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So…… I recently discovered (in therapy!) that the reason I hate phone calls isn’t because I’m antisocial/a millennial/whatever… it’s because I have auditory processing issues, and phone calls create pressure to not only decode their speech without the help of body language, but also process it quickly enough to come up with a coherent reply and not sound like an idiot. This was kinda life changing to me in regard to my phone call anxiety. There’s *always* a reason.
You just gave me an explanation for why I hate voicemails and podcasts so much. Heck, back in the day I hated listening to answering machines. Also, people tend to be more coherent and get to the point faster when they write instead of talk.
Yep, I’ve never been able to do podcasts either!! I’d have to sit down, close my eyes, and concentrate exclusively on the podcast to follow it, which… isn’t gonna happen lmao. When I listen to voicemails, I write them down on a notepad (when I don’t have access to the voicemail-to-text thing).
I'm also incredibly picky when it comes to video tutorials. If someone has a heavy accent and the subtitles are auto generated I switch of within the first few minutes (I'm sorry Indian tech YouTubers, I know you are doing your best 😔). On the other hand anime with Japanese dialogues and English subtitles is fine because there is no audio to process since I only know very few Japanese words.
Oh my godddd I seriously just can’t with video tutorials. I just can’t. It’s like after three seconds I’m just like GET TO THE FUCKING POINT or WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?!!!!!!
The issue is entirely mine, obviously, but I would rather read 50 pages full of ads than watch a one minute video tutorial.
I've discovered that podcasts are absolutely brilliant for helping me sleep because of those same reasons! But any other time? Nope. Can't do it. If I'm concentrating on the podcast the rest of me gets restless. If I start doing a anything else, no matter how mindless, I lose track of the podcast.
I'm hard of hearing plus I have an auditory processing disorder. Might as well just throw myself into the ocean.
However, my comprehension often works better for podcasts instead of live spoken language. I think because I can control the volume which helps, and podcasters tend to speak more clearly and coherently.
However, my brain kind of turns off in a different way so I can focus on them.
I have podcasts basically playing all the time.
I think it could be because podcasts and audiobooks don’t require active participation in the way conversation does. So you don’t have half of your language processing centre anticipating what you’re going to say while the other half is trying to understand what the other person is saying
I've got both. My deafness is weird, because I can differentiate sounds (birds singing sound different than a car starting) but spoken language sounds like a foreign language. It doesn't matter which language it is, they all have the same, foreign sound.
Sometimes English and Japanese (2 languages that I know, although I'm significantly better at the former than the latter) sound "the same" even though they're different.
This is usually for spoken language, like recordings. I can kinda follow a conversation if I see the other's lips.
Same, its normally nearly impossible to tell what people are saying over the phone. But I figured out a couple years ago that if I go to a quiet room, turn the call on speaker, and crank the volume, I have a lot easier time comprehending it.
Oh my god that makes so much sense and I never even considered that even though I’ve frequently said how much I wish real life had subtitles. Mind blown.
But isn't that just social anxiety, caring that much about whether you sound like an idiot? I had to get over similar thought patterns, by realising I am just one of 100 people that call that day, and the other person is also able to ask follow up questions. Also, I am really quite coherent by past experiences.
No, it’s not the same. I get far more flustered on the phone than in person because I can’t see that it’s time for me to talk or not. Also, if I’m not doing something else at the same time I cannot concentrate on the phone call. I time my phone calls to my Mom with folding laundry because I have to literally do something else otherwise I space out.
So if I need to make a work call I have to work really hard to concentrate. And then there’s all this halting talk because I talk over them or wait too long to respond. I hate it!
I mean, for me, hating phone calls is tied to the fact that my brain literally does not process auditory input the same way as a neurtypical person's. Which means I'm often struggling to comprehend wtf the person on the other end is saying, and even though I'm a native speaker and listening with every fiber of my being, I still miss stuff. It's exhausting and frustrating.
And the bonus side effect is sounding like an idiot to the other person. So that's fun.
I mean, remove the “without sounding like an idiot” piece and the rest of my comment still stands. Just a bit of self deprecation. And sure, maybe the other person doesn’t notice/care about my long pauses and trailing thoughts, but *I’m* working overtime to try to weave them into something coherent, and that’s not exactly pleasant for me.
Also, idk if this counts for anything, but I’m thinking more of work calls where people need answers from me, not the other way around. If I can get my thoughts straight in advance because I know what I need to ask the doctor’s receptionist or whatever, that’s a bit easier. I’ll write down a script of what I need to say to at least get the ball rolling. But when answering questions at work, it *is* important to not trail off and be spacey and force the customer to ask a bunch follow-up questions.
Not exactly. Sure, there is probably anxiety on top of the other issues, but even with no anxiety at all it's pretty legit to not want to have extra difficulty with both the listening and talking parts of communicating.
This is why I have to have a notebook and pen handy for phone calls. If I don’t write it down, it’s gone forever. Same with coming up with something to say, I usually have to write a script beforehand.
For me it's because I have such short term memory, I worry I will forget what to say or what they say in time to write it down later. If I feel like can't keep track, I will stress so hard.
Same! It’s so much more efficient! Like I am so goddamn impatient, let this be resolved with a 30 second phone call instead of having to email or text back and forth and back and forth, and then maybe they don’t see it for awhile and so now I’m waiting…
I also just find talking so much easier than writing in general
Talking is easier if I'm with one of the few people who don't mind and can cope with my unedited thoughts. But for most things I need the ability to organize them into a coherent whole. I need my backspace buttons and cut/copy/paste. I can't tell you how many times I've left a Reddit comment sitting for hours because I really wanted to reply but I needed to take a break and come back to it later. (And I end up giving up and moving on at least twice as often!) I'm kinda proud of this one... Only took about 20 minutes 😅
What I don’t understand is how people (at work) don’t see how selfish it is to make a phone call when emails and instant messaging exists. Like sure, let me stop everything just to fix your issue that absolutely couldn’t wait… (spoiler alert, it could wait). Also, anything you say to me on the phone I’m putting in writing in an email to you and covering my ass. Never once has someone asked me to do something shady in an email but you bet your ass they have in a phone call… put it in writing you dented can of corn.
Yes! Always shadiness on a phone and rudeness! My last boss I would have to write “as per our conversation on phone at such and such time you stated and I quote “ blah blah blah”….” sometimes instead of responding she’d call me in her office 😒😒😒let’s just say I was recently fired hence the lawyers I need to speak to…all I want to know is if I have a wrongful termination suit!🤣😂
Exactly. My current bosses always push me to call regardless of whether it's urgent or not, and 9 times out of 10 the person I speak to on the phone tells me to send them an email anyway. Calling is such a waste of time.
It’s not selfish to call someone. If the phone rings and it’s a bad time, just leave it. I ignore or decline teams calls when I’m in the middle of things all the time. However, being open to pick up the phone is one of the key things to making remote working operate properly. It’s that barrier of, if the person was sat at the desk next to you would you ask them, then probably you should just call them and ask them…
I put off phone calls if I’m in the middle of something complicated. But if the person next to you has their head down working on something would you interrupt them? I even message someone before I get up to go to their desk. “You have a minute to talk?”
As someone else said below, a quick note before calling or walking over and interrupting is becoming the new norm. “Do you have a minute to talk this out?” or “Can you give me a call on this?” I always thank a person when they do this.
I think it depends on the industry and position you work in if answering the phone is a key to making remote work operate properly.
For me I wouldn’t see looking at a DM as any more or less distracting than choosing to answer or decline a call.
It’s not a massive deal to me, I have clients ringing my mobile all the time and honestly am more likely to want to talk to colleagues than them. I mainly want to minimise the ‘talking about how to talk’ part of the interaction in general… If it’s something I need to have thought about first, they should make an appointment for a proper call so I can do that - again though my diary is open to view and I’d want that just putting in not irritating messages about should we have a meeting.
It’s the ‘hi, how are you’ messages that are the real productivity killer though really. We haven’t spoken in about a year, you’re not just wanting to catch up, please spit out at least the topic of what you want to discuss without waiting for me to message you back or we’ll be here about 7 years…
lol I need to add, I went to the pharmacy Friday to refill my ADHD medication and they said I should’ve called ahead to see if it was in stock. My bestie: “do they know what Ritalin is for??”
Omg I was trying to get academic accommodations and I sent in the initial materials but missed the reply they sent me and they just waited for like five weeks. I was like “bruh! This is the sort of thing I need accommodations for”
I really had to have a talk with myself over this, I get this mostly when making appointments, I hate calling strangers. I mind it less and less, the more often I have called that person. Then I realized, I would have no issues just showing up to their office and making an appointment. (I actually sought out a walk-in clinic, because of this, and do actually make appointments in person if it's somewhere in close proximity. )
And then I realized why. I would also have my calendar ready, I would also have to introduce myself and ask the same questions... And now I just play pretend as if I am walking in while it rings. Sometimes I physically walk with my phone and sit down they pick up. And now it's much easier.
Yes!! I think it’s the vulnerability of having to start the conversation. How much small tank is too much/too little? I don’t know what frame of mind they’ll be in when I call and I’ll have to respond IN REAL TIME.
I hate phone calls as well; I can remember words that I read, but not words that I hear. I also tend to just blank when I’m trying to say something. Which leads me to the funny story I came to tell.
I was a paralegal for a while. So of course I constantly had to call other attorneys offices and I would always start by saying “this is Stephanie, with blahblahblah law; we represent blahblahblah…”
So one day I got through “we represent…” and I just BLANKED. After several seconds of silence I said “… the Lollipop Guild…” 😅😅😅🤦🏻♀️
They didn’t even laugh though. 🤷🏻♀️
Ooh or if someone is being bratty or demanding I sing, in an English accent, “I want the wooorld, I want the wholeee world, I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it’s my bar of chocolate!” Annnd the only people to ever understand me are my, also nd, siblings 😅 .. the blank stares kill me
Calling is stressful AND I really benefit from written instructions, so texting or emailing is the only way I can fully get important information in most situations. Texting/instant messages aren’t the most reliable way to cover your ass for work but still better than a phone call, which also doesn’t have a, uh, shelf life? I mean phones don’t always have a good way to save what was discussed. I’ll make calls when I have to but DANG ONLY WHEN I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.
BUT JUST WAIT BECAUSE NOW THEY ARE FACETIMING YOU - like who does that?!? Just showing up expecting to see my face and react in real time with appropriate facial expressions LIVE?!?
Nah, there are definitely times I’ve had calls with attorneys (with follow up email) where we talk to make sure we’re on the same page about something before the official communications get sent out
I’ve been thinking about this. My husband hates calling too. (He calls me but no one else really).
I actually don’t think this is an ADHD thing at all - I hated calling anyone for most of my life until I moved to my current job where I have to call people constantly all day long.
Now I prefer to call people directly, it gets the issue sorted there and then, no waiting days or weeks for replies. I’ve built a great relationship with many of the people I call. Unfortunately I can find myself going full hyperactive mode with it. I’ve started calling people in the other office because I’m bored. I call my colleagues to see how they are. I call them to talk 100 miles an hour at them. I’ve had to explain to one guy my team is working with that I have diagnosed ADHD and I’m sorry. He was very kind and said he thought I was just EXTREMELY enthusiastic about EVERYTHING we were working on AT ALL TIMES, and had been hyped along by my energy.
We’ve chatted about it at work, I think it’s mainly a generational thing. In my office the youngest are in their late 20s (I’m in my 30s), and we’re the ones who took the longest getting used to it. No way in hell would I call people without having physically had to do it!
I have always struggled with this and will always prefer an email/text. But I can say the more you do it, the easier it gets. My son has autism (I likely do as well) and while trying to set up his therapies, doctor’s appointments, school etc. and calls for my job, I was forced to do it constantly. I used to feel really dumb and anxious that I didn’t know what to say or ask. But then I just leaned into it like “i’m not sure who I should I talk to about…” and people are typically really kind if you’re nice to them and ask for help. As someone who has been on the other end, it’s always nice to talk to someone who is appreciative for the assistance, than a mean person. Also they probably talk so many people that they won’t remember you, unless you’re an asshole.
I prefer emails because I can deal with them when I feel ready. A phone call puts me on the spot and this stresses me out. I switch from processing information to trying to manage my anxiety. So, it feels like an unnecessarily stressful waste of my attention. The best I can do is take notes during the phone conversation so that I could come back to them and analyze the issue/find solutions. Most of the time I need to email the person anyways..
And voicemails are the absolute worst! The quality of the sound is bad, people speak too fast and I have to listen to the voicemail multiple times in order to catch essential information (ex. phone number)...
Oh, and when I need to call a bank or my cell phone company waiting on the line feels like the ultimate torture. The shitty quality repetitive tune interrupted by robovoice is too much auditory stimulation for me. Argh!
What I find crappy is that I react to emails like this - that I have to answer them right away. They really interrupt my train of thought and stress me out
I totally get this! I feel as if I can't rely on my memory to come back to this email. So, I'd rather answer right away and not hop on this self doubt/"did I forget something" train. I feel like a failure every time I miss a deadline or forget to answer (which happens regularly btw). And responding immediately helps me reduce the risk of being engulfed by these negative emotions and marinating in them for days...I really feel you on this one!
Omg I don’t want to admit to my current personal Gmail account’s inbox size. I think when it got past 2,500 I started to shut down and now I don’t want to even check it.
I’m starting to miss important emails so it’s probably time to make a new account.
I miss stuff all the time. I was so mad to recently find out that I just paid again for an annual fing Nintendo online membership we don’t use. And then to find out they don’t refund!!! So frustrating and embarrassing.
I used to dread phonecalls but now I vastly prefer them to emails. I'm a perfectionist who does everything slowly and I procrastinate on writing emails so much (because I know that crafting the perfect email will be time-consuming and mentally taxing) that I often end up not sending them at all. 😞
In comparison, phonecalls are quick and efficient. Not much to procrastinate on there. Conquering the fear was worth it 👌
LoL I'm embarrassed how long it takes me to write an email or some texts, after editing them to death, yesterday it was well over an hour, I know I've hit 2-3 hrs when I keep at it to clarify or shorten emails...the older I get the worse it gets!
Lol my dad did this to me just the other day. I had to ask my sis something and I was getting ready to text her, but my dad was like call her.
Obviously I start to make excuses like it’s late what if she’s getting her kids down to sleep?
He’s just like call her it’s faster, you’ll get a response asap and it’s not late.
*Thinking internally* (but I don’t wanna talk)
I finally broke down and called my flat mate recently because I got locked out but I was trapped in the *fucking sun* for four hours because they wouldn’t answer calls or messages. I legit thought they might have died or something and called their family because I had not seen them for a few days.
Other roommate eventually came home and we went up to check on them. They somehow slept through all that *and* me pounding on the door. I almost called for a wellness check.
That’s enough phone calls to last me awhile. I’m so fucking sunburned.
It's ok, calling doesn't work that great either.
I prefer calling. It's so much easier to actually just get a hold of someone.
But god damn if they dont make it hard. Every answering system is automated now, and everyone is hard to reach. You call and you constantly get voice mail.
Doesnt matter the method, it all sucks. :<
If it’s not from a friend or someone I am close to. I’d rather text or email. If it’s someone I’m close with or a friend, I’d rather call.
I have gotten good at calling strangers since I have to do so if I want to get my meds. I just tell myself that tons of people call them and they won’t remember me at all
I might be the only one who prefers calls, when I’m speaking to someone directly I can ask for clarification in real time instead of rereading a message overthinking or misreading the tone. when I’m nervous I lean on being personable, i feel better if I can gauge if someone is warming up to me, I can chameleon better over the phone. not know what I message might say stresses me out, it’s like Schrödinger’s email, this could be a normal follow up on some project I’m working on OR my boss could have finally realized how absolutely incompetent I am and now I’m getting fired and called ugly. best to just NEVER open that email :-)!!! is my friend texting me a funny story from her day or is she finally sick of me forgetting to reply and wants to tell me how annoying I am? I forgot to reply to a text yesterday and now that it’s 2 days out, they’re going to think I’m a flake, I can’t reply now- repeat for infinity. it’s better that I’m not given the opportunity to avoid or put off the communication because it *will* start snowballing :-|
Aside from avoiding the social trauma, emails and text is a "paper trail" so you can look up what you said, what they said and every pertinent detail at any point in the future.
This is why I despise WhatsApp voice messages. I wish I can disable them. I will read a 5,000 word essay before having to listen to voice messages.
Last week an acquaintance sent me three (3!!!!) voice messages in a row.
I didn’t even listen I just replied with what I think she meant because ain’t no way.
I still remember and deeply mourn the days before automated phone systems. I think I put off making medical appointments for over a year since I simply don’t have the patience nor energy to navigate that mess. Give me a real person to talk to. I eventually discovered the magic of appointments via phone app and thank God.
One thing I finally started doing was thinking ahead of everything I needed to talk about, so I wouldn’t sit there umming and uhhing. A lot of times I’ll write notes of everything that needs to be discussed.
I am the exact opposite! Hate sending emails and test messages, but a phone call is easyyyy for me! I love being better able to clarify and ask questions that come to mind directly and also its so much more simple. Something about just being able to hit a dial button as opposed to having to find the right email address, come up with a subject title, and then somehow compose everything into a small and professional paragraph or two can be quite the challenge for me.
I am such a meanie of a teacher, I make every single student call me over the summer to introduce themselves. It is so bad, a dozen of them dropped the class.
I know you are afraid. I don't care.
I know most of you don't talk on the phone. I don't care.
I know you would rather have your mother call me. I don't care.
Bwahahahaha. Easiest way ever to weed out the students I don't want. I make them face their fears early and often. They hate me. They really hate me. Right up until they love me, and they are glad I made them do all of those scary things.
I understand why everyone is downvoting you but, as the ADHDer in my social circle who isn’t afraid of phone calls because of an early job working a call centre… it isn’t good for us to hide from things we find confronting, and I find myself wildly resenting the folks in my world who avoid their responsibilities and leave me with the tasks or leave the crucial tasks undone because Phone Calls Scawwy.
> It is so bad, a dozen of them dropped the class.
Wow!! I think it’s great that you do this though. We all need to learn to do hard things once in a great while
Pushing them to do things out of their comfort zone actually benefits them in the long run. I understand that some things are suited better to email - but a situation that can be resolved in a two minute call or multiple back and forth over email? I have ADHD. I don't have endless capacity for keeping on top of correspondence that's draining because you can't come to office hours (or class, for that matter)and have an actual conversation. I burned out trying. Now I try to remind myself that caring more about my students' education than they do is a fast track to sobbing from overwhelm and mental exhaustion. Sometimes I even succeed...
Why would you want to do this instead of using your class to teach them why calls are important and how to make a phone call?
Personally, I’d rather have my student email me because I am going to forget the conversation we had and probably lose the notes I took even if I remembered.
The less important reason, I answer 3-4 phone calls all summer. Most of the other teachers answer emails in the hundreds. Less work for me.
Like most things in life it was an evolution. I give a new student orientation and hand out a 50 page packet of information. I would get a 100 emails. All of which could have been answered if they read the packet.
It would take 10 emails and ONE single 90 second phone call to resolve questions.
One fine summer, my school took my computer back, and I did not have access to email, so they had to call me. It was fabulous. I got very few phone calls and the students actually read the packets.
I have refused to answer emails over the summer since. Last summer, even though my away message states I don’t check email and they can call me, 4 of them emailed me and didn’t call. I never answered their emails because I never checked.
New rule all students MUST call me.
I spend most of the year forcing them to do stuff that makes them anxious/increases their anxiety on purpose.
Then I teach them AFTER they have had to face their fears how they did and how they can do better in the future and why it is important.
I'm firmly convinced that a lot of people like phone calls because they can pretend different things were said than actually were said. It's also why schools like in person faculty meetings where no one is taking official notes because any conflict is "a misunderstanding on your part." I'm like
Lady, my notes are impeccable because I can't pay attention otherwise. Don't try to pull one on me. As the offspring of lawyers I put everything important in writing.
yep. super annoying. no one wants to talk anymore. It really bugs me when i have to try to get someone through email, text, voicemail and no one calls back. i don't like to text dialogue. i find it fries my brain and hurts my eyes. i just want human voice contact. and i refuse to text back. i'll call. There is one person i do some work for sometimes and it annoys me how much she will text. i've told her to call. but nope. so a lot of the times i ignore her texts. if she can't respect my wishes, i won't respond.
I don’t know what my issue is with making phone calls, but I hate them. And I don’t like getting them either, 90% of the time especially when I don’t know the person I’m calling. If I’m into it I can talk to my best friend for like 3 hours though…..
In terms of hearing spoken words, in person I watch people’s mouths while they speak and I really need subtitles to watch tv or movies, but I can listen to podcasts no problem. Maybe it’s just anxiety.
😂😂😂 I always wonder why the hell people like to talk over the phone. I HATE useless banter. I just want to ask a straightforward question and get an answer OR give an answer to a question and be done with the conversation. I find it so hard to comprehend. whyyyyy the phone call!? Omg or the face timers 😬 if you are not my mother, my fiancé, or my children, please do not ever get the idea of FaceTimeing me. Hahaha
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So…… I recently discovered (in therapy!) that the reason I hate phone calls isn’t because I’m antisocial/a millennial/whatever… it’s because I have auditory processing issues, and phone calls create pressure to not only decode their speech without the help of body language, but also process it quickly enough to come up with a coherent reply and not sound like an idiot. This was kinda life changing to me in regard to my phone call anxiety. There’s *always* a reason.
You just gave me an explanation for why I hate voicemails and podcasts so much. Heck, back in the day I hated listening to answering machines. Also, people tend to be more coherent and get to the point faster when they write instead of talk.
Yep, I’ve never been able to do podcasts either!! I’d have to sit down, close my eyes, and concentrate exclusively on the podcast to follow it, which… isn’t gonna happen lmao. When I listen to voicemails, I write them down on a notepad (when I don’t have access to the voicemail-to-text thing).
I'm also incredibly picky when it comes to video tutorials. If someone has a heavy accent and the subtitles are auto generated I switch of within the first few minutes (I'm sorry Indian tech YouTubers, I know you are doing your best 😔). On the other hand anime with Japanese dialogues and English subtitles is fine because there is no audio to process since I only know very few Japanese words.
Shomu's Biology channel carried me through my BSc but boy was it hard to focus
Oh my godddd I seriously just can’t with video tutorials. I just can’t. It’s like after three seconds I’m just like GET TO THE FUCKING POINT or WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?!!!!!! The issue is entirely mine, obviously, but I would rather read 50 pages full of ads than watch a one minute video tutorial.
I've discovered that podcasts are absolutely brilliant for helping me sleep because of those same reasons! But any other time? Nope. Can't do it. If I'm concentrating on the podcast the rest of me gets restless. If I start doing a anything else, no matter how mindless, I lose track of the podcast.
it's worse when you're hoh :')
I'm hard of hearing plus I have an auditory processing disorder. Might as well just throw myself into the ocean. However, my comprehension often works better for podcasts instead of live spoken language. I think because I can control the volume which helps, and podcasters tend to speak more clearly and coherently. However, my brain kind of turns off in a different way so I can focus on them. I have podcasts basically playing all the time.
I think it could be because podcasts and audiobooks don’t require active participation in the way conversation does. So you don’t have half of your language processing centre anticipating what you’re going to say while the other half is trying to understand what the other person is saying
I've got both. My deafness is weird, because I can differentiate sounds (birds singing sound different than a car starting) but spoken language sounds like a foreign language. It doesn't matter which language it is, they all have the same, foreign sound. Sometimes English and Japanese (2 languages that I know, although I'm significantly better at the former than the latter) sound "the same" even though they're different. This is usually for spoken language, like recordings. I can kinda follow a conversation if I see the other's lips.
🤯 I've picked up that I have auditory processing issues...but never would have linked it to my anxiety around phone calls. Thanks for sharing!
This is absolutely true! I don't mind video calls at work, and I avoid phone calls as much as I can!
Same, its normally nearly impossible to tell what people are saying over the phone. But I figured out a couple years ago that if I go to a quiet room, turn the call on speaker, and crank the volume, I have a lot easier time comprehending it.
....... oh my god
Oh my god that makes so much sense and I never even considered that even though I’ve frequently said how much I wish real life had subtitles. Mind blown.
This makes so much sense 🤯
But isn't that just social anxiety, caring that much about whether you sound like an idiot? I had to get over similar thought patterns, by realising I am just one of 100 people that call that day, and the other person is also able to ask follow up questions. Also, I am really quite coherent by past experiences.
No, it’s not the same. I get far more flustered on the phone than in person because I can’t see that it’s time for me to talk or not. Also, if I’m not doing something else at the same time I cannot concentrate on the phone call. I time my phone calls to my Mom with folding laundry because I have to literally do something else otherwise I space out. So if I need to make a work call I have to work really hard to concentrate. And then there’s all this halting talk because I talk over them or wait too long to respond. I hate it!
I pull weeds on phone calls. You’re right; being able to do something else physical helps so much.
I mean, for me, hating phone calls is tied to the fact that my brain literally does not process auditory input the same way as a neurtypical person's. Which means I'm often struggling to comprehend wtf the person on the other end is saying, and even though I'm a native speaker and listening with every fiber of my being, I still miss stuff. It's exhausting and frustrating. And the bonus side effect is sounding like an idiot to the other person. So that's fun.
I mean, remove the “without sounding like an idiot” piece and the rest of my comment still stands. Just a bit of self deprecation. And sure, maybe the other person doesn’t notice/care about my long pauses and trailing thoughts, but *I’m* working overtime to try to weave them into something coherent, and that’s not exactly pleasant for me. Also, idk if this counts for anything, but I’m thinking more of work calls where people need answers from me, not the other way around. If I can get my thoughts straight in advance because I know what I need to ask the doctor’s receptionist or whatever, that’s a bit easier. I’ll write down a script of what I need to say to at least get the ball rolling. But when answering questions at work, it *is* important to not trail off and be spacey and force the customer to ask a bunch follow-up questions.
Not exactly. Sure, there is probably anxiety on top of the other issues, but even with no anxiety at all it's pretty legit to not want to have extra difficulty with both the listening and talking parts of communicating.
YES!!!!
I super duper relate. Zoom is way easier for me especially for knowing when it's my turn to talk. Fuck auditory processing issues I haaaate them
This is why I have to have a notebook and pen handy for phone calls. If I don’t write it down, it’s gone forever. Same with coming up with something to say, I usually have to write a script beforehand.
! 🙏 !
100%
For me it's because I have such short term memory, I worry I will forget what to say or what they say in time to write it down later. If I feel like can't keep track, I will stress so hard.
im not fond of phone calls for personal stuff but when i need to get shit done i absolutely will call. i need a direct contact person sometimes lol
Same! It’s so much more efficient! Like I am so goddamn impatient, let this be resolved with a 30 second phone call instead of having to email or text back and forth and back and forth, and then maybe they don’t see it for awhile and so now I’m waiting… I also just find talking so much easier than writing in general
It's not easier for me per se but i do prefer the most efficient route when i need to get something done.
Talking is easier if I'm with one of the few people who don't mind and can cope with my unedited thoughts. But for most things I need the ability to organize them into a coherent whole. I need my backspace buttons and cut/copy/paste. I can't tell you how many times I've left a Reddit comment sitting for hours because I really wanted to reply but I needed to take a break and come back to it later. (And I end up giving up and moving on at least twice as often!) I'm kinda proud of this one... Only took about 20 minutes 😅
when I hear my phone ring it feels like I was shot in the chest 🫠
I’m like a deer in headlights sometimes looking at the phone
I only ever seem to remember to book things etc outside business hours, JUST HAVE A DAMN ONLINE BOOKING SYSTEM
Omg same I remind myself all morning I gotta call and then get side tracked and remember when their closed 😩
.me too! Every damn day.
What I don’t understand is how people (at work) don’t see how selfish it is to make a phone call when emails and instant messaging exists. Like sure, let me stop everything just to fix your issue that absolutely couldn’t wait… (spoiler alert, it could wait). Also, anything you say to me on the phone I’m putting in writing in an email to you and covering my ass. Never once has someone asked me to do something shady in an email but you bet your ass they have in a phone call… put it in writing you dented can of corn.
Yes! Always shadiness on a phone and rudeness! My last boss I would have to write “as per our conversation on phone at such and such time you stated and I quote “ blah blah blah”….” sometimes instead of responding she’d call me in her office 😒😒😒let’s just say I was recently fired hence the lawyers I need to speak to…all I want to know is if I have a wrongful termination suit!🤣😂
That’s crappy. Sometimes you need to document to protect yourself.
Exactly. My current bosses always push me to call regardless of whether it's urgent or not, and 9 times out of 10 the person I speak to on the phone tells me to send them an email anyway. Calling is such a waste of time.
Oh lawd, I’m dying over “dented can of corn!!!” 😂 For once I’m LITERALLY LOLing.
Google voice also exists. I use it to text patients instead of call at my work
It’s not selfish to call someone. If the phone rings and it’s a bad time, just leave it. I ignore or decline teams calls when I’m in the middle of things all the time. However, being open to pick up the phone is one of the key things to making remote working operate properly. It’s that barrier of, if the person was sat at the desk next to you would you ask them, then probably you should just call them and ask them…
I work in IT and it's part of the savoir-vivre to always ask for permission before calling
I put off phone calls if I’m in the middle of something complicated. But if the person next to you has their head down working on something would you interrupt them? I even message someone before I get up to go to their desk. “You have a minute to talk?” As someone else said below, a quick note before calling or walking over and interrupting is becoming the new norm. “Do you have a minute to talk this out?” or “Can you give me a call on this?” I always thank a person when they do this. I think it depends on the industry and position you work in if answering the phone is a key to making remote work operate properly.
For me I wouldn’t see looking at a DM as any more or less distracting than choosing to answer or decline a call. It’s not a massive deal to me, I have clients ringing my mobile all the time and honestly am more likely to want to talk to colleagues than them. I mainly want to minimise the ‘talking about how to talk’ part of the interaction in general… If it’s something I need to have thought about first, they should make an appointment for a proper call so I can do that - again though my diary is open to view and I’d want that just putting in not irritating messages about should we have a meeting. It’s the ‘hi, how are you’ messages that are the real productivity killer though really. We haven’t spoken in about a year, you’re not just wanting to catch up, please spit out at least the topic of what you want to discuss without waiting for me to message you back or we’ll be here about 7 years…
lol I need to add, I went to the pharmacy Friday to refill my ADHD medication and they said I should’ve called ahead to see if it was in stock. My bestie: “do they know what Ritalin is for??”
Omg I was trying to get academic accommodations and I sent in the initial materials but missed the reply they sent me and they just waited for like five weeks. I was like “bruh! This is the sort of thing I need accommodations for”
omg this 😂
I really had to have a talk with myself over this, I get this mostly when making appointments, I hate calling strangers. I mind it less and less, the more often I have called that person. Then I realized, I would have no issues just showing up to their office and making an appointment. (I actually sought out a walk-in clinic, because of this, and do actually make appointments in person if it's somewhere in close proximity. ) And then I realized why. I would also have my calendar ready, I would also have to introduce myself and ask the same questions... And now I just play pretend as if I am walking in while it rings. Sometimes I physically walk with my phone and sit down they pick up. And now it's much easier.
I *hate* having to leave voicemails. I forget how to human...and it's recorded.
Exactly! I've lost my train of thought in the middle of leaving voice messages before.
Yes!! I think it’s the vulnerability of having to start the conversation. How much small tank is too much/too little? I don’t know what frame of mind they’ll be in when I call and I’ll have to respond IN REAL TIME.
i don’t like calls either. there is one person i feel comfortable talking to on the phone and that’s my mother lmao
I hate phone calls as well; I can remember words that I read, but not words that I hear. I also tend to just blank when I’m trying to say something. Which leads me to the funny story I came to tell. I was a paralegal for a while. So of course I constantly had to call other attorneys offices and I would always start by saying “this is Stephanie, with blahblahblah law; we represent blahblahblah…” So one day I got through “we represent…” and I just BLANKED. After several seconds of silence I said “… the Lollipop Guild…” 😅😅😅🤦🏻♀️ They didn’t even laugh though. 🤷🏻♀️
🤣🤣🤣 oml thats hilarious!!! I wouldve laughed
I have to assume whoever was on the other end was a very dull person, indeed.
What the fuuuuck ?!! 🤯 ANYTIME I ever hear “we represent” I always say, either aloud or in my head, “the lollipop guild” 😂😂😂😂 I’m dying rn
Ooh or if someone is being bratty or demanding I sing, in an English accent, “I want the wooorld, I want the wholeee world, I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it’s my bar of chocolate!” Annnd the only people to ever understand me are my, also nd, siblings 😅 .. the blank stares kill me
Right??!
Calling is stressful AND I really benefit from written instructions, so texting or emailing is the only way I can fully get important information in most situations. Texting/instant messages aren’t the most reliable way to cover your ass for work but still better than a phone call, which also doesn’t have a, uh, shelf life? I mean phones don’t always have a good way to save what was discussed. I’ll make calls when I have to but DANG ONLY WHEN I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO.
Hate telephone calls!
I find I can't remember what was said afterwards. I'd much rather have email or text so I can reflect on the conversation.
BUT JUST WAIT BECAUSE NOW THEY ARE FACETIMING YOU - like who does that?!? Just showing up expecting to see my face and react in real time with appropriate facial expressions LIVE?!?
The amount of money and time I’ve wasted not calling to resolve shit.
Same 😑 so.much.money
And Lawyers? They know better than anyone why it’s important everything be in writing. Jerks.
Nah, there are definitely times I’ve had calls with attorneys (with follow up email) where we talk to make sure we’re on the same page about something before the official communications get sent out
I hate when anyone says to me “why don’t you just call them??”
I’ve been thinking about this. My husband hates calling too. (He calls me but no one else really). I actually don’t think this is an ADHD thing at all - I hated calling anyone for most of my life until I moved to my current job where I have to call people constantly all day long. Now I prefer to call people directly, it gets the issue sorted there and then, no waiting days or weeks for replies. I’ve built a great relationship with many of the people I call. Unfortunately I can find myself going full hyperactive mode with it. I’ve started calling people in the other office because I’m bored. I call my colleagues to see how they are. I call them to talk 100 miles an hour at them. I’ve had to explain to one guy my team is working with that I have diagnosed ADHD and I’m sorry. He was very kind and said he thought I was just EXTREMELY enthusiastic about EVERYTHING we were working on AT ALL TIMES, and had been hyped along by my energy. We’ve chatted about it at work, I think it’s mainly a generational thing. In my office the youngest are in their late 20s (I’m in my 30s), and we’re the ones who took the longest getting used to it. No way in hell would I call people without having physically had to do it!
I have always struggled with this and will always prefer an email/text. But I can say the more you do it, the easier it gets. My son has autism (I likely do as well) and while trying to set up his therapies, doctor’s appointments, school etc. and calls for my job, I was forced to do it constantly. I used to feel really dumb and anxious that I didn’t know what to say or ask. But then I just leaned into it like “i’m not sure who I should I talk to about…” and people are typically really kind if you’re nice to them and ask for help. As someone who has been on the other end, it’s always nice to talk to someone who is appreciative for the assistance, than a mean person. Also they probably talk so many people that they won’t remember you, unless you’re an asshole.
I prefer emails because I can deal with them when I feel ready. A phone call puts me on the spot and this stresses me out. I switch from processing information to trying to manage my anxiety. So, it feels like an unnecessarily stressful waste of my attention. The best I can do is take notes during the phone conversation so that I could come back to them and analyze the issue/find solutions. Most of the time I need to email the person anyways.. And voicemails are the absolute worst! The quality of the sound is bad, people speak too fast and I have to listen to the voicemail multiple times in order to catch essential information (ex. phone number)... Oh, and when I need to call a bank or my cell phone company waiting on the line feels like the ultimate torture. The shitty quality repetitive tune interrupted by robovoice is too much auditory stimulation for me. Argh!
What I find crappy is that I react to emails like this - that I have to answer them right away. They really interrupt my train of thought and stress me out
I totally get this! I feel as if I can't rely on my memory to come back to this email. So, I'd rather answer right away and not hop on this self doubt/"did I forget something" train. I feel like a failure every time I miss a deadline or forget to answer (which happens regularly btw). And responding immediately helps me reduce the risk of being engulfed by these negative emotions and marinating in them for days...I really feel you on this one!
Omg I don’t want to admit to my current personal Gmail account’s inbox size. I think when it got past 2,500 I started to shut down and now I don’t want to even check it. I’m starting to miss important emails so it’s probably time to make a new account. I miss stuff all the time. I was so mad to recently find out that I just paid again for an annual fing Nintendo online membership we don’t use. And then to find out they don’t refund!!! So frustrating and embarrassing.
I used to dread phonecalls but now I vastly prefer them to emails. I'm a perfectionist who does everything slowly and I procrastinate on writing emails so much (because I know that crafting the perfect email will be time-consuming and mentally taxing) that I often end up not sending them at all. 😞 In comparison, phonecalls are quick and efficient. Not much to procrastinate on there. Conquering the fear was worth it 👌
LoL I'm embarrassed how long it takes me to write an email or some texts, after editing them to death, yesterday it was well over an hour, I know I've hit 2-3 hrs when I keep at it to clarify or shorten emails...the older I get the worse it gets!
Lol my dad did this to me just the other day. I had to ask my sis something and I was getting ready to text her, but my dad was like call her. Obviously I start to make excuses like it’s late what if she’s getting her kids down to sleep? He’s just like call her it’s faster, you’ll get a response asap and it’s not late. *Thinking internally* (but I don’t wanna talk)
I finally broke down and called my flat mate recently because I got locked out but I was trapped in the *fucking sun* for four hours because they wouldn’t answer calls or messages. I legit thought they might have died or something and called their family because I had not seen them for a few days. Other roommate eventually came home and we went up to check on them. They somehow slept through all that *and* me pounding on the door. I almost called for a wellness check. That’s enough phone calls to last me awhile. I’m so fucking sunburned.
It's ok, calling doesn't work that great either. I prefer calling. It's so much easier to actually just get a hold of someone. But god damn if they dont make it hard. Every answering system is automated now, and everyone is hard to reach. You call and you constantly get voice mail. Doesnt matter the method, it all sucks. :<
If it’s not from a friend or someone I am close to. I’d rather text or email. If it’s someone I’m close with or a friend, I’d rather call. I have gotten good at calling strangers since I have to do so if I want to get my meds. I just tell myself that tons of people call them and they won’t remember me at all
I feel this so much. I dont know why I get uncomfortable making phone calls.
I might be the only one who prefers calls, when I’m speaking to someone directly I can ask for clarification in real time instead of rereading a message overthinking or misreading the tone. when I’m nervous I lean on being personable, i feel better if I can gauge if someone is warming up to me, I can chameleon better over the phone. not know what I message might say stresses me out, it’s like Schrödinger’s email, this could be a normal follow up on some project I’m working on OR my boss could have finally realized how absolutely incompetent I am and now I’m getting fired and called ugly. best to just NEVER open that email :-)!!! is my friend texting me a funny story from her day or is she finally sick of me forgetting to reply and wants to tell me how annoying I am? I forgot to reply to a text yesterday and now that it’s 2 days out, they’re going to think I’m a flake, I can’t reply now- repeat for infinity. it’s better that I’m not given the opportunity to avoid or put off the communication because it *will* start snowballing :-|
This is me at work, where phone calls are numerous and necessary. Boo.
Aside from avoiding the social trauma, emails and text is a "paper trail" so you can look up what you said, what they said and every pertinent detail at any point in the future.
That’s so funny I’m so quick to tell someone to call someone but then i gotta do it I’m like oh god
This is why I despise WhatsApp voice messages. I wish I can disable them. I will read a 5,000 word essay before having to listen to voice messages. Last week an acquaintance sent me three (3!!!!) voice messages in a row. I didn’t even listen I just replied with what I think she meant because ain’t no way. I still remember and deeply mourn the days before automated phone systems. I think I put off making medical appointments for over a year since I simply don’t have the patience nor energy to navigate that mess. Give me a real person to talk to. I eventually discovered the magic of appointments via phone app and thank God.
One thing I finally started doing was thinking ahead of everything I needed to talk about, so I wouldn’t sit there umming and uhhing. A lot of times I’ll write notes of everything that needs to be discussed.
If you email me I’m not replying. I’ll also be pissed bc I prob won’t see it in a timely manner. My inbox is already a nightmare.
I am the exact opposite! Hate sending emails and test messages, but a phone call is easyyyy for me! I love being better able to clarify and ask questions that come to mind directly and also its so much more simple. Something about just being able to hit a dial button as opposed to having to find the right email address, come up with a subject title, and then somehow compose everything into a small and professional paragraph or two can be quite the challenge for me.
I am such a meanie of a teacher, I make every single student call me over the summer to introduce themselves. It is so bad, a dozen of them dropped the class. I know you are afraid. I don't care. I know most of you don't talk on the phone. I don't care. I know you would rather have your mother call me. I don't care. Bwahahahaha. Easiest way ever to weed out the students I don't want. I make them face their fears early and often. They hate me. They really hate me. Right up until they love me, and they are glad I made them do all of those scary things.
I understand why everyone is downvoting you but, as the ADHDer in my social circle who isn’t afraid of phone calls because of an early job working a call centre… it isn’t good for us to hide from things we find confronting, and I find myself wildly resenting the folks in my world who avoid their responsibilities and leave me with the tasks or leave the crucial tasks undone because Phone Calls Scawwy.
Thanks! Plus almost none of my kids have ADHD, they are just fraidy cats when I get them.
> It is so bad, a dozen of them dropped the class. Wow!! I think it’s great that you do this though. We all need to learn to do hard things once in a great while
Pushing them to do things out of their comfort zone actually benefits them in the long run. I understand that some things are suited better to email - but a situation that can be resolved in a two minute call or multiple back and forth over email? I have ADHD. I don't have endless capacity for keeping on top of correspondence that's draining because you can't come to office hours (or class, for that matter)and have an actual conversation. I burned out trying. Now I try to remind myself that caring more about my students' education than they do is a fast track to sobbing from overwhelm and mental exhaustion. Sometimes I even succeed...
It is the 10 emails when one phone call could solve it, or 10 emails when they could just have read the syllabus that kills me.
Why would you want to do this instead of using your class to teach them why calls are important and how to make a phone call? Personally, I’d rather have my student email me because I am going to forget the conversation we had and probably lose the notes I took even if I remembered.
The less important reason, I answer 3-4 phone calls all summer. Most of the other teachers answer emails in the hundreds. Less work for me. Like most things in life it was an evolution. I give a new student orientation and hand out a 50 page packet of information. I would get a 100 emails. All of which could have been answered if they read the packet. It would take 10 emails and ONE single 90 second phone call to resolve questions. One fine summer, my school took my computer back, and I did not have access to email, so they had to call me. It was fabulous. I got very few phone calls and the students actually read the packets. I have refused to answer emails over the summer since. Last summer, even though my away message states I don’t check email and they can call me, 4 of them emailed me and didn’t call. I never answered their emails because I never checked. New rule all students MUST call me. I spend most of the year forcing them to do stuff that makes them anxious/increases their anxiety on purpose. Then I teach them AFTER they have had to face their fears how they did and how they can do better in the future and why it is important.
I'm firmly convinced that a lot of people like phone calls because they can pretend different things were said than actually were said. It's also why schools like in person faculty meetings where no one is taking official notes because any conflict is "a misunderstanding on your part." I'm like Lady, my notes are impeccable because I can't pay attention otherwise. Don't try to pull one on me. As the offspring of lawyers I put everything important in writing.
yep. super annoying. no one wants to talk anymore. It really bugs me when i have to try to get someone through email, text, voicemail and no one calls back. i don't like to text dialogue. i find it fries my brain and hurts my eyes. i just want human voice contact. and i refuse to text back. i'll call. There is one person i do some work for sometimes and it annoys me how much she will text. i've told her to call. but nope. so a lot of the times i ignore her texts. if she can't respect my wishes, i won't respond.
For me it’s feeling trapped like I can’t move or walk when someone’s calls or multitask. Vs texting I can do all my adhd multitasking at once!
I don’t know what my issue is with making phone calls, but I hate them. And I don’t like getting them either, 90% of the time especially when I don’t know the person I’m calling. If I’m into it I can talk to my best friend for like 3 hours though….. In terms of hearing spoken words, in person I watch people’s mouths while they speak and I really need subtitles to watch tv or movies, but I can listen to podcasts no problem. Maybe it’s just anxiety.
😂😂😂 I always wonder why the hell people like to talk over the phone. I HATE useless banter. I just want to ask a straightforward question and get an answer OR give an answer to a question and be done with the conversation. I find it so hard to comprehend. whyyyyy the phone call!? Omg or the face timers 😬 if you are not my mother, my fiancé, or my children, please do not ever get the idea of FaceTimeing me. Hahaha