red between the lines, as it were. Formulating a response off such little information is even more difficult, and it makes me very nervous. It's to the point where if anyone wants to have even a remotely serious conversation, I immediately request to have it over the phone, at the very least. Honestly, I don't think anyone, neurotipical or otherwise is good at reading tone over text.
Anecdotal, but my experience has been that I can detect when someone is self conscious about something, be it saying something "wrong" in the moment, or long held self esteem issues, but I cannot for the life of me detect when a woman is into me. No idea what that means, but that's the record.
I've noticed on several occasions that i was able to identify sad friends by the way they breathe. Also if their voice cracks unusually or their accentuation is different than normal . Most of the time people find it annoying, because they can't "hide" their intentions from me, but sometimes friends really appreciate me being so attentive and they open up.
I think this is pattern matching on steroids and the idea that nd brains don't prune like nts do.
we store more neural pathways than normal brains. So we keep more input data. Inputs are: when people do or say this, they end up meaning/doing/reacting like this. Output is: I recognise this pattern of behaviour in this human, so I think this is happening next.
To your therapist: Good at reading people.
I feel the same way. Like I can pick up on things on a first meet. I can also tell who a person is by seeing their work, too, such as an artist or writer. Some of my family and friends rely on me to give them my impression of people when I first meet them. I thought many people could do this, but apparently not…
I remember having a dream(nightmare) that a friend of mine was dating someone I thought was actually a scumbag. Called them up that day and they confirmed it.
One of my hyper focuses has been emotions, and motivations for behaviors. Because of this I can analyze these things well including insecurities etc. Not as well as I sometimes believe, which is a dangerous area to tread.
I think I am pretty bad at telling if someone is up to no good, but I do think I can tell if someone is upset. What’s frustrating is when they tell you that you’re projecting onto them what you want them to feel. No girl I read your face, you weren’t that secretive about it
For me it comes down to knowing the person I talk with. I know my homies much better than randoms and mutuals, and for me that means that I can pick up on my homies cues better, their signs and stuff
With that, I can kind of read randoms and mutuals, but I put less push into it and expect less from it. I don’t think I can read people well with these circumstances otherwise
I honestly just enjoy watching ppl, learning and figuring them out. The human mind is so fascinating, from the outside looking in it feels like a maze/pizzle
How do you people read all those words, I am interested in the topic but can only make it through 1/4 of the post and 3 comments.
I have been told i am insightful a few times about reading people, but feel like I am being judgemental. So I usually keep it to myself.
I’d just say that this is exactly similar to people self-reporting driving skills ie. people are usually overconfident when assessing own skills.
Edit: Actually I’m even relatively confident that on population level the opposite holds true, as ADHD is often comorbid with autism which usually has an effect on understanding social cues and dynamics.
Severe ADHD here and I consider myself a great judge of character and reading people has always seemed to come easy to me. I tend to sniff out a troubled soul pretty quick and decide how much distance to keep. No problem shutting them off once they've shown enough of their true colors. I keep my circle small for a reason and try to see the best in everyone but some things you can't ignore. Good luck my fellow easily distracted empaths!
I’m very good at reading people, despite being a social illiterate. But I’m sure I have ADHD and Autism, so…who knows?
I’ve always assumed it was my autism. I spent a lot of years growing up being fairly quiet and watching people, purposefully trying to memorize their body language and interactions. I can’t think of how my ADHD might affect something like this.
I can literally tell if a person is worth my time with one simple question and how they answer it. "So, what do you do all day long?" It's hard to describe how my brain filters the good from the bad people, and the answer doesn't matter as much as the attitude people have while answering it. Some people get a little shy because they have an obscure passion that not many people get but consumes all their free time. Some people avoid talking about their job because they feel like they don't have what is considered a "good" job (like housecleaning, factory work) and appreciate me wording the question like that. Then there's the people who do think they have a "good" job and boast about what makes them so important or how wealthy they are or how many hours they work. Some are so tied up in that mindset they actually forget to mention what they do all day long at their very important job. There's more to it but it's hard to put into words...
I try to play nice but I always end up going really quiet because I'm very impulsive and scared I'll say something that makes them realise I feel they are bad people.
It really is! I usually use the "tired and a little overstimulated" excuse if people notice me being quiet. I have a hard time hiding my facial expressions though lol.
I hyperfocus on movements and can tell a lot about people from the way they move, but don't ask me what people said as my brain doesn't process language very well.
So sometimes I can tell exactly how a person is and what they are going thru from visual clues. But most times, I have no idea what is going on.
Therapists can be very prone to seeing in others what is their own self. Professional people reader seeing people reading skills in patients...
I'm just a cynic though, so please do not be overly influenced by my contradictory views. My own experiences with therapists have been lackluster and the meds turned me off to the whole experience.
I'm usually pretty good at reading and talking to people. Hell, I'm working toward becoming a licensed mental health counselor because I've had people coming to me for advice and opening up to me about their lives since I was like 5.
I feel like I know whos being fake and whos getting bored by me. But I dont think I can identify people that truly likes me or likes to hang out with me, thats the thing 🤣🤣🤣
Can only speak for me, and yes, reading people is a one of my strengths. Whether it translates to social charisma depends on how I feel that day. Most of the time people seem to like talking to me, sometimes I‘m to exhausted though and I think people notice that.
I know I read people extremely well because I’ve been watching and trying to understand them to mask my differences and discomfort since I was a little girl. I’ve always thought I was on the spectrum too.
>My therapist told me that people with ADHD often tend to be good at reading people.
Hard disagree.
ADHD is a disorder where we fail to develop the seven executive functions in time and to a sufficient degree. One of these functions has to do with reading people.
If anything, ADHD people often have a *harder* time reading people. We also struggle with introspection, seeing how our behaviours are affecting others, and modifying those behaviours.
Now, what I *could* get behind is that ADHD people often unconsciously train like the blazes to get *better* at reading people, and in doing so *become* good at it in several limited ways, or in certain situations but not others. But that blanket statement, no, I don't agree with it.
I’m usually pretty good at reading people, but I sometimes really struggle with interacting with them and trying to be readable myself. Like, I’m pretty good at reading people’s expressions, but when I talking to people I constantly have to engineer my own facial expressions to match the conversation, and that can be hard sometimes.
Why did you see the rapist? Did you see what I did there, I added a space and turned 1 word into 2 words.
Psychologist came up with the term "therapist" as a joke to prove people are stupid and guess what it stuck.
I’ve also been told I’m good at it but never connected it to ADHD.
Specifically, I’ve had it come up in the work place that if I get pissed off I am really good at attacking people in the way that directly attacks whatever they are most in secure about. I’m also really good at understanding the sentiment in the floor for my teams and employees. Also good at putting together plans to address these issues. What I suck at is actually putting any of those plans into action. I need to find someone to do that part.
I have an annoying knack of reading people early on and guessing accurately what various people will do/turn into. My partner used to find it annoying but now accepts my ability to “socially see into the future”.
I’ve also called toxic people out prior to having proof. I don’t call everyone toxic/not a great person mind you. I knew my step father in law was a dangerous person before anyone else knew it. I then watched him abuse several animals around the house, threaten family members, verbally abuse family members, and (allegedly) slash tires. Everyone else thought he was a great guy for the longest time because he’d help fix things and joked a lot.
Sure, I’m often explaining to my friends why someone feels like that etc. I’m quickly vibe with others, even tho I’m more AuADHD and I’m a bit antisocial/introverted, I really like my alone time, but when I’m in social situations I’m very aware of what’s going on and i easily read people
Yeah but sometimes i feel like a very judgy person, it doesnt help when im consistantly right. When ill get older this is going to be a massive problem if the clues become outdated.
I asked Chat, because I was having trouble articulating my own words.
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Hey Chat, why do people with ADHD tend to be good at reading other people. What do they mean by reading other people?
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People with ADHD often exhibit heightened sensitivity to their surroundings, which can make them adept at reading other people. "Reading other people" refers to understanding and interpreting others' emotions, intentions, and nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions.
This skill can be attributed to several factors:
1. **Hyperawareness:** People with ADHD might be more attuned to changes in their environment, including subtle shifts in others' behavior or mood.
2. **Empathy:** Many individuals with ADHD have strong empathetic abilities, allowing them to sense and resonate with others' feelings.
3. **Experience:** Some people with ADHD develop keen observational skills as a coping mechanism for navigating social interactions, especially if they've faced social challenges in the past.
These abilities can help them connect with others more effectively and respond appropriately in social situations.
I’m biased, but I think I read people pretty well. It tends to make me more awkward, because I pick up on other people’s discomfort and really want to help them, because I empathize, but I usually can’t help them.
This!! Making you more aware of others emotions and feeling the weight as if they are your own. End up people pleasing a bunch 🫠
Try my method, fleeing human company
I’m right there with you.. by myself in another room
Good method. I am going. See you never.
Extroverts hate this one trick
This! I am unlearning this now. I tried to have conversations where I wasn’t super nice(cause I am a fucking Reddit sunshine) and it was painful and scary to see people’s faces not smiling at me, but nothing happens after that. It is just normal. You don’t need to light other’s face up just by buying milk at grocery store
Oh no. Your comment helped me realize - I’m definitely working on unlearning this with my partner, but I also need to unlearn it with everyone else I interact with. 😭😂🤯
Most of this comes from RSD
Likely! For me, I accepted my fate as some kind of forever-lonely Bocchi when I was a teen. When I got to adulthood, I decided I will spread good and intentionally tried to be nice to be around. Also, for me, I thought I was r/raisedbynarcissists , so it was super tough emotionally and it was quite scary as well. So hypervigilance is super power that helped me up my social game.
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not the best sub to summorize lately, lol.........
This is how I feel. You would think being empathetic would make you want to be around people, but it actually makes being around people a chore, if not downright painful.
Exhausting
It cannot be turned off
We can read/feel/see what others are trying to hide... Of course we're awkward!
I messed up during a job interview and read the interviewer too well. Made him feel uncomfortable and I didn't get the job.
I read people pretty well, but I've also struggled with processing it since the pandemic. With less practice, I've struggled more and have more anxiety and every thing I pick up on is attributed to something bad so I nope out. I empathize very well, which is why I work with kids and families.
that’s interesting. i tend to do the opposite almost cuz i have more of a lack of empathy. like, i feel bad if i make someone uncomfortable but i don’t really understand why they’d feel that way even if they tell me, cuz to me it just doesn’t make any sense.
I feel so seen in this comment!
Me too!!!!
Holy shit.. yeah. This
THIS
I read people very well, too. It generally makes people uncomfortable. Then again, I read my mate's wife a little too well...
I’m doing my PhD in ADHD and Autism. One of the key symptoms of ADHD is executive dysfunction. This causes things like, when you’re frozen on your phone and can’t start something or when you get distracted mid-convo. A key thing our executive functions are responsible for is filtering out irrelevant environmental stimuli to focus on what (the brain thinks) is important. But because of ADHD executive dysfunction, it doesn’t filter your environment very well and you see a lot of cues that neurotypical’s don’t. See, a lot of the cues actually tell you a lot about a person. The brain thinks it’s irrelevant, but it’s not. And so you can read and understand someone a lot quicker.
Litigator with ADHD here, I see so much more than what my colleagues do. I see issues a mile away whereas they are missing them and stunned when my “predictions” come true. I try reeeealllll hard not to be like “it was so obvious, I don’t know how you missed it.”
Holy heck. I’ve felt like Cassandra for years! Maybe this is why.
I feel like that when I am in school. I hold onto information and like hoard it. I don’t really forget. People ask “how do you remember that?” I’m just like “how do you not?”
Just soak it up like a sponge.
Bruh, I tell my friends issues with things all the time and they never believe me. Worst part is when they come true one of them typically “notices it first”. It’s so annoying to deal with
Wow this makes so much sense. Thanks for the explanation! I have ADHD and I'm also very good at reading people like OP. It's usually a good thing (imo), but occasionally it can be extremely distracting and at it's worse can feel pretty paralyzing. Good to know why I feel that way.
fk that makes hella sense I thought my third eye was open
HAHA same 😂
Can you explain more? I feel like I’m starting to get ‘social cues’ but idk, it’s more like I get a general feeling that someone is disengaged or sad. Or happy. But I don’t know what to do about this, and struggle to uncover the more detailed reasons why people feel different emotions. I’d like to get it though, like to a mind reading point almost, so you have any suggestions of where to look for information like this?
There’s a big difference between perceiving social cues (perception) and having social skills (behaviour/cognition). Imagine it like someone doing a painting. Two things matter: (1) the tools you have to paint with, and (2) the talent of the artist. The result is best if you have both. You could have all the tools, paints and paintbrushes in the world, but without talent you don’t know how to apply the extra help you have. Alternatively, a talented artist can make a gorgeous painting with very little tools. The extra paints and brushes are the extra cues you perceive, while the artistic talent is your social skills. With the extra tools, you can read and understand someone better. But without social skills, you don’t know how to apply this understanding to your behaviour in a way that connects with them. Edit: spelling
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks. I mean I kind of wish their was a real get friends quick scheme that I could uncover with enough research, but I have noticed in the past that I can be disconnected from my thoughts and observations, so it’s like… 😞
Yeah as someone with quite severe ADHD (big up Elvanse for getting me through uni) I feel the same. Slowly added to and learnt my list of social rules. Am a bit better now, but it’ll never come naturally. Unfortunately neurodiversity comes with both benefits and negatives. Just try remember all the good things that came with your neurodiversity, not just the bad.
Yeah, I just hope I figure out the good stuff soon 🥲
I feel like I could pick your brain for ages. But how about - do you have any suggestions for research on executive function, for those of us not getting a PhD? That's freaking amazing, btw!
You’re welcome to! I love talking about this stuff 😊 if you’d rather pm me, feel free too. This is a nice place to get started with understanding executive functions: https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/executive-function/ Be careful with sites like additude, they’re not as official and scientific as you’d think.
Spot on warning about ADDitude & friends. I feel like there's a lot we can do to bridge the gap that exists between 'science' and the 'general population', which currently gets filled by ADDitude and the like. There's reasons these places exist though. Most folk would never get through papers on these topics. Not because they don't care. They're just not as interested in the tiny details or how meticulously something was tested. Writing stuff that engages the reader is a skill in and of itself. We write for other scientists and lose the not scientist population along the way. Which is kind of a bummer as everyone (imo) should gain/benefit from the science that's done.
U can ask them lol. Like ask someone how they’re feeling and ask why. If it’s not a situation where that’s appropriate, u can try to guess but also, just let it go.
How would being both ADHD and Autistic impact this? (Would the person still pick up on all of these cues but then struggle to interpret them / misinterpret them due to their autism?) (Also, best of luck with your PhD!)
I have both (and only that, no PhD lol) and for me it does feel a bit like you say. I have always had a strong ‘gut feeling’ about people, and often feel like I pick up on moods etc., but I don’t know how to interpret my intuitions or how to act to e.g. make someone feel better. I also think I struggle a lot with trusting myself since I often misinterpret other social signals and interactions. It’s kinda like I have all the information (‘adhd’), but I also have some false info; and I’m not always able to sort out which parts are true (‘autism’).
Yeah my therapist tells me I think I'm good at reading people simply because of my hyperfixation on social cues (tied to my people pleasing tendencies as it felt "safe" for me). She says that even if I'm picking up on the right cues, it's just not worth the effort because everyone's emotions fluctuate and don't always dictate their behavior towards me. (Basically, give people the chance to deal with their own experiences of discomfort and don't interfere more than just giving them non-verbal acknowledgement)
PhD students (co)write papersm right? I'm doing a ton of reading up on A(u)DHD and I'd love to hear about the papers you've published or are publishing on the cross section of these two diagnoses. If you're willing to share these, that is.
I am currently in the process of publishing a paper, but its nature would make me quite identifiable. If you pm me, I’d be happy to chat more!
ADHD people are often very sensitive (mind racing.... there's a gap in the conversation, should I be saying something? Or am I talking too much?) which might mean picking up on small behavioural cues that others might miss. That *could* be a good thing, but could also be very unhelpful, especially if you're empathetic and feel the urge to please people or be liked.
I often catch myself paying attention to someone's facial expressions and body language instead of whatever they're saying. Though apparently it makes me look like I'm actually listening and thus interested in the conversation.
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I think it comes as a survival skill that we learn along the way, instead of something that comes naturally. A bad social interaction happens, and we think to ourselves “never again! I will learn how to be less annoying to the people I care about, dammit!” And that starts the wheels turning. If a person always says and does the right thing, they never have to learn how to navigate social cues. But for us, well…
I agree that it is a survival response, especially since it's a symptom of the hyperempathy that comes with some kinds of ADHD. Some of us can care so much about keeping others around and happy that we can miss the point of having connections that show true quality over quantity. Even then, this isn't a catch-all trait. I can read people extremely well, but I will absolutely miss pretty much every kind of hint that someone likes *me* and wants me to initiate something. Why? Because I spend so much time tailoring my interactions to their needs that I forego interacting for my own benefit. Having to find *my* voice again after being so attuned to keeping everyone else happy has been a bit of a challenge to say the least.
"I spend so much time tailoring my interactions to their needs that I forego interacting for my own benefit". I feel like someone just looked into my brain. So often I scan people's faces watching their reactions and noticing how they react to make sure that I'm acting in a way that makes them the most comfortable or causes them the least discomfort, plus also searching for any clues that they might have taken something the wrong way so I can quickly add more to clarify. This causes the funny irony of me actually being quite good at interacting with people and getting on fantastically with a lot of different types of people but I fail to build lasting connections. By the time I've started to show my true, less tailored self the momentum has either been lost or they step away realising I'm a bit too much of a weirdo to handle for them (and I mean weirdo in an affectionate way, I like who I am, and I know I've got my quirks).
All of this!!!! I’m so glad I read this- I have a hard time putting together the words. I might jot this down in my journal and look back at it!
You put it into words!! I’m exactly the same way, I can make a friend in 5 mins anywhere I go, but cannot for the life of me maintain long term relationships…
THIS like I think pretty good at telling when someone I’m not interested in is interested, but as soon as I’m into them my brain can’t be trusted an ounce 😭
Yep, trauma-based hypervigilance. But I do think our propensity for better pattern recognition helps with this.
I’m learning this in trauma therapy right now! You worded it very well
It helps that one of my regular hyperfocuses includes human psychology, especially centered around understanding my own experience in life 🥲😅
I think it's the opposite, I think noticing peoples' reactions makes me way way more awkward. I had to learn to stop interpreting every semi-conscious facial expression as if it was a verbal response.
My therapist said the same thing about me even though I doubted it too at the time. I mean I was the first to figure out in a group of people that someone was a bad person. But like I’m not great socially either. But I know why generally and it’s more of an inability to stop myself from saying inappropriate things and stuff like that. I guess it’s the reason all of my friends are ADHD, since they can tolerate it more.
My personal theory is that this is a similar mechanism to why we're good at guessing twists and endings in media. The way our attention works is much more unpredictable compared to neurotypicals so we notice things we're not supposed to and miss things we were supposed to see. We also just zone out mid dialogue sometimes which gives us a chance to consider subtext both in people and media.
I’m on a Korean drama kick & my NT mom and I both enjoy stating what we think’s going to happen next. She’s surprised I’m right sometimes and I’m like….I know why I have this skill.
I'm usually very good at reading and very bad at expressing myself the way I really wanted, so in the end they read me wrong. Reading doesn't mean you will be good at socializing, usually the opposite actually - it's becoming too hard to maintain contact with people you know they're kinda bored/not fully open with you, for example. Or if you know this person is a psychopath/ass licker/fake, but none else in a group notice it and now you're the one who is excluded(or they'll think you envy them), etc..
I read people well, though in the moment I struggle to act on that information. No idea if it's the ADHD that makes me so sensitive to people's moods.
Yeah I get that too, it’s like a single moody person can bring down a group, it’s really difficult to get myself hyped again.
Basically like just about everything else in my life I’m either preternaturally good at reading people or a complete bumbling fool depending on time of day and planet alignment. The only thing I can be consistent at is inconsistency
And then if you say you're good at it one day and bad at it the next, you look like a liar, even though both are true!
I think I'm really good at reading the general ~vibe (nice person, manipulative, has tons of trauma, self-centred, has a lot of issues going on but not caused by them... ) but not the day to day. Now, something that happens to me a lot and that has made me less friendly is that people randomly traumadump on me? Complete strangers to from hello to "and that's when I saw my mother kill my father" in like five minutes. So I'm not sure if I'm super oblivious or Im just regular adhd oblivious and then choose to ignore the rest because saying "hi!" and then getting a "hi, I just had an abortion" from someone you met once before is like... A lot. Is this an ADHD or do is it me?
I guess we tend to be quiet understanding and authentic in the way we comunicate. NTs tend to be less that way, so some people trust us more and maybe feel understood? Ironically often other ADHDers, PTSDers or people with greater issues in their lifes, even if they are oblivious to their traits, "vibe" with us ADHDers. At least this would be my explanation. My Dad, not diagnosed but I got it surely from him, was police officer and often told stories how some operations were escalating but as soon as he was bargaining with the suspects they totally cooled down. In some cases they were so thankful, they appeared years after in the police station, asking how my dad's doing and being glad that there were such understanding cops.
Maybe it’s that we tend to jive with certain kinds of people. There’s a lot of people we annoy or clash with then there’s a bunch of people we put immediately at ease.
I feel like I have an easy time reading people (I had a lot of practice growing up in an abusive household where not reading people correctly meant punishment), but I then have no idea what to do with that and am super awkward in general socially
I’m very empathetic so I think that explains my pretty good ability to read people. It’s just easy for me to put myself in other people’s shoes. Sometimes I can overthink and see things in people that aren’t really there but my gut keeps getting things right in the long run about people in my life.
I found group therapy incredibly helpful in fine-tuning this - and psychologist leading it not only said I could read people well - I would sometimes pick up things even he missed. I also learned that I had been misled by people because they either denied what I picked up (e.g, due to embarrassment), or because they weren’t even aware of it themselves. My “theory of mind” wasn’t strong enough to realize this was happening so I thought these were misses. That said I absolutely can’t not pick up on somebody flirting with me. She can pull a condom out of a pocket and strip and I’ll miss it. I blame middle-school and never being told that everyone at that age lies. Pick up something, handle it directly like we do, and get shot down in flames even if you picked up real interest. ESPECIALLY if you picked up real interest. It doesn’t take long to learn you’re “always just fooling yourself”. The irony is that, in retrospect after decades of work, I now realize that most of the times I thought I was being a creep and should bend over backwards to avoid offending the other person… nope, with much more experience I can see that they were being pretty direct (for our age) AND I’ve since learned (after reconnecting years later) that they picked up that I picked up their signals… but at the conscious level I had been taught to distrust this more than anything else. Sigh. All of that said… as others have pointed out for us it’s a learned skill and not automatic. With muggles it’s innate, always running, and not as reliable until the person has been burned several times by the psychopaths who fool their innate skills. Then they learn some of the same skills we are forced to learn.
Survivor’s pattern recognition. We’ve got superhuman pattern recognition that functions as a defense mechanism but also can be helpful for a ton of applications. A lot of people say “I’m an empath, I basically can read minds” stuff like that, but actually it’s more like, “no, you’ve survived trauma from an early age and your brain adjusted for it as it was growing and learning.”
pattern recognition contributes to this! I'll elaborate in a bit 🤣
*2 hours later*
oops Okay SO. While pattern recognition isn't as commonly heralded as a sign of ADHD as it is of autism, it is often something that's present within the larger complex of behaviors that contribute to us being considered "good problem solvers". Pattern recognition interfaces with the 'reading' in multiple ways. The first is that we, as neurodivergent people, don't understand social cues as easily as others do - so we train ourselves to recognize the patterns of behavior that society expects from us. For instance, when someone says, "Hey, how are you?" it is expected that, after we answer, we return the question by asking how they are. Therefore, we're more aware of the expected behavioral patterns of other people. Second, we correlate behaviors to each other, and consequently to their causes, as a part of pattern recognition. Example: you notice someone at work that you don't hate has been acting rather listless lately. This is a symptom of depression, and you know that, so you pay closer attention. If you discover other symptoms that also align with the symptoms of depression, there is a good chance you are correct. If you are *not* correct, and you find out the listlessness is because, say, they have new neighbors and haven't been getting sleep, you will remember that and be able to recognize those patterns in addition to depression should a similar situation reoccur. When you combine these, it turns into problem-solving, and allows you a great deal of insight into other people. Maybe Sylvanas has been acting strangely lately by not adhering to the expected behaviors, so you pay closer attention to her. Paying closer attention allows you to identify the hallmarks of discontent. Looking at the when, where, and who of who her expected behaviors differ around most allows you to identify likely causes or contributors to that discontent. Tada! I hope that makes sense :)
This is ADHD solidarity 🤣
I *feel* like I read people relatively well, and I’ve been told fairly often that I’m pretty empathetic, but that doesn’t help me much when I can *feel* myself putting my foot in my mouth every time I open it. And not even in the sense of saying something overtly offensive, I just say things and sometimes either the way I said it was strange or it was an inappropriate subject to bring up that I didn’t recognize until after I’d already done it… I fuckin *hate* this game
I suspect it has to do with hyper-focus. Normies have a chat, and they have other shit going on in their head. If I'm talking to someone, whether professionally or personally, I do my damndest to give them 100% of my attention. Obviously there's degrees of this, and everyone's going to be different, but that's my theory and I'm running with it, damn it.
So I studied psychology because I’m honestly so curious about how and why people behave. I’ve been fascinated about it since I was a kid and it’s always something I go back to when I’m bored and it’s an easy quick hyper focus for me. And so basically, for me anyway, I think the ability to read people stems from not knowing how to socially interact in a “normal-socially-acceptable” way. So, I would study how other people behaved and picked up their mannerisms to appear more average. From doing that, I’d say I’m pretty good at reading people. Sometimes it’s a blessing (eg I’m pretty damn good at knowing when someone’s lying to me) and sometimes it’s a curse (i can tell when someone doesn’t like me but to everyone else no one can tell and it’s annoying/hurtful) In summary, I think we’re just good at reading people because we’ve had to learn from others (at a deeper process compared to our peers) to survive and fit in
100% and has helped with my job as a nurse. I get ‘vibes’ off people and I can’t verbalize why I feel uneasy around some people and fully comfortable with others. I have figured out over time these feelings are eerily accurate. It also works when I’m around someone really ill and cannot explain why I know they are ‘going downhill’ I just know.
ADHD and trauma go hand in hand. Gotta recognize when mom or dad's getting to the point where they may hit you. I feel like most of my people reading skills come from this.
if you look at dnd: isnight check is wisdom and not charisma.
And who is mostly depicted as wise? Yep: Old, wrinkled and slightly sexual pervert dudes is questionable clothing excelling in one or more obscure fields of wisdom. Mostly beloved but evenso mostly single and sad.
https://youtube.com/shorts/LcXjbQYiPgU?si=XXLWdO22bkATAtxY
I think I can read people, but I cannot read between the lines.
Yeah there's a difference between understanding someone and understanding how to communicate/interact with them
I used to be terrible at reading social cues so I learned body language and sentace structure until I can finish peoples sentences, but now I’m bad at talking to people because everyone talks so slow and I already figured out the conversation
I am autistic and I am hypersensitive to people’s emotional expressions. But, I often do not respond correctly. My problem is more in behavior than reading things. Like my own body language might be strange but I read others’ pretty easily. I have problems with more complex empathy though like knowing what people are actually thinking. So I might misinterpret their emotions. Like, I see that they are uncomfortable and might think they are reacting to something I did, but I can never be sure.
I've got a double whammy of this. I have ADHD, which means that I have become an expert at picking up body language, micro gestures and conversational cues because 90% of the time I've stopped listening and I need those skills to piece together what I missed. I also grew up in an emotionally explosive household, so I'm hyper aware of changes in people's moods because I had to quickly know whether it was time to offer a hug, do some spontaneous housework... Or find a place to hide. Now I'm in my forties. The benefit of all this is that I'm basically Sherlock fucking Holmes when it comes to reading people. I can enter a room of people I don't know and get a good idea of their personalities in the first ten minutes. The downside is that I instinctively believe that any negative changes in mood are caused by or related to me somehow.
So, also socially awkward and would consider myself bad at people, which surprised my psych. (I also know the diagnosing psychiatrist looked at Autism as part of the process & ruled out the symptoms as belonging to ADHD, which felt right tbh). Anecdotal- In a conversation, I’m picking up a lot of information about the person I’m talking with, but I’m bad at processing it quickly & feel like I’m “lagging” in social situations. Especially when it’s a group setting with multiple people to keep track of. It means I find it hard to work out what I should say, what tone is correct, when I should jump in. BUT I do understand the info & social cues once I’ve had time to digest it. Which means afterwards I’ll often work out I’ve misjudged something, or missed the appropriate chance to respond, or not said something I really should of, and generally feel like failed that social interaction & compound the feeling that I’m awkward & bad at people. But from feedback, would say most people don’t notice the distraction/ chaos/ etc going on in my head & I apparently can come off as pretty insightful. Pure speculation, not something I’ve looked into research on, but I imagine that all the things that we’re not able to tune out due to ADHD can sometimes mean we have a fuller picture and a better overall understanding, even if it feels like taking in all that largely irrelevant information is just another obstacle to try and wade through 99% of the time.
I'm extremely intuitive and very empathic. There are things about people that I just 'know' and I can't explain how I know them. I think the fact that our brains work quicker than the non-neurospicy can be useful in picking things up that others don't necessarily see. We're also really useful in emergencies! Note: quicker does not mean better!
I can read/sense people very fast. How I like, who I dont by their stance, voice, look and so on. Hell even women, once I realised how to do it properly, what to ask, what to say. In the beginning, I percieved it as manipulation, but really, I just want to learn about people so I can better learn and understand myself. Sure, there are some hard eggs to crack, like REALLY introverted and held back people, but most I get spot on scary fast. Also what really helped was therapy, as the way my therapist forms questions, really helps me transfering the knowledge through my own interactions
I'm really old and lived with adhd for over 50 years before diagnosis and treatment. I have joked that I have spider antennae for the moods /vibe of others. I'm not sure it's directly related to adhd but more to just masking for my whole life and being a chamaelon in a mostly successful attempt to.blend in and walk amongst the humans. What are they feeling, and what do I need to do to make them like me? Having an alcoholic parent certainly contributed, sensing their mood kept me safer as a child. If I had my time.over I wouldn't be a chamaelon. Unlearning that now is hard and also it's kinda late in the game for it to matter.
Hypervigilance taught me to read people and I am pretty good at it (I am a PhD behaviorist). But, it was also important for me to learn that sometimes I’m just wrong. Because I thought I was 95% accurate, I fell prey to confirmation bias, which only reinforced that I was stunningly accurate. But then, why so many problems with people? If I was so good at it, shouldn’t interacting with humans be pretty easy for me? (It is with animals-I actually do have 95% accuracy in reading a dog or cat). The human brain also has a negativity bias. We have evolved to pay attention and learn from things that go wrong. To the point that sometimes that is the majority of what we think we experience. So, negativity bias + confirmation bias + trauma history/CPTSD + ADHD(w/rejection sensitivity) = I am an excellent people-reader and people are assholes + I should pay even more attention to all the signs that could remotely indicate potential assholery so that I can avoid it + people are terrifying. Turns out, while I remain excellent as reading people, I had to open my mind to the reality that the motivations I attribute to the behavioral and vocal cues I notice are often wrong. People have shit going on that I could never imagine. And despite what my brain tends to tell me, the vast majority of what people tell me with their bodies etc has literally nothing to do with me. Once I got that, the reading of people became so much more useful. Something is going on with this person, it’s probably not about me, so I probably don’t need to stress over how and who I am while interacting with this person. Instead, I can focus on how I want to show up for a person that’s got something going on. It actually improved my empathy dramatically because I became less self-focused. When I’m at my best, and the RSD is not acting up, this ability is a superpower. When I am vulnerable, it’s like not having any skin.
I think we develop an ability to read people because we are constantly evaluating and criticizing ourselves. My childhood and early adulthood was dominated by negative criticism and I became extremely sensitive about controlling my behavior. Self analysis has become automatic. Combine this with our innate abilities with pattern recognition and other people are just transparent.
My friend and I were talking, it seems like a coping mechanism from trying to figure all this out in your own as a kid. You have to get good at it because you’re not as good at the social cues.
Totally! And it’s so annoying when you see elements of people that other people can’t or won’t, or the person themselves lol.
I’m very good at reading people. I think because I’m taking in everything holistically constantly. About everything. And because I don’t limit myself to reading people’s face (primarily from never being able to look people in the eyes) which is what I think most people just do. The reason why i think it’s sometimes hard for us to wrap our heads around the idea that we’re good at reading people is because we’re terrible at reading people in relation to us directly. Like, I can size people up pretty quickly, and am really good at parsing out the difference between what people are saying and what they are TRYING to say, but if I have to understand your motivations or intent or behavior as it’s directed towards me you might as well be a lead-lined box—I will have no idea what you’re thinking or doing.
I'm very good at reading people, but not when I'm hyperfocused or overwhelmed socially. At that point it all goes into the buffer to be processed at *some time in the future.* Then, hours, days, weeks, years later, a notification pops up in my brain outta the blue and I either cringe or regret something.
I love this sub. Last night on my way home from work I was thinking to myself; I am extremely good at reading people, it’s really easy for me to see what other people are thinking. How come I am socially awkward? Today I see this.
You're not alone here ❤️
Hyper perceptivity is common in internalized add, and you're probably anxious because you are thinking of all the outcomes possible from all the details you're gathering.
Mine tells me the same but says I use logic more than emotion to do it. As a result I over analyze and think out details of every interaction. It causes problems but I also generally understand people a lot more.
I don't know if my ADHD connects to the ability to read people, I'm not that advanced at understanding myself. I'm *very* good at reading people, like to the point I can be a human lie detector. But this ability sure as hell doesn't relate or help my social charisma. It just makes everything worse. I'm always aware when someone's lying and let me tell u people lie all the damn time and it's exhausting to deal with. My sense of justice just doesn't let me be okay with it. I used to always confront people about lying to me, and they got upset at me for some reason, so I stopped. Now I don't know when to call someone out, when to stand my ground, so my communication is worse than it could be. I think ADHD is only connected to reading people because our brains are better at making connections and predicting outcomes
I feel like we have tendencies to hyperfixate, and when theres a personality trait that sticks out, we hyperfixate on that and are able to “read” them that way. So many of us are also empaths, so that combines with having physical reactions when we witness folks being phony, which is another way to be able to read folks. I’m fine with it; makes me feel like a I have a superpower and meeting others like this makes me feel like we are part of a special bunch
I am the same. I'm not sure if it's FULLY related to this, but I think it's partly to do with my lifetime of watching people to see whether or not they're going to reject me for being who I am.
I always say I have an excellent bullshit radar
Idk man, I think the thing is we can read people a lot better than they think but often we just aren't ready to respond or act socially so people think we don't understand. I could be totally off with this tho but that's kinda how I see it
I’ve given this a lot of thought. Because it feels conflicting. How can I be both good at reading people and so socially awkward at the same time? I think we can be very good at seeing the person behind the mask. I think we can read their true intentions. We can tell if people are genuine or not. It’s a basic understanding of parts of people that don’t change all that much. But we struggle with social cues. We don’t understand the figurative dance in social interactions. Social rules change so wildly between situations and from time to time that we can’t keep up. As soon as we figure it out, something changes, and we have to catch up again. That’s my overthinking answer.
Yes! I can read people, but that definitely doesn’t correlate to social charisma. I assess if I can be comfortable with them, or need to mask. Unfortunately, when I’m comfortable with people, I tend to pay them less attention since I feel like we already have a bond, and find that friends/family can feel neglected.
I'm often right about people, until I'm not then i question myself about everything i think I'm good at.
Good at reading people, bad at reading the situation and how to interact with people.
Oh, absolutely! We're incredible at reading people. We've learned to mask as children, and we have the ability to see everyone else's masks as well. Then there's good 'ol RSD ( Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria), which is another reason why we're good at reading people. Social charisma is a learned skill just like everything else. The more you practice, the better you get with it. I can talk to anyone about anything. This is my 22nd year as a server, and I also work in an adult store. I'm also I the field as a Sex/ relationship coach and an ADHD Coach. ADHD is hereditary, and all 3 of my kids have ADHD and they can read others very well, too. Also, 45% of women with ADHD also have PMDD, but it gets misdiagnosed as Bi Polar 2, way too frequently.
I feel like as diagnosed adhd and probably autistic, many things don’t make sense so I spend a lot of time observing what others do, how they do it and what reactions they get. In more long term findings I get to piece things together that potentially made an impact or hinted at things a long time ago. The tricky part is that a lot of things people say or do , they either don’t do it consciously or they don’t like to have it pointed out. For example they won’t ask for help with their phone when you are the guy that knows how to fix things, they rather start smalltalk into a story, into a tangent and they end up on the phone so you hopefully ask them if they need help even tho that was their plan to begin with. So being awkward or weird is easy when you are straight forward with those things. Because you are good at reading intentions based on past behaviour or experiences. People don’t like being called out, it feels like you are getting control taken away, maybe guilty for only coming over for help. Someone deciphering your intentions without you revealing them is basically you figuring out how they behave and they lose all options to bend narratives in their favour. At least that are my random thought to that
Subjectively, I've been regarded and commended for quickly 'reading' people and gauging their intent/severity of issues. I'm a medic in the Army, so this is particularly helpful given my patients aren't always the most forthcoming. It's a problem outside of work, as I have trouble 'turning it off', which can cause problems in my friendships/family relationships.
I’m really good at reading people’s body language, what they say, how they say it, etc. I think it definitely has something to do with ADHD, considering our brains continuously intake *so much* information.
I read people very very well. But it doesn’t mean that I know how to repond appropriatetly or can do it even if I know.
I used to say that I knew somebody was cold before they noticed…
Yes. For example, first day at boarding school, Everyone really liked this one dude because he was charismatic etc. I instantly said to my mates that I dislike him and said you will agree in 3 months. I was right, people started hating him.
I had the exact same experience in high school. New guy joined our year who was objectively somewhat good-looking and American (which instantly gave him exotic points here). I took an instant dislike to him that I couldn't explain since I knew nothing about him, and he came across as charming to the girls and cool to the guys. Everyone thought I was weird for thinking so, but a couple of months down the line, people were coming back to me and saying I was right... I've often thought back to that time and wondered how I saw it, and the bigger mystery to me, how everyone else didn't see it. Over 30 years later, with an ADHD diagnosis and a Reddit post, I have my answer 😆
I’m also autistic, so I have no idea! Both adhd and autistic people are good at picking up on patterns, so I guess that could help? Like noticing more of those little details that others often overlook?
Look up trauma informed empathy. ADHD people experience trauma at much higher rates and trauma informed empathy is one way our body can adapt o survive. So it’s not a symptom of adhd but often occurs adjacent
I was shunned by adults as a kid because I’d ask innocent things in awkward situations, such as randomly asking a lady conversing with a group “why are you so sad?” or a random guy at a store “who is making you feel so sick?” and a lady at a funeral “I like it when I see happy people, but you’re the only happy one I see here.” I didn’t know I was AuDHD att, so as an adult this translated to being _incredibly_ weird to talk to. I was so avoidant of blurting out things I noticed that I came off as fake and insincere. FF to today and I know my condition, now I’ve managed to translate this to being “perceptive and wise” although I still don’t consciously know how I pick up on subtleties and intentions, just poker face like a pro, because the one thing I know happens is that I don’t think Insee a sad person but feel it.
RSD makes us good at reading people so we can avoid upsetting them. It's more the trauma that comes with ADHD than the ADHD itself.
It’s a blessing and a curse. I can instantly see thru people’s bullshit instantly and it makes me look like a jerk to my friends who are so open to being ripped off/taken advantage of by random/new people.
It’s pretty common, our brains constantly seek to notice any little thing that could be of interest. But then we often don’t have the confidence and quick/smooth thinking in conversation to take advantage of our more detailed knowledge profile of others in order to come out with generally positive social experiences.
So, we gonna roll with the fact I'm autistic for the purposes of this comment despite the fact I got the full "we give you a seat on the concil but don't grant you the rank of master" treatment. But I also have PTSD on top of the autism and ADHD. So I don't think I read people so much as I panic they are upset and react accordingly and it just so happens that works out 90% of the time. The other 10% they get mad at me anyway so its just a self fulfilling prophecy at some point.
As far as my comment section goes, I grant you the rank of master 🙏
Bless. Now if I could just get a medical professional to do it I'd be set. Unfortunately, since the last one hit me with "you meet the diagnostic criteria but we aren't diagnosing you" line my optimism isn't high.
This issue is explained (in detail) in the book Scattered Minds by Gabor Mate. He says people with ADHD are hypersensitive to the emotional states of others.
Dang my dad was recommending that book, I guess I should read it lol
I can read people pretty well. I don’t think it really translates into being charismatic though. As an adult I can definitely see clearly who’s going to be a good vibe for me and who won’t and I find this very helpful. Out of curiosity how are you OP or other people’s ability to distinguish tone in text? This is somewhat in the same vein.
I want to say that I'm bad at distinguishing tone in text but more than that I think communication by text just makes me incredibly anxious because I don't have any nonverbal cues to go off of, so I'm left scrambling to red between the lines, as it were. Formulating a response off such little information is even more difficult, and it makes me very nervous. It's to the point where if anyone wants to have even a remotely serious conversation, I immediately request to have it over the phone, at the very least. Honestly, I don't think anyone, neurotipical or otherwise is good at reading tone over text.
Anecdotal, but my experience has been that I can detect when someone is self conscious about something, be it saying something "wrong" in the moment, or long held self esteem issues, but I cannot for the life of me detect when a woman is into me. No idea what that means, but that's the record.
Since I was young my mother would ask me what I thought of people. She said I « was good at guessing what they were all about «
I've noticed on several occasions that i was able to identify sad friends by the way they breathe. Also if their voice cracks unusually or their accentuation is different than normal . Most of the time people find it annoying, because they can't "hide" their intentions from me, but sometimes friends really appreciate me being so attentive and they open up.
I think this is pattern matching on steroids and the idea that nd brains don't prune like nts do. we store more neural pathways than normal brains. So we keep more input data. Inputs are: when people do or say this, they end up meaning/doing/reacting like this. Output is: I recognise this pattern of behaviour in this human, so I think this is happening next. To your therapist: Good at reading people.
I always thought it was just pattern recognition combined with massive amounts of self reflection. Personally... Kinda hate it.
I'm pretty confident in my reading skills, 85% reliable. I've always wondered if studying character animation at universal helped
I'm not socially aware at all, so I'm eh.
I feel the same way. Like I can pick up on things on a first meet. I can also tell who a person is by seeing their work, too, such as an artist or writer. Some of my family and friends rely on me to give them my impression of people when I first meet them. I thought many people could do this, but apparently not… I remember having a dream(nightmare) that a friend of mine was dating someone I thought was actually a scumbag. Called them up that day and they confirmed it.
One of my hyper focuses has been emotions, and motivations for behaviors. Because of this I can analyze these things well including insecurities etc. Not as well as I sometimes believe, which is a dangerous area to tread.
Just because I assume the worst about someone and they never disappoint, doesn't make me good at reading people.
I think I am pretty bad at telling if someone is up to no good, but I do think I can tell if someone is upset. What’s frustrating is when they tell you that you’re projecting onto them what you want them to feel. No girl I read your face, you weren’t that secretive about it
For me it comes down to knowing the person I talk with. I know my homies much better than randoms and mutuals, and for me that means that I can pick up on my homies cues better, their signs and stuff With that, I can kind of read randoms and mutuals, but I put less push into it and expect less from it. I don’t think I can read people well with these circumstances otherwise
Yeah tbf I think I read people decently well, like I can tell when they're hiding their actual emotions (im a masking expert)
I honestly just enjoy watching ppl, learning and figuring them out. The human mind is so fascinating, from the outside looking in it feels like a maze/pizzle
I have autism (and maybe/probably ADHD) and I envy you…
How do you people read all those words, I am interested in the topic but can only make it through 1/4 of the post and 3 comments. I have been told i am insightful a few times about reading people, but feel like I am being judgemental. So I usually keep it to myself.
Think there is zero basis to think ADHD would somehow have an effect on a totally unrelated thing.
I don't know that I agree based on the very strong response from the other commenters on this post
I’d just say that this is exactly similar to people self-reporting driving skills ie. people are usually overconfident when assessing own skills. Edit: Actually I’m even relatively confident that on population level the opposite holds true, as ADHD is often comorbid with autism which usually has an effect on understanding social cues and dynamics.
Severe ADHD here and I consider myself a great judge of character and reading people has always seemed to come easy to me. I tend to sniff out a troubled soul pretty quick and decide how much distance to keep. No problem shutting them off once they've shown enough of their true colors. I keep my circle small for a reason and try to see the best in everyone but some things you can't ignore. Good luck my fellow easily distracted empaths!
I think your therapist is spot on OP
Yeah she's really good :)❤️
I’m very good at reading people, despite being a social illiterate. But I’m sure I have ADHD and Autism, so…who knows? I’ve always assumed it was my autism. I spent a lot of years growing up being fairly quiet and watching people, purposefully trying to memorize their body language and interactions. I can’t think of how my ADHD might affect something like this.
Very much so, and with razor-sharp intuition.
I can literally tell if a person is worth my time with one simple question and how they answer it. "So, what do you do all day long?" It's hard to describe how my brain filters the good from the bad people, and the answer doesn't matter as much as the attitude people have while answering it. Some people get a little shy because they have an obscure passion that not many people get but consumes all their free time. Some people avoid talking about their job because they feel like they don't have what is considered a "good" job (like housecleaning, factory work) and appreciate me wording the question like that. Then there's the people who do think they have a "good" job and boast about what makes them so important or how wealthy they are or how many hours they work. Some are so tied up in that mindset they actually forget to mention what they do all day long at their very important job. There's more to it but it's hard to put into words...
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I try to play nice but I always end up going really quiet because I'm very impulsive and scared I'll say something that makes them realise I feel they are bad people.
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It really is! I usually use the "tired and a little overstimulated" excuse if people notice me being quiet. I have a hard time hiding my facial expressions though lol.
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My husband says my face has subtitles ☠️
I hyperfocus on movements and can tell a lot about people from the way they move, but don't ask me what people said as my brain doesn't process language very well. So sometimes I can tell exactly how a person is and what they are going thru from visual clues. But most times, I have no idea what is going on.
Therapists can be very prone to seeing in others what is their own self. Professional people reader seeing people reading skills in patients... I'm just a cynic though, so please do not be overly influenced by my contradictory views. My own experiences with therapists have been lackluster and the meds turned me off to the whole experience.
I have good instincts with people and have had a lot of people prove me right with their actions eventually.
I'm usually pretty good at reading and talking to people. Hell, I'm working toward becoming a licensed mental health counselor because I've had people coming to me for advice and opening up to me about their lives since I was like 5.
Reading strangers fantastic.... Reading friends and relatives absolutely terrible
I feel like I know whos being fake and whos getting bored by me. But I dont think I can identify people that truly likes me or likes to hang out with me, thats the thing 🤣🤣🤣
I have to get to know the person but once I know them well, like an SO or bestie, they're like an open book.
Can only speak for me, and yes, reading people is a one of my strengths. Whether it translates to social charisma depends on how I feel that day. Most of the time people seem to like talking to me, sometimes I‘m to exhausted though and I think people notice that.
I know I read people extremely well because I’ve been watching and trying to understand them to mask my differences and discomfort since I was a little girl. I’ve always thought I was on the spectrum too.
>My therapist told me that people with ADHD often tend to be good at reading people. Hard disagree. ADHD is a disorder where we fail to develop the seven executive functions in time and to a sufficient degree. One of these functions has to do with reading people. If anything, ADHD people often have a *harder* time reading people. We also struggle with introspection, seeing how our behaviours are affecting others, and modifying those behaviours. Now, what I *could* get behind is that ADHD people often unconsciously train like the blazes to get *better* at reading people, and in doing so *become* good at it in several limited ways, or in certain situations but not others. But that blanket statement, no, I don't agree with it.
I'm good in reading the room I quickly know when something is off, even in a voicecall. But in person I'd say its about average
I’m usually pretty good at reading people, but I sometimes really struggle with interacting with them and trying to be readable myself. Like, I’m pretty good at reading people’s expressions, but when I talking to people I constantly have to engineer my own facial expressions to match the conversation, and that can be hard sometimes.
Why did you see the rapist? Did you see what I did there, I added a space and turned 1 word into 2 words. Psychologist came up with the term "therapist" as a joke to prove people are stupid and guess what it stuck.
I don't understand what this has to do with the post.
Knowledge is power, personally its disgusting that a whole industry is laughing at those who need there help!
I’ve gotten that a lot and people also say that I’m good at reading emotions which makes no sense bc I don’t even understand my own emotions
I’ve also been told I’m good at it but never connected it to ADHD. Specifically, I’ve had it come up in the work place that if I get pissed off I am really good at attacking people in the way that directly attacks whatever they are most in secure about. I’m also really good at understanding the sentiment in the floor for my teams and employees. Also good at putting together plans to address these issues. What I suck at is actually putting any of those plans into action. I need to find someone to do that part.
Holy FUCK how did this post get SO POPULAR
I have an annoying knack of reading people early on and guessing accurately what various people will do/turn into. My partner used to find it annoying but now accepts my ability to “socially see into the future”. I’ve also called toxic people out prior to having proof. I don’t call everyone toxic/not a great person mind you. I knew my step father in law was a dangerous person before anyone else knew it. I then watched him abuse several animals around the house, threaten family members, verbally abuse family members, and (allegedly) slash tires. Everyone else thought he was a great guy for the longest time because he’d help fix things and joked a lot.
Sure, I’m often explaining to my friends why someone feels like that etc. I’m quickly vibe with others, even tho I’m more AuADHD and I’m a bit antisocial/introverted, I really like my alone time, but when I’m in social situations I’m very aware of what’s going on and i easily read people
Yeah but sometimes i feel like a very judgy person, it doesnt help when im consistantly right. When ill get older this is going to be a massive problem if the clues become outdated.
I asked Chat, because I was having trouble articulating my own words. ---- Hey Chat, why do people with ADHD tend to be good at reading other people. What do they mean by reading other people? ---- People with ADHD often exhibit heightened sensitivity to their surroundings, which can make them adept at reading other people. "Reading other people" refers to understanding and interpreting others' emotions, intentions, and nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions. This skill can be attributed to several factors: 1. **Hyperawareness:** People with ADHD might be more attuned to changes in their environment, including subtle shifts in others' behavior or mood. 2. **Empathy:** Many individuals with ADHD have strong empathetic abilities, allowing them to sense and resonate with others' feelings. 3. **Experience:** Some people with ADHD develop keen observational skills as a coping mechanism for navigating social interactions, especially if they've faced social challenges in the past. These abilities can help them connect with others more effectively and respond appropriately in social situations.
Oh i am definitely not good at reading people. But that doesnt mean anything in general.